All language subtitles for The.Shaggy.D.A.1976.WEB-DL.x264-RARBG

[ANNOUNCER]
INTRODUCING OUR NEXT
DISTRICT ATTORNEY!

[MAN]
¶ FRIENDS, I WANNA
TALK ABOUT POLITICS ¶

¶ NOW LET ME MAKE THIS
PERFECTLY CLEAR ¶
¶ UH-HUH ¶

¶ I'M GONNA THROW OUT ALL
THOSE SHABBY OLD TRICKS ¶

¶ FOR THIS ELECTION YEAR ¶
¶ ABOUT TIME ¶

¶ NOW I'M THE ONE
WHO'LL SET YOU STRAIGHT ¶

¶ LET THE PAST BE WATER
THROUGH THE GATE ¶

¶ JUST AN UP-AND-COMIN'
GRASSROOTS CANDIDATE ¶

¶ AND I'M RUNNIN'
FOR THE SHAGGY D.A. ¶

[APPLAUSE, CHEERING]

¶ NOW YOU ALL KNOW
WE GOT PROBLEMS HERE ¶

¶ AND I WANNA BE
THE ONE TO SAY ¶
¶ GO AHEAD ¶

¶ NOT ONE OF THEM'S
JUST GONNA DISAPPEAR ¶

¶ COME NEXT ELECTION DAY ¶
¶ RIGHT ¶

¶ UNLESS YOU HELP ME
ENFORCE OUR LAWS ¶

¶ KISS THOSE BABIES
AND SHAKE THOSE PAWS ¶

¶ I'M THE SHAGGIEST CANDIDATE
YOU EVER SAW ¶

¶ AND I'M RUNNIN'
FOR THE SHAGGY D.A. ¶

[APPLAUSE, CHEERING]

[CHORUS]
¶ SO LET'S ALL STAND TOGETHER
PUT OUR HOMETOWN ON THE MEND ¶

¶ BUDDY, CAN'T YOU SEE
HERE'S A CHANCE TO BE
MAN'S BEST FRIEND ¶

¶ HE'S JUST WHO WE NEED ¶

¶ LET'S HELP HIM
LEAD THE WAY ¶

¶ SO COME ON
AND ELECT HIM ¶

¶ OUR SHAGGY D.A. ¶

[APPLAUSE, CHEERING]

¶ LET'S TALK ABOUT
THE CANDIDATES' ATTRIBUTES ¶

¶ I'M A GENTLEMAN
THROUGH AND THROUGH ¶
¶ SO TRUE ¶

¶ THERE'S NOTHIN' ABOUT MYSELF
THAT'S SLICK OR CUTE ¶

¶ MY INTERESTS
LIE WITH YOU ¶
¶ ALL RIGHT ¶

¶ I'M THE KIND OF POLITICIAN
THAT YOU CAN TRUST ¶

¶ LET'S SWEEP OUT
CITY HALL'S OLD DUST ¶

¶ IF YOU WANT CLEAN GOVERNMENT
I'M A MUST ¶

¶ AND I'M RUNNIN'
FOR THE SHAGGY D.A. ¶

[APPLAUSE, CHEERING]

¶ NOW I DON'T WANNA GET
LONG-WINDED HERE ¶

¶ I'VE JUST ABOUT HAD MY SAY ¶
¶ GOOD ENOUGH ¶

¶ AND EVERY ONE OF YOU
IS GONNA GET HIS CHANCE ¶

¶ AT THE POLLS ON ELECTION
DAY RIGHT ON ¶

¶ I'LL JUST LEAVE YOU
WITH THIS FINAL WORD ¶

¶ CONSIDERIN' THE KNOWLEDGE
THAT YOU'VE INCURRED ¶

¶ I'M COUNTIN' ON YOUR VOTE
NOW THAT YOU'VE HEARD ¶

¶ I'M RUNNIN' FOR
THE SHAGGY D.A. ¶

¶¶

¶¶

¶ SO LET'S ALL STAND TOGETHER
PUT OUR HOMETOWN ON THE MEND ¶

¶ BUDDY, CAN'T YOU SEE
HERE'S A CHANCE TO BE
MAN'S BEST FRIEND ¶

¶ HE'S JUST WHO WE NEED ¶

¶ LET'S HELP HIM LEAD THE WAY ¶

¶ SO COME ON AND ELECT HIM
OUR SHAGGY ¶

¶ WE GOTTA ELECT HIM
OUR SHAGGY ¶

¶ COME ON AND ELECT HIM
OUR SHAGGY D.A. ¶¶

UH, IN THE CORNER.

YEAH.
THAT ABOUT IT?

IT'S GONNA HAVE TO BE.
OKAY, LET'S GO.

AVAST THERE!
LAY TO FOR A WHILE,
MEN, AND HOIST ONE.

OH, UH--
OH, THANKS, CAPTAIN.

ADMIRAL GORDON C. BRENNER,
RETIRED.
[CHUCKLES]

DON'T MAKE A PRACTICE
OF DRINKING WITH
DOCK WALLOPERS,

BUT YOU'VE BEEN DRY-PULLING
HERE FOR SIX HOURS NOW.

YOU'VE EARNED IT.
YEAH.

SO THE DANIELS ARE
REALLY WEIGHING ANCHOR...

AFTER ALL THESE YEARS.
I GUESS SO, YEAH.

BEEN FINE NEIGHBORS.
NICE PEOPLE TO
LAY ALONGSIDE OF.

WELL, I GUESS IT'S TIME
TO GET ROLLIN', HUH, FREDDIE?

YEAH. THANKS
FOR THE BEER, ADMIRAL.

I'LL ESCORT YOU OUT.

BATTEN DOWN
THE HATCHES.

PREPARE TO GET UNDER WAY!

ALL STOP THERE!
WEIGH ANCHOR!

[ENGINE STARTS]

¶¶ [MUSIC FROM HEADPHONES]

BRIAN, SHUT THAT THING OFF
BEFORE YOU DEAFEN YOURSELF.
WHAT?

SHUT THAT THING OFF!
[MUSIC STOPS]

NOW WHAT AM I
SUPPOSED TO DO?

JUST SIT THERE.
WE'RE ALMOST HOME.

POP, BET YOU A QUARTER
YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW MANY EYES A FLY HAS.

YOU'RE RIGHT, I DON'T.
I'M A LAWYER,
NOT AN ENTOMOLOGIST.

JUST GUESS.
TWO.

WRONG. THEY HAVE THOUSANDS
OF SIX-SIDED FACETS,
EACH AN EYE IN ITSELF.

YOU OWE ME A QUARTER.
[CHUCKLING]

WELL,
THANK YOU FOR THE COAT.

THANK YOU
FOR THE GOLF.

MOM, HOW LONG DO YOU THINK
THE LONGEST APPLE PEEL
IN THE WORLD WAS?

OH, BRIAN, PLEASE.
JUST GUESS.

FIVE FEET.
WRONG. POP?

HOW COULD I KNOW, BRIAN?
HOW COULD I POSSIBLY KNOW?

WELL, SAY SOMETHING, POP!

WE'VE BEEN ROBBED.

HELLO, WILBY.

ADMIRAL, CAN I USE
YOUR TELEPHONE?
WE'VE BEEN ROBBED.

IS THAT SO? WELL, I HOPE
YOU'LL HAVE SMOOTH SAILING
ON YOUR NEW JOB, WILBY.

ROBBED?

WIPED OUT. CLEANED.
DIDN'T YOU SEE ANYBODY?

WELL, JUST THE MOVERS.
THIS IS WILBY DANIELS--

D-DANIELS.
MY HOUSE HAS BEEN ROBBED.

I'M WORKING ONE CALL NOW
AND THERE'S TWO ON HOLD.

CAN YOU CALL BACK
WHEN WE'RE NOT SO BUSY?

CALL BACK?
MY HOUSE HAS BEEN ROBBED!

DON'T ACT LIKE THE SKY'S
FALLEN IN ON YOU.

THOSE THINGS HAPPEN.
UH, HOLD THE LINE.

MOVERS, HUH?
THEY SEEMED LIKE
NICE FELLAS.

I EVEN GAVE 'EM A BEER.

MEDFIELD'S BEING
SYSTEMATICALLY RIPPED OFF.
YOU KNOW WHY?

BECAUSE WHEN ONE OF
THESE THIEVES IS CAUGHT,

HE'S BACK ON THE STREET
THE NEXT DAY DOING
BUSINESS AS USUAL.

YOU KNOW WHOSE DOORSTEP
I LAY THAT AT?
NO.

HONEST JOHN SLADE,
OUR DISTRICT ATTORNEY.

IF I WERE DISTRICT ATTORNEY,
I WOULD PROSECUTE
EVERY INDICTED CRIMINAL...

TO THE FULLEST
EXTENT OF THE LAW,
AND I WOULD GET CONVICTIONS!

[CLAPPING]

[SIGH]
AND I WILL NOW COME
DOWN OFF MY SOAPBOX.

NO, DON'T!

WHY DON'T YOU RUN
FOR DISTRICT ATTORNEY?
YEAH!

- NO, I'M SERIOUS, WILBY.
- GOOD IDEA.

WELL, IF IT WEREN'T
FOR MY LAW PRACTICE,
I JUST MIGHT.

OH, YOUR PARTNER CAN
KEEP IT GOING, AND I'LL BE
YOUR CAMPAIGN MANAGER.

YOU'D BE MY
CAMPAIGN MANAGER, HUH?
WELL, SURE.

MY TALENTS ARE NOT JUST LIMITED
TO EGGS OVER EASY, YOU KNOW.

YEAH, AND I'LL PASTE
YOUR FACE ALL OVER TOWN, DAD.

AND I'LL BE YOUR
FUND-RAISING CHAIRMAN.

YOU CAN'T FIGHT A CAMPAIGN
WITHOUT MONEY, YOU KNOW.

AND I'LL START THE BALL
ROLLING RIGHT NOW
WITH A QUARTER.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
I APPRECIATE YOUR GOOD
INTENTIONS AND YOUR GENEROSITY,

BUT LET'S GET SERIOUS AND
SEE WHAT THEY LEFT, OKAY?

THEY LEFT ONE
OF MY GYM SOCKS.
YEAH.

WELL, IF YOU WOULD RATHER
CURSE THE DARKNESS THAN
LIGHT ONE LITTLE CANDLE,

OF COURSE
THAT'S UP TO YOU.

[CAR DOOR SHUTTING,
ENGINE REVVING]

[DOG BARKING]

THEY HIT US AGAIN!

THEY'VE STRIPPED US
RIGHT DOWN TO THE BONE!

OH.

BELAY THAT!

WILBY! WHAT ON EARTH
HAS HAPPENED?

THIS IS WILBY DANIELS,
152 HADLEY DRIVE.

MY HOUSE HAS BEEN
ROBBED AGAIN!

WILBY DANIELS!
I HAVE AN ACCOUNT THERE!

D-A-N-I-E-L-S.

REMEMBER THAT NAME.
IT'S THE NAME OF YOUR NEXT
DISTRICT ATTORNEY!

GO GET 'EM, POP!
WELL!

HEY! WIN WITH WILBY!

THAT CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTION
WILL BE GRATEFULLY
ACCEPTED, ADMIRAL.

DAMN THE TORPEDOES!
FULL SPEED AHEAD!

THOSE DOCK PIRATES
GOT ME TOO!

I'VE BEEN ROBBED!

¶¶ [MARCHING MUSIC]

¶¶

¶¶

GOOD AFTERNOON, MADAM.
MY NAME IS WILBY DANIELS...

AND I'D LIKE TO SOLICIT YOUR
VOTE FOR DISTRICT ATTORNEY.

DANIELS FOR D.A.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

HELLO. I'D LIKE
TO SOLICIT YOUR VOTE
FOR DISTRICT ATTORNEY.

DANIELS FOR D.A.
HI. COULD I INTEREST YOU
IN ONE OF THESE?

