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1
00:00:03,699 --> 00:00:04,047
2
00:00:04,091 --> 00:00:05,918
- "Will & Grace" is recorded
3
00:00:05,962 --> 00:00:07,268
in front
of a live studio audience.
4
00:00:07,311 --> 00:00:08,660
- Okay, so let's see.
5
00:00:08,704 --> 00:00:11,185
You and Jenny have both had
the level two ultrasound
6
00:00:11,228 --> 00:00:13,056
and done all
the scary genetic tests.
7
00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:14,101
- Right.
8
00:00:14,144 --> 00:00:15,798
- We've taken Lamaze,
baby-proofed,
9
00:00:15,841 --> 00:00:17,495
ordered cribs
and changing tables.
10
00:00:17,539 --> 00:00:18,670
- Done.
Check.
11
00:00:18,714 --> 00:00:20,803
- You both started
your prenatal Pilates
12
00:00:20,846 --> 00:00:23,371
and have been going
twice a week for four weeks.
13
00:00:26,591 --> 00:00:27,853
That's on me.
14
00:00:27,897 --> 00:00:30,769
Okay, so, we've done everything
we need to.
15
00:00:30,813 --> 00:00:33,076
I think we can actually relax.
16
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,165
- It feels so good!
17
00:00:35,209 --> 00:00:37,167
We are crushing pregnancy,
Will.
18
00:00:37,211 --> 00:00:38,560
- Should we write a book
about it?
19
00:00:38,603 --> 00:00:42,216
- We could call it
"Will and Grace Crush Babies."
20
00:00:42,259 --> 00:00:44,348
- And get Casey Anthony
to do the audiobook.
21
00:00:44,392 --> 00:00:46,698
[knocking at door]
22
00:00:46,742 --> 00:00:49,527
- Open up, I've got
a baby emergency!
23
00:00:49,571 --> 00:00:51,268
- Larry?
What are you--
24
00:00:51,312 --> 00:00:52,878
Oh!
25
00:00:52,922 --> 00:00:55,316
You must be Larry's
granddaughter!
26
00:00:55,359 --> 00:00:56,752
And your name is...
27
00:00:56,795 --> 00:00:58,188
- Wheat.
28
00:00:58,232 --> 00:01:01,148
[both laugh]
29
00:01:02,845 --> 00:01:04,151
Her name is Wheat.
30
00:01:04,194 --> 00:01:05,848
- So pretty.
- Beautiful name, yeah.
31
00:01:05,891 --> 00:01:07,850
- It's a ridiculous name.
32
00:01:07,893 --> 00:01:09,286
I need your TV.
33
00:01:09,330 --> 00:01:10,809
Our cable's out.
34
00:01:10,853 --> 00:01:13,769
For some reason, the sound
of Bobby Flay grilling meat
35
00:01:13,812 --> 00:01:16,728
is the only thing that puts her
to sleep.
36
00:01:16,772 --> 00:01:20,558
- Grace too.
37
00:01:20,602 --> 00:01:23,126
How's Hannah doing as a mom?
38
00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:24,693
She had to take a break
from college, right?
39
00:01:24,736 --> 00:01:28,914
- She dropped out to make
green juice for dogs.
40
00:01:28,958 --> 00:01:30,655
- But Hannah always seemed
so together.
41
00:01:30,699 --> 00:01:33,223
- Wake up, Grace.
That was all a front.
42
00:01:33,267 --> 00:01:36,313
Joe and I were the first
gay couple we knew with a baby,
43
00:01:36,357 --> 00:01:39,490
so we had to say
she was perfect.
44
00:01:39,534 --> 00:01:42,798
Her life went off the rails
in kindergarten.
45
00:01:42,841 --> 00:01:44,669
- What, did she get hooked
on graham crackers?
46
00:01:44,713 --> 00:01:47,803
- And here comes Will
with his jokes!
47
00:01:47,846 --> 00:01:49,239
We waited too long
48
00:01:49,283 --> 00:01:51,763
to sign her up
for the best elementary school,
49
00:01:51,807 --> 00:01:53,939
so she didn't get
in to the best high school,
50
00:01:53,983 --> 00:01:55,767
and after that,
it was a train wreck.
51
00:01:55,811 --> 00:01:57,552
- I thought she went to NYU.
52
00:01:57,595 --> 00:02:01,425
- Northern Yonkers University.
53
00:02:01,469 --> 00:02:03,862
Their motto is,
"Let's call it a day."
54
00:02:06,213 --> 00:02:08,171
Don't make the same mistake.
55
00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:10,695
Set your children on the right
path before it's too late.
56
00:02:10,739 --> 00:02:12,349
- Oh, well, we did
the research.
57
00:02:12,393 --> 00:02:14,960
We want them to go
to that school in Harlem--
58
00:02:15,004 --> 00:02:17,180
both: Global Citizens Academy.
