Original subtitles

I'm looking for the Marquis Philippe de La Mer.

Sit there.

Good evening, Mr. West.

Here, right in front of you.

Good of you to rendezvous on such short notice.

Allow me to introduce myself.

I am the Marquis Philippe de La Mer.

Oh, your note said our meeting

was in the interest of national security.

Indeed it will be, Mr. West.

Indeed it will.

Uh, why don't, uh-? Why don't we knock off the games?

No games. Not even darts.

Well, hello.

I was beginning to think you were going down

for the third time.

Who are you?

A woman in the night

whom you proceeded to charm, then promenade,

only to fall asleep.

I can't remember your name.

I didn't tell it to you.

Well, that's very nice.

I like nice things.

And expensive.

And hard-to-get things.

How did I get aboard this ship?

What's the matter?

The United States Navy doesn't run on fairy tales, Mr. West.

I gave you the facts, Keighley.

Facts? Heh-heh.

You told me a story about a mermaid,

a talking blowfish and a sea dragon,

and now you want me to go running

to the Naval secretary and tell him

that it all adds up to some vague calamity.

Uh, somebody went to a lot of trouble

to get me aboard the Lady Luck

before she went down.

You have delusions, West.

Lieutenant.

The Navy's most valuable officer, Admiral Farragut,

will be in San Francisco in three days

aboard the Navy's biggest and best-equipped ship.

The S.S. Virginia has nothing to do with your dreams.

Uh, you see no connection between her arrival

and the sinking of the Lady Luck?

By a dragon? No.

Think about it, lieutenant.

It was only a fluke that no one drowned aboard the Lady Luck,

and the Virginia will be carrying high explosives.

West, I see no real threat,

not to Admiral Farragut, the Virginia, or the U.S. Navy,

and that's final.

Tell your story to the Army, West.

I'm sure they'll get a real bang out of the mermaid

and the talking blowfish.

Ah, Gordon.

Pray, what have you dredged up from the briny,

Neptune himself?

I'll bet that man furnishes enough wind

to sail his whole ship.

What's the word, Artie?

I checked all the passengers on the Lady Luck.

No one remembers your mysterious woman,

no one saw a dragon.

All they know is one minute

the croupier was spinning the roulette wheel,

the next minute, boom.

The key.

No luck with that, either.

You know, I couldn't even find the Mermaid Tavern.

Can't you remember anything at all about it, Jim?

Only scraps that no one will believe.

And the welt,

like a heavyweight mosquito made a meal outta me.

Obviously, what you saw wasn't any dragon.

Must have been a bomb of some kind,

a pretty sophisticated device at that.

A bomb that swims?

Yeah, yeah.

Disguised as a dragon.

Put that together with a mermaid

and a talking fish...

And you have to eat crow

to someone the likes of Keighley.

I'd like to meet the mentality

that put it all together and made it work.

Brilliant.

Warped, but brilliant and highly imaginative. Jim.

Look at the pattern this compact makes.

These dots here represent the diamonds.

And when you connect them...

Voilà. One sea serpent.

Now, that compact definitely links the sea serpent

and your mysterious woman.

Keighley's got to believe you now.

The Virginia arrives

sometime in the next 24 hours.

We can't wait for him to make up his mind.

Hold it, Jim.

I owe you a dollar.

Oh, there's no rush, Artie.

Oh-ho, this is one silver dollar you can use.

Here, catch.

I know how you like to hang on to money,

but this is ridiculous.

Something new?

Yeah, magnetized.

And sensitive to heat.

Five-second's exposure to anything over 110 degrees,

boom.

Amazing town, isn't it?

Nobody knows anything about jewels.

Not even the jewelers.

Three Anchors.

What for?

How about a seagoing pawnshop?

Yeah, maybe.

Ah, just getting ready to close up,

but welcome aboard, me hearties.

Captain Pratt at your service.

Ah, few it 'tis that can pay the price,

but you see around you the finest, the authentic-est.

Now, tell me just what it is you seek.

The finest-carved figurehead, an eye from a Chinese junk,

for in the words of our Oriental brethren,

"A ship without an eye cannot see."

