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1
00:00:02,261 --> 00:00:06,781
Stick a pony in me pocket,
2
00:00:06,821 --> 00:00:11,301
I'll fetch the suitcase
from the van,
3
00:00:11,341 --> 00:00:15,581
'Cos if you want the best 'uns,
but you don't ask questions,
4
00:00:15,621 --> 00:00:18,741
Then, brother, I'm your man!
5
00:00:18,781 --> 00:00:22,581
'Cos where it all comes from
is a mystery,
6
00:00:22,621 --> 00:00:26,781
It's like the changing seasons
and the tides of the sea,
7
00:00:26,821 --> 00:00:30,781
But here's the one
that's driving me berserk:
8
00:00:30,821 --> 00:00:35,581
Why do
only fools and horses work? #
9
00:00:44,661 --> 00:00:52,021
Come and listen to this. I've come
here to sell my wares, not to be
laughed at or mucked about.
10
00:00:52,061 --> 00:00:57,741
My wares are guaranteed to cure
hard core, soft core and pimples.
11
00:00:57,781 --> 00:01:06,381
What we've got today is
the Musta F80 in-car radio cassette
as recommended by Nigel Mansell.
12
00:01:06,421 --> 00:01:09,781
No, no, straight up.
13
00:01:11,221 --> 00:01:17,621
It's solid state of the art
technology, none of your Japanese
or German rubbish.
14
00:01:17,661 --> 00:01:22,501
This is actually made in Albania.
15
00:01:22,541 --> 00:01:29,060
Let me point out the advantages.
It's got multiple pre-sets,
16
00:01:29,101 --> 00:01:35,060
synthesised tuners, digital scan,
auto-reverse, graphic equalisers.
17
00:01:35,101 --> 00:01:40,181
It's got MW, FM, VHF, LCD, RMS,
B&Q, ICI,
18
00:01:40,221 --> 00:01:46,981
and it comes complete with TWO -
not one, two -
quadraphonic speakers.
19
00:01:47,021 --> 00:01:53,541
I'm also giving away FREE,
with this technological miracle,
one Kylie Minogue LP.
20
00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:58,780
Wait a minute - only £10.99...
No, listen...don't walk away.
21
00:01:58,821 --> 00:02:02,301
Tell you what I'll do...
22
00:02:02,341 --> 00:02:07,621
Forget the Kylie Minogue LP, right?
Ten quid, first come first served.
23
00:02:16,621 --> 00:02:20,941
Hello, Albert. Oh, hello, love.
What are you up to?
24
00:02:20,981 --> 00:02:26,301
I am Trotters Independent Traders
executive look-out.
25
00:02:26,341 --> 00:02:31,541
When Rodney went to work for your
dad, I got promotion. Wish I could!
26
00:02:31,581 --> 00:02:36,501
Has the bank given you a new job?
No. I had an interview yesterday.
27
00:02:36,541 --> 00:02:43,501
It's fingers crossed. You'll get
your promotion, Cassandra.
I feel it in my bones.
28
00:02:43,541 --> 00:02:51,901
Make a lovely anniversary present
for you! Talking of presents,
I know what Del's got for you.
29
00:02:51,941 --> 00:02:56,781
But I ain't saying nothin'.
Don't want to spoil the surprise.
30
00:02:56,821 --> 00:03:04,261
Go on, spoil it! A car radio.
A car rad...? I've already got
a radio in my car.
31
00:03:04,301 --> 00:03:09,821
Have yer? It'll do for Rodney then.
Yeah, look good on his bike (!)
32
00:03:09,861 --> 00:03:16,981
Maybe Del's looking to the future.
When you get your new job, you and
Rodney'll be a two-car family.
33
00:03:17,021 --> 00:03:22,821
Be a long time before that!
You've only been married a year.
34
00:03:22,861 --> 00:03:29,901
First two or three are always
a struggle. My wife used to write
and say how tough it was.
35
00:03:29,941 --> 00:03:34,941
She used to write ?! I was at sea.
There was a war on.
36
00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:41,981
Look - I found this at the bottom
of my duffel bag.
Thought I'd lost it.
37
00:03:42,021 --> 00:03:51,661
Uncle Albert, I've only got one hour
for lunch! We sailed in on a Greek
'erring trawler. That was our cover.
38
00:03:51,701 --> 00:03:53,701
Oi!
39
00:03:53,741 --> 00:03:59,821
What is your game?
You're supposed to be on look-out.
You haven't looked at anything.
40
00:03:59,861 --> 00:04:07,141
The massed band of the Metropolitan
Police could march through here
and you wouldn't see nothing!
41
00:04:07,181 --> 00:04:12,301
Cassandra wanted to know where
I won my medal. My fault. Sorry.
42
00:04:12,341 --> 00:04:19,420
I've got some shopping to do. Oh?
For tomorrow's anniversary dinner?
What time d'you want us there?
43
00:04:19,461 --> 00:04:27,421
Rodney said we'd take you and Albert
to a restaurant another day. I know.
That's far too expensive.
44
00:04:27,461 --> 00:04:35,141
Gotta look after the pennies.
It's not so much an anniversary
dinner, it's more business.
45
00:04:35,180 --> 00:04:44,341
I've invited people from the bank.
You'd get bored. No, don't worry
about us. This is your night.
46
00:04:44,381 --> 00:04:48,381
We won't let you down.
You're family now.
47
00:04:48,421 --> 00:04:53,261
Right? Yeah. Eight o'clock OK ?
Lovely jubbly!
48
00:04:53,301 --> 00:04:58,541
BABY CRYING
Hello, Del. Hello, darling. Marlene.
49
00:04:58,581 --> 00:05:04,581
If you want.
Can I look?
But he's a miserable little git.
50
00:05:04,621 --> 00:05:08,661
He's missing his morning nap.
Ain't yer, darling?
51
00:05:09,981 --> 00:05:14,621
SCREAMS
↑
He's probably got wind.
52
00:05:14,661 --> 00:05:21,701
Look at him!
He's a little cracker, in't he?
He reminds me of Boycie.
53
00:05:21,741 --> 00:05:26,301
What, the eyes? No, the wind.
54
00:05:26,341 --> 00:05:33,180
What have you named him?
We've called him...Tiler.
Tiler ?! Nice (!)
55
00:05:33,221 --> 00:05:43,301
If it'd been a girl, they'd 'ave
called it Rufe (Ruth). Rufe Tiler.
Really ?! No! It's only...
56
00:05:43,341 --> 00:05:46,061
What's up wiv you two?
57
00:05:46,101 --> 00:05:50,701
Hello, Albert.
Not another medal, is it?
58
00:05:50,741 --> 00:05:55,221
Yeah. Act of bravery
in the Aegean Sea.
59
00:05:55,261 --> 00:06:03,501
I was on this Greek 'erring trawler
when suddenly, out the darkness,
come a German torpedo bo... Albert.
60
00:06:03,541 --> 00:06:12,461
You've more medals than the Russian
Olympic squad! Didn't ask for 'em.
They kept giving 'em to me.
61
00:06:12,501 --> 00:06:18,501
YELLING
Shut up, Tiler!
Give 'im 'ere!
62
00:06:18,541 --> 00:06:25,421
I'm a natural with kids.
I'm off. Nice to see you.
Ta ta, love.
63
00:06:25,461 --> 00:06:30,501
That Cassandra's a nice girl. Mmm.
Rodney was lucky marrying her.
64
00:06:30,541 --> 00:06:35,541
Yeah. I was lumbered with
the Old Man of the Sea!
65
00:06:35,581 --> 00:06:43,901
Boycie says you're off on a beano
to Margate. The Jolly Boys Outing.
I organise it.
66
00:06:43,941 --> 00:06:52,061
If 'e gets up to anything with
a bird, I hold YOU responsible.
We're only there a couple of hours.
67
00:06:52,101 --> 00:06:58,021
He don't need a couple of hours.
Thirty seconds does 'im!
68
00:06:58,061 --> 00:07:04,141
So there I was on this 'erring
trawler, sailing into the unknown.
69
00:07:04,181 --> 00:07:11,501
It was 2300 hours, and the night
was blacker than a bailiff's 'eart.
70
00:07:11,541 --> 00:07:19,141
Where's Rodney working? With Alan,
Cassandra's dad, at the printing
works. He kept that job ?!
71
00:07:19,181 --> 00:07:24,421
Yeah, and he's doing nicely.
Works in the computer section.
72
00:07:24,461 --> 00:07:31,301
A trainee started last month.
He's showing him the ropes.
Yeah, Rodney will soon pick it up.
73
00:07:31,341 --> 00:07:37,861
No, Rodney's showing the trainee
the ropes! Oh...!
74
00:07:39,781 --> 00:07:45,421
Out the darkness came this German
torpedo boat. Quick as a flash,
75
00:07:45,461 --> 00:07:53,981
without a thought to me own safety,
I swung the wheel to port and sent
the trawler across the Germans' bow.
76
00:07:54,021 --> 00:08:01,221
We were slightly damaged,
but Jerry sunk within a minute.
That's why they gave me this medal.
77
00:08:01,261 --> 00:08:05,381
One day, YOU might win
one of these.
78
00:08:06,821 --> 00:08:11,621
But then again...
hopefully not.
79
00:08:15,581 --> 00:08:20,661
You see, Marlene, Rodney's
in charge of the computer section.
80
00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:23,661
Where would they be without Rodney?
81
00:08:23,701 --> 00:08:24,701
BEEP !
82
00:08:24,741 --> 00:08:25,741
BEEP !
83
00:08:25,781 --> 00:08:26,781
BEEP !
84
00:08:26,821 --> 00:08:27,821
Shit!
85
00:08:30,261 --> 00:08:35,101
That's the second time
I've done that today.
86
00:08:35,141 --> 00:08:39,261
MACHINERY WHIRRING
87
00:08:48,501 --> 00:08:53,781
How's it going, Rodney?
Oh...fine.
88
00:08:53,821 --> 00:09:01,181
Those print-outs ready
for the bank? Shouldn't be long.
You've wiped them off once already.
89
00:09:01,221 --> 00:09:05,701
Oh...no problem.
90
00:09:05,741 --> 00:09:11,941
So, what have you bought Cassandra
for your anniversary? Oh, it's...
91
00:09:12,741 --> 00:09:14,861
..clothing.
92
00:09:14,901 --> 00:09:18,981
Clothing? Lovely.
I'll see it at the dinner.
93
00:09:19,021 --> 00:09:23,061
I don't think you will, Alan.
Why not?
94
00:09:23,101 --> 00:09:25,981
Oh. Oh...(!)
95
00:09:27,981 --> 00:09:32,941
Well, I'm really looking forward
to your anniversary dinner.
96
00:09:32,981 --> 00:09:38,941
So was I, till I found out
she's invited Stephen and Joanne.
Be fair.
97
00:09:38,981 --> 00:09:47,061
Stephen's deputy head of the foreign
investment bureau - Cassie's boss.
She's got to stay on his good side.
98
00:09:47,101 --> 00:09:50,101
I know. But he's such a yuppy!
