All language subtitles for Welcome.To.Borovia.2026.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.GG - YTS.BZ]

Valeria, where is the hammer?

Where it always is.

On the floor.

Is this the best you can do?

You think we can win election with this?

How many jobs did the Minister of Finance
create last year?

Or do I need to tell you?

There are so many people now.

They keep having children.

And they don't die quickly enough.

But they do vote.

All of them.

Olga, how kind of you to join us.

The steering wheel of the bus came off in
the driver's hand.

I had to walk.

I thought you had solved this problem.

Yes, I decreed all buses to carry a spare
steering wheel.

But the factory is a little behind.

We are short of wood.

My report, Mr. President.

Did nobody read it?

I spent whole weekend writing out six
copies by a hen?

Because Plinter was not working and none
of you bothered?

Your handwriting is very difficult to
read.

And there was a lot of it.

What is the point of Minister of Human
Rights if there are no human rights?

You will dedicate an entire meeting to
your constitutional proposals.

We all look forward to reading this
thoroughly, of course.

Sorry I'm late.

My bicycle chain disintegrates.

This is Vladimir.

You're a very comfortable chair.

I have the best chair because I'm Minister
of the Moon.

You are always Minister of the Moon.

Because I always win the vote.

It's true.

He always gets seven votes.

There are only six of us.

And I've never voted for you.

Has anybody?

It is a secret ballot.

He is our Minister for Elections.

How can he win an election for us if he
cannot win one for himself?

I have a very simple idea.

We reduce the working day to four hours
with no loss of pay.

It will bankrupt us.

Even you should know that.

No.

Because we decimalize the clock system at
the same time.

We go to ten hours from twenty-four.

Popo?

Shut up.

Vladimir asked me to make a mock-up.

See?

The day looks much shorter.

The people will be very happy.

But if they have to work four hours out of
the five instead of eight hours out of the

twelve, they will be working for longer
hours, not for shorter.

They will rejoice.

They will only understand that they are
working for half as many hours.

They are not very good at fractions.

You cannot treat the Peruvian people as
idiots.

No?

Then why did they vote for us last time if
they are not?

Come.

So slow you may die.

Have a seat.

Who's he?

Oh, I'm Peter Sokolov.

His new special advisor.

Special advisor?

Why do we need a special advisor?

You have a lot of us.

Precisely, Kazimir.

You are most welcome.

I am Petronika Kaminsky, the Minister of
Foreign Affairs, and this is the Minister

of... He will get to know everyone
soon enough, as has been my misfortune.

Your idea, please, Sokolov.

Of course.

When I received call from the employment
agency, I spoke to my wife.

Madrashka, this coffee is cold.

I regret that the machine is not working
properly, Mr. President.

It does not heat up.

But I heard it boiling.

I put it in for repair fifteen months ago,
so the repairman will be here very soon.

Never mind.

Sokolov, you were saying?

Well, it is all tied in with the
Uskoristan.

Oh, my sister has a cabin in the mountains
in Uskoristan.

The mountains there are so much prettier
than the Barovian mountain.

Much higher.

The mountains?

Oh, everything is so clean, and the trains
have no rust.

Is this true?

The wheels do not squeak.

I was there with a very special.

I am well aware that Uskoristan has
everything we have not.

Will any comparison with
Uskoristan persuade our citizens

to walk joyfully into
election booths next month?

Madrashka, you do not need to bring cold
coffee anymore.

No one will drink it.

Oh.

Very well, Mr. President.

Thank you.

Please continue.

I am sorry.

I think I have wrong place.

I am looking for cabinet room?

This is cabinet room.

Oh, I think it place where they keep
cabinets, not people.

Hi, stupid weapon.

I understand that.

You were on the television before it broke
down.

You are President Stepano.

Although you look younger in picture.

My wife is the same.

Any picture of her, make her look old.

She tear up and throw in fire.

I never have picture of me with President.

I am Ivan Stakovich.

So pleased to meet you.

You don't mind photo?

I vote for you next time, I promise.

As a true man of the people, the President
would be delighted to have this photo.

Just take it, Popov.

Could you smile a little bit, Mr.
President?

You have a very good job.

What is there not to smile about?

Is good?

I think so.

We cannot tell till it is developed.

You want group photo, everybody?

No, no group photo.

You carry on with whatever you are
carrying on with.

I just here to fix coffee machine.

Can you not come back later to do this?

Yes, of course.

Is 20th of May good for you?

20th of May was yesterday.

Yes, of course.

It is impossible.

No, 20th of May next year.

We have cancellation at 3.

A year?

Yes, cancellation make it very quick.

You are lucky.

I book it in, yes?

Okay, do it quick and do it quiet.

Not a problem.

I work like little nose.

I know this machine.

Latest hybrid model.

Both clockwork and electric.

Sokolov, you are saying?

Yes, the squirrels don't have appointed
new envoy.

Inexperienced right behind the ears.

Perhaps you are related.

My plan is in five stages.

One, we invite him here on an official
visit.

Why would he want to come to Borodie?

There have been state visits before.

There was one 27 years ago.

There is your problem.

Somebody has come once, they never want to
come again.

I can offer him tour of our factory.

Thank you, Popov.

That will make him truly ecstatic.

I'm sorry to interrupt, but I
accidentally overheard that the

lady minister there said she
had a sister from Usgoristan.

And?

Is she pretty?

She is my identical twin.

You are not suggesting they stoop to those
levels?

We will not have to stoop to anything.

My sister knows everybody who is anybody
in Usgoristan.

They are very proud of their beards.

And she knows how to compliment them in
just the right way.

She could find a way to persuade this new
envoy to come here, I'm sure.

Good.

And what is stage two, Sokolov?

This is very starts to get extremely
clever.

Sorry.

No, I have not forgotten.

I will pick them up on the way home.

I'm still working.

I told you, that is over.

You cannot call me every ten minutes.

I can never finish...

I am working.

I'm fixing the coffee machine for the
president.

Please, speak to my wife.

She does not believe me since that flower
girl.

Hello, how are you?

No, it is not his little waitress
imitating the voice of president.

I assure you it is the president himself.

Okay, I will do this for you, but all I
really want is my coffee machine mending.

Oh, and I trust I can count on your vote.

Is it flower girl or waitress?

She gets upset with all of them,
has no understanding.

She says she will not speak to you until
she sees photo.

Mobile telephone is a curse.

Oh, and she wants to know who is calling
me.

You know, next year we bring a push-button
model.

Push what?

I have prototype here.

Buttons do not work yet.

Our head of design, Mikhail, he fell off
our new prototype ladder.

Enough of your stupid phone.

Show it to us when it works.

With respect, Mr. President, it is not
stupid.

It is really clever.

