All language subtitles for S06E05 - Educating Rhoda

All rise.

Manhattan Cribble Court Part 2 is now in
session.

The Honorable Harold T. Stone,
presiding.

Bull, I feel like I should be starting
off with a monologue.

Sorry, sir, I guess my trainees are a
little starstruck.

But don't worry, I'm turning them into a
lean, mean bailiff machine.

Trainees, tear up!

I believe this belongs to you.

Thank you, Mr. Shannon.

Ever so much.

Sir,

I don't want to start any rumors, but I
would say that Bull is a little smitten

with one of the trainees.

No, you know, I... I have noticed a
little extra bounce in his step, glint

in his eye, shine on his head.

Excuse me, sir, but before we start,
could we get you to put your autograph

on this?

Valerie Sanders, what's it about?

She was picked up for disturbing the
peace.

She continuously jumped up in front of
the screen during a showing of Sunset

Boulevard.

Excuse me, Mr. DeMille.

But I'm ready for my close-up.

Where shall I take my entrance from?

The stairs, perhaps?

She's doing Gloria Swanson, Matt. What?
Gloria Swanson used to be a big star.

I'm still big.

The pictures that have gotten smaller.

I see that somebody's film has jumped
the sprocket.

Yes, sir. She's currently starring in
Escape from Bellevue.

Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas
anymore.

Sir, for obvious reasons, the DA's
office has decided to drop charges.

So if you sign this casting sheet, we
can hold her till her psychiatrist

arrives.

Okay, Miss Sanders, if you will follow
the pleasant usherette there, she will

lead you to your dressing room.

I'm going to follow the yellow brick
road.

Actually, it's more of a puke green
linoleum.

Uh, Christine, can I ask you a question?

Sure, Walt.

You're a woman, right?

Right.

I was hoping you could give me a little
advice.

Is the second date too early to give a
girl a pair of arch supports?

Well, uh, that depends on the girl,
Walt.

So, uh, you and Rhoda have had your
first date already, huh?

Yeah. I took her to a special screening
at the Bailiff Academy last night. Oh?

What'd you see?

The care and treatment of the sucking
chest wound.

They say romance is dead.

Mr. Kamen, we all know how tough it is
to drive in Manhattan. Still, I see no

reason why a cab ride from the airport
to Midtown should include a detour

through Orlando, Florida.

The tunnel was bumper to bumper.

$100 fine plus the price of the cab
ride.

All right, people, that's a one-hour
lunch.

Sir, you know you promised you'd stay
and fill out these bench warrants.

Can I go to the cafeteria, Mac? It's
Sloppy Joe Day.

Come on now, sir. You can go to the
cafeteria and play after you sign the

warrant.

90-minute lunch.

I gotta stay after.

All right, I want you back here in 90
minutes sharp.

Bailiffs, synchronize your watches.

Oh, my goodness, I'm so sorry.

Trini, take that man to first aid.

And you, try to be a little more careful
in the future.

I guess I really screwed up this time.

What do you mean?

Did you see the way he was recklessly
standing there?

Just forget about it.

Yes, sir, Mr.

Shannon. You're so kind.

And may I say, you're an inspiration to
us all.

Roger.

Why don't you go relieve Trini Perez on
guard duty?

Yes, sir.

Well, there's one trainee who's never
going to make the cut.

Rhoda, are you kidding? She's the
greatest.

Greatest? Are we talking about the same
lady who handcuffed herself to the

revolving door in the lobby?

And didn't she tackle the nun who set
off the metal detector?

All right, she's made a couple of
mistakes.

But look at her target from the shooting
range.

Ever see a shot cluster like that?

She could take out a pituitary at 200
feet.

The day they issued that woman ammo, I'm
coming to work in the Popemobile.

Okay, trainees, these are your four
bailiff food groups.

Meat, dairy, grain, and tuna log.

So, Rod, why aren't you involved in the
bailiff trainee program?

I was last year, but the supervisor
didn't think who you're looking at was a

good motivational speaker.

And I've found that the most important
talent for a bailiff is the ability to

stand for hours without taking a break.

Let your bladder be your buddy.

Dr. Shannon, I really need to talk to
you right away.

That's what the old bulldog's here for.

I think I sort of made a mistake.

Is that all?

Come on, Rhoda.

Sure, we're bailiffs, but we're still
subject to those little imperfections

that make us all human.

Now, what seems to be the trouble?

lady escape.

Excuse me.

Yikes!

Sir, I want to let you know I'm taking
full responsibility for this.

Thank you, Bo, but I'm afraid the chef's
to blame for this one.

No, sir. I was referring to that lady
who seemed to like the movie so much.

What about her?

She isn't being watched as much as she
used to be.

You mean she escaped?

That's another way of putting it.

My God, that woman is psychotic.

I read her reports, sir. She's got a
long history of assault and violent

behavior. We better find her before she
finds herself another innocent victim.

Talk about lucky. You and me running to
each other in a corridor like that.

Me with a 90-minute lunch break.

You agreeing to come to a cheap hotel
with me.

Fasten your seatbelts.

It's going to be a bumpy night.

