All language subtitles for Mount.Pleasant.S03E04_English

[ Up-tempo pop music playing]

[ Man singing indistinctly]

[ Music stops]

That was Wham!, Dan.

Hey.
Wham, Dan, thank you, ma'am!

Boom!
[ Laughs ]

What's wrong with you?

What's wrong with you?
Mardy face.

Do you want some bacon?

It's 8:30!
On a Saturday!

I know!

8:30 on a Saturday morning,

and I haven't got
a hangover!

[ Giggles ]

Things sure have changed
here on Walton's Mountain.

Oh, for you, maybe.

Some of us
have kept it traditional.

Yeah, so I see.

Drinking on your own,
were we?

Bit tragic, isn't it?

How do you know
I was on my own?

Might have had Little Mix 'round
for all you'd have known.

What time did you
get back, anyway?

11:00.

But Little Mix must have gone
by then,

because I found you fast asleep
on the sofa

with half a cheese toastie
in your lap.

Who in their right mind
works till 11:00 at night?

Somebody who, for the first time
in their lives,

is actually enjoying their job.

Now, do you want some bacon
or not?

Yes!

[ Music resumes]

[ Groans ]

What's this?

Oh!
Oh, hang on.

I-I know this one.
Don't tell me.

It's a razor.
[ Laughs ]

It's myrazor.

And now you've clogged it up

with all your silly
stubbly face hair.

I didn't have mine
with me, did I?

I'm in the office
this morning.

I've got to look professional.

There's only you and Lisa
in there!

Yeah, and I bet she doesn't
turn up with a full-on mustache.

You know I'm getting

my portfolder pictures
done this morning.

What am I supposed to do
about my legs?

I don't know.
You could always...

What have your legs
got to do with anything?

Why are they taking pictures
of your legs?

I thought this was all
on the level?

You're not the only one worried
about looking professional.

-I wanted to wear a skirt.
-So wear one, then.

You never know.

You might get you a job
body-doubling for a wookiee.

[ Laughs ]

Don't say words like that
in front of Josh.

It's the 20th century.

We don't say things
like that anymore.

No, Denise,
a wookiee is a...

Right.
Right, sorry.

I suppose I should

leave the odd few bits here,
you know, in your bathroom.

You know,
for when I stay over.

Yeah.
I suppose you should.

[ Whispering ] Yeah!

DAN:
But it's a Saturday!

Do not tell me
it's a Saturday again.

You've told me eight times
already that it's a Saturday.

It's not like you've never
worked weekends, is it?

Don't you point bacon at me.

It's just whilst
we get up and running proper.

That's all.

Then it's back
to nine-till-five.

[ Grunts ]

[ Telephone rings ]

Hello?

Hiya, Dad.

All right, Bazza?

Yeah.
Yeah, course.

What you doing?

I'm calling him back.

It's expensive calling
from Spain.

Yeah, I know!

It's expensive toSpain
an' all!

Oh, come on.
We're better off than them.

They're only on a pension.

Oh, yeah, I bet they're barely
making ends meet over there

in that rent-free Spanish villa.

Oh, you're in a right bloody
mood this morning, you are!

Where is he?

[ Gasps ]

Hiya, Mum!

Yeah.

I was just on with Dad.
Is he...

Ohh.
Oh.

Right.

He's gone for a number two.

Yeah.
Ohh.

Oh, yeah, we're fine.
Never better.

[ Laughs ]
Yeah.

Yeah.

Morning, Dan.
You all right?

Never better.
Apparently.

[ Muttering ]

-What do you think?
-They're good, them.

Should send them in
to "Blue Peter."

You might get a badge.

I'm picking colors.

For what?
Lining your coffin?

Don't be stupid.
Having a Viking burial, me.

These are potential
color schemes for the wedding.

Potential color schemes?

CHARLIE:
It's all in here.

Oh, God.
"Doilys -- Paper or Fabric?"

The eternal question.

What's happened to you?

Color schemes?
Bridal magazines?

Exactly who's gonna be carrying
who over the threshold here?

Rate you're going, you might
as well just stick a ribbon

in your hair
and be done with it.

Here! You can say what you want
about me, but I'm a man's man.

Always have been,
always will be.

Now, Autumn Nights
or Summer Meadow?