It will not win us the election,
but maybe Sokolov will.

Please continue.

So, stage two, when he
is here, we... Who is this?

No mobile phones in meetings.

How many times... It is me.

Leave it.

Oh, it is my life.

No more reason to leave it.

I cannot.

It can only be for one reason.

Sorry.

It is text message from hospital.

I think she must have gone into labour.

I must go.

No, you have to stay and tell us your
plans.

When I come back.

Leave your notes.

Oh, I don't understand why it is not...
It is not... It was a... You need crowbar.

You have crowbar?

No, we are only issued with hammers.

Maybe next year we get crowbar.

We will be.

I will be.

Petronika, please call your sister.

I get her complimenting the envoys be it
as quickly as possible.

I cannot call her.

She does not have a mobile signal in the
martin.

We have a pigeon.

A pigeon?

Yes.

I will attach a message
to his little egg

and by tomorrow my
sister will be reading it.

How do you know it will get there?

Always a scurristani pigeon.

Very reliable.

It is true.

We did have a Barovian pigeon before but
it kept getting lost.

In the end I gave it to my grandma to put
in a pie.

To its credit it was very delicious.

Go now and do whatever you have to do to
your pigeon.

Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt.

Does anyone have a scooter?

Oh, I have one.

You have scooter in your handbag?

It belonged to my grandfather.

It was very special to him.

Never mind your grandfather.

Get the pigeon to go off to your sister's
ways.

But Raska, do you need to push
this heavy and extremely noisy

machine around the ministry
every day since it does not suck?

Oh, it is in my job description,
Mr. President.

And it only stopped
sucking 12 years ago and

during that time I
have got very used to it.

I tell you what I do.

I speak to Mr. Popov
personally and see if I

can get brand new, very
quiet machine for you.

Oh, no.

Those modern machines are made of very
thin material.

One to two weeks and they are broken.

I have had this 37 years and it has never
broken down once.

I turn it on, the motor goes round and
there we are.

No smoke.

So reliable.

With respect, Mr. President,
I have three more

floors to clean and all
the rubbish bins to put out.

Would you excuse me?

Yes, of course.

Ah, thank you, Mr. President.

Yes, I think we can win
over the President when he

sees your very clever new
phone working, Miguel.

Yes, you must get yourself and all your
broken bones out of hospital today.

Huh?

No wheelchair?

My grandmother has one.

Yeah, she can stay in bed for a couple of
weeks.

Just get here.

Hello?

No, I am not Miss Kaminsky.

I am Popov.

I think if you try extension
for Larovich Borowski,

that will get you
through to Miss Kaminsky.

Yes?

No, she is here.

Petronika!

For you.

Hello?

When?

Oh my God.

The envoy from Uzbekistan who was supposed
to be coming next week is coming today.

Or did your sister tell him?

I don't know.

Perhaps she had some very persuasive
compliments about his beard.

Kazimir!

The envoy is coming today.

No.

Next week.

He is coming today.

I just got the message.

But the train is not fixed.

Factory promised new wheels by Monday.

He is coming by car.

He has car?

That works?

Yes.

He is Uzbekistanis.

They are so lucky.

Not lucky.

They are competent.

And he is finance minister.

Who knows, the money should be spent.

It is my job to look after
the finances of... For yourself.

You think they have not seen your boat in
Lekho?

Your boat?

I want some money.

On the lottery.

Correct Kazimir, but as you well know,
there are no winners of the lottery.

No winners?

I see happy faces in newspapers with lots
of people holding money and happy children.

We have to give hope.

Or nobody will buy.

But to give actual prizes is far too
expensive.

I buy tickets every week.

Three of them.

That's good.

If you don't buy tickets, you got no
chance at all.

Maybe sometime you get lucky like Kazimir
with his bow.

Where is the envoy going to stay?

The imperial.

The imperial?

It has no bathrooms.

Of course it does.

It is five star.

It has one in the basement.

With no water?

My sister came to stay there.

She did not want even her pigeon to go in.

She brought her pigeon?

In case she has no mobile signal,
she takes it everywhere.

There is something I need to...

Are you alright?

Yes.

What is the big piece
of wood doing in the

middle of the floor for
everybody to trip over?

They did not trip.

But I did.

It is there to prop the door open.

There is no handle on the inside.

If it closes, I cannot open it.

Are you not the minister of supplies?

Can you not supply yourself with a new
handle?

There are no handles.

Call reception.

Mr. President, you issued instructions
that everybody should leave their mobile

inbox at reception so they could not go
off to a meeting.

And you were greatly displeased when it
came in last time.

And you did this?

All of you?

Yes.

For the first time ever, you obey my
instructions and it has to be now.

You don't have your own mobile?

Yes, in my office and not in reception in
some stupid box.

I have to be ready for the envoy.

You said he was coming next week.

I will explain later.

Now please, can none of you clever male
ministers open a door?

Shush, shush.

Listen.

Matraska, Matraska!

Matraska!

Matraska!

Matraska!

Matraska!

So, Popov, if you get Matraska a new
vacuum cleaner that is a little quieter,

she will be able to
hear us shout every time

we are locked in your
office with no adding.

Mr. Popov, I have come to enter your waste
bin.

Matraska!

I can come back another time, if you like.

No, no.

We are stuck in here.

You must open door from your side.

Oh, very well, Mr. Popov.

The handle will not turn.

The handle is stuck.

The handle is stuck and you knew this?

Yes, I tried to oil it but there was no
oil in the tin.

It is no problem.

Matraska, under angle is key.

I see it, Mr. Popov.

The key is in the lock on outside?

Yes, it has always been there ever since I
put in.

It cannot pull out.

So, anyone can come in when you are not
here and take anything?

What would anyone take from here?

They took the handle.

Do you wish me to turn the key?

If possible.

If possible, that would be good.

Yes, thank you.

Why should it not be possible?

Oh, it is very stiff.

Yes, if you have long piece of metal like
a screwdriver or a pen, then put through

head of key, you have leverage.

No, I do not have a pen or a screwdriver.

Oh, I look in my bank, see if someone has
thrown one away.

Yes, please.

Do that.

Hmm.

I just be a moment.

Take your time.

We have to be ready for the envoy.

Can three strong men can't open a door?

Two strong men and Popov.

Do not be disheartened.

I will lighten the atmosphere with a joke.

How many ministers does it take to kick
down a door?

No, please, do not do that.

I do not want office with no door.

It is a joke, Popov.

You have to wait for the punchline.

We do not want to hear your stupid joke.

It is a very good joke.

Very funny punchline.

I must confess, each time I tell it,
still, I cannot stop.

What is wrong with you people?

I was winner of departmental joke of the
year competition.

You was a judge.

Of course.

I am the minister.

I regret there is no pen and no
screwdriver.

