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1
00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:10,533
- * They say the party
won't be on *
2
00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:13,033
* Until I get up in the place *
3
00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:14,667
- I can't believe
this turnout.
4
00:00:14,733 --> 00:00:16,533
We have a hit on our hands.
5
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:19,033
- I predicted this.
I told you I had a special dog.
6
00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:20,867
- You had a special editor.
7
00:00:20,933 --> 00:00:22,800
Liza rewrote every page
of this book.
8
00:00:22,867 --> 00:00:24,800
Gave it a point of view.
Wit. Irony.
9
00:00:24,867 --> 00:00:25,900
- I know. I know.
10
00:00:27,667 --> 00:00:29,400
- We did our job too well.
11
00:00:29,467 --> 00:00:30,700
This was supposed to
die a quiet death
12
00:00:30,767 --> 00:00:32,267
- I know.
13
00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:34,933
Hey, Amazon just
sold out of stock.
14
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:37,433
- What?
- Oh, and Zane just tweeted.
15
00:00:38,533 --> 00:00:40,767
- Ouch. I thought he liked you.
- No, he does.
16
00:00:40,833 --> 00:00:45,433
He's flirt-fighting. My move.
I gotta bite back hard.
17
00:00:45,500 --> 00:00:47,400
- Uh, why is Pearl's
lipstick out?
18
00:00:47,467 --> 00:00:49,700
Wait, why does Pearl
even have a lipstick? Emily?
19
00:00:49,767 --> 00:00:52,567
- This is Pearl II. Gary.
20
00:00:52,633 --> 00:00:56,000
Pearl's son. And lover too,
but that's dogs.
21
00:00:56,067 --> 00:00:57,667
He just peed off
his dog merkin again.
22
00:00:57,733 --> 00:00:59,467
Put on the backup.
23
00:00:59,533 --> 00:01:02,400
It's Velcro, but really
get in there and rub hard.
24
00:01:03,733 --> 00:01:04,933
- Oh, no, no, no.
25
00:01:05,067 --> 00:01:06,467
You gotta--
you gotta do that.
26
00:01:06,533 --> 00:01:07,867
[Liza gasps]
27
00:01:09,067 --> 00:01:10,633
- Hello.
28
00:01:10,700 --> 00:01:14,400
["Running All Night"
by Zayde Wolf]
29
00:01:14,467 --> 00:01:17,167
- * Oh, everybody thinks *
30
00:01:17,233 --> 00:01:19,767
* That they're gonna rule
the world *
31
00:01:19,833 --> 00:01:23,667
* I'm just gonna learn
how to play it *
32
00:01:23,733 --> 00:01:26,100
* Give me all you got
and I'll turn... *
33
00:01:26,167 --> 00:01:27,800
- Congratulations!
34
00:01:27,867 --> 00:01:30,433
Your Labradoodle book
is starting a trend.
35
00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:32,267
We've been getting submissions
all morning.
36
00:01:32,333 --> 00:01:36,267
Deep thoughts from puppies.
Kittens. Weasels.
37
00:01:36,333 --> 00:01:39,800
- I have three horses,
a gecko, and two hamsters here.
38
00:01:39,867 --> 00:01:42,200
- I had a hamster once
when I was a child.
39
00:01:42,267 --> 00:01:44,933
Sad story. Apparently you can't
blow-dry them on High.
40
00:01:45,067 --> 00:01:47,267
Well, ladies, you've
strapped yourselves to a bomb.
41
00:01:47,333 --> 00:01:49,433
Might as well enjoy the ride.
42
00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:52,067
- Still hard to believe
this is a Millennial title.
43
00:01:52,133 --> 00:01:55,600
A novelty book about
a dog philosopher.
44
00:01:55,667 --> 00:01:57,467
- Kelsey did not want
to publish it. I made her.
45
00:01:57,533 --> 00:02:00,500
- That is going to save
our company.
46
00:02:00,567 --> 00:02:01,833
- What?
47
00:02:01,900 --> 00:02:03,700
- How is it gonna save
our company?
48
00:02:03,767 --> 00:02:06,533
- We're half a million apart
on LL Moore's new contract.
49
00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:09,067
These sales might help
bridge the gap.
50
00:02:09,100 --> 00:02:12,600
- We are happy to go slightly
off-brand for one book
51
00:02:12,667 --> 00:02:14,533
if it's gonna help Empirical.
52
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:16,367
Nothing we can't walk back
with our next book.
53
00:02:16,433 --> 00:02:18,067
- Walk back?
Run towards it!
54
00:02:18,100 --> 00:02:20,833
Apparently young people
want to read about
55
00:02:20,900 --> 00:02:22,367
what their pets are thinking.
56
00:02:22,433 --> 00:02:25,767
So let's scratch that itch.
57
00:02:31,767 --> 00:02:34,667
- Okay. Got through almost half
the animal kingdom, so--
58
00:02:34,733 --> 00:02:37,500
- Ugh, Richard.
Who says "I love you" in a text?
59
00:02:37,567 --> 00:02:39,167
What am I supposed to say
back to that?
60
00:02:39,233 --> 00:02:42,333
"I know. Thank you."
61
00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:43,933
- That's an option.
62
00:02:44,067 --> 00:02:46,167
- It doesn't cost anything
to be polite, Liza.
63
00:02:46,233 --> 00:02:48,533
Your generation
could learn that.
64
00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:52,067
That reminds me: I have to get
Charles a birthday present.
