All language subtitles for S04E13 - Baby Talk

You want to sign these for me, Judge?
Sure. You want to see a card trick, Roz?

Here. You cut the deck.

You want to sign those for me now,
Judge?

Whatever you say.

Did you say something?

Like what?

Like... You're drooling all over the
warrant.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

It's Mac.

I'll go get some bibs.

Hey,

Mac, are you okay?

Oh, yes, sir. It's a personal problem,
not the court's concern. I'll be fine.

You sure? Oh, yes, sir. I'm sure.

Okay.

Next case, sir. Huebner versus Huebner.

That's what I thought you said. You've
done some pretty little things, darling,

but this is the law. Hey, I don't need
to be lectured about low from someone

who's sleeping with Schleppo the Wonder
Runt here.

Mr. Prosecutor, what's the story here?

Your Honor, we have a tragic situation
here involving increasing alienation

between the two sisters who stand before
you. I'm sure the court deplores as much

as the state does the circumstances
which would cause... Make it brief, Dan.

Hatchetface snatched her father from the
sluts.

Your Honor, both daughters are claiming
right to custody of their father, Mr.

Huebner. He was temporarily staying in
the home of the plaintiff, Miss Lorna

Huebner. Daddy always loved me back.

That's a lie!

He almost disowned her when she took up
with the slob. But I didn't marry the

slob, did I? Even worse, you moved in
with him. And the slob is...

Neil Gorman, Your Honor.

Slob's just a nickname my parents gave
me.

Well, I guess butch was kind of out of
the question.

Your Honor, my father's dying words
were, no matter what... Don't make me go

with Arlene.

Why, you liar. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Dying words? Is Dad dead?

Has a kipper on a cracker.

I'm sorry to say.

Well, it's just the way you were talking
about him. I kind of got the impression

that he was, you know, here.

He is, Your Honor.

This is Mr. Huebner.

Gee, he's a lot shorter than I pictured.

Okay, let me get this straight. This
contains the remains of your departed

father? Uh-huh. After he died, he was
cremated.

It's always better after.

I specifically requested that my father
be given to me.

Well, I'm having a little trouble seeing
why it's so important where he is now.

Sir, you're talking about my father, the
man I love.

Nothing says loving like someone in the
oven.

And because the urn is laced with
14-carat gold. That's a lie. The urn

just happens to go with Daddy.

Yeah, well, it just happens to go with
my drapes. Your drapes. Ladies, ladies,

ladies, ladies.

Now, grief and decor aside, you gotta
understand that I can only listen to one

voice at a time.

belongs to him. Believe me, believe me,
those checks will be in the mail to you

by morning.

In fact, you know what I told my wife?

Yeah, I said, cancel all plans,
sweetheart. Tonight we are licking

stamps.

Max, do you mind?

Oh, no, sir. Just go right ahead.

Your Honor, I move for a dismissal.
Well, I don't see any grounds for a

trespassing charge, so I'll grant the
motion.

Uh, what about the disposition of, uh...
The suit?

Ladies, I don't suppose you'd consider
splitting dad 50-50, would you?

Didn't think so.

Guess that idea was sort of half-baked.

I never used to be like this, sir.

Well, until I can make a determination
about permanent custody, we'll just

consider old Herb here a ward of the
court, which is adjourned.

Dan, give that to Bull, would you? Sure.

You done?

Yeah. I guess they removed the jewelry
before, huh?

Matt, would you get that?

Thanks.

Matt, is there anything I can do to
help?

Yeah.

Give me all your money.

Matt, give me my hands. If I can.

Hey, hey, now.

Would somebody... you mind telling me
what's going on here? I think Mac is

mugging me, sir. Mac, Mac, Mac, Mac.

Now, what is this about the money?

Sir, you know the little restaurant Kwan
Lee and I bought?

Sure. Toilet City.

Well, it's not the Russian tea room.
Sir, it's not the subway men's room.

It just never took off. I don't know.

Maybe if we had... A customer?

That would have helped.

But the point is, the bank loan's due
and I'm broke.

You might lose the restaurant? Yeah, and
my car, and my furniture, even the

clothes on my back.

Oh, Max.

