Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,044 --> 00:00:06,006
♪
♪
2
00:00:06,049 --> 00:00:09,313
Narrator: NORTH OF THE NORTH
POLE AND SOUTH OF THE STARS LIES
3
00:00:09,357 --> 00:00:13,056
A QUAINT LITTLE VILLAGE CALLED
STINKY CIGARS.
4
00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:14,362
[SIREN PULSE]
5
00:00:14,405 --> 00:00:16,712
THE NAME IS SO AWFUL
THAT FOLKS PASS RIGHT BY IT.
6
00:00:16,755 --> 00:00:19,802
IT'S A TRICK THAT WE USE
TO KEEP OUR TOWN QUIET.
7
00:00:19,845 --> 00:00:22,544
YOU'LL SEE THAT WE'VE GOT
SOME CELEBRITIES HERE--
8
00:00:22,587 --> 00:00:25,416
THE GROUNDHOG, COLUMBUS,
AND CHINESE NEW YEAR.
9
00:00:25,460 --> 00:00:27,679
THERE'S JACK FROST
AND WASHINGTON,
10
00:00:27,723 --> 00:00:29,029
LINCOLN AND CUPID,
11
00:00:29,072 --> 00:00:32,162
AND DEAR APRIL FOOL, WHO'S
AS SWEET AS HE'S STUPID.
12
00:00:32,206 --> 00:00:33,468
YAHTZEE.
13
00:00:33,511 --> 00:00:34,599
OH!
MAN!
14
00:00:34,643 --> 00:00:36,340
Narrator: ST. PAT
AND ST. NICHOLAS FILL
15
00:00:36,384 --> 00:00:37,298
OUR SAINT QUOTA.
16
00:00:37,341 --> 00:00:38,212
[IRISH ACCENT]
IF YOU'RE LOOKING
17
00:00:38,255 --> 00:00:40,214
FOR ST. PAUL,
CHECK MINNESOTA.
18
00:00:40,257 --> 00:00:41,606
HO HO!
HAR HAR HAR.
19
00:00:41,650 --> 00:00:44,087
Narrator: YOU HAVE TO BE
PROUD AND A LITTLE BIT NUTS
20
00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:47,090
TO HONOR A BANNER
WITH TWO SMELLY BUTTS.
21
00:00:47,134 --> 00:00:48,918
[MICROPHONE FEEDBACK]
22
00:00:48,961 --> 00:00:52,052
PLEASE JOIN ME
IN OUR TOWN ANTHEM.
23
00:00:52,095 --> 00:00:54,358
♪ HO HO HO HO
24
00:00:54,402 --> 00:00:55,533
♪ HO HO HO HO HO!
25
00:00:55,577 --> 00:00:59,929
All: ♪ STINKY CIGARS
26
00:00:59,972 --> 00:01:03,454
♪ STINKY CIGARS
27
00:01:03,498 --> 00:01:05,717
♪ THERE'S NO PLACE ON EARTH
28
00:01:05,761 --> 00:01:07,197
♪ AND NO PLACE
ON MARS ♪
29
00:01:07,241 --> 00:01:11,158
♪ THAT'S AS HAPPY
AS STINKY CIGARS ♪
30
00:01:11,201 --> 00:01:13,203
♪ THE CATS NEVER SCRATCH
31
00:01:13,247 --> 00:01:14,683
♪ THE DOGS
NEVER BITE ♪
32
00:01:14,726 --> 00:01:17,816
♪ THE SUN SHINES
ALL DAY AND NIGHT ♪
33
00:01:17,860 --> 00:01:21,690
Men: ♪ ALL DAY AND NIGHT
34
00:01:23,822 --> 00:01:24,954
♪ UH!
35
00:01:24,997 --> 00:01:26,390
♪ "S" TO THE T-I
36
00:01:26,434 --> 00:01:27,696
♪ "N" TO THE K-Y
37
00:01:27,739 --> 00:01:29,132
Marshmallow bunnies:
♪ STINKY, STINKY CIGARS
38
00:01:29,176 --> 00:01:31,787
♪ UH! LIFE IN THE S-C IS
KIND OF A DREAM ♪
39
00:01:31,830 --> 00:01:34,398
♪ THERE'S A CANDY CANE TREE
BY A BUTTERSCOTCH STREAM ♪
40
00:01:34,442 --> 00:01:36,487
♪ IF YOUR TEETH ALL GO
ROTTEN, WELL, DON'T YOU SCREAM ♪
41
00:01:36,531 --> 00:01:40,839
♪ 'CAUSE THE DENTIST GIVES
FILLINGS OF CHOCOLATE CREAM ♪
42
00:01:40,883 --> 00:01:42,667
Marshmallow bunnies:
♪ SWEET
43
00:01:42,711 --> 00:01:45,409
♪
44
00:01:47,194 --> 00:01:50,806
All: ♪ STINKY CIGARS
45
00:01:50,849 --> 00:01:53,548
♪ STINKY CIGARS
46
00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:56,420
Easter Bunny: ♪ YEAH,
THE STREETS ARE ALL PAVED ♪
47
00:01:56,464 --> 00:01:58,422
♪ WITH CHOCOLATE BARS
48
00:01:58,466 --> 00:02:02,034
♪ THERE'S NO SMOKING
IN STINKY CIGARS ♪
49
00:02:02,078 --> 00:02:05,908
♪ I PUT MY HEAD THROUGH
A PRICELESS RENOIR ♪
50
00:02:05,951 --> 00:02:10,130
Santa: ♪ THAT'S NO PROBLEM
IN STINKY CIGARS ♪
51
00:02:10,173 --> 00:02:13,829
All: ♪ NO ONE'S GOT PROBLEMS
52
00:02:13,872 --> 00:02:22,881
♪ IN STINKY CIGARS
53
00:02:28,670 --> 00:02:30,976
WELL, THAT KILLED
HALF THE DAY.
54
00:02:31,020 --> 00:02:33,457
WE'VE GOT TO GET
A SHORTER ANTHEM.
55
00:02:33,501 --> 00:02:35,590
Narrator:
IT'S A NICE PLACE TO WORK.
56
00:02:35,633 --> 00:02:37,548
IT'S A NICE PLACE
TO GROW UP.
57
00:02:37,592 --> 00:02:39,246
IT'S SUCH A NICE
PLACE,
58
00:02:39,289 --> 00:02:40,595
YOU JUST WANT
TO THROW UP.
59
00:02:40,638 --> 00:02:43,250
Narrator: EVERYONE'S HAPPY,
EXCEPT MURRAY WEINER,
60
00:02:43,293 --> 00:02:45,208
OWNER OF MURRAY'S
HOLIDAY DINER.
61
00:02:45,252 --> 00:02:47,471
MURRAY IS GROUCHY AND CRANKY
AND CRABBY,
62
00:02:47,515 --> 00:02:50,039
NASTY AND GHASTLY,
OBNOXIOUS AND FLABBY,
63
00:02:50,082 --> 00:02:51,997
ILL-TEMPERED, ILL-NATURED,
MALEVOLENT AND--
64
00:02:52,041 --> 00:02:53,825
Murray: ALL RIGHT!
THEY GET IT.
65
00:02:53,869 --> 00:02:55,740
YET STILL EVERYONE
IN THE HOLIDAY BUNCH
66
00:02:55,784 --> 00:02:58,917
WOULD COME INTO MURRAY'S
TO HAVE A GREAT LUNCH.
67
00:02:58,961 --> 00:03:00,223
YOU MIGHT SEE
GEORGE WASHINGTON
68
00:03:00,267 --> 00:03:02,269
EATING AND DRINKING
ON PRESIDENT'S DAY
69
00:03:02,312 --> 00:03:03,531
WITH ABRAHAM LINCOLN.
70
00:03:03,574 --> 00:03:06,273
AND HOW, YOU MIGHT WONDER,
DID SANTA GET THAT?
71
00:03:06,316 --> 00:03:07,274
JUST THANK MURRAY'S
72
00:03:07,317 --> 00:03:09,101
CHOCOLATE-CHIP
CHEESECAKE FOR THAT.
73
00:03:09,145 --> 00:03:12,409
HO HO HO!
[BURPS]
74
00:03:13,454 --> 00:03:15,499
YOU GET THE BAGELS.
YOU GOT THE CHILI.
75
00:03:15,543 --> 00:03:19,547
THANKSGIVING TURKEY,
STUFF YOURSELF SILLY.
76
00:03:20,025 --> 00:03:22,724
CUPID, YOU'RE SWEET.
I DON'T WANT TO BE PUSHY.
77
00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:26,771
BUT GET OFF MY SEAT WITH
YOUR BARE-NAKED TUSHY.
78
00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:30,514
[ARROW STRIKES OBJECT]
OOH.
79
00:03:32,864 --> 00:03:34,997
HERE'S YOUR ROAST BEEF,
LEPRECHAUN.
80
00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:38,261
THIS IS RARE.
I WANT WELL-DONE.
81
00:03:40,307 --> 00:03:41,612
MUCH OBLIGED.
82
00:03:41,656 --> 00:03:43,353
Narrator: AND BACK IN
THE CORNER, ALL BY HIMSELF,
83
00:03:43,397 --> 00:03:46,095
SAT AN ODD LITTLE FELLOW
NAMED EDISON ELF.
84
00:03:46,138 --> 00:03:48,140
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
PLAYING WITH FOOD?
85
00:03:48,184 --> 00:03:50,360
IT'S WASTEFUL AND DIRTY
AND TERRIBLY RUDE.
86
00:03:50,404 --> 00:03:54,321
I'M JUST SITTING HERE
QUIETLY MAKING A RACKET.
87
00:03:54,364 --> 00:03:56,671
I'M EDISON ELF. I'M
A BIT OF A TINKERER.
88
00:03:56,714 --> 00:03:59,891
KID, AS A TINKERER,
YOU ARE A STINKERER.
89
00:03:59,935 --> 00:04:01,241
HEY! I INVENTED
HORSE SOCKS...
90
00:04:01,284 --> 00:04:03,330
[SNIFFS]
TO GO WITH
HORSESHOES...
91
00:04:03,373 --> 00:04:04,418
AND A LOUD WATCH
ALARM
92
00:04:04,461 --> 00:04:06,942
FOR PEOPLE
WHO SNOOZE.
93
00:04:07,769 --> 00:04:08,509
[ALARM]
94
00:04:08,552 --> 00:04:09,423
I'M UP! I'M UP!
95
00:04:09,466 --> 00:04:10,554
AND HERE IS A TOY
THAT I KNOW
96
00:04:10,598 --> 00:04:11,599
KIDS WILL LOVE.
97
00:04:11,642 --> 00:04:12,817
IT'S A JACK-IN-THE-BOX
98
00:04:12,861 --> 00:04:14,428
WITH A SPRING
BOXING GLOVE.
99
00:04:14,471 --> 00:04:17,257
["POP GOES THE WEASEL"
PLAYS]
100
00:04:18,780 --> 00:04:20,912
I CALL IT
A JACK-IN-THE-BOXER.
101
00:04:20,956 --> 00:04:24,438
BOX, BOXER, GLOVE.
IT'S A PUN.
102
00:04:24,481 --> 00:04:26,309
THIS WOULD AT LEAST GET
AN HONORABLE MENTION
103
00:04:26,353 --> 00:04:29,573
IF THERE WERE A CONTEST
FOR WORLD'S WORST INVENTION.
104
00:04:29,617 --> 00:04:30,357
WHAT?
105
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:31,793
IT'S STUPID.
IT'S CLEVER.
106
00:04:31,836 --> 00:04:33,142
IT'S NASTY.
IT'S NICE.
107
00:04:33,185 --> 00:04:35,753
GO SHOW IT TO SANTA
AND GET HIS ADVICE.
108
00:04:35,797 --> 00:04:37,799
I WILL. I WILL!
109
00:04:37,842 --> 00:04:40,541
HE FORGOT TO PAY HIS BILL.
110
00:04:43,195 --> 00:04:45,502
[HAMMERING]
111
00:04:49,898 --> 00:04:50,855
All: ♪ OH, WE WORK, WORK
112
00:04:50,899 --> 00:04:52,640
♪ WORK, WORK, WORK,
WORK, WORK ♪
113
00:04:52,683 --> 00:04:54,903
♪ WE WORK WITH GREAT ENDURANCE
114
00:04:54,946 --> 00:04:56,383
♪ WE NEVER MISS A DAY OF WORK
115
00:04:56,426 --> 00:05:00,517
♪ 'CAUSE WE DON'T HAVE
HEALTH INSURANCE ♪
116
00:05:03,433 --> 00:05:05,957
♪ WE WORK ALL NIGHT,
WE WORK ALL DAY ♪
117
00:05:06,001 --> 00:05:08,177
♪ WE LOVE OUR JOBS,
BUT COME ON, HEY ♪
118
00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:13,791
♪ WE NEVER GET A DIME OF PAY
119
00:05:13,835 --> 00:05:15,053
♪ WE JUST WORK, WORK
120
00:05:15,097 --> 00:05:20,145
♪ WORK, WORK, WORK,
WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK ♪
121
00:05:20,189 --> 00:05:21,451
Santa: HO HO!
122
00:05:21,495 --> 00:05:22,844
NICE WORK, DAVE.
123
00:05:22,887 --> 00:05:24,106
MY NAME IS CHET.
124
00:05:24,149 --> 00:05:26,021
BUT I THOUGHT
HE WAS CHET.
125
00:05:26,064 --> 00:05:27,022
I'M DOLORES.
126
00:05:27,065 --> 00:05:28,850
AND YOU MUST BE
THE NEW GUY.
127
00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:31,766
I'VE BEEN HERE 87 YEARS.
128
00:05:31,809 --> 00:05:33,811
OK, BREAK'S OVER.
BACK TO WORK.
