Original subtitles

(eerie music)

(numbers beeping)

(hip hop music)

♪ Let's go

♪ I got something that they like ♪

♪ And they know

♪ You got that thing that I need ♪

♪ So, let's go

♪ Now water's thrust on deep, wrap my bow ♪

♪ They all want to get on top

♪ And ride my flow

‐ How this video came about was

I met Melvin at a VMA after party.

And we were talking,

he was looking for a place to shoot his video.

I'm just like, what?

My guy Baron has a dope ass spot that you can use for free.

‐ I was thinking I was

gonna be shootin' at some type of Miami location,

some Hollywood Hills.

But was like some Desperate Housewives type shit.

‐ He was like, bro, I really appreciate it, man.

I'ma owe you a solid.

Man, I owe you whatever you need.

I was like, okay bet.

So, I told Baron, chopped it up with 'em.

First, he wasn't into it.

You told me I could shoot

the video here, man. ‐ Nah, this Instagram,

thirsty shit dog, this shit ain't gonna work, dog.

‐ Bro, this video is not for me, bro.

It's for Melvin,

dude. ‐ Listen WAG.

Nigga Melvin, I can give three Fs of fuck who Melvin is dog.

Everybody gonna have to get the fuck outta here,

and go get me a camera.

Kenny, go get my directing chair, brah.

We 'bout to get this shit poppin'.

Make sure I got my lights nigga,

I'm 'bout to show you something.

‐ So, with that being said,

Melvin has promised to shoot my sizzle,

for my Ball Out fragrance.

Ball Out.

Men's fragrance.

For the active gentleman.

(laughs)

(hip hop music)

‐ Now she's about to ruin her whole career.

Are you kidding me?

She 'bout to be the laughing stock.

It's terrible, dude.

‐ Don't embarrass me, you said you wanted one of lives.

‐ Man, it looks like she's

stuffing a falafel down her pants.

‐ We just ate falafels.

‐ God this is, that's disgusting.

‐ Not disgusting.

There, he's sitting there looking back at you.

The all‐time life giver.

‐ You're a nasty motherfucker Ron.

‐ That thing was beautiful.

It look like this.

It look like this, look like an upside down McDonald's sign.

How you not gonna fuck with that?

‐ [Interviewer] Who are you?

‐ Who am I within this whole thing?

Well you know what,

some people call it a jack of all trades,

and a master of none.

I'm a master of all, and a jack of nothing.

‐ That shit look like a split avocado, dog.

Ice cream sandwich.

747 wing.

Donald Duck lips.

I'm 'bout to say somethin'.

‐ No, no one gets you.

Don't, don't, please brother, please, please.

‐ I'm tryna respect this creative vibe, dog, but it's like,

man, all this camel toe is making me sick.

The camel toe look like a cake with just a slice out of it.

‐ Ooh, she had a fat pussy.

Fuck these cameras.

I'm just gonna sit back and think about it.

Mmm.

‐ Man, fuck that, hey man.

‐ Come on. ‐ Hey.

Hey dog, don't you think she should have

like a sundress or something, dog?

Like some jean shorts or something like that?

‐ I think you shouldn't think.

Just watch, let me do the thinking.

‐ No, no, no, you got you. ‐ It's what I do.

‐ I don't wanna mess with your creativity and all that.

Dog, can you like raise up off the camel toe, dog?

Like that's kind of heavy.

‐ I've been looked at as a misogynist.

But that ain't really the case.

I want women

to see that they can

run around with their titties out.

They can clap they ass.

(clapping)

Clap that shit.

And it's okay.

They not sluts, they not whores.

Slap that shit.

Clap that shit.

Whatever they wanna do, I'm all for pussy power.

‐ I talked to wardrobe,

and I picked out these, dog.

Look, look, what you think?

Like we can just wrap this around.

‐ All due respect.

I grew up watching you ball.

But this isn't your court.

This is my court, man. ‐ No, no, no, I feel ya,

I feel, I feel, I feel. ‐ All right, let me

do my thing, let me run this play.

‐ Go head.

‐ He's just in the way.

He coming to my job, trying to tell me how to do my shit.

Do you see me running on the court,

telling him how to play basketball?

