All language subtitles for avenue.5.s01e01.720p.webrip.x264-tbs

♪ (THEME MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

RYAN CLARK: Okay.
Have a great morning, everybody.

Fly safe, fly true.

‐MADS: Fly...
‐SARAH: Safe!

‐MADS: Fly...
‐SARAH: True.

NADIA: Captain Ryan.

JOHN: My daughter wanted
to meet the hero

who saved Avenue 3.

Oh, well, he's ov‐‐
Oh, you mean me!

‐(CHUCKLING) Yes!
‐We're all heroes on this ship.

What's your name?

‐Jade.
‐Powerful.

Powerful name.

Okay, Captain Jade
has the bridge, everybody.

Just in time to press the button
to clear the main thrusters.

It's not connected
to anything.

NADIA: This way, Captain Jade.

Good morning, Iris.

Surrounded by stars,
and yet still you shine.

‐Noted. Mr. Judd is indisposed.
‐Oh. That's a shame.

He's fracking
some merchandise ideas,

‐and he just hit gas.
‐Did he say that?

‐Yes, he did.
‐Of course he said that.

So, you're hosting
the passenger breakfast.

Your guests...

‐Is that Mrs. Rodriguez?
‐It is.

I met her yesterday.
Deaf in both ears.

You could just say "deaf."

I hear you, Iris.
'Cause I'm deaf in no ears.

‐Breakfast is in‐‐
‐Crew karaoke tonight, Captain?

I only ever sing when I'm drunk.

(SIGHS)
So ask me again at 5:00 p. m.

‐You got it.
‐Breakfast is in tw‐‐

Hey, set your phasers
to fun.

‐Aye, aye, Captain!
‐(LAUREN LAUGHS)

‐They are so great.
‐No, they're really not.

‐Breakfast is in twenty minutes.
‐Twenty minutes, yeah.

Okay.

You know what
you could talk about?

We just set the record for
the biggest yoga class in space.

RYAN: Really? Who did we beat?

Come to the Judd
Over Easy Breakfast Buffet.

If you're not completely
satisfied,

you're wrong.

Okay, all right,
can we just be done now?

I'm done. Are you?

‐Yes! I'm done.
‐Great.

So, can we just say sorry
and move on?

Movin' on.

‐You didn't say you're sorry.
‐Neither did you.

You said, "Let's say sorry,"
but you didn't even say it.

(SIGHS) Okay, well,
I'm sorry I ever married you.

‐Is that good?
‐No.

‐Is that good enough
for you, Doug?
‐I'm sorry I ever met you.

Believe me,
I can't wait to never see

your lunky face ever again.

Oh, I know whose face
you wanna see again.

Mr. Hunk McSpunk here.

‐There you go.
‐MIA: Jesus, did you go
through my phone?

‐You psycho!
‐You zoom in‐‐

I zoomed in too much. Wait.
Right there!

I bet you wanna rock that
like a bad banana,

‐don't you?
‐Yeah. You know what? I do.

And thank you for reminding me

of all the hot banging sex
I had with him.

‐It was phe‐no‐me‐nal!
‐Oh, I'm glad you loved it.

‐Okay.
‐DOUG: Oh, shit.

I forgot my... plate back there.
Save me a seat.

Oh. Yeah, yeah, sure.
By the way,

it's gonna be at the bottom
of the swimming pool

on Deck Fuck You!

‐(DOUG CHUCKLES)
‐WOMAN: I'm so sorry.

Can you hand me three Danishes,
please?

Ladies and gentlemen,
enjoy today's cocktail,

the Judder Juice.

It's mostly milk.

Hey. Good job.

I like to see folk take pride
in their work,

even if some might call
that work "menial."

Not me, though.
I value your labor.

Uh, I didn't see the gloves.
Thanks. (SIGHS)

‐Oh, Mr. Judd. You're here.
‐Hey.

‐I thought, uh‐‐
‐Yeah. No, no, no.

