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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,339 --> 00:00:06,173 I got a few days left! 2 00:00:06,174 --> 00:00:08,216 � � 3 00:00:09,919 --> 00:00:11,510 (shrieks) 4 00:00:16,834 --> 00:00:18,643 (school bell rings) 5 00:00:21,090 --> 00:00:21,972 (burps) 6 00:00:23,017 --> 00:00:24,259 (whistle blows) 7 00:00:24,260 --> 00:00:25,684 (yells) 8 00:00:30,191 --> 00:00:31,190 (beeping) 9 00:00:34,845 --> 00:00:36,863 � � 10 00:00:36,864 --> 00:00:38,864 (playing lively jazz music) 11 00:00:43,687 --> 00:00:44,662 (tires screech) 12 00:00:46,523 --> 00:00:47,832 D'oh! 13 00:00:48,901 --> 00:00:50,334 (grunts) 14 00:00:54,715 --> 00:00:56,048 (train whistle blowing) 15 00:01:00,221 --> 00:01:01,762 Haw-haw! 16 00:01:03,966 --> 00:01:05,766 � � 17 00:01:10,639 --> 00:01:12,565 � � 18 00:01:16,595 --> 00:01:18,095 Hey, little lady. 19 00:01:18,096 --> 00:01:20,574 You'd be a lot prettier if you smiled. 20 00:01:20,575 --> 00:01:22,317 What? Who are you? 21 00:01:22,318 --> 00:01:25,102 I'm a man. So I know what I'm talking about. 22 00:01:25,103 --> 00:01:27,914 Smile and you'll be a lot more popular. 23 00:01:27,915 --> 00:01:31,234 Are you serious? You know I'll remember this forever, right? 24 00:01:31,235 --> 00:01:33,736 Well, that's what therapy's for. 25 00:01:33,737 --> 00:01:37,257 And he told me I wouldn't be pretty unless I smiled. 26 00:01:37,258 --> 00:01:39,759 Sweetie, you are very pretty. 27 00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:42,170 And thanks to the puberty app on my phone, 28 00:01:42,171 --> 00:01:43,846 we can see what lies ahead. 29 00:01:50,938 --> 00:01:53,681 (buzzer sounding) 30 00:01:53,682 --> 00:01:55,350 Wait. This can't be real. 31 00:01:55,351 --> 00:01:57,260 I already had braces. 32 00:01:57,261 --> 00:02:00,763 Oh. Well, I-I'm afraid you have to get them again. 33 00:02:00,764 --> 00:02:03,140 The man we thought was your orthodontist 34 00:02:03,141 --> 00:02:06,202 was actually a rogue periodontist. 35 00:02:07,271 --> 00:02:09,105 (scoffs) Rogue periodontist. 36 00:02:09,106 --> 00:02:11,291 This family cheaps out on everything. 37 00:02:11,292 --> 00:02:14,443 Homer took me to a "psychiatrist." 38 00:02:14,444 --> 00:02:18,281 After three sessions, I figured out it was a goat with glasses. 39 00:02:18,282 --> 00:02:20,049 (bleats): Never went back. 40 00:02:21,952 --> 00:02:24,161 (quietly): Braces? Again? 41 00:02:24,162 --> 00:02:28,624 Why am I the only one in this family who needs braces? 42 00:02:28,625 --> 00:02:30,167 (mouthpiece creaking) 43 00:02:30,168 --> 00:02:32,220 (playing lively jazz) 44 00:02:32,221 --> 00:02:34,722 - (laughs) - Don't look so smug, boy. 45 00:02:34,723 --> 00:02:36,565 Let's try this app on you. 46 00:02:38,135 --> 00:02:40,803 Hello, Aaron Eckhart. (purrs) 47 00:02:40,804 --> 00:02:43,156 Whoa-ho! Puberty! 48 00:02:43,157 --> 00:02:45,492 Let's see what comes next. 49 00:02:45,493 --> 00:02:46,809 Cool. 50 00:02:46,810 --> 00:02:49,829 Homie, look. We got this in the mail today. 51 00:02:49,830 --> 00:02:51,188 HOMER: Aw, what is it? 52 00:02:51,189 --> 00:02:53,024 Did I get drunk and buy useless stuff 53 00:02:53,025 --> 00:02:54,334 on eBay again? 54 00:02:54,335 --> 00:02:56,126 Let's get more. 55 00:02:57,913 --> 00:02:59,488 Hello, Simpsons. 56 00:02:59,489 --> 00:03:01,508 It's me, Artie Ziff, 57 00:03:01,509 --> 00:03:04,035 in prerecorded form. 58 00:03:04,036 --> 00:03:06,329 So you can't talk to me. 59 00:03:06,330 --> 00:03:07,163 I can't? 60 00:03:07,164 --> 00:03:08,831 No, you can't. 61 00:03:08,832 --> 00:03:11,000 (quietly): Pause for laughs. 62 00:03:11,001 --> 00:03:12,335 And thank you. 63 00:03:12,336 --> 00:03:14,003 Artie Ziff? Isn't that the rich guy 64 00:03:14,004 --> 00:03:15,597 who could have been our dad? 65 00:03:15,598 --> 00:03:18,433 I am the only man your mother has ever been with, 66 00:03:18,434 --> 00:03:20,902 and she doesn't have a single regret. 