All language subtitles for - Life.With.Mikey.1993.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+2.0.H.264-SiGMA.eng

* Times have changed *

* And we've often *
* rewound the clock *

* Since the Puritans *
* got a shock *

* When they landed *
* on Plymouth Rock *

As you see,
there's nothing in my hat.

I'm gonna pour this jug
of milk inside my hat.

* Kids, I don't know what's *
* wrong with these kids today *

* Kids, who can understand *

* Anything they say *

Life, humanity, everything�

Is just scum floating
round and round

on top of the water
until it finally sinks.

* Kum-bah-yah, my Lord *

* Kum-bah-yah *

Oh, Ma, I did it wrong.

Was that good?

And now I'm gonna put
this hat on my head.

* She woke up and found that *
* her dream of love was gone *

* Madam *

* She ran to the man who had *

* Led her so far astray *

* And from under *
* her velvet gown *

* She drew a gun and shot *
* bang, bang, her lover down *

* And though I'm not *
* a great romancer *

* I know that I'm bound *
* to answer when you propose *

* Anything goes *

And I know that if I were down,

I should want to go
deeper and deeper

into the fetid, festering earth.

Thank you, uh, George.
That was very good.

What's the difference? In 100
years we'll both be dead.

I'm not sure
I can wait that long.

Let's go, Mother.
All right. One second.

How did George do,
Mr. Chapman?

Do you think you might�
Whoa! Not yet,

Do you think you might
want to represent him?

Well, we really don't get much call for
children doing Strindberg these days.

Maybe George could work up something
a little lighter for us next time.

When's little Mikey get here?
Good question.

Excuse me. Geena.
When's he gonna get here?

Geena. Geena!

Hi, Mr. Chapman.

What is this?

It's a Walkman.

I know it's a Walkman. Do you
know why they call it a Walkman?

Because you're supposed
to wear it when you walk.

Not when you're
sitting at a desk, working.

How can you hear
if somebody calls?

Did somebody call?
Was it for me?

Yeah, Harvard Medical.
Your brain is ready.

Just get my brother
on the phone, please.

Whoa! Chapman steals
the puck, he splits the "D."

He makes his move.
It's a strong move!

He is the king of West 83rd.

How can he be so good?

How about "you're old enough
to be my father!"

Oh!

He ignores the feeble taunts
of the pathetic defenders.

Yes! And he shoots!

Uh-oh.

C'mere!

You heard him.
Get over there!

Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight!

Calm down, you just
calm down a second.

It's not easy bein'
father to all these kids.

You see that car?
That's my boss's car,

and he ain't gonna be
too happy if he sees it.

And if he ain't happy,
I ain't happy.

All right, listen.
I appreciate your situation.

I feel compelled to tell you, however,
that I am something of a celebrity.

What kind of celebrity are you?

"Asshole of the month"?

No, that's all political.

Um, actually, did you ever see a
television show called Life with Mikey?

You know, he's wacky, he's wild,
he's everyone's favorite child.

- * It's life with Mikey *
- Yeah, I've seen it. So what?

- Well, that's me.
- You're little Mikey.

I'm little Mikey.
Moose shit!

Tell 'im, guys. Tell 'im.

Fight! Fight! Fight!

Any chance of getting
time off for good behavior?

Hey! It is you!

Little Mikey!

Oh! Hey, do me a favor, autograph
somethin' for me, will ya?

Oh, yeah, sure.

So, you still an actor?

No, I got outta that
when I was about 15.

I just started to hate the
superficiality of the whole scene.

I'm an agent now.

Morning, Bambi.

Hey, it's noon, honey.

Oh, surprise, surprise.

Good morning, Geena.

You want a kiss?

Okay.

So, is he mad?

He said he was gonna kill ya if
ya weren't here in 15 minutes.

How long ago was that?

Rest in peace, Mr.
Chapman.

Mrs. Tobin:

it's nothing personal,
but business is business.

Mrs. Tobin. Hey, Sisters
Grimm, dynamic duet.

Flotsam and Jetsam.
Gimme five. Gimme 20.

Michael, Mrs. Tobin is taking
the girls over to Tiny Talent.

Go on, girls. Good-bye, Mr. Chapman.
That's fine, Mrs. Tobin,

if you're not interested in
the Doublemint commercial.

What?

Ed, you didn't tell them about
the Doublemint commercial?

Ed, what were
you thinkin' about?

I� Honestly
have no idea.

Do you girls like Doublemint?

Can you say, "double-icious"?

Yeah, that Doublemint commercial,
that's only a phone call away.

That's what you said
three months ago, Mr. Chapman.

It won't work this time.
Come on, girls.

Keep your coat on, Michael.
We have to go see Barry Corman.

Mom, what kind of cereal
is this?

Oh, it's new from
Country Kitchens.

It's not good for you, is it?

Of course not, dear.

Isn't it dewicious�
Delicious?

Cut!

I'm sorry, Barry.

How much of this crap
do I have to eat today?

What am I, Job? Mom!

Not you, my real mom. The one who
doesn't need acting lessons.

I'm here, Barry.
Honey, I'm right here.

I can't work with these people.
I know.

Or these animals.

He's probably just having some artistic
differences with the director.

Hey, Ed, Ed, Ed, why don't you
relax, all right?

He's a 12-year-old kid.

I know that.

You think I like jumping every
time a 12-year-old calls?

But I have to because this kid is gonna
put braces on my daughter's teeth.

Kristin's gonna be fine.

Besides, overbites
can be very attractive.

Would you look at this?

Put that down.

Listen to me.
This is important.

Just behave yourself, okay?

Mrs. Corman! How are you?
Oh, Mrs. C.

Really do.
Do I?

Absolutely.
Oh,

I am using this new moisturizer.

You look very moist. Very.

Hey, Mom,

this is a business meeting,
not a block party.

Do me a favor. Go down to the corner
and get me a couple of Big Macs.

And, uh, get yourself a
little something. Oh�

Would you boys like anything?

They're fine.

Yeah, we'll just get by on

whatever falls out
of Barry's mouth.

I'll see you all later.

Hey, Mom, get a life.

All right,
I'm ready for your apology.

Wait� Wait a minute.
What is he talkin' about?

Michael, um, Barry feels that
you're not quite supportive enough.

That you're occasionally
rude and dismissive�

And you don't take
his career seriously.

You've brought me down here
to apologize to him?

What are you, out of your mind?
For what?

For discovering him with his entire
head stuffed in a box of Cocoa Puffs?

I made this kid the cereal king.

Yeah, well, I'm sick of doing
cereal commercials.

I wanna do new stuff.

I wanna grow artistically.

I wanna work
with Michelle Pfeiffer.

How come I wasn't put up
for her last movie?

Totally our fault, Barry.

Barry, they need you in makeup.

We had no idea

you were interested in the part.

You know, you're shameless.

Why don't you just get on your knees
and sacrifice a goat to this kid?

Let's hope it doesn't
come to that.

Barry, if you had only
mentioned this sooner.

All right, you two clowns, we'll talk
later. I gotta get into character.

What character?
All you gotta do is swallow.

All right. You're gonna be laughing yourself
right out of a client, Mr. Funny Man,

because Brian Spiro
from United Talent

has been takin' me out
to a lotta lunches recently.

Great! He'll be outta business
soon, the way you eat.

He's kidding, Barry!

Michael likes to kid around.

Tell him you were kidding, Michael.
All right, I�

I was kidding.
Barry, I was kidding.

Come on.
You know I love you.

Very much.

Mmm!

When I put Barry
in that headlock,

I got Vitalis all over my shirt.

Listen, Michael, I've got to
talk to you about something.

Yes, Ed?