AMBER:
Everything all right?

More than all right.

I miss you.

Don't you move.

I've got 10,000 reasons
for you to wait right there.

[ Cellphone rings ]

It's Gerry.
I better go.

Yeah.

I'm glad you're happy.

Course.
You know where I am.

[ Gunfire
and indistinct shouting]

[ Knock on door ]

Bianc-a!

-What-a?
-I'm doing a campaign!

I tell you what.

When you start
washing and ironing

your own clothes for once,

I'll stop interfering
in your campaign.

Last computer game I played
was Ms. Pac-Man.

I used to really like her.
She had a little bow.

GARY: Nothing.
Just Bianca.

Who are you talking to?

Ella.
We're online. Co-op.

Which one's Ella?

The big black guy there.

Hello, Ella!

Did she hear me?

Yes, she heard you.
She said hello.

All right, grumpy Joe.
No need to snap.

That man just blew up.

Yeah.
It's cool, isn't it?

Blowing people up
is never cool, Gary.

Ms. Pac-Man never used to
blow people up.

She just used to eat fruit.

[ Indistinct talking on TV]

-Guess what.
-What?

What's this?

Beer.

Since I'm home all weekend

whilst you're off playing
"Dragons' Den,"

I thought I better stock up.

Why don't you
go and see Greg?

He's off in Scotland
doing something or other.

Not back till tonight.

Go 'round
to your mum and dad's.

I have got other mates,
you know?

Yeah.
Course you have.

Anyway, guess what.

Me dad's after coming home
for a few days!

[ Clicks tongue ]

-Hey!
-And guess what.

-That wasn't the what?
-Of course that wasn't the what.

Why would that be the what?
I'm going out to fetch him!

What?!

Yes, you see?
That's the what!

It just hit me.

I thought, well, I'll go out
for a couple of days,

top up me tan, see me Mum,
and then bring him back with me.

Three birds, one stone.

And I've checked the flights,
and I can go tomorrow!

Tomorrow?!

You don't mind, do you?

L-Let me get this straight.

I don't see you
evenings and weekends

because of this
big, new, exciting job

you can't tear yourself
away from for five minutes.

Next thing,
up pops a trip to Spain,

and you're
on the next flight out!

Well, you can come too
if you want.

Oh! Can I?!
That's very good of you!

Actually, if you're gonna be
like that, no, you can't.

I can't anyway.
And you know I can't.

I've got to see to
Mrs. Hadden's flapper valve

first thing Monday morning.

-Lucky Mrs. Hadden.
-[ Exhales sharply ]

Are you worried about
taking care of yourself?

Hey. I can take care of meself
quite well, thank you very much.

No, I was just gonna say

why don't you go 'round
to Pauline's for your scran?

That's if, uh,
all your other mates are busy.

Morning, Dan.

DAN:
All right, Bianca?

Oh, um, Lisa's not in.
She's gone to the office.

-On a Saturday?
-On a Saturday.

Oh.

I was gonna bake some cakes
for the shelter.

I thought she might
like to give me a hand.

I would ask Gary, but he's busy
exploding people.

I-I'm sure she'll be gutted
she's missed out.

Tanya!

I don't suppose you'd fancy
helping me

bake some cakes
for the shelter, do you?

-What's in it for me?
-[ Laughs ]

[ Laughs ]
I'm only kidding.

I'd love to help,
but it's just, well,

my baking know-how is on a par

with my knowledge
of particle physics.

[ Chuckles ] She's saying
she can't bake, Bianca.

Oh!
[ Laughs ]

Particle physics.
[ Laughs ]

Never mind.
I'll give Lisa a try tomorrow.

Ah, that might be
a bit tricky.

She's off away
for a few days tomorrow.

BIANCA: Oh?

DAN: She's going to see
her mum and dad.

-In Spain?
-Yeah.

-And you're not going?
-No.

Will you be all right?

It'll be a struggle at first,
but hopefully I'll get through.

What will you eat?

[ Laughs ]

Sorry.

Who'd be a man, eh?

Minute your missus leaves,

everyone assumes
you're utterly helpless.

No, but they are.

I went into hospital
a few years back

for that thing with my you-know,
remember?

All Jim could cook
was scrambled eggs.

I was in a week.

That's all he ate,
breakfast, lunch, dinner.

