All language subtitles for Office Joe s01e05 Lead from the Front.eng

[inhaling deeply]

You know, I've been thinking about
what you said to that last recruit,

about how a tiger is the last thing
you'd want to fight.

I mean, yeah,
it's a 400-pound death machine

that can jump 20 feet from a standstill.

But still, I'd rather fight
a tiger than a bear.

Are you trying to say
the dumbest thing possible again?

A bear is a 1,500-pound death machine.

That is a walking tank.

Do you know how big that is?

Yeah, I know how big it is.
I've seen your mom.

- [cell phone rings]
- [groans]

Chapel Hill Recruiting,
Sergeant Spreter speaking.

Oh, your son?

12:30? Yes, we look forward
to seeing him.

No, thank you.

Say what you want
about my mother's weight,

but at least my mom ain't banging
some unscrupulous drug dealer.

For the last time,

my father owns
a legal cannabis dispensary.

He's not just some pharmaceutical rep
pushing oxy and vaccines.

That's just an excuse
a tiger lover would give.

Hey, guys.

I don't love tigers.

I just respect them.

They've got stealth.

Tigers jump at you, and then, bam,

you've got 6-inch fangs
buried in your neck

before you know what happened,

and you're bleeding out
on the forest floor.

And that's not a bad way to go.

Bears eat you ass first,
and then continue eating you alive.

Ass first?

It's a documented fact.

And, oh, bears climb, brother.

- They climb.
- Tigers climb too.

- You stay out of this.
- It's not about you right now.

This is service members only.

Are you here to join,
or did you just bring cookies?

That depends.
Is there anything interesting?

92 Sierra has a $30,000 signing bonus.

It's a washer, dryer,
and sink repair specialist.

88 Kilo is also open.

It's a watercraft operator,

and then you can stay away
from the tigers.

- And bears.
- Oh, my.

Both those animals swim quite well.

[groans]

They're macadamia nut.

[theme music playing]

I never really thought
of myself as an artist,

but when my mom took me
to the Monet exhibit in New York,

I was just hooked.

I never got the point of Monet.

I deserved that.

For me, it was comics.

Todd McFarlane and Ron Lim inspired me,

and I started drawing
Spidey and Surfer comics,

and the rest is history.

For me, it's about purpose.

Life is pain.

And I want to bring that pain to life
and heal those around me.

[Jocelyn] Okay.

What about you, Joe?

Oh, me? Uh...

Monet, as well. For sure. Yeah.

Starry Night, am I right?

That's Van Gogh.

It absolutely is.

Just testing you.

And you passed.

She passed.

[Jocelyn] Uh-huh.

So I started drawing on Porta-Potties
when I was deployed to Iraq.

Mostly penises.

At first, it was to pass the time,

but then I started
to get really good at it.

My penis drawings became legendary.
That led to me drawing other things:

our platoon logo, pictures for dudes
trying to impress their girls back home.

Like life, my art sprang from a dick.

- What is beat Lee-ing?
- [knocking on door]

Come in.

Beat Lee-ing is...

[laughs] Joe, what are you doing?

I'm just making sure there's

no de-working, de-bumping,
or de-grinding going on.

Joe, that is so last week, okay?

This week, we're beat Lee-ing.

[Joe] Do I even want to know?

Yeah. It's when the beat drops,
and you give your best Bruce Lee move.

- [shouts]
- Jesus Cristo es Jason Bourne.

Hungry?

- Yeah, I'm starving.
- Cool. Wanna grab lunch?

Yeah, I've been dreaming about
that taco truck outside all day.

- Well, it's on me, so let's go.
- Yeah? Thanks.

- Come on.
- [knocking on door]

Hey, hey. I brought gifts.

- Hey, Joe. How are you, buddy?
- [Joe] Yeah.

- Dos Gringos Tacos. How did you know?
- [Michael] Yeah.

I heard you talking about them last week,
so I rented the truck out for the day.

I figure with as hard
as the average laborer

is working around here, they deserve it.

All right. Well,
I'm gonna get out of here.

Michael, always good to see you.
Ash, I'll check you later, all right?

