Original subtitles

Mister, I'm sure we can work something out. I mean, you seem to be a

reasonable, rational... ...cheery kind of guy.

Sir, sir, it's the Library of Congress for you.

Hi, Harry Stone.

Yeah, he is threatening to burn an original draft of the Constitution.

No, I can't just wait him out. I got a bailiff running around the building

delirious and insulin-shocked.

Yes, I know that I'm overdue returning the Nixon tape.

Sir, no one on this floor seen Roz for at least an hour. Your Honor, if we

don't get the Constitution away from that nut, a multi-million dollar TV

special goes right down the drain.

Judge, if I don't treat Roz within a half hour, she could go into a coma.

Harry, you like this tie?

I'll get to you in a minute, sir. You guys make sure security has sealed off

the building. You tell your people that we're working on it, but these things

take time. Doctor, we're doing everything we can to find Roz. Please be

ready when we do.

Dan, silks are out this season. Go with a nice snubby wool.

Sir, sir, look what I found in the basement to help us find Roz. Great,

walkie-talkies. Now we can split up and tell each other where we've looked.

Why didn't I think of that?

What was your idea, Bull?

I was going to set the box on fire and smoke her out.

That thing sucks.

Oh, there's no batteries.

Hold on a second. Double A?

Well, sue me for having a personal life.

Mine are wrong.

Well, keep looking, Mac.

Harry, you didn't say it.

10-4, Roger. We'll call over now.

That is just so damn cute.

Hey, now listen here. I've been waiting a long time to be heard.

Uh, right, right. I'm sorry, Mr., uh, what's your name? Sherman.

Snezbeck Sherman.

But you can call me Dr.

Flame.

The man with the power to obliterate 200 years of this country's history.

Listen, you have my formal apology for having taken so long. Okay, now, what

exactly are your demands?

Well, first... Someone spotted Ross down by the morgue. Did they catch her? No,

she barricaded the door with half a used car salesman and slipped back into the

hallway.

Sorry about the interruption. It won't happen again. You were saying? Oh, my

God! Are you crazy?

You fired the producer just like that for something that was totally not his

fault? But he was my mentor, my idol.

You want me to produce the show?

Great move, sir. The guy with the pinhead.

The network made me the boss.

The numero uno enchilada.

You are in charge of a live coast-to-coast national network

television special? But you're a shallow, snot-nosed kid.

Brandon said I was perfect.

There won't be any show or any constitution if you people don't start

paying attention.

Mr. Sherman, we're doing the best we can.

Harry? Yeah, Bo?

I'm finding Roz.

I'm going.

Bo, I didn't quite copy that. Could you speak louder?

I said...

Why are you calling for Roz like she belongs on your leash?

Jealous.

You are really asking for it. I'm willing to beg for it.

Just keep looking, huh? Oh, Judas Priest, we've looked everywhere. Why

doesn't she stay in one place?

Well, she must be extremely disoriented.

The effect of a very low blood sugar level is a lot like when you have too

much to drink.

You mean all of a sudden I become irresistibly dashing and sexy?

Although, wait, that's when you have too much to drink.

Tell you what, why don't you go get tanked up, come back around 11.30?

Get this straight, Fielding.

I don't like you.

You're nauseating, your hair looks stupid, and you smell like Vaseline.

Frankly, an evening with you would be about as much fun as draining a prostate

infection.

I guarantee...

Die.

Shut down again, huh, Dan?

I prefer to call it foreplay.

Sorry, ma'am. I was looking for a sick lady.

Please calm down and go on about your daily business.

Sir, I was wondering if you've seen a woman wandering the hall.

Her name's Roz.

She's black, around 30, about this tall, about this wide.

She's been missing for over an hour.

We're worried because she's not really rational and there's no telling what she

could do.

So if you see her, will you please let us know?

Sullivan, you find anything down in the Holy South?

Just some jerk flasher, sir.

Look, pal, I've been here a while. I've seen everything.

Holy smokes.

What's going on?

Uh, sorry, sir, a rat got loose.

Hey, I've been waiting here almost an hour already.

Right, okay, you have my undivided... Sir, sir, the elevators are out again.

