All language subtitles for S05E06 - Macs Dilemma

Gee,

and I thought I was sitting in the no
perky section.

I can't help it, sir. I love this job.

Helping the downtrodden, serving
justice.

Gives me goosebumps.

Makes my skin crawl, too.

Judge Stone?

Imagine that.

Richard Elliott, special consultant with
the governor's office.

Dan Tilding, assistant DA on the move.

You have a case coming up. The defendant
is a Mr. Toshiro Shibata. You tell the

governor when we're through with that
gangster, he can have his head for a

paperweight. He's a good friend of the
governor's. That's exactly why that

wonderful man will be out of here faster
than...

Sushi through a sumo.

What can I do for you, Mr. Elliott?

The governor is giving Mr. Shibata a
testimonial dinner tonight, and we would

like you to arrange your schedule so
that he's finished in time to get there.

Well, I don't arrange anything just to
accommodate a man with political

connections. We will serve no crime
before it's time.

Tell Mario that new haircut is woo,
spiffo.

Boy, that ticks me off. I'm sorry, sir.
It just seemed like a perfect

opportunity to suck up.

No, but that fellow would expect me to
change around my docket to accommodate a

Mr. Shibata. We don't have any favorites
in this fellow's court.

Who's first, Mac? People versus Shibata.

To what do we owe the pleasure of Mr.
Shibata's company?

Well, sir, it seems Mr. Shibata was
caught rolling for dollars with, um...

These three rarely upstanding women.

All three?

That's illegal.

And quite impressive.

When he was apprehended, he had a
50-gallon drum of soy sauce, and they

were in the middle of something called
the Sukiyaki Slam Bam.

Sir, while neighbors in adjoining rooms
did complain for over seven hours, I

believe that Mr. Seven hours?

God, man, how do you do it?

Every day, I swim 10 miles, eat 100
oysters, and sit in a barrel

of pickle brine.

You got that?

Mr. Shibata, as much as I appreciate
your efforts to, uh, buy American,

the fact remains that you've got to obey
the laws of this city. Now, since a fine

would mean very little to a man of your
obvious resource, I am instead... Going

to send to you to ten days of community
service.

He didn't take that nearly as well as
I'd hoped.

How's he doing, Doc?

Well, his condition is stabilized.

Oh, good.

He's dead.

Doctor, are you sure he's dead?

Well, I could do one more test.

Nope,

he's dead.

Well, bye.

Hey, Doc, wait a minute.

Aren't you forgetting something?

When the heart stops working, so do I.

I guess we should call the coroner's
office. I just did. They can't send a

man for at least four hours.

What are they going to do, leave him up
here until he sprouts mushrooms?

Sorry, Dan, but if there's no one around
to take him to the morgue... I'll do it!

Unless somebody else wants to.

Do not carry a dead body around like a
bag of kitty litter.

Well, use a gurney or something, and for
goodness sake, be discreet, huh?

It's Elliot from the governor's office.

Oh, great.

Hi.

Uh, Mr. Shibata.

Uh, oh, yeah, he's all finished.

Uh, well, we've hit a little, uh...
Uh... Snag.

I'd really rather not say over the
phone, could you come down here?

Oh, no, I'm sure Mr. Shibata won't leave
till you get here.

Goodbye.

Your Honor, I want to thank you for
dismissing the charges against those

hookers. I think Mr. Shibata would have
liked it that way.

I got the impression that Mr. Shibata
liked it just about every way.

So, who have we got here?

This is Horace Jenkins, Your Honor.
Assault with intent to commit bodily

harm. What other kind is there?

Mr. Jenkins got into an argument with
another patron at the Monte Carlo Lounge

and attacked him with a blunt
instrument, specifically the manager.

Defense? Guilty, Your Honor.

Let's make it a $250 fine and damages to
the cashier. She'll tell you what to do

down the hall to the right.

This is something new for Mac.

Hey, hi, everybody.

This is Hondo Jenkins, my old army
buddy. We wallowed in mud together, ate

cold beans together.

And got our butts kicked in every dive
from Saigon to Cam Ranh Bay.

Oh,

you just can't buy fun like that
anymore, can you?

This guy ran through 50 yards of enemy
fire to save my life.

I still got the shrapnel scars to show
for it.

You want to see?

I'll take your word for it.

You didn't ask me.

He also took a bullet in the shoulder.