I'm thinking of,
uh, getting out.

Giving up the business.

You're not serious.

Yes, I am serious.

One day, I'm gonna have to
send the girls to college,

Marilyn wants to go to Europe.

We've got the mortgage on the house,
I'm up to my ears in credit�

Ed, you're not gonna leave me.
Ya can't leave me.

This is the only thing
I know how to do.

You gotta make a decision, Michael.
You wanna do this job or you don't.

Because, I gotta tell ya, Uncle Larry
asked me to come work with him.

Uncle Larry? Uncle Larry, Ed?

Uncle Larry sells
bathroom accessories.

Is that what you wanna
do with your life?

No, Michael, I don't wanna
work with Uncle Larry,

but I can't run this
agency by myself.

Either you start becoming
a real partner�

Or it's over.

You're right.

You're right.
You're right, I'm sorry.

I'm�
I know I've been negligent.

I do come in late, and I�

I missed a couple of days
here and there.

You missed October.

So I'll see ya bright
and early Monday morning.

Good. Bright and early.

I will be there when we open.

What time do we open?

Somebody
took the fish out of the fishbowl

and put it in a bowl
with no water.

Mikey!
Mikey!

Mikey.

Dad, so nice to hear from you.

Get down here.

How could you do that
to little Goldie?

Listen, if it makes
you feel any better,

I'm sure little Goldie's in

fish heaven.
Fish heaven right now.

Or in a fish stick.
Or in a fish stick.

Hey, don't make jokes
about Cynthia's fish.

Now, you have to learn when to be a
comedian and when to be serious.

No TV or ice cream
for the next week.

Any chance of getting time
off for good behavior?

* He's wacky, he's wild *

* He's everyone's *
* favorite child *

* It's life with Mikey *

* Life with Mikey *

* He's coming, look out *

* There's trouble in store *

Line up for
little Mikey's autograph.

Eat a lotta turkey today,
we got little Mikey here.

Yo, little Mikey!

Your show sucks, man!

Hey, you wanna come
over here and say that?

He's not comin'
over here, is he?

I, uh, I now declare
this Turkey Shack�

Stuffed.

Oh! Oh, excuse me.
That's all right.

Here you go.
Thanks, mister.

Thanks.
Same to you, kid.

Gimme a couple
of those bad boys and these.

Seven bucks.

Think I left my wallet�

Hey!

Hey! Hey!

Stop! Wait!

Whoa!

Stop right there!

Hey!

Ah, you're fast.

That's great.

You know, there's a lot of money
in women's track and field.

More than there is in my wallet.

So why don't you
just give it back to me?

We'll forget the
whole thing, huh?

I don't have your wallet.

You come near me,
and I'll scream for a cop!

What a coincidence.
That's what I was gonna do.

Look, I'm gonna walk
towards you very slow.

Just give me the wallet.

That's a magnifying glass.

What are you gonna do, wait till
sunrise and burn me to death?

Okay, now that's scary.

Just stay where you are,
and nobody gets hurt.

So, what grade are ya in?

Sixth!

Get your hands off me!
I didn't take anything!

I saw you!
Hold still!

What's goin' on here?
If you didn't steal anything,

Somebody get a cop!

Are you all right?

It's just�

It'll be Christmas soon.

And now that Mom's gone,

it's just me and Dad and little Jimmy.
How sad.

And�

Don't cry, honey.

You see, little Jimmy wants
a Batman doll for Christmas

because he loves Batman.

Except he didn't like the second movie as
much as the first, but he still wants one.

But my dad can't afford
to buy any presents

because he's been out of work
ever since the accident.

What accident?

A bus hit him on Madison Avenue.
Oh.

He's was riding his bicycle because he's
been a messenger ever since the strike.

What strike?

The air traffic
controller's strike.

He's been so depressed.

Sometimes he just sits home, staring out
the window, landing imaginary planes.

So I wanted to try
and buy Jimmy his Batman,

but I didn't have
any money because I'm a child.

So I tried to steal it,

which is wrong and bad
and terrible.

But enough about me.

Carol, this isn't my wallet.

- That's mine.
- Huh?

That's my wallet.

He's right, his picture's
on the driver's license.

So she tried to steal
your wallet too, right?

Steal it?
This is my daughter.

Your daughter?
Give me a break.

How could she be your daughter?
Yeah!

What do you mean, how could she be my
daughter? You ever heard of adoption?

Well, I got news
for you, mister.

Your daughter just tried
to pickpocket my husband.

All right, now you
take that back, okay, ma'am?

Because my little
girl would never take anything

that doesn't belong to her.
Isn't that right, honey?

I'm sorry.
I'm bad. I know it.

Daddy, I need help. I know. We're
tryin' to get ya help, honey.

We're tryin' to get ya help. Now, I'm sure
if you just apologize to this nice man

and give him back his wallet,
he won't call the police.

Can't I just apologize?

Give him the wallet, okay?

It's all right, folks. Show's over.
Everything's cool.

We're workin' it out here.

I don't believe this!
Give him the�

Oh� Ah, this isn't
mine, either.

I'm sorry. Let me have that back.
What color was yours?

Brown alligator.

Oh. Okay, brown alligator�

Uh, is this it?
No. No.

Wait a minute. Oh, brown alligator.
Hey, bingo, a winner.

Okay, let's go, honey.
Coming, Daddy.

I can't wait to get back
to Connecticut.

You were incredible.
I mean�

That was an amazing performance.

You know, people have won Emmy
Awards for less than that.

I know. I did.

Look, as soon as we turn the
corner, let go of my hand.

Listen, my name is Michael Chapman,
I'm a children's talent agent.

If you can do in front
of a television camera

what you just did in
front of those people,

we could be very wealthy.

Let me give you my card�

Hey!

* For a spoonful of sugar *
* helps the medicine go down *

* Medicine go down *
* Medicine go down *

* Just a spoonful of sugar *
* helps the medicine go down *

* In the most delightful way *

Oh�

Thank you, Erica.

I love that song.

Me too.

What were you playin'?

Oscar, wake up.

Uh, where are we?

We're at an audition.

All right!

* You'll be swell *
* You'll be great *

* Gonna have the *
* whole world on a plate *

* Starting here *
* Starting now *

* Honey, everything's *
* coming up roses *

You're the best agents!

I can't take it anymore, Felix.

I'm cracking up.

I told you 100 times, I can't
stand little notes on my pillow.

"We're out of
corn flakes, F.U."

It took me three hours to figure
out that "F.U." was Felix Unger.

Mr. Chapman,
there's a girl on the phone.

She says she has your wallet.

Yes! Yes.

Hi.

Count it.

It's all right, I trust ya.

Can I take your order?

Yeah, I'll have a cheeseburger, large
fries and a vanilla shake, please.

Coffee.

Coffee?

Yeah, coffee. It comes from beans.
Ever heard of it?

You, uh, you want a cheeseburger?
I got my wallet back.

I don't eat burgers.
I'm a vegetarian.

Ah, that's fascinating.
How come?

Look, I'm not here
to talk about food.

I wanna know how much you're
talkin' about for this TV thing.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.

I got a couple questions for you before
we get into the financial end of things.

Yeah, well, I got some questions for you.
How come you get to go first?

'Cause if you
don't answer my questions,

I don't know if I can
take you to the audition.

And if you don't answer my questions, I
don't know if I can go to an audition.

And if you keep blowin' that smoke in
my face, we're through talkin' now.

Sorry.

What's your name, anyway?

Angie Vega.

And this is the
nonsmoking section.

You wanna put that out
before I get sick?

Mmph.

How much money we talkin' about?

Well, for four national spots,

depending on how often it airs,
it could be� I don't know�

Somewhere in the
neighborhood of $250,000.

