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♪ You see a pair of laughing eyes ♪
2
00:00:24,950 --> 00:00:28,726
♪ And suddenly
you're sighing sighs ♪
3
00:00:28,726 --> 00:00:30,453
♪ You're thinking
nothing's wrong ♪
4
00:00:30,454 --> 00:00:32,374
♪ You string along, boy ♪
5
00:00:32,375 --> 00:00:33,592
♪ Then snap! ♪
6
00:00:36,023 --> 00:00:38,102
♪ Those eyes, those sighs ♪
7
00:00:38,103 --> 00:00:41,272
♪ They're part of
the tender trap ♪
8
00:00:43,480 --> 00:00:47,800
♪ You're hand-in-hand
beneath the trees ♪
9
00:00:47,801 --> 00:00:51,895
♪ And soon there's music
in the breeze ♪
10
00:00:51,896 --> 00:00:53,752
♪ You're acting kind of smart ♪
11
00:00:53,753 --> 00:00:57,017
♪ Until your heart
just goes whap! ♪
12
00:00:59,354 --> 00:01:01,304
♪ Those trees, that breeze ♪
13
00:01:01,305 --> 00:01:04,601
♪ They're part of
the tender trap ♪
14
00:01:06,169 --> 00:01:09,752
♪ Some starry night ♪
15
00:01:09,753 --> 00:01:13,913
♪ When her kisses
make you tingle ♪
16
00:01:13,914 --> 00:01:17,273
♪ She'll hold you tight ♪
17
00:01:17,274 --> 00:01:23,034
♪ And you'll hate yourself
for being single ♪
18
00:01:23,035 --> 00:01:26,842
♪ And all at once,
it seems so nice ♪
19
00:01:26,843 --> 00:01:30,779
♪ The folks are throwing
shoes and rice ♪
20
00:01:30,780 --> 00:01:32,187
♪ You hurry to a spot ♪
21
00:01:32,188 --> 00:01:35,805
♪ That's just a dot on the map ♪
22
00:01:37,532 --> 00:01:41,819
♪ And then you wonder
how it all came about ♪
23
00:01:41,820 --> 00:01:46,268
♪ It's too late now,
there's no gettin' out ♪
24
00:01:46,269 --> 00:01:49,084
♪ You fell in love ♪
25
00:01:49,085 --> 00:01:54,974
♪ And love is the tender trap ♪
26
00:01:59,934 --> 00:02:02,687
♪ Bool yab boo Dee boo da ♪
27
00:02:03,743 --> 00:02:06,175
♪ Ba do Ba de boo de boo da ♪
28
00:03:44,806 --> 00:03:47,941
Is that the best
you've got to say?
29
00:03:47,942 --> 00:03:50,311
Mmm...
30
00:03:50,312 --> 00:03:53,895
Hmm. You can do
better than that.
31
00:03:53,895 --> 00:03:56,967
What do you want?
A testimonial?
32
00:03:56,968 --> 00:03:58,694
That'd be nice.
33
00:03:58,695 --> 00:03:59,944
Hmm...
34
00:04:01,448 --> 00:04:03,271
You know, I've been wanting
to tell you something
35
00:04:03,272 --> 00:04:05,544
for months now.
36
00:04:05,545 --> 00:04:07,463
What?
37
00:04:07,464 --> 00:04:10,857
You are the softest girl.
38
00:04:12,265 --> 00:04:14,505
Ha. Gee, thanks.
39
00:04:14,506 --> 00:04:17,928
That's what every
girl wants to hear.
40
00:04:19,689 --> 00:04:21,352
No, I mean it.
41
00:04:21,353 --> 00:04:24,745
You're not flabby
or anything like that.
42
00:04:24,746 --> 00:04:27,754
Just nice and soft.
43
00:04:28,715 --> 00:04:31,210
You know what I mean.
44
00:04:34,731 --> 00:04:37,097
Yes, I see what you mean.
45
00:04:38,762 --> 00:04:40,362
Who is that?
46
00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:42,187
I'll be darned if I know,
47
00:04:42,187 --> 00:04:44,523
but whoever it is,
I don't want any.
48
00:04:46,443 --> 00:04:47,948
Oh...
49
00:04:50,379 --> 00:04:51,979
Maybe I'd better...
50
00:04:51,980 --> 00:04:52,780
Yeah.
51
00:04:52,781 --> 00:04:54,155
I'll just be a minute.
52
00:04:54,156 --> 00:04:56,076
Don't lose the place.
53
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:10,668
Joe!
54
00:05:10,669 --> 00:05:12,205
Charlie!
55
00:05:19,534 --> 00:05:22,189
Well, I'll be!
56
00:05:22,190 --> 00:05:23,662
How are you, Joe?
57
00:05:23,663 --> 00:05:25,038
How's Ethel?
58
00:05:26,062 --> 00:05:27,534
Egads, it's good
to see you, Joe!
59
00:05:27,535 --> 00:05:29,326
How's everything
in Indianapolis?
60
00:05:29,327 --> 00:05:31,821
Hey, how about a drink?
Still Martinis?
61
00:05:31,822 --> 00:05:33,294
Same drink, same wife.
62
00:05:33,295 --> 00:05:34,446
You got it.
63
00:05:34,447 --> 00:05:36,622
Why don't you let a fella
know you're coming, Joe?
64
00:05:36,623 --> 00:05:37,808
Didn't you get my telegram?
65
00:05:37,809 --> 00:05:38,992
Nope. No wire.
66
00:05:38,993 --> 00:05:40,527
That's funny.
I sent one.
67
00:05:40,528 --> 00:05:42,318
Anyway, I'm staying with you.
68
00:05:42,319 --> 00:05:44,560
Good. Welcome aboard, Joe.
69
00:05:44,561 --> 00:05:46,319
Wow! What a water hole.
70
00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:47,503
Yeah.
71
00:05:47,504 --> 00:05:49,328
This is a far cry
from the tree houses
72
00:05:49,329 --> 00:05:52,241
you used to fall out of
as a kid.
73
00:05:52,241 --> 00:05:55,441
Do all theatrical agents
in New York live like this?
74
00:05:55,442 --> 00:05:57,425
How much money
you making, anyhow?
75
00:05:57,426 --> 00:05:59,377
Almost as much as I'm spending.
76
00:05:59,377 --> 00:06:02,480
Hey, how's everything
at the old plant?
77
00:06:02,481 --> 00:06:03,985
The Indiana
pharmaceutical company
78
00:06:03,986 --> 00:06:05,713
seems to be keeping
its head above water.
79
00:06:05,714 --> 00:06:08,337
Good. Well, drink up, Buddy boy.
80
00:06:08,338 --> 00:06:09,297
Joe.
81
00:06:09,298 --> 00:06:10,419
Charlie.
82
00:06:13,682 --> 00:06:16,242
I'm glad to see success
has not changed you.
83
00:06:16,243 --> 00:06:19,283
You still make a lousy Martini.
84
00:06:30,388 --> 00:06:31,442
Get out of there.
85
00:06:31,443 --> 00:06:32,564
Hey, did I ask you how's Ethel?
86
00:06:32,565 --> 00:06:34,580
Ethel? She's ok.
87
00:06:34,581 --> 00:06:36,372
And how about Charlie,
my boy? How's he?
88
00:06:36,373 --> 00:06:38,356
Well, I don't know.
89
00:06:38,357 --> 00:06:39,476
Last week, we were thinking
90
00:06:39,477 --> 00:06:41,812
we shouldn't have
named him after you.
91
00:06:41,813 --> 00:06:42,899
Hmm?
92
00:06:42,900 --> 00:06:44,981
He fell out of a tree house.
93
00:06:44,982 --> 00:06:46,869
Oh, my gosh!
Did he get hurt?
94
00:06:46,870 --> 00:06:48,533
Nah.
Fell on his sister.
95
00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:49,556
Oh, my gosh!
96
00:06:49,557 --> 00:06:50,677
It's all right, Charlie.
97
00:06:50,678 --> 00:06:52,277
It was a very low tree house.
98
00:06:52,278 --> 00:06:55,669
Good. What are you doing
in New York? Business?
99
00:06:55,670 --> 00:06:58,678
Well, not really.
I've left Ethel.
100
00:06:58,679 --> 00:06:59,989
You what?!
101
00:06:59,990 --> 00:07:01,430
You left Ethel!
102
00:07:01,431 --> 00:07:03,541
Joe, you can't be serious!
103
00:07:03,542 --> 00:07:04,406
Hello.
104
00:07:04,407 --> 00:07:05,782
You mean you walked out on her?
105
00:07:05,783 --> 00:07:06,965
Hello.
106
00:07:06,966 --> 00:07:08,342
You left the mother
of your children?
107
00:07:08,343 --> 00:07:09,814
The woman who gave you
the best years of her life?
108
00:07:09,815 --> 00:07:11,063
Sweetie!
Hmm?
109
00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:13,271
I'm sorry to interrupt,
but it's almost 6:00.
110
00:07:13,272 --> 00:07:15,511
It is? Oh, gee, that's a shame.
111
00:07:15,511 --> 00:07:18,263
Oh... Poppy Matson, Joe McCall.
112
00:07:18,264 --> 00:07:19,223
How do you do?
113
00:07:19,224 --> 00:07:20,568
How do you do?
114
00:07:20,569 --> 00:07:21,783
Thanks for dropping by.
115
00:07:21,784 --> 00:07:23,767
Well, I'll just tidy up
a little before I--
116
00:07:23,768 --> 00:07:25,047
No, you don't have
to do that, honey.
117
00:07:25,048 --> 00:07:26,264
I'll take care of it myself.
118
00:07:26,265 --> 00:07:27,256
Don't you want me
to empty the ashtrays?
119
00:07:27,257 --> 00:07:28,664
No. I'll take care of it,
120
00:07:28,665 --> 00:07:30,136
and I'll give you
a bell real soon.
Tomorrow?
121
00:07:30,137 --> 00:07:31,129
No, not tomorrow, but real soon.
122
00:07:31,130 --> 00:07:32,153
You promise.
I will.
123
00:07:32,154 --> 00:07:33,113
On the telephone.
124
00:07:33,114 --> 00:07:34,265
Soon?
Yes, very soon.
125
00:07:34,266 --> 00:07:35,097
Bye.
126
00:07:35,098 --> 00:07:36,761
Oh, Charlie, did I tell you?
127
00:07:36,762 --> 00:07:38,073
My uncle caught the whitefish.
128
00:07:38,074 --> 00:07:39,641
What?
Don't you remember?
129
00:07:39,642 --> 00:07:41,625
You told me how much
you loved whitefish.
130
00:07:41,626 --> 00:07:42,712
He's sending one down.
131
00:07:42,713 --> 00:07:43,993
Oh, yes. Good, good.
132
00:07:43,994 --> 00:07:45,786
I'll call you just
as soon as it arrives.
133
00:07:45,787 --> 00:07:46,778
You do that.
134
00:07:46,779 --> 00:07:48,089
And we'll have
a wonderful dinner
135
00:07:48,090 --> 00:07:49,721
with burgundy and candlelight,
136
00:07:49,722 --> 00:07:53,721
a damask tablecloth,
and lemons...
137
00:07:53,722 --> 00:07:55,228
I can hardly wait.
138
00:07:59,548 --> 00:08:00,666
Bye.
139
00:08:00,667 --> 00:08:01,915
Bye.
140
00:08:05,852 --> 00:08:08,508
Where the Sam hill
did she come from?
141
00:08:08,509 --> 00:08:09,915
Never mind.
142
00:08:09,916 --> 00:08:13,020
Now, what is all this stuff
about you leaving Ethel?
143
00:08:13,020 --> 00:08:14,524
Ethel? Oh, I left her.
144
00:08:14,525 --> 00:08:15,931
Charlie, that gorgeous girl...
145
00:08:15,932 --> 00:08:16,987
Are there any more like her?
146
00:08:16,988 --> 00:08:18,236
Forget the gorgeous girl, Joe,
147
00:08:18,236 --> 00:08:20,604
and let's settle down
and discuss this thing.
148
00:08:20,605 --> 00:08:22,205
Why did you leave Ethel?
149
00:08:22,206 --> 00:08:24,061
Oh, that was her suggestion.
150
00:08:24,062 --> 00:08:25,788
It was nothing like you think.
151
00:08:25,789 --> 00:08:27,197
Really?
152
00:08:27,198 --> 00:08:29,021
What is it like, Joe?
153
00:08:29,022 --> 00:08:30,429
What's it like?
154
00:08:30,430 --> 00:08:31,327
Mmm.
155
00:08:31,328 --> 00:08:33,116
Well, it's like this.
156
00:08:33,117 --> 00:08:35,774
Last week, we celebrated
our 11th anniversary.
157
00:08:35,775 --> 00:08:38,173
Oh, did you get my silver tray?
158
00:08:38,174 --> 00:08:40,510
We got 7 silver trays.
But thanks.
159
00:08:40,511 --> 00:08:41,439
Oh.
160
00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:42,526
Anyway, after everyone had gone,
161
00:08:42,527 --> 00:08:43,742
Ethel and I looked
at each other,
162
00:08:43,743 --> 00:08:44,829
and Ethel said,
163
00:08:44,830 --> 00:08:47,294
"Joe, I love you
very, very much.
164
00:08:47,295 --> 00:08:48,959
Why don't we take a vacation
from each other?"
165
00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:51,648
So I said, "well, there's a
little business in New York
166
00:08:51,649 --> 00:08:52,767
I could take care of."
167
00:08:52,768 --> 00:08:54,528
She said, "you do that.
168
00:08:54,529 --> 00:08:56,704
"See some shows, sponge
off old Charlie...
169
00:08:56,705 --> 00:08:58,559
"And then you come
running back here
170
00:08:58,560 --> 00:08:59,903
"and chase me all over the house
171
00:08:59,904 --> 00:09:01,055
the way you used to."
172
00:09:01,056 --> 00:09:02,624
So...
173
00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:03,647
Doggone!
174
00:09:03,648 --> 00:09:05,601
I told you that Ethel
was a smart girl.
175
00:09:05,602 --> 00:09:06,720
We'll drink to her.
176
00:09:06,721 --> 00:09:07,969
Charlie.
Joe.
177
00:09:07,970 --> 00:09:08,928
Ethel.
178
00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:16,320
Hiya, honey.
179
00:09:16,321 --> 00:09:17,633
Oh, hiya, Jessica.
180
00:09:17,634 --> 00:09:19,393
I'm a little busy right now. I--
181
00:09:19,394 --> 00:09:20,962
Oh, that's all right, darling.
182
00:09:20,962 --> 00:09:23,074
I just happened to be down
at the Washington market today,
183
00:09:23,074 --> 00:09:24,257
and I ran right smack into
184
00:09:24,258 --> 00:09:25,762
this wonderful,
real Wisconsin Colby,
185
00:09:25,763 --> 00:09:28,291
and I knew you like it
better than any other cheese,
186
00:09:28,291 --> 00:09:29,922
and so here it is.
187
00:09:29,923 --> 00:09:32,003
I got a friend
down at the market
188
00:09:32,004 --> 00:09:33,283
who's going to alert me
189
00:09:33,284 --> 00:09:35,043
the very minute
the first apples appear,
190
00:09:35,044 --> 00:09:39,587
and I'm keeping you in mind
for a whole bushel of--
191
00:09:39,588 --> 00:09:42,787
Well, how can you live
in a place that looks like this?
192
00:09:42,788 --> 00:09:45,539
Jessica, this is Joe McCall.
Jessica Collins.
193
00:09:45,540 --> 00:09:47,171
How do you do, Mr. McCall?
194
00:09:47,172 --> 00:09:49,987
Have you ever seen anyone
keep a place in such disorder?
195
00:09:49,988 --> 00:09:52,644
Why, I don't know what
Mr. McCall will think.
196
00:09:52,645 --> 00:09:54,980
Oh, now, you two go on
about your business,
197
00:09:54,981 --> 00:09:56,293
and don't you pay me no mind,
198
00:09:56,293 --> 00:09:59,780
and I'll have this place
at least looking tidy.
199
00:09:59,781 --> 00:10:01,732
Well, my goodness,
here's a telegram...
200
00:10:01,733 --> 00:10:04,037
And it hasn't even
been opened yet.
201
00:10:04,038 --> 00:10:06,533
Somebody may have died
or something.
202
00:10:06,534 --> 00:10:08,453
Now, what this place
needs is a real thorough,
203
00:10:08,454 --> 00:10:09,861
old-fashioned housecleaning.
204
00:10:09,862 --> 00:10:12,678
A lick and a promise
won't do. No, sir.
205
00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:13,575
Thank you.
206
00:10:13,576 --> 00:10:15,398
Now, have you seen those drapes?
207
00:10:15,399 --> 00:10:16,613
Well, those drapes need
208
00:10:16,614 --> 00:10:18,790
a real thorough,
old-fashioned flogging,
209
00:10:18,791 --> 00:10:20,422
and I'm going to do it--
210
00:10:20,423 --> 00:10:23,911
And that couch.
211
00:10:23,911 --> 00:10:26,311
What have you been doing
on that couch?
212
00:10:30,408 --> 00:10:31,528
Uh, Jessica,
213
00:10:31,529 --> 00:10:32,776
I appreciate what
you're doing, honey,
214
00:10:32,777 --> 00:10:34,375
but not now...
Some other time.
215
00:10:34,376 --> 00:10:35,656
Oh, you always say that.
216
00:10:35,657 --> 00:10:37,191
No, really, I'll
call you very soon.
217
00:10:37,192 --> 00:10:38,695
Don't forget, now, hear?
218
00:10:38,696 --> 00:10:39,719
I hear.
219
00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:40,679
Promise?
220
00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:41,640
I promise.
221
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,496
Good-bye, Mr. McCall.
222
00:10:46,218 --> 00:10:47,529
Mmm...
223
00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:53,352
Mmm... Tiger.
224
00:10:55,017 --> 00:10:56,360
Bye.
225
00:10:56,361 --> 00:10:57,834
Bye.
226
00:10:59,306 --> 00:11:00,650
Where am I?
227
00:11:00,651 --> 00:11:02,793
Where do all these
tomatoes come from?
228
00:11:02,794 --> 00:11:05,194
Tomatoes?
229
00:11:05,195 --> 00:11:07,242
How dare you call
these girls tomatoes?
230
00:11:07,243 --> 00:11:09,450
For your information,
Mr. McCall,
231
00:11:09,451 --> 00:11:11,338
poppy is an important
editor at Doubleday,
232
00:11:11,339 --> 00:11:13,195
and Jessica happens
to be the buyer
233
00:11:13,196 --> 00:11:15,370
for the largest chain
of women's stores
234
00:11:15,371 --> 00:11:16,490
in the south.
235
00:11:16,491 --> 00:11:18,026
Tomatoes, indeed!
236
00:11:21,388 --> 00:11:24,267
Charlie, I'd like
to ask you something.
237
00:11:24,268 --> 00:11:26,315
Hey, how about this?
My friend Joe McCall
238
00:11:26,316 --> 00:11:27,531
is coming to spend a couple
of weeks with me.
239
00:11:27,532 --> 00:11:29,388
I got to shave.
I got a date.
240
00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:31,883
Tomatoes or no tomatoes,
tell me one thing:
241
00:11:31,884 --> 00:11:34,092
How come you rate
with girls like that?
242
00:11:34,093 --> 00:11:37,485
Because I'm big
and strong and fat.
243
00:11:37,486 --> 00:11:38,734
And don't think you're gonna
244
00:11:38,735 --> 00:11:39,821
beat my time with them,
245
00:11:39,822 --> 00:11:41,581
the way you did all the others.
246
00:11:41,582 --> 00:11:44,269
Charlie, you're 35 years old.
247
00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:46,285
You're not still brooding
about the junior prom,
248
00:11:46,286 --> 00:11:47,181
are you?
249
00:11:47,182 --> 00:11:48,301
You're darn right, I am.
250
00:11:48,302 --> 00:11:49,773
300 girls in a line,
251
00:11:49,774 --> 00:11:51,726
and right at
the head of the line
252
00:11:51,727 --> 00:11:54,925
is this lovely, sweet,
absolute doll of a girl
253
00:11:54,926 --> 00:11:56,046
smiling right at me.
254
00:11:56,047 --> 00:11:57,293
All I've got to do
255
00:11:57,294 --> 00:11:59,246
is take 3 simple paces
forward and say,
256
00:11:59,247 --> 00:12:01,294
"may I have the pleasure
of this dance?"
257
00:12:01,295 --> 00:12:04,398
Not me. Way down
at the end of the line,
258
00:12:04,399 --> 00:12:05,870
I spot this tall job--
259
00:12:05,871 --> 00:12:08,207
The goofy one with the hot eyes.
260
00:12:08,208 --> 00:12:10,735
And even from where I stand,
I know this is trouble.
261
00:12:10,736 --> 00:12:13,231
So what do I do?
Of course...
262
00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:15,151
I cut my way through
a half-mile of organdy
263
00:12:15,152 --> 00:12:18,032
while you take the 3
simple paces forward.
264
00:12:18,033 --> 00:12:19,249
You get Ethel,
265
00:12:19,250 --> 00:12:21,200
and I get slapped
with a paternity suit.
266
00:12:21,201 --> 00:12:23,056
At least they cleared you.
267
00:12:23,057 --> 00:12:24,241
Why shouldn't they?
268
00:12:24,242 --> 00:12:26,192
I never even laid
a glove on her.
269
00:12:26,193 --> 00:12:27,824
That's what Ethel said.
From the beginning,
270
00:12:27,825 --> 00:12:30,384
Ethel said, "Charlie
couldn't have done it."
271
00:12:30,385 --> 00:12:31,600
That's right.
272
00:12:31,601 --> 00:12:34,129
"He hasn't got the know-how."
273
00:12:39,058 --> 00:12:40,593
Hello?
274
00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:42,099
Oh, hi, honey.
275
00:12:42,100 --> 00:12:43,986
No, I can't tonight.
276
00:12:43,987 --> 00:12:45,617
No, not tomorrow night, either.
277
00:12:45,618 --> 00:12:48,402
No, no, no. The place
is very clean. Yeah.
278
00:12:48,403 --> 00:12:49,714
Thanks for calling.
279
00:12:49,715 --> 00:12:52,498
Yeah. Ok. I'll get
back to you. Bye.
280
00:12:55,379 --> 00:12:57,171
Boy, what have you got?
281
00:12:57,172 --> 00:12:59,315
It's not what I've got, Joe,
282
00:12:59,316 --> 00:13:01,971
it's what I haven't got--
A wife.
283
00:13:01,972 --> 00:13:03,155
A wife?
284
00:13:03,156 --> 00:13:04,787
Mm-hmm. When I first
came to New York,
285
00:13:04,788 --> 00:13:06,995
I figured it would be
just like back home.
286
00:13:06,996 --> 00:13:09,204
You know, meet a girl,
take her to the movie,
287
00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:10,740
send her some candy
and flowers...
288
00:13:10,741 --> 00:13:12,276
Romance her a little bit.
289
00:13:12,277 --> 00:13:13,620
Well?
290
00:13:13,621 --> 00:13:15,317
Not the way it works
in New York.
291
00:13:15,318 --> 00:13:16,916
They got a kind of
an underground here.
292
00:13:16,917 --> 00:13:18,805
Soon as a bachelor
sets foot in this town,
293
00:13:18,806 --> 00:13:20,181
the signals go out,
294
00:13:20,182 --> 00:13:21,685
and even before you get
your bag unpacked,
295
00:13:21,686 --> 00:13:23,990
you're up to there in dames.
296
00:13:23,990 --> 00:13:26,709
Look, it's wonderful.
A plain joker like me...
297
00:13:26,710 --> 00:13:29,526
I've got dames I haven't
even called yet.
298
00:13:29,527 --> 00:13:32,437
And it goes on
like this all the time?
299
00:13:32,438 --> 00:13:33,429
All the time.
300
00:13:33,430 --> 00:13:35,478
And all you got
to be is a bachelor?
301
00:13:35,479 --> 00:13:36,535
Mm-hmm.
302
00:13:36,535 --> 00:13:37,879
Pal, you really got it taped.