He lost nearly two stone.

All because of your you-know.

Exactly.

I'll be fine, Bianca.

I don't even like
scrambled eggs.

[ Both chuckle ]

Bless her.

She's one in a million,
isn't she, Bianca, hmm?

Always fretting
over someone.

I didn't dare tell her
I was on my own too.

She'd have offered
to do us both

a-a candlelit dinner
or something.

-Bradley's...?
-Golfing weekend.

Right.

But you're not really
on your own, are you?

-Still got, Ella.
-You're joking, aren't you?

I shipped her off to her
cousin's the minute he left.

[ Laughs ]
Bit of me time. Can't wait.

-I'm sure you're the same.
-Well...

It's so rare to get a chance to
do anything you want, isn't it?

I'll see you later, Dan.

[ Vehicle door closes,
engine starts ]

[ Engine stalls ]

[ Laughs ]

[ Up-tempo pop music plays ]

[ Camera shutter clicking ]

Is that what
I look like from the side?

I've never seen myself
from the side before.

This must be what I look like
when I'm sat on the bus.

It's £100 exactly, please.

Oh, I think the agency
is paying.

Sorry?

First Rate, who booked me in.
They're a model agency.

-I'm a model.
-Oh, are you, now?

Okay, well, your agency
does not pay for the shots,

I'm afraid.

Had the same problem
with Elle Macpherson last week.

-Did you?
-Oh, yeah.

Okay, then.

What's she like?
Elle Macpherson.

-Shorter than you'd think.
-Oh.

-[ Door closes ]
-PAULINE: No. Absolutely not.

Oh!
You arein.

Yes.
I often am.

Good. Well, you can talk some
sense into your father, then.

He's only on about
getting the band back together

to play at the wedding.

What?
Your band?

They got wheelchair ramps
at this venue, have they?

Not just my band. All the bands
we used to go on the road with.

Parson's Nose.
Rain Dogs.

Deep Purple.

You used to tour
with Deep Purple?

Oh, yeah, yeah.
They were good an' all.

Mind you, they had to change
their name in the end

'cause it turned out there
was already a band called that.

Imagine it, all the old gang
back together again,

performing one last time.

Be like
this generation's Woodstock.

This generation's Woodstock
was Woodstock!

"Woodstock Two -- The Sequel."

"Just when you thought it was
safe to go back in the pub."

-[ Laughs ]
-Hey, you're not helping!

-Sorry, Mum.
-I'll phone Stevie.

-[ Can top pops ]
-Get you a glass for that?

No, ta.
Where's Lisa?

-Work?
-Yeah. Again.

And tomorrow she's only heading
over to Spain for a few days.

-Without you?
-Yeah.

What will you eat?

[ Microwave beeping ]

Engaged.

Like us.

Hey, Dan.

Autumn Nights
or Summer Meadow?

Color schemes
for the wedding.

Loony tunes here thinks
we should have this one.

And which one do you want?

Any other bloody one.

Let Dan decide.
That'll settle it.

Oh, no. I'm not getting in the
middle of one of your arguments.

Settle it yourselves.

Maybe we should play pool for it
like we used to, eh, Charlie?

-Pool.
-[ Laughs ]

Remember, Dan?

We'd have a big bust-up,

then sort it all out over
a game of "pool" upstairs.

-Oh, God.
-While you watched "Bagpuss."

[ Laughs ]

Oh, yeah,
you're both hilarious.

For your information, I knew
what you were doing all along.

-No, you did not.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You were a right numb sod.

17 years old before
you finally clicked.

We didn't have a pool table!

[ Laughter ]

[ Grunts ]

Um...

What are you two
actually doing here?

Just passing.

Yeah?
Well, pass off.

Oh!
Charming!

What's that?

I just brought some things over,
you know, like I said.

Won't have to borrow
your shaver anymore.

How big's your razor?

Well, I just chucked a few odds
and sods in. You know.

Spare clothes, shower gel --
men's shower gel.

That green minty stuff
of yours makes my hair greasy.

Few towels, some CDs.

A toaster.

Are you moving in?

Would that be so bad?

Every night I go back
to that bedsit.

No sooner have I closed
the door

then all I can think about is
coming to see you and Josh.

Then 10 minutes later
I'm 'round here.

