Original subtitles

(crickets chirping) (knocking)

(door bell ringing)

‐ What the fuck Whopper?

‐ They kicked me out man, both of 'em.

‐ Both of who, dawg? ‐ My bitches man,

they left me. You know Chandelier and Chantel.

They kicked me out. Look, when I got home man,

my shit was packed up like UPS, man!

‐ That shit? Them fuckin' bags?

‐ Aww man, this is only half of it.

‐ Them ashy ass bags?

‐ This all I could carry on my back from the hood man.

‐ Where are you goin' with that shit Whopper?

Not today dawg. You scarin' the shit outta my neighbors man.

‐ Do you think I wanna come to yo door?

Three O'Clock in the mornin'. I had two bitches

to sleep with. You think I wanna be here?

I'm tellin' you I need you Cuz‐o.

You da only nigga I know... that got some money.

What would big mama say? ‐ You get two nights Whopper.

‐ That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.

Gimme ‐ Down Whopper.

‐ Alright, alright. It's too early for that, you right cuz.

But look, catch this. ‐ Garage. (thump)

‐ Hey! Bags! ‐ In the garage Whopper.

‐ Alright, you right. ‐ You got 30 seconds.

‐ I'm gon' earn my keep. You don't have to worry

'bout me, I'm be quiet as a mouse. Love you cuz‐o!

You know I'm gonna tell Big Mama what you did for me.

(sighs)

‐ Man I'm such a good person.

(upbeat music)

‐ Okay, okay, okay. So there's a new women's

fertility medication out there. You as the spokesman.

Hey, I'm Baron, but you don't have to be.

Now, no, okay, I got something else, I got something else.

There's a lot of brands that athletes are doing,

like shoes, but how 'bout socks?

‐ No. ‐ Okay, I got something huge.

Something massive. What's the first thing

that comes to mind when you think of Patti LaBelle?

‐ Music, ‐ Pie!

‐ Great music. ‐ Pie!

‐ I mean, that... ‐ Am I right?

‐ No, but... ‐ I mean think about it!

You go into a store and you see her pies.

She sells pies. You sell pie as well!

‐ No, no, no, I'm not sellin' no fuckin' pie.

‐ Not just any pie! Pizza pie,

Red Baron pizza pie. ‐ Dude...

Lemme see that shit! ‐ Look at that!

Look at that! Look at that! ‐ Hey hold on dude!

You fuckin', ‐ I did that myself.

‐ You turned that shit around right now.

‐ You could be the face of microwavable pizza!

‐ I love that. ‐ Thank you.

‐ I love that. Just imagine, like me selling these

frozen pies. Yo, what's up dude? I thought I told you

to clean the pool and cut the hedges and shit?

‐ Nah, I ain't do none of that shit bro. I'm done, I'm out.

‐ What do you mean you out? ‐ I means I'm out BD!

I means I found a new mentor. (laughs)

Somebody that actually believes in Ball Out.

And don't have me runnin' around

doin' stupid shit all the time.

Oh, oh! And by the way, he's a more relevant,

a more respected MBA player than you are.

‐ That's just impossible, unless

it's, it's um... Michael Johnson.

‐ Hey, Michael Johnson is a sprinter, dude.

‐ Who's the guy I'm thinking of from Space Jam?

He was like the big thing. ‐ It's Nick Young!

Alright? ‐ Who?

‐ Nick Young! Swaggy motha fuckin' P!

‐ Who? ‐ Man, what?

‐ I don't even know who that is.

(laughter) Uh, how do you spell it?

Swaggy... ‐ For a motha fucka

that's supposed to be goin' you sho droppin'

names and shit. We don' give a fuck.

It could be Nick Young, it could be Nick Cannon.

‐ Bye! ‐ Get yo ass out cud!

‐ I thought you left. If you don't want this mentorship Dot,

let the guidance lead yo ass out this house.

‐ Get out. ‐ You gon' regret this.

(laughter) ‐ Fuck you!

‐ Alright, bye body odor. ‐ Body odor! (wheezing laugh)

‐ Why you hang around niggas like that cuz?

‐ Nah, hold on, hold on, hold on,

Why the fuck are you eating my food?

I told you nigga, you can't eat.