303
00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:39,127
Mm-mmm. Not me.
It's New York, Joe.
304
00:13:39,128 --> 00:13:41,205
City's teeming with dames.
305
00:13:41,206 --> 00:13:42,550
To tell you the truth,
every once in a while,
306
00:13:42,551 --> 00:13:45,175
I get a little bored with it.
307
00:13:45,176 --> 00:13:47,063
Oh, I feel for you, pal.
308
00:13:47,064 --> 00:13:48,632
You know what I mean.
309
00:13:48,633 --> 00:13:50,584
Sure, it's fun,
but let's face it--
310
00:13:50,585 --> 00:13:52,663
You're the guy
who's got it taped.
311
00:13:52,664 --> 00:13:54,200
Me?
Mm-hmm.
312
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:55,992
I would be happy to
trade this rat race
313
00:13:55,993 --> 00:13:58,104
for your setup in 2 seconds.
314
00:13:58,105 --> 00:14:01,688
You come home in the evening
to a pretty little house.
315
00:14:01,689 --> 00:14:04,440
3 kids run down the path
yelling, "daddy!"
316
00:14:04,441 --> 00:14:05,625
You go inside,
317
00:14:05,626 --> 00:14:07,896
and there's Ethel
in a cute little apron.
318
00:14:07,897 --> 00:14:09,369
She throws her arms
around your neck
319
00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:11,482
and gives you
a big smack and says--
320
00:14:11,483 --> 00:14:13,561
"Joe, we got to have
wall-to-wall carpeting."
321
00:14:13,562 --> 00:14:15,577
Oh, now, don't go
knocking Ethel to me.
322
00:14:15,578 --> 00:14:18,009
I'm not knocking her.
If it weren't for Ethel,
323
00:14:18,010 --> 00:14:20,314
we wouldn't have
wall-to-wall carpeting.
324
00:14:20,315 --> 00:14:22,490
Can you imagine that?
People would be able
325
00:14:22,491 --> 00:14:25,306
to see the floor around
the edge of the rug.
326
00:14:25,307 --> 00:14:27,162
Incidentally, the kids
don't run down the path
327
00:14:27,163 --> 00:14:28,506
to greet me when
I come home at night.
328
00:14:28,507 --> 00:14:29,978
They're too tired.
329
00:14:29,979 --> 00:14:31,515
After a day of dancing lessons
330
00:14:31,516 --> 00:14:33,115
and fencing lessons,
331
00:14:33,116 --> 00:14:36,444
elocution lessons,
eurhythmic lessons...
332
00:14:36,445 --> 00:14:37,532
Dramatic lessons,
333
00:14:37,533 --> 00:14:38,939
finger-painting lessons...
334
00:14:38,940 --> 00:14:40,795
As a matter of fact,
335
00:14:40,796 --> 00:14:42,140
Ethel isn't home, either.
336
00:14:42,141 --> 00:14:45,660
The dog is taking her
to obedience school.
337
00:14:45,661 --> 00:14:46,684
Oh, come on, Joe.
338
00:14:46,685 --> 00:14:48,060
It can't always be like that.
339
00:14:48,061 --> 00:14:50,845
No. No, it isn't
always like that.
340
00:14:50,846 --> 00:14:53,532
Sometimes at night after
the kids are asleep,
341
00:14:53,533 --> 00:14:55,517
it's nice and quiet...
342
00:14:55,518 --> 00:14:57,886
Just the two of us alone.
343
00:14:58,911 --> 00:15:02,462
I start a fire in the fireplace,
344
00:15:02,462 --> 00:15:05,278
Ethel gets the good Brandy out.
345
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:08,127
We push a couple of
chairs together.
346
00:15:08,127 --> 00:15:11,903
I squeeze her hand,
she squeezes mine.
347
00:15:11,903 --> 00:15:14,430
"Honey," I say.
348
00:15:14,431 --> 00:15:16,639
"Darling," she says,
349
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:18,079
"don't you think it's time
350
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:20,959
Peter had braces on his teeth?"
351
00:15:21,952 --> 00:15:23,679
One stinking kid
left in the house
352
00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:26,304
without braces,
she can't stand it.
353
00:15:26,305 --> 00:15:28,000
I'm not even listening to you.
354
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,559
I can't believe that Ethel--
Little starry-eyed Ethel--
355
00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:33,089
With that angel smile
and the cutest little figure
356
00:15:33,090 --> 00:15:35,231
in the entire middle-west...
357
00:15:35,232 --> 00:15:36,897
Is it still?
358
00:15:37,986 --> 00:15:40,000
Yep.
359
00:15:40,001 --> 00:15:43,169
Don't tell me that doesn't
please you anymore, Buddy.
360
00:15:43,170 --> 00:15:44,481
It delights me.
361
00:15:44,482 --> 00:15:46,049
After all, married 11 years...
362
00:15:46,050 --> 00:15:48,321
I never even looked
at another woman.
363
00:15:48,322 --> 00:15:49,985
Are you thinking of looking now?
364
00:15:49,986 --> 00:15:51,361
Certainly not. Why?
365
00:15:51,362 --> 00:15:53,410
Well, when guys start telling me
366
00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:54,881
how many years they didn't,
367
00:15:54,882 --> 00:15:57,122
I figure they're
about ready to do.
368
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,947
And no matter what you say,
369
00:15:58,948 --> 00:16:01,346
I'll bet you were plenty
happy with your setup
370
00:16:01,347 --> 00:16:04,194
until you came in here and
saw what I've fallen into.
371
00:16:04,195 --> 00:16:08,866
Maybe you're right, pal.
After all, 11 years...
372
00:16:08,867 --> 00:16:11,427
Yeah.
11 wonderful years.
373
00:16:11,428 --> 00:16:13,858
And don't forget that. Uh-oh!
374
00:16:13,859 --> 00:16:16,484
What's the matter?
Night shift coming on?
375
00:16:16,485 --> 00:16:18,947
No, no. She isn't
just one of the girls.
376
00:16:18,948 --> 00:16:20,260
This is something special.
377
00:16:20,261 --> 00:16:23,013
What's she got?
Her own vacuum cleaner?
378
00:16:23,014 --> 00:16:24,933
No. This one hardly
cleans up at all,
379
00:16:24,934 --> 00:16:26,757
although she does
straighten up a little.
380
00:16:26,758 --> 00:16:28,580
I see.
What is it with her?
381
00:16:28,581 --> 00:16:30,021
Oh, she's really special.
382
00:16:30,022 --> 00:16:32,645
You know she used to play
with Stokowski?
383
00:16:32,646 --> 00:16:35,301
You mean his children?
How old is she, anyway?
384
00:16:35,302 --> 00:16:36,550
Oh, shut up.
385
00:16:36,551 --> 00:16:39,686
You'll see Sylvia in a--
Ah, here we come now.
386
00:16:47,976 --> 00:16:50,629
Which one of the
gentlemen is Sylvia?
387
00:16:50,630 --> 00:16:53,287
Oh, have you got
a surprise coming.
388
00:17:00,744 --> 00:17:04,135
Sylvia, this is Joe McCall.
Joe, this is miss Crewes.
389
00:17:04,136 --> 00:17:05,608
Honored, miss Crewes.
390
00:17:08,968 --> 00:17:10,855
Poor dear. She can
hardly wait to get here.
391
00:17:10,856 --> 00:17:13,192
I guess I'd better hurry.
392
00:17:13,193 --> 00:17:15,785
It doesn't take Sylvia very long
to get over here from NBC.
393
00:17:19,401 --> 00:17:20,424
What did they do,
394
00:17:20,425 --> 00:17:22,312
shoot her out of the Cannon?
395
00:17:26,186 --> 00:17:27,338
Oh, hello.
396
00:17:27,339 --> 00:17:28,936
Where's the dog?
397
00:17:28,937 --> 00:17:30,665
He's in the kitchen.
398
00:17:30,666 --> 00:17:32,107
I know.
399
00:17:38,860 --> 00:17:40,426
Hey, hey...
400
00:17:40,427 --> 00:17:42,699
Who's she?
401
00:17:42,700 --> 00:17:44,619
I'm sorry, I can't
introduce you, Joe.
402
00:17:44,620 --> 00:17:45,771
I forget her last name.
403
00:17:45,772 --> 00:17:47,915
It's Helen something-or-other.
404
00:17:51,180 --> 00:17:53,803
I'll take good care
of Joe. Come on.
405
00:17:53,804 --> 00:17:55,277
Thank you.
406
00:17:57,260 --> 00:18:00,460
You named the dog
after me. I'm touched.
407
00:18:00,461 --> 00:18:02,636
She comes in and
walks him twice a day.
408
00:18:02,637 --> 00:18:03,853
One of these nights
409
00:18:03,854 --> 00:18:05,516
I'm going to have to
take her to dinner.
410
00:18:05,517 --> 00:18:07,630
That'd be nice of you, sultan.
411
00:18:16,303 --> 00:18:17,901
Evening, miss Crewes.
412
00:18:17,902 --> 00:18:19,375
Hello, George.
413
00:18:25,678 --> 00:18:27,565
All moved in, Mr. Loughran?
414
00:18:27,566 --> 00:18:29,647
Yes, yes... Everything
except the piano
415
00:18:29,648 --> 00:18:31,664
and a couple of end tables.
416
00:18:44,049 --> 00:18:45,201
I got it.
417
00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:50,448
Hi, baby.
418
00:18:52,273 --> 00:18:53,808
This is a tuxedo?
419
00:18:53,809 --> 00:18:56,112
Well, we were just
unpacking, and--
420
00:18:56,113 --> 00:18:57,745
Bye.
421
00:18:59,570 --> 00:19:01,330
This one is different.
422
00:19:01,331 --> 00:19:02,579
She'll be back.
423
00:19:05,139 --> 00:19:07,474
He tell you I'd be back?
424
00:19:07,475 --> 00:19:08,753
Well...
425
00:19:08,754 --> 00:19:10,131
Yes.
426
00:19:10,931 --> 00:19:12,497
What's your name?
427
00:19:12,498 --> 00:19:13,745
McCall.
428
00:19:13,746 --> 00:19:16,082
Do you have a tuxedo,
Mr. McCall?
429
00:19:16,083 --> 00:19:18,900
Uh... Well, as a matter
of fact, I don't.
430
00:19:20,052 --> 00:19:22,355
Go and change, boy.
431
00:19:22,356 --> 00:19:24,788
5 minutes, so help me.
432
00:19:26,196 --> 00:19:29,299
Can I fix you a drink,
Mr. McCall?
433
00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:31,251
Please allow me.
434
00:19:31,252 --> 00:19:33,108
Well, I've never
heard such gallantry
435
00:19:33,109 --> 00:19:34,739
in this apartment.
436
00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:35,699
Scotch?
437
00:19:35,700 --> 00:19:36,789
Fine.
438
00:19:37,717 --> 00:19:39,507
No tuxedo, hmm?
439
00:19:39,508 --> 00:19:41,877
Tell me... You got a blue suit?
440
00:19:41,878 --> 00:19:44,693
Yes. There's one
right there on top. See?
441
00:19:46,357 --> 00:19:47,701
I see.
442
00:19:47,702 --> 00:19:48,885
Water?
443
00:19:48,886 --> 00:19:50,581
Please.
444
00:19:50,582 --> 00:19:54,293
Oh, that's the wife and kids.
445
00:19:54,294 --> 00:19:57,430
Oh... You're Joe McCall!
446
00:19:57,431 --> 00:19:59,414
I'm Sylvia Crewes.
447
00:19:59,415 --> 00:20:00,758
Hello.
448
00:20:00,759 --> 00:20:02,070
Thank you.
449
00:20:02,071 --> 00:20:03,318
Uh, that dressing gown
450
00:20:03,319 --> 00:20:05,174
that Charlie sent Ethel
last Christmas...
451
00:20:05,175 --> 00:20:06,485
Did it fit?
452
00:20:06,486 --> 00:20:07,702
You bought that.
453
00:20:07,703 --> 00:20:09,975
I didn't think Charlie
had that much taste.
454
00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:11,703
Which one's Peter?
455
00:20:11,704 --> 00:20:13,751
The one without the braces.
456
00:20:13,752 --> 00:20:18,264
Of course, that was
taken 6 months ago.
457
00:20:18,265 --> 00:20:21,144
You know, Charlie makes
very good use of your family
458
00:20:21,145 --> 00:20:22,775
in his courtship.
459
00:20:22,776 --> 00:20:24,376
I use the term loosely.
460
00:20:24,377 --> 00:20:25,720
How do you mean?
461
00:20:25,721 --> 00:20:28,632
Well, whenever he gets
a little misty,
462
00:20:28,633 --> 00:20:30,745
he starts telling big lies
about how one day
463
00:20:30,746 --> 00:20:34,617
he'd like a nice little house
and a nice little wife
464
00:20:34,618 --> 00:20:38,425
and nice little kids,
just like good old Joe.
465
00:20:38,426 --> 00:20:39,449
Did it ever occur to you
466
00:20:39,450 --> 00:20:41,657
that he might not be lying?
467
00:20:41,658 --> 00:20:43,801
Mr. McCall, if it hadn't
occurred to me,
468
00:20:43,802 --> 00:20:46,777
I wouldn't be here.
469
00:20:46,778 --> 00:20:48,634
45 seconds!
470
00:20:48,634 --> 00:20:50,713
I'll be right there.
471
00:20:50,714 --> 00:20:52,283
You better be.
472
00:20:54,844 --> 00:20:57,018
Oh, I saw you on television
473
00:20:57,019 --> 00:20:58,042
a little while ago.
474
00:20:58,043 --> 00:21:00,795
Did you? Well, that's
very sweet of you,
475
00:21:00,796 --> 00:21:03,994
considering that range rider
was on the rival network.
476
00:21:03,995 --> 00:21:05,595
I don't quite understand it.
477
00:21:05,596 --> 00:21:08,283
You're a musician
with an NBC orchestra.
478
00:21:08,284 --> 00:21:11,036
How'd you get together
with old tin ear Charlie?
479
00:21:11,037 --> 00:21:13,276
Oh, he's not such a tin ear.
480
00:21:13,276 --> 00:21:16,316
I've been working on him.
He's making fine progress.
481
00:21:16,317 --> 00:21:17,724
Charlie?
482
00:21:17,725 --> 00:21:19,005
Mmm. He just loves
Peter and the wolf.
483
00:21:19,006 --> 00:21:20,284
Listen.
484
00:21:27,613 --> 00:21:30,559
See? That wasn't easy for him.
485
00:21:31,838 --> 00:21:33,565
You know, Charlie tells me
486
00:21:33,566 --> 00:21:36,637
that you go all the way back
to fourth grade together.
487
00:21:36,638 --> 00:21:37,822
Yeah.
Further than that.
488
00:21:37,823 --> 00:21:39,134
Kindergarten.
489
00:21:39,135 --> 00:21:40,158
Oh?
490
00:21:41,438 --> 00:21:43,679
What was he like then?
491
00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:45,663
Mmm... Little.
492
00:21:45,664 --> 00:21:48,863
What did you do
when you were a kid?
493
00:21:48,864 --> 00:21:50,270
Like when?
494
00:21:50,271 --> 00:21:51,903
Oh... 5 to 10?
495
00:21:51,904 --> 00:21:53,184
Played the fiddle.
496
00:21:53,185 --> 00:21:54,143
10 to 20?
497
00:21:54,144 --> 00:21:55,423
Played the fiddle.
498
00:21:55,424 --> 00:21:56,415
20 to...
499
00:21:56,416 --> 00:21:57,599
Say it.
500
00:21:57,600 --> 00:21:58,783
28?
501
00:21:58,784 --> 00:22:01,184
Thank you very much.
Played the fiddle.
502
00:22:01,185 --> 00:22:03,745
And I guess I'll just keep on
fiddling until I die
503
00:22:03,746 --> 00:22:06,463
or get married,
whichever comes first.
504
00:22:08,193 --> 00:22:09,601
And there you are.
505
00:22:09,602 --> 00:22:11,617
My, but don't you look pretty.
506
00:22:11,618 --> 00:22:13,569
I'd ask you to go with us, Joe,
507
00:22:13,570 --> 00:22:14,753
but I don't want you.
508
00:22:14,754 --> 00:22:15,904
I don't blame you.
509
00:22:15,905 --> 00:22:16,993
If you get tired,
510
00:22:16,994 --> 00:22:18,145
that thing makes up into a bed,
511
00:22:18,146 --> 00:22:19,425
and if you can't sleep,
512
00:22:19,426 --> 00:22:21,473
there's some Seconal
in the medicine cabinet.
513
00:22:21,474 --> 00:22:22,721
If you have trouble
staying awake,
514
00:22:22,722 --> 00:22:24,002
there's some Benzedrine
in there.
515
00:22:24,003 --> 00:22:25,601
If you can't make up your mind,
516
00:22:25,602 --> 00:22:27,650
take one of each.
517
00:22:27,651 --> 00:22:29,890
Oh... If you get hungry,
518
00:22:29,891 --> 00:22:32,868
there's a nice new cheese
in the refrigerator.
519
00:22:34,403 --> 00:22:37,026
That's for getting
ready so quick.
520
00:22:37,027 --> 00:22:39,587
Whoever had it so good?
521
00:22:39,588 --> 00:22:40,835
Not me.
522
00:22:40,836 --> 00:22:43,458
Don't wait up for me. Bye.
523
00:22:43,459 --> 00:22:44,802
Night.
524
00:23:31,751 --> 00:23:32,711
Oh.
525
00:23:32,712 --> 00:23:33,831
Thank you.
526
00:23:33,831 --> 00:23:34,952
Hello... Helen.
527
00:23:34,953 --> 00:23:36,359
I'm sorry I don't know
your last name.
528
00:23:36,360 --> 00:23:37,767
Charlie forgot to introduce us,
529
00:23:37,768 --> 00:23:39,912
but I'm his best friend.
530
00:23:39,913 --> 00:23:43,144
As a matter of fact,
he's named after me.
531
00:23:43,145 --> 00:23:45,383
Joe McCall's my name.
532
00:23:45,384 --> 00:23:47,048
Hiya, namesake.
533
00:23:47,049 --> 00:23:48,489
In your bed, Joe.
534
00:23:48,490 --> 00:23:50,153
What's your hurry?
535
00:23:50,153 --> 00:23:51,561
Let's have a drink.
536
00:23:51,562 --> 00:23:53,801
No, thanks. I have
dinner on the stove.
537
00:23:53,802 --> 00:23:56,521
Well, let it stay.
We'll go out for dinner.
538
00:23:56,522 --> 00:23:57,514
No, thanks.
539
00:23:57,515 --> 00:23:58,378
Why not?
540
00:23:58,379 --> 00:24:01,962
Mr. McCall,
you're a married man.
541
00:24:01,963 --> 00:24:03,755
Oh, Charlie told you, huh?
542
00:24:03,756 --> 00:24:06,698
Well, as a matter
of fact, he didn't.
543
00:24:06,699 --> 00:24:09,547
You mean you could tell
just by looking at me?
544
00:24:09,548 --> 00:24:10,987
Of course.
Good night.
545
00:24:28,109 --> 00:24:30,924
I wouldn't know...
Is he any good?
546
00:24:30,925 --> 00:24:34,380
He can't be. He's not
one of our clients.
547
00:24:39,021 --> 00:24:41,421
Thank you very much.
Who's next?
548
00:24:41,422 --> 00:24:44,302
A miss Gillis.
Miss Gillis, please!
549
00:24:44,303 --> 00:24:45,389
Watch this kid, Charlie.
550
00:24:45,390 --> 00:24:47,502
The office signed her last week.
551
00:24:53,326 --> 00:24:54,958
All right, miss Gillis.
552
00:24:54,959 --> 00:24:56,110
Now, do you mind
telling us something
553
00:24:56,111 --> 00:24:57,230
about yourself...
554
00:24:57,231 --> 00:24:58,446
You know, your background,
555
00:24:58,447 --> 00:25:00,687
theatrical experience,
and so forth.
556
00:25:00,688 --> 00:25:02,639
Don't be nervous, miss Gillis.
557
00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:05,102
Well, I'm not at all nervous.
558
00:25:05,103 --> 00:25:06,383
My name is Julie Gillis,
559
00:25:06,384 --> 00:25:08,047
and I was born right here
in New York City.
560
00:25:08,048 --> 00:25:09,455
I'm 22 years old.
561
00:25:09,456 --> 00:25:11,823
That is, I was 21 1/2
a week ago Wednesday,
562
00:25:11,824 --> 00:25:13,679
but as soon as I pass
the halfway mark,
563
00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:15,120
I always say I'm a year older.
564
00:25:15,121 --> 00:25:16,751
I know that most people
wait until the last minute
565
00:25:16,752 --> 00:25:19,504
to tack on another year,
but I...
566
00:25:19,505 --> 00:25:22,385
Well, maybe I am
a little bit nervous.
567
00:25:22,386 --> 00:25:24,432
You go right ahead, miss Gillis.
568
00:25:24,433 --> 00:25:26,544
Tell us anything you want to.
569
00:25:26,545 --> 00:25:28,976
Well, there isn't
very much more to tell.
570
00:25:28,977 --> 00:25:31,632
My only theatrical experience
was this past June
571
00:25:31,633 --> 00:25:33,969
at the senior class play
at Briarwood.
572
00:25:33,970 --> 00:25:37,009
We did the pirates of Penzance,
573
00:25:37,010 --> 00:25:38,610
and there was an agent there,
574
00:25:38,611 --> 00:25:40,370
and he gave me
something to sign,
575
00:25:40,371 --> 00:25:42,675
and here I am.
576
00:25:42,676 --> 00:25:44,305
Are you still there?
577
00:25:44,306 --> 00:25:46,514
We're still here, miss Gillis.
578
00:25:46,515 --> 00:25:49,042
Now, you sing or dance
579
00:25:49,043 --> 00:25:50,484
or just keep on talking.
580
00:25:52,148 --> 00:25:54,676
I think I'd better sing.
I talk too much.
581
00:25:55,988 --> 00:25:58,036
I think I'd better
take my glasses off.
582
00:25:58,037 --> 00:26:00,245
She looks too good
with these on.
583
00:26:11,189 --> 00:26:12,949
Steady, buster.
584
00:26:18,102 --> 00:26:19,764
I think this kid's
got something, Eddie.
585
00:26:19,765 --> 00:26:22,677
Bring her over to Berger's.
I'd like to talk to her.
586
00:26:22,678 --> 00:26:24,501
You two won't mind, will you?
587
00:26:24,502 --> 00:26:25,334
Why should we mind?
588
00:26:25,335 --> 00:26:26,935
We'll be right there with you.
589
00:26:31,095 --> 00:26:32,406
Civelli?!
590
00:26:32,407 --> 00:26:33,366
Hmm?
591
00:26:33,367 --> 00:26:35,285
How do you like that?
592
00:26:35,286 --> 00:26:36,535
They hired civelli
593
00:26:36,536 --> 00:26:39,030
as conductor of
the summer symphony.
594
00:26:39,031 --> 00:26:42,391
Civelli?!
How do you like that!
595
00:26:42,392 --> 00:26:44,246
Oh, it's... Shocking.
596
00:26:44,247 --> 00:26:46,391
I don't say he's
a bad violinist,
597
00:26:46,392 --> 00:26:47,193
but conductor?
598
00:26:47,194 --> 00:26:49,303
Why, it's ridiculous.
599
00:26:49,304 --> 00:26:51,097
The bum never hit .300
in his whole life.
600
00:26:51,098 --> 00:26:52,952
Sucker for an inside curve.
601
00:26:52,953 --> 00:26:54,777
Well, he's good enough
for the classics,
602
00:26:54,777 --> 00:26:55,768
but what are they going to do
603
00:26:55,769 --> 00:26:57,816
when they get past Brahms?
604
00:26:57,817 --> 00:26:59,416
Probably have to put
in a pinch hitter.
605
00:26:59,417 --> 00:27:01,336
They wouldn't take
a woman for the job.
606
00:27:01,337 --> 00:27:02,840
Oh, no, of course not.
607
00:27:02,841 --> 00:27:06,649
Makes it too tough
in the locker room.
