All language subtitles for S04E17 - Christine’s Friend

Oh, that's terrible.

What is it, Bull?

A biker was beaten badly by a rival gang
member over at the Central Park Tennis

Court. In straight sets?

Hi, guys!

Hey, Miss Sullivan. Guess who just got
into town?

Skipper Alan Hale?

I can dream, can't I?

Noble, it's Heather, my roommate from
college.

Hey, so what brings old Heather by?

Well, she just flew in to host a seminar
upstate on motifs of death in Russian

literature.

Sounds like a real party animal.

No, you are really going to like her.
She's so sweet and she has a wonderful

personality.

She's a schnauzer.

Oh, here she comes. Now, please, guys,
please be nice to her.

It's not like I'm asking you to fall at
her feet.

Christine, hi!

Whoops!

Anna Karenina says 20 locals famous in
Kiev.

That's a little wacky muscovite.

Heather, I want to thank you for a
really fabulous lunch. I had a wonderful

time. I paid for it.

120 bucks. Yeah, thanks, babe. Hot dogs
with me next time. Okay, good.

Well, I guess we better get the session
started.

Yeah, it's about time I went in there
and made the streets safer for our

children. Speaking of which, if you ever
decide to have any on a wedlock.

I'm scoring.

Miss Sullivan, why don't you take
Heather around the courtroom and make

sure that she takes you up and shows you
the back of my bench because a tour is

simply not a tour unless you've had a
good look at my seat.

I'll see you later.

Oh,

they are so charming.

So were Leopold and Loeb.

This may be a little bit impetuous, but
I was thinking of asking one of the guys

to come upstate with me this weekend.

Harry or Dan?

Yeah.

Heather, that's not a little impetuous.
That's naughty.

Come on, Christine, this is the 80s. But
you don't even know them.

Did I tell you that Dan is a sex maniac?

Christine, you have always thought that
every guy was a sex maniac.

Okay.

Remember our sophomore year in college
when you got so upset because that guy

asked to paint you naked?

He was a house painter.

All rise. This court is now in session.

The Honorable and Sexy.

Earl Keystone presiding.

Objection. Overruled.

Okay, take a seat and sit upon it.

What do you got, Macaroni? First case,
sir. People versus Sheena.

She's charged with prostitution.

No.

Okay,

you don't think that Dan is a sex
maniac?

You watch this.

Ready, Your Honor? Ms. Prosecutor. Yes,
sir. The defendant was arrested in Times

Square. She has eight priors.
Prosecution recommends the maximum.

Defense?

That's it?

Don't you have anything else to say?

About what?

About what? Oh, come on. Her chest, her
bust, her zoomers.

What did I say?

Oh, come on. Her chest, her bust, her
zoomers.

Thank you.

Miss Sullivan, the plea.

Uh, yeah, Your Honor, my client pleads
guilty.

Fine, $50 fine and time served.

Ross?

Come on, honey, let's go.

Zoom, zoom, zoom.

Hey, you guys.

I have thoroughly enjoyed watching you
in action, but I have to go.

Can't you stick around a little while
longer? We got a window washer charged

with streaking.

really have to go. I have to get ready
for tonight.

Oh, actually... Yes?

I've been invited to Roland Jeffries'
party in Soho tonight. Why don't you

guys come along?

Roland Jeffries, the artist?

Yeah. Sure, yeah. Great. Well, what time
do you finish here? About ten.

Perfect. I'll pick you up later,
Christine.

See you guys.

Bye.

Look at the way she walks.

Yeah, kind of takes the wrinkles out of
the old robe, you know?

Are you two done mentally undressing my
friend?

Hold it a sec.

All right, I admit, she's very
attractive, but Heather has flaws and

imperfections just like everyone else.

Name one.

Well, she can be quite messy in the
kitchen.

Maybe we should just have her put to
sleep.

Then the actual truth of it is she can
be more than a little bit flighty. Do I

detect a note of jealousy?

