All language subtitles for Mount.Pleasant.S04E05_English

(lively instrumental music)

- It's not up for
discussion, Dan.

We're having one
and that's that.

- But we're not
dinner party people!

- You might not be.

Dad, we are having a
dinner party tonight.

Me, you, Dan, Robbie,
Pauline, the whole family.

- See reason, it's
Saturday night!

Got To Dance is on.

You know how much me and
Baz like watching that.

* Everybody dance now

(men making mouth noises)

* Everybody dance now

Look at his little face.

You can't take
that away from him.

- Never mind, Dan, we
can get it on catch up.

- Shut up!

- Do you know why we are
having a dinner party?

Every night this week,
you've come home moaning on

about what Robbie has or
hasn't done at work all day.

- So?

- So, from now on in this house,

we are promoting family harmony.

- You can't cook.

- Can cook, will cook.

Family dinner, tonight
and that's the end of it.

- But I--

- I said, that is the end of it.

- I'll be doing the
cooking, won't I?

- Yeah, Dad you
are, thanks yeah.

(mid tempo instrumental music)

- It's not his fault, you know?

- No, just following orders.

- What's this?

- That's where your
dad kept his gun.

- His what?

- It's not there anymore,

which means he must
have taken it with him.

- What are we gonna do?

- I'll tell you what
we're not going to do.

We're not going to sit
around worrying about

what might be happening.

I've done enough of
that over the years.

That may have been my life,
but it's not going to be yours.

From now on, we're
planning our own future.

Me and you, regardless
of what happens.

- Morning, big bro.

- We do have a
doorbell, you know?

- Course you do, always first
with the latest mod-cons, you.

Are you watching SpongeBob?

- No, no I was flicking.

- Has SpongeBob finished?

All right, Robbie?
- Barry.

- Oh, hello, didn't
hear the door.

Is Pauline not with you?

- No, she's off in town
trying to find somewhere

with free Wi-Fi so
she can chat to Dad.

Apparently next door
changed their password.

- No sense of fair
play, some people.

Hey, has Dan told
you about the party?

- Party?

- Don't get too excited.

Dinner party, tonight.

Lisa wants you and Mum there.

Say no if you're busy.

- No, nothing I can't cancel.

Well, it's not for
another eight hours,

so don't feel you
have to hang around.

- Actually I'd just popped in
to see if you had my wages?

- I haven't got any cash on me.

- You got 200 quid out
last night, remember?

- Oh, yes, thank you!

I'd forgotten about that.

(upbeat instrumental music)

- Where's my cassock?

- I put it through the wash.

- You did what?

- You'd left it in
a pile on the floor.

- Yes, I know I did!

That's where I keep it!

God, what am I going to do?

I've got a wedding this morning!

What am I meant
to wear, a onesie?

- I put it through
the wash last night

and I was up at eight
ironing it for you!

- I do wish you'd leave
my things alone, Bianca.

You don't have to run round
after me like I'm some sort of

a surrogate husband
or something.

- He didn't mean it, Bianca.

He wasn't thinking.

- No, he wasn't.

- So this dinner party thing.

I can bring a date, can I?

- I didn't know you'd
been seeing someone?

- I haven't, but I don't
want to be the only one there

without a partner.

- Me and Pauline
aren't partners.

- Ah, you're the same
generation, that's as good as.

- You're going to get a date

with half a day's notice are ya?

- Yeah, piece of cake.

- I think we'll hold off laying
that extra place just yet.

- That sounds to me
like a challenge.

Care to make it interesting?

20 quid.

- You're on.
- Dan!

- Right, couldn't run us
back to Mum's, could you?

- No, I couldn't.

You walked here, walk back.

- Oh, of course he
can, ignore him.

You've got to pop
to the shops anyway.

- These are the
ingredients for one

of Barry's Mexican specials.

I thought you were
doing the cooking?

- I am doing the cooking.

This is an ancient family recipe

that my father has
bequeathed to me.

