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1
00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:12,089
We're finally headed to the Good Place.
2
00:00:12,090 --> 00:00:14,129
It's the "me" of places!
3
00:00:14,130 --> 00:00:17,179
I-I got in, I can say
stuff like that again.
4
00:00:17,180 --> 00:00:19,179
Are you sure we're going
the right way, Janet?
5
00:00:19,180 --> 00:00:22,319
Well, I've never been to the
Good Place before, but...
6
00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:24,489
yes, I'm sure.
7
00:00:24,490 --> 00:00:27,379
- How?
- Because...
8
00:00:27,380 --> 00:00:29,819
it feels like I'm on my way home.
9
00:00:31,060 --> 00:00:32,819
Flying puppy!
10
00:00:32,820 --> 00:00:35,579
You're almost there!
Just a little further.
11
00:00:35,580 --> 00:00:38,439
Flying puppies? Dang it, Michael,
12
00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:40,540
why didn't you think of
that for your neighborhood?
13
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,669
These guys are good.
14
00:00:42,670 --> 00:00:44,669
_
15
00:00:44,670 --> 00:00:49,539
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
16
00:00:49,540 --> 00:00:51,260
_
17
00:00:56,900 --> 00:00:59,959
I feel just like Dorothy
when she lands in Oz.
18
00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:02,569
Excited, incredulous,
19
00:01:02,570 --> 00:01:05,398
much taller than
everyone else around me.
20
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:07,479
What's everyone wanna do first?
21
00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:09,236
Racing go-karts with monkeys.
22
00:01:09,237 --> 00:01:10,320
Sure.
23
00:01:10,321 --> 00:01:12,219
It's my lifelong dream.
24
00:01:12,220 --> 00:01:14,379
Monkeys are the ideal go-kart opponents.
25
00:01:14,380 --> 00:01:15,999
They're funny enough to give the finger,
26
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:17,953
but not smart enough to win.
27
00:01:19,455 --> 00:01:21,129
- _
- Does that mean me?
28
00:01:21,130 --> 00:01:23,159
You're a Good Janet, and
we're in the Good Place.
29
00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:24,599
I don't know who else it would mean.
30
00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:26,459
Okay. No pressure.
31
00:01:26,460 --> 00:01:29,589
I was born to do this... not born.
32
00:01:32,340 --> 00:01:34,539
Okay, so I now know all the information
33
00:01:34,540 --> 00:01:37,590
about the Good Place.
In a nutshell, it slaps.
34
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:38,759
First thing to tell you:
35
00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:40,419
humans can't see the
Good Place all at once
36
00:01:40,420 --> 00:01:43,061
or their brains will be scrambled.
37
00:01:43,062 --> 00:01:44,439
Cool, maybe I'll finally get
38
00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:46,519
some of those squigglies on my brain.
39
00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:49,192
Doctor said my brain's
as smooth as an egg.
40
00:01:49,193 --> 00:01:51,569
You all need to wait out here
for a bit so you can adjust.
41
00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:52,919
When you're ready, you will be honored
42
00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:54,229
with a welcome gala
43
00:01:54,230 --> 00:01:55,999
magically planned by the Good Place
44
00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:57,419
based on your personalities.
45
00:01:57,420 --> 00:02:01,029
Like the "targeted
Instagram ad" of parties!
46
00:02:01,030 --> 00:02:02,789
You know, I bought the
coolest sunglasses
47
00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:04,039
from one of those ads.
48
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,619
Look.
49
00:02:05,620 --> 00:02:07,039
Whoa.
50
00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:09,253
It's like I'm inside the Internet.
51
00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:11,714
Okay, can we just keep moving?
52
00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:12,959
You look a little pale.
53
00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:14,424
Did you get sick from
the hot air balloon?
54
00:02:14,425 --> 00:02:16,159
I bet if you throw up
it'll just be butterflies
55
00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:19,179
- or something.
- I'm fine, I just um...
56
00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:20,839
I don't belong here.
57
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:22,189
There's no telling what will happen
58
00:02:22,190 --> 00:02:24,519
to a demon who steps foot in this place.
59
00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:27,647
Promise me if I'm vaporized,
you guys just keep having fun.
60
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:30,273
Oh, my goodness, that chime
61
00:02:30,274 --> 00:02:33,945
is so soothing, it feels like
my brain is being massaged
62
00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:35,530
- by a baby deer?
- Oh, boy.
63
00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:37,069
What if that's some sort of demon alarm
64
00:02:37,070 --> 00:02:38,655
to alert the cops that I'm here?