67 00:03:20,903 --> 00:03:22,862 - Well... - You stay out of this, Marge! 68 00:03:22,863 --> 00:03:25,890 Great news: I'm getting married, and you're invited! 69 00:03:25,891 --> 00:03:29,185 - HOMER (groans): Oh. - Why, you ask, am I getting married? 70 00:03:29,186 --> 00:03:32,038 - I've found my soul mate! - (fireworks popping) 71 00:03:32,039 --> 00:03:34,616 - Jealous? - (easy listening music plays) 72 00:03:34,617 --> 00:03:36,618 April 12th, very rich man's wedding. 73 00:03:36,619 --> 00:03:37,952 Regrets only. 74 00:03:37,953 --> 00:03:39,212 Chicken or fish. 75 00:03:39,213 --> 00:03:40,863 Or vegan. 76 00:03:40,864 --> 00:03:42,198 Bye! 77 00:03:42,199 --> 00:03:43,550 So, what else is in the mail? 78 00:03:43,551 --> 00:03:46,410 We got a flyer from Lowe's! 79 00:03:46,411 --> 00:03:48,871 (gasps) Three-quarter plywood. 80 00:03:48,872 --> 00:03:50,632 $20 a sheet! 81 00:03:50,633 --> 00:03:52,375 I'm a-comin'! 82 00:03:52,376 --> 00:03:54,728 Oh, I don't have a car. 83 00:03:54,729 --> 00:03:56,754 You're not really thinking of going, are you? 84 00:03:56,755 --> 00:03:58,732 That jerk kept trying to break us up. 85 00:03:58,733 --> 00:04:02,310 Now, I am sensing conflicted feelings. 86 00:04:02,311 --> 00:04:06,055 If you come, I promise you a wonderful time. 87 00:04:06,056 --> 00:04:08,224 - Champagne, caviar, - (fanfare playing) 88 00:04:08,225 --> 00:04:10,910 deep-fried ice sculptures, a guy who guesses your weight, 89 00:04:10,911 --> 00:04:13,246 who always guesses low! 90 00:04:13,247 --> 00:04:15,248 (easy listening music plays) 91 00:04:15,249 --> 00:04:16,607 Thank you. 92 00:04:16,608 --> 00:04:19,419 And now to celebrate, here's Tupac Shakur! 93 00:04:19,420 --> 00:04:21,070 � Don't be tardy � 94 00:04:21,071 --> 00:04:23,423 � My boy Artie is throwing a party � 95 00:04:23,424 --> 00:04:25,500 � This wedding's gonna be fly � 96 00:04:25,501 --> 00:04:27,910 � Why won't you people let me die? � 97 00:04:27,911 --> 00:04:29,671 How do you turn this off? 98 00:04:29,672 --> 00:04:31,765 There's no off to the Artie show. 99 00:04:31,766 --> 00:04:34,509 - I decide when... - Please set me free. 100 00:04:34,510 --> 00:04:36,085 Oh, here it is. 101 00:04:36,086 --> 00:04:37,728 TUPAC: God bless you. 102 00:04:40,132 --> 00:04:43,518 (singing happily) 103 00:04:43,519 --> 00:04:47,021 Now everyone's favorite: rinse and spit. 104 00:04:47,022 --> 00:04:48,431 (gargles) 105 00:04:48,432 --> 00:04:51,100 And I'm done... with the top braces. 106 00:04:51,101 --> 00:04:53,027 We'll put the bottoms in next week. 107 00:04:53,028 --> 00:04:56,605 And after that, just a lifetime of wearing retainers. 108 00:04:56,606 --> 00:04:58,441 Well, they're practically invisible. 109 00:04:58,442 --> 00:05:00,818 (slurred): I can't close my mouth. 110 00:05:00,819 --> 00:05:03,404 The brackets are holding up your lips at the edges. 111 00:05:03,405 --> 00:05:05,489 They'll adjust. The main thing is you're happy. 112 00:05:05,490 --> 00:05:07,417 I'm not happy. 113 00:05:07,418 --> 00:05:09,135 - Have a little nitrous. - (gas whooshes) 114 00:05:09,136 --> 00:05:10,470 (giggles) 115 00:05:10,471 --> 00:05:13,881 Oh, they should revoke your license. Ha! 116 00:05:13,882 --> 00:05:14,882 More, please. 117 00:05:14,883 --> 00:05:16,810 - That's enough. - No, it's not! 118 00:05:16,811 --> 00:05:18,502 - (gas whooshes) - Yeah, give me that. 119 00:05:18,503 --> 00:05:20,980 I thought your name is "Kidzrule." 120 00:05:20,981 --> 00:05:23,483 Shortened from "Kidzrulovitch," 121 00:05:23,484 --> 00:05:26,677 which is Romanian for "kill all the children." 122 00:05:26,678 --> 00:05:29,063 (mellow jazz music playing) 123 00:05:29,064 --> 00:05:32,683 (creaking) 124 00:05:32,684 --> 00:05:33,809 (bell dings) 125 00:05:33,810 --> 00:05:35,495 (lively chatter) 126 00:05:35,496 --> 00:05:36,812 HOMER: Hmm. 127 00:05:36,813 --> 00:05:39,523 That elevator has the capacity for 32 people! 