Original subtitles

-Previously on Hard Rock Medical.

-You OK? -Do I look OK?!

-I got the stuff. -Smack, to a pregnant woman?!

-You got me in this situation. -How does that work?

-By throwing me out of your mother's house.

-All right, Mr. Teneli.

-[Melanie]: White hand syndrome. -No, no... I got it, OK?

-No need to sell your Harley. You have $100,000 equity.

It's essentially free money. -Where do I sign?

-Hey, Doc, do me another solid?

[theme music]

[theme music]

[gun cocking]

[footsteps]

♪♪♪

[gunshot]

-No!

[panting]

-Hey! -Hey.

-Where are the kids?

-Outside playing on the scooters

you brought home last night.

-Nice!

-I thought selling the Harley

would've really got you down.

-If it's a choice between my family and a hunk of metal,

it's a no-brainer.

-Maybelline is just

a hunk of metal to you now?

Whatever you got for the bike

won't pay for your tuition

and all of our expenses.

-I sent my tuition cheque in last night,

and the Harley

was a special edition,

so we almost got double.

-What was so special about it?

-That I was able to get you... these.

Hmm? To replace the ones the goat ate.

I know they don't have the same sentimental value, but...

-Charlie! Earrings, scooters...

Are you sure we can afford...? -Hey!

Let me spoil my family, just this once?

-OK.

[smack] -You're beautiful.

OK, I'm going to be late. I love you.

[smack]

♪♪♪

[rooster crowing]

-[Gina]: This is a much more progressive idea.

-What, giving inmates shovels and pitchforks?

Yeah, brilliant idea!

-This institution is one of the last of its kind.

Inmates pay off their debt to society by

growing food, which helps to feed the needy.

-Dr. Cardinal, how are these patients different?

-They're just patients who happen to be incarcerated.

-Or who have chopped up their mothers into little pieces.

-These are minimum-security offenders,

or deemed no longer dangerous.

-Correction: Those who thought about chopping up their mothers,

but never went through with it.

-OK, Norman Bates, I think we got it.

-So key here: Be friendly, but not familiar.

-Right.

[breathing hard]

[pots banging, bottles rattling]

[typing sounds]

-Oh no, come on...!

-Hello, everyone! Pleased that you could all be here today.

Chi Miigwetch.

Julie, nice to see you again.

[smack]

-Warden Gaynes. -Hmm...

So, Warden, could you give my students

a little background on what you do here?

-Certainly... Dr. Cardinal.

At its most basic,

we're a prison farm

that provides opportunities

in animal husbandry, farming

techniques and egg production.

That's the official blurb.

The truth is, I get these guys off their butts,

get them out of their cells and teach them a life skill.

-The warden's being very modest. He's a visionary!

-Well, we've had some success.

-So, Warden, what are we looking at today?

-Mostly garden variety complaints.

Shouldn't be anything too complicated.

Jimmy here has a list of guys who need attention,

and, uh, I'll see you all for final head count.

-[all]:Thank you. Good, great.

[panting]

-There we go!

OK, no juice...

Come on!

-This is the counsellor you're meeting with today.

It might take a little while to figure out the right

methadone dosage for her, but...

[speaking a Native language] -I got it, cuz.

-Good morning, everybody! -Hey.

-Trev! Nice hair.

You starting your own rez? -No more room at the inn!

[door creaking]

Hey, Amanda! Feeling better? -A little sick to my stomach.

-[suspiciously]: Aren't you a little hot in that hat?

-Pardon? -She's always cold.

-Hand it over, Amanda.

If we're going to do this, we're going to do it right.

-I don't know what you're talking about.

-She's clean!

-The hat!

Anything else?

[creaking plastic]

[He snorts.]

[She sighs.]

-Gonna be frisking her every day?

-Whatever it takes.

[door closing]

♪♪♪

-Just feeling achy lately.

-You get toxoplasmosis from digging without gloves.

-What's that?