608
00:27:06,650 --> 00:27:08,121
Very funny.
609
00:27:08,122 --> 00:27:09,657
What did you two do for laughs
610
00:27:09,657 --> 00:27:11,033
before I came along?
611
00:27:12,603 --> 00:27:14,523
Sorry I asked.
612
00:27:15,739 --> 00:27:16,922
Julie, this is Charlie reader,
613
00:27:16,923 --> 00:27:17,946
our top talent man.
614
00:27:17,947 --> 00:27:19,097
Miss Gillis.
Hello.
615
00:27:19,098 --> 00:27:20,058
How do you do?
616
00:27:20,059 --> 00:27:21,338
This is miss Crewes
and Mr. McCall--
617
00:27:21,339 --> 00:27:22,298
Sylvia and Joe...
618
00:27:22,299 --> 00:27:23,354
Two of my friends
619
00:27:23,355 --> 00:27:24,666
who have absolutely no talent.
620
00:27:24,667 --> 00:27:26,009
I'll see you later, Charlie.
621
00:27:26,010 --> 00:27:27,162
Good-bye, Eddie.
622
00:27:27,163 --> 00:27:28,314
Can I get you a drink
or something?
623
00:27:28,315 --> 00:27:29,466
Just coffee, thanks.
624
00:27:29,467 --> 00:27:30,651
We have plenty of that.
625
00:27:30,652 --> 00:27:31,643
Sugar and cream?
626
00:27:31,644 --> 00:27:32,508
Yes, please.
627
00:27:32,509 --> 00:27:33,819
I can only stay a few minutes.
628
00:27:33,820 --> 00:27:35,035
I just wanted to tell you
629
00:27:35,036 --> 00:27:36,187
how impressed we were
with your singing.
630
00:27:36,188 --> 00:27:37,723
Yes, you were lovely.
631
00:27:37,724 --> 00:27:38,747
I had a word with the producer,
632
00:27:38,747 --> 00:27:39,964
Sammy Sayers,
633
00:27:39,964 --> 00:27:41,052
and he says it looks as though
634
00:27:41,053 --> 00:27:42,523
you're just about set
for the part.
635
00:27:42,523 --> 00:27:43,483
Oh, good.
636
00:27:43,484 --> 00:27:45,436
Thank you.
637
00:27:45,437 --> 00:27:48,828
This is your first
professional show,
638
00:27:48,829 --> 00:27:49,884
isn't it?
Yes.
639
00:27:49,885 --> 00:27:51,644
Well, aren't you just
a little bit excited
640
00:27:51,645 --> 00:27:54,174
about breaking through
for the first time out?
641
00:27:54,174 --> 00:27:55,325
Oh, the theater's all right,
642
00:27:55,326 --> 00:27:57,085
but only temporarily.
643
00:27:57,086 --> 00:27:58,494
You're thinking of taking up
644
00:27:58,495 --> 00:27:59,838
something else?
645
00:27:59,838 --> 00:28:02,109
Well, yes...
Marriage, I hope.
646
00:28:02,110 --> 00:28:03,262
Oh.
647
00:28:03,263 --> 00:28:05,598
Did you have any particular
young man in mind?
648
00:28:05,599 --> 00:28:07,902
Well, there are any
number of young men,
649
00:28:07,903 --> 00:28:10,365
but I haven't found mine yet.
650
00:28:10,366 --> 00:28:11,422
Well, a pretty
young thing like you
651
00:28:11,423 --> 00:28:13,118
shouldn't have much trouble.
652
00:28:13,119 --> 00:28:14,367
Well, I certainly hope not.
653
00:28:14,368 --> 00:28:16,223
I mean, a career is just fine,
654
00:28:16,224 --> 00:28:18,143
but it's no substitute
for marriage.
655
00:28:18,144 --> 00:28:20,703
Don't you think so, miss Crewes?
656
00:28:20,704 --> 00:28:23,007
Miss Gillis, I think so...
657
00:28:23,008 --> 00:28:25,408
Passionately, I think so.
658
00:28:26,784 --> 00:28:29,024
Honestly, don't you
think marriage
659
00:28:29,025 --> 00:28:30,623
is just the most important thing
660
00:28:30,624 --> 00:28:31,680
in the world?
I mean,
661
00:28:31,681 --> 00:28:33,600
a woman isn't really
a woman at all
662
00:28:33,601 --> 00:28:34,656
until she's been married
663
00:28:34,657 --> 00:28:36,320
and had children.
And why?
664
00:28:36,321 --> 00:28:38,880
Because she's fulfilled.
Isn't that right?
665
00:28:38,881 --> 00:28:40,864
Right.
666
00:28:40,865 --> 00:28:42,209
You agree?
667
00:28:42,210 --> 00:28:44,832
Of course I do.
What red-blooded
668
00:28:44,833 --> 00:28:46,018
American boy doesn't?
669
00:28:46,019 --> 00:28:48,384
This red-blooded
American boy doesn't.
670
00:28:48,385 --> 00:28:49,793
Why not?
671
00:28:49,794 --> 00:28:51,234
Well, in order to be fulfilled,
672
00:28:51,235 --> 00:28:53,346
you have to have a man,
and it might be just possible
673
00:28:53,347 --> 00:28:56,418
that what fulfills you
might not fulfill him.
674
00:28:56,419 --> 00:28:58,210
My man, it will.
675
00:28:58,211 --> 00:28:59,778
You have his specifications?
676
00:28:59,779 --> 00:29:01,539
Well, yes.
I know everything
677
00:29:01,540 --> 00:29:02,788
except his blood type.
678
00:29:06,147 --> 00:29:08,035
Tell us about it.
679
00:29:09,445 --> 00:29:10,691
You mean it?
680
00:29:10,692 --> 00:29:13,475
Because this is something
I could talk about all day.
681
00:29:13,476 --> 00:29:14,916
You're on, miss Gillis.
682
00:29:15,973 --> 00:29:17,828
Well, the first thing
I want in a man,
683
00:29:17,829 --> 00:29:19,172
he's got to love children.
684
00:29:19,173 --> 00:29:21,411
How many do you
think you'd like?
685
00:29:21,412 --> 00:29:22,340
3.
686
00:29:22,341 --> 00:29:24,676
That's the magic number.
687
00:29:24,677 --> 00:29:26,564
But not right away.
The first 2 years
688
00:29:26,565 --> 00:29:28,069
we're going to live in New York.
689
00:29:28,070 --> 00:29:29,221
I mean, we'll be young,
690
00:29:29,222 --> 00:29:30,436
and we'll want to have
lots of fun,
691
00:29:30,437 --> 00:29:31,749
and there's no better
place to have fun
692
00:29:31,750 --> 00:29:33,221
than New York, is there?
693
00:29:33,222 --> 00:29:34,789
The children will come later.
694
00:29:34,790 --> 00:29:36,070
But not in New York?
695
00:29:36,071 --> 00:29:38,469
No, we'll move to
the country for that.
696
00:29:38,470 --> 00:29:39,846
Oh, probably the first baby
697
00:29:39,847 --> 00:29:41,190
will be born in New York.
698
00:29:41,191 --> 00:29:42,310
At what hospital?
699
00:29:42,310 --> 00:29:43,654
At doctor's--
700
00:29:43,655 --> 00:29:46,054
Oh, you're kidding me.
701
00:29:46,055 --> 00:29:48,582
Never mind him.
Tell us some more.
702
00:29:48,583 --> 00:29:50,150
We really are interested.
703
00:29:50,151 --> 00:29:51,591
Fascinated.
704
00:29:51,592 --> 00:29:54,214
Look, I know this sounds crazy
705
00:29:54,215 --> 00:29:55,335
if you don't know me,
706
00:29:55,336 --> 00:29:56,774
but people that know me
707
00:29:56,775 --> 00:29:58,247
think it's quite normal.
708
00:29:58,248 --> 00:29:59,975
I'm sure they do, miss Gillis.
709
00:29:59,976 --> 00:30:02,119
You have a house
in the country and the baby,
710
00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:03,496
and now what do you do?
711
00:30:03,497 --> 00:30:05,800
I have 2 more babies.
712
00:30:05,801 --> 00:30:09,127
I didn't say a thing.
713
00:30:09,128 --> 00:30:11,177
Yes?
714
00:30:11,177 --> 00:30:12,584
Well, when the kids get out
715
00:30:12,585 --> 00:30:14,183
of scarsdale
public high school--
716
00:30:14,184 --> 00:30:16,297
Oh... Scarsdale.
717
00:30:16,298 --> 00:30:18,665
Well, certainly.
Everyone knows they have
718
00:30:18,666 --> 00:30:21,162
the best school system
in the country.
719
00:30:21,163 --> 00:30:22,473
Of course.
Everybody knows that.
720
00:30:22,474 --> 00:30:24,296
Now, Joe...
721
00:30:24,297 --> 00:30:26,217
I mean it. Everybody
in Indianapolis
722
00:30:26,218 --> 00:30:28,137
sends their kids to scarsdale.
723
00:30:28,138 --> 00:30:30,698
I've been kidded
about this before,
724
00:30:30,699 --> 00:30:33,642
but I do know what I want.
725
00:30:33,643 --> 00:30:36,714
That's good. Go on.
Tell us more.
726
00:30:36,715 --> 00:30:39,658
Well, as I was saying,
727
00:30:39,659 --> 00:30:40,938
when the kids get
out of high school
728
00:30:40,939 --> 00:30:41,899
and go to college--
729
00:30:41,900 --> 00:30:43,244
Miss Gillis, don't you think
730
00:30:43,245 --> 00:30:44,779
you're just getting
a little ahead of yourself?
731
00:30:44,780 --> 00:30:46,059
Well, after all,
732
00:30:46,060 --> 00:30:47,211
a person just can't go on
733
00:30:47,212 --> 00:30:48,939
ad-libbing his way
through life.
734
00:30:48,940 --> 00:30:50,444
Well, some do.
735
00:30:50,445 --> 00:30:52,140
Some have to.
736
00:30:52,141 --> 00:30:54,124
Sure, but that's because
737
00:30:54,125 --> 00:30:56,043
they made their plans too late.
738
00:30:56,044 --> 00:30:58,892
I wish I knew the answer
to that one.
739
00:30:58,893 --> 00:31:01,548
Well, now that I've told you
740
00:31:01,549 --> 00:31:02,956
all my girlish dreams--
741
00:31:02,957 --> 00:31:04,012
Do you really have to go?
742
00:31:04,013 --> 00:31:06,028
I really have to.
Miss Crewes.
743
00:31:06,029 --> 00:31:06,925
Good-bye.
744
00:31:06,926 --> 00:31:07,980
I'll get you a taxicab.
745
00:31:07,981 --> 00:31:09,165
No, don't bother.
Mr. McCall.
746
00:31:09,166 --> 00:31:10,573
Oh, I couldn't think of letting
747
00:31:10,573 --> 00:31:12,461
the mother of 3 children
walk out on the streets
748
00:31:12,461 --> 00:31:15,181
alone in this sinful
old city of New York.
749
00:31:15,182 --> 00:31:16,525
Good-bye.
750
00:31:16,526 --> 00:31:18,061
See you later.
751
00:31:18,062 --> 00:31:18,959
Bye.
752
00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:20,429
That is the most
terrifying child
753
00:31:20,430 --> 00:31:22,349
I ever met in my life.
754
00:31:22,350 --> 00:31:24,527
I'm a little shaky myself.
755
00:31:24,528 --> 00:31:25,806
Tell me, miss Gillis,
756
00:31:25,807 --> 00:31:27,949
what are your plans
for the next 400 years?
757
00:31:27,950 --> 00:31:31,375
Oh, well, first, I shall
have some children.
758
00:31:31,376 --> 00:31:33,455
Oh? And how do you
intend to have them?
759
00:31:33,456 --> 00:31:34,831
The usual way.
760
00:31:34,832 --> 00:31:36,623
No, I mean in what order?
761
00:31:36,624 --> 00:31:38,319
Oh, well, first a boy,
762
00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:40,463
then a girl, then another boy,
763
00:31:40,464 --> 00:31:42,769
and then a...
Chocolate cream.
764
00:31:42,769 --> 00:31:45,649
And what typical little
American community
765
00:31:45,650 --> 00:31:47,505
do you intend to live in?
766
00:31:47,506 --> 00:31:49,585
Las Vegas...
Where else?
767
00:31:52,048 --> 00:31:53,456
You know how it is
with contracts.
768
00:31:53,457 --> 00:31:55,185
It'll probably be a week or two
769
00:31:55,186 --> 00:31:56,369
before we have anything
for you to sign,
770
00:31:56,370 --> 00:31:58,033
so meanwhile,
how about you and I
771
00:31:58,034 --> 00:31:59,025
having dinner tomorrow night?
772
00:31:59,026 --> 00:32:00,273
Together?
773
00:32:00,274 --> 00:32:01,490
Of course.
774
00:32:01,491 --> 00:32:03,313
Why?
775
00:32:03,314 --> 00:32:04,753
Why?!
776
00:32:04,754 --> 00:32:07,058
Well, I mean, for what reason?
777
00:32:07,059 --> 00:32:09,394
Does there have to be a reason
778
00:32:09,395 --> 00:32:10,674
for a male and female
779
00:32:10,675 --> 00:32:12,498
to sit down and
break bread together?
780
00:32:12,499 --> 00:32:15,058
I mean, tomorrow night
you'll probably be hungry,
781
00:32:15,059 --> 00:32:16,209
and you'll want to eat.
782
00:32:16,210 --> 00:32:18,195
But why with you?
783
00:32:18,196 --> 00:32:21,202
Well, it's a simple
question, isn't it?
784
00:32:21,203 --> 00:32:23,987
Yes. I wish I had
a simple answer.
785
00:32:23,988 --> 00:32:25,844
I wish I had any answer.
786
00:32:25,844 --> 00:32:27,956
Well, I'll put it
the other way around.
787
00:32:27,956 --> 00:32:29,684
Tomorrow night, you'll be hungry
788
00:32:29,685 --> 00:32:31,123
and want to have dinner...
789
00:32:31,124 --> 00:32:32,597
But why with me?
790
00:32:33,461 --> 00:32:35,540
Miss Gillis,
791
00:32:35,541 --> 00:32:37,524
through the years I have found
792
00:32:37,525 --> 00:32:39,572
that sitting across the table
with a beautiful girl
793
00:32:39,573 --> 00:32:41,171
is not only pleasant,
794
00:32:41,172 --> 00:32:44,150
but it's awfully good
for my digestion.
795
00:32:45,397 --> 00:32:48,021
Well, I've only known
you a few minutes,
796
00:32:48,022 --> 00:32:50,133
but you seem fairly nice.
797
00:32:50,134 --> 00:32:53,525
You're even attractive
in an off-beat,
798
00:32:53,526 --> 00:32:55,703
beat-up sort of way.
799
00:32:58,070 --> 00:32:59,221
Thanks a lot.
800
00:32:59,222 --> 00:33:00,470
But I can't have dinner
801
00:33:00,471 --> 00:33:02,134
with every nice,
attractive man I meet.
802
00:33:02,135 --> 00:33:04,118
It's not part of my plan.
803
00:33:04,119 --> 00:33:06,039
How was that plan again?
804
00:33:06,039 --> 00:33:07,352
My marriage plan.
805
00:33:07,353 --> 00:33:09,974
When I meet somebody new
and I don't feel
806
00:33:09,975 --> 00:33:12,183
an immediate chemistry
between us...
807
00:33:12,184 --> 00:33:15,128
Well, I'm polite,
but that's all.
808
00:33:15,129 --> 00:33:17,784
And you mean that
you feel nothing chemical
809
00:33:17,785 --> 00:33:19,255
between you and me?
810
00:33:19,256 --> 00:33:20,471
Exactly.
811
00:33:20,471 --> 00:33:22,328
Thank you very much
for the coffee.
812
00:33:22,329 --> 00:33:23,544
You do understand
813
00:33:23,545 --> 00:33:24,695
why I can't have dinner
with you, don't you?
814
00:33:24,696 --> 00:33:27,128
It's crystal clear, miss Gillis.
815
00:33:27,128 --> 00:33:28,762
Good. Good night.
816
00:33:34,234 --> 00:33:36,505
About time you got here.
817
00:33:36,506 --> 00:33:38,680
Were you kidding
with what you told
me on the phone?
818
00:33:38,681 --> 00:33:39,769
I was not.
819
00:33:39,770 --> 00:33:42,361
There she sits.
You talk to her.
820
00:33:44,922 --> 00:33:47,674
Ethel Barrymore signed
a contract like this.
821
00:33:47,675 --> 00:33:49,114
Helen Hayes, Sarah Bernhardt...
822
00:33:49,115 --> 00:33:51,161
Fellas, I'd like to have
a couple of minutes alone
823
00:33:51,162 --> 00:33:52,987
with miss Gillis.
824
00:33:52,988 --> 00:33:54,138
Hello, Julie.
825
00:33:54,139 --> 00:33:55,547
Are you going
to shout at me, too,
826
00:33:55,548 --> 00:33:56,251
Mr. reader?
827
00:33:56,252 --> 00:33:57,594
No, I'm not, Julie.
828
00:33:57,595 --> 00:33:59,067
As a matter of fact,
I'm going to be very quiet.
829
00:33:59,068 --> 00:34:00,443
I just want to get
right to the point.
830
00:34:00,444 --> 00:34:01,148
To save you time,
831
00:34:01,149 --> 00:34:02,299
you don't have to tell me
832
00:34:02,300 --> 00:34:03,515
how it's a tradition
of the theater
833
00:34:03,516 --> 00:34:04,539
for everybody to sign
834
00:34:04,540 --> 00:34:05,659
a run-of-the-play contract.
835
00:34:05,660 --> 00:34:07,932
Good.
Then we can skip that.
836
00:34:07,933 --> 00:34:10,203
But do you think
it's fair to Mr. Sayers
837
00:34:10,204 --> 00:34:11,547
and the investors
838
00:34:11,548 --> 00:34:14,204
that you quit 4 1/2 months
after the show opens?
839
00:34:14,204 --> 00:34:15,421
I'm sorry,
840
00:34:15,421 --> 00:34:17,404
but if I postpone
my marriage once,
841
00:34:17,405 --> 00:34:19,421
I may postpone it again.
842
00:34:19,421 --> 00:34:21,501
I can't take the chance.
843
00:34:21,501 --> 00:34:23,133
I'm afraid I can
only sign a contract
844
00:34:23,134 --> 00:34:25,886
until march 12.
845
00:34:25,887 --> 00:34:28,573
What's so special
about march 12?
846
00:34:28,574 --> 00:34:32,062
Well, that's when my mother
and father were married--
847
00:34:32,063 --> 00:34:33,534
On march 12.
848
00:34:33,535 --> 00:34:36,861
And in my plan, that's
the absolute deadline.
849
00:34:36,862 --> 00:34:38,847
It just doesn't
make sense, Julie,
850
00:34:38,847 --> 00:34:40,926
because just the other day,
you told me
851
00:34:40,927 --> 00:34:43,455
that you hadn't even met
your young man yet.
852
00:34:43,456 --> 00:34:46,845
Oh, but I will.
If you have a plan,
853
00:34:46,846 --> 00:34:49,566
and you really believe in it,
854
00:34:49,567 --> 00:34:51,294
it'll work.
855
00:34:51,295 --> 00:34:53,920
Uh, why don't we go
over to Berger's
856
00:34:53,921 --> 00:34:55,008
and talk this over, huh?
857
00:34:55,009 --> 00:34:56,928
No, thanks.
I've already had lunch.
858
00:34:56,929 --> 00:34:58,528
Well, we could have
dinner tonight--
859
00:34:58,529 --> 00:34:59,489
Oh, Mr. reader,
860
00:34:59,490 --> 00:35:01,312
I've already explained to you
861
00:35:01,313 --> 00:35:03,744
how I feel about
dinner with you.
862
00:35:03,745 --> 00:35:04,801
Julie...
863
00:35:06,306 --> 00:35:09,313
This is not chemistry,
it's business!
864
00:35:09,314 --> 00:35:12,513
You promised me
you wouldn't shout.
865
00:35:13,729 --> 00:35:15,842
I've got to get some air.
866
00:35:16,899 --> 00:35:18,624
Charlie, what happened?
867
00:35:18,625 --> 00:35:20,034
Did she sign?
868
00:35:20,035 --> 00:35:23,202
Sam, best thing to do is
to sign her until march,
869
00:35:23,203 --> 00:35:26,850
and maybe I can get her
to change her mind by then.
870
00:35:26,851 --> 00:35:28,194
Where are you going?
871
00:35:28,195 --> 00:35:29,475
The nearest bar.
872
00:35:29,475 --> 00:35:31,235
Wait.
I'll go with you.
873
00:35:33,539 --> 00:35:34,754
Hello?
874
00:35:34,755 --> 00:35:37,282
No, I'm sorry, he's not.
875
00:35:37,283 --> 00:35:38,339
Yes.
876
00:35:38,340 --> 00:35:40,869
Yes, I'll tell him.
Thank you.
877
00:35:47,908 --> 00:35:49,348
Hello?
878
00:35:50,437 --> 00:35:52,613
No, I'm sorry, he isn't.
879
00:35:54,502 --> 00:35:56,997
Miss Snur?
880
00:35:56,998 --> 00:35:59,268
Would you spell that, please?
881
00:35:59,269 --> 00:36:01,829
S-n-r?
882
00:36:02,693 --> 00:36:04,005
Yes, miss Snir.
883
00:36:04,006 --> 00:36:07,365
United nations, Thursday night,
curry dinner.
884
00:36:07,366 --> 00:36:11,334
I shall tell him. Bye.
885
00:36:11,334 --> 00:36:14,117
Miss Snr.
What kind of a name is that?
886
00:36:16,519 --> 00:36:19,207
Just give me the facts, ma'am.
887
00:36:19,208 --> 00:36:21,767
Oh, hello, Jessica.
How are you?
888
00:36:22,855 --> 00:36:25,992
No, I'm sorry,
he hasn't come in yet.
889
00:36:27,272 --> 00:36:28,262
Oh, really?
890
00:36:28,263 --> 00:36:31,463
Yeah, I'll tell him
as soon as he gets in.
891
00:36:31,464 --> 00:36:32,617
Hi, Joe.
892
00:36:32,618 --> 00:36:33,832
Hiya, sheik.
893
00:36:33,833 --> 00:36:35,464
What did Jessica want?
894
00:36:35,465 --> 00:36:36,775
What they all want...
895
00:36:36,776 --> 00:36:39,432
To feed you, caress you,
burp you...
896
00:36:39,433 --> 00:36:41,544
Sew monograms
on your stupid shirts.
897
00:36:41,545 --> 00:36:42,697
Oh, did Carol get the thread
898
00:36:42,698 --> 00:36:43,465
for the monograms?
899
00:36:43,466 --> 00:36:45,257
Yes, she did.
Good girl.
900
00:36:45,258 --> 00:36:49,416
And Jessica stumbled across
a brand-new cheese.
901
00:36:49,417 --> 00:36:50,857
S-n-r?
902
00:36:50,858 --> 00:36:52,424
Yeah.
That's miss Snr.
903
00:36:52,425 --> 00:36:56,361
She wants you to come over
Thursday evening and curry her.
904
00:36:56,362 --> 00:36:57,898
You're a good boy, Joe.
905
00:36:57,899 --> 00:36:58,954
Look for something
a little extra special
906
00:36:58,955 --> 00:37:00,905
in your pay envelope Saturday.
907
00:37:00,906 --> 00:37:03,306
I hope you don't mind
I tied up your telephone
908
00:37:03,307 --> 00:37:04,426
for about 3 minutes
this afternoon
909
00:37:04,427 --> 00:37:06,250
with a personal call.
910
00:37:06,251 --> 00:37:07,914
Ethel phoned.
911
00:37:07,915 --> 00:37:09,195
Oh? How is she?
912
00:37:09,196 --> 00:37:11,595
Well, she says she's
restless and bored,
913
00:37:11,596 --> 00:37:14,475
and she's going
to carpet the bathroom.
914
00:37:16,588 --> 00:37:17,610
You answer it.