128 00:05:39,524 --> 00:05:42,359 (sighs) We brought a rhino up here last week. 129 00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:44,361 HOMER: Hmm. 130 00:05:44,362 --> 00:05:46,322 - Hmm. - (calf moos) 131 00:05:46,323 --> 00:05:48,799 - Hmm! - My headaches are so bad. 132 00:05:50,010 --> 00:05:52,594 ("Flower Duet" playing) 133 00:05:55,665 --> 00:05:57,391 ARTIE: Jealous? 134 00:06:00,712 --> 00:06:01,688 Feet. 135 00:06:01,689 --> 00:06:03,547 You're one in a million. 136 00:06:03,548 --> 00:06:05,433 Literally. Don't fall off the roof. 137 00:06:05,434 --> 00:06:07,026 Homer Simpson! 138 00:06:07,027 --> 00:06:10,012 The man who beat me to planet Marge. 139 00:06:10,013 --> 00:06:12,014 You've done all right for a billionaire. 140 00:06:12,015 --> 00:06:13,849 Hey, I'm not made of money. 141 00:06:13,850 --> 00:06:15,559 Although, actually I am. 142 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:17,445 After my parole, I got rich 143 00:06:17,446 --> 00:06:19,947 selling fireplace logs that look like cash, 144 00:06:19,948 --> 00:06:22,041 i.e., Money to Burn. 145 00:06:22,042 --> 00:06:24,786 (chuckles) That is the greatest. 146 00:06:24,787 --> 00:06:26,287 It says "Money to Burn." 147 00:06:26,288 --> 00:06:28,214 It looks like you're burning money! 148 00:06:28,215 --> 00:06:29,865 Yes, that's the idea. 149 00:06:29,866 --> 00:06:31,217 (laughing): No, no, no. 150 00:06:31,218 --> 00:06:33,494 It's so funny. Don't you get it? 151 00:06:33,495 --> 00:06:35,388 Of course get it. I thought of it. 152 00:06:35,389 --> 00:06:38,132 No, no, no. Listen, it says "Money to Burn," 153 00:06:38,133 --> 00:06:40,301 but it's actually... (laughing) 154 00:06:40,302 --> 00:06:42,896 I know! I know! Talk to someone else. 155 00:06:42,897 --> 00:06:45,589 Hey, pal, you're a news guy. Give it to me straight. 156 00:06:45,590 --> 00:06:47,049 Is this wedding on the level? 157 00:06:47,050 --> 00:06:49,426 Here's the scoop. It's legit! 158 00:06:49,427 --> 00:06:52,571 In other news, local newsman hopes to score with caterer. 159 00:06:53,932 --> 00:06:55,742 This just in: she knows I'm married. 160 00:06:55,743 --> 00:06:57,985 Coming up at 11:00: nothing. 161 00:06:57,986 --> 00:06:59,913 Now, Homer, as this is a bachelor party, 162 00:06:59,914 --> 00:07:02,081 I want to show you something. 163 00:07:02,082 --> 00:07:04,250 But, uh, no word to the wives. 164 00:07:04,251 --> 00:07:06,610 How did you meet your wife, by the way? 165 00:07:06,611 --> 00:07:09,589 Usual: boy meets girl, girl meets bank account. 166 00:07:09,590 --> 00:07:11,499 Now, shut your eyes. 167 00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:14,377 You've never seen a body this enticing. 168 00:07:14,378 --> 00:07:16,787 (gasps) Exactly what I imagined! 169 00:07:16,788 --> 00:07:19,081 (grunts, chews noisily) 170 00:07:19,082 --> 00:07:20,974 - Food coma. He'll be fine. - (monitor beeping steadily) 171 00:07:22,010 --> 00:07:23,419 Huh? 172 00:07:23,420 --> 00:07:24,437 Hmm. 173 00:07:24,438 --> 00:07:26,297 (chews noisily) 174 00:07:26,298 --> 00:07:27,731 - (flatlining beep) - (groans) 175 00:07:28,776 --> 00:07:30,777 BOTH: Hey, girlfriend! 176 00:07:30,778 --> 00:07:32,636 Uh, who, me? 177 00:07:32,637 --> 00:07:35,523 Lisa, did you get your eyebrows waxed? 178 00:07:35,524 --> 00:07:37,358 You look amazing! 179 00:07:37,359 --> 00:07:39,118 I don't have eyebrows. 180 00:07:39,119 --> 00:07:41,621 Well, check out these twin caterpillars. 181 00:07:41,622 --> 00:07:43,147 Huh? Huh? 182 00:07:43,148 --> 00:07:44,532 What's going on? 183 00:07:44,533 --> 00:07:47,126 Her smile makes me feel full, 184 00:07:47,127 --> 00:07:49,320 like I actually ate dinner last night. 