A jewel-encrusted peg leg.

Or, uh- Or is it charts you want?

Oh, we didn't come to buy, captain.

We have an item you might be interested in.

Uh, you're not men of the sea,

and I handle nothing that's not seaborne nor bred.

Now, for me to be interested, you...

Five!

Five what? Thousand!

Uh, I don't know, Jim.

It's worth more than that on sentimental reasons alone.

Ah, believe me, me hearties,

you'll want to sell it and forget you ever saw it.

Oh, not at that price, old sailor.

How much?

Triple.

Sold!

You're, uh- You're not much of a businessman, old sailor.

These diamonds aren't worth more than $3,000.

What is it you're really buying?

Now, suppose that there was this here gent

among me acquaintances that was a-

A collector?

How did you know?

I'll just bet he's a collector of dragons.

Who said anything about dragons?

Could you arrange a meeting

between, uh, this collector and us?

Where can I find you within an hour from now?

Where is it you'd like us to be?

Yeah, there's a most acceptable groggery.

You're familiar perhaps with the Mermaid?

Ha. On Grant Street. Heh-heh.

At two bells, hm?

Well, we're right back where the Mermaid.

Well, at least we know where she is, Artie.

Grant Street.

Come on. I'll show you the stuff dreams are made of.

Uh, that's your mermaid?

I'm not saying a thing. I'm not even thinking anything.

If you say you saw a mermaid, you saw a mermaid

and not, uh, King Neptune.

Uh, don't be so impatient, Artie.

Oh, yes, this is the typical, uh,

elegant, quiet little key club.

And that is where the voice came from.

Oh, he's got class. Yes, yes, yes.

I would say that he definitely belongs.

I wish I could say as much for the bartender.

Oh, him I don't remember.

Don't worry, Artie. We've got the compact.

We'll soon be getting a message.

Hm.

Watch it, Jim!

Ah!

I guess that was our message.

Yeah. I must say, Captain Pratt's collectors

are very serious about their business.

Let's go see Captain Pratt, huh?

You better stay out here in case our friends show up.

You got five minutes, all right?

Oh, give me ten. The captain may be a heavy sleeper.

Face it, Artemus, old boy.

Mermaid Tavern has set sail.

And so has Jim.

Hi.

Should have known you'd be here.

I'm sorry I had to leave in such a hurry the other night,

but friends were expecting me.

I thought of giving you a lift

but it was such a small boat,

and I loathe cramped quarters.

If it's the compact you're after,

I haven't got it.

Why the ropes?

The marquis is a very careful man.

Well, that's reassuring. The Marquis de La Mer?

Philippe de La Mer.

De La Mer means, uh, "of the sea."

Any particular sea or the whole sea in general?

He's the ruling sovereign of that country called La Mer.

That's delightful, but I- I've never heard of it.

You soon will.

The whole world will tremble at its name.

You slept well, Mr. West?

I always seem to get my rest when we get together.

Dominique.

She interests you?

I'd say I interest her more, but I don't have the compact.

I'm terribly sorry I can't offer you any ale.

Oh, I'm- I'm on duty anyway.

Your remark about the compact is interesting.

Why should we want to retrieve

a poorly-fashioned accessory like that

when we have Mr. James West?

You nearly succeeded in killing my partner and myself

at the Mermaid Tavern tonight,

and I wouldn't be here right now

unless you thought I had the compact

or knew where it was.

Very clever.

Smooth.

Yes.

It precludes the necessity

of having to climb out of bed every morning.

This way- You walk out of bed.

My weakness for gadgetry,

as you may well have gathered.

This, my underwater wonder world,

mermaids, taverns, my sea dragons.

And compacts.

Go on.

You engineered everything

from the Mermaid Tavern to the gambling ship,

and getting me aboard just in time for Dominique

to point out the dragon coming out of the sea

before the ship went down.

Elementary, sir.

But why?

You needed an expert witness, someone who could testify

that sea dragons were coming out of the sea to sink ships.

But they didn't believe you, did they?

Just so they would remember

when it happens the next time.

