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1
00:00:02,085 --> 00:00:02,127
.
2
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:04,123
‐ "Will & Grace" is recorded
3
00:00:04,421 --> 00:00:05,421
in front
of a live studio audience.
4
00:00:05,422 --> 00:00:06,505
‐ Okay, so let's see.
5
00:00:06,506 --> 00:00:09,091
You and Jenny have both had
the level two ultrasound
6
00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:10,927
and done all
the scary genetic tests.
7
00:00:10,928 --> 00:00:11,720
‐ Right.
8
00:00:11,721 --> 00:00:13,679
‐ We've taken Lamaze,
baby‐proofed,
9
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:15,348
ordered cribs
and changing tables.
10
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:16,266
‐ Done.
Check.
11
00:00:16,267 --> 00:00:18,643
‐ You both started
your prenatal Pilates
12
00:00:18,644 --> 00:00:21,271
and have been going
twice a week for four weeks.
13
00:00:24,441 --> 00:00:25,441
That's on me.
14
00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:28,653
Okay, so, we've done everything
we need to.
15
00:00:28,654 --> 00:00:30,988
I think we can actually relax.
16
00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:33,032
‐ It feels so good!
17
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,034
We are crushing pregnancy, Will.
18
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,118
‐ Should we write a book
about it?
19
00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:40,164
‐ We could call it
"Will and Grace Crush Babies."
20
00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:42,208
‐ And get Casey Anthony
to do the audiobook.
21
00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:44,544
[knocking at door]
22
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:47,380
‐ Open up, I've got
a baby emergency!
23
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:49,173
‐ Larry?
What are you‐‐
24
00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:50,716
Oh!
25
00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:53,219
You must be Larry's
granddaughter!
26
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:54,637
And your name is...
27
00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:56,055
‐ Wheat.
28
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:59,059
[both laugh]
29
00:01:00,686 --> 00:01:02,019
Her name is Wheat.
30
00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:03,729
‐ So pretty.
‐ Beautiful name, yeah.
31
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:05,731
‐ It's a ridiculous name.
32
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:07,191
I need your TV.
33
00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:08,359
Our cable's out.
34
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:11,654
For some reason, the sound
of Bobby Flay grilling meat
35
00:01:11,655 --> 00:01:14,574
is the only thing that puts her
to sleep.
36
00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:18,411
‐ Grace too.
37
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:21,080
How's Hannah doing as a mom?
38
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,582
She had to take a break
from college, right?
39
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:26,752
‐ She dropped out to make
green juice for dogs.
40
00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:28,546
‐ But Hannah always seemed
so together.
41
00:01:28,547 --> 00:01:31,090
‐ Wake up, Grace.
That was all a front.
42
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:34,218
Joe and I were the first
gay couple we knew with a baby,
43
00:01:34,219 --> 00:01:37,388
so we had to say
she was perfect.
44
00:01:37,389 --> 00:01:40,683
Her life went off the rails
in kindergarten.
45
00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:42,560
‐ What, did she get hooked
on graham crackers?
46
00:01:42,561 --> 00:01:45,688
‐ And here comes Will
with his jokes!
47
00:01:45,689 --> 00:01:47,106
We waited too long
48
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:49,608
to sign her up
for the best elementary school,
49
00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:51,777
so she didn't get
in to the best high school,
50
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,612
and after that,
it was a train wreck.
51
00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:55,448
‐ I thought she went to NYU.
52
00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:59,285
‐ Northern Yonkers University.
53
00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:01,788
Their motto is,
"Let's call it a day."
54
00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:06,042
Don't make the same mistake.
55
00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:08,586
Set your children on the right
path before it's too late.
56
00:02:08,587 --> 00:02:10,254
‐ Oh, well, we did the research.
57
00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:12,798
We want them to go
to that school in Harlem‐‐
58
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:15,051
both: Global Citizens Academy.
59
00:02:15,052 --> 00:02:17,428
‐ Like, all of their kids
end up going to Ivy League.
60
00:02:17,429 --> 00:02:19,096
‐ You're already signed up?