I came up with a week's worth
of great ideas

in, like, 11 minutes.

Here. Uh, make what I say
on here happen.

Who's my favorite captain?
Ooh!

New idea.

(ENGLISH ACCENT)
For fuck's sake.

We'd sell more steaks

if the restaurant
was completely red.

That's science, probably.

Uh, check that it's science.

(SIGHS)

Change restaurant lights
to red.

HERMAN JUDD:
(SIGHS) Yoga. So relaxing.

And I'm not even bending.

(AMERICAN ACCENT)
It's a yoga supernova.
They bend so we don't have to.

Does yoga burn
a lot of calories?

Because we're losing profits
in the food court.

Can they, like, move more?

‐IRIS KIMURA: Um...
‐JUDD: Fast yoga?

IRIS: Fast yoga?

You know how old asteroids are?

They're even more ancient
than this old astronaut.

MAN: (OVER PA)
Final call for the asteroid.

But they don't look
as good for their age.

Look at that piston, huh?

He's been checked, right?
The old guy?

‐To work with kids?
‐The ex‐astronaut? Of course.

Yeah, he's just telling them

‐about the...
‐Oh! Oh, the asteroid!

Everybody up! Up! There's a‐‐
a hot‐ass rock comin'!

‐Come on!
‐IRIS: He means please.

(OVER PA) An asteroid is coming,
in a good way!

ALAN LEWIS: Diagnostics
came back on Ave 2.

Slight oxygen dip,
but should be nominal by 0900.

Uh, Ave 5 slingshot round Titan
is all on schedule.

‐How did the vent clean go?
‐Uh, A‐Okay. Although‐‐

Great, keep me updated
on the Titan fly‐past.

Get in, people.
Enjoy the view.

Oh, God. Here we go.

Hi.
Welcome to Judd Mission Control.

My name's Rav Mulcair,
director of Judd Galaxy.

Oh, excuse me.
hatch seal inspection all good?

‐All good.
‐Good.

As you can see, there's
a lot of technology here,

but all‐‐ Uh, trajectory good?

‐EMPLOYEE: It's good.
‐Good. All you need to know

is that it keeps
your loved ones safe,

and keeps me on the coffee.
(CHUCKLES)

Okay.

KAREN KELLY: Can't we have,
like, forest or lake,

or just, you know, space?

It's been stuck on

"heavy industry"
for two days now.

‐No, it's not changing.
‐But can you fix it?

I think he's trying, sweetheart.

You know, we have
an observation deck.

‐Yeah, there we go.
‐Oh! Okay,

I have an observation
and we don't even need to go

‐to a deck for it.
‐(MATT CHUCKLES)

We paid for a space cruise.

Well, okay. I mean...

‐you say "paid," right?
‐(FRANK SIGHS)

But it was your sister who paid
for a non‐transferable ticket.

‐Now, I'm not saying...
‐All right.

‐...you're stowaways. Right?
‐Whatever.

No. I hope you're not
saying that.

MATT: No, Karen, look.

When I was 19,
I would go to music festivals

and I would sleep
in the porta‐potties,

so I'm not a stranger
to stowaway culture.

‐(FRANK STUTTERS)
‐Okay, we're not stowaways.

‐MATT: Okay.
‐She paid for a ticket,

‐she couldn't come.
‐FRANK: Right!

Foot operation.
Her little toe is enormous,

bigger than her big toe,

and I'm signed off with stress
from my office, so‐‐

Sorry to interrupt, um...

Miss Ellis in 810,
she wants to know

if we can move the guy in 811.

Apparently,
his breathing sounds fat.

Okay. Uh... Excusez‐moi.

Duty calls.

But I would love
to disperse your irritation.

And I would love to hear more
about Joyce's huge little toe,

‐so, uh... let's circle back.
‐Okay, well, I will circle back

in an hour.

She will. She's very persistent.

(CHUCKLES) Well,
I'm very absorbent.

