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1
00:00:00,768 --> 00:00:03,068
(doorbell rings)
2
00:00:07,141 --> 00:00:08,711
Hey, what are
you guys doing here?
3
00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:10,479
It's a bad time.
Can't come in.
4
00:00:10,478 --> 00:00:13,448
Thank you. You are going to be
so happy to see us.
5
00:00:13,447 --> 00:00:15,217
We have good news.
6
00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:16,646
My immigration
papers came in.
7
00:00:16,650 --> 00:00:18,750
All I have to do
to get my citizenship
8
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:21,422
is pass a little test,
and then you can divorce me.
9
00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:24,492
You are going to love
being divorced from him.
10
00:00:25,393 --> 00:00:27,163
Oh, you're going to miss
11
00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:29,061
being married to her.
12
00:00:30,331 --> 00:00:31,801
Hey, then, then I can
marry New Christine.
13
00:00:31,799 --> 00:00:33,329
Maybe that'll make her happy.
14
00:00:33,334 --> 00:00:34,674
This pregnancy's been rough.
15
00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:36,398
She's mad at me all the time.
16
00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:37,544
I can't do anything right.
17
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:39,068
It was different with you.
18
00:00:39,073 --> 00:00:40,413
You started out that way.
19
00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:43,442
Oh, oh-- she's coming.
20
00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:44,784
I didn't hear anything.
21
00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:46,678
You never do
until it's too late.
22
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:49,280
Don't look her in the eye
and make yourself look big.
23
00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:53,853
Why didn't you tell me
we had company?
24
00:00:53,854 --> 00:00:55,494
I...
Why do we have company?
25
00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:57,289
Damn you, Richard!
26
00:00:58,426 --> 00:00:59,556
What are you all looking at?
27
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:02,230
Uh, nothing.
28
00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:04,200
No, you look good.
29
00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:06,828
Like a young
Marlon Brando.
30
00:01:06,834 --> 00:01:08,274
(laughing)
31
00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:09,669
What are you
laughing at, Richard?
32
00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:11,270
I didn't laugh.
She laughed.
33
00:01:11,272 --> 00:01:12,642
Not at you.
I was laughing
34
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:14,280
because Richard's hands
were shaking.
35
00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:15,805
That's okay, Barb.
36
00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:17,279
I guess it is
kind of funny.
37
00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:19,648
Kind of.
Shut it!
38
00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:23,820
I have to marry her.
39
00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:28,357
Not if I get to her first.
40
00:01:28,356 --> 00:01:30,456
Please tell me how soon
we can make this happen.
41
00:01:30,458 --> 00:01:32,188
I take the test on Friday.
42
00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:33,793
As soon as I pass it,
then it'll take about
43
00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:35,634
two months
to finalize the divorce.
44
00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:37,629
Two months?
I can't wait two months.
45
00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:40,731
She's just going to be
stronger and scarier.
46
00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:43,244
Well, why don't you
just have the wedding now
47
00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:45,407
and then you can make
it official after the
paperwork's been finalized?
48
00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:47,706
Yeah! We can do
it this weekend.
49
00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:49,378
We could surprise her.
50
00:01:49,377 --> 00:01:50,777
She loves surprises.
51
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:52,848
Except the one
where I got her pregnant.
52
00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:54,546
Oh, maybe I'll call her dad
53
00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:55,848
and see if he'll come
walk her down the aisle.
54
00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:58,419
Um, uh... uh...
55
00:01:58,419 --> 00:02:01,259
Uh, P-Pa-Papa Jeff?
56
00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:03,515
Will you be okay
with seeing him?
57
00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:05,664
I know he broke your heart
at our first wedding.
58
00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:08,329
No, it would be nice
to have him here.
59
00:02:08,329 --> 00:02:10,529
Well, that's
big of you.
Wait for it.
60
00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:12,801
I can show him how great I look
and rub his face in it.
61
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,870
There you go.
62
00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:16,568
What? I'm in a good place
right now.