Every night
for the past two weeks.

-Has it been two weeks?
-12 days.

And it's working.
Isn't it?

It's not like before, is it?

You can feel that too,
can't you?

You, me, our son.

It's right this time.

I-It's been nice.

That's got to be worth us
having a proper go at it.

Be a family.

Oh.

Was that a "yes"?

Was that a "give it a try"?

That's a, "Yes.
Give it a try."

You will not regret this,
Denise.

This is how it should have
always been.

And, hey, you'll be able to

pack in all that modeling stuff
now I'm here.

What?

Well, you know,
once the business takes off

I'll be earning more than enough
for both of us,

so you won't have to.

I'm not doing it
for the money.

I'm doing it because I like it
and because it's mine.

Something I enjoy
just for myself.

I know, but modeling?

You know, it's all a bit...
isn't it?

I got me portfolder done today.
I was really pleased with them.

Do they look...to you?!

Whoa, these look amazing.

Yeah?

Just amazing.

Did the agency
pay for all of these, did it?

Of course they paid for them!

Do you think I'm some stupid
flipping idiot or something?

-I never said that.
-I know what you said.

You can move in, but you're
on a prohibition period.

So if you want to keep going on
about my modeling,

you can keep up the rent
on your bedsit too.

Oh, and the reason
my minty green stuff

made your hair greasy

is because
it's aromatic foot lotion.

Now who's the idiot?

-[ Indistinct talking]
-[ Door opens, closes ]

LISA: [ Sighs ]
I'm so sorry.

But with me going away,
I had to burn the oil for a bit,

make sure we were up to speed
with everything.

You couldn't even
knock off early

the last night
before you leave?

It's three days, Dan.

I'm not joining
the foreign legion.

Anyway [Sighs] I'm here now.

Though I could do with
an early night.

Now, thatsounds like
a good idea.

Yeah.
I'm exhausted.

And I've got to be up early.

Are you stopping down
for a bit?

Yeah.

[ Grunts ]

Three days?

It's just the bare essentials.

What sort of fridge magnet
would you like?

Oh, I don't know, um...

A flamenco dancer
or a donkey.

You know, something classy.

You behave yourself.

What's that
supposed to mean?

Are you gonna be all right?

I'll be fine.

Have fun.
Love to Sue and Barry.

[ Smooches ]

I'll call you when I land.

[ Engine starts ]

-[ Gunfire]
-Up there.

Up there!

Behind you.

Get in!

Morning.

Why don't you come to work
with me later on?

You can do
some glass collecting.

I'll give you some money.

I don't know how long this
is gonna take.

I need ammo!

If I didn't know better, I'd say
this was less about the game...

...and more about the person
that you're playing it with.

-Bianca!
-[ Giggles ]

Sorry about that.

What's this?

Getting broody an' all now,
are you?

You needn't think
we're having a pet.

I hate pets.

Get away!
You used to love Fluffy.

Aww, Fluffy.

Fluffy was different.

Hardly anyone kept tarantulas
back then.

My mother wouldn't set foot
in the house

whole time you had him.

Yeah.
Mm.

But we're not getting
a pet now.

Hard enough time
cleaning up after you.

Relax!
I'm not after a pet.

I'm looking for somewhere
that does doves.

Doves?

For the wedding.

Right.
That's it.

You've had your chance.
Now it's over.

From now on
I'm arranging this wedding.

-All of it.
-Y-You can't.

-I have to.
-Have to?

Yeah.

Have to.

No.

And that's an end to it.
I'm sorting it now.

And we're not having doves.

And we're not having
bloody tarantulas either!

[ Sighs ]

JOSH: [ Laughing ]

[ Laughs ]

-[ Telephone rings ]
-[ Gasps ]

Hello?

-DENISE: Hiya, Dan.
-Oh, all right, Denise?

-Is Lisa there?
-No, she's not here.

She's, um, gone over to Spain
for a few days

to see her mum and dad.

Are you okay?
What are you gonna eat?

-For fuck's...
-Dan!

No, sorry, Denise,
I didn't mean it.

It's just everyone keeps on at
me like I can't cope, is all.

I'm not completely useless,
you know?

-All right.
-Look, I better clear the line.

She's meant to be ringing me
when she gets there.

I'll get her to give you
a bell, okay?