There are only papers with top secret not
to be read by any unauthorized person.

Top secret?

Who has been putting top secret papers in
the bin?

They are supposed to be shredded.

And Matraska, where are these top secret
papers from?

I have only emptied one waste bin so far
this morning, Mr. President.

And naturally, I emptied yours first.

Yes, well, this was a temporary measure
since my shredder needs to be fixed.

I put one piece of paper in and boom,
puff of smoke.

Everything goes to a grinding halt and
finish.

It says on the label, seven pieces.

Excuse me, Mr. President.

Yes, Matraska.

I managed to get into the rubbish bin,
but now I cannot pull myself out because

my arms are not as strong as they used to
be.

We waited for you to
come along and now you will

have to wait for someone
else to come along.

I wonder, Mr. President, if I can sit
down.

I will not take a tea break for the rest
of the day to make up my time.

Yes, Matraska, you may sit.

Oh.

Ah.

We might as well all sit forever.

Not you, Popov.

You stand in the corner.

Yes, Mr. President.

Matraska?

It is not Matraska.

I am Sokolov.

Sokolov, open this door.

A moment, Mr. President.

Oh, Mr. Sokolov, I have
got all the rubbish to

collect and I am so
behind and I feel so guilty.

Oh, you have to use this bin?

Yes.

Oh, but it's very heavy.

I push it every Tuesday for 27 years.

I get used to it.

We've been here 27 years, huh?

No, 57.

Then I used to have to
collect the rubbish in a little

cardboard box, going up and
down, up and down, 50, 60 times.

But then the Ministry gave me this.

But it looked like new bin.

This was a present to the
Peruvian people from the

President of Oskaristan
when he came on his state visit.

And then when he left, the Ministry gave
it to me.

Never have I got such a beautiful present.

The people here are so kind to me.

Oh.

Sokolov, what is happening?

A moment, Mr. President.

You already had a moment.

How many moments do you need?

I'll be very quick now, very quick.

Be careful.

Be very careful.

Okay.

Thank you.

Thank you.

One thing puzzling me.

How do you get all this up and down the
stairs?

I hear there are four floors.

No, there are five.

You are forgetting the basement.

I tell you a little secret, Mr. Sokolov.

I always check before
I take the bin up and

down stairs to make sure
no one is watching me.

Because if no one knows how to do it,
they will never replace me.

Excuse me.

I wonder if you could direct me to the
Office of the Minister of Foreign Affairs.

Sokolov, open this door.

I'm here in a second.

I am fed up for your moments and your
second.

Mataraska, this is Kaminsky's office?

Yes, up.

It is number six on the next floor up.

Ah, yes.

The receptionist said room number 532.

Oh, yes.

When they bring the numbers, they only
have number sixes.

So all the rooms are number six.

Unless they are number nine, when they
have hung them upside down.

Dr. Sokolov.

Sorry.

Maybe I draw you a diagram?

Oh, very kind of you.

Oh, do you have a pen?

Oh, of course.

Oh, that is so beautiful.

Really, right?

Very beautiful baby.

Oh, thank you.

It was born this morning.

Just beautiful hours of labour.

So you brought the baby with you to work
today to give your wife a rest.

He is very thoughtful.

Oh, on the bed.

And it is her day to chop wood and forest.

She would not want to waste it.

Naturally.

Here you are.

Oh, thank you.

Your pen.

He peeks.

I have a thousand more.

Oh, they are so beautiful.

Sokolov!

Oh, you must.

Your moments have been here.

I had to help on Taraska out of the bin.

And I had to deal with that man.

What man?

I don't know.

He was looking for you, Katoneka.

He gave us this pen.

I've seen a pen like this before.

It's from Uzbekistan.

The envoy.

Oh, where is he now?

I sent him to your office.

I drew him a map on the piece of paper in
the bin.

What paper?

All the paper from your office.

Stop, secret paper.

But I did draw on the back.

I'm sure he won't.

He's not patrolling, Kat.

Get to him and get the paper before he
turns it over.

What possible top secret of Barovia could
be of any use to him?

Cut off your business.

That is why it's top secret.

And I have all my negotiating points
written on a big board in my office.

He must not see.

Is he all right?

I don't know.

Sokolov?

What's that noise?

It is a baby.

A baby?

What baby?

Sokolov?

Sokolov?

Hello?

Hello.

Are you the envoy from Uzbekistan?

Yes, I am looking for
this... She is not in there.

I am her.

Petronika Kaminsky, the Minister of
Foreign Affairs.

We must call a doctor.

Good idea.

Oh, we have no phones.

Perhaps Sokolov has a phone.

Have you called the doctor?

No, call reception first.

Get us out of here.

Okay.

And get that briefcase open.

We need his five-point plan.

What is the combination?

Zero, zero, zero, zero.

That is my combination.

In the night, and... Factory give
all briefcases same combination.

Not good at complicated locks.

It's still a dog.

Yes.

They sometimes jam.

In fact, often.

Irina!

Oh, I am Vladimich Barovski, Minister of
Elections.

We are stuck in Popov's office.

Please, come and get us out.

Room 249, second floor.

It has a six on the door.

Just come along the corridor and shout.

Oh, and call a doctor.

I need a doctor.

Not too expensive.

There is something which intrigues me.

I am sure you are aware I met your sister.

Oh, she is very beautiful, is she not?

Of course, she is your twin.

But one twin is always a little more
beautiful than the other.

And which twin would that be?

They say the bird that flies becomes more
tired and the bird that stays in the nest

remains fresh.

But when the birds both have the same
name... You do not like the name Petronika.

On the contrary, they are most poetic,
but also most unusual.

It was in dedication to my father.

He had a petrol station in the village.

He was killed two weeks before I was born.

When a petrol pump exploded.

So tragic.

The petrol pumps exploded quite often.

But the garage was self-service,
so normally he was safe in the office.

It was made of reinforced concrete.

But on this occasion the customer was on
crutches.

So my father risked his own life to go and
help him fill his tank.

Killed by his own kindness.

So, when my sister and I were
born, my mother named us

both Petronika in memory
of his beloved petrol station.

Both with the same name was not this
confusing?

No, my Petronika is spelled with one K and
hers is spelled with two.

Sadly, there is only one of me.

Ulan Elayef, at your service.

May I call you Ulan?

May I call you Petronika?

I only allow people I especially like to
call me Petronika.

Oh, what would you like me to call you?

Petronika.

Oh, let me get rid of that little piece of
paper for you.

Oh no, you must not dirty such elegant
hands.

I will throw it away later.

You are truly considerate.

And such a fine beard.

Almost like velvet.

I grew it myself.

Uskorestani men are so...

What is the word?

Fertile.

Uskorestani men can grow almost anything
on our chins.