Joe, whole tray of tacos, brother.

- Stay with us. Come on.
- Yeah, we can't eat all these.

- Eat lunch with us.
- I need to get out of the office, so...

- Are you sure?
- Yeah.

- All right.
- See y'all later.

- Okay. All right.
- Take care.

- Got the full spread for you, miss.
- This is so amazing.

Pull up a chair. Take a seat.

- [groans]
- This is awesome.

What did you get me?

Chaz, I need you if you got a minute.

You need me?

Yeah. Can we talk?

Sure.

I mean, I've been rendering
for 32 minutes.

It's been going all night,
but I can give you that time I have.

No, it's cool. I only need five.

You know, I think you're the only one
who can help me.

You know money's tight around here.

Look, if you're asking me to pitch in
or something, I don't have any, so...

Dude, no, no. Neither do I.

Paycheck to paycheck
like it's my job, am I right?

Right.

No. So I found out about
this brand, all right?

It's a spirit brand.
It's called Cold Zero.

It's veteran-made,
and it's absolutely delicious.

Military people know about it,
but basically no one else does.

I want to pitch them on hiring us,

but in order to do that,
I need a bad-ass video.

What do you say?

So you're asking me to save the company?

No, Chaz.

I'm begging for your help
to save the company.

No one else can do this.

- I accept your challenge.
- [Joe] Great.

I gotta hit this meeting,
and then we're gonna catch up,

- and we're gonna brainstorm, all right?
- All right.

Yahoo.

[snoring]

Hey, Joe. You're early.

You know what they say:

"If you're ten minutes early,
you're on time."

"If you're on time, you're late."

- Kevin? Are you...?
- [footsteps approaching]

Karen, are you okay?

No, not really.

We've got a big,
potential client coming in,

which is why I wanted everybody here.
No one's here.

There's no food tray here,
no coffee, no doughnuts.

There's nothing.

How can we help?

I don't know.

Look, things are getting
tight around here.

And we just need to land a big client,
but it's like nobody cares.

Hey, we care.

This isn't your fault.

There's no one to blame but me.

- I'm sorry. I'm gonna go wait outside.
- Wait, wait, wait. Who's the client?

It's Dick Richards, the big-time investor.

He makes or breaks consumer brands.

You name it, he's touched it.

Black Rifle Coffee, Combat Flip-Flops,

- even Thigh-Huggers.
- Wow.

[Karen] Yeah, he's a kingmaker.

[sighs] I want to be coronated.

You know, I'm just gonna
wait outside. I'm sorry.

You know, it's actually super messed up
how everyone's always late around here.

Well, we can either sit around here
bitching, moaning and complaining,

or we can get off our asses
and give her the help she needs.

I'm gonna get doughnuts across the street.

Roger. I'll get the coffee.

[giggles]

Richard. Dick Richard.

- Pleased to make your acquaintance.
- The pleasure is all mine, Mr. Richards.

Please, Karen. Call me Dick.

Oh, okay. Dick, it is.

I got a big challenge
for your team this week.

The kind of challenge that would make
most marketers shrivel up.

Ooh. Well, I assure you
we will not shrivel.

We will stand strong
and handle anything thrown upon us.

Please, this way.

It's always tied so hard.

- Now we're gonna have to buy another.
- [Jocelyn] You fucked it up.

- [Rafael] I didn't. You messed it up.
- [Jocelyn] Yes, you did.

- [Rafael] You saw her do it.
- Guys, lock it up.

Dick Richards is here in two minutes.
We have to look professional.

One, who are you
and what have you done with Joe?

And two, his name is Dick Richards?

Oh, I'm just the dude
who's tired of everyone ignoring

how hard Karen's working
to keep this place together.

I don't know, it's just me.

I think what Joe's trying to say is,
everyone needs to pitch in a little more,

and this client is really important.

[Karen] Great. After you.

Wonderful. And we'll just head
into the office here.

Everyone, I'd love to introduce you
to Dick Richards.

He was the keynote speaker
at the FREDx Conference,

and I have to say, he changed my life.