129
00:05:33,855 --> 00:05:34,943
All: ♪ OH, WE WORK, WORK
130
00:05:34,986 --> 00:05:36,553
♪ WORK, WORK, WORK,
WORK, WORK ♪
131
00:05:36,597 --> 00:05:38,512
♪ WE REALLY BUST
OUR HEINIES ♪
132
00:05:38,555 --> 00:05:40,731
♪ THEY HIRE ELVES
FOR THIS WORK, WORK, WORK ♪
133
00:05:40,775 --> 00:05:44,431
♪ 'CAUSE WE'RE CHEAPER
THAN THE CHINESE ♪
134
00:05:44,822 --> 00:05:47,608
♪ BUT IT'S STILL ONE OF
LIFE'S GREAT JOYS ♪
135
00:05:47,651 --> 00:05:50,175
♪ TO EARN A LIVING
MAKING TOYS ♪
136
00:05:50,219 --> 00:05:52,003
♪ I'M GOING CRAZY
137
00:05:52,047 --> 00:05:54,919
♪ FROM THIS NOISE
138
00:05:54,963 --> 00:05:58,401
Elves: ♪ HE'S BERSERK, SERK,
SERK, SERK, SERK, SERK, SERK ♪
139
00:05:58,445 --> 00:06:03,624
♪ BERSERK
140
00:06:04,973 --> 00:06:06,801
WHO WANTS COCOA?
141
00:06:06,844 --> 00:06:08,019
YES, PLEASE!
ME! ME!
I DO!
142
00:06:08,063 --> 00:06:10,500
IT'S $8 FOR THE LARGE,
5 BUCKS FOR THE SMALL.
143
00:06:10,544 --> 00:06:12,067
Elf: FOR
A LOUSY COFFEE?
144
00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:12,937
WOW. THAT HURTS.
145
00:06:12,981 --> 00:06:15,331
ALL RIGHT. DOUBLE TIME.
146
00:06:19,857 --> 00:06:23,383
♪ WHAT A JERK, JERK, JERK,
JERK, JERK, JERK, JERK ♪
147
00:06:23,426 --> 00:06:24,775
♪ SANTA CLAUS CAN BE
148
00:06:24,819 --> 00:06:27,778
♪ STILL, IT'S NICE TO HAVE
SOME WORK, WORK, WORK ♪
149
00:06:27,822 --> 00:06:30,955
♪ IN THIS ECONOMY
150
00:06:35,003 --> 00:06:39,442
♪ I GO TO WORK
BESIDE MY DAD ♪
151
00:06:39,486 --> 00:06:44,447
♪ I HAVE THE JOB
MY FATHER HAD ♪
152
00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:45,535
♪ THIS PLACE
153
00:06:45,579 --> 00:06:50,061
♪ ISN'T
ALL THAT BAD ♪
154
00:06:50,453 --> 00:06:52,063
♪ GET TO WORK, WORK,
WORK, WORK ♪
155
00:06:52,107 --> 00:06:54,762
♪ WORK,
WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK ♪
156
00:06:55,023 --> 00:06:57,982
HE'S A GREAT GUY
OUTSIDE THE OFFICE.
157
00:06:58,026 --> 00:07:00,942
Narrator: AT SANTA'S WORKSHOP
ON CHRISTMAS EVE DAY,
158
00:07:00,985 --> 00:07:03,335
ZILLIONS OF TOYS WERE
STUFFED INTO THE SLEIGH.
159
00:07:03,379 --> 00:07:07,078
THERE WERE JACKS AND WAX LIPS
AND ALL KINDS OF LOOSE STUFF--
160
00:07:07,122 --> 00:07:08,515
CRUMPUNGLERS, TUMPUZZLERS.
161
00:07:08,558 --> 00:07:10,081
YOU KNOW, DR. SEUSS STUFF.
162
00:07:10,125 --> 00:07:11,996
THERE WERE DOLLS THAT SAID
"MAMA"
163
00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:13,215
AND DOLLS THAT SAID "GOO,"
164
00:07:13,258 --> 00:07:14,521
DOLLS THAT MADE MUSIC...
165
00:07:14,564 --> 00:07:15,913
AND DOLLS THAT MADE POOH.
166
00:07:15,957 --> 00:07:18,394
THERE WERE DOLLS THAT GREW
TALL AT A PUSH OF A BUTTON
167
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:21,484
AND A DOLL, BEST OF ALL,
THAT DIDN'T DO NOTHING.
168
00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:23,268
SANTA WAS READY, ABOUT TO
TAKE OFF,
169
00:07:23,312 --> 00:07:27,011
WHEN FROM BEHIND HIM,
HE HEARD A SMALL COUGH.
170
00:07:27,055 --> 00:07:27,969
[COUGHS]
171
00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:28,883
SANTA--AHEM.
172
00:07:28,926 --> 00:07:30,145
COULD I HAVE YOUR
ATTENTION?
173
00:07:30,188 --> 00:07:32,930
I'D JUST LIKE TO SHOW
YOU MY LATEST INVENTION.
174
00:07:32,974 --> 00:07:34,192
YES?
175
00:07:34,236 --> 00:07:35,977
MY JACK-IN-THE-BOXER
BELONGS ON YOUR LIST.
176
00:07:36,020 --> 00:07:39,023
IT'S A JACK-IN-THE-BOX
WITH A FABULOUS TWIST.
177
00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:41,678
["POP GOES THE WEASEL"
PLAYS]
178
00:07:42,723 --> 00:07:47,815
AAAARGGH!
179
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,818
YOU'RE, UH,
SUPPOSED TO POINT IT
180
00:07:50,861 --> 00:07:52,602
AWAY FROM YOUR FACE.
181
00:07:52,646 --> 00:07:54,648
HO HO! DON'T WORRY, SON.
182
00:07:54,691 --> 00:07:56,563
I'M PERFECTLY SCHNIBBLE
183
00:07:56,606 --> 00:07:58,042
AND READY TO GLIBBLE.
184
00:07:58,086 --> 00:08:00,088
YOU'RE STARTING
TO DRIBBLE.
185
00:08:00,131 --> 00:08:02,090
REALLY?
186
00:08:03,004 --> 00:08:05,049
Narrator: ALL OF THE TOYS
FELL OUT OF THE SLED.
187
00:08:05,093 --> 00:08:08,575
AND THEY BOUNCED ONE BY ONE
OFF OF POOR SANTA'S HEAD.
188
00:08:08,618 --> 00:08:09,619
[SQUEAK]
189
00:08:09,663 --> 00:08:10,881
MAMA!
[SQUEAK]
190
00:08:10,925 --> 00:08:14,015
[PPPBBBLLLTT]
GAH!
191
00:08:15,146 --> 00:08:17,714
OH, NUTMEG.
192
00:08:19,629 --> 00:08:20,804
[RUMBLING OUTSIDE]
193
00:08:20,848 --> 00:08:22,458
ANYONE ELSE HEAR THAT?
194
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:25,243
[EXCITED CHATTER]
195
00:08:27,202 --> 00:08:28,899
HMM, IT NEEDS WORK.
196
00:08:28,943 --> 00:08:30,901
[CHUCKLES WEAKLY]
197
00:08:35,950 --> 00:08:40,911
GLOBBLE, GLIBBLE, ISH,
KIBIBBLE. HEE HEE!
198
00:08:40,955 --> 00:08:43,348
MMM!
199
00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:45,220
APPETITE--GOOD.
200
00:08:45,263 --> 00:08:46,438
Narrator:
WHEN SOMEONE IS HAVING
201
00:08:46,482 --> 00:08:47,309
A LESS THAN A JOLLY DAY,
202
00:08:47,352 --> 00:08:48,702
THEY CALL ON THIS MAN.
203
00:08:48,745 --> 00:08:50,355
HIS NAME IS DOC HOLIDAY.
204
00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:51,792
DIAPER RASH.
205
00:08:51,835 --> 00:08:53,445
OOH! OOH!
SEASICKNESS.
206
00:08:53,489 --> 00:08:56,361
I'M UNDER SUCH PRESSURE
TO SEE MY SHADOW
207
00:08:56,405 --> 00:08:58,059
AND GET WINTER OVER
ALREADY.
208
00:08:58,102 --> 00:09:01,453
WHAT IF I DON'T SEE IT?
I MEAN, SHOULD I LIE?
209
00:09:01,497 --> 00:09:03,151
DIAPER RASH.
210
00:09:03,194 --> 00:09:06,502
AAH! NO...
CLAUS-TROPHOBIA.
211
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,809
ONE YEAR I WAS CERTAIN
I SAW MY SHADOW,
212
00:09:08,852 --> 00:09:11,202
BUT IT TURNED OUT TO BE
AN OIL STAIN
213
00:09:11,246 --> 00:09:12,377
ON THE PAVEMENT.
214
00:09:12,421 --> 00:09:15,903
I CANNOT TELL A LIE.
HA HA. YOU'RE FAT.
215
00:09:15,946 --> 00:09:19,602
I'M A RODENT, NOT
A METEOROLOGIST.
216
00:09:19,646 --> 00:09:22,605
UH, DIAPER RASH.
217
00:09:23,301 --> 00:09:24,694
UH, HOW'S IT
LOOK, DOC?
218
00:09:24,738 --> 00:09:26,870
WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR
THE BAD NEWS FIRST?
219
00:09:26,914 --> 00:09:29,003
I'D RATHER HEAR
THE GOOD NEWS.
220
00:09:29,046 --> 00:09:30,613
OH, I DIDN'T SAY
THERE'S GOOD NEWS.
221
00:09:30,657 --> 00:09:34,530
HEH HEH. IN LAYMAN'S TERMS,
SANTA CLAUS IS SUFFERING
222
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:35,966
FROM...
223
00:09:36,010 --> 00:09:39,448
♪ SUPERFICIAL FRACTURES OF
HIS LITTLE BABY TOESES ♪
224
00:09:39,491 --> 00:09:40,884
♪ HIS EARS MOVED SOUTH
225
00:09:40,928 --> 00:09:43,974
♪ AND NOW HIS MOUTH IS PUSHED UP
WHERE HIS NOSE IS ♪
226
00:09:44,409 --> 00:09:47,630
♪ I'M PRESCRIBING ASPIRIN
IN SUPER MEGADOSES ♪
227
00:09:47,674 --> 00:09:51,634
♪ FOR SUPERFICIAL FRACTURES
OF HIS WITTLE, BITTY TOESES ♪
228
00:09:51,678 --> 00:09:53,984
WHERE EXACTLY DID
YOU GO TO MED SCHOOL?
229
00:09:54,028 --> 00:09:55,116
COLOMBIA.
230
00:09:55,159 --> 00:09:56,247
BOGOTA, COLOMBIA.
231
00:09:56,291 --> 00:09:58,554
♪ HE'S GOT INFLAMMATION
AND ABRASIONS ♪
232
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,121
♪ BRUISES AND CONTUSIONS
233
00:10:00,164 --> 00:10:01,949
♪ SPINAL FUSION,
GREAT CONFUSION ♪
234
00:10:01,992 --> 00:10:04,821
♪ MARKED BY WEIRD
DELUSIONS ♪
235
00:10:04,865 --> 00:10:06,736
♪ I'M A PRETTY
LITTLE GIRL ♪
236
00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:08,651
♪ MY MOMMY CALLS
ME SUSAN ♪
237
00:10:08,695 --> 00:10:10,610
Holiday: ♪ INFLAMMATION
AND ABRASIONS ♪
238
00:10:10,653 --> 00:10:13,003
♪ BRUISES
AND CONTUSIONS ♪
239
00:10:13,047 --> 00:10:15,049
Narrator: DOC HOLIDAY
NEVER CURED ANYTHING.
240
00:10:15,092 --> 00:10:19,183
BUT YOU HAD TO ADMIT,
THE GUY SURE LOVED TO SING.
241
00:10:20,794 --> 00:10:23,492
♪ HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY!
OY! ♪
242
00:10:23,535 --> 00:10:26,974
STOP. STOP!
THIS IS TERRIBLE!
243
00:10:27,017 --> 00:10:30,673
♪ I DIDN'T MEAN
TO FRIGHTEN YOU ♪
244
00:10:30,717 --> 00:10:33,545
♪ IT'S JUST A SLIGHT
CONCUSSION ♪
245
00:10:33,589 --> 00:10:36,766
♪ I KNOW THAT YOU
FEEL TERRIBLE ♪
246
00:10:36,810 --> 00:10:41,466
♪ THE BAD NEWS MUST
BE CRUSHIN' ♪
247
00:10:44,295 --> 00:10:47,255
♪ MAKE SURE HE GETS LOTS
OF REST ♪
248
00:10:47,298 --> 00:10:51,041
♪ SO THERE'S
NO REPERCUSSIONS ♪
249
00:10:51,085 --> 00:10:52,173
I WILL.
250
00:10:52,216 --> 00:10:53,522
♪ BUT CHRISTMAS
MUST BE CANCELED ♪
251
00:10:53,565 --> 00:10:57,526
♪ THAT'S THE END OF
THE DISCUSSION ♪
252
00:10:58,745 --> 00:11:00,834
♪ CHRISTMAS
MUST BE CANCELED ♪
253
00:11:00,877 --> 00:11:06,927
♪ THAT'S THE END OF
THE DISCUSSION ♪
254
00:11:07,971 --> 00:11:10,060
[WIND]
255
00:11:10,104 --> 00:11:11,366
ALL RIGHT.
I RUINED CHRISTMAS.
256
00:11:11,409 --> 00:11:14,412
I MEAN, THAT'S NOT THE WORST
THING IN THE WORLD.
257
00:11:14,456 --> 00:11:15,718
ACTUALLY, IT IS.
258
00:11:15,762 --> 00:11:19,635
I'VE DONE THE WORST THING
IN THE WORLD.
259
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,724
PEOPLE WILL FORGIVE ME
IN TIME.