(LAUGHS)

KAREN: What does that mean?

I don't know.

Okay, let's go live
to Avenue 5!

How much do these know?

Uh, the civilians know
about the 26‐second delay.

Lovely. Mr. Judd, hello!
(CHUCKLES)

Right.

ALAN: While we wait
for the delay,

why don't you...
give them the tour?

Oh, why don't I...? Thanks.
Great idea.

Oi. Russian. Wind it.

Uh, that is an award‐winning
atrium, in terms of design‐‐

Yes. Yes. Yes to that.

This is the main dining area,
which is red for a reason.

That is the spa area‐‐
I can't deal with that now.

To help you relax.

There's even a soft play area.
Yay.

I want one. (CHUCKLES)

RAV MULCAIR: Mr. Judd, hello!

‐RYAN: Welcome to space!
‐(CHEERING)

Wanna watch us run rings
around Saturn?

Why's she just standing there?

Why is she‐‐ Why is she not
talking to us?

‐No, it's the delay.
‐What are you talk‐‐

I thought you had a guy
outside fixing that.

We do have a guy outside.

BILLIE MCEVOY:
All right. (SIGHS)

Operation Complete
Waste of Time. Joe...

Tell me,
what can you see?

JOE: I see absolutely no point
in being here.

I see that we are about
three hours before we slingshot

‐around Titan...
‐(BUZZING)

...and I see
a warning light here.

JOE: There's usually
some writing next to the light

that tells you what it means.

(LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY)
I think it's the Sarcasm Alarm.

‐JOE: Well, it's working.
‐(RAPID BEEPING)

(METAL HULL CREAKS)

(CROWD SCREAMING)

(BILLIE GASPS)

‐(PANTING)
‐(ALARM BLARING)

The‐‐ The gravity flipped
to the port side.

JOE: Oh, you think?

(MAN SCREAMING)

(GIRL SCREAMS)

JOE: Reset the grav sim.

(DOG WHIMPERS)

‐(BILLIE PANTING)
‐JOE: Now, Billie.

(YELLS)

I can't quite...
Joe, I can't quite‐‐

Just give me a second's warning.

(CROWD SCREAMS)

All done, Joe.

Hello? Joe?

You're welcome.

Ow. Fuck...

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

I was flying.
Did you see that?

I was‐‐ I was flying.

Iris!

Jay, I need to know
what just happened,

and who's to blame...

JUDD: Iris!

...and if you're okay.

Whose‐‐ Whose dog is this?

Someone help her!

Who brings their dog to yoga?

(CHATTING CHEERFULLY)

‐(CROWD GASPS)
‐RAV: Oh...

Um...

(PANICKED CHATTER)

They're in the safest
of hands.

Okay, everybody.
Everything is fine!

Everybody, stay calm.

And pay attention to my words
and not my tone.

Okay?

Are you sure everything's fine?

Well, no, I'm not.

I think I've just swallowed
a tooth.

I don't think it's one
of my teeth.

I know people are scared
right now, but don't be.

When a fire broke out
in the ballroom of Avenue 3,

Captain Clark over there
saved a lot of lives.

‐Well‐‐
‐JUDD: So, just keep calm!

‐Yeah. It was a small fire.
‐It stayed small

‐because of your quick action.
‐Ah, well,

the paramedics probably also
deserve an honorable mention.

As do the sprinklers.

SPIKE MARTIN: Oh, my God.
Look! Look, it's the asteroid!

ALAN:
There's nothing you can do.

(CROWD SCREAMING)

The floor is very soft.

(GRUNTS)

You okay?

Why? Are you hoping
I broke something?

Everyone okay?

‐(MIA SIGHS)
‐No.

I'm stuck in space
with my current wife.

Oh, honey.
Honey, whatever it is,

I'm sure they're dealing
with it.

Please, let's not interfere.

Oh, I'm going to interfere.

‐I know.
‐Not interfere. Investigate.

(SIGHS) I know.

