All language subtitles for 69 - Allo Allo S7e08 - Prior Engagements

Things have gone
from bad to worse

here in Nouvion.

We were just about
to send the airmen

out to sea in two wine barrels

which were hidden in my cellar,

when general Von klinkerhoffen

confiscated the barrels

because he thought
that they contained

a rather good '26 claret.

Needless to say,
the airmen are now

in his cellar at the chateau.

If he decides
to sample the claret,

I am a dead man.

See, my hands are shaking.

In the absence of...

Of tranquilizers,

I am mixing gin
with acorn coffee.

I find that it helps
to calm me down.

Rene.

Look.

The first edition
of the new Nouvion newspaper

is on the streets.

I do know, Edith.
I am the editor.

You are very naughty, Rene.

You did not tell me
I had been chosen

as the spirit of Nouvion.

Well, after all your nagging,

what else could I do?

Look at my picture.

To think of my face staring out

of all the newsstands.

And under the title,

"the spirit of Nouvion
represents strength,

virtue and beauty."

You must remember, Edith,

it is a propaganda paper.

- Rene.
- Hmm?

Is there not some way
I can show my appreciation?

After all,

the cafe is empty.

Yes, of course, Edith.

The sink behind
the bar is bunged up.

Go and see if you can
clear it out, will you?

Psst.

If I am put under
any more strain

I am going to be out of gin.

Listen very carefully,

I shall say this only once.

I have had the painting

of the fallen Madonna
with the big boobies

we stole from herr Flick's safe

valued by an expert.

It is a forgery.

No.

But how do you tell?

Her boobies are not big enough.

They look all right to me.

I also found out that somehow,

the original is
in the possession

of general Von klinkerhoffen
at the chateau.

We must get it.

We need the funds
for the resistance.

I am more concerned about
the airmen than this painting.

If they are found in barrels

that came from my cellar,
we will be shot.

He is right.

The painting is
of secondary importance.

I agree.

I will put the best brains
of the resistance

onto the problem
of rescuing the airmen.

However, the resistance
is still very short of funds.

When the painting
is recovered and sold,

you will be reimbursed.

But now, I must
vanish like a phantom

to the hairdresser's.

Oh, Rene, you look so worried.

Would you like me
to get you some more gin?

Bols.

I will get you some anyway.

I must say, Gruber,

this first edition
is not at all bad.

Congratulations.

I supervised Rene
to the best of my ability,

making sure
he only put in the paper

what I told him.

Why you have so many articles

about general Von kinkyhoffen?

Because he is
the Garrison commander.

And he has a big head.

Look.

He insisted
on having his picture

on the front page.

What an idiot he looks.

General Von klinkerhoffen!

Ah, I see you are
all reading the paper.

The colonel, he was just saying

how handsome you look
on the front page.

Yes, I do look
rather dashing, don't I?

That is an excellent
article, Gruber.

You wrote about
how we are winning the war.

I merely took down
your dictation, general.

Why you no print
how the Italians

are winning the war?

When you start, we will.

Now, colonel, I've had another
idea for cementing relationships

with the conquered
French peasants.

I am all ears.

A marriage between an officer

of the occupying forces
and a French peasant woman

would be an excellent
propaganda coup.

I am not sure that the peasants

are too keen on marrying members

of the occupying forces.

The prospective husband
must persuade her

that it is a good idea.

I've already selected the woman.

This one. The spirit of Nouvion.

But that's madame Edith
from the cafe.

As I understand it, always
very friendly towards you.

I don't fancy
cementing relations

with madam Edith.

You won't have to.
You're already married.

Oh, yes. So, I am.

Thank heavens.

Lieutenant Gruber
and captain bertorelli

will draw straws for the honor

of proposing to her.

But we don't have any straws,

and I am not
of the marrying kind.

I am more the love 'em
and leave 'em.

Silence.

You will draw pencils.