$250,000?

You serious?

How old are you?
Ten.

Did you say $250,000?

Could be. How come
you're not in school?

Uh, today's a school day?

Do your parents
know you're here?

No, my parents are dead. What
commercial's gonna want me?

Oh, it's for Sunburst cookies.

Who do you live with?

I live with my sister,
Janice, and her boyfriend.

What do they think about
you not bein' in school?

They don't think
much of anything.

She's a Scorpio
and he's an idiot.

What do you get outta this?

Standard agency commission.
What's that?

Ten percent on
whatever you make.

What should I pay you 10% for?

Well, you need my
expertise and coaching.

You need my guidance
on, uh, what to wear.

You need me to tell you
where the audition is.

First of all, I don't need you
to tell me what to wear.

And I'll give you five percent.

Thanks very much,
but it's ten percent.

Six percent.

Ten percent.
End of conversation.

Seven percent.

Ten percent.
It's the law, all right?

It's in every standard agency agreement.
This is not negotiable.

Seven and a half.

Ten percent, and that's it!

Here you go.

Separate checks.

Dear Mr. Okun,

in reference to the residuals
for the Kramer Toys ad�

Mr. Chapman,
you're going too fast.

Okay.

Hello, anybody home?

Guys�

Ah, nice of you to stop back in.

Don't worry,
we close in a few hours.

Who's this?

Ed, Geena,

I'd like you to meet
Angie Vega, our newest client.

We're on our way to the
Sunburst cookie audition.

So, Geena, we gotta make up
a resume for her.

And can you do
something with her hair?

Would you excuse us
a moment, Miss Vega?

Hey, Ed�

All right, where did you find her?
I met her in a restaurant.

Ed, this kid is unbelievable.

She's dyin' to act,

and my gut instincts tell me
she's got what it takes.

Why isn't she in school?

I'm off for Christmas.

Well, Christmas
is three weeks away, honey.

I'm very religious.

You got a problem with that?

Uh-uh.

"Sunboist" cookies
light up my day.

Sunboist? Sunboist?

You wanna de-New York
your accent a little bit?

You got a slight Yogi Berra
thing happenin'.

Look, man, I'm from Brooklyn.

You're lucky
I can speak English.

All right, let's go up here.

I'm sorry, but if you're not on the
list, there's nothing I can do.

I know, I know, but if I could
just see the casting director�

I can't believe you don't
even have an appointment!

Could you just sit down
and fill this out, all right?

Everything's
under control. Go.

Hello, I'm Courtney Aspinall.

Hi.

This is my mother,
Ellen Aspinall,

and my agent, Brian Spiro,
from United Talent.

What agency are you with?

Uh, Chapman and Chapman.

Did they find you at
one of those open auditions?

No.

Where did they find you?

Eighth and 47th, okay?

Eh, Courtney, sweetheart,
practice your lines.

I hate it when it's raining.

We don't get to go
outside for recess

or ride our bikes after school.

That's funny,

but you're not
gonna do it like that, are ya?

What do you mean?

They're just cookies.

Don't make it sound like
a commercial for hemorrhoids.

You are a very rude young lady.

I was just trying to be helpful.

Courtney Aspinall,
we're ready for you now.

I see.

Allison, sweetheart, uh�

Can we have a few minutes? Courtney
seems to have something in her eye.

All right.

Uh, then I'd like to introduce
myself. I'm Michael Chapman

from the Chapman and Chapman agency,
although you may remember me as�

Little Mikey.

You're little Mikey!

You remember.
Oh, remember?

I grew up on that show!

That's funny, so did I.
I didn't see you.

I used to watch
you all the time.

You were so cute!

I'm still so cute!

Anyway, I'm now representing
this young lady over, over here,

and, uh, it would be such a�

Well, gosh, a big break for us if you'd
just let her read today, Allison.

Uh, listen, I don't know.

These are the callbacks. I have
the head of the company in there.

He's a totally hands-on type.

Mmm, eh, has she
done anything before?

Here's her resume.

Mom, I'm done!

How'd you do, honey?

This isn't very much.

Well, you know,
I hadn't done a thing

when I walked into those
Life with Mikey auditions.

And, uh, well, hey, we all
know how that turned out.

Ah, okay.

Okay, great.

Angie Vega,
this is Mr. Corcoran,

the president and founder
of Sunburst cookies.

It's a pleasure
to meet you, Angie.

You look very pretty.

Oh, you mustn't be frightened. I'm
just a little bit of a sportsman.

You're not a sportsman.

You're a murderer!

Well, shall we get started?
Angie, I'll read with you.

No, no, I, uh,
I'm not a murderer.

Every one of these animals
was hunted legally

and in accordance with the law.

Oh, I'm sure that's a
big relief to the bear.

All her baby cubs are probably
just sitting in their den, saying,

"Mom's stuffed on
a stand in Manhattan.

"But that's the law. Let's just
hibernate and forget about it."

Finally! You found a little
girl with some spirit!

So, Michael, who's the new girl?

Why, you wanna steal her too?
I'll just leave now.

It's good to see you've reached
a new level of maturity.

Oh, bite me.

My point exactly.

Ya know what?
Can I tell you something?

You're just jealous 'cause I got a kid
with some talent and you can't get her.

Hey, hey, how'd it go?
Did they laugh, they cry?

Nobody cried.

You know, Chapman, you're right.

It's difficult not to be jealous
with someone who peaks at 15,

does a couple of Love Boats
and a Hollywood Squares

and winds up working for daddy because
he can't get a job anywhere else.

I also did a Charlie's Angels,

and you know that.

Hey. Hey, hey!

Angie, what are you doin'?
Hold the elevator.

Oh, excuse me.
Angie, what're ya doin'?

Man.

Oh, I'm glad I caught you.

Can I speak to you
for just a minute?

Yeah, what's up?

Oh, we have to finish the
auditions just as a courtesy.

We have been looking
for this girl for months.

But Mr. Corcoran absolutely loved Angie.
She got the job!

She got the job!
No, shh!

Yes! Okay!

I'm quiet, quiet. Quiet.

Quiet.

Thank you.
No, no, no,

Here's the paperwork.

We need to see Angie for a
costume fitting this Friday.

Friday.
You got it.

Yeah, what do you want?

Hi, uh, is this
the Vega residence?

I'm looking for Angie Vega.

Lenny, who is it?

My name is Michael Chapman,
I'm a friend�

Hey!

What are you doing here?

Angie! You got it.

You are
the Sunburst cookie girl.

Out of hundreds of kids,
they picked you.

When do I get the money?

You wanna try to hold down
the excitement a little bit?

When do I get the money?

After we shoot
the first commercial!

Listen, I gotta get your sister
to sign these documents.

I'll get 'em signed.
Angie?

I really wouldn't mind
talkin' to her, if that's okay�

Now's not a good time.
Uh, Angie?

Listen, here's my home number.

Give me a call
when she signs 'em.

Congratulations!

And you're from Moscow.

That's our hometown.

You only had a mustache
in those days.

Oh, you look so much older�

Remember, remember, it's Russia.

Cold. Brr.

Okay. So much older,

Alexander Vershinin-nin.

And you�

You look�

So great in this sweater,
Debbie, I swear.

Michael, please, stop.

I have this audition tomorrow.
Are you gonna help me or not?

Da, da, da, okay.

Where were we?

Uh, that's me.

The lovelorn major.

I wanted�

Tell me what that fabric is.
What is it?

Ah, all right, just stay
in character, all right?

It's cold.
Brr!

This can't be happening.

Here's all the stuff
you needed signed.

Now?

Oh, and I also thought
I should bring this back.

Whose is this?
Mr. Cookieman's.

