All language subtitles for The Wild Wild West - 01x21 - The Night of the Puppeteer.Unspecified.English.updated.Addic7ed.com

The bedlam you hear, Mr. West,

is the annual birthday party

my wife gives
for our grandchildren

and their
over-privileged friends.

I'm very much afraid
I'm late for the party.

I understand that, sir,

but we are talking
about your life.

And I insist that there
is no real evidence

that my life is in danger.

No evidence?
When within ten days,

two of your colleagues
to the Supreme Court

died under mysterious
circumstances?

It's preposterous.

Ridiculous.

Both deaths were officially
listed as accidental.

So they were.

Both men just
happened to die

at 2:00 in the afternoon,

and both men had received

identical gifts
through the mail.

Gifts?

Mm-hmm.

A small model casket.

Melodramatic nonsense.

Yes, it is.

Where's yours, sir?

What?

Your casket?

It came in the morning mail.

Confound it, Mr. West, your
department is in the business

of making mountains
out of molehills.

And I will not permit you,
or anyone else,

to act as my nursemaid
in such flims...

Well, Mr. West, I seem to have
survived the witching hour.

And now, unless you
would care to attend

my grandson's birthday party.

No, thank you, sir.

Leaving so soon,
Mr. West?

Oh, I'm afraid I must,
Mrs. Chayne,

but thank you very much.

It was our pleasure.

Vincent, wherever
did you get the idea

of having a puppet show?

A puppet show?

But I didn't arrange
for a puppet show.

Well, somebody did.

Treated like a
fowl have you?

Then you belong
in a hen house,

not a court of law.

How dare you talk
to me like that.

I demand justice.
Justice?

Then what are you
loitering around here for?

Beat it, wisenheimer.

Out! Out! Out!

I never saw
a courtroom

as full of fools
as this one.

Knock... knock.

Who's there?

Is that you, judge?

I asked first.

Everybody rise.

Court is now in session.

Oh, sit down, sit down.

I haven't time for this...

Vincent, it's a
perfect image of you.

Haven't hanged
anybody since yesterday.

Defendant before the bench.

Which one,
Your Honor?

This bench, you ninny.

I mean,
which defendant?

Who cares which defendant?

They're all guilty.

Just get somebody up
here so I can hang him.

I got a very
special defendant

for you today, Judge.

How about that,
Your Honor?

Now, that's more like it.

What this courtroom needs is
more defendants like this one.

Whatever she's charged
with, she goes free.

But, Your Honor,
she's guilty of grand larceny.

Who's this?

He's the only defendant left,
Your Honor.

Well, he's a sorry-looking
specimen.

What's the charge against him?

I don't know,
but it's 2:00.

So it is, so it is.

My, what
time is it?

I said,
it was 2:00.

Why, you're guilty, of course.

But, Your Honor, I haven't had

a trial.

There isn't time for a trial.

It's 2:00.
It's hanging hour.

You're sentenced to death.

If you'll wait just one minute,
Judge.

I've got something here

which may change
your mind.

Hold on, hold on!

Here, put that down!

Bailiff, disarm that man!

Help, help, help, help...!

Hold on,
put that down!

Help, help!

And one for you, Mr. West.

Vincent!

Artemus?

Yes?

Well, he's still groggy,
but he'll live.

I told you, Doc.

Well, I can't guarantee
for how long,

or you either, if you stay
in this line of work.

You know, that's what
I love about you-

your cheerful bedside manner. Mmm.

How do you feel, Jim?

As brittle
as yesterday's breadstick.

After what happened,
I'm not surprised.

What did happen, Doc?

The last think I rememb...

There's nobody there.
I checked.

Listen, I came in late.

Would you mind filling me in
on what happened?

To tell the truth, it's
a little embarrassing.

I was shot by a puppet.

I'm sorry I asked.

I mean it!

This was embedded in you.

Propelled by a small
powder charge.

You note how the shock of impact

activates
the injector mechanism.