59
00:02:17,224 --> 00:02:19,530
- Like, all of their kids
end up going to Ivy League.
60
00:02:19,574 --> 00:02:21,184
- You're already signed up?
61
00:02:21,228 --> 00:02:22,620
- Well, they're not
even born yet.
62
00:02:22,664 --> 00:02:25,406
- Then you're already too late.
63
00:02:25,449 --> 00:02:27,277
They fill up years in advance.
64
00:02:27,321 --> 00:02:29,236
- What?
65
00:02:29,279 --> 00:02:31,586
Come on, we gotta get
to that school right now.
66
00:02:31,629 --> 00:02:32,587
- Now?
67
00:02:32,630 --> 00:02:33,805
I promised Jenny I'd help her
68
00:02:33,849 --> 00:02:35,503
with some new internet thing
she's doing.
69
00:02:35,546 --> 00:02:37,374
- Well, send Jack,
70
00:02:37,418 --> 00:02:41,291
unless you want our kids
to be dog-juice-making losers.
71
00:02:43,032 --> 00:02:44,164
Sorry.
72
00:02:44,207 --> 00:02:46,296
- No, shame her mother
in front of her.
73
00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:48,907
She needs to learn.
74
00:02:48,951 --> 00:02:51,910
[upbeat trumpet
and piano music]
75
00:02:51,954 --> 00:02:58,961
♪
76
00:03:01,703 --> 00:03:05,185
[Velcro ripping slowly]
77
00:03:06,969 --> 00:03:08,710
- Doesn't that feel so good?
78
00:03:08,753 --> 00:03:10,407
- Oh, my God, I can totally
feel the tingling
79
00:03:10,451 --> 00:03:12,279
on the top of my head.
80
00:03:12,322 --> 00:03:15,412
Like whenever Chris Pine
is in the city.
81
00:03:15,456 --> 00:03:17,545
- So that's the point
of an ASMR video.
82
00:03:17,588 --> 00:03:19,982
You make sounds that trigger
responses in your brain
83
00:03:20,025 --> 00:03:21,244
that help you relax.
84
00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:22,637
- And people pay for that?
85
00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:23,855
- Hell yeah, they do.
86
00:03:23,899 --> 00:03:25,814
I once curled ribbons
for 20 minutes
87
00:03:25,857 --> 00:03:26,945
and made 600 bucks.
88
00:03:26,989 --> 00:03:28,947
- How did I not know
about this?
89
00:03:28,991 --> 00:03:31,602
I curl ribbons every day
for free.
90
00:03:31,646 --> 00:03:33,256
- Well, I'm stoked
that you're doing this,
91
00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:34,736
because it's much better
with two people.
92
00:03:34,779 --> 00:03:36,955
- Just be glad it's me
and not Will.
93
00:03:36,999 --> 00:03:38,609
Yeah, I know we're not
supposed to say this
94
00:03:38,653 --> 00:03:39,610
about women anymore,
95
00:03:39,654 --> 00:03:42,352
but Will is so shrill.
96
00:03:42,396 --> 00:03:45,399
- Let's do a practice one.
- Okay.
97
00:03:45,442 --> 00:03:47,444
- [softly]
So, remember
98
00:03:47,488 --> 00:03:50,578
to speak softly,
99
00:03:50,621 --> 00:03:53,798
and over-articulate
100
00:03:53,842 --> 00:03:56,714
your consonants.
101
00:03:56,758 --> 00:03:59,064
- [softly]
Right.
102
00:03:59,108 --> 00:04:01,980
It's like what
my new acting teacher,
103
00:04:02,024 --> 00:04:04,287
Tracy Pecosta,
104
00:04:04,331 --> 00:04:05,810
taught me to do
105
00:04:05,854 --> 00:04:08,030
so that I don't sound
106
00:04:08,073 --> 00:04:12,469
like a homosexual.
107
00:04:12,513 --> 00:04:16,821
- It's bedtime, so don't forget
to brush your teeth.
108
00:04:18,432 --> 00:04:22,044
[brushing]
109
00:04:23,785 --> 00:04:26,309
- And your hair.
110
00:04:26,353 --> 00:04:29,399
[brushing]
111
00:04:31,923 --> 00:04:34,709
I like to do it 50 times
112
00:04:34,752 --> 00:04:36,493
on each side
113
00:04:36,537 --> 00:04:38,539
for a total of...
114
00:04:43,021 --> 00:04:46,590
100 times.
115
00:04:46,634 --> 00:04:49,767
- Well, thanks again
for coming all the way out.
116
00:04:49,811 --> 00:04:53,597
- Honey, the ride up here
was worth the ride in here.
117
00:04:53,641 --> 00:04:54,903
And after what we just did,
118
00:04:54,946 --> 00:04:57,732
I may have to borrow
that thing.
