Original subtitles

-Previously on Hard Rock Medical.

-I'm Dylan, Nancy Siebolski's son.

There's been a family emergency.

He had some kind of stroke.

-His fiancée's with him, right? -She couldn't handle it.

-Get yourself cleaned up, this offer has an expiry date.

-It'd be fun to work here.

-I'll pass along your number to the vet.

-That "grand vision" bolt of lightning rarely strikes me.

-I got bitten by a snake!

-It's vulnerable to infection. We gotta find it.

-Hand it over Amanda.

-Gonna frisk her every day? -Whatever it takes.

[theme music]

[zipping sound]

[theme music]

[wolf growling]

[Dr. Healy shrieks and then pants.]

[howling outside]

-[Cameron]: No, of course I like your cooking.

Yes...

We both know why I haven't been there in a while.

Even if he's my father,

it doesn't give him the right.

All right, whatever!

I have a lot of school stuff,

but I will be there.

Yes, I'll leave

my pissy attitude at home.

OK, bye.

[French-language music playing]

[The phone rings.]

-Great! When are you ever early, Charlie?

-I checked the cabin, there was no sign of him.

-[Dr. Dallaire]: Maybe he went into town.

-No, his Harley was still there.

I don't know, I just looked everywhere,

but then the weather turned nasty

and I felt like Mary Poppins

trying to keep my umbrella from taking flight,

which I failed miserably at,

and then I slipped in the mud and...

-I'm too old for this stuff.

-Ray, he'll be back.

-I'm trying to run a medical school, not a daycare.

[loud thunder]

-That's scary! -You all right?

-Yeah, everything's fine.

I gotta get to the crash site, I'll talk to you later.

♪♪♪

-So how's Erica dealing with the news?

-She seems at peace with it, strangely enough.

She's more concerned about her boys.

-Yeah, it's tough on 'em. Any idea what she's gonna do?

-Her parents are both passed.

She hasn't seen her ex in over 10 years.

Who knows what happened to him!

She's actually considering giving them up for adoption.

-Really? How's she planning to do that?

-She wants to put an ad in the paper!

-What?! That's crazy.

You know what? I'll take the kids.

-Charlie, you've already got

3 kids with one on the way!

Cheaper by the dozen refers to eggs, not kids!

Hang on. Pull over.

♪♪♪

-There you go, pal.

-Care to join us, Mr. Cahill? -Yep!

-What happened to you?!

-An unfortunate encounter with the elements.

-Want to take a couple of minutes and get cleaned up?

-I'm good. All right, so here we are.

Today we're doing a natural disaster simulation.

A tornado has torn though a campsite.

There are multiple victims, everyone's status is uncertain.

The task is to go in, assess the situation,

perform triage, and treat according to

the victims' responses.

Are we all clear? -[all]: Yep.

[car doors closing]

-[Charlie]: All right... Go!

I'll get the other end.

-Holy crap, Farida!

He's still breathing.

Let's turn him over. -Yeah.

-Slowly.

-Dr. Healy? Dr. Healy?

-Mother Mary? Joseph?

Buddha? Buddha-Buddha-Buddha!

-[both]: It's us!

[exerting himself]

-I remember running through a forest chasing a predator.

And this storm blows in... Hail, lightning, thunder.

All that was missing was the raining frogs.

-Frogs? You mean cats and dogs?

-No, book of Exodus. Better than raining pitchforks!

Nothing at all? Forget it...

-Let's get you up. -Come on.

-OK... No vital signs, loss of limb.

I'll go out on a limb and pronounce this guy dead.

-[laughing]: Roger that!

[loud coughing] I got this one.

-OK.

-Keep calm, sir. -[Nancy]: Let's have a look.

Yep...

Might be a,

splenic injury. [He laughs.]

-Will I live? -Yeah, you'll live.

-Thanks.

-You're welcome.

Hum... Need that hand back. -Sorry!

It's not what you think. I got carried away.

-Is everything all right? -Ah...!

Wife stuff. You know...

-Yeah, yeah. Relationships...

♪♪♪

-That's knob and tube, ma'am, we can't insure that. However,

I know a guy who can upgrade the entire electrical for you

at a very reasonable price.

I'll be with you in a minute.

I can have him come by and give you that quote today.

It's no problem, ma'am.

OK, and I'll prepare the policy for you. Bye for now.

-You know that's a conflict of interest, right?

-Ah, can I help you?

[dramatic music]

-Whoa! What're you doing?

-[laughing]: I think you have a broken femur.

-These are $200 jeans.

-You wore $200 pants to a disaster simulation?

-I was expecting wardrobe.

-I hate to tell you this, but this is not a Hollywood set.

-Not even close! The craft and catering suck.

[She laughs.]

So you're a real actor? -Oh yeah.

This is just a side gig until I get the call.

Should be any day now. -I hear ya.

You gotta work until that big break comes along.

-Is that what you're doing? -Hmm!

-According to my calculations, Watson,

your client was owed a lump sum of $50,000.

But for some odd reason,

there appears to be $10,000 missing.

