Original subtitles

Why do you smoke?

Look...

Our future Empress is sleeping

See?

I couldn't even wake her with a pistol shot

Look...

The Imperial coat of arms even on her underwear!

I've never known a woman more stupid

She sleeps all day

Dreaming of the day when she becomes Empress

I swear, she told me And you know I never lie

Awake, she thinks only of clothes for the future heir

All embroidered with the Imperial coat of arms

But how will she have an heir? I certainly won't give her one

In spite of my father

Who keeps sending me letters

Asking: "Have you done your duty, my son?"

"It is imperative a future Emperor, has a male heir"

Male heir? I was thinking of killing her

Throw her in the water, she can't even swim!

She dreams she's Marie Antoinette at Versailles...

sending us all to the guillotine

We should send her!

But now I have to pee. Wait, I can't hold it!

Oh, I'm desperate

Here

- I need to... - Here!

Do it in her hat

- Perfect - Look here...

I want it, I want it. Give it to me!

The sunflower greets me and not the Emperor

To arrive unseen... you shouldn't offer flowers

Do you love me?

Oh yes

- Were you unfaithful? - No

Not even with your wife?

Not even with her

And you?

Oh, yes!

But I promised my brother I wouldn't tell you

Have you done your duty?

Not yet. We waited for you

My dear old dad is a stickler for etiquette

In honour of the happy departure of my wife...

I put on my trousers

Live, grow, blossom!

Tell me all about your travels

What did you and Sofia do?

We came across a circus and stopped to watch

A beautiful show

- Midgets on a flying trapeze - I saw that!

On my wife's birthday

They were supposed to perform for her

But we all got drunk

They were all drunk the other day in the tent, it was funny

The clowns were jumping around naked

There was a British Baroness

Standing like a statue, entranced

You should have seen her!

And the ringmaster was walking around wearing a mask...

and crying out: "Music!"

"Come gentlemen! Join in the performance"

"Here, you can say anything you want

"Step up here and reveal your true selves"

"It's the key to our success"

Sofia and I burst out laughing

"What luck, we've really come to the right place!"

"Mr. Ringmaster," I shouted...

"I'll tell you the story of my life. It's like a novel"

Adjusting his mask, he said to me:

"One moment! Before I let you tell it..."

"I must judge if it's of interest"

"It's most interesting," I replied

"To begin with, Mr. Ringmaster..."

"my sister and I are lovers"

"In a ménage-à-trois with the heir to the throne..."

"who is also our stepbrother"

"This is because our mother, when she was young and beautiful..."

"was the Emperor's mistress"

"We three are very much in love, and never want to be apart"

"But what about the Emperor? Sometimes when he's drunk..."

"he calls us all... 'my children"'

The Ringmaster didn't care

In a solemn voice he said: "If only it were true"

"But, dear sir, it is all true," I said

"Where is your proof?" he asked.

"How true is the truth, if there is no proof?"

How much longer will they let us do as we like?

Don't be silly

Enjoy it all while it lasts

Don't count the days

My father already knows

And he always... takes everything seriously, even our games

He's taken us so much to heart, that several days ago...

he threw all our friends in prison

- Did you know that? - Yes

And they were asked if there is a conspiracy amongst us

- Why doesn't he arrest us? - To avoid a scandal

He can't admit his son plots against him

I want to force my father to arrest us

It's the only weapon we have

Your father's envoy is here and wants to speak with you

Come on, let's have some fun

Greetings, Colonel. I see you made General already

Thank you, Highness

And I see you have a bodyguard

My father is generous to loyal subjects

I have orders...

Sorry, I must take a bath

I am here by your father's orders

Will you arrest me?

The Emperor sent me, Highness, with a letter for you

Here it is

Lovely...

Umbrellas!

Looks like rain

Ah, yes...

It often rains here when it's sunny

You may shelter, if you wish

See them off!

Our Holy Emperor has written that a dog is a man's best friend

If a dog chases a man to bite him...

is the man then neither a friend nor a man?

