All language subtitles for Taskmaster (NZ) - s05e08 - A Genie Comes If You Rub It

Hello.

-That's for the haters.

-Kia ora koutou, and welcome to
Taskmaster. My name is Jeremy Wells.

-And I'm hosting the show as part of
my community service obligations.

After being convicted last year
of running

a high profile ram-raiding ring.

So, for the next 150 more hours
at least,

I am officially the Taskmaster.

Tonight, we'll watch
as five Aotearoa comedians

desperately claw at each other
like rats in a bucket.

All for a chance to win this.

The severed head
of my identical twin brother,

who died tragically after falling
onto a vat of liquid gold.

The five comedians vying for this
auspicious prize are -

Abby Howells.

Ben Hurley.

Hayley Sproull.

And Tom Sainsbury.

And tonight, sitting in for
Tofiga Fepulea'i we have Bubba.

And as always, sitting next to me
like a dutiful A.I. assistant

that I never have to worry about
one day overthrowing me,

it's Paul Williams.

-I've been thinking, Jeremy,

in the early to mid 2010s, a lot of
people bought 3D televisions.

And we don't really do enough
to utilise that technology.

So, I thought I would do
something for them.

Look out!

Woah! Don't get wet!

-Money well spent by those guys.

-Are you done?

-Yeah.

-Good.

-So, for our prize task tonight,

we've asked our contestants
to bring in the thing

they really wanted,
but now no longer want.

-OK.

Hayley.

-So, it was the early 2000s, and
Lord Of The Rings was all the rage.

And my partner started collecting

every single 'Lord Of The Rings'
figurine.

And he was hoping that one day
he would sell them to collectors.

And that would be the deposit
on a home.

These are now worth about $5 less
than they originally were,

and therefore
I no longer want them.

-OK. This you're getting rid of
his gravy pot.

And now you're getting rid of his
collectibles.

-Yeah, I know.
-This guy can't catch a break.

-Yeah, I know. Soon I'll get rid
of him.

-Bubba, sitting in for Tofiga.

I'd love to know what you've
brought in.

-It's nothing bad.

It's my boss.
-Wow.

-Don't want him any more.

-What sort of work does this boss
make you do?

-Private work.

-Ooooh!

-Nah, just jokes!
It's my agent.

-This is your agent?
-Yeah. My pimp daddy.

I wanted him because I wanted work.

But now he's making me work
too much.

-OK. Tom.

-Mine's a little bit complicated.
And I now kind of regret it.

It's got a little bit of a sob story
involved with it.

-That's OK.

-So, I came of age in the early
2000s right.

And I was a bit of a fashion victim.

I unironically wore a ties about.

I wore bootcut jeans.

And I also wore this.

-Oh, no.

-You might not realise it, but I've
actually got a very, very big head.

And I...

I haven't been able to find
a hat that fits.

(AUDIENCE MOANS)
Thank you!

And then I found this hat and it was
the first one that fit my head!

And I left it behind in a taxi

coming home from somewhere
in Newmarket

after having one too many mudslides.

Sorry!

-Abby, what did you bring in?

-I brought in my PhD.

-Wow.

And this is a very expensive thing
to give away.

-I thought I really wanted it,
but now I have it,

I don't want it anymore.

Too many bitches.

Too much respect on panel shows.

I get offered too many drugs.

I wish I'd never got the thing.

-Ben, what did you bring in?

-I love 'Star Wars',
and I love 'World Domination'.

So I found on the internet the thing
I thought I would love the most.

'Star Wars Risk.'

-Woah.

-It was over $200.

-What?!

-And then I got it, and I read the
instructions, and it's so complex.

So if we go to the next slide,

you can see that everything
is still in its packet.

-Oh, wow.
-And I don't want it anymore.

-Did you sort of stop wanting this

when you realised that you needed
friends to play it?

-Yeah. It's a bit of an issue
for 'Star Wars' games.

Generally the type of people
who like them

are short on the friend thing.

-OK.

Well, I'm going to start with
one point for Tom for the hat.

Two points for Bubba for the agent.