185 00:07:49,321 --> 00:07:51,989 If you never eat, how come you're so fat? 186 00:07:51,990 --> 00:07:53,207 - (grunts) - Ow! 187 00:07:53,208 --> 00:07:55,543 Americans can be fat and poor. 188 00:07:55,544 --> 00:07:57,637 That's what makes us so great. 189 00:07:57,638 --> 00:08:00,640 And so, after saving Wilbur, 190 00:08:00,641 --> 00:08:03,459 Charlotte crawled off to die, 191 00:08:03,460 --> 00:08:07,722 as all barn spiders do (sniffles) in the fall. 192 00:08:07,723 --> 00:08:09,983 (sobs) 193 00:08:09,984 --> 00:08:11,484 Bravo, Lisa. 194 00:08:11,485 --> 00:08:14,153 What a positive note on which to end the class. 195 00:08:14,154 --> 00:08:17,139 (sniffles) Positive? Positive? 196 00:08:17,140 --> 00:08:20,809 Charlotte died alone at the saddest place on Earth, 197 00:08:20,810 --> 00:08:23,162 an empty fairground. 198 00:08:23,163 --> 00:08:26,190 Well, your smiling face made dying alone fun. 199 00:08:26,191 --> 00:08:28,651 And believe me, that's where I'm headed. 200 00:08:28,652 --> 00:08:30,578 So as long as I'm smiling, 201 00:08:30,579 --> 00:08:33,155 it doesn't matter what comes out of my mouth? 202 00:08:33,156 --> 00:08:34,381 Or your nose. 203 00:08:37,678 --> 00:08:39,595 I don't need these anymore. 204 00:08:41,924 --> 00:08:43,724 This'll go good in Willie's stew. 205 00:08:45,260 --> 00:08:48,712 LISA: Can it really be that people are this shallow? 206 00:08:48,713 --> 00:08:52,600 (chanting): Lisa! Lisa! Lisa! 207 00:08:52,601 --> 00:08:55,344 And am I shallow enough to enjoy this? 208 00:08:55,345 --> 00:08:57,179 (gasps) I am! 209 00:08:57,180 --> 00:08:58,773 (straining grunt) 210 00:08:58,774 --> 00:09:01,442 I'm so happy, I could sing! 211 00:09:01,443 --> 00:09:02,535 (sings) 212 00:09:02,536 --> 00:09:05,371 � Hello, world! � 213 00:09:05,372 --> 00:09:07,189 Ow, ow, ow. 214 00:09:07,190 --> 00:09:09,041 That really hurts with the braces. 215 00:09:10,044 --> 00:09:12,045 - Take your pick. - What is it? 216 00:09:12,046 --> 00:09:14,571 No idea. The labels are in Spanish. 217 00:09:14,572 --> 00:09:16,381 (rhythmic rattling) 218 00:09:20,796 --> 00:09:22,964 - Hey, gorgeous. - Hey, Bart. 219 00:09:22,965 --> 00:09:25,800 Lisa? Oh, yuck! I didn't know that was you. 220 00:09:25,801 --> 00:09:27,376 (coughing, gagging) 221 00:09:27,377 --> 00:09:30,972 It's the smile. It's totally changed how people see me. 222 00:09:30,973 --> 00:09:33,900 Well, I just want you to know, you'll always be gross to me. 223 00:09:33,901 --> 00:09:35,977 Oh, thank God. I was having doubts, 224 00:09:35,978 --> 00:09:38,312 trying to figure out if this is sexist. 225 00:09:38,313 --> 00:09:40,556 And then I found this. 226 00:09:40,557 --> 00:09:42,491 (low, ominous music plays) 227 00:09:46,655 --> 00:09:48,080 (upbeat music playing) 228 00:09:50,158 --> 00:09:52,234 It seems like ever since the pill, 229 00:09:52,235 --> 00:09:55,088 the workplace has been full of single women. 230 00:09:55,089 --> 00:09:56,739 Here's your coffee, Jim. 231 00:09:56,740 --> 00:09:59,592 Extra sugar, just how you like it. 232 00:09:59,593 --> 00:10:02,428 Hmm. Remind me to get a divorce. 233 00:10:02,429 --> 00:10:05,789 But some women are having trouble "fitting in." 234 00:10:05,790 --> 00:10:07,791 Well, I can't figure it out, Jim. 235 00:10:07,792 --> 00:10:09,936 I was all prepared for a big presentation, 236 00:10:09,937 --> 00:10:12,963 but it went over like a nun at a go-go bar. 237 00:10:12,964 --> 00:10:14,774 Well, there's one thing you didn't prepare, 238 00:10:14,775 --> 00:10:16,109 and that's your face. 239 00:10:16,110 --> 00:10:18,594 But I'm wearing a pound of Mary Kay. 240 00:10:18,595 --> 00:10:20,971 Let me touch your body and show you the problem. 241 00:10:20,972 --> 00:10:22,598 No need to ask. 242 00:10:22,599 --> 00:10:23,807 Mm. 243 00:10:23,808 --> 00:10:25,434 You've got a secret weapon 244 00:10:25,435 --> 00:10:27,528 sitting in the middle of your face. 245 00:10:27,529 --> 00:10:29,980 Now you're sure to get that promotion. 