65
00:02:52,067 --> 00:02:54,067
He always says
mine are his favorite.
66
00:02:54,133 --> 00:02:56,933
Not out loud, but
there's such a thing as subtext.
67
00:02:57,067 --> 00:03:01,600
-Okay, Charles, birthday.
Any ideas?
68
00:03:01,667 --> 00:03:03,400
- Uh, just one.
69
00:03:03,467 --> 00:03:06,633
Have my assistant do it.
70
00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:09,667
Be in my office at noon,
and I want choices.
71
00:03:09,733 --> 00:03:12,400
- * One, two, three, four *
72
00:03:12,467 --> 00:03:16,200
* *
73
00:03:16,267 --> 00:03:18,133
- I thought
we were going to dinner.
74
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:20,767
- This is me post-Max, okay?
75
00:03:20,833 --> 00:03:23,933
I'm single again
and oozing sex.
76
00:03:24,067 --> 00:03:26,067
I'm not gonna waste that
on a gay waiter.
77
00:03:26,133 --> 00:03:30,100
I'm back, ladies! Yes!
You're welcome!
78
00:03:30,167 --> 00:03:32,200
- [laughs]
- Come on, Maggie.
79
00:03:32,267 --> 00:03:34,133
You need this too, all right?
We'll wing-woman each other.
80
00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:35,800
[phone tweets]
81
00:03:35,867 --> 00:03:38,233
Ugh, Kelsey's got
a Twitter feud going on
82
00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:40,333
with this hot editor
from Rivington.
83
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:43,800
Let's see: "Millennial Scoops Up
Steaming Hot Property."
84
00:03:43,867 --> 00:03:45,767
- Oh? Ew.
85
00:03:45,833 --> 00:03:48,600
Is that...
- Yeah. Yep. That's dog shit.
86
00:03:48,667 --> 00:03:51,667
Uh-huh, not even the emoji.
Okay, the real thing.
87
00:03:51,733 --> 00:03:53,967
[scoffs] Oh, my God.
Twitter feuds are so lame.
88
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,967
Just go straight
to the hate sex, kiddies.
89
00:03:56,067 --> 00:03:57,733
Less thumbing, more fingering.
90
00:03:57,800 --> 00:03:59,600
- Girl, someone's
looking at you.
91
00:03:59,667 --> 00:04:01,067
- I'm sorry, really?
Where.
92
00:04:01,100 --> 00:04:02,833
- Over there.
- Is she cute?
93
00:04:02,900 --> 00:04:04,333
Ooh, I can't tell. Okay.
She's coming, she's coming.
94
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,200
Look straight, Maggie.
Help me out.
95
00:04:06,267 --> 00:04:08,200
- How do I do that?
- Just look straight.
96
00:04:08,267 --> 00:04:10,067
- Are you...are you
Maggie Amato?
97
00:04:10,100 --> 00:04:11,833
- [laughs] Yeah.
98
00:04:11,900 --> 00:04:13,800
- I saw "The New York Times"
article about you last week.
99
00:04:13,867 --> 00:04:15,333
I love your work.
100
00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:16,733
- That was crazy,
but thank you, thank you.
101
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:18,700
- Good crazy.
102
00:04:18,767 --> 00:04:22,200
I'm sorry. I'm Donna Malone.
103
00:04:22,267 --> 00:04:24,933
I have a gallery
on Clinton street. Studio 29.
104
00:04:25,067 --> 00:04:27,167
- Oh, yeah, I saw
the Tala Madani show there.
105
00:04:27,233 --> 00:04:28,833
Great space, yeah.
106
00:04:28,900 --> 00:04:30,867
- I can't believe
we've never met.
107
00:04:30,933 --> 00:04:33,167
Maybe I could drop by
your studio?
108
00:04:33,233 --> 00:04:35,400
See your work sometime?
- Any time.
109
00:04:35,467 --> 00:04:37,133
- Great.
- Yeah.
110
00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:38,967
I'm with some friends
and we're about to leave,
111
00:04:39,067 --> 00:04:41,067
but if I give you my card,
112
00:04:41,133 --> 00:04:44,200
would you promise to call me
or text me?
113
00:04:44,267 --> 00:04:45,967
- Absolutely.
114
00:04:46,067 --> 00:04:47,867
Uh, you got a little something
right here.
115
00:04:47,933 --> 00:04:50,867
- Oh, is it--no?
- No, no, no sorry.
116
00:04:50,933 --> 00:04:55,167
- Well, you know, it was
really great meeting you.
117
00:04:55,233 --> 00:04:56,733
- Yeah.
118
00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:58,833
- I'm free tomorrow night,
by the way.
119
00:04:58,900 --> 00:05:01,067
[chuckles]
120
00:05:02,133 --> 00:05:05,533
- Okay.
She was very, very into you.
121
00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:06,933
You coulda
fried an egg on that cooch.
122
00:05:07,067 --> 00:05:08,367
- Did she--did she
have a mustache?
123
00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:09,867
- I don't know, wasn't
on her tits.
124
00:05:09,933 --> 00:05:11,567
Honestly, that's all
I was looking at.
125
00:05:11,633 --> 00:05:13,700
[phone tweets]
Wow!
126
00:05:13,767 --> 00:05:16,333
These two really hate
each other.
127
00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:20,900
I was hoping you were
the pizza guy.
128
00:05:20,967 --> 00:05:23,767
- [chuckles] Right.
Like you eat pizza.
129
00:05:23,833 --> 00:05:26,767
And yes, I see your abs.