Whoever gets the shorter one,

will marry the peasant.

And then, of course,
when the war is over,

we can have it canceled.

Heh heh heh. Bad luck.

General, I cannot do it.

What?

Well, my mother has always hoped

that I would marry
a nice blonde German.

A girl, that is.

He has always been very reticent

where women of the opposite sex

are concerned.

This is true.

On the other hand,
captain bertorelli here

is always telling
us he's irresistible,

to women of the opposite sex.

Really?

He never fails.

Then captain bertorelli
will marry

the spirit of Nouvion.

But, general...

Quiet! That is an order.

Why can't I marry
one of the waitresses?

The tall one with the nice bum?

You will do as you're told.

If, however, she refuses you,

then you can
have a go at the waitress.

I am suddenly depressed.

Look, my feathers... they droop.

Captain bertorelli, remember,

the money from the cafe
will keep you in comfort.

And you can chase
the waitresses all night,

whilst the spirit of Nouvion
is asleep.

You're right.

In the day I make the money.

In the night I make the pass.

Madam Edith,
she will not resist me.

I go to the cafe today
to ask for her hand.

Good, and we will have
a reception at the chateau

to make the official
announcement.

Colonel, you can invite
all the local dignitaries.

Heil Hitler.

Heil Hitler.

Heil Mussolini.

What if she says no?

Nonsense.

You are the most handsome
man in Nouvion.

You'll get the cafe
and the girls.

Yes, it's called having
your cake and eating it.

The cafe is okay,

but the crumbly old cake
I could do without.

You wanted to see me,
herr Flick?

Yes, Von smallhausen.

My informants tell me
that the painting

of the fallen Madonna
with the big boobies,

which was stolen
from under my nose

while my back was turned,

is on display in general
Von klinkerhoffen's

quarters at the chateau.

Curse! It is beyond our reach.

Nothing is beyond
the reach of the gestapo.

But the chateau
is heavily guarded

in front, herr Flick,

and there is a moat at the rear.

How will we get in?

We will swim across the moat

in these...

...special gestapo
frogmen suits.

We will then scale the wall

with the aid of this
compressed air mechanism,

which will fire
this grappling iron

onto the roof of the castle.

We will then create a diversion,

and steal the painting.

There is one problem
with your plan, herr Flick.

And what is this?

I cannot swim.

Climb onto the table,
Von smallhausen,

and lie upon your face.

Yes, herr Flick.

I have here...

...the gestapo manual entitled,

"learning to swim
very very quickly."

We will start
with the breast stroke.

Faster, Von smallhausen.
It is a very wide moat.

You must help me. It is urgent.

I have taken
enough risks already.

What is so urgent
that you come here

in daylight, through
the front door?

Well, as you know,
I am constantly on the move.

I've had no time
to do my washing.

Please keep the whites separate,

two drys, and try not
to shrink the underwear.

I need to be able to move
quickly in an emergency.

Rene, lieutenant Gruber
is heading this way.

I was at the butcher's.
I came to warn you.

Take the washing
into the kitchen.

Michelle, quick.

Come with me into the back room.

Quick, quick, quick.

Rene, I'm so glad
I found you alone.

Only just.

I have come to warn you.

General Von klinkerhoffen,

in the interests
of improving relations

with the peasants,
has ordered captain bertorelli

to marry madam Edith.

No.

Yes.

But why did he pick on her?

And then again, why pick on him?

She is the spirit of Nouvion.

What better choice
could there be?

Oh my god.

So, confident is
the general of the outcome,

that he has organized
a reception

for the village dignitaries
at the chateau,

to announce the engagement.

What a nerve.

Of course, she will refuse.

It might be better
if you got madam Edith

into hiding,

in case she falls
for his irresistible charm,

which I must say escapes me.

I am grateful, lieutenant,
for the warning.

If I can save anyone
from the torture

of matrimony, I will.

If only you had
been around 25 years ago.

If only I had.