Our Holy Emperor has also taught us...

that nothing is more embarrassing than a bitch in heat...

because she has no shame

She'll do it anywhere and doesn't mind who watches

Our Holy Emperor teaches us many things

He's highly cultured and has fixed ideas about everything

As we grow up, he makes us learn his doctrines by heart

Family, procreation, the State, sin, a proverb for every subject

Now we know all the Emperor's doctrines...

every day, after lunch...

we do spiritual and physical exercise in order to forget them

There are too many. Each different from the other...

and all different from us

Listen...

I've just had a great idea

Let's hear it

- If it's so good let's do it - It's done

The circus arrives tomorrow

We're going to throw a spectacular party

Invite the young aristocrats

We'll have fun, and above all, drink

Teresa's yellow powder in the champagne...

- will work a miracle - And I'll photograph it!

I want them drunk

Intoxicated and uninhibited in every picture

Your father won't be able to hide the scandal

Not like before, with so much fuss made...

about harmless nonsense

We'll publish them and create an uproar

All the children of the Empire shall spit on their fathers

Long live all traitors!

Silence!

We'll begin the party with a nice family portrait

Just a moment

A little closer

Look that way

Smile

- Good - Wait...

Where's Teresa? Go and get her

Teresa, come join us for the photograph

Wait... first drink this

It's good, eh? Good... a little more...

Come on

Wait

Come along

Ready? Hold it...

The Circus of Truth has arrived among us!

All hail Mary!

Here we are

The Baroness de Gallis

Give me a kiss

The most illustrious youths of the Empire are here

...and the Baroness Fontan Anke Schmidt

- Welcome... - Please...

You must try the champagne

It's a special brand, very special. You'll like it very much

We had it sent from far away, especially for this party

Please, Countess...

My dear Prince, why aren't you drinking?

Have you had a drink?

Please...

And now: To your health!

Come, you must drink

Like our Hungarian dancers?

- They're great, aren't they? - Yes, indeed they are

- Is everything set? - All according to plan

The powder really works

Just wait

Live! ! ! Grow! Blossom!

Another toast!

Listen up! Listen up!

Now we will start the spectacular dance competition

We have abolished all the rules

If you feel too hot, just take off your clothes!

Total freedom is good for the health!

One! Two! The competition begins!

The dance continues! Onwards!

- Hey! It's time for a photograph - No, wait

They're not tired enough

Come on! Get up!

Come on! There's still time!

That's it, keep on dancing!

Dance!

Come on, Giuliana! Come on...!

Keep going!

Anke Schmidt! More, more! Keep it up

This will make a great picture

Freeze! Hold it!

You see? The fever is mounting... and will continue to rise

Silence! Silence! Silence!

Ladies and Gentlemen

We have arrived at a magical moment

Baroness Mary's friends...

will now present their famous revue...

"People and Masks"

Each person has many faces. A face for every circumstance...

every situation...

and every emotion

Who knows how many faces our Holy Emperor has?

May I look?

More champagne!

Here you go. Drink! Drink!

One moment, please! A very important message...

One hour ago, the Emperor abdicated in favour of his son

This brings much happiness to all who love him

Yesterday he was only heir to the throne...

now he's our new Emperor!

Bow before him!

Stand to attention!

Long live our new Emperor!

Long live our new Kaiser!

Today... our new Empress will be Baroness Mary

I've decided to divorce my wife, because I don't love her

I only married her by order of my father

But I love Mary who is beautiful, young... and intelligent

Now everyone will kiss the breasts of our new Empress

Listen!

I appoint my friend, the Duke, as Prime Minister of our great Empire

Sofia, his sister, will be his wife

- Long live the Prime Minister! - Long live Sofia!

He was a tyrant!

I want all of you to become my ministers

My wife, the new Empress, will distribute the ministries

He'd make a good Minister of Foreign Affairs

- A nice ass: Chief of Police - And all the rest...

Exactly. Make him Minister of War

Listen! Listen!

The first act of the new Cabinet...

will be the destruction of the ancient regime

Attention, ladies and gentlemen!

A guest has proposed a tribute to the memory of his grandfather...

