Original subtitles

Hey, ladies...

Dallas is finally starting to cool down, y'all.

- That's why... - ♪ We're just a wish away

I had a strange premonition.

...show fueled by lattes.

Ed Sheeran's back on tour at the Dallas...

I want to hear about your worst friends. Call us...

♪ The queen passed out

♪ In her balcony when I came out ♪

♪ The king ordered his men ♪

♪ To close their eyes and say a prayer out loud ♪

♪ Scantily clad woman

♪ Scantily clad man

♪ Scantily clad woman

♪ Scantily clad man

♪ The pope fled at once

♪ When I walked upstage and had no shame ♪

♪ The knights went to war

♪ When I kissed her in that pink beret ♪

♪ Oh, what a big disgrace

Oh, fuck! My dick!

Ow!

♪ Scantily clad woman

♪ Scantily clad man

♪ Scantily clad woman

♪ Ooooh ooh ooh

♪ Skin clear, hair shiny

♪ Girls and gays like me

♪ Tap, I'm on your screen

Lunchtime, freaks.

Oh, my God, it's the Free Eden girls.

It's impossible to get a job there.

They're like mall royalty.

Here comes mother.

- The Fruits are so hot. - Isn't there a fourth one?

I heard she went crazy.

Cherry...

- Wait, don't they pay? - We don't charge the Fruits.

- Apple's a bitch. - She's so much more than that.

♪ I serve my Pop Girl Chic

I needmy shawarma. Gimme, gimme!

Thank you.

- Do you want some? - No.

- I heard she was a wrangler. - She waved at me once.

Oh, my God, I want to be her.

My cowgirl.

Her fits are pristine.

- You hungry? - What?

Oh, my God.

Want some ranch with that?

Look. Did you see them?

- Give me the goss, bitch. - Oh, my God.

- See you Wednesday. - Bye!

- I love Fig. She's my favorite. - Go!

God, I wish I was named after a fruit.

Colin, get real.

I want them to spit in my mouth.

God, they are so hot.

Bro, she doesn't even know you exist.

♪ The way that I am walking, it's my accessory ♪

Fig, hit 10K today.

Cherry, you get to help me unbox the new shipment.

I'm basically selling for two now,

so if I want to make manager...

Wait, are you preggy?

No! No, she's talking about--

Don't say her name. She does not work here anymore.

Obvi I'm not pregnant.

What if I had a boy and had to name him, like,

Bob or some shit?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Apple, you would make such a better manager than Sharon.

Yeah. Whatever it takes to get rid of Sharon.

Sharon.

I think gummy bears are making me high.

Yeah, you need a new addiction

like I need a tiny little bolero jacket.

Wait, what if we asked Sharon to hire someone new

to replace She Who Shall Not Be Named?

No, I do not need another cracked-out mini-me.

Yeah, we don't need anybody, Fig.

We're ride or die.

Oh!

We do not take the escalator in our skinny heels.

- I'm going pee. - Okay.

- Alone. 'Kay, bye. - Okay.

Hey, y'all.

Ooh! Free samples.

No!

Hey.

Um, I don't know what you do at these ren faires,

but, you know, here at the mall

we don't talk to the Sister Sweet's, Fig.

Um, actually, it's Sister Salt's.

Okay, okay, okay, okay! Shh, shh, shh, shh.

Put that back. Put that down. Put that down.

Yeah.

Okay, let's go.

- Bye. - No, don't wave at her!

- What? - She'll get the wrong idea.

And Apple says that

And Parmesan cheese?

And then I threw my hot coffee on his dick.

Wait, your coffee or your latte?

Latte. Stop. This is serious.

Oh, my God, I'm sorry. You're right.

My hot latte on his dick

'cause obviously I was not gonna let this man come.

Oh, my God, of course.

But you know what the most beautiful part is?

I got you an extra latte this morning.

I had the forethought to get you an extra latte.

It's like we're rebelling against the patriarchy together.

Cherry, you have to work on this compulsion you have

to make yourself the main character

in everyone else's story.

- It's exhausting. - Yeah.

This better be something I can sell the shit out of.

Hey, ladies. So, for you, that'll be 800.

Thank you.

And this three-piece is actually on sale for 2,500.

You're so lucky.

I know. It's great.

Ah, the receipts will be e-mailed to you.

Thank you.

Oh, my God. Hi!

Oh, these are so good.

Have you ever tried them all together at once?

It's, like, amazing.

Oh!

Glitter miniskirts.

The Hilary Duff collab is back.

Thank Goddess.

I'm such a Gordo.

No, you're a Miranda. Fig's a Gordo.

- What's your name again? - Pumpkin.

Dead-ass?

Dead-ass what?

Wait, is that like, a flavor or something?

No, it's my name.

I knew there was something special about you.

- You did? - Yeah.

Sorry, we just have a thing about Sister Salt's.

It's, like, bottom of the food chain.

Next to Keep Calm and Cookie On, you know what I mean?

Kind of invisible to us. Sorry.

It's okay. My job doesn't define me.

My hotness and my personality do.

And are you guys hiring?

Fig, have you hit 10K yet?

'Cause Cherry and I are up here working our fucking tits off.

We need you to pull your weight.

Love you, babe.

Copy, Apple.

Who's that?

Why don't you come back tomorrow,

but don't bring the pretzels, okay?

They're like poison here.

Actually, bring the pretzels,

but only bring the cinnamon ones.

Apple loves cinnamon. Naturally.

Thanks, Fig.

Thanks, Pumpkin.

Hey, Fruits.

So I know that we don't want to hire anyone else,

but I just met this supercute girl.

Her essence is so boho babe,

and she has a great personality.

She's a bit of a fixer-upper,

but I told her to come back tomorrow.

Okay, I got to go.

There's a woman down here wearing sweatpants

and going through a breakup.

It's a lot. Okay, bye.

Ohhhhhh!

Fuck!

I keep telling you your nails are a safety hazard.

But I like them so much.

Freshly baked pretzel?

I love cinnamon.

I heard.

Do I know you?

I don't think so. I just got here last week.