We heard every word.

Rene, why did you not
tell the lieutenant

that you are married to me?

You were married
to the Rene who was shot.

I am his twin brother
from Nancy.

How quickly you forget the plot.

When he proposes,
I shall tell that itai

to get knotted.

Oh, no, let's not be hasty.

Every cloud has a silver lining.

They are to hold
a reception at the chateau,

which gives us a splendid chance

to get the British airmen out.

No, I am sorry.
It is out of the question.

But, do you not see?

If the airmen are found
in the wine barrels

that came
from your cellar, you could be shot.

I know that.

But you cannot just
walk out of there

with two wine barrels.

We do not have to.

I have made
some preliminary notes.

Beneath the cellars
is an underground stream.

We can drop the barrels
with the airmen into it.

The barrels will float
down the river,

and out to sea, to rendezvous

with the boat squadron
from england.

But the chateau
will be full of Germans.

And how do we get
into the cellar?

Listen.

There is a tunnel to the cellars

from the monastery.

A locked door prevents
entry to the cellars.

You must open the door
from the inside

during the reception,
and let us in.

It is a perfect plan.

But how do we
get to the cellar from the reception?

The living quarters
of the general

are at the top of the chateau.

One pair of knickers
and three pounds of sausages.

No, no, I'm sorry,

I will read that again,
those are personal notes.

I'm glad to hear it.

There is a dumbwaiter
outside the room

of general Von klinkerhoffen.

You will put in it
your small waitress, Mimi,

and wind her down to the cellar.

She will unlock
the interconnecting door.

I will enter with my girls

and drop the barrels
into the stream.

It is simple.

♪ O sole mio... ♪

It is captain bertorelli
approaching now.

You will be doing
this for France, Edith.

You must say yes.

Be brave, madam Edith,

and don't worry,

we'll get you out of it
before the wedding.

Excuse me while I vanish
into the back room.

Ah, the beautiful lady.

I bring you these
beautiful flowers.

That is very kind of you.

I don't beat about
the bush, madam Edith.

I accept.

I come here today to ask
for you hand in marriage.

I accept.

Together we have
a wonderful time together.

We go for walks
in the moonlight.

We kiss with passion
under the stars.

I accept.

Then we come home,

and count the takings
from the till.

I go on my bended knees,
please say yes.

I already said yes.
Were you not listening?

You did?

Oh, mamma Mia, then it is done.

Tonight we have a big reception

at the castle to tell everyone

how much we love each other.

Now I give you the kiss.

Just a little one.

Tonight, when I come back...

When I come back
to take you to the reception,

I bring you the engagement ring

with the diamonds
and the sapphires.

You mean you are rich as well?

Don't worry, I charge it
to the business.

Well done, madam Edith.

We saw and heard everything.

Oh, Rene,

when he forced his lips on mine

it must have been
difficult for you

to control yourself.

It was.

There are still
tears in my eyes.

And then I realized
that he is more interested

in the takings
from the cafe than in you.

Oh, Rene.

While you still love me,

his finger will never
be on my till.

That is a great comfort.

Ah, good, the sandwiches.

You there?

Is everything ready?

Yes, general.

The girls must make sure
that everyone's glasses

are filled at all times.

This is supposed to be
a happy occasion.

The invited dignitaries
are here.

Oh, announce them.

The head of the Nouvion police!

Good moaning.

I am viry plosed to moot you,

general Von klonkerhiffen,

lieutenant greeber,

colonel Von stream.

Monsieur alphonse,

the mayor, the undertaker,

the hairdresser,

the vineyard owner,

and the photographer.

Where are the other
five people you announced?

Pardon? Oh, they are
all me, general.

Allow me to introduce myself.

My card. Monsieur alphonse,

funerals and burials,
swiftly and with style.

Fortunately,
I am in good health.

Monsieur and madam Leclerc.

I do not shake hands
with Germans.

I spit on them.

