All language subtitles for The Wild Wild West - 02x21 - The Night of the Brain.Unspecified.English.updated.Addic7ed.com

My dear Voulee,

I asked you to move Mr. West,
not caress him.

And of course,
in the fullness of time,

Mr. Gordon can also be expected
to put in an appearance.

We'll reserve
this square for him.

What was that, Artie?

I know. I'm just
as shocked as you are.

"Almeric the Great,

"one of the world's
great prestidigitators

"and more adept at clowning
than at feats of magic,

died during a stage performance
in Watertown last night."

Poor devil.
We'll miss him.

Wait a minute.
There's more.

"Among those present,
witnessing the tragedy,

"were his friends James West
and Artemus Gordon,

"who made desperate
but unavailing attempts

to save him."

That's not
a very good joke,

but I'm glad
that's all it is.

If you think that's a joke,
take a look at the date here.

July 12th.

That's an interesting date,

but it happens to be tomorrow.

All the news
that's yet to happen.

Listen, I know Almeric is one of
the great comedians of our time.

You think he'd pull
a joke like this?

No, Artie, you know
better than that.

Besides, we're gonna be
in the capital in an hour.

We're passing Watertown
right now.

So the joke is on-

Yes?

Thank- Thank you!

Engine malfunction.

We're pulling up at a siding
in Watertown tonight.

It occurs to me as long as
we're going to be in Watertown,

why don't we attend
Almeric's performance tonight?

No, no.
The rabbit.

If I told
that assistant once,

I've told him
a thousand times:

rabbit, right sleeve.

Oh, well.

Talk about your money
buying nothing these days.

Three-for-a-nickel cigar

and it still smells
like burlap burning.

I don't remember that bit
being part of his act.

Well, relax, Jim.
He's gotta add something new

from time to time.
It's probably all right.

You know, folks,
for a little while

I thought it was gonna be
one of these days when-

Almeric never harmed a soul.

No one could benefit
from his death.

Why did someone want us
to know about it ahead of time?

Well, we'll find out
soon enough, Jim.

Ah...

This newspaper had
to be made

by some small print shop
especially for our benefit.

I've been studying
that typeface.

It's the only thing
we have to go on.

Soon as I-

Spontaneous combustion...

delayed-action type.

Another charming device
of our unknown friend.

Let me get that.

Well, here we go again.
You ready?

It's getting to be a habit.
Tomorrow's newspaper.

Right, predicting
what'll happen tonight. Look.

"Colonel Arnette dies
from gun wound.

"Colonel Royce Arnette
died late last night

"from a pistol wound

"received while cleaning
his French dueling pistol.

"With the colonel
during his final moments

was Mr. James T. West."

Like two puppets
on strings...us.

Right.

You realize
whoever wrote that article

is perfectly capable
of making it come true?

Exactly, and he expects me
to try and prevent the accident.

What do you mean?
You're going?

Artie, I have to.

We're being pushed
step by step.

Until I find out why,

we have to go
where we're pushed.

Yeah, you're right.
Of course.

All right,
I'll start checking

the small print shops
in an effort to find out

where this
might have come from.

As many as there are,
you realize,

it'll take me
over a week to...

Jim.

Look at that.
It's a shop mark.

It's what they use
on handbills and posters,

kind of a signature
from the shop.

You don't suppose
it's just oversight

that made the printer put
that in the corner, do you?

Somebody wants us
to find them, Artie.

Exactly.

I bet the Washington bureau
has something on this.

I'll check them.

And I'll go
to the colonel's house.

Right.

Yes, Voulee.
It's time for another move.

We will move
our Mr. West

onto the same square
as the knight.

Those two will have
a most interesting meeting...

shortly.

Who the devil's making
all that racket out there?!

I said, who's making
that racket out there?!

What racket?

I didn't
hear anything, sir.

I'd recognize
that voice anywhere.

West.
Yes, sir.

I was out walking my dog
and the little dickens

led me right to the doorstep
of my ex-company commander.

Good evening, sir.

Well, you better
get in here

before you wind up
on a casualty list.

Yes, sir.

Sit down.
Sit down, my boy.

Thank you, sir.

By the way, eh,

what happened to that dog
you were out walking?

I knew there was something
I forgot.