65
00:02:38,656 --> 00:02:39,868
You want me to hold your weed?
66
00:02:39,869 --> 00:02:42,239
I don't have weed.
67
00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:44,799
Oh... Wait a minute.
68
00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:46,829
Oh, yeah, okay, now I do.
69
00:02:46,830 --> 00:02:47,839
Take this.
70
00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:49,377
They're ready for you to move inside.
71
00:02:49,378 --> 00:02:51,129
The Good Place Committee
is waiting for us.
72
00:02:51,130 --> 00:02:52,879
_
73
00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:54,629
- _
- Oh, man.
74
00:02:54,630 --> 00:02:56,549
Look at this place!
75
00:02:56,550 --> 00:02:59,689
Karlie Kloss did like me!
76
00:02:59,690 --> 00:03:00,899
I knew it!
77
00:03:00,900 --> 00:03:02,139
So about this party...
78
00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:04,308
is everyone in the Good Place invited?
79
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:06,102
Like, is Aristotle gonna be there?
80
00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:08,799
Sorry, Chidi, Aristotle's
in the Bad Place.
81
00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:10,559
- He defended slavery.
- Socrates?
82
00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:12,817
No, too annoying. Very loud chewer.
83
00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:14,719
- Plato.
- Slavery again.
84
00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:18,179
Oh, you know who is here?
Hypatia of Alexandria.
85
00:03:18,180 --> 00:03:19,940
- Do you know her?
- Hypatia?
86
00:03:20,490 --> 00:03:22,149
- Of Alexandria.
- That's right.
87
00:03:22,150 --> 00:03:23,749
Uh, yeah, I know her.
88
00:03:25,956 --> 00:03:27,239
Ooh, Hypatia!
89
00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:28,739
I'm gonna ask her so many questions
90
00:03:28,740 --> 00:03:30,399
pertaining to the grand
ideas about the universe,
91
00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:31,749
like: "Why?"
92
00:03:31,750 --> 00:03:33,789
Oh, oh, and also...
93
00:03:33,790 --> 00:03:35,089
"How?"
94
00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:37,884
- Ooh.
- Welcome to the Good Place, everyone.
95
00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:39,677
Michael, so happy you made it.
96
00:03:39,678 --> 00:03:41,039
You look radiant.
97
00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:43,379
You have the calming yet
authoritative presence
98
00:03:43,380 --> 00:03:44,724
of a bomb-sniffing dog.
99
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:47,369
I'd just like to say, thank you so much
100
00:03:47,370 --> 00:03:49,225
for letting me be here with my friends.
101
00:03:49,226 --> 00:03:51,979
I know it's unorthodox
for someone like myself
102
00:03:51,980 --> 00:03:54,859
to visit the Good Place,
but it's just so wonderful,
103
00:03:54,860 --> 00:03:57,479
and I don't have any weed on
me, so no need for the cops.
104
00:03:57,480 --> 00:03:58,821
Michael, Michael.
105
00:03:58,822 --> 00:04:00,479
You and your friends are heroes.
106
00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:02,289
And you're more than welcome here.
107
00:04:02,290 --> 00:04:04,661
In fact, we have some
very exciting news.
108
00:04:04,662 --> 00:04:06,259
While the rest of you get settled in,
109
00:04:06,260 --> 00:04:08,759
we want to give Michael
a swearing-in ceremony
110
00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:11,292
so he can become an official
Good Place Architect.
111
00:04:13,540 --> 00:04:16,714
- Oh, my goodness.
- Michael, please, follow us.
112
00:04:18,340 --> 00:04:21,699
Holy fork, that is a soothing chime.
113
00:04:21,700 --> 00:04:23,909
It really is the most incredible chime
114
00:04:23,910 --> 00:04:26,779
I've ever heard, and that
is coming from someone
115
00:04:26,780 --> 00:04:29,477
whose godfather is the most
famous clock in the world.
116
00:04:29,478 --> 00:04:33,356
Is Big Ben somehow your godfather?
117
00:04:33,357 --> 00:04:35,442
- Mm-hmm.
- That sound means...
118
00:04:35,443 --> 00:04:38,487
it's party time.
119
00:04:39,820 --> 00:04:42,779
When you walk through,
the event space will transform
120
00:04:42,780 --> 00:04:46,118
into a party perfectly
tailored to your essences.
121
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:49,329
Let's link arms and
walk through together.
122
00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:59,339
- Weird...
- Whoa.