Well, it gives me some place to keep my
pencil.

Say, Mac, I'm going to go pay my fine,
then we'll go get some grub. Great, we

can catch up.

Well, speaking of long-lost buddies,
anybody seen Bull?

No, sir.

Maybe I should have sent one of you down
with him to help with the body.

Hey, I don't do anything that gross and
disgusting without a box of candy and

some sweet talking.

Mommy, look, it's Casper.

Boy, I'm sure glad there's not a dead
guy under this sheet.

Can you tell me how I could find the
small claims court?

Small claims, let's see.

Walk straight to the end of this
corridor, make a right, go to the end of

the hall, and make a left.

Thank you.

What do you say we take our lunch now?

Is that okay, Mac?

Mac, we're all going to go up on the
roof and dive off into a dumpster. You

want to join us?

Be right there, sir.

On that note, we'll adjourn for an hour,
and maybe in that time, the aliens will

return Mac's brain.

Boy, he sure is glued to that screen.

It must be the episode where Gilligan
sleepwalks into Ginger's hut.

for dinner.

Those were the days.

Come on, buddy.

I'll buy you a beer. We'll talk over
some old times.

Speaking of old times, Undo, you know,
I've been looking through your file and

I found some.

Like this conviction in 1976 for
disturbing the peace.

Yeah, okay. So I got in a couple of
scrapes. Scrapes? Is that what you call

18 months in New Jersey State Prison?

Hey, it's not like you think at all,
Mac.

I mean, after my enlistment was up, I...

Kind of had a little trouble adjusting.
I sort of bounced around for a while.

Finally ended up managing a convenience
store.

Well, they don't put you in prison for
that.

They do when you don't drop the receipts
off in the night deposit.

Oh, Hondo.

It's 4,000 bucks, Mac.

You know how long it takes to make that
kind of money on a job where you gotta

wear a little paper hat?

Hondo. Hey, I admit it. I made a couple
of mistakes.

But I paid my dues, Mac.

Yeah, but you don't understand.

See, this screw-up tonight broke your
parole.

And as soon as I put this information in
this computer, some fat lady in Newark

is going to see it, and you're going
back to jail.

Maybe.

Maybe not.

What do you mean by that?

You could lose that file, and no one
would ever know.

You're asking me to commit a felony.

Well, hey, maybe I thought taking a
bullet for a friend was worth something.

But how... No, no, no.

You just do whatever you think is right.

Excuse me, I... I gotta go rest my
shoulder.

Mac, I can't believe it. I heard
everything.

He has no right to ask you to lose his
file.

Maybe.

But I've got no right to say no.

There you are.

What would you say if you had something
to tell someone, but you didn't know how

to say it?

And you wouldn't say anything, except
someone might think it's important.

You lost a body, didn't you?

Yes!

You lost a dead Japanese

industrial...

He outsmarted me, sir.

I don't think any further explanation is
necessary.

Your Honor, any word on Mr. Shibata yet?
Not yet, but he's been reported on three

different floors.

See, this guy is fly, Your Honor.

What do you mean, fly, Bull?

A corpse is a corpse. Of course, of
course.

This is unbelievable. The guy has to be
in the building somewhere.

He couldn't have just vanished into thin
air.

We're not trying hard enough, people.

He's not just going to roll up and say
hello.

Are you sure you looked everywhere?

I even checked the men's room, sir. And
you didn't see anything?

Nothing to get excited about.

Matt, you cannot lose Hondo's file.

Think of the consequences.

If Hondo would have thought of the
consequences back in that jungle, I

wouldn't be here. Would you please stop
talking like that? Why are you acting

like you have to live up to some stupid
macho code?

How can I put it?

Did you ever see Bambi?

I may have.

Seen it a few times.

You remember the forest fire and little
Bambi being trapped in the inferno?

With all his furry little forest
friends?

Right. Do you remember what Bambi's
mother did?

She sacrificed her life so Bambi could
live.

Right. And that's what Hondo did for me.
I owe him my life, and I have to pay him

back.

I never thought of it that way.

Wait a minute.

Bambi's mother never trashed a bar.

It doesn't matter. I have made up my
mind. Mac, you could go to prison.

Then I'll need a lawyer. You want the
job?

Mac, of course I'll be your lawyer.
That's not the point. Grace, then

everything we've talked about is
privileged information.

I've got one more thing to do first.

Mac!