Are you looking for a job, babe?

Bright and early?

I have a job.

Do you like this job?

I get that dough.

Fig, get me an application.

Mm-hmm.

They look like little shits.

So how do you take your coffee?

I don't. It makes me vom. I drink tea.

Okay, we can work on that.

Do you ever feel alone sometimes?

I have a heart tattoo on my pinky.

Mm.

I think anybody with a tiny heart

tattooed on their body is deeply alone.

Mm-hmm.

I think I got it because my parents

couldn't afford to buy me American Girl dolls

when I was little.

I think I'd like to be a doll myself.

I'd like for someone to braid my hair.

Oh, my God!

So rude.

What's your name?

Pumpkin.

Yeah, I know. It's really Pumpkin.

We're all fruits here at Free Eden.

what are you up to tonight?

Uh, well, I was gonna go home

and make a chocolate cake with my mom.

But, like, what do you want to be up to tonight?

Attention, shoppers.

The Dallas Highland Place Mall is now closed.

Please make your way to the exit.

Burn it.

Come on.

So are you from Oklahoma?

Uh, what? No.

Oh, that's crazy,

because you were totally giving off

a scissor-tailed flycatcher vibe.

Happens all the time.

That's the state bird of Oklahoma.

Um, are we allowed to be in here?

Technically, no.

I know a lot about state birds.

No one really liked me in high school,

so I know a lot about state birds.

What's the state bird of Texas?

Holy shit. Uh...

Holy shit, I'm blanking on it. Oh, my God. Oh...

Are you from Texas? I'm just-- I'm from Plano.

Oh, yeah. I'm from Irving.

It's over by the Cowboys' stadium.

And then Apple is from Grapevine,

which is actually kind of close to you.

And then Cherry is from Highland Park.

Whoa.

Oh, don't worry. She's not rich.

After her whole family died, she didn't inherit anything.

Life insurance system is so broken,

you know what I mean?

- After her entire family died? - Well, yeah.

Apple and Cherry are part of an elite dead-dads club.

- Me too. - FOMO!

The northern mockingbird.

That's the state bird of Texas. The northern mockingbird.

I can't believe I forgot that one.

You ask a lot of questions, Pumpkin.

I like it.

Blow me.

Blow me.

I don't really smoke.

It's not smoking, it's praying.

You're a natural, babe.

Welcome to Paradise.

♪ Put on your hat, psychic cat ♪

♪ Tell us the news

♪ As we cruise

♪ Cru-u-u-u-u-ise

♪ Where do you go when we blow? ♪

♪ You look so fine

Of the tree. Winter.

Of the root. Summer.

Cherry's sober.

Okay.

Cool.

Okay, now you say where your fruit comes from

and the peak season.

So you would say, "Of the..."

"Bush. Spring."

Uh, okay. Of the... dirt.

And, uh, Halloween.

It's a vine. Pumpkins grow on vines.

I looked it up. I Googled it.

Just to make sure that it was actually also a fruit--

Cherry. You need to be more trusting.

That's another unattractive quality we have to work on.

Sorry.

I just couldn't pass up the opportunity

for a good background check.

Y'all, Halloween is in the fall.

- I know. - That's bananas.

We've finally completed the retail season.

Well, if we agree that a pumpkin is a fruit,

because some scientists believe that it's actually a vegetable.

I'm sorry, Cherry, do you actually fucking hate women?

- What? - I thought you were ride or die, babe.

I am. I am both ride and die.

Oh, so are you staying, or are you going?

Um...

Oh, my God. The retail cycle is complete.

This is cosmic.

Let's begin the induction.

Okay, I'm sorry, but what is freaking going on?

What do you mean, babes?

Is it-- Is it-- Is that blood?

Um, I just, um...

Is it weird that I'm confused right now?

- Yeah. - Mm-hmm.

Are you guys witches?

What is your definition of a witch?

Um... broomsticks and spells, I guess.

- And Nicole Kidman. - Yes.

I studied the occult, alchemy, astrology,

astral projection.

Where our consciousness can exist without our bodies.

Fig, has a degree in astrophysics.

I'm saving up for grad school.

Our magic isn't some witch-talk rip-off

fluffy-bunny bullshit.

To put it simply,

our magic is the mundane shit

you would have been executed for in Salem.

Being a witch is being a sister.

And we all need sisterhood to survive.

That's why I created Paradise.

You must follow three rules.

Rule one-- We follow the shine theory.

Shine theory states women illuminate

when they surround themselves with other women who shine,

and they don't do anything to dim their light.

Rule two-- the vindicar.

The demon that derives pleasure

from other people's pain and misery.

You must banish vindicars.

And most importantly, rule three--

We only text boys using emojis.

Right, Fig?

Well, Norman's not my boyfriend, so...

He better not be.

Goats milk, thigh gaps,

rose petals, bone caps,

truffle oil, bitch slap,

blood clots, juice press.

Hold my finger.

Slap me.

What?

Do it.

No.

Boo.

I really thought you--

Oh, my gosh, I'm-- I'm so sorry. I...

No worries, babe. That was the last ingredient.

Drink up.

Good girl.

Come with.

Welcome to confessional.

This is a safe space where we confess our sins

to the ultimate femme martyr.

You must address her by her stage name.

Which is?

Marilyn.

Monroe.

Duh.

No man could control her. Not even the president.

And we honor that sacrifice.

Am I supposed to look in the mirror?

Yeah, babe.

Uh, wait, but I just, I don't--

I don't have anything to confess, so...

I wouldn't be so sure about that.

Uh...

Marilyn.

Hello, Marilyn.

Well, I guess it's kind of cool to finally have

some female friends.

I just...

I don't know if I buy all of this.

The whole "girls supporting girls" thing.

Paradise.

The shine theory.

I mean, don't-- don't get me wrong.

I-- I wish it was real, but...

I guess sisterhood just doesn't come naturally to me.

And look, I-I tried to be the girl with the...

matching friendship tattoos and-- and the burning sage,

but, uh, it didn't really-- didn't really work.

All I was left with was, you know,

a weird heart on my knuckle

and a hamster with asthma.