You can breathe out now.
130
00:05:26,833 --> 00:05:29,100
- I'm up 250 followers today.
131
00:05:29,167 --> 00:05:32,333
- Ha! I'm up 330.
I'm winning.
132
00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:35,900
- Not really. I'm upping your
stock, not the other way around.
133
00:05:35,967 --> 00:05:38,333
- I see what I'm upping.
134
00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:39,767
Unless that's for the pizza guy.
135
00:05:39,833 --> 00:05:42,200
- * Show me your colors *
136
00:05:42,267 --> 00:05:44,767
* 'Cause there ain't no other *
137
00:05:44,833 --> 00:05:46,267
* Gotta do your own thing *
138
00:05:46,333 --> 00:05:47,767
- I wish I could have
been there,
139
00:05:47,833 --> 00:05:49,233
but no one wants a mom
on their class trip.
140
00:05:49,300 --> 00:05:50,900
- Anyway, you live here.
141
00:05:50,967 --> 00:05:52,067
You can go to The Whitney
any day of the week.
142
00:05:52,133 --> 00:05:53,900
But I'm beat.
143
00:05:53,967 --> 00:05:56,100
I can't wait to
get on that train and sleep.
144
00:05:56,167 --> 00:05:57,600
- You do look pale.
145
00:05:57,667 --> 00:05:58,933
Are you done with
the antibiotics?
146
00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:00,633
You took the whole bottle,
right?
147
00:06:00,700 --> 00:06:02,133
- You're totally Mom-ing
out on me.
148
00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:03,167
- Well, you had your appendix
out.
149
00:06:03,233 --> 00:06:04,667
That's a major surgery.
150
00:06:04,733 --> 00:06:06,500
- I'm not the walking wounded;
you are.
151
00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:08,633
And you're just avoiding the
topic--the breakup, Josh.
152
00:06:08,700 --> 00:06:11,100
Are you okay?
- Yes.
153
00:06:11,167 --> 00:06:13,400
We're good.
I see him around.
154
00:06:13,467 --> 00:06:16,500
- Was it the age thing?
155
00:06:16,567 --> 00:06:18,433
- Pretty much.
- Figured.
156
00:06:18,500 --> 00:06:21,433
It's too bad.
I liked him.
157
00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:24,100
- So did I.
But we're friends.
158
00:06:24,167 --> 00:06:27,133
- So now you get to be
the older, wiser maternal figure
159
00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:29,867
who listens to his problems
with his new girlfriends.
160
00:06:29,933 --> 00:06:32,100
That sucks.
- What time is your train again?
161
00:06:32,167 --> 00:06:34,467
- Right, um, I should use
the restroom here,
162
00:06:34,533 --> 00:06:36,933
'cause the ones at Grand Central
get too much traffic.
163
00:06:37,067 --> 00:06:40,200
I hate a warm seat.
- Wait, you actually sit down?
164
00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:42,200
Oh, God, I failed you
as a mother.
165
00:06:42,267 --> 00:06:44,333
- [laughs]
Be right back.
166
00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:47,200
And I know exactly
how much chocolate cake is left.
167
00:06:56,900 --> 00:06:59,467
- Liza Miller, right?
168
00:06:59,533 --> 00:07:02,067
Jay... Mallick.
We met at Bonfire?
169
00:07:02,100 --> 00:07:05,867
- Right. Hi, Jay!
From Macmillan. Hi.
170
00:07:05,933 --> 00:07:09,567
- You are embarrassed because
you never called me back.
171
00:07:09,633 --> 00:07:11,600
- Oh, no, yes, maybe.
I don't know.
172
00:07:11,667 --> 00:07:14,400
You know, but I'm happy
at Empirical.
173
00:07:14,467 --> 00:07:16,900
I was just having a bad day
that day that we met.
174
00:07:16,967 --> 00:07:18,800
- Hey, may I?
175
00:07:20,333 --> 00:07:21,833
Um...
176
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:24,867
[keyboard clacking]
177
00:07:24,933 --> 00:07:26,500
There.
[cell phone ringing]
178
00:07:26,567 --> 00:07:30,067
Now I have your cell.
179
00:07:30,067 --> 00:07:32,700
You know, we don't have to
talk about our jobs.
180
00:07:32,767 --> 00:07:34,700
- Right, I look forward to that.
Thanks. Bye.
181
00:07:34,767 --> 00:07:36,267
- Come on, Mom.
Line was too long.
182
00:07:36,333 --> 00:07:39,067
I'll deal. Did you pay?
- Wait, "Mom"?
183
00:07:39,100 --> 00:07:41,733
- That's her name for me, Mom.
184
00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:44,500
Because I'm always
mothering her.
185
00:07:44,567 --> 00:07:45,933
Wear your scarf,
eat your vegetables.
186
00:07:46,067 --> 00:07:48,133
Oh, how we laugh.
187
00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:50,067
- Yeah.
188
00:07:50,100 --> 00:07:52,867
Okay, I guess she's not
going to introduce me.
189
00:07:52,933 --> 00:07:55,333
I'm the daughter. Caitlin.
- Hi.
190
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:57,200
- And if we don't get
a move on, Mom,
191
00:07:57,267 --> 00:07:59,067
I'm gonna miss my train.
- [laughs awkwardly]
192
00:07:59,100 --> 00:08:01,600
- I am...confused.
- Oh, geez, gosh.
193
00:08:01,667 --> 00:08:05,233
Look at the time.