- Bequeathed?
- Yes, bequeathed.

- I did, Dan, I bequeathed it.

- Great!

Whenever you're ready then, Dan.

- OK, before you start,
I am so sorry, all right.

I shouldn't have snapped at you.

I was totally in the wrong.

It's all my fault.

Now, when are you coming home?

Of course I care!

Only is it going
to be any time soon

because Josh has got this
stupid nursery party thing

and I don't know
any of the parents.

- Oh, I see.

So I'm okay to do all the
mummy baby stuff, am I?

Just so long as I know my place
and don't try and help out

with the grown-up
financially things.

- It's not like that.

- Then what's it?

Then what is it like, Fergus?

- Look, Denise, I get it.

I know you think this
is all about me trying

to be the big strong alpha male.

- Not really.

- Oh, well good.

That's good because I'm
not I mean, it's not.

Look, despite what I said, I
don't mind having a girlfriend

who earns more money than me.

In fact, I love it.

But that two grand I
lost, that was my mistake,

which means I have to
be the one to fix it.

I have to make it back myself.

It's a pride thing, see?

That's always been my weakness.

Too much damn pride.

- Are those my slippers?

- Couldn't find mine.

(upbeat instrumental music)

- You all right, mate?

- Not especially.

- I saw your brother
here earlier.

- Yeah, just had
to run him home.

I want to get my
business cards changed.

Dan Johnson, plumbing,
taxi-service and
personal shopper.

Dinner party tonight.

I'd invite you but you
know, I quite like you.

- So, is everything all
right with him, then?

- Who?
- Robbie.

- Yeah.

Why do you ask?

- I got your nose!

I got your nose!

No.

I was never impressed
with that much either.

- Hey, gringos!

- What are you doing?

- I always wear this
when I'm cooking Mexican.

- Yeah, but I want Dan to
think I'm doing the cooking.

- Well, you wear it, then.

(baby coos)

- Oh, you find
that funny, do you?

- I'm going to kill him!

This time I am actually
going to kill him!

- Who are you killing, Dan?

- Who do you think?

That witless, feckless
brother of mine!

Dinner is off!

- I'm sure Greg's got the
wrong end of the stick.

He said this guy
was taking photos?

Well, he was probably
an estate agent.

Number 12's up for
sale, isn't it?

- No, no, no.

He distinctly heard him
say Robbie on the phone.

- "Robbie" does sound
a bit like "property".

- There you go.

- What do you mean
"there you go"?

And will you take that off?

It wasn't an estate agent.

I'm telling you, it'll be
exactly what it sounds like,

a private investigator.

- Don't be daft.

Why would a private
investigator be after Robbie?

- I can think of
a million reasons!

The most likely one being debt.

He's certainly
got form for that.

It's not even him
I'm arsed about.

It's me mum.

If this guy's tracked him
here, it won't be long before

he's outside her house an' all.

You've never seen
her at her worst.

She's like Teflon
with most things,

but when it comes to Robbie...

I'm going to have
a word with him.

Find out exactly what's
going on before she does.

(twangy instrumental music)

- What you doing?

- I'm coming with you.

I'm not having you going
round there shouting the odds

when there's probably a
perfectly reasonable explanation

for all this.

- You see, this is what he does!

This is how he always
gets away with it!

One week turning on the charm

and suddenly everyone's
leaping to his defense.

- I'm not leaping to anything.

I just want to make sure
you that hear him out.

Good looks and charm have
got nothing to do with it.

- Who said anything
about good looks?

- I thought you did?
- No, I didn't.

- Shall I start
preparing dinner?

- Yes, please, Dad,
yeah thank you.

What?

I'll take over when I get back.

- There's one of
Lisa with her, look.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

- And here's one of Dan asleep
on the sofa with her, see?

Little bit of dribble.

Probably just the
way he was laying.

- Yeah, good that one.

- You can't see any of these
without your contacts, can you?

- I can't, no.

- Well, maybe it's about
time you got off your arse

and came back to meet
her in person, then?