61
00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:20,473
‐ Well, they're not
even born yet.
62
00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:23,267
‐ Then you're already too late.
63
00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:25,144
They fill up years in advance.
64
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:27,146
‐ What?
65
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,482
Come on, we gotta get
to that school right now.
66
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:30,483
‐ Now?
67
00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:31,651
I promised Jenny I'd help her
68
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,402
with some new internet thing
she's doing.
69
00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:35,279
‐ Well, send Jack,
70
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:39,201
unless you want our kids
to be dog‐juice‐making losers.
71
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:41,745
Sorry.
72
00:02:41,746 --> 00:02:44,205
‐ No, shame her mother
in front of her.
73
00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:46,832
She needs to learn.
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00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:49,794
[upbeat trumpet and piano music]
75
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:56,843
♪ ♪
76
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:03,100
[Velcro ripping slowly]
77
00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:06,602
‐ Doesn't that feel so good?
78
00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:08,312
‐ Oh, my God, I can totally
feel the tingling
79
00:03:08,313 --> 00:03:10,147
on the top of my head.
80
00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:13,317
Like whenever Chris Pine
is in the city.
81
00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:15,444
‐ So that's the point
of an ASMR video.
82
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:17,863
You make sounds that trigger
responses in your brain
83
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:19,115
that help you relax.
84
00:03:19,116 --> 00:03:20,533
‐ And people pay for that?
85
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:21,701
‐ Hell yeah, they do.
86
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,703
I once curled ribbons
for 20 minutes
87
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:24,829
and made 600 bucks.
88
00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:26,872
‐ How did I not know about this?
89
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:29,500
I curl ribbons every day
for free.
90
00:03:29,501 --> 00:03:31,168
‐ Well, I'm stoked
that you're doing this,
91
00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:32,628
because it's much better
with two people.
92
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:34,839
‐ Just be glad it's me
and not Will.
93
00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:36,507
Yeah, I know we're not
supposed to say this
94
00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:37,508
about women anymore,
95
00:03:37,509 --> 00:03:40,219
but Will is so shrill.
96
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:43,305
‐ Let's do a practice one.
‐ Okay.
97
00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:45,349
‐ [softly] So, remember
98
00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:48,477
to speak softly,
99
00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:51,689
and over‐articulate
100
00:03:51,690 --> 00:03:54,567
your consonants.
101
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,902
‐ [softly] Right.
102
00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:59,864
It's like what
my new acting teacher,
103
00:03:59,865 --> 00:04:02,199
Tracy Pecosta,
104
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,701
taught me to do
105
00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:05,911
so that I don't sound
106
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:10,416
like a homosexual.
107
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:14,713
‐ It's bedtime, so don't forget
to brush your teeth.
108
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:19,926
[brushing]
109
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:24,221
‐ And your hair.
110
00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:27,309
[brushing]
111
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:32,563
I like to do it 50 times
112
00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:34,398
on each side
113
00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:36,443
for a total of...
114
00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:44,450
100 times.
115
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:47,620
‐ Well, thanks again
for coming all the way out.
116
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:51,499
‐ Honey, the ride up here
was worth the ride in here.
117
00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:52,792
And after what we just did,
118
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:55,628
I may have to borrow that thing.
119
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:58,464
[giggles]
120
00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,257
I can see myself out.
121
00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:01,258
‐ No way.
122
00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:03,761
A gentleman always rolls a lady
to the door.
123
00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:04,762
‐ True,
124
00:05:04,763 --> 00:05:08,474
but you, sir, are no gentleman.
125
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,476
‐ No, I'm not.
126
00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:13,479
There's the door, woman.
127
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,648
‐ I'll see you tomorrow, Jenny.
128
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:16,774
Hey, Kar.
129
00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:18,317
I didn't know you were
gonna be here.
130
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:19,610
I would've asked for a ride up.
131
00:05:19,611 --> 00:05:21,403
‐ But I'm already here.
132
00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:22,947
‐ Can't argue with that.
133
00:05:22,948 --> 00:05:26,325
So, uh, you and Luke, huh?