Three points for Hayley for her
boyfriend's stuff.

Four points for Ben.
And five points for Abby for her PhD.

-That's Dr. Howells, Jeremy!

-OK, let's get on with the show,
shall we?

I think I'm in the mood
for a real task, Paul.

-Your wish is my command.

-Love the gloves.

-Thank you, Tom.

-Oooh!

-Hello, Ben.

-Kia ora.
-Kia ora.

-Over here?
-Yes, please.

-Nice set up here, mate.

-Thank you.

-What an intriguing group of things
you have here.

-What intrigues you the most?

-Probably the lamp.

-The genie's about to come.

That's not code.

OK, here we go.

-"Say the magic phrase
while rubbing the lamp."

-"You may not leave the study."

-"Fastest wins."

-"Your time starts now."

-You couldn't resist that genie
comes line could you, Tom?

-No. I love a good genie.

That's not code!

-A genie comes if you rub it.

Just like everybody else!

-OK, this looks like a naughty
little puzzle, Paul.

Who are we gonna watch first?

-You know Aladdin?

Well this next clips got
Three Lads In.

Here's Ben, Tofiga, and Tom.

-What's the magic phrase?

-All the information you need is in
the task.

(GASPS) OK.

I'm thinking this is...

What? Hang on.

-OK.

"Say the magic phrase while rubbing
the lamp."

-I've stopped the clock.
-OK.

Why?

-"Say the magic phrase while rubbing
the lamp."

So, I've got to get the lamp out.
-I've stopped the clock.

-You have?
-Yeah.

-"Say the magic phrase while rubbing
the lamp."

-I've stopped the clock.

-You stopped the clock?
-Yes.

-I've done the task?
-Yeah.

(ALL MOAN)

-Are you serious?
-Yeah.

-OK. Thank you.

-Just like that. If you're happy,
I'm happy.

-I'm happy.

-Done!

-Nobody seemed to know
what they'd done there.

Ben you were none the wiser.
-None the wiser.

-So an extremely simple task.

All you had to say
was the following -

"The magic phrase while rubbing
the lamp."

-Oh, for God's sake.

-So obviously they all read that line
while reading the task.

But it was after...

The task began
on "your time starts now."

-Yes. And so how long did it
take those guys?

-Tom - 13 seconds.
Oh my God!

Tofiga - 39 seconds.

Ben - five seconds.

-Wow!

You're getting quite good
at doing well in tasks,

but you have no idea
what's going on.

-No idea.
-It's a real skill.

-I've done some of my best work in
five seconds, Jeremy.

-OK. It's on!

A race to see who can read out
a piece of paper the fastest.

Television has absolutely peaked!

Stay tuned. We'll be back with more
Taskmaster soon.

Akuanei!

Nau mai, hoki mai.
Welcome back to Taskmaster.

The show where New Zealand
comedians trick us

into thinking they're cool
by pretending

to not want their 'Star Wars'
or 'Lord Of The Rings' stuff.

Paul, what is currently going down?

-We're in the middle of a task

where contestants have to say,
and I quote -

"The magic phrase
while rubbing the lamp."

-But there's an actual magic lamp
in the room.

-Yes. I mean, I can see why that
would be confusing.

I did accidentally leave my magic
lamp in the room that day.

-OK, who's next Paul?

-You know the Lady and the Tramp?

Well, here's the Ladies
and the Lamp.

It's Hayley and Abby.

-What's the magic phrase?

-Say the magic phrase.

That's the phrase!

OK, so I just need
to get in there.

-What are you thinking?

-I'm thinking that there's, like,
a trick to finding the phrase.

-OK.

-Say the phrase while rubbing
the lamp.

What is that?

That's different.

-Oh, that's my music.

My royalty free jams.

-It's playing 'Sad Memories'.

-Are you all right?

-Oh, I'm sorry, Paul.

-What's wrong?

(REGGAE PLAYS)

-Paul! You're so good!

-Wow! Paul!

(CALYPSO PLAYS)

(CABARET PLAYS)

-Oh!
-Oh my God.

Song called, 'Sultry Nights'.

