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1
00:00:06,890 --> 00:00:08,040
Anything?
2
00:00:08,050 --> 00:00:09,560
Nope. Nobody know squat.
3
00:00:09,570 --> 00:00:11,200
What the here is going on?
4
00:00:11,210 --> 00:00:13,740
We haven't had any new humans
to torture in, like, a week.
5
00:00:13,750 --> 00:00:15,240
- I miss it.
- I know.
6
00:00:15,250 --> 00:00:16,340
I got so desperate this morning,
7
00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:17,990
I tried flattening an eggplant.
8
00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:19,160
It's just not the same.
9
00:00:19,180 --> 00:00:21,600
Hey, skin tags. Special meeting.
10
00:00:21,610 --> 00:00:23,090
- About what?
- I don't know.
11
00:00:23,100 --> 00:00:25,940
Probably your dad's stinky sack.
12
00:00:27,580 --> 00:00:29,640
I hope it's not more sexual
harassment training.
13
00:00:29,650 --> 00:00:33,030
We just did that, and
I'm already so good at it.
14
00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:34,740
Whoa.
15
00:00:34,750 --> 00:00:36,190
All right. We got them.
16
00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:38,480
Okay, here we go!
17
00:00:38,490 --> 00:00:41,719
Yeah, uh, that's not exactly
what's happening here.
18
00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:44,219
The Bad Place is going to be changing,
19
00:00:44,220 --> 00:00:47,410
and I'm... well, I'm
kind of your boss now.
20
00:00:47,420 --> 00:00:49,890
He's joking, right?
21
00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:52,559
I'm afraid he's not.
Things are changing.
22
00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:55,150
Michael and I are
actually going to be...
23
00:00:58,060 --> 00:01:01,890
Working together. Ugh. Oh, I hated that.
24
00:01:01,900 --> 00:01:03,390
I hated saying it. Hated how it felt.
25
00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:04,860
Hated all of it. Ugh.
26
00:01:04,870 --> 00:01:06,239
You all have been hand-selected
27
00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:09,209
to be the very first
Bad Place Architects
28
00:01:09,210 --> 00:01:10,659
who will learn the new system.
29
00:01:10,660 --> 00:01:13,210
Why do we need a new
system? Torture works.
30
00:01:13,220 --> 00:01:14,980
It's the way it's always been done.
31
00:01:14,990 --> 00:01:16,610
With all due respect,
32
00:01:16,620 --> 00:01:18,230
"it's the way it's always been done"
33
00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:20,930
is an excuse that's been
used for hundreds of years
34
00:01:20,940 --> 00:01:23,280
to justify racism, misogyny...
35
00:01:23,290 --> 00:01:26,789
Exactly. See? This chick gets it.
36
00:01:26,790 --> 00:01:31,750
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
37
00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:32,950
_
38
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:35,500
So these computers have access
39
00:01:35,510 --> 00:01:37,229
to every file for every human
40
00:01:37,230 --> 00:01:38,900
currently in the Bad Place,
41
00:01:38,910 --> 00:01:40,649
and the three of us have
a very important job.
42
00:01:40,650 --> 00:01:42,770
To find out which former U.S. presidents
43
00:01:42,780 --> 00:01:43,949
were secretly gay.
44
00:01:43,950 --> 00:01:45,659
- No.
- Okay, fine, bi.
45
00:01:45,660 --> 00:01:47,180
Sure, but also,
46
00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:49,110
while Michael is trying to
get the Architects trained,
47
00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:50,290
we're supposed to find
48
00:01:50,300 --> 00:01:52,369
the first 1,000 humans
to take the test...
49
00:01:52,370 --> 00:01:54,329
people who will just
sail right through it
50
00:01:54,330 --> 00:01:56,579
so we can build
confidence in the system.
51
00:01:56,580 --> 00:01:58,330
So what are the criteria? Should it be
52
00:01:58,340 --> 00:02:00,030
people with the highest point totals
53
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:01,830
or overcame the greatest hardship?
54
00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:03,300
I think we just start with the gimmes...
55
00:02:03,310 --> 00:02:04,910
the very best people who ever lived.
56
00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:08,969
So Evel Knievel, Kool-Aid Man, Mini-Me,
57
00:02:08,970 --> 00:02:12,679
DJ Jazzy Jeff, a genie so we
can wish for infinity people.
58
00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:14,040
- Jason...
- Sure, throw me in there, too.
59
00:02:14,050 --> 00:02:15,410
Also, Fat Bastard,
60
00:02:15,420 --> 00:02:17,040
the World's Most Interesting Man,
61
00:02:17,050 --> 00:02:19,899
Pikachu, Karate Kid, Wendy from Wendy's,
62
00:02:19,900 --> 00:02:23,720
Grumpy Cat, and the GPS lady
that tells you where to drive.
63
00:02:23,730 --> 00:02:25,819
Feels like a good stopping point.
64
00:02:25,820 --> 00:02:27,860
Let's call it a day, come
back fresh tomorrow.
65
00:02:27,870 --> 00:02:30,580
- Great job, everyone.
- What... Uh...
66
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:37,289
Okay, Janet's passing out
the file on Tahani Al-Jamil,
67
00:02:37,290 --> 00:02:39,789
who volunteered to be
today's test subject.