- Would that I could,
Pauline, would that I could.

But it's the fans, see?

Can't let them down.

Some of 'em have waited 30
year for us to bring a bit

of glitz and glamor
back into their lives.

- So where you
playing tonight then?

- Scallington Scout Club.

- Hello, Pauline.
- Hiya.

- Hey Charlie!

You all right?

- Now then, Phil, champion.

You?

- It's Fergus.

- You what?

My name is, doesn't matter.

- Don't think the owner
likes me sitting in here

without ordering out.

- Well, tell him to bugger off.

Oh he heard that, did he?

Hey, hey where we going?

Pauline, hey!

- I'm with him.

- She's with me.

- That's better.

Here, why don't you sing
us one of your new songs?

(laughing)

- A private investigator?

How did you know he was a
private investigator, Dan?

Let me guess, did
he have a newspaper

with the eye-holes cut out?

Okay, let me ask you an
easier one, what did he say,

this mysterious bloke
with his mobile phone?

What did you actually hear?

- It wasn't Dan, it was Greg.

He thought he heard
him mention your name.

- No, no, he didn't
think he heard it.

- Greg?

That'll be the one just got
out of prison, would it?

The one squatting in
a camper next door

like Stig-of-the-dump?

- That's my best mate
you're talking about.

- Yeah and I'm your brother.

You really going to
take his word over mine?

(phone rings)

- Aren't you going to get that?

- Oh it was an 0800 number.

Do you want to check
it, be my guest.

- Dan!

- Look, I get it.

You're my big brother and
you're just looking out for me.

I actually appreciate it, I do.

But your friend's made
a mistake, that's all.

Listen, if there really was
some big scary detective

after me, I'd tell
you, wouldn't I?

Let's face it, I've never
exactly been shy about asking

for help, have I, Dan?

- No you haven't.

- God, Robbie, I'm
so embarrassed.

I tried telling him--

- Lisa, Lisa, it's fine.

Like I said, he's just
looking out for me.

If it had been him, I'd
have been just the same.

- Yeah, well, it
never is me, is it?

- No, no I suppose not.

Never any trouble with
this one, is there, Lis?

Right, well, now that
excitement's over with,

I'm off to stick on my lucky
shirt and splash the cologne.

Still got to bag myself
a date for dinner.

Oh, and I was thinking
actually, since it's a bit

of a family do, I thought,

maybe we could push the
boat out for Mum, you know?

Maybe go out to a restaurant
instead of round yours?

- If there's some reason
you don't want to come round

to our house,
Robbie, then don't.

- What, and miss out on the 20
quid I'm about to win off ya?

Nice try, Dan.

You can let
yourselves out, yeah?

(slow instrumental music)

(clattering)

- Mum, what are you doing?

- You're not a builder, Greg.

That was just Bradley's
little cover story for you,

do you remember?

- It still needs doing.

- Well then I'll hire someone.

If you want to keep playing
bodyguard, then go ahead!

Go on, go and patrol the
perimeter or whatever it is

you're paid to do.

- This whole thing was
supposed to be so you and Ella

could carry on like
everything was normal.

- And how did that work out?

- It didn't.

None of us even need
to be here any more.

You could just take
off, the pair of you,

sit this whole thing out
somewhere you'll be safe.

- We're not going
anywhere, this is our home!

- And I'm not either.

Whether it's in here or
out there, I'm staying.

And not because of Bradley,

because I wouldn't leave
you now, either of you.

(instrumental music)

- On the house, is it?

Great, thanks.

- Sorry, sorry my
head was elsewhere.

- Not expecting a raid, are you?

- Certainly not!

I finish my shift in
a couple of minutes

and I was just hoping Roger
might pop in before I go.

We had a tiff this morning only
he doesn't know that we did.

Usually he works it out later

and then comes by to apologize,

but I guess he won't
be doing that today.

- You two aren't
actually, you know?

- We most certainly
are not "you know"!

