Original subtitles

- Previously on Hard Rock Medical.

-25 years on the wrong end of a pneumatic drill.

-Ever been diagnosed for white hand syndrome?

-This is the only thing that helps: Buddha's Sister.

-I went out with a married man. -No way!

-We'd spend weekends together.

-Hand it over, Amanda.

-It didn't just cost me, I dragged my wife down with me.

I wanted to pamper her. -When's the last time you went?

-Four weeks ago. -Really?

-I think I got an idea. -OK, so you were right!

-No, no, God no!

Thanks for nothing!

[theme music]

[theme music]

-By small airplane, I didn't think you meant toy airplane.

-It's not everyone's cup of tea, but it's the fastest way.

They'll ferry us back and forth.

-Unless you wanna walk through the forest for 8 hours,

but I wouldn't want to run into old Yellow Top.

-Mythical creature territory! Like yeti, Sasquatch?

-Dolpharoo? -Actually,

those are mythical creatures.

Old Yellow Top's a Windigo.

-Which is...?

-Algonquin Nation lore.

-Tall as a tree, lipless mouth,

footprints full of blood.

Eats any man, woman or child venturing into its territory.

-Are you kidding me?

Listen to me, you morti di fame!

How dare you bring up ratings?

I put your anaemic network

on the map!

I deliver the biggest fish

and the biggest stars.

What?!

Sam Pisano does not take

a dive for anybody!

-Sam, drop it.

-I'll catch the biggest gagootz

in this godforsaken lake,

and when I do, you are going to kiss my ass

in Eaton's window!

Where the hell is Shatner?! -He's running late.

-This isn't rocket surgery, you baccalà.

I told you to go and pick him up!

-He's gonna makesalsiccia out of you anyway.

-What's that? -Face the facts.

Your show is calledYou Can't Beat Sam,

and lately, you can't even beat oogatz.

-Oh yeah? Well, I got oogatz for you.

You're friggin' fired!

-If I had a nickel for every time I heard you say that one...

-I hope he's not coming with us. -We don't need him.

I got Jimmy and Jimmy's friend, and that's all I need.

Camera and sound, I don't need you!

You guys wait here for the Shatz.

I'm going to go on ahead and set this up, OK?

Hi, honey! Listen, I need you to do something for me.

Come on, don't be like that baby!

No, that's some jerkoff at the network.

-[Gina]: Hey! -OK, we'll take the next one.

-Rude!

["Vesti la giubba" playing]

-Where you going? -I have to get back for

a couple of days, to take care of a few things.

-Oh, OK.

-But when I get back, I was thinking

that we could go to Chicago for a weekend.

You know, pick up right where we left off.

-I thought we were doing a pretty good job right here.

-Yeah, but a change of scenery might be nice.

-OK, sure.

[smack]

-Have a good day. -You too.

[water crashing against the bank]

-What?!

Shatner's not coming now?

Great, see if I ever do his golf tournament again!

What about Espo?

Espo's in the Sault.

No, I'm fine!

I'm taking my pills. Yes, I'm fine!

I'd be even finer if you could dig someone up for me.

Up here? No, not unless it's Rocky and Bullwinkle.

Do whatever you can do, OK?

OK, thanks. Unbelievable!

Hey, I know you, don't I?

-Uh, no, I don't think so.

-Yes, I do!

You're that guy from that show,The Mental Case.

[Gary laughs, Cameron chuckles.]

Right? -No, I'm just a med student.

But I've cast a line or two in my day,

but I think my Aussie mate is more what you're looking for.

Big star in Australia, Olympic medallist swimmer.

-Really? -Oh yeah!

Phelps got nothing on him!

-You'll have to excuse my Canadian hoser friend here.

His mouth runneth over like a big mouth bass.

-Whatever! Any sport in a storm, right?

You're as close to famous as I'll get out in this swamp.

So you ever fish? -No, but how hard can it be?

-[with Australian accent]: I'll show you how hard, governor!

Come on, let's get started!

-[under his breath]: Thanks.

