All language subtitles for Shameless.US.S10E03.Which.America.and.The.Brazilian.Effect.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb

Were you just
looking at my ass?

I know you were
just looking at my ass.

You saying you wanted to know

what happened last week
on Shameless.

Mm-hmm.
Right.

Sure you were.

Nasty.

You're Carl.

Yeah.
Heard of me?

This is Anne Gonzalez,
assistant manager.

Tough as nails.
She keeps everybody in line.

I know you're selling vape pens
to little Mexican kids.

And I want to go
into business with you.

Remember when we first got
here, we had fun together.

All we did was bang.

We laughed too.

Are you dumping me?
Fuck you!

You're not dumping me.
I'm dumping you.

What'd you decide to name him?

Freddie.
My professor's name.

Hopefully Tami likes it.

We didn't really have
a chance to discuss it.

What about the returns?

That's right.

There must be
tons of stuff out there.

Yeah, well, we're not giving it
away for free this time.

- We're not?
- No.

We're gonna
auction that off,

make some money
off these ingrates.

Do you know who banged a black
person in our family lineage?

Someone from your
mother's grandfather's

side of the family
had a mistress.

Lives down the street.

Why didn't you tell me?

Get away from the house, Frank!

That's why, son.

It pisses me off I got
an inheritance waiting for me,

and Debbie's
holding it hostage.

You let women run your life.

Mikey.

So you're buying this shit
and returning it, aren't you?

Get out of my she shed.

You get these back when Frank
is head of the household.

Make things right.

What I do have
are ATM cards

One for the each of you.

Frank, if you
want to take over

as head of the household,
please do.

It's a shit job.

Today's his coronation.

You know what that is?

The crowning of the king.
Me.

We're drinking
all day in my honor.

Here you go.
Just put it on my debit card.

Yeah.

Declined.

No, that's not possible.

My daughter
just gave that to me.

Try it again, please.
Please?

What the fuck?

Maybe there's something wrong

with the magnetic strip.

Can you enter it manually?

Yeah.

- Can you lick it?
- Get up on the

put some
elbow grease into it.

Do it real fast.

There's a line.
You got cash?

What the fuck?

Debbie.

Declined?
No, no, I just

I just activated that.

Could you, uh...
Could you just run it again?

Thanks.

Uh, sorry then.

Um, I'll, uh...

I'll put these back.

What the fuck, Debbie?

What the fuck, Debbie?

Miss Gallagher!

Miss Gallagher,
just a second.

You forgot this.

Christine.
Thank you so much.

You see,
this is why I shop here.

The customer service.

Come back soon,
Miss Gallagher!

I sure will.

In thirty days or less.

Mickey.

What?

How many minutes
till lunch?

Check the clock.

I would,
but your big fat fuckin' head

- is blocking my
- So fuckin' move.

I can't.

I'm not allowed on your side
of the cell, remember?

It is 1056!

Now, was that so fuckin' hard?

Heads up, Gallagher.

Letter from Santa.

It's from the parole board.

Oh, shit.

I have a hearing
on the 10th.

I thought I'd be here
at least a year, didn't you?

Yo, you hear me?

I have a hearing
on the 10th.

I heard you.

And?

What?
You got a parole meeting, man.

Good for you.

That's all you got to say?

Oh, shit.

Forgot to set the DVR
to record the Sox/Cubs game.

You gonna be playing it
in here?

Yeah.

But the game's in six hours,
Tommy.

You got time to run home.

Already got my beer, though,

my stool.

Sox/Cubs.

That was
me and Fiona's jam.

Put on short-shorts,
see how many free drinks

we could score, how many fights
we could start...

Damn, I miss my girl.

You should go to the game, V.

Take a friend.

What friend?

I don't know.
Any of 'em.

You got tons of friends.

Name one.

I'll go.

I'm your friend.

I would legit not say hello to
you if I saw you in public.

What about Debbie?

She's still a teenager.

Pervert.

All right, how about Gina?

Gina has four kids.

She's home clipping coupons,

trying not to drink till noon.

It's no big thing,
not having close girlfriends.

Grown-ass women are
busy with marriages, kids,

jobs, lives

Okay, I got one.
What about that girl

that you used to party with
all the time,

then you wore
the same size shoes!

Fiona.

Hey, man,
what are you drinking?

Got some TVs fell
off the back of a truck.

This where
you can sell stuff?

No, this is not the place that

sells stolen goods
as a side hustle.

Unless you got
a secret password?

Alibi side hustle.

I'll meet you
in the alley out back.

Come in!

Get that Cuban
outta my house!

Addie!
Don't be rude.

You have a guest.

She's harmless.

Just Alzheimer's
mixed with full-blown racism.

Hi, I'm Liam.
I come in peace, ma'am.

Liam?
What kind of name is that?

Guatemalan?

Get his Guat ass
outta here!

Sorry, maybe this
isn't a good time for her.

- Hello?
- Who's that?

It's me!
MaVar!

Your favorite great-nephew!

What's up, little lady?

Yeah!

Hey, got you some doughnu

Ah.

There you go.

Who's this little tyke?

I'm Liam.
Monica's son.

Who's Monica?