- All right, I was only asking!

So you're not working later?

- No, I only do
mornings on a Saturday.

- Great, well, since you're
free, how about dinner?

- Dinner?

- Lisa's chucking this fancy
candle-lit soiree thing

round hers later, and I've
been permitted a plus one.

- Me, don't be silly,
I'm no plus one.

I'm sure there are plenty
of other options round here

for a handsome young
man like yourself.

- Naturally, but you see,
Lisa's gone up in the world

since I last saw her.

Head of her own business
conglomerate these days.

So you see, if I hope to
compete with my brother,

it means turning up with
someone truly classy

and sophisticated on my arm.

And let's face it, as
plus ones go, you're a 10.

So what do you say?

- I don't know.

- Ah Bianca!

Thank God you're still here!

Bloody weddings.

Kiss the bride, I said,
not eat her face off.

Honestly, some people.

Anyway, look, I just popped in
here for a post-match scotch

but I'm a little bit short, so
I wondered if you could just

put it on my tab?

- Is that it?

- Is what it?

Oh, and by the way I spoke
to the exterminators,

they believe I am
now mouse-free.

So I'll be round
at your place later

to pick my things up and
we can finally get out

of each other's hair.

- You were never
in my hair, Roger.

I'm sorry, I
obviously was in yours

and you can come by
tonight if you want,

but I won't be there.

I have a date.

(plucky instrumental music)

- Right.

I reckon you should
go and tell Greg that

the whole matter's
been cleared up.

- Yeah, we'll see.

- What's that supposed to mean?

That's not your phone, is--

(gasps)

You haven't!

- There's his missed
call, 0800 number my ass!

- You stole his phone?

What the hell is
the matter with you?

- I didn't steal it,
I just borrowed it.

I'm just going to check his
texts and if there's nothing

dodgy here--

- You're not checking his--

- Look, look look!

Look at it!

Those texts are to
the same number.

Stop calling.

You've got the wrong number.

This isn't his phone any more.

- Do you know what
this sounds like?

It sounds like someone's
got the wrong number!

- Or someone's got
the right number

and he's trying to avoid them!

What are you doing?

- I am shutting you up.

Hello?

It's his girlfriend, who's this?

His what?

His wife?

We don't know who this woman is.

She says she's his wife,

but she could be a
confidence trickster.

- A confidence trickster?

- Well, she wants to meet in
a motorway service car park.

Who meets in a motorway
services car park?

I'll tell you who, kidnappers,
drug-dealers and doggers.

- Well, if she turns
out to be any of them,

we'll go straight home again

and I'll never say another word.

- Oh, it's me dad.

He's stuffing the enchiladas.

What should I say?

- I don't know, tell
him not to bother.

- We don't know the dinner
party's off yet, Dan.

I'll say okay and I'll
put a little smiley face

so he doesn't worry.

(door bell rings)

- Am I pleased to see you!

She's proper going off on one.

- Not to worry!

Now, I can't stop long, Bianca.

I've got to pick Josh
up from his party,

but I brought the
kit like you asked.

This is the one all
the professionalists
use at the agency.

Now, I'll do my best,
but when they do me,

I'm usually looking in a mirror,

so I only really know how
they do it from the front.

I've no idea what they're
getting up to round the back.

- I don't care about the front
or the back any more, Denise!

I'm more worried
about my clothes!

- Your clothes?

- I'm going with Dan's brother.

- Oh!

- I haven't done something like
this since, since for ever.

I mean, what do you wear
to a dinner party, Denise?

I mean, should I wear this?

Or this?

Or should I wear this?

- Calm down.

Like Fergus always says,

a problem is only a
solution that's...

Oh, I don't know, he
talks a lot of rubbish.

Look, it's easily solved.

(upbeat instrumental music)

- Hiya, Ella, is your mum in?

- Everything all right?
- Dating emergency.

- You hang up first.

- No, you.

- No, you.

- No, seriously, you.

I'm buggered if I
know how to do it.

