All language subtitles for 2-19

So, Phil recruited me
to sell these cards,

and now I am recruiting you.

Who is this guy again?
Don't worry about Phil.

He drives a corvette.
He's doing just fine.

Okay. Calling cards
are the wave of the future.

These things sell themselves.
Who uses calling cards anymore?

You know what?
That's a nice attitude, Ryan.

I'm just helping you invest
in your future, my friend.

It sounds like
a get-rich-quick scheme.

Yes, thank you. You will
get rich quick. We all will.

Didn't you lose a lot of money
on that other investment,

that one from the e-mail?

You know what, Toby? When the
son of the deposed king of Nigeria

e-mails you directly
asking for help, you help.

His father ran
the freaking country, okay?

All right, so raise your hand
if you wanna get rich.

All right. No.

How is this not
a pyramid scheme?

All right,
let me explain, again.

Michael: Phil has
recruited me and another guy.

Now we are getting
three people each.

The more people that get involved,
the more people who are investing,

the more money we're all gonna
make. It's not a pyramid scheme.

It is a... it's not even
a scheme, per se. It's...

I have to go make a call.

Happy birthday, Michael. What?

I said, "happy birthday."

Thank you. That's really nice.

Today is my b-day.

And people around here
just go crazy for it.

I don't know why.

Oh, fun fact.

I share my birthday
with Eva longoria.

So, lhave a perfect icebreaker
if I ever meet Teri hatcher.

You excited?

Everybody freaking out?

Cool. It's gonna be fun.
You're late. Thank you, it's noon.

But, I forgive you. Because
doth, it is my birthday.

What's up? Jim: Hi.

Oh, happybnthday thank you, §n

Jim: Michael's birthday.

It's pretty fun to watch,
actually.

He gets very excited and
then he eats alotofcake.

And then he runs
around the office.

And then he has a sugar crash in
the afternoon. And then he falls asleep.

And that's when
we get our work done.

Did you hear anything yet? No.

I'm still waiting.

Yeah. Yes.

There he is, the
birthday boy. Oh, god.

Birthday hug. No, no,
no, no. New suit. Please.

That suit is amazing.
Thank you very much.

It is from Italy.

Actually, Bulgaria. So...

Maybe I should get one.

Good luck. One-of-a-kind.

EBay.

Question: May I be in charge
of the party planning festivities?

Not necessary. The party
planning committee is all over it.

They've been working 24/7,
all day, yesterday.

Excellent. On my part,
I did manage to reserve the...

Don't! No. Please. Don't
want to spoil it for anybody.

Don't spoil the surprise.

Let's get the party started.
Let's get the party started.

Not the way I taught you.

When should we bring
out the cake, 1:00 or 1:30?

1:00 is good. 1:30.

I'm sorry, are we boring you?

Party planning committee,
listen up.

Michael would like trick
candles for his birthday cake,

so make that a priority.

Where do we get those?
Not my problem.

Here's a list of things that Michael
would like to be surprised by.

Michael wants a stripper gram?

Yes, but he doesn't want
to know when or whom.

No.
This is a closed-door meeting.

Yeah. Pam: Michael,
I have jan on the line.

Oh, great, put her through.
Okay.

Jan: Hello, Michael? Hey, you.

I'm returning your call.
You said it was urgent.

It is urgent. I just wanted to call
and wish you a happy birthday.

Well, today's
not my birthday. So...

Really?

'Cause I thought we had
the same birthday.

Happy birthday, Michael. Thanks.

Nope. Am I on camera?

Totally private. You can
say whatever is in your heart.

You can take a five if you want.

Somebody brought in donuts
for my birthday.

Happy birthday. Thanks.

Man, I'm so sorry.
When do you find out?

They said this afternoon. They're
waiting on a second opinion.

Oh, okay.
Second opinion on what?

I might have skin cancer.
Oh, no.

I was watching Grey's Anatomy
and there was a lifeguard on it,

and he had skin cancer, too.

Kelly, you know what...

Ineverreahy thought about
death until Princess Diana died.

That was the saddest
funeral ever.

That and my sister's.

Who brought in donuts?
Somebody got donuts for my birthday.

Happy birthday. You didn't
know it was my birthday?

I guess I forgot.

Well, I guess I forgot
to give you a donut.

Are you serious?

Skin cancer is treatable. Right.

It's gonna be okay.

You don't know it's going to be
okay. Don't give him false hope.

It's probably nothing though.

Delivery for Michael Scott.

Michael: Here we go.