123
00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:01,959
This is the Jacksonville
SuperSuites Hotel ballroom
124
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:04,719
where I had my prom
and also traffic court.
125
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:08,219
But this has to be my party, because...
126
00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:11,269
that's the bed pan that
Stone Cold Steve Austin
127
00:05:11,270 --> 00:05:14,359
used to beat up Vince McMahon in 1998!
128
00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:18,139
It was a classic moment. Don't judge me.
129
00:05:18,140 --> 00:05:19,479
I'm so sorry, guys.
130
00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:21,659
The Good Place uses
your life experiences
131
00:05:21,660 --> 00:05:23,059
to plan the perfect party,
132
00:05:23,060 --> 00:05:25,449
but it's only designed for
one person at a time.
133
00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,326
When you walked in as
a group, it became...
134
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,412
A mishmash of all four of us.
135
00:05:34,126 --> 00:05:36,869
It's perfect.
136
00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:39,679
Um, no it's not, Eleanor,
137
00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:42,160
because there's no go-kart
track and no monkeys.
138
00:05:42,170 --> 00:05:44,260
No offense, but you're being
a real smooth brain right now.
139
00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:45,469
See those Green Doors?
140
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:48,039
You can use them to visit
any time or place,
141
00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:49,849
real or imagined.
142
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,392
Just think about where you wanna go,
143
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:53,319
and what you wanna do,
and walk on through.
144
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,679
So, one could walk
amongst the dinosaurs,
145
00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:58,259
or witness the very first
production of "Hamlet"
146
00:05:58,260 --> 00:05:59,525
at the Globe Theater.
147
00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:01,524
I'ma go Tokyo drift with monkeys!
148
00:06:01,525 --> 00:06:02,905
See you in a thousand years!
149
00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:05,839
Do you mind if I go find Hypatia?
150
00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:07,992
I-I promise it's strictly platonic.
151
00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:10,161
Technically Neoplatonic.
152
00:06:10,162 --> 00:06:11,939
- Whoops.
- Forget I made that joke
153
00:06:11,940 --> 00:06:12,994
and come with me.
154
00:06:12,995 --> 00:06:15,499
I'm so nervous to meet her,
and I need someone cool there
155
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,019
to change the subject if
I say something dumb.
156
00:06:17,020 --> 00:06:18,789
Sure, give me one sec.
157
00:06:18,790 --> 00:06:19,799
Hey, Tahani.
158
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:22,759
This room is filled with some
of the most interesting people
159
00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:23,959
that ever lived.
160
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:26,300
Chat them up, learn about their lives,
161
00:06:26,303 --> 00:06:29,805
then... meet back here so
that we can make fun of them.
162
00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:31,739
Eleanor Shellstrop.
163
00:06:31,740 --> 00:06:35,145
I have been training for
this day my entire life.
164
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:39,106
I am so honored by this gesture.
165
00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:42,192
This feels right.
This will be my new purpose.
166
00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:43,699
Everything's falling into place.
167
00:06:43,700 --> 00:06:45,219
Great, let's get to it.
168
00:06:45,220 --> 00:06:47,157
Just put on this ceremonial robe.
169
00:06:47,158 --> 00:06:48,159
Ha!
170
00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:50,789
Boy, do you have the
shoulders for a robe.
171
00:06:50,790 --> 00:06:53,029
- Oh.
- Just sign this scroll.
172
00:06:53,030 --> 00:06:56,339
I've never signed my name before.
173
00:06:56,340 --> 00:06:59,210
What signature type to choose?
174
00:06:59,211 --> 00:07:01,045
A "Doctor blob," or no,
175
00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:03,422
"Athlete who doesn't really
care about the kid."
176
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:04,924
Oh, wait, no.
177
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:07,802
"Middle school girl with
crush on Zac Efron."
178
00:07:07,803 --> 00:07:12,899
That way, I can put a
little heart over the "I".
179
00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:16,079
Perfect, and here is
your official medal.
180
00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:18,813
Now I know what Mary
Lou Retton feels like.
181
00:07:18,814 --> 00:07:20,939
And great, now you are
officially in charge
182
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:22,060
of the Good Place.
183
00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:23,939
I'm sorry. "In charge"?
184
00:07:23,940 --> 00:07:26,139
Yup, you're the boss now.
That was all legally binding,
185
00:07:26,140 --> 00:07:28,613
and we all quit, effective immediately.
186
00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:31,399
That is irreversible, so
it's all your problem now.
187
00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:32,410
Don't try to find us,
188
00:07:32,411 --> 00:07:34,075
no take-backs. Okay, bye-bye!