260
00:11:21,768 --> 00:11:24,988
THEY'LL BE ABLE TO LOOK BACK
AT THIS AND LAUGH--
261
00:11:25,032 --> 00:11:29,210
HA HA--IN SAY 6 BILLION,
8 BILLION YEARS.
262
00:11:29,253 --> 00:11:32,735
SO LET'S REVIEW. I HURT
SANTA, BROKE HIS TOYS,
263
00:11:32,779 --> 00:11:36,521
RUINED CHRISTMAS, AND NOW
I'M STUCK IN A TRENCH.
264
00:11:36,565 --> 00:11:38,698
HELP! HELP!
265
00:11:38,741 --> 00:11:40,743
[BELL ON HAT RINGS]
266
00:11:40,787 --> 00:11:42,745
HMM...
267
00:11:42,789 --> 00:11:45,617
[ALARM]
268
00:11:47,010 --> 00:11:49,709
[EXCITED CHATTER]
269
00:11:53,582 --> 00:11:54,975
[SAWING]
270
00:11:55,018 --> 00:11:56,150
OOF!
271
00:11:56,193 --> 00:11:58,500
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
WHAT'S ALL THE RUMPUS?
272
00:11:58,543 --> 00:12:02,678
SO LONG, EASTER BUNNY.
GOOD-BYE, COLUMBUS.
273
00:12:10,686 --> 00:12:13,602
[CHEERING]
274
00:12:13,645 --> 00:12:16,474
Narrator: THERE IN THE SNOW
STOOD THE HOLIDAY STARS,
275
00:12:16,518 --> 00:12:18,128
EVERY LAST PERSON
IN STINKY CIGARS.
276
00:12:18,172 --> 00:12:20,652
THERE WERE EVEN A FEW
WHO WEREN'T SO FAMOUS,
277
00:12:20,696 --> 00:12:23,394
LIKE ARBOR DAY AARDVARK
AND LABOR DAY AMOS.
278
00:12:23,438 --> 00:12:26,484
YOU ALL SAVED MY LIFE.
THANKS GOODNESS YOU CAME!
279
00:12:26,528 --> 00:12:30,227
BUT SOMETHING BAD HAPPENED,
AND I AM TO BLAME.
280
00:12:30,271 --> 00:12:31,446
[CROWD GASPS]
281
00:12:31,489 --> 00:12:33,535
FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW ME,
I'M EDISON ELF.
282
00:12:33,578 --> 00:12:36,407
AND I'M AFRAID SANTA IS
NOT QUITE HIMSELF.
283
00:12:36,451 --> 00:12:40,672
Santa: HELLO! I'M QUEEN
HANNA OF BANANALAND.
284
00:12:40,716 --> 00:12:45,025
BANANAS FOR YOU AND YOU
AND ESPECIALLY YOU.
285
00:12:45,068 --> 00:12:48,593
YES, YOUR MAJESTY. LET'S
GET BACK TO THE CASTLE.
286
00:12:48,637 --> 00:12:51,901
Santa: GENTLY, SIR.
BANANAS BRUISE EASILY.
287
00:12:51,945 --> 00:12:55,687
I'M AFRAID IT'S MY FAULT
THAT HE'S UNDER THE WEATHER.
288
00:12:55,731 --> 00:12:59,517
AND THERE WON'T BE A CHRISTMAS
UNLESS WE PULL TOGETHER.
289
00:12:59,561 --> 00:13:01,955
IT'S GONNA BE TOUGH,
AND IT'S GONNA BE TRICKY.
290
00:13:01,998 --> 00:13:05,828
SO LET US UNITE AND WIN
ONE FOR ST. NICKY!
291
00:13:05,872 --> 00:13:07,787
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
292
00:13:07,830 --> 00:13:09,919
Edison: ♪ GOT LOTS AND LOTS
OF PROBLEMS ♪
293
00:13:09,963 --> 00:13:11,921
♪ AND THE TIME IS TIGHT
294
00:13:11,965 --> 00:13:14,445
♪ GOT TO HAND OUT
ALL THOSE PRESENTS ♪
295
00:13:14,489 --> 00:13:16,099
♪ BY THE END OF THE NIGHT
296
00:13:16,143 --> 00:13:19,799
♪ WE GOT A WHOLE LOT THAT WE
GOT TO ACHIEVE ♪
297
00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:23,846
♪ BUT YOU GOT TO BELIEVE
ON CHRISTMAS EVE ♪
298
00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:25,630
Men: ♪ OH, YOU GOT
TO BELIEVE ♪
299
00:13:25,674 --> 00:13:26,980
♪ WHEN?
300
00:13:27,023 --> 00:13:28,111
♪ ON CHRISTMAS EVE EXACTLY.
301
00:13:28,155 --> 00:13:29,199
♪ OH, YOU GOT TO BELIEVE
302
00:13:29,243 --> 00:13:30,287
WHAT DAY WAS THAT
AGAIN?
303
00:13:30,331 --> 00:13:31,245
♪ ON CHRISTMAS EVE
304
00:13:31,288 --> 00:13:32,420
WELL, AREN'T
YOU GUYS SMART.
305
00:13:32,463 --> 00:13:34,117
OH, COME ON.
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
306
00:13:34,161 --> 00:13:36,119
♪ WHEN THEY TOLD
THE EASTER BUNNY ♪
307
00:13:36,163 --> 00:13:38,556
♪ THAT HE HAD TO
BRING THOSE EGGS ♪
308
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,515
♪ HE SAID,
"I CANNOT DO IT" ♪
309
00:13:40,558 --> 00:13:42,604
♪ "WITH MY
TINY, LITTLE LEGS" ♪
310
00:13:42,647 --> 00:13:44,867
♪ THEY SAID, "IF YOU
DON'T DO THIS" ♪
311
00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:46,695
♪ "THEN THE KIDS ARE
GONNA GRIEVE" ♪
312
00:13:46,738 --> 00:13:47,739
♪ AND HE SAID... [CRASH]
313
00:13:47,783 --> 00:13:50,481
♪ "OH, OH!
I GOT TO BELIEVE" ♪
314
00:13:50,525 --> 00:13:51,743
♪ OH, YOU GOT
TO BELIEVE ♪
315
00:13:51,787 --> 00:13:52,788
♪ WHEN?
316
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:53,789
♪ ON CHRISTMAS EVE
317
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:54,746
Edison: THAT'S RIGHT.
318
00:13:54,790 --> 00:13:55,704
♪ OH, YOU GOT TO BELIEVE
319
00:13:55,747 --> 00:13:56,836
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
320
00:13:56,879 --> 00:13:57,880
Men: ♪ ON CHRISTMAS EVE
321
00:13:57,924 --> 00:13:59,186
I'M STILL NOT CONVINCED.
322
00:13:59,229 --> 00:14:00,665
Edison: ♪ NO ONE
BELIEVED COLUMBUS ♪
323
00:14:00,709 --> 00:14:02,842
♪ WHEN HE SAID THE WORLD
WAS ROUND ♪
324
00:14:02,885 --> 00:14:04,800
♪ BUT HE WENT
ON HIS GREAT VOYAGE ♪
325
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,889
♪ AND AMERICA WAS FOUND
326
00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:07,716
WHOO!
327
00:14:07,759 --> 00:14:09,283
♪ NOW EVERYONE IN TEXAS
328
00:14:09,326 --> 00:14:10,893
♪ TAIWAN, AND TEL AVIV
329
00:14:10,937 --> 00:14:11,894
♪ THEY SAY
330
00:14:11,938 --> 00:14:14,854
♪ "OH, OH! WE GOT
TO BELIEVE ♪
331
00:14:14,897 --> 00:14:17,769
TEL AVIV?
IT RHYMES.
332
00:14:17,813 --> 00:14:20,033
♪ GOT TO WRAP THOSE PRESENTS
333
00:14:20,076 --> 00:14:21,425
♪ GOT TO FIX THOSE TOYS
334
00:14:21,469 --> 00:14:23,036
♪ GOT TO MAKE A MERRY
CHRISTMAS ♪
335
00:14:23,079 --> 00:14:25,734
♪ FOR THE WORLD'S
GOOD GIRLS AND BOYS ♪
336
00:14:25,777 --> 00:14:27,736
♪ IT'S BETTER TO GIVE NOW
337
00:14:27,779 --> 00:14:28,737
♪ THAN TO RECEIVE
338
00:14:28,780 --> 00:14:31,435
♪ OH, YOU
GOT TO BELIEVE ON ♪
339
00:14:31,479 --> 00:14:33,046
♪ CHRISTMAS EVE YEAH!
340
00:14:33,089 --> 00:14:35,439
♪ OH, YOU GOT
TO BELIEVE ♪
341
00:14:35,483 --> 00:14:37,441
♪ YOU GOT TO
BELIEVE ♪
342
00:14:37,485 --> 00:14:39,095
♪ ON CHRISTMAS EVE,
GOT TO BELIEVE ♪
343
00:14:39,139 --> 00:14:40,401
♪ YEAH, YOU GOT TO
BELIEVE ♪
344
00:14:40,444 --> 00:14:42,098
♪ YOU GOTTA, GOTTA,
GOTTA ♪
345
00:14:42,142 --> 00:14:44,840
♪ AH, GOTTA, GOTTA,
GOTTA, GOTTA,
GOTTA, GOTTA ♪
346
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,537
♪ ON CHRISTMAS EVE
347
00:14:46,581 --> 00:14:50,585
♪ OH, YEAH!
348
00:14:52,761 --> 00:14:53,980
[WIND]
349
00:14:54,023 --> 00:14:55,677
Men: ♪ OH, YOU GOT
TO BELIEVE ♪
350
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:56,591
♪ WHEN?
351
00:14:56,634 --> 00:14:57,853
♪ ON CHRISTMAS EVE EXACTLY.
352
00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:59,376
♪ OH, YOU GOT
TO BELIEVE ♪
353
00:14:59,420 --> 00:15:00,900
Edison: WHAT DAY
WAS THAT AGAIN?
354
00:15:00,943 --> 00:15:02,292
♪ ON CHRISTMAS EVE
355
00:15:02,336 --> 00:15:03,946
Narrator: EVERYONE PITCHED
IN, EXCEPT MURRAY WEINER,
356
00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:07,123
WHO STOOD ALL ALONE IN
THE HOLIDAY DINER.
357
00:15:07,167 --> 00:15:09,691
WHY WAS HE GROUCHY?
WHAT WAS HIS HISTORY?
358
00:15:09,734 --> 00:15:11,214
WHAT WAS HIS PROBLEM?
359
00:15:11,258 --> 00:15:13,434
THE MAN WAS A MYSTERY.
360
00:15:13,477 --> 00:15:16,567
♪ MURRAY'S GOT ANTISOCIAL,
CLAUSTROPHOBIC ♪
361
00:15:16,611 --> 00:15:18,004
♪ PARANOID NEUROSIS
362
00:15:18,047 --> 00:15:22,182
♪ NARCISSISTIC, GERMOPHOBIC,
BORDERLINE PSYCHOSIS ♪
363
00:15:23,183 --> 00:15:24,706
♪ HE IS IN
"THE GUINNESS BOOK" ♪
364
00:15:24,749 --> 00:15:26,229
♪ FOR LONGEST DIAGNOSIS
365
00:15:26,273 --> 00:15:28,231
♪ ANTISOCIAL,
CLAUSTROPHOBIC ♪
366
00:15:28,275 --> 00:15:30,930
♪ PARANOID NEUROSIS
367
00:15:30,973 --> 00:15:32,366
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
368
00:15:32,409 --> 00:15:36,196
THEY--HEH HEH--SENT ME
TO ORDER DINNER.
369
00:15:37,327 --> 00:15:39,634
[TAP TAP TAP TAP]
370
00:15:40,765 --> 00:15:43,246
I AM THE MAN
TO DELIVER THE TOYS
371
00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:44,987
TO THE GOOD PRETTY GIRLS
372
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,249
AND THE PRETTY GOOD BOYS.
373
00:15:46,293 --> 00:15:49,513
I'LL SAIL EAST TO GO WEST
AND WEST TO GO EAST.
374
00:15:49,557 --> 00:15:52,995
THE VOYAGE SHOULD TAKE ME
3 MONTHS AT THE LEAST.
375
00:15:53,039 --> 00:15:56,172
SENOR COLUMBUS, YOU
HAVE ONE NIGHT AT BEST!
376
00:15:56,216 --> 00:15:57,695
HAVE IT YOUR WAY.
377
00:15:57,739 --> 00:15:59,132
I'LL GO WEST TO GO WEST.
378
00:15:59,175 --> 00:16:01,177
Narrator: HE ASKED EASTER BUNNY
TO GIFT-WRAP A TRUCK.
379
00:16:01,221 --> 00:16:03,701
HIS PAWS WERE TOO SMALL.
HE WAS HAVING NO LUCK.
380
00:16:03,745 --> 00:16:06,443
SO HE PAINTED AND DYED IT
IN PURPLES AND PINKS.
381
00:16:06,487 --> 00:16:07,879
ON AN EGG, THIS LOOKS GOOD.
382
00:16:07,923 --> 00:16:10,186
ON A TRUCK? WELL, IT STINKS.
383
00:16:10,230 --> 00:16:12,884
TO BYRON BINESKI,
FORT CROWDER, NEW JERSEY,
384
00:16:12,928 --> 00:16:16,018
WE SEND YOU OUR LOVE
AND THIS POWDER BLUE JERSEY.
385
00:16:16,062 --> 00:16:19,152
WISHING YOU GOOD LUCK
AND GUMDROPS GALORE.
386
00:16:19,195 --> 00:16:21,850
THEN IT GOES ON
FOR 5 PAGES MORE.
387
00:16:21,893 --> 00:16:22,807
HOW MANY GIFT CARDS
388
00:16:22,851 --> 00:16:24,070
WOULD YOU SAY
YOU'VE DONE?
389
00:16:24,113 --> 00:16:26,724
WHEN THIS CARD IS FINISHED,
I'LL BE UP TO ONE.
