Original subtitles

DIRECTOR: Azione.

SIMON: Hollywood is worried these days about runaway productions,

worried about the exodus of American money and American talent to make films abroad.

Films such as Roberto Vittorini's Samson And Delilah.

However, there are those who think that the farther Serena Harris runs away, the better.

They're garden shears! They're useless!

Cut!They won't!

A $30 million production and the stinking, lousy scissors won't cut.

They cut me! Props.

Serena, this is Rome. It wasn't built in a day. I'm sorry.

You should be! About this whole ridiculous mess!

ASSISTANT: Props! Move that table out!

Oh, who let you in?

I let myself in, as I do happen to be your husband.

Well, you won't be for long. Out.

Out!

Poor old Herbert. It must be like being married to a meat grinder.

Yeah, and he's her fourth... Fifth!

MAN: Signorina! Telefono. -Excuse me a minute.

Sergio, we call it off.No.

I am afraid we get caught, maybe - Shut up.

We do it...just like we planned.

What about him?

Nothing about him.

I'm not afraid of nobody.

Who is he, anyway? Simon Templar.

MAN: Mamma mia! Props!

David, you are a fine director, a big talent, but with Serena you must be dolce... Gentle.

Gentle? I'd like to break her blasted neck.

No, no, no, no, no. You must reason with her.

You reason with her, Roberto. I have had Serena Harris.

Hey, Dave. Think maybe First Aid should have a look at this?

Mm, by all means. Have a transfusion while you're about it.

You're the one that's always telling me to keep fit.

Ooh.

Roberto.

Beth, cara.

Roberto Vittorini, my guest Mr Simon Templar.

Ah, Mr Templar, by reputation I know you most well.

Soon there is the break for lunch, then we can talk to each other.

I'd be delighted. But right now I have the little problem.

I quite understand.Scusi.

"Little problem"? I've done publicity on Serena's last five pictures,

and now we are on her 86th fight.

Well, at least she's consistent.

Yeah... Consistently nasty.

Serena, my angel, listen to me.

Already on Delilah I've spent $21 million.

It doesn't look it.

Scusi.

But we are, ooh, so much over budget, and over schedule.

You're not blaming me?

Darling, no, you are magnifico.

But sometimes, in your striving always for perfection,

there is, well, the little time...maybe we waste.

Somebody on this film's got to be a perfectionist.

David can't direct traffic, and Tig's nothing but a...

well, a gorgeous hunk of meat.

Now, will you go away and let me rest.

Serena, my precious...

Out!

She mad? Bestiale.

I'll talk to her. No, no. Stay out. Leave her alone.

I have a feeling I'm in the way.

Scusi, signorina.

Sorry, Simon.

All right.

I'll be on the set when I'm good and ready.

One sound... ..you get it.

Oh, what's going on here?

Get those lights on!

Watch it!

DAVID: What's going on?

You're being sabotaged. What do you mean?

You'll be thrilled to know that the goddess of the silver screen has left for parts unknown.

What? Serena's gone.

Amoroso quanto e bella

You're not with this crew. Who are you? Shut up.

What did you say? Shut up!

You hit me. Do you want more?

He hit me. And you let him!

You shouldn't have done that.

I hit women lots of times. They like.

You want, maybe, I hit you, huh?

Samson?

What casting.

Toni Amato? He hit you? Si.

But why? He's a good boy. He work for me five years.

You steal his girl maybe, huh?

Never. His girl I do not even know.

Here. Did he say anything?

Nothing.

I hear him, I turn...

..I fall.

No, no, his address. Indirizzo.

It is a curse. Everybody who works for me is a madman.

Go to First Aid. Somebody go with him.

Toni Amato. 32 Via della Robia. Thanks.

Va benissimo.

May I borrow your car? Of course. The keys are in it.

Thanks.Will you be long?

No, I'll be back.

But I have a feeling you won't be seeing Serena Harris for some time.

Va bene.

Are you the construction manager?

Si, signore.

What do you know about Toni Amato?

Toni... He's always my good friend.

Toni has only the one fault.

Only one?

Money.

Yesterday,

when we drive to work together,

Toni, he borrows from me 5,000 lira.

Oh, what for? Who knows?

But it was very strange, signore.

As we drive home together, he pays it back.

Was it pay day yesterday?

No, that is tomorrow.