Corcoran's.
I don't believe you!

I admit, it wasn't such a great idea,
but, you know, you get in a habit.

Oh, huh, I didn't know
you had company. Yeah.

Hello, I'm Debbie.

Hi, I'm Angie.

This place is disgusting.

Tell me about it.

Ah, she was just deliverin'
this stuff. Angie's a client.

Oh, really? Me too.

I thought he just
represented kids.

No!

Is that true?

Kids of all ages
is what she meant.

Huh!

Well, no wonder
I've never gotten a job!

You're a kids' agent!

Well, what are you saying
you never got a job?

I got you that job
in the Trojan Women.

Oh, big deal! One lousy production
in a theater in Passaic?

And I had to make
the costumes too!

Debbie, Debbie, Debbie.

Any chance of getting time off
for good behavior?

No.

Debbie!

Debbie, don't go.
Nice meeting you, Angie.

Debbie�

Uh, did I come at a bad time?

No, no.
That was perfect.

Think I'd gotten just about everything
I could out of the evening.

So you know I was thinking, I mean, I can't
concentrate on the commercials at home

with Lenny
and all his stupid friends.

So I thought I'd stay here
until we're done.

That's three weeks away.

So what?

So what? So I don't think your sister's
gonna be too happy about that.

Listen, I take better care
of her than she does of me.

So don't worry about it.

She knows I'm here.
It's cool.

It's not cool.

Can I tell you something?

I don't wanna be rude�

And I'm real sorry
about your domestic problems.

But this is my lucky Pac-Man
pillow, this is my house,

this is your bag
and that's the door.

I like my privacy.

More than your commission?

What, are you threatening me?

I don't respond well to threats.

I will not be threatened.

You are such a pig!

Yuck!

Yeah.

Do you know this girl?
Is she staying with you?

That depends.
What did she do?

I found her in the hall this
morning, throwing out your garbage.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Cantrell.
That won't happen again.

I hope it happens every day.

Usually, the garbage just sits
there, smelling up the whole place.

Not to mention
the cigarette butts.

Yeah, dear? Don't you think it's
time to get ready for school?

Yeah, right.
In my next life.

Look at this place!
Yeah. Thank you,

Get away from me with that!

I'm about to have breakfast.

Ugh! Ooh!

What?

I don't believe this!

You let her stay
in your apartment?

I don't understand you.
I really don't.

I thought you'd be happy.

We finally get the biggest job
we've had in years

and you're upset 'cause
there's a few little problems.

A few little problems?

You said she
doesn't go to school.

She steals,
she ran away from home.

We're now representing The Omen.

Did you check her head
for the little 666?

Yeah, there was only two sixes.

We got her just in time!

Miss Briganti,
announce me, please.

Certainly.

The cereal king is here.

Hi, Barry.

Barry! What an
unexpected pleasure.

I wanna go skating.

Skating?

Who doesn't?

Ah, I'd love to take you skating, Barry,
but we're still sort of working here.

Oh, is that right?

I bet Brian Spiro from United Talent
would be willing to take me skating.

I bet that�

Va-va-vavoom!

Well, hello, Dolly!

Who's the troll?

Barry Corman, I'd like you to meet
our newest client, Angie Vega.

Enchante, mademoiselle.

Yuck!

How would you like to accompany me
to Wollman rink, my brown-eyed girl?

Get lost!

Hey, come on! Come on!
Get on the ice!

I've never been able to tie these
things. Mom always had to do it.

Ya know, I was thinkin',

it's real cramped at my
apartment with Angie there

and, uh, you got that
big house and everything�

Oh, forget it!

Look, it's no place
for a kid, Ed.

I got various friends
comin' over at all hours

and I stay up late
and I play my music loud�

Oh, please. Stop making it
sound like the Copacabana.

It's a one-bedroom pigsty you share
with various bimbos and a 32-inch TV.

We're talkin' about a lot
of money here, all right?

And it's not just gonna
be these commercials.

This kid is very special.

Look, Michael, you're gonna
have to be responsible for her.

Make sure she goes to school,
stops stealing.

And do something
about that knife.

All right, TV off.
You got school tomorrow.

I'm not goin' to school.

Yeah, ya are.

I am not!

You are!

I already know everything
I have to know.

Ya know, you're right.

I mean, you're smart.

You are so smart.

You're just not that smart.

I'm smart enough.

What's the capital of New York?

Albany. What's the capital
of New Jersey? Newark.

Trenton. Who was
the 16th president?

Carter.

Lincoln. What's the longest
river in the world?

The Hudson.

The Nile.

Who's the oldest Beatle?

The oldest who?

How do you know
this stuff anyway?

CNN. How come you
don't know it?

Maybe you
should go to school, huh?

I went to school.

Couldn't have been
a very good one.

You wanna know about my school?

My school was a trailer outside
the Life with Mikey set.

There was me,

the girl who played
my sister on the show�

Who, incidentally, is up for
parole in a couple of months�

And this, uh,

73-year-old Mennonite woman with
halitosis and a hearing aid

named Miss Mitchell.

Yeah, and�

And I never got to know
any other kids.

Can you imagine what my prom was like?

Uh-huh. I don't care.
I'm not goin' to school.

And put that out.

Don't you ever read what
secondary smoke does to kids?

Lucky for me,
I don't have any kids.

That's right. I'm not your kid.
So I don't have to listen to you.

Yeah, you do.

And you're goin'.

If I go to school,
you're out $18,750.

Come again?

Seven and a half percent
of $250,000.

First of all, it's ten percent.

And that means you're out�
Uh� Two�

$225,000.

Ya know, I'm tired of this.

I'm tired of you movin'
stuff around in my bathroom.

And I'm tired of you
tellin' me I can't smoke.

And I'm tired of you eatin' muffins
all the time and not givin' me any.

Tired of you takin' over my bedroom
and usin' my phone all the time,

throwin' out food just because
the expiration date�

It's not worth it.

Tomorrow you're goin' back
to your sister's.

Where are you goin'?

Wherever you're not!

I won't be here
when you get back!

Great! You wanna turn out
the lights when you leave?

I hate you!

No, you don't!

Yes, I do!

This
small, but aggressive female�

This really sucks.

You see, by the end of the day,

you're gonna be using much more
sophisticated terminology.

Like, uh,
"This really sucketh."

I better get this over with.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Here, here.

Don't forget this.

I can't believe
you made me lunch.

Yeah.

With what? All you have
in your fridge is ketchup.

It's mu shu pork.
I've taken out the pork.

Don't lose this lunch box, all right.
That's a collector's item.

Really? How much
can I get for it?

Go to school.

Men!

Be nice to the other kids, huh?
Don't mug anybody.

Bye.
Bye.

* Zip-a-dee-doo-dah *
* zip-a-dee-ay *

* My, oh, my *
* What a wonderful day *

* Mr. Bluebird on my shoulder *

* Hey, you know I mean *
* zip-a-dee-doo-dah-day *

* Hip-hip hooray *
* a-okay *

* Today's my day, friend, *
* and I still wanna play *

* Sunshine on my mind *
* rewind to time *

* Just like Albert Einstein *

* Say, where's the bird *
* There's the bird *

* The bluebird, that's the truth, *
* ooh, it makes you say "word" *

* It's the actual *
* satisfactual manufacture *

* Better believe *
* ooh-de-shoz, irresistible *

* Dip-a-dee-doo-dah *
* dip-a-dee-ay *

* My, oh, my *
* What a� *

Excuse me, George.

Misters Chapman, I think you
oughta come out and look at this.

Now?

What's the problem?

Oh, my God!
What happened?

I got in a fight.
But it's okay, I won.

Should see the other guy.

