All language subtitles for Mount Pleasant s01e06

(light music)

(upbeat music)

(cheery music)

* Hey now, hey now

* Hey now, hey now

* Hey now, hey now

* Hey now, hey now

(phone rings)

- Hello?

- Hey.

How are you?

- I'm all right,
mate, how are you?

- Good to see you.

* Hey now, hey now

- Dan?

* I love you and
me, shooby doo bee *

* Shooby doo wop, yeah

* Never been as
happy as he can be *

(phone rings)

- Ah, Lisa.

Hello, chicken.

What, when?

- What's up?

- Have you called the police?

- What's the matter?

- I'm coming straight
home now, sweet pea.

- What?

They've been burgled!

Turn that rubbish
off, Claude Hopper,

we're going straight home now.

- Great then, thank
you very much, Mark.

See you then.

Get in. (laughs)

- Who was that?

- Mark Edwards from
Harry Rowland's.

- In English.

- He's like a big
recruitment cheese from town.

He has heard about
my resignation

and he wants to talk more today.

- Really?

- Mm, I'm basically
being headhunted.

Amazing package, he said too.

- He'd better not have.

- Very funny, no, seriously,
it's city center too.

And I'd have 14 people
underneath me, 14.

- Lucky bastards.

Can I be underneath
you, gorgeous?

- Can you not just
be serious for once?

- Believe me, I am
being deadly serious.

Get on, Guinevere,
Lancelot's gagging.

(tires squealing)

- Oh.

(Lisa cries)

- It's all right.

Come on, come on.

It's okay, it's okay,
they're just things.

- They've taken your watch, Dan.

- I'll get another.

- And they've taken my earrings,
the ones I chose in Rome.

- Aw, I'll take you back,
babes, get you some more.

- They've been through
my knicker drawer, Dan.

- What?

- They've been through
my knicker drawer.

- Dirty fucking perverts!

Oh.

(door closes)

(Sue gasps)

(Lisa sobs)

- What about your holiday?

- It was hardly a holiday.

Just a long weekend with
your dad in the chuck wagon.

- They've taken
our wedding photo.

The big silver one.

- Just a minute, please.

Bastards!

- This is where he must
have made his escape.

Probably only a teenager.

Shaved head, I'll
bet, and a tattoo.

Hey, have you checked
the downstairs bog?

He might've been in there.

- There's nothing in
the bog worth nicking.

- I mean he might've done a
number two and not flushed.

- Oh my God!
- Barry!

- Well, that's what
they do, burglars.

They leave a present.

I've seen it on
Crime And Forensics.

A shit, for a present?

Wind your neck in, Barry,
Lisa's upset enough here.

- I'm serious!

It's like them serial killers.

They take a souvenir each
time they kill, you know.

Underwear, mainly,
believe it or not.

- Oh my God, Dan, my knickers!

- It's all right, babe.

- It's like a trophy.

You see, what they do--

- Your neck, in, now.

Dan, hot bath for Lisa, please.

- Can you bleach it first.

- Course I can.

- And can I have bubbles?

- You can have whatever
you want, my princess.

- Barry, stay calm,
phone the police,

touch nothing,
put the kettle on.

(sultry music)

(engine revs)

- Hiya.

- Why do you keep following me?

Why do you keep calling me?

Can't you take a hint?

I told you, when
we're not in work,

I don't want to talk to you.

We're finished.

- I need to talk to you.

- No you don't, you
need to bullshit me.

You need to humiliate me.

You probably need to shag me
if we're being really honest.

Because that's all it
ever was, wasn't it?

A shag.

You don't need to talk to me.

That's the last thing you need.

- Just give me a chance
to explain stuff.

- No!

I can't do this anymore,
I just can't be arsed.

- Please, an hour.

Just give me an hour.

No sex, I promise,
not even a blow job.

Denise, please?

I'll explain it all, everything.

(light music)

- Mark.
- Shelley.

- Hi.

- Wow, nice eyes.

- Thank you. (chuckles)

- Sorry.

Listen, thanks for coming.

Got to say, I was really pleased

when I heard you'd parted
company with Reconnect.

- Well, I've brought a resume
and a couple of presentations.

- Sod the formal stuff for now,

I'd like to just
chit-chat some more,

that's how I like to get
to know my new staff.