But Toni, he have the big roll of bills, like this.

90, maybe 100,000 lira.

Where did he get it?

I do not know.

Scusa.

It is impossibile to understand.

With Serena gone, what do I shoot this afternoon?

Maybe yourself.All right, if you're not worried...

David, dear boy, Serena will be back after lunch. She's only having a little temperament.

Hal Ward is in your office. He says it's important.

If it is not Serena, it is her agent.

Everything happens to me.

Relax. They're all the same - screaming, yelling, feuds.

It's either O Solo Mio or gang warfare.

I've had 'em.

I'll sue! Mr Ward, please.

I am, as you say, caught in the middle.

You think you are Serena's agent... So does the law.

..but Serena, she think differently.

Well, then she'll learn. Please, you settle the little...

disaccordo with her, no?

When I first met Serena Harris, she was a dumb, little 53rd Street stripper.

With nothing but a G-string and a lot of ambition.

Oh, brother, did she want me to represent her!

"Hal, darling, I'll do anything."

OK. OK. So she did everything.

All over the place.

And now she makes a million bucks a year.

And I'm entitled to 10% of it.

Legally...morally...

..and every other way.

You explain this to her, yes?

And to you, buster, as producer of this film.

Her contract states that her salary will be paid through my office.

You see that it is or I'll sue you too.

You are dismissed, Mr Ward. Thank you so much.

Now, look, Roberto...

this could mean my job, my whole future.

I have things to do. Good morning.

Wait. What's the matter?

No...it's impossibile.

What is it?

"Serena Harris has been kidnapped.

Ransom instructions will follow.

If you want her back alive, don't bring in the police."

That way.

As soon as they find out I'm missing,

every policeman in this whole country is going to be looking for me.

Nobody is going to look for you.

Not exactly the Plaza, is it?

I feel absolutely sick.

Why? Why?

They're kidnappers, that's why. Mm.

They could keep us here for days.

I wonder what they'll give us for lunch.

You're hungry? I'm starving.

And will you take off that hideous wig?

Toni?

Hello.

Who are you? Where is Toni? That's a good question.

I will get the padrone.

You might as well get the police while you're at it.

Polizia? That makes you nervous?

Mm.

Are you Toni's girlfriend?

Si. Maria.He's a lucky fellow.

Please tell me, why are you here?

It's quite simple. I'm from the studio. I've...come to pay him some money.

I will give it to him.

You know about it, then?

I know only that someone at the studio he say he will give Toni much money.

Did he say who?

No. Did he say whether it was a man or a woman?

No. I know nothing.

Makes two of us.

Oh, Maria, don't make any plans for an immediate marriage.

Unless, of course, you're planning on spending a long honeymoon with Toni in jail.

No. Toni, he do nothing wrong. Never.

Nothing except kidnapping.

And possibly murder.

Oh, Roberto, calm down.

Everything, everything. Why does she happen to me?

$21 million already in Delilah.

Without the Serena, I'm ruined.

What will I do? You could stop crying.

You English have no feeling.

The only thing you feel is your 21 million bucks.

Like you feel your commission, huh?

Oh, gentlemen, no hair-pulling, please.

I've got a sneaking suspicion this could be a publicity stunt.

But who would do such a thing, huh?

I wish I could say yes, but Toni Amato knocked out the electrician.

That was no publicity stunt.

That is true. Divine idea but I am not guilty. Wait.

I kill myself. What a...

What a very good idea.

Well, friends, it looks like we're all going to lose a lot of money.

Would anyone care to mention my wife's physical safety or is that of no interest?

We've all been very thoughtless, Herbert, I'm sorry. I'm sure I speak for everybody.

Yes, yes.Then why don't we call the police?

No! Do not get the police. They will kill her. Then I lose every penny of my investment.

I... Oh, no, no, no, no.

For Serena's safety, no police.

Whatever they ask...I will pay.

Vittorini.

Vittorini.

Si.

The ransom...is a half a million dollars.

It work perfectly. Good.

Hey, Toni, what for you come here?

I tell you. I warn you.

I say, "Sergio, we call it off." But, no.Hey, what's the matter?

This Templar, he see me. He's onto us. I tell you, he will find us.

If he find us, we will get rid of him...

..very easily.

Hi, what are you up to?

What's that?

What it looks like - a tape recorder.