134
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,494
[both laugh]
135
00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:29,745
Getting a tune‐up?
136
00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:32,540
Oh!
‐ Ooh, yeah!
137
00:05:32,541 --> 00:05:34,834
‐ Rotating your tires?
138
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:38,337
‐ [revving]
‐ Woo! [laughs]
139
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,339
‐ Just getting my oil changed,
140
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,884
getting my fluids topped off.
141
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:47,596
Getting all my points
and plugs adjusted.
142
00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:51,433
[both laugh]
143
00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:54,645
Yeah.
144
00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:57,690
‐ We're talking about sex,
right?
145
00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,483
‐ Honey, what are you
doing here?
146
00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:02,027
‐ Oh, I'm helping Jenny
with this ASMR thing.
147
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:03,487
‐ Oh, fun.
148
00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:05,656
I used to make those videos
for Stan
149
00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:07,366
when he was out of town.
150
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:08,826
Nothing put that man to sleep
151
00:06:08,827 --> 00:06:12,872
like the bubbling
of melting cheese.
152
00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,498
‐ Hey, we're livestreaming
tomorrow.
153
00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:16,792
You should do it with us.
‐ Oh, I don't know, honey.
154
00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:17,752
With the baseball team
155
00:06:17,753 --> 00:06:20,546
and all the work piling up
at Grace's office‐‐
156
00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:21,839
I'd love to.
157
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:23,507
‐ Oh, great!
Okay.
158
00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:24,842
Hey, can I get a ride back?
159
00:06:24,843 --> 00:06:27,720
‐ Sorry, I'm already gone.
160
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:30,973
‐ Just my luck.
161
00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:32,057
‐ Oh, you must be Jack.
162
00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:34,643
‐ Oh, and you're Luke.
163
00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:36,520
Thank you for your service
164
00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:40,357
of my best friend.
165
00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:41,650
‐ I do it for God and country.
166
00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:43,068
‐ Yeah, I don't want
to hear the specifics.
167
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:44,570
[hacking in disgust]
168
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:47,364
I'm just happy she finally
got herself a booty buddy.
169
00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:48,574
‐ A booty buddy?
170
00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:50,367
‐ Yeah, well, since the divorce,
171
00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:52,077
I've been telling her
she needs to find someone
172
00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:53,954
who's just there for sex,
you know?
173
00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:56,957
No strings attached,
no emotional blah‐blah,
174
00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:58,751
just sex.
175
00:06:58,752 --> 00:06:59,752
‐ And that's me?
176
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:02,338
‐ Say it with pride, soldier!
177
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:06,091
You're Karen Walker's boy toy!
[grunts]
178
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:07,176
‐ Her boy toy?
179
00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:09,845
‐ Well, that was more wistful
than, you know, pride,
180
00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:12,599
but you've probably never
worked with a director before.
181
00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:22,495
‐ And now we're in
the Hall of Mindfulness,
182
00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:25,402
because here at Global Citizens,
183
00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:28,280
we don't want our students
to just be present
184
00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:29,907
in their attendance.
185
00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:31,075
‐ Ooh, that's good.
‐ I like that.
186
00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:32,868
‐ That's good, yeah.
187
00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:35,913
["Ode to Joy" playing]
188
00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:39,125
♪ ♪
189
00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:42,211
‐ Our third‐graders
have a concert coming up
190
00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:44,129
in seven months.
191
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:46,799
Don't worry, they'll get there.
192
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,009
Shall we sit?
193
00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:58,977
‐ [laughs nervously]
194
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:01,980
Love an alternative seat.
195
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:04,983
Why just sit when you
can work your core?
196
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:06,485
That structure is really cool.
197
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,487
‐ The sixth‐grade
woodworking class built it
198
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:11,824
using wood rescued
from various hurricanes.
199
00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:14,243
It's a permanent reminder
that something beautiful
200
00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:15,828
can be made from tragedy.
201
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:17,204
‐ Oh, I know.