What, we're supposed to look for rods using the stairs? This is a 27-story

building. And me without my odys...

Look, Judge, I don't want to be a nudge-nick, but you've only got ten

minutes before the president gets here.

The president?

As in the guy who sleeps with a woman he calls Mommy?

He's leading the Pledge of Allegiance with the Solid Gold Dancers.

I can't believe you got the president of the United States to be in that show.

Hey, it was the best we could do on short notice.

Tony Orlando canceled.

Yeah, maybe we should lie down for a minute.

You are disgusting.

Roz is in danger and you don't even care about her.

Pull it right there, doctor. Maybe you don't like the way I try to break the

tension here, but don't tell me I don't care about Roz.

Because I do, deeply.

I'm sorry, Dan. I didn't know.

Yeah, well, there's lots of things you don't know about me.

For instance, my mouth can generate a suction of over 800 pounds per second.

Hey, what are you guys doing?

But then again, what the hell am I doing up here?

along with Ross.

Let's just say the forecast calls for a widely scattered bailiff.

If we can get her down off that wall, I can stabilize her with an injection of

glucagon, but we don't have much time.

Matt called the rescue team. They said not to do anything that would upset her.

That's right.

Otherwise, it's one small step for Ross, one giant splat for mankind.

Ross, wouldn't you like to straddle something down here where... it safe?

My life is nothing but a faster and pile of doggy donuts.

Sir, why don't you let me talk to her? I think she'll listen to me.

Roz, I know it's terrible to find out you've got diabetes, but

no matter how tough things get, no matter how many times things beat you

down, you've just got to stop and think for a second that life really is worth

living.

You know, from this angle, your head looks like a toilet brush.

Harry, this is Mac.

You better come down here right away and talk to Mr. Sherman.

Mac, I just walked up ten floors. What the hell's so important that he can't

wait two minutes?

I think it's about the six guys pointing guns at his head.

Roz,

they're killing somebody downstairs.

From this height, a gob of spit can dent the roof of a car.

All right, this is my final warning. Everybody step back or I'll flick my

bit.

Sir, there's a basic equation here you're not getting.

Sir, it's the Secret Service. They want to blow Sherman away. What should we do?

It's no time to screw around. Come on.

Excuse me, folks. This is Judge Stone.

Just give me a minute.

I think I can talk to him.

Your Honor, I've had a lot of experience with hostage situations.

I think our best bet is to shut off the air conditioning, not let him have any

food, then wait for negotiations to break down and shoot him.

I want someone to listen to me already.

Okay, Mr. Sherman, I am listening to you. Judge Stone! It's the president.

He's calling from our TV truck downstairs.

I gotta take this.

Hi, Mr. President.

Yeah, Judge Harry Stone.

Well, I know the show must go on, sir.

But I think I can resolve all this just by talking to the guy.

Too risky.

I think our only prudent course is open gunplay.

Listen, fathead, the one thing we don't need is having a trigger-happy lunatic

in charge.

I know, Mr. President, I wasn't talking to you.

Yes, I'm sure you do get that sort of thing all the time.

It's your technical director.

Yeah.

Larry, he's the president. If he wants to play with the knobs, let him.

What? Red alert, men. Possible threat to the president.

They're reporting some horrible behemoth scaling the wall of this building.

I'm gonna go get robbed!

No, bull!

Don't! Wait!

Oh, boy.

Call in the chopper.

Hold on, please. I've got a call on the other line.

Do you mind?

It's personal.

Come on, people!

Let's mambo!

I hope when I go, it's with as much dignity.

catch it with his hands.

Oh, are you all right?

Can I get back to you on that?

Harry, Harry, look, you've got to get downstairs.

I'm afraid something's going to happen to that Sherman guy.

What makes you say that?

Call it a hunch.

Max, I can't walk back.

wouldn't happen if you get your lazy butt out of that swivel chair once in a

while please come down from there why are you

doing this do you know what my most favorite thing in the whole world is

yes nude harness racing something i can't ever

do again getting up at three

When I was growing up, my father worked a swing shift.

I almost never saw him.

