Original subtitles

What'd you find?

His record goes back way before the Federation even existed.

He was a major in the United Earth Military Assault

Command Operation. A lot of off-world combat.

He was a soldier.

Why has he not used his weapon yet?

He wants to find somewhere to inflict maximum damage.

Like on the planet.

He needs a distribution deal.

He needs...

"A distribution deal"?

We need a distribution deal.

We have one. This is Paramount, people.

He needs a three-picture deal.

With perks.

Mark.

It's the worst sound I've ever heard.

Beautiful.

My name is James Tiberius Kirk of the United Federation of Planets.

I am appearing before you as a neutral representative

of the Fibanon...

Fiboan?

Fibonan.

I am appearing before you as a neutral representative

of the Fibononan... Mother...

As a neutral representative of the Fibonan...

Captain! Mr. Chekov. Sorry.

l was too... I was too happy.

It must represent some sort of inter-global...

Action.

Lieutenant...

Weird noises on...

Sounds like shit broke.

It's too short.

It's not the first girl that said that to me.

Are you serious?

Captain?

Voice cracked. Don't know where that came from.

Captain. Captain. Captain.

You look like crap, Jim.

Thank you, Bones.

I noticed your Andorian herpes has come back again.

Why don't you pop by the med bay?

Listen, I'm gonna have to reduce your ClALlS prescriptions.

Too much blood flow to your groin.

Now look, you gave Nurse Chapel the gangorian clam.

I know.

She's not happy about it, Jim.

Captain, Mr. Chekov's technical acumen

makes him more valuable here aboard the Franklin with Mr...

Phaser canons have engaged, but there's just too many of 'em.

Keep firing!

Alert Starfleet and civilian agencies to begin...

Proctology protocol.

But his soldiers are everywhere.

We won't pass unseen.

What we require is a diversion.

Biatch.

-I think I have an idea. -l'm sorry.

Like a steel trap, Mr. Chekov.

Full impulse, Mr. Sulu.

It sounds like you're doing Shatner.

-lt's coming out right. I got to follow it. -A little bit.

I mean, I don't know. It sounds...

This one's going to be full Shat. Watch out.

What the hell happened up there, Jim? Why were we attacked?

They were after some artifact we picked up on...

Fairmax. Teermax.

-Teemax? -Teenaxi.

T.J. MaXX.

Fibonan.

Fibonan. Fibonan.

I am appearing before you as a neutral representative

of the... Fibononan...

I commend you.

Let me just stick that back in there.

I'll just go back to the cafeteria.

Captain, we cannot maintain...

What? "We are not equipped for this manner of engagement." Sorry.

Captain, we are not equipped to...

Captain, we are not engaged...

Sorry.

Sorry, I don't know what that...

Jesus.

You can choose...

Here we go.

Deep breath.

Sorry.

Captain, we are not engaged for this level of engagement.

I found this in Chekov's locker.

Well, hello.

-That's good. -Lordy!

Yeah.

Never in my life heard you make that noise.

Sounds mildly sexual.

Yeah! Justin Lin, everyone!

-Yeah! -Thank you.