The microphone's in the tie clip.

You...press it and it works.

Very ingenious. But why?

I've...been chosen.

For what?

To represent Roberto in a meeting with the kidnappers.

Excuse me.

Beth Parish Publicity.

I'll call you back in a few minutes, all right?

You've released the story?

The wires are burning. I don't know what to do next I'm so busy.

Then get even busier.

Put a cat among the pigeons and see who flies.

Meaning? Meaning this is an inside job.

Somebody in the studio's behind it. Who?

I don't know, but you might spread the word around that I am suspicious.

Do a little snooping.

See if you can uncover a few motives.

Well, I'll see you later.

Sergio, e Templar.

It makes no difference. Nothing can go wrong.

Why you, hmm?

Oh, I like to be useful.

Caffe.WAITER: Si, signore.

Do sit down.

You think maybe because of you we should be scared? Huh?

Possibly.

Signore, believe me, we could kill Serena Harris and Tig Jordan

and nobody would be able to find them or us.

You remember that, OK?

Vittorini must pay.

Otherwise, no picture.

So now we talk, huh? Go ahead.

The ransom is 600,000 US dollars.

It was five on the telephone.

So, now it is six. A little bonus for Il signore Jordan.

Grazie.

WAITER: Grazie, signore.

To get the ransom in cash, that will take a little time.

Several hours.

You will put the money in a suitcase. You will take the suitcase to...

No deal.Che cosa?

I er...have to see them first.

Impossibile.

Well, they're no use to us dead and no use to us disfigured.

Signore, I swear, nobody lay a hand on them.

Then prove it.

No.

OK, I'll...see you around.

No, signore, wait.

OK, if you insist.

I do.

But I warn you, you try anything and you'll be very dead.

What's the idea? I like to see what we're paying for.

It's all right. But that is all you will see, signore.

If you don't mind...

Andiamo, Renzo.

Sorry. Nothing like a blind date, I always say.

You mind if we have a little air?

Mind your head and watch for the step.

I have a gun, signore, so please, no trouble.

Not yet!

Simon! Now, signore.

Serena, I'm glad to see you're still in one piece.

Who is behind this? What's going on?

How long will we be here? What's Roberto doing?

Roberto's going mad but he'll pay up. Who's behind it? I'm afraid I don't know.

You mean this whole thing's on the level?

Yes, but don't worry, you're in no danger.

The ransom will be paid by this time tomorrow.

Tomorrow? Do you mean we've got to spend the night in this hole?

It does take a little time raising cash, especially in Rome.

OK, you've seen enough. Come on, Renzo.

Say, how much are they asking for us?

Oh, half a million for Serena.

100,000 for you.

But think of all that beautiful publicity.

Mmm.

Oh, Tig, don't take it so hard, this whole thing's gonna be over by this time tomorrow.

500,000 for you...

and 100,000 for me.

If the press get hold of this, it'll ruin my image.

Oh, Tig.

Now, signore, we take you back to the cafe and let you go.

I will explain the ransom instructions on the way.

OK. Sta attento la testa.

Come in.

I got a message that you wanted to see me.

I always want to see you, David. You know that.

Oh? Since when?

Ah, you're such an interesting man.

Yes, I know it.

Simon Templar thinks that this is an inside job. You have to be joking.

He thinks someone in the studio has organised this,

someone who a) hates Serena and b) needs half a million dollars.

That's ridiculous.Is it?

Well, do you believe it?

I instantly thought of you.

You must be out of your tiny little mind.

Serena's driven you mad on Delilah - one continuous battle.

As a result, she's had you kicked off her next picture.

It was never definite that I would direct it.

It is now. You won't.

I never signed a contract.

You're broke, aren't you, David? Of course. I'm always broke.

Everyone knows that. There's nothing unusual about it.

You're in hock for every penny of your Delilah salary.

And when it's finished, you're unemployed.

And sweet Serena is doing everything she can

to keep you that way.

Are you seriously accusing me?

Yes.

I wish you were right. It's a marvellous idea.

Can you raise that much cash by tomorrow?

I will have to.

Signore, to turn this over to the police would be most wise.

To turn this over to the police would be madness.

Ispettore, please, do nothing.

Keep out of this.

These two people, I must have them back, you understand, to complete my picture.

Millions are at stake. Please, you promised me.

The police can do nothing without your cooperation.