I was just about to say the same thing
myself.

Hello, security. Any luck?

You once found a dollar bill stuck to
your shoe.

I meant any luck in finding the escapee.

What?

Somebody saw her get in the elevator
with Dan.

This is Judge Stone. Listen to me. That
woman with Fielding is psychotic.

Yes, I suppose that does go without
saying.

We've just got to stop them before they
leave the building.

We have to work fast. Roz, you check out
all of Dan's regular spots.

The utility closet, the boiler room.
Under your bed.

What? Thought you knew.

Mr. Sullivan, you check the phone book
for any adult motels in the

neighborhood. Right. Mac, you go down to
the secretarial pool and ask them if

they have any idea where Dan might have
gone.

But don't tell them that we're trying to
save Dan's life or they won't open their

mouths. Right.

Okay, how we doing?

I had no idea there were so many adult
motels in this city.

Bubba's Pleasure Pallet, now featuring
towels.

Sir, I've been thinking it over and I
decided I have no choice but to hand in

my letter of resignation.

I put a lot of work into it. I wanted to
get it just right.

I quit.

Too wordy?

Well, I don't have time for this right
now. Your escapee is out on a date with

Dan. Excuse me, sir.

I talked to a guard in the lobby. He
said that woman was with some man.

They went out a door and turned left.

Which door?

The one marked exit.

They're all marked exit.

Isn't that confusing?

Only for the first couple of years.

Hello. I'm Dr. DeLeon, Miss Sanders'
psychiatrist.

I got here as soon as I could. Well, I'm
afraid you didn't get here soon enough.

And what do we mean?

We mean that your patient is out on a
date with our assistant, D.A.

My God, don't you know that woman is
dangerous?

She over-identifies with characters in
movies and acts them out, sometimes with

horrifying results.

Boy, and she seemed so sweet when we
were watching TV in the lounge.

Quickly, miss.

Exactly what were you watching?

Uh, it was an old black-and-white film
about a guy in a dress.

Oh, uh, something like it hot.

No.

Pretty strange request. Wanted me to
shower first.

Hey, do we smoke first, too?

Can't seem to get this working.

I got showers on a real big priority in
this place.

Oh,

no pee-pee.

Yeah, oh, okay. Well, thanks anyway.

Sir, you can check off the El Rancho
Hotel.

They're closed on Mondays to hold the
place down.

Hi, is this the St. Anne Hotel?

I beg your pardon?

The Stain Hotel.

Uh, yes.

I'm looking for a man. He's tall. He's
got dark hair. He's wearing a gray suit

and a red and black tie.

What's that?

Oh, I'm wearing a black skirt and a
pink... What difference does that make?

You want to do what with my shoes?

How did you even think of that?

You find these things offensive?

Who wouldn't?

Oh, a psyche that didn't feel the need
to deny its frustrated sexual impulses

by substituting feelings of rage.

Oh, bug off!

Doc, is there really a chance that this
woman's going to kill Dan?

Yes, perhaps, but he might be okay as
long as he treats her with kindness.

some compassion.

He's dead.

Come on, my Pat.

The meter's running, babe.

Look at all those lights.

Makes you wonder, you know, how many
people are out there getting lucky

tonight.

Ah! The Tango!

Dance of desire.

I told you I wouldn't disappoint you.

Make my day.

I'll make your week.

I told that clerk I didn't want to get
disturbed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hello, we're fine on
little soaps, okay?

Dan, thank God I found you.

Harry.

No, this is not. I don't know. No, Dan,
this is only.

Dan,

I know it's you.

All right, all right, fine, it's me.
Can't a guy have a private life, for

God's sakes?

You've got to listen to me. That woman
you're with is psychotic.

Well, maybe a little enthusiastic.

Uh-huh.

All right, wait a minute. How exactly
are we defining homicidal?

The line went dead.

We've got to get over there. It's just
around the corner. Right. Mac, call the

police. No, no, no, no. That'll just
make matters worse.

In my professional opinion, we can
handle this ourselves.

After all, the key to unlocking the
disturbed mind is best held in a caring

hand, not an iron fist.

Who said that? Freud?

No. Oprah.

The truck stops here.

Oh, listen.

You're human.

Technically speaking.

You make mistakes.

You screw up all the time.

Yeah?

The only difference now is you'd rather
quit than have to tell Rhoda she's not

going to make Bayless.

I don't know, Ross.

I'm just afraid I'm going to hurt her.

You know, Bull, of all the muscles in
that overgrown body of yours, the

biggest is your heart.

If anybody can tell her without hurting
her feelings, you can.

I guess I have to.

Oh, hi, Mr. Shannon.

Rhoda. I was just leaving.

Thanks, Ross.

I appreciate your taking the time to
talk to me.

I had to.

You're blocking my way to the bathroom.

So, what are you doing?

Oh, I was just trying to get my mind off
things by organizing some of these

files.

Uh, Rhoda?

There's something I've got to tell you.

There is?

Uh-huh.

Now, it's really hard for me to say
this, but... Well... Rhoda, you're not

going to make bailiff.

