All language subtitles for S04E18 - Caught Red Handed

I don't have the time.

I just got a call from the new head of
legal aid, and he wants to see me.

And you're going to do a little sucking
up.

Yes,

a little.

Well, good luck.

Thank you.

High five.

Bonsoir, bonsoir, bonsoir, mes amis.

It is a wonderful evening, messer par.

Hey, Dad, look.

Would you look at that, a beagle with
wings.

Miss Roberta LaPage. Hi. She works down
at Mimeo. She copies them by the

thousands, but she's one of a kind to
me.

She has graciously accepted my
invitation for an evening of dining and

dancing and whatever the fates may
bring.

Battery's not included.

Dan is such a great guy.

Is that a fact?

Yeah. You know, it's not every man who
wants to go out with a woman once she's

taken an oath of celibacy.

An oath of what?

Celibacy. I'm abstaining from sex.

Now that was a bird.

LaBerga, I've already made the
reservations. I readied the VCR.

I got my shot.

I've adopted a sex-free lifestyle, Dan.
I told you about it when you first asked

me out. No, you didn't. Don't you
remember my saying how much I enjoyed

being chased?

I thought you meant around the room.

We'll talk about it at the meal break,
okay?

Hey, but I already choked the parallel
bars.

You keep a-knocking, but you can't come
in.

had the chili for lunch.

You ready to start?

Yes, sir. As soon as Christine gets back
from lunch. I'm here.

Hold it.

Let's go.

First case, sir. People versus Trixie
Dubois.

She's charged with prostitution.

Mr. Prosecutor.

Yes, sir. A familiar story. Boy meets
girl. Girl asks for a C-note. Boy

flashes badge. Girl offers discount. Boy
busts girl.

Please guilty, Your Honor.

Nothing to add? Nothing. Okay, then
we'll just make this $50. Not a damn

thing.

Fine. Then I'll just call this... Well,
there's really nothing left to say, is

there?

Let's find out.

Well, it's all pretty cut and dried,
isn't it? I mean, obviously a crime has

been committed here, not one of larceny
or violence, mind you, but the simple

offense of sex.

Let's go get some chair.

for this crime?

The man? The real instigator of the
problem?

No!

Right! The woman. The eternal victim of
man's history.

Used and discarded like a dick from an
Eskimo pie.

What's your point?

I need a good talking to?

That's one high-spirited filly.

Breaker, Harry.

Something like that. That is so unlike
him.

Who the hell are we talking about?

Arthur Thursby, my new boss.

He... No, I don't even want to talk
about it. It's too heinous.

I can take it. What did he do?

He asked me out for sushi.

My God!

How do you know that?

I want to show you something.

This is my college graduation picture.

Gee, who would have thought you could
put 700 faces on a wallet size?

That's Clarence Wentworth. He was class
valedictorian.

Miss Sullivan, I can't even make out
rows.

That's me, 364th from the left.

Oh, yeah, hey, you were... our cute
little dot, weren't you?

I was salutatorian, the runner-up. Well,
that must have been quite an honor. It

sucked salmon.

I'll just clam up.

I was supposed to be valedictorian. I
had the highest grade average in my

class until the final semester when a
certain professor decided that he liked

me. So he asked me out on a date. I
politely turned him down. He politely

gave me a C.

I had earned an A, and he gave me a C.

So, Clarence Wentworth became
valedictorian.

He got a scholarship to Harvard Law
School.

I got a dinner for six at Benihana's.

It's all because I said no thank you to
a man who had authority over me.

I understand.

No, you don't.

I guess I don't.

But I'm sorry.

So am I.

Sullivan.

Now, I'm going to ask you a question,
and I want you to think about this. Do

you think it could be even remotely
possible that that past incident is

coloring the present? Nope.

Well, thanks for mulling it over.

Oh, you should have been there. Oh, it's
so smooth.

It was all...

Suggestion and innuendo.

Miss Sullivan, if you want to file a
formal charge, I will stand behind you

100%. But every time one co-worker asks
another one out, we can't assume that

he's a sexual degenerate.