That's beautiful, isn't it?

Oh, you make me
feel privileged

to have gotten
in the way of it.

One of the
alkaloids.

Yeah, that's what I figured,
too.

Why don't I take it down to the
lab and run a check on it, huh?

Doc.

Take it easy, James.

He'll be all right, Judge.

Mr. West, I haven't had
the opportunity.

I owe you an apology
and thanks.

Well, right now I'll settle
for some answers, sir.

Such as?

For openers, where's the puppet
that shot me?

You mean it's gone?

Well, of course.

He would take it with him.

To leave it behind

would be like leaving
a part of himself.

I don't understand.

I'm talking about
our impresario friend,

the man behind
the puppets.

A man with so much
style and arrogance

that he leaves behind
him a trail of clues.

For instance...
this puppet, Judge.

It's you.
Do you agree?

Yes.

the puppet defendant.

I'm convinced
we find that man,

and we'll know who
killed your associates

and who's trying
to kill you.

Like all men in public life,

we receive a certain number
of threats.

How many of them from men

capable of making
something like this?

Someone clever and
ruthless enough

to already kill two
of your associates?

There was a man...

a sculptor, many years ago-
brilliant man,

convicted of murder,
sentenced to hang.

He appealed all the way up
to the Supreme Court.

We refused unanimously
to review his case.

There was no legal ground
whatever.

So the sentence stayed in force.

Yes, but it was never
carried out.

Our man jumped from the train
taking him to prison.

His body was never found.

And the speed the train
was traveling,

we assumed he died.

Just possibly he did not.

What was his name?

Skull. Zachariah Skull.

These puppets are the work
of a brilliant craftsman.

I'd never seen such...

...lifelike qualities.

What is it?

Just something I hadn't noticed
before.

They're all deformed.

He was a sadistic,
hate-filled man.

This one's missing an arm.

This one a leg.

This one a finger.

All except this one.

She's lovely.

Absolutely flawless.

Well, what
have you found?

Another one of Mr. Skull's
carefully-planted signposts,

this time
directing me

to one of the frowzier
waterfront taverns,

all gilded up with one of those
fancy classical names.

Tavern?

And yet the name fits.

The sea god was
deformed, wasn't he?

Mr. West...

I'll have to be
leaving now, sir.

You're going
to that tavern?

I wouldn't want to keep
Mr. Skull waiting.

You actually expect
to find him there?

To be more accurate, sir,

I think he expects
to find me.

What's your pleasure?

A drink for now.
I'll decide later.

I was talking
about the drinks.

Oh, let me see
your wine list.

Sure, as soon as it comes
back from the laundry.

Till then, how's your beer?

Make you bark like fox
and leap like a tuna.

In my rundown condition,
I better have whiskey.

Whiskey.

Chaser?

Just a few kind words.

Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

That was awful clumsy
of you.

Or was it?

Oh, I'll get you
another one, sir.

Right now, I'll settle
for the chaser.

Sir?

A few kind words.

Yes, sir.

Get out of here fast

while you still
have a chance.

Thank you, thank you.

Welcome, Mr. West.

Zachariah Skull.

Please join me,
I've had the table set for two.

First, there's a business matter

I think I should mention,
if I may.

Please do.

You're under arrest,

for the murder

of Supreme Court Justices
Vandercorl and Stern.

I understand.

However, the question
of who is detaining whom

has already been settled.

Please.

May I offer you wine?

The trip has been rather dry.

No discomfort from the descent,
I hope.

The pressure builds up
quite rapidly.

Aside from lacerated eardrums,
I found the trip rather...

Thank you, Pitney.

A very rare vintage.

I hope you favor it
as much as I do.

Incredible.

You mean that he's...

You may say it, Mr. West.

Yes, Pitney is a puppet.

Now I know how you solved
the servant problem.

A very neat solution,
if I may say so.

Full size...
how is it possible?