Tonight at midnight,

when the S.S. Virginia arrives in San Francisco.

What I can't figure out

is why you want to sink our battleship

with our most famous naval hero aboard.

Perhaps I'll tell you.

What you hadn't figured on

was that I'd take the compact home with me.

You will die.

I've faced that possibility before.

Your friend, Mr. Artemus Gordon will die too.

I have no doubt he's in possession of the compact.

Tell me,

why did you hang on to it?

To see Dominique again?

Or was it just a reflex?

A little of both.

It has made it very difficult for all of us.

Particularly for Captain Pratt.

Yes?

I'm afraid we'll have to continue our chat

a little later.

Preparations for tonight's festivities

demand my immediate, personal attention.

Watch him.

Tell me, Dominique, what does a girl like you

do around here on Saturday nights?

I looked all over for him.

He wasn't at the Three Anchors. Nobody was.

And the Mermaid Tavern doesn't even exist anymore.

We've heard such stories from your friend West.

Well, this one I can vouch for. I was there.

So now you believe in the dragon too.

No! No dragon. A bomb disguised as a dragon.

It swims toward its target, explosion.

No more target, no more dragon.

That's preposterous.

Do you plan to just sit there and wait

until the S.S. Virginia and Admiral Farragut

wind up at the bottom of the bay?

I can't spare men to hunt for West.

I am not asking you to spare anybody to hunt for West.

Just keep Farragut off the Virginia.

I'll find West.

You're giving me no better reasons than West did, Gordon.

If he's that lost, what are you going to find him with,

a crystal ball?

You and West, two of a kind.

You've both cracked.

You implied I was not practical.

I didn't say that.

I said that you're cracked.

You disappoint me.

I thought you were more than just one of those dull,

regimented little minds which overpopulate the world.

You are not a man of vision, Mr. West.

Tell me:

Why a country cannot be made out of water?

Why someday man cannot harvest the oceans

and move and live beneath its waves?

Some countries are made of land,

some partly land, partly water.

Mine will be the first water-based country.

La Mer, formerly known as the Pacific Ocean.

I can't see our country

turning over its entire Navy and Merchant Fleet to you.

Then my sea dragons will sink everything afloat.

I've seen what your dragons can do.

Release me, and I'll make every effort

to have our president negotiate

for a permanent place for La Mer.

Even if he were serious, Mr. West,

it's much too early for that.

When the S.S. Virginia is blown to the bottom,

then you might perhaps negotiate for us.

The Virginia's a man-o'-war loaded with explosives.

An entire crew may go down.

An even better moral for President Grant

and his cabinet to draw from my dragons.

You and Admiral Farragut

would make an absolutely superb negotiating team.

Dominique, we'll have to start wasting time

retrieving the compact from Mr. Gordon.

Come along.

All right.

That's quite a night-light.

A disintegrating force field.

You know how I love gadgets.

Interesting. What do you feed it?

Oh, almost anything.

Wood, for instance.

Even government agents, Mr. West.

♪ When the captain ♪

♪ Were hollering ♪

♪ That I steer the ship ♪

♪ And he were windy willing ♪

♪ And I went in the open sea ♪

♪ With gold on my hands ♪

♪ And I fell when I thought I was the king ♪

♪ Then the captain Were yelling 'cause... ♪

That's him. ♪...Don't steer the ship ♪

♪ I must steer but I didn't ♪

♪ Do a thing When he drank- ♪

Captain Pratt.

I- I was, uh, wondering

whether you had anything for an old sailor.

Oh, sorry, mate. Heh.

Uh- I- I seem to be walking the wrong plank for...

Uh...

Uh- Uh- Uh, don't try...

All right, gentlemen,

let's none of us do anything we'll be sorry for later.

Leaving so soon, Mr. West?

Back up.

Come on.

That's right.

Boys?

Bring him along.

Something bothering you, West?

No.

I'm just appreciating.

Where are we?

A summer place near Fisherman's Point.

That's a long distance from San Francisco Bay.

My dragons can seek out and destroy the S.S. Virginia

wherever she is.