That's... well.

I mean, maybe she's not a...

Maybe she could finally teach me how to...

Apple? Hello?

Are you all down here?

Oh.

What? No!

Bitches!

Fuck!

Hey, mom. Um, yeah. Sorry, I--

Yeah. I'm okay.

I'm having-- I'm having a slumber party tonight.

Yeah. It's her.

I don't know, but... I'm gonna find out.

Good morning, shoppers.

The mall stores will open in 30 minutes.

Power walking is hard.

Is she deceased?

Her latte is gonna get cold.

You smell that?

Yeah.

Smells like puppy's breath and cinnamon sticks.

Is someone wearing--

The Mojave body mist?

Yeah, I'm wearing it.

♪ Hair down, hoops on

♪ Bottoms up, pop the trunk

♪ Dirty shoes, cowhide rug

♪ You know we don't give a fuck ♪

♪ Said I wouldn't dare cross over ♪

♪ Watch me take this whole shit over ♪

You are so Andy Sachs right now.

I got you a pumpkin spice latte.

Coffee makes me vom.

Miranda Priestly would totally take you to Paris.

You might be ready for your trial shift.

I'm not already hired?

Oh, no, Sharon has to approve of you first.

- Who is Sharon? - The manager.

For now.

♪ Ride the boat, you might get booked ♪

♪ Pull you up by your bootstraps ♪

♪ Pull you up by your bootstraps ♪

♪ Pull you up by your bootstraps ♪

♪ Pull you up by your bootstraps ♪

- What did he look like? - He looked like a critter.

Oh, okay.

Perf.

You could take this one, Pumpkin.

Hi!

Um, anything I can help you with today?

Uh, what do girls like?

Uh...

Hey, Belinda, stop chasing Mackenzie.

Sorry, I'm a bit of a mess.

Oh, don't I know it?

I used to put my dad through all sorts of shenanigans,

but, you know, don't worry.

They'll always be daddy's little girls at heart.

I know I still am.

Um, so what-- what can I help you with?

- Uh-- - Hey, babe.

Oh. Hi.

Momfluencer.

- Yeah. - Oh, my God.

Do you have sand in your ass crack?

Because you are giving beach babe.

Where is your tan from?

Oh, we were just in Galveston.

But I'm not sure if it's big enough

because they want it to block both my face and my baby.

That is so thoughtful of you.

I honestly think if I had a kid, I would never think of them.

Oh, my God, what is her name?

Oh, it's a boy.

Sorry.

You just need a little fabric, sweetie.

Just a little.

Ooh!

Houdini over here.

Ah... ah?

- Oh. - Galveston.

Virgin Mary, holy being.

Are you a poet?

No, I'm a witch.

You conjure confidence here at Free Eden.

And, babe, this is just-- - You look amazing.

Gorge.

Wow.

Baby!

♪ Good luck, take it all

♪ I don't need it

Thank you!

Bye, girls!

Thank you so much.

He was so sweet.

Makes me really miss my dad.

What, because he bought them stuff, he's a good guy?

They probably caught him with his mistress or something.

It's called a payoff present. - You don't know that.

Men are two faced, Pumpkin.

Come on.

- What was that? - Nothing.

Code dill. I repeat, code dill.

Go upstairs. Don't engage.

- Do y'all know her? - Copy, code dill.

Vindicar.

Apple, in my office.

Yes. Reporting another incident.

Apple, this cannot happen again with the new girl.

It won't.

Let's go on a field trip.

You have so much potential, Pumpkin.

I see so much of myself in you.

You know, when I was a sales girl, not yet a saleswoman,

I had a knack for making something out of nothing.

Even when I was a tiny little Apple, I had a green thumb.

I made my own Paradise out of...

playgrounds, doll houses,

oversized Costco boxes.

Because I had to. - Had to what?

Survive.

Women who don't have a garden won't grow.

What did that one bitch say,

"a room of one's own"?

Virginia Woolf.

No, that doesn't sound right.

Anyways, we have to create spaces for ourselves.

Rip out the weeds.

Throw out the snakes.

There's always work to be done to protect your garden.

We can do it together.

- Are you looking to buy? - Yeah, if I can find it.

Look at what we already accomplished today.

When we met,

I felt this connection.

Like blood.

- You did? - Did you?

Which is why I'm happy to say...

...you're hired, babe.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Where the fuck is the pumpkin charm?

Thank you so much.

I could have used that about ten minutes ago.

Jane is the ultimate girl boss.

She really does it all.

I wish I could hold down that many jobs.

OMG, Pumpkin.

Jane Does Detective is my favorite.

Look at her little khaki trench!

You shouldn't have.

I mean, well, you needed a talisman

and she is the ultimate girlboss.

So true.

My talisman is Shirley Temple.

The, uh, dead child actress?

No, no. My 9-year-old Scottish fold.

It's the same kind of cat that Taylor Swift has.

A lot of people thought that she discovered Ed Sheeran,

but she didn't.

We should name her Marilyn.

Oh, no, no, no.

I think she should be part of the group.

You should do the honors of unpacking those.

Oh, Apple. I had dibs on the stilettos.

Oh, are you literally an infant?

- Well, no. - You can unbox these, babe.

Do you think Pumpkin is Apple's Mini-Me?

Why does she like her so much?

Keep your enemies close.

- Hi. - Hey.

- What are you guys doing? - Yeah, no, we're just--

I love your hair.

Happy winter solstice.

Fall is over.

Pumpkin has completed her retail cycle.

So, we celebrate her first month with us

and welcome...

the birth of the sun. - The birth of the sun.

♪ When you're lying here in my arms ♪

♪ I'm finding it hard to believe ♪

Open up.

♪ We're in heaven

♪ Now nothing can change what you mean to me ♪

♪ There's a lot that I could say ♪

♪ But just hold me now

♪ Because our love will light the way ♪

♪ Baby, you're all that I want

♪ When you're lying here in my arms ♪

♪ I'm finding it hard to believe ♪

♪ We're in heaven

- What did we take? - Sequins.

It's a placebo, babe.