The other guy doesn't have a
commercial to shoot tomorrow.

Neither does she with that face.

Ya know what's good?

A piece of steak.
You put it on the eye.

We can't afford steak.

I don't want
any meat on my face.

Quick!
Somebody get some tofu.

How's it look?

Like the opening scene
from Rocky.

Why me? I'm a good person.
I believe in God.

Don't worry. They don't call
it "CoverGirl" for nothin'.

Here we are. How do ya feel?
You all right?

You'll do fine.
You look great.

You look good.

Good morning, Angie.

How are you today?

Good, Mr. C.

Good morning,
Mr. Corcoran.

Wait a minute, what's
wrong with your face?

Why is she wearing
all that makeup?

Your eye's all puffy.

Now, that's not gonna show up on
screen, is it? We can't have that.

Well, see what happened was�
I don't know what happened�

I think she slept on
one side of her face�

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

I was in the cafeteria yesterday, and I
told a few people about the commercial.

And there was this
one girl, Sheila Bersten.

She said Sugar Gems are
better than Sunburst cookies.

Sugar Gems!

They're made with lard
and preservatives!

That's what I told her. I said,
"Sunburst cookies are all natural.

"No preservatives.
Just nature's own recipe."

And then she punched me.

Now, now, now, that's all right. She
was probably just a little jealous.

It all happened so fast. There
were cookies everywhere.

Now, don't you worry.
You're my girl.

Somebody cover up that eye.
Come along to makeup.

What a week!

First I lose my wallet.
Now this.

Action!

I hate it when
it's raining. There's�

- There's�
- Cut! Cut!

No problem. Keep it going.
Make the heavens weep.

Right away,
please. Mark it.

- Sunburst cookies, take two.
- And action!

I hate it when it's raining. We
don't get to go outside for recess,

or ride our bikes after school.
Cut!

You're supposed to
hold the cookies up.

And you've got to be
more excited! Excited!

- Sunburst cookies, take 21.
- Action.

- Sunboist cookies�
- Cut! Sunboist?

- Sunburst cookies, take 49.
- And action.

- Sunburst cookies� Ah!
- Cut!

Cut! Cut! Cut!

Mr. Corcoran, could I
see you for a moment?

All right, people, hold your
positions. Stay right there�

Go talk to her.

Excuse me.
I can't do this.

Yes, you can. Just relax, all right?
You're gonna be fine.

It would be easier if they'd just
let me talk like a real person.

"I hate it when it's raining.
I should have known.

"It's my favorite
little sunny friends."

I mean, it's like a cookie
for manic depressives.

Okay, it's stupid.

You're right,
it's a stupid line.

But it's no more stupid than,

"I hope little Jimmy gets
a Batman doll for Christmas,

"because he really wants
it, blah, blah, blah."

I mean, that's pretty stupid. But
that's what show business is all about,

acting like an idiot.

It's not you, you're just doing your job.
You know what I mean?

Look at it this way, most people
feel like idiots most of the time,

but they don't get paid for it.

Relax, you're gonna be fine. I
know what an idiot you can be.

Come on.

All right, friends and
relatives, take a hike, please.

Clear my set, come on.
Get ready, mark it.

Is she okay?
She's okay.

And action.

I hate it when it's raining. We
don't get to go outside for recess,

or ride our bikes after school.

Where's that coming from?
I should have known!

Cut! Let's try that with a
closed bag, for God's sake!

Makeup, I can still
see the eye. Angie.

Better.

- Sunburst cookies, take 72.
- And action.

My favorite little
sunny friends.

Sunburst cookies are
made with heartwarming honey,

and oh, yes!

A special splash of sunburst for
that fabulously fresh flavor.

Sunburst cookies, take 81.

Sunburst cookies
light up my� My�

Sunburst cookies light up my�

Sunburst cookies
light up my day!

Cut! Perfect.

We're wrapped.

How about our little girl, huh?

Listen, if these spots look
as good as I think they will,

you boys and I are gonna
have to sit down and discuss

making Angie our national
Sunburst cookie girl.

This is great!

Thank you, Mr. Corcoran.
Hey, you were great!

Ah, I am really beat.

You know, you always
just watch commercials,

and you never, ever think
how hard it is to make them.

You were great.

I was proud of ya.

In fact, when I was watching
ya, you kind of reminded me

of this time I was doing
the show and this, um�

* Hey, Louie, *
* can't you see? *

* I couldn't leave *
* you if I tried *

* Hey, Louie, *
* listen to me *

* We've got a thing *
* so dignified *

* It don't matter *
* if we lived in a shack *

* Or in a shiny Cadillac *

* It don't matter *
* Rich or poor *

* When love is knockin' *
* at your door *

* It feels like Christmas *

* Just like Christmas *

* It feels like *
* Christmas with you *

* It feels like Christmas *

* Just like Christmas *

* It feels like *
* Christmas with you *

* Don't you know *
* it feels like Christmas *

* Just like Christmas *

* It feels like *
* Christmas with you *

* Every day it feels *
* like Christmas *

* Just like Christmas *

Hello, I'm Mrs. Gordon.
Are you Mr. Chapman?

Yeah, I am. But I just wanna
tell you right now that, uh,

we're claiming
self-defense on this one.

Angela, I'm not amused.

Angela!

I want you and Evan to wait
outside for a minute, please.

And no hitting.
I didn't hit

She broke my retainer.
You gotta

She'll get that
overhand right in.

They're so cute at
this age, aren't they?

Would you mind telling me what
your relationship is to Angela?

Uh, yeah, sure. Um�

Angie� Angela, uh,

is doing a series of commercials
for Sunburst cookies�

And, uh, I'm her agent.

Although, right now, I'm thinking
about being her boxing promoter.

This isn't funny, Mr. Chapman.
Please sit down.

We have a very
serious problem here.

Now, Angela is an extremely bright
girl, but she's also very lonely.

She eats lunch by herself every day. She
barely talks to the other children.

No kidding.

I had no idea.

That's because she's not very
good at expressing her feelings.

She either runs away or hits.

So, instead of
writing a love letter,

or drawing little hearts on her
notebooks like the other girls,

she's going to give
Evan a concussion.

I� You mean,
she, uh�

Has a crush on him.

And I know it's very sweet,

but she's frightened and insecure, and not
sure of how to be with other children.

She's become really withdrawn

and difficult since her
mother passed away.

Listen, um, are you sure you
wanna be talking to me about this?

'Cause this really
isn't my area.

Fine. You're the one
she told me to call.

But tell me, Mr. Chapman,
who should I be talking to?

Where is Mikey? It's 8:30. I'm
really beginning to get worried.

I hope he's not in any kind of trouble.
I never should have yelled at him.

Now, it's not your fault, Helen.

The boy let the dog out of the yard.

I miss him.
We all miss Mikey, honey.

I was talking about the dog!

- Maybe we should call the police.
- You're right.

What?

Merry Christmas, everyone.

How come you never told
me about your mother?

What happened?

I don't want to talk about my family, okay?
It's my business.

Since when does Ed
want to see me on a weekend?

I don't know. He just said it was
important. What time you got?

I don't know. Why don't
you get a watch?

I haven't got time to get a watch.
Get it? Get it?

Yo, Bambi.

Hey, Angie. Hey, Michael.
What's shakin'?

Surprise!
Surprise!

* Happy birthday to you *

It's not my birthday. I know that.
I know that.

But I thought you needed a party, and
besides that� * Happy birthday

I thought it was a perfect
opportunity * To you

for you to meet Mr. Right.

- * Happy birthday *
- Oh, my God!

* Dear Angie *
* Angie. *

* Happy birthday *
* to you *

Save it, Judy,
save it. All right�

I see what you like
about the guy.