68
00:02:39,790 --> 00:02:41,630
So take a look, and
then we'll get going.
69
00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:43,453
They don't seem very enthused.
70
00:02:43,454 --> 00:02:45,499
This may be a tougher
challenge than I thought,
71
00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:48,400
like when I tried to teach
Taylor Swift how to dance.
72
00:02:48,410 --> 00:02:50,600
The longest four years of my life.
73
00:02:50,610 --> 00:02:53,770
We're uprooting the
entire Bad Place system,
74
00:02:53,780 --> 00:02:56,100
and these Architects
are set in their ways.
75
00:02:56,110 --> 00:02:58,040
It's gonna take a lot of work,
76
00:02:58,050 --> 00:03:01,139
but the work is the fun part, guys.
77
00:03:01,140 --> 00:03:02,969
So no matter who long it takes,
78
00:03:02,970 --> 00:03:06,980
see it through and usher in
a better, brighter future.
79
00:03:06,990 --> 00:03:10,320
Screw this. I'm not
working for a traitor.
80
00:03:10,330 --> 00:03:13,100
Phil out. That's my name, Phil.
81
00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:15,340
Oh, Phil, hey. Come on, buddy.
82
00:03:15,350 --> 00:03:18,519
I personally chose you based
on your innovative work
83
00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:20,909
in the Performative Wokeness department.
84
00:03:20,910 --> 00:03:24,100
Wow. Way to mansplain
my own department to me.
85
00:03:24,110 --> 00:03:26,039
And I'm triggered.
86
00:03:27,220 --> 00:03:29,740
Oh, man. What a legend.
87
00:03:29,750 --> 00:03:31,000
Ooh, who you reading about?
88
00:03:31,010 --> 00:03:33,440
Me. I ruled on Earth.
89
00:03:33,450 --> 00:03:36,080
I siphoned so much gas, Eleanor.
90
00:03:36,090 --> 00:03:40,520
Even if the car was moving
or on fire or a boat,
91
00:03:40,530 --> 00:03:42,219
I still always got that gas.
92
00:03:42,220 --> 00:03:44,350
Oh, man. I never thought about the fact
93
00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:46,040
that we could look up our own files.
94
00:03:46,050 --> 00:03:48,190
Yeah, I printed out all of ours.
95
00:03:51,070 --> 00:03:52,690
I love you, okay?
96
00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:55,109
Oh. The words are nice,
but the tone is scary.
97
00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:56,700
We're in love, and everything's great,
98
00:03:56,710 --> 00:03:58,170
and if we want to keep it that way,
99
00:03:58,180 --> 00:04:01,480
you have to promise to never,
ever, ever read my file.
100
00:04:01,490 --> 00:04:04,380
Okay. If you don't want me
to, then of course I won't,
101
00:04:04,390 --> 00:04:06,619
but nothing in there could ever
change how I feel about you.
102
00:04:06,620 --> 00:04:09,410
Eh, you say that now, but you don't know
103
00:04:09,420 --> 00:04:11,419
what I did on Halloween 2013.
104
00:04:11,420 --> 00:04:13,249
What did you do on Halloween 2013?
105
00:04:13,250 --> 00:04:15,240
Oh, I don't remember,
but it must've been bad,
106
00:04:15,250 --> 00:04:17,520
because the next morning,
I woke up in a large
107
00:04:17,530 --> 00:04:19,820
Rubbermaid container in
some family's basement,
108
00:04:19,830 --> 00:04:21,920
and I had barfed all over
their old photo albums.
109
00:04:21,930 --> 00:04:24,049
Yeah, see, that's the look
110
00:04:24,050 --> 00:04:25,660
we're trying to avoid here, bud.
111
00:04:25,670 --> 00:04:27,469
I don't need to read your file.
112
00:04:27,470 --> 00:04:30,280
I know you, and I love you.
113
00:04:30,290 --> 00:04:34,229
And I can't wait to spend
eternity with you.
114
00:04:34,230 --> 00:04:37,940
I mean, obviously, we have
a lot of work to do here,
115
00:04:37,950 --> 00:04:39,570
and then we both have to pass the test,
116
00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:41,380
but eventually we're gonna
be together forever...
117
00:04:41,390 --> 00:04:42,449
You have to read my file right now!
118
00:04:42,450 --> 00:04:44,900
What? I'm confused. Is this a game?
119
00:04:44,910 --> 00:04:47,650
Is it a sex game somehow?
120
00:04:47,660 --> 00:04:48,909
I can't risk it.
121
00:04:48,910 --> 00:04:51,340
What if we spend half
of eternity together
122
00:04:51,350 --> 00:04:53,060
and then you find out something
123
00:04:53,070 --> 00:04:54,669
that does change the
way you feel about me
124
00:04:54,670 --> 00:04:58,360
and then you resent me for
wasting half your eternity?
125
00:04:58,370 --> 00:05:00,730
No, it's better we just
rip the Band-Aid off,
126
00:05:00,740 --> 00:05:02,490
and you read about all the bad stuff now
127
00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:03,630
when we're hot and heavy.
128
00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:04,969
Okay. I'll read your file.