Thank you, Karen.

I'm glad that I inspired you,
as I have so many before.

Brand, to me, it's not about image.

It's about what's real,

what you feel deep inside,
deep inside your loins.

A good brand can have you
feeling good for a long time,

but a bad brand, well, it just
makes you feel impotent. Wah.

Kind of like when they made
Teen Wolf Too without Michael J. Fox.

- He's right.
- Just felt flaccid, didn't it?

- Well said, well said.
- [Joe] It is, yeah.

I bet you're all wondering
why I have you here today

and which one of my brands
you're gonna be working for.

Snake Farm. You shred?

I do, sir.

Well, I don't.

But I'm the guy that made
Snake Farm happen, and you know why?

Because I did so much research.

I put in so much time that,
scientifically speaking,

I know more about skateboarding
than all the skateboarders in this world.

That's the DRD.

The Dick Richards Difference.

Can I get you a coffee or a doughnut?

Is it Kopi Luwak?

[Rafael] Um, no. What is that?

Kopi Luwak. It's Indonesian.

It's the best coffee on earth.

You see, what happens is,
the Asian palm civet,

it takes the beans, it eats the beans,
it shits out the beans,

then a human being comes by,
cleans up the beans, grounds the beans,

gives it back to a human,
and we drink the beans. It is delicious.

I don't think I can drink civet poop.

And that's why nobody
will remember your name.

Um, how about you tell us about...?

[Dick] Shh, shh, shh...

I'm about to illuminate you
on why Dick Richards is here.

I'm starting a new brand,

and I want all of you
at Gasoline Dog to launch it.

Oh, oh, that's so exciting.

What's the brand?

Male enhancement pills. Boop.

I call it Man De Ville.

That's French for "man of the city."

Ooh! Ooh-la-la. I love the French,
and I love that.

I thought you might.

Everybody loves a man of the city.
But here's the Dick Richards kicker.

I don't wanna be some cutesy-wootsy brand.

Every enhancement pill out there
is nudge-nudge, wink-wink.

Nope!

Man De Ville is gonna be
out front and center.

And what exactly does that mean?

That I need you guys to design a logo

that has a huge dick and one, two, balls.

Yes!

I like your enthusiasm.
But I'm not gonna beat around the bush.

Dick Richards, this guy,
I'm not an also-ran.

I need you guys to penetrate the market.

Plant a seed by moving
that little market penetrator around.

I need you to take it out

and let everybody know
that we're the only game in town.

[softly] Is anybody hearing this?

To do that, I'm gonna need you all up.

Pound hard, and I mean, relentlessly,
until the big release...

of our product.

You can count on us, Dick.
We won't let you down.

[Karen] You sure can.

- Karen, here's a check.
- Yeah?

I'm gonna need that logo done in 48 hours.
Can you do that?

It's a bit premature.

That's perfect. We can
definitely do that for you, yes.

[Dick] Excellent.

And, Karen, I need this dick logo
to be handled properly, okay?

Otherwise, it puts us
in a sticky situation for launch.

Richard's out.

[door opens, closes]

- You guys have to have heard that.
- No.

He was actually more clear
about what he wanted

than any client we've ever had.

Okay, guys,
I need your best work on this one.

Joe, you seem to understand
exactly what he's after,

so you're the lead on this project.

Karen, this would be an absolute honor.

So exciting.

[Joe] I've waited my entire adult life
for this moment.

But what technique do I use?

Photorealistic?

Abstract?

Impressionist?

Definitely not minimalist, no.

I think I have to go real.

I gotta pull out all the stops.

This really isn't my forte.

We've spent thousands of years
talking about men and their penises.

It's all over history.

Maybe it's time to tell her-story.

Hey, Chaz.

[groans]

- [sultry jazz music playing]
- I love how you took control in there

and dressed those miscreants down.

Someone's got to look after Karen.

Right now, you're gonna have
to look after me.

And for once,

I'll be the one in the handcuffs.

[chuckles]

[tense music playing]

It's here.

It's all here, isn't it, Chazzy boy?

It's gotta be strong, powerful,

the kind of stuff military people
would drink but still approachable.