Okay, this is great.

Thank you, my friends.
She is perfect.

Dwight, may I have your chair,
please?

And some singles if you will?

All right.

Okay.

All right.

This has arms. Is that
gonna be a... is that all right?

Sure.

Okay.

I'm so nervous.

I can sign for it. Oh, thanks.

When I was seven,

my mother hired
a pony and a cart

to come to my house
for all the kids.

And I got a really bad rash
from the pony.

And all the kids got to ride
the pony and I had to go inside.

And my mother was rubbing
cream on me for probably three hours

and I never came outside.

And by the time I got out, the
pony was already in the truck

and around the corner.

So that was my worst birthday.

Stop it! Stop! What is that?

It's for the longest time
byvvhhanijoel yeah.

It's your favorite song.
Yeah, when it's on the radio.

My birthday blows.

Nobody even signed
my birthday poster.

Apparently, my mother is the only one
who cares enough to send me anything.

I probably care more than she
does. You're making it worse.

I bet Luke Perry's friends
don't treat him like this.

When does he hear?
Sometime today.

Poor Kevin.

If I knew I had a week to live,
I would probably go to Europe.

And South America.

And the Grand Canyon.

And I would want to see
the pacific ocean.

Itwould be a pretty busy week.

That's a list price of $4.50.

Unfortunately, this item is on back-order.

Michael! Michael!
Michael! Michael! Michael!

Come here, come here,
come here, come here.

What? What? Listen up, everyone.

It is 11:23 exactly.

The exact moment when you emerged
from your mother's vaginal canal.

So, huh?

Right, have a seat please.
Oh, god.

There is a tradition
that the hebrews have

of hoisting the birthday
boy up on a chair. Oh, no.

So come over and help me
celebrate Michael's birth moment.

Kewn! Oh, no, no, no!

I'll do it. Ryan, come on.

Dwight: Creed. Let's do this.

Dwight: Come on, Stanley,
let's go!

I feel like we should go
get Kevin something.

Do you think we can
sneak out of here? Maybe,

but we're gonna need somebody
to create a diversion and...

Dwight: On three, we're gonna
hoist away. Ready?

Okay. Happybndnnoment
Michael. Thank you.

One! Two! Three!

Whoa, whoa! Cut... all
right, all right, watch it please.

Dwight: Oscar. It wasn't me.

Okay, that is not an 8-foot sub.

We don't make an 8-foot sub.
This is eight 1-foot subs.

All right, what's the damage?
$39.60.

$39.

Sixty.

Why tip someone for a job
I'm capable of doing myself?

I can deliver food,
I can drive a taxi,

I can and do cut my own hair.

I did, however,
tip my urologist.

Because I am unable to
pulverize my own kidney stones.

Here they come. Get in here.

Come and get it. Everybody,
birthday party subs.

My gift to you.
Oscar: What is this?

Baloney, tomato and ketchup.
The best.

These are all the same. Yes.

Baloney? I don't eat baloney.

Well, then just have the tomato
and ketchup. It's still good.

Just the bread.
It's fresh-baked. No.

Okay.

Get whatever you want.
And choke on it.

When I was 16,

I was supposed
to go out on a date

with a girl named Julie.

But there was another Michael
in the class

that she apparently thought
the date was with.

So she went out with him
on my birthday.

And she got him a cake
at the restaurant,

and itwasn't even his birthday.

But I heard about it
the next day in school.

So, that was the worst
birthday I think I ever had.

So, we got kev some stuff.

Party pack of M&M's,
his favorite candy.

A DVD of American pie 2,
which is his favorite movie.

And he lent it to creed,

so I can guarantee you
he won't get that back.

Sixty-nine cup of noodles.

Which we realize sounds crass,
but it is his favorite number.

And his favorite lunch.

Hey, temp, you know we still
got five feet of sandwich left.

Someone ate three feet
ofthatflflng? Hell, yeah.

Saveroom for ice
cream cake. Thank you.

Wait. Oh, I got it.

Itsthe party planning committee.

This is the most
important day of the year.

I can't risk anything.

Fine.

What about that meeting later

to discuss finances?

Yes.

But don't expect any cookie.

Butwhat if I'm hungry?

No cookie.

What?

You use fabric softener?
Yeah. You don't?

No, I do.

Okay.

All: Happy birthday

dear Michael

Happy birthday

to you

hello. Hey.

Kevin, respect
the birthday, please?

No. No, not yet.

I will. Goodbye.

