All language subtitles for Minding the Gap 2018 (Minding the Gap 2018) (ENGLISH)

It's not how we
do this in the hood.

Always ignoring the
no trespassing sign.

What are you talking about?

We didn't even see him.

It's scary man.

I think we're gonna die.

We got like six more.

Are you fucking serious?

We have a long way to go.

We're not even halfway.

Okay let's do it.

Let's go up.

We're already going up.

Come on Kyle.

No I'm not going up.

We're going down.

We're going right back down.

Come on.

I just got the
courage to do this.

We're going down.

It's over.

I'm bailing out.

Okay good.

I'm with you.

I don't want to die.

Your whole life society tells
you like, Oh be a man and

you're strong and you're
tough and margaritas are gay.

You know you don't grow up
thinking that's the way you are.

When you're a kid you just do.

You just act.

And then somewhere along
the way, Everyone loses that.

I

really wanted to clean
up before you came over.

I actually spent like the
majority of my time here alone.

Why do you think that is?

It's mainly because I always
felt like I didn't fit in with my family.

It seems like they don't understand
why I skateboarded in the first place.

Oh do not shoot
that in my house.

See this is why we're not
allowed to go anywhere.

Is this right here.

If you go behind
a tree you're okay.

You got cover.

Are you going to put
me smoking weed?

Maybe.

I don't think just to do it.

I've given you free range.

I mean I have no stipulations.

But... But... But...

But... This is where I was.

You know my parents ran
this very controlling house.

And so I ran away a lot.

By like 16 I was no longer
living with my parents like at all.

I just wanted to fucking skate.

Go!

You ready for some
fucking intense action?

Take one.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

I don't want to make a montage.

I can see that thing in
there rolling around Bing.

I know you're playing
with my face or something.

Stop filming him.

He's going to crash.

Hope I get there right on time.

Somebody film.

Somebody film.

Oh shit.

There's a cop.

Radio.

No don't die.

Oh my god!

Oh my god!

Ow!

It's like bleeding.

It's like in it.

How long have you known Kier?

Man, I want to say when
I met Kier he was like 11.

He'd ride the bus to the park.

And then he'd pretty
much be stuck at the park.

He'd have to ask everyone for money
so he could get enough for the bus home.

Well I remember the
first time I met him.

I was standing where
the bikers transfer.

And this dude hit me like
right in the ribs with his pegs.

And I remember Zach.

And he just starts
screaming at this kid.

I'm going to fucking beat
your ass like blah blah blah.

So I was like I want
to be like that guy.

Woo hoo hoo!

What did you think of me when we were
growing up and I was filming all of us?

Like I always thought it
was cool how you can put

all these different moments
into like one long video.

And you just make it
seem like the best time ever.

God no.

You've been filming the whole
time without your like taking a picture.

She just drove by
and didn't even care.

Baby, baby, I love you so.

Fuck yeah!

Woo!

Skateboarding is more
of a family than my family.

We formed a family together
like to look out for each other.

Because no one else
was looking out for us.

No.

I'm not jumping in.

I'm black.

I can't swim.

It could be three feet.

I'll just be like, oh shit!

Don't be laughing!

No more smoking
weed in the house.

There's no more smoking
cigarettes in the house either.

Good.

Which I tried to break
myself up a while ago.

But there's so much
trash on my Porsche.

Like I just can't go back
out there and smoke.

I don't know.

I guess like... It's
just a bunch of boxes.

It's boxes.

From baby stuff.

It's baby shit.

You know how hard
baby shit is to put together?

Do you know how
ridiculous this shit is?

And there's like,
they have five different

languages on the
instructions but not English.

And I'm like, why couldn't
I have just bought this?

I don't understand why I had
to buy a box and put it together.

It doesn't make
any fucking sense.

I can't believe that she's
just gonna have the baby.

And then they're just gonna be
like, okay here's your baby, go home.

I feel like somewhere
along the line, there

should be like a class
for this or something.

That I should've taken.

That I'm fucked up.

I feel like life might
be moving too fast.

We have to fully grow up
and it's gonna fucking suck.

How'd you do?

Oh god!

It's all over you!

Yes!

If somebody poked here in the
eye, I would freak the fuck out.

Poked me in the eye?

Are you gonna poke
niggas in the eye?

That guy would be mad
at you for saying nigga.

Fuck him!

He poked you in the eye.

He had it coming.

Yeah, he did have it coming.

He poked me in the eye.

Yeah, fuck that guy.

Hey Kyle, so how are you
gonna get down out of the roof?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I'm gonna watch
the fucking fireworks.

How are we gonna
get you down, man?

A ladder.

We don't have a ladder, Kyle.

I'm having a good time because I'm
up on the top level of my fucking roof.

Kyle, this isn't a joke.

You're all fucking wasted, dude.

You're all the way
on the fucking roof.

But it's America's
fucking birthday, dude.

And guess what?

In the land of the fucking free, I'm
on this son of a bitchin' roof, dude.

Land of the fucking free,
on this son of a bitchin' roof.

You're on fire!

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

I never thought I'd be okay with changing
a diaper, but I'm pretty okay with it.

We've been tag-teaming
it, though, so it's easier.

Yeah, it was so funny because
I had Zach give the baby a

bottle, and Kiara was like,
oh my god, like freaking out.

Yeah, it weirded him
out the whole time.

He's like, I can't believe
you're actually a dad.

He's thrashing.

Oh, don't be so grumpy.

I would do
anything for that kid.

I want to give him every opportunity
I possibly can to help him succeed,

help him be happy,
to be a good person.

It's interesting how much having a
kid will force you to, like, grow up.

Like, I can't get home from work and
fucking drink a 12-pack like I normally do

because, like, what if I have
to get up and, like, feed the kid?

Or, you know, what if something happens
and I have to take him to the hospital?

Like, I don't know.

Lately, I've been having
a lot of anxiety about not

feeling like a grown-up,
not feeling like a kid.

But I've done enough things to set my life
up properly and it's time I do something,

you know?