390
00:16:26,768 --> 00:16:29,031
[SIGHS]
391
00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:30,380
Man: HEY!AAH!
392
00:16:30,424 --> 00:16:31,816
Narrator: LINCOLN AND
WASHINGTON HAD A BIG FIGHT.
393
00:16:31,860 --> 00:16:34,863
HONEST ABE, CAN'T YOU
DO ANYTHING RIGHT?
394
00:16:34,906 --> 00:16:35,951
I'M ON THE PENNY.
395
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:36,952
I'M ON THE QUARTER.
396
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,171
I'M ALSO MUCH OLDER.
397
00:16:38,214 --> 00:16:39,520
YOU'RE ALMOST MUCH
SHORTER.
398
00:16:39,563 --> 00:16:42,392
STOP IT, YOU GUYS! YOU'RE
BEHAVING LIKE SCROOGES.
399
00:16:42,436 --> 00:16:44,264
Narrator: THEN THEY
ALL STARTED FIGHTING
400
00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:45,656
JUST LIKE THE THREE STOOGES.
401
00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:47,049
Uncle Sam: HERE. HOLD THIS.
402
00:16:47,093 --> 00:16:49,051
[IMITATES CURLY]
WOO! WOO!
WOO! WOO!
403
00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:49,965
YAH, YAH, YAH!
404
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,445
HA HA!
UH!
405
00:16:51,488 --> 00:16:53,229
Narrator: 'TWAS THE NIGHT
BEFORE CHRISTMAS
406
00:16:53,273 --> 00:16:54,622
AND ALL WAS IN CRISIS.
407
00:16:54,665 --> 00:16:57,016
THE GROUNDHOG HAD EATEN
THE "NAUGHTY AND NICE" LIST.
408
00:16:57,059 --> 00:16:59,192
THE APRIL FOOL BUILT
A PREPOSTEROUS BIKE,
409
00:16:59,235 --> 00:17:01,977
AND LABOR DAY AMOS
HAD GONE OUT ON STRIKE.
410
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,327
Amos and elves:
SILENT NIGHT, HOLY NIGHT!
411
00:17:04,371 --> 00:17:06,851
WE WILL NOT GIVE UP THE FIGHT...
412
00:17:06,895 --> 00:17:08,114
Woman: LIBERTE!
413
00:17:08,157 --> 00:17:10,899
STOP ALL YOUR SHOUTING.
STOP ALL THE NOISE.
414
00:17:10,942 --> 00:17:14,076
THERE'S NO ONE I TRUST
TO DELIVER THESE TOYS.
415
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:17,906
DELIVERY. LINCOLN,
HERE'S YOUR HOT PASTRAMI.
416
00:17:17,949 --> 00:17:19,864
WASHINGTON GETS COLD SALAMI.
417
00:17:19,908 --> 00:17:21,257
COLUMBUS ASKED FOR RIGATONI.
418
00:17:21,301 --> 00:17:22,780
ST. PAT ORDERED
FRIED BOLOGNA.
419
00:17:22,824 --> 00:17:26,088
PIECE OF FISH, SIRLOIN STEAK,
MEAT KNISH, CARROT CAKE.
420
00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:27,611
AND APRIL FOOL--
I DON'T KNOW WHY--
421
00:17:27,655 --> 00:17:29,918
ORDERED COMPACT DISCS
ON RYE.
422
00:17:29,961 --> 00:17:31,006
YUM!
423
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:34,096
[LOUD CRUNCHING]
424
00:17:36,142 --> 00:17:37,534
WHAT?
YOU'RE THE ONE!
425
00:17:37,578 --> 00:17:39,101
I'M THE WHAT ONE?
426
00:17:39,145 --> 00:17:40,798
YOU ARE THE ONE
TO DELIVER THE TOYS
427
00:17:40,842 --> 00:17:43,758
TO 200 COUNTRIES,
TO GOOD GIRLS AND BOYS.
428
00:17:43,801 --> 00:17:45,064
JUST PUT ON THIS
RED SUIT
429
00:17:45,107 --> 00:17:46,195
AND GET
IN THE SLEIGH.
430
00:17:46,239 --> 00:17:48,197
WHAT ARE YOU, CUCKOO?
FORGET IT. NO WAY.
431
00:17:48,241 --> 00:17:49,285
PLEASE.
432
00:17:49,329 --> 00:17:50,373
NO.
PLEASE?
433
00:17:50,417 --> 00:17:51,374
NO!
PLEASE?
434
00:17:51,418 --> 00:17:52,288
NO...
PLEASE...
435
00:17:52,332 --> 00:17:53,724
Narrator:
AND SO FOR AN HOUR,
436
00:17:53,768 --> 00:17:55,030
THESE TWO KEPT ON GOING,
437
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,553
WITH ONE OF THEM
PLEASE-ing
438
00:17:56,597 --> 00:17:57,685
AND ONE OF THEM NO-ing.
439
00:17:57,728 --> 00:17:58,468
PLEASE?
NO.
440
00:17:58,512 --> 00:17:59,904
PLEASE?
441
00:17:59,948 --> 00:18:02,255
NO! WHY IN THE WORLD SHOULD
I SCHLEP THROUGH THE SNOW,
442
00:18:02,298 --> 00:18:03,995
BRINGING MILLIONS
OF PRESENTS
443
00:18:04,039 --> 00:18:05,171
TO KIDS I DON'T KNOW?
444
00:18:05,214 --> 00:18:07,303
WILL ANYONE PAY ME?
WILL ANYONE TIP?
445
00:18:07,347 --> 00:18:09,000
WHAT IF I SLIP
AND FRACTURE MY HIP?
446
00:18:09,044 --> 00:18:11,438
LOOK AT THE WEATHER.
IT'S COLD AND IT'S SHIVERY.
447
00:18:11,481 --> 00:18:14,571
THERE'S NO WAY ON EARTH
I WILL MAKE THIS DELIVERY.
448
00:18:14,615 --> 00:18:16,269
[DOOR SHUTS]
449
00:18:16,312 --> 00:18:18,880
BUMMER.
450
00:18:20,795 --> 00:18:23,450
Narrator: MURRAY SPENT EACH
CHRISTMAS EVE ON HIS OWN,
451
00:18:23,493 --> 00:18:27,149
REMEMBERING DAYS WHEN HE
WASN'T ALONE.
452
00:18:34,678 --> 00:18:36,680
YOU DATED HER?
453
00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:38,726
GET OUT OF MY DELI.
GET OFF OF MY LAND.
454
00:18:38,769 --> 00:18:40,641
WHAT PART OF "NO,
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO,
455
00:18:40,684 --> 00:18:41,859
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO"
456
00:18:41,903 --> 00:18:43,122
DON'T YOU
UNDERSTAND?
457
00:18:43,165 --> 00:18:44,993
I'LL TELL YOU THE REASON
YOU SHOULDN'T SAY NO.
458
00:18:45,036 --> 00:18:48,039
I JUST NEED ONE MINUTE,
AND THEN I WILL GO.
459
00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:49,040
ONE MINUTE?
460
00:18:49,084 --> 00:18:50,172
60 SECONDS.
461
00:18:50,216 --> 00:18:51,086
[TICKING]
462
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:52,174
SO WHAT'S
THE REASON?
463
00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:56,091
BECAUSE IT'S CHRISTMAS.
LIGHTS, PLEASE.
464
00:18:57,048 --> 00:18:58,311
[LAMP SWITCH CLICKS]
465
00:18:58,354 --> 00:18:59,834
CHRISTMAS, YOU KNOW, IS
THAT ONE SPECIAL SEASON
466
00:18:59,877 --> 00:19:02,967
WHEN PEOPLE DO GOOD THINGS
WITHOUT A GOOD REASON.
467
00:19:03,011 --> 00:19:05,187
THE GROUCHIEST MEN
WILL WEAR MUSICAL TIES
468
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:08,712
AND BUY CHRISTMAS PRESENTS
FOR FOLKS THEY DESPISE.
469
00:19:08,756 --> 00:19:12,281
THE CHEAPEST OF CHEAPSKATES
WILL SPEND ALL HIS MONEY,
470
00:19:12,325 --> 00:19:15,066
AND PEOPLE MAKE FRUITCAKES
FROM CONCRETE...
471
00:19:15,110 --> 00:19:16,285
AND HONEY.
472
00:19:16,329 --> 00:19:18,331
TONIGHT THINK OF OTHERS
INSTEAD OF YOURSELF.
473
00:19:18,374 --> 00:19:19,332
[DING]
474
00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:23,466
YOUR MINUTE IS UP,
MR. EDISON ELF.
475
00:19:31,735 --> 00:19:33,607
LIBBY, MISTLETOE!
476
00:19:33,650 --> 00:19:34,999
[CHUCKLES]
477
00:19:35,043 --> 00:19:36,653
OOH!
MURRAY!
478
00:19:36,697 --> 00:19:38,307
HA HA. IT'S OK.
479
00:19:38,351 --> 00:19:41,092
MERRY CHRISTMAS, MURRAY.
480
00:19:44,139 --> 00:19:45,445
I'LL DO IT.
481
00:19:45,488 --> 00:19:47,098
OH, MURRAY!
482
00:19:47,142 --> 00:19:50,145
NO HUGS, NO HUGS,
NO HUGS, NO HUGS.
483
00:19:51,015 --> 00:19:52,234
Narrator: MURRAY PUT ON
THE SUIT.
484
00:19:52,278 --> 00:19:55,411
THE BELLY WAS BAGGY.
THE SHOULDERS WERE SAGGY.
485
00:19:55,455 --> 00:19:56,760
THE BOTTOM WAS DRAGGY.
486
00:19:56,804 --> 00:19:59,198
I'M PRETTY FAT, BUT I
THINK SANTA'S FATTER.
487
00:19:59,241 --> 00:20:00,808
THE CABOOSE
IS QUITE LOOSE,
488
00:20:00,851 --> 00:20:02,984
BUT I GUESS
IT WON'T MATTER.
489
00:20:03,027 --> 00:20:05,682
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
490
00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:08,076
Columbus:
BRAVISSIMO, MURRAY!
491
00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:09,338
I WISH YOU GOOD LUCK.
492
00:20:09,382 --> 00:20:10,992
Cupid: I LOVE WHAT
YOU'RE DOING.
493
00:20:11,035 --> 00:20:12,863
April Fool:
MY ZIPPER IS STUCK.
494
00:20:12,907 --> 00:20:14,038
Narrator:
THEY HOPPED IN THE SLEIGH
495
00:20:14,082 --> 00:20:15,344
AND SPED OFF LIKE A COMET.
496
00:20:15,388 --> 00:20:17,564
Murray: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M GOING TO VOMIT.
497
00:20:17,607 --> 00:20:20,044
I'VE GOT ONE RULE,
BUT, SURELY, IT'S BASIC.
498
00:20:20,088 --> 00:20:23,134
IF YOU GO TOO FAST, I'M
GONNA GET SLEIGH-SICK.
499
00:20:23,178 --> 00:20:24,266
WHY DON'T YOU DRIVE?
500
00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:27,487
ON, DUMBO AND JUMBO.
ON, MASON AND DIXON.
501
00:20:27,530 --> 00:20:29,140
ON, COSMO AND KRAMER
502
00:20:29,184 --> 00:20:30,403
AND RICHARD M. NIXON.
503
00:20:30,446 --> 00:20:32,970
THAT WASN'T EVEN CLOSE.
504
00:20:38,019 --> 00:20:39,368
Narrator: THEY MADE THEIR
FIRST STOP,
505
00:20:39,412 --> 00:20:40,978
EDDIE FEARING THE WORST.
506
00:20:41,022 --> 00:20:42,197
MURRAY FELL DOWN
THE CHIMNEY
507
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:44,286
AND LANDED HEAD-FIRST.
508
00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:46,984
OW! OOF.
509
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:50,553
NOT TERRIBLE. A LITTLE DRY.
510
00:20:50,597 --> 00:20:53,077
EGGNOG, HUH?
I NEVER HAD IT.
511
00:20:53,121 --> 00:20:55,428
BLECCH! SO THAT'S WHY
THEY ONLY DRINK IT
512
00:20:55,471 --> 00:20:56,690
ONCE A YEAR.
513
00:20:56,733 --> 00:20:58,474
Narrator: HE DIDN'T
COME BACK
514
00:20:58,518 --> 00:20:59,954
TILL A QUARTER TO 2:00.
515
00:20:59,997 --> 00:21:02,173
MURRAY! I WORRIED.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
516
00:21:02,217 --> 00:21:04,698
DOWN BY THE FIREPLACE,
KIDS HUNG UP SOCKS.
517
00:21:04,741 --> 00:21:07,918
SO I LOADED THE SOCKS UP
WITH BAGELS AND LOX.
518
00:21:07,962 --> 00:21:08,919
PRESENTS.
519
00:21:08,963 --> 00:21:10,530
YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO BRING PRESENTS.
520
00:21:10,573 --> 00:21:12,183
KIDS DON'T LOVE LOX?
521
00:21:12,227 --> 00:21:13,576
Narrator: THEY WENT
TO THE NEXT HOUSE.
522
00:21:13,620 --> 00:21:14,882
IT DIDN'T GO BETTER.
523
00:21:14,925 --> 00:21:16,971
MURRAY GOT BIT BY
A BIG IRISH SETTER.
524
00:21:17,014 --> 00:21:17,885
[GROWLING]
525
00:21:17,928 --> 00:21:20,148
[CHOMP,
CLOTHING RIPS]
526
00:21:21,454 --> 00:21:24,195
[ECHOING]
AAH!
527
00:21:24,239 --> 00:21:26,633
Narrator: HE STEPPED ON
A TURTLE AT HOUSE NUMBER 3.
528
00:21:26,676 --> 00:21:27,851
[CRUNCH]
529
00:21:27,895 --> 00:21:31,594
IN HOUSE NUMBER 4,
HE KNOCKED OVER THE TREE.
