All language subtitles for American Housewife s04e12_English

Day 6,593
of parenthood.

Odd-numbered day.
You get first pick.

I'll take Anna-Kat.

Okay, I'll check in
on Taylor.

Can you take Oliver?
Uhp!
You know the rule --

when you pick first, you also
have to take Oliver.

Whoever said kids grow up fast
is an idiot.

They grow up slow,
Greg.

Real slow.

[ Chuckles ]

♪♪

Oh, buenas noches,
Mrs. Otto.

Cooper.
You have 10 houses.

Get out of mine.

We're actually having an
important conversation.

Is this conversation
trying to get me

to buy you
that Gucci belt?

Because I'm running out of
curse words to put before "no."

No, actually,

we're talking about
that troubled kid

who called in
to Teen Help Line.

We've got an idea
who it is.

He said everyone
thinks he's Superman.

Well, this kid Trevor's always
wearing a Superman T-shirt.

Shocker -- he doesn't
have any friends.

So, we're going
to befriend him.

I'm actually
proud of you.

I'm proud of us,
too, Mom.

Ugh.

Does that mean you'll buy me
that belt?

[Bleep] you and the horse
you rode in on, you [bleep]

No!

Oh. She found
a new one.

♪♪

Friendly reminder to complete
your life-skills list.

If you don't finish it,
you don't go to prom.

I did
the important ones.

I changed
the windshield-wiper fluid,

and I switched around fruit
stickers at the grocery store.

I got a Honeycrisp for the price
of a Granny Smith.

That one was clearly
your mother's.

Plus, I sent my application
in to Carnegie Mellon,

and I did
my audition tape.

I even noticed I spelled
"Carnegie" wrong,

and then I fixed it.

Then I noticed I spelled
"Mellon" wrong,

and then I fixed that.

And then I saw I spelled
"Carnegie" wrong

in a different way,
and then I fixed that.

[ Chuckling ]
I'm doing great.

Have you prepared for
your alumni interview?

Dude, that's like
a month away!

And yes,
I'm all ready for it.
You mean you --

Yes! Whatever you're about to
say, I did it! I did everything!

Okay!
Stop yelling at me!

Stop making me
yell at you!

Do all your friends yell at
their fathers?

You're getting off easy.

Olivia Andal slaps her dad
in public.

♪♪

Time to get to bed.

First, I need you to sign
a permission slip really quick.

What's it for?

And why are you
showing it to me

like Taylor shows me
her report card?

My new friends invited me to
join their scout troop,

The Wildflower Girls.

That sounds great.

Wait. Do you promise?

Say it.
Say you promise.

Fine. I promise.

Anna-Kat!

Sage, Nancy, and Tara Summers
are the troop leaders.

You know
I can't stand them.

Well, what difference
does it make?

You're not in the troop.
I am.

Because those terrible moms
and their daughters

are bound to be
a bad influence on you.

Plus, they're going to e-mail me
and want me to volunteer,

and I get migraines if I have
to fake smile too long.

Unh-unh. Remember?

You promised.

A mother's promise
means nothing.

Good night.

[ Door closes ]

♪♪

[ Both sigh ]

Taylor's upset with me.

Anna-Kat's upset with me.

How's Oliver?
Regular terrible.

Hmm.

Other than
the Mother's Day gifts

they force them
to make me at school,

I'm not sure what
I'm getting out of all this.

♪♪

♪♪

I'm feeling guilty about
not letting Anna-Kat

sign up
for Wildflower Girls.

At what age can I stop
putting my kids first?

Right when
they can talk.

If you can say "milk,"
you can get it yourself.

My kids
always come first.

Do I miss having
the master bedroom? Sure.

But they wanted a climbing wall.
Who am I to say no?

Uh, their mother.

You're making
your kids soft.

They'd never survive
in the wild.

My kids are not going
to be in the wild.

You don't know that.
People end up in the wild.

Can you guys shut up? I'm trying
to work something out.

I think you should
let Anna-Kat join.