63
00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:18,540
I have a boyfriend.
He's a doctor.
64
00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:20,369
Oh, that's going
to kill Papa Jeff.
65
00:02:20,374 --> 00:02:21,714
Maybe I'll go to the hair salon
66
00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:23,509
and get my hair
and my makeup all done.
67
00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:25,811
Oh-ho-ho, that is really
going to kill Papa Jeff.
68
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:27,653
RICHARD:
Hey, maybe
69
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:29,278
you could take New Christine
to the salon with you.
70
00:02:29,283 --> 00:02:30,683
Get her dolled up
and out of the house
71
00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:32,354
so Matthew and I can decorate.
72
00:02:32,353 --> 00:02:34,223
What? Why would you
just assume I'm going to
73
00:02:34,222 --> 00:02:35,922
want to help you decorate?
74
00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:39,633
All right, fine, I'll see if I
know someone at the flower mart.
75
00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:41,757
Fine, I do know someone
at the flower mart.
76
00:02:50,638 --> 00:02:52,508
I don't understand
what we're doing here.
77
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:53,936
I told you,
it's a day of beauty.
78
00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:56,241
You know, the only thing
that made me feel better
79
00:02:56,244 --> 00:02:58,254
when I was pregnant with
Ritchie was getting pampered.
80
00:02:58,246 --> 00:03:00,476
Uh, that and doing this.
81
00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:04,550
(groaning)
82
00:03:04,552 --> 00:03:05,952
Get up. Get up.
83
00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:08,263
It works.
84
00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:11,593
Um, hi. We have an 11:00.
85
00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:12,592
The name is
Christine Campbell.
86
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:14,433
You're 15 minutes late.
87
00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:17,428
Yeah, well, uh, this one here
moves a little slow.
88
00:03:17,431 --> 00:03:18,871
She has to pee
every ten minutes,
89
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:20,596
which makes me have to pee.
90
00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:24,611
Oh, shoot.
Wish I hadn't said "pee."
91
00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:26,605
Well, I can probably
take you and your daughter
92
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:27,807
in about an hour
if you want to wait.
93
00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:30,008
Hey, I'm not her mother.
94
00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:31,580
Well, you're too young
to be her grandmother.
95
00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:34,479
Oh, thank you.
96
00:03:34,482 --> 00:03:37,452
Look, um, this is
a really important day.
97
00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:40,521
Um, I fooled around
with her father
98
00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:42,521
only to find out
that he had a fiancée,
99
00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:44,293
and I'm about to see him again.
100
00:03:44,292 --> 00:03:46,432
So I really am going
to need to look fantastic,
101
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:48,297
because today is the day
that I get my revenge.
102
00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:50,726
I have three revenge makeovers
ahead of you.
103
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:53,970
What's taking so long?
104
00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:55,737
Oh, God, she says
we have to wait.
105
00:03:58,606 --> 00:04:01,336
Do I look like I can wait?
106
00:04:01,342 --> 00:04:02,882
You listen to me,
Hannah Montana,
107
00:04:02,876 --> 00:04:04,776
you are going to take
us both right now.
108
00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:06,308
I am eight months pregnant,
109
00:04:06,314 --> 00:04:07,984
going on nine months
in a bad mood.
110
00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:10,321
And I am right
on the edge, sister.
111
00:04:10,318 --> 00:04:12,648
Right on the edge!
112
00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:14,863
Let me move some things
around for you.
113
00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:19,387
You know what?
Um, don't take
this the wrong way,
114
00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:21,903
but I have never been
more turned on by you.
115
00:04:28,336 --> 00:04:29,966
What do you think?
116
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,470
This looks like
a wedding, right?
117
00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:33,342
I'm not going
to sugarcoat this.
118
00:04:33,341 --> 00:04:35,441
Compared to your last wedding,
this one is going to blow.
119
00:04:35,443 --> 00:04:37,043
Hard.
120
00:04:37,044 --> 00:04:39,054
But you know what?