VOTE FOR DANIELS.
HI, HONEY.

HI.
HERE ARE SOME
MORE HANDOUTS.

HOW'S IT GOIN'?
MY NAME IS
WILBY DANIELS.

MY HAND IS SORE AND MY SMILE
IS PERMANENT-PRESSED.
HI.

WELL, I THINK
WE'VE MET BEFORE.
MADAM, DANIELS FOR D.A.

THAT'S GOOD, HONEY.
KEEP IT CHARMING
AND SINCERE.

THAT'S THE TECHNIQUE
THAT WON ME.
I REMEMBER. WHAT'S THIS?

THAT'S A SYMBOL.
IT'S A NEW BROOM.

IT MEANS YOU'RE GONNA
SWEEP THE TOWN CLEAN.
VOTE FOR DANIELS, MADAM.

NOW THERE'S
A GOOD CUSTOMER.

AND DON'T FORGET TO KISS
THE BABY. THAT'S A GOOD
VOTE-GETTER, YOU KNOW?

NOTHING OVER 16, THOUGH.
THAT'S A GOOD
SMACK-IN-THE-HEAD GETTER.

GOOD AFTERNOON, MADAM.
MY NAME IS WILBY DANIELS...

AND I'M RUNNING FOR
DISTRICT ATTORNEY. I HOPE
I CAN COUNT ON YOUR SUPPORT.

MY, THAT'S A--

A BEAUTIFUL CHILD.
HELLO.

OH! YOU SEE,
JOEY LIKES YOU.

LET GO, HONEY.

OH, NO, JOEY.
LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE
TO THIS NICE MAN'S SUIT.

OH, I'M SO SORRY.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT, MADAM.

LOVELY CHILD.
LOVELY CHILD.

THIS WAY, MR. DANIELS.

[MAN]
"LOCAL ATTORNEY PROMISES
TO CLEAN UP CITY IF ELECTED."

HE MIGHT DO WELL
TO START WITH HIMSELF.

HA-HA-HA-HA!
HOW DO YOU FEEL
ABOUT HIS CHARGES...

THAT YOU'RE DERELICT
IN PROSECUTING CRIMINALS?

TYPICAL SENSATIONALISM
DESIGNED TO GRAB SPACE
IN THE MEDIA.

BUT I REALIZE THAT YOU LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN ARE MUCH
TOO SMART TO FALL FOR THAT.

[CLEARS THROAT]
THERE ARE REFRESHMENTS
IN THE NEXT ROOM.

THAT'S ALL THE QUESTIONS
THAT MR. SLADE HAS
TIME FOR RIGHT NOW.

THANK YOU,
MR. SLADE.

YEAH, EDDIE?

I'VE GOT IT IN FRONT OF ME.
IT'S NOTHIN' TO WORRY ABOUT.

WELL, I JUST
DON'T LIKE THESE...
ENTHUSIASTIC AMATEURS.

WILL YOU BELIEVE ME?
HE'S GONNA FADE IN THE STRETCH.
HE'S A LIGHTWEIGHT.

I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.

HAVEN'T I ALWAYS
BEEN SO FAR?

LOOK, YOU TAKE CARE OF
EVERYTHING OVER THERE,

I'LL TAKE CARE
OF THIS END, OKAY?

WE COME NOW TO
OUR ALWAYS-POPULAR
BORGIA EXHIBIT.

YOU REMEMBER
THAT THE BORGIAS...

DEALT IN A MOST
UNCOMPROMISING WAY
WITH THEIR ENEMIES,

FREQUENTLY LACING
THEIR WINE WITH POISON,

AS WE SEE HERE
IN THIS CHARMING
LITTLE DINNER PARTY.

HOWEVER, ON OCCASION,
THEY RESORTED
TO EVEN MORE...

DRASTIC METHODS OF
DISPATCHING A VICTIM.

THIS PAINTING
ILLUSTRATES A LEGEND
THAT LUCREZIA BORGIA...

ONCE TRANSFORMED
AN UNFAITHFUL SUITOR
INTO A DOG.

EXCUSE ME, SIR, BUT, UH,
WHAT'S THIS RING...

WITH, UH,
IT LOOKS LIKE A BUG
OR SOMETHIN' ON IT?

THAT'S A SCARAB.

THE ANCIENT EGYPTIANS
EMPLOYED IT OFTEN
AS A TALISMAN.

IF YOU'LL NOTICE
IN THE PAINTING, LUCRETIA'S
WEARING THE IDENTICAL RING,

AND ACCORDING TO
THE LEGEND, HER POWERS
OF TRANSMUTATION...

STEMMED DIRECTLY FROM IT.

THIS MAY OR MAY NOT BE,
BUT THE MUSEUM
HAS SEEN FIT...

TO PUT FURTHER
SAFEGUARDS ON IT.

THE LAST CURATOR OF
THE MUSEUM, DR. PLUMCOTT,

TOLD ME OF AN INCIDENT
YOU WOULD FIND HARD TO ACCEPT...

SINCE IT DEFIES
SCIENTIFIC EXPLANATION.

UH, UH, IS THIS,
UH, VALUABLE?

IT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE
TO ESTIMATE ITS VALUE.

THE RING IS PRICELESS.

WE'D BEST BE MOVING ALONG
IF WE'RE TO FINISH THE TOUR
BEFORE CLOSING.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

IT'S A PIECE OF JUNK.
JUNK? WHAT DO
YOU MEAN, JUNK?

THE CURATOR AT THE MUSEUM
SAID THIS WAS PRICELESS.

AND PRICELESS
IS A LOT OF LOOT.

THIS DAME,
LUCY, UH, "BORGERIA,"

USED TO DOLL UP
WITH ALL THIS GARBAGE.

BORGIA.
HER TOO.

THIS WAS ONE OF HER PRIZED
POSSESSIONS, MR. ROSCHAK,

AND SHE WORE THIS ONLY
ON STATE OCCASIONS.

WHO AM I GONNA SELL IT TO?
ANOTHER MUSEUM?

DIAMOND RINGS, EMERALD RINGS--
THOSE THINGS I CAN MOVE.

WELL, MAKE US AN OFFER,
MR. ROSCHAK.
A GRAND!

YEAH.
GET OUTTA
HERE!

ANYTHING, MR. ROSCHAK,
BUT WE GOTTA MAKE A LIVIN'
SAME AS THE NEXT GUY.

I TOLD YOU, THERE IS NO MARKET
FOR BEETLE RINGS. GET LOST!

OH, BOY, UH--
GINGERBREAD ROCKY ROAD SLUSH.

UH, KUMQUAT BAVARIAN CHOCOLATE
WITH LIME MINT...

AND, UH--
OH, BOY.

DON'T TELL ME.
DON'T TELL ME. UH--

- PINE-SCENTED GOOSEBERRY.
- THAT'S ONLY 43.

- YOU SURE?
- I WAS COUNTING.

WELL, WHAT'D I LEAVE OUT?
OH, DON'T TELL ME.
DON'T TELL ME.

I KNOW, I KNOW.
OH, BOY, UH-- UH--

OH, LET'S SEE NOW.
IF I HAD--

AVOCADO SURPRISE!
WELL, WHAT'LL IT BE?

VANILLA.

VANILLA.
[CLEARS THROAT]

I RUN THROUGH 44 FLAVORS,
YOU COME UP WITH VANILLA.

WHAT AN IMAGINATION.

YOU DON'T WANT ANY MARSHMALLOW
ON THAT OR ANYTHING?
CHOCOLATE SPRINKLES?

ANY GUM BALLS
OR ANYTHING IN THERE?

JUST THE VANILLA.

VANILLA. HERE YOU GO.
FIFTEEN CENTS.

PENNIES. SWELL.

MY DAD'S GONNA BE ON TV TONIGHT.
DON'T FORGET TO VOTE FOR HIM.

SWELL.

YOU KNOW WHAT A DIME
LOOKS LIKE?

A LITTLE SILVER THING
YOU CAN CARRY AROUND.

I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHIN',
ELWOOD.

IF I HAVE TO RUN THROUGH THESE
44 FLAVORS FOR THAT KID AGAIN,
I'M GONNA GO BANANA-NUT.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?
LOOK AT THAT. ONLY GAVE ME 14.

[BARKING]
AH, LET HIM GO.

WHERE DO YOU
WANT THESE?
PUT 'EM BACK IN THE TRUCK.

THEY WANT THE PLACE TO HAVE
THAT BARREN, STARK LOOK,
SHOWING THE RAVAGES OF CRIME.

COULD HAVE SOME IMPACT.

OH, BY THE WAY, HIS WIFE IS
ALSO HIS CAMPAIGN MANAGER,

SO TRY TO KEEP
THE LID ON HER.
CAMPAIGN MANAGER?

SHE ACTS MORE LIKE
SARAH BERNHARDT STARRING
IN HOUSEKEEPING CAN BE FUN.

WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT IS THAT?
OH, THAT'S DANIELS' KID.

TRY TO WORK HIM IN SOME WAY.
WE'D LIKE TO SHOW
THE FAMILY SCENE.

SAY, JOE.
YEAH?

MY HUSBAND HAS ALWAYS BEEN
CIVIC-MINDED.
THAT'S TRUE.

BUT WHEN I POINTED OUT THE
CHALLENGES THAT LAY AHEAD, HE--

HI!
OH, HI, DARLING.
[CHUCKLING]

YOU'RE ACTING LIKE
SARAH BERNHARDT
STARRING IN...

HOUSEKEEPING CAN BE FUN.
[LAUGHING]

WE DO NOT EAT JUNK FOODS
IN THIS HOUSE BETWEEN MEALS.

SINCE WHEN?
SINCE WE'RE GONNA BE
ON TELEVISION.

WHICH OF THE ADMIRAL'S
TIES DO YOU LIKE BEST?
THE NAVY BLUE OR THE NAVY BLUE?

THE NAVY BLUE.
THANK YOU.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA WEAR
THAT SHIRT ON THE SHOW.

BRIAN, CHANGE
YOUR SHIRT.

CHANGE YOUR SHIRT.
[FROM RADIO]
...PRESCOTT MUSEUM ROBBERY.

THE EXACT VALUE OF THE RING
HAS NOT BEEN DETERMINED.

YOU COULD USE THAT
IN YOUR--
SHH! SHH!

IT WAS ONE OF THE MUSEUM'S
MOST VALUABLE PIECES.
AAH!

[BRIAN]
IF I GET CAULIFLOWER EAR,
IT'S GONNA BE YOUR FAULT!

- WILBY, WHAT'S WRONG?
- THAT COULD BE
THE BORGIA RING THEY STOLE.

- THE BORGIA RING?
- IT'S THE ONE THAT--

BRIAN, WHY AREN'T YOU
IN SCHOOL?
BECAUSE IT'S SUMMER VACATION.

WELL, WHY DON'T
YOU GO STRAIGHTEN
YOUR ROOM UP, OKAY?

BECAUSE I STRAIGHTENED
IT UP LAST MONTH.

WHY DON'T CHANGE YOUR
SHIRT LIKE YOUR MOTHER--
BECAUSE--

BECAUSE I SAID SO!

REJECTIONS WILL MAKE ME
GROW UP TO BE INHIBITED...

AND A NON-ACHIEVER,
AND IT'LL BE HIS FAULT!

WILBY, JUST SAY IT.
I'M NOT SURE
YOU'D UNDERSTAND.

I'LL UNDERSTAND.
I'M REALLY
NOT SO SURE--

I WILL UNDERSTAND.

YOU'D UNDERSTAND.

WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER,

I ACCIDENTALLY TOOK
AN OLD RING FROM
THE PRESCOTT MUSEUM.

THERE WAS A STRANGE
LATIN INSCRIPTION ON IT.

- LIKE WHAT?
- I'D RATHER NOT SAY.

ANYWAY, WHEN I FOUND
THE RING AT HOME, I--

- I READ THE INSCRIPTION
A COUPLE OF TIMES.
- AND?