99
00:09:50,141 --> 00:09:58,061
All that: "Oh, yeah, for sure!
Can I just run this past you?"
Prat!
100
00:09:58,101 --> 00:10:06,061
I can't stand him either, but I'd
rather he was IN the tent spitting
out, than OUTSIDE spitting in!
101
00:10:06,101 --> 00:10:08,661
Understand? Yeah.
102
00:10:08,701 --> 00:10:17,141
Look, if Cassie is lucky enough
to get promotion, one of her duties
will be entertaining at home.
103
00:10:17,181 --> 00:10:24,181
So she's asked Stephen and his wife
to prove that she can throw
a dinner party. I know.
104
00:10:24,221 --> 00:10:31,021
I'm just over-reacting. We'll all
be on our best behaviour for Cassie.
Yeah!
105
00:10:33,861 --> 00:10:35,621
Alan...
106
00:10:36,621 --> 00:10:43,221
I've invited Del and Albert. What?
I had to. They're family.
107
00:10:46,301 --> 00:10:53,781
Well, I don't suppose she'd have
been happy in the new job anyway.
108
00:10:53,821 --> 00:10:57,221
'Scuse me, sir.
109
00:10:57,261 --> 00:10:59,261
Oh! What?
110
00:10:59,301 --> 00:11:03,661
That data you had on your screen,
it's on my one now.
111
00:11:06,781 --> 00:11:10,221
Well, of course it is!
112
00:11:10,261 --> 00:11:16,421
They don't know they're born
do they?
113
00:11:18,501 --> 00:11:21,701
LAUGHTER >
114
00:11:21,741 --> 00:11:26,741
STEPHEN:
It may appear to be slightly
off the wall.
115
00:11:26,781 --> 00:11:31,861
But the word in the City is
Big Bucks-Ville.
What is it?
116
00:11:31,901 --> 00:11:39,781
This is merely my opinion,
↑
Stephen will tell you!
for what it's worth.
117
00:11:39,821 --> 00:11:44,941
Let me run this one past you.
Try and get your heads round this.
118
00:11:44,981 --> 00:11:48,821
I'm talking
long-term investment, ja?
119
00:11:48,861 --> 00:11:57,861
Ja, for sure. Bottom line.
It's "hang in there" time.
The word is...Africa.
120
00:11:57,901 --> 00:12:04,101
Africa! I'll make a note of that
in my Filofax. Got a pen? No.
121
00:12:05,061 --> 00:12:10,661
The two main ladies in my life,
Joanne and...Cassie, know my ideas.
122
00:12:10,701 --> 00:12:16,741
Stephen told me about the projected
growth areas over brunch.
Africa is where it's at.
123
00:12:16,781 --> 00:12:23,301
Recently, Joanne and I spent time
in Afrique-sur-Mer.
124
00:12:23,341 --> 00:12:28,661
Fabrique Belgique.
This is it...
125
00:12:31,861 --> 00:12:38,501
Fruit produce, ja?
We could be talking returns
of left-field proportions.
126
00:12:38,541 --> 00:12:45,581
Take the banana crop. We're into
mega-growth. Can't go wrong.
The bigger the banana, the better.
127
00:12:45,621 --> 00:12:50,501
For sure. Statistically, we...
What ?!
128
00:12:50,541 --> 00:12:55,541
It's easier to sell bigger bananas
than little 'uns!
129
00:12:57,541 --> 00:13:05,381
Del, Stephen means
financial investment,
not the actual size of a banana.
130
00:13:06,701 --> 00:13:10,981
Oh...yeah...
I just wasn't sure.
131
00:13:11,021 --> 00:13:15,861
Coffee, everyone?
Mummy, I was about to do that.
132
00:13:15,901 --> 00:13:19,301
You were talking with Stephen.
133
00:13:19,341 --> 00:13:27,381
Lovely little flat, Cassandra!
Everything's so well co-ordinated.
Rodney's got a GCE in art.
134
00:13:27,421 --> 00:13:31,821
Liqueurs, anyone? Dad?
Scotch, please.
135
00:13:31,861 --> 00:13:35,861
Er...make it a small port, please.
136
00:13:35,901 --> 00:13:39,781
Roddy? Roddy (!)
137
00:13:39,821 --> 00:13:44,221
Albert, she calls him Roddy!
138
00:13:44,261 --> 00:13:52,821
Derek? Brandy, please, Pamela.
Armagnac? Yeah, that'll do
if you're out of brandy.
139
00:13:54,421 --> 00:13:57,381
I'll 'ave a rum, dear. We know!
140
00:13:57,421 --> 00:14:03,501
Same here.
I'll stay with the wine.
Playing baseball tomorrow.
141
00:14:03,541 --> 00:14:12,581
Baseball ? Love it! Always watch it
on Channel 4. You always called it
Silly Boys' Rounders.
142
00:14:12,621 --> 00:14:17,461
Yeah-h...that was before I knew
it was "in".
143
00:14:17,501 --> 00:14:25,261
Nowadays it's the sort of game
guys like me and Stephen enjoy.
How d'you mean? "Me and Stephen"?
144
00:14:25,301 --> 00:14:29,901
Well, you know, yuppies. Yup..?
145
00:14:32,461 --> 00:14:35,941
Derek, I am NOT a yuppy.
146
00:14:35,981 --> 00:14:40,821
You are, Stephen! Guaranteed!
No, no...
147
00:14:40,861 --> 00:14:45,021
Take it from me, son. You are!
148
00:14:45,821 --> 00:14:50,461
OK, give me the chance
to beat you at Trivial Pursuit.
149
00:14:50,501 --> 00:14:58,301
Yeah! Trivial Pursuit, eh?
Brill !
Lovely jubbly!
150
00:15:00,661 --> 00:15:08,141
How d'you play it?
It's all about general knowledge.
You know - a bit intellectual.
151
00:15:08,181 --> 00:15:13,661
Oh, yeah? Yeah, some questions are
difficult. It could be embarrassing.
152
00:15:13,701 --> 00:15:17,821
Don't worry, I'll help you two out.
153
00:15:21,461 --> 00:15:26,101
What part of Africa did you go to?
(Bet he's been there.)
154
00:15:26,141 --> 00:15:31,581
The trip ended at Dar Es Salaam.
I've been there!
155
00:15:31,621 --> 00:15:38,341
This is really boring!
We left Nairobi south to Moshi,
across the Serengeti to Musoma.
156
00:15:38,381 --> 00:15:42,501
Then east to the coast.
(During the war...)
157
00:15:42,541 --> 00:15:52,141
During the war, we pursued a German
battleship through the Zanzibar
Channel, three days and nights.
158
00:15:52,181 --> 00:15:58,061
Did you catch it? Ja, worse luck.
It sunk us. Must give the brochure
to Cassandra.
159
00:15:58,101 --> 00:16:01,941
Ja, for sure.
Try and get your heads round this.
160
00:16:01,981 --> 00:16:10,781
Imagine the sun setting on
Lake Victoria. 100,000 wildebeest
grazing on the Masai Steppe, ja?
161
00:16:10,821 --> 00:16:13,701
Oh, ja! Wonderful !
162
00:16:13,741 --> 00:16:22,541
A misty, sleepy dawn rises
to reveal Kilimanjaro
in all its hypnotic majesty.
163
00:16:22,581 --> 00:16:26,061
↑
Oh, it sounds great!
164
00:16:26,101 --> 00:16:33,821
We're all going on a beano
to Margate next Saturday.
Want to come? Me ?! Sounds great.
165
00:16:33,861 --> 00:16:37,901
But Joanne and I spend
Bank Holidays together.
166
00:16:37,941 --> 00:16:42,461
No, I'm going to Mummy and Daddy's
next Saturday, remember?
167
00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:48,421
↑
Better than being on your own.
I wouldn't know anyone.
168
00:16:48,461 --> 00:16:52,861
'Course you will. Rodney's going.
You're going?
169
00:16:52,901 --> 00:17:01,101
Yeah. It's a tradition, you know.
It's the Jolly Boys Outing.
The what ?!
170
00:17:01,141 --> 00:17:04,860
Jolly Boys Outing. Been for years.
171
00:17:04,901 --> 00:17:10,501
You can't stop Rodney from going,
darling. A day out will do him good.
172
00:17:10,541 --> 00:17:17,981
Yeah. And your dad will be there
to keep an eye on him.
YOU'RE going on this beano ?!
173
00:17:18,021 --> 00:17:21,261
The sea air will do ME good.
174
00:17:21,301 --> 00:17:28,901
You're going to get drunk, aren't
you? And sick on jellied eels.
I'm just going to enjoy myself.
175
00:17:31,421 --> 00:17:36,981
STEPHEN:
Who threw the highest number? Me?
No. Del did.
176
00:17:37,061 --> 00:17:40,061
Roll again. I'll ask the questions.
177
00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:46,181
Is this me here? One, 2, 3, 4...
There we go - four. What now?
Oh, S & N.
178
00:17:46,221 --> 00:17:49,221
S & N ? What's S & N ?
179
00:17:49,261 --> 00:17:53,621
Science & Nature. Right!
180
00:17:54,661 --> 00:17:58,821
Oh, golly! It's so simple!
181
00:18:00,341 --> 00:18:04,741
"What is a female swan called?"
182
00:18:07,421 --> 00:18:10,981
What is a...female swan called?
183
00:18:12,221 --> 00:18:18,381
You don't know ?! I do. But it's
stuck in the back of me brain.
184
00:18:18,421 --> 00:18:21,421
Give us a clue? Three letters.
185
00:18:21,461 --> 00:18:24,341
You're not allowed clues!
186
00:18:24,381 --> 00:18:28,821
All right. F-female swan,
three letters...
187
00:18:28,861 --> 00:18:32,381
Wait a minute... Oh, got it!
188
00:18:32,421 --> 00:18:37,541
It's a Bic!
We're off and running!
189
00:18:46,981 --> 00:18:51,101
MUSIC: "Help" by Bananarama
190
00:18:53,461 --> 00:18:58,141
Never needed anybody's help
in any way,
191
00:18:58,181 --> 00:19:03,741
But now those days are gone,
I'm not so self-assured,
192
00:19:03,781 --> 00:19:08,621
Now I find I've changed my mind,
And opened up the door,
193
00:19:08,661 --> 00:19:13,101
Help me if you can,
I'm feeling down,
194
00:19:13,141 --> 00:19:18,821
And I do appreciate
you being round,
195
00:19:18,861 --> 00:19:23,381
Help me get my feet
back on the ground,
196
00:19:23,421 --> 00:19:29,141
Won't you plee-ease, please,
help me? Help me-e-e! #
197
00:19:29,181 --> 00:19:34,781
Get out, noisy little git!
Supposed to be enjoying yourself.
198
00:19:34,821 --> 00:19:40,901
I 'aven't 'ad my sleep
and I'm starving hungry.
Why did we leave before breakfast?
199
00:19:40,941 --> 00:19:46,901
Don't you read the papers?
The railways are on strike.
So? And it's Bank Holiday.
200
00:19:46,941 --> 00:19:54,821
The roads'll be choc-a-bloc.