Excuse me, general.

She is a little bit...

Now settle down, you old bat.

Here, madam Fanny, have a drink,

it will make you feel better.

Are you mad?

She must keep off the booze.

And remember, you have
a part to play,

to get your old daughter
out of this engagement.

I am an old trooper.

I will not fail.

Quick, Ernest, give me
your hip flask.

Be careful, Fanny.

It is very strong.

Do not spill it on the floor,

or it will take off the Polish.

Ooh. Ha ha ha.

Ah, that hit the spot.

Captain bertorelli
and his fiancee,

the spirit of Nouvion.

My word,

this is the first time
I've seen mutton

actually dressed as mutton.

Were there any problems?

Apparently she accepted
without hesitation.

I'm not a bit surprised.

This is my bride to be.

May I say, madam Edith,

you have never looked
more beautiful.

Thank you, lieutenant.

Here, I pay the compliments,

not you.

Look at her. What a beauty.

I am blinded by love.

That's quite obvious.

Over here.

I must congratulate you

on helping with our war effort.

My chest, it swell with pride.

Do I get a medallion?

No, but you certainly
deserve one.

Oh, madam Edith.

If you marry this man,

you will break my ticker,

which is already dicky.

Don't worry, monsieur alphonse.

I am only going
through the motions.

I shudder to think

of you going through the motions

with this feathered wop.

I gnash some of my teeth.

Please, control yourself.

I cannot.

As a matter of principle,

I must challenge
my rival to a duel.

It is expected.

A word with you, monsieur.

What's up?

You have taken the hand
of the woman I love.

I demand satisfaction.
It is a local custom.

In Italy the husband
gets the satisfaction.

The locals don't get a look in.

I demand the satisfaction

of a duel to the death.

Name your time and place.

Aah.

Aah.

What's that for?

It is also part
of the local custom.

Okey-dokey, dawn tomorrow,
in the woods.

Well, I have done
what is expected of me.

I must inform you that I am

the best shot
in the Italian army.

In that case, I must inform you

that I have a prior engagement,

otherwise, I would go
and embalm myself immediately.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

That is the window of
the general's quarters.

It is very high.

Do not be a wimp,
Von smallhausen.

We cross the moat,

fire the grappling iron,

climb the almost
insurmountable wall.

After creating a diversion,

we steal the painting,

and return to our quarters.

I must point out, herr Flick,

I have not yet fully mastered

the technique of swimming.

What if I get into difficulties?

You will continue
walking underwater

for as long as you can.

Are you ready to go
down into the cellar,

my brave little Mimi?

For you, Rene,

I'm always ready.

Yvette will lower you down.

Why cannot I go?

Because I am braver than you,

and you are fatter than me.

Oh, how dare you? Shorty.

Fatty.

- Shorty.
- Fatty.

- Shorty shorty...
- Fatty fatty...

Stop that, stop it you two.
You are both brave.

Now come along, Mimi.

Climb in.

Good luck, Mimi.

I must get back
to the festivities.

And if I am asked about this,

of course I know
nothing about it.

Trust us.

Good, yes.

Be careful how
you lower me down.

It is a long drop.

Do not tell me what to do.

Aren't you one of the waitresses

from the cafe?

What if I am?

You gave me a little
kiss the other night,

and promised another
the next time we met.

I don't remember.

I see it's all
coming back to you.

Quick, Mimi.

It is I, Michelle.
Open the door.

The key is big and old,

but I am strong.

There.

Well done.

Ah, there are the barrels.

Fairfax? Carstairs?
Can you hear me?

- Hello.
- Hello.

We've come...

We've come to get you out.

About time.

The rats have been
gnawing at my bum.

Well, pop back in, chaps.

We're going to drop you
in the river

and start your journey.

Jolly good. Cheerio.

Michelle, I hope
this plan works.

My subscription to wentworth

runs out next week.

Oh, well, that's too bad.