You know, it was really nice
194
00:08:05,300 --> 00:08:07,100
seeing you again, Jay.
195
00:08:07,167 --> 00:08:09,100
- Okay, uh, well, yeah.
196
00:08:09,167 --> 00:08:11,267
Well, you know, we should talk.
I'll call you.
197
00:08:11,333 --> 00:08:13,867
- Oh, absolutely, great, yes.
198
00:08:13,933 --> 00:08:16,533
- Okay, nice to see you.
- Great to meet you.
199
00:08:25,167 --> 00:08:27,467
[upbeat music]
200
00:08:27,533 --> 00:08:29,967
- Okay, tonight at 7:00.
201
00:08:30,067 --> 00:08:33,333
I'll see you then. Bye.
202
00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:35,967
Oh, God.
- What happened?
203
00:08:36,067 --> 00:08:39,867
- I met this Macmillan editor
at Bonfire who thought I was 27.
204
00:08:39,933 --> 00:08:43,067
Well, he ran into me last night
with Caitlin.
205
00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:44,733
And now he wants to talk.
206
00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:46,667
- She blew your cover?
- It was my own fault.
207
00:08:46,733 --> 00:08:48,633
She called me Liza once
when she was 15.
208
00:08:48,700 --> 00:08:50,467
I took away her phone
for a week.
209
00:08:50,533 --> 00:08:52,533
- Wonder what he wants
to talk about.
210
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,067
- He'll tell me at dinner.
211
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:55,467
- Well, I would show up with
a baseball bat
212
00:08:55,533 --> 00:08:57,467
if things got dicey,
but I'm having
213
00:08:57,533 --> 00:08:59,133
this gallery owner over
tonight.
214
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:01,533
- Is it a date?
- I'm not really sure.
215
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:03,300
You know, and she's definitely
interested in my work,
216
00:09:03,367 --> 00:09:06,733
but as far as dating goes,
there's one little problem.
217
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:08,200
- What is it?
218
00:09:08,267 --> 00:09:09,600
- I think she has a stash.
219
00:09:09,667 --> 00:09:11,067
- Of what?
220
00:09:11,100 --> 00:09:12,533
- No, no, a mustache.
221
00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,167
- Everybody's got
a little peach fuzz.
222
00:09:14,233 --> 00:09:16,100
- This is not a peach;
this is a coconut.
223
00:09:16,167 --> 00:09:20,300
- Well, can you look past it?
- How? It's a mustache.
224
00:09:20,367 --> 00:09:23,500
And she keeps it on her face.
- [laughs] You're crazy.
225
00:09:23,567 --> 00:09:26,667
- Besides that, you know,
she's really beautiful.
226
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:28,533
- Well, maybe it was just
the lighting.
227
00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:31,600
- Yeah. Maybe.
228
00:09:33,533 --> 00:09:39,567
* *
229
00:09:41,233 --> 00:09:42,467
- That's cashmere.
230
00:09:42,533 --> 00:09:45,700
- But brown?
For Charles?
231
00:09:47,067 --> 00:09:48,400
It's really more
Richard's color.
232
00:09:48,467 --> 00:09:49,933
- I'll take it back.
233
00:09:50,067 --> 00:09:51,633
- No, I'll bank it
for Richard's birthday.
234
00:09:51,700 --> 00:09:53,833
Really should find out
when that is.
235
00:09:53,900 --> 00:09:57,167
Oh, this is too feminine
for Charles.
236
00:09:57,233 --> 00:09:58,867
Richard would like it, though.
237
00:09:58,933 --> 00:10:01,133
He's not afraid
of his feminine side.
238
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:03,933
Which is lucky,
because there's a lot of it.
239
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:09,600
- What do you think of these
for Richard?
240
00:10:09,667 --> 00:10:10,867
- You mean Charles.
241
00:10:10,933 --> 00:10:12,833
- No, I mean Richard.
242
00:10:12,900 --> 00:10:14,467
Maybe you like him
more than you think.
243
00:10:14,533 --> 00:10:16,300
And maybe you should tell him.
244
00:10:16,367 --> 00:10:18,633
I mean, that's what
all these gifts are saying.
245
00:10:21,700 --> 00:10:23,300
- You're right.
246
00:10:23,367 --> 00:10:25,233
[exhales] It's Richard.
247
00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:27,300
[laughs]
248
00:10:27,367 --> 00:10:29,500
And if it is Richard
and not Charles,
249
00:10:29,567 --> 00:10:31,967
then why the hell am I still
trying to get Charles' approval?
250
00:10:32,033 --> 00:10:33,367
- Well, he is still your boss.
251
00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:35,200
- I have been doing this
for years now.
252
00:10:35,267 --> 00:10:36,600
Look at me!
253
00:10:36,667 --> 00:10:38,167
The hair, the outfit,
the sparkles.
254
00:10:38,233 --> 00:10:39,867
Yes, it is good
for office morale.
255
00:10:39,933 --> 00:10:41,367
- Absolutely.
- But I have been
256
00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:43,167
casting my pearls
before swine.
257
00:10:43,233 --> 00:10:45,033
No more! Mm-mm!
258
00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:47,667
I am turning off the charm,
shutting down this power plant.
259
00:10:47,733 --> 00:10:50,200
And this year, he can get
a goddamn cupcake
260
00:10:50,267 --> 00:10:51,400
like everyone else.
261
00:10:51,467 --> 00:10:56,833
* *
262
00:10:56,900 --> 00:10:58,533
- Barnes & Noble
sales figures.