Really. He's cute.
He's polite.

We know he can take a punch, right?
I can't believe you did this.

Ah, will you just go
in and talk to him?

Come on, just� Ask him
what his hobbies are.

Talk to him about class. Tell him his
teeth are really straightening out.

You don't understand.
I try to talk to him, Chapman.

But he won't even look at me.
I'm ugly, that's the problem.

You are not ugly.

Hey, hey, hey, you're not ugly.

Can you say that? Can you
say, "I'm not ugly"?

Say, "I'm not ugly. I'm not ugly.
I'm not ugly!"

I'm not ugly.

Well, you� That, now that was ugly.
Say, "I'm not ugly."

"I'm not ugly!"
I'm not ugly.

"I'm not ugly!"
I'm not ugly.

Right. Right.

Hey, birthday girl!

Let me be the first to say you
don't look a day over 10.

This is just a small
token of my affection.

And there is more
where that came from.

Now that is ugly.

Oh, Ed? Hi.
Hi!

Ed, we've been meaning to
talk to you about Judy.

She's been with you for
two years now. Yeah.

That's a lot of wasted talent.

You know, we'd really love
to see her on a series.

Oh, so would I. Um,
as a matter of fact, uh,

someone from NBC just called
about Judy the other day.

Didn't they, Geena?
No. Yes!

So, you like acting.

Not really.
It's kind of stupid.

I think it's kind of cool
that you're doing it.

Angie has time to go to
school, do her homework,

and make commercials
in her spare time.

Don't let her go.
Do you mind?

Excuse me.

Shake it, George! Shake it, George!
Hey, hey!

Hey, can I get your attention?
Everybody listen up!

In honor of our birthday girl, I've made
reservations for a very elegant affair.

Kids only.

But! But I need you all to be
on your very best behavior.

There you go, take that!

Go, Lobotomizer!
Kill him! Kill him!

Will somebody please throw
Judy Wasserman in the ring!

Oh, sure, George! Are you gonna
catch her when they throw her back?

Come on!

I hate wrestling.
Yeah, but Evan loves it.

Want me to get you a soda?

- Okay.
- Smash his ear!

Ow! Oh!

Happening. It's happening!
Loan me your hat real fast.

My hat?

Ew!

Ew, gross!
Never again!

From now on it's only
kosher franks for me.

Here.
Keep it!

One, two, three!

You're outta there!

Yeah! Here, take that!
Winner�

Here, Mike, come here.

Get outta the way!

I wanna tell you something.
I wanna say, I'm the greatest!

I'm a killer! I'm an animal!
And I also wanna say

happy birthday to Angie Vega from all
the gang at Chapman and Chapman.

Now get down here, Angie, or I'm gonna
have to come up there and get ya!

Whoa! Whoa!
Come on, come on.

Come on, get on
down here! Come on!

Hey! Who invited you
down here, punk?

Here, come here! You wanna be in the ring?
Well, now you're in here.

Stop! Put him down!
No! Put him down!

I'll put him down, little

Oh, my God!
Whoa, where are

Come on, everybody!

* Happy birthday to you *

* Happy birthday to you *

* Happy birthday, dear Angie *

* Happy birthday to you *

Wrestlers are not really
that mean, you know.

They're just like hammy TV actors,
which is why they didn't hurt me.

It's like a
professional courtesy.

Those tickets must've
cost you a lot of money.

They cost $237, but they didn't cost me
anything. It's coming out of your cut.

I think Judy Wasserman
would make a great wrestler.

They could call her "The
Mermanator."

Hey, if you're not gonna wear
that stole that Barry gave you,

do you mind if I borrow it?
Be my guest.

You and Evan set a date yet?
Shut up!

You really are 11,
Ang. Enjoy it.

I know it was the high point of my life.
I was thinking of my�

Hey!
What happened?

The corporate secretary called.

She said it was important
he see both of us right away.

You think?
He's making Angie

Thank you.
Oh, look at this!

Hello, Mr. C.
Mr. Corcoran,

Sit down, gentlemen!

Whoops!
Just gonna�

This is my attorney,
Mr. Norman Feller.

Hey, Norman.
Oh, pleasure

I've always loved that name,
"Norman." That's nice.

Mr. Feller, would
you tell these gentlemen

what you've just told me?
Yes, sir.

Our legal department does the check into all
the contractual aspects of the commercials.

We discovered that the
signature on Angie's contract

belongs to a Janice Vega, who
is not her legal guardian.

Angie's actual guardian is
her father, a Richard Vega.

No, that's� That's not,
that's not possible.

You told me her father was dead.
He's dead. He's dead!

Angie's father,
who is very much alive,

is at a rehab center upstate.

These commercials cost me
one half million dollars,

and now I may not
be able to air them!

I don't know what to say, sir.
We had no idea�

What do you do, pick up
kids from off the streets?

Now listen carefully!
If these contracts

are not on my desk by tomorrow
morning, signed by Angie's father,

you will pay for these commercials,
and then I will sue you

for breach of contract,
fraud and gross negligence!

Now believe me,
if you do not comply,

I will have your heads.

Now get out of my office!

Oh!

This is my fault. I should
never have listened to you.

Anyone who's stupid
enough to listen to you

deserves to wind up in this situation.
Do me a favor, Ed.

Don't make it sound like I'm a complete
moron. She told me that her father was dead!

So what? Corcoran's right. It was
our job to know she has a father!

I don't even know what the hell we're doing
representing her in the first place.

You are unbelievable!
Twenty minutes ago

you were thrilled when you thought
the money was gonna come rolling in.

Now don't be such a hypocrite, all right,
Ed? Don't tell me about the money!

You think because you go out and find
one client in the past two years,

I should get down on my
knees and thank you?

I have kept this agency
open for the past 10 years!

If it wasn't for me, Ed,
there wouldn't be an agency.

Well, that's old news, Michael.

That was 15 years ago! That
excuse doesn't hold up anymore.

All right, fine. Fine.

I'm gonna go up to Elmira. I'm
gonna get the signature myself.

I'm gonna do it all by myself!

I'm gonna need your car
and some money for gas.

When was the last time

I'm doing this. Why don't you go back
to the office and call our lawyer?

What lawyer?
Eric, the magician's father,

Call him.

Eric the magician?

Oh, oh! Let me in.
All right.

I'll drive!
I'm okay,

Who cares about you? I still
have payments on this car!

Michael, get out of the�

So that's when I decided
that the best thing to do would be

just to get in the car
and drive up here.

I appreciate what
you're doing for Angie.

But I'm her father.
Why didn't you call me?

Well, Angie never
told me about you.

What do you mean?

Well, she said you were dead.

Oh.

I mean, I think she meant it
in the best sense of the word.

You know, like tired dead.

Dead tired.

Pooped.

When my wife died,
I lost it. Okay?

I snapped, and this is something
very difficult for me to admit,

but I was not there for my daughters
the way I should have been.

You don't have to
explain to me. Listen.

My life has been going
downhill for about 15 years.

I mean, at least you have daughters.
I� I have no kids.

I have no money.
I have no life.

I'm sorry, did I interrupt you?
No, go on.

I'm starting to feel better.

I'm starting to feel worse.

Well, maybe you should come
here and stay for a while.

Actually this is a pretty good

When I get my family
back, I'll be all right.

* Zip-a-dee-doo-dah *
* zip-a-dee-ay *

* My, oh, my *
* What a wonderful day *

* Plenty of sunshine *
* comin' my way *

* Zip� *

Hey, Chapman!
How're ya doin'?

I hope you're hungry 'cause
we're having spaghetti.

That is, if I can get it
off the side of the pot.

Hey, Ang?
Oh, and Anna called.