129
00:05:04,970 --> 00:05:07,700
Can I finish reading about
Oskar Schindler first?
130
00:05:07,710 --> 00:05:10,389
That's who I got to
follow? The list guy?
131
00:05:10,390 --> 00:05:13,019
You and I are so screwed, dude.
132
00:05:13,020 --> 00:05:14,710
After as many attempts as it takes,
133
00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:16,810
if your human passes
the test and proves that
134
00:05:16,820 --> 00:05:18,320
they deserve to go to the Good Place,
135
00:05:18,330 --> 00:05:19,680
you'll hear this sound.
136
00:05:19,690 --> 00:05:22,220
Good Place, here I come.
137
00:05:22,230 --> 00:05:23,820
This new system is great.
138
00:05:23,830 --> 00:05:27,790
Who do we have to thank for
effortlessly implementing it?
139
00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:29,800
Whoever it is, I think we can all agree
140
00:05:29,810 --> 00:05:30,850
it was a home run.
141
00:05:30,860 --> 00:05:34,110
It was me. Okay, bye, everyone.
142
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:37,480
Sweet Hitler's hairpiece.
Is this movie finally over?
143
00:05:37,490 --> 00:05:39,669
It's basically over. Just one little...
144
00:05:39,670 --> 00:05:41,690
♪ It's simply the test ♪
145
00:05:44,830 --> 00:05:48,800
♪ Better than other tests ♪
146
00:05:48,810 --> 00:05:51,060
- I think we should stop.
- Okay, so, thoughts?
147
00:05:51,070 --> 00:05:54,240
Yeah. This all sounds so lame.
148
00:05:54,250 --> 00:05:57,040
No, it's the current system that's lame.
149
00:05:57,050 --> 00:05:58,439
It's so basic.
150
00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:00,760
You get a human's file,
and let's be honest,
151
00:06:00,770 --> 00:06:01,920
you never even read it.
152
00:06:01,930 --> 00:06:04,620
You just skip to the fears
and phobias section
153
00:06:04,630 --> 00:06:06,069
and use that to torture them.
154
00:06:06,070 --> 00:06:08,570
Fear of snakes, throw
them in a snake pit.
155
00:06:08,580 --> 00:06:10,720
Worried something's gonna
happen to your normal
156
00:06:10,730 --> 00:06:13,079
cylindrical penis, flatten it.
157
00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:15,289
This new way allows you to test
158
00:06:15,290 --> 00:06:18,510
their specific psychological
flaws and weaknesses.
159
00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:20,999
And trust us, they have plenty.
160
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,120
- Hey.
- Sorry.
161
00:06:22,130 --> 00:06:23,320
I'm in selling mode.
162
00:06:23,330 --> 00:06:25,050
Guys, this is your chance to be part
163
00:06:25,060 --> 00:06:26,759
of a bold new future.
164
00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:29,780
You telling me there's
not one single demon
165
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:32,760
who wants to design the
very first sample test
166
00:06:32,770 --> 00:06:34,180
of this new system?
167
00:06:34,190 --> 00:06:35,720
Oh, there is.
168
00:06:35,730 --> 00:06:38,310
And she's a stone-cold fox.
169
00:06:43,580 --> 00:06:45,780
Vicky, what are you doing here?
170
00:06:45,790 --> 00:06:47,869
Relax. I heard about the new system,
171
00:06:47,870 --> 00:06:49,949
I love it, and I want
to be a part of it.
172
00:06:49,950 --> 00:06:52,060
Forgive me if I'm a little skeptical,
173
00:06:52,070 --> 00:06:54,290
given that you did once try to sabotage
174
00:06:54,300 --> 00:06:55,900
my entire Neighborhood.
175
00:06:55,910 --> 00:06:57,579
Look, after you blew me into goo,
176
00:06:57,580 --> 00:07:00,169
I had a lot of time to think,
while my goo was re-forming.
177
00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:01,520
If things are gonna change,
178
00:07:01,530 --> 00:07:03,880
then I have to change along with them.
179
00:07:03,890 --> 00:07:08,220
And, sure, change can be
scary, but I'm an artist...
180
00:07:08,230 --> 00:07:11,719
which means it's my job to be scared.
181
00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:14,000
All right, fine. Take a seat.
182
00:07:14,010 --> 00:07:15,970
Janet'll give you Tahani's file.
183
00:07:15,980 --> 00:07:17,349
Oh, no, I don't...
I don't need her file.
184
00:07:17,350 --> 00:07:19,189
I know Tahani very well...
185
00:07:19,190 --> 00:07:22,520
self-obsessed, family issues,
way too into being tall.
186
00:07:22,530 --> 00:07:24,420
Typical Vicky... throwing shade.
187
00:07:24,430 --> 00:07:26,260
But it doesn't matter...
188
00:07:26,270 --> 00:07:27,490
'cause I'm casting it.
189
00:07:28,230 --> 00:07:31,000
Because I'm closer to the Sun.
190
00:07:31,010 --> 00:07:32,230
I'm tall.
191
00:07:35,050 --> 00:07:36,620
Oh, no. I knew it.
192
00:07:36,630 --> 00:07:38,220
You hate me now. What did it?
193
00:07:38,230 --> 00:07:40,499
The time I was subpoenaed by
the Make-A-Wish Foundation?