915
00:37:17,610 --> 00:37:19,373
I'm developing
a cauliflower ear.
916
00:37:21,773 --> 00:37:24,524
Hello? Oh,
how are you, Sayers.
917
00:37:24,525 --> 00:37:27,597
No, I don't know where she is.
918
00:37:28,686 --> 00:37:31,564
She didn't show
for rehearsal at all?
919
00:37:31,565 --> 00:37:33,516
Well, all I can suggest, pal,
920
00:37:33,517 --> 00:37:34,956
is maybe you better call
the police station
921
00:37:34,957 --> 00:37:37,069
or the nearest hospital.
922
00:37:37,070 --> 00:37:39,276
Maybe you ought to try
the morgue.
923
00:37:39,277 --> 00:37:41,453
Oh, I know it's no joke, Sayers.
924
00:37:41,454 --> 00:37:43,629
What do you mean, you're
sorry she came into your life?
925
00:37:43,630 --> 00:37:44,750
How about me?
926
00:37:44,751 --> 00:37:46,989
She wouldn't even
have dinner with me.
927
00:37:46,990 --> 00:37:50,061
Yeah. If I hear from her,
I'll call you. Bye.
928
00:37:50,062 --> 00:37:51,374
The Gillis dame
929
00:37:51,375 --> 00:37:52,431
didn't even show
for the rehearsal.
930
00:37:52,432 --> 00:37:53,934
What do you think of that?
931
00:37:53,935 --> 00:37:55,086
I try not to think of her,
932
00:37:55,087 --> 00:37:57,550
and I'm succeeding.
933
00:37:57,551 --> 00:37:59,407
And now NBC takes you
934
00:37:59,408 --> 00:38:02,576
to the knightsbridge armory
and the American home show.
935
00:38:02,576 --> 00:38:05,806
Before we show you the exciting
innovations in homemaking,
936
00:38:05,807 --> 00:38:08,271
we will turn our cameras
on the enthusiastic crowds
937
00:38:08,272 --> 00:38:09,743
that have gathered here.
938
00:38:09,744 --> 00:38:11,408
Hey, Charlie, come here.
939
00:38:11,409 --> 00:38:12,592
What's up?
940
00:38:12,593 --> 00:38:14,000
Look at that.
941
00:38:14,001 --> 00:38:17,264
We come now to the feature
of homemaker's haven,
942
00:38:17,265 --> 00:38:19,408
the kitchen of tomorrow--
943
00:38:19,409 --> 00:38:22,256
Gadgetry that does away
with drudgery.
944
00:38:22,257 --> 00:38:24,114
Is this what you
hustled me in here for?
945
00:38:24,114 --> 00:38:25,649
Wait, wait.
Look at the audience.
946
00:38:25,650 --> 00:38:29,746
If anyone has any questions,
that's what I'm here for.
947
00:38:29,747 --> 00:38:32,241
I have a question.
Excuse me.
948
00:38:32,242 --> 00:38:33,905
Egads!
It's Gillis!
949
00:38:33,906 --> 00:38:36,305
How big a family was
this kitchen designed for?
950
00:38:36,306 --> 00:38:38,993
Well, we've planned it
for what the experts say
951
00:38:38,994 --> 00:38:41,618
will be the average
American family in a few years--
952
00:38:41,619 --> 00:38:43,889
Husband, wife, and 3 children.
953
00:38:43,890 --> 00:38:46,578
Oh, that's perfect!
954
00:38:46,579 --> 00:38:47,794
I got to get up there
955
00:38:47,795 --> 00:38:48,818
and get her down to rehearsal.
956
00:38:48,819 --> 00:38:49,842
Why you?
957
00:38:49,843 --> 00:38:51,283
'Cause it's my responsibility.
958
00:38:51,284 --> 00:38:52,499
I'm her agent.
959
00:38:52,500 --> 00:38:53,715
Oh, come on, now.
960
00:38:53,716 --> 00:38:55,218
Don't give me that agent
responsibility bit.
961
00:38:55,219 --> 00:38:57,075
This chick has got you
tied up in knots
962
00:38:57,076 --> 00:38:58,740
because she won't have
anything to do with you.
963
00:38:58,741 --> 00:39:01,172
You don't know what
you're talking about, boy.
964
00:39:01,173 --> 00:39:02,292
Stay away from this girl.
965
00:39:02,293 --> 00:39:04,115
She's a trap with
the trigger all set.
966
00:39:04,116 --> 00:39:05,139
So what?
Do you think
967
00:39:05,140 --> 00:39:06,964
I'd kick away a setup like this?
968
00:39:06,965 --> 00:39:08,373
I don't know, Charlie.
969
00:39:08,374 --> 00:39:10,069
Why did you keep falling
out of that tree house?
970
00:39:10,070 --> 00:39:12,884
I have not fallen out
of a tree house in years.
971
00:39:12,885 --> 00:39:14,804
Don't you worry
about old Charlie.
972
00:39:14,805 --> 00:39:16,117
Huh. There's a familiar ring.
973
00:39:16,118 --> 00:39:17,237
"Don't worry about old Charlie."
974
00:39:17,238 --> 00:39:18,517
Isn't that what
you used to scream
975
00:39:18,518 --> 00:39:19,413
as you fell over the edge?
976
00:39:19,414 --> 00:39:20,437
That's funny.
977
00:39:20,438 --> 00:39:21,781
Hey, wait a minute.
978
00:39:21,782 --> 00:39:22,901
You got a date with Sylvia.
979
00:39:22,902 --> 00:39:25,558
You're supposed to
pick her up at NBC.
980
00:39:25,559 --> 00:39:28,246
You're a college graduate.
You think of something.
981
00:39:42,968 --> 00:39:44,695
No, Mr. Wilson, it just isn't--
982
00:39:44,696 --> 00:39:46,295
May I point out again
983
00:39:46,296 --> 00:39:48,024
that this house was planned
984
00:39:48,025 --> 00:39:50,743
by the world's greatest
modern architect.
985
00:39:50,744 --> 00:39:52,120
I can't put my finger on it,
986
00:39:52,121 --> 00:39:54,680
but I just know--
987
00:39:54,681 --> 00:39:57,943
Oh, hello, Mr. reader.
What are you doing here?
988
00:39:57,944 --> 00:39:59,353
Now, that's a funny thing.
989
00:39:59,354 --> 00:40:01,816
I was just going to ask you
the same question.
990
00:40:01,817 --> 00:40:02,969
Seems I have a childish idea
991
00:40:02,970 --> 00:40:05,209
that you're long overdue
at rehearsal.
992
00:40:05,210 --> 00:40:06,649
Oh, my goodness!
993
00:40:06,650 --> 00:40:08,793
I just stopped in
for a few minutes.
994
00:40:08,794 --> 00:40:11,353
Oh, I must've been
here for hours.
995
00:40:11,354 --> 00:40:12,666
In that case, let's go.
996
00:40:12,667 --> 00:40:13,721
Wait. I just want to ask
you one question,
997
00:40:13,722 --> 00:40:15,674
then we'll go.
Does the combination
998
00:40:15,675 --> 00:40:18,298
of this room and
this furniture...
999
00:40:18,299 --> 00:40:21,498
And Mr. Wilson in that chair
do anything for you?
1000
00:40:21,499 --> 00:40:23,929
I don't know.
Is it supposed to?
1001
00:40:23,930 --> 00:40:26,682
Well, yes. You see,
I love this style house,
1002
00:40:26,683 --> 00:40:27,931
and I love this decor,
1003
00:40:27,932 --> 00:40:29,756
but when a man
sits in that chair,
1004
00:40:29,757 --> 00:40:31,707
it just doesn't seem to gel.
1005
00:40:31,708 --> 00:40:33,596
It sort of goes out of focus.
1006
00:40:33,597 --> 00:40:35,483
It isn't your fault,
Mr. Wilson.
1007
00:40:35,484 --> 00:40:36,860
4 other men were good enough
1008
00:40:36,861 --> 00:40:40,316
to sit in that chair
for me, but I...
1009
00:40:40,317 --> 00:40:41,468
You haven't any idea
1010
00:40:41,469 --> 00:40:44,220
of what I'm talking
about, have you?
1011
00:40:44,220 --> 00:40:45,340
Have you?
1012
00:40:45,341 --> 00:40:47,452
Mr. Wilson,
will you please get up
1013
00:40:47,453 --> 00:40:49,276
and let Mr. reader
sit right down here?
1014
00:40:49,277 --> 00:40:51,005
Julie, you're 2 hours late
as it is.
1015
00:40:51,006 --> 00:40:52,093
Believe me, sir,
1016
00:40:52,094 --> 00:40:54,365
blind obedience works out best.
1017
00:40:59,582 --> 00:41:01,055
What did I do?
1018
00:41:03,229 --> 00:41:04,414
It's amazing.
1019
00:41:04,415 --> 00:41:06,941
The room seems
so different now...
1020
00:41:06,942 --> 00:41:08,317
All at once.
1021
00:41:08,318 --> 00:41:10,719
Do you see it, Mr. Wilson?
1022
00:41:13,343 --> 00:41:15,326
Ok, class is over.
Let's go, Julie.
1023
00:41:15,327 --> 00:41:17,407
Mr. Wilson, you must come
and visit us sometime.
1024
00:41:17,408 --> 00:41:18,527
Yes, but the chair--
1025
00:41:18,527 --> 00:41:19,744
Thank you very much.
1026
00:41:21,856 --> 00:41:22,625
Amazing.
1027
00:41:22,626 --> 00:41:24,063
All right, Julie.
1028
00:41:24,064 --> 00:41:25,473
Amazing.
This way.
1029
00:41:31,713 --> 00:41:32,895
Hello, Sylvia.
1030
00:41:32,896 --> 00:41:37,184
Oh, Joe! What brings you
to this windswept corner?
1031
00:41:37,185 --> 00:41:39,328
Anything to do with
Charlie not being here?
1032
00:41:39,329 --> 00:41:41,761
Uh, well, as a matter of fact...
1033
00:41:41,762 --> 00:41:43,649
All right, lad, let's have it.
1034
00:41:43,650 --> 00:41:46,529
Well, it's just a matter that...
1035
00:41:46,530 --> 00:41:48,641
Charlie getting a call from...
1036
00:41:48,642 --> 00:41:50,241
Uh, his draft board?
1037
00:41:50,242 --> 00:41:51,554
Uh, no, no, no.
1038
00:41:51,555 --> 00:41:53,921
His boss called an
emergency staff meeting,
1039
00:41:53,922 --> 00:41:55,266
and, uh...
1040
00:41:55,267 --> 00:41:56,674
Would you care to
look me in the eye,
1041
00:41:56,675 --> 00:41:57,890
Mr. McCall?
1042
00:41:57,891 --> 00:41:59,554
Not particularly.
1043
00:41:59,555 --> 00:42:02,115
You know, I don't mind
being lied to
1044
00:42:02,116 --> 00:42:04,227
if I felt that a little work
1045
00:42:04,228 --> 00:42:06,723
went into the lie--
A little imagination.
1046
00:42:06,724 --> 00:42:07,971
Well, it was Charlie's idea
1047
00:42:07,972 --> 00:42:09,507
that perhaps I could
fill in for him...
1048
00:42:09,508 --> 00:42:12,227
That is, if it's
all right with you.
1049
00:42:12,228 --> 00:42:13,636
Let's have a look at you.
1050
00:42:13,637 --> 00:42:15,813
Pirouette slowly.
1051
00:42:17,604 --> 00:42:18,501
You'll do.
1052
00:42:18,502 --> 00:42:20,036
Then you're my date?
1053
00:42:20,036 --> 00:42:23,430
I see no way out of it.
I'm your date.
1054
00:42:27,621 --> 00:42:28,805
You're, uh...
1055
00:42:28,806 --> 00:42:31,588
Angry with Charlie and me,
aren't you?
1056
00:42:31,589 --> 00:42:33,061
No, I'm not.
1057
00:42:33,062 --> 00:42:34,404
Really, I'm not.
1058
00:42:34,405 --> 00:42:36,901
Why not?
You should be.
1059
00:42:36,902 --> 00:42:40,677
Well, I have a high I.Q.
And a low boiling point.
1060
00:42:40,678 --> 00:42:43,334
How would you like
to buy me a malted milk
1061
00:42:43,335 --> 00:42:46,054
and a tuna fish sandwich
at the corner drugstore?
1062
00:42:46,055 --> 00:42:47,718
Why, I'd be delighted.
1063
00:42:47,719 --> 00:42:51,271
And maybe we could have a drink
someplace afterwards.
1064
00:42:51,272 --> 00:42:52,358
Who knows?
1065
00:42:52,359 --> 00:42:53,960
The night is young,
we're middle-aged...
1066
00:42:53,961 --> 00:42:57,831
Anything can happen.
Shall we dance?
1067
00:42:57,832 --> 00:43:00,423
♪ You see
a pair of laughing eyes ♪
1068
00:43:00,424 --> 00:43:02,888
♪ And suddenly
you're sighing sighs ♪
1069
00:43:02,888 --> 00:43:04,520
♪ You're thinking
nothing's wrong ♪
1070
00:43:04,521 --> 00:43:06,183
♪ You string along, boy ♪
1071
00:43:06,184 --> 00:43:07,368
♪ Then snap! ♪
1072
00:43:08,937 --> 00:43:10,696
♪ Those eyes, those sighs ♪
1073
00:43:10,697 --> 00:43:14,440
♪ They're part of
the tender trap ♪
1074
00:43:14,441 --> 00:43:17,866
♪ You're hand-in-hand
beneath the trees ♪
1075
00:43:17,867 --> 00:43:20,809
♪ And soon there's music
in the breeze ♪
1076
00:43:20,810 --> 00:43:22,665
♪ You're acting kind of smart ♪
1077
00:43:22,666 --> 00:43:24,874
♪ Until your heart
just goes whap! ♪
1078
00:43:26,154 --> 00:43:27,978
♪ Those trees, that breeze ♪
1079
00:43:27,978 --> 00:43:31,369
♪ They're part of
the tender trap ♪
1080
00:43:31,370 --> 00:43:33,386
♪ Some starry night ♪
1081
00:43:33,387 --> 00:43:37,259
♪ When his kisses
make you tingle ♪
1082
00:43:37,260 --> 00:43:39,978
♪ He'll hold you tight ♪
1083
00:43:39,979 --> 00:43:44,652
♪ And you'll hate yourself
for being single ♪
1084
00:43:44,653 --> 00:43:47,531
♪ And all at once,
it seems so nice ♪
1085
00:43:47,532 --> 00:43:50,219
♪ The folks are throwing
shoes and rice ♪
1086
00:43:50,220 --> 00:43:55,724
♪ You hurry to a spot
that's just a dot on the map ♪
1087
00:43:55,725 --> 00:43:58,764
♪ You wonder how
it all came about ♪
1088
00:43:58,765 --> 00:44:02,061
♪ It's too late now,
there's no gettin' out ♪
1089
00:44:02,061 --> 00:44:06,413
♪ You fell in love,
and love is the tender trap ♪
1090
00:44:07,853 --> 00:44:08,845
All right!
1091
00:44:08,846 --> 00:44:10,381
Not bad for the first try.
1092
00:44:10,382 --> 00:44:11,534
I liked it. It had
a lot of schmaltz.
1093
00:44:11,535 --> 00:44:12,590
That's all, please.
1094
00:44:12,591 --> 00:44:13,710
That's all, everybody.
1095
00:44:13,711 --> 00:44:15,022
Tomorrow morning, 10:00 sharp!
1096
00:44:15,023 --> 00:44:16,973
Including miss Gillis.
1097
00:44:27,088 --> 00:44:29,518
What did you think
of it, Mr. reader?
1098
00:44:29,519 --> 00:44:30,863
Comme Ci, comme ca.
1099
00:44:30,864 --> 00:44:32,879
But you heard what
the director said.
1100
00:44:32,880 --> 00:44:34,863
He said it had
a lot of schmaltz.
1101
00:44:34,864 --> 00:44:36,399
That's surface schmaltz, Julie--
1102
00:44:36,400 --> 00:44:37,519
The worst kind.
1103
00:44:37,520 --> 00:44:39,727
You can't throw a song
like that away.
1104
00:44:39,728 --> 00:44:41,616
It's got to have more warmth.
1105
00:44:41,617 --> 00:44:44,273
Look, I'll show you what I mean.
1106
00:44:49,712 --> 00:44:51,985
♪♪♪♪
1107
00:44:51,986 --> 00:44:57,264
♪ You see a pair
of laughing eyes ♪
1108
00:44:57,265 --> 00:45:01,874
♪ And suddenly
you're sighing sighs ♪
1109
00:45:01,875 --> 00:45:04,049
♪ You're thinking
nothing's wrong ♪
1110
00:45:04,050 --> 00:45:06,065
♪ You string along, boy ♪
1111
00:45:06,066 --> 00:45:07,474
♪ Then snap! ♪
1112
00:45:10,226 --> 00:45:12,946
♪ Those eyes, those sighs ♪
1113
00:45:12,947 --> 00:45:16,084
♪ They're part of
the tender trap ♪
1114
00:45:16,948 --> 00:45:18,387
You see what I mean?
1115
00:45:18,388 --> 00:45:20,787
You just got to let it
settle a little bit.
1116
00:45:20,788 --> 00:45:25,876
♪ You're hand-in-hand
beneath the trees ♪
1117
00:45:25,877 --> 00:45:30,515
♪ And soon there's music
in the breeze ♪
1118
00:45:30,516 --> 00:45:32,532
♪ You're acting kind of smart ♪
1119
00:45:32,533 --> 00:45:36,086
♪ Until your heart
just goes whap! ♪
1120
00:45:38,902 --> 00:45:41,141
♪ Those trees, that breeze ♪
1121
00:45:41,142 --> 00:45:44,630
♪ They're part of
the tender trap ♪
1122
00:45:46,583 --> 00:45:50,772
♪ Some starry night ♪
1123
00:45:50,773 --> 00:45:56,470
♪ When her kisses
make you tingle ♪
1124
00:45:56,471 --> 00:45:59,510
♪ She'll hold you tight ♪
1125
00:45:59,511 --> 00:46:02,262
♪ And you'll hate yourself ♪
1126
00:46:02,263 --> 00:46:08,023
♪ For being single ♪
1127
00:46:08,024 --> 00:46:13,783
♪ And all at once,
it seems so nice ♪
1128
00:46:13,784 --> 00:46:18,807
♪ The folks are throwing
shoes and rice ♪
1129
00:46:18,808 --> 00:46:24,824
♪ You hurry to a spot
that's just a dot on the map ♪
1130
00:46:24,825 --> 00:46:27,897
♪ Voom voom voom voom ♪
1131
00:46:27,898 --> 00:46:32,408
♪ You wonder how
it all came about ♪
1132
00:46:32,409 --> 00:46:37,209
♪ It's too late now,
there's no gettin' out ♪
1133
00:46:37,210 --> 00:46:39,483
♪ You fell in love ♪
1134
00:46:39,484 --> 00:46:45,114
♪ And love is the tender trap ♪
1135
00:46:45,115 --> 00:46:47,226
Oh, gee, that was nice.
1136
00:46:47,227 --> 00:46:50,426
Well, I'm starved.
Let's go to dinner.
1137
00:46:50,427 --> 00:46:51,737
Together?
1138
00:46:51,738 --> 00:46:53,082
Of course. Come on.
1139
00:46:56,188 --> 00:47:00,571
♪ You see
a pair of laughing eyes ♪
1140
00:47:00,572 --> 00:47:04,987
♪ And suddenly
you're sighing sighs ♪
1141
00:47:04,988 --> 00:47:07,483
♪ You're thinking
nothing's wrong ♪
1142
00:47:07,484 --> 00:47:09,692
♪ You string along, boy ♪
1143
00:47:09,692 --> 00:47:11,102
♪ Then snap! ♪
1144
00:47:13,789 --> 00:47:16,061
♪ Those eyes, those sighs ♪
1145
00:47:16,062 --> 00:47:19,678
♪ They're part of
the tender trap ♪
1146
00:47:54,816 --> 00:47:56,223
Hello?
1147
00:47:56,224 --> 00:47:58,047
Oh, hello, poppy.
1148
00:47:58,048 --> 00:48:00,545
No, he hasn't come in yet.
1149
00:48:01,793 --> 00:48:04,480
Sure, I'll tell him.
I won't forget.
1150
00:48:04,481 --> 00:48:05,954
Bye.
1151
00:48:18,082 --> 00:48:19,618
Oh, hi, Joe.
1152
00:48:19,619 --> 00:48:21,601
Your entire harem called.
1153
00:48:21,602 --> 00:48:22,945
Good girls.
1154
00:48:22,946 --> 00:48:24,097
The last one was poppy.
1155
00:48:24,098 --> 00:48:26,402
Her uncle's whitefish
is in town.
1156
00:48:26,403 --> 00:48:27,586
Her uncle's what?
1157
00:48:27,587 --> 00:48:29,218
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I remember.
1158
00:48:29,219 --> 00:48:30,179
Julie call?
1159
00:48:30,179 --> 00:48:31,139
No.
1160
00:48:31,140 --> 00:48:32,867
Well, she should
be here any minute.
1161
00:48:32,868 --> 00:48:34,274
Fix you a drink, Joe?
1162
00:48:34,275 --> 00:48:35,555
No, thank you.
1163
00:48:35,556 --> 00:48:37,443
Why do you have to
romance that little girl?
1164
00:48:37,444 --> 00:48:39,427
Oh, relax, will you, rover?
1165
00:48:39,428 --> 00:48:41,443
In the first place,
she's made of cast iron.
1166
00:48:41,444 --> 00:48:43,203
In the second place,
she's too young for you.
1167
00:48:43,204 --> 00:48:45,828
Third place,
you got more dames now
1168
00:48:45,829 --> 00:48:47,140
than you know what to do with.
1169
00:48:47,141 --> 00:48:48,420
And in the fourth place,
1170
00:48:48,421 --> 00:48:49,860
you have got a little
trouble yourself, boy.
1171
00:48:49,861 --> 00:48:51,556
I've been watching it develop.
1172
00:48:51,557 --> 00:48:53,605
The symptoms are classic--
1173
00:48:53,605 --> 00:48:54,885
Short temper, jangled nerves...
1174
00:48:54,886 --> 00:48:58,275
And you've been rude
to your friends
1175
00:48:58,276 --> 00:48:59,396
and your loved ones.
1176
00:48:59,397 --> 00:49:00,485
What you need, son,
1177
00:49:00,485 --> 00:49:01,828
is a little female
companionship.
1178
00:49:01,829 --> 00:49:03,365
Thank you very much, doctor.
1179
00:49:03,366 --> 00:49:05,414
It's nothing. Now, Joe,
don't sit around
1180
00:49:05,415 --> 00:49:07,141
by yourself again
tonight, will you?
1181
00:49:07,142 --> 00:49:09,381
As a matter of fact, I'm not.
1182
00:49:09,382 --> 00:49:12,646
Aha! You have a date.
1183
00:49:12,647 --> 00:49:13,959
Mm-hmm.
1184
00:49:13,960 --> 00:49:15,942
Who is she?
Anybody I know?
1185
00:49:15,943 --> 00:49:17,768
Yes. Sylvia.
1186
00:49:20,263 --> 00:49:21,222
Again?
1187
00:49:21,223 --> 00:49:23,111
Again.
1188
00:49:23,112 --> 00:49:26,023
Well, that's great,
Joe, just great.
1189
00:49:26,023 --> 00:49:27,688
Did she call you?
1190
00:49:27,688 --> 00:49:30,983
No, I called her.
Now, there's a switch.
1191
00:49:30,984 --> 00:49:32,744
Oh.
1192
00:49:34,345 --> 00:49:35,528
As a matter of fact,
1193
00:49:35,529 --> 00:49:37,351
I'm on my way to
pick her up now.
1194
00:49:37,352 --> 00:49:40,104
Forgive me for setting
a precedent.
1195
00:49:40,105 --> 00:49:41,865
As a matter of another fact,
1196
00:49:41,866 --> 00:49:44,552
I've got 2 dates
with Sylvia tonight--
1197
00:49:44,553 --> 00:49:45,609
One for dinner
1198
00:49:45,610 --> 00:49:48,489
and one for after her concert.