263
00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:00,267
- This feud has gone national.
264
00:11:00,333 --> 00:11:02,233
William Shatner
just retweeted me.
265
00:11:02,300 --> 00:11:03,300
- What?
- Verified!
266
00:11:03,367 --> 00:11:04,600
Like, the Priceline guy.
267
00:11:04,667 --> 00:11:06,300
- Yeah, and also "Star Trek."
268
00:11:06,367 --> 00:11:09,367
- And it made Vulture.
Come see this.
269
00:11:11,467 --> 00:11:13,767
- "Millennial Editrix Trashes
New York's
270
00:11:13,833 --> 00:11:16,300
Best Dressed Editor
on Twitter." Wow.
271
00:11:16,367 --> 00:11:19,300
- Best-dressed!
Zane totally fed them this.
272
00:11:19,367 --> 00:11:21,667
- Yeah, business the probably
didn't feed them this part.
273
00:11:21,733 --> 00:11:23,433
It says it all started
because Empirical stole
274
00:11:23,500 --> 00:11:25,067
Lachlan Flynn from him.
275
00:11:25,067 --> 00:11:26,367
Oh, he's not gonna like that,
is it?
276
00:11:26,433 --> 00:11:28,300
- He is not going to care.
277
00:11:28,367 --> 00:11:30,067
It's not fun if it doesn't
hurt a little.
278
00:11:30,067 --> 00:11:32,067
- Really? Is that a rule?
[knock at door]
279
00:11:32,133 --> 00:11:35,700
- FYI, L.L. Moore is giving us
some pushback on our offer.
280
00:11:35,767 --> 00:11:39,367
So that Labradoodle money is
really coming at the right time.
281
00:11:39,433 --> 00:11:40,667
[both chuckle]
282
00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:42,767
- Happy to help.
- And I...
283
00:11:42,833 --> 00:11:45,667
I heard about your Twitter feud.
- Mm-hmm.
284
00:11:45,733 --> 00:11:47,733
- And I have to say,
I think it's unwise,
285
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,233
swapping insults in public.
286
00:11:49,300 --> 00:11:52,067
So I would shut that down
if I were you.
287
00:11:52,100 --> 00:11:55,267
- But it's boosting our profile
and sales.
288
00:11:55,333 --> 00:11:57,233
I mean, didn't you
just help yourself
289
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:59,500
to some of our profits
for Empirical?
290
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:07,233
- So I did.
291
00:12:15,867 --> 00:12:18,067
- Kels, Charles thinks
this is getting out of hand.
292
00:12:18,133 --> 00:12:19,500
- Of course he does.
He's old-school.
293
00:12:19,567 --> 00:12:20,733
[phone tweets]
294
00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:23,533
J.K. Rowling retweeted me!
295
00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:25,100
That's crazy.
296
00:12:25,167 --> 00:12:27,233
[laughs]
297
00:12:27,300 --> 00:12:34,267
* *
298
00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:39,100
- You know, I'd love
to see this in the light.
299
00:12:39,167 --> 00:12:41,167
- Uh, yeah.
300
00:12:41,233 --> 00:12:44,100
I keep more in storage.
I have smaller ones hair.
301
00:12:44,167 --> 00:12:46,300
I mean, here.
Smaller ones here.
302
00:12:46,367 --> 00:12:49,967
- Mm, oh, and this!
I mean, this is....
303
00:12:50,067 --> 00:12:52,300
Just...mm!
304
00:12:52,367 --> 00:12:54,500
Mm. I mean, that's amazing.
305
00:12:54,567 --> 00:12:57,733
- [chuckles nervously]
- She paints, she cooks.
306
00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:00,367
[chuckles] Mm!
307
00:13:00,433 --> 00:13:02,933
Can we speak honestly?
308
00:13:03,067 --> 00:13:04,533
- Oh, thank God.
309
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,200
- I love your art.
310
00:13:06,267 --> 00:13:07,700
And I'm going to hang it
311
00:13:07,767 --> 00:13:09,700
no matter how you feel
about this.
312
00:13:09,767 --> 00:13:14,067
But I'm also really
interested in you.
313
00:13:14,100 --> 00:13:16,500
As a person.
314
00:13:16,567 --> 00:13:18,067
As a woman.
315
00:13:18,133 --> 00:13:20,367
- You just get right
to the point, don't you?
316
00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:22,867
- Well, you know, I like
to just jump right in there.
317
00:13:22,933 --> 00:13:24,667
I like to ask a girl
what she likes,
318
00:13:24,733 --> 00:13:28,567
and you know, if I like it too,
well, then...
319
00:13:28,633 --> 00:13:30,700
[laughs]
Okay, okay.
320
00:13:30,767 --> 00:13:32,467
- Yeah.
- I'll go first.
321
00:13:32,533 --> 00:13:34,233
I love romance.
322
00:13:34,300 --> 00:13:35,800
Kissing, cuddling.
323
00:13:35,867 --> 00:13:38,567
Bubble baths.
I love bathing together.
324
00:13:38,633 --> 00:13:41,567
Hey. Do you have a bathtub?
325
00:13:41,633 --> 00:13:44,400
- I do.
- Mm, warm water.
326
00:13:44,467 --> 00:13:48,067
Lights out,
just like a dozen candles.
327
00:13:48,067 --> 00:13:49,533
- How 'bout two?