Roberto...

And you, too. No heroics. No daring rescue.

Please, Simon.

I will find the money somehow.

She's not only beautiful...

she's a truly fine human being.

Absolutely unique.

Like a lady cannibal.

What? Don't overdo it, Herbie. Not with me.

How dare you!

We all know you hate her.

The question is, how much?

Herbie Wheeler - husband number four.

Er...number five.

You forgot Charlie.

And everybody forgets Charlie.

Ready for the scrapheap?

Before you married her you signed a property agreement.

I did nothing of the kind. I saw it.

You saw it?

She discussed it with our legal department, to make sure it was airtight.

What Serena has, Serena keeps.

You're contemptible.

I know. But I admit it.

A flesh-peddler.

Oh, please.

Nobody's ever called an agent that for years.

But that's what you are. You live off her too.

She owes you a fortune.

You hate her just as much as I do.

Probably more. Only I can afford it.

She's not my sole means of support.

But what are you going to do after the divorce, Herbie?

Go back to London and get a job as a postman?

You wanted a personal angle, well, you've got it.

Come back here!

You can't say things like that! Come back here!

Come back here!

Pigeons? Bravo.

Then tell Uncle Simon.

The question is not, has Serena any enemies? It is, has she any friends?

Everyone I've talked to has a motive.

Hmm. How did you get on?

The payoff is tonight.

So we just wait, is that it?

No, that is not it. Come on.

Right. Let's start, shall we? It'll never work.

We drove perfectly straight from here for about a minute and then we came to a traffic light.

OK. Your traffic light. What next?

Straight ahead.

SIMON ON TAPE: Sorry, nothing like a blind date, I always say.

Now, left turn. Coming up.

Now what?

Now, keep going and look for a clock.

No clock.

There has to be. Keep looking.

Ah, there.

Next, a fountain.

Ha! That shouldn't be difficult. Rome's full of fountains.

That's encouraging.

Well, do you see anything? Not yet.

Hmm. And you won't.

SIMON ON TAPE: You er...mind if I have a little air?

There!

I just don't believe it.

Now straight.

You know, you're better than radar.

Now watch for a viaduct or a bridge.

Anything you say, skipper.

Then I heard a train almost immediately.

Just what do we do when we find this place?

Re... Rely on the inspiration of the moment.

I'm not easily inspired.

I am.

I've got it.

Turn right.

Viaduct ahead.

They should have you working on the moon shots.

You couldn't miss.

I'm lost. Congratulations.

We stopped not 30 seconds after that viaduct.

Pull up.

This is it.Are you sure?

Sure, I remember this grill.

That's the door I went through. Oh, Simon. Roberto...

Now you wait in the car. I thought...

Saints rush in where publicity women aren't allowed.

Get in the car.What if something happens?

Nothing's going to happen to me.

I tell you, "Do not interfere," I say.

No heroics.

Simon was absolutely brilliant. He figured out...

Brilliant? They are gone.

They may even now be dead.

I hardly think so. They're far too valuable.

Yes. To me. 21 million dollars' worth.

Without them I am ruined.

Now go. Go both of you.

You've raised the ransom money?

Si. When will you have it?

The actual cash, I mean.Tonight.

I want to deliver it.

We'll do exactly as these people tell us.

No argument. I want Serena back just as much as you do. She is my wife.

Ah, Renzo, what keep you so long, eh?

Salami, chicken...un po' di pane.

Ah, she's screaming out for food.

I swear they're trying to starve us to death.

Serena, remember Hero Of The Lost Valley?

Hmm. Jerry Weldman was the cameraman.

I looked absolutely marvellous.

Remember the sequence where I killed the native chief?

Vaguely.

I wasn't in that scene.

Something to throw. Hm?

Sit there.

Now, there'll be two of them coming with the food.

When the one guy puts the food down, you throw the vase at him.

I'll erm...

I'll hide behind the door.

Now...the instant you throw that vase,

I'll leap out from behind the door

and give the other guy one fast karate chop. Aah!

Oh, Tig.

That only leaves the frightened one. What's his name...er...Toni?

I can deal with him with one little finger.

Now, Tig, I really don't think...

Serena, why should we knuckle under to these goons?

You're absolutely right.

Aah!

Argh! Here.

Argh!

You want to eat?

Eat.