OK, so I need you to
read over all of these.

These are the rules
at the testing center.

OK.

No cell phone, no computer.

Where do you work at?

I'm a roofer.

It's hard work.

It is.

That's why I'm taking this.

I couldn't understand
what they wanted me to do.

I don't know.

You know, by the way it was
written, I was having trouble.

I just didn't understand.

It was rough.

How are you today?

What time is it?

It's like 1.

Oh.

Fuck.

Oh, man.

I'm at home.

Bring me some cigarettes
and a beer for me, cuz.

I'll pay you when you get here.

We're talking about Kiara
and his skateboarding, y'all.

Y'all know Kiara and
his skateboarding.

Yeah, he be
doing his little thing.

It was good, Kevin.

I like talking shit to him,
you know, being the little

brother, you know, being the
youngest brother, you know.

You gotta think about it.

If he wasn't the youngest,
he probably been running

the streets with us, you
know what I'm saying?

All I can say is I'm glad he ain't
in the... where I'm at right now.

I gotta go do a few
days, you know.

One thing about that,
at least I got an out date.

Straight up.

All right, bro.

Socks.

Kiara's quite different
from the others.

I think about it a lot.

Cuz I want him to start getting real
serious about what he's gonna be doing.

I turned 18 in November.

Ever since then, I just feel like I have
to get a good job or just get, like, a job.

Just a job in general.

But, I don't know.

I'm becoming a man and I feel like
that's something I got fucked over on.

Because, like... My childhood
was a really shitty time.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Throwing your fucking boy at me?

Hey, kid, what happened?

What do you do?

Still wanna fight me now?

You know what?

Hey!

Is this a skateboard?

Kiara, he held in a lot.

And his dad, you know, he
was really kinda strict on him.

You know, his father
was... he was a carpenter.

And he wanted Kiara to do that.

Because he couldn't get the other boys
to, you know, to follow in his footsteps.

But, Kiara didn't like him.

Like, sometimes I know
that I have to work with him.

So, I, like, sneak out my window, like,
throw my boy out first and just climb out.

Then when I got
home, I got disciplined.

And I wasn't able
to skate for a while.

How did you get disciplined?

Uh...

I mean, well, they
call it child abuse now.

But it's not really child...

Um...

Bitch!

That shit makes you
angry, like... Oh, God.

It, like...

It, like, boils my blood, dude.

Like... Oh, fuck.

Fuck!

Fuck!

How bad did it get?

Like, did you ever cry?

Oh, no.

Of course.

Of course.

Like...

I mean...

What about you?

I did cry.

I feel like everybody cries.

Is this the board
you bought here?

Uh... I think you did.

A while ago.

I remember we had
this board in the shop.

I don't buy boards that much anymore
because I don't skate that much anymore.

Dude, tell me about it.

I don't skate nearly enough.

I don't really remember
when I first met you.

I, uh... I just... You were just,
like, a kid that was always there.

You know?

Like...

You'd come into the skate shop.

I don't know.

We'd talk about random stuff.

And that happened
with a lot of kids.

And they could come in and be like, Yeah,
dude, my parents suck or this is going on.

And they'd come in
and unload, you know?

But...

Like, you were introverted.

And I didn't know.

And I remember distinctly
asking you if you were gay.

And you remember that at all?

No.

Like, I asked you,
like, dude, are you gay?

Like, what's... what
do you... you know?

Like, I knew... I knew you
had some huge weight on you.

And...

You were like, no, dude.

You know?

But... I can't remember when you
opened up to me about your mom and stuff.

But I... I...

You never really told me about anything
about what was going on with you.

And...

I guess in retrospect now
when I look at it, I'm like...

I should have totally
figured that out.

Like, I could tell with you
from the very beginning.

Like, skateboarding meant more to you
than just being cool and having friends.

Like...

It was your thing to, like...

Get away.

It was kind of a
life or death thing.

To other people, it's funny, haha,
you know, oh, these guys are crazy.

But in reality, I think
it's a control thing.

You fucking have to control
the most minute, small details

to make you feel normal
in a world that's not normal.

It would kind of be
like a drug in a way.

Like, I could seriously be on the verge
of having a fucking mental breakdown.

But as long as I'm able to go
skate, then I'm completely fine.

See, this is the effect
of the drug wears off.

It just comes back to you.

So what happened?

Did we get paid yesterday?

Or... I don't know.

I don't know either.

I need my hours, man.

I got kids to feed.

Dude, my boss is...

seriously such an asshole.

It is crazy.

Like, fucking, they're
understaffed now.

And he just told
me to clock out.

My budget is already
spent up for a week.

So I'm a week behind every time.

So now I have to figure out
how to come up with three

extra hours on a schedule
that I'm barely fucking on.

According to research from the University
of Illinois, about 47% of all Rockford

workers, 60,000 total,
earn less than $15 per hour.

Rockford has struggled
with unemployment for years.

Companies have
left, so have the jobs.

Out of all of Illinois,
Rockford has seen the

largest number of people
move away since 2010.

How many people are
going to be at that table?

It could be anywhere
from 12 to 15.

Great.

Yeah, you took the hardest one.

Good job.

There you go.

There you go.

I'll get you all lined up there.

Come on, bud.

I feel weird because,
like, I don't know.

Because I, like,
talk to my baby.

Like, baby voice him.

But, I mean, he's
a fucking baby.

That's how you talk to him.

I'm not going to be
like, all right, Elliot,

we're going to put your
clothes on, little buddy.

No.

No.

It's like, she works and I work.

I watch him.

Or I work and she watches him.

I don't know.

And other than that, we're
both pretty much around.

All right.

Here you go.

Is that that action you want?

Is that that action you like?

It's a hard-knock
life, being a baby.

It's got to be stressful.

You saved a bunch of time by not having
to walk and go to the bathroom, but...

And then someone
just cleans it for you.

Someone feeds you
every three hours.

See, I've been off work.

I've been off work all week,
which normally never happens.