You see, Mr. West,
given the initial genius

that can be brought to bear,

no problem is
too difficult to solve.

In this case,

the secret of it all
lies in power augmentation.

Such as steam.

You have a talent
for observation.

Yes, Pitney's lifeblood,
so to speak,

is the steam
that I feed into him

through a very fine,

almost invisible,
high pressure line.

Steam that amplifies
tremendously

the slightest movements
of my control lines.

Like so.

Salute our guest, Pitney.

I am impressed, Mr. Skull.

Thank you, Mr. West.

But I couldn't help noticing

the eye patch that Pitney wears.

He had an unfortunate accident.

Another I noticed
was minus a finger.

A hand.

A nose, an ear.

Are all your puppets
accident prone?

Very well, sir,
if you want it unadorned,

they're mutilated.

Why not?

Art should imitate life.

And you believe that life is...

Yes.

Look closely enough,

you'll find everything
in life is mutilated,

flawed, corrupt.

Except for Vivid.

Vivid?

Flawlessly lovely, isn't she?

I thought that the first
time I saw her when she...

She's a puppet?

Vivid likes to dance

with handsome young men,
Mr. West.

Won't you indulge her?

How does one compliment
a puppet on her dancing?

Or should I simply say,
"You dance divinely, Mr. Skull?"

You're too kind, sir.

And speaking for Vivid,
you dance very well, too.

It's an amusing parlor game,
but I'm bored with it now.

Don't you believe him, my dear,
he's not bored, he's shaken.

Aren't you, sir?

Am I?

I hadn't noticed.

You're shaken
and affronted.

You see, my dear,
for one brief moment,

Mr. West allowed himself
to be caught up

in the magic of your loveliness.

Puppet though you are.

Oh...

take that tribute with you,
and go.

And on the seventh day
he rested.

Oh, I'm playing God,
is that it?

Aren't you?

The world of people offends you,

so you create your own world...

of puppets.

In short,
you think I'm quite mad.

Oh, that's a matter

for competent authorities
to determine.

After you deliver me bound

and trussed up like a fowl, eh?

You're a romantic fool, sir.

I have a mission.

And neither you

nor all the armed forces
of this land

will keep me from it.

Once there were nine
smug, witless old men

on the Supreme Court bench.

How many are there now?

There are seven,
thanks to you.

Exactly.

And Mr. West,
I promise you this-

in the days to come,
one by one

I shall snuff out the remaining
ugly, graceless lives

until the court and my honor
are finally free of stain.

And then won't time
hang heavily on your hands?

Then...

look in that quarter
to see what follows.

Our revered soldier president.

Gallant hero of Vicksburg,
Richmond, and Chattanooga.

Ulysses Simpson Grant.

Who committed
the unpardonable sin

of turning down your plea
for clemency, I suppose.

Yes, exactly, Mr. West.

And for that...

watch the penalty
he has elected to pay.

A gift from some unknown
admirer, of course.

A little musical interlude
to lighten

the president's burden.

Which will soon be over.

Forever.

Interesting, eh?

Something left over from
Hans Christian Anderson,

I presume.

A pair of toy soldiers.

I'm told that three of a kind
beats a pair anytime.

But there must have been
something to take him away,

some scrap of evidence,
some clue to the puppeteer.

He couldn't just have gone
dashing off

into the night
without purpose.

The brass disk.

Disk?

Yes, I just
happened to think.

It was, it was hanging
on a chain

from the girl puppet's neck.

What did it say?

Anything,
anything at all?

I couldn't see anything,

but West became
quite excited about it.

He called it another of Skull's
carefully planted signposts.

Ah! Wonderful,
go on, sir.

Oh, and he said
this sign directed him

to one of the frowzier taverns
along the waterfront.

Nothing more?

Justice Chayne,
there must be

half a hundred frowzy taverns
along the waterfront.

Mr. Gordon,
I wish I could...

Wait a minute.

He said the tavern
had a fancy, classical name.