But once in a while, he'd come home at 3 in the morning and wake me up without

telling Mom and take me in the kitchen and make me an ice cream cone.

I'll never forget sitting there on Papa's lap, wrapped up in a blanket.

Feel warm and safe and love.

This is it. She's starting to black out. She needs an injection right now.

Mocha fudge?

I'm up here getting frozen jujubes over mocha fudge?

That's not it, Dan. It's the connection with her father.

That's why she's so upset. Now it makes some sense.

Makes some sense? She's willing to turn herself into a crater over ice cream?

And you're telling me it makes sense?

Give me this.

Dan, you can't. It's dangerous. She's out of her mind. She could hurt you.

How do I use this?

You have to stick it in her buttocks.

Dan Fielding, up close and personal.

Dan. Roz.

What's that behind your back?

New Jersey.

Roz, listen to me.

You need to take this or you'll die.

No, you're the one who's going to die.

Roz, listen, I know why you're lashing out.

You may think you're hurting me, but in reality, you're just hurting yourself.

I'll wait for you down here.

Here comes the sailor. He whistles while he floats.

Touch me.

Birdie. Pretty birdie.

Rosalind, you get down here right now.

Who's that?

It's me.

It's Papa.

Papa, you're home.

Yes, baby.

I'm home.

Papa, I missed you.

I missed you too, sweetheart.

Why don't you come on down? We'll sit. We'll talk a little.

Papa, I don't feel good.

I know you're hurting, baby.

But I'm here to tell you, Papa can make it all better.

Promp.

That's my girl.

Come on down.

Good girl. Come over here. Sit on Papa's lap, huh?

There.

Can we have some ice cream?

Sure.

Mocha fudge.

Two scoops.

Papa.

I... Hey, you're not my papa.

That's right.

And this ain't no ice cream cone.

really pretending to be her father i just have one question how could she

have hit you like that and not have it affect you adrenaline what do you mean

adrenaline adrenaline when a person gets very excited or frightened their body

starts pumping adrenaline and they can do just about anything oh really yes

until it wears off

What the hell is this?

I was attacked and compelled to use deadly force.

On a mosquito?

He was hopped up on drugs.

I have the strength of ten mosquitoes.

Mr. Sherman, maybe we better get to your list of demands while you still have the

correct number of body openings.

All I want is 30 seconds to speak my mind, and I'll release this document

completely unharmed.

That's all you want?

30 seconds to talk to somebody?

Forget it, Your Honor.

If you give this one 30 seconds, the next one will want 35.

Speak your mind, Mr. Sherman.

I just wanted people to know that the Constitution says everyone is equal.

And if we don't agree with someone, we should just live and let live.

But all I ever see is hatred and intolerance and bigotry.

And it's not supposed to be like that.

Everyone in our country is a child of this Constitution.

And that makes us a family.

I just want us to treat each other that way.

That's sick.

Well, Judge, you held up your end of the bargain, so here you go.

Mr. Sherman, I can't condone your actions, but you have given us something

to think about.

Maybe even something to read.

Take good care of it, Judge, will you?

It's the stuff that dreams are made of.

So, we saved the Constitution and we did it without having to put 40 or 50 rounds

of hot lead into a human being.

Yeah.

It's going to be a long ride home for the guys.

Mind if I sit down?

No, just shove a section of my face out of the way. Make yourself comfortable.

I decided not to quit my job.

I guess I can live with diabetes after all.

Oh, grandiose.

You changed your mind.

You did.

They told me what you did for me on the roof.

You saved my life.

You were directly over my parking space. The only thing I was saving was my paint

job.

Okay.

No. We're not going to do that this time, Dan.

Do what?

This stupid song and dance we always do whenever one of us does something nice.

It's like we can't stand to admit we're both basically decent human beings who

like each other. And so we put on this infantile show of hostility.

It's worked great so far.

Well, not anymore.

You know what we're going to do, Dan?

Huh?

You're going to sit there and let me say thank you.

And then I'm going to kiss you.

You wouldn't.

Don't worry. I'll make it quick.

You're a good friend, Dan.

And I love you.

Thank you for saving my life.

I saw your butt.