246 00:10:29,981 --> 00:10:31,624 - Really? - (laughs) 247 00:10:31,625 --> 00:10:32,867 No. 248 00:10:32,868 --> 00:10:35,778 Ugh! Don't you see why I hate this? 249 00:10:35,779 --> 00:10:37,279 'Cause you hate everything? 250 00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:40,633 Because it makes that jerky old guy right! 251 00:10:40,634 --> 00:10:43,160 I am more popular because I'm smiling. 252 00:10:43,161 --> 00:10:44,303 Told ya! 253 00:10:44,304 --> 00:10:47,214 (growling) 254 00:10:47,215 --> 00:10:49,599 ("La Primavera" from Vivaldi's The Four Seasons playing) 255 00:10:53,671 --> 00:10:56,840 Wow. Not a single picture of Artie. 256 00:10:56,841 --> 00:10:58,567 Maybe he has matured. 257 00:11:01,897 --> 00:11:05,491 Well, I guess being here sort of ends a chapter in my life. 258 00:11:05,492 --> 00:11:07,784 So, lehayim. 259 00:11:08,829 --> 00:11:10,646 That's odd. 260 00:11:10,647 --> 00:11:13,415 Not one person from the bride's family. 261 00:11:14,818 --> 00:11:17,670 ("Bridal Chorus" playing) 262 00:11:17,671 --> 00:11:20,581 Excuse me. We need someone to walk the bride down the aisle. 263 00:11:20,582 --> 00:11:21,916 Could you? 264 00:11:21,917 --> 00:11:24,343 First, tell me one thing: How long is the aisle? 265 00:11:24,344 --> 00:11:25,828 About 20 feet. 266 00:11:25,829 --> 00:11:27,346 All right, I'll do it. 267 00:11:27,347 --> 00:11:29,264 But double cake. 268 00:11:31,927 --> 00:11:34,687 (sniffles) They grow up so fast. 269 00:11:34,688 --> 00:11:37,673 I knew this day would come. (sobs) 270 00:11:37,674 --> 00:11:40,400 You'll always be my little girl. Mm. 271 00:11:41,719 --> 00:11:43,887 If he ever hurts my baby, I'll kill him. 272 00:11:43,888 --> 00:11:45,698 Oh, for crying out loud. 273 00:11:45,699 --> 00:11:47,850 Friends, family, 274 00:11:47,851 --> 00:11:50,018 I take great delight in informing you 275 00:11:50,019 --> 00:11:52,538 that the bride and groom have written their own vows. 276 00:11:52,539 --> 00:11:54,448 (crowd groans) 277 00:11:54,449 --> 00:11:57,292 Stick to the script, amateurs! 278 00:11:58,787 --> 00:12:01,363 (ominous music plays) 279 00:12:01,364 --> 00:12:02,698 Oh, my God. 280 00:12:02,699 --> 00:12:04,199 This is too weird. 281 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:06,627 Artie, you are the greatest lover ever. 282 00:12:06,628 --> 00:12:09,746 When we make sex, it is so, so good. 283 00:12:09,747 --> 00:12:12,207 I can't take this anymore. We're getting out of here. 284 00:12:12,208 --> 00:12:14,751 Yeah. This is really creepy. 285 00:12:14,752 --> 00:12:16,561 Even the rhino's leaving. 286 00:12:18,882 --> 00:12:20,732 You may now kiss the bride. 287 00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:25,312 (Artie groans) 288 00:12:25,313 --> 00:12:27,648 And this is a picture of us at our wedding. 289 00:12:27,649 --> 00:12:28,908 You're so happy. 290 00:12:28,909 --> 00:12:30,893 And here's us on our honeymoon. 291 00:12:30,894 --> 00:12:33,320 Two days in Ohio, two days in Michigan, 292 00:12:33,321 --> 00:12:38,233 and, booyah, up to Ontario for some international flavor. 293 00:12:38,234 --> 00:12:39,234 (chuckles) 294 00:12:39,235 --> 00:12:40,903 I'm not happy. 295 00:12:40,904 --> 00:12:43,739 MILHOUSE: I have a drawing of you saying that in Michigan. 296 00:12:43,740 --> 00:12:45,332 This smile is so wrong. 297 00:12:45,333 --> 00:12:47,201 There's nothing to be happy about. 298 00:12:47,202 --> 00:12:49,970 The world is a mess, and so is this school. 299 00:12:51,289 --> 00:12:53,340 I mean, how hard is this? 300 00:12:53,341 --> 00:12:56,309 The happy girl put the thing in the hole! 301 00:13:00,924 --> 00:13:02,183 Wait a minute. 302 00:13:02,184 --> 00:13:05,611 I could use my new power to change these things, 303 00:13:05,612 --> 00:13:07,471 use it for good. 304 00:13:07,472 --> 00:13:09,406 � � 305 00:13:17,032 --> 00:13:18,915 (grunting) 306 00:13:20,627 --> 00:13:22,444 Indubitably. 