Original subtitles

Moon river,

wider than the Nile, my brother's

name is Lyle, okay.

Would you cut that out?

Oh, I'm sorry, John. It's just the lyrics.

So haunting.

Uh, Joe, something very important has come up and I need the afternoon off.

What's wrong? Are you okay?

I want to go to the circus.

The circus?

But, Faye, all our regular flights are booked. We have a charter this

afternoon. There's all this paperwork.

I'll give you a moment to think it over.

Joe, you better give her what she wants.

Never underestimate the lure of the big top.

Smell of the peanuts.

Smell of the popcorn.

Smell of that little car when all 17 clowns pile out.

Well, how would you know... Wrong place, wrong time, enough said.

Well, what have you decided?

Well, say, I just can't let you have the afternoon off to go to the circuit.

Okay, I understand.

I quit.

Hey, this is ridiculous.

What's going on?

I'm 62 years old and I've never been to the circus. What's going on is I want to

go to the circus and Joe won't let me.

Hey, hey, hey.

Don't blame him. It is a school night, Brian.

Look, you're not helping. Faye just quit because I wouldn't let her go.

Well, no, it's really not just about the circus. I mean, I've been thinking about

it for months.

I'm not getting any younger, and there are a lot of things I want to do. Like

go on a cruise, maybe take a few classes, work in my garden.

Maybe you just need a vacation.

No, I need more than a vacation.

I've been working since I was 20, and I just think it may be the right time for

me to retire.

Oh, no way. No way. You can't retire.

Brian, my mind's made up. No, I mean, on what we pay you, there is no way you can

retire.

I can't believe this, Faye. You've been here from the beginning.

Remember, we started with nothing. It was just you and me, and now look at it.

It's you, me, and Brian.

Without you, company picnics will be really dull.

Isn't there anything we can do to make you change your mind?

No, I'm afraid not. It's time for me to move on with my life.

I don't know what to say.

I'm going to miss you.

Fine. Listen, a few tips about going to the circus.

Get there early to avoid the crowds.

Don't fill up on cotton candy. And don't sit up front.

Clowns will mess with your mind.

I just can't bear the thought of Faye retiring.

And to miss her sweet smile and her cheery voice.

Just...

Seeing her every morning, year after year, it's made my life a little more

special. By the way, here's what you owe for the party.

What? I hardly know the woman.

Wow. A party like this only means one thing.

You got change back from your 20s.

They would want to leave Sandpiper just the way she came in.

Drunk?

First aid jitters. No, I meant plain, simple. Not a lot of fanfare. Well, you

nailed it.

Oh, ooh, good. Well, the cake... Well,

this is supposed to say good luck, Faye, instead of a lot of squiggly line.

Well, actually, the bakery made a magic eye 3D cake.

All you have to do is relax your eyes, focus on the cake, and then...

And an image of Faye will appear.

I don't see it. I don't see it.

I don't... Oh, God, she's naked as a jaybird.

You know, I was wondering what they were doing with all those sprinkles.

Least I could do. In the short time that I've known Faye, I've grown quite fond

of her.

She makes me feel bad. I didn't get her anything.

Well, actually, you did. Here's your credit card back.

Oh, my God.

Can't we have just one party on this island without the big sandwich?

I mean, by now, even you people should be sick of it.

Oh,

wow.

When you said you were going all out, I figured the all-American.

Maybe the fiesta. I never dreamed you'd spring for the Cordoba.

Okay, let's get Faye in here and get the party started. Would you keep your voice

down? She's going to hear you. No, no, she won't. I sent her out to shovel the

slush off the runway.

What? You sent a woman her age out in the cold to do manual labor?

Hey, I didn't want to ruin the surprise.

It's her day.

There she is. Come in.

All right, I'm finished.

Surprise!

Is this a retirement party? Oh, I'm so touched.

The Cordova.

Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Before you all get started, I have

something to say.

This party has got dull written all over it.

hunk of this to go.

See you, Cochran.

Well, listen, instead of giving the same old boring farewell speech, I thought it

would be fun if we roasted Faye.