AND I TURNED INTO A DOG.

OH, WILBY!

THERE WAS A BIG
SHAGGY DOG NEXT DOOR,
AND I BECAME THAT DOG!

WILBY, UH,

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE
FEELING ALL RIGHT?

I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE
TOLD YOU!

NO, HONEY, YOU KNOW,
I'M GLAD YOU DID
BECAUSE SOMETIMES, YOU KNOW,

WE LET THESE
LITTLE THINGS NAG AT US
WHEN IT'S REALLY NOTHING.

DO YOU REALIZE IF SOMEBODY
READS THAT INSCRIPTION
I COULD TURN INTO A DOG?

YOU KNOW,
I LOVE THAT TIE ON YOU.

IT JUST BRINGS OUT
THE COLOR IN YOUR EYES.

DID YOU HEAR
WHAT I SAID?
YES, I DID.

AND WE'RE JUST GOING TO PRETEND
THAT YOU NEVER SAID IT.

- EXCUSE ME, SIR.
- ME?

FORGIVE ME, PLEASE,
BUT MIGHT I HAVE
A MOMENT OF YOUR TIME?

WELL, I'M A LITTLE BUSY.
ALLOW ME
TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.

I'M DR. STURDIVANT,
ON SABBATICAL
FROM THE SORBONNE.

OH, UH, I'M TIM,
THE ICE CREAM MAN
FROM DOLLY DIXON'S.

I SEEM TO HAVE OVEREXTENDED
MYSELF IN MY TRAVELS...

AND I FIND THAT I'M TEMPORARILY
FINANCIALLY... EMBARRASSED,

IF YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN.
NO.

THEREFORE I AM FORCED TO PART
WITH THIS FAMILY HEIRLOOM...

AT A FRACTION
OF ITS REAL VALUE.

OH, UH,
IT'S A RING.

THAT'S VERY DISCERNING
OF YOU, SIR.

IT'S ALSO A PRINCELY RELIC
OF ANTIQUITY.

YEAH. IS IT?

- GEE, I WONDER IF
KATRINKA'D LIKE THAT.
- KATRINKA?

UH, KATRINKA MUGGELBERG.
SHE'S IN PIES DOWN
AT DOLLY DIXON'S.

OH, UH, THIS IS HER
RIGHT HERE.

SHE'S ALSO THE CAPTAIN OF
THE SOUTHSIDE STEAMROLLERS.

- CUTE LITTLE THING, ISN'T SHE?
- ISN'T SHE, THOUGH?

YES, I'M SURE
A LADY LIKE HER

WOULD BE SIMPLY ENCHANTED
BY THAT RING.

YOU THINK SO?
IN FACT,

HER GRATITUDE WOULD BE...
UNBOUNDED.

UNBOUNDED? WH--
YEAH.

GEE, UH, HOW MUCH YOU WANT
FOR THAT THING?

WELL, CIRCUMSTANCES
FORCE ME...

TO SACRIFICE IT FOR $500.

FIVE HUNDRED...
DOLLARS.

- DOLLARS?
- YES.

UH, WH-- OH.

WELL, UH, I WAS LOOKIN'
FOR A BLUE ONE.

FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS?
UH, WOULD YOU SPRING
FOR FIVE BUCKS, MAC?

FIVE BUCKS?
AHEM. OH.

IT DOES HAVE A LITTLE
BLUE IN IT, DOESN'T IT?

SAY, UM,
YOU TAKE PENNIES?
[CLICKING]

TWENTY-FIVE--

NOW, YOU JUST BE YOURSELF
THERE, MR. DANIELS.

I'M GONNA ASK YOUR WIFE
A FEW QUESTIONS,

THEN WE'RE GONNA BRING
THE CAMERAS RIGHT IN
HERE TO THE DEN,

SORT OF SURPRISE YOU
AT YOUR WORK.
ALL RIGHT, PLACES, PLEASE.

[CLEARS THROAT]

FIVE, FOUR,

THREE, TWO, ONE.

YOU'RE ON THE AIR.
WELCOME TO ANOTHER ISSUE
OF MEET YOUR CANDIDATE.

THIS MORNING WE'RE GOING
TO MEET WILBY DANIELS
AND HIS FAMILY.

MR. DANIELS IS THE MAN WHO,
MANY PEOPLE FEEL...

IS UNDERTAKING
THE IMPOSSIBLE TASK
OF TRYING TO UNSEAT...

LONG-ESTABLISHED
DISTRICT ATTORNEY JOHN SLADE.
HI.

MY NAME IS WILBY DANIELS,
AND I'D LIKE TO TAKE
THIS OPPORTUNITY TO--

BRIAN, DON'T STARE AT ME,
ALL RIGHT?
I WASN'T STARING.

HELLO. I'D LIKE TO
TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY
TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.

MY NAME IS WI--

[HOST] BUT THE NAME
JOHN SLADE IS A FAMILIAR
ONE IN THIS TOWN,

AND IT MAY BE DIFFICULT
FOR THE MAN AT THE POLLS...

TO SWITCH FROM LONG-ESTABLISHED
VOTING HABITS...

TO PUT AN UNKNOWN MAN
IN THIS RESPONSIBLE OFFICE.

OH, HERE'S
MRS. DANIELS NOW.

HOW DO YOU DO,
MRS. DANIELS?
HOW DO YOU DO?

WE UNDERSTAND
YOU'RE MR. DANIELS'
CAMPAIGN MANAGER.

YES.

I FELT IT
INCUMBENT UPON MYSELF,

AS A WIFE
AND AS A WOMAN,

TO PLACE MY SHOULDER
TO THE WHEEL
ALONGSIDE MY HUSBAND,

AND I URGED HIM
TO PICK UP THE GAUNTLET...

THAT LAY BEFORE HIM.

AND I ASSURED HIM THAT...

AS HIS WIFE
AND AS HIS COUNSELOR,

I WOULD BE BY HIS SIDE...

DOWN THE LONG,
DARK CORRIDOR...

THAT LAY AHEAD.

WHAT DO YOU DO IN YOUR
SPARE TIME WHEN YOU'RE NOT
RUNNING HIS CAMPAIGN?

I LOVE TO PAINT
AND I READ.

I, UH--

I FIND THE LAKE POETS
VERY, UH, SCINTILLATING.

I WONDER
WHAT THAT GUY MEANT:

"HER GRATITUDE
WILL BE UNBOUNDED."

HUH? PRETTY SHARP, HUH?
WH-- HEY, LOOK.

THERE'S SOME WRITING
ON THE BACK.

"IN CANIS CORPORE...

TRANSMUTO."

WONDER WHAT THAT MEANS.

I'LL JUST TELL KATRINKA IT MEANS
"I LOVE YOU" IN SWAHILI.
WHAT DOES SHE KNOW?

[CLEARS THROAT]

FELLOW CITIZENS,
FOR MANY YEARS NOW--

YOU'RE GETTING
A LITTLE GRAY, DAD.

YEAH. FELLOW CITIZENS--

NO!

- YOU LOOK JUST LIKE ELWOOD!
- I AM ELWOOD.

ELWOOD? ELWOOD!

WHERE-- ELWOOD!

AND NOW I'D LIKE YOU
TO MEET--
STAY, POP.

BRIAN, WHERE'S YOUR FATHER?

UH, HE HAD TO GO.

GO GET DANIELS.
YES, SIR.

WELL, WE'LL MEET
MR. DANIELS LATER.

THIS, I PRESUME,
IS YOUR SON BRIAN
AND THE FAMILY DOG.

MRS. DANIELS?
HUH?

UH--

WHAT'S THE DOG'S NAME?

UH, BOWSER.
ELWOOD.

HOW'S THAT?

UH, ELWOOD.
BOWSER.

WELL, HE'LL ANSWER
TO ALMOST ANYTHING.
WON'T YOU, OLD BOY?

- DOES YOUR DOG DO ANY TRICKS?
- WELL, I-- I GUESS SO.

- SURE.
- [WHISPERING] NO!

WHO SAID "NO"?
WE'RE PICKING UP
A GHOST SOMEWHERE.

SEEMS TO BE SEVERAL
OPINIONS HERE.

DOES HE OR DOESN'T HE
DO TRICKS?

[WILBY WHISPERING]
NO TRICKS!

THERE IT IS AGAIN.
[BRIAN]
COME ON, BOY, SPEAK!

SPEAK, BOY.
COME ON, BOY, SPEAK!

SPEAK, BOY!
COME ON! SPEAK!

SPEAK, BOY!
COME ON!
WOOF.

- "WOOF"?
- "WOOF"?

THIS HAS GOTTA BE
COSTING DANIELS VOTES.

LONNIE, GET DANIELS OR WE'LL
HAVE TO LEAVE THE AIR.

YES, SIR.

ELWOOD?

[WHISTLING]

ELWOOD?

AH. HEY, ELWOOD!

HEY!

ELWOOD, THAT'S
NOT YOUR HOUSE!

- I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!
- ELWOOD!

HEY, WATCH OUT!

[EQUIPMENT CLATTERING]

I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!

AAH!

ELWOOD! ELWOOD!
I-- OH! UH--

OH, I'M SORRY, ADMIRAL.
I WAS JUST CHASING ELWOOD.

LISTEN, WHY DON'T YOU STOP
BY THE TRUCK, I'LL GET YOU
A FREE RUM BABA.

[TIM]
ELWOOD! ELWOOD!

OUT OF MY FLOWERS,
YOU MOLTING RUG!
AND THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO!

HOLD IT, ELWOOD!
ELWOOD, HOLD IT.

JUST LEAVING PORT, ADMIRAL.

IF I CATCH YOU
IN MY FLOWERS AGAIN,

I'LL PUT YOU BOTH
IN DRY DOCK FOR A MONTH!

GET IN THERE, ELWOOD.
GET IN THERE, ELWOOD.
ELWOOD, GET IN THERE.

BOY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S
GOTTEN INTO YOU, ELWOOD.
YOU REALLY MADE THE ADMIRAL MAD.

YOU KNOW, YOU RUINED
HIS FLOWERS AND EVERYTHING?
NOW I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING.

YOU'RE LUCKY
I DON'T SPANK YOU.
LOOK, PAL, STOP THIS TRUCK.

LET ME OUT OF HERE
OR I'M GONNA DECK YA!

ELWOOD, AFTER ALL
I'VE DONE FOR YOU,
IS THAT ANY WAY TO TALK?

YOU GOT A LOT OF NERVE
TALKIN' TO ME LIKE--

[TIRES SCREECHING]

ELWOOD, HOW'D YOU LEARN
HOW TO TALK?

I STARTED OUT WITH "GA-GA"
AND WORKED MY UP TO "DIN-DIN."

HE CAN TALK.

- DO THAT AGAIN. SAY "GA-GA."
- GA-GA.

- SAY "DIN-DIN."
- DIN-DIN!

AH, WHAT'S THE USE?
I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
WAIT A MINUTE.

ELWOOD, LISTEN.
IF YOU CAN TALK LIKE THAT,
WE CAN GET INTO SHOW BUSINESS.

WE CAN MAKE A FORTUNE!
WE CAN GET ON TV, TOO.

YOU CAN HAVE
YOUR OWN TALK SHOW.
"HERE'S ELWOOD!"

WE CAN MAKE MILLIONS!
OF COURSE, I WANT TO BE
PERFECTLY FAIR ABOUT THIS,

SO I FIGURE
I'LL GIVE YOU 10%.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?
ELWOOD!

HEY, ELWOOD!
WAIT A MINUTE!
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT!

I'LL GIVE YOU 20%!
YOU CAN HAVE STEAK EVERY NIGHT!
WAIT A MINUTE!

HEY, ELWOOD!
[BREATHING HEAVILY]

ELWOOD! ELWOOD!

AAH!
ELWOOD!

[WOMAN] AAH!
SORRY, MA'AM.
ELWOOD!