She said you were supposed to
call her back Friday. Angie?

You really get around, don't you? What're
you, a condom tester or something?

Angie!

I met your father today.

What did you say?

I said, I saw your dad today.
I went up to Elmira.

How come you didn't tell me about him?
I hate my father.

I like him.

I can't believe you went up to
see him without asking me first.

You had no right to do that!

It wasn't exactly
a pleasure trip!

You know Corcoran threatened to sue me and
Ed if we didn't get your father's signature?

You could've told me first!

You know, if you had
been honest with me,

we wouldn't even be having
this conversation right now.

You gotta stop lying, Ang.
Don't give me that.

I do not.
No?

You lied to Ed about me when we
first went up to the office. Right?

And then you made up

And then� You lie to your girlfriends.
That's different.

Yeah, right. It's
okay for you to lie.

Look, the point is your dad's worried
about you. And he wants to talk to you.

And he thinks you should
go back to your house.

He said he would make
sure Lenny moves out.

He's your father, Ang.

I think you should
do what he says.

Fine. I'll leave now.

I'm not saying you should leave now.
No, I want to.

Will you� Will you just
calm down for a second?

Maybe we can sit down and discuss this!
There's nothing to discuss.

Everybody's already
decided what I should do.

I mean, don't bother
asking me or anything.

We haven't decided what you should do.
It's just that

if you get together and talk, maybe
you could work it out with him.

I'm just trying to help, Ang!

You can't help me.

You can't even help
yourself. Look at you!

You're disgusting,
you live like a pig.

And you think you're real charming and
cute and that everybody loves you.

But you're 31, you have no money and
you walk around telling everybody

about some stupid television show you
were on that nobody cares about anymore.

You're a has-been.
Don't be mean, Angie.

If you wanna talk, we'll
talk, but don't be mean.

I don't wanna talk. There's nothing
to talk about. I did the commercials.

I get my money, you get your money
and that's it. Everybody's happy.

Wait a minute.

Angie!
Just leave me alone.

Where are you going?

And don't follow me.

* Where did summer go *

* How'd I miss *
* the change of season *

* All at once *
* the wind blows rough *

* It's cold enough to snow *

* In the street below *

Hey, you're back!

* People laugh *

You okay?
Yeah.

* They've got no reason *

* Don't they know *

* It's cold enough to snow *

* On the radio *

* There's a guy says *
* it's not freezing *

Hi, Angie.

* That ain't so *

* It's cold enough *

Thank you.
Merry Christmas.

* To snow *

Geena!
Merry Christmas,

Merry Christmas to you too, Geena.
How about a kiss?

Geena, let's make out.

Ed in the office?
Yeah.

He's in with
Mrs. Corman.

Am I interrupting anything?

Oh, none of your concern.

Mrs. Corman was just in the
middle of giving us the axe

on behalf of Barry.
Oh!

I tried to talk to him,
but he would not budge.

He's just sold
on this Mr. Spiro.

Can I say something? And
excuse me if I'm out of line,

but I can't believe, after
all these years together,

that Barry couldn't come up here
and just tell us this himself.

He's in Disney World with Mr. Spiro.
It was his Christmas present.

Well, I won't keep you.

I know you must have more pressing
matters to discuss than Barry.

Yeah, I gotta call the movers.

Well, good-bye, gentlemen. I
hope we can still be friends.

All right, let's not panic, okay?
We still got money coming in.

No, we don't. Corcoran's
lawyer called.

They're holding us responsible for legal fees
and the cost of delaying the commercials.

We're lucky if we break
even on the Sunburst spots.

Without Barry, we're dead.

No, no, no, no, come on!

At the next open audition, Ed, some
terrific little tyke is gonna come in,

we're gonna be right back�

Michael, I'm gonna work
for Uncle Larry. No, Ed!

You're not gonna change my mind.

Please, don't make this harder
for me than it already is.

I love you, I'll miss
working with you,

I'll even miss this godforsaken
place, but I've got no choice.

What am I supposed to do?
Huh? What about me?

You'll be fine! Maybe this will turn out
to be the best thing for the both of us.

That's easy for you to say, Ed. You've
got a job, degrading though it may be.

I have to go out and I
can't tell you why.

Geena, what?

Well, if you're gonna beat
it outta me, I'll tell ya.

Angie's at Lord and Taylor's.
She was caught shoplifting,

and she needs somebody
to get her out.

Mr. Chapman,
you be nice to her.

I can't talk now,

I will call you later, yes.
I'm gonna pick everything up.

All right.
I love you too. Bye.

Hi, my name is Michael Chapman.
I'm looking for Angie Vega.

And?

Shoplifter.
Ah, yeah.

What are you doing here?

Could we have a minute?
Thanks. Yeah.

I called for Geena, not you.
Just go away, okay?

Just calm down, all right?

It's not Geena's fault.
I had to drag it out of her.

Can I leave now?

What's wrong with you?

Huh?

I mean, why do you do this?

Just forget about it, okay?
You don't need the money.

Yes, I do! Lenny stole my
paycheck and disappeared, okay?

You happy now?

No. No. I still don't know what you
need so bad that you gotta steal it.

What, a bottle of perfume?

It's a Christmas
present for Janice.

Who's the watch for? Since
when do you need a watch?

You know how you never
know what time it is?

Well, this way you won't
be late to appointments,

Ed wouldn't get mad, and�

And maybe� I could
stay with you.

Angie!

Didn't you like it
when I was there?

Yeah, you know I did.

Then what's the problem?

It was a temporary situation.
That's why it was fun.

I'm not your father.

I know that. My father left me.
You think he wanted to?

He left so he could
get better and come back

and take care of you.

How do you know that?

Have I ever steered you wrong?

I told you, you would be terrific
in the commercials, and you were.

I told you to go to school, and
look how well you're doing.

I told you to talk to Evan, and
now he's deeply in love with you.

Shut up.

I think you're on television!

Oh, yeah. Well, that's possible.
I used to� No, not you. Her!

On the commercial! On the TV commercial.
Come on! Hurry up,

you're gonna miss it!

Great!

Excuse us. Excuse us.
Hey, hey, hey!

Yes!
Oh, my God!

I should've known. It's my
favorite little sunny friends.

Sunburst cookies
light up my day.

Ah, come here. Well, I guess
it would be bad luck to arrest

- the Sunburst cookie girl on Christmas Eve.
- Yeah!

Next time you buy your presents like
everybody else. She will. She will.

But if you're gonna steal a
present, isn't this a beauty?

All right. Thank you.
Isn't it great?

Goodbye. Go.
Yes. Let's go, let's go.

* Hark, the herald *
* Hark, hark, the angels *

* Hark, the herald *
* Hark, hark, the angels *

* Hark, the herald *
* angels sing *

I'm sorry you had to
come down and get me.

I know it was embarrassing.

Don't sweat it. I don't
shop there much anyway.

So, what are you gonna
do for Christmas Eve?

I don't know.
Janice is working.

Wanna come with me to Ed's? Nah.

I don't have any presents
for anybody anyway.

So, um�

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Angie!

It was a beautiful
watch. Thanks a lot.

But if you really wanna get
me something for Christmas,

you know what you
could do for me?

What?

Looks nice.

Yeah.
Nice decorations.

Yeah, really nice.
Really decorative.

I changed my mind. I'm going.
No way, Angie.

Ho, ho, ho!
Hey, look at this.

Merry Christmas!
How are you, little lady?

Have you been bad or good this
holiday season? Don't ask, Santa.

Come on, come on, what would
you like for Christmas?

I'd like for you to find a
chimney and shove yourself�

All right, okay. Santa,
it's not a good time.