-Bye, then, Dan.
-Cheers.

[ Both breathing heavily ]

[ Cellphone rings ]

It's Dan.

Now then, mate?

Greg.
Please tell me you're thirsty.

Dog and Dart, 20 minutes?

You're a lifesaver.

I'm a lifesaver.

I know you are.

-Balls!
-Roger!

What?
I just -- I just said "balls."

Hello, Charlie.
How goes the wedding prep?

Don't mention the "W" word.
Boss has banned all talk on it.

Well, that sounds healthy.

Have you been talking
about the wedding?

No.

Well, what have you
been talking about, then?

Balls.

[ Muttering ]

Love's young dream.

All right, Dad?

-[ Muttering ]
-Please yourself.

Mum.

Dan!
Can I do you a sandwich?

No, I'm fine!
Thanks.

Ah.

[ Grunts ]
Good lad!

-I needed this.
-Oh. Actually...

That's mine.
Hello, Dan.

Sorry, Tanya.
I didn't realize.

No, it's all right.
Chill out. I've only had a sip.

-I can get another one.
-No, no. Here it's fine.

[ Laughs ]
I don't have germs, Dan.

What?

Technically,
you've kissed now.

Grow up.

[ Announcer
speaking indistinctly]

FERGUS: Hey.

-Denise.
-I've got news!

You're not pregnant again?

No, Fergus, I'm not.

But nice to you'd be so happy
about it if I was.

No, no, I-I would be.
It's just that I'm trying to...

So, basically,
if I was pregnant,

I'd have to wait
till after the match, would I?

Or halftime.

Fine.

I won't bother telling you that
was the agency on the phone.

Or that they've lined me up
a big, new, exciting gig.

-[ TV turns off ]
-What, a modeling gig?

Yeah!
Tomorrow!

What is it, exactly?

Oh.
Didn't ask.

-Denise.
-What?

It could be anything!

You do think I'm stupid.

I don't think you're stupid.

Naive, maybe.

That is just a posh word
for stupid!

You know, some boyfriends
would actually be quite proud

to be going out
with a professional model.

And if you can't be,
maybe this whole moving-in thing

has been a bit preimmature!

[ Sighs ]

[ Announcer
speaking indistinctly]

BIANCA: [ Laughs ]

Oh!

Dragged yourself away from your
precious campaign, have you?

That offer to collect glasses
still open?

Yeah.
Are you okay?

Yeah.
Fine.

Why don't you start over there?

GREG: Oh, come on.
That's below the belt.

[ Laughter ]

Oh, yeah, laugh it up.

I could just as easy tell her

some stories about you,
you know?

Oh, yes, please!
Tell me some dirty Dan secrets.

Nah. 'Cause unlike him,
I wouldn't do that to a mate.

-You mean you haven't got any.
-Oh, haven't I?

Three words, Dan.

Birthday. Drunk.
Pedal bin.

-Oh, you wouldn't dare.
-Oh, tell me.

-And that's four words.
-No, it's not.

Tell me! Whatever it is,
I bet I can beat it.

DAN:
Hey, I-I'll make you suffer.

[ Laughing ] I can't.

I swore I'd take that one
to the grave.

Oh, whatever.

I'll get it out of him.
I can be very persuasive.

I'll bet.

[ Giggling ]

So, what were you doing
yesterday, then?

Nothing.
Bit of business.

A bit of business?
Very mysterious, Greg.

You're in the building trade,
not the North West Mafia.

-How do you know?
-[ Cellphone rings ]

DAN:
Oh, well, who's that, then?

-Don Corleone?
-[ Laughs ]

Well, I'd tell you...

-But I'd have to kill you.
-I'd have to kill you.

-Exactly.
-[ Laughs ]

See?
This is fun, isn't it?

All right, Gary?

Ooh!
Have you spoken to Ella?

It's just I tried
calling her earlier,

and I couldn't get through.

Yeah.
Was talking to her before.

Spent two days helping her
get into an armored compound,

not knowing she was
leading me to a trap.

Second I walked in -- boom.

She blew me up
with a cluster bomb.

Yeah.
She does that sort of thing.

Girls, eh?

[ Laughs ]

Come on, misery.
Out with it.

Don't know what
you're talking about.