Whore.

She was the half-sister
to Omar's cousin.

You're Frank Gallagher's boy.

Yeah, uh, listen.

You're not welcome here,
Liam.

You gotta understand
that Frank and Monica

wronged this family

20 ways since Tuesday.

I mean, sued Addie

for a loose handrail
on the porch;

opened credit cards
in all our names;

stole our Chevy Malibu;

made meth
in the bathroom upstairs.

No, I get it.

But I'm just
the only black person

in a house
full of crackers.

But that's not on you.

Thank you for your time.

Whore.

Hold up.

A black man in need
is a black man in need.

I see you.

And you need guidance.

A Sherpa...
Someone like me.

Holla that.

Nope.
That's

no holla.

Never holla.

Now, just sit your ass down.

Yes, sir.

I mean, take your time.

Business meetings
can start late.

That's professional.

I'm sorry.
I got held up at the ATM.

You know, I couldn't get
my breakfast sandwich.

My morning's all fucked,
and I'm hangry

Shut up
and check out that line, son.

All asking for tartar sauce.

Drove up new business.

I underestimated you.

- You have game.
- It was easy.

Middle school was
having a field day.

You know, three-legged-races,
egg toss shit.

You know, it was like
taking candy from a baby.

Well, here's your cut, partner.

Thank you, partner.

Yo!
I got a line forming in here

that's longer
than my grandma's tits!

Clock in, pirates!

Sorry, Lori.

Yes, master.

Have fun deep-frying shit
in trans fats.

Oh, I will.
Jealous?

Hey.

Hey, little man!

How's my favorite nephew?

Let me take an uninterrupted

nine-minute nap last night.

You eager to get back to work?

Already?

Oh, no, no.

Listen, I was wondering
if I could

get an advance
on my paycheck.

No problem.
Cami'll cut ya a check.

Hey, Cami!

Ca

Lip needs an advance!

Thank you.

Thanks.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- You want to see him?
- Yeah.

Any news on when
Tami's getting out?

Not yet.

They said they were moving her
into a regular room today.

Soand they said
that Freddie

can come see her,
which isis good.

Thank God.

Killing her not
being able to hold him.

It's killing her not to be
able to wash her hair, too.

You know, I got
an itemized list

of hair products
to go buy after this.

Um, look, Lip.

Yeah.

About the advance.

The IRS called yesterday.

I'm supposed to garnish
your paycheck this week

by half.

Wait, what?

I don't know.

Something about
student loans?

Or your Social Security?

Right.
No, sorry.

I, um...
II can take care of that.

I'll take care of that.

Debbie used
my real Social Security

on a bank account?

Have I taught her nothing?

Don't be so hard
on yourself, Frank.

Look, we've all had accounts
frozen by the IRS.

What was she thinking?

I haven't used my real Social
since draft-dodging in '69.

Well, you can
lead a horse to water,

but if the camel's
an idiot...

What are you doing?

No,
don'tdon'tdon't

don'tdo

I figured
I'd give it a shot.

It ate the card.

God dammit!

You think this is funny,

don't you,
you little robot nerd in there!

You and your big bank
Big Brother

and paving the way
for automation!

This is horse shit!

Hey, we're gonna call
your Aunt Debbie, huh?

Yes, we are.
Yes, we are.

It'll just take a sec.

Boop, boop, boop, hoo.

Hi, Aunt Debbie.

It's Lip and Fred calling.

And we were just wondering
if you happened

to use my real fucking
Social Security

and place of employment
when you put me

on the bank account
for my debit card?

'Cause I've got Sallie Mae
calling

and my paycheck got garnished,

and this is exactly what I want
to be dealing with

with Tami in the hospital.

So I'm feeling a little bit

like I might stab you
in the fuckin' eye.

Call me back.

You ready, Freddie?

Let's go.
Pa, pa, pa.

If somebody comes
to the workplace

talking about unionization,

you probably have somebody,

likely from management,
come down here

and tell you that
unions are bad, right?

Hey,
who is this guy?

Union rep.

He stopped us on
the way in to tell us

about the advantages
of organizing.

I'm gonna give him
one more minute

just to get that free T-shirt,
and then I'm gonna clock in.

What the hell
is on your wrist?

A tennis bracelet.

Why?

Because I'm worth it.

But why would we unionize?

Isn't our thing
that we're not union?

Like, in a good way?

Yeah, but apparently
we can get overtime

and dental if we
listen to this guy.

Actually, what I said was

we have to fight for
paid overtime and dental.

2019 is a big negotiations
year for us,

and we're gonna fight like hell

for all of our members.

Let me ask you something...

Debbie.

Debbie.
All right.

Did you know

that this is what
the ironworker's union gets

as an annual
childcare credit?

I want a childcare credit.

Yeah, I know you do.

Plus paid holidays,
paid overtime,

pension and benefits,
job security.

Right?
You need it,

and the only way to get it
is with the union.

Now, do you have a voice,
Debbie?

Yes.

"Yes" or "yeah"?

Yes, bitch!

Damn.

- I know.
- That's crazy soon.

Yo, you know the rumor is,

they're trying to kick out
the nonviolent offenders.