That's why we left early.
Now repeat that, so you understand.
201
00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:58,741
I'll give you a clump round the ear
in a minute!
202
00:20:01,141 --> 00:20:10,901
Del, could I get something to eat?
'Course. Denzil's in charge of
sandwiches. I'll get some for you.
203
00:20:10,941 --> 00:20:14,221
Lazy old git!
204
00:20:14,261 --> 00:20:20,261
Gotta give Del his dues.
Did the catering by himself.
Leave off, Jevon!
205
00:20:20,301 --> 00:20:25,021
Del Boy probably got some idiot
to do it for him.
206
00:20:25,061 --> 00:20:28,861
No, I made 'em for 'im.
207
00:20:28,901 --> 00:20:34,341
..I never needed anybody's help
in any way. #
208
00:20:34,381 --> 00:20:43,501
Some bitter to wash it down with?
Denzil, WHAT is your game?
The damage that stuff does to you!
209
00:20:43,541 --> 00:20:50,981
They're antibiotics. What?
Antibiotics. The doctor prescribed
them. And I don't need THAT.
210
00:20:51,021 --> 00:20:57,821
I'm not supposed to drink with 'em.
I've got this infection.
Oh...! HAVE yer ?!
211
00:20:57,861 --> 00:21:05,261
It's in the ear. How d'you get it
there? It's an EAR infection.
Oh-h-h...!
212
00:21:05,301 --> 00:21:10,661
Del, don't tell the others. These
days, people get the wrong idea.
213
00:21:10,701 --> 00:21:17,541
Don't be silly, Denzil.
'Course I won't.
It's an ear infection, that's all.
214
00:21:17,581 --> 00:21:22,461
You don't 'ave to prove yourself
to me! I'm your mate! Cheers! OK.
215
00:21:22,501 --> 00:21:30,181
By the way, there's been a change
in plan. You're no longer
in charge of the sandwiches.
216
00:21:30,221 --> 00:21:35,341
Michael, your luck's changed.
You're in charge of the grub.
217
00:21:35,381 --> 00:21:41,621
Oi! I want a word. What is it, Sid?
I own the cafe, right? So what?
218
00:21:41,661 --> 00:21:51,381
So why didn't you ask me to make
the sandwiches? The explanation is
simple. We intend to eat them. Oh!
219
00:21:55,101 --> 00:22:00,661
Only ten minutes to half way.
Then the serious stuff begins!
220
00:22:00,701 --> 00:22:04,341
CHEERING
221
00:22:04,381 --> 00:22:08,181
Make those lagers long and cool !
222
00:22:08,221 --> 00:22:13,621
Yeah! Look out, Margate,
and lock up your daughters!
223
00:22:17,501 --> 00:22:22,021
All right, Alan?
Yeah, I'm all right, son.
224
00:22:25,021 --> 00:22:30,261
There you are. Salad.
Cheers.
Cheese for you, Ted.
225
00:22:30,301 --> 00:22:33,381
There you go, Denzil.
226
00:22:36,061 --> 00:22:41,061
Where is he?
You promised not to say anything!
227
00:22:41,101 --> 00:22:45,581
It just sort of slipped out.
228
00:22:45,621 --> 00:22:47,701
Unclean!
229
00:22:47,741 --> 00:22:52,421
ALL CHANTING:
Unclean!
230
00:23:05,301 --> 00:23:10,541
Hey, Del, there's the half-way
house. Yeah! Lovely jubbly!
231
00:23:12,501 --> 00:23:18,981
Motorway sun comin' up
# 3, 5, 7, 9, on a little white line
with the mornin' light.
232
00:23:19,021 --> 00:23:25,901
Whizz kid sitting pretty
on your two wheels stallion
233
00:23:25,941 --> 00:23:33,301
Ain't no use settin' up
with a bad companion...#
234
00:23:40,581 --> 00:23:44,901
Seen Del Boy around?
Why, what's up?
235
00:23:44,941 --> 00:23:51,541
Old Harry's had too much to drink.
He's fallen over twice.
Now he's juggling pickled eggs.
236
00:23:51,581 --> 00:23:58,781
Del organised this, so it's his
What's that to do with Del ?
responsibility. I'll try next door.
237
00:24:00,501 --> 00:24:06,901
Don't believe it! Eddie Chambers.
Mike! It is you, innit?
I heard you emigrated.
238
00:24:06,941 --> 00:24:10,501
Yeah. Had a pub
on the Isle of Wight.
239
00:24:10,541 --> 00:24:17,021
Yeah, got a lovely place
You still in the trade?
in Peckham. There's two regulars.
240
00:24:20,421 --> 00:24:26,461
You around for a while, Eddie?
Half an hour.
I'll catch up with you later.
241
00:24:26,501 --> 00:24:28,381
Yeah.
242
00:24:28,421 --> 00:24:36,861
Panic over the slightest thing
these days. Wouldn't have done
in the war, Sid. Wouldn't know.
243
00:24:36,901 --> 00:24:40,901
I spent most of it
in a German POW camp.
244
00:24:40,941 --> 00:24:47,981
Got captured on this island, Siros,
in the Dodecanese, off the Greek
coast. No chance of escape?
245
00:24:48,021 --> 00:24:56,141
A few of us tried it. Got down to
the harbour, attacked some Germans
and nicked their boat. Fast bugger!
246
00:24:56,181 --> 00:25:04,381
We'd almost made it to the open sea,
and this poxy Greek fishing trawler
cut right across our path!
247
00:25:07,061 --> 00:25:15,901
Got fished out by the Germans
and spent the war in a stalag.
Fancy another, Sid? Why not?
248
00:25:20,981 --> 00:25:26,661
Ah! There you are, Del !
Got a bit of a problem. What?
249
00:25:26,701 --> 00:25:33,741
We've gotta stop meeting
like this, Michael (!)
Eddie Chambers, Del Trotter.
250
00:25:33,781 --> 00:25:38,101
Nice to meet you, Del.
And you, Eddie.
251
00:25:38,741 --> 00:25:44,661
Eddie and I used to be rivals
in the East End.
We had pubs almost opposite.
252
00:25:44,701 --> 00:25:49,661
You're joking!
Mine was better.
Del knows how I run a pub.
253
00:25:49,701 --> 00:25:56,221
Yeah, his MUST've been better, Mike.
Thanks (!)
Still doing it, Eddie?
254
00:25:56,261 --> 00:26:02,781
No, got out the pub game years ago.
Own a club in Margate,
the Mardi Gras.
255
00:26:02,821 --> 00:26:11,461
Decent meal, resident cabaret,
magic act, good comedian.
What more d'you want for a fiver?
256
00:26:11,501 --> 00:26:18,701
Sounds fair enough to me, Eddie.
We're on a beano to Margate.
I've just had an idea.
257
00:26:18,741 --> 00:26:23,701
Why not give us some complimentary
tickets, to get the ball rolling?
258
00:26:23,741 --> 00:26:30,341
We'll bring the rest of the coach
party down to pay at the door.
I'll have some of that!
259
00:26:30,381 --> 00:26:38,541
A few to you...a few to you, Del.
You know it makes sense. See you
later, then. Yeah. Good luck!
260
00:26:40,901 --> 00:26:47,381
Why do we want free tickets
to a nightclub?
Gotta be out of Margate by seven.
261
00:26:47,421 --> 00:26:55,221
Thank you! Use your brains, Michael.
We'll flog 'em to holidaymakers,
make a few bob.
262
00:26:55,261 --> 00:27:01,541
No, yuppies never switch off,
Don't you ever stop ?!
Michael. It's all or nothing.
263
00:27:01,581 --> 00:27:06,341
What's this problem? You'd better
look at old Harry. Eh?
264
00:27:11,821 --> 00:27:17,661
Oh!
Careful ! Come on, you lot.
You'll be all right, Harry.
265
00:27:17,701 --> 00:27:23,781
Look at the state of him!
And it's only eleven o'clock.
266
00:27:23,821 --> 00:27:30,181
This is good news, innit (?)
Chuck 'im on the back seat,
let 'im sleep.
267
00:27:30,221 --> 00:27:36,861
Chuck 'im on the back seat?
He's the driver.
Bloody 'ell !
268
00:27:36,901 --> 00:27:42,341
What we gonna do now? Don't know
yet. There's bound to be a way out.
269
00:27:42,381 --> 00:27:50,621
There's always a way! 'Ere,
young Denzil's a lorry driver.
He could handle that coach.
270
00:27:50,661 --> 00:27:57,821
No, he's got a Heavy Goods licence.
He'd need a Public Service licence.
He's got one an' all.
271
00:27:57,861 --> 00:28:00,941
That's it, then! We're saved!
272
00:28:00,981 --> 00:28:06,141
Oi, Denzil! This is your lucky day!
No! What d'you mean, no?
273
00:28:06,181 --> 00:28:10,181
I'm not driving that coach.
It's my day off.
274
00:28:10,221 --> 00:28:16,461
If you don't, we'll have to wait
here till Harry sobers up.
That could take a fortnight.
275
00:28:16,501 --> 00:28:21,541
Sid can drive it.
Love to, but I've been drinking.
276
00:28:21,581 --> 00:28:27,621
So have I. No, you're not allowed
to drink. You're on antibiotics
for your disease.
277
00:28:27,661 --> 00:28:31,261
NOT a disease, an ear infection.
278
00:28:31,301 --> 00:28:34,181
ARGUING CONTINUES
279
00:28:36,141 --> 00:28:39,181
Get your left foot up.
280
00:28:42,141 --> 00:28:48,301
What d'you think's wrong with him?
What do I think...?
Snow-blindness is my bet.
281
00:28:48,341 --> 00:28:53,461
Yeah? I thought he was pissed.
282
00:28:53,501 --> 00:28:56,581
PANDEMONIUM REIGNS >
283
00:28:59,421 --> 00:29:07,501
All right! I'll drive it on one
condition - Harry drives it home.
Good boy, Denzil !
284
00:29:07,541 --> 00:29:13,261
Good lad! Go on! Come on, you lot,
let's get aboard. Oi, you three!
285
00:29:13,301 --> 00:29:21,301
Get on the coach.
Rodney, give me that ball !
Ruud Gullit - nowhere!
286
00:29:21,341 --> 00:29:23,061
Excuse me...
287
00:29:29,261 --> 00:29:34,101
'Ere, what 'appened?
YOU are under arrest.
288
00:29:34,141 --> 00:29:41,901
I couldn't help it. He's right,
officer. He just threw the ball
back to me like that.
289
00:29:42,821 --> 00:29:49,421
You've had too much to drink, son.
In the car! I just threw the ball
back at him.
290
00:29:49,461 --> 00:29:52,701
Tell me about it at the station.
291
00:30:00,341 --> 00:30:06,981
What's Cassandra going to say?
She doesn't need to know.
The summons will arrive.
292
00:30:07,021 --> 00:30:15,261
What summons? They're not carrying
on with the case. I've just been
charged. The ball is Exhibit A.
293
00:30:15,301 --> 00:30:20,381
But they reckon they'll let you off
with a warning.