1199
00:49:48,490 --> 00:49:50,090
Good night, sultan.
1200
00:50:04,778 --> 00:50:06,218
Hiya, honey.
1201
00:50:06,219 --> 00:50:07,978
Hi, Charlie.
1202
00:50:07,979 --> 00:50:08,938
Hey.
1203
00:50:11,756 --> 00:50:12,875
Aw, wait a minute.
1204
00:50:12,875 --> 00:50:15,242
You can do better than that.
1205
00:50:15,243 --> 00:50:17,003
Yes, I can.
1206
00:50:18,477 --> 00:50:20,011
Oh, hello, Helen.
1207
00:50:20,012 --> 00:50:21,100
Hello, Charlie.
1208
00:50:24,941 --> 00:50:27,436
Uh, how did Joe behave today?
1209
00:50:27,437 --> 00:50:28,780
Like an angel.
1210
00:50:28,781 --> 00:50:30,029
Like a...
1211
00:50:30,030 --> 00:50:31,821
Will you please tell me
who that girl is?
1212
00:50:31,822 --> 00:50:33,742
Be good, Joe.
1213
00:50:37,069 --> 00:50:38,701
So long, Charlie.
See you tomorrow.
1214
00:50:38,702 --> 00:50:41,100
Yeah, uh...
Yeah, so long, Helen.
1215
00:50:41,101 --> 00:50:42,671
Thanks a lot.
1216
00:50:46,062 --> 00:50:50,701
Well... Just who is
miss deadpan?
1217
00:50:50,702 --> 00:50:52,366
Oh, uh... She's a...
1218
00:50:52,367 --> 00:50:53,645
She's a professional dog Walker.
1219
00:50:53,646 --> 00:50:54,830
Yeah, that's what she is.
1220
00:50:54,831 --> 00:50:56,174
She walks the dog every day.
1221
00:50:56,174 --> 00:50:59,727
I never heard of a
professional dog Walker.
1222
00:50:59,727 --> 00:51:02,671
And why does she have
to be so attractive?
1223
00:51:02,672 --> 00:51:06,736
I... I never noticed that she
was particularly attractive.
1224
00:51:11,185 --> 00:51:13,009
What's the matter, Julie?
1225
00:51:13,010 --> 00:51:14,320
Gee whiz, you came in here
1226
00:51:14,321 --> 00:51:17,009
with a chip on your shoulder.
1227
00:51:18,289 --> 00:51:19,377
Well...
1228
00:51:19,377 --> 00:51:22,129
Well, I'm getting
sick and tired of it.
1229
00:51:22,130 --> 00:51:24,753
Charlie, I haven't
complained before,
1230
00:51:24,754 --> 00:51:25,905
but do you think I like it?
1231
00:51:25,906 --> 00:51:26,865
Like what?
1232
00:51:26,866 --> 00:51:28,785
Look, I know this is
the atomic age,
1233
00:51:28,786 --> 00:51:30,256
and we're 2 civilized adults--
1234
00:51:30,257 --> 00:51:31,313
You made that clear.
1235
00:51:31,314 --> 00:51:32,944
But a girl still doesn't like
1236
00:51:32,945 --> 00:51:34,737
to call for a man
at his apartment
1237
00:51:34,738 --> 00:51:36,497
or meet him at a bar...
1238
00:51:36,498 --> 00:51:38,770
Especially when the whole
evening has been planned
1239
00:51:38,771 --> 00:51:41,713
without any consultation.
1240
00:51:41,714 --> 00:51:43,218
Consultation?
1241
00:51:43,219 --> 00:51:44,594
That's right.
1242
00:51:44,595 --> 00:51:45,747
Every date we've had
1243
00:51:45,748 --> 00:51:47,187
has been all figured out by you.
1244
00:51:47,188 --> 00:51:49,265
You've never asked
me once--not once--
1245
00:51:49,266 --> 00:51:51,474
What I wanted to do.
1246
00:51:51,475 --> 00:51:54,451
Oh, well, honey, I'm sorry.
1247
00:51:54,452 --> 00:51:56,371
Honest, I'm sorry, baby.
1248
00:51:56,372 --> 00:51:58,355
You should've
mentioned it to me.
1249
00:51:58,356 --> 00:52:01,300
Look, from here on in,
there'll be a change.
1250
00:52:01,301 --> 00:52:03,924
What do you want to do tonight?
1251
00:52:03,925 --> 00:52:05,333
Well, I...
I don't know.
1252
00:52:05,334 --> 00:52:08,693
We've got the whole town.
Just name something.
1253
00:52:08,694 --> 00:52:11,605
Gee, I don't know...
What do you want?
1254
00:52:11,606 --> 00:52:14,197
Oh, no.
No, no, not I.
1255
00:52:14,198 --> 00:52:16,116
This is your evening.
1256
00:52:16,117 --> 00:52:17,750
Oh.
1257
00:52:17,751 --> 00:52:19,157
Well...
1258
00:52:19,158 --> 00:52:22,135
Just take your time.
Just think about it.
1259
00:52:29,080 --> 00:52:31,766
Of course, I could...
1260
00:52:31,767 --> 00:52:34,839
I could make a tiny suggestion.
1261
00:52:34,840 --> 00:52:36,438
Yes?
1262
00:52:36,439 --> 00:52:38,551
Well, there's
a wonderful restaurant
1263
00:52:38,552 --> 00:52:39,639
down on bank street
1264
00:52:39,640 --> 00:52:41,399
where they serve
the world's greatest
1265
00:52:41,400 --> 00:52:42,711
paella valenciana.
1266
00:52:42,712 --> 00:52:44,055
Yeah?
1267
00:52:44,056 --> 00:52:45,335
And then after that,
1268
00:52:45,336 --> 00:52:46,679
we could go up the street
a few blocks
1269
00:52:46,680 --> 00:52:47,991
where there's a little
Mexican joint
1270
00:52:47,992 --> 00:52:49,432
I haven't been to
in a long time.
1271
00:52:49,433 --> 00:52:51,383
They got a crazy
5-piece rumba band,
1272
00:52:51,384 --> 00:52:53,464
the best you've ever danced to.
1273
00:52:53,465 --> 00:52:56,344
Then we could pad
right across the street--
1274
00:52:56,345 --> 00:52:58,680
That is, if you wanted to--
1275
00:52:58,681 --> 00:53:01,240
To a lovely little cafe
where they serve up
1276
00:53:01,241 --> 00:53:03,192
the best coffee and guitar music
1277
00:53:03,193 --> 00:53:05,689
in the whole city.
1278
00:53:05,690 --> 00:53:06,905
Charlie?
1279
00:53:06,906 --> 00:53:07,897
Hmm?
1280
00:53:10,298 --> 00:53:13,242
Next time I tell you I
want to plan an evening,
1281
00:53:13,243 --> 00:53:14,906
just don't listen.
1282
00:53:14,907 --> 00:53:16,378
All right, I won't.
1283
00:53:16,379 --> 00:53:19,289
Because you know more
about how to please a lady
1284
00:53:19,290 --> 00:53:22,235
than any other man
on the eastern seaboard.
1285
00:53:22,236 --> 00:53:23,322
Thank you.
1286
00:53:23,323 --> 00:53:25,850
And there's no other lady
I would rather please.
1287
00:53:25,851 --> 00:53:26,810
Thank you.
1288
00:53:26,811 --> 00:53:27,899
Thank you.
1289
00:53:27,900 --> 00:53:29,978
Now, if you'll give me
a few seconds,
1290
00:53:29,979 --> 00:53:32,635
I'll go in and change,
and we'll be on our way.
1291
00:53:32,636 --> 00:53:35,963
Swell. In the meantime,
I'll just read your mail.
1292
00:53:35,964 --> 00:53:37,500
Swell.
1293
00:53:37,501 --> 00:53:38,844
Uh, Julie...
1294
00:53:38,845 --> 00:53:40,476
Julie...
1295
00:53:40,477 --> 00:53:41,980
What's the matter?
1296
00:53:41,981 --> 00:53:45,499
Nothing. You're just...
So cute, that's all.
1297
00:53:45,500 --> 00:53:46,780
Well, so are you.
1298
00:53:46,781 --> 00:53:48,637
I'm glad you think so.
1299
00:53:48,638 --> 00:53:50,940
Now, as long as we're going
to a Spanish joint,
1300
00:53:50,941 --> 00:53:53,276
why don't we tango
right to the door?
1301
00:53:53,277 --> 00:53:54,493
I'm with you.
1302
00:53:58,366 --> 00:54:00,286
Ain't this joint the most?
1303
00:54:00,287 --> 00:54:02,493
I think it's dull.
1304
00:54:02,494 --> 00:54:03,966
Oh. Well, we could
traipse across the street
1305
00:54:03,967 --> 00:54:05,118
to another joint.
1306
00:54:05,119 --> 00:54:06,687
No, thanks. I've had
enough entertainment
1307
00:54:06,687 --> 00:54:07,903
for one evening.
1308
00:54:07,904 --> 00:54:09,438
Well, I can't take you home now.
1309
00:54:09,439 --> 00:54:10,686
What would your mother say?
1310
00:54:10,687 --> 00:54:13,822
I don't know. Mom's in
Boston visiting my aunt.
1311
00:54:13,823 --> 00:54:17,055
Oh? Is she going
to be there long?
1312
00:54:17,056 --> 00:54:20,479
I don't think she'll be
back till tomorrow night.
1313
00:54:20,480 --> 00:54:23,776
And your father...
I guess he's home, huh?
1314
00:54:23,777 --> 00:54:25,151
Papa goes where mama goes,
1315
00:54:25,152 --> 00:54:29,280
and papa won't be home
till Monday night.
1316
00:54:29,281 --> 00:54:30,848
Well. You know,
1317
00:54:30,849 --> 00:54:32,033
this joint is a little dull.
1318
00:54:32,034 --> 00:54:33,600
How could you
suggest it, anyway?
1319
00:54:33,601 --> 00:54:34,625
Me?!
1320
00:54:34,626 --> 00:54:35,777
Watch it.
Stand back, Buddy.
1321
00:54:35,778 --> 00:54:37,376
Here. Move out.
Thank you very much.
1322
00:54:37,377 --> 00:54:38,850
Excuse me. Bye.
1323
00:54:45,057 --> 00:54:46,657
I like this idea.
1324
00:54:47,554 --> 00:54:50,178
I don't know who
I'm fonder of...
1325
00:54:50,179 --> 00:54:51,330
You or that aunt of yours
up in Boston.
1326
00:54:51,331 --> 00:54:53,570
Charlie, I think
you'd better go.
1327
00:54:53,571 --> 00:54:54,657
Why?
1328
00:54:54,658 --> 00:54:56,802
Because I'm
a well-brought-up girl,
1329
00:54:56,803 --> 00:54:58,018
and that's the remark
1330
00:54:58,019 --> 00:54:59,747
my parents would
expect me to make.
1331
00:54:59,748 --> 00:55:02,114
Of course, you could
prolong things
1332
00:55:02,115 --> 00:55:03,427
by asking for a nightcap.
1333
00:55:03,428 --> 00:55:06,115
Miss Gillis, may I have
a slug of scotch?
1334
00:55:06,116 --> 00:55:08,098
Certainly, but
it'll take a minute
1335
00:55:08,099 --> 00:55:09,475
because mom's a teetotaler,
1336
00:55:09,476 --> 00:55:12,036
and pop hides the stuff
in my hatboxes.
1337
00:55:24,197 --> 00:55:25,829
Is water all right?
1338
00:55:25,830 --> 00:55:26,950
Yeah, fine.
1339
00:55:32,231 --> 00:55:33,221
Say, these the folks?
1340
00:55:33,222 --> 00:55:34,501
Uh-huh.
1341
00:55:34,502 --> 00:55:37,158
Hmm. They look evenly matched.
1342
00:55:37,159 --> 00:55:40,198
Except perhaps I think mom
may have 40 pounds on him.
1343
00:55:40,199 --> 00:55:42,181
I know what you're thinking.
1344
00:55:42,182 --> 00:55:44,102
Let me ask you something. Here.
1345
00:55:44,103 --> 00:55:46,022
Has your dad got his hair?
1346
00:55:46,023 --> 00:55:47,494
Oh, a wisp here and there.
1347
00:55:47,494 --> 00:55:49,159
All right, we'll make a pact.
1348
00:55:49,159 --> 00:55:52,294
You won't get bald,
and I won't get fat.
1349
00:55:52,295 --> 00:55:53,831
I'll drink to that.
1350
00:55:55,175 --> 00:55:57,734
Now, what's on the agenda?
1351
00:55:57,735 --> 00:55:58,632
Hmm.
1352
00:55:58,633 --> 00:56:00,615
Let's neck.
1353
00:56:00,616 --> 00:56:03,049
What a sound idea.
1354
00:56:07,720 --> 00:56:08,680
Mmm.
1355
00:56:08,681 --> 00:56:10,344
Mmm.
1356
00:56:10,345 --> 00:56:13,416
You know, I've been meaning
to tell you something for days.
1357
00:56:13,417 --> 00:56:15,336
Hmm?
1358
00:56:15,337 --> 00:56:17,833
You are the softest girl.
1359
00:56:17,834 --> 00:56:19,690
Tell me more.
1360
00:56:19,690 --> 00:56:21,673
I'd be delighted.
1361
00:56:21,674 --> 00:56:23,531
One second.
1362
00:56:26,858 --> 00:56:29,162
Why did you do that?
1363
00:56:29,163 --> 00:56:31,402
Well, because some words
1364
00:56:31,403 --> 00:56:35,115
take on a different
meaning in the dark.
1365
00:56:35,116 --> 00:56:36,458
Ohh.
1366
00:56:36,459 --> 00:56:38,955
Mmm.
1367
00:56:38,956 --> 00:56:40,875
Charlie.
1368
00:56:40,876 --> 00:56:41,898
Mm-hmm?
1369
00:56:41,899 --> 00:56:45,612
You're not talking.
You're nibbling.
1370
00:56:49,836 --> 00:56:51,819
I'm afraid your idea of necking
1371
00:56:51,820 --> 00:56:53,164
and my idea of necking
1372
00:56:53,165 --> 00:56:54,699
are a little far apart.
1373
00:56:54,700 --> 00:56:56,236
So?
1374
00:56:56,237 --> 00:56:58,123
So in the meantime
1375
00:56:58,124 --> 00:56:59,884
we'll just sit quietly and...
1376
00:56:59,885 --> 00:57:00,845
And what?
1377
00:57:00,846 --> 00:57:03,340
And, uh, and look at television.
1378
00:57:03,341 --> 00:57:05,197
Oh, goody.
1379
00:57:05,198 --> 00:57:06,541
And perhaps later
1380
00:57:06,542 --> 00:57:09,069
we can go out in the kitchen
and make some fudge.
1381
00:57:09,070 --> 00:57:11,373
Remember this 6-cylinder,
1382
00:57:11,374 --> 00:57:16,173
4-door, white-walled, dynothamic
convertible, only 1,790.
1383
00:57:16,174 --> 00:57:19,629
1790? Was that
a good year for cars?
1384
00:57:19,630 --> 00:57:20,974
Shh.
1385
00:57:20,974 --> 00:57:22,831
And now back to our movie.
1386
00:57:22,832 --> 00:57:24,527
I'll see you again
in a few minutes
1387
00:57:24,527 --> 00:57:26,864
with another fantastic offer.
1388
00:57:52,273 --> 00:57:53,746
Ahem.
1389
00:58:19,476 --> 00:58:22,098
Oh, maybe watching television
1390
00:58:22,099 --> 00:58:23,220
wasn't such a good idea.
1391
00:58:23,221 --> 00:58:24,691
No, it's not a good idea at all.
1392
00:58:24,692 --> 00:58:27,155
No, I think I better forget
about that whole thing.
1393
00:58:27,156 --> 00:58:30,996
Uh... Are you interested in art?
1394
00:58:30,997 --> 00:58:32,852
Well, I could pretend to be.
1395
00:58:32,853 --> 00:58:33,877
That's good,
1396
00:58:33,878 --> 00:58:35,092
because daddy bought me
1397
00:58:35,093 --> 00:58:36,692
the loveliest book
for Christmas.
1398
00:58:36,693 --> 00:58:38,484
It's just full of
wonderful reproductions
1399
00:58:38,485 --> 00:58:40,533
of renaissance masterpieces.
1400
00:58:40,534 --> 00:58:43,093
This is more than I'd hoped for.
1401
00:58:43,094 --> 00:58:44,500
Now, before you scoff,
1402
00:58:44,501 --> 00:58:46,678
just take a look
at some of these.
1403
00:58:46,679 --> 00:58:50,774
A Corot. Isn't
the detail amazing?
1404
00:58:50,775 --> 00:58:51,861
Mm-hmm.
1405
00:58:51,862 --> 00:58:54,806
Michelangelo's Jeremiah.
1406
00:58:54,807 --> 00:58:56,854
How are you, Myer?
1407
00:58:56,855 --> 00:58:59,798
You're impossible.
1408
00:58:59,799 --> 00:59:03,893
Say, do you suppose
her folks are out of town?
1409
00:59:03,894 --> 00:59:05,431
Honestly.
1410
00:59:05,432 --> 00:59:08,503
Wait, wait, hold it.
Just one second.
1411
00:59:08,504 --> 00:59:11,543
I want to drink in
all this amazing detail.
1412
00:59:11,544 --> 00:59:12,790
Ohh.
1413
00:59:12,791 --> 00:59:14,327
Charlie.
1414
00:59:14,328 --> 00:59:15,608
Julie.
1415
00:59:26,809 --> 00:59:28,152
Julie.
1416
00:59:28,153 --> 00:59:29,432
No, no, Charlie.
1417
00:59:29,433 --> 00:59:32,089
Oh, darling, there's
no use trying to fight it.
1418
00:59:32,089 --> 00:59:33,721
Everything is
conspiring against us--
1419
00:59:33,722 --> 00:59:36,345
Science and the arts
and the animal kingdom.
1420
00:59:36,346 --> 00:59:38,073
Charlie, you mustn't let
them give you any ideas.
1421
00:59:38,074 --> 00:59:40,377
I swear to you it's my own idea.
1422
00:59:40,378 --> 00:59:42,362
But, Charlie, they're
the happiest married couple
1423
00:59:42,363 --> 00:59:45,050
in the neighborhood.
They're entitled--
1424
00:59:45,051 --> 00:59:46,330
Mmm.
1425
01:00:00,539 --> 01:00:03,356
What did I say?
I didn't say anything.
1426
01:00:03,357 --> 01:00:07,484
Charlie, how many girls
are there in your life?
1427
01:00:07,485 --> 01:00:08,829
What?
1428
01:00:08,830 --> 01:00:12,028
I said, how many
other girls are there
1429
01:00:12,029 --> 01:00:13,180
in your life?
1430
01:00:14,205 --> 01:00:16,124
Oh...
1431
01:00:16,125 --> 01:00:19,005
Carol and...
1432
01:00:19,006 --> 01:00:20,860
Jane and...
1433
01:00:20,861 --> 01:00:23,230
That's about it.
1434
01:00:23,231 --> 01:00:25,053
Poppy, Jessica,
1435
01:00:25,054 --> 01:00:26,461
miss Snr, Helen.
1436
01:00:26,462 --> 01:00:27,966
What about them?
1437
01:00:27,967 --> 01:00:29,854
Oh, well, they're
second stringers.
1438
01:00:29,855 --> 01:00:32,446
They practically
never get in the game.
1439
01:00:32,447 --> 01:00:33,726
Ha ha ha!
1440
01:00:33,727 --> 01:00:35,262
You're not funny.
1441
01:00:36,672 --> 01:00:38,144
How many are there?
1442
01:00:39,327 --> 01:00:40,671
Oh, now, baby, you know better
1443
01:00:40,672 --> 01:00:43,903
than to ask that kind
of a question.
1444
01:00:44,863 --> 01:00:46,400
I'm sorry.
1445
01:00:47,807 --> 01:00:49,119
This is a new game to me.
1446
01:00:49,120 --> 01:00:52,032
I don't know the rules.
1447
01:00:52,033 --> 01:00:55,104
Julie, relax!
1448
01:00:55,105 --> 01:00:56,320
How many?
1449
01:00:57,729 --> 01:00:59,649
Sweetie, it's a beautiful night,
1450
01:00:59,650 --> 01:01:02,464
and your folks are up in Boston,
1451
01:01:02,465 --> 01:01:05,216
and there's nobody
in the whole wide world
1452
01:01:05,217 --> 01:01:06,752
except you and me.
1453
01:01:06,753 --> 01:01:08,289
And tomorrow?
1454
01:01:08,290 --> 01:01:11,265
Tomorrow, same thing.
1455
01:01:11,266 --> 01:01:12,705
We could go riding or--
1456
01:01:12,706 --> 01:01:13,792
And Monday?
1457
01:01:13,793 --> 01:01:16,034
What do you want?
A contract?
1458
01:01:16,035 --> 01:01:20,546
No. All I want is
a straight answer
1459
01:01:20,547 --> 01:01:21,826
to a straight question.
1460
01:01:21,827 --> 01:01:26,402
How many other girls
are there in your life?
1461
01:01:26,403 --> 01:01:28,674
496.
1462
01:01:28,675 --> 01:01:32,259
There used to be 497,
1463
01:01:32,260 --> 01:01:34,563
until one of them
started asking questions
1464
01:01:34,564 --> 01:01:36,452
that were none
of her darn business.
1465
01:01:38,820 --> 01:01:40,355
Thank you.
1466
01:01:40,356 --> 01:01:41,444
You are welcome.
1467
01:01:43,749 --> 01:01:46,564
Well, why don't you cry now?
1468
01:01:46,565 --> 01:01:48,227
Doesn't that come next?
1469
01:01:48,228 --> 01:01:49,252
First the silly questions
1470
01:01:49,253 --> 01:01:50,212
and then the silly answers
1471
01:01:50,213 --> 01:01:51,331
and then the tears.
1472
01:01:51,332 --> 01:01:53,541
Go on! Do the whole bit!
1473
01:01:56,294 --> 01:01:58,182
You listen to me.
1474
01:01:58,183 --> 01:02:01,860
Will you listen to me?
1475
01:02:01,861 --> 01:02:04,709
Listen to me,
god's gift to women!
1476
01:02:04,710 --> 01:02:06,278
And listen good!
1477
01:02:07,334 --> 01:02:08,390
From now on
1478
01:02:08,391 --> 01:02:09,926
you're going to call
for me at my house.
1479
01:02:09,927 --> 01:02:11,270
You're going to ask me
1480
01:02:11,271 --> 01:02:12,486
how I want to spend the evening,
1481
01:02:12,487 --> 01:02:13,511
and you're going
to meet my folks
1482
01:02:13,512 --> 01:02:14,503
and be polite to them,
1483
01:02:14,504 --> 01:02:15,526
and you're going to bring me
1484
01:02:15,527 --> 01:02:16,807
candy and flowers!
1485
01:02:16,808 --> 01:02:17,671
Candy?
1486
01:02:17,672 --> 01:02:18,919
And you're going
to drop every one
1487
01:02:18,920 --> 01:02:23,303
of those other girls.
All 496 of them!
1488
01:02:23,304 --> 01:02:25,511
Now, why would I want
to do a thing like that?
1489
01:02:27,944 --> 01:02:29,416
Because I love you.
1490
01:02:31,400 --> 01:02:33,224
Because you what?
1491
01:02:33,225 --> 01:02:35,240
That's right.
1492
01:02:35,241 --> 01:02:36,904
Because I love you.
1493
01:02:36,905 --> 01:02:40,425
You think that's such
a wonderful thing?
1494
01:02:40,426 --> 01:02:42,665
Being in love with you?
1495
01:02:42,666 --> 01:02:46,441
I never wanted to.
I don't want to now.
1496
01:02:46,442 --> 01:02:48,840
You're selfish, you're arrogant,
1497
01:02:48,841 --> 01:02:49,930
you're spoiled.