Harry, would you tell her I've got six
months to live?

Dan.

Give me a physical. You'll see for
yourself.

You were saying, sir?

Okay, there are exceptions to every
rule, but some of us would like to think

that we are in control of our baser
animal instincts.

Here's your Playmate magazine, sir.

Miss Sullivan, I will have you know that
this magazine contains an in-depth

interview with Justice Sandra Day
O'Connor along with many other well

-written and thought-provoking articles.

My pet peeves are rainy days, people who
frown, and black lung disease.

Gee,

so that's Sandra Day O'Connor.

Boy, a robe makes all the difference,
doesn't it?

Here you go.

Roberta, we could be magic together.

Dan, I thought you understood.

I don't want sexual satisfaction from a
man.

No problem.

to make a change in my life you didn't
know the old me all i ever thought about

was sex all i ever did was sex and all i
ever wanted was

sex i was a crazed lusting animal
haunted by desire

what would you have thought of a woman
like that

Doggies are dead, sir.

Terrible infection.

It's better this way.

What happened?

My balloon animals are all
Hindenburgers.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, sir.

Well, you seem a bit more relaxed.

I decided to call Arthur Thursby and
politely turn down his offer for a date.

And it's all settled?

It's all settled.

He fired me.

He fired

you? Uh-huh.

I told him I didn't think it would be
proper for us to see each other after

hours. He said he was sorry to hear that
since my job was involved.

I told him that sounded like sexual
harassment. He said, hit the road.

Well, I guess the next step is obvious.

Right, we kill him.

Then we rip his face off.

Then we put it back on upside down.

You subscribe to Drawn and Quarterly,
don't you?

think we should go out tonight after
all? Did I mention I have a trapeze?

The truth is I'm afraid.

I have a net.

Dan, let me be honest.

I know that your remarkable presence,
your obvious virility, would persuade me

to abandon my oath of celibacy and
regress into the hot animal passions I

once expressed so freely.

Gotta go. Bye.

Then it abandons me there.

I need satisfaction and I need it now.

I understand.

You want to be alone?

Yes, yes.

Yes, I understand.

Come in.

to excuse me, Monsignor. The good, the
bad, and the ugly just dropped by.

Well, can I get you folks anything?

Coffee? Tea?

Noose?

Mr. Thursby, I'm Judge Harold T. Stone.
Judge Stone, it's a pleasure to meet

you, sir. I've heard so much of your
outstanding humanistic work on the

bench. Oh, yeah?

Well, thanks.

Well, I can assume you're here to
discuss the matter of...

Miss Sullivan's dismissal. You bet we
are. I'm very glad to hear that. I'd

like to do whatever I can to rectify the
matter. Oh, yeah? Well, thanks again.

How am I doing? Oh, you got him on the
ropes, sir.

Give me a chance.

Here. What's this?

That's a copy of the letter we've
written to the Judicial Review Board. It

charges you with sexual harassment.

I see.

Well, then...

Perhaps you'd better take a look at
this.

It's a letter I'm sending to the review
board.

You mean she sexually harassed you, too?

If you're not getting enough air, I can
open a window.

Wait a minute.

Why are you sending a letter to the
board?

Well, it tells my side of things. Even
the innocent sometimes need a good

defense. And just what do you need a
defense against, Thursby?

Wrongful accusations.

Hasty conclusions.

Getting my face ripped off.

Thursby, answer me this.

Did you or did you not tell Miss
Sullivan that you wanted to spend time

with her after work?

Well, I did. Uh-huh.

And did you or did you not tell her that
her job was involved?

I did? Aha!

And did you or did you not plan to
demand sexual favors from her?

No, I planned to offer her promotion.

Ah!

Huh?

Promotion?

Absolutely. Judge Stone, I'm new at this
job.

Everyone in this department is just a
piece of paper to me.

Now, what kind of a manager would I be
if I made an important and pressing

decision like this?

Merely on the basis of a resume.

I asked Miss Sullivan to meet with me
only to make sure she was as impressive

in person as she is on her record.