Kids are only young for so long,
and life is hard enough.

Give them
what they want.

Electronics,
video games, candy.

Make it rain.

Don't listen to her, Katie.
You can't give kids everything.

'Cause in the wild,
there's nothing.

Sorry, Doris,
Angela might be right.

[ Gasps ]
Oh.

You mean you're actually
gonna take my suggestion

over hers for once?

Mm-hmm.
Oh.

Excuse me.

[ Clears throat,
chuckles ]

I win! I win!

I win! I win!

You know
that point in life

where you think you've
outgrown your friends?

This is it.

[ Chuckles ]
Take that.

♪♪

Look at that kid.

Gucci belt.
His life must be great.

A Gucci belt doesn't
make you happy.

A limited-edition one worn by
Bradley Cooper at the Oscars.

Now, that's happiness.

I can't believe my parents
won't buy me one.

They say I can't wear anything
on my body over 500 bucks

unless it's braces.

Oh, there he is.

Don't mention
Teen Help Line.

Or that he wants to say
adios to his vida.

Hey there, Superman.
What's the haps in Metropolis?

Uh, what's going on?

Nothing, muchacho.

We just thought maybe
we should all hang out.

You guys want to hang out
with me?

I know.
Isn't that great?

No. It's the stupidest thing
I've ever heard.

Look, guys,
it's a Wednesday, alright?

A new comic book just dropped,
so take a hike.

But we're gonna
be your friends.

I don't want to be friends
with you morons.

You've got
a stupid face.

And you just
generally suck.

I guess we're just gonna have to
try harder tomorrow.

Let's not be hasty.

Maybe we should let nature
take its course here.

♪♪

I can't believe Mom
changed her mind

and is letting you
be a Wildflower Girl.

She would've never done
that for me.

Well, you didn't
have the benefit

of a terrible older sister
to make you look good.

Yeah.

Wait.

I just got off the phone
with Carnegie Mellon.

There's an alumnus coming
through Westport tomorrow,

and they wanted to move up
your interview.

I said yes.
Why would you
move it up?

Because
you're all prepared.

Plus, it's good
to get in early.

And there's
even better news --

your interview
is with Brecken Phillips.

The Broadway guy?
Yeah, he's an alum.

And your interview's
in the afternoon.

Or, as they say in the theatre,
a matinee.

Just so you know,

people outside this house
think I'm entertaining.

So, you're not ready
at all, huh?

No. I just told Dad I was
to get him off my back.

What am I gonna do?

You're just gonna have to
cram for it.

You're right.

If I can get through
all of "Harry Potter"

in a weekend,
I can do this.

You read all of "Harry Potter"
in one weekend?

It's a book?

♪♪

[ Door opens ]

Girls: Anna-Kat's here!

Katie, it's so great that
Anna-Kat's joining the troop.

Yes, you must be
so relieved

she'll finally have some
positive female role models.

Mm. Don't feel obligated
to stay.

No, I'll be here.

Okay, Wildflower Girls,

let me see
those wildflower smiles.

[ Camera clicks ]

Ah.

The girls are learning
to make egg parachutes

so they can earn
their aeronautics badges.

Now, you already have your
parachute attached to your egg.

Now let's launch them and
watch them float down safely.

Three, two, one.

Liftoff!

Yay!

Great job,
you guys.
Really good.

Hortensia, clean up!

Okay, so badge time.

Badge time?

All of the eggs broke.

Aren't you going to make them
try it until it works?

Why would we?

To teach them about
a job well done.

Ew.

We always hand out badges,
no matter what.

Thank you.

[ Chuckles ]

And this is for you,
little lady.

[ Chuckles ]
Thank you!

Anna-Kat didn't earn
any of those badges.

Oh, relax, Katie.

It looks better for the pictures
if all the girls match.

And what kind of
life lesson is that?

Uh, a perfect one.

Alright, ladies.

Smile like you'll never have
to worry about money.

[ Chuckles ]

Hortensia, snap-snap.