189
00:07:34,076 --> 00:07:35,956
Hurry up, move, move, go, go! Go, go!
190
00:07:40,340 --> 00:07:43,540
Hello? Fellow Good Placemen?
191
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:46,420
Anyone in here?
192
00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:50,219
"Ideas for improving
the Good Place." Oh...
193
00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:51,999
"Music you can eat."
194
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:54,779
Oh, boy. "Giant mini doughnuts,
195
00:07:54,780 --> 00:07:57,059
not just regular doughnuts.
196
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:58,811
Dave will explain."
197
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,969
Dave?
198
00:08:00,970 --> 00:08:03,566
Can you explain?
199
00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:05,484
Hi, are you, uh...
200
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:08,449
are you... are you
Hypatia Of Alexandria?
201
00:08:08,450 --> 00:08:10,698
Yup, how's it hangin'?
202
00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:12,449
It's hanging really well!
203
00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:14,069
Um, I-I gotta say,
204
00:08:14,070 --> 00:08:18,289
I was expecting you to be
still, you know, Ancient Greek.
205
00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:21,250
Oh, well, we sort of stay
current in this place.
206
00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:23,419
One of the big things
from Earth recently,
207
00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:25,499
um, the Industrial Revolution,
208
00:08:25,500 --> 00:08:28,019
the Manhattan Project, Gangnam Style...
209
00:08:28,020 --> 00:08:29,173
I feel like I get it.
210
00:08:29,174 --> 00:08:31,659
It's really her. I can
just tell, somehow,
211
00:08:31,660 --> 00:08:33,379
it's Hypatia of Alexandria.
212
00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:35,239
I know, babe. Yes it is.
213
00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:37,139
Hi, sorry, I'm Eleanor.
214
00:08:37,140 --> 00:08:39,061
This exuberant weirdo is Chidi.
215
00:08:39,062 --> 00:08:40,899
We're new in town. First question:
216
00:08:40,900 --> 00:08:42,603
How do you get the "of" in your name?
217
00:08:42,604 --> 00:08:45,079
Is it just, like, where
you hung out the most?
218
00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:49,403
Like, am I "Eleanor of the
Cheesecake Factory Bar"?
219
00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:52,656
Also is it Hy-PAY-shuh, or Hy-PAT-ee-uh?
220
00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:54,359
Or in the Ancient Greek,
221
00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:55,439
"who-PUH-tee-uh?"
222
00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:56,859
There's a lot of fun debate about this.
223
00:08:56,860 --> 00:08:58,620
You know what, just call me Patty.
224
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:02,379
Okay, well, uh... Patty!
225
00:09:02,380 --> 00:09:04,369
I'm a huge fan.
226
00:09:04,370 --> 00:09:05,829
I had a poster of you
227
00:09:05,830 --> 00:09:07,079
on my wall in high school.
228
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,779
Actually, it was just a poster
of Trinity from "The Matrix,"
229
00:09:09,780 --> 00:09:11,319
but that's how I imagined you would look
230
00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:12,426
because you're so cool!
231
00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:14,804
Oh, is she the reason you
got beat up so much?
232
00:09:14,805 --> 00:09:17,389
- She's one of 'em.
- Wanna get a milkshake?
233
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,049
I haven't been around
newbies in a while.
234
00:09:19,050 --> 00:09:21,499
You're a little intense.
Let's get a milkshake.
235
00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:23,604
Yeah, they make a milkshake here
236
00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:25,359
that's made out of actual stardust.
237
00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:27,129
- It's pretty good.
- Okay!
238
00:09:27,130 --> 00:09:28,399
Yeah!
239
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,199
- Getting milkshakes with Patty.
- Yeah.
240
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:32,071
But can I ask you a couple
of questions first?
241
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,369
Uh, you were a follower of Plotinus,
242
00:09:34,370 --> 00:09:36,899
who claimed that contemplation
of our ultimate reality...
243
00:09:36,900 --> 00:09:38,399
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
244
00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:41,909
Are you... what's it called, um...
245
00:09:41,910 --> 00:09:43,679
a think-book-man?
246
00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:46,836
No, um... a think-read-book-man.
247
00:09:46,837 --> 00:09:48,609
- A philosopher, yes.
- Sorry!
248
00:09:48,610 --> 00:09:51,419
It's been so long, my brain is foggy.
249
00:09:51,420 --> 00:09:55,139
Listen carefully before
I forget how to say this:
250
00:09:55,140 --> 00:09:58,765
you gotta help us, we are so screwed.
