All language subtitles for The Wild Wild West - 02x01 - The Night of the Eccentrics.Unspecified.English.updated.Addic7ed.com

Julio, are you there?

Look who's paying us a visit.

Fee, fi, fo, fum.

I smell the blood
of an Englishman.

What's the matter
with your nose, boy?

That's no Englishman.

Villar is right, Julio.

Look at this gentleman.

His manly bearing,

resolute jaw,
fearless, flashing eyes.

Oh, now I know, count.

He must be
a secret service man.

Splendid, Julio.

Well, livey,
fancy that.

Why, he must be
the notorious James West.

Oh, no, Tony.

We're not that honored.

Oh, dear. Now look what
I've gone and done.

Really, Miranda.

What a shocking way to treat
a government agent

who's been snooping around
where he hasn't any right to be.

West's sidekick, Artemus Gordon?

No, Deadeye.

This gentleman is neither
of those two worthies,

although the plan
was for you to meet

Messieurs West and Gordon here

and pass on the information
you'd nosed out about us.

Isn't that right,
Mr. Markham?

Ah!

Golly, golly, golly.

What's Mr. Markham
going to do now?

Well, what can he do, Julio?

Nothing...

except die.

Markham said he'd leave
the door open for us.

Well, let's not stand
on ceremony.

Jim!

Jim!

That's nice shooting.

Oh, I think I sprained my ankle
when I landed.

Jim, look.

West. Artemus.

Come here very quietly.

Is he, uh...?

How can that be?

I distinctly heard him speak.

Would you care

to place a small wager on that,

Mr. Gordon?

Hey.

Oh.

It's all right, nurse.
That'll be all.

Thank you.

"Olvide sus penas
en el Parque Eco.

Felicidad,
risa y alegria."

Whatever the devil
that means.

Oh, roughly translated, sir,
it means,

"For a happy and joyous time,
visit the Eco Amusement Park."

Mm. Well, hang that silly
poster.

Let me remind you two of the few
very pertinent facts.

Item number one:

Vance Markham has been
brutally murdered by whom?

In all probability,
by the Eccentrics,

an organization
of murderous thugs

who specialize
in assassination for hire.

Oh, very good, Mr. Gordon. Thank you, sir.

What else do we know
about the Eccentrics?

Well, no one has ever
seen them, sir,

but from the bits and pieces
we've been able to gather,

I don't think there's any doubt
that they intend to assassinate

the president of Mexico,
Ju�rez.

Good.

Remind me to give the two of you
a gold star to paste

in your copybooks.

Yes, sir.

Gentlemen, if our president

is sleeping soundly
at the moment,

it is because he has somehow
got the idea

that we can prevent anything
from happening to Ju�rez.

And just how do we do that,
Mr. West?

I was thinking about
paying a visit

to the Eco Amusement Park.

Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!

Ladies and gentlemen,

come and explore
our fascinating world.

A universe of laughter,
fun and frivolity,

and all for just 5 centavos.

Hurry! Hurry!

Come and see the sights
which have amazed mankind

since the days
of Helen of Troy.

Deadeye,

justly renowned
as the fastest gun on Earth.

Tony, undisputed master
of the art of knife-throwing.

And this lovely shell-like ear

is none other than
the imperial ear

of the Princess
Yasmine Ayasutupeth,

queen by ancestral right
of Aramean,

rescued not six months ago
from the slave markets at Mecca

and brought here at great cost.

But this is just a foretaste

of the fabulous feast
awaiting you within.

Will Your ravishing Majesty
deign to enter

the Cabinet of No Return?

Through the intercession

of the Black Council
of Baal, Bael, Balaam,

and of the sorcerer's name
that may not even be whispered.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you,
ladies and gentlemen.

Your enthusiastic response
is much appreciated.

And now, for your further
entertainment,

Titan is ready to match
his formidable muscles

against all comers,

and the prize for whoever
can defeat him:

Nothing less than the crown of
the Emperor Herodotus of Rome,

2,000 years old
and worth a king's ransom.

However, I must caution you.

Titan will not likely yield
this priceless relic.