-A parasite that can affect

your heart or your brain.

-Unlikely, unless he's a pregnant woman.

-Pregnant? -Or has a weak immune system.

-If he had HIV! -I've got HIV?!

-How's it going here? They say I might be pregnant

with this taxidermy thing that causes HIV.

-No, no... -Woah, what's that?

-That doesn't sound good. -Melanie! Bedside manner...

-Of course... Sorry! -Is it cancer?

-Huh, looks like a tick.

-That's what it is. -A Lyme tick?

-Nothing to be concerned about. Melanie will remove it.

-I can do it, I remove them all the time at the dog clinic.

-You're a vet?

Wow, didn't think finding

doctors up here was this bad.

-So how long are they going to be camping in your backyard?

-Until she can prove she loves her baby more than smack.

-Ooh... Right for the jugular!

-Well, she's not out of the woods yet.

She needs to be on methadone, she needs counselling...

And she's 7 months pregnant, in case you hadn't noticed.

-Seems like an awful lot for you to take on.

-Well, if I don't, who will?

[low rumbling sound]

It's running a little funny.

-So it's Warden Gaynes now?

-Oh...!

-I'm sorry, Douglas.

I just, in front of the students,

like to keep it professional. How you doing?

-I'm getting by.

-Getting by? Doesn't sound like you.

-The mood isn't that great for cons out there.

The new bosses think we're running a country club here.

-Hardly! -They're not interested on

my thoughts on rehabilitation.

[phone buzzing] -Oh, excuse me.

-By all means. -Hello?

-Hey, Jules, hi. Have you got a second?

-Fraser, you OK?

-Yeah! No, hey, I'm fine, it's just...

-What's up? -I got this friend and...

-Uh-huh. -He's having these

recurring nightmares.

-Skip it, Fraser! What was your dream about?

I'm busy here. -What're you doing?

-What you should be doing! On a rotation with the students.

-OK, all right. Anyway, he's having these...

[The phone goes dead.]

Jules, Jules!

[She sighs.]

-Boyfriend? -Friend.

-Nice watch, looks expensive. -Yep, I treated myself.

-Oh yeah?

-I wanted a 2nd hand so I can check pulses properly.

-It can't be too hard to make ends meet on a doctor's salary.

[He laughs.] If only that were true, Pete!

I'm just a student.

Until a few days ago, things were pretty dire.

-Really?

Then I found out

there are privileges to being a med student.

-Like what?

-Two magical words: line of credit.

[counting silently]

Anyways, really helps out.

Especially with 3 kids at home and a 4th one on the way.

Hmm, excellent!

So what are you in for? -I got 1 to 3 for stupidity.

-[laughing]: If that was a crime,

I'd be in here with you.

-It didn't just cost me. I dragged my wife down with me.

We used to live all right.

Now she hasn't got a pot to piss in.

-That's rough. -To top it off, next week's

our 2nd anniversary

that I'm going to miss. I feel terrible.

I just wanted to pamper her a little bit, you know?

Give her something real nice. -Yeah, like what?

-You know those gift baskets

with the soaps and the perfumey things?

-Yeah, my wife loves that stuff!

-Exactly, that's what I'm talking about.

-Lie down, man.

You know what, Pete,

I think I might be able to help you out.

-You think so? -Yeah, yeah...

-I'm thinking maybe... -Ah!!!

OK, what've we got going on down here?

Perfect timing, I need a 2nd opinion.

-Ready?

♪♪♪

-Crap! You know how to change a tire?

-What do you think?

[rain pouring]

-When's the last time you went?

-Uh... About 4 weeks ago.

-Really?

-Yeah,

I've been here for 2 years

and it's just getting progressively worse.

First it was a couple days, then it was a week.

And now I get these unbearable headaches.

-Have you tried stool softener or psyllium?

-Yeah, I've tried everything. -Have you tried moose jerky?

-He doesn't need to top it off with moose jerky!