251
00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:01,259
We are?
252
00:10:01,260 --> 00:10:03,320
Hello.
253
00:10:03,330 --> 00:10:05,299
I'm Tahani Al-Jamil.
254
00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:06,565
I'm Paltibaal.
255
00:10:06,566 --> 00:10:08,229
Welcome to paradise.
256
00:10:08,230 --> 00:10:09,799
So, what's your story?
257
00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:11,620
Did you cure something,
258
00:10:11,630 --> 00:10:13,195
or invent something?
259
00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:15,615
I helped the poor in Ancient Phoenicia.
260
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:17,039
Excellent!
261
00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:19,744
I once had a Soul Cycle
instructor named Phoenicia.
262
00:10:22,110 --> 00:10:24,039
How did you die?
263
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,208
I got a cut on my hand.
264
00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:30,289
The year was 2491 BC,
so that's pretty much all it took.
265
00:10:30,290 --> 00:10:33,259
You got a cut, or you drank
water that wasn't hot enough,
266
00:10:33,260 --> 00:10:35,009
and then boom, dead.
267
00:10:35,010 --> 00:10:37,399
I would've killed for a vaccine.
268
00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:38,721
Any vaccine.
269
00:10:38,722 --> 00:10:42,259
It's crazy that you guys
just don't like them now.
270
00:10:42,260 --> 00:10:45,239
So what's your favorite
part about living here?
271
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:47,354
I mean, it's perfect.
272
00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:50,233
We're all having orgasms
literally all the time.
273
00:10:50,234 --> 00:10:53,778
I died a virgin, so that's real crazy.
274
00:10:55,060 --> 00:10:56,359
Okay.
275
00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:58,799
It's so nice to get to work
alongside another Good Janet.
276
00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:00,379
Yes, it is.
277
00:11:00,380 --> 00:11:02,369
Janet, can I get a Coke?
278
00:11:03,590 --> 00:11:05,160
No, a water.
279
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:07,499
No, a lamp.
280
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,579
No, a cat.
281
00:11:09,580 --> 00:11:12,212
So, people just ask you for things
282
00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:13,631
with no rhyme or reason?
283
00:11:13,632 --> 00:11:16,169
Yes, and then I get them for them.
284
00:11:16,170 --> 00:11:19,094
- It's great.
- Can I get a spaceship?
285
00:11:20,222 --> 00:11:22,223
No, one huge Junior Mint.
286
00:11:22,224 --> 00:11:24,459
No, a Coke.
287
00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:30,979
Wow, this milkshake is incredible.
288
00:11:30,980 --> 00:11:32,119
- Right?
- Mmm!
289
00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:33,943
This is how I spend most of my time.
290
00:11:33,944 --> 00:11:36,987
Sitting in beautiful places,
drinking my milkshake,
291
00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:38,739
slowly peeing into my pants,
292
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:42,029
which instantly evaporates
and leaves no trace.
293
00:11:42,030 --> 00:11:43,039
- Sounds fun.
- Mm.
294
00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:45,079
But didn't you want to tell
us how we're all screwed?
295
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:48,082
Ah! Damn it!
296
00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:50,709
This is the exact problem!
297
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,254
On paper, this is paradise.
298
00:11:53,255 --> 00:11:55,544
All your desires and needs are met,
299
00:11:55,545 --> 00:11:59,019
but it's infinite, and when
perfection goes on forever,
300
00:11:59,020 --> 00:12:02,779
you become this glassy-eyed mush person.
301
00:12:02,780 --> 00:12:06,719
But... no! Because...
302
00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:09,459
No. Because, Patty, no!
303
00:12:09,460 --> 00:12:13,232
Yes, I'm telling you.
I used to be cool, man.
304
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:16,059
I studied so much things.
305
00:12:16,060 --> 00:12:19,999
Art and music and the, um,
306
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,825
the one with the number piles?
307
00:12:22,826 --> 00:12:25,953
Where I'd be like, "Two!"
and you'd be like, "Six!"
308
00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:27,409
- Math?
- Yes!
309
00:12:27,410 --> 00:12:32,039
And then I came here where
time stretched out forever,
310
00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:34,990
and every second of my
existence was amazing,
311
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:38,090
but my brain became this big dumb blob.
312
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,259
So we finally make it
into the Good Place,
313
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,303
and now we're just gonna become zombies?
314
00:12:42,304 --> 00:12:44,596
Why haven't you told anyone about this?
315
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:45,973
About what?
316
00:12:45,974 --> 00:12:47,684
- Dude!