Making room
for the violent offenders,

murderers and armed robbers

and the true derelicts
like us.

That's right.

I mean,
I blew up a van.

Look, I shot a man
in the face seven times.

I tortured a rival gang leader

for two weeks,
fed his body to my pit bulls.

Look, man, you know to watch

your back right now though,
right?

When a brother gets his date,

people start coming at him
all jealous,

trying to sabotage his parole.

How'd your boy take it?

Mickey?
Uh...

He didn't really say much,
you know?

What's his position?

His position?

His position, man.

Like, what's your deal
on the outside,

you know,
when one of you is out

and the other one is
still in here?

Like me and Consuelo.

He's out; I'm in.

We're doing long-distance
the first two years

with an option
to renew,

and we granted
mutual permission to engage

in sexual activity
with other people

so long as there's no
kissing on the mouth.

Yo, tell me that you and Mickey
have had the talk, right?

I mean...

Oh, shit!

Oh, this brother is fucked!

I mean, why
would we talk about

something completely
hypothetical?

My sentence was supposed
to be three to five years.

They didn't have the talk.

Look, man, that is
prison-gay 101, Gallagher.

You gotta have the talk.

Man, you gotta know
what the deal is.

You gotta know
where you stand.

Otherwise people get hurt.

Psst!

Carl!

You want
a hot fish filet?

Nice.

Very mature.

Jesus, Stump.

Grow up.

Okay, Carl, come with me.

The fish dicks can
handle things, can't they?

- Yes, Lori.
- Sorry, Lori.

I got a special
cleaning assignment for you,

my little pirate.

Come with me.

Oh, spoiler alert
It's already clean.

So then what am I cleaning?

Hey, use a safe-word!

"Harder" is not
a good safe word.

See, that's the thing, Liam.

Pride equals job
equals self-esteem

equals more pride.

Repeat that back to me.

Pride equals self-esteem
equals pride.

Right.

See, that's why I do what I do.

That's why I sell used cars.

Because I believe in value.

It's rewarding to put
a beautiful,

proud black man
in a good, reliable car.

Let him hold his head sky high.

I just wish there
was a list of rules.

How to be a black man
in America.

Which America?

This one?

No, no, no, see

There's black America,

like here in South Side.

And we're black,
and there's a set of rules

for how to be black here,
right?

Gotta be strong
but never the aggressor.

Can't let anyone punk you.
No open toe shoes, etcetera.

But then there's being black
in white America.

Now, which America
we talking about?

I'm not sure.

All right.

Which elementary school
did you go to?

Hopkins Academy.

Okay, we going
straight white America.

Rules for a black man
are simple

Never go out after 600 p.m.

Never wear a hoodie
darker than sky blue.

And never acknowledge
sexual desires

around white women.

Gotta eat sushi now.

Yes to yoga.
Yes to farm-to-table.

Yes to TED Talks.
Yes to Banksy.

No to all other street art.

You getting all this?

Okay, wow.

Now, if a cop stops you,

that's its own list

Never run.

No reaching.
No sudden movements.

Little smile can't hurt.

Compliment the cop.

I like your tie, sir.

What lovely eyes
you have.

This is all Debbie's?

Debbie Gallagher's?

Yeah.

Someone has a secret she-shed
down by the seashore.

I...

It's like the moment
a-a master forger

sees his student's work
for the first time

and recognizes her brilliance.

What does she do,
re-sell all this?

She wears it
and returns it within

30 days to get
a full cash refund.

What a conniving,
nasty, little genius!

And here I thought
she was a straight shooter.

This requires real craft.

I feel deep love for her.

Grab the totes and clutches.
I'll grab the pumps.

Let's bleed her dry.

No, no, wait
well, hold on a second, Mikey.

She earned all this
stolen shit fair and square.

And I'm not a tyrant king,
am I?

I want to be benevolent
and fair with my subjects.

We'll only take the Gucci.

Just enough to cover the ATM
mishap, plus interest.

Your grace is a thing
of beauty, your grace.

You missed a spot.

Over there.

Oh, yeah.

That's the stuff.

So, Carl.

You've had some time
to unpack and settle in.

I wanted to give you that.

But I think it's time
we have a chat

about our relationship now.

You mean like
a performance review?

'Cause I'm your employee?

Carl.

Carl, Carl, Carl.

Lori, we can't.

- The employee manual says
- I

I wrote the employee manual,
Carl.

Oh, okay.

Well, there's someone else.

Who, Anne?

I saw you checking out
that little gordita today.

The new girl?
I wasn't checking her out.

I have a girlfriend.

The Navy girl
with the dumb truck?

Yeah, and she's at
plebe summer.

We're more serious than ever.

Plus you're my boss.
And old.

No more talking, Carl.

Lori, please.
I love my girlfriend Kelly!

You know how to knock,
Gonzalez?

Sorry.
We ran out of napkins.

Didn't mean to interrupt.

Jesus.

Hey.

All Gucci or Prada.

All NWT.

"New with tags."

You like that term?
I just learned that.

Where'd you get
all this shit from, Frank?

Ask me no questions,
and I will tell you no lies.

Can I get a Jamie neat double
with a Jamie back?

