All language subtitles for S05E01 - Her Honor 3

Do I look all right? You look just like
a judge.

Damn.

Damn. That's what I meant.

Black is so grim.

I don't want to scare the defendants. I
want them to be able to relax and enjoy

their sentencing.

A little nervous about your first day on
the bench?

Nervous? What makes you say I'm nervous?

Because you're acting like Bull did the
time he dropped his ant farm down his

pants.

Except you're not laughing.

Yeah, well, I will tell you what I'm
nervous about. I'm nervous about Harry.

We have got to find him.

Well, I don't know what else we can do.
He didn't leave a forwarding address and

there's no way we can track him down.

Well, there's got to be something we
haven't tried.

Hey, hey, come on.

Relax.

The king is dead.

Long live the queen.

Dan, this is not a good time to suck up.

Okay, why don't you pencil me in for the
8.30 coffee break?

Dan! I'm not sucking up.

I'm merely trying to tell you that you
have more important things in your life

to worry about than, um... Harry. Right.

The poor guy just saw his whole career
go up in flames. He doesn't know he's

gotten his job back yet, and instead of
being here working, he's out hiding out

somewhere, planning some stupid, crazy
stunt that's going to ruin the rest of

his life.

Fifteen and a quarter centimeters.

What do you know? It expands at night.

Okay, that's your whole order.

Six dozen super boomer skyrockets. One
FX.

250 radar tracking system complete with
cables and instruction manual and a

bratwurst on a Kaiser, no tomatoes.

That it?

That'll do it for now.

Hey, mister.

Yeah?

Is it okay if I ask you something?

You can ask.

I mean, you got a lot of crazy stuff
here.

What are you going to do with it?

What am I going to do with it?

You know, they asked Michelangelo, what
are you going to do with all those

brushes? He painted the Sistine Chapel.

They asked Hannibal, what are you going
to do with 400 elephants? He marched

them up the Pyrenees and down the Alps.

They asked Dr.

Frankenstein. They said, Frank, what are
you going to do with all those severed

and decaying portions of human anatomy?

Well, he stitched them together to
create life!

criminal court part two is now in
session. The Honorable Harry...

The Honorable Harry,

yet still feminine.

Christine Sullivan, presiding.

Thank you for noticing.

Hello, Judge Sullivan.

I'm Martin Meagle, the new defense
attorney assigned to your court.

Kind of makes me your legal meagle.

Cute, isn't he?

Seems almost a shame to eat him all in
one bite.

Well, um... Before we start the session,
I was wondering if maybe I should say a

few words.

It's not mandatory.

Actually, the first point that I want to
make is that...

Even though this is a new situation for
me, it is not completely unrelated to

other experiences I've had in my life.

Oh, God, please don't say campfire girl.

For instance, the campfire girl.

That's where I learned to face
challenges head on.

Yeah, you can learn a lot staring down
the business end of a flaming weenie.

there is a big difference between
choosing a compatible tent buddy and,

say, deciding if someone shot up a
liquor store.

That about sums it up for me.

Anyway, even though this is a big step
for me, I just want you all to know that

underneath this robe, I'm still the same
Christine Sullivan.

Pick up the gavel.

Now hit something with it.

Hey, that's telling them.

Miss Peaches Barchet soliciting.

Hello, Peaches.

Miss Sullivan, congratulations.

Oh, thank you. I'm glad to see I'm not
the only woman around who's making

something of herself.

Yes, Miss Barchet. was making a mattress
test pilot of herself.

She told an undercover cop that for 50
bucks they could lower the landing gear

and see if he had the right stuff.

Defense? Guilty, Your Honor.

That's it?

Guilty? I'm sorry, is something wrong?

Yes. Shouldn't you have tried to
challenge the police report?

When I was defense attorney, I would
explore every possible way to establish

my client's innocence.

No, I'm guilty.

Oh. I have done this before, Your Honor.
Yes, I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

It's a force of habit. I'm not used to
being in a position of punishing anyone.

You get used to it.

Please let me go.

Let me out of here.