♪♪♪

-Are you OK? -The glucola isn't sitting well.

Hope we don't have to drink anymore, Dr. Cardinal.

You won't. That was the last round.

-Watch it!

-Want me to fish around somewhere else for a vein?

I need a GPS here!

-Won't be the last time you

use each other as guinea pigs.

-Next time, can we make it

a "Svedish" massage?

-Are we done? -All right, class dismissed!

You might want to get some food in your system first.

-Yeah, and some blood! -Hey!

-Well done-sies. -All right.

-How's Amanda's withdrawal treatment coming along?

-Honestly, it's chewing up a lot of my time.

-How's that? -Amanda and Trevor are living

in my backyard.

-Why? -So I can keep an eye on them!

Between shuttling them to counselling,

and her to methadone treatments, I'm...

-There are other options. She could be on suboxone.

It could be administered at home.

-But someone still has to be there to baby-sit.

Well, think it through, you're not alone.

Takes a village to raise a doctor.

-Hmm.

-Hey. -Hey!

-Sorry about all that braggiol'

there with my boss.

-You're boss...

Didn't you get fired? -Yeah, that never sticks.

It's always groundhog day with him.

By the time we get there, he'll have calmed down.

-Hmm, until you get fired again.

[She laughs.]

-Probably. -Hey!

-Doc.

-What do you say we toss in a line while we're waiting?

-Sounds like a good idea. -It's good fishing here.

-You've never heard of You Can't Beat Sam?

-No. -No frickin' TVs in England?

[Cameron chuckles.] You know...

...before "Sam" came along, all fish shows were dull,

boring doughballs doing self-indulgent fish porn.

I've gone mano a mano with the best of the best.

Super Bowl champs,

hockey players, rock stars...

Presidentes! -Really?

Castro? Who won? -Let's just say

I got enough cohibas to start my own revolution.

[He laughs.]

-Olé!

-Yes, compadres,

there is not a sea, lake,

river, pond or swamp

that I have not brought to its knees,

and people have been tuning in for over 10 years

to watch Sam claim his piscatory supremacy.

So saddle up, amigo!

I've got to make you look passable,

and I gotta do it before that

useless crew of mine arrive.

[phone ringing] Oh God! What now?

-My father used to come up here when I was a kid.

He was a tool and die maker, and with the long hours,

this place was a good way for him to decompress.

-Did you ever come up with him?

-No, he was trying to get away from us.

Eight kids!

He needed his alone time.

I think fishing was actually good for his health.

-Kind of like an apple a day keeps the doctor away, huh?

-That's right!

I can't say I've ever prescribed fishing to a patient,

but I don't think it would hurt.

It certainly didn't do my father any harm.

[She laughs.]

-Took your worm.

-Sometimes you think fish have hands.

-Baby, you gotta keep looking.

No, I don't think this goomba is going to work out.

Yes, I took my pills, I told you!

I gotta go, I gotta go! Goodbye!

Woah, woah! What is happening here?

-I'm giving him a few pointers.

-[laughing]: That's adorable, Goldilocks,

but why don't you take 5 so you don't hurt yourself?

Why don't you go make me a sandwich or something?

-Coming right up! -Great, thank you.

All right now, my friend,

watch and learn.

["La donna è mobile" playing]

Piece of cake!

-Got it!

[casting sound, then a splash]

-Oh come on! My dachshund can cast better than that!

-[Cameron]: You have a sausage dog?

-My wife has a sausage dog, you idiot!!!

-That who you were talking to on the phone?

-My sausage dog? -No, your wife.

-Are we going to talk or fish?

You gotta get good at this so we can get this show on the road!

[phone ringing] Ah!!! Now what?!

God!

What is it?

Ah!!!

-I've never been out this way before. Nice!

-Ray, take a seat.

Please.

-So what's on your mind?

-Well, I was on rotation at the prison the other day,

and I met an inmate who's an ex-miner

who suffers from the same condition as yours,

and he's been treating it with marijuana.

It's called [laughing] Buddha's Sister.

[He laughs.] -Interesting.

