Original subtitles

Forgive me, forgive me, ah!

The cow, no.

- Cube cube? Cube cube, no.

Thank you! Forgive me.

Cafi! Cafi! Cafi!

Cafi! Cafi! Cafi!

Oh, poof!

Ring, ring, go ahead and be brave. Yes, very good.

What am I doing here, a roller coaster?

Hello, who is it?

Hi, dear Gianni, it's Pucci.

Pucci who?

Your Pucci, your woman, your companion.

Hi, Pucci, what's up?

I'm at the radiologist's, I'm waiting for you for the x-rays.

But I'm stuck in a terrible traffic jam in Piazza Scala.

You better do them. Okay, then I'll do them.

Don't move.

Well.

Hold your breath.

Bravo.

Stomach down. On one side. Turn over.

Inside the belly.

Hold your breath. Good.

Hold your breath.

So, doctor, did you find anything?

I didn't find anything, she's fine.

Did you see? You had a lot of X-rays done and I'm fine.

Excuse me, could you do a detailed one on the duodenum?

He often suffers from stomach contractions.

- No, I won't do it anymore. Good.

He absorbed more radiation than a resident of Chernobyl.

Look, it's a Geiger counter.

- Damn, what a thing! See? It's at the limit.

On the other hand, the disorders he suffers from,...

..such as insomnia, loss of appetite and nervousness,...

..they are not physical but psychological in nature.

If I may,...

..I advise you to see a psychiatrist.

What psychiatrist? I'm not going.

- You know, it's a really nice car?

Piero, why don't we buy it too? Come on.

But isn't it dangerous? Isn't it too close to the water?

Come on, it's beautiful, isn't it? The iodine, the waves.

- The smell of the sea, the salt water on my face. Yes!

The iodine, the waves.

The scent of the sea, the water on your face.

- The shark! The shark! There! Where?

- Stop, stop! What are you doing? Let go of the wheel!

Come on, we're going into the sea, stop!

But can't you see it's not a shark? It's a buoy.

What a buoy! It must be a shark under the buoy.

You didn't mistake the buoy for the shark?

Pucci, it was a shark! I saw it clearly!

So what do we do now?

I'll take care of it now. I'll make a phone call.

Hello, I'm an ACI member. I've been shipwrecked.

Pucci? Pucci, are you sleeping?

- I was sleeping. I can't sleep.

Did you take a sleeping pill?

Yes, but it doesn't work. I'm addicted.

- Count the sheep. Thanks, good night.

- Good night. Hello.

If I didn't have you, how would I sleep?

1 sheep, 2 sheep, 3 sheep, 4...

4 sheep, 5... Pucci, Pucci!

- What's up? There are thieves, I hear a noise.

- Of course not? I heard it! There's no noise.

I pull out my gun. 38 Magnum.

Every night the same story.

There's no one there. Hmm. I thought I heard a noise.

6 sheep, 7 sheep, 8 sheep, 9 sheep,...

..10 sheep... 11 sheep.

1 million 724 thousand 226 sheep,...

1 million seven... mil...

What a lovely sleep I had.

Hey, wake up, Pucci.

Gianni? Gianni?

Ps, come on, come here, quickly. Come on, come here.

- Quiet. Easy, easy.

- Shut up. Shut up! Just a moment. Be quiet, okay?

Gianni, Gianni!

- Huh? Yeah? How's the sketch? Do you like it?

- Look at that.- Eh, but... Is she better with blonde hair?

- I'd shorten her shorts. But...

Beast, I'm blind! I can't see anymore!

Guys!

Oh my God, I feel sick.

I feel sick! Guys, my eyes!

What the hell is there to laugh about? Ha-ha-ha!

- It's a joke. No, I'm not joking. What are you laughing at?

- But you were sleeping. It was just for fun, don't get angry.

Are you kidding? I'm sick, guys, I can't.

- You can't play these tricks on me.He's sick!

Okay, leave me alone, go on!

Can I tell you something? You're an idiot.

Oh, Gianni. Look at this stuff.

I understand why you're always so nervous.

Because you don't go to women, you don't have adventures.

Well, maybe that's true, but on the other hand,...

..thoughts, work, and I have a Cobas-like relationship with Pucci.

Meaning what?

I abstain.

And you think. And it's normal.

When you're always with a woman, you kill all desire.

- Look here, are you interested? What is it?

Furnished studio apartment with outdoor bar, 700,000 euros per month.

I'll take it and we'll split the costs, okay?

We're basically doing fifty-fifty.

Look, I don't care. I could never betray Pucci.

Yes, good, you're saying that now, even though

you're not married yet. What about later?

- After what? After...

You'll come to me, begging and drooling.

Piero, give me the keys, I hooked up with 2 Brazilian girls in Obaoba.

- Look, I won't give you the keys. I know.

- Bertani? The boss wants it. Yes, go to the boss, go.

So, ideas for the advertising campaign...

..of the mineral water from the Pianora spa.

How are we doing?

- Deng! Prego?

Thumb plus okay equals 10. It means we're doing well.

Then he came up with the slogan for mineral water.

- Yes, of course. Well, explain it to me, tell me.

So, wait a minute... Um... here's the mind going.

He works like a beast.

Well, no, wait. Here, maybe behind this.

No, the pens. You always have to... Oh, there you go!

Found it, found it! This one... is from last year.

The helmet, remember? The helmet, yes, pom! Down and helmet.

The helmet. So...

Ah, here it is, found it.

Wait, okay? Just a minute. Found it, huh? Look.

Here. One... like this...

I studied it all night.

A concert, a concert.

- Am I going? Tell me, tell me.

The mineral water of Pianora... gives.

- Continue. Finished, come on, enough, closed.

I don't quite understand. Come on, what?

Afterwards, the consumer imagines what he wants.

Give lightness, health, euphoria, yahoo! Give!

Come on, come on, don't you want to?

Oh well, let's find another one, you know how many there are...

- What's up? Stop, stop, and don't move.

Don't move, for God's sake. There's a hairy spider.