I haven't left this house in five days,
because I haven't had time to do anything.

And I get cooped up super, super easily, so
that, you know, has been driving me nuts.

What do you want?

You want to come over here?

Hey!

Mama's here.

How was work?

Eh.

How was after-work drinks?

Um, I don't know.

Yeah, I don't like
them either sometimes.

Geez, girl, no wonder
you're always broke.

Most things are probably
like seven dollars.

Or four dollars.

Are you going to feed him?

No, I told you to.

I have to, like, get
ready and meet Jess.

What?

You did not tell me that.

Yeah, I did.

You said I'm going to feed him.

You can't just feed
him, like, eleven hours?

And now you're
going out to the bar?

You can't feed your fucking kid?

Five months?

You can't do it one day?

You can't feed him?

Like, what the fuck?

I'll feed him the bottle.

Just feed him the solid food.

That's all I want you to do.

The bottle's only three ounces.

He'll drink that in,
like, five minutes.

Then I gotta take care of
him all fucking night still.

So why can't you just-I haven't
even gotten my fucking jerrycone.

Why can't you just feed him?

That's what I don't
fucking understand.

I was a stay-at-home mom and you
said, I work, you take care of Elliott,

and I did, and now I'm working.

Right, and you show
up somewhere between

eight and nine just in
time to put him to bed.

That's a lie, too.

That happened twice.

Last night was the only night
you stayed home all fucking week.

That's a fucking
lie and you know it!

Whatever, you're an idiot.

Just go away.

No, you're a fucking idiot.

I mean, she's like going
through something now.

She's like newly 21 and like
wants to go out every night.

And I told her, I'm like,
you had a kid like too late.

I love that girl.

You know, I do
want to be with her.

I just want her to
chill the fuck out.

And I feel like it's
just been me like a lot.

While she gets to go out every night
and do whatever the fuck she wants.

Drives me freaking insane.

My friend messaged me.

He was like, hey, I can get you
a job tomorrow, like if you want it.

And I was like, yeah.

But he was like, but just to
warn you, it's really hard work.

I don't like telling people
that I'm a dishwasher, but then

again, I really don't care
because it's like how I make money.

It's like definitely
my first real job.

I just don't want to like work some
job that I hate for... the rest of my life.

The Main Street Skate
Park, aka the park set.

Main Street Skate Park was a skate park
I had started with a guy that had run a gym

for a long time and he
was looking for an extra

source of income
during the winter months.

You know, I had told
him, I have all this wood.

We could build a skate park.

I'm calling it the keyer box right now
because it's really weird shaped and long.

Crazy.

What the fuck?

That's how you are too.

A kid just walks around.

Just lanking, like your arms are
six feet in front of you at all times.

You got two by fours.

One

and two and three.

My father was a carpenter.

I learned a lot from him
and a lot from my family.

In the 80s, my father started a
skate park in my grandmother's house.

This roller rink.

And they managed the
only indoor skate park in

the area for eight years
or something like that.

I was kind of raised to, you
know, do what you want to do.

And then somewhere along the
line, he just like flipped a switch.

Like wanted to become
like conservative American.

All of a sudden there was all
these rules and expectations.

They were like pushing me into this mold
of someone they thought was a good person.

And I'm like, fuck that.

Like I remember when,
you know, like I was a kid.

Like we fucking sang
punk music and fucking

smoked joints and like,
you know, like fuck that.

All right, fine.

I'll find a babysitter
then and then fuck you.

I guess I'll talk to you later.

First of all, you're
supposed to have until 6 p.m.

so I get my Saturday.

You knew since Monday
that I had plans today.

You shouldn't have fucking
made plans for a Saturday.

So you get... I never
get a day to myself.

You get days off all the time.

No, I don't.

I only get two days off a week.

This is supposed to be my day.

Today.

Okay, bye, Nina.

Ain't that just the way.

Have you and Nina ever
like just tried talking it out?

Successfully?

Nope.

She's just so excited.

I know.

He's had a good day.

We're just playing outside
and doing fun stuff, huh?

We have a fire going.

Oh, yeah.

You want to put some boards on?

Yeah.

Okay.

I'll hold the baby, you
put some boards on there.

Me and Zach just fought a lot.

Eventually I just had to leave.

I'm like, I can't
do this anymore.

Look at mama.

Especially being a mom, you don't want to
see your kid in an environment like that.

That should be good, right?

Yeah.

I didn't really have
anywhere to go.

And my aunt and uncle just wound
up being like, hey, we want to help you.

In a perfect world, me and
Zach would still be together.

But I don't know, like I
want it to work out with him.

He just doesn't get it.

I feel like a lot of our
parents are not together.

Were your parents divorced?

No, they were just separated.

Well, he stayed with his dad because
he told me he could raise him better.

Because he could teach
him things that I couldn't.

I really hope that I
don't get back in there

and there be like the
same amount of boxes.

You know like, I
live with my dad.

But he kept trying to make me
work like every single weekend.

And I was like, come on,
like I gotta skate, I got to skate.

Fuck.

Then we got in like a fight.

He was like, I'm your dad,
like you're going to work.

And I was just like... No.

Then I tried to punch him.

And then I moved
out like the next day.

Actually, one of the last things I
said to my dad was that I hate you.

I was just so fucking angry
because he just kicked my ass.

Did you see any violence in your
household when you were growing up?

I don't know, man.

That's a tough question.

It's hard.

It depends on what you
determine as violence.

Like when I was a kid, if I was
fucking up, I got my ass whooped.

I feel like everyone does.

I mean, some people got
it worse than other people.

You want to show
me around the house?

Yeah.

This is my dad's
closet, specifically.

And he'd hide
everything right here.

Like my PlayStation controllers,
entire computers, toys.

And then his vintage porn was like
in the corner right there in a stack.

Along with like several
firearms that were on the floor.

I used to judge my relationship with my
father based on like a day-to-day basis on

how many things I've done to
piss him off in that given day.

And this day that I was here playing
on the computer felt like a good day.