No!

Paul, no.

-Task!

Say, "Task!"

That's what the songs spell out.

"Say task."

Sort of thought that would have
an effect.

-This lock is interesting. If I press
it, it goes red.

-Task. Task. Task.

-Could I use your finger?

-Yeah.

-Task. Task. Task.

-Do you think it's like a voice
activated?

-I don't know, Paul.

-It's a fingerprint lock.

-Give me your fingerprints.

-Wow!

Thank you, Paul!

-Ew...

I am a bread herring.

-"You're a red herring, right?"

Y-A-R-H-R.
Y-A...

-You're a red herring, right.

Chocolate money.

-Give me some money.

"Look up."

Yes!

Looks like a key to the lamp.

-Task!

Say, task!

-Task.

-Am I done?

-Oh, no.

-It's a lamp.

And now I've got to "Say the magic
phrase while rubbing the lamp."

-I've stopped the clock.

-Did I say the magic phrase?

-You've completed the task.

-I did it!

-You did it.

-"Say the magic phrase while
rubbing the lamp."

-I've stopped the clock.

-Oh. OK great.

So I'm done?

-Yeah.

-Oh, deary me.

-Why do I get so much joy out of
watching people do pointless tasks?

-I know. You think you've got joy.
Did you see my little face?

Task!

I really thought I had it
so many times.

-So pleased with myself.

I was like, Everyone's going to
see how smart I am

after this task!

-Also, Hayley did come incredibly
close right at the start.

Two seconds into her attempt,
she said,

"Say the phrase while rubbing
the lamp."

So she was missing the word magic.

-And how long did it take?

-She took 7 minutes 29.

-OK.

-Abby. Eight minutes 19.

-Is that better or worse
than five seconds?

-In the bedroom -
better.

-OK. How did the scores wind up
then?

-So that means one point for Abby.

Two points for Hayley.

Three points for Tofiga.

Four points for Tom.

And five points for Ben Hurley.

-OK! How are our episode scores
looking, Paul?

-Leading the pack with nine points,

it's Ben Hurley.

-OK.

-I'm feeling ready for another task.

What do you got for me Paul?

-This one's a team task.

And it's gonna synergise the hell
out of your actionables.

-Oh, this is nice. Refreshments.

-A little party.

-Yum.

-Oh, nice.

-Hello, Tom.
Hello, Tofiga. Hello, Abby.

-ALL: Hello, Paul.
-Hello, Hayley. Hello, Ben.

-Hi, Paul.
-Hey. May I?

-Yeah! You go for it.

-OK. Let's go.

-"Create and run a corporate
retreat."

"You have one hour."

-"Your attendees arrive
in 30 minutes."

-"Best corporate retreat wins."

-"Your time starts now."

-This is a goodie.

-OK. Shall we snack to think
of ideas?

-Great call.

What happens at a corporate retreat?

-They've gotta talk about, um...

KPIs.

-What does that stand for?

-Key Performance Indicators.
-Yeah.

-I'm could do some icebreakers
in the beginning.

-Yes, that's really good.
-That's good.

-That's great. I have autism.

So that's probably not the best one
for me.

-If you were to start a company,
what would you start?

-Maybe like an airline.

But we only fly around the
North Island.

-A North Island exclusive airline.
OK. That's our company.

-Oh, yeah. What's our
corporate message?

-A veneer of caring.
-Yeah.

-But money first.
-OK.

-If we call it North Airlines.
-Yeah.

-And then using it like a...

-Acrostic Poem?
-Acrostic.

N. No southlanders.

O. Orange juice only.

-I like that. Yeah.

-Do you serve water?

-No. O... Follow the ethos.

Orange juice only.

-Tom, I liked your line -

"A veneer of caring.
But money first."

-Yes. That's how I live my life too.

-OK, whose corporate retreat do we
have to sit through first, Paul?

-Do you know what the email
abbreviation ATTN means?

-It stands for - Abby,
Tofiga, Tom, Now!

-Welcome, welcome, welcome! Hello.

Hello, Daphne. Lovely to meet you.
Hi, Todd.