Behind her, stop! A very hairy spider.

He's jumping on her.

- I don't see anything. But I see it!

What, I don't see anything? It's right behind her. Stop.

She's a merry widow! Stop!

Stop, I'll catch him! Stop right there!

- Hey, hey, calm down. He jumped on me!

You catch him! No, I'll catch him, me!

The spider! The spider!

The root cause of many mental disorders...

..it's the stress, due to competition,...

..in pursuit of success, with a commitment to work...

..which goes beyond physiological limits.

This explains the irritability, the insomnia,...

..loss of appetite and above all worrying phenomena...

..like visions. You see the hairy spider.

There was the spider!

- The shark. There was, there was. The shark was there.

- The invisible thief. He was there, I heard him.

These hallucinations indicate...

..a worsening of the situation.

They are an indication of an ego...

..which goes towards the dark path of schizophrenia.

She must be schizophrenic! I'm not schizophrenic.

I'm not crazy. You are crazy. It shows.

- He's crazy, he's crazy. Calm down, Puccio.

I recommend immediate hospitalization in my clinic.

Intensive electroshock therapy is ideal.

Let her do the electroshocks.

Actually, Professor Paolini, it doesn't seem that dramatic to me.

Maybe a vacation would do him some good.

If I were her, I wouldn't be so sure.

Because she's not herself. Instead, she loves me.

And she hates me, with those eyes. Look how she pierces me.

It pierces me, I feel it. Take me away, take me away.

Do you see it? Persecution mania.

You can even take him on holiday to the high mountains, to rest.

I can't leave Milan, professor.

I have to do the mineral water campaign.

Pucci, come on, I have to do it. I have to find a new slogan.

Maybe I have. It just occurred to me now.

Seeing her, it occurred to me, bang!

So, one... "Pianora mineral water: nice and fresh."

- Did you pay the bill? Yes.

- Puccio, the scarf. It's cold. Pucci, not the scarf.

- Hello. Welcome to Cervinia. Thank you.

Good morning.

Welcome, Mr. and Mrs. Bertani. We've reserved room 212 for you.

I'm going up, okay?

- Pucci, what floor are we on? But Puccio, 212: second floor.

The third one was better. It was higher up, with more air.

Good morning.

What's the matter, Puccio?

Help, there's a bear.

There's a bear. Honey, Pucci!

- Run away! A bear! Save yourself! Sweetheart, calm down.

- It'll crush me, but not you! Puccio, Puccio!

- There it is! It's like a shark.

- No, that was there. Think about it. It can't be there.

- There it is: fierce, with whiskers, nails! Enough, calm down.

- Open up. There it is!

- Open up. Well, you open up, then. Go.

Murderer!

Hi, did you like my mask?

Of course you are invited too.

- Let's have a masquerade party. A party, are you happy?

No.

- Well, let's go up to the bedroom. Just a moment.

- Let's go on foot, it's better. PUFFS

Walk, it's good for you, come on.

How cute are the masks, huh?

- How do I look dressed as a troglodyte?- Go, go.

Ouch! But who knows you?

Goalkeeper, it's them or me!

- Come on, Puccio. I'm leaving the hotel!

It's been years since I've seen this much snow.

Now I'm going to take a nice descent down to the valley.

Yes, but be careful. I haven't skied in 15 years.

- No, it must be 20-22 years. So what?

Remember that skiing is like riding a bicycle.

- You never forget... Never? Hello.

But how good I am. I'm better than Tomba.

- Puccio? What's up? Am I okay?

Yes, but be careful. They told me it's foggy that way.

We live in Milan. I'm used to the fog. Bye.

- One, two...- Track! Who's pushing me? Oh my God!

Help, Pucci. I slipped.

I'm right in the "checc".

In the "checc"! It's a black slope. Slope, make way!

Help, track, track!

How do I do it? Help!

Here, I straighten up. No, I won't straighten up anymore.

Forget about Tombolo! Here I am tombolo!

Oh my God, a precipice! No!

Oh, beast, what a pain. What a pain! Oh.

Did I break my leg? Luckily, I didn't hurt anything.

Help, I'm here! Pucci, Pu...

Is he sewing me?

Did she fall into the crevasse too?

Now I'll help her get out, okay?

Can you hear me? Stop.

Here, here.

Wait, I'll take it out now.

Come on, lean on me. Just like that, slowly, slowly.

Easy, don't resist. Here.

How cold it is. It's freezing.

Like this. How heavy it is.

But miss... Come on, miss.

Is she crazy to go around like this?

Stay still. But what are you doing?

You see? He drank too much at the party last night.

But how can you go around disguised like that?

Stop. It's cold, huh? I guess he's cold.

Wait, I have a nice jacket, I'll put it on him now.

Here, look, I'll warm it up like this.

How's it going? Better, right?

Come on, pull yourself together. Come on, miss.

She's not breathing. Could she be dead?

He's not breathing. Miss!

I have to do mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

As the ACI manual says.

Pucci... Pucci...

Huk, hak, hak.

Huh? I... don't know French.

Huk, hak hak.

But... What a cold tongue. Why did he lick me?

I don't understand. Listen! The tractor! They're coming to get us.

Cover yourself. They're coming for us.

We are safe, we are safe.

Help, I'm here. I'm an ACI member.

You and the cat. SOS, SOS!

Stop, stop!

I found a woman without a fur coat.

Stop, I'm here. Honey, Pucci! What happened?

- Puccio, are you hurt? Are you thinking about it? I found a woman.

A naked woman, down in the snow.

- Anything broken? Go down, it's over there.

- A naked girl, with skins.- And the jacket?

- I gave it to her, she was naked. You'll get pneumonia.

No, pneumonia. I'm fine. Can you believe it? A Swede.

- The ones who walk around like that. There's no one there.

- Just this jacket here. What, just the jacket?

- Just this one. Let's move. Go make the phone call.

- Honey, I saw her, she was there. Puccio, there was no one there.

Why, no one! I saw it with my own eyes.

- I touched it. It was there. Calm down, Puccio.

Some research needs to be done.