194
00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:42,869
- No.
- Oh, I know what it was.
195
00:07:42,870 --> 00:07:44,500
In my defense, I didn't realize
196
00:07:44,510 --> 00:07:45,660
he was my boyfriend's twin
197
00:07:45,670 --> 00:07:47,459
until halfway into hooking up with him,
198
00:07:47,460 --> 00:07:49,800
and at that point, you
know, it's a sunk cost.
199
00:07:49,810 --> 00:07:51,130
I don't hate you at all.
200
00:07:51,140 --> 00:07:52,940
I mean, you were dealt
a pretty tough hand.
201
00:07:52,950 --> 00:07:54,840
You essentially had to raise yourself,
202
00:07:54,850 --> 00:07:58,040
but you were still more
confident and self-possessed
203
00:07:58,050 --> 00:07:59,349
at 13 than I ever was.
204
00:07:59,350 --> 00:08:00,640
I mean, seeing your whole life
205
00:08:00,650 --> 00:08:04,210
all laid out like this, it's...
206
00:08:04,220 --> 00:08:05,350
it's remarkable.
207
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,980
Okay, so you still love me.
208
00:08:07,990 --> 00:08:10,660
You're still horny for
me, blah, blah, blah.
209
00:08:10,670 --> 00:08:12,159
Then what's wrong?
210
00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:13,909
I'm not good enough for you.
211
00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:15,570
I mean, look at my file.
212
00:08:15,580 --> 00:08:18,140
It is 1/10 as long as yours
213
00:08:18,150 --> 00:08:19,980
because I did nothing with my life.
214
00:08:19,990 --> 00:08:22,860
Yeah, we're very different,
but we already knew that.
215
00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:24,300
Why are you freaking out?
216
00:08:24,310 --> 00:08:26,400
You're cool, confident
Chidi now, remember?
217
00:08:26,410 --> 00:08:28,740
I am confident about
my feelings for you.
218
00:08:28,750 --> 00:08:32,440
I am also confident
that I am a damn drip,
219
00:08:32,450 --> 00:08:34,889
and you deserve to be
with someone who's not.
220
00:08:34,890 --> 00:08:38,059
Like Nicolas, that fireman
that you dated back in 2009.
221
00:08:38,060 --> 00:08:39,880
He rescued people from
burning buildings,
222
00:08:39,890 --> 00:08:41,680
and he was so hot.
223
00:08:41,690 --> 00:08:44,920
Oh, Nicolas the fireman.
224
00:08:44,930 --> 00:08:48,219
Mmm. Nicolas.
225
00:08:48,220 --> 00:08:50,405
I can't argue with you
on that one, but...
226
00:08:50,406 --> 00:08:52,819
I love you.
227
00:08:52,820 --> 00:08:55,529
There is no one else
I want to be with...
228
00:08:55,530 --> 00:08:57,140
at least not forever.
229
00:08:57,150 --> 00:08:59,770
I mean, if Frida Kahlo wants
to make out with me in Heaven,
230
00:08:59,780 --> 00:09:01,330
then you and I are gonna
have a conversation,
231
00:09:01,340 --> 00:09:04,620
but if you read my file and you're good,
232
00:09:04,630 --> 00:09:05,959
then we're good,
233
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:07,500
unless there's something in your file
234
00:09:07,510 --> 00:09:08,510
that would freak me out,
235
00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:10,780
like you kept out a library
book past the due date.
236
00:09:10,790 --> 00:09:12,330
I moved,
237
00:09:12,340 --> 00:09:13,660
and it got buried in
the bottom of a box.
238
00:09:13,670 --> 00:09:15,280
I put the library in my
will to make up for it.
239
00:09:15,290 --> 00:09:16,549
No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
240
00:09:16,550 --> 00:09:19,140
Relax. Let's get back to work.
241
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:23,800
Now, when I press this lever,
242
00:09:23,810 --> 00:09:27,800
Tahani will enter the scenario
that Megan has designed
243
00:09:27,810 --> 00:09:30,359
that will test her
ethical decision-making.
244
00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:32,360
Obviously, in the real test,
245
00:09:32,370 --> 00:09:34,069
the humans won't know
they're being tested,
246
00:09:34,070 --> 00:09:36,610
but this should be a good practice run.
247
00:09:36,620 --> 00:09:38,030
Everyone ready?
248
00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:43,539
Hors d'oeuvre?
249
00:09:43,540 --> 00:09:45,580
Why, yes. Thank you.
250
00:09:45,590 --> 00:09:47,580
Chain saw bear!
251
00:09:49,550 --> 00:09:51,959
Okay, so couple of things.
252
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:55,339
We're not using chain saw
bears anymore, remember?
253
00:09:55,340 --> 00:09:58,210
Right. Okay, yeah. What else?
254
00:09:58,220 --> 00:10:01,570
It was mainly that one thing.
Why don't you try again?
255
00:10:01,580 --> 00:10:05,220
And remember, the challenges
your test subject faces
256
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:08,059
should smaller and...
and more relatable.
257
00:10:08,060 --> 00:10:10,190
Okay.
258
00:10:11,010 --> 00:10:12,859
Hors d'oeuvre? It's salmon crudités.