I don't do that shit.

Cut!

Fuck, that's exactly what I'm talking about.

That's what I need baby.

‐ So. ‐ Hey, you look beautiful.

‐ How did you look?

‐ I loved it, I loved it, you look amazing.

‐ Thank you.

‐ [Kenny] Like an angel. (laughs)

‐ Thank you. ‐ Yeah.

‐ Man.

‐ Chill.

‐ And then Baron had to open his fat fucking mouth.

‐ Do you wanna say something?

Yeah, be honest.

‐ Just save it for later, we good.

‐ You have a massive camel toe.

And the whole time I watching this shit,

they look like Shaq waving a peace sign at me.

And I don't mean to like draw that attention,

but it's so much attention drawn,

I think that it's gonna ruin your career.

It's a good‐‐ ‐ Baron!

‐ You're a beautiful girl,

but like that shit is like whoa.

‐ To my understanding, he was mixing a lot of medications.

So, maybe he was miscommunicating

how he really felt deep inside,

but, you know, it's Baron.

At the end of the day what I'm really trying to say is,

I mean Baron Davis is, he's a really really good guy.

‐ He's an asshole, man.

He's an asshole.

Even though that's my man.

‐ Does it really bother you so much that I have a camel toe?

‐ I mean it's just fucking gross.

I mean, I don't mean‐‐ ‐ It's gross?

‐ Not like, I don't know.

‐ You know what?

I'm sorry, I need a sec.

‐ I didn't mean to say that.

I'm sorry, I didn't even mean it like that.

‐ What the fuck is wrong with you, man?

That's my star, you're fucking up my shoot.

‐ How'd you do that. ‐ Man, fuck you Baron Davis.

‐ Hey, hold on.

God.

You embarrassed me in front of Melvin.

Like, what is your problem, bro?

‐ Why, did I do something wrong?

‐ Yeah, man. ‐ You did.

‐ You was major out of line.

You broke that little girl's heart.

‐ You did. ‐ She worked hard

for that camel toe.

I loved it.

Kenny loved it.

He ain't never seen a regular pussy.

Let alone a fat one.

That was a colossal coochie queen and you scared her off.

‐ No I didn't dude.

‐ You did, but I'm gonna put it in basketball terminology

for you. ‐ Okay.

‐ You know the Lakers, right?

‐ Yep. ‐ You know Phil Jackson?

‐ Yep.

‐ He's Phil Jackson.

That pussy's the triangle offense.

You are Tyronn Lue.

You're getting stepped over.

You have no say so in that triangle offense.

You just fucked up my whole shit.

He was gonna endorse Ball Out, man.

‐ Honestly, Baron.

I um...

I used to respect you.

‐ Aw, Kenny.

‐ [Kenny] It's all right.

No, it's just‐‐

‐ He's just mad 'cause you was halfway from cumming nigga.

Fuck you Kenny.

‐ Thank you, thank you very much.

She's not coming back out.

I lost my star.

Thank you very much Baron Davis.

I appreciate you.

Fuck you too, B‐Dot.

‐ C'mon man, I didn't‐‐

‐ Man, look, look, look, look, hold on.

Everybody calm down.

Kenny, go clean yourself off right now in the bathroom.

I got this.

I got it.

‐ What are you gonna do?

‐ What am I gonna do?

This is what I do.

I do what I do.

(nose blowing)

Hi.

(nose blowing) (crying)

‐ What?

‐ How much mucus do you have?

(nose blowing)

Oh my gosh.

‐ Did you think that I didn't know?

I've been dealing with this situation

since I was a little kid.

I went to therapy for this.

And I though I was past it,

but you, you brought it all back.

Fuck you Baron Davis.

‐ Fuck me?

‐ Yes. ‐ I was trying to help.

‐ No, fuck you.

Do you have any idea what it feels like to be an outsider?

‐ Yes, I am.

I am an outsider. ‐ No, you fucking don't know.

'Cause you're Baron Davis.

You don't have any idea. ‐ I am an outsider.

‐ They call me Garfield

for seven years because of ‐ I don't care.

‐ My fat ass pussy. ‐ Oh my goodness.

Come on.

‐ It's really hard.