530
00:21:31,638 --> 00:21:33,335
[CRASHING]
531
00:21:33,379 --> 00:21:34,989
WHAT WAS
THAT NOISE?
532
00:21:35,032 --> 00:21:36,860
MICE.
OH.
533
00:21:36,904 --> 00:21:38,079
WAIT. WHO SAID THAT?
534
00:21:38,122 --> 00:21:39,472
[VOICE IN HIGHER PITCH]
CAT.
535
00:21:39,515 --> 00:21:43,780
OH. BETTY FRED,
GET MY GUN.
536
00:21:43,824 --> 00:21:45,347
[GUN IS LOADED]
537
00:21:45,391 --> 00:21:46,479
[FIRES GUN]
538
00:21:46,522 --> 00:21:49,046
I'VE BEEN BIT BY A DOG
AND SHOT BY A GUN.
539
00:21:49,090 --> 00:21:50,439
I MUST TELL YOU,
SHORTY,
540
00:21:50,483 --> 00:21:51,875
I'M NOT HAVING FUN.
541
00:21:51,919 --> 00:21:53,050
I'M OLD
AND I'M COLD,
542
00:21:53,094 --> 00:21:54,704
AND THIS SUIT
DOESN'T FIT.
543
00:21:54,748 --> 00:21:56,227
IF THE NEXT STOP
GOES BADLY,
544
00:21:56,271 --> 00:21:57,359
I'LL JUST HAVE
TO QUIT.
545
00:21:57,403 --> 00:21:59,492
Narrator: EDISON ELF
COULDN'T BLAME HIM.
546
00:21:59,535 --> 00:22:00,362
HE TRIED.
547
00:22:00,406 --> 00:22:01,711
I HAVE FAITH IN YOU,
MURRAY.
548
00:22:01,755 --> 00:22:04,584
Narrator:
THE LITTLE ELF LIED.
549
00:22:07,282 --> 00:22:09,240
MURRAY JUMPED DOWN
THE CHIMNEY
550
00:22:09,284 --> 00:22:11,155
AND LANDED SO HARD...
551
00:22:11,199 --> 00:22:13,375
THE THUD KNOCKED THE SNOW
OFF THE TREES IN THE YARD.
552
00:22:13,419 --> 00:22:15,246
HE GOT TO HIS FEET
WITH A...
553
00:22:15,290 --> 00:22:16,509
OOF.
AND AN...
554
00:22:16,552 --> 00:22:17,336
OY.
555
00:22:17,379 --> 00:22:18,772
AND HE FOUND HIMSELF FACING
556
00:22:18,815 --> 00:22:19,903
A 6-YEAR-OLD BOY.
557
00:22:19,947 --> 00:22:22,732
SANTA CLAUS!
SANTA CLAUS! SANTA CLAUS!
558
00:22:22,776 --> 00:22:25,039
WHERE? OH, RIGHT.
YOU MEAN ME.
559
00:22:25,082 --> 00:22:27,041
YES, I'M SANTA, I SWEAR.
560
00:22:27,084 --> 00:22:28,259
DO YOUR SANTA CLAUS LAUGH.
561
00:22:28,303 --> 00:22:29,783
PLEASE, PLEASE,
PLEASE, PLEASE?
562
00:22:29,826 --> 00:22:33,221
HUH? SURE. HEH HEH.
TEE HEE.
563
00:22:33,264 --> 00:22:35,354
HOO. HA. OH, BOY.
564
00:22:35,397 --> 00:22:36,877
Narrator: MURRAY SNORTED
AND SNICKERED
565
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:38,095
AND CHORTLED AND CHUCKLED.
566
00:22:38,139 --> 00:22:40,533
AND AS HE CHUCKLED, HIS BELT
CAME UNBUCKLED.
567
00:22:40,576 --> 00:22:42,012
HIS PANTS, WHICH WERE LOOSE,
568
00:22:42,056 --> 00:22:43,274
FELL DOWN STRAIGHT
TO HIS KNEES.
569
00:22:43,318 --> 00:22:46,495
"MURRAY WEINER" WAS STITCHED
ON HIS SILK BVDs.
570
00:22:46,539 --> 00:22:47,931
WELL, I'M GOING TO JAIL.
571
00:22:47,975 --> 00:22:51,195
SANTA CLAUS, PLEASE.
WOULD YOU KINDLY EXPLAIN
572
00:22:51,239 --> 00:22:54,721
WHY YOU AND YOUR UNDERPANTS
HAVE DIFFERENT NAMES?
573
00:22:54,764 --> 00:22:55,939
Narrator:
BETRAYED BY HIS BOXERS,
574
00:22:55,983 --> 00:22:58,638
LET DOWN BY HIS PANTS,
HE KNEW A GOOD STORY
575
00:22:58,681 --> 00:23:00,204
WOULD BE HIS BEST CHANCE.
576
00:23:00,248 --> 00:23:01,467
DON'T YOU KNOW
MURRAY WEINER IS
577
00:23:01,510 --> 00:23:02,729
A FAMOUS DESIGNER?
578
00:23:02,772 --> 00:23:05,209
CALVIN KLEIN MAY BE FINE,
BUT WEINER IS FINER.
579
00:23:05,253 --> 00:23:06,907
ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE
SANTA?
580
00:23:06,950 --> 00:23:08,430
YOU DON'T HAVE
A BEARD.
581
00:23:08,474 --> 00:23:09,953
YOUR SUIT IS
ALL BAGGY.
582
00:23:09,997 --> 00:23:11,346
YOU SMELL KIND OF
WEIRD.
583
00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:14,044
I SHAVED OFF THE BEARD.
MRS. CLAUS SAID IT TICKLES.
584
00:23:14,088 --> 00:23:16,525
AND I WENT ON A DIET--
CLUB SODA AND PICKLES.
585
00:23:16,569 --> 00:23:19,136
THAT SHOULD EXPLAIN WHY
I'M BEARDLESS AND BELLYLESS.
586
00:23:19,180 --> 00:23:22,009
THE PICKLES WOULD ALSO
ACCOUNT FOR MY SMELLINESS.
587
00:23:22,052 --> 00:23:24,577
SO THERE, I'VE EXPLAINED.
I'VE MADE EVERYTHING CLEAR.
588
00:23:24,620 --> 00:23:26,187
Murray: NOW, I
SHOULD BE GOING.
589
00:23:26,230 --> 00:23:27,797
WAIT. NAME YOUR REINDEER.
590
00:23:27,841 --> 00:23:29,495
Narrator: MURRAY
HEMMED AND HE HAWED.
591
00:23:29,538 --> 00:23:30,844
HE DID NOT KNOW THIS STUFF.
592
00:23:30,887 --> 00:23:33,455
SO HE HUFFED AND HE PUFFED
AND PROCEEDED TO BLUFF.
593
00:23:33,499 --> 00:23:34,935
THERE'S BAMBI
AND RAMBO
594
00:23:34,978 --> 00:23:36,153
AND DOPEY
AND DOC,
595
00:23:36,197 --> 00:23:38,242
SCOTTY AND SULU,
UHURA AND SPOCK.
596
00:23:38,286 --> 00:23:39,809
MURRAY LOOKED AT HIM
HOPEFULLY.
597
00:23:39,853 --> 00:23:40,854
HOW DID I DO?
598
00:23:40,897 --> 00:23:42,769
YOU'RE A BIG PHONY FAKE!
599
00:23:42,812 --> 00:23:45,249
I GUESS SANTA IS, TOO.
600
00:23:45,293 --> 00:23:46,555
[SOBBING]
601
00:23:46,599 --> 00:23:47,643
[SNIFFLES]
602
00:23:47,687 --> 00:23:49,253
SANTA'S NOT PHONY.
I'VE GOT THE PROOF.
603
00:23:49,297 --> 00:23:52,692
COME OUT ON THE LAWN,
LOOK UP ON THE ROOF.
604
00:23:54,650 --> 00:23:56,043
THAT'S SANTA'S
SLEIGH
605
00:23:56,086 --> 00:23:57,740
SITTING THERE
IN THE SNOW.
606
00:23:57,784 --> 00:23:58,741
THERE ARE
THE REINDEER
607
00:23:58,785 --> 00:24:00,351
WHOSE NAMES
I DON'T KNOW.
608
00:24:00,395 --> 00:24:01,614
OH, SANTA IS
REAL, KID.
609
00:24:01,657 --> 00:24:02,832
IT'S WRESTLING
THAT'S FAKE.
610
00:24:02,876 --> 00:24:04,486
Narrator: AND THAT'S
WHEN THE BOY KNEW
611
00:24:04,530 --> 00:24:05,661
HE'D MADE A MISTAKE.
612
00:24:05,705 --> 00:24:07,184
THIS WASN'T JUST SOME SMELLY
GUY IN A SUIT
613
00:24:07,228 --> 00:24:10,579
BUT AN HONEST TO GOODNESS
SAINT NICK SUBSTITUTE.
614
00:24:10,623 --> 00:24:12,146
AND THEN THE BOY SMILED.
615
00:24:12,189 --> 00:24:13,539
MURRAY FELT
A STRANGE TINGLE.
616
00:24:13,582 --> 00:24:18,500
HE KNEW FOR ONE NIGHT THAT
HE COULD BE KRIS KRINGLE.
617
00:24:18,544 --> 00:24:20,371
HO HO HO!
618
00:24:20,415 --> 00:24:21,895
[DEER CALLING EXCITEDLY]
619
00:24:21,938 --> 00:24:23,287
WHOO-HOO-HOO!
620
00:24:23,331 --> 00:24:24,506
AAH! OH![THUD]
621
00:24:24,550 --> 00:24:26,377
Narrator: MURRAY BROUGHT
THE BOY IN,
622
00:24:26,421 --> 00:24:27,683
AND HE PATTED HIS HEAD.
623
00:24:27,727 --> 00:24:30,251
AND HE FIXED HIM A LEAN
PASTRAMI SANDWICH
624
00:24:30,294 --> 00:24:31,339
WITH COLESLAW
625
00:24:31,382 --> 00:24:32,732
AND A TRIPLE-THICK
CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE.
626
00:24:32,775 --> 00:24:35,299
AND HE SENT HIM TO BED.
627
00:24:36,692 --> 00:24:39,608
SO TELL ME, MURRAY,
DO YOU FEEL LIKE QUITTING?
628
00:24:39,652 --> 00:24:42,524
QUITTING, QUITTING?
YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING.
629
00:24:42,568 --> 00:24:43,960
I LOVE
CHRISTMAS LIGHTS--
630
00:24:44,004 --> 00:24:45,832
THE PURPLE AND ORANGE,
631
00:24:45,875 --> 00:24:46,833
THE YELLOW AND--
632
00:24:46,876 --> 00:24:48,530
SOMETHING THAT RHYMES
WITH ORANGE.
633
00:24:48,574 --> 00:24:49,444
ENOUGH OF THIS TALK.
634
00:24:49,488 --> 00:24:50,967
WE'VE GOT TOYS
TO DELIVER.
635
00:24:51,011 --> 00:24:52,012
WE CAN'T SIT AROUND
636
00:24:52,055 --> 00:24:54,405
LIKE 2 LUMPS
OF CHOPPED LIVER.
637
00:24:55,537 --> 00:24:59,541
GLIBBLE, GLOBBLE,
JULIAN SCHNABEL.
638
00:24:59,585 --> 00:25:01,325
[SNORES ONCE]
639
00:25:04,764 --> 00:25:07,984
MY SUIT. MY SLEIGH.
MY TOYS.
640
00:25:08,028 --> 00:25:09,203
MY WORD!
641
00:25:09,246 --> 00:25:12,815
HELLO? SARAH, GET ME
THE POLICE!
642
00:25:12,859 --> 00:25:15,209
["JINGLE BELLS" RINGTONE]
643
00:25:15,644 --> 00:25:17,864
OFFICER BENDER,
THE BENDER OF LAWS.
644
00:25:17,907 --> 00:25:19,561
TO WHOM AM
I SPEAKING?
645
00:25:19,605 --> 00:25:21,694
MY NAME'S
SANTA CLAUS.
646
00:25:21,737 --> 00:25:23,565
[HANGS UP]
WEIRDO.
647
00:25:23,609 --> 00:25:24,697
[RINGTONE]
648
00:25:24,740 --> 00:25:27,830
YOU SAY YOU'RE SANTA.
I SAY I DOUBT IT.
649
00:25:27,874 --> 00:25:30,572
IF YOU'RE REALLY SANTA,
THEN TELL ME ABOUT IT.
650
00:25:30,616 --> 00:25:32,095
WHEN YOU WERE 2,
651
00:25:32,139 --> 00:25:33,183
I BROUGHT
YOU A CRIB.
652
00:25:33,227 --> 00:25:34,881
WHEN YOU WERE 3, YOU
GOT A NICE BIB.
653
00:25:34,924 --> 00:25:36,926
AT 4, I GAVE YOU
A BIG TEDDY BEAR.
654
00:25:36,970 --> 00:25:38,537
YOU WERE NAUGHTY
AT 5,
655
00:25:38,580 --> 00:25:40,974
SO YOU GOT
UNDERWEAR.
656
00:25:41,017 --> 00:25:43,803
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
WHAT'S BEEN STOLEN?
657
00:25:43,846 --> 00:25:46,109
EIGHT FLYING REINDEER,
SLEIGH IN THE BACK,
658
00:25:46,153 --> 00:25:49,199
6 BILLION TOYS,
AND A 50-FOOT SACK.
659
00:25:49,243 --> 00:25:51,114
ANY DISTINGUISHING
CHARACTERISTICS?
660
00:25:51,158 --> 00:25:52,986
OY. I'M DEALING
WITH AN IDIOT.
661
00:25:53,029 --> 00:25:54,857
I GIVE YOU MY WORD
AS THE PUBLIC'S DEFENDER,
662
00:25:54,901 --> 00:25:57,773
I'LL TRACK DOWN THIS RAT
AND RETURN HIM TO SENDER.