294
00:30:20,421 --> 00:30:26,941
But say they don't?
I think you're in the clear.
Come on, let's get on the coach.
295
00:30:26,981 --> 00:30:32,101
Eh? All right. That's the spirit.
You know it makes sense.
296
00:30:32,141 --> 00:30:36,141
Right, Denzil ! Full ahead!
We're off to Margate.
297
00:30:43,981 --> 00:30:48,381
Everybody's talkin' at me,
298
00:30:48,421 --> 00:30:52,701
I don't hear a word
they're sayin',
299
00:30:52,741 --> 00:30:57,541
Only the echoes of my mind.
300
00:31:00,661 --> 00:31:05,221
People stop and stare,
301
00:31:05,261 --> 00:31:08,341
# I can't see their faces,
302
00:31:08,381 --> 00:31:13,461
# Only the shadows of their eyes.
303
00:31:15,461 --> 00:31:21,221
# I'm goin' where the sun
keeps shinin',
through the pourin' rain,
304
00:31:23,021 --> 00:31:29,261
# Goin' where the weather
suits my clo-o-othes,
305
00:31:30,221 --> 00:31:34,541
# Backin' off of the north-east
winds,
306
00:31:34,581 --> 00:31:38,741
# Sailin' on a summer breeze,
307
00:31:38,781 --> 00:31:44,821
# Skippin' over the ocean
like a sto-o-one.
308
00:32:00,941 --> 00:32:08,981
# I'm goin' where the sun
keeps shinin',
through the pourin' rain,
309
00:32:09,021 --> 00:32:15,501
# Goin' where the weather
suits my clo-o-othes,
310
00:32:16,541 --> 00:32:21,181
# Backin' off of the north-east
winds,
311
00:32:21,221 --> 00:32:24,101
# Sailin' on a summer breeze,
312
00:32:24,141 --> 00:32:29,661
# And skippin' over the ocean
like a sto-o-one.
313
00:32:32,821 --> 00:32:35,861
# Everybody's talkin' at me,
314
00:32:35,901 --> 00:32:40,021
# Can't hear a word they're sayin',
315
00:32:40,061 --> 00:32:45,341
# Only the echoes of my mi-i-ind.
316
00:32:46,661 --> 00:32:53,861
# I won't let you leave my love
behi-i-ind,
317
00:32:54,861 --> 00:33:02,341
# No, I won't let you lee-ee-eave...
318
00:33:02,381 --> 00:33:08,741
# A-a-a-a-ah-h-h...
319
00:33:10,061 --> 00:33:15,101
# I won't let you leave my love
behind! #
320
00:33:15,141 --> 00:33:17,821
SEAGULLS CRY
321
00:33:19,621 --> 00:33:21,741
Oof!
322
00:33:21,781 --> 00:33:24,901
Well, the coach leaves in an hour.
323
00:33:25,861 --> 00:33:32,181
Hasn't been a bad old day!
No! It's been all right, bruv.
It's been all right.
324
00:33:32,221 --> 00:33:35,341
I've really enjoyed meself.
325
00:33:35,381 --> 00:33:42,061
I'm feeling a bit cream-crackered
now, though. Might have a touch
of that yuppy 'flu. Yeah?
326
00:33:42,101 --> 00:33:49,221
Couldn't have something to do
with the lobster vindaloo
and 14 pina coladas, could it (?)
327
00:33:49,261 --> 00:33:52,421
Might 'ave slowed me down a bit.
328
00:33:57,861 --> 00:34:03,101
Went down the cemetery yesterday.
Put some flowers on Mum's grave.
329
00:34:05,061 --> 00:34:14,021
I ain't been there lately. Always
something to do. She understands.
She knows you think about her. I do.
330
00:34:14,061 --> 00:34:19,621
I just...you know...I just
sat there, chatting an' that.
331
00:34:19,660 --> 00:34:24,461
Just lettin' her know
what's been happening.
332
00:34:24,501 --> 00:34:27,660
I bet she was well pleased!
333
00:34:27,700 --> 00:34:32,901
You know, your Cassandra,
she reminds me a bit of Mum.
334
00:34:34,220 --> 00:34:39,781
Oh, good (!) She's got drive.
That's one thing Mum had - drive.
335
00:34:39,821 --> 00:34:44,180
DRILY:
Yeah. Cassandra's very ambitious.
336
00:34:46,141 --> 00:34:49,301
That's good, innit? Mmm.
337
00:34:51,341 --> 00:34:56,700
Nothing gets in the way of HER
career. No doubt about that!
338
00:34:56,740 --> 00:34:59,861
You must be well pleased. Yeah.
339
00:35:00,981 --> 00:35:03,861
She's an achiever.
340
00:35:03,901 --> 00:35:05,861
Yeah.
341
00:35:05,901 --> 00:35:09,901
Bit like me, in many ways.
Suppose so.
342
00:35:09,941 --> 00:35:12,941
I've always been an achiever.
343
00:35:12,981 --> 00:35:18,301
Never achieved nothing, but
I've always been in with a shout.
344
00:35:18,341 --> 00:35:27,461
This reminds me of the time that
me and Jumbo Mills set up a seafood
stall outside the Nag's Head.
345
00:35:28,461 --> 00:35:33,341
"Eels on Wheels" we called it.
346
00:35:33,381 --> 00:35:42,301
We was gonna build empires!
Every pub in London was gonna have
a stall called "Eels on Wheels".
347
00:35:43,621 --> 00:35:48,741
Know what I said to him? (This time
next year we'll be millionaires.)
348
00:35:48,781 --> 00:35:53,141
This time next year
we'll be millionaires.
349
00:35:53,181 --> 00:35:57,861
And we could 'ave been, Rodney.
Could 'ave been.
350
00:35:58,501 --> 00:36:02,981
Know what killed off
"Eels on Wheels"? Television.
351
00:36:03,021 --> 00:36:08,701
The Cook Report? No, no, no.
When television humanised fish.
352
00:36:08,741 --> 00:36:14,021
What you goin' on about ?!
They started to make fish human.
353
00:36:14,061 --> 00:36:19,061
First, there was that shark thing,
Flipper. Had more GCEs than you.
354
00:36:19,101 --> 00:36:27,221
Then there was Squiddly Diddly,
the octopus. Used to play the drums.
Then there was Michael Fish.
355
00:36:27,261 --> 00:36:32,861
That put you out of business?
It's true! I'm tellin' yer.
356
00:36:32,901 --> 00:36:41,421
Kids refused to eat home-made fish
fingers in case they were related
to The Man From Atlantis!
357
00:36:45,261 --> 00:36:51,781
That report from the Council Health
Inspector didn't help none either,
I suppose.
358
00:36:54,061 --> 00:36:57,181
I could've made it, though, bruv.
359
00:36:58,661 --> 00:37:01,301
I could 'ave.
360
00:37:01,341 --> 00:37:04,501
You will, Del. You will !
361
00:37:08,701 --> 00:37:13,621
Never stop believing, eh, bruv?
Never - stop - believing!
362
00:37:18,341 --> 00:37:21,621
Come on, Andy, time to go home.
363
00:37:44,221 --> 00:37:50,981
Are we all here now, Del ?
Just waiting for Rodney.
He's reporting in to headquarters.
364
00:37:53,101 --> 00:37:59,141
Hello, Cass? It's me. Roddy!
I've been waiting for your call
all day. Have yer?
365
00:37:59,181 --> 00:38:04,941
So, how are you? We're fine.
We're off in a couple of minutes.
366
00:38:11,821 --> 00:38:13,181
'Ere...
367
00:38:13,221 --> 00:38:22,221
You won't tell my guv'nor what
'appened, Del ? I'd get the bullet.
What d'you think I am?
368
00:38:22,261 --> 00:38:27,261
I 'ad one glass of lemonade
in that pub. I dunno what 'appened.
369
00:38:27,301 --> 00:38:32,541
I felt strange, as if I'd been
overcome by fumes or something.
370
00:38:33,621 --> 00:38:38,341
Whatever it was, it was lucky
we 'ad Denzil about, eh?
371
00:38:38,381 --> 00:38:45,301
He's a good bloke! Good bloke?
He's one of the best,
one of the VERY best!
372
00:38:45,341 --> 00:38:50,141
DEL ! What does that dipstick
want now ?!
373
00:38:50,181 --> 00:38:57,701
You must've pressed the wrong
Smoke coming from the radio.
button. Oh...I'll sort it out.
374
00:38:57,741 --> 00:39:05,261
So, how's your day been? The usual.
Stephen phoned this morning. Did he?
375
00:39:05,301 --> 00:39:11,381
Yeah, he found that holiday brochure
he told us about.
Mummy called about lunch.
376
00:39:11,421 --> 00:39:20,341
Then Kent Police Constabulary phoned
to confirm that you lived at this
address. That was nice of them (!)
377
00:39:21,021 --> 00:39:26,301
It's not supposed to do that! No.
Well, it wasn't in the brochure.
378
00:39:26,341 --> 00:39:27,901
Boycie!
379
00:39:27,941 --> 00:39:32,781
Come here a minute.
What is it?
380
00:39:32,821 --> 00:39:39,141
Look, Del said, "Give me the ball."
I might have guessed Del would be
behind it!
381
00:39:39,181 --> 00:39:46,541
He didn't mean to get me into
trouble. He never does, does he?
But you're always at the sticky end.
382
00:39:46,581 --> 00:39:49,381
Not every time!
383
00:39:50,821 --> 00:39:56,821
What're we supposed to do?
Switch off. The main
petrol line is under there.
384
00:39:56,861 --> 00:39:59,181
Blimey!
385
00:39:59,221 --> 00:40:05,901
Oi! Gordon Bennett!
Gotta do something!
Get water! Good idea! Water!
386
00:40:05,941 --> 00:40:12,421
Ain't there a fire distinguisher?
Abandon ship! Get off!
387
00:40:12,461 --> 00:40:19,301
What about that time he entered
your painting in a competition,
and you won the under-15 category?
388
00:40:19,341 --> 00:40:26,301
Yes, I recollect it, but...
I had to spend a week posing
as your common-law stepmother!
389
00:40:26,341 --> 00:40:29,421
Come on, everybody! Look lively!
390
00:40:29,461 --> 00:40:33,541
All right. I agree that Del gets
a bit out of hand.
391
00:40:33,581 --> 00:40:38,581
But it's unfair to say that
everything he touches goes wrong.
392
00:40:48,981 --> 00:40:52,461
Cass, you still there?
393
00:40:52,501 --> 00:40:57,141
Our coach has just blown up.
394
00:40:58,501 --> 00:41:02,101
Don't worry,
I won't tell your guv'nor.
395
00:41:02,141 --> 00:41:05,181
SIREN
396
00:41:18,221 --> 00:41:21,181
I don't believe it!
397
00:41:21,221 --> 00:41:25,181
There's a bloody rail strike!
398
00:41:25,221 --> 00:41:29,861
My son's being christened in 3 weeks.
My caff...
The pub...
399
00:41:29,901 --> 00:41:34,741
I'm meeting a bird.
I've lost my dolphin.