Miss! Hey!

Miss! Answer!

We're here! Here we are!

Hey! Miss!

Rest assured, we're suspending the search.

- But how are you suspending the search! Thank you, thank you.

- Maybe my boyfriend had...- But...

- Maybe I was hallucinating. No!

He's a little exhausted. Even the doctors said that...

Enough! You're all pissing me off.

You, you, you, and you! And the Alpine soldier too!

- Are you ready or not? Here I am, Puccio, just a moment.

You're long!

Hibernation has become a big deal in the US.

Those with incurable diseases ask to be frozen...

..at the time of death,...

..to be brought back to life in the future,...

..when medicine has found a cure.

Walt Disney himself, the pope...

...of Mickey Mouse, many years ago, at the time of his death...

..he chose hibernation. Pucci, come and see.

- They're talking about hibernation. So what?

- So I understand everything. Understand what?

Suppose that girl I found under the snow...

..if it had been there for a year or two.

She was frozen while she was having the masquerade party...

..and she fell into the crevasse. It could very well be. Hear that?

According to scientists perfecting the project,...

...the chances that upon thawing...

..bodily functions can be fully restored...

..they're getting higher and higher. You're not giving up, are you?

It was there. I saw it. It was inside the ice.

And then? And then... I don't know.

What are you doing? Biting my ear?

- Hold me tight. Why?

Don't you understand?

I'm exhausted, I don't feel anything.

But you haven't heard anything for six months!

1 sheep, 2 sheep, 3 sheep, 4 sheep, 5 sheep, 6 sheep...

1,700,151 sheep,...

..1 million 700 thousand 152 sheep...

1 million 700 thousand 192 sheep.

1,700,193 sheep,...

..1 million 700 thousand 194 sheep.

- 1,700,195 sheep.

1 million 700 thousand 196 sheep.

- 1 million 700 thousand 197 sheep.

1 million 700 thousand 198...

Pucci, Pucci!

Pucci, Pucci!

- Wake up, damn you, you're always sleeping! What's the matter?

Do you see anything outside?

- What do you see, Pucci? Mountains.

Yes, the mountains. Can't you see anything from the window?

And yet... And yet it isn't there.

Pucci, didn't you hear a growl?

- Puccio, that's called a growl. Come on.

Go to sleep, love, keep sleeping.

Puccio, what are you doing?

I'm leaving.

- And what do I do? Do I come with you? No, stay. Keep sleeping.

Pucci is a good girl.

But he has one flaw: he's always sleeping.

He sleeps too much, and then there's no more snow. A little green, finally.

Off track! We're going over!

Are you crazy? You want to get me killed, huh?

Who gave you permission to get in my car?

And don't lick me!

I have to call. I have to call for help.

Holy shit. Hello?

ACI member. Card number 7724757473.

I flipped over.

On the Milan-Cervinia line.

- I ask for immediate assistance.

ACI operator, please hold the line.

A miracle! But...

- But what's going on? Be careful.

Aci, I haven't tipped over again.

Rescue suspended. Thank you.

There you go. I finally figured out who you are.

You are the strength of a hundred arms. Pasta Matic!

- Tick. Yes, Tick. Let's be clear.

At the first police station, I'll drop you off and off you go.

Kaputt, run, away, go, I know.

It went like this. But...

But what does he do?

Did you lose something?

A hare?

Let her down!

I get it: you're a poacher.

No, thanks, I don't like game. You can keep it.

Then you'll eat it tonight.

You make it in psalms. Psalms, you understand?

No! Are you crazy? Are you eating a live hare?

Give it to me. Poor thing, look at her.

Maybe he's looking for his mother. Shame on him!

- Ogna? Yes. Bye. Should I let her go?

- Are you? Yes, are we keeping a live hare?

Go. She had even grown fond of him. Look.

Look how it goes! Hello, little onion!

What a jump! Look! Puff!

Please, come in. Walk.

Eat a live hare.

Nice outfit. What is it, ready-to-wear?

It's a... ocelot, mink?

Or, ah, maybe it's Swedish lamb.

- Cube-cube. Ah, beautiful beast. I like it.

I know her, she's that beast that has a beak and goes...

Listen, what's your name?

- What's your name? Name?

Oh, yeah, you're a foreigner. We can't communicate.

Your name, that is...

"My name, I'm from Tartar de la ler..."

I, Gianni.

- Me, Gianni. No, me, me Gianni.

You, another name, a woman: Ingrid...

I don't know, Marta, Greta...

- Io, Hook. Hook?

- Huk, Huk. Nice name. Nordic, you can tell.

Here. Sorry for the break, but I need to make a 10.

My tank is half full, but I prefer it to be full.

Oh, it's automatic, better. So, I'll put the deca here.

Here.

What's wrong? No, don't do that!

No, are you crazy?

Are you crazy? What have you done?

You're crazy! Leave him, stop it!

Now I'll take you somewhere. Now see where I'll take you.

Stop. Come on, you're a public danger.

Public danger number one. And don't smoke.

And don't talk!

Don't walk!

Everything could blow up at any moment.

Don't make a sound! Don't walk!

Huk, now wait for me for five minutes. I'll

be right back, I'm going to visit a relative.

I'll put the safety on for you. Understand?

Don't move, just stay there, stop.

Stay there, don't worry. Listen to the radio. Good.

- Good morning, sister. Good morning.

I'm looking for Professor Paolini for an emergency admission.

- I'll take her to the chief physician. Thanks. You're staying there, okay?

I am very proud of her.

It's not often that a patient comes spontaneously.

Please, come in, sit down.

For her, I would start with a good sleep treatment.

I just have a free room.

Thanks, but it's not for me.

I'm fine. Really fine...

..good, good, good. Here.

In full health, that's how I am. I feel good.

- Who did you come for, then? Another person.

Another person.

- Excuse me? Another person!

- Hey! Where is she? Why didn't you bring her?

Okay, then I'll talk.

So, she's a woman.

A girl who... is crazy. She's really crazy. If she sees her...

In fact, after he sees it, he takes it and puts it inside immediately.