259
00:10:12,860 --> 00:10:14,170
Is it farm-raised salmon?
260
00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:16,360
'Cause I prefer to support
sustainable fishing.
261
00:10:16,370 --> 00:10:19,080
Mondays. Am I right?
262
00:10:19,090 --> 00:10:20,100
Chain saw!
263
00:10:21,090 --> 00:10:23,240
You said smaller and more relatable.
264
00:10:23,250 --> 00:10:24,690
The bear is smaller,
265
00:10:24,700 --> 00:10:26,820
humans hate Mondays and love bacon.
266
00:10:26,830 --> 00:10:28,329
What do you want from me?
267
00:10:28,330 --> 00:10:30,499
Michael, can I try?
268
00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:31,919
I can show them what
you're trying to do.
269
00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:34,330
Fine, Vicky. Go ahead.
270
00:10:34,340 --> 00:10:37,880
Now, first, I need to get
into Tahani's headspace.
271
00:10:37,890 --> 00:10:39,764
'Ello, love.
272
00:10:39,765 --> 00:10:41,800
Pish-posh. Tuna and pickles.
273
00:10:41,810 --> 00:10:46,140
I once played billiards with
Questlove and Olivia Munn.
274
00:10:46,150 --> 00:10:47,540
Yeah, there she is.
275
00:10:47,550 --> 00:10:49,939
Okay, just give me a second.
276
00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:51,310
Whew.
277
00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:54,550
Just finished reading up
about James Buchanan.
278
00:10:54,560 --> 00:10:57,600
Definitely at least a little bi.
279
00:10:57,610 --> 00:10:59,779
I'm gonna put him in the maybe pile.
280
00:10:59,780 --> 00:11:01,529
I want nachos.
281
00:11:01,530 --> 00:11:03,220
Is there a snack bar here?
282
00:11:04,390 --> 00:11:05,589
What's going on, dog?
283
00:11:05,590 --> 00:11:07,240
I know you're upset. You have a tell.
284
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:08,740
- I do?
- Yeah,
285
00:11:08,750 --> 00:11:10,780
you "telled" Eleanor before
that you were upset,
286
00:11:10,790 --> 00:11:12,249
and I think you still are.
287
00:11:12,250 --> 00:11:14,080
Looking at Eleanor's life
288
00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:15,839
made me realize how different we are.
289
00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:18,970
If the system works and
we both pass our tests,
290
00:11:18,980 --> 00:11:21,620
I don't see any version of eternity
291
00:11:21,630 --> 00:11:23,040
where she doesn't get bored of me.
292
00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:25,850
I mean, my fake heaven was
a 600-square-foot apartment
293
00:11:25,860 --> 00:11:28,350
that was essentially a
bookcase and a toilet,
294
00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:29,920
and I loved it.
295
00:11:29,930 --> 00:11:33,020
So what? It's cool that you
guys are so different.
296
00:11:33,030 --> 00:11:35,420
Sometimes two people who
have nothing in common
297
00:11:35,430 --> 00:11:37,489
get together, and it rules.
298
00:11:37,490 --> 00:11:39,600
- Opposites attract.
- Well, you need that to be true
299
00:11:39,610 --> 00:11:42,240
because you're dating Janet.
300
00:11:42,250 --> 00:11:43,779
Ultimate opposites.
301
00:11:43,780 --> 00:11:46,430
So, what, are you saying
302
00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:47,980
Janet might get bored of me?
303
00:11:47,990 --> 00:11:50,709
No, that's not... I'm sorry.
I-I didn't mean...
304
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,440
Man... Oh, no.
305
00:11:52,450 --> 00:11:55,000
No, Jason, come back. I...
306
00:11:56,920 --> 00:12:00,050
I wish I were back in my toilet library.
307
00:12:00,060 --> 00:12:02,580
And places.
308
00:12:02,590 --> 00:12:04,880
And... action.
309
00:12:07,140 --> 00:12:10,979
Can you believe we're still
having this dinner for Kamilah?
310
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,360
So embarrassing.
311
00:12:12,370 --> 00:12:14,800
She doesn't know this yet,
but I heard that the reviews
312
00:12:14,810 --> 00:12:16,850
for her new album are
going to be dreadful.
313
00:12:16,860 --> 00:12:19,200
The rumor is that the label
is going to drop her.
314
00:12:19,210 --> 00:12:21,550
I heard she may have to fly home coach
315
00:12:21,560 --> 00:12:24,150
and check a bag, whatever that means.
316
00:12:25,170 --> 00:12:26,489
Thank you, everyone,
317
00:12:26,490 --> 00:12:29,499
for coming to celebrate
our daughter Kamilah.
318
00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:32,119
I know you're all very busy these days.
319
00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:33,910
Just look at our other daughter, Tahani.
320
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,879
She had to come straight from the gym.
321
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:39,140
Would anyone like to say
a few words of praise
322
00:12:39,150 --> 00:12:43,339
about Kamilah's latest album or
any other aspect of Kamilah?
323
00:12:43,340 --> 00:12:45,590
There are so many to celebrate.
324
00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:47,469
Perhaps Tahani should speak.
325
00:12:47,470 --> 00:12:49,389
She's had her share
of failures recently.