119
00:04:57,775 --> 00:05:00,604
[giggles]
120
00:05:00,648 --> 00:05:02,345
I can see myself out.
121
00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:03,651
- No way.
122
00:05:03,694 --> 00:05:05,870
A gentleman always rolls a lady
to the door.
123
00:05:05,914 --> 00:05:06,871
- True,
124
00:05:06,915 --> 00:05:10,614
but you, sir, are no gentleman.
125
00:05:10,658 --> 00:05:12,573
- No, I'm not.
126
00:05:12,616 --> 00:05:15,619
There's the door, woman.
127
00:05:15,663 --> 00:05:17,752
- I'll see you tomorrow, Jenny.
128
00:05:17,795 --> 00:05:18,927
Hey, Kar.
129
00:05:18,970 --> 00:05:20,407
I didn't know you were
gonna be here.
130
00:05:20,450 --> 00:05:21,712
I would've asked for a ride up.
131
00:05:21,756 --> 00:05:23,497
- But I'm already here.
132
00:05:23,540 --> 00:05:25,063
- Can't argue with that.
133
00:05:25,107 --> 00:05:28,458
So, uh, you and Luke, huh?
134
00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:30,591
[both laugh]
135
00:05:30,634 --> 00:05:31,853
Getting a tune-up?
136
00:05:31,896 --> 00:05:34,595
Oh!
- Ooh, yeah!
137
00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:36,988
- Rotating your tires?
138
00:05:37,032 --> 00:05:40,470
- [revving]
- Woo! [laughs]
139
00:05:40,514 --> 00:05:42,472
- Just getting my oil changed,
140
00:05:42,516 --> 00:05:44,996
getting my fluids topped off.
141
00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:49,697
Getting all my points
and plugs adjusted.
142
00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:53,527
[both laugh]
143
00:05:53,570 --> 00:05:56,747
Yeah.
144
00:05:56,791 --> 00:05:59,837
- We're talking about sex,
right?
145
00:05:59,881 --> 00:06:01,578
- Honey, what are you
doing here?
146
00:06:01,622 --> 00:06:04,189
- Oh, I'm helping Jenny
with this ASMR thing.
147
00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:05,626
- Oh, fun.
148
00:06:05,669 --> 00:06:07,758
I used to make those videos
for Stan
149
00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:09,499
when he was out of town.
150
00:06:09,543 --> 00:06:10,935
Nothing put that man to sleep
151
00:06:10,979 --> 00:06:14,939
like the bubbling
of melting cheese.
152
00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:16,550
- Hey, we're livestreaming
tomorrow.
153
00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:18,900
You should do it with us.
- Oh, I don't know, honey.
154
00:06:18,943 --> 00:06:20,162
With the baseball team
155
00:06:20,205 --> 00:06:22,686
and all the work piling up
at Grace's office--
156
00:06:22,730 --> 00:06:23,992
I'd love to.
157
00:06:24,035 --> 00:06:25,602
- Oh, great!
Okay.
158
00:06:25,646 --> 00:06:26,951
Hey, can I get a ride back?
159
00:06:26,995 --> 00:06:29,824
- Sorry, I'm already gone.
160
00:06:29,867 --> 00:06:33,088
- Just my luck.
161
00:06:33,131 --> 00:06:34,219
- Oh, you must be Jack.
162
00:06:34,263 --> 00:06:36,744
- Oh, and you're Luke.
163
00:06:36,787 --> 00:06:38,615
Thank you for your service
164
00:06:38,659 --> 00:06:42,445
of my best friend.
165
00:06:42,489 --> 00:06:43,751
- I do it for God and country.
166
00:06:43,794 --> 00:06:45,187
- Yeah, I don't want
to hear the specifics.
167
00:06:45,230 --> 00:06:46,710
[hacking in disgust]
168
00:06:46,754 --> 00:06:49,452
I'm just happy she finally
got herself a booty buddy.
169
00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:50,714
- A booty buddy?
170
00:06:50,758 --> 00:06:52,455
- Yeah, well,
since the divorce,
171
00:06:52,499 --> 00:06:54,239
I've been telling her
she needs to find someone
172
00:06:54,283 --> 00:06:56,067
who's just there for sex,
you know?
173
00:06:56,111 --> 00:06:59,070
No strings attached,
no emotional blah-blah,
174
00:06:59,114 --> 00:07:00,898
just sex.
175
00:07:00,942 --> 00:07:01,899
- And that's me?
176
00:07:01,943 --> 00:07:04,467
- Say it with pride, soldier!
177
00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:08,253
You're Karen Walker's boy toy!
[grunts]
178
00:07:08,297 --> 00:07:09,646
- Her boy toy?
179
00:07:09,690 --> 00:07:11,953
- Well, that was more wistful
than, you know, pride,
180
00:07:11,996 --> 00:07:14,695
but you've probably never
worked with a director before.