Just to give you a small example.

First I stop the car, she gets out, finds a hare.

He runs, zin zin, to catch it, and bang, he catches the hare.

He wanted to quarter her and eat her alive. But how?

Tell me how to eat a live hare.

She said: Huk.

He speaks Swedish or Finnish, a Nordic language.

And I: no, no hare. Throw it away. I caught the hare.

Phew! She ran away, like a hare, didn't she?

Then, afterward, I stopped for gas.

I'm about to put the pump on and she, pom! jumps on it.

He takes the pump and throws it away and grrr.

This is really crazy.

But you have to be careful because it's very strong.

He has such Herculean strength that Maciste is nothing compared to him.

You think he lifted the jeep? He went "shack"!

With the jeep. He lifted the jeep.

Now I'll explain to you how I met her.

I was skiing. Swish! No, help, help!

Ah, I'm going down, stop me!

I go down a ravine and bang, I find it in the ice.

Like... Not in an ice cream shop.

I mean, like. I'll heat it up,...

..he comes out with the leather clothes, like this,...

..and he licks me and I say, "How can he lick me?"

Sorry, you can't lick me. I have a girlfriend.

Afterwards, we feel bad.

Let's be clear. Ah, here they are.

Very good. Professor, very kind of you, thank you.

Well, do you want to follow me?

No, no, no.

Who is it? No. Wait, stop.

I'm not the crazy one. I don't want to be here!

I'm an ACI member!

Help, help!

I want a lawyer, the police, the firefighters. Help!

But can't anyone hear me? Free me!

Pucci!

I'm getting out of here. I'm getting out of here!

Oh my God, oh my God.

Oh my God, oh my God.

Knock, Knock!

Please.

Do something for me.

Come on, free me. Come on, come on!

You have the strength of a hundred arms!

Come on, continue!

Good, good! Get me out.

Slowly, I'm tipping over! Slowly!

What do I do? I'm in a harness.

Wait. They thought I was crazy, but I'm not!

I can't do it, what should I do?

No, child abuse! Don't do it! No, no!

What did you do? What did you do?

I'm free. Free!

The keys. We have to find them. Wait, I can't.

Here it is, found it. The key! Come on, let's go. Quick, run away.

You hurt me like crazy.

- Let's see the new patient. He should have calmed down by now.

Did he run away?

No one has ever broken the bars.

There you go, the journey's over, period. Enough, no more talk of it.

Down, down, down. See you later, up, up, down!

Come on. I can't take you anymore. I'm going crazy.

I can't take it anymore! Understand? You made me... What's wrong?

But don't lick me! I don't care if you lick me.

Please. You had me locked up in that place.

You freed me, yes. But from now on, our paths diverge.

They're splitting up. Enough, enough. Bye.

Enough. I can't take it anymore. Any more. Enough.

You're crazy.

I regret

What's up now?

I regret

She's crying. Pucci is always crying too.

All the women start crying.

Huk, Huk.

What, Huk? Don't make me cry.

- Please. Huk.

Oh no, Huk! It was nice that we met.

We've done a lot of things together, but now I have to go.

I can't. I see you're without your purse.

I can help you. I'll give you this money.

Money.

Here, that's 100,000 lire.

They're for eating.

Ahh, to eat, maybe...

You're even crazier. And I'm leaving you, understand?

Make do with your eccentricities.

Go, that's enough. That's enough.

HI.

- But do you love me? Of course I love you.

- And how much do you love me? So much, so much.

- Tell me again. I love you.

- But how much do you love me? So much.

- How much? A lot.

- Tell me again. I love you so much.

- Mr. Bertani? Who are you?

- It's me, your neighbor. Ah, it's you, Colonel.

- But wasn't it in the mountains? Enough mountains, enough.

But what is he wearing?

- It's a new windbreaker, to warm your hands. THEY LAUGH

Wait a minute. Come see these wonderful oranges.

I dedicated all my free time to it.

I'm proud of them. Do you like them?

- Yes! Last year it froze,...

..but this time look how big and pulpy they are.

- Half a kilo each. No! I hate even picking them.

Excuse me, but I have to go. Congratulations.

- Why? For the oranges.

Oh, thank you. You're welcome, you're welcome.

- Goodbye. Goodbye.

Just a moment, just a moment.

- Hello, who is it? It's me, Puccio.

I was worried. I've been calling you for two hours.

Did you have a travel mishap?

Lots of setbacks. Remember the frozen Swedish?

Are you starting again?

Rather, are you having fun or not?

Why don't you come back to me? I miss you.

No, I prefer to stay home. I have a lot to do.

I have to think of a slogan. I have to clean everything. Hello, huh?

- Then I'll come back. No, stay there, it's nice.

There's an express train tomorrow at 6pm. Will you pick me up at the station?

Okay, I'll be there tomorrow at 6:00. Bye now, love, bye.

And the pelvis?

But how come, the pelvis too?

And.

At that time...

626 sheep, 627 sheep,...

..628 sheep.

A noise! The thieves.

No, I imagined it. Pucci always says that too.

No, there it is! There it is! A noise!

Damn it, the thieves.

I'll show it to you.

I pull out my gun. Magnum .38.

Stop, you dirty thieves!

Get down! Stop! Get out of my house! I'm armed!

I'm shooting, huh?

- He shoots. Really? He shoots.

Watch out, I'm shooting, okay?

- And shoot. Pucci, forgive me.

Cowards, you're taking advantage of me because I'm alone. Help!

Security guards! I'm an ACI member!

- Scream, no one can hear anyway. Oh, no? Colonel!

- You wanted to shoot us, huh? Yes. Now we're going to beat you to death.

Ah! What pain! What insane pain!

If only I were free, I'd take you and split you in two.

Leave him, leave him alone.

Yes, what do you have, what...?

Oh, I'm free!

Are you done, idiot?

Let's go away, let's run away!

Huk! You did well to come!

I'm happy to see you again. Very much.

- I love you. Excuse me?

You love me too, so much, so much.