You say you found the body?

Can you describe it to me?

You're 5'6", 140 pounds, and he says his
name is Steve?

the autopsy.

Hey, Mac, what's up?

I just came to tell you I'm resigning.

Are you kidding?

Why? I can't tell you.

Do you know what's with Mac?

Yes, sir, I do. What is it? I can't tell
you.

All right. Harry, I've had it with the
Night of the Rolling Dead.

Damn.

Can't even get anyone in the broom
closet. They're afraid they're going to

run into Corky the Carcass.

Well, if it bothers you all that much,
why don't you pitch in and try to help

find the guy?

Why don't you just wait a couple of
days? You can follow the flies.

Dan, he's not some muskrat we squished
out on the interstate.

Besides, the governor's aide is going to
come in a minute, and I don't know what

to tell him. Tell him the truth.

Terrorists broke in. We fought them off
to no avail.

I'm not going to act like some kind of
deceptive, chicken-hearted weasel.

It works for me.

I just want to let you know, no matter
whatever you do, I'm behind you 100%.

Judge Stone, blame him. I had nothing to
do with this.

Now, you mentioned a snag.

Oh, yeah, a snag. Well, the snag has,
uh, it's developed into, uh,

sort of a glitch.

Where's Mr. Shibata?

Well, he's, uh, you know, how do I say
this?

He's, uh, dead.

Oh, my God. That's not the bad part. No.

The bad part is we, uh, we lost the

body.

You lost the body?

How could something like this happen,
Stone?

Well, there were these terrorists.

news on Abnacadabra?

Well, I checked the cafeteria.

He didn't stop for lunch.

Now, where could he be? I've got to
think like a dead guy.

Dare to dream.

Now, if I was dead, where would I hide?

I doubt if they're clean anymore.

Well, it happened, Mac.

I finally had worse food than in Nam.

Forget the food, Hondo.

Oh.

Done for an hour or two, buddy.

And don't buddy me.

I'm gonna do it, Dan.

Do what? Pay my debt.

I'm erasing your files. You're as free
as an eagle.

Look, I really appreciate that, Mac, but
there's something... Of course, it's

costing me my career, my self-respect,
maybe my whole future.

But wait a minute.

I mean, my wife and kids will probably
not have anything to do with me.

Unless... Unless you change your mind.

But I didn't think so.

But I want you to know this whole...

anything to say for yourself?

Right. Not much you can say.

What the hell are you doing?

Help, I'm cooking.

Help, I'm

choking. Is that it? Choking?

Well, I mean, it's an easy mistake. I
mean, your ace looks like an O.

I know the Heimlich maneuver.

Now, my little mountain drop, no matter
how much you

sweat, hold on to the handlebars.

Colombian, the richest kind.

Japanese man in a wheelchair?

You know, you're the third person to ask
me that tonight.

Come here. Let me explain something to
you.

You folks are just going to have to try
harder.

This one's going to live.

Thank God.

You okay?

He's not going to be talking for a
while. His throat's pretty torn up.

Oh, too bad. I was looking forward to
some more whimsical latrine humor.

What did he choke on, anyway?

I want to tell you that I think you are
a selfish, conniving, low-down... Bad

apple!

Well, I'll just leave him to your
tender, loving care.

Bambi's mother.

Ha! You may think you're going to get
away with this, but I am here to tell

you different, bub.

I'm here to take a Hondo Jenkins into
custody.

Christine, you didn't.

You're right.

I didn't.

Well, then who did?

You called?

Why?

What do you mean you changed your mind?

Oh,

you're saying saving my life was the one
noble thing you ever did and you didn't

want to tarnish it.

I knew you wouldn't let me down.

How can you understand a single word
he's saying?

That's how he talks when he's drunk.

I should have known that any friend of
Max would be a decent guy. I'm sorry.

Look, if there's anything I can do to
make it up to you, please tell me.

This is one of the most gross displays
of incompetence and irresponsibility I

have ever had the misfortune to witness.

You think Shobata's dead? Where do you
see your careers when I pass this on to

the governor?

Yeah, well, don't think you can
intimidate us, because some of us don't

stare so easily.

Some of us do.

Excuse me, I need a drink of water. Oh,
wait, allow

me. I'll turn your knob for you.

Hey, look.

Let's get him.

In good time, Bull.

In good...

Yeah! Just when you thought it was safe
to go back to the water fountain.