- But I'm not actually
new staff yet, am I?

- You will be.

Get you a coffee?

- This is really
hard for me, Denise.

- Just tell me.

- It's Jane.

She can't have children.

That's why I reacted so badly

when you said you were pregnant.

I know you think I'm
a bastard, Denise.

But it would kill
her if she found out.

You know I don't love her
but I'm not that vicious.

- I know you're not.

- If you just have
a termination.

Denise, I'll leave Jane.

We can get married.

Then have lots of babies,
properly, the right way round.

And no one will get
hurt or lied to anymore.

Marry me, Denise.

Please, marry me.

I can't keep doing
this for much longer.

It's killing me.

I'm at the lowest
point of my whole life.

- Fergus.

- You need to really think hard.

Really think if I am the
person you want to be with

for the rest of your life.

We can make it work.

I know we can.

(guns blasting)
(phone ringing)

- Hello?

- Can you come and see me?

- Me?
- Yeah, you.

It's important.

Tomorrow at one?

(door closes)

- Eh, that's fine.

No worries, see you then.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Are you okay?

- Great, yeah.

You?

- Sound, yeah.

So, how was it, what's he like?

- God, erm, where do I start?

Bit of a dick.

You know, think David Brent,
saggy jowls, beer gut,

you know the score.

Do you want a brew?

- I'll have a coffee, yeah.

(radio buzzing)

- Here we are, chick.

- Hello, hello, no
one's died, have they?

The front door was open and
I've just seen a police car.

- We've been burgled.

- Oh no, really?

- That's terrible, isn't it?

- We're just a bit shocked
but we'll get over it.

- You'll never
get over it, Lisa.

But you will learn
to live with it,

I know exactly how you feel,

I was burgled when
I was a student.

- I never knew you went
to university, Bianca.

- Well, strictly
speaking, I didn't,

it was when I was
training to be a dancer.

- Right, I'll see
you later then.

- Where you off, love?

- Paintballing.

- What balling?

- Boys stuff, Sue.

Jack's got his old uni mate
over and they're short of a man.

Sorry, I'm running late.

- We've just been ransacked,

and he's off playing
toy soldiers.

- People react in different
ways, chick, especially men.

- Boys will be boys, Lisa.

- Thanks, Bianca.

- Hey, I've just had an idea.

Why don't we get everyone
together from the close,

build the community
spirit back up again,

motivate people to look
out for one another?

Over at mine, I'll get Jim
to lay on a few nibbles.

What do you think, Sue?

- That's a great idea.

- How long has this been loose?

- Best be off then, might
as well get cracking.

- It's off the bottom
of that fence panel.

There's a hole about
two foot square.

Did you know?

Behind the cherry blossom.

- And?

- And, I think it's
probably where the thief

made his escape.

- Really?

- I've been putting myself
in the mind of the burglar,

and I've got a theory.

- Go on then.

- One, he wants to steal
our money and valuables.

And two, he'll want to
get out of that house

as fast as he can as
soon as it's done.

- Well, knock me
down with a feather.

- Down here for dancing, kid.

(phone chimes)

- Hello.

- Emergency, hun.

Can you come and
meet me for a coffee?

(heavy breathing)

(Fergus grunts)

- I can't believe
you've been so down.

I didn't think it was
that painful for you.

- Agony, babes.

- I don't know if
this helps, Fergus,

but every time I
feel really down,

I just think about
that woman from Widnes

that got stampeded by
a gang of elephants

on holiday in India.

On holiday.

It puts everything into
perspective, doesn't it?

Promise me next time
you're having a bad day,

you'll do the same.

- Yeah, course I
will, sugar tits.

(Denise giggles)

- You okay?

- We've been bloody burgled.

- Oh no, seriously?

- It's horrendous.

I'm trying to be brave but
it's making me feel sick.

- Well, you're
insured, aren't you?

- Yeah.
- Well, there you go then.

Right, get this.

Boss of Harry
Rowland's phoned me.

He wants me to work for him, me.

- That's fantastic.

- So I went to meet him
before and he wants me, Lisa.

- Wants you?
- Fancies me.

He wants to take
me out for a drink.

He gave me this
bullshit about taking

all of his prospective
managers out first,

likes to see how they fare
socially as well as formally.

- I bet he does.