328
00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:50,667
[both laugh]
329
00:13:50,733 --> 00:13:51,900
Or one.
330
00:13:53,267 --> 00:13:54,833
- All right.
- Yeah.
331
00:13:57,067 --> 00:14:00,533
- So yeah, 41.
Class of '96.
332
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:02,567
- Well, here's to you.
333
00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:04,933
- Don't congratulate me.
It was a mistake.
334
00:14:05,067 --> 00:14:09,100
People find out
and then it's...leverage.
335
00:14:09,167 --> 00:14:11,467
- What do you mean?
- I've been pressured before.
336
00:14:11,533 --> 00:14:13,233
Blackmailed.
337
00:14:13,300 --> 00:14:16,267
- Oh, my God. What kind of crowd
are you running with?
338
00:14:16,333 --> 00:14:18,967
Oh, publishing, right, yeah.
339
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:21,700
All right, well, look,
I won't tell anyone.
340
00:14:22,767 --> 00:14:25,667
- As long as I...
- Nothing. No.
341
00:14:25,733 --> 00:14:27,733
You don't even have to be
nice to me, all right?
342
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,300
You can get up, throw a glass
of win in my face and leave,
343
00:14:30,367 --> 00:14:32,133
and I will not tell a soul.
344
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:35,767
I'll eat your entrée,
but I will keep your secret.
345
00:14:37,067 --> 00:14:40,433
Hey, look.
I'm one of the good guys.
346
00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:41,933
In fact, the only thing
bad about me
347
00:14:42,067 --> 00:14:43,333
is that I walk around
saying things like,
348
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:46,767
"I'm one of the good guys."
I'm sorry.
349
00:14:46,833 --> 00:14:48,967
- Well, thank you.
350
00:14:49,067 --> 00:14:51,967
I gotta be honest,
it's been a strain.
351
00:14:52,067 --> 00:14:55,067
A part of me just wants to tell
everybody and end the suspense.
352
00:14:55,133 --> 00:14:56,900
- No, no, no, no, no,
don't do that.
353
00:14:56,967 --> 00:14:58,800
Especially don't tell
your bosses.
354
00:14:58,867 --> 00:15:01,967
It'll be a scandal.
Look, keep your secret.
355
00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:04,133
And if you ever wanna talk
to somebody who grew up
356
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:07,700
watching the same TV shows
as you did, call me.
357
00:15:07,767 --> 00:15:09,833
- "Who's the Boss."
- Mm-hmm.
358
00:15:09,900 --> 00:15:13,667
- I had a Danza thing.
Not entirely gone.
359
00:15:13,733 --> 00:15:16,133
- Yeah, "Miami Vice.
Every episode.
360
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:19,500
Wore a pink blazer
in junior high.
361
00:15:19,567 --> 00:15:21,467
[both chuckle]
362
00:15:23,900 --> 00:15:25,833
What?
363
00:15:25,900 --> 00:15:28,367
- Oh, I, um, I just remembered
who else went to Princeton.
364
00:15:28,433 --> 00:15:30,667
My boss.
365
00:15:30,733 --> 00:15:32,600
- Oh, right, yeah.
Charles Brooks.
366
00:15:32,667 --> 00:15:33,933
"Upchuck" we used to call him
367
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,367
'cause he couldn't hold
his booze.
368
00:15:35,433 --> 00:15:37,067
- Seriously?
You were in school together?
369
00:15:37,067 --> 00:15:38,333
- Yeah, we were
in the [indistinct] club.
370
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:40,933
Charles!
- What are you doing?
371
00:15:41,067 --> 00:15:42,467
- This'll be good. Watch.
372
00:15:43,433 --> 00:15:45,500
- Can you give me one second?
373
00:15:45,567 --> 00:15:47,067
- Hey, buddy.
374
00:15:47,067 --> 00:15:49,700
- Hey, Jay.
- What's up, Upchuck?
375
00:15:49,767 --> 00:15:51,667
- Nice to see you.
- Nice to see you.
376
00:15:51,733 --> 00:15:54,267
- Liza.
- Hi.
377
00:15:54,333 --> 00:15:56,933
- Hi.
- Liza and I met at Bonfire.
378
00:15:57,067 --> 00:15:58,467
You know, Millennial is creating
379
00:15:58,533 --> 00:16:00,433
a lot of good buzz
for Empirical.
380
00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:03,133
- Uh, yeah, yeah,
her team is doing great things.
381
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:05,433
Proud of them.
- Fostering young talent.
382
00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:07,600
Proud of you.
Congratulations.
383
00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:09,267
And by the way, she's not
consorting with the enemy,
384
00:16:09,333 --> 00:16:11,200
if that's what you were
thinking.
385
00:16:11,267 --> 00:16:13,767
This is strictly social
Business has not even come up.
386
00:16:13,833 --> 00:16:15,267
- Okay.
387
00:16:15,333 --> 00:16:16,933
- I would ask you to stay,
but...
388
00:16:17,067 --> 00:16:18,400
- No, no, that's fine.
389
00:16:18,467 --> 00:16:19,667
I'm meeting Bill Merriman
from Penguin.
390
00:16:19,733 --> 00:16:21,133
- Ah. Great.
391
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:22,600
Good to see you.
- Enjoy your evening.
392
00:16:22,667 --> 00:16:23,667
Good to see you.
Enjoy your evening.
393
00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:25,133
- All right.
394
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:26,567
- Liza.
395
00:16:30,433 --> 00:16:33,267
- Now last time he saw me,
396
00:16:33,333 --> 00:16:36,067
I was dating
a much younger woman.