ELWOOD? YOU HEAR ME?
ELWOOD!

[PANTING]
[DOG BARKING]

[WILBY]
OH, NO!

- STAY! STAY, BOY!
- [BARKING]

NICE DOG. NICE DOGGIE.

[BARKING]

OH! WATCH OUT!
NOW WAIT A MINUTE! HEY!

[GROWLING]
THAT SMARTS!
OH, DON'T DO THAT!

[SNARLING]
OH, THAT SMARTS!

NICE DOG.
YOU CAN HAVE YOUR--

YOU CAN HAVE
YOUR HOUSE BACK NOW.

[GROWLING, SNARLING]
NICE DOGGIE.
JUST RELAX NOW.

[BARKING LOUDLY]
AAH!

WELL, I'M SURE HE'LL BE HERE
ANY MINUTE. CAN'T YOU RUN
ANOTHER COMMERCIAL?

WE'VE ALREADY RAN EIGHT
COMMERCIALS, TWO STANDBYS
AND A TEST PATTERN.

- THERE'S POP NOW!
- [BARKING, GROWLING]

PLACES, EVERYBODY!
PLACES!
PLACES, EVERYONE!

CAMERAS ON THE DOOR HERE.
ON THE DOOR.

- FASTER, POP. FASTER!
- [BARKING, GROWLING]

WHOA!

[PANTING]

HI, THERE.

MY NAME IS
WILBY DANIELS AND...

IF I'M ELECTED
YOUR DISTRICT ATTORNEY,

I PROMISE TO BRING ORDER
OUT OF CHAOS.

AND I FURTHER PROMISE
THAT IF ELECTED,

I WILL CALL FOR
AN IMMEDIATE GRAND JURY
INVESTIGATION...

INTO LINKS BETWEEN
A KNOWN FELON,
EDDIE ROSCHAK,

AND THE INCUMBENT
DISTRICT ATTORNEY,
JOHN SLADE.

[CLICKS TV OFF]

THERE HAS BEEN
A DRAMATIC INCREASE...

IN THE CRIME RATE.
MY FIRST--

[CLICKS TV OFF]

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
GONNA SAY, EDDIE,
AND I KEEP TELLIN' YOU,

YOU GOT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT.

YOU SAY! HE'S COMIN' ON
AWFUL STRONG.

HE'S NAMING NAMES.
I DON'T LIKE IT, SLADE.
TALK'S CHEAP.

HE CAN MAKE CHARGES ALL DAY,
BUT HE'S GOTTA PROVE 'EM.

IF HE GETS ELECTED,
WE ARE IN TROUBLE.

BOTH OF US.
HE'S NOT GONNA
GET ELECTED, EDDIE.

TAKE MY WORD.

YOU KNOW, MAYBE DANIELS
COULD USE A LITTLE MUD ON HIM,
JUST AS A PRECAUTION.

MUD? ON DANIELS?
SURE.

EVERYBODY'S GOT A SKELETON
IN THEIR CLOSET. EVERYBODY.

GET SOMETHIN' ON HIM,

SOMETHIN' THAT'LL CHOP HIM OFF
RIGHT AT THE KNEES.

[TIM] NOW LOOK, ELWOOD.
I DON'T WANT YOU
RUNNIN' AWAY AGAIN...

BECAUSE WE GOT
TOO MUCH AT STAKE HERE.

I THOUGHT WE'D START YOUR CAREER
BY GOIN' OVER TO HARRY'S BAR
AND PICKIN' UP A LITTLE CHANGE.

ARE YOU STILL MAD OVER
THE PERCENTAGE SPLIT?
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

I'LL MAKE IT 50-50.
THIS BETTER BE A GOOD SHOW.

WHAT DO YOU SAY,
HARRY, OLD BUDDY?
HEY, NO DOGS.

JUST A MINUTE, HARRY.
THIS IS NO DOG.
YEAH?

WELL, WHAT IS IT?
HARRY, THIS HAPPENS TO BE
THE WORLD'S ONLY TALKING DOG.

PERHAPS YOU DIDN'T
HEAR ME. NO DOGS.

JUST A MINUTE, HARRY.
I'M TELLING YOU, THIS DOG IS AS
SMART AS ANYBODY IN THIS PLACE.

- OUT!
- WE'RE MARCHING TO
DIFFERENT DRUMS, HARRY.

JUST A MINUTE.
ELWOOD, COME ON. FOLKS!

[CLEARS THROAT]
I HAVE WITH ME HERE TODAY...

ELWOOD THE TALKING DOG.

NOW, UH, I GOT FIVE BUCKS
THAT SAYS THAT THIS DOG CAN TALK
AS WELL AS ANYBODY IN THIS ROOM.

NOW, DO I HAVE
ANY TAKERS?

EVERYBODY IN HERE'S
A CHICKEN, HUH?

OH, YEAH?
MAKE IT 20, BUSTER.

TWENTY, HUH?
YOU HEAR THAT, ELWOOD?
HE SAID 20. OH.

OKAY, HARRY, HERE YOU GO.
YOU'RE COVERED ON THAT.

OKAY, ELWOOD, COME ON.
COME ON, BOY, PUT 'EM UP.

GET 'EM UP.
RIGHT UP THERE.

FOLKS, THIS IS ELWOOD
THE TALKING DOG.

HE WILL NOW GIVE HIS RENDITION
OF "MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB."

ELWOOD, TAKE IT AWAY.

[PANTING]
WHAT'S THAT?
A LITTLE LOUDER.

I'LL JUST GET HIM STARTED.
UH, MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB.

ITS FL-- MARY--

LOOK, ELWOOD, UH, SEE,
WE GOT 20 BUCKS RIDIN' HERE,

SO, UH, COULD YA JUST KINDA
COME UP WITH IT,
BECAUSE WE, UH--

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
JUST TELL THE FOLKS HOW
YOU ASK FOR YOUR DINNER.

- SAY "DIN-DIN."
- [LAUGHING]

I TELL YOU WHAT.
TELL HARRY "GA-GA."

JUST TELL HARRY "GA-GA."
"GA-GA."

LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.
WHY DON'T YOU GO DOWN
TO THE DOG'S BAR...

AND SEE IF HE CAN
GET YOU TO BARK?

J-JUST A MINUTE NOW,
HARRY. LOOK.

TELL YOU WHAT, ELWOOD.
YOU MOVE YOUR LIPS
AND I'LL TALK FOR YOU.

JUST WATCH THIS.
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB.

ITS FLEECE WAS
WHITE AS SNOW.

EVERYWHERE THAT MARY--

THEY'RE NOT BUYIN' IT,
ELWOOD.
[WHINES]

UH--

[CLEARS THROAT]
TWENTY BUCKS.
[WHINES]

HMM.

[SIGHS]

THIS IS SERIOUS.
NOW, LOOK.

THAT RING IS
FLOATING AROUND SOMEPLACE...

AND IF SOMEBODY
READS THE INSCRIPTION,
I'M A SHAGGY DOG AGAIN.

WHO KNOWS WHEN THAT'S
GONNA HAPPEN?

MAYBE WHEN YOU'RE
TAKING THE OATH OF OFFICE.
THAT'D BE A CRACK UP.

[GIGGLES]
VERY FUNNY.

THE PROSPECT OF MY
TAKING AN OATH OF OFFICE
SEEMS HIGHLY UNLIKELY.

WELL, YOU ABSOLUTELY CANNOT GO
THROUGH LIFE NEVER KNOWING WHEN
YOU'RE GONNA TURN INTO A DOG.

- RIGHT?
- RIGHT!

SO WE'VE GOT
TO FIND THAT RING.
AND FIND IT FAST.

WHERE DO YOU START LOOKING
FOR A HOT RING, POP?

OH, PAWNSHOPS, SWAP MEETS,
PLACES LIKE THAT.

ADMIRAL, I CAN'T TALK
TO YOU NOW.

I HAVE SOME VERY IMPORTANT
THINGS TO DO.

YOU'RE GUEST SPEAKER
AT THE DAISIES AT EIGHT BELLS...

AND I AM HERE TO SEE
THAT THIS TIME
YOU'RE ON TIME.

I'M SORRY.
I FORGOT.

[MRS. DANIELS]
AND I AM ESPECIALLY
HONORED TO INTRODUCE...

OUR GUEST SPEAKER
THIS AFTERNOON,

OUR DAISY OF THE DAY.

[LAUGHING]

BECAUSE OF THE SPECIAL
ATTACHMENT I'VE HAD
WITH THIS GENTLEMAN...

OVER THE LAST FEW YEARS.
[LAUGHS]

AS YOU'RE ALL WELL AWARE,
MR. DANIELS IS RUNNING FOR
THE OFFICE OF DISTRICT ATTORNEY,

AND I KNOW WHEREOF I SPEAK
WHEN I TELL YOU...

THAT HE IS A MAN
OF THE HIGHEST MORAL FIBER,

A MAN OF UNQUESTIONED
INTEGRITY...

AND A MAN DEDICATED TO THE TASK
THAT LIES BEFORE HIM.

MR. DANIELS.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

HOW'S IT GOIN',
ELWOOD?
HI, KATRINKA.

WE'RE OUT OF KUMQUAT
AND GUAVA SHERBET,
BUT THE REST IS ALL HERE.

OH, FINE.
UH, SAY, KATRINKA, I, UH--

I HAVE A LITTLE
SOMETHING FOR YOU.

IF IT'S ANOTHER
SOUVENIR PILLOW FROM
GRAND RAPIDS, FORGET IT.

ACTUALLY, IT'S A RING.
OH, LOOK, JIM--

IT'S, UH, TIM, TIM.
YEAH. TIM.

NOW, JUST 'CAUSE
I WAVED AT YOU ONE NIGHT
AT THE ROLLER GAMES--

YOU KNOW SOMETHING'?
I'VE BEEN MEANIN' TO TELL YOU.

YOU'RE THE BEST DARN SKATER
THAT THE SOUTHSIDE
STEAMROLLERS HAS.

YEAH. I KNOW.
YEAH.

WELL, LIKE I SAY, JUST
'CAUSE I WAVED BACK AT YOU
DON'T MEAN IT'S RING TIME.

RIGHT. WELL, IT'S
NOT A RING, ACTUALLY.
IT'S JUST, UH--

IT'S JUST A PRESENT,
THAT'S ALL.

HERE.

GEE, JUST WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED:
A BUG RING.

WHERE'S THE CRACKER JACK?
HEY, WHAT'S THIS WRITING
IN HERE MEAN?

I'M NOT SURE.

"IN CANIS CORPORE
TRANSMUTO."

"IN CANIS CORPORE
TRANSMUTO."

NOW, WHAT CAN YOU
THE VOTERS DO...

ABOUT THIS DEPLORABLE
STATE OF AFFAIRS?

WELL, LET ME TELL YOU.
COME ELECTION DAY, YOU CAN VOTE
THOSE PEOPLE OUT OF OFFICE...

- AND BRING BACK RESPECTABILITY
TO THIS COMMUNITY.
- OH, THANK YOU, MR. DANIELS.

AND NOW, THE SONG CHAIRMAN
WILL LEAD US IN A CHORUS
OF "THE DAISY HYMN."

ALL RIGHT, LADIES.

I'M NOT THROUGH YET.
YES, YOU ARE, ELWOOD.

¶ DAISIES, DAISIES
SIDE BY SIDE ¶
OHH!

¶ SYMBOL OF
OUR CITY'S PRIDE ¶

¶ WE ARE THE DAISIES ¶

¶ TOGETHER WE WILL STAND ¶

¶ THE DAISIES
ARE THE GUARDIANS ¶

¶ OF BEAUTY IN THE LAND ¶

¶ WE NURTURE-- ¶¶
[SCREAMING]

DON'T PANIC, LADIES!
KEEP CALM!

- [SCREAMING CONTINUES]
- AAH!

[DOOR SLAMS]

WHERE TO?
152 HADLEY DRIVE.

ELWOOD!