-Oh yeah, that's because there's fees,

deductible, due diligence...

It's really a complicated process.

-Go ahead, give it your best shot.

-Pardon? -This very complicated process.

Go ahead, explain.

-All right. In a nutshell... -No, not in a nutshell!

I'd like to hear all the little itty-bitty intricate details

of how you screwed Ray Teneli of his compensation here.

Go ahead. Explain.

-I'm sorry, are you with the

insurance company? A lawyer?

Look, Ray Teneli is my brother-in-law.

-What?! -Yeah.

And I'm the godfather to his daughter,

so how's that gonna look?

-Not very promising if you're in her future.

-You know what, sweetheart? I'm busy.

-You know what, Marty?

I'll let you think about what you'd like to do,

and then I'll be back.

[train whistle in the distance]

-Hey...!

Oh, oh...

Let me, uh, give you a hand here.

Have a seat.

OK... What's your name?

-Whose shoes are those?

-OK, possible amnesia might be the first sign of head trauma.

-Your name? -No,

not Anastasia. My name is Dawn.

-Hum. Do you have a scenario card I can look at?

-Huh? -Your particulars?

-Oh... 36-28-34.

[He chortles.]

-OK, maybe we should take this one step at a time.

[She vomits and coughs.]

[crows cawing]

-Rufus?

-Amanda!

Hey, have you seen Amanda?

Shit!

Amanda! Have you seen Amanda?

Have you seen Amanda? Amanda!

-Amanda's getting herself cleaned up, mate.

-What'd you say?

-I said Amanda's getting herself cleaned up

and you might consider the same.

-Oh yeah? You might consider kissing my ass, jerk-off!

[grunting]

-I'm fine, I don't need this.

-We'll do a quick check-up to make sure.

-OK sure.

-Who, when and where?

-Doctor, Tuesday afternoon,

and I'm stuck in the middle with you.

-It's Monday and last answer's a song title.

-How many fingers?

-Trick question! Two fingers and a thumb.

-Feel light-headed or nauseous?

-I haven't eaten in 2 days!

-Ringing in your ears, irritability?

-I haven't eaten in 2 days! -Spell Mississippi backwards.

-What is going on here?

-Concussion protocol. -Protocol, B.S.!

This is an ambush, Dallaire-style!

-We're taking you to the hospital.

-No! I knew that slimy snake would have some kind of angle.

I've been away a week and suddenly...

-A month! -...you're all over the place!

-Whoa, I got ya, I got ya!

You OK? Huh?

-I'm fine! I'm fine!

-Dr. Healy, you're not a very good patient.

-What was that? What were you doing there?

-Nothing. I'm just... -And I'm the bad patient?

Here, pull up a stump. Pull up a stump, student!

-I've always been fascinated with medicine.

Go online and diagnose ailments I had

or my friends had when we got together.

-You must be fun at parties. -Oh yeah!

One of my friends had symptoms the doctor told her it was mono,

but I checked it out... West Nile it was!

-Wow, very perceptive!

-I made sure she confirmed it with her doctor, though.

-You could be both an actor and a doctor.

-Exactly my thought.

I figured the best way to do that is to play a doctor,

like in a series like ER.

Then you've got the best of both worlds.

-True. -Hello!

-Hey! -May I?

Thanks. What do we have here, Eva?

-Hum, multiple traumas,

including the head trauma,

a dislocated shoulder that needs to be reset,

a compound fracture to the right femur

that I've obviously been securing with a traction splint,

and I've sedated the patient with ketamine.

-Good. And...? -An ipsilateral neck fracture

might coincide with a femur hip trauma.

-What?

-Matt here is studying online to be a doctor,

hoping to land a big role in a big TV series.

-Well, Doctor Google, how about you be the patient and let Eva

be the doctor today?

Please, Thank you. Thanks, Eva.

[Eva laughs.]

Mr. Cahill! -Yes.

-What are you looking at? -Possible concussion.

Maybe a slight cerebral haematoma.

There are amnesia-like symptoms.

Dizziness, nausea,

followed by vomiting. Real vomiting.

-She actually vomited? -In Technicolor.

-Oh Jesus!

I keep telling them not to send me these method actors.

God! OK, just carry on.

-All right! OK! I'm gonna let you up, all right?

-Where is she? I want to see her.

-Look, if you're willing to get some help first...

-She's carrying my kid. I have a right to see her.

-All right.

I'll look into it. Where can I find you?

-I'll be here.

-Food allergies, new soaps, could be the hijab.

-The hijab? What do you mean?

-Maybe it's polyester, so that could be an allergy.

-[scoffing]: This is quality silk from Turkey.

-I'm just saying, I had eczema between my fingers

that flared up during stressful times.

Marriage, divorce, and actually death.

♪♪♪

I went through 2 cases of cortisone

when they cancelled MacGyver.

[He laughs.]

Got any food in that car?

I could eat the hind end out of a skunk.

-Yeah, I'll be right back. -OK.

-Hey, how's Maybelene?

-Who? -Maybelene... My Harley.

-Good. -Awesome.

-How's Nancy?