That I hadn't done
anything wrong.

It all went without a hitch.

We hadn't talked very much.

There wasn't much opportunity
for me to do anything bad.

But then he just
comes in, looks at me.

I turn up and look at him.

And he just says that
I look fucking stupid.

And he walks out.

And I thought that
was the end of it.

I was like, oh, well,
okay, that's not too bad.

But then he comes back in
with a pair of like meat scissors.

And he just starts...

He just like grabs my head
and starts hacking my hair off.

I always shut the doors because,
you know, it keeps the heat in.

That was another
thing worth punishing.

What about your room?

Oh, my room.

That's right.

This used to be
my brother's room.

Why do you keep saying that?

You can address
me as... That's true.

Yeah.

I remember hearing beating and
like screaming coming from your room.

And it was like unnerving
screams of like anguish almost.

And it was like really,
really unnerving.

It was almost scarring.

Mom.

Were you washing your clothes?

Yeah.

I have to wash my
clothes and my blankets.

And what?

And my blankets.

I just need two.

Okay.

Thank you.

She said put one in each water.

Okay.

All right.

Thank you.

My mom has this new boyfriend,
and I don't really like him.

So do you have a
new man in your life?

No.

A new man in my life?

Yeah.

Hey, ain't that sorta
personal there?

Yes.

That's too personal.

Yeah.

I'll be back in a minute.

My family, when I grew
up, we were all very distant.

It was very chaotic, and I'd just
stay in my room the whole time.

I think because of the way that I grew
up, like, I really desperately craved love.

I think my dad had
me when he was 21.

And my mom left when I
was, like, two or something.

And so I think I was always looking for
something from my dad that I didn't get,

like, maybe something I was
supposed to get from my mom.

Oh, no, it's okay, it's okay.

Elliot, rip that off.

Hi, baby.

I love you.

Give me a big hug.

I love you, Nina.

I was telling Bing about how you went on
a date with Katie and it almost killed her.

Yeah.

It was bad.

No, like, I usually
don't get like that.

She showed up at 11 o'clock at
night with this other girl ready to fight.

See this?

You see what I'm
doing this whole time?

This little bitch.

Oh, oh, yeah, Russ, look there.

Got this.

All right, man.

I'm going to go home.

There he is.

Fuck you!

That chick made me want
to touch my body, Kieran.

I'm not going to lie.

Look, he might want
to take a shower.

Oh, my God.

Fuck.

That looks fucked up.

That looks crazy.

Like, this is the result
of all those times

I've ran away from
home to the skate park.

Like, I would love for my dad
to see how much progress I've

made since I was a little
shithead trying to skate park.

Like, it would bother me.

Maybe he'd just
be like, aw, damn.

I'm a little bit scared.

You weren't just
wasting your life.

I know their relationship
is definitely strained.

And I don't think Kier
really realized how much his

dad meant to him until his
dad actually did pass away.

The day that my dad died,
I had just got out of school.

It was like a Friday.

And I had just got off the bus.

My mom was just like freaking
out as soon as I got home.

She was like freaking out.

And she was like,
he's gone, he's gone.

And I didn't want to believe it.

So I was all mad at
her for saying that.

I was like, dad's strong.

He's not dead.

It's like, whatever.

And they brought him
out on the stretcher.

And I was just like, holy fuck.

He actually looks
kind of dead right now.

And I was just like, fuck.

I don't know.

It's weird.

It's just really difficult for
me to explain right now.

Hey.

Well, hey there, bud.

Ready?

Come play with daddy.

Buddy.

Like this.

Just one finger.

Just one.

Like this is real fast.

I'll hold him for a second.

Are we going to make
it through the poles?

Are we going to make it?

Whoa!

So what have you
guys been up to?

Uh, lately we've been
adjusting to, I don't know.

I ask if I can see my
son like every day.

And I only get to see him
like three times a week.

It's really been bumming me out.

And she's been like,
she's talking a bunch of shit.

You know, calling me a
piece of shit and all this stuff.

And it got out of control, man.

I don't know.

So this is the video.

Kyle showed me some
recordings of you and Zach fighting.

I bet he did.

What, what were
those fights about?

What were they like?

What were they like?

Why did they?

Well, if he showed you the one where I'm
like, Zach, I'm going to fucking kill you.

Right now.

He beat my ass ten minutes
before Kyle took that video.

And he didn't decide
to record that part.

You know, I've got a scar
going down my eyebrow.

I've got, he broke his
coffee tables with my body.

Like, obviously I'm
not in the state of mind.

Like, I'm not, I'm going crazy at
this point because I'm a little girl.

You know what I mean?

And you have wasted
Zach doing all that.

And then it's like, yeah,
I'm going to kill you.

I'm going to, yeah, like, of
course I'm going to tell you.

I'm going to fucking kill
you if you do, you know?

I don't know.

I didn't know that.

Why did he, why
was he hitting you?

Um, he gets wasted.

He, you know, will start fighting and then
he'll take it completely out of control.

And that, I mean, that's not the first
time it's happened either, that recording.

And I mean, I've been
like pretty like bruised up.

Like I'd have like a, from
him like hitting me and like,

I'd have like a huge
bruise and like just all over.

And then, you know,
he'd like see them the next

day and he like wouldn't
even say anything.

Like not even a sorry
or anything like that.

We just kind of ignore
it like it didn't happen.

In a way, your footage will
offset with my footage because

this is the only time that I
haven't shot in the movie.

So it's like it, you know, so like even
when during the interview when you like

shoot me and getting my reaction
shot, that's it'll like, I don't know.

We moved to Rockford when I was eight
or nine and my mom met my stepfather.

One day when she was working at
the pizza restaurant, this man came in.

He had been a regular.

He'd seen her before.

And he started
getting to know her.

And then one day he followed her
home, found out where he, where we lived.

And then he became my stepdad.

But, you know, I think I was blaming her
for sort of abandoning me when I was a kid.

Can you clap your hands
just in front of your face?