- Damn it!
317
00:12:49,430 --> 00:12:51,729
We have to find the others. Right now.
318
00:12:51,730 --> 00:12:54,440
Look, there's math on my shirt.
319
00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:57,109
- Come on!
- Is it an "S" or a math?
320
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,943
Have you seen Eleanor and Chidi?
321
00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:00,859
There's something very
wrong with this party,
322
00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:02,299
and it's not just that the caviar
323
00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:04,367
is being served on top of Jell-O shots.
324
00:13:04,368 --> 00:13:07,959
We are the first new
people here in 500 years,
325
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:09,621
and no one seems to care.
326
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:12,039
I know, even the Good
Janets are kind of weird.
327
00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:13,960
They're like, "Hi, there!"
328
00:13:14,790 --> 00:13:17,297
When I do it, it's cool, but
when they do it, it's lame.
329
00:13:17,298 --> 00:13:19,339
Hey, guys. Having fun? Great.
330
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:20,719
So, little update.
331
00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:23,209
Um, the Good Place is a disaster.
332
00:13:23,210 --> 00:13:24,799
Everyone here is a happiness zombie,
333
00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:26,639
and no one is doing anything about it,
334
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,559
because by the time they
realize it's happening,
335
00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:30,184
everyone is too far gone to care.
336
00:13:30,185 --> 00:13:31,439
Oh, dear.
337
00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:33,299
Oh, hello, I'm Tahani.
338
00:13:33,300 --> 00:13:35,419
Hi, I'm milkshake.
Do you want a milkshake?
339
00:13:35,420 --> 00:13:37,339
Okay, we need to tell someone
340
00:13:37,340 --> 00:13:39,486
before we're too zonked out
to remember why we're here.
341
00:13:39,487 --> 00:13:42,079
- We need to find the Committee.
- The Committee is me.
342
00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:43,822
I am Committee. It me.
343
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,969
- What?
- They tricked me.
344
00:13:45,970 --> 00:13:47,799
And put me in charge of the Good Place
345
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:49,493
and then literally ran away.
346
00:13:49,494 --> 00:13:50,539
And then what happened?
347
00:13:50,540 --> 00:13:52,419
The sorting hat put you in Hufflepuff?
348
00:13:52,420 --> 00:13:53,669
Roasted.
349
00:13:53,670 --> 00:13:54,839
Come on, I know we have problems.
350
00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:56,829
- You can't expect me to ignore this.
- Hang on,
351
00:13:56,830 --> 00:13:57,899
we're in paradise.
352
00:13:57,900 --> 00:14:00,060
Surely, some people here
are enjoying themselves.
353
00:14:00,070 --> 00:14:01,620
Hey, guys. I'm back.
354
00:14:01,630 --> 00:14:04,119
Go-karting with monkeys
got boring really fast.
355
00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:05,129
It did?
356
00:14:05,130 --> 00:14:06,580
- Oh, no!
- Damn it!
357
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:11,499
Jason, your lifelong dream
got old that quickly?
358
00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:14,849
I mean, monkeys and
go-karts was fun for a while,
359
00:14:14,850 --> 00:14:17,749
then I was like, "Oh,
you know what'd be cool?
360
00:14:17,750 --> 00:14:19,066
Hippos in go-karts."
361
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:20,734
And I was like, yo,
362
00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:22,759
"What about Draculas with jetpacks?"
363
00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:25,399
I did like 50 combos, and
then I just kind of wanted
364
00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:27,740
to hang out with you guys again.
365
00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:29,989
Okay, that's it in a nutshell.
366
00:14:29,990 --> 00:14:31,990
'Cause you get here and you realize
367
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,410
that anything's possible,
368
00:14:33,415 --> 00:14:35,769
and you do everything,
and then you're done.
369
00:14:35,770 --> 00:14:38,127
But you still have infinity left.
370
00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:40,587
This place kills fun, and passion,
371
00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:42,629
and excitement, and love,
372
00:14:42,630 --> 00:14:44,959
till all you have left are milkshakes.
373
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:47,549
The Good Place Committee
obviously knew about this.
374
00:14:47,550 --> 00:14:48,979
Why didn't they try and solve it?
375
00:14:48,980 --> 00:14:51,289
They did. They tried everything.
376
00:14:51,290 --> 00:14:54,309
Just last week, they made
the unicorns bigger,
377
00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:56,311
and then they gave them more horns,
378
00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:58,199
and then they made them chubbier.
379
00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:02,317
I mean, really, they just made
a bunch of weird fluffy rhinos.