You caught me off guard. I can't, I have another woman.

- Another woman? Yes, Pucci. No, no.

Beautiful! This fur coat is so cute! How soft.

You did well to throw away your cubu-cubu.

That was all... This is better. Take it off, though.

It's very hot in here. You'd better take it out.

Beast, what a thing!

Hold it up,...

..because then it gets that sauna-like heat.

Then you lose weight. Skinny like this. And a skinny woman is very pretty.

It's getting late.

We have to... I mean, you have to go home. It's my house.

Go, please. Thank you for everything you've done.

What's wrong?

Haven't booked any hotels?

Oh, okay. Stay here tonight.

Only tonight, because Pucci is arriving tomorrow.

Suppose he sees you here. He's not very friendly with women.

Then I'll make you stay here.

Oh well. Au, au!

Huk, I'd like to give you some Italian lessons.

- Unction. Lesson.

- Lesson. Okay? Wonderful?- Ful!

Sit down, up here, on the couch. Don't you even have couches?

Okay, wait. Let's turn on the TV.

Here. What's up? Are you scared?

Don't you even have a TV at home?

Not even that? The usual lucky ones.

Donna.

Donna.

Man. Horse.

- Horse. No, with two Ls. Horse.

Horse.

- Tree. Tree.

Great.

- Boat. Boat on the sea.

- Deng! En!

- Man with fire. Fire.

Great. Recess, drrr!

Wait a minute, or I'll get sleepy. I'll smoke a cigarette.

See if you can find some fire? I can't find my lighter.

- Fire. Yes, fire, fire.

I can't find it. Where is it?

Now I understand who you are: Silvan.

Okay, let's continue.

Tiger.

Evil tiger! Man-eating.

What the hell, man-eating! You broke my TV!

But it costs a fortune!

Holy crap, a one-and-a-half-head TV.

What do I do with the remote control now? Come on!

Here, this is the bathroom.

- Bathroom. Bathroom. You want to wash up, right?

- I'll get you a towel now. Hand.

- Yes, towel. Hand.

- Well, you know, water... there. Water.

- Excuse me. Water.

Water. Water!

Here's a nice clean towel.

Come on, take it.

But how disgusting!

Are you washing yourself in the toilet?

But no, this is water.

Water, water, water!

This is where you wash. Do you understand?

Water, water

He wants to wash his back, but I won't even wash Pucci's.

- Gianni? Yes?

No! Are you crazy?

What are you doing?

- I'm not cold. But I'm very hot. No!

Come on. Listen, we're going to sleep now, you understand?

- I'm sleeping. Me here, sofa and me here.

- You over there, in the bedroom. Bed.

- Good night, bye.- 'Night. Good night, go over there.'

What is this here?

1 sheep, 2 sheep, 3 sheep, 4 sheep...

But... But what are you doing?

Sleep, sleep!

But you sleep over there, not here.

You don't understand. Come on, UK, come on. Sorry.

Sleep!

Over there, you can't do it here, okay?

Pucci, Pucci!

What do I have to do for you.

Gianni, Gianni.

Enough sleep. Gianni?

What have you done?

- Huk, beautiful. I understand who you are.

Sitting Bull.

You know, Huk? I've never slept so well...

..like this night.

It almost seems like a miracle. Actually, it is a miracle.

Eat.

Oranges, how I like them.

Where did you get them? They weren't in the refrigerator.

Oh, I see. You went grocery shopping.

Oranges on the tree. Huk on the tree. Bravo!

They'll weigh about half a kilo. Don't let that be true.

Mr. Bertani! Come right away!

It's true! It's true!

- Huk, quickly! Mr. Bertani.

I'm coming! Quick, clean yourself.

Wash yourself, get lost! Cover yourself, cover them!

Put on the blanket. I'm coming, I'm coming!

- Good morning, Colonel. Tell me. Good morning. The thieves!

- There were thieves last night. Yes, mine too!

- Look, they broke the door. What did they take from you?

- They went up first, didn't they? Yes.

Then downstairs and into the living room. They... No, they didn't steal anything.

- They took my oranges. The oranges?

All of them. Beautiful, golden.

You must complain to the residence management.

Put in custodians, armed guards, Dobermans.

Yes, I will definitely support it at the next meeting.

- The support. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Look, I'm at the bottom, eh? "Run," Colonel! "Go!"

Pure thief.

You're a thief too.

How could you steal from the Colonel? Why? Shame on you.

But where does this one come from? What country could she be from? Who knows!

Huk Tree. Gianni Tree.

Huk Tree. All Trees.

You're Russian, I understand.

But in Italy there is private property.

My.

- Mine, mine! Yeah, okay, I get it.

Now I have to go to the office, because I have to... travail, work.

Get dressed. Me too, yes, but what are you wearing?

Under the fur, nothing.

- What size? I don't know.

I always forget.

Well, yes, more or less like her. Only she's stockier.

- A little more... Try to say grr. Grr.

- Grr.- Grr. There, very good.

- The 44. Very good. Anything else?

- Go ahead with the lady. The lady is choosing.

- So it's my turn? Yes.

My girlfriend walks around naked...

..and I'd like to put something underneath.

Underwear? Knickers, panties, or briefs?

- Good. What color? I don't know what color is in fashion.

This year, light blue.

- Celeste? He recommended it to me.

- Good. Look.

We see.

- Shoots. Aren't they big? They're elastic.

- Ah, they fit.- Yes, yes. Very good.

- What size bra? Yeah, you need that too.

My girlfriend has breasts like this.

Jumbo size.

Your ugly cave.

Bella.

No, it's damn beautiful. You ruined the whole wall.

But excuse me, Huk, what have you done?

- No, you don't like it? You like it, but what does condominium say?

Got it? Condominium. These maybe...

Well done, though. From big to small.

Like Pininfarina. Well done.

Maybe you study in Brera?

- Brera? To Brera!

- Many started from there. From there?

- Yes, Dali, Van Gogh. What?

No, soft-boiled egg. Van Gogh. He made a lot of money.

- Lots of money, money, silver. Gento.