Okay.

It's for a sound
thing for later.

Can you see my face okay?

No, not, now it's okay.

So I'll just try to
hold it here for now.

Right, I can see your eye.

I know it's hard with
all the lights, I'm sorry.

Um, so I'm curious,
uh, who is Dennis?

Oh.

Who is Dennis?

Why did you ask that?

Um, because...

You know who he is?

Well, I don't feel
like I know who he is.

Did you know that, um, the first time I
was ever alone with him, that's when he

grabbed me?

He did?

Wait, what?

The first time I was
ever alone with him, that's

the first time he grabbed
me and beat me, yeah.

I mean, how much did you
know about what was happening?

Because you were
always gone working.

Right.

Because he retired
pretty soon after you...

you and him married.

Right.

And so you weren't home
that much, I was just with him.

I think, uh...

I don't, I don't know
what to say now.

I wish I can go over it, do
again, do differently, but...

I, I really...

I don't know what to say now.

It's all past.

I, I...

I would not, I do not
know it's that bad.

I do not know it's that
bad, especially behind me.

I was...

I wish I was
stronger than I wasn't.

I don't know.

I, I...

I don't know what to say.

What...

Did you, I mean...

But didn't he...

What did, when was the
first time that he hurt you?

I don't know what happened,
he come to choke me.

Yeah, he had a few times.

We fight a lot because of you.

One time, actually, I call
the police, you wasn't home.

I almost cannot breathe,
push me on the wall.

That's how I call police, but...

I hang up, since he call 911, they
find the address is still showed up.

Then, that's the time.

They ask me, do you
want me to arrest him?

I say, no.

So... But the thing is, I was, and I
tell you, with him, he had two faces.

Okay, he can be bad.

But most, a lot of time,
he was very sweet with me.

I know I was jealous when I
see my parents fight that much.

I was saying, I don't want
to marry you, it was that bad.

But I just said, I'm not.

I'm not that way.

I want to have kids.

I want to marry.

I want to have...

I don't want to be alone.

The city of Rockford is
ranked as the number two most

dangerous city with a
population under 200,000 people.

Last year, the Department of
Justice created a 63-page report

just for Rockford to help it
with its violent crime problem.

The Rockford Police Department
presenting final crime statistics for 2015.

About a fourth of that violent crime can be
attributed to domestic violence incidents.

You know what I found out today?

Ski boarding taught me
how to be passionate.

That's where it all started.

That's where it all started.

I'm telling you.

I didn't mean to laugh at you.

It's alright, I knew you
were probably just kidding.

I don't like emotions.

That's why, I mean,
I'm like my dad.

There's no such thing as emotion,
only work and getting back to it.

If you work hard enough, all
your problems will go away.

Hello?

Alright, I'll be down in
like five minutes, hold on.

Is that...

That's how you weren't
with me, you know anymore?

Um, not really.

I love talking to you.

How's work?

I like your hair.

It's all swirly.

I'm sorry, I won't be
nice to you next time.

I'll not say anything.

Hi.

No, your hair
looks like shit, Nina.

You're welcome.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, bitch.

Na na na na.

Stop!

You're like a pervert!

You're a pervert ass.

You're a pervert ass, huh?

I'm driving.

You're kidding.

You're freaking Elliot out.

Elliot's not freaked out.

Maybe he's a little freaked out.

Nah.

Nah.

Veggie burrito,
potatoes, horchata.

So you guys are
looking better than ever?

Like, what's...

I'm gonna take it
day by day, because I

feel like he's just gonna
let me down again.

So if I don't take him seriously,
I'm not gonna be let down.

So I'm just, like,
going with it, I guess.

How do you think I should approach
that he would hit you, like, that subject?

To him?

Yeah.

Don't.

That's a bad... That's... No.

I just think, um, it's so prevalent,
the, like, violence towards women,

and I saw it towards my
mother, and I just think it's... Right.

I don't think they... Like,
she had the same idea.

She was like, I don't want
to speak out, you know?

Right.

I mean...

I don't know.

Especially, like, with me and him,
like, kinda being OK right now and,

like, hanging out, like, all
that would go down the drain.

OK.

But, yeah.

That took a long time.

It was 50 bucks.

That was 50?

Yeah.

So how'd it work out today?

I'm fucking beat, dude.

Like, I... I don't know
what else to say.

I'm beat.

Wait a second.

Dude, what's today?

Thursday?

I thought it was fucking Friday.

I don't have to go back to work.

Yes!

Oh my god, yes!

Oh my god.

When did you get a car?

I got my car probably
a month or two ago.

How many people do you know
have a portable ledge on the back?

I quit.

I feel like if I stay here, I'm
just going to get stuck here.

But like, moving out has
just always been scary.

Like, I don't want to just move
out by the time rent comes around.

I don't want to.

I don't have the money.

Because then I look
stupid and irresponsible.

What's good, Merlin?

Yo.

Yo, we're filming
that rap video.

We're filming a rap video.

We just don't have the guns.

We're not all women either.

We're not all women.

No.

We're not guilty.

We didn't do it.

He's like, that's
what they all say.

Like, see that shit right there?

Like, in my, like, right
above the speedometer.

I have, like, my registration,
my insurance, and my license.

So you don't have to reach
for anything in your pockets.

Dude, the cop is like,
license and registration.

And I was like, sure.

And I reached over there to
the fucking, uh, the glove box.

The cop over there is like, I'm just like,
oh, like, whoa, don't fucking shoot me.

They're like, calm down.

I was like, what do
you mean, calm down?

You guys fucking calm down.

Yeah, like, you fucking pulled your gun on
me for, for, like, obeying what you said.

It's just, it's just a
bunch of shit, man.

Did you see that one?

At, at, like, the gas station?

He saw that one.

Yeah.

He's like, he's like, give
me your driver's license.

That fucking terrified me.

So the guy turns around and goes
in his car to get his driver's license.

The cop just shoots
him, like, four times.

I can die really easily.