Thursby, this good guy act of yours is
as phony as this picture of your kid.

Look at that. Doesn't even look like
him.

Fernando is my foster child in San
Salvador.

The picture was taken after his second
operation.

Much more of this and I'll go out with
the guy.

Here's a copy of the promotion
recommendation I sent to my superiors.

Look, when you mentioned sexual
harassment, I may have overreacted by

firing you.

But as a lawyer, I don't have to tell
you the kind of damage wrongful

accusation can do.

It can destroy a man's life.

Oh, my God.

Excuse me?

I have accused an innocent man.

Uh, hello? Hello? I'm sorry, what was
that?

I made a mistake.

A mistake?

As in a boo-boo? I'm sorry.

You're sorry.

Did you hear that? She's sorry.

I stood by you. I believed in you. I
trusted you. And here I am looking like

a complete... Yutz.

Thanks. Oh, don't mention it.

Look, I understand completely. Judge
Stone, you thought you were protecting a

friend.

I admire that.

Yeah, well, I guess I'll be flinking out
of here now.

It's been my pleasure.

Are you coming?

Yeah, in a minute. I think I should
apologize to Mr. Thursby.

No.

Really?

Well, when you're done groveling here,
why don't you slither down to my office

with whatever shred of dignity you have
left so I can stomp on it?

Good day, Mr. Thursby.

Good day, Judge Stone.

Mr. Thursby, I'm sorry I thought about
ripping your face off.

Me too.

Mr. Thursby, I feel awful. Oh, no,
that's all right.

Oh, no, it's not all right.

If I had persisted with these
accusations, you'd think what might have

happened. Oh, you're really a wonderful
man.

Adopting this sweet young child.

Actually, it's not that young.

Wait a minute.

This is Herve Villachez.

I'll admit the resemblance is striking.

And that's Ricardo Montalban in the
background.

I never thought anybody would look at it
through a magnifying glass.

Did you look? to me.

I do that sometimes.

Don't you come one step closer.

Or what?

After crying wolf a few minutes ago,
your credibility is shot.

Isn't it, Christine?

The minute I laid eyes on you, I knew
I'd have you.

Admit it, Christine.

You're glad I did that.

As a matter of fact, Mr. Thursby, I am.

That's sick.

I like it.

Okay.

Are you all right? I'm fine.

Did he grab you? Oh, it was just like
one of the nightmares I've had about

Dan.

Down, boy. Down.

Heel.

Go wait outside.

I promise we'll save you the face.

evidence. You have no evidence of
anything. It's my word against hers.

Oh, well, that would be true, Mr.
Thursby, if it weren't for Dr.

Congo's pendicurical self-fabricating
comedy hand-tout.

They're insane!

They called me mad at the university.

You don't know Dr.

Congo's Thursby? It's a great gag,
really. You pick it up in any novelty

store. It's a powder. You put it on some
thing, like an envelope.

And then you hand that envelope to
someone.

Now, when their sweat gets on it, things
start working.

About five minutes later, anything
they've touched is going to turn bright

red.

Kind of like your face just now.

Getting a little sweaty, are we, Mr.
Thursby?

Let's wait this one out for a couple of
minutes, just for laughs.

What do you say?

Okay.

Okay. What do you want?

I am going to file formal charges.

And we are going to get you out of this
job, out of this office, and out of this

profession. You can count on it. Okay.

No female talks to me like that.

I'll go where I want to go when I'm
damned good and ready.

I'm ready now.

Hey!

That was a pretty nifty little scheme of
yours, Miss Sullivan. Oh, well, I

couldn't have done it without your help,
sir.

No, I owe it all to Dr.

Kongos. Guess you could say we caught
him red-handed in the end, huh?

I don't see a handprint. What?

I don't see a handprint.

Are you sure?

Oh, look all you want, but there's no
handprint.

Wait a minute.

He's right. There's nothing there.

I mean, there's something there, but
there's no handprint.

Well, what happened?

Well, this isn't the envelope I put the
powder on.

It's not?

No. Roz must have given that envelope to
someone else.