Stencil thoughts?

Hmm.

Rain.

Rain like camouflage.

But does our hero save the girl?

[groans]

Chaz, what's this?

Looks like you're working hard.

Yeah, it's a project
I'm working on with Joe.

Not ready for public consumption yet.

Message received.

I hate it when people mess around
with my work before it's ready.

I know.

Still, if I was gonna add one thing,
it seems like it's military-centric,

so they probably don't want to see,
like, stencil fonts or the camouflage.

It's like when marketers
try and push pink onto women.

You know, everything else is awesome,
just that one little thing.

Okay, bye.

Just a little thing.

Just a little thing.

Just a little thing! [sobbing]

Just a little thing.

How many times do I have to tell them
to shut the lights off when they're gone?

[footsteps departing]

[groaning]

Oh, meeting started at noon, Jocelyn.

Oh, sorry.

What'd I miss?

Nothing. We waited on you.

Oh, cool. Thanks.

You're missing the point.

You know what? Never mind.
Let's see what everyone's thinking.

All right. I think we should do
a little penis character,

and we dress him
in a detective noir style,

with a little derby hat
and a cute little overcoat.

Why would we do that?

They call them "private dicks."
It's a play on words. It's funny.

Good call counting on modern men

to understand detective references
from the 1930s.

That will totally slay.

What do you have, Jocelyn?

To be honest,
I haven't really thought much about it.

This guy kind of sucks.

Yeah, well, we probably need
to start thinking about it.

Raf, what about you?

I say we surprise him with giving him
the opposite of what he expected,

and we make the logo feminine.

Women, after all,
are the purchasers of the household.

I actually need a minute, guys.
I'll be back.

What's his problem?

[both speaking Spanish]

[cell phone rings]

Giuseppe, what's going on, man?

Sir, I'm really pissed right now.

Did something bad happen?
Are you all right?

Everyone here is so lazy.

They spend so much time trying to get
out of work instead of just doing it.

If they tried just a little,
we'd be crushing it.

Instead, we're barely making ends meet.

And they don't even seem to care.

Joe, before you made sergeant,

you and the rest of the E4 Mafia
covered the doorway to a room

with drywall, finishing it
with painstaking detail

so that you could build a secret entrance
through a false wall behind a bunk bed.

I remember that.

And why did you do that again?

Well, we were tired of getting
volunteered for details.

If the sergeants couldn't see us,
they couldn't task us.

Yeah, right.

You spent night after night for weeks
building a place not to work,

where you would have spent far less time
and effort on the whole thing

if you had just done the assigned tasks,

which weren't that challenging
to begin with.

I'm not seeing your point, sir.

When you made sergeant, what changed?

Well, suddenly I was the one responsible
for getting this stuff done.

I didn't know how hard the job was
before I was in those shoes.

Exactly.

So I need to remember
what it was like to be a new sergeant?

Lead them, Joe.

Thank you, sir.

[call disconnects]

[tense music playing]

You have merely adopted the darkness.

I was born to it.

Hold it, quiet.

That's it.

Darkness.

Approachable, kind.

But if you mess with them,
they'll destroy you.

Like Keanu Reeves.

But I need
a different protagonist for this.

Manly. Charming.

But also a dick.

The kind of guy women would want
to have babies with.

But also run over with their cars.

Maybe in the same day.

But where can I find this protagonist?

[girl] Hey. [shouts]

Stop it.

Come on, mister.
Please don't lock up our bikes.

[sighs] Listen,
you nasty little booger eaters.

If I let you park your bikes here,

I gotta let everybody
park their bikes here.

Sign says no parking.
You don't know how to read?

Not really. I go to public school.

Checks out.

But please, mister, unlock our bikes.

We'll have to walk about
five miles to get home.

Listen, actions have consequences.

Nice little walk might give you
some time to think, yeah?

I'm gonna go tell my mom about this.

What's up? Is she hot?

Hey, that's assault, kid.

I don't care.

[tense music plays]

[Joe] Listen up!

Everything changes time now.

Joe, maybe you should calm down.