121
00:04:39,046 --> 00:04:40,576
Let's focus on what you do have.
122
00:04:40,581 --> 00:04:42,721
You have
each other, bagels...
123
00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:45,986
Yeah, that's pretty much it.
124
00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:47,816
You know what she was
most disappointed about?
125
00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:48,891
Her fiancé?
126
00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:50,089
Well, yeah.
127
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,690
That and missing
the first dance.
128
00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:53,362
That was going
to be a good dance.
129
00:04:53,361 --> 00:04:54,901
Of course it was.
You choreographed it.
130
00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:56,495
We spent three hours a day
131
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:57,667
for nine weeks
working on that dance.
132
00:04:57,665 --> 00:04:58,865
Do you remember it?
133
00:04:58,866 --> 00:05:00,466
Of course not.
I'm a guy.
134
00:05:01,769 --> 00:05:03,939
You know what?
Let me see if I do.
135
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:06,937
Put one hand on my hip
the other, on my back.
136
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,780
Stand up straight.
Five, six, seven, eight.
137
00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:11,747
And one-and-two
and watch your feet
138
00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:13,905
and shoulders back
and eyes on me
139
00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:15,554
and dip.
140
00:05:18,719 --> 00:05:20,389
I saw the silhouette
through the window.
141
00:05:20,388 --> 00:05:22,688
I was really hoping
it wasn't this.
142
00:05:26,394 --> 00:05:28,904
(gasps) Oh, I felt it.
143
00:05:28,896 --> 00:05:30,896
Now feel mine.
144
00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:34,973
Ooh, I felt it.
Huh?
145
00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:36,968
(timers dinging)
146
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,710
Well, I guess we're done.
147
00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:43,681
Thanks.
148
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,047
Excuse me?
Can you tell somebody
149
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:47,815
that, uh, I dinged, too?
150
00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:52,647
Does anybody know
where Marcie is?
151
00:05:52,653 --> 00:05:54,823
Hello?
152
00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:56,492
I dinged.
153
00:05:58,492 --> 00:06:00,892
Ooh, something smells like
fried chicken.
154
00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:13,565
Okay, Ms. Baran,
I'm going
155
00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:15,784
to ask you a hundred questions
about the United States.
156
00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:17,576
Okay, give, give--
give me a minute.
157
00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:18,978
I'm a little nervous.
158
00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:21,949
Now, what was
the question again?
159
00:06:21,949 --> 00:06:23,649
That wasn't a question.
160
00:06:23,651 --> 00:06:25,851
We haven't started
the test yet.
161
00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:27,557
Are you okay?
162
00:06:27,555 --> 00:06:28,515
True. No, false.
163
00:06:28,522 --> 00:06:32,132
I'm, I'm sorry.
164
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:33,955
I'm not a good test-taker.
165
00:06:33,961 --> 00:06:35,201
Well, at home I am.
166
00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:36,755
I watch Jeopardy and I'm like,
167
00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:38,474
"Who is Jane Goodall?"
168
00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:43,474
But when the pressure's on, it
all just flies out of my head.
169
00:06:43,471 --> 00:06:45,711
Especially when
something's important to me.
170
00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:47,066
I think you'll be fine.
171
00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:48,714
You've lived in America
for over 20 years.
172
00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:50,739
Most of this stuff
is just common sense.
173
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,584
Just take a deep breath.
174
00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:54,620
(inhales)
175
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:58,950
Now let it go.
176
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:01,092
Oh.
177
00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:02,988
Thank you.
Okay.
178
00:07:02,990 --> 00:07:04,560
Question one.
179
00:07:04,558 --> 00:07:05,928
What are the three
branches of government?
180
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:13,927
I keep thinking
"Wynken, Blynken, and Nod."
181
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,504
I know that can't be right.
182
00:07:15,503 --> 00:07:17,003
Oh, so close.
183
00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:18,944
I'll tell you what.