- Lots and lots of silver, money. Money!

You buy a new car. Now you get dressed. Here, get dressed.

- Get dressed. No, get dressed. You have to get dressed.

- Me? Yes.

Even the underwear and you're good to go.

- Me? Yes, go. Go over there and get dressed.

Go get dressed, get dressed.

Here he made a horse. Here a moose, male and female.

- And this? An African buffalo? Huk ready.

- I'm beautiful. It seems like he's taking the piss out of me.

Hawaiian?

Here, I'll leave you here downtown. I work nearby.

Yes, it's better. At least here... Please, come.

Come on, Huk. Come on down. Here we are.

- It was a pleasure. Bye. Huk alone.

I wouldn't say alone. Look at all the people.

There's the band, the shops. Go wherever you want. Go to Upim.

Hook but Gianni.

What, love? You use a very big word. Love, to love.

Rather, Huk friend Gianni. Gianni friend Huk.

- We are friends. Kittens.

Yes, like kittens. Very close friends. One day you'll find a man...

..you'll get married, start a family, and have lots of children.

- Bini. Lots of children.

Bye, goodbye.

Huk sad. Very.

Do you want to make me cry again?

Huh? I'm a sentimentalist.

I felt it.

Go away, go to Via Orefici. Go.

I don't want to see you anymore.

Pucci. What can I do for you, Pucci?

I'm not stupid, am I? I am stupid, yes!

Huk, the fur coat!

You forgot the fur, Huk.

It's better that way'.

What a miserable mess.

Hello, direction residence?

I'm the cleaner.

Here at the Bertani villa they dirtied an entire wall.

There is also a door that needs repairing.

Yes, the door needs repairing too. And the TV needs replacing.

Yes, good. Send the maintenance team right away.

Oh, what are you doing? What are you doing?

I don't have any matches. I can't light a cigarette.

But think about it. Here.

- Thanks. But weren't you in the mountains?

Yes, but then I had a fight with Pucci and told her to stay there.

- Why did you fight? Long story, if you knew.

- A Nordic, a Swedish. A Nordic? A Swedish?

You understand? He picked up a foreign girl. Did you get laid?

Marpio.

I bought the house, if you need it, the usual fifty.

- 350 thousand lire. No! 300, that's fine.

But no, no!

- Good morning. Good morning, what would you like?

I read the newspaper. Is this the fur coat?

Yes, that's the one they stole last night. How come you have it?

- Who are you? Are you a fence? No, no.

It was given to me by a repentant thief whose name I cannot reveal.

- But, in exchange... I get it, it's blackmail.

- Do you want money? No, no money.

In return, I wanted a favor. Actually, two.

- Tell me. First, I'd like to stay out of it.

I am a respected professional.

She has never seen or met me.

More more.

Okay. And what's the second favor?

The second would be information.

I read that in place of this there was an old, ancient skin.

- Can I see her? It's impossible. Why?

I have a fair amount of knowledge in zoology.

It looked like a prehistoric animal, which lived thousands of years ago.

- It seems absurd, right? LITTLE CHUCK

- Won't it be a cube-cube? Exactly!

So I sent it to the Institute of Natural Sciences for confirmation.

Hey, where is he going?

Excuse me, is this the Institute of Natural Sciences?

Huh? What?

Ah. What should I write?

Name, surname and address.

- Name, surname... Reason for the visit?

I need to see a fur coat.

And he comes here with all the beautiful shops that there are in Milan?

But this is from an animal that lived years and years and years ago.

Prehistory department.

The tests leave no doubt, it's the skin of a cubu-cubu.

Only schematic drawings remain of this prehistoric feline.

Graffiti in the caves of primitive men.

A mammal, extinct at the beginning of the last glaciation.

- Glaciation? Yes.

It was then that the temperature of our hemisphere dropped.

The ice covered all of Europe from the Pole to the Po Valley.

What's wrong with him? Is he feeling sick?

Anxiety. Excuse me. Is it possible that a living being...

..lived during the Ice Age,...

..remaining in hibernation, can he live to this day?

My dear friend.

It is the dream of us scholars, but it is extremely unlikely.

They have been extracted...

..from the ice, in Siberia, in France in an Alpine gorge,...

..many animals, even perfectly preserved mammoths.

But unfortunately, never human beings. As for reviving them?

I don't think that's likely at all!

- Well, but... But?

A scientific journal says...

..which by combining the defrosting...

..to a bombardment with gamma rays,...

..maybe it would be possible. I disagree. Frescacce!

- Listen, professor. Yes?

What if I told her I found a girlfriend?

His love affairs are none of our business.

Excuse me? I'm talking to the professor.

She sticks her beak in.

I was saying: I found a frozen girl.

-Inside the ice. -Don't talk nonsense!

Let's go. Let's go to the lab.

Well, if I found it... I don't know.

Excuse me, professor.

- Again? What rays are there in the plates?

- Gamma rays. See?

I found the girl,...

..I defrosted it, reheated it.

Tatatata! I bombed her.

And now she's alive, alive, alive!

Do you realize?

She's alive!

- But it can't be. Let him talk.

- And where is this girl? Where is she? She's not here. I mean, she is.

To be there, there is. There is, but now there isn't.

But I could find it.

It was at my house until recently.

Just look and we'll find it.

It is the greatest scientific event of the century.

We need to find this creature to examine it, study it.

With her, space flights to the edge of the universe...

..would become reality.

Future astronauts would be frozen in their spaceships.

- And after thousands of light years...- They would come back to life.

Exploring unknown worlds beyond all galaxies.

- Let's find it! When we have it in our hands,...

..we will be able to analyze her organs.- Yes.

- His blood. Yes.

- Weigh her brain and muscles.- Yes, yes.

- Study the stomach, the heart. Yes, yes.

- Piece by piece! Come on, let's catch the girl.

Listen, where's the girl? The one you mentioned.

- Excuse me? The girl. The one who lived at his house.

Which girl? I'm...

Look, I'm not normal.

Hey, be careful because I'm out of my mind.