Heh, heh. You're still
the same impossible West,

but I am glad
that you dropped in.

Oh, uh, there's something
that I wanna show you

that was sent to me.

Not a set of dueling pistols
by any chance, sir?

Dueling pistols?

Well, who'd be sending me
dueling pistols?

No, no, no, sonny.
Much better.

Napoleon brandy.

And look at that date.

Much rarer than jewels,
my boy.

Congratulations, sir.
Who sent it to you?

Oh, it was delivered
from the French embassy.

You know, I was posted at Paris
as military attach� for a year.

Maybe old General Claremont
himself sent it as a present.

And you know something?

You are going
to sample it, my boy.

I, sir?

Yes, this blasted gout
of mine

has me tied
to a strict milk diet.

So you and your expert palette
can try that out.

Come on. Come on.
Drink it.

I beg pardon, sir.

This package was just delivered
by special messenger.

Shall I unwrap it?

No, that will be all.
Good night.

Good night, sir.

Another anonymous present.

Hmm.

Dueling pistols.

You have insulted
my honor, sir.

Therefore, prepare
to defend yourself.

How long did
the paralysis last?

About five minutes.

Long enough for me
to realize that

another friend
was being murdered

in front
of my very eyes.

The sequel to Almeric.

Worse.

This time I had
to sit there,

knowing what was
going to happen,

but unable to do anything
to head it off.

All so delicately,

so meticulously planned

by someone I want
very much to meet.

Any suggestions, Artie?

Well, I'm not
guaranteeing anything.

That information that I wired
for came from the bureau.

I've located the shop
that turns out

those early-edition
newspapers,

and I'm about to pay
a little visit to it.

Care to come along?

I'll grant you
your very personal pleasure

of moving Mr. West
to his next position, Voulee.

Ah, splendid,
splendid.

And now I think it's time
to get ready, my dear.

Are you getting impatient,
Mr. West?

Well, so am I.

But soon,
very soon now,

we will have
the pleasure of...

meeting.

You know, with Mr. X
carefully planning

every single move we make,
I'm sorely tempted

to do a little
genteel double-crossing.

The trail would end, Artie,
as you very well know.

Yeah...

unfortunately.

I think we're looking
at Mr. Blackhurst.

Or should I say,
used-to-be Mr. Blackhurst?

Excuse me, I-

By all means, say,
"used-to-be Mr. Blackhurst."

Here's a shop-mark type
matching the one

that we found
in the newspaper.

Well, let's start
looking around

for some carefully
hidden clues

that we're supposed
to find.

Suggestions, Mr. Gordon?

Well, I once read a book where
the clue was deliberately hidden

in the hands
of the deceased.

So much for your book.
Mmm.

Print shop.

Where would the obvious place
of concealment be?

Printing press.

It'll do for a starter.

How does
this thing work?

Oh, it's very simple.

Ink up your plate
with a roller.

Then you, uh...

lay on your paper stock,

being sure that you
don't smudge it.

Then, uh...

put your frame down on it,
so it holds it in place,

and slide it under the press.

Clamp the press down on it
so that it makes a fine imprint.

Roll your plate out...

and presto.

"The mystery of the East
unveiled to the West.

"Private readings in tarot
by Voulee.

65 Jefferson Avenue,
Washington, DC."

Well,
there's your clue.

You're right.

A visit to Voulee
is definitely indicated.

Well, I'm going.
Well, wait a minute.

You're going
to visit the lady?

Artie,

"The mystery of the East
unveiled to the West."

Uh-huh.

That's almost like
a command appearance.

Okay.

I'll stick around,
talk to the police.

Good evening,
Mr. West.

Good evening.

What else do your cards tell you
about me besides my name?

For one, that you
do not believe in tarot.

Oh, on the contrary.

I haven't
the slightest doubt

that I'm about to look
into the future.

If I must go, I'd much rather go
a conventional way, such as-

I rather imagined
you might give the show away,

my dear Voulee,

which is why I provided
an alternate route.

Checkmate, Mr. West.

Allow me to introduce myself,
Mr. West.

My name is Braine.

Eh, that- That's spelled
with a small E at the end.

And how do you spell it
to rhyme with "murderer"?

How do-? Oh.

Oh, that-
That's very good. Very good.