-He says it helps with the pain.

I could get you some. -I bet you could.

No, not for me.

-OK, I just thought it might help.

-What's this guy's name? -His name?

-What, is that patient confidentiality or something?

[She chuckles.]

-Ah... Hank something? -Hank Tebow?

-Yeah.

-Poor bugger's fallen on hard times.

Should've got more insurance, like I did.

-So you got private disability too?

-I got an extra $50,000.

But with all the fees and deductible,

it ends up being 10 grand less than that.

-What do you mean, deductible?

-Sort of like the deductible on your car insurance.

But I'm with people that I know,

and they're taking care of all the little details and stuff.

-I got to say, Ray, doesn't sound right.

-What do you mean? -I used to be a lawyer.

Mind if I take a look at that policy?

I think I can help you get that 10 grand back.

-You happy to be back on the beat again?

-The beat?

Oh yeah.

It's temporary until Dr. Healy

gets back on the horse again.

-[laughing]: You mean the wagon. -Yes, the wagon.

-You two go back a long way? -We met in med school.

Did our internship together,

and then did a stint

with Doctors Without Borders.

I was best man at his wedding.

-So kind of attached at the hip. -Yeah, but not at the head.

-No! You and Dr. Healy are very different.

In a good way. Like a

tomato-tomahto kind of way.

-More like a tomato and coconut kind of way.

[She laughs.]

-My nonno, he's Calabrese,

so I know all about hard heads.

My nonna used to yell at him:

"Testa dura, metta la coppola!"

[She laughs.]

It means,

"Wear your hat in the garden."

But before you know it, he was passed out from a sunstroke.

Next day, he was back in the garden, without a hat!

-Six nuts to choose from, and you got to hook into mine!

-Sorry!

-You have extracted a hook before, right?

-From a fish's mouth and gills,

but I can't recall pulling one out of its testicles.

-Do fish have testicles? -I don't know.

-Oh my God! Is this what it's come to?

The final indignity with you two idiots.

-Just consider it a bump in the road.

-It's not a bump in the road!

It's a devil's rattlin' spoon

and it's stuck in my crotch,

and it hurts like a mother! -Sam, I've got to freeze it.

-Ah! Ahhh!!!

[Italian-style music]

[door closing]

-Ooh, what's this?

-Oh hey!

-"Happy anniversary"? Is he kidding me?

I don't need the freaking Avon lady!

-Look, lady, I'm just the messenger.

-That idiot had 4 weeks until his release,

and then he screwed it up by getting himself slapped with

another 6 months!

-He got an extra 6 months?

-They said he tried to escape,

but he claims that some trainee doctor

told him to go do it in the woods!

-Listen, maybe I can explain...

-It's bad enough I just lost my job at the hair salon

'cause some bimbo took issue with her dye job!

-What I'm trying to say is... -That shade of pink is hot now!

-The reason why Pete... -Woah! Hey, buddy, you OK?

-[Dallaire]: Le petit maudit!

He's mocking me now!

-So much for fishing calming the nerves...

-I guess I'm not my father's son.

-Did you mind not being a part of this?

-I didn't take it personally, we did other things together.

And in the end,

he died in the place where he was most happy.

-What happened?

-Well, he didn't come home one night,

and then we found him the next day in his chair on the dock,

fishing rod in one hand and beer in the other,

like he'd just gone to sleep.

-They say some animals, when they know they're going to die,

they seek out their comfort spot

and they just lie down and go to sleep.

-That's very perceptive.

I imagine that's probably what happened.

-How much longer is this gonna take?

-It's a little more complicated than I thought.

[Sam whines.] -You OK, Sam?

-No, I'm done, I'm through.

-I'm almost done, Sam. -No, the show.

The ratings are down, we're on the verge of cancellation.

I haven't caught a big fish in such a long time.

My mojo is just shot!

-You're just being hard on yourself.

-No, really! Last week I got my ass kicked by Peewee Herman!

-Well, think of it differently.

Maybe it's not the end, but the beginning of something new.

-Is that what you told yourself when Phelps came along?