181
00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:19,874
.
182
00:07:19,917 --> 00:07:22,877
- And now we're in
the Hall of Mindfulness,
183
00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:24,618
because here
at Global Citizens,
184
00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:27,490
we don't want our students
to just be present
185
00:07:27,534 --> 00:07:29,100
in their attendance.
186
00:07:29,144 --> 00:07:30,275
- Ooh, that's good.
- I like that.
187
00:07:30,319 --> 00:07:32,060
- That's good, yeah.
188
00:07:32,103 --> 00:07:35,063
["Ode to Joy" playing]
189
00:07:35,106 --> 00:07:38,327
♪
190
00:07:39,241 --> 00:07:41,417
- Our third-graders
have a concert coming up
191
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,375
in seven months.
192
00:07:43,419 --> 00:07:46,030
Don't worry, they'll get there.
193
00:07:46,074 --> 00:07:47,205
Shall we sit?
194
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:58,216
- [laughs nervously]
195
00:07:58,260 --> 00:08:01,219
Love an alternative seat.
196
00:08:01,263 --> 00:08:04,222
Why just sit when you
can work your core?
197
00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:05,659
That structure is really cool.
198
00:08:05,702 --> 00:08:07,704
- The sixth-grade
woodworking class built it
199
00:08:07,748 --> 00:08:11,055
using wood rescued
from various hurricanes.
200
00:08:11,099 --> 00:08:13,449
It's a permanent reminder
that something beautiful
201
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,059
can be made from tragedy.
202
00:08:15,103 --> 00:08:16,365
- Oh, I know.
203
00:08:16,408 --> 00:08:17,845
After Hurricane Sandy,
204
00:08:17,888 --> 00:08:20,325
I found the most comfortable
sweatshirt on the street.
205
00:08:24,286 --> 00:08:27,245
[stuttering]
I washed it.
206
00:08:27,289 --> 00:08:29,334
- Thanks for squeezing us in,
Ms. Hinder-Haagen.
207
00:08:29,378 --> 00:08:31,075
This place is amazing.
208
00:08:31,119 --> 00:08:34,296
I actually saw kids running
into math class.
209
00:08:34,339 --> 00:08:37,255
[laughing]
I hated math!
210
00:08:37,299 --> 00:08:38,692
Did I say math?
I meant...
211
00:08:38,735 --> 00:08:40,476
racism.
212
00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:44,959
- Excuse me?
213
00:08:45,002 --> 00:08:46,569
Headmistress Hinder-Haagen,
is this a bad time?
214
00:08:46,613 --> 00:08:47,831
- How can I help you?
215
00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:50,138
- An issue has arisen
in the robotics lab.
216
00:08:50,181 --> 00:08:52,096
Our AI has become sentient.
217
00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:54,708
However, its corporeal host
is still in beta testing.
218
00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:56,536
- My God, you do that here?
219
00:08:56,579 --> 00:08:58,320
- That's incredible!
220
00:08:58,363 --> 00:09:00,627
You'll explain--
- Later, yeah, shh.
221
00:09:00,670 --> 00:09:03,151
- Farhan is our Student
Admissions Liaison.
222
00:09:03,194 --> 00:09:04,282
You'll be meeting with him
223
00:09:04,326 --> 00:09:05,675
for the second part
of this process.
224
00:09:05,719 --> 00:09:08,156
- If I may ask,
how old is your child?
225
00:09:08,199 --> 00:09:09,592
And how do they identify?
226
00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:11,507
- Oh, ah, well,
no children yet.
227
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:14,205
Grace's is due in April,
mine in May,
228
00:09:14,249 --> 00:09:17,295
and my pronouns are "he"
and "is terrified."
229
00:09:17,339 --> 00:09:20,255
[both laugh]
230
00:09:20,298 --> 00:09:21,691
- We didn't know
there were two children.
231
00:09:21,735 --> 00:09:23,127
- Oh, we're not married.
232
00:09:23,171 --> 00:09:24,302
We're just friends,
233
00:09:24,346 --> 00:09:26,478
but we both want our kids
to go here.
234
00:09:26,522 --> 00:09:28,132
- Oh, that's going
to be a problem.
235
00:09:28,176 --> 00:09:29,612
For 2024 enrollment,
236
00:09:29,656 --> 00:09:31,179
we only have one spot
available.
237
00:09:31,222 --> 00:09:32,397
- One?
238
00:09:32,441 --> 00:09:33,616
That's in five years!
239
00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:35,096
- Mm, four years.
240
00:09:35,139 --> 00:09:36,358
- Four years.
241
00:09:36,401 --> 00:09:38,795
♪
242
00:09:38,839 --> 00:09:41,755
[knocking at door]
243
00:09:41,798 --> 00:09:43,321
- You decent?