Y-yes, yes,
humor will play a part

in my scheme of things,
Mr. West.

Now, any other comments?

Yes, you certainly take
the long way around

when you wanna meet someone.

Ah...

but not without reason.

You see, we two knew
little or nothing

about each other
to begin with,

but now you have proved to me
that you are quite resourceful.

And I daresay
I have proved to you

that I am quite competent.

So now we have gained that
most felicitous of all states:

mutual respect.

I have respect
for the artist

that created the mask
the gentleman is wearing.

Ah, good, good, good, good.

I'm glad you approve.
I thought you would.

Eh, permit me to introduce
my lieutenant, Mr. Leeto.

Heard a lot
about you, West.

Well, you know
how people talk.

You don't look as tough
as they say.

Oh, I don't know how
that rumor ever got started.

Ta-ta-ta-ta.
That will do, Leeto.

That will do.
Y-you may leave us now.

Ha!
You are wondering, of course,

why we have gone to such
elaborate lengths to provide

for another Artemus Gordon?

Eh?
Well, well, all right.

That too,
in the fullness of time,

will be disclosed to you.

Oh, tsk, tsk, tsk, Mr. West,
I wouldn't if I were you.

Splendid.

You see, like Zeus,
I have

thunderbolts
in my fingertips.

I was told
that Zeus never missed.

When that
is my objective...

neither do I.

Oh, Brundage.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

I am saddened to see, Brundage,

that you are missing
a button from your tunic.

Mr. Braine...

I-I must have ripped it off
during a- A work detail.

Won't happen again.

It won't happen again!

No!

Mr. Braine, no!

I get your point.

Good. Good, good.

Then Mr. Brundage's departure
from this veil of tears

will not have been
in vain, eh?

Oh, come, Mr. West.

A little tour
for your divertissement.

Precede me, please.

You're quite correct in
what you're thinking, Mr. West.

Oh, really?
What was I thinking?

You were toying with the idea
of overpowering me,

and then it occurred to you
that if you did that,

a mystery would be
forever locked tight.

Am I correct?

By and large, yes.

A very impressive
demonstration of deduction.

Thank you, sir.

Do you recognize
this room?

Ah, it's a very clever
duplicate

of the White House
conference room

in the subterranean
chambers.

That is quite correct.

Uh, the portrait
of, uh, Jefferson

should be
on the left of Lincoln.

Oh, dear, dear.
My decorator has erred.

But do you recognize
the gentlemen so engrossed

in world affairs there
around the conference table?

Uh, Mr. Louis Bravo,
prime minister of Spain,

Mr. Gladstone
of England,

the archduke Maximillian,
France,

Alexander of Russia,

and of course our president,
President Grant.

All as bogus as $9 bills.

Ah. But if you had glanced
at those same gentlemen

in the real executive chambers,

would you have doubted
their authenticity, eh?

What do you suppose
this little tableau means, eh?

Obviously a meeting
of the five world powers.

And what do you imagine
my interest is in all of this?

Impersonations.

That must mean substitutions.

Bravo. Anything else?

Aha.

You are beginning to hear

the whirl of mighty workings,
are you not?

Excellent, gentlemen.
Excellent.

But rise.
Move around.

You, Mr. Gladstone,
shuffle those papers there.

It's not enough
to merely look the part.

You must be the part.

Come along, Mr. West.

There's someone I believe
you'll be very interested

in meeting again.

Time is the more delicate
element in my equation,

not that I anticipate
any trouble on that score

when I actually
come to grips with it.

You continue to astonish me
with your modesty.

Those childish attempts
at humor.

I thought humor
was gonna have a place

in the scheme of things.

Your kind of humor,
Mr. West, can be overdone.

I trust you won't
argue the point.

I make it a point
never to argue with Zeus.

The door.

Mr. West,
if you please.

How do you like
our incubating room, Mr. West?

My humorous term,
of course.

This is where
Artemus' double was born.

Yes...

as were they all.

That skin-like parchment there
is a formula of my own,

and our talented Voulee here
brings any and all to life.

A photograph,

and here, at my disposal,
is that person.

Luncheon awaits us,
Mr. West.

Is it, uh, miss?
Can that be possible?

Yes.

That's beyond
all understanding.

Jim.

Jim?

What are you doing
in here?!