ELWOOD!

ELWOOD?

EL-- ELWOOD.

ELWOOD!

[WHISTLES]
ELWOOD?

ELWOOD!

HEY, ELWOOD, WAIT A MINUTE!
SO WHO DO YOU LIKE
IN THE ELECTION?

ELWOOD! HOLD IT!
DANIELS.

I'M WITH YOU,
BUT HE AIN'T GOT A CHANCE
AGAINST SLADE'S MACHINE.

BELIEVE ME,
DANIELS CAN DO IT.

ELWOOD, COME ON.
DID YOU THINK YOU COULD FOOL ME
WITH THOSE GLASSES ON? HUH?

[WILBY]
I WASN'T TRYING TO FOOL ANYONE!
THOSE ARE MY READING GLASSES!

STOP PULLING ON ME THAT WAY!
YOU COULD SERIOUSLY
INJURE MY WINDPIPE!

- [CRASHING]
- [RADIATOR HISSING]

WILL YOU TAKE ME HOME?

I'LL TAKE YOU ANYWHERE,
BUT YOU GOTTA
PROMISE ME SOMETHING.

- ANYTHING.
- GOOD.

BECAUSE I'M GONNA GO DOWN
AND BLOW HARRY'S MIND.

THIS IS THE BIG ONE, ELWOOD.
NOW, LOOK. I GOT A LITTLE
ROUTINE WORKED OUT.

HERE'S WHAT
I WANT YOU TO DO.

OKAY NOW, LOOK, ELWOOD. YOU'RE
NOT GONNA CLAM UP AGAIN LIKE
YOU DID LAST TIME, ARE YOU?

DON'T WORRY. I'LL KEEP
MY END OF THE DEAL.
YOU JUST KEEP YOURS.

ALL RIGHT.
I'LL GO IN AND SET IT UP
REAL COOL-LIKE, OKAY?

[WILBY]
HOW LONG'LL THAT TAKE?

NEVER MIND ABOUT THAT.
I TOLD YOU TO WORK
ON THAT ROUTINE.

HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO GET
ANYWHERE IN SHOW BUSINESS
IF YOU DON'T REHEARSE?

ANOTHER DEAN MARTIN.

¶ DOWN BY THE OLD
MILL STREAM ¶

[WILBY]
HE SURE PICKED A DUMB SONG.

¶ WHERE I FIRST MET YOU ¶

¶ WITH YOUR EYES-- ¶¶

MOVE ON! MOVE ON!
YOU NEVER SEEN A DOG
SING BEFORE?

- THAT'S SINGING?
- GROWR! ROWR! RUFF!

OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT,
THEN, HARRY. LOOK.

HERE'S 40 BUCKS THAT
SAYS ELWOOD CAN SING
"DOWN BY THE OLD MILL STREAM."

WORDS AND MUSIC.

LISTEN, SHERBET HEAD,
YOU'RE STARTIN' TO STEAM ME.

EVIDENTLY YOU'VE LOST
ALL YOUR MARBLES.

WELL, NOW I'M GONNA START
ON YOUR TEETH.

¶¶ [HUMMING]

[WILBY]
ELWOOD.

COME ON BACK, ELWOOD.
ATTABOY.

[PANTING]

HELLO, ELWOOD.
IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU
FACE-TO-FACE.

WE'VE BEEN SO CLOSE
THESE LAST FEW DAYS.

LOOK, TELL TIM THAT, UH--

GUESS THERE'S NOT REALLY
ANYTHING YOU CAN TELL TIM,
IS THERE?

GOOD LUCK, OLD BUDDY.

[CLEARS THROAT]
GO GET THAT SINGING
FUR BALL.

NAME IS ELWOOD.

IT'S ALL SET, ELWOOD.

HEY, YOU GOT YOUR COLLAR
OFF ALREADY. GOOD.
OKAY, COME ON, BOY.

YEAH, I GOT HIM
ALL WORKED UP.

I TOLD HIM YOU WERE GONNA
OPEN WITH "DOWN BY THE OLD
MILL STREAM." COME ON, BOY.

[TIM]
ALL RIGHT, HERE HE IS,
ELWOOD THE TALKING DOG.

I'VE TAKEN THE LIBERTY
OF TELLING THESE FOLKS...

THAT YOU'D DO A COUPLE
OF NUMBERS FOR THEM.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST
GET RIGHT UP HERE?

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
FOR HIS FIRST SELECTION,
HE WOULD LIKE TO DO...

"DOWN BY THE OLD
MILL STREAM."

TAKE IT AWAY, ELWOOD.
[PANTING]

HE'S JUST WARMING UP.

TAKE IT AWAY, ELWOOD.

UH, I'LL GET HIM STARTED
ON THIS ONE. UH--

¶ DOWN-- ¶
¶ DOWN BY THE OLD-- ¶

¶ DOWN-- ¶ IS IT TOO HIGH?
[LOWER PITCH] ¶ DOWN-- ¶

[HIGHER PITCH]
¶ DOWN BY THE OLD-- ¶

¶ DOWN BY THE OLD
MILL STREAM ¶
EVERYBODY.

¶ WHERE I FIRST MET YOU ¶¶

YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'D BE
KINDA NICE IF I HELPED YOU
AND THIS ALBINO FOOTSTOOL...

TO YOUR TRUCK, OKAY?
[WHINES]

[TIM]
LET'S TALK THIS OVER--
OH! HEY!

[CUSTOMERS LAUGHING]

I WANNA TELL YOU
SOMETHIN', ELWOOD.
[WHINING]

THAT 40 BUCKS IS COMIN' OUT
OF YOUR FIRST MILLION. COME ON.

MAYBE NEXT TIME I
SHOULD WEAR A DISGUISE.

MAYBE NEXT TIME
YOU SHOULD TRY
COMBING YOUR HAIR.

I THINK THAT WOULD BE
DISGUISE ENOUGH.

HEY, DID YOU FIND OUT
HOW MUCH THEY WANTED
FOR THE BROOCH?

WE'RE NOT SHOPPING FOR A
BROOCH, BETTY! I'VE GOTTA
FIND THAT RING BEFORE--

OKAY, SHH.
BEFORE I TURN
INTO A DOG AGAIN.

ALL RIGHT, HONEY.
I'M SORRY.

DAD, IF YOU DO TURN
INTO A DOG AGAIN, CAN WE
GO HUNTING TOGETHER?

NO, WE CANNOT
GO HUNTING TOGETHER.

WILL YOU CHASE
MRS. METZLER'S CAT?

BRIAN!
BRIAN.

I DON'T GET MUCH CALL FOR...
TOMATO LICORICE.

AH.

I'M GONNA LET THIS ONE GO
TO YOU FOR JUST A NICKEL.
HUH? [LAUGHS]

FIVE PENNIES.
WHAT FLAVORS YOU GOT,
MISTER?

OH, BOY. FLAVORS.
YOU GOT YOUR VANILLA,
YOU GOT YOUR CHOCOLATE,

YOU GOT YOUR STRAWBERRY,
YOU GOT YOUR MAPLE DRIBBLE,
YOU GOT--

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'
AROUND HERE?

I'M LOOKING FOR A RING
WITH A BEETLE ON IT.
SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET.

OH, YEAH? A RING
WITH A BEETLE ON IT?

- GEE, I GAVE ONE LIKE THAT TO
MY GIRLFRIEND THE OTHER DAY.
- YOU DID?

WELL, SHE'S NOT EXACTLY
MY GIRLFRIEND. YOU SEE--
HEY, POP! POP!

WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO SPREAD IT AROUND.
TATTLETALE.

THIS GENTLEMAN
UNKNOWINGLY GAVE YOU
A RING THAT BELONGS TO ME.

THAT IS, I'M NOT
THE LEGAL OWNER,

BUT I NEED IT.
TOUGH.

THIS IS A PERSONAL MATTER.
IT'LL HAVE TO WAIT TILL AFTER
WORKING HOURS ARE OVER.

I'M PREPARED TO OFFER
A REWARD.

LIKE HOW MUCH?

I GET A QUARTER FOR
CLEANING OUT THE GARAGE.

THAT OUGHTA GIVE YOU
AN IDEA--
A THOUSAND DOLLARS.

A THOUSAND DOLLARS?
FOR THAT RING?

OKAY, $2,000!
IT DOESN'T MATTER!

I JUST HAVE TO HAVE THAT--
HAVE TO HAVE THAT RING BACK.

HO-HO! YOU JUST GOT
YOURSELF A RING, BUSTER.

TRY THE OTHER HAND.

OH, I KNOW I HAD IT
WHEN I FINISHED
THE LEMON MERINGUES.

AND, WELL,
THEN I, UH--

THINK, THINK, THINK,
THINK, THINK, THINK.

THINK, THINK, THINK,
THINK $2,000.

IF I FIND IT, MISTER,
CAN I HAVE THE REWARD?

I DON'T CARE WHO GETS
THE REWARD! I JUST HAVE
TO HAVE THAT RING BACK!

WELL, LET ME SEE. I REMEMBER
I PUT THE RING ON THIS SHELF...

AFTER I FINISHED
THE SPECIAL ORDER.

COULD'VE FALLEN
INTO THE MIXING VAT.

[EXHALING]

WHAT SPECIAL ORDER?
THE ONE FOR THE HOTEL.
IT'S ALREADY GONE OUT.

THE HOTEL! OH!

HEY!
TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS!

UH, HONEY,
IF I FIND THE RING,

UH, COULD I KEEP
THE $2,000?

NO! THIS WAY!
[MUMBLING]

OHH! OW!

[SCREAMING, YELLING]

OH!
OH, COME ON!

MADAM!
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

LET ME HAVE THAT PIE!

WHOA! HEY!
HUH?

LADIES, PLEASE.
STOP THIS IMMEDIATELY!

HIT MY GIRL
WITH A PIE, WILL YA?

SOLD FOR $100!
THANKS, KIDS!

AND REMEMBER, ALL PROCEEDS
GO TO JOHN SLADE'S WAR CHEST.

SO LET'S ALL GIVE BIG
FOR HONEST JOHN. RIGHT?

WHAT AM I OFFERED
FOR THIS GORGEOUS PIE?
IT'S GOING VERY WELL.

OF COURSE IT'S GOING VERY WELL!
ANYONE ELSE? $120.
THANK YOU, SIR.

ANYONE ELSE?
TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS!

[SCREAMING]
STOP, LADIES! STOP!

HA-HA!

HEY!

LADIES! LADIES!

HOLD IT! HOLD IT!

- OH, SHUT UP!
- YOU WON'T FIND
THE RING THIS WAY!

- THAT'S MY POP!
- AAH!

YOU MONSTER!

HEY.

[SCREAMING]

HEY, LOOK AT THIS.
WHAT?

HEY. HEY, THAT'S THE SAME RING
YOU GOT IN THE MUSEUM,
AIN'T IT?

YEAH. I WONDER HOW IT GOT
IN THIS CHERRY PIE.

WELL, WHAT DIFFERENCE
DOES IT MAKE?

YOU SOLD IT ONCE,
SELL IT AGAIN.

YEAH.

SORRY ABOUT THE NOISE
OUT THERE, BUT I'LL--

I'LL HANDLE IT MYSELF.
DO I HEAR $250?

TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY!
I GOT 250!

TWO SIXTY!
I HAVE 260!
ANY MORE?

[SCREAMING]
SOMETIMES PEOPLE
FORGET THEIR POSITION.

MR. SLADE, THINGS GOT
A LITTLE OUT OF HAND.
WE WERE JUST LOOKING FOR--

IT WAS CERTAINLY NOT
OUR INTENTION TO--

DANIELS, THIS TIME
YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR!

YOU ARE A DISGRACE
TO YOUR PROFESSION
AND THE ENTIRE CITY!

YOU SHOULD BE
RUN OUT OF TOWN!

[TAPPING]
EXCUSE ME, SIR,

BUT MIGHT I HAVE
A MOMENT OF YOUR TIME?