Well, we're...back to square one.

What do you think will happen next?

New ransom instructions.

Which Roberto will keep a deep, dark secret, and pay up.

And you'll mind your own business and I'll let you buy me dinner.

Dinner tomorrow night.

Pronto.

Yes, Hollywood, put it on, would you?

Hello, Mike.

It's Simon.

What do you mean, where am I? Rome.

I want you to do some fast checking for me.

Yes, here's a list of the people. First of all, Roberto Vittorini.

Yes, the producer.

And then David Bradley.

He's directing.

Oh, and er...guy called Herbert Wheeler.

That's right. Serena Harris's husband.

Yeah, I know.

Oh, and Serena's agent.

Al Ward.

Well...see if they've got police records, income tax status.

Well, anything you can.

Just make it as fast as possible.

Oh, by the way, a friend of yours, Beth Parish, is handling the publicity on this picture.

Yes, of course I will.

Ciao, Mike.

Vittorini. It's them.

Yes, I understand.

Look, it's not my fault that Templar interfered.

Si.

Yes, I have that.

Listen, whoever you are, listen. Are they all right?

Yes, at once.

Take the money to this address.

Herbert, please. Just leave the money. Do nothing brave.

And, Herbert...

make sure you leave it.

Anybody home?

Is that what I think it is? Get out of my way, Hal.

It's almost funny.

You delivering Serena Harris's ransom. Well, give her my best regards.

And tell her she better pay me my commission or I'll sue her blind!

Who's that?

Only me. Taking a short cut to my car.

Any news? They'll be released tonight.

How do you know?

They telephoned the instructions through about delivering the money to Vittorini. Yes.

I wish Roberto had asked me to deliver the money. Why?

Because, my dear boy, praying fervently that I would never see your hideous wife again,

I'd have skipped with the money.

What did I tell you?

But, Sergio, we agreed.

Ah, we do all the work. We take all the risks.

You right. So, why not we...take all the money?

I do not think...No, you do not think.

You do not think!

Even the bird in the tree, they scare you. Huh!

Renzo, it is time.

Go get the money. OK.

You know what to do? Yes.

What's that?

I'll go see.

Aspettate.

Andiamo interno.

Hey, Sergio. Huh?

What are you going to do with them, huh?

They do nothing for us, why we do anything for them?

You can't er...

You can't just leave them locked up. Why not?

But they...

It could be days before they are found. They could starve to death.

All right, all right, all right.

I give them what is left of the food. Si.

You want the food?We want out. What's Roberto doing?

He don't think you're worth nothing. He won't pay.

Now, that's ridiculous. He's kidding!

He think it over. You stay here two, three, four days, maybe.

Oh, Tig.

So...have a nice time. Hm?

Oh, Tig.

SIMON: Don't bother.

School is out, children.

What happened?

Hey, where's the money?

Oooh!

Ooh!

I didn't fight my way out of strip clubs without learning something.

Ah, welcome, Ispettore.

Your er...kidnappers, and Miss Harris and Mr Jordan safe and sound.

Signorina Harris, could I ask a small favour? Not now, not now.

Only for your autograph.Oh, darling, how sweet of you.

What did you say your name was? Umberto.

Umberto. Always I admire so much your pictures.

Oh, you're very kind.

Here, darling. Is mine.

Darlings.

DAVID: Do you want a drink, darling?

Oh, I'm glad to see you back too, Tig.

Gee, thanks, Beth. No ill effects?

None. Except I missed my vitamin shot.

Aww!

Where's Simon? Ciao, ragazzi.

Ah, Simon.

A party? Mm. Pour Simon a glass of champagne.

ROBERTO: Look, Simon... It seems er...

Where did you get that?

Once, not upon a time...a brilliant producer

started to help himself to some of his 21-million-dollar budget.

When he got in too deep, he conceived the idea of having his leading players kidnapped.

He planned to use the ransom money to replace in the till what he had fiddled.

Now the insurance company was delighted to cough up.

Otherwise, it might have been involved in a 21-million-dollar loss.

End of story.

Fade out, as they say in showbiz.

What er...are you going to do, eh?

Well, nothing. Nothing. After all, you're a genius.

Ispettore.

And I'm sure he's going to let you finish your picture.

You know, Roberto, it's a great pity. You could have got away with it.

Except for Simon.

And Delilah.