[ Camera clicks ]

I'm gonna pick out some shoes
that go with my new sash.

[ Giggles ]

[ Sighs ]

Greg, what are
you doing?

Uh, reorganizing
the junk drawer.

Ugh.

[ Clatter ]

We've got bigger problems
around here.

They give Anna-Kat's troop
badges for doing nothing.

I had $20 in dimes
stacked up right here.

I can't pull her out
because I promised

she could
be a part of it.

But...
Here we go.

...I am going to host
the next meeting

and teach the girls
how to make lasagna.

Suspiciously wholesome.

And I'll tell the girls
to take off their sashes

so they don't get messy

and then stuff them in
the garbage disposal

and grind 'em up.

There's my girl!

Wouldn't it be more
inspirational for Anna-Kat

if you actually teach
the girls to cook

and make them earn
their cooking badge?

Mm-hmm.
Probably the way to go.

It's good that we workshop
these things.

Hey.
[ Drawer opens ]

Can we get rid of
these phone chargers?

One day, the PalmPilot
is coming back.

And when it does,

you bet your ass
Katie Otto's gonna be ready.

Back in the drawer.

♪♪

What do you think?

I took the laces
out of my Converse.

That's cool, right?

Not now, Anna-Kat.

I'm trying to memorize facts
about Carnegie Mellon.

Did you know there's no such
thing as a Carnegie melon?

I know I told you
to cram,

but turns out you don't
have to work that hard.

What are you
talking about?

At my Wildflower Girls
meeting,

they taught me all you need
to do is show up, smile,

and the world
will deliver.

You're a good smiler.

[ Chuckles ]
I am a good smiler.

There you go.

The bee comes
to the wildflower.

Not the other way around.

So, I'm the bee.

That makes a lot of sense.

No, you're the wildflower.

I'll be honest, I didn't even
get it when I was the bee.

♪♪

[ Indistinct conversations ]

I don't know
about this.

Trevor wasn't into it
last time.

He was just
pushing us away

because he has difficulty
managing his feelings.

Textbook depression.

It's up to us
to follow through.

It could save his life.

If you say so.

Hey, man.

Can't you losers
get your own lives?

We're just letting you know
you're not alone.

Yeah, because you two idiots
keep showing up.

Zuckerberg, Gates, Jobs.

What do they all
have in common?

I've been all of them
for Halloween?

No, they were all reclusive
nerds when they were young

and became titans of industry.

I'm harnessing my disdain for
everyone at this crappy school

and using it to fuel
my success later in life.

Later in life?

But you called Teen Help Line.
I talked to you.

I don't even know what
Teen Help Line is.

Now, why don't you
make like

lesser-known original
Justice League character

Martian Manhunter

and disappear?

I could've sworn it was him,
but maybe I was wrong.

Boy: Hey, Justice League,
watch out!

[ Laughter ]
Hey!

Dude, hide behind
my cape!

♪♪

Wait! What about
my jacket?!

Leave it, leave it!

Leave it!

Katie:
Okay, Wildflower Girls,

the trick to making
the perfect lasagna is layering.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Let's pay attention.

It goes pasta, meat sauce,
cheese, repeat.

Do it with me.

Look, a lion's friends
with a duck.

Aww!
Aww!
Aww!
Aww!

Hello? Who wants
their cooking badge?

I do.

Hortensia?

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Groans ]
[ Cellphone rings ]

[ Cellphone beeps ]

Angela, where are you? You said
you were gonna help me.

Ugh, I had to go
to the school.

They accused Sebastian
of plagiarizing

just because he copied
an article he found online.

Unh-unh. I'm going to give that
teacher a piece of my mind.

So, you're mad at the teacher
and not at your son who cheated?

What kind of message
does that send to him?

That Mommy's little baby
does no wrong. Pfft.

Oh, no. I listened
to the wrong friend.

Can we get
our badges now?

No. You can't.

The only person getting a badge
is Hortensia,

because she actually
did the work.

What?! Mom!