- He's really attractive.

He's cool and calm,
sophisticated.

- Wow!

- And guess what?

- There's more?

- When Greg asked
me what he was like,

I told him he was ugly.

Why would I do that,
what's the matter with me?

- You fancy him, Shelley,
that's what's up with you.

- It's not like they
nicked loads though.

- Maybe they got disturbed.

- Just the sentimental stuff.

- Yeah, sure.

Is Lisa okay?

- She will be, thanks, mate.

I didn't realize it was
all taken so seriously.

- I was practically
world champion.

- Was, still am.

Okay, you know it.

He was more into
the Poetry Society

and all that thespian nonsense.

- Not wrong with that.

- It was merely a ploy to
increase my pulling power.

- Which was admittedly poor in
those first few barren weeks.

- And yours wasn't?

- Two whole years before
he even talked to a girl.

- Did you go to uni then, Dan?

- No, apprenticeship, mate.

You learn on your
feet in my game.

- You married?

- Is this an interview?

- No, I'm just intrigued.

- Are you married?
- Divorced.

- Oh, sorry.

- Not at all, it's fantastic.

Kick off your shoes and they're
not immediately tidied away.

Go out when you want, come
back whenever you like.

Casual sex without the
worry of being found out.

It's bliss, pal.

- His wife ran
off with her boss.

- Ouch.
- I'm over it.

I'm still standing, pal.

Catholic grammar
school boy, my friend.

Beaten to a pulp aged 11 by a
priest with a drink problem.

Made me the man I am today.

- Hello, Bianca.

- Hiya, Kate.

- Double shot
cappuccino, please, Kate.

Decaf, take-out.

- You all right, love?

- (sighs) Not too bad.

Bit pensive really,
you know how it gets.

- Indeed I do.

- Little get-together at
mine tomorrow afternoon,

if you fancy it.

Just a few of the neighbors.

Give us a chance to get to
know one another properly.

- How nice.

- I just want to build a bit
back into the community spirit.

Make our little world
a little bit safer.

- I wasn't aware
it was dangerous.

- You haven't heard, have you?

- Heard what?

- Lisa and Dan got burgled.

- Oh no, nightmare.

- I know, and I just
thought it would

make a difference if we all,

you know, kept a little
eye on each other.

- Well, I think that's
a fantastic idea.

Right, you can have that
on me, I'd love to come.

I think you're very kind.

- Do you?

Thank you.

I'll see you tomorrow then.

- [Kate] See you tomorrow.

(paintballs thumping)

(men yelling)

- Not back on the dating
game then yet, Richard?

- Been on a couple, yeah.

- Any joy?

- You know what London's like.

- Can't say that I do.

- Southern women,
ask them to go Dutch

and they're out the door
faster than shit off a shovel.

- Isn't every woman these days?

- Like you'd know,
Mr. Smug And Married.

- Second window on the right.

- Is he covered?

- He's on to us.

It'll have to be
a full-on ambush.

- Here we go.
- Richard, you run out wide.

One.

- [All] Two, three, go!

(triumphant music)

(men yelling)

- Well?
- Well what?

- Well, we're all dead!

- Fuck it.
- Home?

- Yeah, come on.
- Tosser.

- I've made a decision.

I'm gonna go for a drink
with him tomorrow afternoon.

- On a Sunday?

That's a date, not an interview.

- Come on, you know what
it's like in our game,

the biggest opportunities
happen at the weekends

when the offices are empty.

- Yeah, and everyone's
looking for their next shag.

- He's not looking for
a shag, it's a drink,

just one, informal interview.

Hiya.
- Hiya.

- Yeah, right.

- And I'm gonna tell him that
he's got to stop flirting

with me if he wants
me to work for him.

Change his focus,
what do you reckon?

- Well that's not
going to stop you

from fancying him though, is it?

- Lisa, it's not illegal to
fancy other men, you know.

- I never said it was.

- Neil Diamond still has no
idea how much he contributed

to me and your father
staying together.

- Mother!

- Oh, that reminds me.

Guess who I saw all over
each other the other day.

- Who?

- Fergus and his new squeeze.

- Where?

- We pulled up beside them
at the traffic lights.

Beautiful looking
woman, like, like,

Barbra Streisand in the
early years, minus the nose.

- You mean his wife?