Grab yourself a cup of tea and
come and have a seat.

Make yourself comfortable.

We'll get straight into it because,
you know, time is money.

-A water? Of course.
Good to stay hydrated in this life.

-Great to have everyone here
this morning.

We're going to just do a couple...

a little icebreaker just to get us
into it.

So if I can ask everyone
to please stand.

Turn to your left.

And massage the shoulders of the
person in front of you.

There you go.

And humming!
Humming at the same time!

Now chops. Chops.
Very nice.

I've got some acronyms here.

Say it with me everyone -
"Money And Power, Over People"

I want you to go home and think
about that, OK.

I'm going to hand you over to
a very, very special guest.

I don't know
if you've seen her around.

She's actually been in disguise.

I'm going to hand you over to...

-That's right. It's me, Trish!

The top executive at this firm.

So let that be an important lesson
to all of you.

You don't know who you're
talking to.

So always say your please
and thank yous.

Now, I actually had a not easy rise
to the top.

Me and my family, we lived
in this place

and everything was going
great there.

But my uncle...

My uncle was a jealous man.

And one time he told me there was
going to be a bunch of wildebeests

and I should go and see them.

My dad, he tries to save me
from all the wildebeests.

But actually he falls into
the wildebeests.

And he died...
I know.

-OK. Just to finish our
corporate retreat,

we're all going to stand up

and we're all going to sing
our company song.

Five, six, seven, eight.

(ALL SING) # Corporations...

# Watch everything we do....

# So they can do...

# Targeted marketing.
#

Thank you very much.
Thank you so much.

Go forth! Go forth!

-Thanks for coming, guys.

-Thank you for coming.
-Thank you.

-We really appreciate it.
-I love that song!

-Got a bit Nuremberg rally,
Nazi sort of vibe

with the "Go forth! Go forth!"
Tom, at the end there.

-It does. I feel icky.
But you know...

Such is corporate life, you know?

-I could see at one point there, Tom.

You were very concerned with
where Trish's speech went.

-Yeah, I was.

I was confused about her species
for a second.

But it all worked out.

-It felt a lot like the plot to
'The Lion King', actually.

Trish's story is a lot like the plot
to 'The Lion King'.

-But also 'The Lion King' stole
from 'Hamlet'.

So we all steal stories.
-Yeah. And 'Hamlet' stole from Trish.

-Bubba, how did you feel about
Tofiga's massaging

that he was getting the people
to do?

-Just a little different perspective

on how close you can get to people
without it being weird.

-Without being weird?

-I think it was pretty weird,
to be honest.

-I would've bonded with someone...

Let's all...

Yeah. See?

-It's quite nice.
-Yeah, nice.

-That's very nice.
-I actually do feel closer.

-Yeah. What a great retreat idea.

What a five points deserving
retreat idea.

-Yeah.

-All right. I think we need to take
this off line,

which is corporate television-speak
for an ad break.

We'll see you back here for another
corporate retreat very soon

when Taskmaster returns.

Welcome back to Taskmaster!

Fill me in, Paul. Where are we at?

-Our teams are attempting to create
corporate retreats

for a busload of people who have
no idea what they're going to do.

So far, it's been a lot of
acronym-based stuff.

-Yeah, no, I'm seeing that.

I take it there's one more retreat.

-Yes. Here's the team from
North Airlines. It's Ben and Hayley.

20 seconds.

-I'll get some water.

Even though that's not in our ethos.

-Put it there as a test.

-Good, good, good!

-What happens if they take the water?

-They're out.
-They're out.

-What, fired?
-Yeah. They're out.

-Here they are.
-Hi!

-BOTH: Welcome, welcome!

-Grab a drink. Help yourself.

Joanne! Hi, Joanne.
Nathan, thank-- Oh.

Daphne we're gonna have to
ask you to leave.

-Yeah. Sorry, Daphne.
That was a test.

-You know the ethos.

-Sorry, sorry. Yeah.
Bye, Daphne.

-But everyone else, welcome!

Excited to have you here!

-Is Daphne fired?