ALLOW ME
TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.

I'M DR. STURDIVANT,
ON SABBATICAL FROM THE SORBONNE.

SINCE I FIND MYSELF
TEMPORARILY OUT OF FUNDS,

I'M FORCED TO PART
WITH THIS FAMILY HEIRLOOM...

AT A FRACTION
OF ITS REAL VALUE.

I WONDER IF YOU MIGHT BE
INTERESTED IN THIS PRINCELY
RELIC OF ANTIQUITY.

I'M SURE I WOULD BE.

AHH.

COME ON! COME ON!
OKAY.

I HEARD ON THE NEWS
YOU RECOVERED THE RING
FROM THE PRESCOTT MUSEUM.

WHAT DO YOU GOT TO DO WITH IT?
WELL, IT'S A PERSONAL THING,
BUT I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE.

THE LIEUTENANT WILL BE OUT IN
A MINUTE. THEY'RE MAKING THE
IDENTIFICATION BACK THERE NOW.

WELL, THAT'S JUST THE POINT.
I CAN'T TAKE A CHANCE--
UH, WAIT OVER THERE.

OH, THIS IS THE RING,
ALL RIGHT.
NO DOUBT ABOUT IT.

AND I'M RATHER RELIEVED JUST
TO GET IT OUT OF CIRCULATION.

IT'S REPUTED TO HAVE
RATHER SUPERNATURAL POWERS.

YOU SEE THIS INSCRIPTION,

"IN CANIS CORPORE TRANSMUTO"?
[COP]
WHAT'S IT ALL MEAN?

THERE GOES POP AGAIN.
OH, WILBY, NO.

[COP]
SOME KIND OF SPELL, HUH?
[CURATOR] EXACTLY.

THE RENAISSANCE ARISTOCRATS
WERE VERY PARTIAL TO SPELLS.

THEY'RE AS GOOD
AS POISON ANY DAY.

ALL RIGHT, BOY. HEEL.

[CURATOR] YOU REMEMBER
MY PREDECESSOR, DR. PLUMCOTT?
[COP] OF COURSE.

WELL, DR. PLUMCOTT WAS
MOST INTERESTED IN THIS RING.

HE TOLD ME OF AN INCIDENT
SOME YEARS AGO

OF A YOUNG MAN WHO WAS
ACTUALLY TURNED INTO A DOG...

THROUGH THE STRANGE POWERS
OF THIS RING.

YOU DON'T REALLY
BELIEVE THAT?

NOT REALLY,
BUT STILL I'M CAREFUL.

I DON'T LIKE TO
REPEAT IT TOO OFTEN
LEST I BECOME SENSITIZED...

AND TURN INTO A DOG MYSELF.

DANIELS IS A DOG, HUH?

THAT'S RIGHT.
SOMETIMES DANIELS
IS A REAL LIVE DOG.

AND LOOK.
THIS RING DOES IT.

DO YOU REMEMBER THE TV SHOW
OF HIS, THE ONE THAT
WE COULDN'T UNDERSTAND?

THAT DOG WAS DANIELS.

AND IT HAPPENED
TWO OTHER TIMES.

AT THE DAISIES,
DANIELS DISAPPEARS...

AND THAT SAME SHAGGY DOG
SHOWS UP?

AND THEN THE SAME THING
HAPPENS TODAY
AT THE POLICE STATION?

DANIELS DISAPPEARS, AND THERE'S
THAT SAME SHAGGY DOG?

IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME,
GET DANIELS OVER HERE
AND SEE FOR YOURSELF!

DANIELS, I WANT YOU
TO DROP OUT OF THE RACE.
USE ANY EXCUSE YOU WANT.

NO WAY, MR. DISTRICT ATTORNEY.
I'M IN THIS THING TO THE FINISH.
I DON'T MAKE DEALS.

AND I'LL TELL YOU
SOMETHING ELSE:
I'M GONNA WIN THIS ELECTION.

AND MY FIRST OFFICIAL ACT
WILL BE TO CALL
A GRAND JURY INVESTIGATION...

INTO YOUR CRIMINAL CONNECTIONS
IN THIS TOWN.

IF THAT'S ALL WE HAVE
TO TALK ABOUT, I GUESS
OUR DISCUSSION IS CLOSED.

IS THIS THE RING
YOU WERE LOOKING FOR
AT MY PIE AUCTION?

YEAH, THAT LOOKS LIKE IT.

YOU'RE CERTAIN?
IT HAS AN INSCRIPTION
ON THE BACK.

- IT SAYS, "IN CANIS
CORPORE TRANSMUTO."
- GIVE ME THAT!

"IN CANIS CORPORE
TRANSMUTO."

WOOF! WOOF, WOOF, WOOF!

[GROWLING]

HEY! WOOF!
[LAUGHING]
OH.

OH, HO. AHEM.
COME IN HERE, PLEASE.

RAYMOND, THIS DOG
HAS NO LICENSE...

AND IS CLEARLY IN VIOLATION
OF THE LEASH LAW.
CALL THE POUND.

I ALREADY DID, SIR.
THE TRUCK IS WAITING OUTSIDE.

GET OUT OF MY WAY!
OOF!

- GRAB THAT DOG!
- EXCUSE ME, MA'AM!

- AAH! AAH!
- WATCH OUT!

OHH!

HO! OH, BOY.

YOU! FOLLOW THAT DOG!

OH, UH, RIGHT, MR. SLADE!
GET GOING!

IF HE GETS AWAY, IT'S BACK
TO THE COMPLAINT DESK FOR YOU!

[ENGINE REVVING]

IT'S THE DOG!

THANKS, PAL.

[PANTING]

THOSE IDIOTS AT THE POUND
DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS,

BUT I'LL TELL YOU THIS, CHIEF:
THAT BRUTE IS MAD AND VICIOUS.

I'M GOING TO NEED
THE HELP OF EVERY SQUAD CAR
THAT'S AVAILABLE TO FIND HIM.

COULD I ASK YOU
SOMETHING, SIR?
YES.

WHY DON'T WE JUST MAKE
A PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT...

SAYING THAT SOMETIMES
DANIELS IS A DOG?

YOU KNOW WHO THEY'D
PUT AWAY, DON'T YOU?
WHO?

US!
[PHONE BLARING]

SLADE HERE!

MR. SLADE, UNIT TWO
HAS LOCATED THE SUSPECT.

- HE'S HEADING WEST ON CRESCENT.
- CLOSE IN ON HIM!
SURROUND HIM!

[PANTING]

[SIREN BLARING]

[PANTING]

THERE HE IS!

- UH-OH.
- WE'VE GOT HIM!

COME ON!

WHAT IS THAT NOISE?
JUST A-A LITTLE MIX-UP, SIR.

UNIT TWO WILL
TAKE OVER FOR US.

I HAVE HIM IN VIEW.
ALL UNITS CONCENTRATE
IN THE AREA OF ROLLERDROME.

ELWOOD, WHERE HAVE
YOU BEEN? ELWOOD?

LATER! CAN'T TALK NOW.
COME HERE!

[CHEERING]

HEY!

WHOA! HOLD IT!
YOU GOT A TICKET?
I'M JUST GOING TO GET MY DOG.

NO, YOU CAN'T GET IN
WITHOUT A TICKET.
BUT I-I--

RIGHT UP FRONT.
TICKET.

[CHEERING CONTINUES]

JOHN SLADE.
OFFICIAL BUSINESS.
I'M SORRY, MR. SLADE.

I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU.

[ANNOUNCER]
THE STEAMROLLER GIRLS ARE ON
ATTACK AGAINST THE JUGGERNAUTS.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]
THERE'S THE REFEREE'S WHISTLE--
INDICATES A JAM.

THAT MEANS WE'LL SEE
SOME ACTION...

AS CAPTAIN KATRINKA MUGGELBERG
WILL TRY TO SEND
ONE OF HER TEAMMATES...

CRASHING THROUGH
THAT JUGGERNAUT MOB IN FRONT.

THERE THEY GO.
HOLD IT. OUT SHE GOES!

WHOA, NELLIE! LOOK AT HER
GET OUT OF THERE. HAH!

PARDON ME. I'M LOOKING
FOR A DOG HERE.

[CROWD GRUMBLING]
PARDON ME. PARDON ME.

[CROWD YELLING]

THERE'S NO SIGN OF HIM
ON MY SIDE.

[ANNOUNCER]
THE STEAMROLLERS HAVE BEEN
SIDELINED WITH INJURY.

SEARCH THE DRESSING ROOMS.

HI.
PARDON ME, MISS.

[ANNOUNCER]
THE STEAMROLLERS HAVE FIELDED
A NEW MYSTERY SKATER.

DON'T LET HIM
GET AWAY!

YOU MISSED HIM! OOH!

HERE SHE COMES.

ELWOOD!

- WHOA!
- ELWOOD.

ELWOOD!

HEY, ELWOOD.
LET ME IN THERE.

ELWOOD?
[ENGINE STARTING]

ELWOOD! HEY, ELWOOD,
WAIT A MINUTE.

I GOTTA TALK TO YA.

ELWOOD, WHY DIDN'T YOU
TELL ME YOU COULD SKATE?

THIS IS A REAL SHOWSTOPPER:
A DOG THAT TALKS AND SINGS,
SKATES, DRIVES.

BOY, THEY OUGHT--
DRIVE?

[DISTRESSED MOAN]

- [SIRENS BLARING]
- HEY, ELWOOD!

YOU BETTER SLOW DOWN,
OR YOU'RE GONNA GET IN TROUBLE.
"TROUBLE"?

I'M ALREADY IN TROUBLE--
BIG TROUBLE.

START THROWING
THAT STUFF OUT THE BACK--
PIES, SYRUP, ICE CREAM.

EVERYTHING.
NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.
I CAN'T DO THAT.

I HAVE TO PAY
FOR THAT STUFF.
DO AS I TELL YOU!

I'M HAVIN' A BAD WEEK.

OH!

LOOK OUT!

[GRUNTING]

- DID WE LOSE 'EM?
- "LOSE EM"? WE CREAMED 'EM.

ELWOOD! AGH!

[PANTING]

[GROANS]

ELWOOD!

YOU'RE NOT GONNA
RUN AWAY AGAIN, ARE YA?

SORRY, TIM. I'VE GOT
A BETTER CHANCE ON PAW.

ELWOOD!

HOW LONG DID THAT PROFESSOR
SAY THE SPELL WOULD LAST?
I DIDN'T ASK.

YOU WOULDN'T! WELL, I'M NOT
TAKING ANY CHANCES.

"IN CANIS CORPORE TRANSMUTO."
I'LL DO THAT, SIR.

NEVER MIND!
I'LL DO IT MYSELF.
SORRY, SIR.

"IN CANIS CORPORE TRANSMUTO."

[PHONE RINGING]
I'LL TAKE THAT.

YES.
SLADE HERE.

IT'S HOWIE, SIR.
WE'VE GOT HIM SURROUNDED
IN VISTA GROVE!

AND ABOUT TIME!
WELL, HOLD HIM
TILL WE GET THERE.

GET YOUR OWN DOOR!
I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS DOOR.
AND START THE CAR.

[WOMAN ON POLICE RADIO]
305, STAND BY.

THERE YOU ARE, SIR.

IT'S THE TRANQUILIZER
GUN, SIR.

YOU BE READY
WITH IT.
UH, YES, SIR.

DANIELS, I'M GOING
TO GIVE YOU ONE MORE CHANCE.

WITHDRAW FROM THE RACE...
OR ELSE.

I'M IN THIS RACE TO THE END.

WELL, THAT'S RIGHT NOW.

SHOOT HIM DOWN!

WELL, COME ON.
HURRY UP!

I THINK YOU HAVE
TO RELEASE THIS FIRST.

[YELLS]

YOU NUMBSKULL!
CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT?

OH, VERY SORRY, SIR.
QUITE ACCIDENTAL.
REALLY, IT WAS.