380
00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:04,112
The Committee members aren't human,
381
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:05,862
so they couldn't understand the problem.
382
00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:07,299
The second I showed up,
383
00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:10,702
they jumped off this sinking
ship and made me captain.
384
00:15:10,703 --> 00:15:12,979
Well, I'm not giving up.
385
00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:15,859
We worked too hard and
went through too much.
386
00:15:15,860 --> 00:15:18,779
And I'm not just gonna sit
back and turn into some
387
00:15:18,780 --> 00:15:21,649
slack-jawed sweatpant-wearing
orgasm machine.
388
00:15:21,650 --> 00:15:24,799
Oh, my God, I'm describing my
dream existence like it's bad.
389
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:26,423
What is wrong with this place?
390
00:15:26,424 --> 00:15:28,174
We just redesigned this system,
391
00:15:28,175 --> 00:15:30,719
and soon millions of people
are going to start pouring in
392
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:33,975
thinking they're in paradise,
only to become a joyless husk.
393
00:15:33,976 --> 00:15:35,179
It's Coachella.
394
00:15:35,180 --> 00:15:37,299
We've invented Cosmic Coachella.
395
00:15:37,300 --> 00:15:38,979
Oh, we have to fix this.
396
00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:41,269
What if we do what I did to you
397
00:15:41,270 --> 00:15:42,839
in the original Neighborhood?
398
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:45,119
Erase their memory
every once in a while?
399
00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:48,359
That way, paradise would
seem fresh and new.
400
00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:50,339
You were doing that to torture us.
401
00:15:50,340 --> 00:15:53,411
Actual paradise can't use
the same playbook as hell.
402
00:15:53,412 --> 00:15:56,359
Okay, well, I have a solution.
403
00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:59,119
Remember what I said to you
when you were going through
404
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:00,839
your "midlife crisis, one earring,
405
00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:02,329
red convertible" phase?
406
00:16:02,330 --> 00:16:04,319
- "You look so stupid."
- After that.
407
00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:08,699
You said that every human is
a little bit sad all the time,
408
00:16:08,700 --> 00:16:11,359
because you know you're gonna die.
409
00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:15,016
But that knowledge is
what gives life meaning.
410
00:16:16,140 --> 00:16:19,569
The way to restore meaning to
the people in the Good Place
411
00:16:19,570 --> 00:16:21,438
is to let them leave.
412
00:16:21,439 --> 00:16:23,249
Leave? And go where?
413
00:16:23,250 --> 00:16:24,942
This is the last...
414
00:16:24,943 --> 00:16:27,359
Oh.
415
00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:30,780
Can we just do that?
416
00:16:31,890 --> 00:16:34,689
You're the head of the Good Place now.
417
00:16:34,690 --> 00:16:39,199
Seems to me, you can
do whatever you want.
418
00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:43,126
Where's Michael?
419
00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:46,547
Okay.
420
00:16:48,883 --> 00:16:51,760
Nothing to do but
announce the big change.
421
00:16:51,761 --> 00:16:55,379
Whatever happens, it's cool, my babies.
422
00:16:55,380 --> 00:16:56,724
It's very cool.
423
00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:00,769
Did you smoke that weed, bud?
424
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:04,599
I did.
425
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:05,739
I was kind of freaked out,
426
00:17:05,740 --> 00:17:07,929
so I smoked some grass,
but now I'm great.
427
00:17:07,930 --> 00:17:10,320
Let's change the afterlife,
428
00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:12,615
- and then Taco Bell.
- All right.
429
00:17:12,616 --> 00:17:14,799
Oh!
430
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:16,409
- Baby!
- Okay.
431
00:17:16,410 --> 00:17:18,037
I'm gonna do the talking.
432
00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:21,369
Hi, everyone, can I have
your attention, please?
433
00:17:21,370 --> 00:17:23,620
Hi, my name's Eleanor Shellstrop.
434
00:17:23,630 --> 00:17:24,979
Hope you're having fun
435
00:17:24,980 --> 00:17:29,959
at our Flor-izona British
library extravaganza.
436
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:33,079
I guess you don't really
have fun anywhere,
437
00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:34,969
which is the point.
438
00:17:34,970 --> 00:17:38,473
It doesn't seem like this
is paradise for you.
439
00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:41,919
You've basically been on
a never-ending vacation,
440
00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:45,606
and vacations are only
special because they end.
441
00:17:45,607 --> 00:17:47,599
So we have an idea.
442
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,519
We're gonna set up a new kind of door.