-I need something. Why not moose jerky?

-No, the best we can do

is get our preceptor to sign off on some laxatives.

-You know what, Farida is right.

Bring this to Dr. Cardinal,

see if she concurs with our diagnosis,

and let's get Pete here the meds that he needs, huh?

Come on, go! -OK...

-I think I got an idea.

-So the healing lodge and the justice circle plans are dead?

-Yeah, I may have pushed the envelope once too often.

You know, live by the sword.

Anyway, enough about me.

How's your daughter doing?

-Oh... Good.

Better now. Her divorce came through.

She's got a new guy, he likes the kids.

They're living in Japan for a year.

-Married, divorced and with kids...

A lot happened since I last saw her.

-She was 3. -Right.

-Can I get you to sign off on this diagnosis?

The patient says he hasn't had a bowel movement in 4 weeks.

He's tried bulk laxatives, stool softeners

and saline cathartics, with no effect.

-It happens.

Unfortunately, some inmates

struggle with privacy issues.

We'll give him some polyethylene glycol.

That'll do it. -Great.

[phone buzzing]

-Hey, Jules...

Like I was saying about the nightmare,

it's about a wolf, and it's the same wolf all the time.

-Generally, the wolf represents you in a dream.

If you see the wolf die, it's bad.

-How bad? [The phone goes dead.]

Oh come on! Come on...!

[panting]: Come on!

-[under her breath]: Oh God!

-I see... So we're just friends with benefits.

-Is that what you think we are? -I don't know what to think!

You're so friggin' moody all the time.

-I'm so moody?

-The weather here's got nothing on you.

-What are you doing?

-What's it look like I'm doing? -You're tightening them.

You're supposed to loosen the lug nuts.

You said you'd changed a tire before!

I get that your toilets flush counter-clockwise,

but it's lefty loosie, righty tighty anywhere on the planet!

-Fine, you do it! -Whoa! Put that down.

-What? We're just fixing a tire. -I'm not gonna say

it again, chug!

-Wow, that's a little unnecessary.

-Stay right where you are, OK? I decide what's what.

Stay put.

I said, put it down.

Have you been drinking, sir? -Oh!

-Even if I was, I'm not the driver.

-OK, put your hands on the car. -Are you kidding me?

-Miss, I'm not going to tell you again! Don't move!

-Come on, baby, come on! Nothing, nothing...

Really? Nothing, nothing... [beep]

That was something!

That was something...

[panting]: Jules, yeah! -What happened?

-Bad reception. I'm fine now!

You were saying about the wolf...

-I need some help here!

-Gotta go, Fraser, call me later.

-Uh-huh. I'll wait here, OK.

-Jimmy, give us a hand here.

-Thanks, what happened?

-Not a good idea to mistake a finger for a twig.

[zipping sound]

-Dr. Cardinal suggested these... Where's the patient?

-Uh, Pete?

He had to take care of a little plumbing problem.

-What do you mean?

-A log jam? Five o'clock gridlock?

A bad song stuck in your head... -I know what you mean, Charlie!

You didn't just let a criminal escape, did you?

-No... Pfff!

I didn't let a criminal escape,

I simply prescribed privacy.

-Didn't you hear what Dr. Cardinal said?

Friendly, not familiar!

-I know, Farida, this is "friendly."

Familiar would be me out there in the woods holding

the roll of toilet paper while...

-Hey! -Finish up with Pete yet?

-Yeah, all done, man.

He... should be back at work. -Thank you.

-Awesome. -[Farida]: Thank you.

Jesus!

[unzipping sound]

-Still think he's coming back?

-Positive! -Yeah?

Well, as long as I'm an accomplice,

I'm going to find him.

-Are you kidding me? Farida! Jesus!

-Licence and registration, please.

[raining pouring]

Eva Malone? -Yup.

-The Eva Malone, the singer?

-Uh... Yeah.

-Saw you a while back. Little Current.

With the Sky Diggers. -Oh yeah? That's me!