Don't you? Face got any longer,
it'd be in your pint.

Look, if it's bothering you
that much,

then I'll let you have
a color scheme.

But I'm picking it.

Brown and orange.

-Brown and orange?
-What's wrong with that?

We'll look like Jaffa Cakes.

Yeah, and if you had your way,
we'd look like

unicorns and ballerinas.

You're gonna turn this
into nowt more

than a few mates
and a knees-up, aren't you?

Maybe that's all I want.

Well, maybe I want more.

[ Billiard balls clacking ]

-Play you for it.
-Eh?

The right to arrange
the wedding.

We'll play pool for it.

-Pool?
-Actual pool.

Not...

Although we could always
nip out the back, and, uh...

No, maybe not.
Actual pool it is.

Charlie, you haven't
beaten me at pool --

either version --
for 30 years.

Nowt to worry about, then,
have you?

Afraid I'm gonna have to fly.

-Seriously?
-Yeah, you know...

[ Imitating Don Corleone ]
Mafia business.

-DAN: [ Chuckles ] Yeah, right.
-Catch you later.

-Nice seeing you again, Tanya.
-Yes, and you.

See you, mate.
[ Speaks indistinctly ]

Ask him about the time
he got stuck

in a revolving door
for two hours.

It was 20 minutes tops.

Looked like a piece
of modern art.

TANYA: [ Laughs ]

They couldn't fix the motor.
Had to call the fire brigade.

[ Laughs ]

Do you fancy another drink?

Uh, actually,
I might head off too.

Why?

Me mum and dad.

Oh, do you think they might get
the wrong idea

with me and you sat together
here like this?

No!

Course not.
No.

But me mum's got a Jack Daniels
in one hand

and a potentially deadly weapon
in the other.

We do not want to be here.

Why don't we go
somewhere else?

Come on.

Uh, I don't know.

Oh, come on, Dan.
One for the road.

We're off the leash, remember?

Besides, you still owe me
a story about a pedal bin.

Live a little.

[ Laughs ]

Dirty tactics, is it?

With stakes this high,
anything goes.

Does it, now?

Charlie!

Anything goes, you said.

We need a referee.

Roger?

-Hello?
-You're adjudicating.

There's a lot riding
on this.

Why?
What are the stakes?

Our marriage.

Fair enough.

Cheaper than a counselor,
I suppose.

-Oh.
-What's wrong?

-I've left me phone.
-Where? Back at the pub?

-No, at home.
-That's all right, then.

No, Lisa was gonna ring us
when she got there.

[ Gasps ]

If you don't answer the phone,
she might call the police!

[ Both chuckle ]

Ooh, look.

This'll do.

You're reffing the game,
not my morals.

-CHARLIE: You what?
-PAULINE: Nothing.

Get on with it.

-Who's winning?
-I haven't got a clue.

Never understood this game.

It's like snooker with numbers.
Makes no sense.

Every now and then
they look at me,

and I say,
"Free shot," or, "Two off."

Seems to make them very happy.

Ah!

Free shot.

[ Laughs ]

There, you see?

[ Romantic piano music playing ]

Here we are.

[ Laughs ] I didn't want to keep
going to the bar.

And technically
we are celebrating.

-Are we?
-Mm-hmm.

-Celebrating what?
-A night off. [ Laughs ]

I bet you think I'm a proper
sad case, don't you?

I just don't get
to do things like this

very often, that's all --

just be Tanya,

not Tanya and.

Is there a difference?

[ Laughs ]
Of course there is.

Tanya without the "and"
won't end the night

in some blazing row
with someone

over whatever stupid things
she's said or done all evening.

Or will she?

Not with me.

Good!

Then consider yourself
free to say

incredibly stupid things too.

Cheers.

Cheers.

[ Door closes ]

Where've you been?

I just popped back to the bedsit
to get some stuff.

Where are they, Fergus?

-Where are what?
-My photos. You've taken them.

I know you don't approve
of my modeling,

but if you think
stealing away my photographs

is gonna make
any difference...

What's this?

Well, you could open it
and find out.

[ Gasps ]

FERGUS: Couldn't have you
taking your headshots around

in a tatty old envelope,
could I?

So I thought I'd get a proper
portfolio done for them.

It's called a portfolder.

Yeah.
Yeah, that's what I meant.