This is just what Paradise feels like.

♪ ...there in your heart

♪ It isn't too hard to see

♪ We're in heaven

♪ We're in heaven

Hi.

- What is that? - It's my planner.

Oh.

Apple has me on a strict schedule.

- Mm. - You know, for, like, my mental health.

You know what?

On Wednesdays, I have therapy.

I need somebody to cover for me.

If you're lucky, that could be you.

So, um...

...Apple has a calendar for you?

That is kind of controlling.

Apple helped me get sober.

And not, like, sad sober.

Like fun, hot sober.

And she's helping me with a lot of--

You know what?

I shouldn't dump truck my issues on you.

We're working on that, too.

I have a really bad case of main character syndrome.

Guys, come dance with me.

Okay.

Confessional for you tonight, Fig.

What?

Cherry said you ditched her to meet Norman.

- No, I didn't. - Stop.

We have proof.

We had plans to walk wistfully

through the parking lot at sunset.

I had to walk wistfully by myself.

Okay.

♪ Isn't it time to drink your... ♪

Forgive me, Marilyn...

...for...

I want to build an Ikea couch with Norman.

I want to talk to him in words, not emojis.

It's my mother's dream come true.

She always wanted me to be a part of someone else's toolbox.

To be used and put away.

I watched my mother love someone entirely

and give up on herself.

I got piercings so I wouldn't give up on myself.

Got a physics degree so I wouldn't give up on myself.

I allowed myself to find peace and freedom in Paradise

so I wouldn't give up on myself.

And I still feel alone.

And then I met him.

And he complimented me on my music taste and my piercings.

And he told me that his name was Norman,

and, Marilyn, you know

that "Psycho" is my favorite movie.

He just wants me around.

But now I feel split in two.

And I am terrified

that I am going to get the same haircut as my mother.

Is she happy?

Whoa, I don't want to text that.

Well, I'm glad you changed.

Did you lock your car this time?

Um, where did I...

Yeah, I think so.

You parked right there.

- Bye. Good night. - Bye, Pumpkin.

- Bye! I love you. - I love you so much.

Oh! It is cold.

Bye.

Hi, Mom.

Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I missed your calls.

Yeah, I'll pick up Betty Crocker on the way home.

Yes. I'm being safe.

I don't know yet,

but I think I can crack the other two to find out.

- Wow. - She can ring you up right now.

- Yeah. - Okay. Yeah, sure.

Are you--

Don't you want to make the sale?

Oh, no. It's time for me to go.

Oh, right. Yes. Yeah. Therapy.

It's Wednesday. Have fun. - Yeah.

♪ Hey, how you doing, li'l mama? ♪

♪ Let me whisper in ya ear

♪ Tell ya something that ya might like to hear ♪

♪ Got a sexy ass body and your ass look soft ♪

Bye.

Oh! Wait.

I forgot something.

♪ And they say a closed mouth don't get fed ♪

♪ So, I don't mind askin' for head ♪

♪ You heard what I said

♪ We need to make our way to the bed ♪

Around my neck.

Therapy! - Okay.

♪ Toot it up, slapping ass, gurl the sex get rough ♪

♪ Switch position and let the dick get down to business ♪

♪ Just wait till you see my dick ♪

♪ Just wait till you see my dick ♪

♪ Wait till you see my dick, hey, bitch ♪

♪ Wait till you see my dick

♪ Wait till you see my dick, hey, bitch ♪

♪ Wait till you see my dick

♪ I'm gonna beat that pussy up

♪ Like bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam ♪

♪ Beat the pussy up, beat the pussy up ♪

♪ Beat the pussy up, beat the pussy up ♪

♪ Beat the pussy up, beat the pussy up ♪

♪ Beat the pussy up, beat the pussy up ♪

♪ You fine, but I ain't gon' sweat you ♪

♪ See, I wanna fuck, tell me what's up ♪

♪ Walk around the club with your thumb in your mouth ♪

♪ Put my dick in, take your thumb out ♪

♪ That might be a li'l kosher to deal wit ♪

My little gumdrop!

♪ Yeah, it's on like that

♪ But it depend on the swing of the baseball bat ♪

♪ Fuck the bitch on the counter and make the plates fall back ♪

I'm so excited.

Oh, leave us alone. Leave us alone. Bye! Bye!

♪ Wait till you see my dick

Keep going! Keep going!

Oh, Pumpkin! Pumpkin!

Cookie man, put me down!

What? Oh, fuck!

Hey. Hey, babe. Um, I just--

I wanted to make sure that you...

ate. - That's so sweet.

Um... I ate.

Shit. I, uh, I gotta go.

He's gotta go.

I bet I burnt the, uh, snickerdoodles.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Um, give me a sec.

Can you help me? My nails-- - Yes. Oh, my gosh.

- Nails. - Yeah.

I got you. - Oh.

Where's the craziest place you've ever had sex?

Um, I'm a virgin.

Really? - Yeah.

That's so adorable.

You know what? I've been thinking.

You should be my new Mini-Me. - Um, Mini-Me?

Yeah. We should get matching tattoos.

Look, please don't tell Apple about this.

Um, why?

Well, I just have enough unattractive qualities.

What, so, Apple doesn't like sex?

No, Apple doesn't like when I have sex on Wednesdays.

But you always have sex on Wednesdays.

What?

Well, isn't today Wednesday?

You know what?

Free pass if you're wearing Tuesday, right?

You know, the schedule is actually kind of nice

because, um, she's just trying to make sure I stay sober,

and I don't get dick-whipped.

Right, but what's wrong with dick?

I mean, she's like this with Fig, too, right?

Apple means well. She just...

She had bad experiences growing up with her dad.

You know, the way he treated her mom and her,

basically abandoned them.

It's not my story to tell...

but he sucks.

R.I.P...

R.I...something, not "P."

Are y'all stealing?

Because if you're stealing,

there's cameras around here, y'all.

No, we're not stealing.

Hey, listen.

I will not tell Apple, Cherry.

I mean, a Mini-Me wouldn't do that, right?

Pumpkin!

Okay, and I won't tell her that you're a virgin

because she also hates virgins.