-Yeah.
-Yeah, Daphne's out.

-OK. Welcome along.

Hayley is going to take you through
our company ethos.

As you know, you are all flight
attendants for North Airlines.

-Yes.

N of course, stands for -
No South Island destinations.

-Yeah.
-O. We've got orange juice only.

Hence why Daphne's gone.

R of course, as you know -
Really hot flight attendants.

And I can see that we are
sticking to that.

T is timely. We're always on time.

And of course, H is for -
High fives on arrival.

Ben, why don't you talk us through
some of the company stats

from last year
and where we're heading for 2024?

-Now there was a dip here.

And I think we know why.

-BOTH: Daphne.

-But since then a real bounce.

In fact this has just happened in
the last few minutes

since Daphne's been let go.

-As a company, we really want to feel
like a family.

And so we're going to do a little
trust exercise,

something that we
just love to do every year.

One by one you're going to come up

then you're going to close
your eyes.

-Close your eyes now, Vishal.

-And you're going to run full speed
at the board.

Full speed! Go Vishal!
-BOTH: Stop!

-Oh!

-Yeah. Fantastic.
Lucky last Paul.

Close your eyes and just run.

And run with trust, Paul!

No stop, stop, stop!
Wrong Paul! Wrong Paul!

-Wrong Paul.
Sorry, sorry. Sorry.

-My name is also Paul.

-Yeah...
We meant this Paul, Paul.

So we're actually going to move
through.

We've got a networking function.
-That's right. Couple of drinks!

All right. Follow us guys,
let's get drunk!

-Well, look,
it's been a hard year.

Some KPIs went down,
but we're all here

and I feel like we're really....
(KNOCKING)

-It's Daphne.

-Daphne, come in.

-We're going to put it down
as a written warning.

Daphne, welcome back aboard.

-Yeah. And here's to Daphne
not suing us!

-Yay!

-ALL: Cheers!

-And what about you, Paul?

How are you finding working
for North Airlines?

-You don't find there's too
many Pauls?

-Because we could get rid of a Paul.

-We could totally take it down
to just one Paul.

-What the hell?

Daphne broke the--

-Paul's gone!

-Number one Paul!

Number one Paul!

-ALL: Number one Paul!

The party really seemed to kick off

once you'd kicked Paul out,
didn't it?

-Yeah.
-I mean, he is a fun sponge.

-Pretty brutal on Daphne.

-Yeah, let's all remember that that
was make-believe.

And Daphne's a real person.

Who was hired to come on a show

and when she turned up, grabbed a
cup of water, and we got rid of her.

-She was fired after 42 seconds
of the retreat.

-Alright. Gonna have to score these.

One corporate retreat looked like
a whole lot more fun

because there was alcohol involved.

Let's be honest, that's why anyone
actually goes.

So five points for Ben and Hayley.

And I think two points
for Abby, Tofiga, and Tom.

-Oh...

-Alright, Paul.
Must be time for another task.

-Sure thing, Jeremy.

Turn your phones to silent because
we're going to the movies.

-Wowee!

-Shh!

-Oh.
Shh!

-Gonna share the popcorn? Yeah.

-Good man.

-Here it is.
-Stop. I'm watching.

-Sorry.

"Star in a 30 second silent film."

-"Most high stakes film wins."

-"You have 40 minutes."

"Your time starts now."

-I'm wondering if there's, like,
a clock.

Like I'm thinking there might be
a bomb situation.

-I reckon aliens.

And then one human stands up
and they're like -

"We're the hero, the saviour."

-There's gotta be a guy who's going
to try and steal your purse.

You'd be a better woman.

-How come?

-Cause you...
you... look like one.

-OK.

-I'll tie you to the chair.
We'll put a sack over your head.

And then I'm going to come and
I'll be the villain.

-The environment is like
a building site.

And my umbrella gets taken
away from me.

-And then a subtitle underneath -
"We are but men."

-We are butt men?
-We are butt men.

-Should we start filming it?
-Let's do it.

-OK.

-And action!

Back off!

-Was that a take or a practice?

-That was the take.