SHUT UP !
400
00:41:34,781 --> 00:41:41,261
There's a Green Line bus stop
over there.
Good idea, Denzil !
401
00:41:47,541 --> 00:41:55,061
There you are - the next bus
to London is at 20.00 hours.
What's that mean, Rodney?
402
00:41:55,101 --> 00:42:00,981
Eight o'clock. We've got
a half-hour wait. Not too bad.
403
00:42:01,021 --> 00:42:08,741
Wait a minute. That's the normal
schedule. Look - Bank Holidays:
last bus 19.20. Ten minutes ago.
404
00:42:08,781 --> 00:42:14,141
So when's the next one?
Tomorrow morning.
Wonderful (!)
405
00:42:14,181 --> 00:42:18,981
We could hitch-hike.
27 of us ?!
Oh, yeah...
406
00:42:19,021 --> 00:42:26,181
Once, just after the war...
Don't start! We've 'ad enough
of your stupid stories.
407
00:42:26,221 --> 00:42:33,381
Watch it! He's a war hero.
He's got a right to speak.
I fought for free speech. Shut up!
408
00:42:33,421 --> 00:42:40,581
Why does he say such stupid things?
The back of my 'and will have
a word with your ear-'ole.
409
00:42:40,621 --> 00:42:46,861
Let's 'ave a punch-up!
That'll put the cherry on the cake!
It's my last time with YOU !
410
00:42:46,901 --> 00:42:49,701
It's the last time I'll invite YOU.
411
00:42:49,741 --> 00:42:55,781
Calm down, calm down!
You get nowhere arguing.
Let's look at the facts.
412
00:42:55,821 --> 00:43:03,101
We've got Hobson's Choice.
Can't get a train. Bus has gone.
Our own vehicle is out of action.
413
00:43:03,141 --> 00:43:08,181
A replacement vehicle is coming
tomorrow at 9 am. There you have it.
414
00:43:08,221 --> 00:43:17,261
We'll have to spend the night here.
So what are you saying?
Hotel, B & B. It's only one night.
415
00:43:17,301 --> 00:43:22,541
You're forgetting it's Bank Holiday.
This town is full of holidaymakers.
416
00:43:22,581 --> 00:43:26,141
Bound to be a couple of rooms vacant.
417
00:43:26,181 --> 00:43:29,581
↑
Yes, but there's 27 of us!
418
00:43:34,021 --> 00:43:44,101
Er...me and Mickey are takin'
a walk on the sea-front.
Yeah...we'll stretch our legs.
419
00:43:44,141 --> 00:43:48,981
I fancy taking the night air.
How about you, Michael ?
420
00:44:19,861 --> 00:44:28,381
We've been down this road already.
We've been every bloody where,
further than the Jarrow marchers.
421
00:44:28,421 --> 00:44:34,501
They were out of work and starving,
but I bet they didn't moan
like you!
422
00:44:34,541 --> 00:44:36,821
Hey, look!
423
00:44:38,461 --> 00:44:41,901
Come on! Lovely jubbly!
424
00:44:45,821 --> 00:44:50,101
Just wait here, please. Thank you.
Mrs Baker?
425
00:44:50,141 --> 00:44:56,221
Smell that? Roast potatoes, innit?
Yeah...and gravy.
426
00:44:56,261 --> 00:45:03,941
Steak and kidney pie!
We've fallen on our feet.
I'm starving! So am I.
427
00:45:03,981 --> 00:45:11,181
Ain't 'e a beautiful cat?
And 'e likes me.
Probably in love with that beard.
428
00:45:11,221 --> 00:45:14,301
Oh... Good evening. Good evening.
429
00:45:14,341 --> 00:45:21,021
Look, we'd like a room for tonight.
Chuck in an evening meal,
bit of brekker?
430
00:45:21,061 --> 00:45:25,341
What a shame!
I let the last room an hour ago.
431
00:45:25,381 --> 00:45:32,381
Your sign says "Vacancies".
Is the sign still there?
That silly girl !
432
00:45:32,421 --> 00:45:36,621
I've TOLD her to take it down.
Excuse me.
433
00:45:36,661 --> 00:45:44,701
Helen, you forgot to take the sign
out of the window.
Sorry! I'll see to it.
434
00:45:47,381 --> 00:45:55,261
I am sorry, gentlemen! Couldn't we
kip down in your front room?
The landing? The airing-cupboard?
435
00:45:55,301 --> 00:46:01,301
It's the regulations, you see.
Is there anywhere we can get
a room?
436
00:46:01,341 --> 00:46:04,461
It's Bank Holiday, you see.
437
00:46:04,501 --> 00:46:10,421
This rail strike doesn't make things
better. You could try...
No, maybe not.
438
00:46:10,461 --> 00:46:19,581
Where? You could try Mrs Creswell.
She's at the Villa Bella, across
the square. She ALWAYS has vacancies.
439
00:46:19,621 --> 00:46:24,341
Thank you. We'll knock 'er up then.
Thanks very much.
440
00:46:24,381 --> 00:46:28,261
FAMILIAR LAUGHTER >
441
00:46:29,101 --> 00:46:34,901
Whoosh! Up it went!
Did you see Del Boy's face?
442
00:46:34,941 --> 00:46:37,781
Wish I had my video camera!
443
00:46:37,821 --> 00:46:45,661
Look who's 'ere! The Coach-busters.
Are you staying here as well ?
No, we're not.
444
00:46:45,701 --> 00:46:48,581
That's a shame. You'd like it here.
445
00:46:48,621 --> 00:46:54,821
We've had a lovely hot bath.
Nice room.
Food's great. You'd like it.
446
00:46:54,861 --> 00:47:00,261
We don't care. We've got somewhere
better to go. That's right.
447
00:47:00,301 --> 00:47:03,141
You're not going to Villa Bella ?!
448
00:47:03,181 --> 00:47:08,541
Em...no, we're not, no. No, no.
We're going down the...
449
00:47:09,581 --> 00:47:12,581
It's a secret. Yeah.
450
00:47:12,621 --> 00:47:17,941
I was beginning to feel guilty,
'cos it's so nice here!
451
00:47:18,741 --> 00:47:21,981
How's your disease, Denzil ?
452
00:47:24,341 --> 00:47:28,261
I have not got a disease!
It's an ear infection.
453
00:47:28,301 --> 00:47:36,661
Mrs Baker, make sure he takes
his tablets. The doctors SAID
it wasn't contagious.
454
00:47:36,701 --> 00:47:42,021
At least, they HOPED it wasn't.
Bon appetit, gits!
455
00:47:47,101 --> 00:47:49,501
Ge-e-ertchyer!
456
00:47:55,541 --> 00:47:58,981
There it is. Look! Villa Bella.
457
00:48:06,101 --> 00:48:09,661
THUNDER CRASHES
458
00:48:11,941 --> 00:48:18,381
Well...it don't look too bad.
Not too bad ?! Look at it!
459
00:48:18,421 --> 00:48:23,701
It looks like
the Munsters' weekend place.
460
00:48:23,741 --> 00:48:30,341
Let's find somewhere else.
Oh, Rodney, where ?!
We've been everywhere in the town.
461
00:48:30,381 --> 00:48:35,341
It's gonna chuck it down any minute
and we'll get soaked and frozen.
462
00:48:35,381 --> 00:48:41,981
This is our last chance.
You never know,
it might be rather nice inside.
463
00:48:42,021 --> 00:48:47,461
Well, I'm game. That's the spirit!
See? He who dares, wins.
464
00:48:47,501 --> 00:48:50,341
Go on! Go and ring the bell.
465
00:48:50,381 --> 00:48:53,061
Ring the bell ! Hurry up!
466
00:48:57,941 --> 00:49:00,821
GONG-LIKE BELL
467
00:49:06,541 --> 00:49:10,941
FOOTSTEPS ON BARE BOARDS
468
00:49:10,981 --> 00:49:13,861
DOOR CREAKS
469
00:49:13,901 --> 00:49:15,941
Yes?
470
00:49:20,301 --> 00:49:24,581
Are you Mrs Creswell ? Yes.
471
00:49:24,621 --> 00:49:30,621
The lady down the road, Mrs Baker,
said you might have
a room for the night.
472
00:49:30,661 --> 00:49:32,781
Come in.
473
00:49:35,461 --> 00:49:39,741
PEAL OF THUNDER
474
00:49:45,541 --> 00:49:48,821
DOOR SLAMS
475
00:49:48,861 --> 00:49:55,101
Are you Bella? No.
Bella died ten years ago.
476
00:49:55,141 --> 00:49:59,221
I 'ope they buried her!
THUNDER
477
00:50:01,421 --> 00:50:09,941
It's cold, innit?
That's the weather. Is it?
I dunno. I'm a stranger here.
478
00:50:09,981 --> 00:50:17,381
I've got a three-bedded room vacant.
It's £10 a night each, including
traditional English breakfast.
479
00:50:17,421 --> 00:50:24,061
Just the ticket, Mrs Creswell.
That's £30 in advance. Sign the book.
480
00:50:24,101 --> 00:50:28,141
Inga, show these gentlemen
up to the Blue Room.
481
00:50:28,181 --> 00:50:33,261
I'm serving dinner.
I only have one pair of hands.
Well, after dinner!
482
00:50:33,301 --> 00:50:39,261
Do everything
your bloody self here!
483
00:50:39,301 --> 00:50:44,421
I'm training her.
She's coming on a bundle (!)
484
00:50:44,901 --> 00:50:50,221
The front door is locked at 11 pm
and not opened again till 9 am.
485
00:50:50,261 --> 00:50:52,781
Yes, well...
486
00:50:55,941 --> 00:50:58,941
Come on, it's up here.
487
00:51:00,741 --> 00:51:03,501
Come on!
488
00:51:03,541 --> 00:51:05,541
Go on!
489
00:51:26,381 --> 00:51:30,781
Move over a bit!
You've got most of the bed.
490
00:51:30,821 --> 00:51:37,341
You're pulling the covers off me!
Leave it out, you two!
You gonna keep this up all night?
491
00:51:37,381 --> 00:51:44,421
Tell him to stop pulling the covers
off me. Rodney, stop pulling
the covers off Albert!
492
00:51:44,461 --> 00:51:49,421
Tell him to stay on his own side!
Albert, stay on your own side!
493
00:51:49,461 --> 00:51:55,541
It's like spending a long weekend
with Zippy and Bungle!
494
00:51:58,141 --> 00:52:02,341
Gawd knows what Cassandra would say
if she was here!
495
00:52:02,381 --> 00:52:08,381
She'd probably say,
"Roddy, what's your uncle doing
in bed with us ?!"
496
00:52:09,861 --> 00:52:15,901
This happens to be my first night
away from Cassandra
for a whole year!
497
00:52:15,941 --> 00:52:18,981
I bet she ain't half glad!
498
00:52:21,861 --> 00:52:27,941
What's that supposed to mean ?!
Is this how you carry on with HER ?
Of course not.
499
00:52:27,981 --> 00:52:30,781
So why give ME all this aggro?