Sir, please calm down. You're among
friends.

Friends who wear badges.

Search your body cavity.

Friends just the same.

I don't understand.

This is a mistake. Please, somebody help
me.

Oh, don't you worry, sir. I'll help you.

That is, I will find every way to give
you a fair trial, Mr. Prosecutor.

Yes, Your Honor, ye old town crier here
robbed yon convenience store and stuffed

the booty in his jerkin' forsooth.

I'm sorry. I just haven't had a square
meal in days. And when I saw all that

food in the window, I snapped.

Oh, you poor thing.

Oh, yes, the poor thing almost had to
eat the shotgun he had with him.

You had a shotgun?

A little one.

The term is sawed off.

Your Honor, we have the police report.
We have the gun with his prints on it,

the money, and reports from three
eyewitnesses.

That's it?

Other than having the Moment Shots mime
troupe come in here and act it out for

you.

Yes, Your Honor.

I think the circumstances clearly call
for...

A decision!

Okay!

I'm getting to that.

Mr. Fangler, I find that there is ample
evidence to hold you over for a grand

jury. I'm sorry!

There goes my security clearance.

I think I should call a five-minute
recess for, um, five minutes.

Smoke him if you got him.

No, no, no, don't do that. It's bad for
you.

I think she's got a

few butterflies in her stomach.

Not anymore.

Yes?

Got another package.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Kronick. Listen, I
was wondering something.

What?

rented you this apartment, which is
something that I usually do.

That way I can sniff out the geeks.

Yeah, you know, you did strike me as a
geek sniffer. It's just that you've been

receiving a lot of deliveries these last
few days that strike me as a tad exotic.

You think so?

Just off the top of my head, I could
mention a large drum of rendered suet,

seven yards of astroturf, and tiny cases
of ladies' dress shields.

Oh, come on, Mr. Koenig. Now, sure, some
things seem bizarre if you view them in

a particular context, but if you view
them in another context, you realize

they're really perfectly normal and
ordinary.

Wow, my yak hair arrived!

My yak hair arrived!

You want Judge Stone?

Well, he's... Oh,

he's at the chief clerk's office.

This is the chief clerk's office?

Well, then I guess you feel pretty
foolish calling us.

Christine still feeling down?

Sick as a dog.

Well, this egg salad should cheer her
up.

Hello?

Look, he can't come to the phone.

Because he's busy. Now, I told you that,
chump.

Uh, yes, Mr. Mayor, that was a joke.

I see Judge Stone coming right now.

Ta-ta.

Are you out of your mind? I can go to
jail for impersonating a judge. Gee,

it's on the phone.

Nobody's going to know. Why me?

Well, because it's sneaky and
underhanded and deceitful.

Nobody does it better.

Normal.

Hi. Hello.

Hello, Mr. Mayor. I'm sorry.

Had a little mucus buildup there.

You ever get those things stuck in the
back of your throat?

Hocked one up right in the middle of a
press conference?

Hello.

May I help you?

Well, thank you. And please, please,
call me Harry. Judge Stone sounds so

formal.

Well, okay.

Ed?

Horses, the horse, and lunch, of course,
the horse.

Okay, yes.

Achoo, baby.

Hello, Judge Stone.

I'm Gary Fenton from the Mayor's
Committee.

We're here to swear you in.

You're going to swear him in?

Well, no, not right now.

There are some other things to take care
of first.

You know, Judge Stone, we have had quite
a time getting hold of you. Oh, well,

I've, um... I've been busy? Yes, oh,
I've been busy with, um... Ooh, judge

stuff.

I think I just saw my own esophagus.

Judge Sullivan, I... I don't believe
you've met Mr. Fenton. He's from the

mayor's committee. He's here to talk to
Judge Stone.

Judge Stone?

Yes!

Hello! Judge Stone, we are so thrilled
to have you back with us again.

And may I, Judge Stone, say how thrilled
I am to be back.

Not that this isn't delightful, but I am
here on business.

Now, Judge Stone, there are some papers
you have to sign before we can swear you

in again.