-Man, you make a good girl, Paul.

-Thank you.
-We got it.

-Excellent.

-Great job.
-OK. Thank you.

-Could be an award in it for you.

Oooh.

-Hello, Hayley.

-Hello, Paul.

-"Create the audio
for your silent film."

-"All sound must be recorded
in this room."

-"Best soundscape wins."

-"You have 45 minutes.
Your time starts now."

OK, let's do it.

-So I get to see my silent film!

-Yes.

-Oh, wonderful!

This must be how Scorsese feels.

-We need gunshots...

Blood splatters.

Did you get a bit wet there?

Sorry.

-So it's worth remembering that there
are kind of two parts to the task.

-Yes.

-Most high stakes film.
Best soundscape.

-All right, let's see some
not so silent films then, Paul.

Who's up first?

-He puts the Tom in Atom Bomb.
It's Tom.

There's been a big bomb...

-What the (BLEEP)?

-I'm going to kill you!

Shing, shing, shing!

-I did it!

-We Are Butt Men.

-Just that final line there.
Can you just run us through...

Where the intonation is,
is quite important.

-Well, originally I was like -
"We are but men."

You know?

And then just randomly,
I just stressed the wrong words.

For some reason, the crew
and Paul smirked.

And I thought,
Oh, this is something.

And I put it in.
And now I regret it.

-You know, Jeremy, I sort of thought
that this task was...

That you had an unfair advantage

because Tom Sainsbury
is a filmmaker

and has made films
and gone to Cannes Film Festival.

But I feel all right now.

-Wow.

-That got a 45 minute standing
ovation at Cannes.

-Yeah.

-OK. It's time to watch
some more low quality short films

starring cash-strapped New Zealand
comedians.

And after that, we'll see the rest
of the movies

our contestants have made.

We'll be back after the ads.

Kia ora ano,
welcome back to Taskmaster.

The only place on earth

where it's possible to consider
a PhD in theatre studies a prize.

What is currently going on,
Paul Williams?

-Our contestants made silent films

with sound otherwise known
as normal movies.

-Up next with her movie,
'The Boy Who Kicked'

it's Abby Howells.

-Oh my God! What is that?

Oh, bloody hell,
what's going on here?
-.

What's going on here?

-Ah! What am I going to do?

Shoot you all!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Alien!

-How do you like this?

And this? And this?

-His moves are too disrespectful!

-Check out this! And this!

-I'm scared! I'm scared!

Oh my God, his moves were so
powerful. Gotta get away.

-ALL: He's done it!
The boy is bloody done it!

Well done boy.

-I did it!

Of I go to celebrate.

-Oh no, son.

-Lovely. Delicious alcohol!

I will drink this every day.

-Son, it's a slippery slope.

I did forget that bit at the
end where I chronicled

his descent into alcoholism.

-That's what I'm thinking. Is that
what's happening in the sequel?

-Yeah, it's about how he becomes
an alcoholic.

And he's always seeking that high
again, but he can never achieve it.

And then he dies in childbirth.

-How does he die in childbirth?

-You'll have to watch the movie,
Paul.

-The overlapping voices,

especially lots of people coming out
and going, "What's going on here?"

There was a lot of,
"What's going on here?" going on.

-So would you say the movie was
sort of making you question life

and really think about
the bigger picture?

-I feel like I saw inside your brain.

I had a look and then I went back
out the other way.

-Yeah. Well, it was it was lovely to
be visited for a while.

Gets lonely in there.

-All right. Should we endure another
one of these manic fever dreams?

-Watch out, Steven Spielberg.

This guy's coming for your spot
at a very leisurely pace.

It's Tofiga Fepulea'i.

-I am dancing like a queen.

-What the hell is she doing?

Wow, she looks quite nice, though.

-Oh, what's that guy standing
there for?

-Look over there!
-Where?

My purse!

-Get you!

-Oh no!

-Oh, thank you very much.

-There you go, Miss Blondie.

-May I say something?

Will you marry me?

You're so big and strong.

Big hands.

I'm getting married! Eeee!

-I will love you for the rest
of my life.