Cheerio.

Open the trap door.

Aah!

Ooh, ooh, oh, oh, waaaah!

Quick, Mimi. Get back
before you are missed.

Is she not back yet?

Oh, she is very heavy.

Oh, I will do it.

- Go and serve the drinks.
- All right.

Rene, what are you
doing out here?

You are missing all the fun.

Just running
out of wine, lieutenant.

I sent Mimi down
to get some more.

That looks like heavy work.

Let me give you a hand.

It is... it is
all right, lieutenant.

I can manage.

Nonsense.

Look, I am terribly sorry
about madam Edith.

I wish I could have prevented

this dreadful engagement.

Well, thank you for trying.

Don't worry.

If your nights become lonely,

we can always chat by the bar.

That would be a great comfort.

Here is Mimi now.

Gruber, Rene, come at once.

The general's about
to make a speech.

Well done, Mimi.

I have overcome great danger.

Hold me and kiss me.

You will just have to settle

for a "well done, Mimi."

Silence!

I have invited
all you local peasants

here tonight to hear

an important announcement.

To cement the friendship
between the occupying forces

and the peasants,

I have decided
to give my permission

for a marriage to take place

between captain bertorelli

and the spirit of Nouvion,
from the cafe Rene.

Have you got the ring?

What a whopper!

It will be yours tonight.

Captain bertorelli is,
of course, an Italian,

and not a true Aryan,

but it's the spirit
of the occasion that counts.

Where is the photographer?

I am here, general.

My equipment is at the ready.

We will have the official

engagement photograph over here.

I wish to take this opportunity

to display a fabulous
art treasure

which has been acquired
for the glory

of the third reich.

As you will see,

it is the fallen Madonna
with the big boobies by Van clomp,

which will soon
be on its way to the fuhrer.

Let this be a lesson to you all,

we Germans always
succeed in the end!

The happy couple may join me.

Come along, you old bat.
This is the moment.

What?

It is my pleasure to announce

this engagement officially,

and I trust you will all join me

in wishing captain bertorelli
and his bride to be

every happiness.

I do not.

Who said that?

My daughter Edith

will never marry
that ugly feathered wop

as long as I have a breath

left in m-y-y

body-y-y-y-y!

Who is the nutcase?

She is kiptin bertorolli's

future mother inloo.

My mother inloo?

I will cut you off

without a sou, you traitress.

You will never have my cafe now.

Her cafe?

But I thought it was your cafe?

It is mamma's.

She shall never

disgrace my family

by marrying that dago.

Dago? I'm from napoli.

That's even worse.

I've changed my mind.
The wedding it's off.

You could lose your rank
and medals for this.

You can keep the medals.

Mussolini, he made me
the captain, not you.

To hell with Mussolini!

That is the last time

I trust an itai
with a silly walk.

I see the painting

of the fallen Madonna
with the big boobies.

It is time to activate

our special gestapo fire alarm

as a diversion.

I am ready, herr Flick.

Very well, activate your helmet.

Fire alarm, general!

Quick, evacuate the room. Quick!

Deactivate the fire alarm,

Von smallhausen.

- What?
- Switch it off.

Now, jump.

How do we know
the moat is deep enough

to break our fall, herr Flick?

You will test it.

Aah!

Obviously not.

That was not even
our fire alarm.

There must be
another one somewhere.

The picture is gone.

I'm not blind. Guards,
search for intruders.

It could not have been
one of the posants,

as we were all
outsod in the pissage.

What an evening.

But a successful one.

I got out of marrying
captain bertorelli.

And Michelle got the British airmen away.

Thank goodness we will never

have to see those two
British idiots again.

Hello?

Tell me this is a dream.

I say,

we seem to have taken
the wrong passage

in the underground stream.

The grating's jammed.

What did they say?

They have taken
the wrong pissage.

I'm afraid there has been
an almighty kick-up.

You took the weeds
right out of my mooth.