Oh.

Okay.

- Hey. - Hello.

- Hi. - Hi.

Hey.

Oh, I, um...

Oh, my God, that's so nice.

- Yeah, I... - You're so sweet.

I don't know. I mean, okay, yeah.

Oh, my God, I have the best Mini-Me ever.

- Really? - Yes.

What are you reading?

Um, state birds, you know, just...

- Okay. - It's my...

Isn't that Fig's thing?

Well, you know, I want to get to know all of you,

but, I mean, I mean, okay, hold on.

Wait a second. There's some good stuff in here.

Thank you for covering me, Pum.

Hey, Sharon, can you cover me at the register for a sec?

I gotta go drop the kids off at the pool.

Okay. Thank you. Bye.

Hi.

Babe, you know, I love to dip.

Thumbs up emoji.

Oh, um, uh, bee emoji.

Boy and girl kissing emoji,

red heart emoji, and red question emoji?

Norman, no one's watching me here.

You can just verbally ask me what you want to ask me.

Would you be my girlfriend?

Huh? What do you think?

Yes.

- What? - I said yes.

She said yes, everyone!

And that's not even the best part.

How could it get any better?

I got us tickets to see Ed Sheeran.

- No! - Yes!

I just sent them to you.

What's up?

Wait.

I thought I left it at--

Spooky ringtone, babe.

What do you want?

I just came to bring you your phone.

I really can't lose--

It is very hard for me to make friends.

Just like the Great Horned Owl. - Really?

I feel like you're more of a rosy-faced lovebird.

Super social and kind.

You've learned about birds for me?

The northern mockingbird can sing

up to 200 different songs and sounds from other--

Insects and amphibians.

Okay.

Have you ever seen "Psycho"?

No. Ew. Hate horror movies. Bleh.

Okay, well, Norman was named after Norman Bates

because he's such a mama's boy.

Oh, that's so cute.

He's so loving.

He's my favorite boy in the whole wide world.

Pumpkin, please do not tell them and take that away from me.

Oh, no, that's not what I'm trying to do.

Cherry and Apple will not understand.

I think Cherry will understand.

She's fucking all of the food court

on Wednesdays. - What?

She's not allowed to have sex on Wednesdays.

Yeah, I just I don't understand all of these secrets.

And why are you so afraid of Apple?

We can't let history repeat itself.

Fig, you're not making any sense right now.

And we're in a little bit of a pickle here.

Oh, my God! So, you know her name?

What? Who?

Pickle isn't a fruit. Pickle isn't a fruit.

Pickle isn't a fruit. Pickle isn't a fruit.

Pickle isn't a fruit. Pickle isn't a fruit.

Pull yourself together, Fig.

What-- What happened?

Pickle was the perfect boho babe.

Sun-kissed blonde hair,

zero daddy issues

and effortlessly Gorgina George.

Apple immediately knew she'd found her Mini-Me.

It's a guttural feeling.

Kind of like finding a soulmate, you know?

- It's perfect. - - Okay. - Calm down.

They were as glued together as Pickle's glitter fake lashes.

We all loved her.

We were like the four elements, living in complete harmony.

But then...

then, Pickle met Ashton.

Ashton was Avril "Sk8r Boi" hot,

a wannabe bad boy. - Are you hungry?

And it rubbed off on Pickle.

She even started wearing mini UGG boots to rebel

against the Free Eden dress code.

It got nasty fast.

Apple was furious.

After Pickle skipped her third Paradise,

because obviously Ashton was more important,

Apple told us we were gonna try something fucking lit.

A hex. - Stop.

She didn't tell us against who, just that they deserved it.

What you have done to me,

let it rebound on you tenfold.

I curse your ugliness and cruelty.

I condemn you, snake.

I condemn you, snake.

I condemn you, snake.

I condemn you, snake.

Next thing we knew, Ashton was in a coma.

Like some "Grey's Anatomy" type shit.

They think someone at Free Eden poisoned him,

but no one knew who.

And Pickle, she lost it.

Okay, wait.

Poisoned?

With what?

Tyler! Oh, my God.

This is a private conversation. Get out!

Girl, I don't know. I'm not his next of kin.

All I can tell you is that the police got involved,

and Pickle was committed to a hospital.

- For how long? - A while.

And that's when corporate brought in Sharon.

Why?

I don't know, they thought that Free Eden

could become a toxic workplace or something

and they wanted someone to oversee us,

which we don't need

because we're obviously women supporting other women.

That's why Apple hates her, because she's not supporting us.

Not really, anyway.

I can't let anything happen to Norman.

What do you mean?

Whatever that hex was, what we did was dangerous, babe.

Mall's closed today!

Wait!

Wait, wait, wait.

Pickle?

Run.

- What happened to you? - She's dangerous.

She hurts the ones she loves.

She hurts the ones she loves.

She hurts the ones she loves.

She hurts the ones she loves.

No.

Sharon?

In the break room.

Hey, Sharon. Um, can I talk to you for a sec?

Yeah. Come on in.

I need to show you something.

What is it?

♪ I had a strange premonition

♪ You visit me in a vision

♪ Hands on my thighs and your eyes on my prize, Lord ♪

♪ Naught could deflect this collision ♪

Pumpkin, come to my office

15 before your shift ends today.

We need to talk about chino pants.

Don't tell the girls.

Sorry, Sharon. I, uh, folded them wrong.

Who taught you how to fold those?

Don't worry. I'll come with you on this one.

It's like the fourth time that she's called you in this week.

Yeah, she only ever calls in Apple

because Apple's always getting in trouble.

Yeah, I can talk to her alone. It's fine.

I will teach her how to fold the chino pants.

From now on, don't worry about Sharon, babe.

Come.

Chino pants are a very awkward length.

Hey, guys.

I talked to Sharon and everything's--

Change into this, babe.

You look like you've seen someone wearing white

after Labor Day.

A snake is attempting to enter our garden, ladies.

Sharon may be plotting to fire Pumpkin.

We must protect our crops by any means necessary.

Dude, come on.