General Von Beck Bulo, hero of Custozza and Königgrätz

This warrior dedicated his life to his country...

wasting not a single minute on women

His sexual needs were met by a friendly turkey

As he said, they cause no problems

Engage in no silly chatter

They never cry, won't leave you for one of your subordinates

And above all...

only they are capable of dying from love

Where's the General?

When I was in the military academy, he was my tutor

On my father's orders, he put a blackboard in my room

Every day he listed on it all my negligent acts...

all my misdeeds

Each month he would sum them up and send a list to the Emperor

My father would then suggest various punishments

Which the Colonel carried out with glee

He was so happy to take the whip in his hand

My dear Colonel...

Do you like to play at life?

Yes, I do

I'm sorry, Your Highness, I have orders to arrest you

Really? In that case...

I'm ready to follow you

Stop!

None may touch our new Emperor, not even a General

Right, my friends?

Let me go!

Stop! Stop!

Let go of me!

You'll pay for this!

Which is best: to give punishment, or to receive it?

Come along now

Let's give him a taste of his own medicine

Did you hurt your legs?

Poor little thing! Are you hurt?

How are your muscles?

At your age it's good to exercise

I'll beat you all!

Stop!

Don't open it

Why not?

It'll be my father writing to demand the photographs...

and my surrender

-...alone - Listen...

Alone you're just his crazy son

Together, we'd humiliate him

There'd have to be a trial

That's what we want... not what they want

I don't want to kiss you

Don't cry, this isn't a funeral

They won't harm you

Don't worry

Go now

And don't forget us!

Why are you letting them go?

- What will they do to you? - I don't know

- Do you want me to stay? - No, go

You've come back?

I'm tired of living the way I have

I want to stay with you

Will you have me?

Here's to our trial, the most sensational of the century

I'll tell about the Emperor's private life

I will explain the constant lies used as a pretext...

to arrest our friends

Those without important fathers

I drink a toast to their innocence

The soldiers say you're all crazy and behaved disgracefully

Poor soldiers - they themselves are good people

If the Imperial Guard say we're crazy, it must be true

Look! Look! I'm completely insane!

- You really are crazy! - Yes, indeed!

Be careful, I bite!

Come, sweet prince! Let's show the Imperial Guard...

that someone can be mad, without being mad

And we'll show them how half-witted a half-wit can be...

to think someone is mad who is not mad

Here come the Emperor's elite guard

Hearts beating in time with their firm, measured step

We mustn't keep them waiting

Stop!

Hold it!

Back in line!

Watch out! These are dangerous madmen

Forward, you heroes!

Let's follow our miraculous Kaiser!

Come back! Get back in line!

Come back here!

Attention, attention, please!

It's done!

Enough! I said, enough!

It's your dear papa

You see how he cares for us!

Your Highness, may I speak with you?

With me, no...

But, here is your son

How old you are, Dad?

All those wrinkles

It must be hard to collaborate with the Emperor

You hypocritical swine

All your life bowing down to the Emperor

You even made my mother sleep with him

How many innocents have you murdered?

You've endorsed that tyrant's evils without a qualm

And now you come here to tell us that we are evil and savage

Us

Poor papa

How do you feel?

Very well

I'm really happy

But now I want to sleep

I'm sorry, I can't wait any longer, I have specific instructions

I had hoped...

I could save my children

What do you want to do?

I don't know

Let's go!

- What is that music? - Aren't you scared?

Why?

They can't do anything to me

They can kill you

For what reason?

There are people paid to invent reasons

The Crown Prince's body will remain with that of the girl

Remove the others

If you have tears, my friends, prepare to shed them

I, am a simple, honest man...

with neither the wit, nor words nor worth...

nor power of speech to stir men's blood...

I come not, friends, to steal away your hearts...

but to speak with respect, and to recount the truth

The heir to the throne committed suicide this evening...

having killed the woman he loved

Whom, for reasons of state, he could not marry

Called by God to fulfill the highest of destinies...

born to become the Father of his people...

he has bowed his head

Only you can judge, Lord, if the fault was his