202
00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:18,330
After Hurricane Sandy,
203
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:21,126
I found the most comfortable
sweatshirt on the street.
204
00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:28,006
[stuttering]
I washed it.
205
00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:30,134
‐ Thanks for squeezing us in,
Ms. Hinder‐Haagen.
206
00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:31,844
This place is amazing.
207
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:35,097
I actually saw kids running
into math class.
208
00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:38,016
[laughing]
I hated math!
209
00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:39,518
Did I say math?
I meant...
210
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,271
racism.
211
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,441
‐ Excuse me?
212
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:47,359
Headmistress Hinder‐Haagen,
is this a bad time?
213
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,319
‐ How can I help you?
214
00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:50,946
‐ An issue has arisen
in the robotics lab.
215
00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:52,865
Our AI has become sentient.
216
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:55,534
However, its corporeal host
is still in beta testing.
217
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,327
‐ My God, you do that here?
218
00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:59,163
‐ That's incredible!
219
00:08:59,164 --> 00:09:01,498
You'll explain‐‐
‐ Later, yeah, shh.
220
00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:03,959
‐ Farhan is our Student
Admissions Liaison.
221
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:04,836
You'll be meeting with him
222
00:09:04,837 --> 00:09:06,503
for the second part
of this process.
223
00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:08,964
‐ If I may ask,
how old is your child?
224
00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:10,382
And how do they identify?
225
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:12,301
‐ Oh, ah, well, no children yet.
226
00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:15,012
Grace's is due in April,
mine in May,
227
00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:18,057
and my pronouns are "he"
and "is terrified."
228
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:21,060
[both laugh]
229
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:22,519
‐ We didn't know
there were two children.
230
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:23,896
‐ Oh, we're not married.
231
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:24,814
We're just friends,
232
00:09:24,815 --> 00:09:27,232
but we both want our kids
to go here.
233
00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:28,901
‐ Oh, that's going
to be a problem.
234
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,402
For 2024 enrollment,
235
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:31,987
we only have one spot available.
236
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:33,197
‐ One?
237
00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:34,364
That's in five years!
238
00:09:34,365 --> 00:09:35,908
‐ Mm, four years.
239
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,159
‐ Four years.
240
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,578
♪ ♪
241
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:42,623
[knocking at door]
242
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:44,083
‐ You decent?
243
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:47,002
'Cause I can wait
till you're not.
244
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:48,545
‐ What's up?
245
00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:52,049
‐ Oh, I'm just helping
your sister with her video,
246
00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:54,051
but afterward,
I thought it'd be fun
247
00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:56,553
if we had a little picnic.
248
00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:59,598
Oh, darn.
249
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:04,019
These aren't sandwiches,
they're sex toys.
250
00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:05,604
And a bag of chips for after,
251
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:09,274
'cause we're gonna need
the potassium.
252
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:11,360
‐ Yeah, I'm not really
feeling it.
253
00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:12,402
‐ Oh.
254
00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:14,404
‐ I'm sorry, I can't be
your booty call today.
255
00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:16,115
‐ Booty call?
256
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:18,951
Where'd you get that idea?
257
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:20,452
‐ It doesn't matter.
258
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,453
I mean, we already agreed
259
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,455
that if our kids can't go
to the same school,
260
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:24,456
it's not the school for us.
261
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:25,666
‐ Right, we're a packaged deal.
262
00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:26,417
Their loss, not ours.
263
00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:29,294
‐ Didn't get in?
[both scream]
264
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:30,546
Shh!
265
00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:32,548
I finally got Wheat to sleep.
266
00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:35,300
And yes, it is 11:45
in the morning,
267
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,970
and I'm having a drink.
268
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,972
If I'm still awake
in 20 minutes,
269
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,432
I'm going to take a bath.
270
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:44,601
‐ How long are you planning
on staying here?
271
00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:49,148
‐ As long as that demon's
unconscious.
272
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:51,150
Look, there's no way
either of you
273
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:53,152
were getting in
to Global Citizens.
274
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,903
You're not diverse enough.
275
00:10:54,904 --> 00:10:56,321
‐ What are you talking about?