1498
01:02:49,930 --> 01:02:51,689
You're much too old for me.
1499
01:02:51,690 --> 01:02:53,578
Now see here!
1500
01:02:53,579 --> 01:02:55,019
Too old, I said!
Too old!
1501
01:02:55,020 --> 01:02:57,097
Too selfish, too arrogant,
1502
01:02:57,098 --> 01:02:58,474
too spoiled!
1503
01:02:58,475 --> 01:03:00,906
Oh, lord knows why I love you,
1504
01:03:00,907 --> 01:03:01,994
but I do,
1505
01:03:01,995 --> 01:03:03,787
and that's why
there's going to be
1506
01:03:03,788 --> 01:03:06,154
some changes made right now.
1507
01:03:06,155 --> 01:03:07,692
Now, listen--
1508
01:03:07,692 --> 01:03:08,779
You listen!
1509
01:03:08,780 --> 01:03:10,921
You're very big
with your terrace
1510
01:03:10,922 --> 01:03:12,555
and your fancy nightclubs
1511
01:03:12,556 --> 01:03:14,795
and your professional
dog walkers,
1512
01:03:14,796 --> 01:03:16,779
but let me tell you something--
1513
01:03:16,780 --> 01:03:19,595
You've got a lot
to learn about women!
1514
01:03:19,596 --> 01:03:21,516
Me?
1515
01:03:21,517 --> 01:03:22,700
Yes, you.
1516
01:03:22,701 --> 01:03:24,332
And I'm going to try
to straighten you out
1517
01:03:24,333 --> 01:03:25,677
if it's not too late.
1518
01:03:25,677 --> 01:03:28,044
I'm going to try to
make a man out of you...
1519
01:03:28,045 --> 01:03:32,205
Because that's what
I want to marry--a man!
1520
01:03:33,614 --> 01:03:34,956
Marry?!
1521
01:03:34,957 --> 01:03:37,005
Who--who asked you?
1522
01:03:39,758 --> 01:03:41,613
Well!
1523
01:03:41,614 --> 01:03:43,533
What's this all about?
1524
01:03:43,534 --> 01:03:45,550
If you don't intend to marry me,
1525
01:03:45,551 --> 01:03:48,398
say so now because
that's what I want!
1526
01:03:48,399 --> 01:03:49,678
Not a terrace,
1527
01:03:49,679 --> 01:03:53,166
not Pallala Valezzio,
whatever you call it.
1528
01:03:53,167 --> 01:03:55,086
Just a plain old marriage.
1529
01:03:55,087 --> 01:03:57,391
And a house and kids
1530
01:03:57,392 --> 01:04:00,400
and a life
that makes some sense.
1531
01:04:01,807 --> 01:04:05,263
Are you all through now?
1532
01:04:05,264 --> 01:04:06,991
Yes.
1533
01:04:06,992 --> 01:04:10,032
I take it, then,
this is an ultimatum.
1534
01:04:10,033 --> 01:04:10,897
Yes.
1535
01:04:10,898 --> 01:04:11,983
And you want me to marry you,
1536
01:04:11,984 --> 01:04:14,223
but first you want me to reform
1537
01:04:14,224 --> 01:04:15,824
and mend my ways.
1538
01:04:15,825 --> 01:04:17,168
Yes.
1539
01:04:17,169 --> 01:04:19,729
All right.
1540
01:04:19,730 --> 01:04:20,849
Now let a selfish,
1541
01:04:20,850 --> 01:04:23,888
spoiled, arrogant old man
1542
01:04:23,889 --> 01:04:25,808
tell you a couple of things.
1543
01:04:25,809 --> 01:04:28,497
Before you propose to a man,
1544
01:04:28,498 --> 01:04:29,874
wait until he shows you
1545
01:04:29,875 --> 01:04:31,569
at least a little indication
1546
01:04:31,570 --> 01:04:33,201
that he's interested.
1547
01:04:33,202 --> 01:04:35,217
Also, do not start
1548
01:04:35,218 --> 01:04:39,249
by telling him he is
a decrepit old louse.
1549
01:04:39,250 --> 01:04:42,129
So much for generalities.
1550
01:04:42,130 --> 01:04:45,394
Now let us get down to cases.
1551
01:04:45,395 --> 01:04:46,994
I have never said
1552
01:04:46,995 --> 01:04:48,850
that I wanted to marry you,
1553
01:04:48,851 --> 01:04:52,467
nor am I moved
to do so right now.
1554
01:04:52,468 --> 01:04:54,995
Assuming I did
want to get married,
1555
01:04:54,996 --> 01:04:57,939
I know a girl who
comes a lot closer
1556
01:04:57,940 --> 01:05:01,331
to my idea of being
a wife than you do!
1557
01:05:01,332 --> 01:05:02,676
Humph!
1558
01:05:02,677 --> 01:05:05,686
In fact there are
many, many girls!
1559
01:05:07,093 --> 01:05:09,012
Why, she...
1560
01:05:09,013 --> 01:05:11,830
This is my apartment!
You get out!
1561
01:05:22,231 --> 01:05:23,381
This is my apartment.
1562
01:05:23,382 --> 01:05:24,823
You get out. Tch!
1563
01:05:32,215 --> 01:05:33,494
Ok, what happened?
1564
01:05:33,495 --> 01:05:35,702
If she thinks I'm
going to sit around here
1565
01:05:35,703 --> 01:05:37,303
and wait for her to phone
me and apologize to me,
1566
01:05:37,304 --> 01:05:39,543
she's sadly mistaken, boy.
1567
01:05:39,544 --> 01:05:42,135
You and miss stonewall
Jackson have words?
1568
01:05:42,136 --> 01:05:43,574
You're still on your feet.
1569
01:05:43,575 --> 01:05:44,695
It must have been
a technical K.O.
1570
01:05:44,696 --> 01:05:45,655
Oh, shut up.
1571
01:05:46,616 --> 01:05:47,992
Get that, will ya?
1572
01:05:51,352 --> 01:05:54,616
Still the shank of
the evening anyway.
1573
01:05:54,617 --> 01:05:58,072
Candy and flowers! Tch!
1574
01:05:58,073 --> 01:05:59,993
Any number of girls
who will have me.
1575
01:05:59,994 --> 01:06:02,042
Just as I am, too.
1576
01:06:03,771 --> 01:06:04,825
It's Helen.
1577
01:06:04,826 --> 01:06:06,330
All right, what happened?
1578
01:06:06,330 --> 01:06:08,569
She--Helen? Helen!
1579
01:06:08,570 --> 01:06:11,129
Helen!
1580
01:06:11,130 --> 01:06:12,858
Oh, hello, Charlie.
1581
01:06:12,859 --> 01:06:14,490
I just wanted to tell
you how much I appreciate
1582
01:06:14,491 --> 01:06:15,642
you walking Joe every day.
1583
01:06:15,643 --> 01:06:17,082
Oh, it's nothing, Charlie.
1584
01:06:17,083 --> 01:06:18,810
I thought it would be
a nice idea if tonight
1585
01:06:18,811 --> 01:06:20,985
you and I went out and
had a big fat dinner.
1586
01:06:20,986 --> 01:06:22,874
I'm sorry, Charlie, I can't.
1587
01:06:22,875 --> 01:06:24,635
Well, why not?
1588
01:06:24,636 --> 01:06:28,794
Well, you see, it's
really Joey's fault.
1589
01:06:28,795 --> 01:06:31,098
Well, 2 weeks ago last Monday,
1590
01:06:31,099 --> 01:06:32,892
Joey met a lovely poodle
1591
01:06:32,893 --> 01:06:35,227
on the corner of 57th
and second Avenue
1592
01:06:35,228 --> 01:06:36,860
named Florence.
1593
01:06:36,860 --> 01:06:38,107
Florence has a lovely owner
1594
01:06:38,108 --> 01:06:39,164
named Peter Carruthers.
1595
01:06:39,165 --> 01:06:41,884
Well, as Joey got to
know Florence better,
1596
01:06:41,885 --> 01:06:45,083
I got to know Pete
better and, well,
1597
01:06:45,084 --> 01:06:47,580
last night we decided
to get married.
1598
01:06:47,581 --> 01:06:48,924
Married?
1599
01:06:48,925 --> 01:06:49,884
When?
1600
01:06:49,885 --> 01:06:51,069
Wednesday.
1601
01:06:51,069 --> 01:06:52,221
Wednesday. Oh, well,
1602
01:06:52,222 --> 01:06:53,405
you can still go out
with me tonight.
1603
01:06:53,406 --> 01:06:55,581
Oh, I'm sorry, Charlie, I can't.
1604
01:06:55,582 --> 01:06:56,733
But I'll be eternally grateful
1605
01:06:56,734 --> 01:06:58,525
to you and Joey.
1606
01:06:58,526 --> 01:07:00,766
Oh, course, after Wednesday,
1607
01:07:00,767 --> 01:07:02,942
you'll have to walk him
by yourself.
1608
01:07:02,943 --> 01:07:04,415
Bye.
1609
01:07:12,160 --> 01:07:14,846
What's so funny?
1610
01:07:14,847 --> 01:07:16,191
Do you realize this poor girl
1611
01:07:16,192 --> 01:07:18,687
is going to marry
a poodle owner?
1612
01:07:18,688 --> 01:07:21,120
Poodle owners make
terrible husbands.
1613
01:07:22,848 --> 01:07:24,224
Won't catch me
sitting around here
1614
01:07:24,225 --> 01:07:27,232
by myself tonight.
Not this kid. No, sir.
1615
01:07:27,233 --> 01:07:29,761
Any number of girls...
1616
01:07:35,010 --> 01:07:36,288
Western union.
1617
01:07:36,289 --> 01:07:37,888
I'd like to send a telegram.
1618
01:07:37,889 --> 01:07:40,577
Saks fifth Avenue, New York.
1619
01:07:40,578 --> 01:07:43,009
When a man comes in
and pays $15 for a tie,
1620
01:07:43,010 --> 01:07:44,385
is it too much to expect
1621
01:07:44,386 --> 01:07:46,465
the stinking tie to tie?
1622
01:07:46,466 --> 01:07:48,384
$15 for this tie!
1623
01:07:48,385 --> 01:07:50,305
I used to buy a suit for $15!
1624
01:07:51,842 --> 01:07:53,858
Not you. You're in no condition
1625
01:07:53,859 --> 01:07:55,394
to answer anything.
1626
01:07:57,251 --> 01:07:58,339
Ah, I don't know
why I don't wear
1627
01:07:58,340 --> 01:08:00,002
bow ties anyway.
1628
01:08:00,003 --> 01:08:00,962
Oh, hi, poppy.
1629
01:08:00,963 --> 01:08:01,922
Joe.
1630
01:08:01,923 --> 01:08:04,514
Poppy!
Poppy, you doll!
1631
01:08:04,515 --> 01:08:06,083
How did you know
that in all the world
1632
01:08:06,084 --> 01:08:08,100
the only person I wanted
to see was beautiful you?
1633
01:08:08,101 --> 01:08:11,395
Darling, look out, oh, look out.
1634
01:08:11,396 --> 01:08:14,500
Oh, a present for me!
You shouldn't have done it.
1635
01:08:14,501 --> 01:08:15,620
I had to.
1636
01:08:15,621 --> 01:08:17,283
Nonsense.
All you had to do
1637
01:08:17,284 --> 01:08:19,779
was bring
your little old sweet...
1638
01:08:19,780 --> 01:08:20,869
Self.
1639
01:08:20,870 --> 01:08:22,214
What the heck is it?
1640
01:08:22,214 --> 01:08:23,397
Well, Charlie,
1641
01:08:23,398 --> 01:08:24,900
you know how small
my refrigerator is.
1642
01:08:24,901 --> 01:08:26,085
I can't freeze it in there.
1643
01:08:26,086 --> 01:08:27,974
Well, look at
your refrigerator--
1644
01:08:27,975 --> 01:08:31,878
9 cubic feet and 4 Pearl onions.
1645
01:08:31,878 --> 01:08:33,668
Oh, this is your
uncle's whitefish.
1646
01:08:33,669 --> 01:08:35,686
No, Charlie,
it's your whitefish.
1647
01:08:35,687 --> 01:08:39,974
Oh, well, I'm
delighted to have it,
1648
01:08:39,975 --> 01:08:41,317
and, well, you're
a doll to bring it,
1649
01:08:41,318 --> 01:08:43,431
and I'll take
very good care of it.
1650
01:08:43,432 --> 01:08:47,847
There's something I'd
like to ask you, poppy.
1651
01:08:47,848 --> 01:08:49,063
Uh...
1652
01:08:49,064 --> 01:08:50,247
You are, are you not,
1653
01:08:50,248 --> 01:08:51,943
the girl who loves
Paella Valenciana
1654
01:08:51,944 --> 01:08:53,159
better than anything
else in the world?
1655
01:08:53,160 --> 01:08:54,983
That's me, I'm the girl.
1656
01:08:54,984 --> 01:08:56,296
And you are, are you not,
1657
01:08:56,297 --> 01:08:58,086
the girl who always
shouts "ole!"
1658
01:08:58,087 --> 01:08:59,688
Whenever you hear guitar music?
1659
01:08:59,689 --> 01:09:01,927
I'm the girl that does it. Ole!
1660
01:09:01,928 --> 01:09:03,078
Then you must be the girl
1661
01:09:03,079 --> 01:09:05,384
who's going with me
right now downtown
1662
01:09:05,385 --> 01:09:06,568
to hear some Spanish music
1663
01:09:06,569 --> 01:09:08,840
and eat some Spanish food, yes?
1664
01:09:08,841 --> 01:09:09,800
No.
1665
01:09:12,810 --> 01:09:14,729
No?
1666
01:09:14,729 --> 01:09:16,009
Well, why not?
1667
01:09:16,010 --> 01:09:17,768
Because I have a date
with somebody else.
1668
01:09:17,769 --> 01:09:19,210
He's waiting downstairs.
1669
01:09:20,810 --> 01:09:23,465
Oh? And is he going
to take you downtown
1670
01:09:23,466 --> 01:09:24,777
and buy you espadrille
1671
01:09:24,778 --> 01:09:26,570
and feed you Paella Valenciana?
1672
01:09:26,571 --> 01:09:29,833
No, he is going to take me
to radio city music hall
1673
01:09:29,834 --> 01:09:33,355
and afterwards, if it's
not too late, schrafft's.
1674
01:09:33,356 --> 01:09:34,506
What's your problem?
1675
01:09:34,507 --> 01:09:36,139
Get rid of the square,
and we'll go.
1676
01:09:36,140 --> 01:09:38,988
But he is going
to call me tomorrow.
1677
01:09:44,013 --> 01:09:46,124
Oh?
1678
01:09:46,125 --> 01:09:48,267
Well, does that make him
some sort of a hero?
1679
01:09:48,268 --> 01:09:52,429
It's polite, Charlie.
It's gentlemanly.
1680
01:09:54,732 --> 01:09:56,939
Are you calling me a louse?
1681
01:09:56,940 --> 01:09:59,500
Oh, certainly not.
1682
01:09:59,501 --> 01:10:02,508
I wouldn't dream of
calling you a louse.
1683
01:10:02,509 --> 01:10:04,013
A stinker?
1684
01:10:04,014 --> 01:10:05,999
A stinker. That's it.
1685
01:10:07,597 --> 01:10:08,749
Thanks a lot.
1686
01:10:08,750 --> 01:10:10,925
Por nada.
1687
01:10:10,926 --> 01:10:13,165
Well, then,
I guess it's good-bye.
1688
01:10:13,166 --> 01:10:14,029
Why?
1689
01:10:14,030 --> 01:10:16,430
After what you just called me--
1690
01:10:16,431 --> 01:10:17,965
A stinker?
1691
01:10:17,966 --> 01:10:19,310
But, sweetie,
1692
01:10:19,311 --> 01:10:21,359
I never thought you
were anything else.
1693
01:10:23,823 --> 01:10:28,080
Now, you take good care
of that whitefish. Bye.
1694
01:10:35,985 --> 01:10:38,032
What are you doing tonight?
1695
01:10:53,777 --> 01:10:55,091
What's so amusing?
1696
01:10:56,338 --> 01:10:59,217
Retribution, Charles.
1697
01:10:59,218 --> 01:11:00,497
Comeuppance.
1698
01:11:00,498 --> 01:11:02,193
You're being paid back...
1699
01:11:02,194 --> 01:11:04,946
For all the phone calls
you promised to return
1700
01:11:04,947 --> 01:11:06,290
and didn't,
1701
01:11:06,291 --> 01:11:08,306
for all the cheeses
you didn't eat,
1702
01:11:08,307 --> 01:11:11,057
for all the girls
you fondled and forgot...
1703
01:11:11,058 --> 01:11:13,618
You're being paid back.
1704
01:11:13,619 --> 01:11:15,858
And all in one day.
1705
01:11:15,858 --> 01:11:18,163
That's the beauty of it.
1706
01:11:18,164 --> 01:11:20,276
What's eating you, Joe?
1707
01:11:21,620 --> 01:11:22,996
I'm your best friend,
1708
01:11:22,997 --> 01:11:25,267
and I tell you you're a louse.
1709
01:11:25,268 --> 01:11:29,493
You're one of the few really
indecent men I ever met.
1710
01:11:34,485 --> 01:11:36,212
Go ahead.
Punch me in the nose.
1711
01:11:36,213 --> 01:11:39,284
Why should I?
You'd punch back.
1712
01:11:39,285 --> 01:11:40,436
Beside, how indecent can I be
1713
01:11:40,437 --> 01:11:42,739
if a girl like Sylvia thinks--
1714
01:11:42,740 --> 01:11:43,957
Sylvia!
1715
01:11:43,958 --> 01:11:45,877
You don't have to call Sylvia.
1716
01:11:45,878 --> 01:11:47,126
She'll be here in a few minutes.
1717
01:11:47,127 --> 01:11:49,525
She's coming to pick me up.
1718
01:11:49,526 --> 01:11:51,862
She said it would be nostalgic.
1719
01:11:53,239 --> 01:11:54,261
Now, look, Joe,
1720
01:11:54,262 --> 01:11:55,413
I'm a pretty broad-minded fella.
1721
01:11:55,414 --> 01:11:56,566
To put it mildly.
1722
01:11:56,567 --> 01:11:58,423
And I'm not stuffy
or anything like that,
1723
01:11:58,424 --> 01:12:00,982
but I don't want you
to see Sylvia again.
1724
01:12:00,983 --> 01:12:02,039
Why not?
1725
01:12:02,039 --> 01:12:03,703
Because you are a married man,
1726
01:12:03,703 --> 01:12:04,759
that's why.
1727
01:12:04,760 --> 01:12:06,104
And Sylvia's a girl who--
1728
01:12:06,105 --> 01:12:09,239
Well, she's got marriage
on her mind. Have you?
1729
01:12:09,240 --> 01:12:10,646
Have you?
1730
01:12:10,647 --> 01:12:13,270
No, but I'm in a position
to. You're not.
1731
01:12:13,271 --> 01:12:15,382
You got a wife and 3 kids.
1732
01:12:15,383 --> 01:12:17,303
Now, you keep away from Sylvia.
1733
01:12:17,304 --> 01:12:19,576
Listen, you jerk,
1734
01:12:19,577 --> 01:12:21,657
you want me to keep away
from Sylvia?
1735
01:12:21,658 --> 01:12:24,984
Then do just one thing.
Marry her!
1736
01:12:24,985 --> 01:12:26,712
Marry her?
Yes!
1737
01:12:26,713 --> 01:12:27,800
This is a lady.
1738
01:12:27,801 --> 01:12:29,464
A first-class, triple-distilled,
1739
01:12:29,465 --> 01:12:31,032
"a" number-one lady.
1740
01:12:31,033 --> 01:12:33,754
This isn't a trophy you
hang in your game room.
1741
01:12:33,755 --> 01:12:34,873
This is a girl you marry!
1742
01:12:34,874 --> 01:12:36,473
Why don't you lay off me?
1743
01:12:36,474 --> 01:12:37,529
All you married guys are alike!
1744
01:12:37,530 --> 01:12:38,938
Just because you're hooked,
1745
01:12:38,939 --> 01:12:40,409
you want everybody
else to be hooked.
1746
01:12:40,410 --> 01:12:42,651
Well, that's your
problem, buster!
1747
01:12:46,652 --> 01:12:47,994
Oh, hello.
1748
01:12:47,995 --> 01:12:49,212
Hello.
1749
01:12:49,213 --> 01:12:51,130
Look, I'm sorry.
I know we haven't met,
1750
01:12:51,131 --> 01:12:53,114
but it's just that
I've seen you someplace.
1751
01:12:53,115 --> 01:12:54,395
Well, it's this face of mine.
1752
01:12:54,396 --> 01:12:57,211
It's what everybody's
wearing this season.
1753
01:13:04,892 --> 01:13:05,852
Hi.
1754
01:13:05,853 --> 01:13:08,092
Hi.
1755
01:13:08,093 --> 01:13:10,076
What's the matter?
1756
01:13:10,077 --> 01:13:11,612
Nothing.
1757
01:13:11,613 --> 01:13:12,795
Well, look...
1758
01:13:12,796 --> 01:13:15,452
I haven't known you long,
but I know you pretty well.
1759
01:13:15,453 --> 01:13:16,796
What is it?
1760
01:13:16,797 --> 01:13:19,004
Charlie and I have
been at each other.
1761
01:13:19,005 --> 01:13:21,596
Oh? What about?
1762
01:13:21,597 --> 01:13:23,452
About you.
1763
01:13:23,453 --> 01:13:25,757
Really?
I'm flattered.
1764
01:13:25,758 --> 01:13:27,261
He thinks I shouldn't
go out with you.
1765
01:13:27,262 --> 01:13:28,382
This from a man
1766
01:13:28,383 --> 01:13:29,854
who hasn't even
called you in 2 weeks.
1767
01:13:29,855 --> 01:13:33,950
Oh, that's just Charlie's way.
1768
01:13:33,951 --> 01:13:35,198
I don't get it.
1769
01:13:35,199 --> 01:13:37,279
Anything this guy does
is ok with you.
1770
01:13:37,280 --> 01:13:38,750
Why do you let him
shove you around?
1771
01:13:38,751 --> 01:13:40,031
You're a beautiful woman.
1772
01:13:40,032 --> 01:13:42,015
You're talented.
You're intelligent.
1773
01:13:42,016 --> 01:13:44,574
You're everything
a man dreams about.
1774
01:13:44,575 --> 01:13:47,070
Why do you stand for it?
1775
01:13:47,071 --> 01:13:48,991
Oh, Joe.
1776
01:13:48,992 --> 01:13:50,273
Dear Joe.
1777
01:13:51,553 --> 01:13:55,135
How can I tell you?
1778
01:13:55,136 --> 01:13:56,353
We come to this town
1779
01:13:56,354 --> 01:13:58,399
from Springfield and des moines
1780
01:13:58,400 --> 01:14:00,576
and fort worth
and salt lake city.
1781
01:14:00,577 --> 01:14:02,112
We're young, we're pretty,
1782
01:14:02,113 --> 01:14:03,520
and we're talented.
1783
01:14:03,521 --> 01:14:06,977
All we have to do to
get married is stay home,
1784
01:14:06,978 --> 01:14:10,881
but the boys back home
don't have what we want.
1785
01:14:10,882 --> 01:14:13,377
We got our eyes
on something else--
1786
01:14:13,378 --> 01:14:16,257
A career, glamour, excitement.
1787
01:14:16,258 --> 01:14:18,945
And this is the place
to find it.
1788
01:14:18,946 --> 01:14:22,401
So we come to New York,
and we do pretty well.
1789
01:14:22,402 --> 01:14:24,897
Not great, but pretty well.
1790
01:14:24,898 --> 01:14:26,434
We make a career.
1791
01:14:26,435 --> 01:14:29,506
We find the excitement
and the glamour.
1792
01:14:29,507 --> 01:14:34,498
We go to first nights.
We buy little mink stoles.
1793
01:14:34,499 --> 01:14:35,908
Headwaiters call us by name.
1794
01:14:35,909 --> 01:14:38,723
It's fun.
It's wonderful.