-You're so handsome.

-Oh, look at you, beautiful lady,
you.

-There we go.

-Come out you little cheeky bugger.
Yeah, that's our first one.

-I've got another one.

-Our second one is...

There.

Happy?

-Happy!
-I'm happy!

-Bubba.

Was it just me, or was Tofiga
feeling up his fiancee at the altar?

-Yeah. And it looked mean.

-I thought something else is about to
happen when Paul...

started to spread his legs
in the bath.

I'm like, no!

-I like when he ripped the arms
off a baby.

And then it came up
happy ending.

-It's the second time this season

that Tofiga has pulled a baby
from you.

-Two! Two!
Two breach births!

-But 100% alive.
Unlike Abby.

-Yeah.

-All right, let's watch another one,
should we?

-He's Hawera's Buster Keaton.

It's Ben Hurley.

(WOLF WHISTLES)

-Oh no!

(HORN)

Boing!

Nice to see someone here has watched
a silent movie before.

-That was so good.

-And don't worry, after all those
stunts, I'm OK.

-You're alright.

-Wow, that must have been tough going
over the top of that thing

on your bike, woo!

-You know what?
Like this is the modern era.

There were so many people checking
it was going to be OK.

-Minimal amounts of dialogue, minimal
amounts of sound effect.

-Yeah. That's the problem with a
silent film.

There's not a lot of noise.

-OK. It must be time for our lucky
last, Paul.

-Move over Spike Lee.

Here's Hayley.

-Ha!

I've got you now Paul!

-Help!

I'm just a poor man from
New Zealand!

-Shut it!

-Release me! I have nine kids!

-Nine kids?!

I'll let you go

if you can spell the word manoeuvre!

-You evil woman!

-Do it now or your nine kids
will be orphans!

-M?

-That is correct.

-A?

-Yes! That was it!

-N.

O.

-What's your next letter?

-A second O?

-Now those nine kids will be my
children! I'm the daddy!

-I'm just making sure that
I understand the plot here.

It's about an evil guy

that goes around getting people
to spell things,

and then he takes away
their children.

-Correct.

-OK.

Well, I thought some of the foley
was quite impressive.

The punches looked a bit fake.

-They were fake.

-I would have liked to
have seen a proper punch.

-Yeah, I know I try, but...

This guy! Do you know what I mean?

-I know. Can't sell it.
-"Oh, it hurts!"

-OK. I think Tofiga had
the lowest stakes.

There was the stealing of a handbag.

But I enjoyed his dialogue.

But at the same time, I don't want
to see Paul give birth again.

I've had enough of that.

So I'm going to go one point
for Tofiga.

Two points for Ben,

because I thought you had low stakes.

Three points for Tom.

And then I'm going to go four points
for Abby.

Because I enjoyed
going into her head.

And I thought the stakes
were pretty high for you, Hayley,

with nine kids on the line and
the sound effects was very good.

So five points for Hayley.

-Thank you.
I'm really pleased.

-All right. Next up,
a thrilling live task

and an elaborate prize
giving ceremony for our winner.

But first, some ads.
We'll see you soon.

Welcome back to Taskmaster.

We're about to find out
who will be going home

with our amazing prize pack
of things nobody else wants.

But first, Paul.

Let's get a little scoreboard
update, please.

-Leading Hayley by one point,
it's Ben Hurley.

-Contestants, please head up to the
stage for our final task

of the show.

OK, Paul, how's this going
to work?

-Hayley Sproull, will you please
read the task?

-It would be my pleasure.

"Pick a subject from Paul's board,

then have a cohesive conversation
about it."

"Each conversation must last
30 seconds

and all participating teammates
must speak at least twice."

"You must be wearing your noise
cancelling headphones

whilst conversing.

There will be three rounds."

"Most cohesive conversationalists
wins."

-We'll start with the team of two.

-Four?
-Sure.

-Your topic is...

A recent holiday you took.

Your time starts now.

-I haven't been on holiday
for a while

because of all the renovations.

-Of course you do, yeah.

Because of your house. There's two
guys working on it. Two men.