Me too.
I gotta piss.

I'll give you 50 bucks
for the bag, Frank.

Oh, grow up, Kevin.

There's $2,500 worth of goods
there.

The Blue book's
over a grand.

Make it a hundy?

Done.

That wasn't
a very good negosh, Kev.

Watch and learn.

All right, Frank.

20, 40, 60, 80, 100.

- I thank you.
- Except...

you gotta pay your
outstanding Alibi tab.

How much was that again, V?

Infinity dollars.

So this just goes
back to the house.

Well, this is some tomfuckery!

You're gonna take my goods
and leave me with zero?

Correct.

Kermit!
Tommy!

You just gonna sit there
and let this happen?

- We hate you, Frank.
- Yeah.

Jeez.

Sounds like he's in labor.

Nah, he probably just
really needed to pee.

Ow, fuck!
The burn!

All right.
I'll go check on him.

You doing okay in here, Mikey?

- Yeah, yeah.
- Jeez.

I'm okay.

Here, give me your hand.

You look a little moist there,
my friend.

What's wrong?

What's the date?

I don't know.

June? Ish?

Do I look a little yellow
to you, Frank?

Mustard-y,
now that you mention it.

I got to get to the vet.

To the vet?

Beaks, Whiskers & Snouts
Animal Hospital

on West Ellis.

Ask for Dr. Drew.

Tell him you got a husky.

Did you take something you
should've been sharing with me?

Quickly, Francine.

Before I get wacky!

Okay.
Okay, okay.

You're a husky.

Dr. Drew.

Yeah.

You stay with me, Mikey.

Hey, you free at the moment?

What kinda dumb
fucking question is that?

I think we need to have a talk.

About?

About what we're gonna do.

About?

Parole, Mickey.

About me getting out
and you, well, not.

Do we do long distance
or no distance,

marriage, kids,

oror, uh, retirement?

- What are you talking about?
- I don't fucking know!

Apparently we were
supposed to have a talk

a while ago
but just never got the memo.

What memo?

Well, do you or do you not

want to be in a long-distance
relationship when I'm out?

No.

What is this,
a fucking rom-com movie?

If you're out there, you're
gonna be fucking other people;

so will I.

No long-distance.

Can't we just, like,
wait for each other?

So, great, now we're in
a fuckin' horror movie?

Look, it would be
one thing if

you felt differently
about leaving,

but you don't.

What does that mean?

It means if there was a part
of you that felt maybe

you owed it to me
to throw your

to throw your parole hearing
so that you could stay in here

because I threw my whole
fuckin' life away

getting tossed in here
to be with you,

then we'd at least be having
a different conversation

I didn't ask you
to do that for me.

No, I just did it 'cause
it was the right thing.

You want me to tank
my parole hearing on purpose

so I'm stuck in prison
with you?

I'm not asking you for shit,
Gallagher.

You want me to choose to do it
without you asking.

I want you to want to do
what you want.

But if I choose it,
you would be happy.

I just want to know, yes or no.
Would you be fucking happy?

- Yes, fuck, yes.
- Then I'll do it.

I'll fuck up my hearing
so that I can stay with you.

If that's what you want, fine.

- Yeah, fine.
- Good.

Good.

Hey, V, guess what.

I have a new black uncle.

- You do?
- His name's MaVar.

He's great.

He's taking me
to the Sox/Cubs game.

Wait a second.
Who is this guy?

Used car salesman.

Lives down the street.

Used car salesman?
That's code for shady.

He married?

Got kids of his own?

I think he's gay.

And he dresses real slick.

He says I can bring a friend.

Wanna come?

No.
And neither should you.

Stranger danger.

V, you should go.

You were just talking about

how you need to
make new friends.

And I think
a little gayboy car salesman

sounds perfect for you.

My mom loves hers.

Found him at Toyota.

And it's the Cubs/Sox game.

What do you have to lose?

Fellow welders.

Thank you all for joining me
and union Jerry here

in this neutral,
non-work-related location.

Have you all got fries?

Perfect.

I've done some Googling,

and I've gotta warn you

what I'm about to say
is triggering.

The plumbers get Easter off.

They get Veterans Day off,

Memorial Day, Labor Day,

Fourth of July,
their birthdays,

and get this
Columbus Day,

Farhad, take a wild guess.

How many paid weeks off do you
think they get at Christmas?

One?

Three.

Two for Christmas,
one for Hanukkah/Kwanzaa.

They get sick days.

They get dental,
including orthodontia.

Look at this bitch.

She has Invisalign.

Now, do we believe in change?

The rights of workers matter.

Union Jerry, I would like
to commence a vote.

To join the union!

Who's with me?

- Sorry, I
- It's okay.

I can wait outside
if you want.

No, whatever.

We're all adults here.

So you all done for today?

Uh, yeah,
because shift's over.

Right.

It was a dumb question anyway.

Shift's over.

You got anything going on
for the rest of the day?

More work.

Got my third job
with my family.

My stupid cousin
threw his back out landscaping,

so it's all hands on deck
for the family business.

Oh, yeah?
You guys need a hand,

I could come by.

You would not last
an hour making tamales.