1795
01:14:38,724 --> 01:14:40,708
Till one fine day we look around
1796
01:14:40,709 --> 01:14:43,524
and we're 33 years old,
and we haven't got a man.
1797
01:14:43,525 --> 01:14:45,059
Oh, surely you can--
1798
01:14:45,060 --> 01:14:47,939
Mm-mmm.
1799
01:14:47,940 --> 01:14:50,019
Joe, do you have any idea
1800
01:14:50,020 --> 01:14:52,678
what's available
to a woman of 33?
1801
01:14:54,661 --> 01:14:56,579
Married men,
1802
01:14:56,580 --> 01:14:57,957
drunks,
1803
01:14:57,958 --> 01:15:00,805
pretty boys looking for
someone to support them,
1804
01:15:00,806 --> 01:15:03,622
lunatics looking for
their fifth divorce.
1805
01:15:03,623 --> 01:15:06,565
Quite a list, isn't it?
1806
01:15:06,566 --> 01:15:09,318
So we set our cap for Charlie.
1807
01:15:09,319 --> 01:15:11,686
He's eligible.
He's attractive.
1808
01:15:11,687 --> 01:15:14,246
He's employed
and reasonably sane.
1809
01:15:14,247 --> 01:15:16,679
But you don't love him, do you?
1810
01:15:18,087 --> 01:15:19,751
How did the word love
1811
01:15:19,752 --> 01:15:21,350
ever creep into
this conversation?
1812
01:15:21,351 --> 01:15:23,911
Sylvia, there are worse
things for a girl
1813
01:15:23,912 --> 01:15:25,703
than not getting married.
1814
01:15:25,704 --> 01:15:28,007
Name three.
1815
01:15:28,008 --> 01:15:31,593
Honey, I can't let you
throw yourself away.
1816
01:15:35,306 --> 01:15:38,313
Do you have any
other ideas, Joe?
1817
01:15:40,042 --> 01:15:42,154
Sylvia, I'm...
1818
01:15:44,522 --> 01:15:45,993
So here we are.
1819
01:15:51,947 --> 01:15:52,970
Salaam, sultan.
1820
01:15:55,978 --> 01:15:57,386
Sylvia, darling.
1821
01:15:57,387 --> 01:15:59,147
What's the matter?
1822
01:16:01,771 --> 01:16:04,140
I'm blind, and I'm stupid.
1823
01:16:05,932 --> 01:16:08,842
Joe, you were absolutely right.
1824
01:16:08,843 --> 01:16:10,539
You've opened my eyes.
1825
01:16:10,540 --> 01:16:13,195
I know what I have to do.
1826
01:16:13,196 --> 01:16:14,764
Charlie, what's wrong?
1827
01:16:14,765 --> 01:16:17,291
Here you are, a first-class,
1828
01:16:17,292 --> 01:16:19,564
"a" number-one,
triple-distilled lady.
1829
01:16:19,565 --> 01:16:21,195
What better thing in the world
1830
01:16:21,196 --> 01:16:22,411
could happen to me?
1831
01:16:22,412 --> 01:16:24,876
What better favor
could I do for myself?
1832
01:16:24,877 --> 01:16:27,373
Oh, what is it?
1833
01:16:27,374 --> 01:16:29,550
Sylvia...
1834
01:16:33,517 --> 01:16:34,894
M-m-marry me.
1835
01:16:41,518 --> 01:16:45,613
Well, you will, won't you?
1836
01:16:45,614 --> 01:16:47,278
I will.
1837
01:16:47,279 --> 01:16:49,262
Good, that's settled.
1838
01:16:49,263 --> 01:16:51,695
Why are you crying?
1839
01:16:53,615 --> 01:16:54,863
Don't be alarmed.
1840
01:16:54,864 --> 01:16:57,327
Just standard
operational procedure.
1841
01:16:57,328 --> 01:16:59,727
Yes, sir, this is
the smartest thing
1842
01:16:59,728 --> 01:17:01,007
I've ever done in my life,
1843
01:17:01,008 --> 01:17:02,896
and you darn well know it.
1844
01:17:02,897 --> 01:17:03,887
Mm-hmm.
1845
01:17:03,888 --> 01:17:05,583
What kind of a happy
occasion is this?
1846
01:17:05,584 --> 01:17:07,888
She stands up there
weeping bitter tears,
1847
01:17:07,889 --> 01:17:10,000
and you stand here
grunting at me.
1848
01:17:10,001 --> 01:17:11,409
Where are all the shoes and rice
1849
01:17:11,410 --> 01:17:12,880
and the Roman candles?
1850
01:17:12,881 --> 01:17:14,480
Charlie, I want to wish you
1851
01:17:14,481 --> 01:17:16,144
all the best luck in the world.
1852
01:17:16,145 --> 01:17:18,576
Well, you should.
This was your idea.
1853
01:17:23,794 --> 01:17:26,289
You all right?
No more crying?
1854
01:17:26,290 --> 01:17:28,081
If you think that was crying,
1855
01:17:28,082 --> 01:17:29,969
wait till you catch me
at the wedding.
1856
01:17:29,970 --> 01:17:33,777
Yeah, I may be doing
a good deal of that myself.
1857
01:17:33,778 --> 01:17:37,170
Well, this is a jolly occasion.
1858
01:17:37,171 --> 01:17:41,010
Yeah, there's much
too much gloom here.
1859
01:17:41,011 --> 01:17:43,124
Let's get blind!
1860
01:17:44,852 --> 01:17:46,674
Little large, isn't it?
1861
01:17:46,675 --> 01:17:48,019
Live a little bit.
1862
01:17:48,020 --> 01:17:49,490
How many times in your life
do you get engaged?
1863
01:17:49,491 --> 01:17:50,644
Uh-uh.
1864
01:17:50,645 --> 01:17:52,915
This isn't my party.
I'll pour my own.
1865
01:17:52,916 --> 01:17:56,179
Party! That's what we need!
1866
01:17:56,180 --> 01:17:58,803
We'll have the wing-dingingest
party anybody ever saw.
1867
01:17:58,804 --> 01:17:59,892
Party?
1868
01:17:59,893 --> 01:18:02,325
Yeah, and we'll start
by calling the dunstocks.
1869
01:18:04,756 --> 01:18:06,997
Wonderful people, the dunstocks.
1870
01:18:06,998 --> 01:18:08,917
She happens to be
a little stuffy,
1871
01:18:08,918 --> 01:18:11,126
but he--well, I guess
he is a little, too.
1872
01:18:12,758 --> 01:18:15,637
Hello, Harry?
How are you, old pirate?
1873
01:18:15,638 --> 01:18:16,852
This is Charlie reader.
1874
01:18:16,853 --> 01:18:18,550
Yeah, I know,
but I've been busy.
1875
01:18:18,551 --> 01:18:19,798
Listen, grab
that little wife of yours
1876
01:18:19,799 --> 01:18:21,334
and slip her
into something seductive
1877
01:18:21,335 --> 01:18:22,741
and get right over here.
1878
01:18:22,742 --> 01:18:25,110
Yep, we're going to have
the biggest brawl you ever saw.
1879
01:18:25,111 --> 01:18:28,566
Oh? Well, bring them along.
We'll feed them.
1880
01:18:28,567 --> 01:18:32,118
I don't care how many. 8?
1881
01:18:32,119 --> 01:18:34,775
Bring them over.
That-a boy! Bye.
1882
01:18:34,776 --> 01:18:36,151
Well, we got a start.
1883
01:18:36,152 --> 01:18:39,160
You better get some
more Pearl onions.
1884
01:18:39,161 --> 01:18:41,432
Now, let me see,
who else should we ask?
1885
01:18:43,416 --> 01:18:45,048
How about Danny Fitzpatrick,
honey?
1886
01:18:45,048 --> 01:18:46,007
Is he in or out of the clink?
1887
01:18:46,008 --> 01:18:47,191
In.
1888
01:18:47,192 --> 01:18:49,112
Oh, that's a shame.
He plays great piano.
1889
01:18:49,113 --> 01:18:51,032
You haven't got a piano.
1890
01:18:51,033 --> 01:18:52,440
That wouldn't stop Danny.
1891
01:18:52,441 --> 01:18:54,137
We got to get some musicians.
1892
01:18:54,138 --> 01:18:56,473
They're more fun
than earth people.
1893
01:18:56,474 --> 01:18:57,560
Sol Steiner?
1894
01:18:57,561 --> 01:18:59,353
You're a genius.
1895
01:18:59,354 --> 01:19:00,793
And one thing about sol
1896
01:19:00,794 --> 01:19:02,040
is you always know
where to reach him,
1897
01:19:02,041 --> 01:19:05,816
and if he's not there,
he's just not in town.
1898
01:19:05,817 --> 01:19:09,274
Curly's bar?
Hey, is sol Steiner there?
1899
01:19:09,275 --> 01:19:10,809
Yeah, I'll wait.
1900
01:19:10,810 --> 01:19:11,739
Sol's taking a cure.
1901
01:19:11,740 --> 01:19:14,138
He's trying
to get back on liquor.
1902
01:19:14,139 --> 01:19:15,547
Sol, old man!
Was machst Du?
1903
01:19:15,548 --> 01:19:17,211
Hey, how would you like
to come up
1904
01:19:17,212 --> 01:19:18,714
and have some free drinks?
My place.
1905
01:19:18,715 --> 01:19:21,369
I'm getting engaged, that's why.
1906
01:19:21,370 --> 01:19:23,258
To Sylvia, who else?
1907
01:19:23,259 --> 01:19:27,130
Listen, can you get in touch
with Eddie and Louise?
1908
01:19:27,131 --> 01:19:28,475
I know they're with you,
1909
01:19:28,476 --> 01:19:30,429
but can you
get in touch with them?
1910
01:19:32,541 --> 01:19:34,235
Yeah, bring them along.
1911
01:19:34,236 --> 01:19:36,156
What?
1912
01:19:36,157 --> 01:19:37,692
Honey, Fitzpatrick is out.
1913
01:19:39,293 --> 01:19:40,957
There goes the lease.
1914
01:19:40,958 --> 01:19:42,683
Yeah, bring them along, too.
1915
01:19:42,684 --> 01:19:44,412
That-a boy. Bye.
1916
01:19:44,413 --> 01:19:46,301
What? Who is this?!
1917
01:19:46,302 --> 01:19:48,957
This is Charlie reader,
you idiot. Hurry up.
1918
01:19:48,958 --> 01:19:51,293
If I know curly's,
everybody in the joint
1919
01:19:51,294 --> 01:19:53,821
will make a left turn and
follow sol right up here.
1920
01:19:53,822 --> 01:19:55,357
Get me a glass, will you, Joe?
1921
01:20:01,087 --> 01:20:02,557
Hiya, honey.
1922
01:20:02,558 --> 01:20:05,342
I just thought I'd bring up
this little old cheese.
1923
01:20:05,343 --> 01:20:07,839
I called you about it. Oh.
1924
01:20:07,840 --> 01:20:10,719
Jessica, this is my fiancee.
1925
01:20:10,720 --> 01:20:12,287
Miss Collins, miss Crewes.
1926
01:20:12,288 --> 01:20:13,279
How do you do?
1927
01:20:13,280 --> 01:20:14,238
Your what?
1928
01:20:14,239 --> 01:20:14,944
My fiancee.
1929
01:20:14,945 --> 01:20:16,671
You mean you're engaged?
1930
01:20:16,672 --> 01:20:17,823
Yes.
1931
01:20:17,824 --> 01:20:18,783
To be married?
1932
01:20:18,784 --> 01:20:19,840
Yes.
1933
01:20:25,664 --> 01:20:27,007
A wedding present.
1934
01:20:27,008 --> 01:20:28,288
Thank you.
1935
01:20:28,289 --> 01:20:30,848
Uh, we're going to have
a wing-a-ding-ding brawl
1936
01:20:30,849 --> 01:20:32,032
here tonight, and you're
cordially invited.
1937
01:20:32,033 --> 01:20:33,567
Thank you, Charlie,
1938
01:20:33,568 --> 01:20:35,200
but I got a date with some of
the girls for dinner.
1939
01:20:35,201 --> 01:20:37,057
Girls. Why don't you
bring the girls with you?
1940
01:20:37,058 --> 01:20:38,177
No.
1941
01:20:38,178 --> 01:20:41,248
We're all going to have
laughs and all get blind.
1942
01:20:41,249 --> 01:20:44,483
Well, on second thought, yes...
1943
01:20:47,170 --> 01:20:49,089
Tiiiigerrr.
1944
01:20:49,090 --> 01:20:50,626
Bye.
1945
01:20:50,627 --> 01:20:51,969
Bye.
1946
01:20:51,970 --> 01:20:53,889
Bye.
1947
01:20:53,890 --> 01:20:55,234
Ahem.
1948
01:20:55,235 --> 01:20:57,729
Friend of yours, honey?
1949
01:20:57,730 --> 01:20:59,586
No. Listen,
we better get some food
1950
01:20:59,587 --> 01:21:00,546
as long as we're
going to have a party,
1951
01:21:00,547 --> 01:21:01,699
don't you think?
1952
01:21:01,700 --> 01:21:02,946
With 34 people
coming for dinner?
1953
01:21:02,947 --> 01:21:04,227
What for?
1954
01:21:04,228 --> 01:21:06,019
I'll go get some things.
1955
01:21:06,020 --> 01:21:07,203
Yeah, that's it.
1956
01:21:07,204 --> 01:21:08,132
You go on up to
the delicatessen,
1957
01:21:08,133 --> 01:21:09,186
and Joe and I'll stay here
1958
01:21:09,187 --> 01:21:10,147
and get the bottles open.
1959
01:21:10,148 --> 01:21:11,587
Get some of the fancy stuff
1960
01:21:11,588 --> 01:21:13,987
like caviar and sturgeon and
Turkey and all that jazz.
1961
01:21:13,988 --> 01:21:15,844
And here.
Will $1.00 be enough?
1962
01:21:15,845 --> 01:21:18,724
I'll be back in about an hour.
1963
01:21:18,725 --> 01:21:20,261
I'll count the minutes.
1964
01:21:21,285 --> 01:21:23,076
Tiiiigerrr!
1965
01:21:28,710 --> 01:21:30,534
Oh, gosh, we'll never
have enough stuff
1966
01:21:30,535 --> 01:21:31,653
for all those hoods.
1967
01:21:31,654 --> 01:21:33,188
I better go get some.
1968
01:21:33,189 --> 01:21:34,725
You want to go with me, Joe?
1969
01:21:34,726 --> 01:21:35,527
No!
1970
01:21:35,528 --> 01:21:37,605
Ok, ok, cupid, I'll go myself.
1971
01:22:16,361 --> 01:22:18,281
Oh, I love you so much.
1972
01:22:18,282 --> 01:22:19,849
Oh, I love you, too.
1973
01:22:19,850 --> 01:22:21,673
I was just coming up
to tell you I love you.
1974
01:22:21,674 --> 01:22:24,426
And I was just coming to
tell you so, too, darling.
1975
01:22:24,426 --> 01:22:25,962
Oh, baby, you were so right.
1976
01:22:25,963 --> 01:22:27,689
I need changing,
I need reforming.
1977
01:22:27,690 --> 01:22:29,897
No, no. I like you just
like you are almost.
1978
01:22:29,898 --> 01:22:31,690
I'm the one who has to change.
1979
01:22:31,691 --> 01:22:33,419
I'm too stubborn,
too headstrong,
1980
01:22:33,419 --> 01:22:34,602
too--
1981
01:22:34,603 --> 01:22:36,843
And why is the meter
still running?!
1982
01:22:36,844 --> 01:22:39,403
I've arrived at my destination!
1983
01:22:39,404 --> 01:22:41,258
Too willful, too unyielding.
1984
01:22:41,259 --> 01:22:42,858
From now on, we'll compromise.
1985
01:22:42,859 --> 01:22:43,819
Mm-hmm.
1986
01:22:43,820 --> 01:22:44,907
Oh, Charlie, darling,
pay the driver
1987
01:22:44,908 --> 01:22:46,123
and let's go upstairs.
1988
01:22:46,124 --> 01:22:47,340
We have so much to talk about.
1989
01:22:47,341 --> 01:22:48,685
All right, I will.
1990
01:22:54,412 --> 01:22:55,917
No, no, no.
1991
01:22:55,918 --> 01:22:57,772
You have an early rehearsal
tomorrow morning,
1992
01:22:57,773 --> 01:22:59,149
and I'm emotionally exhausted,
1993
01:22:59,150 --> 01:23:00,844
and I'm going right up
to flop right in bed.
1994
01:23:00,845 --> 01:23:02,157
And aren't you?
1995
01:23:02,158 --> 01:23:04,877
I'll call you the first
thing in the morning.
1996
01:23:04,878 --> 01:23:07,821
Charlie!
1997
01:23:07,822 --> 01:23:08,909
I love you.
1998
01:23:08,910 --> 01:23:13,517
Oh, I love you, too.
Bye, sleep tight.
1999
01:23:13,518 --> 01:23:14,702
Bye.
2000
01:23:14,703 --> 01:23:15,758
Go.
2001
01:23:29,648 --> 01:23:31,151
Congratulations, Mr. reader.
2002
01:23:31,151 --> 01:23:34,447
I understand you're
engaged to a lovely girl.
2003
01:23:34,448 --> 01:23:36,881
2 lovely girls!
2004
01:26:00,956 --> 01:26:02,363
Whatever gave you the idea
2005
01:26:02,364 --> 01:26:05,213
that sue dunstock was stuffy?
2006
01:26:06,205 --> 01:26:07,357
I can't think of many girls
2007
01:26:07,357 --> 01:26:09,403
that would let Danny Fitzpatrick
2008
01:26:09,404 --> 01:26:11,357
give them a crew haircut.
2009
01:26:17,949 --> 01:26:20,958
Who was the girl
in the Turkish shoes?
2010
01:26:23,262 --> 01:26:26,718
Because I think
I'm engaged to her.
2011
01:27:10,306 --> 01:27:11,585
Sol Steiner!
2012
01:27:11,586 --> 01:27:14,561
Man, I thought you'd
never get here.
2013
01:27:14,562 --> 01:27:15,778
You all right?
2014
01:27:15,779 --> 01:27:17,379
Crazy, daddy-o!
2015
01:27:20,963 --> 01:27:23,363
Crazy party.
2016
01:27:23,364 --> 01:27:25,218
Crazy.
2017
01:27:25,219 --> 01:27:27,140
Where's Sylvia?
2018
01:27:28,548 --> 01:27:29,732
Home.
2019
01:27:29,733 --> 01:27:32,003
What do you mean, home?
2020
01:27:32,004 --> 01:27:35,747
H-o-m-e. Home.
Her place.
2021
01:27:35,748 --> 01:27:36,707
I don't dig.
2022
01:27:36,708 --> 01:27:38,947
She's engaged to
Charlie, ain't she?
2023
01:27:38,948 --> 01:27:40,068
Yep.
2024
01:27:40,069 --> 01:27:41,988
And she still goes home?
2025
01:27:41,989 --> 01:27:44,037
Without cleaning up?
2026
01:27:46,405 --> 01:27:47,876
Man, he must be crazy
2027
01:27:47,877 --> 01:27:49,604
to let that chick go home.
2028
01:27:49,605 --> 01:27:52,453
And I don't mean
crazy like cool.
2029
01:27:52,454 --> 01:27:54,052
I'm with you.
2030
01:27:54,053 --> 01:27:55,396
She is the most!
2031
01:27:55,397 --> 01:27:58,244
The end.
2032
01:27:58,245 --> 01:27:59,557
What band are you with?
2033
01:27:59,558 --> 01:28:03,397
I'm with the Indiana
pharmaceutical company.
2034
01:28:03,398 --> 01:28:06,406
What's the matter, man?
Lose your lip?
2035
01:28:06,407 --> 01:28:09,509
You really let
that Sylvia go home?
2036
01:28:09,510 --> 01:28:11,174
Oh, hello, sol.
Yeah.
2037
01:28:11,175 --> 01:28:15,591
Well, you shouldn't have.
This is a real gone doll.
2038
01:28:15,592 --> 01:28:18,406
How'd she ever get on
that Beethoven kick?
2039
01:28:18,407 --> 01:28:19,782
I don't know.
Haven't you got
2040
01:28:19,783 --> 01:28:21,415
a rehearsal or something
this morning?
2041
01:28:21,416 --> 01:28:24,295
Oh, yeah, longines symphonette.
2042
01:28:24,296 --> 01:28:25,959
For that you got to be on time.
2043
01:28:25,960 --> 01:28:27,175
They all got watches.
2044
01:28:27,176 --> 01:28:29,226
Ha ha ha ha!
2045
01:28:30,632 --> 01:28:31,720
Want one for the road?
2046
01:28:31,721 --> 01:28:33,511
Yeah, thanks.
2047
01:28:34,472 --> 01:28:35,945
Ha ha ha!
2048
01:28:44,073 --> 01:28:45,032
Joe...
2049
01:28:45,033 --> 01:28:46,891
I, uh...
2050
01:28:48,618 --> 01:28:50,538
There's something
I have to tell you, Joe.
2051
01:28:50,539 --> 01:28:52,650
Yeah, well, I got something
to tell you, too.
2052
01:29:02,251 --> 01:29:03,338
Hello, Joe.
2053
01:29:03,339 --> 01:29:04,362
Hi.
2054
01:29:04,363 --> 01:29:06,987
Hi, Julie.
2055
01:29:06,988 --> 01:29:08,234
What's wrong?
2056
01:29:08,235 --> 01:29:10,316
I've been trying to get you
on the phone for 3 hours.
2057
01:29:10,316 --> 01:29:11,404
Oh, have you?
2058
01:29:11,405 --> 01:29:13,771
Well, it hasn't
rung, has it, Joe?
2059
01:29:13,772 --> 01:29:14,732
No, no.
2060
01:29:14,733 --> 01:29:16,077
I called 20 times.
2061
01:29:16,078 --> 01:29:17,451
Well, it must be something wrong
2062
01:29:17,452 --> 01:29:18,925
with the phone.
2063
01:29:20,877 --> 01:29:23,500
Danny Fitzpatrick.
2064
01:29:23,501 --> 01:29:25,612
What's been going on here?
2065
01:29:25,613 --> 01:29:27,980
Aren't you due
at rehearsal now, dear?
2066
01:29:27,981 --> 01:29:29,901
What went on here last night?
2067
01:29:29,902 --> 01:29:31,149
Joe, mocking:
Yeah, Charlie,
2068
01:29:31,150 --> 01:29:32,398
what went on here last night?
2069
01:29:32,399 --> 01:29:33,453
Uh, not a thing.
Nothing.
2070
01:29:33,454 --> 01:29:35,278
Wouldn't you like
a cup of coffee?
2071
01:29:39,694 --> 01:29:40,653
Hello, darling.
2072
01:29:40,654 --> 01:29:41,614
Hi, Sylvia.
2073
01:29:41,615 --> 01:29:43,501
Hey! Ha ha ha!
2074
01:29:43,502 --> 01:29:46,511
Well, how are yooooou?
2075
01:29:46,512 --> 01:29:47,470
Hi, Joe.
2076
01:29:47,471 --> 01:29:48,557
Hi.
2077
01:29:48,558 --> 01:29:49,806
What's the matter
with your phone?
2078
01:29:49,807 --> 01:29:51,567
I've been trying to
call you all morning.
2079
01:29:51,568 --> 01:29:53,615
Danny Fitzpatrick.
2080
01:29:55,440 --> 01:29:56,719
Oh, yeah, I remember.
2081
01:29:56,720 --> 01:29:58,159
Sylvia, you know Julie,
don't you?
2082
01:29:58,160 --> 01:30:00,655
Oh, yes. Hello.
2083
01:30:00,656 --> 01:30:01,903
Honey.
2084
01:30:01,904 --> 01:30:03,600
What brings you here so bright
and early this morning?
2085
01:30:03,601 --> 01:30:06,096
Did you by any chance
find a diamond earring
2086
01:30:06,097 --> 01:30:07,183
around here someplace
this morning?
2087
01:30:07,184 --> 01:30:08,463
And please say yes.