- Finished, are you, finally?

- All right, kill-joy,
sorry if my online romance

is interfering with
whatever it is you're doing.

- Finances.

- You sure know how to enjoy
the weekend, don't you?

Pay-day loans?

Business bad?

- Business is fine.

It's me, I made a bad
investment is all.

I'm just trying
to claw some back.

- How much did you lose?

- Two grand, okay,
now, do you mind?

- Bloody hell.

Still, with what your Denise
is pocketing these days,

that must be nowt.

- It's got nothing
to do with Denise.

She offered to help
if you must know,

and I told her that I take
care of my own problems.

- Oh, God, you didn't, did you?

You didn't actually
use them words?

- Yes!

I thought that was a good thing?

- You really are a
dickhead, aren't you?

- Sorry?
- You're a couple!

You don't get to have
your own problems.

Blood and sand!

How do you think she
felt, hearing that?

- She was all right I think.

- Trust me, love, she wasn't.

I should know, I happen to be
one of her closest friends.

- Since when?

- And let me tell you something,
you want to be careful.

Not like that girl doesn't
have other options.

You start blocking
her out of your life,

she'll start doing
the same back.

And you'll end up
losing something

a lot more valuable
than two grand.

(slow instrumental music)

- Caroline.

Caroline Johnson.

He really hasn't
come with you, then?

I thought perhaps you might
tell him and that he...

But no.

- We didn't tell him anything.

He doesn't even know we're here.

Look, you have to understand
this is a bit hard

for us to believe.

Robbie has never mentioned
anything about having a wife.

- Doesn't surprise me.

He never said anything
about you either.

In fact, he said he didn't
have any family at all.

I'm telling the truth.

- I can't believe some
of the labels you've got.

Giorgio Armani, Ralph
Lauren, Linda McCartney.

Ella, one of your old
school uniforms in here.

- Yeah, that's not mine.

Hold still, I'm--

- I'm not sure
about any of this.

- Been a while
since her last date.

- It's funny because I
always assumed you and Roger

were sort of, well you know.

- We're not "you know".

Why does everyone keep
thinking we're "you know"?

- I don't think vicars
are allowed to "you know".

- I'm pretty sure they are.

- Oh, yeah, I
suppose they must be.

Otherwise they'd be extinct.

Bianca!

- That was only worn
once, London, 2010.

Bradley had got us tickets
to the opening night of

Andrew Lloyd Webber's,
"Love Never Dies".

Never did fit me very well.

Look much better on you.

- We'd only been seeing
each other a few weeks

but one morning he
woke me up with,

"Let's do it,
let's get married."

And it even worked for a while,

or at least I thought it did.

We got a place, he got a job.

We spoke about children.

I was happy.

- What happened?

I don't know.

One day he was there
and then the next gone.

There was a note,
one word "Sorry".

I thought perhaps he
had met somebody else.

- No, there is no-one else.

Robbie is living at
home, with his mum.

- With his dead mum?

That must be nice.

- I am personally going
to drag him to see you.

He's going to stand there,

he's going to look
you in the eyes.

- No, please, I don't
want to see him.

I've met somebody else.

He knows nothing about this.

I just want a
divorce, that's all.

Tell him I don't want anything.

Just for him to
ring this number.

We don't even have to meet.

- Does he owe you money?

- I don't care about that.
- I care.

And he's going to pay
you back every penny.

Right down to whatever
you paid that detective

to track him down again
in the first place.

- What detective?

I never hired a detective.

- Are your eyes shut?

- [All] Yes!

- Okay.

(gasps)

- Yes!
- Do you think?

I don't know, and now I
think it's a bit too showy.

- No, it's not showy at all.

Hardly shows anything that one.

- That's the point.

Bianca wants to
look sophisticated.

- I know it sounds silly,
but it's been a long time

since I've been out the
house on a Saturday night.

- You're going to
knock him dead, Bianca.

- It's not about that though.

It's about feeling special
for once, appreciated.