Actually, the idea of projecting explosives along the water

started centuries ago with the Chinese.

Leonardo da Vinci improved on it,

but I am the first one

to actually utilize the principles involved,

adding a generous pinch of my own personal brand of, uh-

How shall I put it?

mental warfare.

You not only blow up ships,

you terrorize with a fire-eating dragon.

This propeller rotates at high speed,

pushing the missile across the water.

Here.

This switch sets her course.

This one activates the propeller.

And when I pull the red switch...

The mechanism is locked, and she's on her way.

Exactly. This tail serves as a rudder

to steady her as she goes.

Now, once the course is set,

what happens if the target alters?

That, sir, is my secret.

If the dragon is such a perfect weapon,

why practice on the U.S. fleet?

Big new country, poorly-armed Navy.

Perfect situation.

With you people out of the way,

half the Pacific will be mine.

Clearing the other half will be easy.

And then I might start thinking about the Atlantic.

And the British?

Too late.

La Mer will be a major power with a fleet second to none.

Then let ships of any other nation

try and violate my territory.

If two land-based countries

want to trade with each other over the water,

their goods will be loaded on ships belonging to La Mer,

delivered at the pleasure of La Mer

with prices and tariffs levied by La Mer.

Listen, I- I don't mean to be asking

any embarrassing questions,

but don't you think we're all getting a little bit old

for blind man's bluff?

Ah, the ever-graceful Mr. Gordon has arrived.

Well, that was a- Hey, hi, Jim.

I was afraid you weren't gonna get here in time, Artie.

Oh, now, you know I'd never let you down. What's new?

Say hello to the dragon man.

Hello, dragon man.

Mr. Gordon, the compact, please.

Uh...

Enchanté, mademoiselle.

Make them both as uncomfortable as possible.

All right, hit the deck.

Dominique.

Well, there you are.

Did you ever get the feeling

that we're just being dragged from pillar to post?

Well, thanks to our lamebrained young friend

Lieutenant Keighley,

Farragut and the Virginia

are gonna be sitting ducks for the marquis' dragon.

Unless we can find out what his secret is.

Don't tell me there's one I haven't heard about.

He's got a new steering gadget of some kind.

Artie, why did the marquis permit Dominique

to be aboard the ship just before it exploded?

What if she hadn't gotten off in time?

Maybe without here there,

the sea dragons wouldn't have made it.

Suppose she planted some kind of homing device.

Her compact.

Right.

No wonder they were ready to kill us

to get it back.

That's the one secret the marquis couldn't afford

to share with anybody.

Yeah, but if that's what it takes,

Dominique and her compact,

then the marquis can't sink the Virginia.

I mean, Dominique can never get aboard.

Or can she?

A woman aboard a U.S. man-o'-war?

She came aboard off a skiff.

Says she has a message from a certain Mr. West.

Hmm, West. Hmph.

Show her in. Yes, sir.

Miss?

Gentlemen.

Let's go.

Come on.

Artie, I think it's time

to kick up our heels and live a little.

So you see, you must not bring the ship into the bay,

for the marquis will blow it up.

Jim says you should sail the ship to Fisherman's Point.

He wants us to take this ship to Fisherman's Point?

Well, the dragon can't reach you there.

Oh, the dragon. Of course.

Jim will contact you there...

if he can.

You must understand, lieutenant,

that I had no idea that my uncle, the marquis,

was such a despicable man.

Why, when Jim came and told me about him,

at first I didn't believe him.

well, we escaped this evil man.

That is, I escaped.

Poor Mr. West.

He remained behind.

I suppose he would.

Uh, excuse me, miss, uh, whatever-your-name is,

uh, please pull yourself together.

I'll be right back.

What's that?

It's the force field. It can kill you.

Something wrong?

Turn it off.

Oh, aren't they clever, Jim?

They're gonna check to make sure

that we're still tied to the pillars.

You know, one thing that's really nice

about having visitors...

Come on, mate, open the hatch.

One, two, three.

Artie, you got to get aboard the S.S. Virginia.

Find Dominique and get the homing device.

Right. What about you?

I'm gonna get me a dragon.