2088
01:30:08,464 --> 01:30:09,423
Diamond earring?
2089
01:30:09,424 --> 01:30:10,639
No.
2090
01:30:10,640 --> 01:30:11,825
Oh, that's terrible.
2091
01:30:11,825 --> 01:30:13,584
Sue dunstock's going
out of her mind.
2092
01:30:13,585 --> 01:30:14,864
She couldn't reach you
this morning,
2093
01:30:14,865 --> 01:30:16,913
so she started
calling me at 7:00.
2094
01:30:16,914 --> 01:30:19,729
And Harry screaming
at her the whole time.
2095
01:30:19,730 --> 01:30:20,913
It isn't enough
2096
01:30:20,914 --> 01:30:22,481
you let that idiot
shave your head?
2097
01:30:22,482 --> 01:30:24,881
You had to let him steal
your diamond earring, too?
2098
01:30:24,882 --> 01:30:26,642
Ha ha ha!
2099
01:30:41,075 --> 01:30:44,370
Must have been
some party last night.
2100
01:30:44,371 --> 01:30:45,971
Oh, the greatest.
2101
01:30:45,972 --> 01:30:49,491
I haven't played run,
sheep, run in years.
2102
01:30:49,492 --> 01:30:51,987
What was it?
An occasion of some kind?
2103
01:30:51,988 --> 01:30:54,100
Indeed it was.
2104
01:30:54,101 --> 01:30:56,788
What kind of an occasion?
2105
01:30:56,789 --> 01:30:58,708
A happy occasion.
2106
01:30:58,709 --> 01:31:01,172
Ah. Hey, we better
look for the earring.
2107
01:31:01,173 --> 01:31:03,893
What do you mean,
a happy occasion?
2108
01:31:03,893 --> 01:31:05,684
What is this, miss Gillis?
2109
01:31:05,685 --> 01:31:07,123
The third degree?
2110
01:31:07,124 --> 01:31:09,205
I have a right to know.
2111
01:31:09,206 --> 01:31:10,293
What right?
2112
01:31:10,294 --> 01:31:11,637
The right of a fiancee.
2113
01:31:11,638 --> 01:31:14,069
Charlie and I became
engaged last night.
2114
01:31:14,070 --> 01:31:16,118
What?!
2115
01:31:22,071 --> 01:31:24,695
I can't seem to find
the earring back here.
2116
01:31:28,471 --> 01:31:29,846
You see, my child,
2117
01:31:29,847 --> 01:31:31,735
shortly after Charlie
proposed to you last night,
2118
01:31:31,736 --> 01:31:33,399
he threw a whacking big party
2119
01:31:33,400 --> 01:31:35,319
to announce his engagement.
2120
01:31:35,320 --> 01:31:36,471
His engagement to Sylvia,
2121
01:31:36,472 --> 01:31:38,488
that is, not to you.
2122
01:31:39,991 --> 01:31:42,136
Perhaps he's planning
on another party
2123
01:31:42,137 --> 01:31:44,313
for your engagement later.
2124
01:31:46,648 --> 01:31:47,993
Charlie!
2125
01:31:51,129 --> 01:31:53,465
Is that true?
2126
01:31:59,129 --> 01:32:00,602
Yes.
2127
01:32:01,946 --> 01:32:04,345
It's true.
2128
01:32:04,346 --> 01:32:08,986
You were engaged all the time
you were kissing me,
2129
01:32:08,987 --> 01:32:11,034
telling me you loved me?
2130
01:32:11,035 --> 01:32:13,146
You were engaged
to somebody else?
2131
01:32:13,147 --> 01:32:14,075
Yes.
2132
01:32:14,076 --> 01:32:16,346
No, I mean, no.
I was, and I wasn't.
2133
01:32:16,347 --> 01:32:18,330
Yes and no!
Was and wasn't!
2134
01:32:18,331 --> 01:32:19,962
Of all the contemptible--
2135
01:32:19,963 --> 01:32:21,530
You are the worst--
2136
01:32:21,531 --> 01:32:24,155
I never want to see you again!
2137
01:32:24,156 --> 01:32:26,715
Oh, you're a terrible,
terrible man!
2138
01:32:26,716 --> 01:32:28,060
Julie!
2139
01:32:50,813 --> 01:32:52,733
I found your shoes.
2140
01:32:52,734 --> 01:32:54,525
Oh. Where were they?
2141
01:32:54,526 --> 01:32:56,574
The icebox.
2142
01:32:56,575 --> 01:32:58,431
Oh, yeah.
2143
01:33:07,134 --> 01:33:08,350
This has been all in all
2144
01:33:08,350 --> 01:33:10,399
a memorable day.
2145
01:33:10,400 --> 01:33:11,680
If my luck holds out,
2146
01:33:11,680 --> 01:33:14,368
I should get hit by
a truck on the way home.
2147
01:33:15,967 --> 01:33:18,783
I couldn't sleep
a wink last night.
2148
01:33:18,784 --> 01:33:20,960
Really?
2149
01:33:20,961 --> 01:33:22,880
Yeah, I kept thinking that--
2150
01:33:22,881 --> 01:33:24,799
Well, thinking that...
2151
01:33:24,800 --> 01:33:27,296
I was struggling with myself.
2152
01:33:27,297 --> 01:33:29,600
Who won?
2153
01:33:29,601 --> 01:33:31,841
3 things kept me up.
2154
01:33:31,842 --> 01:33:34,721
First, I couldn't
let you marry Charlie.
2155
01:33:34,722 --> 01:33:37,856
Well, that's taken care of.
2156
01:33:37,857 --> 01:33:39,201
Two?
2157
01:33:39,202 --> 01:33:40,833
You remember yesterday
when I told you
2158
01:33:40,834 --> 01:33:42,082
you shouldn't marry Charlie?
2159
01:33:42,083 --> 01:33:43,746
You asked me if
I had any other ideas?
2160
01:33:43,747 --> 01:33:44,833
Yeah.
2161
01:33:44,834 --> 01:33:46,881
Well, I have.
2162
01:33:46,882 --> 01:33:49,569
I love you, Sylvia.
2163
01:33:49,570 --> 01:33:50,722
I think I've loved you
2164
01:33:50,723 --> 01:33:51,810
from the first moment I saw you.
2165
01:33:51,811 --> 01:33:54,115
I want you to marry me.
2166
01:33:58,404 --> 01:34:01,283
What was the third thing
that kept you up?
2167
01:34:01,284 --> 01:34:03,524
How to tell Ethel.
2168
01:34:03,525 --> 01:34:06,597
I've got to write her
a long letter.
2169
01:34:07,684 --> 01:34:08,835
Wouldn't it be more manly
2170
01:34:08,836 --> 01:34:09,924
to tell her face-to-face?
2171
01:34:09,925 --> 01:34:12,164
That would be too manly.
2172
01:34:12,165 --> 01:34:14,724
Well, there's always
the telephone.
2173
01:34:14,725 --> 01:34:16,260
Right now?
2174
01:34:16,261 --> 01:34:17,476
What better time?
2175
01:34:17,477 --> 01:34:20,100
Sunday. Night rates
apply all day.
2176
01:34:20,101 --> 01:34:22,404
Are you laughing at me?
2177
01:34:22,405 --> 01:34:25,254
No. Not at all.
2178
01:34:25,255 --> 01:34:31,206
All right. All right,
I'll call her right now.
2179
01:34:36,039 --> 01:34:37,832
Ohh.
2180
01:34:38,663 --> 01:34:40,583
We forgot.
2181
01:34:40,584 --> 01:34:42,887
Danny Fitzpatrick cut it.
2182
01:34:42,888 --> 01:34:45,958
What about the drugstore
on the corner?
2183
01:34:45,959 --> 01:34:47,622
Nothing but phones.
2184
01:34:47,623 --> 01:34:48,998
If you haven't got
enough quarters,
2185
01:34:48,999 --> 01:34:51,144
you can always
reverse the charges.
2186
01:34:51,145 --> 01:34:52,742
Well, yeah, but, uh...
2187
01:34:52,743 --> 01:34:54,216
What's the matter, Joe?
2188
01:34:54,217 --> 01:34:55,688
You want to marry me
2189
01:34:55,689 --> 01:34:57,767
but not enough to take
that walk to the drugstore?
2190
01:34:57,768 --> 01:34:59,880
Oh, it isn't that.
2191
01:34:59,881 --> 01:35:02,984
But a thing like this,
right out of the blue.
2192
01:35:02,985 --> 01:35:05,033
I don't want to shock Ethel.
2193
01:35:06,505 --> 01:35:09,960
You see, Ethel
thinks I love her.
2194
01:35:09,961 --> 01:35:11,753
But you do.
2195
01:35:14,858 --> 01:35:17,066
Joe...
2196
01:35:17,067 --> 01:35:18,729
Darling.
2197
01:35:18,730 --> 01:35:21,866
Shall I tell you something?
2198
01:35:21,867 --> 01:35:23,530
You think you love me
2199
01:35:23,531 --> 01:35:25,706
because I'm so much like Ethel.
2200
01:35:25,707 --> 01:35:28,587
You? Like Ethel?
2201
01:35:28,588 --> 01:35:30,762
I want wall-to-wall carpeting
2202
01:35:30,763 --> 01:35:33,003
and French provincial furniture
2203
01:35:33,004 --> 01:35:34,058
and a house full of kids
2204
01:35:34,059 --> 01:35:36,747
all with good straight teeth.
2205
01:35:36,748 --> 01:35:38,539
What did you think?
2206
01:35:38,540 --> 01:35:41,611
Moonbeams, candlelight suppers,
2207
01:35:41,612 --> 01:35:43,275
cloud number 7?
2208
01:35:43,276 --> 01:35:45,068
Joe, you know what you've got?
2209
01:35:45,069 --> 01:35:48,331
You've got
the married man's dream.
2210
01:35:48,332 --> 01:35:49,483
You want a girl.
2211
01:35:49,484 --> 01:35:52,492
That's what you all
want. A girl.
2212
01:35:52,493 --> 01:35:54,860
And that's what
you can never have
2213
01:35:54,861 --> 01:35:57,227
because the only way
to have a girl
2214
01:35:57,228 --> 01:35:58,700
is not to marry her...
2215
01:35:58,701 --> 01:36:02,093
Because then she becomes a wife.
2216
01:36:02,094 --> 01:36:05,358
That's something
entirely different.
2217
01:36:05,359 --> 01:36:08,430
No, Sylvia, you'd be different.
2218
01:36:12,142 --> 01:36:16,173
Joe, ask me one more question.
2219
01:36:16,174 --> 01:36:17,583
Ask me if I love you.
2220
01:36:21,744 --> 01:36:26,671
I like you, Joe.
I like you very much.
2221
01:36:26,672 --> 01:36:28,720
But I don't love you.
2222
01:36:32,241 --> 01:36:34,863
On behalf of the visiting
fireman from Indiana,
2223
01:36:34,864 --> 01:36:36,208
I thank you.
2224
01:36:50,482 --> 01:36:53,106
She slammed the taxi
door on my hand.
2225
01:36:54,642 --> 01:36:58,290
Well, I guess it's
your turn now, Sylvia.
2226
01:37:00,274 --> 01:37:03,538
Well, Charlie...
2227
01:37:03,539 --> 01:37:06,418
There are some girls
who might say
2228
01:37:06,419 --> 01:37:07,634
that ours was not
2229
01:37:07,635 --> 01:37:11,219
the most romantic
engagement on record.
2230
01:37:11,220 --> 01:37:13,970
There are some girls
who might even say
2231
01:37:13,971 --> 01:37:16,883
that our entire courtship
2232
01:37:16,884 --> 01:37:18,643
left something to be desired.
2233
01:37:18,644 --> 01:37:21,333
As a matter of fact,
I'm one of those girls.
2234
01:37:23,125 --> 01:37:25,172
What can I say, Sylvia?
2235
01:37:25,173 --> 01:37:26,708
To say I'm sorry
2236
01:37:26,709 --> 01:37:29,909
would just merely be
adding insult to injury.
2237
01:37:31,060 --> 01:37:32,469
So what can I say?
2238
01:37:32,469 --> 01:37:34,196
That I'm the heel of all time?
2239
01:37:34,197 --> 01:37:35,860
Well, it might make
you happy to know
2240
01:37:35,861 --> 01:37:37,268
that right now
2241
01:37:37,269 --> 01:37:39,317
I'm the unhappiest
heel of all time.
2242
01:37:39,318 --> 01:37:43,926
I know you are, Charlie,
and I'm sorry, not happy.
2243
01:37:45,910 --> 01:37:48,149
Sylvia, you're probably
the most wonderful woman
2244
01:37:48,150 --> 01:37:50,966
on this earth
or any other earth.
2245
01:37:50,967 --> 01:37:53,206
I agree.
2246
01:37:53,207 --> 01:37:54,677
It's just my tough luck
2247
01:37:54,678 --> 01:37:55,990
that I didn't
fall in love with you
2248
01:37:55,991 --> 01:37:59,415
and marry you... And
let you make me happy.
2249
01:37:59,416 --> 01:38:02,871
I had to fall
in love with Julie.
2250
01:38:02,872 --> 01:38:04,535
I love her.
2251
01:38:04,536 --> 01:38:07,031
She's nuts, but I love her.
2252
01:38:07,032 --> 01:38:09,911
Then don't you settle
for anyone but Julie.
2253
01:38:09,912 --> 01:38:12,985
Don't you be satisfied
with second best.
2254
01:38:15,738 --> 01:38:17,463
I know one thing.
2255
01:38:17,464 --> 01:38:20,472
There'll be no second
best for me anymore.
2256
01:38:20,473 --> 01:38:22,968
I'm going to find me an
honest-to-goodness guy
2257
01:38:22,969 --> 01:38:24,056
who's looking for
2258
01:38:24,057 --> 01:38:26,265
an honest-to-goodness girl.
2259
01:38:26,266 --> 01:38:27,928
Somewhere in this great city
2260
01:38:27,929 --> 01:38:29,658
there must be one.
2261
01:38:31,897 --> 01:38:35,866
Oh, thank you for
a lovely engagement.
2262
01:38:39,643 --> 01:38:40,794
Oh, I'm sorry to bust in,
2263
01:38:40,795 --> 01:38:42,586
but I think this belongs to you.
2264
01:38:42,587 --> 01:38:45,082
Someone threw it up
to my terrace last night.
2265
01:38:45,082 --> 01:38:46,075
Look, whoever you are,
2266
01:38:46,076 --> 01:38:47,258
I got enough trouble as it is.
2267
01:38:47,259 --> 01:38:48,955
No, I'm not angry.
I'd just like to suggest
2268
01:38:48,956 --> 01:38:51,547
that the next time you throw
a party, you invite me.
2269
01:38:51,548 --> 01:38:52,700
I love brawls.
2270
01:38:55,260 --> 01:38:56,540
Hello.
2271
01:38:58,845 --> 01:39:00,124
Well, you boys won't have to
2272
01:39:00,125 --> 01:39:01,531
go out to dinner tonight.
2273
01:39:01,532 --> 01:39:03,323
Bye, Charlie.
2274
01:39:03,324 --> 01:39:04,797
So long, fireman.
2275
01:39:07,165 --> 01:39:08,637
So long, Sylvia.
2276
01:39:09,661 --> 01:39:11,614
Thanks.
2277
01:39:11,614 --> 01:39:15,646
Where the blazes
were you 12 years ago?
2278
01:39:23,646 --> 01:39:25,054
Excuse me.
2279
01:39:28,319 --> 01:39:30,654
I, uh, guess you can't expect
2280
01:39:30,655 --> 01:39:32,735
too much service on Sunday.
2281
01:39:35,039 --> 01:39:37,597
Don't you play on NBC?
2282
01:39:37,598 --> 01:39:38,941
Yes.
2283
01:39:38,942 --> 01:39:41,247
That's where
I remember you from.
2284
01:39:41,248 --> 01:39:44,127
I never miss a telecast.
2285
01:39:44,128 --> 01:39:46,622
You mean you recognized
me from the telecast?
2286
01:39:46,623 --> 01:39:48,927
Uh-huh.
Violin section.
2287
01:39:48,928 --> 01:39:50,079
But they only cut to us
2288
01:39:50,080 --> 01:39:52,129
maybe 3 or 4 times
during a program.
2289
01:39:52,130 --> 01:39:55,263
You forget you're the only
woman in the section.
2290
01:39:55,264 --> 01:39:56,607
Oh.
2291
01:39:56,608 --> 01:39:59,776
And a most decorative one, too,
2292
01:39:59,777 --> 01:40:01,024
if I may say so.
2293
01:40:01,025 --> 01:40:02,177
Thank you.
2294
01:40:02,178 --> 01:40:03,968
I see no reason
why you shouldn't.
2295
01:40:03,969 --> 01:40:08,161
Tell me, the next concert's
on Wednesday, isn't it?
2296
01:40:08,162 --> 01:40:09,185
Yes.
2297
01:40:09,186 --> 01:40:11,331
I think this time I'm
going to buy a ticket.
2298
01:40:13,314 --> 01:40:16,994
Uh, do you know the question
about bearded people?
2299
01:40:16,995 --> 01:40:20,994
I mean, do they sleep with it
under or over the covers?
2300
01:40:20,995 --> 01:40:23,427
Well, I've often wondered
about musicians.
2301
01:40:24,772 --> 01:40:29,794
Do they eat before
or after a concert?
2302
01:40:29,795 --> 01:40:31,075
Because I was wondering
2303
01:40:31,076 --> 01:40:33,317
if after the concert on
Wednesday you'd come...
2304
01:40:39,460 --> 01:40:40,420
Where you going?
2305
01:40:40,421 --> 01:40:42,467
Home.
2306
01:40:42,468 --> 01:40:46,051
Indianapolis,
gateway to the west.
2307
01:40:46,052 --> 01:40:48,547
Leave me here alone?
2308
01:40:48,548 --> 01:40:49,572
Alone?
2309
01:40:49,573 --> 01:40:51,685
In the morning
your phone will be fixed.
2310
01:40:51,686 --> 01:40:55,205
By sunset, you'll be
knee-deep in whitefish
2311
01:40:55,206 --> 01:40:58,470
and rare Wisconsin cheeses.
2312
01:40:59,815 --> 01:41:01,735
I don't want whitefish.
2313
01:41:01,736 --> 01:41:04,678
I don't want rare
Wisconsin cheeses.
2314
01:41:04,679 --> 01:41:08,518
Nor do I want poppy
or Jessica or miss Snr.
2315
01:41:09,479 --> 01:41:11,271
I just want Julie.
2316
01:41:12,742 --> 01:41:14,853
Do you know my idea
of heaven now, Joe?
2317
01:41:14,854 --> 01:41:16,167
What?
2318
01:41:16,168 --> 01:41:18,119
To be so much
in love with a girl
2319
01:41:18,120 --> 01:41:19,335
and have her love you so much
2320
01:41:19,336 --> 01:41:20,936
that you wouldn't think
of taking a vacation
2321
01:41:20,937 --> 01:41:23,463
from each other for 11 years.
2322
01:41:23,464 --> 01:41:24,456
11 years!
2323
01:41:28,649 --> 01:41:29,673
I got a dog in there
2324
01:41:29,674 --> 01:41:31,464
who's got the straightest teeth.
2325
01:41:31,465 --> 01:41:33,160
Doesn't need any wiring.
2326
01:41:33,161 --> 01:41:35,369
They don't even need brushing.
2327
01:41:35,370 --> 01:41:38,632
Would you swap that
for your kids, Joe?
2328
01:41:38,633 --> 01:41:42,089
No. Not unless you threw in
fort Knox or something.
2329
01:41:42,090 --> 01:41:44,520
Well, you know what I mean.
2330
01:41:44,521 --> 01:41:46,504
I'm sorry, Charlie.
2331
01:41:46,505 --> 01:41:48,521
Well...
I better rush
2332
01:41:48,522 --> 01:41:50,473
if I'm going to catch the 3:00.
2333
01:41:50,474 --> 01:41:53,513
Couldn't you at least stay
and have dinner with me?
2334
01:41:53,514 --> 01:41:54,858
I'd like to,
2335
01:41:54,859 --> 01:41:56,362
but I--that wouldn't
get me in till 1:00.
2336
01:41:56,363 --> 01:41:57,642
I don't want Ethel driving
2337
01:41:57,643 --> 01:42:00,266
out to the airport at that hour.
2338
01:42:00,267 --> 01:42:02,635
She wouldn't have to.
You could take a cab.
2339
01:42:02,636 --> 01:42:05,514
Yeah, but she likes
picking me up.
2340
01:42:05,515 --> 01:42:08,394
Come to think of it,
I like being picked up.
2341
01:42:08,395 --> 01:42:11,980
Yeah, I guess you
better make the 3:00.
2342
01:42:18,349 --> 01:42:19,467
So long, sport.
2343
01:42:19,468 --> 01:42:21,964
Thanks for everything.
2344
01:42:21,965 --> 01:42:23,691
Good-bye, Joe.
2345
01:42:23,692 --> 01:42:25,803
Give my love to the family.
2346
01:42:25,804 --> 01:42:26,860
Ok.
2347
01:42:26,861 --> 01:42:28,077
You write now, you hear?
2348
01:42:31,694 --> 01:42:34,829
How long you figure it'll be
till I see you again, Joe?
2349
01:42:34,830 --> 01:42:38,670
Oh, about 11 years.
2350
01:42:40,206 --> 01:42:43,023
So long, pal.
2351
01:42:49,231 --> 01:42:51,663
Forgot Ethel and the kids.
2352
01:43:12,561 --> 01:43:15,248
Pierre hotel, quick as you can.
2353
01:43:15,249 --> 01:43:17,329
I'm late for a wedding.
2354
01:43:17,330 --> 01:43:18,321
Ok.
2355
01:43:23,442 --> 01:43:24,560
Drop this luggage
2356
01:43:24,561 --> 01:43:25,969
at 600 east 57th street,
will you?
2357
01:43:25,970 --> 01:43:26,961
Fine.
2358
01:43:26,961 --> 01:43:29,746
I now pronounce you
man and wife.
2359
01:44:50,809 --> 01:44:54,649
Julie, will you marry me?
2360
01:44:54,650 --> 01:44:55,994
Why?
2361
01:44:55,995 --> 01:45:00,345
Well, because I love you.
2362
01:45:01,946 --> 01:45:02,715
Oh?
2363
01:45:02,716 --> 01:45:04,249
Yes. I love you.
2364
01:45:04,250 --> 01:45:06,170
And...
2365
01:45:06,171 --> 01:45:08,474
Well, tomorrow morning
2366
01:45:08,475 --> 01:45:09,435
you could pick me up
at the apartment--
2367
01:45:09,435 --> 01:45:10,714
I could what?
2368
01:45:10,715 --> 01:45:13,145
And we could go down
to the license bureau.
2369
01:45:13,146 --> 01:45:16,283
That is, I mean,
I'll pick you up,
2370
01:45:16,284 --> 01:45:18,010
and we could go
to the license bureau
2371
01:45:18,011 --> 01:45:20,315
and be married and
then have a baby and...
2372
01:45:20,315 --> 01:45:23,387
And have another baby
in the country.
2373
01:45:23,388 --> 01:45:24,860
Oh, Julie.
2374
01:45:28,571 --> 01:45:32,476
♪ You see a pair
of laughing eyes ♪
2375
01:45:32,477 --> 01:45:36,413
♪ And suddenly
you're sighing sighs ♪
2376
01:45:36,413 --> 01:45:37,884
♪ You're thinking
nothing's wrong ♪
2377
01:45:37,885 --> 01:45:41,244
♪ You string along, boy,
then snap! ♪
2378
01:45:41,245 --> 01:45:44,605
♪ Va-voom voom voom voom voom ♪
2379
01:45:44,606 --> 01:45:48,509
♪ You wonder
how it all came about ♪
2380
01:45:48,510 --> 01:45:52,765
♪ It's too late now,
there's no getting out ♪
2381
01:45:52,766 --> 01:45:55,453
♪ You fell in love ♪
2382
01:45:55,454 --> 01:46:01,343
♪ And love is the tender trap ♪
162519
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