Dude, no, this is, like,
the funniest video ever.

I have to show you guys.

Dumb niggas.

Dork niggas.

Asian niggas.

White niggas.

Suck my dick, bitch.

Hundreds of niggas is waiting
for your motherfucking call.

And they all talking
shit about you.

Shit.

You call these
motherfuckers Asian?

Growing up, my dad would always tell
me, Kier, like, you know, you have a lot of

white friends, but don't
forget that you're black.

We didn't, like, hug or
anything in my family.

So when I first moved out
from me and Zach's apartment,

like, my aunt would give
me a hug every night.

Before I went to bed.

And it was so weird to me at first to
be like, ugh, like, you're touching me.

Like, don't, please.

And then after a while, I was
like, okay, I'm going to bed.

You know, where's my hug?

I never really knew
what, like, a family was.

And, like, my aunt and
uncle showed me that.

They pretty much adopted
me at the age of 21.

It still scares me when he gets on
his skateboard, I'm just like, mm-hmm.

You need to find
him a little helmet.

Yeah.

Come on, come on, little boy.

Like, now I know what I want
my family to be like someday.

How have you and Zach been?

Um, same as always.

He's just doing his own thing.

He looks like a
job for Superman.

Yeah.

Is it hard for you to
move on from him?

I mean, I don't go one day
without thinking about him.

Or, like, worrying about him.

Or, like, wishing he'd call.

And, like, you know, not even
just for me, but for Elliot, too.

Like...

I don't know.

Why do you put up
with that, though?

I mean, even though I've
seen the worst of him, I've...

You know, I know that there's a
lot of good things about him, too.

Oh, I need a fries, please,
for the steak sandwich.

Here you are, sir.

All right, I'll go
grab you a menu.

Seriously, man.

This is, like, so much better than being
back there and having to do all of that.

But now it's, like, I don't have
to ask my mom for money.

Like, I can give her money.

Like, our water was gonna get cut
off, and I, like, helped pay the bill.

I felt really good about that.

With Zach, we have
drifted apart a little bit just

because, like, I'm not
over there, like, every day.

I started hanging out with my,
like, younger skate friends again.

I noticed that, like, they
were on a better path.

What classes are you taking?

Graphic arts technology
or graphic design.

So it's like a gen
ed of liberal arts.

Yeah.

No, I'm just gonna try to
get, like, something general

at first and, like, see
what kind of jobs I can get.

So you guys are
getting your BDs?

Um, I am.

Evan has his.

He graduated.

And, like, I don't know, it's just...
I can just prove people wrong.

Oh, yeah.

Dude.

I remembered something that, like,
my dad told me about being black.

He said, like, being black is cool
because you get to prove people wrong,

like, every day.

Like, you sound the way that
you sound, so, like, you don't...

Like, you just prove
them wrong, like, and they

probably feel a little
shitty for profiling you.

Like, I can't even imagine,
like, feeling like that.

Like, I was the only white kid for,
like, four years at Ellis in my class.

So I learned real quick that,
like, oh, shit, I'm in trouble.

Like, right away, people
were, like, mad at me

for being white after,
like, first history class.

In reality, you don't have, like, as
much say because you are white.

Yeah, but I'm educated, though.

You're educated because you went
through just as much high school as him?

So you know more than him?

No.

Even though that your, like, race didn't
go through the same things as his did?

Because my race went through
it doesn't mean I went through it.

He doesn't have, like, the same

disadvantages every
day that you don't have?

There's a certain class of whites that's
not... that's easy to be white in America.

But then, like, if you're,
like, trailer trash white

and shit, then it's not
easy to live in America.

I feel like it is easy, though.

Like, you could go up here and just
cut your hair and go and get a fucking job

because they're going
to look at you like...

But when you're fucking
stupid, you can't do that.

Like, if you're stupid,
you can't do that.

When I was younger, I
didn't really understand

why my dad would talk
about being black so much.

But I remember he was like, if you
could choose again, choose to be black.

And at first, I didn't get it.

I was like, why would you want to be
black when all this shit's happening to us?

But he explained it as, like, because
we have to deal with these issues,

it just makes other things
that, like, my white friends

would complain about, like,
not even be a problem to me.

My father's skate park went under
because of a downfall in skateboarding.

Mine didn't succeed because I
got hooked up with a bad partner.

One day, he calls me and he's like,
hey, I'm going to go on a vacation.

And I fucking never
heard from the dude again.

Never.

Come to find out, the guy
had never paid any of our

bills, all the money we
were making, everything.

He just was keeping it.

That fucked me over.

I mean, I've never, I
don't feel like I've done

anything I've ever
wanted to do with my life.

There it is.

That's a five-day notice.

I try not to come over here.

Just like Zach and Kyle don't.

Clearly.

I mean, do you
even want to be here?

No.

Why is all that shit broken?

What?

The ground.

The ground?

Yeah.

What is all this?

Poop.

It's all poop, dude.

Alright, let's get out
of this fucking place.

I feel like I never see Zach.

I remember when I
used to, like, skip school.

And I was just like, oh, he
didn't finish school or whatever.

Like, he's doing fine.

I'll be fine.

Yeah.

But, like, now, like,
I see them now.

I'm like, fuck.

I don't know.

I don't think they have
electricity right now.

Like, that's kind of...
Yeah, that's what I heard.

That's fucked up.

When I was younger, everyone just
seemed like they had it all figured out.

Like, which was the dumbest thing
that I could have ever told myself.

Like, no one knows what
the fuck they're doing.

Like...

Whoop.

What kind of
filming are we doing?

The kind where I
pretend you're not there?

Or the other kind?

The other kind.

Where we talk the whole time.

We see you.

You don't have to pretend
like I'm not here, either.

Okay.

Alright, you think I got it?

Hauuuu.

I didn't plan on
moving out here at all.

Like, this broad that
lives out here hit me up.

He's a strange guy.

She bought me a plane ticket, got me like a
$180 Uber to fucking the Milwaukee airport.

Came out here.