If you're injured,
just stay where you are,

and we will get to you, okay?

If you're‐‐
If you're not injured,

but you're lying on top
of someone who is,

stop it, okay?
Uh, Darren, could you...

could you locate Joe
for me, please? Thank you.

This guy...

Show me a safer pair of hands,
Iris. You can't, can you?

That is a super‐tourniquet.
That‐‐ That is beautiful.

Do you do gift‐wrapping?

If I ever needed a double
hand transplant,

I would leave him
with stumps.

If anyone could handle
being a double amputee,

it would be him. Not me.

Could you locate Joe
for me, please?

It's really kind of urgent now.
Thank you.

My, you are flexible.

You are...

(ENGLISH ACCENT)
Oh, it's broken?

The cleaning lady,
is she okay?

‐Uh, I can check.
‐Yeah, just let her know

it's gonna be a late night,
probably.

Joe! Can someone
get me Joe, please?

BILLIE: (OVER PA) Captain?

Captain, this is Billie McEvoy,
Engineering.

I've reset the grav sim...

Okay. Can you meet me
in the atrium?

BILLIE: I'm in the atrium, sir.
I can see you.

What do you look like?

Like me. Hi.

Okay, I'm‐‐ I'm gonna go facial.

All right? Five seconds.

That looks terrible.

Okay, so no major structural
damage,

but we are still establishing

the lasting impact
to our course.

What? What? No, no, no.
There can't be...

a lasting impact.

Oh, there will be an impact.

Five‐thousand people smashing
against the side of a ship

is gonna have
a knock‐on effect.

‐I'm saying it can't...
‐Well‐‐

...because we have a schedule.

Okay, did you hit your head?

No, I did not.

Unfortunately,
I am still fully conscious.

Okay, because
I'm not understanding

why you're not understanding
that we will be impacted.

Yeah, I'm gonna talk to Joe.

No, no, no. No. No.
Captain, wait.

Uh, sorry. Uh‐‐ D‐‐ No.
So, um...

So, Joe and I, we were trying
to boost the comms link,

because, you know...

BOTH:
Judd is unhappy with the delay.

And there's nothing
anyone can do about the delay,

‐so‐‐
‐So, you did the, uh...

The EVA. It was one
of the other engineers,

and now I can't get
ahold of him.

Who was it?

Don't...

Don't say it was Joe.

Moe.

Moe?

Moe.

Of course it was Joe.

I knew it was Joe!
I knew it was Joe...

‐Told me not to say any‐‐ Okay.
‐...because we don't have

‐an engineer called Moe.
‐No, we don't.

So, I thought it was‐‐ Okay.

This... God.

My mouth is so dry, I can...
(SIGHS)

This has been
a terrible conversation.

BILLIE: Yes, sir.

These numbers
are all up to date?

Up to date.

That's a lot of broken legs.

Okay. First priority:

‐passengers.
‐Absolutely.

I was thinking gift bags,
free massage, 40 minutes.

Jesus, Iris.
I'm not Santa Claus.

It's to make them feel better.

Who's gonna make me
feel better?

All right. Other first priority:
stockholders.

Actual first priority.

Back in the game.

I'm going out to get Joe.

That's the way.
No man left behind.

Dead or alive. (LAUGHS)

No, alive or alive!

(MUFFLED) Those are the options!

(ENGLISH ACCENT)
Just keep breathing, all right?

Keep breathing,
everything will be fine.

You're now in the hands
of the Judd Corporation.

‐Oh, shut up.
‐Lucky you.

Sorry to bother you,
but it's my job.

I need to know what happened,
and that it won't happen again.

(AMERICAN ACCENT)
It was just a one‐off
grav sim failure.

‐(SPEAKING SPANISH ON‐SCREEN)
‐One and done. We got a...

couple of injuries, but mostly
just bumps and bruises.

‐(SPEAKING RUSSIAN ON‐SCREEN)
‐So, we're through the worst?