Ah... something
about a sea god?

Neptune?
No.

Poseidon?

No, he-he did say

it was a sea god
that was deformed.

I don't think
he even mentioned the name.

Well, at least that gives
us something to go on.

Thank you, sir,
Thank you very much.

Tavern with
a fancy classical name...

something about a sea god...

deformed.

A sea god that's def...

Hey!

Of course!

Triton!

Honest, Mister,
I didn't mean to-

Triton, god of the sea,
son of Neptune.

With the forelegs of a horse
and the tail of a fish.

What could be more deformed
that that, huh?

You say so, pal...

Oh, please, thank you,
my good man,

thank you very much.

Ooh, you're beautiful.

Defendant before the bench.

This is where I
came in, isn't it?

Have you anything to say

before sentence
is passed upon you?

Oh, one question.

What happened to my trial?

It was conducted
in your absence.

Oh, I see.

And what was I charged with?

That you did raise and discharge
your pistol at the plaintiff...

with murderous intent.

And how did I plead?

I entered a plea of guilty
on your behalf.

But it was
self-defense.

That little fellow
fired at me first.

Have you any witnesses
to support your allegation?

No, I'm afraid not.

But surely I'm entitled
to a trial by jury.

You had a jury, Mr. West.

I submit that I'm hardly likely

to receive justice
from such a jury.

On the contrary, you received
as much justice here

as you would in any courtroom
in the land.

You've been
found guilty.

The sentence...

is death.

I was, unfortunately,
absent at my own trial.

I'm not complaining, of course,

but surely I have the right
to address the jury.

Mr. West, a suspicious mind

might almost be tempted
to conclude

that you're just trying
to stall.

Your Honor...

The court apologizes

for its wholly unwarranted
suspicions.

You may proceed.

Members of the jury,
I find it more than fitting

that Mr. Skull is presiding
over my trial for murder

since, in that field,
he is an acknowledged expert.

I'm accused
of the murder of one,

yet he happily admits
to the murder of at least two,

and he will not rest
until he has murdered

the remaining seven members
of the Supreme Court

of the United States.

And after that...

As I was saying,

and after that, Mr. Skull has
even more ambitious plans.

But first, let me review
my own case.

What do you mean
go home and sleep it off?

I'm a citizen, ain't I?

I owe my taxes.

Wait, wait, wait a minute!

This is a free country,
ain't it?

The right of...
Excuse me.

The right of people
peaceably to assemble.

Well, I'm going to assemble
peaceably,

even if I have to fight
everybody in this place for it.

That's telling 'em, fat fella.

Whoo!

Oh! There you are,
Rover old pal.

I'm in need of a refill.

Look, mister, exactly
what do you want?

Wait a minute. Let's get
organized here for a second.

On second thought,

you better make that
three refills,

because it's more effective
when you order them in a series.

That way, you eliminate

the terrible time lag
between drinks.

I'll have a...

Listen!

Everybody be happy!

That's an order.

Ah!

Oh, that's a laugh.

How can I be happy
when I just lost my best pal?

Tough, mister.

Best pal anyone
ever had.

Gone.

Good ol' James West.

Invite me to sit
down, would you?

Oh, sure.
Wilbur, old pal,

I would consider it
an honor and a privilege

if you would sit down
over here and join me.

Would you? Oh.

Listen, mister.
Be smart.

Don't mention your
friend's name around here.

Why, why not?

Because you could get
into a lot of trouble,

that's why not.

Maybe that's exactly
what I'm looking for.

You're not drunk.

That's right.

I'm looking for James West.

Well, good luck.

I need your help.

Stick my neck out for what?

I don't even know you.

Ah, the fairest flower
ever to face the sea.

I don't even know we're
talking about the same Joe.

Describe him.

To begin with,
he tried to take on

the whole North Point
dragger fleet single-handed.

That's my boy, all right.

What happened?

He almost made it.

To the point where he
hotfooted it through there.