Mm.

But to our little frolic,

who will have the prize
for which gladiators died

in the Colosseum?

What about you?

Wouldn't you care
to lock horns with Titan?

The, uh, gentleman outweighs me
by several ounces.

Goliath outweighed David too,
if you recall,

and David took a chance.

Won't you reconsider?

Since you put it that way.

You realize, of course,

that you are going to die.

Everybody dies.
Keep the change.

Very nice.

Must you leave?
It was just getting interesting.

Somebody wins.
Somebody loses.

The rondelle of life, sir.

Speaking of winning,

you mentioned something
about a crown.

Ah, yes.

To the victor

belongs the spoils.

Fabulous crown

of Emperor Herodotus.

I didn't know that crowns
were made of lead.

Lead?

What kind of base chicanery
is this?

I assure you, sir,
I will make it up to you.

Don't bother.
I'm very fond of lead.

No, no. You're being
far too kind.

I assure you,

I want you to get everything
that's coming to you.

Lights, that our distinguished
guest may see better.

Allow me to present myself.

I am the Count Carlos Marie
Vincenzo Robespierre Manzeppi,

adventurer, poet and lover
of all that is corrupt,

forbidden and blasphemous.

Charmed, I'm sure.

But you forgot to add
murderer

and chief of the Eccentrics.

You hear?

Our fame is spreading.

Allow me to present
my fellow Eccentrics.

Tony Pie, foremost exponent

of the knife
and its accurate delivery.

How do you do?

The incomparable Deadeye,
grand master

of the six-chambered
revolving death.

And a good day
to you too, sir.

Villar,
our ventriloquial wonder,

and his friend
and prot�g�, Julio.

Any questions,
Mr. West?

Uh, just one question.

Who's the ventriloquist,
and who's the dummy?

And saving the most
decorative for last,

the divine Miranda.

Lovely, isn't she?

Like a fer-de-lance.

And the mighty Titan.
I miss him.

We all do.

He failed in his little
encounter with you and so...

Scratch one Eccentric, huh?

Titan's dead.

Long live his replacement.

Well, I'm- I'm flattered.

Are you asking me
to join your group?

Why not?

You have much to offer us.

Oh, a certain flair
for assassination,

a charming capacity
to overcome odds.

In short, style.

We can use you.

Uh, you'll, uh-
You'll turn my head, count.

Aren't you forgetting
I'm on the side of the law?

Men have changed
allegiance before.

I can promise you this:

Join with us,
and you'll be rich

beyond the wildest dreams
of the misers.

I see.
Do I have a choice?

Well, of course
you have a choice, Mr. West.

I'm not an unreasonable man.

Join us, or die.

A man would be a fool
to decline that invitation.

Splendid.

Uh, however, there is one test
of your good faith needed.

Yes?

To show us that you are
really dedicated to our cause,

you'll be required to kill
your friend Artemus Gordon.

Enough.

A magic lantern show.

My favorite indoor sport.

Who are these people?

Emperor Maximilian

and his wife Carlota.

Alive and well,
I trust?

No, no, not exactly.

Maximilian was shot dead
four years ago

by Ju�rez revolutionaries.

Oh, that's too bad.

They look like
such a nice couple.

And what have we here?

That is Maximilian's cousin,

the Archduke Charles Louis
of Austria.

Splendid, Julio.

Tonight he lands
at Veracruz.

In two days time,
he'll be at Mexico City

to accept his cousin's crown,
and then-

Well, I'm sure your colleague
has filled you in on all this.

Before you murdered him.

Meanwhile,
President Benito Ju�rez

will have a serious accident.

Murdered, don't you mean?

No, I don't mean murdered.
I don't like the word.

News of the president's, uh,
terrible accident

will spread throughout Mexico.

Hail, Emperor Charles Louis.

Hail and farewell,
Benito Ju�rez.

That was bad judgment

on your part, Mr. West.

You forgot Deadeye
is the fastest gun on Earth.

I guess you're going
to have to be taught a lesson.

What about me,
governor?

He ain't seen
the show I put on.