Steady as the rock
you're carved from, Iris.

(SPEAKING ARABIC)

Just your standard Tuesday.

‐You going this way?
‐This way, yeah.

Then where are you going?

DOUG: Think he's got it
under control?

Sure. The suave,
yet rugged captain.

Yeah, I think he's got it
under control.

What? You like a guy
in uniform now?

Anyone can wear a uniform.

‐You horny for garbage men too?
‐(MIA SIGHS)

God, what are you talking about,
Doug?

Why don't you stop
being such a child?

‐Oh, I'm a child? (SCOFFS)
‐Yeah!

Everybody,
take a deep breath in.

Everybody take
a deep breath in.

‐Okay. It's gonna be okay.
‐KAREN: Pardon me.

Or not.

What the hairy hell is going on?
I need to know.

‐Is the ship breaking down?
‐BAILEY: Are we safe?

I am as ignorant as you.

That sounds rude.

I meant it to be
self‐deprecating.

I can't find my daughter.

She was on the bridge,
wearing the captain's hat.

Okay, well, those hats
are reinforced,

and they protect
your head, so...

‐Oh, you have the hat.
‐SPIKE: Maybe I can help. I...

I was one of the first
30 astronauts to orbit Mars.

Well, I mean, you were the 30th,
right? (CHUCKLES)

And the first Canadian
to land on it.

Okay, well, if we're listing
accomplishments,

I was the first man
to get alcohol poisoning

at Maplewood Middle School.

Look, I'm sorry,
I don't mean to be pedantic‐‐

You know what?
I do mean to be pedantic.

You're the head
of passenger services,

and right now,
we are not being serviced.

‐(CROWD MURMURS AGREEMENT)
‐So, what the f‐bomb
is going on?

She's very good
at this sort of thing.

We get great deals on insurance.

I don't think
we're covered for this.

Yeah, you checked the box,
right?

Yes.

Ladies, gentlemen,
and fluids...

Crisis over.

Now, wasn't that a gas?

We all have a cool story

to tell our therapists
and chiropractors.

Why is there a dead man
in the sky?

(CROWD GASPS)

MAN: Oh, my god.

Shit.

Did we just bump into him?

Or is‐‐ is he from the ship?

R.I.P Joe.
You're a star man now.

If it's any consolation,
he had very few loved ones.

I never wanna die.

Okay, well just go with it.
Go with it.

Why are you still here?
Go on. Five minutes, be back.

We've mapped the new trajectory.

That implies we no longer have
the old trajectory,

and I really liked
the old trajectory,

so I'd prefer if we just
keep the term "the trajectory."

Yes? Just throw it up
on the screens.

Guys, eyes front.

We've got the‐‐ the trajectory.

Okay.

Well, that's... quite a way off,
but not too... Whoa.

Where's it‐‐ Wow.
It's gone right‐‐

That's the sun.
It's gone round the sun.

‐ALAN: Oh, that looks bad.
‐RAV: I want it stopped.

‐Stop.
‐Five minutes till your
next call with Mr. Judd.

‐Is that‐‐
‐RAV: Oh, my God.

LORI: Is that
the new trajectory?

Uh... yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it is.

That is very long.

Oh, for fuck‐‐
You can go‐‐ You can go now.

RYAN: You sure that he's dead?

Stabbed through the heart
with his own screwdriver.

Why's there no blood?

Maybe it missed his heart,
and that's why there's no blood.

Space is cold, Captain.

You know that, right?

Joe's blood is frozen.

Sure. Yeah, yeah.

Or it could've missed his heart.

No. When it thaws, it'll‐‐
Oh! (EXCLAIMS)

‐It's gonna do that.
You see that?
‐Oh! Oh!

RAV: Hi. How are you all?

Good. Pretty good.

I have a little thing
with my knee,

but I think it predates
the accident. Um...

how are you?

They're on a delay.
Don't forget.

RAV: Everyone here sends
their love and best wishes.