Shall we take this into your office?

Oh, yes, but the cleaning lady was so sick
today and I simply cannot bear to have a

meeting in my office unless it is as shiny
as a new pin.

I am here, Miss Petronika.

I am not sick.

Petronika.

I was upstairs in my bin.

Perhaps you did not see me.

I have not taken a day off sick in all of
my 57 years.

Not even when I fell off the roof when I
was cleaning it.

And I broke all of my arms and legs.

My sister brought me to work the next day
in a supermarket trolley.

And I was not a minute late.

I will clean your office for you now.

No, no, no.

There is no rush.

We can find another office.

I will clean Mr. Popov's office for you.

I am sure he will be very happy for you to
have your meeting there.

Oh, Mr. Popov, your Minister of Supplies.

It would be good to meet him.

Yes, kill two birds with one stone.

Oh, yes, it is very difficult to kill one
bird with one stone.

The best way to do it is to get some bread
crumbs and spread them in the garden.

And then get a net.

Hide in the tree.

Pidin comes down to eat the bread crumbs.

And throw the net over the bird.

Yes, as long as you have a net and some
bread crumbs, of course.

Not always easy to get.

No.

Are you the doctor?

Yes, I am looking for office
number... Come, come.

What is it, doctor?

It is his ear.

I know it is his ear.

What is the matter with it?

It is not good.

I know it is not good.

He is special advisor for elections.

And he has very important information we
need very quickly.

And he has a baby which is very noisy.

I'll go see to that baby.

In fact, you ask me, sir?

Who else have I got to ask?

Don't look at me.

Oh, I am so wonderful, yes.

I remind you, Kazmieros.

I do not have children, but I believe you.

You are perfectly qualified yourself.

If I remember correctly, you have had five
children.

By three different fives.

That does not mean I know anything about
the babies.

Then it is time that you want.

Go, Kazmieros.

Well, doctor?

Penicillin will help you.

So give him penicillin.

That is not penicillin.

That is cheese.

There is no penicillin in Borobian,
Mr. President.

We have seen it in cat hogs, but it is
expensive.

It is true, Mr. President.

One tiny bottle of penicillin costs the
same as ten bags of coke.

But penicillin was the way to start the
growing.

On mold and on laboratory.

Fortunately, Borobian cheese is 90% not
given enough time.

Penicillin will form a crook into his
head.

How much time?

I don't know.

I have never done this before.

I have been waiting for the right patient
and his perfect is nearly dead.

If it works, it will prove
to colleagues of mine who

disbelieve me that they are
completely and utterly wrong.

And it will not only be good for me,
and to him of course.

But it will be a triumph for Borobian.

Perhaps that will bring him more votes
than whatever he was thinking in his head.

But that gave me great help.

My brother runs a few more business.

And a few books, special advance,
super saver, you get big discount.

Plus a little bit extra, because I am his
brother.

But he is not dead yet.

And we want him alive.

Not strictly speaking.

Once we get the briefcase open,
what do we need him for?

And he has last minute cancellation for
Mr. Solkov tomorrow morning.

At eleven o'clock.

Mademich, where did receptionist get this
doctor?

She said on the online.

He is only two star review, not five star.

But Solkov is not even minister or so.

We don't want to spend money like crazy.

Tell me doctor, what is your name?

Doctor.

So, Doctor Obolov, please be so kind as to
show me your certificate.

Yes, yes, and I don't carry it with me.

Because there is many dishonest people
here that might try to steal it.

And they pretend to be a doctor.

I'll just get you a match.

Is that all?

Please go to your home and fax your
certificate.

Yes, yes, of course.

Yes.

One little thing.

Could I have my screen now, so I don't
have to bother you later?

When I see your certificate?

Yes.

Only I pass my bank on the way home.

I go and I come back very quickly.

Mr. President, the envoy from Uzbekistan,
Mr. Ulan Alayev.

This man, is he alright?

Of course.

Special advisor Solkov is meditating.

Oh, but his head is bleeding.

It's just coffee.

Oh, yes, let us speak in the corridor.

Did you get his five-point plan?

No, it is in his briefcase.

Did you get my top secret paper?

No, it's in his pocket.

Could I also read the look, Mr. President?

Yes, Popov, of course.

Mr. Popov is our minister of supplies.

He was just examining the corner for tiny
cracks in the plaster.

He is very meticulous.

Any cracks, Popov?

No, Mr. President.

Petronik, please take our esteemed guests
to the cabinet room.

I will join you soon.

I have a little business to finish.

Unless, of course, you prefer to go back
to the hotel.

No, I have not yet checked into the
Imperial.

Imperial?

Yes.

Miss Kaminsky's sister told me it is truly
a sight to behold.

She also told me about your spectacular
nightlife.

But, another time.

For now, just a hot cup of coffee and I
shall be as good as new.

I will see you soon.

Come.

The Imperial?

What were you thinking?

Even the rats must stay here.

And what is this spectacular nightlife?

There is the community hall, Mr.
President.

Every second Thursday they have business.

And when are we going to get rid of this?

What can the invoice think of us with
its...

This is not my pram and this is not my
baby.

Did the doctor do anything for Sokolov?

This is what he has done for him.

And everything we need to know is in this
briefcase.

And of all the things in
Barovia that do not fall

apart, as soon as he touched
them, it is this briefcase.

They will be very proud of the factory.

We call it the Mark II indestructible
model.

But we never really believed it.

Sokolov.

We thought you were dead.

Who is Sokolov?

You watch Sokolov.

He is Gori Enva is here.

We must know your pram.

He is Sokolov.

No, you have Sokolov.

And this is your baby.

I have baby.

What is his name?

Oh yes, you better Sokolov.

So I am to be made
a cup of coffee by the

fair hands of the
Minister of Foreign Affairs.

Oh, our Barovian coffee machines have many
buttons.

And these fair hands are most adept at
pressing such buttons.

And not just Barovian ones, perhaps.

I will ensure that your coffee does not
have too much froth.

I would not want your beard to dip inside
and sully its majesty.

And there beside you?

A bin.

You can get rid of that horrible piece of
paper in your pocket.

Oh, it would be such a shame the bin is so
clean.

Oh, we had a saying in Barovia.

A woman refers a clean man to a clean bin.

And who am I to argue against an old
Barovian saying?

Oh, there is milk.

I do prefer my coffee to be the purest
quite if she could, please.

Of course.

Oh, milk, please.

It is for my guest.

No, milk make machine very sticky inside.

So I can only use water to boil?

You can, but it will not get hot.

I checked mid factory and this particular
model is only good to make cold coffee.

Drink cold coffee in Barovia?

Of course not.

But this is the only coffee machine you
can buy in Barovia, so we get used to it.