Yeah, maybe we could just do some cute dark magic,

like... the spell for eternal dandruff.

- No. Stop fucking around. - I don't hate Sharon.

What are you even talking about, Pumpkin?

We don't know what Sharon is capable of.

She could destroy us.

And that is why we need to do this hex.

Sharon is a snake. She's always been a snake.

And you know how we handle snakes in our garden.

Like how you handled Ashton and Pickle?

What did you say?

Who told her?

Do we have another snake amongst us?

We all did that hex, including Pickle.

And we went into it agreeing

that whoever deserved the punishment would receive it.

Well, we can't do this.

Just be grateful it isn't Norman.

Fig.

You don't trust me, babe?

I thought I was your BFF.

You are.

What you have done to me,

let it rebound on you tenfold.

I curse your ugliness and cruelty.

Uh, hello?

I condemn you, snake.

- I condemn you, snake. - I condemn you, snake.

Babe, you have to join in order for it to work.

We're literally doing this for you.

I condemn you, snake.

Aah!

Hey, Pum. I got you some liquid courage.

How many times do I have to tell you I don't drink coffee?

Oh, girl, it's just a matcha latte.

I got you. - Oh.

Um, what are you still doing here?

Apple made us swear to stick around

for your talk with Sharon.

Why can't I do anything by myself?

Babe, we all just want to support you.

We're worried about you, you know?

Nooo!

Aaaaah!

Oh, my God.

Come on.

Aaah!

Um...

I think-- I think the hex backfired.

We never said Sharon's name in the spell, Apple.

What if it hit Pickle instead?

What if this is our fault?

Let's get out of here.

Apple.

Please don't fire Pumpkin.

What are you talking about?

What did you do to Pickle?

Why are you accusing me?

All I ever do around here is try to help people.

I am an empath, Sharon.

I am trying to make the world a better place.

Do you think you can make the world a better place

by getting rid of someone?

What are you talking about?

Are you going to tell corporate?

Tell corporate what?

- Do you feel bad? - What?

About Pickle. Do you feel bad?

Why would I feel bad? I didn't push her.

You didn't?

Did you?

It's all falling apart.

Not on my watch.

Forgive me, Marilyn, for I have sinned.

Some people in Highland Park think I'm dead.

I never corrected them.

You know, if your entire family dies in a fire,

I guess you sort of die, too.

I just miss the ones I loved that died in a house

that burned in two minutes

while I was fucking the prom king

in a donut shop parking lot.

You know, Shirley Temple found me there,

and she told me about the fire, but...

I don't really feel alive anymore.

Except when I'm with Apple.

Men definitely don't think I'm alive.

They just want to buy me with diamonds.

I think they think it's fun to fuck a ghost.

They don't care about me like Apple does.

Diamonds are a girl's best friend.

You said that.

Is Apple still my best friend?

I thought I could be her antidote.

That was foolish of me.

She will always be that cartoonish poison apple.

You know, Apple...

Apple has a story...

...that's really interesting.

You know, she poisoned her dad.

How much more interesting can you get?

Your call has been forwarded

to an automatic voice message system.

Good morning, shoppers.

Due to severe thunderstorm warnings,

some of our store hours may be affected.

Cherry, why is Shirley Temple here?

She's going to destroy the monochromatic yarn baskets.

Oh, well, Shirley Temple is my new Mini-Me.

- I'm allergic to cats. - Of course you are.

Everyone, please look at my icing by Ina.

Everyone please comment on my icing by Ina.

- Wow! - Oh, my God.

Icing by Ina.

- Wow. - Wow.

That looks really beautiful.

- I love cupcakes. - The box is nice.

I know yesterday was... wack,

but it's really not my fault because I googled it

and Mercury was in retrograde, so there you go.

Guys, I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.

Is it crazy that I walked here without an umbrella?

See? Mercury in retrograde.

No, bitch, it's tornado season.

Maybe the water could, like, wash away our sins.

What's Shirley Temple doing here?

Uh, Cherry is also having a nervous breakdown.

Pumpkin, I went on a hot girl jog this morning.

Could somebody having a nervous breakdown go on a jog?

Pumpkin, do you know how hard it is to get a cupcake

to look like a pumpkin?

But I got that done...

for you.

Guys?

I think we need to talk about Pickle.

Everyone, please eat your I by I, please.

Thank you.

Swallow your seed.

Sure.

Mmm!

That's very good.

Apple?

What the hell was in my I by I's?

What? What are you talking about?

Did you put something in--

Don't touch me.

- Um. I'm gonna walkie Sharon. - Don't you dare, Fig!

I'm sorry. Okay? I'm just a little freaked out.

First it was Pickle, and now this?

Dude, you know it's bad when the scientist is scared.

Yeah, Apple, could we sidebar for a quick second?

- Not right now. - It's actually a 9-1-1.

Hey, so, um, did you girlboss again?

What the freak are you talking about?

- You know, like, with your dad? - Stoptalking!

Okay, who did this?

I know it wasn't me. I know it wasn't

the Icing by Ina chick because I caught her

blowing the Keep Calm and Cookie On employee.

She's hooking up with him, too?

What do you mean by "too"?

So, I have the ultimate blackmail on her.

So, who did this?

Wait, where were you guys when Pickle jumped?

Where was Pumpkin?

I mean, she could have been the snake this whole time.

That's why she's over there running for mayor of Vomville.

You are so fucking ugly right now, Cherry.

I don't care how much Rare Beauty mascara you use.

Your insides are on fire,

and I can smell the smoke.

Emergency Paradise tonight.

- What?! - No excuses.

Remember, we did this hex to eliminate the snake.

We will find out who they are.

♪ Something's burning deep within my love ♪

♪ Something's burning deep within... ♪

Congrats on grad school, baby boo.

I'm sorry. Um, sorry,

I just-- I don't want them knowing

what's going on in my life right now, you know?

Um, oh, uh, don't come to Free Eden tonight, okay?

I'm gonna meet you at Ed Sheeran.

Copy, Apple. I'm running upstairs.