I'm gay.
276
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:59,491
‐ [laughs]
277
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:02,494
What do you think this is?
2009?
278
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:06,039
I tried to play the gay card
to get Hannah in.
279
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:08,000
CeeCee said, "Just gay?"
280
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:11,128
And laughed me out
of their planetarium.
281
00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:14,131
‐ Well, I'm a single mom, so.
282
00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:15,674
I'm also Jewish.
283
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:19,511
‐ So is every building
on that campus.
284
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:20,471
‐ Well, it doesn't matter,
285
00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:22,431
'cause we're done
with Global Citizens.
286
00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:24,349
There's plenty of other
good schools in this city.
287
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:25,475
‐ You know what, you're right.
288
00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:27,019
I don't even want my kid
to go there.
289
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,520
‐ Me neither.
290
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,689
‐ I love that we always agree.
291
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,691
Thank you so much
for seeing me again,
292
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,193
Headmistress Hinder‐Haagen.
293
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:35,277
‐ Of course.
294
00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:38,197
‐ I know how important
diversity is to this school.
295
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,239
‐ It is,
296
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:42,159
and your child would be diverse
how, exactly?
297
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:44,286
‐ I'm just gonna bottom line it.
298
00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:47,164
I don't know who the father is.
299
00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:48,124
So, girl to girl,
300
00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:49,958
tell me what diversity
you're looking for,
301
00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:53,337
'cause I've probably
slept with it.
302
00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:56,006
‐ You know, I know that gay
is done to death,
303
00:11:56,007 --> 00:11:59,009
but I'm gonna make the argument
that it is back in a big way.
304
00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:00,511
Can you feel me, girl?
305
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:05,099
I guess you cannot.
306
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:10,062
.
307
00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:12,894
[buttons clicking together]
308
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,859
‐ [softly] Buttons.
309
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:18,528
[plastic crackling]
310
00:12:18,529 --> 00:12:21,406
‐ [softly] Cellophane.
311
00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:24,244
[pills rattling]
312
00:12:26,204 --> 00:12:28,539
‐ [softly] Lorazepam.
313
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,419
‐ Since we're live,
314
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:37,547
if there are any sounds
you would like to hear
315
00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:39,549
or questions you have,
316
00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:41,218
just hit us up.
317
00:12:41,219 --> 00:12:43,680
‐ I have a question.
318
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,266
Who told Luke
319
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:50,687
that he was just a booty call?
320
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:57,402
‐ That... was me.
321
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:02,781
‐ Why?
322
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:06,743
‐ Why not?
323
00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:10,330
‐ Do you have any idea
324
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:13,710
how furious I am?
325
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:19,215
‐ It's kind of hard to tell.
326
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:23,969
‐ I could make it clearer.
327
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:26,764
[knuckles cracking]
328
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,309
‐ Would you two
329
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:33,312
like to take this outside?
330
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:37,649
‐ Why, that's a great idea.
331
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:40,319
‐ Or...
332
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:43,280
it's a bad idea,
333
00:13:43,281 --> 00:13:46,324
because Karen's rings
334
00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:50,370
leave welts.
335
00:13:50,371 --> 00:13:54,708
All: Welts.
336
00:13:54,709 --> 00:13:57,502
‐ I had a good thing going,
337
00:13:57,503 --> 00:14:00,964
and you ruined it.
338
00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:05,261
‐ Stop yelling at me.
339
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:08,013
‐ Why don't you just try
340
00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:10,849
being honest with my brother?
341
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,517
‐ I will.
342
00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:14,352
But first,
343
00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:16,313
I would like
344
00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:18,190
to reach across
345
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,859
this table
346
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:24,655
and pull your balls...
347
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:33,539
out through your ears.
348
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,877
‐ Mr. Truman,
give me one good reason
349
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:41,379
why your child should have
the final spot?
350
00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:42,714
‐ Okay.
351
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:43,549
Okay.
352
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,842
We're at that part
of the conversation.
353
00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:48,720
I'm not above writing a check.