Unless you boil water in saucepan.

Metal saucepan, very hard to get.

And wooden ones made by factory are no use
once you light fire underneath them.

Oh, you have such a sense of humor,
Ivan.

Wooden saucepans, can you imagine?

No, it is a great tradition here.

We Barovians love our cold coffee.

Really?

That is the first I heard that.

Nobody I know.

If you are not here to fix the machine,
Ivan, then why are you?

You were so kind to lend me this, and
I know how precious this screwdriver is.

I saw something.

I took it by mistake.

You keep a screwdriver?

It belonged to my grandfather.

He was electrocuted when he used it to
change a light bulb.

I keep it with me always in my handbag so
that I never forget him.

Was he very kind to you?

Oh, I never met him.

He left my grandmother and ran off with a
chorus girl before I was born.

It was a light bulb in her dressing room.

He was changing.

She was very vain.

She had 20 other light bulbs around her
mirror.

And if just one bulb went, he had to go
and fix it.

To her credit, she gave my
grandmother the screwdriver back

afterwards, so perhaps she
had a heart somewhere after all.

That I have used your screwdriver makes me
feel he is part of me.

If only it had black rubber handled,
then maybe he'd be still alive.

So many times I have changed light bulb
and nothing happened to me.

It had to happen to grandfather.

Please.

It was not his grandfather who was
electrocuted.

Would you like one?

Sure.

It was 50 years ago.

So beautiful and so...

Oh, please.

You can keep it.

I have a thousand more.

My wife will be so happy.

Our kitchen table is made of old tree
trunk and very rare.

We get many splinters when we eat.

She can put this under her plate to make
safe.

One thing.

My wife is still not talking to me because
of the waiters.

Could I please get your autograph in my
book?

It will impress her so much to have the
autograph of the cabinet minister,

as well as the handkerchief.

I will be like God again for her.

Doesn't... Please.

Oh, what a beautiful pen.

And it really writes.

Are you a minister too?

Oh, please sign as well.

Two signatures.

Maybe my wife will give me for the flower
girl as well.

Sadly, I am a humble envoy from
Huzkoristan.

Huzkoristan?

Oh, she will like even better.

Maybe she will forgive me for her best
friend as well.

The envoy is here to discuss extremely
important business, Ivan.

If you please.

I am happy to oblige.

Even though I do not have a wife myself,
I understand they are moved by such small

and thoughtful gestures.

Oh, and if we could just put
in a personal message to her

with her name, then maybe
she will forgive me for her sister.

Oh, what is her name?

Repulsa.

But she love it when I call on my little
potato.

I'm sorry, Mr. President.

I can remember nothing of this plan for
the envoy.

Even this baby you say is mine,
I...

You have to plug it in.

I know that, of course.

Bobo.

It is best to stand on rubber mats before,
in fact, three rubber mats.

I think it is best, yes.

Kazemir, since you know so much about
electric drills, please, at the pleasure

of opening this briefcase for the cause of
our greatness.

I hated it, the credit.

Open it.

The trigger will not go in by itself,
Kazemir.

Hey, you.

Me?

Ivan, is it?

Yes.

I once changed my name, Mr. President,
since the last minute.

Do you have your hammers in your case?

Ah, so please smash this briefcase to
pieces.

I regret I cannot.

It is the indestructible model.

It is more likely these hammers will break
than the briefcase.

They are hollow to save metal.

But I am not a grade 97 maintenance
technician for NASA.

Cheese again.

Again?

You've tried already?

Borovian cheese.

When it melts, it, like, adds.

It will go in the lock.

And it will make everything go soft.

Someone has some matches?

Oh.

These have no black blobs on them.

How do I...

Yes, it's the latest batch.

But if you rub them together really hard,
they will white.

Eventually.

Okay.

So now there is a shortage of salt.

This has worked for thousands of years,
Mr. President.

I do not have a thousand years.

The envoy is here now.

Oh, I just met the envoy.

A very nice man.

He gave me a very beautiful handkerchief
for my wife.

Oh, my heart overflows with joy for you.

And he has a wonderful pen.

It actually writes.

Immediately.

We're all familiar with his pen.

What we are not familiar with is one match
with a little black bob on it.

Casimir, you smoke all the time.

I don't use matches.

I have a lighter.

But I have no patchou.

And the patchou there is, is watered down.

And water is much less flammable.

Perhaps envoy has lighter.

That is sure to work.

Oh, you have the chance to redeem
yourself.

Go and see the envoy.

Ask him if he has lighter.

If he does, please bother him.

I do not smoke.

Then pretend.

I assume a man such as yourself would like
your coffee.

Straw.

Calm coffee is something new for me.

But whatever is your tradition.

Would you like a carrot with your coffee?

No, no, no.

It is not necessary.

And yours?

Oh, I had a cup earlier before you
arrived.

Oh, I hate to drink alone.

It's so impolite.

Oh, no, no, no.

After your long journey, please enjoy.

Excuse me.

I was on my way outside for a cigarette.

And I realized I left my lighter at home.

I wonder if you had one I could borrow.

Since when did you start smoking pop-off?

I woke up this morning and it was like a
kind of revelation that perhaps I'd be

living my life being too frightened with
it, I think.

In Suristan, we say a man who lives in
fear, lives in an empty box full of fog.

I have a lighter.

Oh, such a fine flame.

Yeah, it does not splatter.

Your cigarette?

My cigarette?

So I can light it for you.

Yes, it's my first day smoking.

I'm so stupid.

I forgot everything.

Lighter, cigarettes, everything.

Please, hold.

Okay.

Thank you.

No, it is not permitted to light a
cigarette inside.

Just for a minute until you are outside.

I swear he will not say anything.

I'm afraid we take these things very
seriously at the Ministry.

Nothing is more important to us than the
health and welfare of our citizens.

Oh, I have to say, I am very impressed
with your sense of responsibility.

Yes, if I could borrow a lighter for a few
minutes and then take it outside,

light it and bring it back very quickly,
I promise.

Please, keep it.

I have a thousand more.

Oh, you are too kind.

Thank you.

Oh, your cough.

Oh, no, no, please, take it.

I am not as thirsty as I thought.

Besides, there is nothing better than a
cigarette and a cup of good, strong,

traditional cold coffee, huh?

Cold coffee?

Yes.

Ah, it's a Pakistani tradition.

Oh, I will be honoured.

Yes, and I will certainly drink it with
great enthusiasm.

Thank you.

Oh, it's mine.

Hello?

I am in the Ministry.

I shall call you later.

I insist you try our
most precious delicacy,

reserved only for our
most honoured visitors.

The milk from the very rare Barovian yak.

Drink it all.

It will help to make your beard even more.

Ah, finally.

You're wasting your time drinking coffee.