500
00:52:30,821 --> 00:52:38,421
There's a difference between
sleeping with Cassandra
and kipping with YOU ! Like what?
501
00:52:38,461 --> 00:52:46,501
Like...! All right.
Like...she smells nice.
Like...she wears...things...
502
00:52:46,541 --> 00:52:49,981
Oi-oi! Whoa back, whoa back!
503
00:52:50,021 --> 00:52:55,021
And like...she hasn't got a dopey
white beard that tickles me!
504
00:52:55,061 --> 00:52:58,941
THUMPING ON WALL
See? You've woken somebody up now.
505
00:53:01,701 --> 00:53:11,061
Rodney, it's only quarter past ten.
Let's whip down the Mardi Gras for
a coupla jars, scampi supper, eh?
506
00:53:12,541 --> 00:53:19,461
No-o... Look, I promised Cassandra
I wouldn't go out, and I intend
to keep that promise.
507
00:53:25,461 --> 00:53:28,541
You reckon she believed yer?
508
00:53:29,461 --> 00:53:34,501
About what? When you said
you wouldn't go out on the town.
509
00:53:34,541 --> 00:53:39,421
Of course she believed me! Why?
Nothing.
510
00:53:41,141 --> 00:53:49,341
Uncle, you're not suggesting
that Cassandra would go out
on the razzle as well, are you?
511
00:53:53,341 --> 00:53:59,901
You mean, what's good for the goose
is good for the gander? Yeah.
No. Oh!
512
00:54:01,461 --> 00:54:09,821
Cassandra wouldn't have gone out.
How d'you know that?
Because I haven't gone out.
513
00:54:09,861 --> 00:54:17,701
But how does SHE know that?
Because...she just does, right?
Our marriage is based on trust.
514
00:54:17,741 --> 00:54:24,221
Yeah, he's right. Cassandra
wouldn't go out enjoying herself.
Thank you (!)
515
00:54:24,261 --> 00:54:30,341
She wouldn't have to.
She's got the flat to herself.
516
00:54:30,381 --> 00:54:38,981
So what? Nothing. I just meant,
if she felt a bit...lonely,
she could invite someone round.
517
00:54:39,021 --> 00:54:46,501
Like that couple at your
anniversary, Stephen and his wife.
What's wrong with that?
518
00:54:46,541 --> 00:54:49,701
Nothing! Nice company for her.
519
00:54:49,741 --> 00:54:54,941
She seemed to get on well
with that Stephen. Oh-h-h...!
520
00:54:54,981 --> 00:55:01,021
Of course they get on well !
They work together at the bank.
He is a colleague.
521
00:55:01,061 --> 00:55:05,781
In fact, more than a colleague.
He's on top...
522
00:55:05,821 --> 00:55:08,981
He's her immediate superior.
523
00:55:17,301 --> 00:55:25,541
No, she can't have them two round
'cos Stephen's wife's away for
the weekend, remember? Oh, yeah-h.
524
00:55:29,541 --> 00:55:36,621
If that Stephen's been in my flat,
I'll kill him! What put THAT idea
in your head?
525
00:55:36,661 --> 00:55:40,261
Dunno. It's been bugging me.
526
00:55:40,301 --> 00:55:45,701
What d'you want to do? Pop out
for a drink and talk about it?
527
00:55:45,741 --> 00:55:52,221
Yeah. Might make you feel better,
Rodney. Well, I suppose
I could m...
528
00:55:53,141 --> 00:55:58,021
This is a conspiracy, innit?
You two are in league.
529
00:55:58,061 --> 00:56:04,701
YOU want me to go to the nightclub,
and YOU want the bed to yourself!
It ain't gonna work.
530
00:56:04,741 --> 00:56:08,301
I promised Cassandra I'd NOT go out.
531
00:56:08,341 --> 00:56:13,141
All right, keep yer 'air on!
We didn't mean any harm.
532
00:56:13,181 --> 00:56:17,821
All right. Well, shut up
and let's get some sleep.
533
00:56:20,461 --> 00:56:25,461
Could do with an extra blanket.
Ain't 'alf freezing in here.
534
00:56:25,501 --> 00:56:32,461
It is a bit cold, innit? Cold?
You bits of kids don't know
the meaning of the word.
535
00:56:32,501 --> 00:56:39,781
You should've been on the Russian
convoys. One night it was so cold,
the flame on my lighter froze.
536
00:56:42,901 --> 00:56:46,701
Come on, then, just one light ale.
537
00:56:46,741 --> 00:56:49,781
# Don't go changing,
538
00:56:49,821 --> 00:56:53,541
# Try to please me,
539
00:56:53,581 --> 00:56:57,421
# You never let me down before,
540
00:56:58,061 --> 00:56:59,981
# Mmm-mm-mmh...
541
00:57:00,021 --> 00:57:02,901
# Don't imagine... #
542
00:57:03,861 --> 00:57:10,701
Blinding bit of scampi, innit?
Fresh an' all. Straight out the sea
into yer basket.
543
00:57:10,741 --> 00:57:16,261
You don't get scampi off this coast.
You do. It's the sea. It's Margate.
544
00:57:16,301 --> 00:57:20,301
The scampi don't know that.
Suppose not.
545
00:57:20,341 --> 00:57:26,541
What was that starter
Cassandra made us last week?
Moules Marinieres.
546
00:57:26,581 --> 00:57:30,941
That's it.
They were lovely moules an' all.
547
00:57:30,981 --> 00:57:37,501
She's got style, see.
That Cassandra is a classy lady!
Suppose so.
548
00:57:37,541 --> 00:57:42,221
No "suppose so" - most people
would have used mussels.
549
00:57:42,261 --> 00:57:44,861
Not Cassandra.
550
00:57:46,461 --> 00:57:49,661
We...we get on well.
551
00:57:49,701 --> 00:57:52,661
'Course we do. Blimey!
552
00:57:52,701 --> 00:57:57,741
No, I meant me and Cassandra.
Oh, I see. That's good.
553
00:57:57,781 --> 00:58:05,821
Because your missus should be more
than just your wife. She should be
your best mate an' all. Yeah.
554
00:58:05,861 --> 00:58:08,541
It's just...
555
00:58:08,581 --> 00:58:11,701
..sometimes you get the feeling...
556
00:58:13,821 --> 00:58:19,621
How can I explain it?
Have you ever read a book wh...
557
00:58:19,661 --> 00:58:26,061
Or have you ever seen a film
where someone marries
beneath themselves?
558
00:58:27,701 --> 00:58:36,501
Don't start that, Rodney! You have
NOT married beneath yourself!
Cassandra's from a lovely family.
559
00:58:36,541 --> 00:58:40,621
Your problem is,
you let her rule you.
560
00:58:40,661 --> 00:58:46,181
Take that cobblers tonight.
What are you, man or mouse?
561
00:58:46,221 --> 00:58:49,301
You've gotta assert yourself.
562
00:58:49,341 --> 00:58:56,221
I may sound old-fashioned,
but in the end,
a man likes a woman to be a woman,
563
00:58:56,261 --> 00:59:00,261
and a bird likes a bloke
to be a bloke.
564
00:59:00,301 --> 00:59:06,341
You know, you're right.
That is "bonnet de douche",
as they say in the Basque region.
565
00:59:06,381 --> 00:59:10,181
Absolutely! Yeah, that's it.
566
00:59:10,221 --> 00:59:13,381
Come on, drink up.
567
00:59:14,981 --> 00:59:16,941
Another...
568
00:59:16,981 --> 00:59:22,541
The three Musketeers!
Boycie, over 'ere! Ah, Del.
569
00:59:23,781 --> 00:59:30,341
They've got a magician,
Good here, innit? Stunning (!)
a singer and a comedian.
570
00:59:30,381 --> 00:59:33,141
The singer'll be on soon.
571
00:59:34,821 --> 00:59:38,901
# What will it take till you... #
572
00:59:38,941 --> 00:59:45,221
Where are you staying? We've got
a lovely B & B, haven't we?
573
00:59:46,061 --> 00:59:49,101
Yeah, it's really good.
574
00:59:49,141 --> 00:59:53,861
Me, Mike an' Alan booked
into a hotel down on the front.
575
00:59:53,901 --> 01:00:00,141
I got a room in a motel.
They don't know I ain't got a car.
576
01:00:03,061 --> 01:00:07,101
I'd keep quiet about that, Trig.
Not 'arf!
577
01:00:08,141 --> 01:00:10,941
# O-o-o-o-oh-h-h...
578
01:00:10,981 --> 01:00:14,221
# Oh, oh, oh, oh, o-o-oh-h...
579
01:00:14,261 --> 01:00:20,821
# Just the wa-a-ay you a-a-are... #
580
01:00:27,541 --> 01:00:29,861
Where's Alan?
581
01:00:29,901 --> 01:00:34,221
Of course, you wouldn't have heard
about that.
582
01:00:34,261 --> 01:00:43,061
You know how Alan loves shellfish.
He ate half the ocean bed today,
but he copped an unfortunate whelk.
583
01:00:51,701 --> 01:00:56,741
Where 'ave I seen that bird before?
584
01:00:56,781 --> 01:01:01,741
That's...whassername.
The one you went out with, Del.
585
01:01:01,781 --> 01:01:08,741
No, it isn't! It is, Del. Hmm?
It's Raquel, the Strippagram!
Look at the board.
586
01:01:08,781 --> 01:01:14,781
"The Great Ramondo and Raquel."
Blimey!
587
01:01:22,621 --> 01:01:25,221
It IS her!
588
01:01:25,261 --> 01:01:28,861
APPLAUSE
589
01:01:30,141 --> 01:01:33,661
Psssst-t-t!
590
01:01:36,781 --> 01:01:39,421
APPLAUSE
591
01:01:41,941 --> 01:01:45,141
PSSSST-T-T !
592
01:01:50,461 --> 01:01:54,061
APPLAUSE
593
01:01:54,101 --> 01:01:56,061
Raquel !
594
01:01:58,261 --> 01:02:00,421
DEL !
595
01:02:01,421 --> 01:02:04,741
All right?
596
01:02:07,341 --> 01:02:10,661
Bloody clever, that!
597
01:02:16,901 --> 01:02:22,261
So I got back to England six months
ago. I wasn't sure what to do.
598
01:02:22,301 --> 01:02:27,581
I've got a brother in Milton Keynes,
but we haven't spoken for years.
599
01:02:27,621 --> 01:02:31,621
So my agent tied me in with Ray.
Ray?
600
01:02:31,661 --> 01:02:36,541
The Great Ramondo. Oh, yeah!
He was in a holiday camp in Devon.
601
01:02:36,581 --> 01:02:41,861
His last assistant walked out on him.
Well, he's a bit of a pig.
602
01:02:41,901 --> 01:02:47,861
After that I got a 3-month contract
here. Not much, but it keeps a roof
over my head.
603
01:02:47,901 --> 01:02:49,901
Yeah.
604
01:02:49,941 --> 01:02:55,141
I didn't mean to let you down,
you know. I was on my way round...
605
01:02:55,181 --> 01:03:02,541
when I was...unexpectedly arrested.