The whole fleet hot
on his tail, huh?

I guess the fleet won.

Your friend
never came back.

I think I'll have a little
look-see behind that stage.

That's out of
bounds, mister.

How are you going
to do it?

There are ways, Wilbur.

Well, I, uh,

I certainly want
to thank you.

You've been a very great help,
Miss, uh, uh...

What did you say
your name was?

Wilbur.

Oh, yes.

How could I forget?

Well...

Would you do one
more thing for me?

Slug me.

Huh?

I've gotten fresh.

I've stepped out
of line, see?

Go ahead. Sock me.

Well...

well, la-dee-da-dee-da.

Forgive me,
your Royal Highness.

I'm terribly sorry.

In this dim light,
I didn't recognize

that I was dealing
with the Empress Eugenie.

You're off course, mate.

Well, thank you
very much, my good man.

You have been
simply splendid.

But while I'm up here,

I would like to sing- excuse me- I
would like to sing a little ditty.

Have another drink instead.

Marvelous idea,
but a little ditty first

and then a little drink.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Hey! Hey!

I've got to make
an entrance for this.

Don't go away,
ladies and gentlemen.

I'll be right back.

Mr. West, you've just concluded
your address to the jury.

You mean?

Yes, you've moved
the jury deeply.

But the sentence is still death.

It's one of those days, I guess.

As I was saying, death.

Or as an alternative...

Yes, Mr. Skull?

I love alternatives.

A trial of your skill
and courage

to be passed on
by your peers.

This is Oog,
a cave-dweller.

Neanderthal man against
a highly civilized product

like you, Mr. West.

It ought to be
interesting.

Bravo, Mr. West.

Civilization is vindicated.

But, of course,
you were providentially supplied

with a blade, weren't you?

So much for providence
and its gifts.

Well, Mr. West,
you've won again.

And I think you're entitled
to your reward.

But before the jury deliberates,
aren't you curious

about the face that lies
beneath the buffoon's mask?

Jurors, the defendant
has fought with skill, courage

and distinction.

How say you?

Does he live or die?

I'm sorry, Mr. West,
but your peers have spoken.

The sentence is confirmed.

The execution
to take place immediately.

Mr. West, will you forgive me
if I interrupt for a moment?

Frankly, I was hoping you would.

You see, a Mr. Artemus Gordon,

who happened
to be in the neighborhood,

has just dropped in.

And it's at moments like these
that a dear friend

is always most welcome.

At least, that's what I say.

Friend?

You and your grand strategy.

You said this whole thing
would be a cinch.

My grand strategy?

You were the one

who insisted on this
grandstand play.

Great jumping balls
of St. Elmo's Fire,

what were those things
back there?

Just what they look
like- puppets...

with the brute force
of a steam locomotive.

You mean those things
operate on steam?

A locomotive
is as effective

as the pressure
it builds up.

Hey, that sounds
like a plan.

That's right.

Let's find the main source
of that steam. Come on.

Artemus, what
are you doing?

I'm going to blow it up.

That's the
ocean up there.

Let's keep it
there, huh?

Oh.

There must be
some cutoff valves.

Here they come.

Oh.

Now, Mr. Skull,

you and I...

He's a puppet, too.

Jim?

Please cut me loose.

I'm not a puppet really.

Don't you think
it's about time you told me

what this puppet show's
about, Vivid?

He promised that if I went
through with the masquerade

there would be no killings,
and then,

when you described the murders
he committed

and the others
he was planning, I...

Now wait
a minute.

He? Now who's he?

Certainly not that
thing up there.

Please, go away now
while you still have the chance.

We came here
for a specific reason.

I bet the
answer is up

in that mixed
up chalet

up there.

So we play out
the final scene here.

You're Zachariah
Skull.

Not as personable

as my surrogate
down below, perhaps.

But twice as talented.

You actually
manipulated the puppet

that manipulated all the others.

Very impressive.