♪ I feel you safe in my arms

♪ Sleeping deep and deep and deeper ♪

♪ No one fuck with my love 'cause i'm capable of murder ♪

It's not safe here.

♪ Something's burning deep within my love ♪

♪ Something's burning deep within my love ♪

As we all know,

Marilyn Monroe was murdered by the United States government

on August 4th, 1962.

After her love affair with our John F. Kennedy,

she knew too much.

They underestimated her due to her beauty

and her perfectly placed mole.

She needed to be eliminated.

The feminine sacrifice.

Open this. - Oh, yes.

We cannot let her death be in vain.

Oh, I'm sorry I couldn't get it with my--

So, our question remains.

Who is our JFK?

Is it you, Fig?

Are you our John F. Kennedy?

Is it you, Cherry?

Are you our handsome president?

The ultimate traitor?

Somebody fucking say something!

Fine.

I didn't want it to come to this.

But in order for the truth to be revealed,

for Marilyn to truly speak to us,

we must do a sacrifice.

It is the only way to save Paradise.

We must offer up...

...Shirley Temple.

- Apple! - What the fuck?

You know she's all I have left.

Have you ever killed something before, Apple?

Do I just mean nothing to you?

No, no, it's just she's my family.

Enough!

Enough!

I am so fucking done with this coven.

Is this a coven?

I only took this job

because I wanted to wear floral lingerie

as a summer dress,

and because I was trying to save money

so that I could submit applications for grad school.

But guess what, mother fuckers, I got in.

I'm done.

This shit has been killing me.

Yeah, but you don't have to leave

because you're not the snake.

You're not John F. Kennedy.

Apple,

I'm the one who told Pumpkin about Pickle.

And I'm glad that I did, because look at what happened.

Why won't anybody talk about what happened?

She died.

I washed her brain matter out of my fishnets.

You can't leave!

If you leave, we can't finish the retail season cycle.

Cherry, you are a lip gloss shell.

Can't you see that she is poison?

Emily.

Norman, what are you doing here?

I told you I would meet you at Ed.

You said you weren't safe. I came to see you.

What's going on? - Fig!

Why is he calling you... Emily?

Yeah, is your name fucking Emily?

Yes, my name is Emily.

My name is fucking Emily.

It is mind boggling to me

that you are all named after quirky fruit.

I mean, who in the fresh hell names their baby Fig?

- Is this a cult? - Hi.

I am in love with Norman,

and I want to speak to him in words, not emojis.

Apple, he's the snake.

Take me to Ed Sheeran, baby.

He's the snake!

Nice to meet you.

Norman!

Uh... uh...

I tripped.

I tripped!

I...I...

Okay, well, surely we don't have to sacrifice Shirley anymore.

So, I am-- oh, Fig!

Fig, I feel like this is ending! I don't want this to end!

I don't care if your name is Emily.

What did you do?

Fuuuuck!

Fuck! Fuck!

You're fine.

Sorry you had to see me like that, Marilyn.

Is this...

recording?

Pumpkin, I need to talk to you.

Fig! Emily!

Oh!

Apple, what happened to your robe?

It's deceased.

What was that?

- Oh, my God. - What?

Tornado warning in Dallas County.

- There's a tornado warning? - Yes, in effect all night.

- Oh! - What are you doing?

Well, Shirley Temple gets triggered by natural disasters.

Fire, air, water. Pretty much all the elements.

I should go get her. - Leave the cat.

What are you doing? - I'm calling my mom.

Cellphone towers go down around here when tornadoes hit,

electricity might, too.

Did you know that this was a camera?

It doesn't say it's gonna be bad, right?

Cherry, Pumpkin and I need to talk.

No, no, no, I need to go home because my mom is alone

and we have a closet we hide in during tornadoes.

- And leave us both for dead? - She doesn't have a home.

She lives in her car. - Enough!

That's the sound of the storm gates closing,

so you won't be able to get out.

No, no, I am gonna find one,

and I'll come back for y'all, okay?

I promise. I promise.

Loosey fucking goosey with those lips lately, Cherry.

What the fuck is your problem?

I was just going to get--

Are you mad at me? - Yeah.

You stabbed Norman in the cheek with a meat cleaver, so...

I tripped.

Tripped?

It is so fucking exhausting

to keep track of the way you manipulate narratives.

Are you the main character, or are you the fucking victim?

Do you not believe me?

No!

Aah!

Fuck!

I love you, Normaaaaaaaan!

Fig...

Fig, can you hear me?

Norman broke up with me.

Fig, we're trapped. The mall is on lockdown.

Oh, Pum, you're in crisis, too, babe?

Are you okay?

No. Call 9-1-1.

Okay, okay. I'm coming.

Don't!

Call 9-1-1.

Um, in the employee manual,

there were emergency tunnels, Pum.

Just be cool. I'm coming, I'm coming.

Are we still best friends?

You know, I don't believe in hierarchy

in female relationships.

You didn't answer the question.

What is the first rule of Paradise?

- Shine theory. - You broke it.

You dimmed my fucking glow, girl.

You dimmed all of our glows.

You ruined Paradise.

It's over.

You just had to fucking self-destruct.

It was inevitable.

Such a fucking unattractive quality.

You killed your dad, Apple!

So what?

At least I'm not fucking boring.

You're the snake, Apple.

You never helped me for me.

You helped me for you.

I never had a drinking problem.

Hiding mini bottles of tequila

under cowboy hats is a fucking problem.

It was gin.

And this is Texas. What else is there to do?

You know what's the saddest thing about you, Apple?

You're alone.

You're so alone, you're like-- like the depths of the ocean.

Like those deep, dark places

where only those glow-in-the-dark,

creepy creatures live.

I'm alone because my family died.

But you... choose to be.

You know nothing about my family.

I do.

And I feel sorry for you.

Why do you hurt the people that love you the most?

You can't trust the people who say they love you the most.

That's the most fucked up thing I've ever heard.

Well...

since we're not best friends anymore,

I guess I can be who I really am.

Boring.

And boring people aren't very good at keeping secrets,

are they?

Don't.

Don't?

The world deserves to know who you really are, Apple.

Hey!