Haven't had a lot
of that recently.

- I know the feeling.

- That's all you
really need, isn't it?

Someone to show an interest.

Someone to talk to, who
looks like they might

actually want to listen.

- Yeah, plus he is well fit.

(soft instrumental music)

- What are you doing?

- Oh, nothing, why?

- I thought I'd order
us a pizza tonight,

seeing as the kitchen's
out of action.

Talks a lot of sense, Bianca.

You know, all that stuff about
needing someone to talk to.

People who actually
want to listen.

- You get your subtlety from me.

- Well, what's Greg
actually done wrong?

I mean, he didn't know what
he was getting himself into.

And anyone else, when they found
out, would have run a mile.

But he's still out
there, just like he said.

Though I don't need to
tell you that, do I?

You keep looking.

- Maybe I do quite like
the idea of someone

keeping an eye on us.

Just for the moment.

- Then why shut him out, then?

He's a part of this now
whether you like it or not.

And God knows why, but he
actually seems to want to be

our friend as well.

And I don't know about you,

but I kind of think
we could do with one.

(instrumental music)

- Wow, wow, wow.

Bianca, my love,
you look amazing.

- Thank you.

So, I hope you
like Mexican food.

- You look nice, Bianca.

- Thank you!

It's Linda McCartney.

- I'm coming up so you better
get this party started!

Where's our illustrious hosts?

- Barry doesn't seem to know.

- I asked 'em if I should
stuff the enchiladas.

And they sent me a text
with a smiley-face on,

so they should be on their way.

- Pigging hell, I'm famished.

Come on, let's just
crack on without them.

- We can't do that,
it's their party.

- Well, we can at least
put a dent in the starters,

can't we?

- Great, until then it
can be a double date.

- A what?

- Oh, don't come the innocent
with me, Barry Harris.

You've been fantasizing
about this moment for years.

Come on, show us
your enchiladas!

- Enchiladas.

(soft instrumental music)

- How could he have not told us?

How could he just walk
out on someone like that?

- Because it's what he does.

- I should have
listened to you, love.

- Hey, it's not your fault.

Even Robbie starts believing
his own lies in the end.

That's why someone
always gets hurt.

But not any more.

He's going to
confront it this time.

He's not going to
hurt anyone else.

- Woody Harrelson?

Never out the place, used to
ask for me by name in the end.

Big tipper an' all,
not always cash either.

Like this one time he let
me take his Lamborghini

for a quick test-drive instead.

- Hey!

I thought we were
just having starters?

- Well, what kind of
hosts keep their guests

waiting this long?

Bugger them I say.

- If I may be excused, I
just need to powder my nose.

- Bianca, eh?

Mount Pleasant's very
own Eva Longoria!

So, are you keen?

- It's just a date, Mum.

- Here, you serve, Barry.

- There you are, where
have you two been?

We were starting to get worried.

You owe me 20 quid, sir.

- I'm not covering
any more lies.

Mum needs to know everything.

- Mum's sat right here,
thank you very much.

- Not this again.

I thought we'd sorted this?

Dan's got it into his head
I'm being followed around

by a private investigator
or something.

Come on, then, what
other intriguing details

has your little jail-bird
friend remembered?

- We haven't spoken to Greg.

- No, but we have
spoken to your wife.

- My what?

- Your wife, Robbie, Caroline.

- Robbie?

- How did she find you?

- Tell me this isn't true?

You're married?

- Married?

- You might have told
me you'd picked up Josh!

Looked a right idiot turning
up there not knowing he'd gone!

(plucky instrumental music)

What's all this?

Were these from the party?
- No.

- And where's Josh?
- He's at your mum's.

- What's he doing there?
- I took him.

- Why did you take him?
- Denise!

Just slow down with
the questions a little.

I've sort of got one of my own
I'm working my way towards.

Okay first of all,

I know that I've been
a bit of dick lately.

- A lot of a dick.

- A lot of a dick.

And... (laughs)

- What's funny?
- I am!