307 00:13:22,445 --> 00:13:24,988 KEARNEY/JIMBO/DOLPH: Hear, hear! Hear, hear! 308 00:13:24,989 --> 00:13:26,874 I can make it happen. 309 00:13:26,875 --> 00:13:29,050 Hurry! 310 00:13:36,143 --> 00:13:37,384 You posers. 311 00:13:37,385 --> 00:13:39,478 I was for Lisa before it was cool. 312 00:13:39,479 --> 00:13:41,222 You never liked Lisa. 313 00:13:41,223 --> 00:13:42,965 What? You got to remember that. 314 00:13:42,966 --> 00:13:44,967 That's my one thing! 315 00:13:44,968 --> 00:13:48,011 No. Your thing is crying when you're punched. 316 00:13:48,012 --> 00:13:49,513 - Prove it. - (grunts) 317 00:13:49,514 --> 00:13:51,807 Ow! (crying) 318 00:13:51,808 --> 00:13:54,184 Aw, you're taking all the fun out of it. 319 00:13:54,185 --> 00:13:56,737 The polls are in, and you're doing great. 320 00:13:56,738 --> 00:13:58,906 You're picking up the key group: girls who don't like Milhouse. 321 00:13:58,907 --> 00:14:00,524 You're big with swing voters, 322 00:14:00,525 --> 00:14:02,409 but the teeter-totters could go either way. 323 00:14:02,410 --> 00:14:03,836 What about the kids on the slide? 324 00:14:03,837 --> 00:14:05,246 Eh, they're up and down, 325 00:14:05,247 --> 00:14:07,030 but the kids on the monkey bars are climbing. 326 00:14:07,031 --> 00:14:08,249 That's all I got. 327 00:14:08,250 --> 00:14:10,534 Like every election with one week to go, 328 00:14:10,535 --> 00:14:12,086 this is in the bag. 329 00:14:12,087 --> 00:14:13,495 Don't be so sure. 330 00:14:13,496 --> 00:14:15,181 I'm up against a tough opponent: 331 00:14:15,182 --> 00:14:17,291 Dubya Spuckler. 332 00:14:17,292 --> 00:14:19,593 Look at this negative ad he did. 333 00:14:19,594 --> 00:14:22,546 Lisa Simpson says "writin'" ends with a "G" 334 00:14:22,547 --> 00:14:25,173 and "'rithmetic" starts with a "A." 335 00:14:25,174 --> 00:14:26,942 You know what I say? 336 00:14:29,437 --> 00:14:32,222 Don't worry. You just keep smiling. 337 00:14:32,223 --> 00:14:34,700 Well, I do have an orthodontist appointment tomorrow 338 00:14:34,701 --> 00:14:36,018 for a tune-up. 339 00:14:36,019 --> 00:14:38,395 In the bag, Madam President. 340 00:14:38,396 --> 00:14:40,188 Bup, don't be so sure. 341 00:14:40,189 --> 00:14:43,284 Hey, I drew a picture of your inauguration. 342 00:14:43,285 --> 00:14:46,378 I don't think I've ever looked more radiant. 343 00:14:47,697 --> 00:14:50,791 (humming) 344 00:14:50,792 --> 00:14:53,961 Okay, kid. Your bottom braces are on. 345 00:14:53,962 --> 00:14:56,680 (gasps) What happened to my smile? 346 00:14:57,799 --> 00:14:59,416 No, no, no, this is terrible. 347 00:14:59,417 --> 00:15:01,302 I look like I actually feel. 348 00:15:01,303 --> 00:15:03,729 In six months, you'll have perfect teeth. 349 00:15:03,730 --> 00:15:06,640 Six months? I have to smile now. 350 00:15:06,641 --> 00:15:08,309 No, I can power through this. 351 00:15:08,310 --> 00:15:09,593 (straining grunt) 352 00:15:09,594 --> 00:15:11,553 Ow. Ow. 353 00:15:11,554 --> 00:15:14,389 Uh, Ralph lost his retainer in the trash. 354 00:15:14,390 --> 00:15:15,891 What can we, uh, do here? 355 00:15:15,892 --> 00:15:18,319 New ones are $500. 356 00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:20,821 Uh, so just what is this secret mission, Chief? 357 00:15:20,822 --> 00:15:23,774 Well, let's just say you're on retainer. 358 00:15:23,775 --> 00:15:25,667 (chuckling) 359 00:15:28,330 --> 00:15:30,213 � � 360 00:15:34,619 --> 00:15:36,595 - Let's see. I'll take this. - Aw, stop that. 361 00:15:36,596 --> 00:15:40,123 Aw, come on, Marge. This minibar is paid for. 362 00:15:40,124 --> 00:15:43,344 Do you know the street value of this Toblerone? 363 00:15:43,345 --> 00:15:45,128 Homer, stop it. 364 00:15:45,129 --> 00:15:47,756 I can't help thinking about that poor woman. 