(CLEARS THROAT)

‐Right, okay. I've got‐‐
‐JUDD: Good. Pretty good...

‐RAV: Oh, I'm sorry, (CHUCKLES)
I think you're still talking...
‐JUDD: I have a little thing...

RAV: Could you repeat that?
I‐‐ I think I've‐‐

ALAN: He says he's got a bit of
a chronic knee thing,

‐but he thinks he'll be okay.
‐RAV: Oh, fine.

JUDD: I can't do this anymore.
I can't do this.

We need this fixed.

IRIS: They're on a delay.

I know that, Iris.
Rav's on the delay, not you.

So, when you speak,
I hear it immediately.

RAV: Okay, I'm just gonna talk
because of the delay.

I've got some... (CHUCKLES)
difficult news.

Um, it seems you've been
knocked off course

‐by 0.21 degrees.
‐JUDD: So, what‐‐ what is that‐‐

‐What's that‐‐
‐RAV: Which means...

uh, the trajectory
has changed.

Sorry, ma'am.
No ID, no entry.

Oh, okay. Um, Dan. Hi.

‐Sorry, ma'am.
‐I'm supposed to be in there.

If you don't let me in,
that is a problem.

‐But do you have any ID?
‐And it's a problem

that will be raised
in the meeting

that you are stopping me
getting into.

You know, I don't have it
with me. You do, however,

and I‐‐ Thank you so much.
You're a sweetheart, Dan.

The new journey time,
three years...

to get home.

‐Subject to change.
‐What?

I didn't need to be in there.

RAV: We're all feeling
very positive.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

‐Um, I feel
I should probably...
‐Three human years?

Well, it's not gonna be
dog years, is it?

Fuck!

Let's all take a second here,
all right?

Sounds like we got
a few to play with.

We've got this!
(CHUCKLES) Yeah!

This may be the worst disaster
since Google folded.

They'll figure this out.

You know, they turned the moon
into a massive jail,

they patented the liquid glove.

How hard can it be
to reset a course?

.21 degrees. That's, like,

what, less than
half a right angle?

How can that make us
three years late?

Billie?

Um, me? Okay, so...
we were going this way...

‐JUDD: Uh‐huh.
‐...and now we're going...

this way.

You see how my hands are moving
far apart?

‐Mm‐hm.
‐And it's further in reality,

obviously. (CHUCKLES)

Obviously, that's obvious,
right?

See?

No. No. That's wrong.
That's not right.

‐It is right.
‐Is it right?

‐Yeah.
‐No.

It would be a straight line.

‐No.
‐No.

‐What?
‐Yes.

‐Okay, who's the engineer here?
‐Who's the genius?

‐Who's the captain?
‐Who fucked up?

‐DREW: But how did that guy die?
‐MAX: What the hell's goin' on?

Should we be scared?

Maybe, if‐‐ if you want.

You're supposed to say no,
you prick!

‐We are paying to be here.
‐Okay. I'm trained

to make sure that
your body wash gets replenished,

not to rectify the catastrophe
of human existence.

So, worrying doesn't help,
okay?

Because the way you're acting
right now,

I'm finding you all
extremely unenjoyable

‐at this point!
‐(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)

And I wish we were
in separate rooms,

and I hate being alone!

Look, in five weeks,
this journey's gonna be over,

and I'm gonna be home,

and I'm never gonna have
to think about you ever again!

‐(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
‐All right,

all right, Tony Macaroni,

so listen to mama.
We've been knocked off course,

and we won't get home
for three years.

‐What?
‐(CROWD GASPS)

‐MAN: Three years?
‐(MATT LAUGHING)

Oh, my God, that is hilarious!

Oh, I just made a whole speech.

Karen, it was supposed to be
your sister who's here,

and it's you! (LAUGHING)

She was saved by her big toe!

‐MAX: Why the hell
didn't you tell us?
‐(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)

Why did we accept those tickets?
We were gonna get a divorce.
We were about to split up!