Okay? I'll start. I'll start.

Boy, that Faye. How about her breath after lunch?

It's bad.

And how about the way she dresses?

It's just bad.

Have you ever driven in a car with her? She drives bad.

Faye, I think I speak for all of us when I say you're really bad.

Faye, there is something that Brian and I would like to say. That's right.

You've always been very special to us. You've been here since the beginning,

and honestly, without you, I don't think there would have been a Sandpiper.

That's right, Faye. You're the heart and soul of this airline, and we don't know

what we're going to do without you.

Just know that no one could ever replace you.

Excuse me.

I'm here about the job.

Yeah, I'll be there in one minute.

So here's a little gift. It's a necklace with an airplane on it. Love you.

So, um, how about a few words, Faye?

Oh, no, I couldn't. Okay, let's see.

Oh, no, I suppose a few words would be in order.

It all started in a two-story row house in Syracuse. Today they call them

townhouses. In New York, they call them brownstones. Oh, that's beautiful. Let's

see.

Before we start, could you tell me what the position pays?

Absolutely. I think that you'll find our salary is very competitive in today's

marketplace.

We'll let you know.

My very first trip on an airplane was to Albany, or was it Buffalo?

Oh, really? I never knew that. I'll be right back.

Cheat me.

And we were pretty far apart on the money.

She wanted some?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alan, what am I going to do?

You know, she was the only one that answered the ad. Faye is believing I

need someone today.

Worry no more. I have the perfect person for the job.

Really? Who?

Casey. No, no, no, no.

Why not?

Well, to steal the line from Lowell, she's bad.

Don't you smart?

She's a quick learner, and she just needs somebody to give her a chance.

Look, Helen, even if I had a severe lapse in judgment and agreed to it, she

makes Brian nuts. I'd never be able to get him to agree to it. Go ahead to

1984.

Reagan was re-elected and a fluffy former student.

Woman's lived for many years.

Not one interesting story.

Not one.

How'd the interview go?

Uh, well, she laughed at the salary.

She laughed at the salary, huh?

She must have wet herself when you get to the benefits, huh?

Okay, well, um, I'll leave you two alone because I know you have some business to

discuss.

Hey, uh, Ryan, what do you think about Casey?

Oh, I didn't want her to come to the party either.

Well, what do you want me to do? Want me to kick her out?

Okay, I can, I can do it quietly.

No, no, no, no.

Um,

I'm thinking maybe we should ask her if, uh, she wants to take Faye's whole job.

Are you out of your, what, Casey?

Oh, why not?

She's smart.

She's a quick learner. She just needs someone to take a chance on her.

She'll never take the job anyway.

time that she served Jan Murray a kosher meal.

Uh, Katie, I wanted to ask you something. Uh, we were wondering if, um,

uh... Come on, come on, come on. It's like ripping off a band-aid. Do it

quick.

You wouldn't want to work for me and Brian, would you?

Work for you?

Are you serious?

Right? Stupid idea? Enough said. Oh, I'm flattered. Yeah, of course I will.

Yeah, but, uh, we didn't even tell you about the salary.

Well, that doesn't matter. And what's important is that you think enough of me

to take a chance on someone with no qualifications, no experience, and no

training.

Um, say something, Joe.

Welcome to Sandpiper.

Final destination is New Orleans. Well, that is a beautiful city. Now, you make

sure to ride the three cars to the Garden District so you can take a

walking tour of the home.

Okay? Bye-bye now.

So, Joe, what do you think?

It was great.

And who was right about it? Oh, come on, Helen, don't make me say that. Aren't

you being a little petty about it? Who was right?

You were.

Thank you.

Well, gotta go. He just reminded me. I gotta get my dog fixed.

I don't know about Casey. I think she's alienating the passengers.

I think she's really doing okay. Are you kidding me? She's bright. She's

efficient. If she knew how to fly, I'd dump you in a heartbeat.

She's been here for three days. She's changed everything.

Oh, yeah, that's right. She's updated our ticketing system. She's put all our

files on the computer, and she's even scraped your spitballs off the ceiling.