I'm a bit like that. Professor Paolini also said so.

I have visions.

I'm exhausted. Any minute now... Look!

Zac! There's a rhinoceros! Zac! Look, there's a spider!

Beast, I got it!

Oh no, throw it away, throw it away!

He jumps on me!

No, I'm crushing it! Watch out!

I'm crazy, crazy! Hello! I'm flying. Phew!

I'm leaving!

I'm a visionary! Hello, Professor!

I told him, it was impossible.

If we listened to every lunatic.

What about the cubu-cubu fur?

There are strange coincidences.

Maybe we scared him.

Stop that gentleman.

Sorry, he's already gone.

Damn, how do you track him down?

- I have your name, surname, and address here. Good.

Here it is, I found it.

Huk, I'll save you. I won't let you tear to pieces...

..from those two bastards who want to cut out your heart.

Liver, kidneys, everything.

- Huk, come with me. Who is she? What does she want?

- I thought she was a troglodyte. Troglodyte me? Ouch!

What a pain. What an excruciating pain!

What's going on? Make way, make way.

- But what is he doing? You can't stay in trees.

Get out of there. I'll call the fire department.

This is crazy. She's crazy.

No!

I said, get out. It's a public park. Right away.

And who is this?

Excuse me, can I do it? I'm an ACI member.

And then I know the young lady well. She's eccentric, but she's not mean.

- You're welcome. Damn it!

- Get down from there right now! No.

- Why not? You don't love me.

Me? I love you very much.

Do you love me?

And.

Gianni loves Huk! So much.

As much as as much good.

Gianni Huk.

Huk. Good, good, Huk.

Bad, you don't climb trees.

Why was he up in the tree? And why was he pulling the pine cones?

Here, I...

She's in love. Then they argue, then now peace.

- Peace and good. Move on.

Circular.

Circular!

But stop it. Listen, let's be clear.

I looked for you because you are in danger.

They want to kill you.

- Beating? Yes, bad men.

With a knife. They want to cut you up.

Don't make me laugh. Stop it.

I'll take you to my house. Bring you home. I'll hide you.

This way you will be safe and they won't find you.

Oh, oh my god.

- So? Nothing. He hasn't come back yet.

Where am I hiding you? Where, where?

Ah, idea.

Hello? This is Gianni Bertani, looking for Piero Locchi.

A friend. Yes, it's urgent.

- Hey, Gianni, what's up? Finally.

What are you hiding? You rascal!

Come, beautiful stranger.

Who are you? I'm Piero Locchi.

He doesn't understand, sorry.

Is that the foreigner? The Swedish one.

- The Nordic.- If I told you... Anyway, let's go.

Yes, yes, let's go.

Here we are, this is my nest. Do you like it? It's all there.

Piano bar with drinks, stereo.

Nice, big, comfortable bed.

- Well, I'm going. No, stay, where are you going?

- I'll leave you alone. But no, you have to stay.

- Should I stay? Yes, of course.

Ah, do you want me to stay?

I get it, you want to have a threesome.

I have to pick up Pucci at the station and I'll bring her here.

- Pucci? Yes. So it's a foursome.

You're an idiot.

Now I'm going to the station to pick up Pucci,...

..then I'll come back.

- I'm coming back. No, I'm coming back.

- I'll be back. Yeah, okay, I'll be back.

Hi. Where are you going? You have to stay here.

You stay here, understood?

- I'll be right back. Be back soon. Are.

Here. Listen, you look at it for me. Don't forget it. Bye.

Do we want to create some atmosphere?

A little music? Voila.

You like music, huh? Let's give the evening some meaning, shall we?

Break the ice? Warm up a bit?

A whiskey? Do you like whiskey?

Oh yeah, you don't understand anything.

And one...

And two. There.

Hand, hand. Dammela.

Here you are.

Drink.

- Good, good. But how do you drink?

What a beautiful linguine you have.

Just one more drop, good girl.

Drink.

It's starting to take effect. Drink up, come on.

Come with your Pierino, give me the glass.

No? Keep it.

Come with your Pierino who will carry you to the bed.

Happy to go on the table?

Good, down. Slowly, there.

No, I'll give you another one later. Yes.

Now I'll warm you up and get you going.

Oh, but do you like to hurt?

You're a sadist.

Yes, hurt me.

This is too much.

You're hurting me too much like this! No!

But this is a beast.

Then you have to tell me why you're late.

A lot of shit happened. It was out of this world.

- What else happened? We have to save that woman.

You know that woman from the past?

Oh, you're starting again. Look, I'm going back to the mountains.

No, dear. Otherwise those bastards will tear her to pieces.

Who are they tearing to pieces? You've gotten worse. You're giving me numbers.

Come on, hurry. He's in danger.

But where are you taking me?

You'll meet this girl and you'll understand that I'm not lying.

Come on, come on, come on.

- What are you doing? Piero, Huk, open up!

- Why are you calling Piero? This is his gar onnie're.

- But it says Salimbeni. Was it supposed to say Rocky?

La gar onnie're is a secret place.

Piero!

- Piero, such a serious person. And yet he has the gar onnie're.

Open up, guys, it's us!

- Can't you see there's no one there? Silence.

What, is there no one there?

Yeah, there's no one. Damn.

Do you want to see that he took her away? 'That scoundrel.

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

- Yes, who is it? Gianni. It's urgent.

Extremely urgent. Now?

Yes, come down. Down? Why?

Oh, is your wife there? Yes, she is.

Here. Then you go down or I'll go up.

Got it? Move it. All right, I'm coming.

- What's up? Here you are. Oh, hello, Pucci.

- The girl? Where is she? Which girl?

The one I left you.

- Did you leave me a girlfriend? The primitive one, a little strange.

You left me a primitive girl? Me?

- Yes, in your gar. Do you have a gar?

- Me? You're welcome, I've never had one. No, he has one, he has one.

He's crazy, he's raving. Excuse me, you remember the shark, huh?

- Pucci, he's schizophrenic, right? Yes, he's a little exhausted.

What, exhausted. Shame on you, shame on you!