663
00:25:57,817 --> 00:26:00,428
I'LL FIND THIS LITTLE COWARD
AND PUT HIM IN JAIL.
664
00:26:00,471 --> 00:26:03,605
I'M OFFICER BENDER,
AND I NEVER FAIL.
665
00:26:03,649 --> 00:26:05,868
HUH. WHERE DID I PUT
MY KEYS?
666
00:26:05,912 --> 00:26:07,653
[SIREN PULSE]
667
00:26:08,828 --> 00:26:10,220
Narrator:
FROM NOME DOWN TO ROME,
668
00:26:10,264 --> 00:26:13,049
FROM MINSK TO ATLANTA,
MURRAY BROUGHT PRESENTS
669
00:26:13,093 --> 00:26:16,226
AS QUICKLY AS SANTA.
670
00:26:42,949 --> 00:26:44,472
BAH!
671
00:26:49,216 --> 00:26:51,914
OH, BOY.
672
00:26:53,873 --> 00:26:57,050
[SHUDDERING]
673
00:27:04,187 --> 00:27:06,537
I'M RARING TO GO. IT'S
A QUARTER PAST 3:00.
674
00:27:06,581 --> 00:27:07,756
WHERE ARE YOU, SHORTY?
675
00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:10,541
[MUFFLED]
YOU'RE SITTING ON ME!
676
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:15,111
[STAMMERING]
677
00:27:15,155 --> 00:27:17,287
Narrator: SANTA, OF COURSE,
DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT MURRAY.
678
00:27:17,331 --> 00:27:19,289
HE THOUGHT CHRISTMAS
WAS STOLEN,
679
00:27:19,333 --> 00:27:20,726
SO HE HAD TO HURRY.
680
00:27:20,769 --> 00:27:22,118
Santa: IT'S A QUARTER PAST
3:00. I STILL GOT A CHANCE.
681
00:27:22,162 --> 00:27:25,165
I JUST NEED A SLEIGH AND
SOME TOYS AND SOME PANTS.
682
00:27:25,208 --> 00:27:28,472
Narrator: HE PUT ON RED
LONG JOHNS IN PLACE OF THE SUIT.
683
00:27:28,516 --> 00:27:31,301
INSTEAD OF A CAP, HE WORE
A RED BOOT.
684
00:27:31,345 --> 00:27:32,607
PERFECT!
685
00:27:32,651 --> 00:27:35,958
Santa: SLEIGH, SLEIGH?
DO I HAVE A SPARE SLEIGH?
686
00:27:36,002 --> 00:27:39,309
MAYBE THERE'S ONE BURIED
UNDER THIS HAY.
687
00:27:39,353 --> 00:27:41,877
OOH. ALL THAT I SEE IS
A SHOVEL AND RAKE
688
00:27:41,921 --> 00:27:43,879
AND THIS OLD GARDEN HOSE.
[RATTLING]
689
00:27:43,923 --> 00:27:45,707
NO, WAIT. THAT'S A SNAKE.
690
00:27:45,751 --> 00:27:48,231
SNAKE! AH! AH!
691
00:27:48,275 --> 00:27:51,191
[LOUD THUD]
692
00:27:51,234 --> 00:27:52,758
THIS COULD WORK.
693
00:27:52,801 --> 00:27:54,107
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
694
00:27:54,150 --> 00:27:57,066
I JUST NEED TO FIND A GIANT
TOY STORE
695
00:27:57,110 --> 00:28:02,637
THAT'S OPEN ON CHRISTMAS
AT A QUARTER TO 4:00.
696
00:28:05,466 --> 00:28:08,208
Narrator: THEN SANTA CLAUS
SAW A MIRACULOUS SIGHT.
697
00:28:08,251 --> 00:28:13,213
IN THE SKY FAR ABOVE WAS
A STAR SHINING BRIGHT.
698
00:28:19,349 --> 00:28:20,437
[BELL RINGS]
699
00:28:20,481 --> 00:28:21,438
GIVE ME EVERYTHING
YOU GOT IN THE STORE!
700
00:28:21,482 --> 00:28:22,613
DON'T SHOOT ME.
701
00:28:22,657 --> 00:28:25,399
[MUZAK PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS]
702
00:28:26,574 --> 00:28:28,315
WHAT ARE YOU?
703
00:28:28,358 --> 00:28:29,446
I'M VISHIN' YOU...
704
00:28:29,490 --> 00:28:30,665
YOU'RE VISHNU?
705
00:28:30,709 --> 00:28:32,449
I'M VISHIN' YOU
WOULDN'T SHOOT ME.
706
00:28:32,493 --> 00:28:35,670
I'M NOT GOING TO SHOOT YOU.
PUT DOWN YOUR ARMS...
707
00:28:35,714 --> 00:28:38,020
ALL OF THEM.
708
00:28:38,064 --> 00:28:40,327
[CLEARS THROAT]
TWO MORE.
709
00:28:40,370 --> 00:28:42,111
SO HOW CAN I
HELP YOU?
710
00:28:42,155 --> 00:28:43,069
WRAPPING PAPER?
AISLE ONE.
711
00:28:43,112 --> 00:28:44,679
CHILDREN'S BOOKS?WE HAVE NONE.
712
00:28:44,723 --> 00:28:46,594
ANY TOYS?
JUST SOME
KNICKKNACKS.
713
00:28:46,637 --> 00:28:49,249
CHRISTMAS CANDY?ONLY TIC TACS.
714
00:28:49,292 --> 00:28:52,687
[CHUCKLES WEAKLY]
HO HO HO.
715
00:28:52,731 --> 00:28:54,123
[PUNCHING KEYS ON REGISTER]
716
00:28:54,167 --> 00:28:55,603
COMIC BOOKS, CANDY BAR,
717
00:28:55,646 --> 00:28:57,257
BOBBING HEAD DOLLS
FOR YOUR CAR,
718
00:28:57,300 --> 00:28:58,867
PLAYING CARDS,
BALLPOINT PEN,
719
00:28:58,911 --> 00:29:01,783
PAPER CLIPS. YEAH!
KIDS LOVE THEM.
720
00:29:01,827 --> 00:29:03,393
DVD OF "MIGHTY DUCKS."
721
00:29:03,437 --> 00:29:05,787
THAT'LL BE 8,000 BUCKS.
722
00:29:05,831 --> 00:29:08,747
DOUGH! DOUGH! DOUGH!
723
00:29:10,836 --> 00:29:14,796
♪ GOT TO BRING THIS GARBAGE
TO THE LITTLE BRATS ♪
724
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:15,754
[GROANS]
725
00:29:15,797 --> 00:29:17,712
♪ AND NOTHING'S GONNA STOP ME
726
00:29:17,756 --> 00:29:19,758
[BICYCLE BELL RINGS]
HEY!
727
00:29:20,933 --> 00:29:23,544
GLIBBLE--
728
00:29:25,938 --> 00:29:29,419
[SLEIGH BELLS RING]
729
00:29:29,463 --> 00:29:30,943
WHAT'S NEXT?
730
00:29:30,986 --> 00:29:33,641
YOU'VE BEEN TO ALBANIA,
FINISHED ROMANIA,
731
00:29:33,684 --> 00:29:34,903
DONE TRANSYLVANIA.
732
00:29:34,947 --> 00:29:35,948
THAT WAS NO FUN.
733
00:29:35,991 --> 00:29:37,514
DELIVERED TO CHINA,
NORTH CAROLINA.
734
00:29:37,558 --> 00:29:40,300
HEY, MURRAY WEINER, YOU'RE
FINISHED! YOU'RE DONE.
735
00:29:40,343 --> 00:29:41,910
WELL, THAT WAS EASY.
HA HA!
736
00:29:41,954 --> 00:29:45,087
EASY? HOW DID YOU DO IT?
YOU MOVE LIKE A PRO.
737
00:29:45,131 --> 00:29:47,829
WHAT IS YOUR SECRET?
WE ALL WANT TO KNOW.
738
00:29:47,873 --> 00:29:49,091
DID YOU EVER GOOGLE ME?
739
00:29:49,135 --> 00:29:50,527
WHAT?
YOU'D FIND OUT...
740
00:29:50,571 --> 00:29:51,920
EVERYTHING IN, LIKE,
5 SECONDS.
741
00:29:51,964 --> 00:29:54,531
USE BING. USE GOOGLE.
USE BINGLE.
742
00:29:54,575 --> 00:29:58,709
WELL, WELL, WELL.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
743
00:29:58,753 --> 00:30:00,494
MURRAY WEINER.
744
00:30:00,537 --> 00:30:01,495
♪ BUP BUP BA BOO
745
00:30:01,538 --> 00:30:03,845
♪ THINKIN', THINKIN'
746
00:30:03,889 --> 00:30:06,456
OH, HERE YOU GO, PALLY.
747
00:30:08,850 --> 00:30:10,199
Announcer: ...BRINGING YOU
748
00:30:10,243 --> 00:30:11,548
FAST-BREAKING NEWS
749
00:30:11,592 --> 00:30:12,941
FROM AROUND THE GLOBE
750
00:30:12,985 --> 00:30:14,421
JUST WEEKS AFTER IT HAPPENS.
751
00:30:14,464 --> 00:30:15,857
Man on motorcycle: AAH!
752
00:30:15,901 --> 00:30:18,947
Announcer: AUGUST 12th
IS HERE, WHICH CAN ONLY MEAN
753
00:30:18,991 --> 00:30:21,515
ONE THING--MILKMAN'S DAY.
754
00:30:21,558 --> 00:30:23,169
THAT'S WHEN WE PAY TRIBUTE
TO THE DERRING-DO
755
00:30:23,212 --> 00:30:26,825
OF THE DAIRY MAN, WHO GOES
DOOR TO DOOR EACH MORNING,
756
00:30:26,868 --> 00:30:28,696
BRINGING FRESH MOO JUICE.
757
00:30:28,739 --> 00:30:31,133
AND IT WOULDN'T BE
MILKMAN'S DAY
758
00:30:31,177 --> 00:30:35,050
WITHOUT THE ANNUAL PARADE
DOWN FIFTH AVENUE.
759
00:30:35,094 --> 00:30:36,008
♪
♪
760
00:30:36,051 --> 00:30:39,925
Men: ♪ HERE COME THE MILKMEN
761
00:30:39,968 --> 00:30:42,057
♪ BRINGING MILK,
BRINGING CHEESE ♪
762
00:30:42,101 --> 00:30:44,407
♪ BRINGING ANYTHING YOU PLEASE
763
00:30:44,451 --> 00:30:47,236
♪ CHEER FOR THE MILKMEN
764
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:49,456
♪ HEAR THE DRUM,
HERE THEY COME ♪
765
00:30:49,499 --> 00:30:54,113
♪ WITH YOUR DAILY CALCIUM
766
00:30:54,156 --> 00:30:55,375
♪ YUM, YUM, YUM
767
00:30:55,418 --> 00:30:56,767
Announcer:
AND HERE'S THE GUY
768
00:30:56,811 --> 00:31:01,076
THE KIDS HAVE BEEN WAITING
FOR--MURRAY THE MILKMAN.
769
00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:02,904
HE'S THE EASTER BUNNY OF BUTTER,
770
00:31:02,948 --> 00:31:06,386
THE KRIS KRINGLE OF CREAM.
771
00:31:06,429 --> 00:31:09,519
Women: ♪ MURRAY THE MILKMAN
772
00:31:09,563 --> 00:31:12,479
♪ HE IS SMOOTH AS SILK, MAN
773
00:31:12,522 --> 00:31:15,830
♪ OOH, HE GIVES ME SHIVERS
774
00:31:15,874 --> 00:31:17,919
♪ OOH,
THE MAN DELIVERS ♪
775
00:31:17,963 --> 00:31:21,488
♪ HE'S IDOLIZED BECAUSE
HE'S PASTEURIZED ♪
776
00:31:21,531 --> 00:31:24,839
♪ HE'S THE MAN FOR ME,
GIVES ME VITAMIN "D" ♪
777
00:31:24,883 --> 00:31:26,362
♪ MURRAY, MURRAY,
MURRAY, MURRAY ♪
778
00:31:26,406 --> 00:31:27,929
♪ MURRAY, MURRAY,
MURRAY, MURRAY ♪
779
00:31:27,973 --> 00:31:32,107
♪ SLING THAT COW JUICE
RIGHT TO MY DOOR ♪
780
00:31:32,673 --> 00:31:34,501
BUT PRETTY SOON, KIDS
COULD GET MILK
781
00:31:34,544 --> 00:31:35,632
FROM A STORE.
782
00:31:35,676 --> 00:31:38,113
THEY DIDN'T NEED
MILKMEN LIKE ME ANYMORE.
783
00:31:38,157 --> 00:31:38,984
MILK'S JUST AS GOOD
784
00:31:39,027 --> 00:31:41,073
WHEN IT COMES
FROM A CARTON.
785
00:31:41,116 --> 00:31:42,204
SO MY WHOLE HOLIDAY
786
00:31:42,248 --> 00:31:44,032
WAS COMPLETELY
FORGOTTEN.
787
00:31:44,076 --> 00:31:45,164
FORGOTTEN.
788
00:31:45,207 --> 00:31:47,949
THE PARADES GOT
MUCH SMALLER.
789
00:31:47,993 --> 00:31:50,125
AND ONE DAY,
THEY STOPPED.
790
00:31:50,169 --> 00:31:52,127
THE FLOATS WERE
DISMANTLED.
791
00:31:52,171 --> 00:31:54,173
THE BALLOONS
WERE ALL POPPED.
792
00:31:54,216 --> 00:31:56,001
MY WHOLE HAPPY
LIFE HAD BECOME
793
00:31:56,044 --> 00:31:57,263
A BAD DREAM.