-Yeah, one door closes and another door opens.

Now I'm here starting life as a doctor.

-Well, I know it's a little bit of a cliché,

but I always wanted to be spaceman when I was little.

-Yeah! If they can send a chimp into outer space,

why can't they send Sam Pisano?

-Bingo!

-Pease tell me that's not what I think it is.

-Pretty sure it's just a piece of your gotchies.

Let me get you some ice.

-You know what? You're right.

I gotta learn to roll with the punches.

What is it they say?

A rolling stone gathers no moths?

-I don't think that's the phrase.

[phone ringing]

-Hello?

Oh yeah. OK, hold on.

Uh, Sam, it's the network.

-Oh it's the network, is it?!

Coming on their knees to beg me to come back to them, are they?

Give me that phone! [He laughs.]

Yeah?

-Thought we lost you there. -What?

-You might want to lay off that nasty habit of yours.

-No, I was just... giving blood.

I should've eaten something.

What's that smell? Who's burning bacon?

-No, it's my clothes, from the grease fire.

-You had a fire?!

-Not big enough to burn

this mould trap down,

but yes, the whole place just reeks.

-I'll write you a cheque to help out.

-Why would you want to do that?

-You'll need new clothes for a job.

-What's the hitch?

Oh, I get it!

All right. -No, no strings attached.

-OK, sure! -I'll be right back.

[dog barking in the distance]

-Cancel my show because I won't take a dive?!

Sam Pisano does not take a dive for anybody!

-That may be so, but what about being a spaceman?

-Are you a moron? Do I look like I could be a spaceman?

-I'm not qualified...

-No, Sam Pisano is gonna show these pezzonovantes

that he still knows how to catch a big fish.

-Don't push yourself right now!

-After all I've done for those mangia franca, cornuti!

Holy Jesus!

I got a fish!

I got a fish, go get the net!

Go get the net!!!

Oh my God, I can't believe it!

[splash]

What?!

No! You belong to me, you little shithead!

["La donna è mobile" continues playing]

-What's he doing?

Uh...

-Bloody hell!

["La donna è mobile" continues.]

[He sighs.]

-Come on, Gary, come on, come on...

[splashing]

-[Sam]: Ah...!

I almost had him, I almost had him!

-[Gina]: Did you know your dad was sick?

-Nope, he kept it a secret from everyone.

-Why do you think that is? -Too proud or stubborn maybe.

Some people find it difficult to accept other people's help.

They see it as a sign of weakness.

-I hear you!

-Does your grandmother still have to tell your grandfather

to put his hat on when he's out in the garden?

-[laughing]: Yeah, she does.

-Great!

-I think your father's trying to tell you something.

-Maybe.

-I hate to burden you, Mom!

I know he's your nephew, but I'm the one

who asked you to throw him out in the first place.

OK, OK, family's family! I know.

[taking a deep breath]:

All right, I will drop them both off tomorrow.

OK, thank you, Mom! Thank you.

I love you too. OK, bye.

[car door closing]

-Tough day at the office?

-Mmm... Kind of.

[smack]

-What is that?

-It's probably just ketchup. Had a burger for lunch.

-Mmm...

-[Sam]: No, no, I think it's time I come home.

Uh-huh.

No, we're just sitting here

waiting on the plane.

I think I can hear it now, actually.

I can't wait to see you too.

I love you, baby. Bye-bye!

Oh man, am I starving!

What do you boys say we cook up some grub?

-Sure. -Sounds good, Sam.

-I just gotta go see a horse about peeing on a bear.

[He laughs.]

-Take a look at this. -What?

-Quetiapine and divalproex.

Divalproex is a mood stabilizer, isn't it?

-Used if you're bipolar.

Quetiapine is an anti-psychotic, I think.

-He's got serious issues.

-Yeah, I just thought he was being a jerk.

-We should keep an eye on him. -Yeah.

["Vesti la giubba" playing]

[creaking branches]

[inaudible conversation]

["Vesti la giubba" playing]

Closed captioning: Epilogue Technical Services Inc.