Look, I don't mean
to straight-up neg you,

but FYI I'm not trying to be
some pirate's

side-piece this summer.

I heard you say
you have a girlfriend.

Yeah, so?

I mean,
we can still be friends.

We're vape partners,
Captain Bob associates.

We should be able
to hang out.

Plus I make dope tamales.

You know how to make tamales?

Oh, yeah.
Big time.

Okay.

Hey, sorry for the wait.

A corgi came in with a cyst.

Had to aspirate,
very stressful.

So, Mikey.
How you feeling?

Not good, doc.

Ah, well, of course
you're not feeling well.

You need dialysis.

Were due days ago.

Dialysis?

Mm.
Kidney disease.

End stage renal at this point.

That's full kidney fail,
stage 5.

You have kidney disease?

I only have one kidney!

We have so much in common.

Okay.

Here we go.

Take your own temperature,
Mikey.

You know the drill.

Yeah, we do dialysis
every few weeks.

It keeps him walking around.

But this dialysis is for pets,

So about an eighth
of the strength he needs.

About ready?

Let's see what we got.

Mm-hmm.

Mild fever.

All right, well, let's, uh,
let's get that shirt off

and hook up the port.

- Up you go.

- Oh, jeez.
- Oh, Jesus.

- Jesus H. Christ.
- Lucifer.

Yeah, it's a little angry
right now.

No, that is infected.

Mikey, and maybe staph, too.

Oh, god, what a stench.

Like a can of tuna
in a hot car, buddy.

That needs to be replaced
immediately,

and that is
people-doctor stuff, Mikey.

You're gonna have to go
to an ER.

That gonna cost a lot of
money, Doc?

I have no idea.

If you were a dog,
I'd recommend we put you down.

Okay, I'll go.

But could you just
do me a little

doggie dialysis
right now, please?

Do you have the 150
you owe me from last time?

Aww, give the man
an hour on the machine!

Payment is due
at time of service.

150 from last time,
150 for today, 300 total.

I can't do math, Doc.

I'm sick!

Okay,
you get that dialysis ready.

We'll go visit
the Debbie ATM.

Okay.
All right.

- Oh.
- There you go, buddy.

Let's go.

Hey.

Look who's up and outta ICU!

Hi.

- How's she doing?
- Good.

Blood pressure's
only slightly elevated.

177 over 122.

That's good.

- Hi, you.
- Hi, you.

Getting better
one day at a time.

And one fart conversation
at a time.

I swear to Christ,
a doctor asks me every

20 minutes
if I've passed gas,

'cause apparently
that's how they know

if my abdomen
is permanently severed.

- All right.

Ooh, did you bring my shampoo?

- Oh, no.

But I brought you
something better.

You did?
What?

Ta-da!

Thought that now that
you're out of ICU,

you might like to try
some skin-to-skin.

What do you think, buddy?
Huh?

Hey, hey.

Hey, what's wrong?

Sorry.

He's just
so beautiful,

and he's meeting me
like this,

with tubes in me and my hair
all gross and matted.

Tami, he doesn't care.

He just wants to see his mom,
you know?

And it's gonna hurt
to hold him.

Maybe not.

Want to say hi, Fred?

Fred?

I thought we were
naming him Gabriel.

Well, then you shouldn't
have been

under general anesthesia then,
should ya?

- Here.
- Okay.

- You got him.
- Ow. Ow.

She's got you.
She's got you.

Wait.
Owow. No.

Not there.
It hurts.

Fuck.
Everything hurts.

- Okay, okay, all right.
- Ah. Fuck.

Nurse, could she get something
for the pain, please?

She's on something.

Maximum something.

Tell me about you.

You know, distract me.

I'm good.

Yeah, yeah.
Things are great.

I was thinking we might need a
hand with childcare, you know.

Just so I can get
some overtime at work.

Why?

Just 'cause he costs
a lot of money.

I don't know when you're gonna
be back up on your feet,

doing hair again and stuff.

Uh, weyeah, we do.

It's gonna be soon.
Right, Raquelle?

Hopefully, honey.
Hopefully real soon.

How's it going?

Oh, you know,
I'm crushing it.

They're just admiring
your handiwork!

Oh, yeah?
Thank you.

- Mucho gracias.

So these people
all related to you?

Three generations, yeah.

We're like
a street-food conglomerate.

They all look like they
really like each other.

They do.
Weird, huh?

Well, I gotta get back
to the mole.

But you're doing great.

Just hang in there, okay?

We take a break at 800 p.m.

Awesome.
What time is it?

330.

Thank you.
Appreciate that. Mucho!

The colors.
The textures, Frank.

- You get the fragrances, yeah?
- Okay.

I'll get the shoes
and the dresses.

MaVar, over here!

No.

No.

'Sup?

- You ready?
- Yeah.

Let me introduce you
to my friend, Veronica.

MaVar, V.

Veronica, MaVar.

Var and V!

I'm V.
You're Var.

- Lots of Vs.
- Yeah.

I'm going to a sporting event
with you?

It's nice to meet you, V.

Ooh.

Look at you
with your strong handshake!

You know, I work out.

What's up, man?

I'm Kevin.