794
00:31:57,306 --> 00:31:58,960
AND I BECAME
SOUR
795
00:31:59,004 --> 00:32:01,876
AS 3-MONTH OLD
CREAM.
796
00:32:03,486 --> 00:32:04,923
I GAVE UP
MY JOB.
797
00:32:04,966 --> 00:32:05,793
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
798
00:32:05,836 --> 00:32:07,664
AND I GAVE UP
MY FRIENDS.
799
00:32:07,708 --> 00:32:10,102
AND I TOLD MY
TRUE LOVE
800
00:32:10,145 --> 00:32:13,018
NOT TO SEE ME
AGAIN.
801
00:32:16,456 --> 00:32:18,980
Edison:
WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
802
00:32:19,024 --> 00:32:20,242
BECAUSE I WAS NOTHING.
803
00:32:20,286 --> 00:32:22,114
I WAS NOTHING, AND SHE
WAS A NATIONAL TREASURE.
804
00:32:22,157 --> 00:32:23,811
I PUT THAT WOMAN ON
A PEDESTAL.
805
00:32:23,854 --> 00:32:25,639
I MEAN, SHE WAS
ALREADY ON A PEDESTAL,
806
00:32:25,682 --> 00:32:26,727
BUT I PUT HER
807
00:32:26,770 --> 00:32:28,076
ON A FIGURATIVE PEDESTAL
808
00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:29,817
ON TOP OF THE LITERAL
PEDESTAL.
809
00:32:29,860 --> 00:32:32,341
AH! YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN.
810
00:32:32,385 --> 00:32:33,777
YOU'RE NOT NOTHING,
MURRAY.
811
00:32:33,821 --> 00:32:34,996
YOU PROVED THAT
YOU'RE NOT.
812
00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:37,172
WELL, THANK YOU FOR
GIVING THIS GRUMP
813
00:32:37,216 --> 00:32:38,260
ONE LAST SHOT.
814
00:32:38,304 --> 00:32:40,697
Narrator: MURRAY SMILED.
EDDIE SMILED.
815
00:32:40,741 --> 00:32:42,569
AND THE REINDEER
ALL SMILED.
816
00:32:42,612 --> 00:32:44,092
TONIGHT YOU
BROUGHT PRESENTS
817
00:32:44,136 --> 00:32:46,007
TO EVERY GOOD CHILD.
818
00:32:46,051 --> 00:32:48,923
WHAT ABOUT THE BAD KIDS?
WHO?
819
00:32:48,967 --> 00:32:51,056
WHY SHOULD WE STOP?
WE HAVE TIME. WE HAVE TOYS.
820
00:32:51,099 --> 00:32:54,059
WHY CAN'T WE BRING THEM
TO BAD GIRLS AND BOYS?
821
00:32:54,102 --> 00:32:55,190
NO.
822
00:32:55,234 --> 00:32:56,626
PLEASE.
NO.
823
00:32:56,670 --> 00:32:57,845
PLEASE?
NO!
824
00:32:57,888 --> 00:33:00,717
SO A KID MIGHT BE LAZY.
HE MIGHT BE A SLOB.
825
00:33:00,761 --> 00:33:02,023
HE DRIVES HIS FOLKS CRAZY.
826
00:33:02,067 --> 00:33:03,416
THAT'S KIND OF HIS JOB.
827
00:33:03,459 --> 00:33:05,200
Narrator:
ED HEARD WHAT HE SAID,
828
00:33:05,244 --> 00:33:06,332
AND HE COULDN'T RESIST.
829
00:33:06,375 --> 00:33:08,160
THEY BROUGHT TOYS
TO THE NAUGHTY,
830
00:33:08,203 --> 00:33:09,857
A VERY LONG LIST.
831
00:33:09,900 --> 00:33:12,381
SOME ICE SKATES FOR KATE, WHO
POURED GLUE ON MOM'S CHAIR,
832
00:33:12,425 --> 00:33:15,689
PUT TACKS IN DAD'S SLACKS, AND
THEN BELCHED THE LORD'S PRAYER.
833
00:33:15,732 --> 00:33:17,038
[KATE BURPS]
834
00:33:17,082 --> 00:33:18,953
A TOBOGGAN FOR OGDEN,
WHO PLAYED SICK FROM SCHOOL
835
00:33:18,997 --> 00:33:22,000
AND DROVE HIS DAD'S PONTIAC
INTO THE POOL.
836
00:33:22,043 --> 00:33:24,045
A DOLLY FOR MOLLY,
WHO JUST FOR A JOKE
837
00:33:24,089 --> 00:33:27,266
POPPED A BAG BEHIND GRANDPA
AND GAVE HIM A STROKE.
838
00:33:27,309 --> 00:33:28,615
[THUD]
839
00:33:28,658 --> 00:33:31,313
MURRAY BROUGHT PRESENTS
TO ALL BAD AND GOOD KIDS--
840
00:33:31,357 --> 00:33:33,054
THE WEIRD AND THE FEARED
841
00:33:33,098 --> 00:33:34,534
AND THE MISUNDERSTOOD KIDS
842
00:33:34,577 --> 00:33:37,145
AND NOT JUST TO CHRISTIANS,
HE BROUGHT GIFTS TO HINDUS,
843
00:33:37,189 --> 00:33:40,714
TO BUDDHISTS AND MUSLIMS,
TO FAT AND TO THIN JEWS.
844
00:33:40,757 --> 00:33:43,195
AND PEOPLE SAID CHRISTMAS
WAS NEVER SO PLEASANT
845
00:33:43,238 --> 00:33:48,200
AS THAT ONE SPECIAL YEAR
WHEN THE WORLD GOT A PRESENT.
846
00:33:52,769 --> 00:33:55,076
I'M AFRAID THERE'S
NO PRESENTS FOR US
847
00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:56,208
IN THE SACK.
848
00:33:56,251 --> 00:33:57,818
I COULD GIVE YOU
A HUG,
849
00:33:57,861 --> 00:33:59,950
AND YOU COULD
GIVE ME ONE BACK.
850
00:33:59,994 --> 00:34:01,169
OH, MAN!
851
00:34:01,213 --> 00:34:02,518
[ENGINE STARTS]
852
00:34:02,562 --> 00:34:04,346
Bender: FREEZE!
853
00:34:05,217 --> 00:34:07,262
DUDES CAN'T HUG
IN THIS TOWN?
854
00:34:07,306 --> 00:34:11,875
YOU'RE UNDER ARREST
FOR STEALING CHRISTMAS.
855
00:34:11,919 --> 00:34:13,616
[STAMMERS]
856
00:34:16,532 --> 00:34:18,578
OFFICER BENDER,
STINKY P.D.
857
00:34:18,621 --> 00:34:21,189
I'M SORRY, SIR.
I DON'T HAVE MY I.D.
858
00:34:21,233 --> 00:34:22,060
DRIVER'S LICENSE?
859
00:34:22,103 --> 00:34:23,931
I FORGOT IT.
PILOT'S LICENSE?
860
00:34:23,974 --> 00:34:26,107
NEVER GOT IT.
POETIC LICENSE?
861
00:34:26,151 --> 00:34:27,152
I, UH--WHAT?
862
00:34:27,195 --> 00:34:28,501
IF YOU DON'T HAVE
A POETIC LICENSE,
863
00:34:28,544 --> 00:34:30,068
STOP RHYMING.
ALL THE POETRY
864
00:34:30,111 --> 00:34:32,113
IN THIS TOWN DRIVES
ME CRAZY.
865
00:34:32,157 --> 00:34:33,593
IT TAKES ME 4 HOURS
TO DO PAPERWORK
866
00:34:33,636 --> 00:34:35,203
BECAUSE I CAN'T FIND
A RHYME
867
00:34:35,247 --> 00:34:36,813
FOR AGGRAVATED
ASSAULT.
868
00:34:36,857 --> 00:34:37,988
[SIGHS]
UGH. SO...
869
00:34:38,032 --> 00:34:40,730
YOU HAVE NO I.D.
ON YOU AT ALL.
870
00:34:40,774 --> 00:34:42,776
WAIT. I DO HAVE THIS.
871
00:34:42,819 --> 00:34:44,473
SEE? SEE?
872
00:34:44,517 --> 00:34:45,474
DROPPING TROU
873
00:34:45,518 --> 00:34:46,997
IN FRONT OF A POLICE
OFFICER, SON.
874
00:34:47,041 --> 00:34:48,216
YOU JUST GOT
YOURSELF
875
00:34:48,260 --> 00:34:49,870
IN A LOT MORE
TROUBLE.
876
00:34:49,913 --> 00:34:50,697
STOLEN SLEIGH.
877
00:34:50,740 --> 00:34:52,220
DRIVING WITHOUT
A LICENSE.
878
00:34:52,264 --> 00:34:54,179
NO CAR SEAT FOR
YOUR BABY.
879
00:34:54,222 --> 00:34:55,136
I'M NOT A BABY!
880
00:34:55,180 --> 00:34:56,833
AND WHAT HAPPENED
TO THE TOYS?
881
00:34:56,877 --> 00:35:00,272
THERE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE
BILLIONS OF TOYS IN HERE.
882
00:35:00,315 --> 00:35:02,056
WE GAVE THEM TO GOOD
GIRLS AND BOYS.
883
00:35:02,100 --> 00:35:04,580
AND A FEW REALLY
ROTTEN ONES.
884
00:35:04,624 --> 00:35:07,105
WAIT. NOW, HOLD IT.
WHAT'S THIS?
885
00:35:07,148 --> 00:35:09,150
TRYING TO HIDE ONE
FROM ME?
886
00:35:09,194 --> 00:35:10,978
Edison: I REALLY
WOULDN'T DO THAT.
887
00:35:11,021 --> 00:35:13,502
DON'T TELL ME
HOW TO DO MY JOB.
888
00:35:13,546 --> 00:35:14,721
I BEG YOU TO STOP!
889
00:35:14,764 --> 00:35:16,157
I BEG YOU TO SHUT UP.
890
00:35:16,201 --> 00:35:18,464
YEAH. LET THE MAN
DO HIS JOB.
891
00:35:18,507 --> 00:35:19,682
AAH!
892
00:35:19,726 --> 00:35:22,468
I WAS WRONG. THAT'S
A PRETTY GOOD INVENTION.
893
00:35:22,511 --> 00:35:23,991
THANK YOU, MURRAY.
894
00:35:24,034 --> 00:35:25,906
[CRACK]
895
00:35:27,037 --> 00:35:29,736
GLIBBLE?
896
00:35:33,261 --> 00:35:35,089
SO HOW DID
IT GO?
897
00:35:35,133 --> 00:35:37,918
I'M GLAD YOU ASKED.
898
00:35:37,961 --> 00:35:40,094
OY. NOT ANOTHER
MUSICAL NUMBER.
899
00:35:40,138 --> 00:35:42,836
DON'T WORRY.
IT'S THE FINALE.
900
00:35:42,879 --> 00:35:45,447
♪ WE BROUGHT THOSE PRESENTS
901
00:35:45,491 --> 00:35:46,927
♪ WE BROUGHT THOSE TOYS
902
00:35:46,970 --> 00:35:48,929
♪ WE BROUGHT
A MERRY CHRISTMAS ♪
903
00:35:48,972 --> 00:35:51,410
♪ TO ALL THE GIRLS
AND BOYS ♪
904
00:35:51,453 --> 00:35:53,107
AND SOME REAL
LITTLE STINKERS.
905
00:35:53,151 --> 00:35:54,848
♪ LET'S HEAR IT
FOR MURRAY! ♪
906
00:35:54,891 --> 00:35:56,154
Crowd: ♪ HIP, HIP, HOORAY
907
00:35:56,197 --> 00:35:59,418
♪ NOW IT'S TIME TO PLAY,
IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY ♪
908
00:35:59,461 --> 00:36:02,029
♪ OH, IT'S TIME
TO PLAY ♪
♪ WHY?
909
00:36:02,072 --> 00:36:03,422
♪ IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY
910
00:36:03,465 --> 00:36:04,597
THAT'S RIGHT.
911
00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:06,033
♪ OH, IT'S TIME
TO PLAY ♪
♪ ALREADY?
912
00:36:06,076 --> 00:36:07,730
♪ IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY--
913
00:36:07,774 --> 00:36:08,818
Groundhog:
WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!
914
00:36:08,862 --> 00:36:10,168
WHAT ABOUT
SANTA CLAUS?
915
00:36:10,211 --> 00:36:13,301
OH. I JUST CHECKED ON SANTA.
AND HE'S ON THE MEND.
916
00:36:13,345 --> 00:36:17,871
HE'S SPENDING CHRISTMAS
AT HOME WITH A FRIEND.
917
00:36:17,914 --> 00:36:20,917
I AM QUEEN
HANNA OF BANANALAND.
918
00:36:20,961 --> 00:36:24,834
NO! I AM QUEEN
HANNA OF BANANALAND.
919
00:36:24,878 --> 00:36:26,227
NO, I AM!
920
00:36:26,271 --> 00:36:27,750
NO, I AM.
921
00:36:27,794 --> 00:36:29,012
TAKE IT, ELVES!
922
00:36:29,056 --> 00:36:30,492
♪
♪
923
00:36:30,536 --> 00:36:31,667
Elves: ♪ OH, WE PLAY, PLAY
924
00:36:31,711 --> 00:36:32,973
♪ PLAY, PLAY, PLAY,
PLAY, PLAY ♪
925
00:36:33,016 --> 00:36:34,975
♪ PLAY, PLAY, PLAY,
PLAY, PLAY, PLAY ♪
926
00:36:35,018 --> 00:36:37,369
♪ OH, WE PLAY, PLAY, PLAY,
PLAY, PLAY, PLAY, PLAY ♪
927
00:36:37,412 --> 00:36:41,460
♪ PLAY, PLAY
ON CHRISTMAS DAY ♪
928
00:36:41,503 --> 00:36:43,201
WHOO-HOO!