I did not ask for it.

I didn't go insisting.

Oh, it does not splatter.

This is Goristan.

It is so...

The briefcase.

Give me this.

No, it is... I am very
tired and very thirsty.

People...

When the briefcase is open, then you have
coffee.

This is so very disgusting.

And cold.

It's usgarastali, it's traditional.

What kind of moronic caveman would drink
this?

Excuse me, sorry to interrupt.

But there are matters I need to attend to.

So perhaps we can continue whatever it is
we need to continue tomorrow morning?

You can have your lighter back.

The cheese has melted now.

The locks will open soon.

Oh no, I gave this to Mr Popov to keep.

I have a thousand more.

Easy.

Can I get one please?

For my wife.

Maybe then she'll forgive me.

Yes, of course, yes.

Thank you.

Would anybody else like a lighter?

This will not be necessary.

You must attend to your business.

Yes, until tomorrow morning.

I will look forward to it.

I will see you out.

Very beautiful baby.

They tell me he is mine.

Come.

What are you thinking?

Why didn't you tell me the coffee is
disgusting?

I tried.

What can he think of us when we say he's
Moroni Caveman?

I did not call him that.

I think he's worked.

When you went to the hospital,
your plan was in here.

Where is it now?

I don't know about hospitals.

I don't know about anything.

We could call hospital.

Perhaps he'll leave it with his wife.

Excuse me, Mr. President.

What is it, Matraska?

We are very busy.

I could help overhearing.

Mr. Sokolov, he said
his wife was out of the

hospital and she'd gone
to chop wood in the forest.

Where in the forest?

Oh, well, he didn't say precisely.

But I can go and look for her.

The forest is 1,000 square kilometres.

Oh, I know.

But I am very patient.

And I am very good at finding things that
are lost.

Thank you, Matraska.

It will not be necessary.

There is another thing Mr. President
works.

I know you are unhappy that Kazimir arranged
for the envoy to stay at the imperial.

Orgola is for water.

You put him in, I'll sleep it.

You get him out.

How?

Get to him before he needs the building.

And then what?

I don't know, feel something when you're
running.

You must not stay there.

Are you okay, Mr. President?

No, I feel a little groggy.

Groggy!

Oh, my God!

Is he dead?

No, I put something in his coffee.

He drank the coffee?

No, Popov took it, so I put it in his
milk.

What kind of a man drinks milk?

Oh, it is very good for their beards.

I have the President's top secret
paperback.

He thought he could outsmart me.

Ha!

The President?

The coffee?

Oh, dear.

Mr. President!

Mr. President!

Mr. President!

Mr. President!

Mrs. Sokolov!

Mrs. Sokolov!

Woohoo!

Hello!

Mrs. Sokolov!

Did Kazimir do this to stop him?

No, I did.

It was necessary.

How long will he be like this?

When I gave it to Anatoly, it was around
three hours.

Who is Anatoly?

My pet rabbit.

His insomnia was keeping me awake at
night.

He's bigger than a rabbit.

What are we going to say to him when he
wakes up?

Anatoly remembered nothing.

Popov!

He was at the reception.

He was asking to see you.

Oh, Mikhail!

You are looking so much better.

That is good to hear.

We were almost concerned about him.

What is he doing here?

It was extremely difficult pushing this
wheelchair up two flights of stairs.

I am certain his new invention will not
only bring us the adulation of our own

people, but also riches for Borovia beyond
our dreams.

By this new, lightweight, compressed paper
ladder.

Not the ladder.

The prototype fauna showed you.

Oh, the fauna doesn't work yet with the
push button.

It's an epicot.

Not the buttons.

Mikhail has invented a new feature no other
fauna anywhere in the world possesses.

What feature?

The president is calling out.

Call.

The president is coming out?

And so is he.

Did the president drink all the coffee?

No.

Wong yelled.

Spat it out.

He drank all the milk.

A very big glass.

Olga, help us lift him.

You two can see me.

I have him!

I...

I... I have him.

Up.

Next floor.

Here.

Have some water.

Drink it all.

It will help.

Hello, Mr Borovski.

Matryoshka.

I thought you were in the forest looking
for Mr Sokolov.

Oh, yes, I was.

But I am back now.

I have to clean the attic.

Ah, yes.

The president asked me to fetch something
for him.

And the key he gave.

It does not fit the look.

Oh, you see.

Ah, he's given you the key to the
presidential suite.

Oh, that was strange.

He never usually confuses them.

What has he asked you to fetch?

Because I know where he keeps everything
in his office.

Oh, just some presidential papers.

Oh, I can help you.

Which papers?

It would be far more helpful to me if you
can get the suitcase out of my office.

I keep tripping over it.

Oh, as you wish, Minister Borovski.

I know the very one.

I will clean the attic and then I will get
rid of your suitcase.

Did you find Mrs Sokolov?

Oh, yes.

I always find what I am looking for.

So... the five-point plan?

Yes.

Mrs Sokolov was most helpful.

So you have it?

Yes.

And I shall give it to
the president when I have

finished the attic and
throwing out your briefcase.

No need.

Give it to me.

I will take it to him myself.

Oh, I promise, Mrs Sokolov.

I would give it to him myself.

There's no difference.

I am his most trusted minister.

I am sure that is true, Minister Borovski.

But, you know, in all of my 81 years,
I have never broken a promise.

And I am certain that is what led me to
have such a wonderful life.

My philosophy precisely.

Go, Matreshka.

Finish your work.

Thank you for your understanding.

Not on the floor.

On the chair.

But only the president sits in the chair.

Just do it.

You better go back to Mikhail and the
baby.

And the what?

Take some to Popov's office.

He's not my baby and Mikhail is not my
patient.

Finish what you started.

He didn't start anything.

What are you doing?

I was checking his vital signs.

Where were you?

You were supposed to not leave him alone.

I have to go to the toilet.

What toilet?

They are all out of order.

Olga said he was coming around.

He was.

But then she left and he fell unconscious
again.

So did Sokolov.

Quite a coincidence.

Why are you so dusty?

To find a toilet that worked.

In his ministry, every dark corner there
is dust.

Who is that in the wheelchair?

It is Mikhail.

Yes.

Mikhail, you look so much better.

You'll be up and down your new ladder
again in no time, I'm sure.

What happened?

When I left it was perfectly alright.

Not anymore.

Perhaps that image can explain.

Emil went to the toilet.

Which toilet?

None of them are working.

Mr. Porowski, I should have given you Mr.
Sokolov's papers when I saw you earlier.

It's a five-point plane, you hear it?

I brought it from the forest in my bucket
and I took it to the attic.

I went back to my bucket and it was gone.

There is a hole in the roof so maybe the
wing took it?