I love this sweater, Harry.

Oh, Max, how did you get yourself into
this mess?

Hi, everybody.

I married the national debt.

What did we say about sales?

Oh, don't worry, Mac.

These were not on sale.

How much?

Hello, my great big hunk of man.

How much? You look tired. You want me to
rub your neck?

How much, Squanley?

$488.

Don't do it, Mac.

You'll get the chair.

I already got matching lazy boys thanks
to her.

You're upset.

I can tell. Quan Lee, we're at the brink
of losing our assets.

We're on the end of our rope. And you
went out and bought a whole new

wardrobe? I had to. Oh, yeah, just like
you had to buy the Statue of Liberty

bedspreads. And you had to buy the
commemorative dinner plates of Princess

Di's wedding.

You too?

What color?

It's solid.

Mac, those things were just fun.

new wardrobe. You women always need a
new wardrobe.

But I do.

Why?

Because I'm pregnant.

What?

How could you be pregnant?

since last night.

Well, he's about six foot two, 200
pounds, muscular build.

And he may be fondling his sweater.

Hello?

Hello? Hello, Harry.

Hi, Kwan Lee.

Kwan Lee still has nerd from Mac, Your
Honor.

I'm worried, Harry.

Maybe he did something drastic.

Kwan Lee, don't even think like that.

Well, he's not in the dumpster.

was just checking out every possibility,
no matter how remote or unlikely.

Right, Bull?

Yeah. And because you told me to look
there.

No Mac in the morgue.

Dan? Hi. He sometimes goes down there
and plays poker with the guys.

Harry, you should see what they use for
chips.

Well, Lee, I think probably the best
thing for you to do is just go home and

wait. We'll call you if we hear
anything.

If you think it's bad. I do.

If anything has happened to him, I... I
mean, nothing has happened to him. Trust

me.

Thank you, Christine.

He's dead. I know it.

Miss Sullivan.

Oh, now, what the hell is that?

It's not the generator.

All right, what are you doing?

I tracked down a short circuit to your
office, sir.

Here it is right here. You're not
getting any juice to your coffee maker.

Hey, that's great. Listen, Art, we
really don't have time for this. No

problem, your honor.

Let's see if we can't get Mr.

Electricity and Mr. Coffee to shake
hands here.

What are we going to do about Mac?

What'd he do? Quit his job so he could
pursue his singing career?

Art.

What, since the day we met, have you
been talking about?

Mac was singing a bunch of songs down at
the bar last night.

And he's not bad.

What bar?

I think you saw the house saloon.

Wednesday's stun your own beef night.

And you saw Mac in there?

Yeah. He was singing a medley of Slim
Whitman's greatest hits.

Now listen, when I tell you guys to
clear, stay away from all electrical

outlets. You got that?

We're going to a cowboy bar, aren't we,
sir?

Yep.

Court's ready when you are, Judge.

Roz, do me a favor. Call downstairs,
tell them we're going to be starting

late tonight, and then meet us at Dinky
Flotter House Balloon.

Dinky? Whatever sell I wear.

You're done.

Okay, get clear of those sockets!

Now I'm getting way too much curl from
somewhere.

Tell me they didn't suffer.

Yes, this must be the place.

What's that smell?

I feel like I'm going to throw up.

I think there's a two-bucket minimum.

This is my manager. How you doing? I'm
dusty.

I must have the name of your oral
hygienist.

Let's have some beers.

Maybe you've had a few too many.
Everybody get a seat.

Sit down.

I'll go get us something to gnaw on.

Oh, God, let it be dead.

We've got to get him out of here. I
don't think he wants to go.

Okay, we've got to get me out of here.

Excuse me, can you tell me where the
ladies' room is, please?

See that group of men kneeling with that
deep hole in the wall?

Never mind.

I understand.

A little touch of stage fright, huh?

This is Ginger.

She can spit four ounces of beer through
her nose.

And no man has snatched you up yet?

What'll it be?

To start it, she could wipe the blood
off the table.

I'm so hungry I could eat a horse.

Cottage fries or the rice pilaf with
that?

Um, could I see your wine list, please?

Take your pick.

Chardonnay looks good.

I'll get you a can.