184
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:21,009
Why don't you take
the practice book outside
185
00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:22,608
and give it another look?
186
00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:24,040
Come back in
whenever you're ready.
187
00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:26,014
I'm not in any
hurry to get home.
188
00:07:26,013 --> 00:07:27,523
I hate my wife.
189
00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:30,982
Okay, darling?
190
00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:33,094
Good luck to you.
191
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,525
When did this timer go off?
192
00:07:43,531 --> 00:07:46,731
Oh, uh, I don't know.
About a half hour ago.
193
00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:48,744
Why didn't you say something?
194
00:07:48,736 --> 00:07:50,596
Oh, well, I tried
to tell someone
195
00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:52,214
because it was really burning.
196
00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:56,905
But then the pain went away
when my head went numb.
197
00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:58,850
And then I got sucked
into this article.
198
00:07:58,846 --> 00:08:00,606
Hey, let me ask you something.
199
00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:02,284
Do you think that I should
take it personally that
200
00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:06,022
when I met Tiger Woods, he was
nothing but a perfect gentleman?
201
00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:13,088
Oh.
202
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:15,563
What?
203
00:08:15,563 --> 00:08:17,063
What "oh"?
204
00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:18,874
Is, is it okay?
205
00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:22,196
Well... let me
be honest with you.
206
00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:33,083
(gasps, whimpers)
207
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:36,220
(gasps) Ohh!
208
00:08:38,085 --> 00:08:40,215
I am so glad
you're here.
209
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:41,920
I thought maybe
you were still mad
210
00:08:41,922 --> 00:08:43,722
because I ruined
the last wedding.
211
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:45,894
How could I possibly
still be mad about that
212
00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:49,163
when there's so much new
stuff to be mad about?
213
00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:52,802
Like you faking a vasectomy
and knocking up my daughter.
214
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:55,140
Okay, can I
be honest with you?
215
00:08:55,135 --> 00:08:58,105
I didn't think
she would find out.
216
00:09:01,108 --> 00:09:03,138
I'm going to kill you.
217
00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:05,183
I'm sorry, okay?
I love your daughter
218
00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:07,148
and I plan on making her
an honest woman.
219
00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:08,647
I'm glad you're here
to help us celebrate.
220
00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:10,349
Can I talk to you
guy-to-guy?
221
00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:13,120
You try to have a wedding,
I'm going to kick your ass.
222
00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:15,691
Hey, just so we're clear,
223
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:18,629
you're only going
to kick his ass, right?
224
00:09:18,626 --> 00:09:20,726
Because I'm just
the choreographer.
225
00:09:27,134 --> 00:09:29,274
Oh, oh...
226
00:09:30,838 --> 00:09:32,138
Oh...
227
00:09:32,139 --> 00:09:33,369
It's okay.
228
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:35,083
It's not so bad.
229
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,275
(crying)
230
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,751
I'm just crying
because I'm pregnant.
231
00:09:39,747 --> 00:09:41,147
There's really
no reason to panic.
232
00:09:41,148 --> 00:09:42,278
I'm going to go get some help.
233
00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:44,282
Help! We need help!
234
00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:48,719
Oh, my God, Christine?
Oh, my...
235
00:09:48,722 --> 00:09:51,192
What happened to you?
I-I-I...
236
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:53,331
I don't know.
Th-The timer went off
237
00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:55,926
and nobody came and I thought
it was all right,
238
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,899
because they know
what they're doing.
239
00:09:57,898 --> 00:10:00,698
(crying):
And, and, oh,
the fried chicken was me.
240
00:10:01,635 --> 00:10:02,895
Okay, it's okay.
241
00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:05,073
We're going to fix this.
242
00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:07,112
Do you think
you can make me pretty again?
243
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:08,777
When were you pretty?
244
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:12,080
Okay, Maria,
open up chair six
245
00:10:12,079 --> 00:10:14,719
and get me a bleach gown
and a stack of towels, stat!