Uh, as a matter of fact, I-

How are you
in the outfield?

I don't blame you.

If I looked like that,
I'd cover it up too.

To your continued
good health, sir.

No, Mr. West,
I'm not lame.

It's amazing.

That's exactly
what I was thinking.

Yes, I know
Heh-heh-heh-heh.

But it's really not
as amazing as it seems.

It's a- A simple experiment

in the law
of probabilities:

the extrapolation
of a single known,

carried to its
ultimate conclusion.

You must be the life
of the party with that stunt.

But as long as
you brought it up-

Why do I propel myself about
in this contraption, eh?

Well, it allows me
to conserve energy.

You see, eh,
even the exercise

of thought processes
expends energy,

so it logically follows that
the less you use physically,

the more held in reserve
for thought.

But why don't you
ask me the question

that's really in your mind?

As long as
I'm not boring you.

What is it
that you want?

The world is in
a very untidy state, Mr. West.

I wanna put it to rights.

No one can argue
with that.

Yes, but in order for me
to put it to rights,

I shall have to come

very, very close
to destroying it.

There's where you're gonna run
into a little opposition.

Do you like the condition
of the world?

Well, I don't.

One massive case history
of madness,

stretching back
through the centuries.

Starvation, hatred, bloody wars,
and no end in sight.

Depend on it, sir.

A surgeon is needed,
not a sugar pill.

You with the surgeon's knife
in your hand, of course.

As one particularly
well-equipped?

Yes.

Let us assume
that I am successful

in substituting
those five men

in that locked, well-guarded
Washington conference room.

Can you conceive
that those men,

my men,

might make decisions
that would affect every life

of every human being

in every corner
of the globe?

Very soon,
a series of great events

will begin to plague
this troubled old earth.

The British fleet
will bombard Holland.

Russian troops
will invade India.

Spain will pillage Greece.

France will attack Germany.

And the United States
will swarm ashore

on the beaches
of every South American country.

It'll be a world
gone mad...

with a vengeance.

A world battered, torn.

A world...on fire!

All that puts you in control
of what's left.

Men powerful enough
to destroy

can also agree to elect
one world leader,

into whose hands
they place complete authority

to dictate the future of mankind

for the benefit of mankind.

It's all very clear now,
except one thing.

Apparently, I figure
into your plan somehow.

You do.
How?

Now, Mr. West,

you will have the opportunity
of heading my secret service,

such position
to be ranked number two

in the new world order.

But before you give me
your answer, hear this.

I've neither time or patience
to coax or wheedle.

Great events force me
to force decisions.

Tell Leeto and Voulee
to come in.

You will come,
in the next few minutes,

to a decision,

not only to join me
in my venture,

but to prove,
without hesitation,

you have the kind of courage
which is a rarity in man.

A courage distilled
of all corrupting emotion.

In just one minute...

either this lovely girl
will die or you will.

The choice is yours.

That's quite a problem.
Suppose I choose neither?

In that case, you automatically
choose death for yourself.

And just in case you're toying
with any heroic notions,

let me warn you:

If you so much
as flex a muscle,

there won't be enough
of you left

to brush up
in a dustpan.

Very well, Leeto,
put the knife to her throat.

One...

two...

three...

Twenty-five...

26...

27...

28...

Goodbye, Mr. West.

Tell him to put
that knife down.

I never meant to cut
that lovely throat.

You too?

Y-yes, yes. Please,
put that knife away.

Mr. West seems to have
taken charge.

There must be much more
you want of me

other than just to head up
that security setup.

Oh? What do I want?

I don't know,
but whatever it is,

you're not gonna waste me
just because I won't respond

like a puppet on a string.

Of that, Mr. Braine,
I'm sure.

Excellent,
Mr. West.

Now more than ever-

Sir, the door to the tarot room
has been opened.

Someone must be
in the tunnels.

Unless the probabilities
have all gone awry,

that would be
your colleague Mr. Gordon.

Good old Artie.
I look forward to seeing him.

Yes, yes, you may see him
a little sooner

than you had
anticipated.

There is one more probability
that must be reckoned with

and that is that Mr. Gordon
is already here

and has taken
the disguise of Leeto.

To put it
another way,

if that mask
cannot be removed,

you will be quite suddenly
and violently removed

from this earthly sphere.