365 00:15:47,757 --> 00:15:50,943 Artie only married her because she looks like me. 366 00:15:50,944 --> 00:15:52,803 I mean, a lot like me. 367 00:15:52,804 --> 00:15:54,947 You're right. We have to find her and tell her. 368 00:15:54,948 --> 00:15:57,116 But, first, there's something naughty 369 00:15:57,117 --> 00:15:59,117 I want to do with this bed. 370 00:16:04,107 --> 00:16:05,373 (giggles) 371 00:16:06,776 --> 00:16:08,443 Are you sure we should be here? 372 00:16:08,444 --> 00:16:10,371 This is technically his honeymoon. 373 00:16:10,372 --> 00:16:13,506 ARTIE: Achm! Achm! Achm! 374 00:16:15,210 --> 00:16:16,543 Artie? 375 00:16:16,544 --> 00:16:19,287 I'm at the lowest point of my life! 376 00:16:19,288 --> 00:16:21,181 But come on in. 377 00:16:23,143 --> 00:16:25,719 As a woman, I just want to tell your wife 378 00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:27,629 what's really going on here. 379 00:16:27,630 --> 00:16:29,339 Sure, why not? 380 00:16:29,340 --> 00:16:31,466 Say it to her face! 381 00:16:31,467 --> 00:16:32,342 (both scream) 382 00:16:32,343 --> 00:16:33,819 Now you know my secret. 383 00:16:33,820 --> 00:16:36,489 I've spent years trying to build the perfect copy 384 00:16:36,490 --> 00:16:39,324 of the only woman for me: you, Marge. 385 00:16:41,352 --> 00:16:44,187 But they were all inferior in some way. 386 00:16:44,188 --> 00:16:46,499 This one lacks kindness. 387 00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:48,316 This one keeps trying to kill me. 388 00:16:48,317 --> 00:16:50,360 This one's head is a toaster! 389 00:16:50,361 --> 00:16:52,754 And the slots aren't even big enough for a bagel! 390 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:56,417 Why would you marry a machine? 391 00:16:56,418 --> 00:16:57,584 I didn't. 392 00:16:57,585 --> 00:16:59,327 It was one last trick. 393 00:16:59,328 --> 00:17:01,588 I thought when you saw how perfect we look together, 394 00:17:01,589 --> 00:17:04,425 you would realize that we were meant to be. 395 00:17:04,426 --> 00:17:08,712 I am, as the poet once said, a dumb schmuck. 396 00:17:08,713 --> 00:17:10,356 - Artie. - Yes? 397 00:17:10,357 --> 00:17:12,048 You're not dumb. You're smart. 398 00:17:12,049 --> 00:17:13,859 And I think this crazy project 399 00:17:13,860 --> 00:17:16,219 actually had some brilliance in it. 400 00:17:16,220 --> 00:17:19,514 Imagine if you use that noodle for good. 401 00:17:19,515 --> 00:17:22,109 Wow. Wow. 402 00:17:22,110 --> 00:17:26,521 Only you could find a pearl in the flabby oyster that is me. 403 00:17:26,522 --> 00:17:28,732 I will become a better human being. 404 00:17:28,733 --> 00:17:30,066 Terrific. 405 00:17:30,067 --> 00:17:31,860 And then you'll love me? 406 00:17:31,861 --> 00:17:33,287 No. 407 00:17:33,288 --> 00:17:36,957 Well, then, I finally give up. 408 00:17:36,958 --> 00:17:38,341 Or do I? 409 00:17:39,911 --> 00:17:42,078 Aw, damn it. 410 00:17:42,079 --> 00:17:46,225 Artie, you and your blue crew of Margekateers 411 00:17:46,226 --> 00:17:47,968 have done so many good deeds. 412 00:17:47,969 --> 00:17:49,377 What's next? 413 00:17:49,378 --> 00:17:52,231 I'm gonna make one of them my bride. 414 00:17:52,232 --> 00:17:54,308 Hey, I didn't give you wings. 415 00:17:54,309 --> 00:17:55,859 MARGE BOT: Life finds a way! 416 00:17:58,554 --> 00:18:00,239 - Uh, let's quiet down, please. - (excited chatter) 417 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:02,224 The sooner we can get this debate over, 418 00:18:02,225 --> 00:18:03,934 the sooner the teachers can get ice cream. 419 00:18:03,935 --> 00:18:05,393 CROWD: Boo! 420 00:18:05,394 --> 00:18:07,938 None for Seymour. He gets gassy. 421 00:18:07,939 --> 00:18:09,323 Yeah, I-I know. 422 00:18:09,324 --> 00:18:12,567 And now we have a very special moderator, 423 00:18:12,568 --> 00:18:15,754 Governor Mary Bailey. 424 00:18:15,755 --> 00:18:18,448 Our first candidate is Dubya Spuckler. 425 00:18:18,449 --> 00:18:20,909 CROWD (chanting): Dubya! Dubya! 