I don't like not getting
what I want.

Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!

I hate you, Hortensia.

When I close my eyes,
the entire world disappears,

and I am a bird.

Fly, Hortensia.

Fly.

♪♪

I am happy to represent
Carnegie Mellon

because it gave me
the confidence and skills

to do everything
from Stanley Kowalski

to the voice of
bleach-free surface cleaner.

Oh, oh!

[ Cockney accent ]
Stains, get outta here!

[ Normal voice ]
That was you?

[ Giggles ] Yeah.

So, I-I got to tell you,

the -- the music department
was -- was a big fan

of your audition tape,
and so was I.

Cool.

Alright, so, uh,
why do you think

Carnegie Mellon
is the right school for you?

Because of
the music program.

And what aspects
of our music program?

All of them?

Are -- Are --
Are you asking me, or...?

No...?

Okay, alright.
Never mind.

Um, so, where do you see
yourself in 10 years?

At Carnegie Mellon.

Okay, we're
a four-year program, so...

And a great one.
[ Chuckles ]

Yes. Um...

Is there anything else
you'd like to add?

Uh, what you can bring
to -- to Carnegie?

Like a pillow
and comforter and stuff?

No.
Like your philosophy.

Oh!
I have one of those.

Um, I'm gonna
show up, smile,

and the world
will deliver.

[ Sighs ]
The people who made this form

really didn't plan
for someone like you.

[ Chuckles ]

♪♪

What is
going on here?

We all got 911 texts
from our daughters.

Anna-Kat's mom won't
give us our badges.

Katie, give the girls
their badges.

They did nothing
but fool around.

It's okay.
You're new here.

Just hand them over,
and we'll forgive you.

What kind of world
do we live in

where you're so afraid of
disappointing your children?

If they misbehave
or don't listen,

they shouldn't be
rewarded for it.

I don't follow you.
Are you well?

It's never the child's
fault nowadays.

It's always the teacher
or the coach or --

It's fine. You just tell me
when to stop.

No!

This is bigger than money.

Just...
give me the badges!

[ Grunting ]

That's right.
Take it.

Come on.
Use your muscles.

[ Grunts ]

Damn you and
your poor-person strength!

Mom, you're
embarrassing me!

Come on, girls.
We're taking you home.

[ Indistinct talking ]

Katie, if you don't
give the girls

their cooking badges
at the next meeting,

Anna-Kat
is out of the troop.

[ Gasps ]

Yeah, you better go,

because I'm about to earn
my face-slapping badge!

[ Door closes ]

I can't believe
you embarrassed me like that.

[ Sighs ]

You know what?

I'm eating your hidden stash
of 100 Grand bars.

Hey! That's
my plant candy!

Stop. Come here.

Sit down.

I know that you're mad,
but you're a big girl now,

so I'm going to explain to you
why I don't like this troop.

And then I'm going to
let you decide

what you think
that I should do.

Fair?

Fair.

[ Inhales deeply ]

It is a bad lesson
to teach young girls

that you get
something for nothing.

Because outside of
a town like this,

you do nothing,
you get nothing.

You girls are smarter,
stronger, and better than that.

Do you understand?

I do.

I understand that I want you to
give my friends their badges

and stop embarrassing me.

Hey, where'd they go?

Does everyone know?

Seriously, Katie, there was
a lot of candy here

three days ago.

♪♪

Well, it was, uh,
nice meeting you, and, uh,

the admissions department
will be in touch soon.

[ Chuckling ] Okay.

Oh, perfect!

I just wasted my afternoon,
and now I got to call AAA.

I meant..."wasted" in a...
different way than you think.

Oh.

I can change it for you.

[ Chuckles ] You know how
to change a tire?

Yeah. Pop the trunk.

Put on
the parking brake.

Alright.

[ Click ]

Uh, don't you still
need the jack?

You loosen the lug nuts first
so the tire doesn't spin.

Is this a "Parent Trap"
situation?

Did the more pragmatic twin
tag in

while I was
in the bathroom?