Heh, heh. Seems you've gone
to a great deal of trouble

for nothing, Mr. West.

Oh, dear.

Odd. I seem to have
overestimated our Mr. Gordon.

See that a search is made
of the entire cavern,

including the new tunnel.

And now, Mr. West,

to your future.

Leeto?

So I'm going to be handed
over to posterity.

Yes, that is correct,
Mr. West.

Your likeness will be useful
to the cause.

Voulee, what do you get
out of all of this?

Goals?
You must have some.

Or do you find it rewarding

just having someone threaten
to cut your throat?

He wouldn't have done it.

He's a wonderful man
with wonderful goals.

Such as?

A world without injustice,
without war.

Do you really believe
he's working to that objective?

What other objective
can he have?

I'll use this
if I have to, Mr. West.

Braine's hunger for power
will never be satisfied, Voulee.

He's a wonderful man.

You're being blinded,
Voulee.

If he were
a wonderful man,

he wouldn't
have permitted anyone

to hold a knife to your throat
to prove a point.

He's not interested
in mankind.

Oh...

you're just not gonna
believe this.

Talk about
your Lillian Russell.

Just keep turning
till she comes into focus.

Jim, it's me.

Artie,
she's all right.

Knowing Mr. Braine's fun
is for being a step ahead,

I'd started by being
two steps ahead.

Voil�.
My old handsome self.

Artie, I can't believe
that Braine wasn't aware

that you were
wandering around.

Well, we can double-check
that soon enough.

He's aware.

I left Leeto locked
in here securely.

He's taken a little stroll.

Braine mentioned the new tunnel.
Do you know where it's located?

It's a forbidden tunnel,
very well-guarded.

Voulee, darling,
that's our favorite kind.

Going very well.

Going very well indeed.

Somehow, somewhere,
this tunnel has got to end.

How 'bout that, Voulee?
How much farther?

It's only
a little farther.

Uh, may I have
the gun now, please?

Thank you.

The end of the line.

I wish you wouldn't use
that expression.

Hey, Jim, that's
the real thing.

The White House
executive conference room.

This must be
a one-way mirror.

So this is where the big swap
was scheduled to begin, huh?

A swap that could easily result
in a world ruled by madness.

Our Mr. Braine isn't
that invulnerable.

He might get his men around that
security table, all right.

But there's one thing he doesn't
know about the security setup.

Hmm.

Please, please,
do come in...

Uh, without the gun.

Well, well, it seems
we've come the full circle,

back where we started from.

In more ways than one,
you will find.

Tell me, what adjustment
must I make to my plans?

What, uh-? What particular
security measure

were you about to mention?

Was I?

Mr. West, you will find
that I have ways

of being extraordinarily...
unpleasant.

As you must know by now,

there was only
one bit of information

that I needed
from you or Mr. Gordon

from the very beginning-

Yes, it's given me
many sleepless nights.

-that there might possibly be
some security measure

taken at the White House
of which I am unaware,

one particular measure
that would keep

the executive conference room
inviolate.

I'm afraid you're just going
to have to continue

to spend those sleepless nights,
Mr. Braine.

I believe I spoke
of unpleasantness.

I should have preferred
to avoid a demonstration,

but since you insist...

We have hours
at our disposal.

The brain can be
destroyed by pain.

You will blabber answers
to my questions

quite involuntarily if you
persist in this stubbornness,

like so.

What follows
may be painful, Mr. West.

We must make closer,
more intimate contact, Mr. West.

No! No! No!

Oh, I declare,

it's just downright darling.

It's too cunning
for words.

Well, it's a place

for Jim and I
to hang our hat.

My, you two must be
frightfully wealthy

to have all this.

No, actually, we're just
a couple of working stiffs.

Yes. You see,
we have this rich uncle

who just lets us, uh,
use the train.

And from time to time, we have
to do a few chores for him.

What kind of chores?

Oh, a little of this...

And a little of that.

I have a feeling you two

are trying
to hide something.

Hide something?

Girls, if our work wasn't
so downright boring,

we'd be delighted
to tell you-

Oh!

Well, girls, I guess
we're going to have

to tell you
the sordid truth.

Artie, you tell 'em.

Jim and I are...

international jewel thieves.

Oh.