Are you gay, yes or no?

Uh...
Hey, Kev.

No, I'm not gay.

Though people think
that because, you know,

I'm an activist for
the LGBTQ community.

You know, I help them
with the parade,

provide fancy convertibles
and such.

- You guys ready to roll?
- Yeah.

Uh, no, V,

you can't go anymore
because of that thing.

What thing?

The thing that I need
to discuss with you

for a moment over here,

away from the linebacker.

Oh, man, I'm much too big
to be a linebacker.

But I did play basketball
at Georgetown.

Oh!
Is that right?

Okay, this is not what
I meant by a new friend.

I meant a girlfriend
or a very gay man.

Oh, please.
I'm in love with you.

There's nobody
gonna change that, baby.

Guys ready to go?
Go, Sox!

All right, here we go.
Hey.

Pleasure meeting
you, Kevin!

Yeah, you too, buddy!

All right, quick.

Tell me how I find
a new best friend for my wife.

Yo, it's Lip.
Leave a message.

Hey, dick!

Sorry.
I'll be quick.

One call each!

- Hello?

Collect call from

Yes, I accept the charges.

Hey, Ian. What's up?

Hey, Debs.
Do you know where Lip is?

I couldn't get a hold of him,

and, you know, I could really
use some advice right now.

Oh, I think he's probably

still at the hospital.

No way.
Is Tami in labor?

She had the baby.

The whole thing's
fucked up.

Tami almost died.
She's still in the hospital.

Lip's up shit's creek trying

to handle the newborn alone.

It's a hot mess.

But the baby's all right?

Debs?

Debbie?

No.

Debbie, can you hear me?

- No!
- Hello?

No!

No!
No!

What's with you?

Lip had the baby.

Oh, yeah?

Boy or girl?

I don't know.
We got cut off.

Something's wrong.

Tami's still in the hospital.

Lip's all alone with the baby.

Well, congrats.
You're an uncle.

I already was.

All right, then.

Stop the tape.

There.
Can you zoom in?

Those motherfuckers.

Then they return with a dolly
at 01600 hours.

Sorry I missed it.

I nap from one to three,
usually.

Can I borrow your gun?

No.

Taser?

- Twenty bucks?
- Forty.

Deal.

Be right back, okay?

Be right back.

Hey, excuse me.
Can you hold that?

Thank you.

Hey.
Hey, it's all right.

- Shh.

That's all right.

That's all right.

Here, give him to me.

I'll hold him so you can smoke.

Oh, really?

The struggle is real.

I haven't finished
a cigarette since 2015.

Go on, I got him.

You a child abductor?

I'm Sarah.

I have three kids under five.

If I wanted to run,
I'm too tired.

- Yeah, okay.
- Okay, take this.

- You got him?

I'm gonna be right
over here, okay?

What brings you to church?

AA?
OA?

NA?

Al Anon?

Nar Anon?
Actual Catholicism?

AA.
You?

NMAA.

New Mom AA.

We're self-titled.

Basically a bunch of new moms

in sweatpants trying not
to lose our shit

and blow our brains out,

all while
lactating on each other.

Sounds like a real rager.

It is.

He likes you.

It's my eau de breast milk.

Shoulda worn it in high school.

Been prom queen.

Thank you again.

That's the nicest thing
anyone's done for me

in a long time.

You're welcome.

I gotcha.

We meet at the end of the hall,
last door on the left,

if you ever wanna come by.

See, I'm not a mom.

You sure?

Frank Gallagher!

- Show yourself!

I want my stuff back!

Come out, Frank!

I'm gonna find you!

This shit is
about to get biblical!

You're not gonna believe this.

We actually made a profit

selling Debbie's stuff today.

After we pay that vet,
we got 50 bucks left.

Let's have a party.

A quinceañera.

I'm 15, in a dress.

Hit the piñata.

You know,
that's not a bad idea

Maximize our profits.

We take the fifty bucks,
we buy a keg,

charge 10 bucks at the door.

We do it at my house so it
doesn't cost us anything.

- Ca-ching.
- Yeah.

- Hello.
- Hey, Doc.

It's all there.
Count it.

Ah.
Dialysis time.

Hey, surprise, surprise.

All righty.

Now, uh,
I can't stick the dialysis

into a port
that is that infected.

So I'm gonna have to douse ya
with disinfectant first.

Okay?
Yeah.

This'll do it.

Cleans the kennels.

- Rubbing alcohol?
- Yeah.

You're gonna want
to hold him down.

'Cause this is gonna hurt.

Get the shirt off.

Here we go.

- Christ on a cracker.
- Jesus.

Getting notes of
buttered popcorn this time.

Here you go, buddy.

Easy.
I gotcha.

I gotcha.
I gotcha. Easy.

There you go.

All right.

Get him
something to bite on too.

Okay, here we go.
On three.

Ready?

One, two...

Think of the party.
Be brave.

Three!

Here, you earned it.

Thank you.

So you guys
do this every night?

You ever get any sleep?

Yeah, that's why they call
it a family business.

So labor laws don't apply.

What's your family's business?

Uh, you know, drugs?
Abuse?

Sometimes we show up
for each other's court dates.