There's always two men
at your house.

-All day! All the time!
-Yeah.

-Have you been on holiday?
-Yes!

The last holiday I went on
was to New Caledonia.

-Oh.

-And, that's currently in some
political...

-Which topic would you like?

-One. Because we're going to
come first.

-Yes, I love it.

-Your conversation topic is...

Your death row meal.

-What would you guys have
for your death row meal?

-Probably pork. Pork ribs!

Because of the barbecue sauce.
How about you?

-I love...
barbecue sauce.

-Oh my gosh.

I love a barbecue!

-A barbecue?

-Yeah!

-Sure!

For my death row meal, I would
also have a barbecue!

-What would you be in prison for?

-Oooh, fun!

Ram raid?

-So which was the more cohesive
conversation?

I'd have to say Bubba, Abby and Tom,
first up.

-Let's go six, please Paul.

-The game on the weekend.

-Boy, oh boy, Ben!
I've gotta up the wahs!

-Yes. I also enjoy the Warriors rugby
league team.

Do you know next year they're going
to have a women's team as well?

-Love that for them.
-Yeah.

-Are they gonna be chucking quite
a bit? Do you reckon?

-They will pass the ball and stuff,
yeah.

-One, two, three.
-BOTH: Up the wahs!

-What was this?

-Next year they're going to have
a women's team.

-That's what I understood as well.

-Team of three.

-Number two, please.

-The economy.

-How's that economy, you guys?

-I've heard it's in the toilet.

-It's pretty (BLEEP) up.

-How are your savings, Bubba?

-Savings? I am doing pretty OK.

-What bank are you with?

What bank?

-Might start stripping!

How about you?

-OK. That's a point to these guys.

-Thank you.
-Point to Ben. Point to Hayley.

-You choose, Sproully.

-Number three is my favourite
number.

-So which number?
-Number five.

-OK.

The 1989 film,
'Honey, I Shrunk the Kids'.

-Hey, Ben.
I was born in 1989!

-Were you?

That makes you exactly nine years
older than me.

-Oh, right.
-Yeah.

-You would have been nine years old

when you saw 'Honey,
I Shrunk the Kids'.

-Correct.

With the lead actor Rick Moranis!

-Oh, the goggles
were the best bit!

-Rick. More. Anus!
-I know!

My favourite bit is when the kids
are so small!

-So small!

-We'll have number three, please,
Paul.

-A fine choice.

Your conversation is love.

-Do you guys like romantic comedies?

-Love them! I love 'Notting Hill'.

-You Bubba? Do you like...?
-Love romantic comedies!

-Are you in love at the moment?

-Do you guys....

Do you guys think 'Love Actually'
is a Christmas movie?

-I don't like it because everyone
is problematic.

I love you guys.

-I love you guys.

-Group hug!

-Oh, that's one of the worst
conversations I've ever witnessed.

Hayley and Ben, a point there.

All right, come on down and
we'll score it.

OK. Hayley and Ben took it out,
obviously.

-Yes.
-With two to one.

Should we go...
Five points for the winner

and then four points for the team
that came second.

-OK.

-That was a really fun game!

-So what does that mean for
the overall episode scores, Paul?

-It means the winner of episode eight
with 21 points is Ben Hurley!

-OK! Congratulations, Ben.

You're now the proud owner of some
things nobody wants!

Head on up to the stage

to get acquainted with all
of your lovely new stuff.

Well done.

So, that's another episode done and
dusted. But what did we learn?

We learned that some silent films
are better left silent.

And we learned that following
instructions

can be a massive
waste of everyone's time.

But most importantly,

we learned that Ben Hurley is
the winner for tonight's episode.

Episode eight!

Thanks, everyone.
We'll see you next time!

Po marie.

Captioned by AI-Media
ai-media.tv

Alright, Paul.
Do you wanna play a little game?

-Oh!
-Wah!

-I feel like it's getting
kind of late...

and I kind of need to go to bed.

-I love you, Paul.
-That's how the divas do it!

Hopefully my Dad's not watching.

-He will be.
He loves this show.