‐ Look, I got mouths to feed back here!

‐ No, hey, mouths?! Mouths? ‐ Mouth.

Look, you with that shit with Chandelier and 'em.

Look, I eat 'cause I'm unhappy,

and I'm unhappy 'cause I eat cuz.

Be considerate. You been in love too before.

‐ Nick Young's a big deal.

‐ I know who the fuck Nick Young is.

‐ He's a hot, I mean, c'mon.

‐ I don't need to see his picture.

(medieval music)

‐ [Nick] B‐Dot! What's good?

‐ Aww shit. ‐ What's up?

‐ Hey, welcome to my castle man.

This some fly shit huh? You ain't never seen

nothin' like this, never ever.

‐ Some real medieval times shit

you got goin' on in here, what's up?

‐ Ha ha ha, don't be disrespectful

motha fucka, this is a real castle.

‐ Let's talk business player. ‐ Okay, cool cool.

So, Ball Out, my fragrance line.

This fragrance has the chance to

‐ Hold up. Alexa! Play some important

soundin' shit fo a meetin'.

‐ Alexa! (groaning)

I'm tired of Alexa. (click)

("More more more" by Robbie Nevil)

‐ Okay, so, ‐ Don't look at Alexa no more.

‐ Okay, so lets get down to business alright?

Ball Out, Nick, you're gonna be my first investor.

The more you invest, the bigger stake

you'll have in Ball Out. But I mean,

it's whatever you want to, there's no pressure.

‐ Pandora. Pandora! ‐ Ya'll got Pandora too?

‐ Haaaaaay. Thank You. ‐ There go. Thank You.

‐ Oh, so, another actual person.

‐ Digital currency like a motha fucka on this drive.

‐ I love some digital currency motha fucka.

‐ On this drive? ‐ Yeah, this how it's crackin'

‐ Okay, so, somethin' like Bit Coin?

‐ It's better than Bit Coin. Trust me, we funded.

I helped you, now you help me. I need more followers.

‐ I need some followers too. ‐ We can work on that.

We can get this investment down, get the paperwork.

You know, we'll do a quick little video.

‐ Ugh. Shit. What up snap, it's big meet up

here with Swaggy P, there is no young money,

aka Swaggy the Prescott the third.

‐ Yeah ‐ B‐Dot say what's up bitch!

‐ What? ‐ And posted.

That went well. Lets do another one.

‐ Okay, well if we're gonna do another one

I think we should, you know, mention Ball Out.

‐ Bro, that's tacky. Every time you see

a Nike commercial watch, they never actually

say Nike in it. Where you get 'em from?

‐ Okay, I don't think that's true.

‐ So what the bottle gonna look like?

‐ It's, okay, it's like ‐ So it's like drawers

with the balls hangin' out? ‐ No, nah, it's Ball Out.

‐ Balls out right? ‐ You kinda bright.

I didn't know you was that G, man.

‐ We just get some drawers. Bottle some drawers

with some balls hangin' out. ‐ The fact that you came up

with this balls out idea is crazy bro.

‐ Yeah, that's a great idea. ‐ That's crazy bro.

We're geniuses! ‐ I'm glad I came up

with it too! ‐ I came

‐ We're geniuses! ‐ Glad I came up with it.

‐ It's my idea, you guys just ‐ We're geniuses!

(delicate thoughtful music)

(sigh)

‐ Readin' huh? Reading is good.

‐ Don't do it.

‐ Readin' is knowledge ‐ Don't do it.

Don't do it. I know what you doin'.

‐ Knowledge is power, and that power gives you

the opportunity to leverage. ‐ Baron. Baron!

‐ And leverage is ‐ Baron!

Don't mentor me bro. (scoffs)

‐ C'mon man ‐ I don't need it.

‐ C'mon bro. I didn't mentor you dawg.

I'm just making conversation man.

We never get to conversate. ‐ First of all it's converse.

And you are. You are trying to mentor me.

(laughs) ‐ You bored. I can see it man.

‐ I knew it was converse. I was just trying

to get you to converse with me.

‐ Mm ‐ But Ron it's about

us building man. ‐ No, no it's not.

‐ What is it about then Ron?

‐ It's about Bethany trying to find her true love.

And right now she's angry because Greg's taste

in music is not what she likes.