I was originally going to
be out here for two weeks.

And like, she's like, no, you're
just going to live with me now.

You know, not picky.

I was like, all right.

I don't know, I'm doing like pretty
good out here, though, like I'm working.

I've been like drinking
a lot less and I'm

definitely not like just
fucking off as much.

Can you hear me like in
your headphones right now?

Yeah.

There's liquor in this cup.

All right, so West State Street.

There's a walnut, so I
need to be going that way.

What?

Mama.

Baby.

Get away.

What?

Get away.

Zach told me that he was
going to Colorado, but he said

that he was only going,
like, for a couple of days.

And then he wound up
calling me while he was

there and like, oh,
I'm going to stay here.

When he does get stable, he's
going to want to be with Elliot again.

And he's going to want to be a
family because that's what he tells me.

But then again, all I really
have is his word, which I

don't even know if that's true
because there's so many lies.

Oh, I'm drunk as fuck.

This is a perfect night.

It's hard to get who Zach is.

It actually is because
there's so many versions

of him that he'll,
like, tell you about.

It's frustrating.

It's like, you're
supposed to be, like, my

homie, but I feel like I
don't know the real you.

You spilled juice
all over your pants.

It's OK.

Hey, Tina.

Hi.

You look cute.

Yeah.

I figure if I'm going to go do this at the
courthouse, I need to look presentable.

He needs to know.

I know that there's
consequences.

Like, you can't just have
a child and abandon them.

Life doesn't work like that,
and he needs a reality check,

and I feel like, you know,
this is a good way to do that.

I'm here to try and start
the process of child support.

So you said child support?

Maybe that'll also encourage
him to want to come around more.

It's like, maybe if he's paying
for him, he'll want to see him.

You know, like, I don't know.

I don't know.

I'm just trying to do
what I can, I guess.

I'm just playing.

Don't start crying.

You know how much fun jumping
is when you don't have to cry?

Mom, mom, did you make a noise?

Come on.

Come on, Greg.

See, everyone loves grandma.

No one likes their uncle.

OK.

Are you still with
your boyfriend?

What boyfriend?

I thought you had a
boyfriend for a while.

No, he wasn't a boyfriend.

He was a stupid friend.

No?

He's not around anymore.

Thank goodness.

The older I get, the more
I think about it, and I feel

like there's a part of me
that really loves my family.

All right, all right, calm down.

I guess because family
will, like, always be

there, but, like, friends
kind of can come and go.

Stop it!

What's up?

What's up, bro?

What's up, Zach?

How's it going?

How's it going?

Welcome back to Illinois.

I know.

Happy to be home.

I'll tell you what.

Let's do this.

God, Zach.

Zach!

Denver wasn't
really, like, my style.

I felt like a lot of the
people that were down

there, a lot of them
were, like, privileged.

So Sam, my current girlfriend,
flew me back out to Rockford.

I have Sam's name
tattooed on my wrist now.

When did you get Sam's
name tattooed on your wrist?

When or why?

Uh, Saturday?

I don't know.

She paid for it.

She paid for it.

I paid for it.

Do you feel, like, concerned that
Elliot's gonna grow up, like, messed up?

I'm 50-50 about it.

Lately, I have been concerned
over my influence on him.

And as he gets older, how
he's gonna look at the difference

between the way his family
lives and the way I live.

And a lot of people grow up and
they're like, oh, yeah, I'm fuckin' up.

I'm gonna play football and I'm gonna
go to college and I'm gonna get this nice

office job and start a family
and have 2.5 kids and a

car and a garage and
everything's just gonna be nice.

And I'll buy a boat
and a snowmobile.

Like, fuck you,
you piece of shit.

Like, just because you're too fucking
weak, to make your own decisions and

decide what you wanna
do with your own life,

doesn't mean everyone
else has gotta be like you.

I don't know, fuck.

Ask me another question.

I guess my thing is, like, you know,
I grew up without knowing my dad.

I saw him three
times since I was five.

And my stepdad used to beat
the shit out of me and my mom.

Right.

And so I don't know how I...

Why did I choose this life?

Not that I'm, like, gonna get married
and buy a house, but, like, I don't know.

You want me to comment
on your direction?

Yeah.

That's the difference.

Like, some people do take
their negative experiences

and turn them into
powerful, positive things.

I just don't think I'm
that type of person.

I think I...

I found myself in a position where
I was so depressed that I just...

I wanted it to just get as bad as it could,
just as bad as it could until I died.

There's no money, I ain't never
letting go Baby, it's you off on the...

Quit being a wuss.

You wanna play with my knife?

You wanna play with my knife?

Take it off.

Quit being a pussy.

I want you to be mine again, Ashley I
know my lifestyle is driving you crazy I

can't... Saw my
fucking head off.

Don't be a pussy.

No!

Aw, you're such a wuss.

I feel like this place just,
like, eats away at you.

I don't know, I just
don't want to get trapped

here in Rockford like
a lot of people have.

I tried stashing away
my money and then my

fucking brother broke
into my room and stole it.

If I would have told my
dad what my brother did to

me, my dad would be,
like, on his ass right now.

Like, he'd be so... Oh my god.

I remember this one time I...

I think I, like, stole
something or something.

I was, like, literally...
I was, like, 12 maybe.

I stole something.

That was the worst
ass-whipping I have ever gotten.

But it definitely
made me never steal.

I was like, yeah...

Stealing sucks because
you get your ass beat.

And, like, you burn bridges.

And burning bridges isn't cool.

Afterwards, after my ass stopped stinking,
he apologized for, like, beating me.

He totally just explained to me
that it was just how he was raised.

I know that he loved me.

Like, that's why he
was so hard on me.

So what do you think you've
gotten out of this documentary?

It's almost like...
fucking free therapy.

Yeah.

I'm making this film because I was
physically disciplined by my stepfather.

You know, it didn't
make sense to me.

And I saw myself
in your own story.

Hmm.

Wow.

That's...

Wow, Big.

I had no idea, dude.