354
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,514
One to the school,
355
00:14:50,515 --> 00:14:52,516
and one to a certain little guy
356
00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:55,686
who I'm sure wants
the newest Nintendo Switch.
357
00:14:57,021 --> 00:15:00,650
‐ I made $15,000 last week
shorting Apple stock.
358
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,902
And if I want a Nintendo Switch,
359
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,655
I'll build one.
360
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:11,243
‐ Well, this has been very...
361
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,912
informative.
362
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,956
Is there anything else
you can think of
363
00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:17,791
that would help your case?
364
00:15:17,792 --> 00:15:19,042
‐ Oh, okay.
365
00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:20,752
I thought we'd get here.
366
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:24,089
Just so you know, I'm not above
writing a check
367
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:26,925
to a certain lady
368
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:30,346
who may want a new iPhone case.
369
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:36,434
‐ I'm good.
370
00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:39,063
Ah, looks like Farhan's ready
to meet with you now.
371
00:15:40,398 --> 00:15:41,274
‐ [gasps]
372
00:15:41,275 --> 00:15:44,609
Oh, my God.
You came here behind my back?
373
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:46,444
‐ You came here behind my back!
374
00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:50,115
‐ Yeah, but that's totally
on brand for me.
375
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:52,450
Look, I am just trying to do
what's best for my child.
376
00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:53,577
‐ Yeah, but so am I.
377
00:15:53,578 --> 00:15:56,955
But let's face it, Grace,
I mean, given the parents,
378
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,999
mine is obviously gonna be
a better candidate
379
00:15:59,000 --> 00:15:59,959
for this school.
380
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:01,418
‐ What do you mean by that?
381
00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:03,461
‐ Well, you know, it's a very
382
00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:05,589
academically oriented
environment.
383
00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:06,465
‐ And?
384
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,967
‐ And I am very academically
oriented.
385
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:11,469
I'm a professor
at Columbia Law School.
386
00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:12,388
Look, it's a little bit more
387
00:16:12,389 --> 00:16:14,472
than picking out tassels
for throw pillows.
388
00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:18,101
‐ [gasps] And there it is.
389
00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:20,645
You think I'm dumb.
390
00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:23,148
And you think my kid
is gonna be dumb.
391
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:25,942
‐ I do not think your kid
is gonna be dumb.
392
00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:28,445
‐ Thank you.
393
00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:30,822
Wait.
394
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:33,617
You just need to feel smarter
because you know
395
00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:35,493
that everyone likes me best.
396
00:16:35,494 --> 00:16:37,704
‐ "Better" is the word you use
when comparing two options.
397
00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:41,041
‐ And this is why
everyone likes me best.
398
00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:42,834
‐ Oh, whatever, this isn't
a school for people
399
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,461
with more Facebook friends.
400
00:16:44,462 --> 00:16:45,503
It's a school for smart people.
401
00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:47,505
‐ Well, why don't you
just homeschool your kid?
402
00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:51,176
That way, you can teach him
how to have a stick up his ass.
403
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:53,345
‐ Excuse me?
404
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:55,513
We try to keep the energy
neutral
405
00:16:55,514 --> 00:16:57,600
in the Mindfulness Hallway.
406
00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:00,770
‐ He started it.
‐ She's dumb.
407
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,027
.
408
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:12,448
[upbeat piano music]
409
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:15,660
‐ Just wanted to say good‐bye.
410
00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:19,746
Listen,
411
00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:21,581
about the whole
"booty call" thing‐‐
412
00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:22,666
‐ I get it.
413
00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:24,709
It's not like you were
coming up here once a week
414
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:28,713
so we could pick out timeshares
in Vermont together.
415
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,715
‐ Vermont.
416
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:32,802
Like that's even a thing.
417
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,556
‐ It's 'cause of this, right?
418
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:39,724
‐ Oh, honey, no.
419
00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:41,726
That just makes it more fun.
420
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,395
It adds an element of danger,
421
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:46,023
like doing it
on the "Jurassic Park" ride.
422
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,819
The one in Orlando,
not California.