- He's back with his wife?

- I told you, Mum,
he never left her.

- All over her, was he?

- Like a rash.

He didn't even see
the lights turn green.

- Sounds about right.

- Well, thank God Denise
saw sense in the end.

- Oh, we know.

- Right girls, sofa.

- How well do you
know this Emma bird?

Dan, mine's a pint.

Well?

- Which Emma Bird?

- The one you put me on to
for the money, she called me.

Do you think she might
want me to pay back

the money already,
is that what it is?

- If I were you, mate,
I'd stay well away.

Have you seen her old man?

(Sue gasps)

(Shelley laughs)

(doorbell rings)

- Bianca told me
about the burglary.

I'm so sorry, are you okay?

- Yeah, thanks.

You coming in?

- I don't want to
disturb you both,

I just thought you
could do with a drink.

- Oh no, Dan's
out with the lads.

We're having a girlie
night in, if you fancy it.

- As long as you're sure.

Hi, everyone.

- Ah.

- Found it down the side
of number 18's garage.

Probably lost it trying
to make a quick getaway.

- Barry.

- Pink stripe, we can't
just assume it's a fella.

Think about it, it's the silver
they're after, the frame.

Junkies don't want
photos, do they?

- Dad, can we stop
going over it?

- We won't solve
it unless we do.

The coppers haven't
time for all this.

They're pen pushing, that's
what they'll be doing.

- He's right.
- It's a woman

that's done this.

Free to rob houses
on a bank holiday.

Obviously, no kids.

- I haven't got any kids
and I'm not a thief.

- Nor have I.

- Not happy with people round
here having lovely homes

so she wants to ruin
it, doesn't she?

The jealous cow.

- Barry.

- (laughs) Oh, he just cares.

It'll be some rotten chav.

They're jealous of anyone who
works hard to make a living.

I have to shim away from the
back of the shop most mornings.

They're like pigeons.

- You don't want to be
wasting your energy, Barry.

- Dad, we're trying
to watch the telly.

- Oh, so you are, sorry, ladies.

Sue, shall we get off?

- No.

- Mum's staying here.

- Sue, what about tea?

- There's a pepperoni
pizza in the freezer,

you can warm that up,
crack open a can of lager.

Grand Designs is at 10.

- Oh, jump, jump, jump.

- How about a card
school, tomorrow?

- Sounds good.

- Dan?

- Not really my thing.

- Greg?

- Nah, me neither.

- Just you and me then.

- See ya.

- Night night, love, bye!

- Yeah, thanks,
that's great, bye.

I'm done, girls. (giggles)

- All right, come
on, you, come on.

Night night, Mum.
- Night night.

- That was my taxi,
it's on its way.

- Do you mind if I?

- Oh no, you get off,
I'll let myself out.

You take yourself off to bed.

- Ta, love.

- Ta to you more like.

Thanks for a lovely evening.

- Night.
- Night.

(mem laughing)

(taxi engine revs)

(door closes)

(light music)

- Good night?
- Yeah.

- Good day, more like.

- Do you fancy going
out for lunch somewhere?

- I can't, I'm meeting
up with the girls.

- You never mentioned.

- Didn't I?

- I would've planned
something if I knew

you were abandoning me.

- Well you ditched me
yesterday for the lads.

- What?

- Soon buggered off, didn't you?

We'd only been burgled
five minutes earlier.

- You should have said
if you were pissed off.

- And you should have known
it, thank you very much.

Don't worry, I'm over it.

What, now?

I've just done my hair.

- So?

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

- Is that wise, you've
got your interview later.

- It'll be fine.

Anyway, it's a chat,
informal, not an interview.

- Erm, can I tell
you two something,

and you promise to hear me out?

Fergus has proposed.

- Bloody hell, Denise, when?

- Yesterday.

He asked me to marry
him, properly, formally.

- Did you have your legs
wrapped round him at the time?

- My mum bought this fridge
magnet from the chemist.

It's a little piglet sat
on a wall, dead cute.

Underneath, there's
a plaque that says,

a friend is someone
that likes you

even when they know everything
that's wrong with you.

- There's nothing
wrong with you.

It's him, love, you know it is.

I've had enough
of this bullshit,

tell her what your mum said.

- Leave it.
- Tell her.

- She won't listen.
- What did your mum say, Lisa?