Calm down? [chuckles] Calm down.

We have a design due in two hours

that the entire company is depending on
in order to survive.

And what have y'all done?

Bitched about making a masculine brand
for a dude that wants a masculine brand.

- Take it easy.
- [Joe] Easy?

Easy. I want you to do something
other than take it easy, okay?

Super obvious you grew up
on Daddy's money, all right?

With your "I don't have
to follow any rules" bullshit.

That's some blue on blue right there.
I love the military discipline.

Yeah? And what do you know about it, huh?

All you ever do
is talk about joining the military.

You want to join? Fucking join!

Otherwise, shut the motherfuck up!

You know what? You guys talk a big game,
but you never deliver.

I'm gonna go work on my design,

and I expect you motherfuckers
to do the same.

Where do you get off
expecting us to do anything?

[Joe scoffs] Don't you get it?

It's not about me.

It's about Karen.

And by the way, it's about each other.

Take some damn ownership.

What the fuck is his problem?

[groaning]

Hey, Chaz.

- Were you followed?
- What?

Were you followed?!

- No.
- Don't lie to me, big boy.

- I'm not!
- Were you followed?

- I wasn't followed.
- All right.

Never mind all that.

[sighs] Here it is, Big Joe,

the ad that'll take Gasoline Dog
to the next level.

The ad that will win us Cold Zero.

- What am I looking at here, buddy?
- [groans]

Intrigue.

Mystery.

Taste.

Sex.

All of it.

- Am I cleared hot?
- Yeah.

Am I cleared hot?!

- Yes, you're cleared hot.
- Hot or cold? Hot or cold?

- You're hot.
- Hot!

- [Joe] Yes.
- All right.

You know what, Chaz?

Finally, someone cares around here.

- Nice work.
- [groans]

[tense music playing]

All work and no play make Chaz a dull boy.

All work and no play make Chaz a dull boy.

[rock music playing]

Thanks.

Howdy, partner. What you drinking?

If it's all the same to you, man,
I'd prefer to drink alone.

Name's Darryl, Space Force vet.

Uh, I can see you're having
a wah kind of day.

Well, lay it on me.

I've seen some serious shit, you know.

I'm sure you have, Darryl.

Uh, again, just wanna be left alone.

All right, well,
if you wanna hide your feelings

and be a little bitch about it,
be my guest.

What'd you say?

I think I was very clear,
Mr. Too-Scared-To-Talk.

Hey, Joe.

What are you mad at?
We both know it ain't Darryl.

He's annoying as hell.

Normal people have
loud conversations in public places,

but you don't see me cracking skulls
at an airport, do you?

- You let go of my hand.
- Depends.

Can you control your emotions?

So, what's really going on?

All right, look, my coworkers,
they don't give a shit.

All right, the girl I like,
she's with someone else.

I'm kind of with someone else too,
if I'm being honest.

Nothing's good right now, man.

Oh, I don't know.

You're young, healthy.

Got your whole life ahead of you.
It all looks pretty good to me.

It's just when I was in, all right,

I knew who I was
and I knew what I was doing.

Like, I had a mission. I had a purpose.

I had my squad,
and we had each other's back.

Here, I have nothing.

Let me ask you a question.

How long did it take for you
to feel at home in the military?

I don't know.

How about basic training?
You feel at home?

Hell no.

AIT?

Better yet, when you get
to your unit as a private?

No.

Probably wasn't till I was a specialist
till I felt like I actually belonged.

And then I had to relearn everything
when I made sergeant.

So five years.

Made sergeant in four.

Four? Good for you.
So how long have you been a civilian?

Uh, like four weeks, I guess.

Oh, shit.
You don't have it all figured out, huh?

Yeah, you do suck.

All right, look, when you put it that way,
yeah, I kind of feel like an asshole.

Word of advice, dude.

Stay away from these
when you're not feeling so hot.

If I hadn't come to the bar,

then I wouldn't have gotten
your brilliant life advice, Tony.

I'm gonna let you in on a little secret:
The Legion isn't a bar.

It has a bar. Understand the difference.