423
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,406
The truth is,
424
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:57,701
I've had a rough time
this last year.
425
00:17:57,702 --> 00:18:00,370
I guess a booty call
426
00:18:00,371 --> 00:18:03,582
is about all
I can handle right now.
427
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:07,085
‐ Well, I think I'm looking
for a little more.
428
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:10,922
‐ Are you breaking up with me?
429
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:13,717
Well, you better lawyer up,
you ungrateful mother‐‐
430
00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:14,927
oh!
431
00:18:20,057 --> 00:18:22,934
Sorry, reflex.
Okay.
432
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:25,770
[sighs]
What I'm trying to say is,
433
00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:29,107
I'm glad that you're ready
to get back out there.
434
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:32,777
‐ Well, I think some of that's
thanks to you.
435
00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:35,406
‐ Happy to help.
436
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:45,165
‐ Hey.
437
00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:48,585
One more for the road?
438
00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:49,462
‐ Why not?
439
00:18:49,463 --> 00:18:51,463
This picnic's not
gonna spank itself.
440
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:57,094
♪ ♪
441
00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:03,475
‐ Well, this is humiliating.
442
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:04,809
‐ Yes, it is.
443
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:06,144
Thanks to you.
444
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:06,979
‐ Me?
445
00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:08,647
You're the one who used
half the words
446
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:11,650
on the forbidden word wall!
447
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:14,819
‐ Again, the Contrition Cubby
is for gentle reflection,
448
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,655
not hostility.
449
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:19,824
‐ Well, it should have a TV.
450
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:21,993
‐ It's my sociology project.
451
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:24,871
It's a commentary
on mass incarceration.
452
00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:26,539
Without personal accountability,
453
00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:28,501
one can never be truly free.
454
00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:33,838
‐ Fine, I'm sorry
I called you dumb.
455
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:34,839
You're not.
456
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,467
‐ And I'm sorry I said
457
00:19:37,468 --> 00:19:39,511
nobody liked you.
458
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:40,679
It's not everyone.
459
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:43,515
Just the people we know.
460
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:45,684
We good?
‐ No.
461
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:48,520
‐ [sighs]
462
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:52,108
I am sorry I was so selfish.
463
00:19:53,484 --> 00:19:55,694
You're my entire support system
through this,
464
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:58,530
and the first sign of trouble,
465
00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:00,031
I threw you overboard.
466
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,701
‐ I did the same thing to you.
467
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:04,494
No matter how much
I tell myself,
468
00:20:04,495 --> 00:20:05,829
"My kid doesn't need
two parents,"
469
00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:08,081
I worry I won't be enough.
470
00:20:08,082 --> 00:20:10,166
You know, not getting in
to the right school
471
00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:12,669
just felt like
I was already failing.
472
00:20:12,670 --> 00:20:15,880
‐ There's no part of this
that I want to do without you.
473
00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:17,215
‐ Me neither.
474
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:21,845
This is more important
than some fancy school.
475
00:20:21,846 --> 00:20:24,556
‐ It seems like we've had
a breakthrough.
476
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:27,058
Rainbow, release them, please.
477
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:28,852
[xylophone chimes]
478
00:20:28,853 --> 00:20:29,894
‐ You're free to go.
479
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:33,231
‐ Oh.
‐ Thanks.
480
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:34,859
‐ Please leave the crayons.
481
00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:44,576
‐ Office supplies
are very expensive.
482
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,077
‐ You can tell
Ms. Hinder‐Haagen
483
00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:48,788
that we are withdrawing
our applications.
484
00:20:48,789 --> 00:20:51,750
‐ No need.
The last spot was just filled.
485
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:54,878
‐ Oh, hey, guys.
486
00:20:54,879 --> 00:20:58,757
Guess who just got
the last space for 2024.
487
00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:01,593
A mixed‐race child
of a single teen mom
488
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:05,555
with two gay grandparents.
489
00:21:05,556 --> 00:21:07,683
Isn't that right, Samantha?
490
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:12,229
I'm changing her name.
I don't care.
33955
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