244
00:09:43,365 --> 00:09:46,194
'Cause I can wait
till you're not.
245
00:09:46,237 --> 00:09:47,761
- What's up?
246
00:09:47,804 --> 00:09:51,242
- Oh, I'm just helping
your sister with her video,
247
00:09:51,286 --> 00:09:53,244
but afterward,
I thought it'd be fun
248
00:09:53,288 --> 00:09:55,725
if we had a little picnic.
249
00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:58,815
Oh, darn.
250
00:09:58,859 --> 00:10:03,211
These aren't sandwiches,
they're sex toys.
251
00:10:03,254 --> 00:10:04,821
And a bag of chips for after,
252
00:10:04,865 --> 00:10:08,520
'cause we're gonna need
the potassium.
253
00:10:08,564 --> 00:10:10,566
- Yeah, I'm not really
feeling it.
254
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:11,915
- Oh.
255
00:10:11,959 --> 00:10:13,613
- I'm sorry, I can't be
your booty call today.
256
00:10:13,656 --> 00:10:15,310
- Booty call?
257
00:10:15,353 --> 00:10:18,182
Where'd you get that idea?
258
00:10:18,226 --> 00:10:19,662
- It doesn't matter.
259
00:10:19,706 --> 00:10:20,924
I mean, we already agreed
260
00:10:20,968 --> 00:10:22,622
that if our kids can't go
to the same school,
261
00:10:22,665 --> 00:10:23,623
it's not the school for us.
262
00:10:23,666 --> 00:10:24,841
- Right, we're a packaged deal.
263
00:10:24,885 --> 00:10:25,842
Their loss, not ours.
264
00:10:25,886 --> 00:10:28,540
- Didn't get in?
[both scream]
265
00:10:28,584 --> 00:10:29,716
Shh!
266
00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:31,718
I finally got Wheat to sleep.
267
00:10:31,761 --> 00:10:34,503
And yes, it is 11:45
in the morning,
268
00:10:34,546 --> 00:10:37,201
and I'm having a drink.
269
00:10:37,245 --> 00:10:39,160
If I'm still awake
in 20 minutes,
270
00:10:39,203 --> 00:10:41,641
I'm going to take a bath.
271
00:10:41,684 --> 00:10:43,773
- How long are you planning
on staying here?
272
00:10:43,817 --> 00:10:48,386
- As long as that demon's
unconscious.
273
00:10:48,430 --> 00:10:50,388
Look, there's no way
either of you
274
00:10:50,432 --> 00:10:52,390
were getting in
to Global Citizens.
275
00:10:52,434 --> 00:10:54,088
You're not diverse enough.
276
00:10:54,131 --> 00:10:55,567
- What are you talking about?
I'm gay.
277
00:10:55,611 --> 00:10:58,701
- [laughs]
278
00:10:58,745 --> 00:11:01,704
What do you think this is?
2009?
279
00:11:01,748 --> 00:11:05,229
I tried to play the gay card
to get Hannah in.
280
00:11:05,273 --> 00:11:07,188
CeeCee said, "Just gay?"
281
00:11:07,231 --> 00:11:10,321
And laughed me out
of their planetarium.
282
00:11:10,365 --> 00:11:13,324
- Well, I'm a single mom, so.
283
00:11:13,368 --> 00:11:14,848
I'm also Jewish.
284
00:11:14,891 --> 00:11:18,721
- So is every building
on that campus.
285
00:11:18,765 --> 00:11:19,940
- Well, it doesn't matter,
286
00:11:19,983 --> 00:11:21,637
'cause we're done
with Global Citizens.
287
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,595
There's plenty of other
good schools in this city.
288
00:11:23,639 --> 00:11:24,684
- You know what, you're right.
289
00:11:24,727 --> 00:11:26,250
I don't even want my kid
to go there.
290
00:11:26,294 --> 00:11:27,730
- Me neither.
291
00:11:27,774 --> 00:11:29,906
- I love that we always agree.
292
00:11:29,950 --> 00:11:31,908
Thank you so much
for seeing me again,
293
00:11:31,952 --> 00:11:33,388
Headmistress Hinder-Haagen.
294
00:11:33,431 --> 00:11:34,824
- Of course.
295
00:11:34,868 --> 00:11:37,435
- I know how important
diversity is to this school.
296
00:11:37,479 --> 00:11:38,785
- It is,
297
00:11:38,828 --> 00:11:41,352
and your child would be diverse
how, exactly?
298
00:11:41,396 --> 00:11:43,485
- I'm just gonna
bottom line it.
299
00:11:43,528 --> 00:11:46,314
I don't know who the father is.
300
00:11:46,357 --> 00:11:47,576
So, girl to girl,
301
00:11:47,619 --> 00:11:49,143
tell me what diversity
you're looking for,
302
00:11:49,186 --> 00:11:52,537
'cause I've probably
slept with it.