246
00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:16,075
Okay, yeah,
we're going to have to do
247
00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:17,253
an orange-neutralizing
heavy highlight.
248
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:19,250
We need a bleach
with 20 volume
249
00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:20,752
and a ten-one-one-five
volume for five minutes.
All right, let's go.
250
00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:22,724
What? What?
Where are we going?
251
00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:24,193
The Situation Room.
Come on, hustle, come on.
252
00:10:24,191 --> 00:10:25,761
Move! Move!
253
00:10:30,698 --> 00:10:31,868
How is she?
254
00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:33,325
Is she going to be okay?
255
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:35,443
Well, uh, we did
all we could,
256
00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:37,165
but she still smells
like chicken.
257
00:10:38,772 --> 00:10:40,742
All right, come on out.
Let's see how you look.
258
00:10:45,813 --> 00:10:47,083
(sighs)
259
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,320
I feel ridiculous.
260
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:51,416
They made you
into one of them.
261
00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:55,287
You're welcome.
No problem.
262
00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:57,933
I mean, what did you do to me?
263
00:10:57,925 --> 00:11:00,025
Why do I have to wear
your clothes?
264
00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:03,127
Because, Christine,
the disaster didn't
stop at your hair.
265
00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:07,330
But, but I don't look
anything like myself.
266
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,104
You're welcome.
No problem.
267
00:11:10,971 --> 00:11:13,271
Look, Christine, you've
spent 60 years being yourself.
268
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:15,083
I mean, being blonde
269
00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:17,235
is going to open up a
whole new world for you.
270
00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:19,414
When I met Lindsay, she had
brown hair just like you
271
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:21,152
and her life was in
ruins just like you.
272
00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:23,048
Mm-hmm. Yeah,
it's true, Christine.
273
00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:24,820
Back then, I was
on my way to completing
274
00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:27,118
my doctoral dissertation
in Women's Studies at Vassar.
275
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,020
But then, I met
Marly at a shoe sale
276
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,122
and look at me now.
277
00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:32,464
I'm pretty!
278
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,130
Well, I don't care.
279
00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:37,228
I want you to change it back
to the way it was.
280
00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:38,930
Christine, we can't.
You can't process it again
Unh-uh.
281
00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:40,332
for two weeks, or all
your hair's going to fall out.
282
00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:42,003
(groans)
283
00:11:42,002 --> 00:11:44,772
I feel like I should
be married to a Trump.
284
00:11:44,772 --> 00:11:46,942
You're welcome.
No problem.
285
00:11:51,178 --> 00:11:52,778
RICHARD:
Hey.
286
00:11:52,780 --> 00:11:53,950
Put down that bagel.
287
00:11:53,947 --> 00:11:55,777
That's for the wedding.
288
00:11:55,783 --> 00:11:57,483
Didn't you hear me?
289
00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:59,354
There's not going to be
any wedding.
290
00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:01,522
Okay, I'm a grown man,
291
00:12:01,521 --> 00:12:03,391
and your daughter
is a grown woman.
292
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:05,860
I don't think you can stop us
from getting married.
293
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:07,489
Can he?
294
00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:10,164
I don't know. Any guy who can
eat that many carbs
295
00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:14,203
and keep a figure like that can
probably do anything he wants.
296
00:12:14,201 --> 00:12:16,841
Wow, I've got to get
a girlfriend.
297
00:12:17,805 --> 00:12:19,405
This is ridiculous.
298
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,166
I'm marrying
your daughter today.
299
00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:22,444
Put down the bagel.
300
00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:26,307
Why don't you take the bagel?
301
00:12:27,547 --> 00:12:29,117
Oh, come on.
302
00:12:29,116 --> 00:12:30,876
We're not doing this, are...?
303
00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:37,115
Okay. Now I'm getting mad.
304
00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:38,564
What are you
going to do about it?
305
00:12:38,558 --> 00:12:40,028
Oh, are you looking
for a fight, because if
306
00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:42,897
you are-- oh, oh, oh!