Denise, I couldn't be prouder
that my girlfriend

is a professional model.

What man wouldn't be?

I just worry, that's all.

What's wrong with that?

Nothing.

Nothing's wrong with that.

Ohhhh!

[ Both laugh ]

You know I'll have to
take that one out, though?

Oh, what, you're worried that
Calvin Klein's gonna see it

and snap me up?

Yeah.

That plus I need to make room

for the one
with me and the whip.

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughs ] Don't know why
I'm telling you all of this.

See, that's what happens

when you've got no one
to talk to about stuff.

It all just gets bottled up,

and then someone like you
gets it all.

-I don't mind.
-[ Laughs ] Please.

I bet you're just like me,
aren't you?

Mm?

Everybody needs to unload
every now and again.

So come on.

Come on, it's your turn.
Get it off your chest.

One-night offer.

Perfect life, eh?

Does anybody have
the perfect life?

Yeah.
Yeah, I think they do.

I think I did once.

A long time ago
and a nervous breakdown ago.

What, you're serious?

About the breakdown?

Yeah.

About the perfect life?
Mm...

I don't know. Maybe.
[ Laughs ]

It's only when you look back
you realize, though, isn't it?

Oh, we used to fight
all the time, me and Bradley,

when we first got together.

And we still do, but the fights
are different now.

You know, there's something
missing from them.

Does that make sense?

Actually, yeah.

You know, the worst ones,
when I used to go thieving.

[ Laughs ]

It was part of the "breakdown."

Anyway, we fought then,
all right.

We had great big, epic, nuclear
rows that went on all night.

And the funny thing is,
despite that,

I sort of liked it.

'Cause you only do that
if you properly care, don't you?

I suppose you do.

And so I look back
and I think,

yeah,
we were perfect then.

[ Laughs ]

I'm bonkers, aren't I?

No.

No, you're not.

BIANCA:
So is Pauline about to win?

-PAULINE: Yes!
-CHARLIE: I'm afraid so, Bianca.

Charlie, I hope
you're not a sore loser.

Oh, I'm a very sore loser,
Bianca.

But I'm also a man of honor.

Ha.

Ha!

So if she wins,

the whole wedding
is hers to arrange.

Is that what this is about?

Did you know
that's what this is about?

I'm just trying to think.
Um, no?

CHARLIE: It's all right, Bianca.
Fair's fair.

I suppose the only reason
I wanted to do it meself was,

well, it was sort of me last
chance to really say sorry.

Oh, for fuck's sake!

We are not having
fucking doves!

All right?!

-Yeah!
-[ Cheers and applause ]

Yeah!

DAN:
Well, I can't face a walk.

I shall get them
to order us a taxi.

You can if you like.
I'm going nowhere.

Yeah, I don't see why I can't
treat myself

to a deluxe overnighter
with a hot spa in the morning.

All courtesy of Bradley,
of course.

Um, you said your thieving days
were over.

[ Laughs ]
But this isn't thieving.

It's not like I'm gonna
get away with it.

Bradley always checks
his bloody statements.

So, in a way, it's all right.

Maybe he should
treat you too.

I reckon two rooms
on his statement

might be a bit harder
to explain.

Yeah.
Two might.

You shouldn't say things
like that.

Why?

Because I might
take you seriously.

I do hope not, Dan.

Because I'm not done
being stupid yet. Are you?

[ Up-tempo pop music plays ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Speaking indistinctly ]

♪ The money's on the floor,
girls down ♪

♪ I'm moving back ♪

Right.

MAN:
Where's my money?!

I just want my pound,
what was there!

♪ Well, we were lonesome ♪

♪ But, baby, there's no lonesome
left in this ♪

[ Cellphone ringing ]

♪ I think lately ♪

♪ You've got the devil's arms
around me, girl ♪

♪ Creep, creep ♪

♪ You know that I'm a creep
for love ♪

♪ You know the way
we started ♪

♪ Creep, creep ♪

♪ Say that I'm a creep
for love ♪

♪ This isn't where we started ♪

♪ I call it overtime
when I'm hanging on the middle ♪

♪ And it's overtime
when I get into you ♪

♪ And it's overtime when
I'm stuck up in the middle ♪

♪ And it's overtime ♪

♪ Overtime ♪