No, no, it's true. You know what she
even said to me about you two?

She said that she might consider taking
one of you two guys upstate with her for

the weekend.

Is that flighty or what?

I'd give the prosecution a chance to
hose down.

I am ashamed of you acting like a
rutting pig.

I gotta be me.

You don't see Judge Stone behaving that
way, do you?

When there's a shot on your shoot,

There's a melody in your heart. Hey,
it's wonderful.

Yeah.

So you finished the Morris file?

No, but the execution's not till
tomorrow night. We've got plenty of

time. Bye.

Dan. Just kidding. There's no death
penalty in New York.

Yeah, I'm well aware of that.

Dan, I want you to look over these
probation files before you leave.

You must be kidding.

No, I'm not.

How is it? It'll take at least an hour.
What about the party?

A job worth doing is worth doing well.

That's sick.

You got a problem, Fielding?

I don't have a problem.

Because you're a judge and I'm an
attorney working in your court. So?

So I can't very well sit here and tell
you that I think you're a sneaky, skinny

little twerp, can I?

I see your dilemma.

Dan, what the hell is bugging you?

You'll find me in contempt and throw me
in jail. Oh, come on.

Okay, okay.

I think you're abusing your authority
over me because you're afraid of a

little man-to-man competition for...

You're right.

I am? Yeah, I'm going to throw you in
jail.

Dan, I think an apology is in order.

Never. Dan.

Very well.

Dan.

I mean that I should apologize to you.

Dan, well, you should.

This is an outbreak. Don't push it,
Fielding. Right.

Maybe I did let competition color my
actions a little bit. Okay, forget the

files, forget the robe.

Forget that I'm a judge and that you're
just a lowly subordinate whose very fate

hangs on my whim.

You make it so easy, sir.

I'm serious, Dan, okay?

Okay.

You know, it's really funny, isn't it? I
mean, here we are. We're acting like a

couple of high school kids fighting over
the same girl.

Oh, yeah.

Drop her, bozo. Not for a geek like you.

Well, all right, then.

May the best man win.

Right.

May the best man win.

telling who could be here. Rock stars,
politicians, novelists.

Hi, guys.

The cast from Motel Hell.

Heather, darling.

Roland, hello.

More friends.

I've barely gotten over the first batch.

They're so amusing.

This one keeps asking me when we're
going to bob for things.

I keep telling him we don't bob for
things.

at my parties.

Mr. Jeffries? Yes.

This is such a bold piece. I love it.
This far exceeds any pre-Columbian art I

have ever seen.

What a silly goose I am.

A manly silly goose.

I've seen you before in my life, okay?

Yeah, but I'm positive.

Mac, what's the problem? Oh, this guy
swears he's met me before.

So? In a former life.

Aha. He was the king of Mesopotamia.

I swear, I never forget a face.

Say, isn't that Shirley MacLaine
hovering over the cheese dip?

Well, I guess I better be going.

Enjoy the shindig. Yeah.

Loved your sweater vest.

I knew that you would.

Roland, this looks like a wonderful
party.

Yes, there is a little magic in the air
tonight.

Well, speaking of magic, what's that
behind your ears?

ever do that again.

So the slide between the legs is out
then, huh?

If I go down, I'm taking you with me.

Is anyone hungry? I'll go to some
appetizers. Well, I'll come with you.

Maybe we can both find something to
nibble on.

Christine, why don't you show Harry your
new dress?

So you got a new dress?

Yep. So let's see it.

You don't like it.

Well, it's just not really you.

Yes, it is.

That part is, but the whole thing is
kind of, I don't know, it's kind of

daring, isn't it?

Listen, I will have you know, that I'm
not the prude everyone thinks I am. Hey,

I know you.

Pompeii, 79 A.D.

You know, not many women would jump into
a live volcano rather than lose their

virginity.

Old habits die hard, huh?

So the doctor says, oh, that's my
thermometer, so where did I leave my

pen?