Papers? Sign? Yes.

Sign?

Like with my signature?

Unless you'd rather use someone else's.

Could I?

Gotcha. Little jokeski.

Would you excuse us just a moment to
have a small judicial conference?

Look, we didn't have a choice. Just go
with it. Dan, look, the signature is no

problem. Yes, it is a problem. My
signatures won't match. I mean, I'll

wind up in prison married to whoever has
the most cigarettes.

Look, just relax.

Now, I can fake Harry's signature.

You can? Yeah, I do it all the time.

Zach, shame on you.

Well, how do you think you got your
parking space?

Oh, thank you.

Now, look, just get the guy... out of
here for two minutes.

Well, well, well, fine, fine. No
trouble.

I'll sign those puppies right now.

You know what just occurred to me? Have
you tried the tuna log in our cafeteria?

Magnifique. Why don't you go suck down a
slab of it while I take care of it?

I'm sorry. I have to be here when you
sign.

What? Why?

Because I have to witness your
signature.

It's just a legal formality. Shall we
proceed?

You know, memento.

Great, now we have to kill him.

exploding yak hair out of that apartment
now, or I'm calling the cops.

Mr. Koenig, I've paid you two months'
rent and a substantial security deposit,

so if you want me out, that'll be three
months of eviction proceedings, during

which time you're not going to see a
penny or rent, and when it finally goes

to trial, I'm going to testify under
oath that you and I have been involved

in a torrid love affair.

of the fountain pen that people take for
granted are the nibs.

I would love to discuss your nibs with
you, but I really have to be getting

back. Well, okay. Why don't you come
back when you can spend some time? With

these papers signed, if it is not too
much trouble. No, it is not too much

trouble.

Would you excuse us for just a moment?
Look, I just need you to sign these

papers. Thank... Really.

Look, I've got an idea.

Is it a good idea?

No, it's a stupid idea, but it's better
than nothing.

Christine, keep him occupied for a
minute.

How?

Bend over and get a drink of water.

That always does it for me.

Forget it. Just try something. Hey!

Now you, put this on. Why? Just trust
me. Hi there.

Hi.

I suppose so.

Okay, three men want to cross the river,
but the rowboat only holds two at a

time. I know, I know. Where'd they get
the rowboat?

Excuse me. Excuse me, is there something
in my eye?

Yes, broccoli.

Okay, I'm all ready now.

Oh, marvelous. Let's get to it. Would
you mind sitting over there? Fine.

Anything to hurry this up.

I think you forgot something.

What? Right here. Put this glove on.
What did you say?

Just a little mucus. During this time of
the year, I eat a lot of... You know, I

am not interested in your mucus.

Excuse me.

Yes? Why are you wearing a glove?

It's an old war wound.

Now, would you be so kind as to please
sit down over there?

Okay, now, let me see. Where was I?

Ah, yes.

Much better now.

Okay, the pen.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, you want to shake my hand? Sure,
I'll shake your hand.

Guys, good news. The messenger just
brought us a package from Harry.

Uh, uh, Bull, don't you mean that it's a
package for Harry?

No, no, no, Your Honor. It's a package
from Harry.

Packages for Harry?

You just got a little confused, didn't
you, big fella?

Yes.

Confused.

Thank you.

Well, shouldn't we all be getting back
to court? Yes, I'm sure that's every bit

as fascinating as the rest of the day
around here.

I'll see you at the end of the shift,
Judge Stone.

Beg pardon?

in ceremony?

We didn't want to waste any time getting
you back to work, so we're sending a

judge from downtown to swear you in
tonight.

Great. What are we going to do now?

I don't know. I just want some air.

Boy, you think you know a guy.

We have got to find Harry before the
swearing-in ceremony.

Bull, was there a return address on that
package?

It just says New York.

New York?

What are we waiting for? Let's go!

Bull!

Why don't we look inside the package
first?

There's envelopes in here.

For each of us. Anything else?

These letters are not to be opened until
the event of my death.

Oh boy, I can hardly wait!