326
00:12:49,390 --> 00:12:52,099
Celebrating me could be therapeutic.
327
00:12:52,100 --> 00:12:55,770
Certainly. I can say something.
328
00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:58,810
But I have no idea what.
329
00:13:00,070 --> 00:13:01,940
Goodness, this is hard.
330
00:13:04,030 --> 00:13:05,480
Well done, Vicky.
331
00:13:05,490 --> 00:13:07,140
That was quite good... for the system.
332
00:13:07,150 --> 00:13:08,600
For me, it was rather traumatic.
333
00:13:08,610 --> 00:13:11,290
Okay, so, like, her parents
were the chain saw bear,
334
00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:13,040
but instead of chopping off her head,
335
00:13:13,050 --> 00:13:14,980
they chopped off her self-esteem?
336
00:13:14,990 --> 00:13:16,980
Yes, Megan. Good.
337
00:13:16,990 --> 00:13:18,499
Take what you know about them
338
00:13:18,500 --> 00:13:21,049
and then force them into moments
of personal difficulty.
339
00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:25,130
Think of it as flattening
the penises of their heart.
340
00:13:25,140 --> 00:13:27,100
Oh. Now it makes sense.
341
00:13:27,110 --> 00:13:29,100
Why don't you go deeper into her file
342
00:13:29,110 --> 00:13:31,099
and look for other
ways to challenge her?
343
00:13:31,100 --> 00:13:33,570
All right, whoa, whoa, whoa,
slow down, slow down here.
344
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:35,979
Vicky's example was fine.
345
00:13:35,980 --> 00:13:38,060
There was some good stuff there.
346
00:13:38,070 --> 00:13:42,060
But overall, uh, C-plus.
It was a C-plus, I'd say.
347
00:13:42,070 --> 00:13:44,620
There are some problems with
it, some technical issues
348
00:13:44,630 --> 00:13:46,200
that only I can see and everything.
349
00:13:46,210 --> 00:13:48,960
So, basically,
it actually kind of stunk.
350
00:13:48,970 --> 00:13:51,440
So I think it's just best
if you leave, Vicky.
351
00:13:51,450 --> 00:13:53,360
This is not working. You're bad at this.
352
00:13:53,370 --> 00:13:55,120
C-plus. Okay, good-bye.
353
00:13:55,130 --> 00:13:57,240
Wow. Same old Michael.
354
00:13:57,250 --> 00:13:58,919
Just can't share the spotlight.
355
00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:00,499
- Hmm.
- Well, good-bye, everyone.
356
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:02,258
That's a wrap on Vicky.
357
00:14:09,540 --> 00:14:11,719
Michael, why did you fire Vicky?
358
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:14,830
Look, I know she did
well on the first test,
359
00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:16,200
but it's beginner's luck.
360
00:14:16,210 --> 00:14:18,700
There's an X factor here...
361
00:14:18,710 --> 00:14:21,330
a secret sauce that only I truly know
362
00:14:21,340 --> 00:14:23,310
how to pour over
363
00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:26,609
the... the juicy s-steak
of this process.
364
00:14:26,610 --> 00:14:28,949
I've never said this
before, but... what?
365
00:14:28,950 --> 00:14:30,770
Not only is Vicky good at test design,
366
00:14:30,780 --> 00:14:32,130
but she's good at teaching the others.
367
00:14:32,140 --> 00:14:34,370
Well, that's the problem.
She's moving too fast.
368
00:14:34,380 --> 00:14:36,170
We have to learn how to
walk before we can run.
369
00:14:36,180 --> 00:14:37,520
So, first, you thought
it would take forever,
370
00:14:37,530 --> 00:14:38,960
and now it's moving too fast?
371
00:14:38,970 --> 00:14:41,289
First of all, you know, uh, shut up.
372
00:14:41,290 --> 00:14:43,419
A-and second of all, just shut up.
373
00:14:43,420 --> 00:14:45,709
It's obvious what's going on here.
374
00:14:45,710 --> 00:14:47,530
You don't want your nemesis
375
00:14:47,540 --> 00:14:50,089
- to be the one to solve your problem.
- I know that feeling.
376
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,719
Once, on Earth, I didn't know something,
377
00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:53,840
and I had to ask Alexa.
378
00:14:53,850 --> 00:14:54,890
I felt dirty.
379
00:14:56,220 --> 00:14:58,139
No, that's not it.
380
00:14:59,890 --> 00:15:03,290
I'm upset, because for
hundreds of years,
381
00:15:03,300 --> 00:15:04,769
I've had a job.
382
00:15:04,770 --> 00:15:08,050
First, it was finding a
better way to torture humans,
383
00:15:08,060 --> 00:15:09,260
then helping them,
384
00:15:09,270 --> 00:15:11,820
then proving the system was broken,
385
00:15:11,830 --> 00:15:13,560
then teaching the demons.
386
00:15:13,570 --> 00:15:17,829
I have to roll a rock up
a hill over and over,
387
00:15:17,830 --> 00:15:20,829
and then it kept rolling down,
so I had to do it again.
388
00:15:20,830 --> 00:15:23,950
And then Vicky comes along with this...