So if you'll excuse me, I'm trying to finish this book

and learn about white bitches.

I'm not B‐Dot, I don't need your help.

‐ Hey you know I read that book.

I'm not gonna tell ya. I get it Ron.

‐ Go for it swagalicious, I sent money on the back end.

Now you do it, or I'm out now. C'mon Siobhan.

Alright, well I love you too. Yeah, bye bye.

‐ I don't think you're talking to anybody.

‐ You gonna do whatever it takes to get this paper right?

‐ Whatever it takes, I'm fully invested.

‐ Whatever it takes? ‐ Whatever it takes?

‐ You gotta do one thing for me to do this Ball Out shit.

‐ Well, I mean, lets go. ‐ Oh yeah!

What we're gonna do to you, it shouldn't be legal.

‐ Toast buddy. Ball Out. ‐ Ball Out.

I don't think that's tea. ‐ It ain't.

(determined fast paced music)

‐ Hey, the fuck? Lock the door?

(knocking) (loud music)

‐ What's going on? ‐ Nothin'

‐ God damn nigga,

comin' out here lookin' like Busta re‐rhymes.

What's goin' on over here nig?

‐ C'mon cut it out, look. You know

that music is theraputic for the soul.

‐ Yup, hell yeah. ‐ And my soul needs cleansing.

So I'm using this music, you know,

just to get over this break up, man.

'Cause you know, when they left me, man.

‐ Well it's gonna be alright man.

You know what I'm sayin', let me come in,

play you a few songs that I been

listenin' to and vibin' to that, you know,

that I know can help you, you know what I mean?

And we can turn some of them break ups into build ups man.

Let me come talk to you man. ‐ I do, I do need your help.

But not right now, any other time

would be good for your help. But this help right now,

I need is music, right now. You understand?

‐ Man, you can't be listening to dance hall music though.

‐ I mean, but at the same time, that's what helps me.

‐ Are you tryin' to be a reggae artist?

‐ No, I'm not. ‐ Are you sure?

‐ Yeah I'm sure.

‐ Are you tryin' to be a woman?

‐ No, I'm not.

‐ Cause you look like a ratchet India Arie.

‐ Well, that was a big waste of time.

‐ He can't be serious. ‐ Nick, it's a bad idea!

‐ He's just a fool. ‐ There ain't no such thing.

‐ I had a little hope for B‐Dot, I really did.

But now I just gave up every ounce of that.

‐ That's ya mans. ‐ No, the hell, it's not.

‐ Oh! Look at my team! BB and CC whiners what's happening?

‐ Shut up, have you seen this?

(laughs) ‐ Seen what?

‐ B‐Dot's going live right now.

‐ Why you watchin' that nigga Facebook live,

I thought it was done?

‐ I'm not watching his Facebook live, I just

‐ You are watching it ‐ No, I'm not watching

‐ You like him huh? ‐ I don't like him.

You know, can you just watch this shit please?

‐ Oh! Hold on! What the fuck? ‐ Exactly!

‐ [Nick] 25K get online, they can watch me

shoot this apple off his head with

this pimp ass roman ancient crossbow.

‐ Is this right now? ‐ Yes!

‐ [B‐Dot] It's not a good idea man!

‐ That Swaggy P crazy though.

‐ He is, he's crazy as fuck. ‐ Just put it down bro.

‐ [Nick] Nah bro I'm 'bout to shoot you.

No, I mean, not you, the apple.

‐ You know what, lets go. I'm 'bout to help him.

We need to help this kid. ‐ Let's go?

Let's go where? ‐ Yeah, I gotta help him!

He's one of my students. I gots to.

‐ If I'm going, I'm going home.

‐ Well, you can, I'll drop you off.

‐ Bet. Bye Ron.

‐ Hey Ron, the work never stops.

Power to the people brother.

‐ And ya'll people.

(Yawn)

‐ Hey, where the shower at?

‐ Who the fuck is you?

‐ Who the fuck is you?

‐ I'm the nigga with clothes on!

‐ I'm sweaty, I need to take a shower. Where the showers?

‐ Do you see motha sucking Dove bars of soap in here?

Just go that way brother, just go that way.

What type of life we livin' here man?