Hm.

All right, Tony.
You can have him.

Try to savor this, Mr. West.

Tony is really quite an artist
in his own way.

When the knife hits
the bull's-eye, it's bon voyage.

Too far to the right. Try again.

Left. Try it again.

I never miss a third trick,
governor.

Mr. West, this way.
Follow me.

Where are we?

Behind the place still.

Why'd you help me?

Oh, that's the kind
of fer-de-lance I am, I guess.

Someday, I'd like to do a
first-class job of thanking you.

Oh, no, but wait.

I want to go with you.

What about your playmates?

Well, I've been thinking
about resigning,

and you made up my mind
for me.

Let's go.

It's really going quite well,
isn't it?

Well, well, well, well, well.
Welcome home.

Ah, you brought me
the queen of Aramean.

Oh, but my real name's Miranda
when you get up off the floor.

Please, make yourself
at home. Do.

Thank you.

Anything I can
do for you?

Artie, listen.
This is important.

Markham was right.

They plan to assassinate
Ju�rez tonight

so that Archduke Charles Louis

can take over
the throne of Mexico.

Better notify Washington
right away.

Who is this,
the Eccentrics?

Who else?

Dead?

Deader than
the proverbial doornail.

It's moving faster
than I expected.

What were you expecting,
Mr. West?

Very smart quarters,
Mr. West.

Very smart, indeed.

Ah, Miranda, my blossom,

your performance was superb.

Accept my congratulations too.

You had me fooled.

And believe me, Mr. West,
I didn't enjoy this.

I'll try to remember that.

What's on the agenda now?

First of all,
I shall require your train.

Certainly.

For any particular reason?

I told you,

Ju�rez will be returning
to Mexico City.

You'll accompany his body

on this train.

I suppose that means
we're going to be dead too.

No, of course not.

Whatever gave you that idea?
You'll be very much alive.

In fact, it will be
my privilege to present you

to the Emperor Charles Louis

as the assassin
of President Ju�rez.

A new plan?

You like it?

It's very intriguing.

I think so.

And now you have
a certain mission to perform.

Oh, why was I chosen
for this job?

My dear Mr. West,

you're an accredited
United States agent.

Since you will seemingly have
assassinated the tyrant Ju�rez,

it will appear to the world

that the United States
is giving its blessing

to the rebirth
of the Mexican empire.

And for that we get
a million dollars.

Small potatoes.

Has it ever occurred to you,

or for that matter,
any of you,

that my government
would gladly pay $2 million

to save Ju�rez
and his democracy?

Very shrewd maneuver,
Mr. West,

but it won't work...

I don't think.

Mr. West, you have succeeded
in making me lose my temper.

Is that bad?

For you, it will be
highly traumatic.

We have little better
than an hour

before we must embark
on the Ju�rez mission.

Not too much time,

but enough to teach you

a most salutary,
highly-corrective lesson

about meddling in the plans
of the Eccentrics.

Now can Miranda
do a turn with the whip?

She does it so well.

Count, I still have a few fine
points I could show Mr. West-

Be quiet, all of you,

and put that silly thing away.

As the old saying goes,

"This one's on me."

No, a little further back.

Yes, now, uh, to your right.

That's excellent, thank you.

One of my many admirers,
I presume?

And I assure you,
she'll not lose her hold on you

this side of the 17 gates
of hell.

Then I guess
I'll have to get used

to her hot little hands,
won't I?

Oh, but there's much more
to my little diversion

than just that, Mr. West.

Now you are in
the cradle of limbo

suspended halfway
betwixt Elysium and Hades.

I always did want
to get away from it all.

Well, then you should
be enjoying yourself.

Unfortunately, you won't
stay up there for long.

For shame, count.

You should have used
a better-quality rope.

No.

You don't seem to be grasping

the finer points
of this, Mr. West.

Julio? Explain it to him,
will you?

The rope has been chemically
treated with a caustic.

In approximately 14 minutes,
it will part.

And down will come cradle,
baby and all.

He's a barrel of monkeys,
he is.

And there's more, much more.