You don't speak because she's there. Shame on you, lying to yourself.

I've got an idea. Come on, I'll show you.

Me, a gar onnière? With a wife as beautiful as you?

Come on! Oh, what are you doing? No!

- Here are the keys. Goodbye. Stop, madam, stop!

- Wait a minute, stop. What is it?

Good evening.

Can you tell my girlfriend what happened this morning?

- What happened? What happened?

- Really, I don't know. Don't you remember? I came here.

- Her? Yes. But I don't know her.

- Excuse me a moment, please. You're welcome.

- Did they steal your fur coat? Yes, that's true.

Don't you remember? I brought it back to you. Look at me.

Her? I've never seen her or met her.

I understand that she wants to keep her word, but it's Pucci.

She's my girlfriend.

I can't tell you stories. I have to tell the truth.

I told her no and I repeat it again.

I've never seen her. Never, never, never.

More more more. More.

- More, more, more? More.

But how?

Now come with me. Something just occurred to me.

Come on, I'll show you.

Okay. They say... But what do they say?

Come on, Pucci. Look at the graffiti. Look.

Puccio, calm down.

- I feel sick.- What if I see graffiti? Yes, I do.

- But I don't see them. Puccio, calm down.

I don't understand why. Oh, there I am! The television.

She broke it with the ashtray. Here it is, look at it.

The TV is fine. It's me who isn't.

Calm down. I'm going to unpack in the meantime, okay? Calm down.

- Anxiety. Anxiety. Calm down.

Anxiety. Do you know what I do?

A nice hot tub.

It relaxes me.

How good I feel.

Puccio, enough with the mountains. The snow is bad for you.

The cavewoman.

I imagined it.

It doesn't exist.

Do you know where we're going this summer? To Brazil.

The beaches of Rio, of Copacabana.

I bought a swimsuit. I'll show it to you later.

Ah, the bubbles are scratching me!

Professor, look.

It's her. Let's go.

Honey, I'm cured.

I'm fine. It was all a hallucination.

Huk is a hallucination.

Pucci, listen...

She's not there. What if she's a hallucination too?

The troglodyte regains consciousness.

- Won't he go into shock? Don't worry.

We have reconstructed its natural habitat exactly,...

..precisely to avoid trauma.

Quick, raw meat!

- But what does he want? He probably wants fish.

- Good job, fish! Raw fish! PANTS!

Stop it, police! This is kidnapping.

It's true! They drugged me and kidnapped me.

Wait a minute. It's for the good of science.

This woman lived 30,000 years ago. She's a troglodyte.

- A troglodyte. Ma quale troglodita?

Are you crazy? Free my woman immediately.

Elisa Marzotti.

Born in Biella, July 9, 1960.

Show him the American Express.

Cheers to us.

- How's the soup? Deng!

- I'm happy. Listen, dear.

Now that I'm healed, you'll always stay with me, right?

I will always be with you, Puccio.

I feel good, you know? Really fit.

And then it's nice to be here with you, in this...

..this beautiful house of ours with beautiful furniture,...

..some nice sofas, with our beautiful garden.

-What's going on? What's wrong? I'm having a bad stomachache.

- Where are you going? I'm having a relapse. I'm going out...

..to get some fresh air.

Do you want some chamomile tea to make you feel better?

Thank you, very kind.

Ah, so I'm not crazy.

You really exist.

- Sure, you exist. You're bad.

- Bad? Why? You love another woman.

You don't love Huk.

But she's Pucci, my girlfriend, my woman.

Come on, at least that way...

- You love another woman. Ouch!

What a piercing pain in my melon!

Here's the chamomile, Puccio.

Puccio? Puccio?

But where are you?

Huk, you know I really like you?

Even if you are 30,000 years old.

Apart from the fact that I've never liked girls.

Gianni, I love you.

I love you too. It seems like a beautiful dream to me.

A fairy tale.

- Gianni, stop sleeping.

And?

- You my man. Yes.

You hunt.

Yes, but I don't have a license...

..not guns.

You... hunt.

And we... eat.

Oh, with a club. Yes, but what?

- Cover it. Cover it.

Small? Big? What's it like?

- Cover it! Cover it.

I'm going.

I'll go, kill him, and come back.

Cover it! Cover it!

Happy? The big day has finally arrived.

After almost a year.

Schizophrenia must be treated with a lot of patience.

And her boyfriend, he knows,...

..he was absolutely resistant to any treatment.

- Is he okay now? Very good. You'll see for yourself.

Miss Raffaeli, let Mr. Bertani in.

And will he be able to work again?

Sure, it's become very normal.

What's wrong with him?

Side effects of electroshock. They will disappear.

Hi.

Don't you call me Pucci anymore?

- Can I call her Pucci? Isn't that your Pucci?

- Hi, Elisa. It doesn't seem very normal to me.

Very normal. He even recognized her.

Do we want to try asking him some questions?

Who is Huk?

And?

Huk? I don't know, I don't know any Huk. What is it?

- Don't you remember the troglodyte anymore? The troglodyte?

Which?

The hibernating one, which emerged from the glacier after 30,000 years.

Are you kidding me? There are no troglodytes, no.

See? Happy?

- But it's strange. What's strange?

If there is no troglodyte, who have I fallen in love with?

About me, Puccio!

No, not about you. And not about her either.

Side effects.

Most recoverable.

Well, I'm off, okay? Goodbye, Professor, thank you.

- Good evening, ma'am. Do you want me to accompany you, darling?

- No, thanks, I'll go alone. Leave it, he needs solitude.

I didn't fall in love with her either.

How long do you want to stay alone?

Forever.

If I can get the gears up, I'll come up. Come on, come on.

Come on, go on.

Go ahead, go ahead.

Bye bye.

I've never seen you but it feels like I've known you forever.

You may have seen me in Vogue. I'm Huk.

I now work in high fashion. I specialize in furs.

- I don't read it. But it's strange. What?

I don't know you, yet I already feel that I love you.

Yes, I love you. But do you love me too?

- Deng! Deng?