307
00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:46,096
Oh, this is already better
than the last wedding.
308
00:12:48,235 --> 00:12:50,235
Oh, my God.
What's going on?
309
00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:52,067
NEW CHRISTINE:
Daddy?
310
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:53,972
What are you doing here?
Why are you beating up Richard?
311
00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:56,244
Okay, I was planning
a surprise wedding for you.
312
00:12:56,243 --> 00:12:58,053
There were bagels
and everything.
313
00:12:58,045 --> 00:13:00,505
And, and he said
we can't get married.
314
00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:02,083
Daddy, you can't do that.
315
00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:04,222
Ha! Ow!
316
00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:07,388
You could stop my heart.
317
00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:09,557
And you can't surprise
a person with a wedding.
318
00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:11,356
You have to ask somebody
if they want to get married.
319
00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:13,358
Ha!
Oh!
320
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:15,030
Stop it! I'm warning you.
321
00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:18,268
I'm about to cry.
322
00:13:18,265 --> 00:13:20,195
You both should be
ashamed of yourselves.
323
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,970
I'm a grown woman.
324
00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:23,869
It is not your decision
when or if I get married.
325
00:13:23,871 --> 00:13:26,471
How dare you treat me
like a child or your property.
326
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,443
I was just looking out
for you, Monkey.
327
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:31,281
Sweetie, no one was thinking
of you as property.
328
00:13:31,278 --> 00:13:34,178
You're just feeling sensitive
because of your large size.
329
00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:39,117
Look what you did to Monkey.
330
00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:41,149
I'm going to kick
your ass again.
331
00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:43,255
Well, good for her.
332
00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:45,256
Finally standing
up for herself.
333
00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:48,258
Hi, I'm the choreographer.
334
00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:52,096
Hi, I'm your sister.
335
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:54,903
(feigns nausea)
336
00:13:55,903 --> 00:13:57,203
Oh, God. Somebody, quick.
337
00:13:57,204 --> 00:13:58,944
Punch me in the chest.
338
00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:00,339
Christine?
339
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:03,280
Oh, my God.
I didn't recognize you.
340
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:05,076
I know.
It was an accident.
341
00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:06,608
I didn't want to look like this.
342
00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:08,353
I wanted to look good for you.
343
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:09,948
You look better
than you've ever looked.
344
00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:11,620
I-I love you as a blonde.
345
00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:14,348
You do?
Yeah.
346
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,294
I-I-I can't take
my eyes off of you.
347
00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:19,389
Can I toast you a bagel?
348
00:14:21,128 --> 00:14:23,058
Well, I don't know
what that means,
349
00:14:23,063 --> 00:14:25,603
but I like the sound of it.
350
00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:28,298
Okay, I got it this time.
351
00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:31,041
I studied this thing
from cover to cover.
352
00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:32,438
I'm ready.
I feel good.
353
00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:34,979
Come on. Hit me.
354
00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:37,105
All right, um,
355
00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:39,010
what's the capital
of the United States?
356
00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:41,452
Okay, I'm in real trouble here.
357
00:14:41,448 --> 00:14:43,218
Wait a minute.
358
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,646
The capital of the
United States-- I know this.
359
00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:48,562
I was there
for the inauguration of...
360
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:54,998
Uh, look, you seem
like an understanding guy
361
00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:58,125
who might need
a little extra cash.
362
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:04,244
Let's see if you know
this president.
363
00:15:07,374 --> 00:15:10,614
Hamilton was not a president.
364
00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:12,450
You have one more chance
to take this test,
365
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:14,475
or we won't be able
to process your paperwork.
366
00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:17,521
Look, I can make it
multiple choice.
367
00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:19,587
You ready?
368
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:22,316
How many senators
represent each state?
369
00:15:22,322 --> 00:15:24,592
Two? A thousand?
370
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:27,431
Banana?
371
00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:38,106
I'm sorry, sweetie.