She's doing OK, I guess.

You heard about her husband, right?

-OK, I have a tuna wrap and an apple.

-Thank you very much. -You're welcome. We should go.

Will we be seeing you back any time soon, Dr. Healy?

-Oh yeah, I'm just on sabbatical, you know?

I'm just working up a new program for Ray.

What's with the look?

What are people saying? -Nothing.

-How about we give you a ride back to your cabin?

-No, I'm fine! Tell Dallaire I

walked back under my own steam!

-Dr. Healy...

You're really missed.

-I sweat when I'm sleeping,

flipping and turning,

and keeping my wife up, and she gets pissed.

Bad enough my equipment's not working properly lately.

-Oh, I see. How long you been married?

-22 years. -You still love your wife?

-Yeah!

We've been to hell and back a few times but,

we're just not clicking lately...

-Listen, it's not uncommon.

A lot of men go through this phase.

-It's not?

-Probably your testosterone's just a little low.

My husband went through this... -Hello. Hi!

-Hi. -How we doing here?

-Good, really good.

-Can I see your scenario card?

So? -Oh...!

Yeah, we have a head laceration,

a possible dislocated shoulder,

abdominal pain,

which I haven't ruled out,

the possibility of a splenic injury.

-Hmm. Well done. Thanks.

-Excuse me.

Hmm... Dr. Helvi. -Yeah?

He's also suffering from

loss of sleep, lack of appetite and a low libido.

-I...

-Well, his real symptoms.

-He could quit smoking and take up the treadmill.

-No, that's not it.

I saw my husband go through the same thing as...

-How about we stick with the program here, OK?

-From personal experience, I'm just telling you...

-Wash, rinse, repeat! That's all we're doing today.

-So you'd rather I treat the actor with the fake symptoms

as opposed to the real person?

-Would we be having this chat

if this were a real tornado disaster?

-Would we? -No, we would not.

-Wonderful.

-And how's your neck? -Sore.

-OK.

That is a very interesting tattoo.

I've never seen one like that. Where'd you get that done?

Ah... Dr. Helvi! I need a hand over here!

-You are so cute!

I just want to take you home. Yeah!

-Hey, poochie. Time to take you to doggie heaven.

-What?! No, you can't do that.

-30 days, Gina. No one's claimed him. That's the drill.

-But it says on his form that he's being released today.

-That's what that means.

-But you can't do that.

I mean he's... he's so adorable.

-If adorable was the criteria, they'd all still be here.

[dogs barking]

-What's going on? -She just fainted.

Yeah, I...

-Get her on her side quick, in case she vomits.

Eva, time the convulsions. -Maybe she's epileptic.

-Did she have an ID bracelet? -Not that I recall...

-Maybe lost it in the tornado. -Are you finished?

-Just trying to help. -What did her scenario card say?

-She didn't have one. -What?!

She's not one of our actors, then.

-15 seconds. -That's a pretty strange tattoo.

-It's nothing like the other one.

-It's not a tattoo, it's a Lichtenberg tree figure.

-What does that mean? -She's been struck by lightning.

-She's running a fever. Get the paramedics over here.

[railway crossing bell]

♪♪♪

-Richard?

[typing sounds]

-Guess who came looking for Amanda today?

-Who? -Amanda's boyfriend, Noah.

-Oh yeah?

-He looked a little whacked out

but insisted on seeing Amanda and his kid,

and I said I'd look into it.

-There's nothing really to look into, is there?

-He doesn't have a right to see his unborn child?

-I'm just looking out for the best interests of Amanda,

her baby and Trevor. End of story.

-So what do I go back to him with?

-Point him towards help and hopefully he'll consider it.

-Like what?

-[sighing]: The last thing Amanda needs

is her junkie boyfriend pulling on her heartstrings

and dragging her back down the rabbit hole.

[door banging]

-I'll let him know.

[heart monitor beeping]

-[over the PA system]: Paging Dr. Bender, please.

-Hi, you must be Nancy. -Yes, I am. I'm Nancy.

I'm sorry, you would be?

-Heather. Warren's fiancée.

-[in a whisper]: Warren's fiancée. Ah...

-Oh, sweetheart!

♪ Take a picture with your camera ♪

♪ Put it in a wooden frame ♪

♪ Then you place it on the table ♪

♪ I will go and do the same ♪

♪ We'll remember all these moments ♪

♪ Just like they were yesterday ♪

♪ Oh but will it be too painful ♪

♪ When it's lost and gone away ♪

♪ It's 6 a.m. I have to go and start the day ♪

♪ You know you always make it so I'm not to stay ♪

♪ Maybe in another life ♪

♪ The stars would align ♪

♪ Just straight ♪

♪ Take a paper from my notebook ♪

♪ Write down all the words to say ♪

♪ Then I'll put them in a parcel ♪

♪ Out of sight and locked away ♪

♪ One day when I'm feeling like it ♪

♪ I'll send all these thoughts away ♪

♪ So you'll know them just like I do ♪

♪ And our hearts will be the same ♪

♪ It's 6 a.m. I have to go and start the day ♪