426 00:18:20,910 --> 00:18:21,927 That's your brother. 427 00:18:21,928 --> 00:18:24,096 He prefers the pronoun "they," 428 00:18:24,097 --> 00:18:27,341 on account of the twin he absorbed in my belly. 429 00:18:27,342 --> 00:18:30,177 Our other candidate is ill, so she'll be Skyping in. 430 00:18:30,178 --> 00:18:31,770 Lisa Simpson. 431 00:18:31,771 --> 00:18:34,256 Lisa, I'm sorry, what do you have? 432 00:18:34,257 --> 00:18:36,925 What I have is an agenda for this school, 433 00:18:36,926 --> 00:18:39,261 an agenda that looks forward. 434 00:18:39,262 --> 00:18:41,972 I can deliver results, while my opponent 435 00:18:41,973 --> 00:18:44,450 can't even spell "results." 436 00:18:44,451 --> 00:18:47,286 Yes, I can. R-E squiggly letter, 437 00:18:47,287 --> 00:18:48,979 bucket letter, tall man, 438 00:18:48,980 --> 00:18:50,623 little plus sign, squiggly letter. 439 00:18:50,624 --> 00:18:52,107 - "Results." - (scattered cheers) 440 00:18:52,108 --> 00:18:53,792 That's not how you spell "results." 441 00:18:53,793 --> 00:18:56,629 (loudly): Lisa doesn't sound sick at all. 442 00:18:56,630 --> 00:18:58,280 (nervous laugh) 443 00:18:58,281 --> 00:19:00,707 (quietly): You said you've done this before. 444 00:19:00,708 --> 00:19:03,218 It was my machismo talking. 445 00:19:07,999 --> 00:19:09,332 (crowd gasps) 446 00:19:09,333 --> 00:19:12,645 (gasps) Lisa's using a funny-face app. 447 00:19:12,646 --> 00:19:15,005 (panting) 448 00:19:15,006 --> 00:19:17,057 (groans) 449 00:19:17,058 --> 00:19:19,985 Listen, I tried to fool you, and that was wrong. 450 00:19:19,986 --> 00:19:22,137 This is an abomination! 451 00:19:22,138 --> 00:19:24,231 What are you doing at a school debate? 452 00:19:24,232 --> 00:19:27,809 My illegitimate son goes here. 453 00:19:27,810 --> 00:19:29,903 Oh, the shame. 454 00:19:29,904 --> 00:19:31,830 I still have good ideas. 455 00:19:31,831 --> 00:19:34,500 All I hear is "nag, nag, nag." 456 00:19:34,501 --> 00:19:36,910 CROWD (chanting): Dubya! Dubya! 457 00:19:36,911 --> 00:19:39,505 Dubya! Dubya! 458 00:19:39,506 --> 00:19:42,416 (groans): Oh, boy. 459 00:19:42,417 --> 00:19:44,751 I didn't want to believe my popularity was 460 00:19:44,752 --> 00:19:46,828 based on my stupid smile. 461 00:19:46,829 --> 00:19:49,089 (groans): Oh, but it was. 462 00:19:49,090 --> 00:19:51,333 You're just a kid, and things are changing. 463 00:19:51,334 --> 00:19:53,427 In the future, women will be judged 464 00:19:53,428 --> 00:19:55,879 by what they say, not how they look. 465 00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:59,933 Maybe, but the future is a really long way away. 466 00:19:59,934 --> 00:20:02,436 Told you you should smile more. 467 00:20:02,437 --> 00:20:05,013 The future is now! 468 00:20:05,014 --> 00:20:06,447 (whoops) 469 00:20:11,946 --> 00:20:13,563 A toast. I have finally perfected you. 470 00:20:13,564 --> 00:20:16,542 You all look just like Marge, and you will never leave. 471 00:20:16,543 --> 00:20:20,378 Now, which of you lucky girls wants to party with Arty? 472 00:20:21,456 --> 00:20:25,200 (stilted): I am in power save mode. 473 00:20:25,201 --> 00:20:27,628 Oh, fine. What about you two? 474 00:20:27,629 --> 00:20:29,079 (stilted): Power save. 475 00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:31,373 (stilted): One percent battery. 476 00:20:31,374 --> 00:20:32,749 Hmm? 477 00:20:32,750 --> 00:20:35,059 I just don't like you. 478 00:20:36,379 --> 00:20:38,679 Oh! That counts as a kiss. 479 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:46,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 480 00:20:47,765 --> 00:20:50,366 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 481 00:21:24,110 --> 00:21:26,110 Shh! 482 00:21:27,305 --> 00:21:33,784 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org33720

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