Thank you, Mr. Gordon.

No comment from you, Mr. West?

I've always been impressed
by you, Mr. Skull.

Sculptor, engineer,
ventriloquist,

puppeteer...
and murderer.

Yes, I'm a murderer.

Why not? I was murdered
myself once.

Look at me.

Have you ever seen
a likelier corpse?

The comely Zachariah Skull
down below- that was me.

I looked like that.

Until I was pushed
out of a train

traveling at a high rate
of speed.

The record says
you jumped.

The record is
only half correct.

I jumped, yes.

Because I was condemned
by a verdict

that was blind to the truth
to a shameful death

for a murder I never committed.

Oh, you can depend
upon it, Mr. West.

I was pushed.

In addition
to half a hundred broken bones,

I suffered terrible
internal injuries.

Irreparable damage
to my body metabolism.

This bloated thing
that you see before you

is a result of that damage.

I'm sorry for
you, Mr. Skull,

but it doesn't
change things.

Let's go.

You don't believe
you can arrest me, do you?

Look, Mr. Skull,
it's all over.

You've lost.

Yes, I have lost.

But you've lost, too.

You see this web of lines?

They fed life
to my puppets down below

until you cut
off my steam lines.

But I can still bring death
to all of us here.

Like so.

Those are the sea cocks,
gentlemen.

I've just opened them.

The sound you hear is the ocean
rushing in to reclaim its own.

Jim...

if what he says is true,
those boilers-

when the water hits them...

Exactly.

It'll be a marvelous explosion.

And we'll wait for it.

All of us, right here.

Let them go.

No, no.

This is my own personal
Armageddon.

But they're invited.

I said let them go.

And what will you do to me,
Vivid, my dear?

Will you shoot me?

Your own
loving guardian.

The man who
pulled you out

from under the
wheels of a cart.

Who nursed you.

Who mended your broken legs.

Who taught your
limbs to dance.

I won't let
you kill them.

I can't.

Well...

very well, my child.

Since you feel so intensely...

I thought
we'd shut that steam off.

Well, there's still pressure
in the pipes.

I can't
leave him.

Vivid, there's
nothing more

you can do for him.
He's gone.

Come on.

With your permission,
gentlemen,

I'd like to keep this.

A trifle morbid, perhaps.

Oh, of course.

As a reminder, the next time
I see a molehill...

Yours turned out to be quite
a mountain, gentlemen.

My fellow Justices
and I are deeply indebted.

That's very kind
of you, sir.

We do our
best, sir.

Well, Jim, I guess we
better push along, huh?

If there ever is anything
I can do for you personally

or officially, I hope
you'll let me know.

Well, thank you
very much, sir.

Certainly.

Treated like
a fowl, have you?

Then you belong
in a hen house,

not a court
of law.

How dare you talk
to me like that?

I demand justice.

Justice? Then what
are you loitering

around here for?

Beat it,
wisenheimer.

Out, out, out.

The performance
was interrupted

the other day,
but, as you recall,

my grandchildren have
awesome powers of persuasion.

Nonsense.

It's only fair they
see the entire show.

Just one thing.

I hope this time
you checked on the puppeteer.

Certainly.

But look
for yourself.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?

Is that you, Judge?
I asked first.

Court is now
in session.

Did you have to wake me up
to tell me that?

Here's the
first defendant.

Yes, more like it.

What the courtroom needs is more
defendants like this one.

Best-looking criminal
I ever saw.

Well, my dear,

why don't you
take the stand?

Or anything else you'd like.

How come we
never met before?

What's the charge
against this ravishing creature?

She stole my watch.

You're out of order.

Ow, ow!

He's got a hard head,
and it's always butting in.

Not anymore.
Ooh, that thing hurts.

Now, where were
we, my dear?

Where were we?
How about a kiss?

How about a big kiss?

Whoopsie daisy.
Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo!

Hoo! Ooh, ooh!

Ooh!

Oy! This is the end.