No. [ Chuckles ]

Changing a tire
was on my list.

Your list?

I'm working on a life-skills
list before I go to college.

Really?

Yeah, you know...
[ Grunts ]

...things like
how to change a tire,

how balance a checkbook,
how to unclog a toilet.

Do you know flushable wipes
aren't really flushable?

[ Chuckles ]
I did not.

Uh, you know, Taylor,
I-I got to confess,

my impression of you
wasn't stellar.

Oh.

You came off as kind of
a one-dimensional person,

but I think I had you
pegged wrong.

I'd like to hear more about
this list -- and you.

You know, how would you like to
do this interview over again?

That'd be great.

[ Clank ]
Uh, no, no.
Tire first.

[ Both chuckle ]

I'd help, but
I'm a hand double for Shrek.

[ Chuckles ]

♪♪

[ Sighs ] It wasn't Trevor,
so what do we do now?

Let's just forget about it.
You've done everything you can.

Oh, and don't worry about
the incident in the cafeteria.

My PR guy's
already on it.

He had to move a few things
around, but this week,

Derek Jeter's gonna
sit with us at lunch.

Hey, Superman!
Think fast!

Ooh, nice grab!
Alright,
I'll see you at practice.

Oh, my God.

Cooper:
Is Will Hansen Superman?

That's the voice
on the phone.

Why would he want
to end his life?

He's got the sneakers,
the belt, and the watch.

He's rocking full Gucch.

If that's not happiness,
I don't know what is.

Happiness is actually
Gucci sneakers worn by --

Please stop.

...Matt Damon.

[ Sighs ]

♪♪

You guys, I almost blew
my Carnegie Mellon interview,

but then Brecken Phillips
got a flat tire,

and I changed it
for him.

He was
super impressed.

Since when do you know
how to change a tire?

It's on that stupid
life-skills list

Mom and Dad
are forcing her to do.

But that stupid
life-skills list

got me one step closer
to Carnegie Mellon.

They're super annoying,
but maybe Mom and Dad

might actually know what
they're talking about.

Huh. They're always telling me
money doesn't buy happiness.

I thought that was just
poor talk,

but now
I kind of get it.

Are you two saying that
Mom and Dad are sometimes right?

Yeah.

Huh.

I've got to process this
over a Baby Ruth.

♪♪

♪♪

Katie!

I hope you brought something
for the kids.

I did.

Tara: We're so glad.

We like having
Anna-Kat in the troop.

Be a shame if her mother
blew it for her.

Come on up, girls,
and get your badges.

Yeah!
Yay!
[ Giggles ]

♪♪

I don't want this badge.

I didn't earn it.

None of us did.

If you want something,
you have to work for it.

Because in the real world,

you don't just get
everything handed to you.

I mean, what if
your parents

decide to squander
your trust funds

or you want to
marry for love?

[ All gasp ]

It happens, ladies.

And what are
you gonna do then?

We are smarter, stronger,
and better than that.

I'm not trained in CPR!

Window shopping shouldn't
earn me a hiking badge.

I did not successfully
breed a chinchilla.

Ya sabía cocinar lasaña.

From now on, we don't get badges
unless we earn them.

Right, Wildflower Girls?

Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!

Badges!

We don't need
no stinking badges!

What do you think
you're doing?!

This is madness!

How much is it gonna take for
you to put those sashes back on?

Hmm?

So, you listened to me?

No.

I listened to
Taylor and Oliver,

who then told me
to listen to you.

And your father said
trickle-down parenting

wouldn't work.

♪♪

Day 6,596
of parenthood.

Even-numbered day.
I get to pick first,
and I choose Oliver.

No! I want Oliver.

Sorry.

It's a crazy turn of events
in three days.

Mm.

[ Door opens ]

I have something
for you.

It's an integrity badge.

Because you earned it.

Thanks, Mom.

Not so fast.

I don't care about
the Baby Ruths so much,

but where are
my 100 Grand bars?

You have 10 seconds.

♪♪