I gotta say, I lied before.

I don't really know
how to make tamales.

No shit.
Really?

I just wanted to spend time
with you

in a place
that smells like corn.

'Cause you like me?

Uh, si?

What about your girlfriend?

And you have this whole thing
with Lori too?

Lori? No, I don't
I don't have a thing with Lori.

And the Kelly thing is,
you know, I don't know.

She's gonna be at
Annapolis for years.

She wants to be
an admiral or some shit.

I don't know.
It'sit's complicated.

- What'd he say?

Uh, break's over.

- Back to work.
- Wait, that was break?

I thought we were done.

We're just getting started.

Hey, it's Milkovich's boy.

What's up, Milkovich's boy?

How your daddy?

Fucking miss that guy.

He still alive?

Yeah, unfortunately.

Oh, he's a jokester!

Funny guy.

Should we cut this bitch, Nana?

Nah.
I liked his pop.

He had manners.

I got manners too, Nana.

I brought smokes.

Three packs.

Okay.

I'm listening.

I guess I need some advice.

It's about my partner, Ian.

Business or pleasure?

Pleasure.

Continue.

Found out he's up for parole
next week,

and I

But you had the talk, right?

We kinda didn't
until earlier today

- Didn't have the talk.

Fuckin' amateur hour.

But he says he's gonna
throw his parole

so he can stay in here with me,

which I want him to do.

I mean, I fucking got myself

put in here
just to be with him.

So I mean, I'm right, right?

But now your conscience
is saying,

no, dog, you're a dick, right?

See, the thing is,
little Milky...

You can't make
someone love you.

You can't let someone throw

their parole for you
neither, son.

It's like my tattoo says

Let her go.

No good's gonna come from

both of you being here
together.

If you make him
do this for you,

he's gonna wind up
resenting you

and hating you.

You gotta set him free.

What do you boys think?

I think number 7,

number 14, and number 31.

Agreed.

And, uh, maybe 42, too.

Oh, yeah.
Mm.

Okay, ladies.

You are the bold and brave
who responded on Tinder.

I'm Kevin,
your host, if you will.

Let's begin.

Now, if I don't
call your number,

please go home.

Number 7.
Number 14.

Number 31.
Number 42...

Number 2, number 11,

number 26, number 37,

number 85, number 5,

number 17, number 62.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Okay, so does anyone know
what this is?

I thought this was
a booty call.

Now I'm thinking maybe
undercover reality show?

All right, ladies.

Congratulations on
making the first round.

Now you guys are
probably wondering

what you're doing here.

To hook up with you,
was what we thought.

No.

I'm flattered.

Thank you.
But no.

What you could win
is way better than that

a friendship
with a really great lady.

Now, the first round
is simple.

Tell me about your hobbies,
your dreams.

Tell me about
your education history,

any little tidbits about
work life, marital status.

Ooh, I also am curious

who you root for
The Cubs or the Sox.

Are those baseball teams?

Get out.

Now, my assistants are passing
out paper and pencils.

Excuse me,
friends and friends of friends!

Hear ye, hear ye!

The fuck am I?

Party at the Gallaghers' house,
starting right now.

A keg has been procured,
and for 10 bucks at the door,

I invite you to celebrate
my coronation as king.

All are invited!

And unlike
this piece of shit country,

my border
turns away no one!

Free mushrooms, blow,
and chicken wings.

- Yeah!
- Let's go!

Come on!

Just down the street.

All right, ladies, and...

Begin.

Yo, you sure about this,
Gallagher?

Said I was gonna do it.

Gonna fucking do it.

Who's the target?

Him.

The fat one?

Man, they're all
gonna scream for the guards,

which means you're gonna
get caught for sure.

Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

Thanks.

How's my form?

Solid.

Go get him, tiger.

Come here.
Shut the fuck up.

- What the fuck?
- Shut the fuck up!

Fuck.

What do you think
you're doing?

You're gonna fucking
shiv somebody?

What the fuck else
am I supposed to do?

Not that.

You're not throwing
your fuckin' parole for me.

We need to get you the hell
outta this shit-hole.

I want to be with you!

You don't get to be.

I want to be where you are,
Mickey.

You don't belong in here,
Gallagher.

Go get a job.

Be an uncle to Lip's kid.

I'll get out soon.

I shouldn't have
asked you to stay.

I love you.

I know.

I love you, too.

Hey, guys, sorry I'm late.

My father stole my shit.

It's just been a horrible day.

Hello?

- Hello?

The mighty, mighty union!

Show us the money!

We want respect!

We are the union!

The mighty, mighty union!

Show us the money!

Debbie!
O, captain, our captain!

Guys!
Debbie's here!

- Yes, yes!

We're sticking it to the man!

We're on strike!

But we just joined the union.

I know!
Isn't it inspiring?

We are the union!
The mighty, mighty union!

Debbie!

This is the day that
welders are gonna be

talking about
for generations to come.

You gotta be so proud.

Cut the shit, Jerry.

- How long's a strike?
- Well, it depends.

How long was the last one?

How long was the last strike,
Jerry?

Seven months, 16 days.

We want respect!

How do I apply to be a scab?