389
00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:26,570
like, rock-lifter thing
390
00:15:26,580 --> 00:15:29,210
and just lifts it to
the top of the hill.
391
00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:32,509
Pushing the rock up the
hill gave me a purpose.
392
00:15:32,510 --> 00:15:34,970
Who am I...
393
00:15:34,980 --> 00:15:37,130
if the rock's gone?
394
00:15:37,140 --> 00:15:40,550
Ironically, that's exactly
what Vin Diesel asked me
395
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:42,350
when Dwayne Johnson refused to appear in
396
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:44,020
"The Fast and the Furious 9."
397
00:15:44,930 --> 00:15:46,610
Not helpful?
398
00:15:46,620 --> 00:15:47,930
Copy that.
399
00:15:47,940 --> 00:15:49,490
Honestly...
400
00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:51,569
Michael, I don't know
what's to become of you...
401
00:15:51,570 --> 00:15:52,930
or any of us.
402
00:15:52,940 --> 00:15:54,770
But getting Vicky back
403
00:15:54,780 --> 00:15:56,659
is the best chance to
make your plan work now,
404
00:15:56,660 --> 00:15:58,150
so focus on that
405
00:15:58,160 --> 00:16:00,580
and deal with the future in the future.
406
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,650
Hey.
407
00:16:03,660 --> 00:16:06,110
Um...
408
00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:09,590
I'm sorry I said that before, man.
409
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:11,879
No, you were right.
410
00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:16,300
Janet and I are different.
Maybe it can't last.
411
00:16:16,310 --> 00:16:18,889
Maybe we're like the
Montagues and Capulets.
412
00:16:18,890 --> 00:16:20,010
How do you know that?
413
00:16:20,020 --> 00:16:22,260
I read some books, man.
414
00:16:22,270 --> 00:16:23,349
Jeez.
415
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:26,070
Uh, listen.
416
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:29,150
Maybe on paper, you and Janet
don't make total sense,
417
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:30,359
but who cares?
418
00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:33,810
The relationship you have
built together is wonderful.
419
00:16:33,820 --> 00:16:37,310
She knows you and loves you,
and that's all that matters.
420
00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:40,329
- Do you really believe that?
- Of course I do.
421
00:16:40,330 --> 00:16:42,620
Sucker!
422
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:44,740
Sorry?
423
00:16:44,750 --> 00:16:46,230
I got you so bad.
424
00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:48,120
Dude, pretend what you just said
425
00:16:48,130 --> 00:16:50,259
was what you said to
you instead of to me.
426
00:16:50,260 --> 00:16:51,950
And you have to listen to yourself,
427
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:53,950
because it was already in your own head
428
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:56,600
and then came out. But just
put it back in your head,
429
00:16:56,610 --> 00:17:01,559
and realize that it was you
talking about you and Eleanor.
430
00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:05,340
Against all odds, I know what you mean,
431
00:17:05,350 --> 00:17:07,640
and I-I got to give it up.
432
00:17:07,650 --> 00:17:09,570
That was... that was good.
433
00:17:09,580 --> 00:17:10,890
Yeah, it was.
434
00:17:10,900 --> 00:17:12,810
Chess mate.
435
00:17:18,190 --> 00:17:19,320
Hey!
436
00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:20,780
There she is.
437
00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:22,330
Where you off to?
438
00:17:22,340 --> 00:17:25,159
I have an ice-cold yoga class.
439
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:27,329
It's amazing. You pull so many muscles.
440
00:17:27,330 --> 00:17:29,499
What do you want?
441
00:17:29,500 --> 00:17:32,839
I-I'm sorry that I kicked you out.
442
00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:34,330
I-It wasn't about you.
443
00:17:34,340 --> 00:17:38,200
It was just my own insecurities
getting in the way.
444
00:17:38,210 --> 00:17:39,719
Will you please come back?
445
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:41,599
No.
446
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,380
I'm not gonna let myself
be degraded by you again.
447
00:17:44,390 --> 00:17:47,180
I am a strong, independent acid snake
448
00:17:47,190 --> 00:17:50,100
in the skin suit of a
strong, independent woman.
449
00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:53,149
Listen, listen, uh...
450
00:17:53,150 --> 00:17:55,779
You were the best part of
my original Neighborhood.
451
00:17:55,780 --> 00:17:58,310
I took you for granted,
and that was wrong.
452
00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:02,150
But now I want to give you
the role of a lifetime.
453
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:05,730
You're going to run the whole project.
454
00:18:05,740 --> 00:18:08,250
I'll give you all my plans and my notes,
455
00:18:08,260 --> 00:18:11,039
but then I'll... I'll step back,
and... and you'll take over.
456
00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:13,870
Full creative control...
457
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:15,070
like a director.
458
00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:16,410
What do you say?
459
00:18:16,420 --> 00:18:18,440
Well, um...
460
00:18:18,450 --> 00:18:20,580
that sounds great, but it won't work.
461
00:18:20,590 --> 00:18:22,410
Everyone here hates you so much,
462
00:18:22,420 --> 00:18:25,260
if you just put me in control,
they'll think I'm your puppet.
463
00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:27,390
I can't have any of your
dingleberry stank on me.
464
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:28,490
I know.
465
00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:31,750
That's why I'm not giving it to you.