372
00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:40,405
I honestly thought
surprising you with a wedding
373
00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:42,677
would make you happy,
because lately you've
been a little bit...
374
00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:44,105
What, Richard?
375
00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:45,381
What have I been?
376
00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:48,478
I don't want to say it now.
377
00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:53,323
I know. I'm a pain
in the ass.
378
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:54,720
I don't feel like myself.
379
00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:56,221
I think you're beautiful.
380
00:15:56,223 --> 00:15:58,063
What, Richard?
381
00:15:58,058 --> 00:15:59,728
What exactly do you think
is beautiful about me?
382
00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:03,128
I'm sorry.
383
00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:05,170
I know your heart was
in the right place,
384
00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:07,425
but I don't think
I want to get married.
385
00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:10,044
But that's all
you talked about before.
386
00:16:10,037 --> 00:16:12,507
I know, but I already feel
like we're together forever.
387
00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:14,305
Who needs a piece of paper?
388
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:16,677
I don't. I just want
to be with you.
389
00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:18,606
I love you, Richard.
390
00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:20,451
Aww...
391
00:16:20,447 --> 00:16:22,277
Oh, okay. Be careful,
392
00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:24,452
'cause I think your dad
broke my sternum.
(laughs)
393
00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:26,421
He's just upset.
He probably thinks
394
00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:28,259
all you're after
is my trust fund.
395
00:16:28,255 --> 00:16:31,285
Your what fund now?
396
00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:34,131
I'm supposed to get
$3 million when I turn 35,
397
00:16:34,127 --> 00:16:36,257
and if I'm married, it would
be community property.
398
00:16:36,263 --> 00:16:38,203
Marry me. (groans)
399
00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:41,429
I am glad you're here.
400
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:43,444
I was hoping I'd see you.
401
00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:45,706
I felt terrible the way
we left things.
402
00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:47,805
Oh, you mean when
you made out with me,
403
00:16:47,807 --> 00:16:50,177
but you forgot to mention
that you had a fiancée?
404
00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:51,437
(chuckles) Yeah.
405
00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:53,454
I was young and stupid.
406
00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:56,376
And you were young
and brunette.
407
00:16:57,584 --> 00:16:59,654
Think you'll
ever forgive me?
408
00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:01,222
Well, I don't know.
409
00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:03,291
Maybe if you freshen my drink.
410
00:17:03,290 --> 00:17:04,490
You don't have a drink.
411
00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:07,191
I know. That's what I'm saying.
412
00:17:08,328 --> 00:17:10,358
I want a drink.
413
00:17:11,264 --> 00:17:13,234
Oh. (mumbling)
414
00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:14,573
Yeah, sure.
415
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:16,297
(laughs) You got me
a little...
416
00:17:16,303 --> 00:17:18,413
A little what, Papa?
417
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:22,483
Let me just get you
418
00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:24,205
that drink.
419
00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:25,481
Wow. You've changed.
420
00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:27,548
You're just so...
421
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:30,617
blonde.
(chuckles)
422
00:17:31,618 --> 00:17:34,218
What are you doing, Lady Gaga?
423
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,155
I'll tell you what I'm doing.
424
00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:39,287
I got Papa Jeff
right where I want him.
425
00:17:39,292 --> 00:17:40,662
It's fantastic!
426
00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:42,800
Nobody can resist a blonde.
He loves me.
427
00:17:42,795 --> 00:17:44,425
What about your boyfriend?
428
00:17:44,431 --> 00:17:46,531
Oh, yeah.
I have a plan. Okay?
429
00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:50,473
I make Papa Jeff want me
so bad that he can taste it.
430
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:52,340
And then,
I break the news to him
431
00:17:52,339 --> 00:17:54,509
that I have a boyfriend,
and I break his heart in two.
432
00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:56,337
I don't like the new you.
433
00:17:56,343 --> 00:17:58,583
But for some reason, I
kind of want you to slap me
434
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,548
and throw a drink
in my face.
435
00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:03,617
Yeah, you're very
Angie Dickinson-ian.