The weight that I carry.

‐ [Baron] Dude.

‐ Like the sweat alone that builds in the creases

is just really overwhelming.

(hip hop music)

It's really hard.

‐ Oh my God.

Like, can you stop?

‐ Why are you here?

‐ Look, I'm just tryna be real with you.

You're playing to a very, very, very small audience.

And I don't know what to tell you is like,

all I can see is like, do you.

You know what I'm saying? ‐ Do me?

That's all you have to say, is do me?

I was doing me back there, and now look where we are.

Do me.

‐ Look, this is what I do.

I turn double negatives into positives.

I empower people.

I have lessons.

‐ Like what?

‐ Like lesson number 187.

A double negative into a positive.

A homicide into saving a life.

All right, here's a story.

I was playing in the playoffs, right?

It was a fourth quarter,

I think we were like up two or something,

we need a bucket.

I stole the ball.

Anston grabbed my pants.

And my dick slipped out.

Right?

Just the head.

And I was like running down the sidelines,

and like, you know, just, there it was.

You know what I mean?

There were the people on the sideline.

Beer, popcorn, all kinda shit.

Ah.

But you know what I did?

I went around the back, to the hole, and I got a and 1.

Sealed the game.

I powered through that.

You know what I mean?

‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ So, instead of making something about the toe,

make the toe about nothing, and be something.

Double negative into a positive.

You understand what I'm saying?

‐ Yeah, a little bit.

I think you're right.

Yeah I do, I am starting to see what you're saying.

‐ Yes.

‐ [Ava] I mean, in reality like‐‐

‐ Hide it. ‐ I'm dope.

‐ Yes, hide it.

‐ This toe of mine, it can be like a mentor.

‐ Like no. ‐ For all the other girls

with big vaginas.

‐ No. ‐ Yes.

It can serve as a role model for them.

‐ No. ‐ You know what?

I'm not gonna hide anymore. ‐ Oh my gosh, look.

Cover that up, please. ‐ This toe,

I'm gonna market, brand,

and promote this toe. ‐ No, you're not, we're gonna‐

‐ I'm fucking Ava,

I can do it. ‐ Close your legs.

‐ [Ava] This video's gonna be my war cry.

I'm gonna encourage woman everywhere, and girls,

to titan their toes. ‐ No!

‐ [Ava] You'll see.

‐ You're. ‐ Thank you.

‐ I basically told her, hey, lose the toe.

Take the toe, and turn that negative into a positive.

‐ [Interviewer] Yeah, I don't understand that.

‐ Yeah, I do.

And those are one of my lessons.

If you come to on of my seminars,

and you take one of my master classes,

you'll understand the power of leverage,

and the power of influence.

‐ Thank you, you just took an entire shit on my video shoot.

‐ Aw, man, you're welcome, man.

I thought I saved the day for us.

‐ This is a 10 hour shoot.

I got 40 fucking minutes of footage.

‐ What? ‐ 40 minutes.

‐ That's crazy, that's good then.

‐ I got 10 bottles of champagne

we didn't get a chance to pop.

‐ I mean, look at it dude.

I saved you on the champagne, right?

We got 45 minutes, dog.

For a three minute video.

I think you did great, dog. ‐ You obviously have no idea

what the fuck is going on. ‐ I think you did great, dog.

‐ That's your man.

‐ Ay, ay, ay. ‐ Thank this nigga.

‐ I got 43 minutes man. ‐ Mel, hold on man.

You always fucking shit up, man.

‐ Fucking shit up?

Did you see how he left, man?

Me and him gonna be collaborating on some shit, man.

I thought that shit went well.

I do feel like I saved the day.

We got 45 minutes of great footage.

I helped this girl get out of her camel toe thing.

I inspire Melvin to work with B‐Dot,

and to come back for a collaboration.

I think it was great.

‐ Fuck Baron Davis.

And fuck B‐Dot too.

‐ I don't know what to say.

‐ He's like the black Yoda bringing us together.

Sometimes when he see stuff he can't close his mouth.

I'm sure in his head it was a lesson

that we all should listen to.

It probably was a lesson 347.

When you see a fat pussy, you must address it.

(hip hop music)