She seems nice.

Ah, that woman will bend over backward
for you.

She has to to show you the dessert menu.

Matt, we've been worried about you.

And you still should be.

Matt, what's up with me?

Well, you know the way my luck's been
going. You hang around me, and I will

have something horrible happen to you.

What do you mean, like being stuck in a
stinking fetid room with the folks from

Deliverance?

There you go.

Mac, this is not like you.

I mean, so you had a little run of bad
luck.

A little bad luck?

Harry, that's like saying the elephant
man had a little puffiness around the

eye.

Mac. Yeah?

I don't want to make a big deal out of
this, but...

on, aren't I?

Yeah, I gotta go. It's showtime.

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you very
much.

I'd like to do a tune that's a favorite
of mine, and I hope it's one of yours,

too.

I call it The Theme from Shaft.

You create a diversion. I'm gonna make a
run for it. Yeah.

How about Psychedelic Shaft?

Boogaloo down Broadway?

What do you suggest?

Babaloo!

Okay, anything by Desi Arnaz.

All right, well, let's give it a shot.

Okay, hit it.

Your dreams and your schemes all

fell through.

It's got a good beat. I can dance to it.
I'll give it a 50, Dick.

What's she doing here?

Well, I called her to tell her we found
Matt, but I didn't expect her to come

here.

All of you go home now.

I will handle this.

That's good enough for me. Let's do this
again real soon. Bye now.

Well, help me get him up. I said leave
him!

I know you are concerned, and I
appreciate it.

But I am his wife, and I will take care
of him.

Come on.

Listen, I hope you'll be here Saturday
night, because we got us a wet T-shirt

contest.

I'd rather dance with a greased pig.

That's Sunday.

Mac, we've been through trouble before.

We can get through this one.

Let me see you smile.

Smile?

I'm laying here licking a stage and you
want me to smile?

Mac, we have our whole life ahead of us.

We've got nothing but misery ahead of
us.

Then what are we supposed to do? Come
in.

I think I'm going crazy.

You just figured that out?

Thanks, that's reassuring.

When I was a girl in Vietnam, I fell in
love with you.

Because you did the craziest thing I
ever saw.

What was that?

You planted corn.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

That was brilliant, wasn't it?

Plowing the jungle floor.

Everybody making fun of me. Max. Monkeys
laughing.

But you wanted it so bad.

Everywhere with death and destruction.

But one crazy man tried to make
something grow in the middle of that

living hell. But it never did.

Except for that one.

One what?

It was after you shipped back to the
States.

We noticed this one little tiny baby
corn plant still struggling to grow.

It was pretty thick-looking.

But for some reason, it continued to
live.

Do you know why?

Why?

It did not know it wasn't supposed to.

What kind of father am I going to be?
What kind of provider?

We don't even have seeds left.

Then we'll get acorns.

Acorns?

Remember my poem from English class?

I am a little acorn.

A fact that's plain to see.

But remember that... The mighty oak.

Was once a nut like me.

Sometimes you feel like a nut.

Sometimes you don't.

me going last night.

I thought I'd vaporized a whole bunch of
yous.

So I take it, Art, all your little
electrical problems are taken care of?

Yep, everything's copacetic, sir. See if
you got your coffee maker perking again.

So you do.

We're almost ready, sir.

Hey, Mac, good to see you.

Or should I say, yippee-ki-yay-oh!

Please don't, sir.

So how you feeling about that new baby
now?

Oh, Of course, it's caused quite an
upheaval in our lives.

Already? Yeah, well, this morning Kwan
Lee was upheaving, and after last night,

I was upheaving.

Wait till the baby comes.

More heaving?

You can kiss that sweater goodbye right
now.

Your Honor, the Huebner sisters are
waiting to see you.

Herb's kids? What do they want?

Apparently, they settled their
differences and had some sort of

reconciliation.

So what about the assets?

They said whatever you decide to do with
them is fine with both of them.

Oh. Well, okay.

But I haven't really made a decision
yet.

Hey, this thing's empty.

Oh, Peggy, I'm sorry, Rondo. I had to
use that herb tea to test the coffee

maker.

This wasn't herb tea.

This was herb.