That's good.

Hey!
You made it!

I'm so pleased.

Howl with me.

I don't know why
I like doing that.

Southside rocks!

Are you having fun, everybody?

Say "Southside, Southside!"

Whoa!

Hey!

Holy crap.

Have fun, everybody!

Mikey?

You little Spanish bull, you,
I gotI got news.

Mikey, you in here?

Holy shit.

Whoa.

Mikey.

I'll be back, okay?
Don't leave.

Mikey, are you

That's really beautiful.

Mikey, we did it!

Port money!

We got money!

We can go to the ER

for your disgusting,
infected port thing.

Tomorrow.

Right now, dance with me.

No, we should get you
to the ER, right?

Tomorrow, Frank.
Today, dance with me.

Hold me.
Tell me I'm okay.

You're okay.

Everythingeverything
is gonna be okay.

Excuse me, excuse me.

A fuckin' house party, Frank?
What grade are you in?

Grade A!
Frank's the best grade.

Jesus Christ.

And finally, number 14.

Tell us, what do you think
makes you a good friend?

Like...

- I'm a really good listener.
- Mm.

I could listen to you
for hours, Kevin.

Thank you, number 14.
You may be seated.

And that concludes
our interview portion.

It's tough to stay
at this time, but right now,

I think, uh, number 14
might be in the lead.

Are you serious?

Now, our next test is simple.

I ask, you answer
just simple word association.

Can we get
another round of shots?

Yes.
Gretzky or Orr?

- Gretzky.

Gretzky.
Hoops or soccer?

- Hoops.
- Excellent.

Polo shirt or tank top
with gold chains?

- Polo shirt.
- Tank

Who said polo shirt?

You're gone, 7.

Auf wiedersehen.

Mm-hmm.
Finally.

Fries and a Frosty at Wendy's

or off the menu MexiMelt
at Taco Bell?

- MexiMelt.
- MexiMelt.

- MexiMelt.

Oh, hey, V.
There she is, everyone!

- Say hi, V.
- Hi, V.

Hi, ladies...

Who are they?

Oh, they're his Tinder dates.

But he's doing it
out of love for you.

Yeah.

His what?

Thanks for coming to the game
with me, little man.

Thanks for taking me, MaVar.

- Uh...

You know, you sure
we shouldn't take you back

to the bar we dropped
Veronica off at?

This is my home.
Gotta face my fate.

All right.
Let's do it again, okay?

Definitely.

- Have a good night.
- All right.

I'm gonna cut you,
motherfucker!

Fight, fight, fight!

- Fight, fight, fight...
- Sorry.

Look, I can't leave you here.

You know how to play
Nintendo Wii?

- Yeah.
- All right, let's go.

Maybe grill some steaks,
watch Do the Right Thing.

- You know who Spike Lee is?
- Yep.

All right, of course you do.

Sorry about him.
Get home safely.

Godspeed.

Thanks for playing.

Sorry about him.
Have a good night.

Go with God.
Thanks for playing.

- Sorry.
- You can keep that.

You know, there's an app for
making platonic friends, dick.

- FriendFinder.
- Good to know.

Thanks for playing.

That everyone?

I'll get her some coffee.

- Hey.
- Hey, man.

Thanks for letting me crash
tonight, seriously.

Yeah.
Hey...

Are you sure you don't
want to stay at the house?

- Crash on the couch?
- Nah.

The whole block's loud as shit

and I don't want
to put you guys out.

It's all good.
This isthis is good.

All right, man.

Seat yourself.

Take any booth you like.

Frank usually sleeps
in that one.

Okay.

Got my shit?

You got mine?

FaceTime your brother.
See the baby.

You got five minutes,
starting now.

Rise and shine.

Did I win?

There's nothing to win.
There never was.

My husband's a bit disturbed.
Sorry.

I got you some coffee though.

Oh, my God, thank you.

Hope you didn't ruin
your whole night.

- Nah.

It was fun.

Free drinks and my kid's
with my ex all weekend...

Girl's gotta put on lashes and
lipstick every one in a while.

Yeah, gotta remember
you're not dead,

even though you
basically are as a mom.

Got twin girls.
How old's your kid?

Six.
Jared.

Like the jewelry store.

Right.
"He went to Jared."

Too bad no one's ever
going to Jared for me.

I had to buy this for myself.

A little self-care.

I put jewels and decals
and shit on my nails.

My little treat.

It's hard to get out
when you're our age.

So hard.

Hard to meet people.

It's hard to put yourself
out there.

I'm Mimi.

Well, Mei Ling, but Mimi.

Veronica, but V.

Do you wanna get a nightcap, V?

Maybe somewhere that
people aren't staring?

Yeah.

Bye, best friends.
Have fun.

- Hello?
- Ian?

How the hell are you
on FaceTime?

Can I see the baby?

Yeah, yeah, no, he's, uh,

he's right here.

Hey, buddy, whoa.

Eight pounds, eight ounces.

This is Fred.

Fred, hey, hey!
I'm your Uncle Ian.

Hello.

Lip, you have a son.

Yeah, I do.

Yeah, fuck.

Hey, buddy.

Fred Gallagher, huh?