- She saw Fergus with his
wife the other day, snogging,

in love, besotted,
all over each other.

Need any more details?

- When are you gonna sort
your head out, Denise, eh?

When?

Aw, Denise.
- Denise.

- Still up for that card school?

- White wine, dry,
large, please.

- Crime committed by women
has risen by more than a fifth

in the last four
years, Sue, a fifth.

- Really?

- 33% of female criminals
use force or violence.

Now, I understand
force, but violence?

- Ooh, I wonder what'd
drive them to that.

- She'll be right under our
noses, I'll bet you fiver on it.

- Oh, I haven't got my purse.

- Maybe we should go through
all our friends, make a list.

- What would be
the point in that?

We've already got
a Christmas list

with everybody we know on it.

- You're right, I might
just have a look through it,

see who jumps out.

- Like who, George and Betty?

Rosie and Ken, Bert and Brenda?

Bloody burglars, that lot?

People get burgled all the
time, it's a fact of life.

And what do you think
would happen if every Tom,

Dick and Harry put himself about

as an expert on
the subject, hey?

Just because he fancies
himself as a bit of a Clouseau.

It's prevention that we should
be concentrating on, Barry.

Think about it.

Prevention and
awareness, and vigilance.

And now, Nobby, would you
do me a favor and button it,

because you're beginning
to get on my wick.

(people chattering)

(low music)

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Thanks.

- What do you think of me, Greg?

- Pardon?

- What do you think of me?

- I think you're great.

- I think you're great too.

Fancy a beer?

- No, honestly.

- I'm having one.

Go on.

- What else, cell support
staff go at the end

of each bank of desks.

You have two on your team,
how does that work for you?

- Sounds great, thank you.

- I'd like you to spend
some time with the FD.

- Whatever you think's best.

- He'd like you.

- Thank you, I think
I'll like him too.

Mark, shall we just, shall
we just cut to the chase?

- I don't know, shall we?

- Look, you didn't
invite me here to talk

about seating
arrangements, did you?

- No, guilty as charged.

What?

- I'm so sorry.
- No, it's okay, it's okay.

- I can't.

- I thought, I
thought you liked me.

- I think you're very
attractive, Greg.

- I think you are too.

- Do you?

- Course.

- Good.

- Look, I lied, I'm sorry.

I'm actually married, Emma.

- So am I.

And he'll be gone for hours.

- I'm really sorry,
Emma, you're fit as fuck,

you really are, but I can't.

(light music)

(dog barks)

- [Greg's Voicemail]
Hi, this is Greg.

I'm not here so please
leave a message, cheers.

(phone rings)

- Hiya.

- Well?
- Well what?

- How did it go?

- Oh that, um, I didn't show up.

I changed my mind, I bottled it.

Something else will
come up, I'm sure.

- Probably best if
you're not sure.

- Have you seen Greg anywhere,
I can't get hold of him.

- [Lisa] No, love, sorry.

- If you see him, can you
ask him to give me a call?

- Yeah, course.

- I've got to go, there's
someone at the door.

- Okay love, bye.

- Still up for that card school?

* Summer of love

* And you seem so in love

* And you're sailing

* In summer

* So in love

* So in love

* In sailing in summer

* So in love

* So in love

- It's about building bridges,
joining neighborhoods.

- Looking out for each other.

- And who says we can't do that
without a drop of Sauvignon?

- And a bit of George Michael.

- Like I were telling the wife,

they're not as thick as
we think, these burglars.

- He's right.

Jim's nephew got done for
nicking a box of Kit Kats,

and he's got four GCSEs.

- Spring roll, Barry?

- Not for me, son.

(doorbell chimes)

They see an open window,
they're through it like a shot.

- He's a genius, your father.

- (chuckles) Mum.

He means well.

- Look who's here, everybody.

- Hello.

- Hi.
- Oh, hello.

- And she's brought
some cupcakes.

- Sex, drugs and
rock'n'roll, eh, Mum?

I'm not sure I can take
the pace. (chuckles)

- Hi.

- Oh God.

I'm really sorry, I've
got the wrong house.

- Who is it, love?

* Sailing in summer

* So in love

* So in love

* Sailing in summer

* So in love

* So in love

(Denise cries)

- Bring back corporal
punishment, I say, they'd soon stop.