Do you recognize that song?

Oh, it's Time Goes By from Casablanca.
That's my favorite movie.

Mine, too.

Yeah?

I'm waiting till they colorize it.

Dan doesn't see many movies that don't
have the word cheerleader in the title.

He does.

I think they're playing our song.

So, uh, those are new, aren't they?

Yeah, I guess I've always felt like I
belonged in the 40s. It was a simpler

time with simpler taste, simpler values.

I guess that sort of makes me a...
Simpleton.

I never maimed anybody with that trick
before.

Where was I?

The 40s.

The 40s.

That was another era. It was an age of
innocence. It was a time when any...

Wacky, crazy guy and gal could find each
other on a crowded dance floor.

Bad example.

So tell me about yourself, Harry Stone.

Who am I, Heather?

Well, I guess...

I'm the kind of guy that has a shoebox
full of file cards with all the

information on every member of the Tommy
Dorsey Orchestra.

Date of birth, favorite foods, hobbies,
you name it.

Me?

I'm the kind of guy that goes to the
supermarket and hears a delightful

little ditty on the Muzak and I just
click my heels together right there in

the produce section and I don't care who
sees me.

Me?

I'm the sort of Joe that likes to get up
real early on a Sunday and go down to

the dock to watch him unload the fish.

You get the picture?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, God, she's so exciting.

Yeah, right.

Exciting, bold.

You know, I have always felt like I'm in
that woman's shadow.

I know it's ridiculous, but there have
been times when I felt completely

ignored when I was around her.

I'm going to go break in on them right
now.

Yeah, that's the feeling.

May I cut in?

Why, certainly.

I should warn you, I was...

Pretty charming.

Yeah, well, two can play at that game.

Heather?

Yes, Dan?

I haven't worn underwear since 1968.

I must show them to you. They're right
over here.

Oh, my God, they're gone.

What's gone?

My priceless collection of antique
porcelain eggs.

She picked me. She picked me.

What? Heather picked me to go away with
her this weekend.

No! Lord, I was waiting for someone to
stop the shrieking.

You picked him over me.

What?

Could you show me to the powder room?
Yes, we are beating up a bit, aren't we?

Now, I'm going to go get something for
us to toast with. Don't you go anywhere,

my little love monkey.

I cannot believe that you would reject
me for someone like

Dan Fielding.

Worse, you rejected me for Dan Fielding.

Is that what you like?

A man who is disgusting and sleazy?

Well, listen.

I can be disgusting and sleazy.

Harry,

please don't feel badly. I think you're
adorable.

It's just that I find myself more in
sync with Dave. Yeah, well, a sync is

only one of the places you'll find
yourself in sync.

Hey, I... Dan is just more my type. I
don't know how to describe it. He's just

more contemporary.

Hey, I'm contemporary?

Yes, you are in a time warp sort of way.

Well, I'm sure you mean that in the
really nicest sense.

Oh, absolutely.

You are the sweetest, most sentimental,
terrific guy.

It's just that you're not right for me.

No hard feelings?

No, no hard feelings.

Good.

Because, Harry, you're a very special
guy.

And you need someone very special.

And you never know when that right
person may come along.

Want to dance?

I mean it.

I'm glad things worked out this way,
because now you and I have some time

together to talk, find out about each
other, you know?

I mean, let's face it. Are these really
the kind of people that we would want as

friends?

Excuse me, is anybody sitting here?

Yes, I am. Hi, I'm Christine Sullivan.

Nice to meet you.

Who's the geek?

Oh, you'll have to forgive him. He's a
little dazed.

I see. Well, is anybody sitting here?
No.

Great, because I want to take this chair
over there. Hey, that Dan Fielding, I

tell you, I can't remember when I've met
a more fun, interesting guy my entire

life. He's terrific. Well, bye.

I know just how you must feel.

Well,

look at the bright side.

Things couldn't get worse.