YEAH! YEAH!
929
00:36:43,244 --> 00:36:44,289
WHEE!
930
00:36:44,332 --> 00:36:46,726
♪ IT'S TOO BAD SANTA
HURT HIS HEAD ♪
931
00:36:46,769 --> 00:36:47,857
♪ AND WE'RE
PRETTY HAPPY ♪
932
00:36:47,901 --> 00:36:49,076
♪ HE'S NOT
DEAD ♪
933
00:36:49,119 --> 00:36:50,904
♪ BUT AS LONG AS HE
934
00:36:50,947 --> 00:36:54,647
♪ IS STUCK IN BED
935
00:36:54,690 --> 00:36:56,910
Elves: ♪ LET'S PLAY,
PLAY, PLAY, PLAY, PLAY ♪
936
00:36:56,953 --> 00:36:58,999
♪ PLAY, PLAY, PLAY, PLAY
937
00:36:59,042 --> 00:37:01,044
EASTER BUNNY
IS IN THE HOUSE!
938
00:37:01,088 --> 00:37:02,045
♪ AH-HUH-HUH
939
00:37:02,089 --> 00:37:03,090
♪ CHRISTMAS WITH MY
HONEY BUNNY ♪
940
00:37:03,133 --> 00:37:04,352
♪ GOT TO SPEND SOME
MONEY-MONEY ♪
941
00:37:04,396 --> 00:37:06,311
♪ BABY, WON'T YOU
BUY ME BLING? ♪
942
00:37:06,354 --> 00:37:08,965
♪ BABY, HERE'S
AN 18-KARAT RING ♪
943
00:37:09,009 --> 00:37:10,315
♪ HA HA!
944
00:37:10,358 --> 00:37:11,794
All: ♪ HIP HOP
945
00:37:11,838 --> 00:37:13,013
YOUR TURN,
GROUNDHOG.
946
00:37:13,056 --> 00:37:13,927
OH, NO. NO, I--
947
00:37:13,970 --> 00:37:15,624
I CAN'T REALLY ENJOY
CHRISTMAS.
948
00:37:15,668 --> 00:37:17,365
I MEAN, THE WHOLE
TIME I'M THINKING,
949
00:37:17,409 --> 00:37:18,975
TOMORROW, CHRISTMAS
WILL BE OVER
950
00:37:19,019 --> 00:37:20,063
AND THEN FOR A MINUTE,
951
00:37:20,107 --> 00:37:23,241
SUDDENLY, CHRISTMAS
IS 364 DAYS AWAY,
952
00:37:23,284 --> 00:37:24,938
365 DURING A LEAP YEAR.
953
00:37:24,981 --> 00:37:29,377
AND WHAT? WHAT'S
EVERYBODY LOOKING AT?
954
00:37:30,030 --> 00:37:32,075
MY SHADOW!
955
00:37:32,685 --> 00:37:34,643
♪ I SAW MY SHADOW
956
00:37:34,687 --> 00:37:36,341
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS
957
00:37:36,384 --> 00:37:37,951
♪ ALL THIS SNOW IS
GONNA GO ♪
958
00:37:37,994 --> 00:37:40,910
♪ AND THINGS
ARE TURNING GREEN ♪
959
00:37:40,954 --> 00:37:42,390
♪ WINTER IS ENDING
960
00:37:42,434 --> 00:37:43,826
♪ AND SPRING'S ON THE WAY
961
00:37:43,870 --> 00:37:48,527
♪ BUT TILL THEN, ENJOY
THIS CHRISTMAS DAY ♪
962
00:37:48,570 --> 00:37:49,354
[CHEERING]
963
00:37:49,397 --> 00:37:51,660
OK! MURRAY,
BRING IT HOME!
964
00:37:51,704 --> 00:37:53,358
NO. I DON'T LIKE TO SING.
965
00:37:53,401 --> 00:37:54,881
COME ON. YOU CAN DO IT.
966
00:37:54,924 --> 00:37:56,839
NO, I CAN'T.
PLEASE?
967
00:37:56,883 --> 00:37:58,363
NO.
PLEASE?
PLEASE?
968
00:37:58,406 --> 00:38:00,016
NO.
Crowd: PLEASE?
969
00:38:00,060 --> 00:38:01,148
NO!PLEASE?
970
00:38:01,191 --> 00:38:03,716
I CAN'T SING,
I CAN'T SING. I CAN'T...
971
00:38:03,759 --> 00:38:07,894
♪ SING!
972
00:38:07,937 --> 00:38:09,330
[LENS BREAKS]
973
00:38:09,374 --> 00:38:12,246
WELL, MAYBE I CAN SING
A LITTLE.
974
00:38:13,203 --> 00:38:18,470
♪ MY LIFE WAS EMPTY
AND AT AN END ♪
975
00:38:18,513 --> 00:38:20,863
♪ I COULD MAKE
A SANDWICH ♪
976
00:38:20,907 --> 00:38:23,344
♪ BUT I COULDN'T
MAKE A FRIEND ♪
977
00:38:23,388 --> 00:38:25,955
♪ BUT THANKS
TO THIS GUY ♪
978
00:38:25,999 --> 00:38:28,044
♪ I'M FILLED WITH GLEE
979
00:38:28,088 --> 00:38:33,136
♪ HIS BEST INVENTION
WAS A WHOLE NEW ME ♪
980
00:38:33,180 --> 00:38:34,964
♪ NOW I'M HAPPY
AND GAY ♪
981
00:38:35,008 --> 00:38:37,750
♪ WHEN?
♪ ON CHRISTMAS DAY
982
00:38:37,793 --> 00:38:38,925
♪ YES, I'M EVER
SO GAY ♪
983
00:38:38,968 --> 00:38:41,623
♪ WHEN?
♪ ON CHRISTMAS DAY
984
00:38:41,667 --> 00:38:43,538
♪ I'M INCREDIBLY GAY
985
00:38:43,582 --> 00:38:45,888
♪ GAY AS THE MONTH
OF MAY ♪
986
00:38:45,932 --> 00:38:48,369
♪ GAY, GAY,
GAY, GAY ♪
987
00:38:48,413 --> 00:38:51,329
♪ I'M SO GAY
988
00:38:51,894 --> 00:38:54,375
♪ I DON'T MEAN
IN THAT WAY ♪
989
00:38:54,419 --> 00:38:55,985
♪ THAT WAY IS OK
990
00:38:56,029 --> 00:38:58,074
♪ WHAT I'M TRYING
TO SAY ♪
991
00:38:58,118 --> 00:39:00,076
♪ OH, FORGET IT,
OY, VEY! ♪
992
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:01,861
YOU WANT TO GET OUT
OF HERE?
993
00:39:01,904 --> 00:39:02,905
SURE. WHEN?
994
00:39:02,949 --> 00:39:05,081
ABOUT 10 MINUTES AGO.
995
00:39:09,738 --> 00:39:11,305
YOU.
996
00:39:12,045 --> 00:39:13,263
YOU LOOK GREAT.
997
00:39:13,307 --> 00:39:16,528
I HAD A BIG RESTORATION
BACK IN THE EIGHTIES.
998
00:39:16,571 --> 00:39:18,094
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HERE?
999
00:39:18,138 --> 00:39:20,009
I HEARD YOU SAVED
CHRISTMAS.
1000
00:39:20,053 --> 00:39:22,055
THAT'S THE MURRAY
I USED TO KNOW.
1001
00:39:22,098 --> 00:39:23,926
LIBBY, HOW COULD YOU
COME BACK TO ME
1002
00:39:23,970 --> 00:39:25,406
AFTER THE WAY
I TREATED YOU,
1003
00:39:25,450 --> 00:39:26,538
AFTER ALL THESE
YEARS?
1004
00:39:26,581 --> 00:39:31,978
MURRAY, NO ONE CAN
CARRY A TORCH LIKE ME.
1005
00:39:32,021 --> 00:39:33,109
MM!
1006
00:39:33,153 --> 00:39:34,154
I MISSED YOU.
1007
00:39:34,197 --> 00:39:36,548
[SCOFFS]
SURE. HER HE'LL HUG.
1008
00:39:36,591 --> 00:39:38,985
I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN YOU.
1009
00:39:39,028 --> 00:39:39,986
AHH.
1010
00:39:40,029 --> 00:39:42,945
ALL RIGHT. THAT'S
ENOUGH. ENOUGH!
1011
00:39:42,989 --> 00:39:44,773
ALL RIGHT. MAYBE
A LITTLE MORE.
1012
00:39:44,817 --> 00:39:45,687
[CRUNCH]
STOP!
1013
00:39:45,731 --> 00:39:48,298
STATUE OF LIBERTY,
EDISON ELF.
1014
00:39:48,342 --> 00:39:50,692
THE TWO OF YOU SAVED
MYSELF FROM MYSELF.
1015
00:39:50,736 --> 00:39:52,825
Statue of Liberty:
OH, PLEASED TO MEET YOU.
1016
00:39:52,868 --> 00:39:53,913
BIG FAN.
1017
00:39:53,956 --> 00:39:56,132
NOW, WHO WANTS TO GO
ON A SLEIGH RIDE?
1018
00:39:56,176 --> 00:39:58,613
ME!
ME! ME! ME!
1019
00:39:58,657 --> 00:40:00,441
Murray: ON, LIPSTICK
AND DIPSTICK.
1020
00:40:00,485 --> 00:40:02,138
ON, PIXIE
AND DIXIE.
1021
00:40:02,182 --> 00:40:03,618
ON, KRAMDEN
AND NORTON
1022
00:40:03,662 --> 00:40:05,490
AND ALICE
AND TRIXIE.
1023
00:40:05,533 --> 00:40:07,143
Narrator: AND I HEARD HIM
EXCLAIM
1024
00:40:07,187 --> 00:40:08,797
AS HE RODE OUT OF SIGHT...
1025
00:40:08,841 --> 00:40:11,104
Murray: MURRAY CHRISTMAS
TO ALL
1026
00:40:11,147 --> 00:40:13,889
AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!
1027
00:40:17,937 --> 00:40:20,766
Narrator: AND AS MURRAY WEINER
SAILED OFF IN THE SKY,
1028
00:40:20,809 --> 00:40:24,117
THE PEOPLE OF STINKY CIGARS
WAVED GOOD-BYE.
1029
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:25,292
AU REVOIR,
MON CHERI.
1030
00:40:25,335 --> 00:40:26,902
DON'T BE A STRANGER!
1031
00:40:26,946 --> 00:40:28,338
GRAZIE, MURRAY.
1032
00:40:28,382 --> 00:40:29,557
THANK YOU, LONE RANGER.
1033
00:40:29,601 --> 00:40:32,647
Narrator: EDISON ELF WOULD
GO ON TO GET WORK,
1034
00:40:32,691 --> 00:40:35,215
SELLING HIS STUFF ON
THE ELF SHOPPING NETWORK.
1035
00:40:35,258 --> 00:40:37,304
Edison on TV: MY LATEST
INVENTION GIVES DIAPERS
1036
00:40:37,347 --> 00:40:38,479
A VOICE.
1037
00:40:38,523 --> 00:40:40,133
IT TELLS YOU IT'S WET
1038
00:40:40,176 --> 00:40:41,569
WITH THE SONG
OF YOUR CHOICE.
1039
00:40:41,613 --> 00:40:45,704
Recording: ♪ SHOULD AULD
ACQUAINTANCE BE FORGOT... ♪
1040
00:40:45,747 --> 00:40:48,489
THAT IS AMAZING!
1041
00:40:48,533 --> 00:40:50,970
[HUMS]
1042
00:40:51,013 --> 00:40:53,973
Narrator: AND MURRAY WOULD
START EVERY DAY WITH A SMILE.
1043
00:40:54,016 --> 00:40:56,497
HE BECAME A NEW MAN.
WELL, AT LEAST FOR A WHILE.
1044
00:40:56,541 --> 00:40:59,195
WE'D LIKE TO SPLIT
A PASTRAMI SANDWICH.
1045
00:40:59,239 --> 00:41:00,196
WITH MAYONNAISE.
1046
00:41:00,240 --> 00:41:01,371
ON WHITE BREAD.
1047
00:41:01,415 --> 00:41:02,721
Lincoln: AND COULD YOU
CUT THE CRUSTS OFF?
1048
00:41:02,764 --> 00:41:05,506
Washington: AND WE GET
THE SENIOR CITIZEN DISCOUNT.
1049
00:41:05,550 --> 00:41:07,073
I HAVE A COUPON.
1050
00:41:07,116 --> 00:41:09,554
GET OUT!
1051
00:41:09,597 --> 00:41:11,991
[CHUCKLES]
MURRAY.
1052
00:41:12,034 --> 00:41:13,253
[HUMS]
1053
00:41:13,296 --> 00:41:15,777
AND SO ENDS OUR STORY.
THAT'S ALL THAT YOU GET.
1054
00:41:15,821 --> 00:41:17,344
Recording: ♪ SHOULD AULD
ACQUAINTANCE BE FORGOT... ♪
1055
00:41:17,387 --> 00:41:20,042
I'D LOVE TO SAY MORE,
BUT MY DIAPER'S WET.
1056
00:41:20,086 --> 00:41:22,480
HAPPY NEW YEAR, Y'ALL.
1057
00:41:39,453 --> 00:41:44,110
♪ ALLONS ENFANTS
DE LA PATRIE ♪
1058
00:41:44,153 --> 00:41:45,981
♪ LE JOUR DE GLOIRE
EST ARRIVE... ♪
1059
00:41:46,025 --> 00:41:47,896
[SNIFFLES]
1060
00:41:47,940 --> 00:41:52,510
All: ♪ AUX ARMES, CITOYENS
1061
00:41:52,553 --> 00:41:57,210
♪ FORMEZ VOS BATAILLONS...
1062
00:41:57,253 --> 00:41:58,254
SHUT UP.
SHUT UP!
70028
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof