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.
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00:00:04,221 --> 00:00:06,093
- "Will & Grace" is recorded
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in front of a live
studio audience.
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00:00:08,356 --> 00:00:09,313
- Hold the elevator, please.
5
00:00:09,357 --> 00:00:10,314
- No, don't, don't.
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00:00:10,358 --> 00:00:11,924
- Why?
- 'Cause it's James.
7
00:00:11,968 --> 00:00:13,554
- The guy you dated who found
out you slept with his son?
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00:00:13,578 --> 00:00:15,295
- And his father.
Let it close, let it close.
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00:00:15,319 --> 00:00:16,842
- Take your time.
We'll hold.
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00:00:16,886 --> 00:00:18,670
- Oh.
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00:00:18,714 --> 00:00:21,499
You suck.
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00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:23,893
- Hi.
13
00:00:23,936 --> 00:00:26,026
- Thanks.
- Sure.
14
00:00:29,290 --> 00:00:30,247
- Hello, Grace.
15
00:00:30,291 --> 00:00:32,554
- Hello, James.
16
00:00:32,597 --> 00:00:34,164
- You're looking well.
- Thank you.
17
00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:36,384
You too.
- We're fine.
18
00:00:36,427 --> 00:00:39,430
Come out from behind
the umbrella, please.
19
00:00:39,474 --> 00:00:41,693
- Hello.
20
00:00:41,737 --> 00:00:44,566
- You know, in fact,
why don't we get a fresh start?
21
00:00:44,609 --> 00:00:46,829
Let's go out
for a drink some time.
22
00:00:46,872 --> 00:00:48,700
- Really?
23
00:00:48,744 --> 00:00:49,701
- I'd like that.
24
00:00:49,745 --> 00:00:51,442
And no one needs
to hear from you.
25
00:00:51,486 --> 00:00:52,811
- Don't you think
you should tell him about the...
26
00:00:52,835 --> 00:00:55,316
- I think it can wait.
- I don't think it can.
27
00:00:55,359 --> 00:00:58,058
- Okay, given our history
and the fact
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00:00:58,101 --> 00:01:00,669
that I just heard all that,
29
00:01:00,712 --> 00:01:01,863
I'd actually
kind of like to have
30
00:01:01,887 --> 00:01:04,368
all the information up front.
31
00:01:04,412 --> 00:01:07,154
- I'm pregnant, but the father
is not in the picture.
32
00:01:07,197 --> 00:01:09,939
- It's not someone
in my family, is it?
33
00:01:09,982 --> 00:01:12,202
- He's gotta ask.
34
00:01:12,246 --> 00:01:15,553
- No, no, it's not your father
or your son...
35
00:01:15,597 --> 00:01:17,903
or you.
- Ah! [laughs]
36
00:01:17,947 --> 00:01:19,905
Good to know.
[chuckles]
37
00:01:19,949 --> 00:01:21,274
Well, look,
I don't have a problem with it
38
00:01:21,298 --> 00:01:23,648
if you don't
have a problem with it.
39
00:01:23,692 --> 00:01:24,997
- I don't have
a problem with it.
40
00:01:25,041 --> 00:01:26,149
- Great.
[elevator bell dings]
41
00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:27,391
I'll text you.
42
00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:32,135
- You're a pregnant woman
43
00:01:32,179 --> 00:01:34,050
who slept with everyone
in his family.
44
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,400
How are you
getting more action than me?
45
00:01:36,444 --> 00:01:37,924
- I don't know
what to tell you, Will.
46
00:01:37,967 --> 00:01:39,099
When you got it, you got it.
47
00:01:39,142 --> 00:01:41,666
Oh.
No, wait.
48
00:01:41,710 --> 00:01:43,581
Oh, my God.
No, no, no, no!
49
00:01:43,625 --> 00:01:46,671
[upbeat trumpet and piano music]
50
00:01:46,715 --> 00:01:53,635
♪
51
00:01:55,419 --> 00:01:57,943
You know what the best
thing about going on a date
52
00:01:57,987 --> 00:02:01,512
with someone where you slept
with his father and his son?
53
00:02:01,556 --> 00:02:05,777
- You know if they're only
culturally Jewish?
54
00:02:05,821 --> 00:02:09,129
- There's nothing I can do
that's worse.
55
00:02:09,172 --> 00:02:10,280
I mean,
if he's already forgiven me
56
00:02:10,304 --> 00:02:11,957
for something that bad,
57
00:02:12,001 --> 00:02:14,308
I can't get away with anything.
58
00:02:14,351 --> 00:02:16,701
- You should run for president.
59
00:02:19,182 --> 00:02:20,705
Aren't you going out for dinner?
60
00:02:20,749 --> 00:02:23,360
- Yeah, but if I stuff my face
now with Mexican,
61
00:02:23,404 --> 00:02:26,058
I can graze delicately
on our date.
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00:02:26,102 --> 00:02:27,756
Like a lady.
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00:02:30,933 --> 00:02:33,022
- ♪ Jeepers creepers
64
00:02:33,065 --> 00:02:34,806
♪ I'm getting new peepers
65
00:02:34,850 --> 00:02:37,026
♪ Lasik surgery
66
00:02:37,069 --> 00:02:39,376
♪ Paid by my friend Will
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00:02:39,420 --> 00:02:41,683
- Did you buy that outfit
just for this bit?
68
00:02:41,726 --> 00:02:46,035
- No, the hat is from
a hip-hop barber shop quartet,
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00:02:46,078 --> 00:02:50,126
and the cane is so I can
trip people on roller blades.
70
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,433
- You know, if you cut down
on these sorts of purchases,
71
00:02:52,476 --> 00:02:54,348
you could pay
for the surgery by yourself.
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00:02:54,391 --> 00:02:55,784
- Forget your milkshake,
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00:02:55,827 --> 00:02:59,875
practicality brings
all the boys to your yard.
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00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:01,006
- It is a lot of money.
75
00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:02,225
- Well...
76
00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:03,705
she's expensive,
but she's worth it.
77
00:03:03,748 --> 00:03:05,489
[clicks tongue]
78
00:03:05,533 --> 00:03:08,188
Plus, it's an investment.
[clicks tongue]
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00:03:08,231 --> 00:03:09,667
Plus...
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00:03:09,711 --> 00:03:11,234
shut up.
81
00:03:11,278 --> 00:03:14,977
Having to wear glasses
at auditions makes me look old.
82
00:03:15,020 --> 00:03:16,737
It's obviously the reason
for the recent lull
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00:03:16,761 --> 00:03:18,546
in my acting career.
- Mm.
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00:03:18,589 --> 00:03:21,288
I'm not sure
you know what "lull" means.
85
00:03:21,331 --> 00:03:23,507
- I know what LOL means,
86
00:03:23,551 --> 00:03:27,250
and I know
I'm not doing it right now.
87
00:03:27,294 --> 00:03:28,860
Oh, by the way,
I opened a Venmo account
88
00:03:28,904 --> 00:03:30,819
so you can pay
for the procedure tomorrow.
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00:03:30,862 --> 00:03:34,344
Your username is Big-boned Girl.
90
00:03:35,650 --> 00:03:37,173
Yeah, check your phone.
91
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,890
I need to know the security
code they gave you.
92
00:03:38,914 --> 00:03:40,611
- 4-2-9-7.
93
00:03:40,655 --> 00:03:42,134
- 4-2-9-7.
Got it.
94
00:03:42,178 --> 00:03:44,224
♪ Thank you kindly
95
00:03:44,267 --> 00:03:46,051
♪ Now I won't see blindly
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00:03:46,095 --> 00:03:48,097
♪ And the best part
97
00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:49,751
♪ I don't pay the bill
98
00:03:51,927 --> 00:03:53,600
- So now you're paying
for his elective surgery?
99
00:03:53,624 --> 00:03:55,713
I mean, you're basically
his sugar daddy,
100
00:03:55,757 --> 00:03:58,977
except you don't have sex,
and you're both old.
101
00:03:59,021 --> 00:04:00,283
- So I help him out a little.
102
00:04:00,327 --> 00:04:03,155
- Yeah, but are you really
helping him?
103
00:04:03,199 --> 00:04:05,462
It's not until
you remove the net
104
00:04:05,506 --> 00:04:09,466
that one can really walk
the high wire of life.
105
00:04:09,510 --> 00:04:13,253
- What supermodel's
Instagram is that from?
106
00:04:13,296 --> 00:04:14,732
- Will you give me some credit?
107
00:04:14,776 --> 00:04:18,083
Chrissy Teigen is also a judge
on reality television.
108
00:04:18,127 --> 00:04:20,172
[cell phone rings]
- It's not... it's not that bad.
109
00:04:20,216 --> 00:04:22,610
You know, I buy him
a few things here and there.
110
00:04:22,653 --> 00:04:24,089
Hello?
- Yes, hello.
111
00:04:24,133 --> 00:04:27,615
This is Steve with credit
fraud early warning.
112
00:04:27,658 --> 00:04:29,312
We need to verify some charges.
113
00:04:29,356 --> 00:04:31,923
- Sure.
- We have a charge for $800
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00:04:31,967 --> 00:04:33,185
at the Lasik Eye Center.
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00:04:33,229 --> 00:04:35,144
- Yes, that's mine.
- Good, good, good.
116
00:04:35,187 --> 00:04:36,580
There are three others.
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00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:40,889
$185 at Balloon Elegance,
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00:04:40,932 --> 00:04:45,589
$415 for a custom
nude body suit,
119
00:04:45,633 --> 00:04:50,681
and $830 for various items
at Submissive Male.
120
00:04:50,725 --> 00:04:55,730
Spelled M-A-L-E, like men.
121
00:04:55,773 --> 00:04:57,514
- No, I got it,
I got it, I got it.
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00:04:57,558 --> 00:05:00,691
I didn't personally
make any of those purchases.
123
00:05:00,735 --> 00:05:03,215
- Oh, no reason
to be embarrassed, Mr. Truman.
124
00:05:03,259 --> 00:05:05,087
We all have our hobbies.
125
00:05:05,130 --> 00:05:07,132
Mr. Truman,
would you be willing
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00:05:07,176 --> 00:05:11,093
to take a brief survey
about customer satisfaction?
127
00:05:11,136 --> 00:05:12,442
- Would I?
[phone beeps]
128
00:05:12,486 --> 00:05:14,618
♪
129
00:05:16,141 --> 00:05:16,272
.
130
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,274
[upbeat piano music]
131
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:19,841
- Grace?
132
00:05:19,884 --> 00:05:21,495
- Uh, in the kitchen.
133
00:05:25,194 --> 00:05:26,195
Morning.
134
00:05:26,238 --> 00:05:27,588
- Who wakes up
looking this good?
135
00:05:27,631 --> 00:05:29,590
- I guess I do.
136
00:05:29,633 --> 00:05:31,113
- I like this.
137
00:05:31,156 --> 00:05:32,786
I mean, you remember
how messy it was last time?
138
00:05:32,810 --> 00:05:33,898
- Yeah.
139
00:05:33,942 --> 00:05:35,247
- This feels clean.
140
00:05:35,291 --> 00:05:36,684
- That's me.
141
00:05:36,727 --> 00:05:38,860
Naturally clean.
142
00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:41,969
- Listen,
I gotta get going this morning,
143
00:05:41,993 --> 00:05:44,213
but stay as long as you like,
144
00:05:44,256 --> 00:05:47,738
and if you're here
when I get home,
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00:05:47,782 --> 00:05:50,262
I'd be delighted.
146
00:05:50,306 --> 00:05:51,873
[door shuts]
147
00:05:51,916 --> 00:05:53,788
- Ooh.
148
00:05:53,831 --> 00:05:55,442
Will, we have to move.
149
00:05:56,660 --> 00:05:57,879
- What? Why?
150
00:05:57,922 --> 00:05:59,881
- A terrible,
terrible thing happened.
151
00:05:59,924 --> 00:06:01,143
- What, bad date?
152
00:06:01,186 --> 00:06:02,449
- No, it was great.
Great night.
153
00:06:02,492 --> 00:06:04,364
Great morning.
Great everything.
154
00:06:04,407 --> 00:06:06,975
All we did was talk and kiss
and he was such a gentleman
155
00:06:07,018 --> 00:06:08,368
and it was so romantic.
156
00:06:08,411 --> 00:06:10,195
- So?
157
00:06:10,239 --> 00:06:13,155
- After James left
this morning for work,
158
00:06:13,198 --> 00:06:16,463
nature really started calling.
159
00:06:16,506 --> 00:06:19,814
I mean, hard.
160
00:06:19,857 --> 00:06:22,425
Like, I couldn't even make it
up one flight of stairs
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00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:25,776
to my own bathroom hard.
162
00:06:25,820 --> 00:06:27,561
Anyway...
163
00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:29,432
something terrible happened.
164
00:06:31,521 --> 00:06:33,610
- I'm... I'm not following.
165
00:06:33,654 --> 00:06:36,787
- There's a certain...
166
00:06:36,831 --> 00:06:40,182
clogging situation.
167
00:06:40,225 --> 00:06:41,879
- You were dancing
in wooden shoes?
168
00:06:41,923 --> 00:06:43,204
- Why are you
making me spell it out?
169
00:06:43,228 --> 00:06:46,449
- Because it's hilarious.
[laughing]
170
00:06:46,493 --> 00:06:48,103
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
So okay...
171
00:06:48,146 --> 00:06:51,367
two things, number one,
did you call a plumber?
172
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,413
- Yes, I called,
like, ten plumbers.
173
00:06:53,456 --> 00:06:54,501
What's number two?
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00:06:54,544 --> 00:06:57,547
- I think you know
what number two is.
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00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,917
- The soonest a plumber
can come is tonight.
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00:06:59,941 --> 00:07:00,942
What am I supposed to do?
177
00:07:00,985 --> 00:07:01,899
- Leave the country.
178
00:07:01,943 --> 00:07:02,944
- [chuckles mockingly]
179
00:07:02,987 --> 00:07:04,641
- No, I am serious.
Move to Canada.
180
00:07:04,685 --> 00:07:05,860
Start all over.
181
00:07:05,903 --> 00:07:07,470
Get a new identity, new face,
182
00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:12,301
and here's a new name for you,
Alice Cleanfanny.
183
00:07:12,344 --> 00:07:13,737
- Would you please be serious?
184
00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:17,524
- I am being
completely serious, Alice.
185
00:07:17,567 --> 00:07:18,438
- Where are you going?
186
00:07:18,481 --> 00:07:19,743
- Well, I gotta teach a class,
187
00:07:19,787 --> 00:07:22,659
then I gotta pick up Jack
from Lasik surgery.
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00:07:22,703 --> 00:07:24,922
Guess you could say
I got a real load to carry.
189
00:07:27,011 --> 00:07:28,099
Deuces.
190
00:07:28,143 --> 00:07:32,539
♪
191
00:07:32,582 --> 00:07:35,716
- You know, the best part
about this Lasik surgery
192
00:07:35,759 --> 00:07:40,111
is, you get to experience
what it's like to be blind.
193
00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:44,551
Thank you.
194
00:07:44,594 --> 00:07:46,074
Brian.
195
00:07:46,117 --> 00:07:49,730
Whoa, commando.
I guess it's laundry day.
196
00:07:49,773 --> 00:07:52,472
- Hey, gorgeous.
197
00:07:52,515 --> 00:07:54,735
What do you say
you ditch Helen Keller here,
198
00:07:54,778 --> 00:07:58,260
and I'll show you
who the real miracle worker is.
199
00:07:58,303 --> 00:08:00,523
- Coco, you're married,
remember?
200
00:08:00,567 --> 00:08:04,266
I do, 'cause you mentioned me
in your vows.
201
00:08:04,309 --> 00:08:09,532
- Well, you just say the word,
and I'll "Gone Girl" him.
202
00:08:09,576 --> 00:08:11,752
- So, Jack, I-I'd like to talk
about something.
203
00:08:11,795 --> 00:08:12,927
- Yeah?
204
00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:15,103
- This is serious.
205
00:08:16,365 --> 00:08:18,323
- Yeah?
206
00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:19,760
- You know what Grace was saying
207
00:08:19,803 --> 00:08:21,501
about me paying for everything?
208
00:08:21,544 --> 00:08:23,938
- Oh, my God, I was waiting
for you to bring that up.
209
00:08:23,981 --> 00:08:25,722
What was she even talking about?
210
00:08:25,766 --> 00:08:27,681
She seemed hysterical.
211
00:08:27,724 --> 00:08:31,162
I'm not gonna be offensive and
say it's 'cause she's pregnant.
212
00:08:31,206 --> 00:08:33,774
It's 'cause she's a woman,
right?
213
00:08:33,817 --> 00:08:35,906
- Or does she have a point?
214
00:08:35,950 --> 00:08:39,562
I mean, maybe my paying for
everything has held you back.
215
00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:40,781
- Counterpoint:
216
00:08:40,824 --> 00:08:45,046
imagine what I could've done
with more money.
217
00:08:45,089 --> 00:08:46,917
- Do you ever feel like
I'm infantilizing you?
218
00:08:46,961 --> 00:08:51,269
- No, because I would never
let you touch me there.
219
00:08:51,313 --> 00:08:53,141
What are you saying, woman?
Speak clearly.
220
00:08:53,184 --> 00:08:55,709
- I'm saying I've decided...
221
00:08:55,752 --> 00:08:58,276
to cut you off.
222
00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:01,541
- Well, now I'm worried
I need Lasik for my ears.
223
00:09:01,584 --> 00:09:02,605
Because it sounded
like you said...
224
00:09:02,629 --> 00:09:05,457
- I'm not
giving you money anymore.
225
00:09:05,501 --> 00:09:07,329
- What?
226
00:09:07,372 --> 00:09:09,549
This is worse
than you infantilizing me.
227
00:09:11,202 --> 00:09:13,596
Oh, oh.
You are crafty.
228
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:14,878
You have brought me
to a public place
229
00:09:14,902 --> 00:09:16,338
so I wouldn't make a scene.
230
00:09:16,381 --> 00:09:18,403
- I brought you to a drag bar.
I knew you'd make a scene.
231
00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:20,168
I wanted you to blend in.
232
00:09:22,213 --> 00:09:23,737
I'm doing this
for your own good.
233
00:09:23,780 --> 00:09:25,260
- No, you're not.
234
00:09:25,303 --> 00:09:27,871
You're doing this because
you're a selfish little man
235
00:09:27,915 --> 00:09:29,830
with problem skin.
236
00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:32,180
- Are you getting mad at me?
237
00:09:32,223 --> 00:09:33,461
I'm the one
that should be pissed.
238
00:09:33,485 --> 00:09:35,400
I give you money for everything.
239
00:09:35,444 --> 00:09:37,446
My... my kid's college fund
went to a failed
240
00:09:37,489 --> 00:09:39,404
adult bouncy castle business.
241
00:09:39,448 --> 00:09:43,278
- Jumping Jacks
was ahead of its time.
242
00:09:43,321 --> 00:09:46,542
The only misstep was
partnering with Cactus Carl.
243
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:49,850
- Have you ever once considered
paying me back?
244
00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:51,547
Have you considered thanking me?
245
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,220
What do I get out
of this friendship except
246
00:09:53,244 --> 00:09:56,030
a barrage of insults
and a reputation among
247
00:09:56,073 --> 00:10:00,251
certain call center employees
that I'm an insatiable bottom?
248
00:10:01,731 --> 00:10:03,646
- You want me to thank you,
Will?
249
00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:06,693
Is that what you want?
Okay, well, thank you, Will.
250
00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:11,132
Thank you for putting a price
on our friendship.
251
00:10:11,175 --> 00:10:12,655
- Jack.
- No, you've said enough.
252
00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:13,656
- Jack, but, but...
253
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,789
- [gibbers]
254
00:10:15,832 --> 00:10:17,921
You have humiliated me
in a public place,
255
00:10:17,965 --> 00:10:20,010
and now I'm going to leave
this establishment
256
00:10:20,054 --> 00:10:22,230
in a dignified manner.
257
00:10:22,273 --> 00:10:26,408
♪
258
00:10:27,888 --> 00:10:28,062
.
259
00:10:28,105 --> 00:10:29,280
[knocking at door]
260
00:10:31,152 --> 00:10:33,154
- Thank you so, so much
for fitting me in.
261
00:10:33,197 --> 00:10:35,896
- Well, you said your life
depended on it.
262
00:10:35,939 --> 00:10:38,855
- Well, my romantic life,
but you don't care about that.
263
00:10:38,899 --> 00:10:40,552
- You think
because I'm a plumber,
264
00:10:40,596 --> 00:10:43,686
I don't care about love?
265
00:10:43,730 --> 00:10:46,254
- Oh, no.
No, of course not.
266
00:10:46,297 --> 00:10:49,387
See, um, I kind of blew it
with this guy last year,
267
00:10:49,431 --> 00:10:50,713
and now I have a second chance...
268
00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:54,654
- Turns out,
I don't care that much.
269
00:10:54,697 --> 00:10:56,743
- Um, the bathroom
is right back there.
270
00:10:58,266 --> 00:10:59,789
It's pretty bad.
271
00:10:59,833 --> 00:11:02,052
- No worries, ma'am.
272
00:11:02,096 --> 00:11:04,272
I've seen it all.
273
00:11:06,187 --> 00:11:09,364
Mother of God!
274
00:11:13,455 --> 00:11:18,460
Lady, you got a real situation
going on in there.
275
00:11:18,503 --> 00:11:23,073
I think I just looked
into the devil's eyes.
276
00:11:23,117 --> 00:11:27,469
There's no way
this is a one-man job.
277
00:11:27,512 --> 00:11:28,992
- You need more help?
278
00:11:29,036 --> 00:11:30,559
- No, I mean there's no way
279
00:11:30,602 --> 00:11:33,867
you could've done that alone.
280
00:11:33,910 --> 00:11:35,390
- But you could fix it, right?
281
00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:38,610
- I don't even know what it is.
282
00:11:38,654 --> 00:11:40,569
I don't have the tools.
283
00:11:40,612 --> 00:11:42,789
I'll call my friend at the zoo.
284
00:11:45,095 --> 00:11:48,142
- The zoo?
It's not that bad.
285
00:11:48,185 --> 00:11:51,754
- Is that really for you to say?
286
00:11:51,798 --> 00:11:53,190
- I was just trying
to be a lady.
287
00:11:53,234 --> 00:11:54,365
- Try harder.
288
00:11:56,019 --> 00:11:57,760
I'll be back as soon as I can.
289
00:11:57,804 --> 00:11:59,762
- What am I supposed
to do in the meantime?
290
00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:02,504
- I don't know.
Leave the country?
291
00:12:02,547 --> 00:12:05,072
- I wish people
would stop making that joke.
292
00:12:05,115 --> 00:12:07,683
- What joke?
293
00:12:09,163 --> 00:12:13,863
♪
294
00:12:13,907 --> 00:12:15,299
- I am not a child.
295
00:12:18,172 --> 00:12:18,999
You know what?
296
00:12:19,042 --> 00:12:20,217
That's it.
When I get home,
297
00:12:20,261 --> 00:12:22,002
I am telling Will
our friendship is over.
298
00:12:22,045 --> 00:12:23,830
- Wait.
299
00:12:23,873 --> 00:12:27,485
- Uh, I didn't really
ask your opinion.
300
00:12:27,529 --> 00:12:28,965
But you do make a point.
301
00:12:29,009 --> 00:12:31,533
Maybe I should wait.
302
00:12:31,576 --> 00:12:32,839
I'm being rash.
303
00:12:32,882 --> 00:12:34,188
I'm Jack, by the way.
304
00:12:34,231 --> 00:12:36,756
- Robert.
- Nice to meet you, Robert.
305
00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:39,106
Maybe he's right, though.
306
00:12:39,149 --> 00:12:41,282
Maybe... maybe I should
pay my own way.
307
00:12:41,325 --> 00:12:43,850
- Wait.
- Thank you, that's crazy.
308
00:12:43,893 --> 00:12:45,982
♪
309
00:12:46,026 --> 00:12:47,505
- What do you mean
you can't help me?
310
00:12:47,549 --> 00:12:49,812
You're my sister, Janet.
311
00:12:49,856 --> 00:12:52,597
I helped you
when your braces got stuck
312
00:12:52,641 --> 00:12:54,730
on Brian Landman's zipper.
313
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,819
Yeah, I could've let Mom
find you like that,
314
00:12:56,863 --> 00:12:59,213
and I didn't.
315
00:12:59,256 --> 00:13:00,170
This is a crisis.
316
00:13:00,214 --> 00:13:03,783
Did you see the picture I sent?
317
00:13:03,826 --> 00:13:05,697
Yes, of course
I lit some candles.
318
00:13:05,741 --> 00:13:07,569
I lit a jillion candles,
319
00:13:07,612 --> 00:13:09,310
so at least I know
it smells like...
320
00:13:09,353 --> 00:13:10,877
[gasps]
[smoke alarm chirping]
321
00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:13,705
Smoke, smoke, smoke!
322
00:13:13,749 --> 00:13:15,577
No!
No, no, no, no, no, no.
323
00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:18,319
No, no, fire extinguisher.
324
00:13:18,362 --> 00:13:19,799
Fire extinguisher.
325
00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:21,670
Fire extinguisher.
326
00:13:21,713 --> 00:13:23,498
Okay.
327
00:13:23,541 --> 00:13:25,848
All right, baby.
328
00:13:25,892 --> 00:13:28,720
We can do this.
We can do this.
329
00:13:28,764 --> 00:13:31,854
[screaming]
330
00:13:39,601 --> 00:13:41,516
Oh, my God!
331
00:13:48,610 --> 00:13:50,786
Oh.
332
00:13:52,179 --> 00:13:53,397
Oh, God.
333
00:13:55,617 --> 00:13:56,966
- Oh, my God.
334
00:13:57,010 --> 00:13:58,489
Grace, are you all right?
335
00:13:58,533 --> 00:14:00,883
- I-I'm fine.
I'm fine.
336
00:14:00,927 --> 00:14:02,232
- What happened?
337
00:14:02,276 --> 00:14:03,712
- Um...
338
00:14:03,755 --> 00:14:06,323
um...
339
00:14:06,367 --> 00:14:08,282
you've been robbed!
340
00:14:09,761 --> 00:14:10,980
- Wait, when did this happen?
341
00:14:11,024 --> 00:14:12,764
- How am I supposed to know?
I wasn't here.
342
00:14:12,808 --> 00:14:14,960
I mean, I was, but then I left,
and then when I came back
343
00:14:14,984 --> 00:14:16,856
to see if you were home,
the door was open.
344
00:14:16,899 --> 00:14:18,224
- All right,
I'm calling the police.
345
00:14:18,248 --> 00:14:21,904
- No.
I mean... do we trust them?
346
00:14:21,948 --> 00:14:23,732
I mean, what if it's one
of them that did it?
347
00:14:23,775 --> 00:14:24,927
- Grace,
my apartment got robbed.
348
00:14:24,951 --> 00:14:28,084
It's not "The Departed," okay?
349
00:14:28,128 --> 00:14:30,957
Why do I smell smoke
and lavender?
350
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:36,005
- The robber must've lit
scented candles to calm down.
351
00:14:37,224 --> 00:14:40,314
Because crime is stressful.
352
00:14:42,098 --> 00:14:43,795
I mean, I once stole
353
00:14:43,839 --> 00:14:46,059
a king-size Almond Joy
from a bodega,
354
00:14:46,102 --> 00:14:47,974
and I was so stressed out
afterwards,
355
00:14:48,017 --> 00:14:49,540
I had to get
a hot stone massage.
356
00:14:49,584 --> 00:14:50,977
It's a real thing.
357
00:14:53,066 --> 00:14:55,329
- I'll make sure
to tell the cops your theory.
358
00:14:55,372 --> 00:14:57,331
♪
359
00:15:00,464 --> 00:15:00,638
.
360
00:15:00,682 --> 00:15:02,640
- You say the door
was open when you got here?
361
00:15:02,684 --> 00:15:03,946
- That's what I said.
362
00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:05,948
Oh, but you don't
have to write that down.
363
00:15:05,992 --> 00:15:08,820
- Oh, but I do.
364
00:15:08,864 --> 00:15:12,650
- Well, whoever did this
left plenty of DNA back there.
365
00:15:14,826 --> 00:15:17,612
- Boy, I hope you guys
catch this psychopath.
366
00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:21,485
- I mean,
we don't know that she...
367
00:15:21,529 --> 00:15:25,707
Or, much more
statistically likely, he...
368
00:15:25,750 --> 00:15:28,101
is a psychopath.
[laughs]
369
00:15:28,144 --> 00:15:31,191
♪
370
00:15:31,234 --> 00:15:32,801
[knocking at door]
371
00:15:32,844 --> 00:15:35,064
- Will,
I am so worried about Jack.
372
00:15:35,108 --> 00:15:36,544
I came home to find nothing
373
00:15:36,587 --> 00:15:40,591
except for this beautiful
bouquet of balloon elegance.
374
00:15:40,635 --> 00:15:42,332
- Are those filled
with gold flake?
375
00:15:42,376 --> 00:15:45,509
- Yes.
He spares no expense.
376
00:15:45,553 --> 00:15:47,207
- We had a fight at Ms. Coco's.
377
00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:48,643
He should be home by now.
378
00:15:48,686 --> 00:15:50,012
- What happened?
Why was he upset with you?
379
00:15:50,036 --> 00:15:52,473
- I-I told him
I thought it was time
380
00:15:52,516 --> 00:15:54,344
for him to grow up,
'cause he's almost 50,
381
00:15:54,388 --> 00:15:56,346
so I-I'm cutting him off.
382
00:15:56,390 --> 00:15:59,436
- Will, 31 is not almost 50.
383
00:16:00,742 --> 00:16:02,700
And who would want
Jack to grow up?
384
00:16:02,744 --> 00:16:06,008
Will, sit down.
You know what?
385
00:16:06,052 --> 00:16:10,970
In Spain, we have a story
of a boy who is like Jack
386
00:16:11,013 --> 00:16:14,886
who never grew up,
and he wears tights.
387
00:16:16,366 --> 00:16:17,846
- Yeah.
It's "Peter Pan."
388
00:16:17,889 --> 00:16:19,021
- No.
389
00:16:19,065 --> 00:16:22,068
In our version,
this "forever boy"
390
00:16:22,111 --> 00:16:26,724
fights with a pirate
who has a hook for a hand,
391
00:16:26,768 --> 00:16:30,685
and his best friend
is a teeny, tiny fairy.
392
00:16:30,728 --> 00:16:32,252
- That's "Peter Pan."
393
00:16:32,295 --> 00:16:35,995
- No, no, Pedro escapes
to Nunca NuncaLand...
394
00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:38,693
- Right, that... so...
395
00:16:38,736 --> 00:16:41,043
that means he escaped
to Never Never Land.
396
00:16:41,087 --> 00:16:42,044
It's "Peter Pan."
397
00:16:42,088 --> 00:16:44,177
- You are wrong.
398
00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:45,700
But that is not the point, okay?
399
00:16:45,743 --> 00:16:48,529
The point is,
Jack should never grow up.
400
00:16:48,572 --> 00:16:50,705
He reminds
all the people around him
401
00:16:50,748 --> 00:16:53,490
how it feels to be young.
402
00:16:53,534 --> 00:16:54,685
- Can't argue with you there.
403
00:16:54,709 --> 00:16:56,319
- It's just like Pedro says,
404
00:16:56,363 --> 00:16:57,625
[speaking Spanish]
405
00:16:57,668 --> 00:17:01,107
- "I won't grow up!"
That's "Peter Pan."
406
00:17:01,150 --> 00:17:03,805
- Mi amor, you have returned.
How are your eyes?
407
00:17:03,848 --> 00:17:05,937
- My vision is perfect.
408
00:17:05,981 --> 00:17:08,375
And I feel like I'm seeing
your beautiful face
409
00:17:08,418 --> 00:17:10,377
for the very first time.
410
00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:13,728
Oh, my God, Camilla!
411
00:17:13,771 --> 00:17:15,512
I loved your hat
at Harry's wedding.
412
00:17:15,556 --> 00:17:18,689
What was that, pheasant?
- [chuckles]
413
00:17:18,733 --> 00:17:20,561
Jack, listen...
- No, no, no, no.
414
00:17:20,604 --> 00:17:22,737
Just let me go first.
415
00:17:22,780 --> 00:17:25,000
I realized something
when I was out there.
416
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:27,176
I...
417
00:17:27,220 --> 00:17:29,439
I do need to grow up.
418
00:17:29,483 --> 00:17:31,572
And I'm gonna start
by paying you back
419
00:17:31,615 --> 00:17:33,400
every penny
you've ever given me.
420
00:17:33,443 --> 00:17:36,838
I'll get some boring job
in an office.
421
00:17:36,881 --> 00:17:41,234
You know, we can eat
at the Cheesecake Factory.
422
00:17:41,277 --> 00:17:43,932
And then see each other
at the fantasy football draft.
423
00:17:43,975 --> 00:17:46,891
- Oh, well...
424
00:17:49,285 --> 00:17:51,287
I don't want you to grow up.
425
00:17:51,331 --> 00:17:53,246
Your innocence,
your love of life,
426
00:17:53,289 --> 00:17:58,773
the fact that you still write
your name in your underwear,
427
00:17:58,816 --> 00:18:00,905
that's what I get
out of this friendship.
428
00:18:00,949 --> 00:18:03,995
You can't put a price on that.
429
00:18:06,824 --> 00:18:09,262
- You know,
listening to you just now,
430
00:18:09,305 --> 00:18:11,481
it really sounds...
431
00:18:11,525 --> 00:18:15,137
like you owe me money.
432
00:18:15,181 --> 00:18:16,617
- Jack, don't be greedy.
433
00:18:16,660 --> 00:18:18,271
You know, in Spain,
we have a story
434
00:18:18,314 --> 00:18:22,971
of two very sugar-obsessed
children who go into the woods,
435
00:18:23,014 --> 00:18:25,365
and they find a woman's house,
and then they eat it.
436
00:18:25,408 --> 00:18:26,516
- That's "Hansel and Gretel."
437
00:18:26,540 --> 00:18:28,281
- No, in our version,
438
00:18:28,324 --> 00:18:30,631
the children eat a home
that is made of...