OHH!

[THUD]

[DOG #1]
HEY, HE LOOKS LIKE
A FIRST-TIMER.

I WONDER WHAT HE'S IN FOR.

[DOG #2]
VAGRANCY. WHAT ELSE?

[DOG #3] AH. LOOKS LIKE
THE PADDY WAGON BOYS
SLIPPED HIM A MICKEY.

[DOG #1]
EASY, YOU GUYS.
CURLY'S COMING AROUND.

AND DUMMY UP ON OUR PLAN.
WE DON'T KNOW THIS TURKEY.

OH, HIYA, TALL,
DARK AND HANDSOME.

WELCOME TO ONE-WAY ROW, PAL.

"ONE-WAY ROW"?
WHERE IS THIS?

CURLY, MY BOY,
IT'S THE SLAMMER.

I GOTTA GET
OUTTA HERE.

[RATTLING]

YOU WILL, SWEETHEART,
IN THREE DAYS.

[RATTLING CONTINUES]
FEET FIRST.

¶ SWING LOW ¶

¶ SWEET CHARIOT ¶

¶ COMIN' FOR
TO CARRY ME HOME ¶
OH. IT'S FOR HIM.

- HE GOES NEXT.
- HMM?

¶ SWING LOW ¶

¶ SWEET CHARIOT ¶

¶ COMIN' FOR
TO CARRY ME HOME ¶¶

SING IT AGAIN, SAM.

AND YOUR... RECEIPT
FOR THE BAIL.

THANK YOU.

THERE WE ARE.

NICE TALKIN' TO YOU.

OH, I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS,
BUT ELWOOD WAS DRIVING.

THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE GONNA
TELL THE JUDGE?

I GOTTA TELL HIM
THE TRUTH.

LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
HE WAS DRIVING?

RIGHT!
THEN HE SMASHED UP
THE TRUCK?

RIGHT!
THEN HE JUMPED
OVER THE MOON!

NOW YOU'RE BEING
UNREASONABLE.

OH...

[HUMMING "OH, WHERE
HAS MY LITTLE DOG DONE?"]

WOULD YOU PLEASE
STOP HUMMING THAT SONG?

[RINGS]

ANIMAL SHELTER.

OH, HELLO.
THIS IS MRS. DANIELS.

I SEEM TO HAVE LOST MY DOG,
AND I WAS WONDERING IF,
BY ANY CHANCE--

UH, CAN YOU DESCRIBE
THE ANIMAL, MA'AM?

WELL, YES, HE'S TALL
AND, UH, HE HAS...

A CHARMING DISPOSITION.

HE'S VERY HANDSOME
AND, UH, WELL,

I THINK HE'S GOT
WARM BROWN EYES.

SOUNDS MORE LIKE YOU'RE
LOOKING FOR CARY GRANT.

JUST GIVE ME
THE BREED AND COLOR,
AND WE'LL START FROM THERE.

OH. UH, WELL, I THINK
HE'S SOME KIND OF A SHEEPDOG.

AND HE'S WHITE AND HE'S GRAY.

OH, WE GOT
A LONG-HAIRED DOG IN TODAY,
BUT THIS ONE'S A REAL KILLER.

THAT COULDN'T BE MY WILBY.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

DON'T WORRY, MOM.
POP CAN TAKE CARE
OF HIMSELF.

[SIGHING]

HE'S IN THE POUND,
ALL RIGHT, MR. SLADE.

I SAW THEM CART HIM AWAY.
I'M SORRY.
[GRUNTS]

HE'LL BE A GONER
IN 72 HOURS.

WILL YOU GET THE GOVERNOR
ON THE TELEPHONE?

I'M NOT WAITING AROUND
ANY 72 HOURS. WELL, GO ON!

YES, MR. SLADE. I'LL GET
THE GOVERNOR RIGHT NOW.

HURRY UP, PAL.
WE DON'T HAVE ALL NIGHT.

I'M DIGGING! I'M DIGGING!
IT'S ROUGH GOING DOWN HERE.

NOW, WE'RE BUSTIN' OUTTA HERE.
ARE YOU WITH US OR NOT?

I CAN'T DO THAT! I'M RUNNING
FOR DISTRICT ATTORNEY.

DISTRICT ATTORNEY?
OH, THAT MICKEY WENT
TO HIS HEAD.

ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS.
CURLY'S OUT.

WE MAKE THE BREAK
WITHOUT HIM, SEE?

[PHONE RINGS]
ANIMAL SHELTER.

THE WHO? THE GOVERNOR!

THIS IS HOWIE, SIR.

YES, SIR. I KNOW THE ONE.

OH... WELL, YES, SIR.

IF YOU SAY SO, SIR.

RIGHT AWAY.

- WE'RE NEVER GOING TO MAKE IT.
- [DOOR OPENING]

QUICK!
HE'S COMIN'!

- CLOSE IT UP!
- HURRY! HE'LL CATCH US ALL!

WELL, SO LONG, BOYS.

I GUESS THIS IS IT.

COME ALONG, BOY.

OH.

¶ SWING LOW ¶

¶ SWEET CHARIOT ¶

POOR GUY.
HE DIDN'T LAST LONG.

[ELECTRICITY SURGES]

SORRY, BOY.
IT'S THE GOVERNOR'S ORDERS.

OH, NO, YOU DON'T!
SIT! STAY!

OKAY, I'M WITH YOU GUYS!
WE'RE BREAKIN' OUTTA HERE!

COME ON, GORGEOUS.

THANKS, BIG BOY.

- LET'S GO, BROTHER.
- WE'RE NEVER GOING TO MAKE IT.

MAKE IT FLY, PAL.

DON'T CROWD ME.
I'M ALMOST THROUGH.

MR. HOWIE, YOUR COFFEE'S
GETTIN' COLD.

MR. HOWIE?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
DOWN THERE, MR. HOWIE?

THAT BIG DOG
TOLD ME TO STAY.

I'M THROUGH! I'M THROUGH!

ALL RIGHT,
EVERYBODY UNDER THE WALL.

MOVE IT, SHORTY.

AND I'M SURE THE BIG DOG
IS IN THE KENNEL...

WHERE HE BELONGS.

THERE'S OUR GETAWAY TRUCK!
FOLLOW ME!

EVERYBODY IN.
I'M DRIVING.

HURRY UP!
MOVE! MOVE!

- [CAR ENGINE STARTING]
- [TIRES SQUEALING]

[PHONE RINGS]

- UH, ANIMAL SHELTER.
- YOU RECEIVED
THE GOVERNOR'S ORDERS.

UH, YES, SIR.
AND YOU CARRIED THEM OUT.

WELL, UM, UH--

DID YOU, OR DIDN'T YOU?
WE'VE, UH--

WE'VE HAD A--
HAD A BREAKOUT, SIR.

"A BREAKOUT"?
YES, SIR.

ALL THE DOGS DROVE OFF
IN OUR TRUCK.

[UNINTELLIGIBLE YELLING]

[YELLING CONTINUES]

WELL, NOW,
THIS IS MORE LIKE IT, SEE.

OH, IT'S SURE GREAT
TO BE OUT AGAIN.
RIGHT, CURLY?

YEAH, I GUESS SO.
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
SWEETHEART?

YOU SOUND A LITTLE
DOWN IN THE CHOPS.

- THERE'S A RING I NEED.
- YEAH? WHAT KIND OF RING?

WELL, IT'S VERY OLD
AND HAS A BEETLE ON IT,

AND MY OPPONENT HAS IT,
AND I'VE GOT TO GET IT.

I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE
TO CALL OUT THE NATIONAL GUARD.

JUST FIND THAT DOG!

SO LONG, GANG.
YOU GOT A BETTER CHANCE
WITHOUT ME.

THANKS, CURLY. WE WON'T FORGET
WHAT YOU DONE FOR US, SEE.

AW, TAIL UP, PAL.

[BLOODHOUND]
SAY, GUYS.

-THAT KID'S REALLY GOT PROBLEMS.
-THEN WE GIVE HIM A LIFT, SEE.

- AFTER ALL, HE GAVE US
A LEG UP. YOU KNOW?
- YEAH.

[ADMIRAL]
HEY, YOU THERE!
OUT OF MY FLOWERS!

HEAVE TO, OR I'LL FIRE!

IT SOUNDED LIKE
THE ADMIRAL'S SHOTGUN.

YES, IT'S THE SAME
WOOLY MAMMOTH, I TELL YOU.

YES, WHITE AND SHAGGY
WITH BLACK MARKINGS.

WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE
WHAT COLOR IT IS?

[KNOCKING]

BRIAN, OPEN UP!
LET ME IN!

LOOK! IT'S POP!

HURRY UP.
GIVE ME A HAND.
OH, DARLING. [GRUNTS]

OKAY, PULL. WATCH OUT.
WE WERE SO WORRIED
ABOUT YOU.

- WHAT'S HAPPENING, HUH?
- SLADE'S GOT THE RING.

UNLESS I CAN GET IT BACK,
HE'S GONNA RUB ME OUT.

OH, NO!
[SIRENS APPROACHING]

THERE'S POLICE!
LOTS OF 'EM!

[INAUDIBLE RADIO CHATTER]

THERE'S A VAN.
LOOKS LIKE THE SWAT TEAM!

I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE.
WELL, WHAT
ARE YOU GONNA DO?

I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY HOW,
BUT I'M GONNA NAIL SLADE.

ATTAWAY TO GO, POP.
LASSIE AND RIN TIN TIN
WOULDN'T GIVE UP.

[WOMAN ON RADIO]
13-L-21. 13-L-21, COME IN.

THERE'S A POLICEMAN COMING!

I'M ON MY WAY.
GOOD-BYE, HONEY.
GOOD LUCK.

- HURRY, POP. HE'S HERE!
- [KNOCKING]

TAKE CARE
OF YOUR MOTHER, SON.
OKAY, POP.

GOOD EVENING, MA'AM.
THERE'S A MAD DOG IN THE AREA.

OH, A MAD DOG?
I LOVE DOGS, YOU KNOW.

BIG DOGS, SMALL DOGS,
MEDIUM DOGS. EVEN MAD DOGS.
[CHUCKLES]

SOMETIMES, THEY'RE NOT MAD.
THEY'RE JUST CRANKY.

BUT I REALLY LOVE DOGS.
ANY KIND OF DOG.

I THINK I PROBABLY LOVE DOGS
MORE THAN PEOPLE.

ELWOOD?
[MUFFLED CHATTER]

NOT A PEEP OUT OF YOU!
NO, NOT A PEEP.

YOU CAN HAVE MY WALLET.
I HAVEN'T GOT MUCH MONEY.

YOU CAN TAKE MY CREDIT CARDS
AND YOU CAN--

ELWOOD! WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'
IN THE PARK MUGGIN' PEOPLE?

I AM NOT MUGGING ANYBODY
AND I AM NOT ELWOOD.

NOW, I MAY LOOK LIKE ELWOOD,
BUT I AM ACTUALLY WILBY DANIELS.
IS THAT CLEAR?

DANIELS? UH-HUH.
SURE. GOTCHA.

OKAY, NOW I'M GOING
TO TAKE THIS FROM THE TOP.

THERE'S THIS
BORGIA RING, SEE.

A RING? YEAH. SURE.
OKAY.

I GOTCHA, ELWOOD.
SHH!

[WHISPERS] DANIELS.
OKAY.

NOT MANY YEARS AGO
WHEN I WAS STILL A KID--

WHEN YOU WERE
STILL A... A KID.

MM-HMM.

SO SLADE GOT HOLD
OF THE RING, SEE.

NOW HE'S TRYING TO WIN
THIS RACE BY ELIMINATION--
MY ELIMINATION.

YOU UNDERSTAND?
YOU GOT ANY QUESTIONS?
QUESTIONS.

A FEW CROSSED MY MIND.

ELWOOD-- UH, MR. DANIELS--

COULDN'T WE GO BACK
TO SELLING ICE CREAM?