303
00:11:52,581 --> 00:11:55,192
- You know, I know that gay
is done to death,
304
00:11:55,236 --> 00:11:58,195
but I'm gonna make the argument
that it is back in a big way.
305
00:11:58,239 --> 00:11:59,719
Can you feel me, girl?
306
00:12:02,504 --> 00:12:04,288
I guess you cannot.
307
00:12:08,031 --> 00:12:08,205
.
308
00:12:08,249 --> 00:12:10,294
[buttons clicking together]
309
00:12:10,338 --> 00:12:12,427
- [softly]
Buttons.
310
00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:15,038
[plastic crackling]
311
00:12:15,082 --> 00:12:17,911
- [softly]
Cellophane.
312
00:12:17,954 --> 00:12:20,783
[pills rattling]
313
00:12:22,785 --> 00:12:25,005
- [softly]
Lorazepam.
314
00:12:29,313 --> 00:12:30,967
- Since we're live,
315
00:12:31,011 --> 00:12:34,101
if there are any sounds
you would like to hear
316
00:12:34,144 --> 00:12:36,059
or questions you have,
317
00:12:36,103 --> 00:12:37,757
just hit us up.
318
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:40,237
- I have a question.
319
00:12:42,196 --> 00:12:43,850
Who told Luke
320
00:12:43,893 --> 00:12:47,201
that he was just a booty call?
321
00:12:50,378 --> 00:12:53,947
- That...was me.
322
00:12:56,166 --> 00:12:59,387
- Why?
323
00:12:59,430 --> 00:13:03,260
- Why not?
324
00:13:03,304 --> 00:13:06,829
- Do you have any idea
325
00:13:06,873 --> 00:13:10,224
how furious I am?
326
00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:15,751
- It's kind of hard to tell.
327
00:13:17,231 --> 00:13:20,495
- I could make it clearer.
328
00:13:20,538 --> 00:13:23,324
[knuckles cracking]
329
00:13:25,239 --> 00:13:26,893
- Would you two
330
00:13:26,936 --> 00:13:29,852
like to take this outside?
331
00:13:29,896 --> 00:13:34,161
- Why, that's a great idea.
332
00:13:34,204 --> 00:13:36,903
- Or...
333
00:13:36,946 --> 00:13:39,819
it's a bad idea,
334
00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:42,865
because Karen's rings
335
00:13:42,909 --> 00:13:46,869
leave welts.
336
00:13:46,913 --> 00:13:51,221
all: Welts.
337
00:13:51,265 --> 00:13:54,050
- I had a good thing going,
338
00:13:54,094 --> 00:13:57,488
and you ruined it.
339
00:13:57,532 --> 00:14:01,797
- Stop yelling at me.
340
00:14:03,103 --> 00:14:04,582
- Why don't you just try
341
00:14:04,626 --> 00:14:07,411
being honest with my brother?
342
00:14:07,455 --> 00:14:09,065
- I will.
343
00:14:09,109 --> 00:14:10,937
But first,
344
00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:12,852
I would like
345
00:14:12,895 --> 00:14:14,810
to reach across
346
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:17,465
this table
347
00:14:17,508 --> 00:14:21,208
and pull your balls...
348
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:29,999
out through your ears.
349
00:14:33,307 --> 00:14:35,439
- Mr. Truman,
give me one good reason
350
00:14:35,483 --> 00:14:37,920
why your child should have
the final spot?
351
00:14:37,964 --> 00:14:39,269
- Okay.
352
00:14:39,313 --> 00:14:40,401
Okay.
353
00:14:40,444 --> 00:14:42,359
We're at that part
of the conversation.
354
00:14:42,403 --> 00:14:45,275
I'm not above writing a check.
355
00:14:45,319 --> 00:14:47,016
One to the school,
356
00:14:47,060 --> 00:14:49,018
and one to a certain little guy
357
00:14:49,062 --> 00:14:52,239
who I'm sure wants
the newest Nintendo Switch.
358
00:14:53,588 --> 00:14:57,200
- I made $15,000 last week
shorting Apple stock.
359
00:14:58,549 --> 00:15:00,464
And if I want
a Nintendo Switch,
360
00:15:00,508 --> 00:15:02,162
I'll build one.
361
00:15:04,555 --> 00:15:07,863
- Well, this has been very...
362
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:10,518
informative.
363
00:15:10,561 --> 00:15:12,476
Is there anything else
you can think of
364
00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:14,304
that would help your case?
365
00:15:14,348 --> 00:15:15,566
- Oh, okay.
366
00:15:15,610 --> 00:15:17,307
I thought we'd get here.
367
00:15:17,351 --> 00:15:20,615
Just so you know, I'm not above
writing a check
368
00:15:20,658 --> 00:15:23,487
to a certain lady
369
00:15:23,531 --> 00:15:26,882
who may want a new iPhone case.