Tell him, won't you, count?

Observe, Mr. West.

Van de Graaff's experiments

in static electricity
showed me the way.

Oh, there are thousands
and thousands of volts

barely held in check.

Now, what will happen

when you fall
into the middle of it?

The shocking moment of truth,
I suppose.

Beautifully stated, Mr. West.

Oh, I wish I could
stay and watch,

but unfortunately,
the smell of scorched people

disagrees with me.

Adieu, my noble friend.

We have chosen
our respective ways.

You're off to your
electrical Valhalla,

and I and my confr�res
are off to mark

"paid" to the account
of Mr. Benito Ju�rez.

Mr. West, enjoy.

Mr. West.

Ah, Miranda.

Come to watch
the thrilling descent?

Listen, you said
your government

would give $2 million
to have Ju�rez alive, remember?

Bless your greedy
little heart.

We'll go halfers.

Fifty-fifty split,
just you and me, okay?

I hate to change the subject,
but I don't think

I'm going to be hanging around
very long.

Promise.

All right, 50 percent
of everything I collect.

Now, grab that pole
and smash those lights.

The electrical field
is stronger than I thought.

Miranda, over my head are
a couple electrical wires.

I want you to cut them
with your whip.

But they're right next
to the rope.

If I should hit that
by mistake, then-

That's where the fun comes in.

Not knowing which will go first.

Uh, look, I'm nervous.
I can't. I-

Miranda, right now.

You're sure it was the terrace
the count was headed for?

Positive.

That's Ju�rez's
secret new headquarters.

He found out.

Hyah!

Alto, se�or.

Guard, this is, um...

Est�s muy importante
a Presidente Ju�rez.

Hang on, I'm gonna have to
dump this guy.

S�. Anything you say.

Adios, muchachos.

Jump.

Alto.

To the right, please.

As I was saying before I was
so rudely interrupted

by the Eccentrics...

Artie, you son of a gun.

Ju�rez?

In that room.

Follow me...

at a respectable distance

as befits gringos,
if you understand me.

Mr. President.

Mr. President?

Yes, my friend?

Sir.

I'm in the Secret Service
of the United States.

I must tell you an attempt is
going to be made on your life.

My life?

Surely there must
be a mistake.

Who would want
to kill me?

There's an organization that
sells death across the counter

like bolts of calico.

They call themselves
the Eccentrics,

and their leader is-

Count Carlos Marie Vincenzo
Robespierre Manzeppi,

your servant.

It was a delicate problem,

how to dispose of you and your
equally-troublesome colleague

without upsetting
the timetable

governing the elimination
of Mr. Ju�rez.

Obviously, a catalytic agent
was needed.

Like her ravishing highness.

Precisely.

It was painfully obvious to me

that the divine Miranda
had forsaken me

and was now dreaming girlish
dreams only of the $2 million

with which you had so cleverly
baited your hook.

I see.

Then I was supposed
to break loose

from the amorous Miranda.

My dear Mr. West,

I would have been desolate
if you hadn't.

And now-

Now we come
to the final movement.

Mr. West, greedy Miranda,

Mr. Gordon,

I have permitted you
to expend much time,

trouble, and ingenuity

to arrive at your place
of execution.

However, your execution
will be held in abeyance

until after Mr. Ju�rez
has been gathered

to his forefathers.

I appreciate a little audience
for my curtain closes.

I...

I beg your pardon.

I'm going to take
a little nap

until it's curtain time.

Uh, is it all done with mirrors,

or are you really good
at throwing those knives?

Ha! Governor, if I do say
so meself, I shouldn't,

I'm the living tub-thumping,
cock-crowing hen.

Oh, you don't say.

Well, maybe you'd put on
a little demonstration for us.

Sure-
Turn it off, West.

How about that?

With all Tony's talent,

our wild and woolly
cowboy friend

won't let him put on
a little show.

We're entitled to it,
aren't we?

Condemned men are always
granted a last request

and a hearty meal.

Tough.
It's cook's night off.

Okay, then let's have
the last request.

A little entertainment.

Come on, Tony.