I had this great big speech
prepared and, within seconds,

you've made me forget
the whole thing.

But that's not really a
surprise, though, is it?

I'm pretty good at
forgetting things.

Like how amazing you are.

And how much I love you.

And how much I take
you for granted.

And that was pretty much the
gist of the speech anyway

so I might as well
skip to the end.

Denise Bradwell,
will you marry me?

I'm kind of getting a sore knee
down here, so if you could?

- Yes.

Yes, yes, yes!

(upbeat instrumental music)

- Gary.

Have you seen Bianca?
- Gone out.

- Already?

I thought she'd still be here.

- Did you apologize to her?

- Sorry, for what?

- For what you
said this morning?

The surrogate husband thing.

- That's just a turn
of phrase, Gary,

I don't need to apologize--

Oh oh, Jim.
- Yeah.

- I didn't lose my
job a few weeks ago.

I lost it six months ago.

I came back and I was staying
with a mate in Liverpool.

I wasn't ready to face
you, Mum, or you, Dan.

I just I just needed a bit of
time to get my head straight

and that's when I met her.

- You got married
without telling us?

Without telling your family?

Without--

- She told me she was pregnant!

I'd only been seeing
her a few weeks, I,

I didn't know what to do.

- Robbie.

She never said
anything about a baby.

- That's because
there never was one!

She'd made the whole thing up.

Tried telling me weeks later
it had just been a scare,

a false alarm, but
that was bullshit.

There never was anything,
I know that now.

I'd seen the way she
changed the minute that ring

was on her finger.

It was like she didn't
have to pretend any more.

- Robbie we met her!

She wasn't some weird,
mad, manipulative spinster!

She was just a normal woman!

A normal woman who made it
quite clear she wanted nothing

from you but a signature
on a divorce paper.

She's even met somebody else!

- Then more fool him, Dan!

More fool him.

- Oh, sweetheart.

- Mum?

Please don't tell me
you're buying this?

- You could have told me.

You could have come back to
me any time, you know that.

Dan, give us a minute.

- Mum.
- A minute, Dan, please.

(twangy instrumental music)

- We ordered pizza, we
thought you might like some.

- We?
- Yeah.

Actually, we thought we
could have it in there?

You know, it is Saturday night

and we could do with getting
out of the house for a bit.

That is if you don't mind?

- I don't mind one bit.
- Great.

- Bianca, I'm so sorry,
I'll call you tomorrow

and explain everything.

- Are you with him now, then?

Or you?

Or maybe both of you?

I don't think even
that would surprise me.

- Excuse me!
- Where is he?

Robbie!

- Dan, call the police!

- Is this her?

Are you her?

- Mum, don't, it's
not her, it's not her!

- Jasmine.

(somber instrumental music)

I am so sorry.

- Who are these people?

- They are, er, my family.

- Your family?

Was anything you told
me actually true?

- The part that mattered.

- That's not enough.

I needed to do this in person.

- Who are you?

- I'm his wife.

(somber instrumental music)

- What's going on?

- No idea.

But for once, it's got
nothing to do with us.

- Bianca, Bianca?

Hey, hey, hey, what is
it, what's happened?

- I don't know.

I don't want to talk about it.

- Okay, right, okay.

It's all right, okay.

Listen, Bianca, I just
want to say that I'm sorry.

You know, about
what I said before.

Anybody would be
really lucky to have

a surrogate wife like you.

- Thank you, Roger.

Have you come to
collect your things?

- Well, actually
they said it might be

another couple of days.

So would it be all right?

- Of course it will.

(piano music)

- I'll just take her up.

- Okay, okay, just
give me a sec,

I'm still in a bit of
shock about this myself.

- You want to explain to me
how two completely different

women can both be filing
for divorce from you

at exactly the same time?

- Look the thing you need
to understand, Mum, is--

(smacks)

- Lisa, Lisa--

- Don't touch me!

- Well, go on, then,
three for three.

(upbeat dance
music and laughing)