370
00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:32,975
- I'm good.
371
00:15:33,019 --> 00:15:35,630
Ah, looks like Farhan's ready
to meet with you now.
372
00:15:36,979 --> 00:15:38,067
- [gasps]
373
00:15:38,111 --> 00:15:41,201
Oh, my God.
You came here behind my back?
374
00:15:41,244 --> 00:15:42,985
- You came here behind my back!
375
00:15:43,029 --> 00:15:46,641
- Yeah, but that's totally
on brand for me.
376
00:15:46,684 --> 00:15:48,991
Look, I am just trying to do
what's best for my child.
377
00:15:49,035 --> 00:15:50,471
- Yeah, but so am I.
378
00:15:50,514 --> 00:15:53,474
But let's face it, Grace,
I mean, given the parents,
379
00:15:53,517 --> 00:15:55,519
mine is obviously gonna be
a better candidate
380
00:15:55,563 --> 00:15:56,520
for this school.
381
00:15:56,564 --> 00:15:58,000
- What do you mean by that?
382
00:15:58,044 --> 00:16:00,002
- Well, you know, it's a very
383
00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:02,091
academically oriented
environment.
384
00:16:02,135 --> 00:16:03,223
- And?
385
00:16:03,266 --> 00:16:05,486
- And I am very academically
oriented.
386
00:16:05,529 --> 00:16:08,010
I'm a professor
at Columbia Law School.
387
00:16:08,054 --> 00:16:09,229
Look, it's a little bit more
388
00:16:09,272 --> 00:16:11,057
than picking out tassels
for throw pillows.
389
00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:14,625
- [gasps]
And there it is.
390
00:16:14,669 --> 00:16:17,237
You think I'm dumb.
391
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,717
And you think my kid
is gonna be dumb.
392
00:16:19,761 --> 00:16:22,459
- I do not think your kid
is gonna be dumb.
393
00:16:22,503 --> 00:16:24,984
- Thank you.
394
00:16:25,027 --> 00:16:27,377
Wait.
395
00:16:27,421 --> 00:16:30,163
You just need to feel smarter
because you know
396
00:16:30,206 --> 00:16:32,034
that everyone likes me best.
397
00:16:32,078 --> 00:16:34,254
- "Better" is the word you use
when comparing two options.
398
00:16:34,297 --> 00:16:37,561
- And this is why
everyone likes me best.
399
00:16:37,605 --> 00:16:39,346
- Oh, whatever, this isn't
a school for people
400
00:16:39,389 --> 00:16:41,000
with more Facebook friends.
401
00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:42,349
It's a school for smart people.
402
00:16:42,392 --> 00:16:44,090
- Well, why don't you
just homeschool your kid?
403
00:16:44,133 --> 00:16:47,702
That way, you can teach him
how to have a stick up his ass.
404
00:16:47,745 --> 00:16:49,965
- Excuse me?
405
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,054
We try to keep the energy
neutral
406
00:16:52,098 --> 00:16:54,100
in the Mindfulness Hallway.
407
00:16:56,102 --> 00:16:57,277
- He started it.
- She's dumb.
408
00:17:02,804 --> 00:17:03,022
.
409
00:17:03,065 --> 00:17:06,503
[upbeat piano music]
410
00:17:07,852 --> 00:17:09,811
- Just wanted to say good-bye.
411
00:17:11,726 --> 00:17:13,858
Listen,
412
00:17:13,902 --> 00:17:15,730
about the whole
"booty call" thing--
413
00:17:15,773 --> 00:17:17,123
- I get it.
414
00:17:17,166 --> 00:17:18,907
It's not like you were
coming up here once a week
415
00:17:18,950 --> 00:17:22,824
so we could pick out timeshares
in Vermont together.
416
00:17:22,867 --> 00:17:24,869
- Vermont.
417
00:17:24,913 --> 00:17:26,915
Like that's even a thing.
418
00:17:30,136 --> 00:17:31,702
- It's 'cause of this, right?
419
00:17:31,746 --> 00:17:33,835
- Oh, honey, no.
420
00:17:33,878 --> 00:17:35,880
That just makes it more fun.
421
00:17:35,924 --> 00:17:37,491
It adds an element of danger,
422
00:17:37,534 --> 00:17:40,102
like doing it
on the "Jurassic Park" ride.
423
00:17:41,886 --> 00:17:43,932
The one in Orlando,
not California.
424
00:17:46,978 --> 00:17:48,589
The truth is,
425
00:17:48,632 --> 00:17:51,809
I've had a rough time
this last year.
426
00:17:51,853 --> 00:17:54,464
I guess a booty call
427
00:17:54,508 --> 00:17:57,641
is about all
I can handle right now.
428
00:17:57,685 --> 00:18:01,167
- Well, I think I'm looking
for a little more.