I know. You've already explained.
606
01:03:02,581 --> 01:03:10,981
Why didn't you write to me?
Write to you ?!
I thought you'd dumped me.
607
01:03:11,021 --> 01:03:13,941
I've got pride, Del.
608
01:03:13,981 --> 01:03:22,021
I didn't write to other blokes who
dumped me. I wouldn't start with you.
Want another drink?
609
01:03:22,061 --> 01:03:26,861
No, I'm back on stage
in a little while.
610
01:03:26,901 --> 01:03:35,061
There's been no-one else.
I mean, since we split up.
I haven't...been interested.
611
01:03:36,621 --> 01:03:39,741
Nor me.
612
01:03:40,661 --> 01:03:45,301
No, honest!
Yeah, I believe you (!)
613
01:03:46,821 --> 01:03:53,581
What you gonna do when the contract
ends? I'm leaving the act. Can't
stand Ray any more. His temper!
614
01:03:53,621 --> 01:03:58,941
He frightens me.
Don't know where I'll go.
615
01:03:58,981 --> 01:04:03,061
Peckham's nice this time of year.
Is it?
616
01:04:03,101 --> 01:04:10,581
I know a lovely flat
you could stay at. Oh!
Maybe I'll try Peckham then.
617
01:04:10,621 --> 01:04:13,741
Thanks.
618
01:04:15,181 --> 01:04:17,181
Raquel...
619
01:04:17,221 --> 01:04:23,581
..would you give me your autograph?
Get away! I mean it. Honest!
620
01:04:23,621 --> 01:04:31,141
I've never given an autograph
before. It's easy.
Just write your name.
621
01:04:32,981 --> 01:04:35,861
And your address.
622
01:04:37,581 --> 01:04:40,701
And your telephone number.
623
01:04:49,581 --> 01:04:56,421
All right? Get your pigeons back
all right? Yes, I did.
Don't know what you were playing at.
624
01:04:56,461 --> 01:05:03,261
But DON'T let it happen again.
Sorry, Ray. I was distracted.
Professionals are not distracted.
625
01:05:03,301 --> 01:05:09,741
Get your act together
or find somewhere else.
We're on in ten minutes.
626
01:05:09,781 --> 01:05:17,141
Want me to whack him for yer?
Right, Ray, I'm coming.
Eh? EH ?! Please! Stay out of it.
627
01:05:17,181 --> 01:05:22,021
My contract hasn't long to run,
so I want to keep him sweet.
628
01:05:22,061 --> 01:05:25,141
He's right. I was unprofessional.
629
01:05:28,541 --> 01:05:31,341
I'll see you, then. Yeah.
630
01:05:31,381 --> 01:05:34,341
You've still got my address? Yeah.
631
01:05:34,381 --> 01:05:39,341
Well, you can...write to me,
or...phone me, if you like.
632
01:05:39,381 --> 01:05:42,381
You won't forget, will you?
633
01:05:42,421 --> 01:05:45,341
I'll never forget you, Del.
634
01:06:07,261 --> 01:06:14,381
# The most beautiful sound
I ever heard... #
Keep your voice down! # Raquel ! #
635
01:06:14,421 --> 01:06:21,381
She's lovely, though, ain't she,
Rodney? Yes, she's lovely.
Now shut up!
636
01:06:29,021 --> 01:06:36,621
It's locked. It's what? Locked.
That's right. She locks it
at eleven. What time is it now?
637
01:06:37,981 --> 01:06:40,701
Twenty to two.
638
01:06:40,741 --> 01:06:47,061
We'll 'ave to ring the bell.
You can't! You'll get Mrs Creswell
out of her coffin.
639
01:06:47,101 --> 01:06:51,181
What we gonna do?
We can't 'ang round 'ere.
640
01:06:51,221 --> 01:06:58,101
If you wake her up, she'll sink
her teeth into our necks.
You're frightened of her!
641
01:06:59,901 --> 01:07:01,021
Yes.
642
01:07:02,021 --> 01:07:08,421
Well, I'm not. You ring the bell.
I'm gonna hide behind the wall.
643
01:07:20,501 --> 01:07:25,341
All right, maybe there's
another way out of this.
644
01:07:33,541 --> 01:07:39,381
That's our room, innit?
Yeah, I think so.
645
01:07:41,421 --> 01:07:43,621
Albert!
646
01:07:44,381 --> 01:07:46,381
Albert!
647
01:07:48,101 --> 01:07:50,701
Abandon ship!
648
01:07:54,221 --> 01:07:59,261
Throw something up at the window.
Yeah, all right.
649
01:08:01,781 --> 01:08:06,181
LOUD CRASH
AND SMASHING GLASS
650
01:08:06,221 --> 01:08:12,781
You wally! Look what you've done!
Me ?! YOU said,
"Throw something at the window."
651
01:08:12,821 --> 01:08:18,660
I meant a pebble.
You chucked a paving stone!
652
01:08:18,701 --> 01:08:25,740
MRS CRESWELL:
Phone the police, Inga!
I'll get nicked twice in one day!
653
01:08:25,781 --> 01:08:29,861
Look alive, Rodney.
Come on, let's get out!
654
01:08:31,941 --> 01:08:34,861
DOGS BARKING
655
01:08:35,420 --> 01:08:38,181
BUZZER
656
01:08:42,861 --> 01:08:49,740
Hello? Raquel, it's Del Boy.
Del ?! What d'you want?
It's two o'clock in the morning.
657
01:08:49,781 --> 01:08:56,941
Sorry to disturb you, sweetheart,
but Rodney's got us into a bit
of trouble. I didn't!
658
01:08:56,981 --> 01:09:03,861
It was YOUR idea. You chucked
the bloody thing. But YOU said...
Look...look...wait!
659
01:09:03,901 --> 01:09:12,340
of our digs, and we wondered if you
What's wrong? We've been locked out
could put us up till the morning.
660
01:09:12,381 --> 01:09:15,621
It's a bit awkward, Del. Oh-h...
661
01:09:15,660 --> 01:09:22,621
Raquel, it's freezing out here.
We just bumped into a brass monkey
crying his eyes out!
662
01:09:22,660 --> 01:09:27,981
All right then. Push the door and
come up. You know it makes sense!
663
01:09:45,420 --> 01:09:52,181
Hello. That's better.
It's taters out there!
Sorry about this, Raquel.
664
01:09:52,221 --> 01:09:58,660
It's OK. What happened?
The old girl where we were staying
locks up at eleven.
665
01:09:58,701 --> 01:10:07,660
We didn't leave your nightclub
till gone one. A chair and a settee
are all I have. That's lovely.
666
01:10:09,660 --> 01:10:12,701
That'll be lovely, Raquel.
667
01:10:12,740 --> 01:10:17,941
We'll be away first thing tomorrow
'cos our new coach comes at nine.
668
01:10:17,981 --> 01:10:21,381
Got something to warm the cockles?
669
01:10:21,421 --> 01:10:27,061
Yeah, OK. I'll make you a coffee.
670
01:10:27,101 --> 01:10:29,621
Cushtie, cushtie!
671
01:10:29,660 --> 01:10:35,101
She's a blinding bird, ain't she?
Raquel ? Yeah, t'riffic, Del.
672
01:10:35,141 --> 01:10:40,740
Got a radiant smile. You noticed?
Her radiant smile? Yeah. Yeah.
673
01:10:40,781 --> 01:10:46,621
You can't miss it. When she
walks in, she lights up a room.
674
01:10:46,660 --> 01:10:52,301
Yeah. Most of your birds walk in
and light up a fag.
675
01:10:55,461 --> 01:11:01,580
Yeah-h-h. She's straight as a die.
She don't mess around
with other blokes.
676
01:11:01,621 --> 01:11:07,541
You're saying Cassandra does?
No, of course not!
I've nothing against the girl.
677
01:11:07,580 --> 01:11:11,101
If I thought you... Sorry.
678
01:11:11,141 --> 01:11:14,861
You're a touchy little git
sometimes.
679
01:11:14,901 --> 01:11:22,061
I was saying, since Raquel met me,
she hasn't been out with any other
blokes. Only met you two hours ago.
680
01:11:23,941 --> 01:11:28,740
I don't mean this time, I mean
the first time. Oh...right!
681
01:11:28,781 --> 01:11:31,621
She has been true unto me.
682
01:11:31,660 --> 01:11:34,461
Raquel, what's all the noise?
683
01:11:36,221 --> 01:11:44,580
The Great Ramondo! What you doin'
here? What am I doin' here ?!
We're locked out. We're going soon.
684
01:11:44,621 --> 01:11:51,101
We'll see about that. Raquel !
What's the idea of letting strangers
in the flat?
685
01:11:51,141 --> 01:11:54,261
I'll kill him! Stay calm, Derek.
686
01:11:54,301 --> 01:12:03,341
It'll take a bloody good surgeon
3-4 hours to get his magic wand
back! Oi, oi, calm down!
687
01:12:05,101 --> 01:12:11,541
What the HELL is goin' on ?!
Sit down. I'll not have any magi...
Sit down!
688
01:12:13,461 --> 01:12:20,381
There's probably a simple
explanation. What?
How the 'ell should I know ?!
689
01:12:20,421 --> 01:12:26,580
There IS a simple explanation.
Ramondo's a bleedin' bully boy.
Raquel told me.
690
01:12:26,621 --> 01:12:35,821
He's got her trapped. If she don't
play ball, she loses job AND home.
That's blackmail. I'll sort it out!
691
01:12:35,861 --> 01:12:45,061
Oi! Don't jump to conclusions!
For all you know, them two
might be...you know (!) What ?!
692
01:12:46,580 --> 01:12:49,580
Well...I don't know.
693
01:12:49,621 --> 01:12:57,501
Find out what the situation is
first, right? Nice and easy, Del,
right? Nice and easy.
694
01:12:58,981 --> 01:13:05,301
All right. I just wanna go in there
and ask a few questions,
like...that's all.
695
01:13:05,341 --> 01:13:08,341
What if you don't like the answers?
696
01:13:12,301 --> 01:13:18,381
That's life, innit, eh? It's just,
I'll know where I stand, won't I ?
697
01:13:18,421 --> 01:13:20,421
Eh?
698
01:13:24,861 --> 01:13:26,981
All right?
699
01:13:28,181 --> 01:13:32,580
'Scuse me, I'm sorry to bother you,
just want a chat.
700
01:13:32,621 --> 01:13:36,061
Try to come to an understanding.
701
01:13:36,101 --> 01:13:38,141
AAARGH !
702
01:13:41,461 --> 01:13:44,541
That's the way, Del, nice and easy.
703
01:13:46,421 --> 01:13:49,861
NOW d'you understand me?
704
01:13:49,901 --> 01:13:57,740
Why the hell did you do that ?!
It's all right. Don't be frightened
of Ramondo no more. Del Boy's here.
705
01:13:57,781 --> 01:14:03,341
WHISTLES "The Good, the Bad
and the Ugly"
Rodney!
706
01:14:03,381 --> 01:14:05,941
OH-H-H !