- Well, violence isn't always
the answer, believe it or not.

- Nonsense.

- I've had enough, Mum, I'm off.

- All right, bye bye, chick.

- When I was a lad, we were
petrified of nicking anything

in case we got a clout.

- Hey, hey, hey, time
moves on, things changed.

You can't just go round
hitting everybody.

I think we'd all do
well to remember that.

- Never a better point
more well put, my love.

- Thanks, love.

- Think about it, what
about light switch timers,

window locks, bloody
big alarms outside

of your house, guard dogs?

- The world's gone soft.

- Maybe it has.

But I met a very nice
lady the other day,

and she put everything
in simple terms.

"Prevention, awareness
and vigilance."

A very nice lady indeed.

- Very nice, eh?

- I always mean what
I say, you know that,

my little pilchard.

- Do you, erm, do you
fancy a few days away?

- What?

- Just you and me
and the chuck wagon.

* Lights go out in the summer

* Lights come on in our hearts

- I'll raise you 20.

- Go on then, I'll see it.

- Nice move.

- He says, bitterly.

- That's me, I'm done, lads.

- So soon?

- I haven't seen my
wife for two days.

- Might've known
there'd be a ball

and chain involved somewhere.

Casino, that's what we need,
party with the big boys.

Who's in?

- Have fun.

- Well, you missed
Bianca's little soiree.

- Oh, shit, I totally
forgot, how was it?

- How do you think?

Jack's?

- Just cards.

- You, cards?

- I was bored.

- Aww.

- I just missed you.

- Aw, did you?

- Mm.

- Hey, was Greg there with you?

- Yeah.

- Is he still there?

- Yeah.

- They're out the back.

(dog barks)

- Hello.

- Sorry to disturb you,
Shelley's been looking for you.

- Shit, I'm on silent, bollocks.

- Casino it is then.

- Casino?

- Is this your good lady
wife then, Greggy boy?

- No, mate.

- This is Lisa, my
neighbor, this is Richard.

- Dan's wife, actually.

- Lisa, Lisa?

- Shut up, just shut up.

- What do you mean, Lisa?

- Makes sense now, Dan
running off like that,

he's probably terrified.

- Excuse me, were
you born a prick

or did you just go to a
special school and learn?

- What?

- My husband does not
run off on anyone, pal.

And if you're gonna
insult someone,

try doing it to their face and
not waiting till they've gone

so they can't fight back.

It just makes you look
like you've got no balls.

Unlike my husband,
thank you very much.

Just call her, will you?

- [Jack] Lisa.

- I know, below the
belt, I'm sorry.

- You don't need to be sorry,

I wish I'd never asked him over.

- Curse of Facebook?

- You're right, he is a prick.

- Am I really that
terrifying, Jack?

Is that what people think?

- You really care
what he thinks?

- No.

You told him about me?

- Not really.

- Well, you must have,
'cause he knew who I was.

What have you been saying?

- Nothing.

- But he knows who I am.

You've been talking
about me, haven't you?

- I can't stop
talking about you.

You do know what
I mean, don't you?

You do, I know you do.

I'm falling for you, Lisa.

- Don't be silly.

- I'm not being silly.

- I'd better go.

- Don't go, you
always bloody go.

(Denise sighs)

- Mum?

Can you come up here a minute?

I need to tell you something.

* I'm not gonna stay here

* Living my life in
the shadows I hide *

* Won't wait another
moment wasting away *

* Fighting the tide

* I can't sleep here at night

* Fire burning through my eyes

* I won't take it

* I won't change it

* Like I'm chained to a bed

* Voices screaming in my head

* I must face it

* I must face it

* You can't play the
music in my soul *

* These chains they are strong

- Come on, let's get there.

* And when that
whistle finally blows *

* As long as I try my best

* Then there won't
be no regrets *

* There won't be no regrets

* There won't be no regrets

* There won't be no regrets

* There won't be no regrets

* The clouds, they're
getting closer *

* And the air's getting thin

* I can't breathe with this
weight on my shoulders *

* Now I'm getting wiser

* And the scars from within

* Every time

- Shit!

(tires squealing)

(horn blares)

* I won't change it

* Like I'm chained to a bed

* Voices screaming in my head

* I must face it

(upbeat jazz music)

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