429
00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:05,040
- Are you breaking up with me?
430
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,825
Well, you better lawyer up,
you ungrateful mother--
431
00:18:07,869 --> 00:18:09,088
oh!
432
00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:17,096
Sorry, reflex.
Okay.
433
00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:19,881
[sighs]
What I'm trying to say is,
434
00:18:19,924 --> 00:18:23,232
I'm glad that you're ready
to get back out there.
435
00:18:23,276 --> 00:18:26,888
- Well, I think some of that's
thanks to you.
436
00:18:26,931 --> 00:18:29,499
- Happy to help.
437
00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:39,205
- Hey.
438
00:18:39,248 --> 00:18:42,730
One more for the road?
439
00:18:42,773 --> 00:18:43,861
- Why not?
440
00:18:43,905 --> 00:18:45,602
This picnic's not
gonna spank itself.
441
00:18:45,646 --> 00:18:51,217
♪
442
00:18:54,176 --> 00:18:57,614
- Well, this is humiliating.
443
00:18:57,658 --> 00:18:58,963
- Yes, it is.
444
00:18:59,007 --> 00:19:00,226
Thanks to you.
445
00:19:00,269 --> 00:19:01,314
- Me?
446
00:19:01,357 --> 00:19:02,793
You're the one who used
half the words
447
00:19:02,837 --> 00:19:05,796
on the forbidden word wall!
448
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:09,017
- Again, the Contrition Cubby
is for gentle reflection,
449
00:19:09,060 --> 00:19:10,801
not hostility.
450
00:19:10,845 --> 00:19:13,935
- Well, it should have a TV.
451
00:19:13,978 --> 00:19:16,155
- It's my sociology project.
452
00:19:16,198 --> 00:19:18,940
It's a commentary
on mass incarceration.
453
00:19:18,983 --> 00:19:20,637
Without personal
accountability,
454
00:19:20,681 --> 00:19:22,639
one can never be truly free.
455
00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:27,992
- Fine, I'm sorry
I called you dumb.
456
00:19:28,036 --> 00:19:28,993
You're not.
457
00:19:29,037 --> 00:19:31,605
- And I'm sorry I said
458
00:19:31,648 --> 00:19:33,694
nobody liked you.
459
00:19:33,737 --> 00:19:34,825
It's not everyone.
460
00:19:34,869 --> 00:19:37,611
Just the people we know.
461
00:19:37,654 --> 00:19:39,787
We good?
- No.
462
00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:42,659
- [sighs]
463
00:19:42,703 --> 00:19:46,185
I am sorry I was so selfish.
464
00:19:47,621 --> 00:19:49,840
You're my entire support system
through this,
465
00:19:49,884 --> 00:19:52,626
and the first sign of trouble,
466
00:19:52,669 --> 00:19:54,236
I threw you overboard.
467
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,847
- I did the same thing to you.
468
00:19:56,891 --> 00:19:58,588
No matter how much
I tell myself,
469
00:19:58,632 --> 00:19:59,981
"My kid doesn't need
two parents,"
470
00:20:00,024 --> 00:20:02,157
I worry I won't be enough.
471
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,290
You know, not getting in
to the right school
472
00:20:04,333 --> 00:20:06,770
just felt like
I was already failing.
473
00:20:06,814 --> 00:20:10,034
- There's no part of this
that I want to do without you.
474
00:20:10,078 --> 00:20:11,340
- Me neither.
475
00:20:11,384 --> 00:20:15,953
This is more important
than some fancy school.
476
00:20:15,997 --> 00:20:18,695
- It seems like we've had
a breakthrough.
477
00:20:18,739 --> 00:20:21,220
Rainbow, release them, please.
478
00:20:21,263 --> 00:20:22,960
[xylophone chimes]
479
00:20:23,004 --> 00:20:24,048
- You're free to go.
480
00:20:24,092 --> 00:20:27,356
- Oh.
- Thanks.
481
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:28,966
- Please leave the crayons.
482
00:20:35,103 --> 00:20:38,672
- Office supplies
are very expensive.
483
00:20:38,715 --> 00:20:40,195
- You can tell
Ms. Hinder-Haagen
484
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,893
that we are withdrawing
our applications.
485
00:20:42,937 --> 00:20:45,809
- No need.
The last spot was just filled.
486
00:20:45,853 --> 00:20:48,986
- Oh, hey, guys.
487
00:20:49,030 --> 00:20:52,903
Guess who just got
the last space for 2024.
488
00:20:52,947 --> 00:20:55,732
A mixed-race child
of a single teen mom
489
00:20:55,776 --> 00:20:59,649
with two gay grandparents.
490
00:20:59,693 --> 00:21:01,782
Isn't that right, Samantha?
491
00:21:03,827 --> 00:21:06,308
I'm changing her name.
I don't care.
33536
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