397
00:16:36,133 --> 00:16:37,667
This confirms your story.
398
00:16:37,733 --> 00:16:40,267
See, I'm good for you.
399
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:42,467
- [chuckles]
- Now "Who's the Boss."
400
00:16:42,533 --> 00:16:43,800
Remind me, is that the one
401
00:16:43,867 --> 00:16:47,367
with the employee/boss
love story?
402
00:16:47,433 --> 00:16:51,467
- Yeah.
Yeah, something like that.
403
00:16:51,533 --> 00:16:54,133
- Tony Danza. One of our finest
American actors.
404
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,400
"Golden Girls."
405
00:16:56,467 --> 00:17:00,767
- * Run with me,
let's run, run *
406
00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:08,067
[upbeat music]
407
00:17:08,067 --> 00:17:10,167
- Oh, isn't this nice?
408
00:17:10,233 --> 00:17:11,667
I feel so warm and fuzzy.
409
00:17:11,733 --> 00:17:14,667
- I'm not surprised.
I mean, me too.
410
00:17:14,733 --> 00:17:17,133
[both chuckling]
411
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:18,600
- [moans]
412
00:17:20,500 --> 00:17:21,800
- [laughs nervously]
413
00:17:21,867 --> 00:17:23,333
- Are you feeling
what I'm feeling?
414
00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:26,467
- Uh-huh. Plus a little
something extra.
415
00:17:26,533 --> 00:17:28,100
- [laughs]
416
00:17:28,167 --> 00:17:31,533
can I ask you to do something
kind of intimate?
417
00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:33,433
- Considering
where your foot is,
418
00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:35,900
I pretty sure we're past that.
419
00:17:36,933 --> 00:17:39,867
- Will you...
shave me?
420
00:17:39,933 --> 00:17:41,933
- [laughs] Ohh.
421
00:17:45,067 --> 00:17:48,300
I have literally
not thought of anything else
422
00:17:48,367 --> 00:17:50,300
since the moment we met.
423
00:17:50,367 --> 00:17:52,067
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
424
00:17:52,133 --> 00:17:54,600
[both chuckling]
425
00:17:55,633 --> 00:17:57,500
- Wait, wait.
What are you doing?
426
00:17:57,567 --> 00:17:59,100
- I'm shaving you.
427
00:17:59,167 --> 00:18:01,133
- I meant my pussy!
428
00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:10,833
- * Ain't nothin' new,
been there, done that *
429
00:18:10,900 --> 00:18:13,367
- That was great,
just so you know.
430
00:18:13,433 --> 00:18:17,067
- I do know.
I was there.
431
00:18:17,133 --> 00:18:18,533
Were you?
432
00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:20,467
This is time stamped
two minutes ago.
433
00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:22,933
How are you DM'ing me while
we were actually having sex?
434
00:18:23,067 --> 00:18:25,267
- I had a hand free.
Remember?
435
00:18:25,333 --> 00:18:27,833
- Okay, that's it.
436
00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:31,067
Let's talk.
Or not talk. I don't care.
437
00:18:31,100 --> 00:18:34,600
But I'm sleeping with you
tonight and not your phone.
438
00:18:34,667 --> 00:18:37,500
- I'll get us some more wine
439
00:18:37,567 --> 00:18:40,333
and I'll leave these
in the kitchen.
440
00:18:46,967 --> 00:18:48,600
[text tone chimes]
441
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:58,900
- You know what?
442
00:18:58,967 --> 00:19:01,667
I think we should actually
stop the Twitter feud.
443
00:19:01,733 --> 00:19:03,667
My boss isn't crazy about it,
444
00:19:03,733 --> 00:19:06,100
and I kinda owe him everything.
445
00:19:06,167 --> 00:19:08,433
- Fine.
446
00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:12,500
Actually, this is
perfect time for a truce.
447
00:19:14,933 --> 00:19:16,333
We're even.
448
00:19:18,333 --> 00:19:21,333
- * Give me some of that,
give me some of that gold *
449
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:24,733
* Give me some of that,
give me some of that gold *
450
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:28,233
* Whoa-oh-oh-oh,
whoa-oh-oh *
451
00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:30,400
- Hey, happy birthday.
452
00:19:30,467 --> 00:19:32,433
- Thanks.
Not a big birthday guy.
453
00:19:32,500 --> 00:19:35,200
- I, uh, I should have sent
a cake or something
454
00:19:35,267 --> 00:19:37,433
over to your table last night.
455
00:19:37,500 --> 00:19:39,233
- Jay Mallick, huh?
456
00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:41,433
He's a nice guy.
457
00:19:41,500 --> 00:19:43,067
Never married.
458
00:19:43,133 --> 00:19:46,300
Likes cats.
He's a cat guy.
459
00:19:47,667 --> 00:19:50,067
- News alert
from Publishers Lunch:
460
00:19:50,133 --> 00:19:52,100
L.L. Moore just signed
with Rivington!
461
00:19:52,167 --> 00:19:53,600
- What?
462
00:19:53,667 --> 00:19:55,867
- Rivington just stole
L.L. Moore!
463
00:19:55,933 --> 00:19:58,067
- How did this happen?!
464
00:19:58,067 --> 00:20:01,000
Is this because of your feud
with that Rivington editor?
465
00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:02,867
- Well, it's not a real feud,
it's...
466
00:20:02,933 --> 00:20:05,267
- No, he's my friend.