‐We thought‐‐
‐"Why not just the space‐cation?
It's only eight weeks."

I blame the yoga!

Her class of bendy fuckers
bashed against the wall

and knocked us all off course.

He told me to set a record!

Oh, so it's your fault?

Maybe it was my fault.

Maybe it's Space Pony's fault
because he got everybody up

to look at the asteroid!

MAN:
It was a shitty asteroid!

You know, if you don't start
taking me seriously,

everyone here is dead.

‐(CROWD GASPS)
‐And you'll be first.

‐What does that mean?
‐I don't wanna die!

Right? What does any of it
mean?

This is fate. And it is
freestyling with us.

‐This is, like, jazz fate.
‐DOUG: I hate jazz!

‐MAN: And I hate fate.
‐Hey!

‐He's got a point.
‐What are you so happy about?

I'm a nihilist.

‐No, you're not!
‐Whatever!

Oh, my god.

Everybody scream!
(SCREAMS, LAUGHS)

Fine. Let's just switch
the gravity off

and fire everyone
at the opposite wall.

‐Problem solved.
‐IRIS: Problem solved.

Billie? Problem solved?

Obviously not.

No, we were going to use
the gravitational pull of Titan,

and we would've missed
that now.

JUDD: All right.

Ryan, what's your plan?

Well, "plan" is, uh,
a little grand.

It's, uh‐‐
It's not quite there yet.

I want answers. You're the man
who saved Avenue...

‐Avenue 3.
‐Three.

‐BILLIE: That's right.
‐JUDD: I read the reports.

I don't even read.
You're a damn hero.

Yeah, you were a hero then.

‐Be a‐‐ Be a hero now.
‐Hero now.

‐BILLIE: You're the captain, s‐‐
‐(ENGLISH ACCENT)
Oh, for fuck's sake!

What is the matter
with you people?

It was the paramedics!

I've said this over and over
again!

The fire on Avenue 3
was put out by firefighters!

And the sprinklers came down
from the ceiling!

I was a bystander!

I can be in the vicinity
of a catastrophe,

wearing a nice hat!

Anything more than that,
I'm out!

(CLEARS THROAT)

(AMERICAN ACCENT)
Look, first thing's first,

we need to calm the passengers.

What the hell just happened
with your voice?

Yeah, what the hell?

‐I raised my voice, I'm s‐‐
‐JUDD: No, no, no.

No, you did, like,
a‐‐ a puppet show,

and then you did, like,
a different voice.

No, I definitely didn't.

‐IRIS: You definitely did.
‐Yeah. Yeah.

You did‐‐ You did, like,
a... (BRAYING)

Okay, it wasn't exactly
like that,

‐but it was very similar.
‐Are you Australian?

(ENGLISH ACCENT)
Am I Australian?

‐JUDD: Yeah.
‐No, I'm not Australian.

‐All right.
‐I'll tell you what I am:

‐I'm English.
‐What the fuck?

‐Oh, my God.
‐That's so much worse!

Oh, really?
You think that's worse?

Well, this is worse
even than that.

I'm not a captain either.

‐Oh, that makes sense.
‐Oh, my God.

That makes a lot of sense.

‐Are you an admiral?
‐No. What?

‐Vice admiral?
‐No! This is a driverless ship.

All right? I was hired
just to‐‐

to give the passengers
some reassurance.

I think it's as insane
as you do.

And the American accent?

I‐‐ I dunno. Passengers
find American more reassuring.

God knows why.

Not as reassuring as having
an actual captain!

Hey, dial it down!
I'm the one who gets to be mad!

Okay, it's a really bad idea
to give him anxiety.

You're a prick.

Bravo, that's a fantastic
contribution.

Well done. You should get
a badge for that.

Maybe little gold J, I dunno.

You see this little piece
of floor over here?

More useful than you!

This‐‐ This little green tin?

More worth than you, dude,

and I don't even know
what's in it!

That's actually my lunch,
so it is worthless.

That's not enough for anyone
to eat.

Look! I am doing exactly
what I was employed to do.

Not one molecule of this
is my fault!

Well, you need to get us
out of here.

No, actually, I don't!
That's not my area.

(SCOFFS) Clearly!

No. My job is to motivate
the team to get us out of it.

All right, Captain...

Not America.

If you're not in charge,
who is?

Joe.

Joe is the‐‐

was the real captain
of the ship.

Joe the‐‐ the dead guy?

Joe, who hired me...

because, well...

I don't really wanna speak ill
of the dead, but,

let's be honest,

Joe's social skills were...

I mean,
the man could barely finish.

In terms of sentences.

‐Oh.
‐RYAN: You know.

I mean, he didn't like
the passengers,

he didn't like the crew.

‐He liked you. Hated you.
‐Really?

Thought you were a flat‐out
fucking nightmare.

Fuck him.

But if you wanna blame anybody,

I'm afraid you've to blame
the guy who put me on Avenue 3.

‐Joe?
‐Still dead.

Well, Billie's next in line.

(SCOFFS) Okay,
it's not a throne.

Okay. So, here's the thing:

(AMERICAN ACCENT)
I'm going to assemble the crew,

and do some reassurance
on them.

Stand easy.

Nadia, systems update.

All systems are nominal,
sir.

Mads, orbital dynamics?

Also nominal, sir.

Hey, Leah, you're gonna
wanna hear this. Join me.

You guys know what's going on?

(SCOFFS) I would've asked
the captain,

but I'm not allowed
in case he gets me pregnant.

Fall in if you wanna
find out more.

All secondary circuits
are clear. Code green.

‐He knows his stuff.
‐No, he doesn't.

‐He really doesn't.
‐Oh, no.

No, no. He doesn't.
I forgot.

(BILLIE SIGHS)

But, you know,
in difficult times,

a crew, a real crew,

needs to be the opposite
of oil and water.

We cannot separate,
we have to‐‐

MATT: Sir.

I hate to interrupt
a protracted metaphor,

but this brilliant,
yet furious passenger

would like to assign blame.

It's not really a good time.

‐I know it's three years.
‐What?

I know we're trapped here
for three years.

‐Did you tell her?
‐No, I told him.

Bombshell.

So, we've got an S‐storm
brewing,

and this A‐hole

‐is not helping.
‐Me.

I need you to talk
to the passengers

before anybody else finds out,

and explain how
you're gonna fix this

like you fixed Avenue 3.

W‐‐ Huh.

As I have stressed, repeatedly,
it was actually the sprinklers

that‐‐ that did most of the,
uh‐‐

It was the damn sprinklers.

I don't care. Are you gonna
talk to them, or am I?

All right. Okay,
unless you wanna run the ship?

Let's not get ahead
of ourselves!

‐She's my favorite.
‐Is she? Uh‐huh.

‐Fly safe.
‐ALL: Fly true.

Oh, there you are.
Let's talk.

You've got a plan, right,
Captain?

Just nod if words are
too difficult for you right now.

No, I've got a plan.

Just... go in there and smile.
Works every time.

Do you like pancakes? I do.

Why don't you order some
for breakfast

‐at Judd Yum on Deck Five?
‐Hey, Jade. You got a plan?

Worth a shot.

Hi!

♪ (MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

BILLIE MCEVOY: The plan was
to use Titan's gravity

as an assist
to save propellant‐

English, please!

Which one of those words
was not English?

‐Propellant.
‐Propellant?

♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

The acceleration needs
to be realigned iteratively

or the gravity system
could fail.

Just say, "reset the gravity."

We don't need to make things
sound cleverer than they are.

Of course, Your Highness.

We gotta get home.
We should try to escape.

We can knot
some bed sheets together

and we can hit the airlock.

Keep calm because
it's not gonna be three years.

Who are you, and what the hell
happened to your trousers?

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