‐ [Nick] Nah ain't no chill, stop movin' nigga!

‐ It's a bad idea! ‐ We're almost there baby.

‐ 25K we almost home baby. ‐ Oh! We ready! 25K! Lets go!

‐ Uh‐oh! 25 thousand people 'bout to watch me

shoot this apple off his head with this

pimp ass roman crossbow. Stop movin' so much!

‐ Hey, hey, chill. ‐ Stop movin' now.

‐ Here we go. ‐ C'mon Nick.

‐ Don't move. ‐ No, no, no, please, please

‐ Nick, What the fuck! Nick Nick!

What the fuck you doin'! ‐ BD.

‐ BD you ain't never came to see Swaggy P

since the last time, why you here?

‐ Man, I can't come over to no shit like this, dude.

Look at you guys. You look like a medieval Timon and Pumba.

What the fuck is this, man? ‐ It's a castle. I like it.

‐ And I came to save you, man.

‐ Save me? How you gonna save me? How?

‐ Man are you about to invest in Ball Out?

‐ Ball Out is a hit. Big 'n Me love it!

‐ I love that motha fucka homie.

‐ Think about it ‐ Mm‐hmm

‐ Ball Out, B. O. ‐ B. O.?

Barack Obama? ‐ No, man!

‐ He smell good! I tried to smell him one time!

Secret service stopped all that.

‐ Hey dawg! B. O. think about it! Body odor!

Nobody's gonna buy a fragrance that smells like shit dawg!

Body odor! Think about that! ‐ Damn! He right!

‐ This motha fucka selling you short dawg!

‐ Shoot this motha fucka! ‐ No, no, no, don't shoot!

‐ Nick, Nick, Nick, please!

‐ He made me think I came up with the idea.

‐ That's not yo brand dawg. What is this? What is this?

‐ It's lion. ‐ Lion.

Take that digital currency, invest in Lion.

Be a king, smell like a lion. Don't smell like shit, dude.

‐ You almost had me motha fucka.

‐ Trust me man, he's inexperienced.

He don't know what he doin', man.

Nick, you're bigger than that, dawg.

You know what I mean? ‐ I'm just hurt bro.

I'm pretty hurt bro. ‐ No, no, no, right.

‐ Why would you do that to me?

‐ Right, he young, man, he inexperienced.

‐ Why would you do that to me, man?

‐ Can somebody help me with these shackles?

‐ I had faith in you B‐Dot. ‐ Yeah, man, that's fucked up.

‐ Okay, BD, Don't leave me here.

‐ Ball Out, more like bitch out motha fucka.

‐ Hey man, I appreciate you saving me from that situation

with Big n' Me and Swaggy P bro.

‐ Man, let me tell you dawg. Experience is the best teacher.

That's one of the lessons, you know what I mean.

But you'll be alright dawg, just stick...

Oh, whoa, whoa, Carol. What the fuck is going on?

Peanut, what the fuck are you doing with my neighbor Carol?

Y'all better get outta here, lookin' like

a old ass version of Get Out. Carol,

I'm tellin' Jim on yo ass. I told Whopper,

no fuckin' friends. Got a little peanut

little triflin' ass over here with Carol.

You better not be a part of this shit dawg.

‐ Nigga I been locked up in the chair all day.

(Loud club music) ‐ Aww, man!

(women screaming excitedly)

Hey Whopper! Get yo motha fuckin' ass over here!

‐ What's goin' on Cuz‐o? ‐ What the fuck, man?

‐ I told you I was gonna earn my keep Cuz‐o.

So what I'm doin' is I'm bringin' man dingoes

to the suburbs. Meet my stallions.

‐ Dude, those are my neighbors!

‐ These white bitches livin' out they fantasies.

‐ The fuck is Kenny doin' in here?

‐ If you just wanna come over to my house...

‐ I dunno why Kenny here, but he paid

the cover charge, so he can stay. Kinda weird though.

‐ Susan, your son is a valedictorian,

get it together, Susan. ‐ Well I dunno about the valid

but she definitely gonna be a dick‐torian tonight.

(woman screaming) ‐ Oh my fucking goodness!

‐ Don't let people take advantage of you huh?

("Put Your Hands Up [Bad Girl]" by Photronique)