Boy, is that a load off my shoulders.

It is?

Yeah.

This whole experience has been
miserable.

Being a bailiff was my mother's idea.

I only stayed with it because of some of
the people I met.

Any tall, shaven-headed ones in
particular?

Maybe.

I hope I'm not out of line.

Nah. I like you, too.

Really? Yeah, you're the cutest thing in
a holster.

Well, this is great.

I met a special guy, and now I'm free to
do what I really want to do. What's

that? Surgical nurse.

It might be best to stay away from the
pain-related fields.

As usual, you're probably right, Mr.
Shannon.

Bull. No, I really mean it.

No, I mean, call me Bull.

Okay. Bull.

Come on.

Let's go down and we'll turn on your
badge and gun and I'll treat you to a

nut goody bar.

That's funny.

I know I had my gun when I was guarding
that lady.

It sure did turn up somewhere.

So, I'm told you're a movie buff.

I won't be ignored.

I wouldn't think of it.

I'll tell you what. Why don't we just
sit back, put up our feet and watch a

couple of movies, huh?

We'll return to the Texas Chainsaw
Massacre.

I've seen that already.

Tonight on Movie Showcase, Dressed to
Kill.

Wear the Muppets when you need them,
huh?

Freeze, pilgrim.

Oh, way to go, mister. I don't think we
should call the police.

Sam, you didn't call the police, did
you?

Sam. It's a movie.

Who knows movie, Sam?

Sam. Sam.

Yosemite Sam.

Yosemite Sam.

Oh!

Oh, you corn-snared rabbit!

That doesn't sound like you, Sam.

Uh, no, it is.

It's me, Sammy Davis. Hey,

slob brothers, you're all beautiful.

Don't torture me, Sam.

All right, I confess.

I told Thursby.

Thursby? Sam.

Sam Spade.

Damn. Damn, that's it. He thinks you're
Sam Spade in the Maltese Falcon.

Great, I've never seen the Maltese
Falcon.

You've never seen the Maltese Falcon?

The greatest noir film of the genre?
Hey, Harry, I don't think now is the

time to criticize my taste in movies.

Pay attention to me, Sam.

Bogart.

She would do all these things to say.

That is the worst Bogart.

Not a bad Sylvester the Cat.

Please believe me, Sam. I never would
have told him if I thought he would kill

Miles. Well, sure. I wouldn't think you
would have.

Why'd you have Thursby shadowed? I don't
know. I'm making this up, Harry.

Ask her. That's the next line in the
film.

Oh.

So, why did you have Thursby shadowed?

I told you, Sam.

I thought he was betraying me and I
wanted to find out.

That's a lie.

That's a lie.

You had Thursby hooked from the start
and you know it. You had Thursby hooked

from the start and you know it. You
wanted to get rid of him before Jacoby

showed with the loot.

So you wouldn't have to split it with
him.

Miles wasn't clumsy enough to be spotted
that first night.

You told Thursby that... You want to do
this?

These are my partners, Willie, Nick,
Peaches, and the Weasel.

Hey, maybe I should try this. I mean, at
least I've seen the film. Well, excuse

me for living in the present.

All right, Angel, I'm sending you over.

Don't say that, Sam.

Even in front?

I won't play the sap for you. You're
going to take the fall.

No, Sam, no.

Chances are that you'll get off with
life.

In that case, if you're a good girl,
you'll be out again in 20 years.

I'll be waiting for you.

What we have here is a failure to
communicate.

Uh-oh, I think somebody changed the
channel.

I've seen this before.

She leaps randomly from one movie to
another.

I blame cable.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Let me try
something.

I'll fight you with one paw tied behind
my pad.

I'll fight you with my eyes closed.

Come on, put them up, put them up.

She made me do it.

Look, lady, lady.

This is not a movie. This is real life.

Look, I know how much fun fantasy can
be. Believe me, I'm a real fan.

Comes a time when you've got to face
reality.

It doesn't always make a whole lot of
sense, but there are people who can help

you out with that stuff.

So what do you say? Why don't you just
give me the gun and we can all just sort

of get on with our lives.

Can I ask you one thing?

Anything.

You feel lucky, punk?

Not anymore.

He wants them and lost her revolver and
there's a... Oh, there it is.

Thanks. Now Rhoda can get her deposit
back.

You know what, sir?

I'm back on the job.

Do you sometimes get the feeling we make
things harder than they need to be?

Come along, Miss Sanders.

Everything is going to be just fine.

Oh, why don't you come up and sing me
sometime? Oh, come

on, Mac, let's go.

Oh, by the way, thank you very much for
pitching in. That took courage.

Hey, now don't you go telling Roz about
that cowardly lion stuff.

Dan, I gotta be honest.

Most of the time, you're the sleaziest,
shallowest, most self-centered,

insensitive jerk I've ever come across.

But you really put it all on the line
tonight.

Thanks.

You know, Harry, despite all of your
idiotic advice and your total absorption

in the meaningless trivia of a bygone
and best forgotten age,

you're not so bad yourself.

You know, Danny,

This could be the beginning of a
beautiful friendship.