What the fuck?

Are you high?

Cherry, stop running. I just want to talk.

Apple, my shoe's caught!

Apple!

My nails! They're too long!

Cherry!

Fig! I mean Emily!

I can't open it. It's stuck.

- Cherry, grab my hand! - No, no.

Fig! Fig!

Hey, guys, what--

No!

I'm okay!

I just tripped!

Noooo!

Aaah!

Pumpkin, go find the breaker!

Apple, if you don't do anything,

I'm gonna tell everyone you did it.

Here!

Am I the main character now?

Apple!

Aaaaah!

Aaaah! Cherry!

Guys, I couldn't find the breaker!

Pumpkin! Pumpkin! Run!

She's gonna kill us!

Fig?

Oh! That was close.

Come on, come on, come on, Pum, we have to go.

Fig...

Aaaaah!

Oh, my God!

Let's go wash off.

Come on in, Pum, the water feels nice.

Uh, grab us a penny to make a wish.

Cute.

Oh, I thought I found one.

But it was just a nickel. - Right.

If I had a nickel for every nickel...

Pumpkin, what are you doing?

Nothing.

Hey.

I got you.

I think it was always meant to be the two of us.

The others were just background noise.

Together, we can create something new.

A new Paradise?

Exactly, a new garden.

But this time, it will be unbreakable.

Do you know who I am, Apple?

You finally asked.

You're Pumpkin from Plano.

Daughter to...

...a widowed, overbearing mother.

You're always searching for a missing puzzle piece.

You're always looking for a sister to braid your hair.

Funny timing that I learned I had one

right before our dad died.

You didn't know about me?

I've known about you since I was a kid.

I didn't know about you as a kid.

They didn't tell me about you till last year.

I thought my dad was too kind to have a mistress.

My mother was his wife.

So was mine.

It's not our fault they married a monster.

A monster?

Dad was my best friend.

- We should get out. - Did you do it?

It's not about what I did.

It's about what he did.

To me, to my mother, to you.

He didn't do anything to me. He loved me.

He lovedyou?

He lied to you.

What kind of a man leaves one family to starve

while the other gets a fucking Thanksgiving feast?

That is the most clever kind of cruelty.

Because it's the kind no one would even fucking suspect.

He abandoned me, Pumpkin.

He was a bad man.

I have given you everything, sister.

Why won't you choose me?

Because I don't know you!

And I've been trying to figure it out for months.

But Paradise isn't real, Apple.

So, just tell me.

Who are you?

Sister to sister.

Oh, my God.

You're the snake.

- What? What? - Sister to sister?

You've been spying on me, cuntess.

You set me up.

My cupcake didn't make you fucking sick.

You took a sip of my latte.

Coffee makes you vom.

Snake.

Just admit what you did to Dad!

Please, please, just tell me. For me, I need to know, Apple.

You did this to yourself, Pumpkin.

You want destruction, and you crave chaos.

I'm horrific, but you're a fucking tornado.

And none of this would have happened if you hadn't shown up.

Well, you're a terrible fucking friend

and an even worse sister.

You're just fucking like them!

You know what, I am.

And I am nothing like you.

Pumpkin...

Apple?

Daddy's little girl?

Daddy's little angel?

He poisoned me first.

A childhood full of his venom and a slow fucking death.

Mom?

Mom?

Why won't you just let me protect you?

Why do you hate me for saving you?

Snake poison was how I needed to kill him.

I needed to kill him. I needed to kill him.

I needed to kill him.

And you're just like him.

No, you're just like her.

And you're abandoning me for eliminating a monster.

How could she not see? How could she not see me?

I am the antidote.

I am Eve.

I am... reborn.

Forgive me, Marilyn, for I have sinned.

♪ Let me show you

♪ What I'm made of ♪

♪ Good intentions

♪ Are not enough

♪ To get me through today

♪ And this life

After a brutal tornado season for the South,

a storm struck down at many points in the Dallas Metroplex.

At the Highland Place Mall, the tornado hit its peak,

leaving many of the stores destroyed.

Okay, pumpkin spice latte for-- Oh.

...for any known survivors continues.

Do you want whipped cream with that, ma'am?

Abso-fucking-lutely I do.

♪ At night

♪ In this life

Bluebonnet, your Tutti Fruity dragon fruit drink.

For Chrysanthemum, passion fruit lemonade.

Caramel black tea.

Oh, your cake pop.

Thanks.

I'm such a grump when I don't have my cream dream cake pop.

Oh, my God, babe.

I'm completely obsessed with your bracelet.

Flowers.

Look at this.

Are you looking for a job, babe?

♪ Could be insecure

♪ So you wanna fix me

♪ Madonna or whore

♪ If you want, I could be - Come on.

♪ Jesus Christ in a miniskirt

♪ And you'd still want her

♪ I could be your femme fatale

♪ Or damsel devotee

♪ Lose myself

♪ If you want, I could be

♪ Jesus Christ in a miniskirt

♪ And you'd still want her

♪ I, I wanna kill your dad

♪ I, I, I, I wanna kiss your neck ♪

♪ I, I, I, I wanna fill your bed ♪

♪ I, I, I wanna be yours instead ♪

♪ I, I, I, I wanna

♪ I could be just like her

♪ Everything you always wish I were ♪

♪ Flawlessly faultless

♪ She's Jesus Christ

Check the north side.

Ma'am, you can't be here.

Ma'am? Ooh!

Sharon Sullivan, Dallas PD Homicide Unit.

I've been here all day.

I didn't think she'd kill her own sister.

Wait, what?

Oh, I've been undercover on this case for months.

Apple is a suspect in two poisoning cases.

Isn't that right, Shirley girl?

Do you have any idea what the hell happened here?

Well, Pumpkin was spying on her sister,

but I never thought that...

Jane.

What the fuck is she doing?

Look, look.

These have cameras in the binoculars.

Forensics, is that the victim's phone?

Thank you.

Oh, oh, come on.

It's connected.

We're gonna need backup. I think we got her.

- Do we know where she is? - I can't say for certain,

but I have a pretty fucking good idea where to start.