Where do you think you're going, Mr. West?

I give you a choice of deaths:

A bullet or disintegration.

I want you to stay alive,

to serve me as chief negotiator

for the United States government.

Take him below.

I really didn't see any cause for the admiral to shout so.

After all, we all make mistakes.

He was right. I should have reported it sooner,

instead of waiting until now.

Well, the important thing is you did report it,

and that silly old admiral is taking the boat

to Fisherman's Point.

Will you be safe ashore?

Oh, yes. My sister's picking me up at the dock.

Lieutenant, I'd like to thank you for your many kindnesses.

Miss,

I'm very sorry, but I have to place you under arrest.

I'm sorry, but you can't do that, lieutenant.

Keighley? Oh.

What happened to that young woman

who came aboard about an hour ago?

Ahead of you, Mr. Gordon. Way ahead of you.

Interesting little spyglass you have there.

More than just a spyglass.

One day such a device will enable men

to see from beneath the water the world above.

Think, West,

distant grandchildren of my tawdry little dragons

ranging on the water,

denizens of the deepest oceans,

able to unleash the most awesome destruction

to the world above.

Imagine how such a weapon will control all shipping,

the lifeblood of every country in the world.

And tonight's just the beginning.

Take off his coat and vest.

I don't want any more nonsense with these hidden devices.

Prepare torpedo.

Fill her belly to the brim, boys.

In less than 30 minutes,

you can watch how the pride of the United States fleet

will go to Davy Jones's locker.

It will take longer than that for your toy

to travel from here to the bay,

and still longer to find the Virginia and hit her.

The S.S. Virginia is not in the bay anymore.

She's right out there at Fisherman's Point.

Dominique took word from you to Lieutenant Keighley,

and you know how convincing Dominique can be.

Meantime, she's planted a homing device aboard.

Precisely.

Artemus knows about it too,

and he's gonna be looking for your precious little compact.

Mr. Gordon is clever,

but I put my money on Dominique.

Open the hatch.

Connect the wires to the detonator.

Set the compass.

Now she's armed.

All right.

Launch her!

Go!

Well, gentlemen, it's been a ball.

Cinderella has to go.

Mr. Gordon, please don't do that.

Gentlemen.

Stop her!

Somebody stop her!

The compact.

"And, thanks to the gallant efforts

"of secret service agent Artemus Gordon...

"...who unhesitantly dived off the deck

"of the S.S. Virginia in hot pursuit,

"Dominique, the infamous marquis' confederate,

was captured along with the rest of the gang-"

Oh, excuse me, Jim. I'm sorry.

Uh, that- That's all right. Listen, uh, how do you-?

How do you like this for openers? Uh, wait a minute.

"Gentlemen, I predict this torpedo

"of the late unlamented marquis

will be one of the deadliest weapons of the future."

How's that sound?

Oh, I- I like it.

It has a nice- Nice ring to it, Artie.

The rest of this news story's the usual dull stuff

about how you earned the world's admiration

for your gallantry-

Oh, boy.

The only thing I've earned is a cold for my gallantry,

that's what I've earned.

Listen, hand me that bottle of pills up there, would you?

No, no, no. The- The yellow ones, please.

Artie, are you sure that your voice

is up to addressing this, um, society?

Are you kidding?

I could reach the last row of a showboat

while doing a buck-and-wing

and fighting a bout with double pneumonia.

Uh, Artie, uh, may I interrupt you?

"But if it does,

"then an equally deadly weapon must be developed to combat it,

and that is aerial bombs."

Artie, it's, uh- It's not that I'm not interested,

because I am,

but you see, I have a date with a charming young lady,

and she's waiting for me.

Oh, sure, Jim, go ahead. Enjoy yourself. Don't mind me.

There's no room for you, me, and the torpedo in this-

Oh, thank you. Thank you, Artie.

And Artie? Huh?

Tonight you take your pills.

Thank you.

"The airship of the future, gentlemen,

"ever alert to the lurking menace of submarines,

"will search them out-

"Will search them out,

"fly over them

"with their equally-deadly aerial bombs,

and..."