Zane is my friend.
467
00:20:05,333 --> 00:20:06,967
We're more than friends.
We're dating.
468
00:20:07,033 --> 00:20:09,100
He would never do that.
469
00:20:09,167 --> 00:20:10,967
- Oh, pillow talk.
It can bring down empires.
470
00:20:11,033 --> 00:20:12,667
Once at Harper Collins, I was--
471
00:20:12,733 --> 00:20:16,700
- Did you let any
proprietary information slip?
472
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:21,100
Our latest offer?
- No. No.
473
00:20:21,167 --> 00:20:24,400
- He didn't have access
to your phone? Your iPad?
474
00:20:26,033 --> 00:20:27,433
No? Yes?
475
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:35,400
This is bad, Kelsey.
476
00:20:38,033 --> 00:20:40,467
Disappointing.
477
00:20:40,533 --> 00:20:44,267
And bad.
478
00:20:44,333 --> 00:20:46,067
For all of us.
479
00:20:46,133 --> 00:20:48,867
- * Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh *
480
00:20:48,933 --> 00:20:50,733
- [sighs]
Poor Charles.
481
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:52,333
On his birthday too.
482
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:54,600
Really, Kelsey?
483
00:20:54,667 --> 00:20:56,733
- * Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh *
484
00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:58,900
* Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh *
485
00:20:58,967 --> 00:21:03,600
* Shadows *
486
00:21:03,667 --> 00:21:06,400
* Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh *
487
00:21:06,467 --> 00:21:08,433
- [sighs]
488
00:21:12,300 --> 00:21:15,367
[upbeat music]
489
00:21:15,433 --> 00:21:17,500
- Zane, are you kidding me?
490
00:21:17,567 --> 00:21:19,067
I could lose my job.
491
00:21:19,100 --> 00:21:21,667
This is not a game.
This is my life.
492
00:21:21,733 --> 00:21:24,900
Oh, never mind.
Don't call me.
493
00:21:24,967 --> 00:21:27,833
- Kelsey, if he did this to you,
he is not worth crying over.
494
00:21:27,900 --> 00:21:30,100
- I-I'm crying over my job.
495
00:21:30,167 --> 00:21:32,700
Did you see Charles?
He's going to fire me.
496
00:21:32,767 --> 00:21:34,567
And even if he doesn't,
he's never gonna trust me again!
497
00:21:34,633 --> 00:21:36,600
- Yes, he will.
He cares about you.
498
00:21:36,667 --> 00:21:39,933
- And this is how I repay him,
by taking my eye off the ball,
499
00:21:40,067 --> 00:21:43,167
by getting swept up
in some stupid...
500
00:21:43,233 --> 00:21:46,267
[phone chiming]
501
00:21:47,233 --> 00:21:49,600
God, leave me alone.
502
00:21:49,667 --> 00:21:52,433
Liza, I'm sorry.
You too.
503
00:21:52,500 --> 00:21:55,067
I need a moment, okay?
- Okay.
504
00:21:57,233 --> 00:21:59,267
[sobs]
505
00:22:05,733 --> 00:22:07,700
- How could you
accuse her like that?
506
00:22:07,767 --> 00:22:10,067
This is not her fault.
- You sure of that? She isn't.
507
00:22:10,067 --> 00:22:11,367
- Charles, she is
in there crying.
508
00:22:11,433 --> 00:22:13,200
She's afraid
you're gonna fire her!
509
00:22:13,267 --> 00:22:15,667
- Good. Then she won't
be surprised if it happens.
510
00:22:15,733 --> 00:22:17,500
What am I supposed to do, Liza?
511
00:22:17,567 --> 00:22:19,900
You of all people know
how important
512
00:22:19,967 --> 00:22:21,567
LL Moore is
to this company.
513
00:22:21,633 --> 00:22:24,733
- People are important too.
- Yeah, exactly.
514
00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:26,867
And I've got 75 people
out there
515
00:22:26,933 --> 00:22:29,300
whose jobs I suddenly
can't guarantee
516
00:22:29,367 --> 00:22:31,100
because of her
carelessness!
517
00:22:31,167 --> 00:22:33,300
- This is not like you
to be so angry
518
00:22:33,367 --> 00:22:35,167
before you know the facts.
- You're right.
519
00:22:35,233 --> 00:22:37,367
You're right. You're right.
I don't know anything.
520
00:22:37,433 --> 00:22:39,400
I don't know how I'm going to
replace our biggest earner!
521
00:22:39,467 --> 00:22:41,100
I don't know how I'm going to
make payroll next month!
522
00:22:41,167 --> 00:22:42,867
And I don't know why
you're dating
523
00:22:42,933 --> 00:22:46,100
a 40-something guy
in publishing who isn't me!
524
00:22:46,167 --> 00:22:50,367
all: * Happy birthday to you *
525
00:22:50,433 --> 00:22:53,833
* Happy birthday to you *
526
00:22:53,900 --> 00:22:58,567
* Happy birthday dear Charles *
527
00:22:58,633 --> 00:23:03,400
* Happy birthday to you *
528
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:07,467
Blow, Charles.
529
00:23:08,833 --> 00:23:10,467
Or I will.
530
00:23:14,433 --> 00:23:16,467
Yes!
531
00:23:19,700 --> 00:23:21,900
- * You will come for me *
532
00:23:27,067 --> 00:23:29,967
[upbeat music]
533
00:23:30,067 --> 00:23:37,067
* *
36583
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