And on whose authority?

A woman's a climber, Joe. I miss Faye. She wasn't ambitious or efficient.

Yeah, I gotta admit it, it's kind of strange looking over there and not

seeing Faye.

I wonder where she is right now. Are you kidding?

She's probably on some cruise, sipping Mai Tai, sitting in a hot tub.

Please, please, I'm getting another cake flashback.

Hey, hey, you guys have got to listen to this. I made a tape of Faye's last days.

It's a collection of her quaint sayings, bits of humor, you know, anecdotes. I

call it... The bet's a fag.

Here's one of my favorites.

Lowell, watch the counter for a second. I've got to hit the head.

Lowell, did you do the pre-flight check?

Oh, you know what? The altimeter's on the blink, and I can't get another one

until tomorrow.

Oh, damn.

All right.

Well, go tell Casey to cancel the flight.

Roger.

Oh, that's great.

This is great. I mean, not only are we out of business for the day, but now the

passengers are going to be furious. We've got to bail Kate out. She's never

going to be able to handle this.

Attention, Sandpiper passengers, I have an announcement.

Hey, hey, she's talking.

Take it outside.

Go ahead, honey.

Sam Piper regretfully announces that due to unforeseen circumstances, flight 19

to Boston has been canceled.

However, if you will follow me to Aramas, I will be happy to assist you in

making alternate arrangements.

I guess she did okay.

Okay? Yeah, right. I remember Faye's first cancellation.

I believe her exact words were, uh, now do you want to be late, Mrs. Carter?

Or do you want to be the late Mrs. Carter?

of our customers on AeroMask and gave them 50% off vouchers for the next

Sandpiper flight.

Vouchers? We don't get vouchers if we crash.

Well, excuse me if I'm wrong, but it just occurred to me that it was worth

the discount to keep them on as loyal customers.

And it seemed to be working because one of the passengers was so grateful that

he gave me these Celtic Knicks tickets for tonight.

Oh, okay.

I see. So, uh, because we're grounded, you think that you can just take off

early and go to a basketball game?

Huh? If you'd let me finish, I was going to say that I'm giving them to you and

Joe. Oh, really?

If we cut out now, we can make the opening tip-off. Let's grab a seat on

Airman. Well, um, that's not going to work because I put our passengers on

that flight that's all pulled out.

Oh, great. We get tickets to the Celtics game.

What, it starts in two hours? What are we going to do?

It's five o'clock ferry to Boston. You'll make it in plenty of time. Oh,

hey, what do you say we drop a few bucks on the game? Yeah, well, that's a great

idea, but who are we going to take?

Ewing's out with a sprained ankle and Oakley's in a slump. Take the Celtics.

Give the points.

Okay, break's over. Get back to work.

Brian, would you move it? I don't want to miss the ferry. Listen, will you

relax for ten minutes early for crying out loud?

Besides, I don't get a run that's like a Swiss watch feeling out of this place.

Where'd you bring these binoculars from?

We got floor seats. We're five feet away from the action.

Yeah? So how else am I going to look at the cheerleaders when they're on the

other side of the court?

This is Big Brother. Let me give you a little advice. Grow up.

Hey, Earl, will you take my 6 o'clock ferry tomorrow night?

I got a hot date.

A little advice from your big brother. You should get married like I did and

settle down already.

Hey, I settle down every night. Get it?

Why can't you grow up and take life more serious? You can't get by forever on

your look.

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

Does Custer mind you some?

No, what are you talking about?

Hey, we have some change. I want to get some candy.

Attention, winds are for passengers. Ferry 3 to Boston is departing from Pier

1.

Now, she looks familiar.

Hi.

Hi, Joe.

Hi, Brian. Hey.

Hey, what are you doing here? We thought you were retired.

Oh, well, I was going to go on a cruise, and then it was all booked up, so I had

a little extra time on my hands, and this wonderful opportunity came along.

Faye, we got another dead squid stuck in the engine. We're going to have to

dangle you over the side again.

It's not as bad as it sounds.