443
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:53,019
Um, somewhere peaceful,
so that when you feel happy
444
00:17:53,020 --> 00:17:54,919
and satisfied and complete,
445
00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:56,569
and you want to leave
the Good Place for good,
446
00:17:56,570 --> 00:17:57,759
you can just walk through it,
447
00:17:57,760 --> 00:18:01,623
and your time in the universe will end.
448
00:18:02,510 --> 00:18:05,249
You don't have to go through
it if you don't want to,
449
00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:07,649
but you can, and hopefully,
450
00:18:07,650 --> 00:18:10,319
knowing that you don't
have to be here forever
451
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:12,342
will help you feel
happier while you are.
452
00:18:12,343 --> 00:18:15,136
What will happen when we go through it?
453
00:18:16,490 --> 00:18:18,639
Well, we don't really know, exactly.
454
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:20,959
All we know is, it will be peaceful,
455
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:23,685
and your journey will be over.
456
00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:26,396
You led great lives.
457
00:18:26,397 --> 00:18:28,398
You earned your place here.
458
00:18:28,399 --> 00:18:31,485
So stay here as long as you like.
459
00:18:31,486 --> 00:18:36,639
Use the Green Doors to see
and do every single thing
460
00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:38,819
you want to see and do.
461
00:18:38,820 --> 00:18:41,559
And when you're ready...
462
00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:44,519
walk through one last door,
463
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:46,458
and be at peace.
464
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:50,171
Does that sound good?
465
00:18:56,844 --> 00:18:58,388
Seems like they're into it.
466
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:08,229
It's DJ music, make some noise!
467
00:19:09,524 --> 00:19:11,817
That's my boyfriend!
468
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:14,319
I'm glad you'll be able
to enjoy things again.
469
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,389
Art, math, philosophy, like you used to.
470
00:19:16,390 --> 00:19:17,489
Yeah, me too.
471
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:20,539
I've been dreaming of ending the ennui
472
00:19:20,540 --> 00:19:23,099
of this eternal existence
for a long time,
473
00:19:23,100 --> 00:19:26,160
but now I think I'll stick
around for a while.
474
00:19:26,170 --> 00:19:31,079
It felt good to, uh... make brain words.
475
00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:34,019
Still mushy. I'll get it back.
476
00:19:34,020 --> 00:19:35,883
We're lucky we ran into you.
477
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:36,959
It saved us.
478
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:40,178
That's not what saved you.
479
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:43,679
- Hey!
- Hey!
480
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:46,439
- It was your friendships.
- Yeah, I know, I got it.
481
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:47,850
Oh. Sorry.
482
00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:49,688
Still not sharp.
483
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:55,609
Kept most of it the same.
484
00:19:55,610 --> 00:19:59,179
Even made myself a office nearby.
485
00:19:59,180 --> 00:20:00,669
Jason, I-I...
486
00:20:00,670 --> 00:20:04,059
Kind of took a wild guess.
487
00:20:04,060 --> 00:20:06,759
I finally get to accomplish my goal
488
00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:08,949
of living in a Stupid Nick's!
489
00:20:08,950 --> 00:20:10,760
I know anything you do
for eternity gets boring,
490
00:20:10,770 --> 00:20:13,629
but I swear I will never
get sick of wings!
491
00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:17,090
Well, I'll see you all tomorrow.
492
00:20:17,091 --> 00:20:19,669
And every tomorrow after that.
493
00:20:19,670 --> 00:20:21,719
You know, Michael,
at the end of the day,
494
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:22,749
you were right.
495
00:20:24,530 --> 00:20:27,392
Everything is fine.
496
00:20:39,410 --> 00:20:40,560
Hmm.
497
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:45,799
This is what we've been looking for
498
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:48,179
since the day we met.
499
00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:50,207
Time.
500
00:20:50,208 --> 00:20:51,919
I think that's what the
Good Place really is.
501
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:56,729
It's... not even a place,
really, it's just...
502
00:20:56,730 --> 00:20:59,399
having enough time with
the people you love.
503
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,899
You're right.
504
00:21:01,900 --> 00:21:04,980
And we have as long as we want.
505
00:21:06,820 --> 00:21:08,419
If you keep hogging this blanket,
506
00:21:08,420 --> 00:21:09,699
I'm probably gonna
walk through that door
507
00:21:09,700 --> 00:21:12,639
in, like, three days, so...
508
00:21:15,780 --> 00:21:18,649
I'll miss you.
509
00:21:20,190 --> 00:21:24,158
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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