I should have given the papers
to Minister Porowski when

I saw him trying to get
into the president's office.

The president's office?

That's where you thought there might be a
toilet.

What?

You thought I would
climb up into the attic on

some filthy old piece of
rope like a common thief?

You are not suggesting that Minister
Porowski could...

After all, he is the president's most
trusted minister.

He told me so himself.

What happened?

Perhaps you should ask Vladivich.

What?

Vladivich?

Mr. President, does he...

Are you alright?

I think so.

Where is the envoy?

Don't worry.

He is not at the imperial.

Well done, Casimir.

You got to him in time.

Yes, it was nothing.

No, it was not.

I drugged him.

And you too, I'm afraid.

In the coffee.

Popov's coffee?

It is complicated, but
it is done now and the

envoy will be asleep for
many hours, I am sure.

And I have retrieved your top secret
paper.

Do you look at it?

Of course not.

Do we have the five point plan?

But we do have the five point plan,
do we not, Vladivich?

I resent your inference.

He has it.

Search him.

Mr. President, I think you should know
that when I returned from the toilet,

I discovered the minister of finance
searching for your pockets.

I was checking your vital signs,
sir.

Why not strip him naked?

Ben, you will find the plan.

I have no wish to see the minister for
elections naked.

Do you have the five point plan?

No, I do not.

His toilet?

What about his toilet?

I have no wish to know about his toilet.

I would like to know.

I need to go.

I thought they were all out of order.

Vladivich, take him.

I will not take him to the toilet.

I'm the minister of elections,
not initiens.

Do you want to keep your comfy chair?

That is because I am minister of the
month.

Take him.

Thank you.

Here you go.

You can find it yourself, I am sure.

Go to the top floor.

Pass the rope hanging from the attic.

Keep going through many, many corridors.

You will find it.

Many, many corridors?

Are you not going to take me?

The president said... Above.

I have been already.

I do not need to go.

You need to go, so go.

You will find it.

Many corridors?

I thought you were a doctor.

Takes more than a few
drops of poison, but only

a jagmik to keep this
who's gonna stand it out.

This five-point plan, you have it.

Now I do know.

Did you go out here?

The wind took it.

I don't know.

All I know is it was in the bucket.

Then, the next time I look, it's not in
the bucket and take me through a fall.

Before I came here, you
promised to finally provide me

with some information which
would be mutually beneficial.

I am begging you handsomely for this.

No, no, no.

You promised to pay me handsomely.

There is a difference.

They have not given me anything.

How do I know if I give you something, that
you will keep your side of the promise?

And Uskore Stani always keeps his word.

An empty phrase I have heard so many
times.

From an Uskore Stani?

Maybe not specifically an Uskore Stani.

But, in Borovia, we have many similar
sayings, and... Always the down-day mat.

That is not cold print, I can assure you.

And those are Uskore Stani diamonds,
not glass.

You think I am so stupid as to keep it in
my pocket?

It is so strange.

He was completely conscious
when I... It was a rad image.

I told you, you must not trust him.

Excuse me, Mr. President.

May I have your permission to leave now?

I will return to the forest, and I will
find your five-point plan.

Of course you may leave, Matraska.

But it is not necessary to go back to the
forest.

Oh.

Oh, I'd never know.

Are you sure the envoy will be out for a
while?

Only an elephant could not be...
Oh, you test it on elephants, do you?

At least I was intelligent enough to try
something.

Mr. President, I think I have an idea.

You think you have an idea, or you have an
idea?

So you could not retrieve the plan from a
little old lady's pocket?

I am a gentleman.

I would never dispossess an old woman by
deception like some common picky pocket.

And also, when I sneaked into the attic
after her, it was no longer in the pocket.

And perhaps the pocket
is magic, or perhaps it

blew out of the hole
in the robe, like she said.

Oh, perhaps you don't need to tell the
time so accurately.

I resent most strongly the inference that
I am in any way not to be trusted.

I was voted Minister of Emon for 68 months
by my colleagues.

That is the measure of my integrity.

You have more to fulfill than one promised
to.

You're President with a dog.

Not just any dog.

That is the dog of the President's
mistress' labor.

Simply imply that you might show it to his
most ferocious wife, and he will dangle

like a puppet for the ambitions of a
sworista.

Would not it be better to have a picture
of him with the mistress?

The President's wife is crazy about small
dogs.

She will be far more jealous
to see him with... the chair.

Hit me with the 5.0 and not a picture of a
dog.

Valimish, I thought you were... Tronika
was most unwise to leave him alone.

What if he had woken up and wandered
unmonitored all over the Ministry?

Why do I have to push him around
everywhere?

If you define yourself as a healthy meal,
you should celebrate this opportunity to

show off your strength.

Where is Sokolov's baby?

Where he should be.

Beside him, on Popov's desk.

You're lefting on the desk?

What kind of father are you?

I am not his father.

Kazimir, go and fetch the baby.

He will roll off.

Babies one day all do not roll anywhere.

Oh, so you do know about the babies?

Why is he here with the envoy?

He is supposed to be showing Popov to the
toilet.

Kazimir, go and fetch the baby.

Let us see.

These chairs are extremely hard.

No wonder you walk quite against me.

Would you like me to move the envoy so you
can?

No, you do not want to wake him.

All that.

Your plan is interesting, but very
extreme.

Extreme problems sometimes require extreme
solutions.

How can we be sure to get the right ashes
out of the incinerator?

My sister tells me that the Uzgur-Stales
can test one set of ashes from another.

I am sorry, I am not familiar with Olga's
plan.

Whose ashes are we discussing?

You want to put him in the incinerator?

No, you cannot use crematorium.

It must be discreet.

He will be unconscious.

He will have nothing.

We will send his ashes back, explaining he
was victim to some unfortunate accident.

We are touring our underground river of
Larva.

I have never heard of this underground
river of Larva.

Which is why he was so curious to see it.

They will think he has been kidnapped and
murdered for our own doubt purpose.

Yes, there have been major diplomatic
incidents that have ended the Middle East

economic sanctions.

Which will make our people even poorer.

Indeed, but who will they blame for this?

Not us.

And the one thing all Barovians had in
common is envy.

And when there is envy, there is hatred.

At the election, the good people of
Barovia will unite.

Unite with their leaders against the
common enemy, Uzgur-Stales.

Popo, you found Vladimir's toilet?

No, perhaps I used the wrong corridor.

I had to go in the forest.

Did you see?

Is the incinerator working?

I don't know.

But Raska does all that.

We will come with you to check.

We don't all need to come.

We do.

We are men and women of the people.

There may be a lot of coal to shovel in.

We are proud to get our hands a little
dirty for such a noble cause.

What noble cause?

Vladimir, stay here.

Make sure he doesn't waste prematurely.