So what are you two doing here?

Well, we're just going to the Celtics game. The plane's down.

Faye, what are you doing working in a place like this?

Well, I know that it doesn't look like much on the surface, but this job is

really fulfilling.

Time for your wet suit, Faye.

Faye, come on.

What is going on? The truth.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, come on.

Standing behind a counter in a terminal making stupid announcements? I mean,

what kind of life is that?

Well, I, um... Um... Well, I mean, it

turns... Turns out that retirement isn't all that I thought it would be. I mean,

I imagined I'd be doing all these wonderful things, and the truth is,

after a few days, I didn't know what to do with myself. I was lonely, and I

missed everybody.

So why didn't you just come to us?

Oh, how could I? I was so embarrassed. I mean, I made that big fuss about

retiring, and you threw me that wonderful party, and everybody got so

teary-eyed at my speech.

Yeah.

The second hour was particularly moving.

Faye, we're family.

We would do anything in the world for you.

You would?

Oh, Faye, of course. Anything.

I want my old job back.

I hate this.

No good at firing people.

Me either. Why do you think you're still working here?

I'll do it.

I like it.

The look of fear in their eyes when you say, can I see you in my office?

The way the lower lip starts to quiver when they know what's coming.

Who's going to fire her?

Fair is fair. I'll flip you.

You're the one who wanted to fire her since she started here. She grew on me.

I thought she was going to be bossy and overbearing.

Let's both go over there, bite the bullet, and do what we have to do.

Yeah, you're right. There's no time to wimp out. The one thing we do know is we

can't keep them both.

Attention, Sandpiper passengers.

My 20 is now boarding at gate one.

Have a nice day.

Yes, guys.

I just heard a great joke.

How many Sandpiper employees does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. Two to change the bulb and two other idiots to pay him for doing it.

You know what, Roy? That is the difference between you and us. At

Sandpiper, we're not just about the bottom line. We're about family. And

just like family, they're bleeding us dry.

Say, you know, when you left Dan Piper, you left some pretty big shoes behind.

Oh, thank you, Lowell. It's nice to be missed.

No, I mean you left some pretty big shoes behind the counter.

What the hell size are those gunboats anyway?

Did you want something, Lowell? Yeah, I need you to sign this requisition.

Thanks. Um, I was just curious.

Why did you get to sign that?

Oh, I'm sorry, dear. If you wanted to sign it, you should have just said

something.

Although I do have seniority.

Well, that's true. You do. Although you did quit, so technically this is your

first day.

Well, the next time you'll sign it. It was just a silly requisition form. I

mean, who cares?

Uh, by the way, I know that we're sharing a locker now, and I am delighted

to do it, but it is getting a little cramped, what with your ten different

outfits, your pedicure basin, and your facial steamer.

Well, if you'd just remove your clod hoppers, we'd have room for dinette set

in there.

You know, not to harp, but when you checked through the last passenger's

luggage, you didn't use my new color-coded destination tabs.

Color-coded destination tabs?

Why, aren't we fancy?

You know...

Ever since you came back here, you have dumped on every improvement that I've

made. Let me tell you something.

I've been working here for ten years. You've been here one week. You've got a

lot to learn.

Well, I've already learned one thing.

I am sick of working with you.

There isn't enough room out there for the two of us. One of us has to go, and

we all know who that is. I took this rinky-dink operation into the 20th

century, and if there's one thing this job has shown me, it is that I have got

talent, brains, and... I can walk into any office, anywhere, and score a better

gig for better pay. So for God's sake, for once in your life, act like men and

make a decision.

Attention, windsurfer passengers.

There will be a slight delay in the departure of the ferry to Hyannis, while

our maintenance staff remove the dead squid from the engine.

I scraped your barnacle. I even bucketed your chum. But I'm through. From now on,

I stay behind the counter. I took this rinky-dink operation into the 20th

century. And if this job has shown me anything, it is that I have got talent

and brains and that I can walk into any office, anywhere, and score a better gig

for better pay. So for God's sakes, for once in your life, act like men and make

a decision.