Well, aren't you an
interesting little girl!

You can say that again. Hi.

Well� Hi, Angie.

Hi.
Michael.

Hey. Merry Christmas, Richard.
Merry Christmas.

So, how was your ride up?

Okay.

Good. Why don't we all
go into the lounge?

Ho, ho, ho!

Listen. Why don't you guys, uh�
Why don't you go ahead?

I've got some really important
phone calls to make.

You know how show business is, high
stakes, big deals happening every minute.

On Christmas Eve?
Yeah, we represent

Go ahead.
It's okay.

Let's go.

There's a seat over
there in the corner.

Hi. How are you?
Merry Christmas!

It's my daughter, Angie.
Hi.

My daughter,
Angie. Sit down.

Look, I want you to have this book.
It's a gift.

It's very, very important to me.

I want you to read it. I wrote all the
things I wanna change about myself.

And no drinks.
Well, are you gonna start

No, I won't. I promise.
Read, read the book.

See this? These are all of the things that
I've been thinking while I've been in here.

Thank you.
Thank you, baby.

Oh, sorry.
That's okay.

You know, actually�

She's been really
good this year.

Chapman and Chapman. But not for long.
How may I help you?

Geena? It's Angie. What's the matter?

It's over.

The agency's closing.
It's all over.

What happened? GEENA: Oh!

That little shrunken
cretin, Barry Corman,

he finally got his way.

Barry, so nice to see you!

You look gorgeous. And I'm so
glad you finally came around.

What was it? My smile? My personality?
My financial status?

All of the above.

Something's going on.

Why are you suddenly so
nice to me, my lady in red?

Well, there was something I
wanted to talk to you about.

I just heard Chapman and
Chapman was closing.

Yeah. I'm all broken up.
What's your point?

I think you should
go back with them.

Hey, toots, my cologne making you dizzy?
Listen to me, dreamboat.

Those guys are bums, they're losers.
They couldn't get Castro a job in Cuba.

Come here, Barry. I wanna
whisper something in your ear.

You listen to me! You
think you're gonna be 12 forever?

You're not. You're gonna get
bigger and uglier and hairier.

And in a few years when nobody'll hire
you, Spiro'll drop you like a hot potato.

But Michael and Ed will
always be there for you.

Okay, okay!
What a she-devil!

Geena didn't say
what the problem was?

She just said it was some kind of emergency,
and we should get here right away.

She probably broke another nail.

Surprise!

* Happy birthday to you *

For me?

* Happy birthday to you *

You know it's not my birthday, right?
I know.

But I thought you needed a party
and we got the perfect present.

Actually it's for both of you.
Just as long as

I don't think so. It's hard to put a
cake in your pocket.

Well, come on, blow out the candles.

Ta-da!

Whoa, this is a big cake! I'm gonna
need some help here with these candles.

Hey, it's your lucky day! I'm back!
ALL:

- See? Now the agency can stay open.
- Yeah!

Ang, this is great.
How'd you pull this off?

Well, Angie and I had a little talk, and she
convinced me to be loyal and nice and�

What was that other thing?
A human being.

Yeah, whatever.
Well, Barry, I never

but it is great to see you again, and thanks
for not jumping out of the cake naked.

What do you think,
some gift, huh?

Actually I was hoping
for power tools. Tsk!

Ed, what are you talking about? We're back
in business here. Lassie has come home!

Yeah!
Michael, please!

When you call him
an overgrown munchkin,

and I'll be stuck here alone with
the children that time forgot.

* You'll be swell *

* You'll be great *

Judy, switch to decaf.

I don't believe it! You just
can't save some people.

- Come on, Mr. Chapman, it'll be just like old times.
- Yeah!

Yeah. Why do you think
I'm leaving? Ed!

Ed, listen to me.

Remember you said I should decide
whether I wanna do this job or not?

Well, I decided, Ed. I wanna do it!
I'm ready to do it!

Listen to him, Ed! He's great with kids!
Look what he did for me!

That's right. Ed, Ed! I turned her from a
pickpocket into a star into a shoplifter.

- You think that's easy?
- Yeah!

Hi, we're here for

I'm sorry, ma'am, but, uh, the
agency is closed forever.

Listen, my daughter
has a wonderful voice.

And I've been practicing
and practicing.

Practicing and practicing.
Ed, come on.

Listen to me, all right?

I wanna tell you something that
I've never told you before.

All right?

When they had the Life with Mikey
auditions and Dad took me down,

and they said, "We're not
seeing any more kids."

And Dad said�

Dad said, "I'm not leaving
until you see my kid."

And we stayed there
until they saw me.

Mom took you to those auditions.

All right, so do it for Mom.

Do it for Mom, right?

Do it for Mom.
Do it for Mommy.

* Come on along *
* and listen to *

* The lullaby of Broadway *

* The hip parade and ballyhoo *

* The lullaby of Broadway *

Geena! Geena, hold�
Hold on for a second.

What did you say
your name was again?

Kimberly Denise Jackson.

- Kimberly. You got a real pretty voice, Kimberly.
- Thank you.

Do you think that you
could sing any louder?

Mmm-hmm.
Oh, and one other thing.

Can you try and pretend that, um,
somewhere outside of this room�

Mmm-hmm.
Outside this building,

Uh-huh.
Across the ocean,

there's an old guy with a cup
of yogurt, and he's saying,

"All I want is to hear Kimberly
Denise Jackson sing before I die."

Can you do that for him, Kimberly?
Can you sing for him, Kimberly?

Can you do it?
Uh-huh.

Let's give it a try.

Okay, Geena. Come on. Throw yourself
into it! Get crazy! Get loud!

* The rumble *
* of the subway train *

Good. A little
louder, Kimberly.

* The rattle of the taxis *

Sing as if your life
depended on it.

* The daffodils who entertain *
* at Angelo's and Maxie's *

Sing as if my life
depended on it.

* When the Broadway baby *
* says good night *

Good. Great!

* And it's early *
* in the morning *

* Manhattan baby *
* don't sleep tight *

Kimberly, just let it go.

* Until the dawn *

Yes! And I hate this song. Yes!

* Oh, my baby *

* Good night *

Ang, what a great
birthday present!

Give me five percent, and we'll
call it even. Get a life!

* Oh, listen to *

All right, already. Let's sign this girl.

He comes crawlin' back.

* Of *

* Broadway *

* The lullaby of Broadway *

Oh, sure, she can
carry a tune, but, um,

let's not forget who pays
the bills around here, huh?

- Death!
- Yeah!

Gotcha!

* It's life with Mikey *

* Life with Mikey *

Throw another one, Angie.

* He's coming, look out *

* There's trouble in store *
* No doubt *

* That's life with Mikey *

* Batten down the hatches *
* Put away the matches *

* The cat's in the dryer *
* The car's short a tire *

* And who stole daddy's cigar *

* The basement's soakin' *
* The window's broken *

* Mikey can't be very far *

* He's castin' his spell *

* And everything's gone *
* pell-mell *

* Oh, well, that's life *

* Life with Mikey *

* Watch out! *

* Where did summer go *

* How'd I miss *
* the change of season *

* All at once *
* the wind blows rough *

* It's cold enough to snow *

* In the street below *

* People laugh *

* They've got no reason *

* Don't they know *

* It's cold enough to snow *

* When we were together *

* And you were staying *

* Funny but the weather *

* Still felt like May *

* In mid-December *

* Now the chill winds blow *

* Sunny skies are only teasing *

* You won't show *

* It's cold enough to snow *

* On the radio *

* There's a man says *
* it ain't freezing *

* What's he know *

* He didn't watch you go *

* Now the sun can shine *

* If it wants to, fine *

* But it's cold enough *

* To snow *