466
00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:33,440
You're going to take it.
467
00:18:34,820 --> 00:18:36,060
Hey.
468
00:18:36,070 --> 00:18:38,970
So, uh... I was being stupid.
469
00:18:38,980 --> 00:18:42,790
And Jason gave me some
really good advice.
470
00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:44,190
Classic us.
471
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:47,070
Look, who we were on Earth
472
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:49,880
is a tiny part of who we are
473
00:18:49,890 --> 00:18:52,959
and an even smaller part
of who we are together.
474
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:55,010
So I'm sorry for freaking out.
475
00:18:55,020 --> 00:18:57,780
But also, some day when
we get to the Good Place,
476
00:18:57,790 --> 00:18:59,100
I'm gonna learn to play the guitar
477
00:18:59,110 --> 00:19:00,723
so you don't get bored of me.
478
00:19:00,724 --> 00:19:02,840
I actually prefer drummers.
479
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:05,120
Read my file.
480
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:11,170
Sorry for the delay.
481
00:19:11,180 --> 00:19:13,470
Now, for this next phase
of the training...
482
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:15,390
- Stop right there.
- Vicky?
483
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:16,970
I thought I got rid of you,
484
00:19:16,980 --> 00:19:20,069
and now you're coming through
the door unexpectedly?
485
00:19:20,070 --> 00:19:22,400
That's right. I'm launching a coup.
486
00:19:22,410 --> 00:19:26,039
My, my, my, we've got
some history, don't we?
487
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:28,490
But I am still standing, Mikey boy.
488
00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:30,660
And right now I'm taking over.
489
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:33,919
Explain what you mean for
me and everyone else.
490
00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:36,214
Oh, this is my training
now. You're done.
491
00:19:36,215 --> 00:19:38,500
And all of these demons are
behind me, right, guys?
492
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:39,510
- Yep.
- Yeah.
493
00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:41,720
All right, Vicky, you win...
494
00:19:41,730 --> 00:19:42,889
this time.
495
00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:44,639
- Tahani, Janet, let's go.
- Hmm.
496
00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:47,479
No, but wait, wait.
We're... we're still fighting.
497
00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:51,230
And it's so heated that, um,
it might just erupt into...
498
00:19:52,310 --> 00:19:54,319
The dance battle from "West Side Story."
499
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:57,539
No, I'm... I'm too upset
about the coup thing.
500
00:19:57,540 --> 00:20:00,491
Hurry up, hurry up,
before she starts singing.
501
00:20:00,492 --> 00:20:01,590
_
502
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,400
Welcome. Welcome, everyone.
503
00:20:03,410 --> 00:20:04,410
Come on in.
504
00:20:04,420 --> 00:20:06,500
Good Place Architects to my left,
505
00:20:06,510 --> 00:20:08,413
Bad place Architects to my right.
506
00:20:08,414 --> 00:20:10,610
Get your files and orientation packets.
507
00:20:10,620 --> 00:20:13,296
Classes begin in 30 minutes.
508
00:20:15,990 --> 00:20:19,160
Oh, also, my "Movement
for Lava Monsters" class
509
00:20:19,170 --> 00:20:20,420
is now full.
510
00:20:20,430 --> 00:20:22,339
Aw, man.
511
00:20:22,340 --> 00:20:24,550
You got the rock up the hill.
512
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:26,960
And it looks like it's gonna stay there.
513
00:20:26,970 --> 00:20:28,850
Now we just have to find your next rock.
514
00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:31,339
Well, the first bunch of Neighborhoods
515
00:20:31,340 --> 00:20:32,353
is up and running.
516
00:20:32,354 --> 00:20:34,109
What now?
517
00:20:34,110 --> 00:20:36,774
That's the sound when someone
gets into the Good Place.
518
00:20:36,775 --> 00:20:39,189
Who was it? Prince?
It's got to be Prince.
519
00:20:39,190 --> 00:20:40,510
Honestly, if it wasn't Prince,
520
00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:42,390
this whole thing is screwed
up, and we got to start over.
521
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:44,270
No.
522
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:45,535
It's you guys.
523
00:20:45,536 --> 00:20:47,579
For real?
524
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:49,330
The Judge agreed that the four of you
525
00:20:49,340 --> 00:20:50,920
don't need to take the test.
526
00:20:50,930 --> 00:20:53,740
Turns out that saving every soul
527
00:20:53,750 --> 00:20:56,380
in the universe is worth a few points.
528
00:20:56,390 --> 00:20:57,420
You're in.
529
00:21:06,330 --> 00:21:08,950
I know, I know. It's real this time.
530
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:10,180
I promise.
531
00:21:11,940 --> 00:21:13,770
Get in.
532
00:21:13,780 --> 00:21:14,941
Are you coming, too?
533
00:21:14,942 --> 00:21:17,260
Yeah, I figured I would.
534
00:21:17,270 --> 00:21:18,750
Recently unemployed.
535
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:20,660
Might as well do some traveling.
536
00:21:20,670 --> 00:21:21,823
Shall we?
537
00:21:26,780 --> 00:21:27,940
Oh.
538
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:31,820
- See ya.
- Bye.
539
00:21:31,830 --> 00:21:34,150
Foles!
540
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:38,160
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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