Do you have the lighter the envoy gave
you?

Yes, I do.

Most appropriate.

I am too weak and stingerated.

Ibrood, give me the plan.

Give it to them.

I do not have the plan.

So, what will it take?

Two thousand gold watches?

Two thousand gold watches?

You can give me five thousand gold
watches!

Still great!

Five thousand gold watches.

You show me the plan first, and give it to
them.

How do I know you will pay me?

With Gorastani, he always keeps his word.

I have them in the boot of my car.

Ah, good to see you conscious again.

Could I get you something?

Some meek, perhaps?

I told you people like to...
No, no, no, it is not necessary.

Mr. Borowski here has been most attentive
to my needs.

But I understand he has some urgent work
to do.

So please feel free to do this urgent work
extremely urgently.

Oh yes, I will...

Bye-bye!

What if you would only let me show it to
you?

I do not wish to see your stupid phone
which does not even work.

But Miguel's breakthrough...
He could what?

Say it, Borowski?

Yeah, I cannot guarantee.

But to incinerate the envoy seems a movie
opened.

You do not understand anything,
Popov.

We are not going to...

You did not need to, Popov, go.

But the incinerator...

Vladivić.

Ah.

Collecting something from your office.

No, I... yes, I... The
five-point plan, perhaps.

Why does everybody think I have the
five-point plan?

You take me for a fool?

That is what the envoy said, but I don't.

Haha, the envoy.

You have taken bribe.

The very idea that I would ever dream of
betraying my beloved country for...

Ten thousand gold watches?

No, five thousand,
but... Give me that.

I just wanted to wash my hands.

There is no soap in the toilets.

Of course, yet everybody takes it to their
office.

I must hurry.

I have clinical phobia.

I must wash my hands every two hours.

You are going nowhere.

We are searching every inch of your office
for what we know you have.

But...

Why is suitcase lying in middle of floor?

I have tripped over it many times also.

But don't worry.

Matrashka will get rid of the suitcase.

Ah, Matrashka!

You're too late!

I think your baby needs feeding.

It is worth my baby!

Nonetheless, he is hungry.

Do you have a bottle in his breath?

Which is not here, in this very loud,
noisy place.

Be careful!

Let him out of your sight.

Be annoying.

He is already out of my sight.

I cannot see him.

In there!

When he comes out here!

Is Sokolov's pram still outside your
office?

I think so.

Unless Matrashka has tried to do it.

He goes nowhere.

No.

The president would not listen.

He thinks a phone is just a phone.

I believe... I... Is first.

To have it with you.

I... Am...

Then... Mr. President.

I have some very important news.

Our finest scientists have been working on
this for five years.

And they are still two years away from
even a half-orc example.

And the Borovians have
already... The Borovians!

Get it here!

Get it here by any means you can!

As soon as you can!

No more talk of ladders.

Please, Mikhail.

Oh... Excuse me.

Sorry to trouble, but...
Could I have a cup of coffee?

There is machine in here.

Yes, but there is no meek.

Perhaps you have a kitchen?

Of course.

But... Minister Kazimir asked
me not to let you out of my sight.

Ah, yes.

That is understandable.

But... You could leave your friend
Mikhail here to watch out for me.

And... Why would
I want to leave?

Especially as I have not yet had a tour of
your world-renowned factory.

To which I have been very much looking
forward to as the highlight of my visit.

All right.

Yes.

Cold coffee, yes?

I'll be back in a moment.

Yes.

I told you I do not have it!

Get up!

I told you not to leave him alone!

I did not, Mikhail.

I ran off with his briefcase.

What was in it?

Oh.

Oh dear.

What oh dear?

What I was trying to tell you about.

For the new phone.

Oh, your phone.

What, some buttons that really push?

No, it was much more than that.

I found it!

Found what?

What have you found?

It was in the ravine at the far side of
the forest.

Oh, the wind must have been very strong to
take it all that way.

Sokolov's five-point plan.

Huh.

Now do you believe me?

So, we have the plan, but no envoy to use
it on.

You've done well, Ulan.

Whatever you paid for this is a mere
terrible.

As it happens, I paid most handsomely.

But it will repay us a thousandfold.

That I knew the moment I heard the word
memory card.

As president, of course, it is your
privilege.

The combination?

Zero.

Zero.

Zero.

Dear Patty.

They won't open.

Do not worry.

I have brought some Barovian cheese.

Even if they tried to start producing them
tomorrow, their machinery is so primitive.

Not a single one would roll off their
production lines for months.

Can you imagine, Ulan?

Thousands of photographs, millions of
messages, hundreds of phone numbers,

all stored on one tiny memory card.

Once our scientists
reproduce it, our factories

will be turning them
out by the millions.

Within a few weeks, Usgory's tiny phones
will dominate the world.

Murkert!

Spooky.

Throw the cards to the back of your phone.

You can write up to 30 phone numbers on
the card.

Or 50 if you write very small.

Never forget a phone number again.

Glue not included.

How much did you pay for this?

I've got the handy to sock it off.

That was a good plan.

My sister had to compliment so many beards
before she got to his.

Could we not invite him again?

We have it now.

He has not seen it after all.

No, Popov.

When the whistle has blown, the game is
over.

I was so looking forward to showing you
that.

They are all wearing their new hats.

If only you could read my proposal.

We were older, with enthusiasm.

But for now, I think we should all go home
to our loved ones.

It has not been a good day.

In fact, it has been like every other day.

What about Sokolov?

He cannot look after a baby the state that
he is in.

I will take baby home.

Just for one night.

President!

You are a woman!

I will bring it back when Sokolov is
recovered, of course.

Naturally, I will not form any kind of
bond with baby.

Oh, I almost forgot.

What is this?

Pernus Gorastani always keeps his word.

Where did you find this?

It was on your suitcase in reception.

On my suitcase?

The one you asked me to throw out.

Well, I only left it for a few minutes in
reception, but when I came back,

the note was on it.

Don't you know what the strange thing was?

It seemed heavier than it was before.

Very heavy.

Probably my old age
plane tricks, but it was

like it was full of a
thousand gold bars.

Or five thousand gold watches.

Matraska!

Matraska!

Matraska!

Mr. Bolovski.

I trust you will be sharing your good
fortune with the people of Borovia?

Yes, of course, Mr. President.

That's going to happen.

But I have to say, it was very difficult
carrying the suitcase all the way through

the forest to the ravine.

The ravine?

Yes.

The rubbish people never come to enter the
bins.

The instinator never
has any coal, so if I get

anything heavy, I take it
down to the deepest ravine.

And I throw it in to the river of lava.

It is like magic.

Everything dissolves instantly.

You will never trip over it again.

Oh, but I said the paper, of course.

Did I do something wrong?