It was just Daisy.
Michael: Are you done?

Good.

Okay. I'm gonna...
Here we go. Make a wish.

Blow out the candles. Okay.

Yeah!

I asked for trick candles.

Pam was supposed to
get them. Sorry. Okay. Well,

when she comes back
we'll do it again.

Hello? What about
the birthday boy?

Haven't had a hug all day.

No one cares
about your birthday.

Kevin's waiting to hear
if he has skin cancer.

Oh, that sucks! Great.

Wow, that's good timing.

Thats_.

Sorry, that's terrible.
Terrible news.

That's terrible news
for both of us.

We should probably head back.
Yeah, okay.

Oh, I dare you
to make an announcement.

You dare me? How old are you?

Justquit stalling.

Luke, this is your father.

Come set the table for dinner.

Such a dork.

Jim Halpert, price check
on fabric softener.

The kind with the cute...
Ma'am, please don't touch that.

That is not a toy.
Oh, I'm sorry.

Sorry.

How old are you? I hate you.

Honestly, is there any way you
can get on your fiancée's plan?

Our health plan is terrible.

Here you are. Good news.
Did some research.

It turns out that 98% of people
with skin cancer fully recover.

It's still scary.

Yeah, but it's not brain cancer,

and it shouldn't stop us
from having fun.

You know what they say
the best medicine is?

Well the doctor said a combination
of interferon and dacarbazine.

And laughter also.

I don't really think people
are in the laughing mood.

Why are you here?

I didn't even invite you
to my birthday party.

I work here. "I work here."

All right. Well, you know what? Since
Toby doesn't speak for everybody,

and I am your boss, I think
you should just go home.

Take the rest of the
afternoon off. Take a sick day.

If I go home now,
I'll just drive myself crazy.

Well, you're pretty much
driving everybody else here crazy.

Crazy with worry.

Where have you been?

And don't say the bathroom,
because I kicked in all the stalls.

Well, that's an invasion of
privacy, so I'm gonna tell Michael.

Please, don't.

You owe me.

Excuse me, everyone.

Attention, please.

Kevin, we're gonna take you
to a very special place,

a place that will
make you happy,

and a place that is far,
far away from the evil sun.

Is this trip in any way
related to your birthday?

How dare you, sir.
You are gross.

That should not be there.

I'll get someone to take it down.
No, it's all right. It's already up.

Just leave it. Where's Kevin?

Come on, let's get our skate on!

Don't be scared. You're
good. You're good.

Jim: Iwanna go...

Think you can let go?

Okay.

Yeah! Who's that?

Was that Michael?

Yeah, I've been pretty much
skating my whole life.

I thought about playing in the
NHL, but you're on the road so much.

You get no time to spend
with your wife and kids.

And I really want
a wife and kids.

I got it.

Hey, Pam.
All the stuff with Kevin

is pretty scary.

And I'm thinking that next
time you're in the shower,

you should check yourself out.
You know, give yourself an exam.

Those things
are like ticking time-bags.

All right? Think about it.

It's something to think about.

I just can't relax about it,
you know? Michael: Kevin!

You heard anything yet?
No, not yet.

Okay. Well, live strong.

Okay, Michael. All right.

Carol: Michael? Yeah.

Yeah. Carol?

She sold me my condo.

Hey, what, is this place
on the market or...

No, I don't just
sell real estate.

My daughter has
a skating lesson.

Oh, these all your kids?

No, just the front two.

Oh. Hey, guys. What's up?

You wanna go for a ride?
Isthatokay?

Sure. Cool. All right, grab on.

Here we go. You ready?
Hang on tight.

All right. We are moving.

We are really moving now!

Michael:
Push. Good, that's great. You got it.

Excuse me.

Hello?

Yeah, okay.

All right.

Okay, I will. Thanks.

It's negative.

Oh, god!

We're gonna beat this, okay?
We're gonna...

Come here.

Well, apparently,
in the medicine community,

"negative" means "good,"

which makes absolutely no sense.

In the real world community

that would be chaos.

This is awesome.

Thanks, you guys.

Okay, who is this from?

Wowee, look at that Jersey!

Cool. Turn it around.
Turn it around.

Show it.

Great.

"From Dwight. Number one." Thank
you, Dwight. That's great. Thanks.

Michael. Yeah.

This is from all of us. Oh,
you didn't need to do that.

Night swept.

This is really amazing.
Thank you.

I love it.

Michael's birthday
was actually pretty cool.

It was a good day.

I don't know.

It was a good day.