707
01:14:05,981 --> 01:14:11,181
Right! Ramondo - or can I just
call you Great? -
708
01:14:11,221 --> 01:14:18,941
do you understand what I've been
subtly indicating? You are out!
Your lease has expired.
709
01:14:18,981 --> 01:14:24,261
This is nature's way of telling you
to get your arse down the road.
710
01:14:26,061 --> 01:14:31,621
Why don't you explain to him?
No chance.
I was in the Territorials.
711
01:14:31,660 --> 01:14:38,421
That's not gonna cut a lot of ice
with him. There's your coat.
And your case.
712
01:14:39,421 --> 01:14:44,421
And there's the front door, or
would you prefer the direct route?
713
01:14:44,461 --> 01:14:50,501
Can I say something? Yes.
But make it quick, and make it
polite. There is a lady present.
714
01:14:50,541 --> 01:14:57,821
There is nothing going on between
Raquel and me. Nothing? A fellow
and a bird? What d'you take me for?
715
01:14:57,861 --> 01:15:00,861
It's the truth! You see, I'm...
716
01:15:00,901 --> 01:15:03,021
I'm...
717
01:15:03,061 --> 01:15:05,861
Raquel is not my type.
718
01:15:05,901 --> 01:15:11,061
What d'you mean, not your type?
You could do a lot worse than that!
719
01:15:13,021 --> 01:15:16,141
This...is Ray's room.
720
01:15:16,461 --> 01:15:19,461
This...is MY bedroom.
721
01:15:19,501 --> 01:15:27,580
D'you see what Ray is saying?
If I was the last woman on God's
earth, I still wouldn't be his type!
722
01:15:31,541 --> 01:15:34,501
Take your time, Del.
723
01:15:37,541 --> 01:15:42,381
It's purely a financial situation.
It's cheaper than separate flats.
724
01:15:44,101 --> 01:15:47,221
Oh-h-h...! You mean you're...
725
01:15:48,101 --> 01:15:54,981
Yes!
Why didn't you say?
In an introduction ?!
726
01:15:55,021 --> 01:15:59,701
I'm terribly sorry!
No need. Over and done with.
727
01:15:59,740 --> 01:16:05,381
I didn't know. You didn't ask!
No, you see, I thought...
728
01:16:05,421 --> 01:16:11,181
Well, I thought... I mean, I...
Didn't I, Rodney? Yeah, he did.
729
01:16:11,221 --> 01:16:16,580
Oh, dear, I may have dropped
your suitcase out of the window.
730
01:16:16,621 --> 01:16:21,621
I'll fetch it.
I could do with the air.
731
01:16:22,341 --> 01:16:28,901
You see, I'm... You see,
I thought... No, Del, you didn't
think! You never think!
732
01:16:28,941 --> 01:16:35,901
You don't look, you don't listen,
you don't notice the signs.
You go at it like a mad bull !
733
01:16:35,941 --> 01:16:40,701
I only did it for you. If that's
to make me feel better, it doesn't.
734
01:16:47,461 --> 01:16:52,580
They might publish your diaries
one day, Del. Could be a winner.
735
01:16:52,621 --> 01:17:02,221
I don't believe you sometimes.
Why did you do that? He who dares,
wins. I've always been the same.
736
01:17:02,261 --> 01:17:08,301
This time, I reckon that
he who dared, cocked it right up!
737
01:17:10,740 --> 01:17:13,580
Thank you.
738
01:17:13,621 --> 01:17:18,781
I know you did it for me, but
you were stupid and embarrassing.
739
01:17:21,061 --> 01:17:23,101
Thank you.
740
01:17:26,941 --> 01:17:28,941
Magic!
741
01:17:35,541 --> 01:17:37,821
See yer!
742
01:17:37,861 --> 01:17:40,461
Cheers! >
Ta-ra! >
743
01:17:40,501 --> 01:17:43,621
TRIGGER:
See yer, Dave.
744
01:17:44,861 --> 01:17:47,981
Hey! Oi, Rodders!
745
01:17:48,021 --> 01:17:50,861
Rodney! 'Ere!
746
01:17:50,901 --> 01:17:53,781
Come 'ere a minute.
747
01:17:55,101 --> 01:17:56,740
Listen...
748
01:17:56,781 --> 01:18:04,421
You are master of your own flat.
Yeah, OK... You're a man.
No rules, no collar and lead!
749
01:18:04,461 --> 01:18:11,461
All right, Del, all right. Put
your foot down with a firm hand.
Let her know where she stands.
750
01:18:11,501 --> 01:18:17,821
All right. You've just gotta
sort it out, you know.
751
01:18:17,861 --> 01:18:20,501
Sort it out!
752
01:18:20,541 --> 01:18:23,421
I'll see yer. Yeah.
753
01:18:23,461 --> 01:18:26,461
See yer then. Ta-ta!
754
01:18:29,701 --> 01:18:33,341
DOOR BANGS
Cass!
755
01:18:43,660 --> 01:18:45,781
Oh!
756
01:18:45,821 --> 01:18:49,501
I didn't expect you back this early.
757
01:18:49,541 --> 01:18:54,740
No. Well, here I am.
Cass, can we have a talk?
758
01:18:54,781 --> 01:18:57,981
It's not an appropriate time. Later.
759
01:18:58,021 --> 01:19:01,421
We really ought to sit down and...
760
01:19:01,461 --> 01:19:04,821
Hi, buddy! How'd it go?
761
01:19:05,821 --> 01:19:13,621
What are YOU doing here?
I was just passing.
So how was...Margate?
762
01:19:13,660 --> 01:19:22,660
Forget Margate. What are you doing
in my flat? Hey, back off, Rod.
I mean, what's the problem?
763
01:19:22,701 --> 01:19:26,301
Roddy, what's wrong? I'll tell you.
764
01:19:26,341 --> 01:19:32,821
It's something I've wanted to do
for a long time,
but never got round to it.
765
01:19:32,861 --> 01:19:38,461
Let me run THIS past you, Stephen.
Get your head round THIS.
766
01:19:39,181 --> 01:19:44,781
Roddy! Now you know where
I'M coming from...buddy!
767
01:19:44,821 --> 01:19:48,781
All right, Joanne? Joanne !?
768
01:19:48,821 --> 01:19:53,941
What have you done to Stephen?
Punched me on the nose.
769
01:19:53,981 --> 01:19:57,821
What's she doing here?
She was going to her parents.
770
01:19:57,861 --> 01:20:03,141
There was a rail strike.
Joanne brought this brochure for us.
771
01:20:06,461 --> 01:20:09,461
See anything in it you like?
772
01:20:14,101 --> 01:20:18,301
Hello, sweetheart.
How are you today?
773
01:20:18,341 --> 01:20:21,580
Oh, good. How's the great Ramondo?
774
01:20:22,541 --> 01:20:27,221
Oh. I'm sure in his heart of hearts
he understood.
775
01:20:27,261 --> 01:20:32,261
We've been back about an hour.
Yeah. Mmm? Everyone's all right.
776
01:20:32,301 --> 01:20:37,181
Mm-hm. We dropped Rodney off
at his house, yeah.
777
01:20:37,221 --> 01:20:43,021
Cassandra? She'll be all right.
She'll be as good as gold.
778
01:20:43,061 --> 01:20:49,701
Rodney's a bit of a charmer
on the quiet.
He knows how to handle situations.
779
01:20:50,580 --> 01:20:55,701
I know. Sometimes I wish I was
a bit more like him an' all. Yeah.
780
01:20:55,740 --> 01:20:59,381
Old Albert? Much better now. Yeah.
781
01:20:59,421 --> 01:21:03,941
Didn't you hear?
He got a whack on the 'ead.
782
01:21:03,981 --> 01:21:09,421
I dunno. The strangest thing!
He was lying in bed last night...
783
01:21:13,301 --> 01:21:18,501
..when all of a sudden a rock
came flying through the window...
784
01:21:18,541 --> 01:21:22,901
..and it caught him a glancing blow
on the head.
785
01:21:22,941 --> 01:21:25,941
Dunno. It's a mystery.
786
01:21:25,981 --> 01:21:32,941
No mystery to me. Bloody yobbos
done it. Should be locked up.
That's absolutely right.
787
01:21:32,981 --> 01:21:39,021
Tell 'er what happened to Boycie
and Mike going home from the club.
What?
788
01:21:39,061 --> 01:21:44,021
Someone chucked a suitcase
through a window.
789
01:21:44,061 --> 01:21:47,141
Caught Mike right on the shoulder.
790
01:21:47,181 --> 01:21:52,141
Fortunately, Boycie's 'ead
broke its fall.
791
01:21:52,901 --> 01:21:56,501
Terrible old world, sweetheart!
792
01:21:56,541 --> 01:22:01,541
Listen, Raquel... You have
forgiven me now, sweetheart?
793
01:22:01,580 --> 01:22:04,621
Oh, good. You know it makes sense.
794
01:22:04,660 --> 01:22:12,580
I was thinking about taking the van
out next Saturday.
I'm fitting a new radio.
795
01:22:12,621 --> 01:22:17,061
Might go to Margate.
I wouldn't be hurrying home.
796
01:22:17,101 --> 01:22:23,821
I was just wond'ring
if you could get the Great Ramondo
to do a disappearing act.
797
01:22:23,861 --> 01:22:30,740
Cushtie! Yeah... Great!
Right, darling. See you
next Saturday, sweetheart.
798
01:22:30,781 --> 01:22:34,141
Yeah. Bye for now. Bye!
799
01:22:34,181 --> 01:22:36,861
Lovely jubbly!
800
01:22:36,901 --> 01:22:44,141
Make your own tea, you lazy sod!
Oi! What's your game?
DOOR BANGS
801
01:22:47,901 --> 01:22:51,580
All right, bruv? Sort it all out?
802
01:22:53,701 --> 01:22:56,621
# Oh, I'll be working hard and late
803
01:22:56,660 --> 01:22:59,701
# To earn a few bob
to go to Margate,
804
01:22:59,740 --> 01:23:02,821
# I'll blow the lot on my family,
805
01:23:02,861 --> 01:23:05,501
# We're all off to see the sea!
806
01:23:05,541 --> 01:23:08,261
# Behave yourself, Uncle Albert!
807
01:23:08,301 --> 01:23:11,141
# Down to Margate!
808
01:23:11,181 --> 01:23:14,421
# Bring your bucket and spade.
809
01:23:14,461 --> 01:23:17,501
# Down to Margate!
810
01:23:17,541 --> 01:23:20,461
# We'll go to the cockle stall.
811
01:23:20,501 --> 01:23:23,580
# Down to Margate!
812
01:23:23,621 --> 01:23:26,141
# We'll be beside the sea.
813
01:23:26,181 --> 01:23:29,101
# Down to Margate!
814
01:23:29,141 --> 01:23:35,981
# You can keep the Costa Brava,
I'd rather have a day
down at Ma-a-argate!
815
01:23:42,061 --> 01:23:47,660
# You can keep the Costa Brava,
and all that palaver,
816
01:23:47,701 --> 01:23:51,301
# I'd rather have a day
down at Ma-a-argate! #
76542
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