-Put your hazards on

and move your vehicle further into the shoulder of the road

if you're going to change a flat tire.

Next time, I'll give you a ticket.

♪♪♪

-He'll need a few stitches.

Gina will freeze it, you won't feel a thing.

-Ain't gonna feel a thing anyway!

Took 5 minutes to realize I'd cut myself.

Twenty-five years on the wrong end of a pneumatic drill!

If you worked all those years, how'd you end up in here?

-Couldn't work anymore.

Burned through my savings in what seemed like a week.

I didn't make much of a thief.

I couldn't even keep the gun pointed at the teller.

-Have you ever been diagnosed for white hand syndrome?

-Reynaud's disease? -Yeah.

-Oh yeah,

but this is the only thing that helps.

-You might want to put that away!

-It's medical marijuana, it's called Buddha's Sister.

The warden lets me grow some because of my health issues.

-So you worked for the mines?

-Not much call for that type of drill anywhere else.

-And does this Buddha's Sister work?

-Better than the Viagra they had me on,

which, by the way, isn't an ideal prison drug.

-[laughing]: OK, Hank, these fine young doctors-to-be

will take good care of you.

Stay out of the garden for a while.

When you do go back, wear gloves.

[cow mooing] -Hey, I got that for you.

-So how is he?

-Hank? he'll be fine. A few stitches.

He was telling me about this Buddha's Sister, though.

Happen to know anything about that?

-Maybe I do, maybe I don't.

[phone buzzing] -But... Jeez!

-Boyfriend's back...

-Yes, Fraser? -So if the wolf dies?

-If the wolf dies, it's bad.

If you kill the wolf, it's worse. However...

-OK, however...

-If you see the wolf injured

and you wake up before you see it live or die,

then it's time for you to stop pestering me

while I'm trying to do your job.

Get your sorry ass out of that cabin and back to work!

-Uh, yeah, OK, good talk!

Oh perfect!

[panting]

-Sounds like the big bad wolf blew a gasket.

-[sighing]: A little tough love never hurt.

-The more things change, the more things stay the same.

[She laughs.]

-Look, Doug, far be it from me

to tell you how to run your program,

but I'd just hate to see this Buddha's Sister

come back and bite you in the ass.

Well, that didn't come out right, did it?

-I see the gerbil wheel spinning.

-What?

I'm just thinking.

Guys like Hank, Teneli,

they seem to have gotten a pretty raw deal.

They worked all those years and they haven't been taken care of.

-Mmm-hmm.

-I'm just thinking out loud, OK?

-OK.

-Mmm...

-Oh, oh God...

Finally! Ah...

Mmm...

-You see? I told you!

-OK, so you were right!

-No, no, God no! No!

I was so close! No! Ahhh!!!

-You happy now?

-Sorry!

[An alarm goes off.]

-Ahhh!!!

-[Charlie]: I should get moving. -Oh!!!

[alarm]

-What is that? -Head count, I think.

Uh, where were you guys?

-Us? We were, uh...

-In the woods. -Yeah.

[Gina mumbles something.]

-You!

Thanks for nothing!

-Sorry it didn't work out, man!

-Yeah, whatever.

-[Dr. Cardinal]: Come on, folks, let's wrap it up.

♪♪♪

-What's a chug?

-It's an ugly name they call us.

It's someone who drinks alcohol substitutes, like mouthwash.

-I see.

-I'm sorry I've been avoiding you, Gary.

-I just want you to know

that if you're still in love with Kyle, that's fine.

-Maybe we should...

just stay friends.

-Without benefits?

♪♪♪

♪ Moody ♪

♪ She gets so gloomy ♪

♪ Sometimes you need to ride ♪

♪ I got my six pack ♪

♪ She got my Big Mac ♪

♪ Midnight on the island ♪

♪ Midnight on the island ♪

♪ Midnight on the island ♪

Closed captioning: Epilogue Technical Services Inc.