Thanks, Tony. I appreciate that.

Tony?

- Hey, did you see where Tony went?
- Who?

Tony Garcia,
the guy I was literally just talking to.

Tony Garcia died three years ago, man.

[ominous music playing]

[all laughing and shouting]

Whenever we have a new guy,
we like to pretend I'm a ghost.

It's the little things, you know?

Hey, guys.

Hey, uh...

I want to apologize for yesterday.

I was seriously out of line.

- I wasn't listening to you, anyways.
- Right.

The message wasn't wrong,
but the delivery was problematic.

I get it.

I appreciate it.

All right, so we ready for this?

Ready as I'll ever be.

- You know what time it is, guys?
- What's that?

It's dick time.

Right you are. [laughs]

Okay, guys.

Okay, Mr. Richards,
if you'd like to take that seat there.

Thank you.

Dick, we look forward to showing you
what we've been working on.

The team has tirelessly been pouring
their hearts and souls into this project.

We want Man De Ville
to take over the world.

Okay, Carter, you're up first.

I hope you like this, Mr. Richards.

Good steady base.

That's the appropriate curvature
right there. Solid head.

Great balls.

Veiny but not too veiny.

Nice. Very nice.

[Karen] And Jocelyn.

[Dick] Whoa!

I can't tell if that's a penis

or if the lady that owns that
just does a lot of squats.

You know what I mean?

Get the fuck out.

Okay, Joe, just go, go, go. You're up.

I've spent my whole life
preparing for this moment.

Looking at penises
is not my favorite thing.

I think we can all agree
the female form is vastly more alluring.

Still, Joe absolutely nailed it.

Pun intended.

It's glorious.

[celestial music playing]

It's unapologetic.

A pure work of art.

[sobbing] You brought that penis to life
in a way that I didn't know was possible.

Joe, your stiffy
is giving me a stiffy right now.

Thank you, sir.

Now, I know we got one more,
but I don't know what's gonna top that.

[Karen chuckles]

I'm so happy. Okay, Raf, you're up.

[Jocelyn laughs]

- That's it.
- What?

It's everything.

It's bold without arrogance.

It's got enough detail
to know what you're looking at

without being beaten
over the head with it.

That's a dick that tells a story.

That's a dick that tells
the story of Man De Ville.

Richard's out.

It was the worst day of my life.

Joke's on him.

That symbol I drew is the ancient
14th century Flemish symbol

for female empowerment.

I'm with you, sisters.

Oh! Joe, Joe, are you okay to lock up?

Carter's left already,
and I've got to dash.

- Yeah, no problem.
- Awesome. Thank you. Bye. Bye.

[door opens]

[door closes]

[grunts]

Don't move, or I'll cut
your throat from ear to ear.

All right, look, take it easy.

No need to do anything stupid.

You take it easy.

- You got your cell phone?
- I got it.

All right. I'm gonna reach down
into my front pocket nice and slow.

You can have the phone. I don't care.

I don't want your cell phone, bro.

Turn on the flashlight.

Flashlight.

Wait a second, I know this watch.

- Kevin!
- That's right.

Who is Jebediah Scott,
and why am I looking at his DD-214?

I'm Jebediah Scott.

You're a vet?

That's right, and the illegitimate brother
of Tony and Ridley Scott.

After I left the Navy,

I became a bigtime
Hollywood director too.

That's until I caught my lying,
cheating, whoring wife,

stooping this A-list actor.

Hope you kicked his ass.

Sadly, no.

He was found mysteriously murdered
three weeks later.

- Ever find out who did it?
- They tried me twice.

I was acquitted both times.

Seems that the lack of body parts
hampered the investigation.

- What a shame.
- What a shame.

Is that a Sharpie?

You don't think I can kill you
with a Sharpie?

I didn't say that.

The fact that you still cling
to the notion

that the Spartans
were the gayest band of warriors,

where the sacred band of thieves
are sitting right in front of you,

is the definition of insanity.

Look, all I'm saying...
What do you want?

- Where are the cookies?
- I'm going infantry.

I wanna sign up today.

[theme music playing]

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0