Yeah.

That's really cool, though.

Wow.

So this might be a
weird question, but you

spent a lot of time in
Zach's house growing up.

Do you think Zach is
capable of hitting a woman?

Maybe if he's drunk enough
and, like, she's, like, hitting him,

like, fucking beating the shit
out of him or something, maybe.

But I don't think Zach would ever just,
like, like, just fucking strike a woman.

Like, I don't think he
would ever do that.

Did you ever see your
mom and dad fight?

My... my stepmom and my dad?

Um...

Yeah.

I mean, all the time.

They fucking... Most of the
time they argued about me.

Like, once or twice the
cops came to my house, but...

that was when I
was young, young.

Maybe, like, ten or twelve.

You know what I mean?

Not...

not as a teenager.

It never got...

I don't think it ever
got, like, real physical.

I think just the
fight got real gnarly.

I mean, shit, I've called the cops on
fucking Nina and my baby mama before.

Like, sometimes you
need the fight to stop.

Well, what... what happened that night
in that report... that Kyle recording?

Oh.

I don't know if you
filmed the recording.

That was a pretty...

like, every other
day occurrence.

She just fucking
loses her damn shit.

And she won't shut the fuck up.

And it just keeps escalating and
escalating and escalating and...

You know, my deal with the women,
kind of the way I've dealt with it is,

you know, they get all
fucking heated and mad

about shit or they're
complaining about this.

And I'm... I'm like,
alright, I'm leaving.

Bye.

But if a fucking woman is acting a
fucking fool, they've been acting a fool,

you've asked them to stop, you've tried to
get away from the situation, you have done

everything that you can do, to avoid the
situation peacefully, and she's coming to

you, wanting to argue
and fight like she's

a fucking man, like
she's ready to hurt you.

That...

I...

You can't beat up women.

But bitches need to
get slapped sometimes.

Does that make sense?

You stayed with him
because at times he was sweet.

So what gave you the
strength to finally leave him?

He didn't quit, I quit her.

And he...

17 years...

17 years I was with him.

But then he died anyway.

But even then,
I have to face it.

Because you're gonna hurt.

You're not happy with me either.

I'm not blaming you,
you're happy with me or

not, but that's how I
have to deal with it.

I don't like that.

Even now, I don't
know what to do.

Zach and I went to
court for child support.

And you know, it
was like one of those...

moments where I was just like,
wow, like, what am I doing with my life?

You know, on one
hand of my brain, I'm

like, you shouldn't be
around your kid ever.

Like, you fucking suck.

And then on the
other hand, I'm like, no.

Like, this is my child.

Happy Father's Day.

I hope you all get to spend
some time with your fathers.

The last time I talked to my
dad, I argued and fought with him.

I moved out the next day.

I'm like, you're gonna
make me a good father.

The last time I came
here, it was his funeral.

You don't wanna think about it.

If you think about him,
you get angry, right?

Not necessarily.

I get, I feel, like,
shaky and anxious.

And I don't really think
about him that much.

If you try to, don't think about it,
I don't think that's going to work.

I've never been able to deal
with myself because I'm so busy.

I'm not even
convincing other people.

I'm convincing myself
that I'm a good person.

I feel like a clown.

Almost, you know?

You paint up your face and
you put on your act for everybody.

And you let that act become you.

I've always been
something to someone.

I was someone's daughter, someone's
sister, someone's significant other,

and then someone's mom.

So it's like I never got that
chance to just figure myself out.

I really wish I fucking just
could remember where it is.

It would make this
day a lot better for me.

It would be fucking fun.

I don't want my son.

I just don't want
him to grow up.

You know, like,
fucked up like me.

You know?

I can't let myself think
that the reason I have

to struggle so hard is
because I fucking suck.

I can't, you know?

That's what the
drinking is about.

That's what it's all about.

I just want to hide.

I just want to run away.

I wish then it could go over.

I just cannot
believe it's that bad.

It's such a crushing,
a hopeless feeling.

It just sucks knowing that
you're your own enemy.

That every decision you ever made has
culminated in how shitty your life is now.

And there's no escaping it.

I don't know, if...

I try to help you.

If you want to do this film or do anything
you think will help you heal, that's fine.

You cannot change the past.

Well, the reason why I
wanted to make this film was...

Maybe I'm... Maybe you're right.

Maybe I'm...

I need to just move on
and not dwell on the past.

I wish you could.

Okay, I'm making
you feel better.

That's fine.

I cut.

Oh, my God.

Fucking heads.

I fucking...

I finally fucking found it.

It's so fucking heavy.

Fuck.

Let's go.

I

get mad at
skateboarding, like, a lot.

But at the end of the day, I love it
so much that I can't stay mad at it.

It hurts you.

Yeah.

So did my dad.

Though I love him to death.

I'm about to do this shit.

Oh, my God, dude,
I'm gonna fucking do it.

I'm moving to Denver.

It

was this mysterious
crocodile bandit...

Well, I can't believe I do it.

And where is he now?

Probably at my house.

Can't you wait another month?

No.

Until he gets born?

See you later, babe.

I put the pedal to the floor.

Headin' north on Mills Avenue.

And listen to the engine roar.

I made this for you.

My broken house behind
me and good things ahead.

A girl named Candy
wants a little of my time.

Six cylinders underneath the
hood crashing and kicking on.

Listen to the engine rhyme.

I am gonna make it
through this year if it kills me.

I am gonna make it
through this year if it kills me.

I drove home in
the California dusk.

I can feel the
alcohol inside of me.

Home pictures of love
on my stepfather's face.

Ready for the bad
things to come.

I downshifted as I
pulled into the driveway.

The motor's screaming,
I'm stuck in second gear.

The scene ends badly
as you might imagine.

In a cavalcade
of anger and fear.

There will be feasting and
dancing in Jerusalem next year.

I am gonna make it
through this year if it kills me.

I am gonna make it
through this year if it kills me.

Hey, hey can I have a taste?

Awesome!

Bye!