Let's see how close
you can come

without nicking me.

Well, don't stop now.
I'm just beginning to enjoy it.

That's a lot, governor.

Drop it, West.

Right now.

Too bad, Jim.
It was a good try.

What happened, Julio?

Mr. West suckered Tony
into throwing his knives.

Ah, yes.

And the astute Mr. West

proceeded to cut
his bonds with them

in an attempt
to win his freedom.

Correct, Mr. West?

It seemed to be a pretty
good idea at the time.

You're not without a certain
native resourcefulness,

which I do admire.

Oh, dear.

Now, more than ever,

we can use you in our
sadly-depleted organization.

Governor...

Governor, listen to me.

Gov, I-

I didn't mean- You know-

Fall down, Tony.

You're dead.

And as for you, Mr. West,

you've never been closer
to certain death

than you have been
in the past few minutes.

I wish I'd known.

Do you think Deadeye
is just a man

who handles a gun
with amazing accuracy and speed?

He's much more
than that, you know.

He's a machine.

Lubricating oil in his veins

instead of blood.

Electrical circuits
instead of nerves.

Steel cable
instead of muscle.

My, my.

All that for shooting down
defenseless men.

What a waste.

Easy, West.

Take it very easy.

Hm, my compliments, Mr. West.

Of course, you know
what the canny Mr. West

is trying to do, don't you?

He's doing his very best
to make you lose your temper.

How could I possibly do that,

simply by pointing out the fact
that Titan was defenseless

when you lined him up
in your, uh, gun sights?

West, so help me...

And little Tony.

That took a lot of nerve
and skill to gun him down.

You know what I'm wondering?

I'm wondering what you'd be like
with someone who had a gun.

Someone who knew
how to use it.

Don't be a fool.

It's just what
he wants you to do.

If I may make
a small suggestion,

you're a count.

Why don't you count?

Very good. Why not?

Ready, gentlemen?

You ready, Deadeye?

Remember,
I've got a gun too.

One...

Have you ever been shot,
Deadeye?

Had that unforgettable
experience

as that hot lead pumps
into your body?

...two...

There's still time
to pull out, Deadeye.

Better a live coward-

Fall down, West.

You're...

Mr. West,

you have a fine shiny gun,

and you certainly know
how to use it.

I, in turn, have a fine
shiny bomb,

and I assure you,
I know how to use it.

I think you're trying
to make a point.

If you should be
ill-advised enough to shoot me,

this bomb is primed to go off,
disposing of you,

Miranda and Mr. Gordon.

Yes, and quite possibly
disposing of Mr. Ju�rez,

who, if I am to judge
by the enthusiastic sound

of the faithful,
is drawing nigh.

A Mexican standoff,
is that it?

I don't know
if that's a bomb

or a nickel-plated egg cup.

Hm, I know, and that's where
the fun comes in.

Is it worth the risk
to find out?

Uh, you seem to forget
that you've lost the initiative,

that you're in hostile territory

and surrounded by the enemy.

But brilliant general
that I am,

I took the trouble to prepare
a proper avenue of retreat.

Act one to you, Mr. West.

But when the mists rise

and the sudden silences fall,

look for me.

Welcome home, Mr. President.

What? What the devil
did he say?

Oh, it's a little
embarrassing, sir.

Oh, come on, West.
Out with it.

He said the wall is solid.
There's no sliding panel.

Oh, I see.

And you still maintain
that the wall slid back

like the Red Sea-
Yes, sir.

-and conveniently allowed
Manzeppi to escape.

Yes, sir.
There's no doubt about it.

Secret panels and walls.

Has it ever occurred to you

that the whole thing
was an illusion?

Well, I saw it too, sir.

I can assure you
it was no illusion.

Well, perhaps you've been
working a little too hard.

Ever consider that?

Confound it, you agents
aren't made of bronze.

You could be suffering
from an optical illusion.

Innumerable times,
I've suggested that our agents

be compelled to use their
full amount of leave time

each and every year.

Every man is human.

You can't just go
from assignment to assignment

without rest and not have it
catch up with you in the end.