436
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:05,416
Yeah, that's what I'm going for.
437
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,288
All right, now take a hike.
438
00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:09,257
Lover boy's coming back.
I've got to bust his chops.
439
00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:14,464
I think I remember
what kind of wine you like.
440
00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:16,901
Large.
(laughs)
441
00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:18,526
(giggling)
442
00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:20,671
Oh, Papa.
443
00:18:22,902 --> 00:18:25,412
So, Christine,
444
00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:27,565
um, it doesn't
look like anyone's
445
00:18:27,574 --> 00:18:28,884
marrying anybody
around here.
446
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,835
Maybe you and I should...
447
00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:32,583
What? Get together?
448
00:18:32,579 --> 00:18:34,209
Be a couple?
449
00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:35,684
Live happily ever after?
450
00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:38,689
Oh, I'm so sorry.
451
00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:40,885
No, that's not going to happen.
452
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:42,287
I have a boyfriend.
453
00:18:42,289 --> 00:18:43,659
What?
Yeah.
454
00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:45,356
That's right.
How does that feel?
455
00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:46,488
Does it hurt?
456
00:18:46,493 --> 00:18:49,863
Are you sad?
457
00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:52,702
Not really. I wasn't really
looking for a relationship.
458
00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:55,269
Just thought maybe
we could go out to my car
459
00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:56,368
and fool around a little.
460
00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:58,269
Your car?
461
00:18:58,271 --> 00:19:00,371
Yeah, I don't have much time.
I have a date later.
462
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:04,611
What? What kind of girl
do you think I am?
463
00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:06,511
I don't know. You look
like the kind of girl
464
00:19:06,513 --> 00:19:08,223
who brings down congressmen.
465
00:19:08,215 --> 00:19:10,615
You know what? I don't even
know what that means.
466
00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:13,487
And the kind of girl who
doesn't know what that means.
467
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:16,216
No, no-- I don't want to make
out with you in your car.
468
00:19:16,223 --> 00:19:17,893
I want you to fall
in love with me.
469
00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:20,590
Oh. Oh, no.
470
00:19:20,593 --> 00:19:22,333
No, it's happening again.
471
00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:24,859
Christine, I think
you're great.
472
00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:26,334
What? What are you doing?
473
00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:27,633
Why are you comforting me?
474
00:19:27,634 --> 00:19:29,244
Because I don't love you.
475
00:19:29,236 --> 00:19:30,966
I'm sorry. I didn't want
to hurt you again...
476
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:32,810
No, no, no-- you don't
have to be sorry.
477
00:19:32,805 --> 00:19:35,235
You're not hurting me.
I'm hurting you.
478
00:19:35,242 --> 00:19:37,812
Oh, there, there, Papa Jeff.
479
00:19:37,810 --> 00:19:40,580
Oh, I'm so sorry
I don't love you.
480
00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:42,450
Are you okay?
481
00:19:42,449 --> 00:19:44,349
I-I-I-I think
I'm just,
482
00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:45,821
I'm just going
to get going here.
What? No, no, no.
483
00:19:45,818 --> 00:19:47,718
I want you to stay.
I need you to stay.
484
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:48,820
You'll forget about me.
485
00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:50,491
What? No! Hey!
486
00:19:50,490 --> 00:19:51,960
You know what?
I have someone!
487
00:19:51,958 --> 00:19:54,388
Okay? I have a boyfriend!
488
00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:56,964
Yeah. And I hope that hurt.
489
00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:59,273
(crying)
490
00:20:03,002 --> 00:20:04,372
Well, I'm sorry, Ms. Baran.
491
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:05,741
You still didn't pass.
492
00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:07,468
And that was your third try.
493
00:20:12,579 --> 00:20:15,379
So, I don't get my citizenship?
494
00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:17,282
No, you do.
495
00:20:17,284 --> 00:20:19,494
You're too pretty
to be deported.
496
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,860
Welcome to America!
33125
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