439
00:18:30,674 --> 00:18:31,675
[speaking Spanish]
440
00:18:31,719 --> 00:18:33,088
- Yeah, gingerbread.
It's "Hansel"...
441
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:36,332
I'm not doing this
with you anymore.
442
00:18:36,376 --> 00:18:38,856
- Oh, uh, Will, one more thing.
443
00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:40,119
- How much do you need?
444
00:18:40,162 --> 00:18:43,034
- No, not that.
445
00:18:43,078 --> 00:18:46,168
Thank you for...
446
00:18:46,212 --> 00:18:48,997
everything.
447
00:18:50,912 --> 00:18:52,522
- Will,
I'm gonna buy you the book.
448
00:18:52,566 --> 00:18:56,918
It's written by a woman who
is a mother who is also a duck.
449
00:18:56,961 --> 00:18:59,834
- "Mother Goose."
Get out of here.
450
00:18:59,877 --> 00:19:01,879
- Uh, may I speak
with you a moment?
451
00:19:01,923 --> 00:19:03,316
Just, uh, woman to woman.
452
00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:04,665
- Sure.
453
00:19:04,708 --> 00:19:06,449
- Um, I see that you
are not wearing a ring.
454
00:19:06,493 --> 00:19:08,059
Are you single?
- I am.
455
00:19:08,103 --> 00:19:11,019
- Yeah, so you know what
it's like out there dating.
456
00:19:11,062 --> 00:19:14,109
You know the hoops
that you jump through
457
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:16,851
in order to seem
better than you really are,
458
00:19:16,894 --> 00:19:19,680
the things you hide
in order to seem like a lady.
459
00:19:19,723 --> 00:19:21,029
- Oh, no, honey.
460
00:19:21,072 --> 00:19:23,162
See, I think that
that type of disingenuousness
461
00:19:23,205 --> 00:19:26,687
is a bad foundation
for a relationship.
462
00:19:26,730 --> 00:19:28,036
- Sure, sure.
463
00:19:28,079 --> 00:19:30,125
But what if you spent
the night with a guy,
464
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,345
and in the morning,
you did something
465
00:19:32,388 --> 00:19:35,739
so unappealing...
466
00:19:35,783 --> 00:19:40,091
that you went to extremes
to make it all go away?
467
00:19:40,135 --> 00:19:41,919
- I think
I'm getting the picture.
468
00:19:41,963 --> 00:19:44,705
- I know that
you have to "investigate,"
469
00:19:44,748 --> 00:19:47,664
but maybe this just winds up
470
00:19:47,708 --> 00:19:51,668
in the file stamped "unsolved."
471
00:19:51,712 --> 00:19:52,713
You feel me?
472
00:19:52,756 --> 00:19:54,410
- I think I do.
473
00:19:54,454 --> 00:19:56,151
Hey, Joe,
we can wrap it up here.
474
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:57,457
- Oh, God bless you.
475
00:19:57,500 --> 00:19:59,546
- See, there's no crime here.
476
00:19:59,589 --> 00:20:02,244
This one took a brutal dump
in the john.
477
00:20:04,377 --> 00:20:08,381
The rest of this damage
is just part of her cover-up.
478
00:20:08,424 --> 00:20:10,034
Let's go.
479
00:20:18,304 --> 00:20:19,696
- So...
480
00:20:19,740 --> 00:20:23,831
this is kind of like
that lovely moment in "Evita"
481
00:20:23,874 --> 00:20:29,053
when she asks,
"Where do we go from here?"
482
00:20:29,097 --> 00:20:30,925
- What?
483
00:20:30,968 --> 00:20:33,101
We are not going anywhere.
484
00:20:33,144 --> 00:20:36,670
There is no
coming back from this.
485
00:20:36,713 --> 00:20:38,846
You lied,
you let me call the police,
486
00:20:38,889 --> 00:20:40,369
you ruined my apartment!
487
00:20:40,413 --> 00:20:42,719
- Oh, but I-I can help
you with that last one,
488
00:20:42,763 --> 00:20:45,766
because you know
I'm an interior designer.
489
00:20:45,809 --> 00:20:47,289
- You want me to hire you?
490
00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:51,511
- Naturally,
I wouldn't charge full markup.
491
00:20:51,554 --> 00:20:53,861
- And I thought that sleeping
with my father and my son
492
00:20:53,904 --> 00:20:55,428
was the worst thing
that you could do.
493
00:20:55,471 --> 00:20:58,866
- I'm full of surprises.
494
00:20:58,909 --> 00:21:00,868
- Just stop, Grace.
495
00:21:02,739 --> 00:21:04,828
- I'll see myself out.
496
00:21:06,482 --> 00:21:07,657
Um...
497
00:21:07,701 --> 00:21:08,808
I think this... this is yours.
498
00:21:08,832 --> 00:21:11,748
- [groans]
499
00:21:11,792 --> 00:21:13,663
- Oh, and this little...
500
00:21:13,707 --> 00:21:15,317
yep.
501
00:21:20,148 --> 00:21:21,628
Now you show up.
502
00:21:21,671 --> 00:21:23,282
♪
35412
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