LATER! I HAVE GOT TO GET
SLADE AND ROSCHAK
BEFORE THEY GET ME!

CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
AND YOU'RE GONNA HELP ME.

RIGHT. ME? ME?

AHH!

SO FAR, SO GOOD.
QUIT TRYING TO STEER!

SWELL. I'LL GET OFF
AT THE NEXT CORNER.
YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

I NEED YOU AS A WITNESS.

HOW ABOUT LETTIN' ME SIT
ON THE SEAT FOR AWHILE?

AHH!

LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU GET
SOMEBODY ELSE TO HELP YOU?

IF I DON'T GET
EIGHT HOURS' SLEEP--

THERE IS NO ONE ELSE
AND THERE'S NO TIME.

WELL, WHERE ARE WE
GOING ANYWAY?
NOT US, PAL. YOU.

- YOU'RE GONNA BEARD
THE LION IN HIS DEN.
- ME? [GROANS]

WANNA WATCH THE RUTS?

[SLADE]
"IN CANIS
CORPORE TRANSMUTO."

"IN CANIS
CORPORE TRANSMUTO."

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

[RASPY VOICE]
WHOA! UH, YOU SLADE?

- YES. WHO ARE YOU?
- DON'T MATTER.

LISTEN, I GOT A MESSAGE
FOR YOU FROM FAST EDDIE.

HE SAYS, "YOU'RE OFF
THE GRAVY TRAIN."

NO MORE GRAVY.
YOU GOT IT?

NO MORE GRAVY.

[GROANS]

DID HE BUY IT?
[RASPY VOICE]
I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT?
[REGULAR VOICE]
I DON'T KNOW.

IF I GOT SLADE
PEGGED RIGHT, HIS NEXT STOP
IS ROSCHAK'S WAREHOUSE.

OH, GOOD.
AND WE'RE GONNA BE THERE.

WE ARE?

I THINK I'M GONNA
THROW UP.

DO YOU WANT TO PUT
BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL?

WE CAN GET IN
THROUGH THAT WINDOW
ON THE ROOF.

WE CAN?

- ELWOOD, WHY DON'T I STAY
HERE AND KEEP A LOOKOUT?
- COME ON.

[MOANS]
COME ON!

SEE, I'M ALLERGIC
TO HEIGHT. I CAN'T--

MOVE IT!
[MOANS]

[MOANING]

[CLATTERING]

HERE, POP! HERE, POP!

HERE, POP!

[MOANS]

IT'S BETTER
IF YOU DON'T LOOK DOWN.

HEY, YOU'RE RIGHT. IT IS.

[MOANING]

YOU ALL RIGHT?
I'M ALL RIGHT.
I'M ALL RIGHT.

YOU'RE ALMOST THERE.
KEEP COMING!

SHH!

FOLLOW ME.

[WHISTLES]

OH, NO. ISN'T THAT YOUR KID?
SHH! DON'T MAKE
ANY NOISE.

BRIAN, LOOK OUT!

I TOLD YOU TO STAY HOME.
SHOULD HAVE SENT ME TO OBEDIENCE
SCHOOL WHEN I WAS TWO.

WHAT ARE WE DOING UP HERE?
I THINK THIS IS THE CENTER
OF ROSCHAK'S THEFT RING.

WE GOTTA PROVE
THAT SLADE'S IN ON IT.

EXCUSE ME. NOW THAT THE KID'S
HERE, WHY DON'T I SPLIT?
STAY HERE!

RIGHT. UH-HUH.
FOLLOW ME.

SPENDIN' MOST OF MY LIFE
ON ALL FOURS.

BE QUIET!

- [MUFFLED GRUNT]
- SHH!

THESE MEN ARE KILLERS.

ISN'T THAT OUR TV SET?

THAT'S IT.
BET THEY GOT
ALL OUR OTHER STUFF HERE TOO.

IS OUR CAR HERE, POP?
PROBABLY SOLD IT
DAYS AGO.

WE LIFTED THAT VETTE BEFORE.
PAINT IT AGAIN
AND CHANGE THE SERIAL NUMBER.

JOE, KEEP YOUR EYE OUT
FOR SOME PORSCHES.
WE GOT SOME SPOTTED.

GOOD NIGHT, MR. ROSCHAK.
GOOD NIGHT.

HEAR THAT, POP? WE COULD
BUST 'EM EASY WITH THAT.

THAT STILL DOESN'T PROVE
SLADE'S INVOLVED.

BUT THAT COULD.

HEY, I WONDER
HOW THESE THINGS WORK.

["STARS AND STRIPS FOREVER"
PLAYING LOUDLY]

TURN IT OFF!
¶¶ [CONTINUES]

[MUSIC STOPS]
[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO
WITH THAT TAPE RECORDER, POP?

GET IT IN ROSCHAK'S OFFICE.

[DOOR OPENS]

TIM, YOU GOTTA GET HIM
AWAY FROM THERE.
RIGHT, ELWOOD.

NOW, WHAT I'LL DO-- ME?
SHH!

SHH!

ME?
RIGHT NOW.

[PANTING MOAN]

GO BACK! GO BACK!

BUT HE'S GOT A KNIFE!
HE COULD--

HEY, UH, YOUR SHANASFRANAS
DOWN THERE AT THE RICKTOFRASEN
IS CONDENSING.

THE WHAT?

YOUR SHANASFRANAS DOWN THERE
AT THE RICKTOFRASEN'S GOT
A BIG GNARL IN THE TUBE, THERE.

- COULD BACK UP ON YA.
- WHO ARE YOU?

ME? I'M, UM-- I'M, UH,
ROSCHAK'S NEW MAN DOWN HERE.
I JUST CAME ON. YEAH.

IF YOU DON'T GAFFENHAUSEN
THAT ALTERNATOR, IT'S GONNA GET
ALL OVER THE FLOOR.

YOU EVER HAVE CREOBLUSTATE
ON YOUR SHOES? WHEW!
YOU GOTTA BURN 'EM.

I SAW IT EAT A SADDLE RIGHT OUT
FROM UNDER A JOCKEY ONE TIME.

GOES LIKE THAT.
TURNS IT BLUE.

SO, YOU WANNA COME DOWN THERE
AND TAKE A LOOK AT IT?

WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE
THAT KNIFE HERE?

UH, IT'S RIGHT DOWN HERE.

HERE'S THAT GLUTENHAUSER
I WANTED YOU TO LOOK AT.

YOU COME RIGHT THERE.
DON'T GET TOO CLOSE.

LIKE I TOLD YA,
I DON'T WANT TO GET
CREOBLUSTATE ON YOUR SHOES.

JUST LOOK IN THERE
AND GIVE IT A LITTLE--

WE GOT HIM, POP!

YOU KNOCKED HIM OUT COLD
IN THE FREIDENGLAR.

"IN CANIS
CORPORE TRANSMUTO."

I WOULDN'T SAY THAT
TOO OFTEN, CHIEF.

WHY NOT?
THE PROFESSOR SAID
HE WAS ALWAYS CAREFUL.

HE WAS AFRAID
HE MIGHT BECOME SENSITIZED
AND TURN INTO A DOG HIMSELF.

OH, RUBBISH!
"IN CANIS CORPORE TRANSMUTO."

[BEEPING]

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?
OPEN UP.

ALL RIGHT.

[GULPS HARD]

UH-OH.
POP'S STUCK IN THERE.

I WANT A WORD WITH YOU.
THIS ISN'T VERY SMART OF YOU
COMIN' DOWN HERE.

IF YOU'VE GOT SOME IDEA
OF CUTTING ME OUT,
I WANNA HEAR IT FROM YOU...

AND NOT FROM ONE
OF YOUR MESSENGER BOYS.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?

ONE OF YOUR PUNKS
CAME TO MY HOUSE.

HE STARTED TO LEAN ON ME
AND TELL ME-- AND I QUOTE--

[RASPY VOICE]
"YOU'RE OFF THE GRAVY TRAIN."

OH, JOHN, JOHN,
JOHN. RELAX.

IT'S BUSINESS AS USUAL.

WELL, IF YOU DIDN'T
TELL HIM, WHO DID?

BEATS ME, BUT IF I
FIND OUT, I'M GONNA
SCRATCH HIM PERMANENTLY.

COULD HAVE BEEN
THAT DANIELS GUY.

BUT HE WOULD HAVE TO HAVE
PROOF IN COURT, RIGHT?

WHY AM I TELLING YOU?
YOU'RE A LAWYER.
RIGHT.

JOHN, I'VE GOT A BOTTLE
IN THE OTHER ROOM.
LET'S HAVE A DRINK.

TO ANOTHER GOOD YEAR.

HOW'D THAT DOG
GET IN HERE?
DOG?

THAT'S HIM!
THAT'S DANIELS!

STOP HIM! HE'S GOT
EVERYTHING ON TAPE!
THAT'S DANIELS?

SHOOT HIM!
[GUNSHOT]

[GUNSHOT]

[SLURRING]
TAKE THIS. TAKE IT.

GRAB ONE OF THOSE CARS.
I'LL DRAW THEM OFF.

THEY'RE COMING.

SHH.

WOLF! WOLF!

"WOLF, WOLF"?
AFTER HIM!

COME ON. POP TOLD US
TO GET A CAR.

ALL RIGHT, DANIELS!
COME ON OUT!

GET IT OVER WITH!
YOU HAVEN'T GOT A CHANCE!

I'VE GOT THE RING!

YOU'VE GOT NOTHING!

[DOGS BARKING]

WHOA!
WHOA!

HEY! THIS WHAT
YOU LOOKIN' FOR, PAL?

THAT'S IT! THANKS!
HEY, YOU HAVE NO IDEA--

FORGET IT.
IT'S ON US, SWEETHEART.

WE TAKE CARE
OF OUR OWN, SEE.

- SO LONG, PAL.
- [BARKING]

[GUNSHOT]

OH, YEAH!
NOW HURRY!

[GUNSHOTS]

LOOK OUT!

HEY!
GET US OUTTA HERE!

STEP ON IT! FAST!

S-STEADY.

WHAT WAS THAT?
YOU NINNY! AFTER HIM!

YOU GOT
THE TAPE RECORDER?
GOT THE RING?

AND IT'S GOING TO BE PUT AWAY
WHERE NOBODY WILL EVER
GET AHOLD OF IT AGAIN.

FASTER. FASTER!
THERE'S A RED LIGHT
COMING UP.

I DO NOT CARE WHAT'S COMING UP.
JUST KEEP ON GOING.

[SIREN WAILING]

TELL THEM WHO I AM.
SAY IT'S OFFICIAL BUSINESS.

CAN I SEE YOUR
DRIVER'S LICENSE, SIR?

OFFICER, DISTRICT ATTORNEY
JOHN SLADE IS BACK THERE.

WE'RE ON OFFICIAL BUSINESS.

[CLEARS THROAT]

HE IS?

[CLEARS THROAT]

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU
STARIN' AT?

HANG ON TO THAT.
DON'T LET ANYBODY TOUCH IT
TILL THE GRAND JURY HEARS IT.

YES, SIR.

MOM, WE'RE HOME, AND DAD'S
NOT A DOG ANYMORE!

OH!

[BOTH LAUGHING]

"THREE LOAVES OF RYE BREAD,
COLD CUTS, THE DIP,

A CHERRY PIE, SOME PAPER PLATES
AND CUPS, NAPKINS."

- HI!
- HOW YA DOIN', PARTNER?

OH, HI, ELWOOD...
UH, MR. DISTRICT ATTORNEY.

WE'RE SHOPPING
FOR OUR ANNOUNCEMENT PARTY.

WELL, WE'LL BE THERE.
AND TAKE GOOD CARE
OF MY BUDDIES.

ANYTHING THEY WANT.
BYE.

OKAY.

I GUESS YOU BETTER MAKE THAT
16 PORTERHOUSE STEAKS.
OKAY.

COME ON.