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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,086 --> 00:00:03,959 Okay, Grover, this is it. 2 00:00:04,046 --> 00:00:05,997 If the kicker misses, we stay alive, 3 00:00:06,085 --> 00:00:07,742 and those losers go home. 4 00:00:08,134 --> 00:00:10,966 But... if he misses, won't he feel sad? 5 00:00:11,053 --> 00:00:13,093 Yeah, he'll be devastated. 6 00:00:13,781 --> 00:00:15,726 It's my favorite part of football. 7 00:00:16,427 --> 00:00:18,242 Okay, here comes the kick. 8 00:00:21,367 --> 00:00:23,085 Yes! No good! 9 00:00:23,173 --> 00:00:24,228 No good! 10 00:00:24,316 --> 00:00:25,677 Ha! That's so good! 11 00:00:25,765 --> 00:00:27,404 Look at his... look at his face. 12 00:00:27,492 --> 00:00:28,562 Oh, what happened? 13 00:00:28,658 --> 00:00:29,982 The kicker missed the field goal. 14 00:00:30,070 --> 00:00:32,125 Aw. He must feel so sad. 15 00:00:33,968 --> 00:00:35,029 Is Tina still at church? 16 00:00:35,117 --> 00:00:36,187 It's getting kind of late. 17 00:00:36,446 --> 00:00:38,242 Yeah, she's on the selection committee 18 00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:39,898 to choose a new pastor. 19 00:00:40,063 --> 00:00:41,966 She really likes this latest candidate. 20 00:00:42,054 --> 00:00:44,439 Ooh, is he the "fire and brimstone" type, 21 00:00:44,526 --> 00:00:46,441 or more of a hip, guitar-playing dude 22 00:00:46,528 --> 00:00:48,787 who's down with the G-O-D? 23 00:00:49,779 --> 00:00:51,435 I haven't met him. 24 00:00:51,544 --> 00:00:53,980 But Tina spending Sundays at church 25 00:00:54,068 --> 00:00:56,617 lets this dude be down with the NFL. 26 00:00:57,770 --> 00:00:59,292 And if that's not the Lord's work, 27 00:00:59,380 --> 00:01:00,840 I don't know what is. 28 00:01:03,465 --> 00:01:05,334 Oh. Hey, guys. 29 00:01:05,422 --> 00:01:07,045 This is Pastor Don. 30 00:01:07,148 --> 00:01:10,023 Pastor Don, this is my lovely husband, Calvin, 31 00:01:10,119 --> 00:01:12,013 our neighbor Dave and his son Grover. 32 00:01:12,101 --> 00:01:13,134 - Hi. How are you? - Hi. 33 00:01:13,221 --> 00:01:14,763 It's nice to meet you all. 34 00:01:14,974 --> 00:01:16,709 So, uh... 35 00:01:17,091 --> 00:01:19,732 what brings you by, Pastor, 36 00:01:19,953 --> 00:01:22,326 just before the late game starts? 37 00:01:23,263 --> 00:01:26,451 Well, I invited him to join us for Sunday dinner. 38 00:01:26,614 --> 00:01:27,693 There. 39 00:01:27,781 --> 00:01:30,169 Whoa, whoa, Tina, what are you doing? 40 00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:32,912 I didn't invite the pastor over here to watch football. 41 00:01:33,045 --> 00:01:35,248 I brought him here to get to know us better. 42 00:01:35,341 --> 00:01:38,159 Well, let me start by letting you know 43 00:01:38,246 --> 00:01:39,888 how much I love football. 44 00:01:43,089 --> 00:01:44,417 Calvin. 45 00:01:45,637 --> 00:01:46,643 Fine. 46 00:01:47,004 --> 00:01:48,120 Hey. 47 00:01:48,216 --> 00:01:50,380 That's the same face the kicker made. 48 00:01:51,475 --> 00:01:53,986 ♪ Welcome to the block, welcome to the neighborhood ♪ 49 00:01:54,137 --> 00:01:55,903 ♪ Welcome to the hood. ♪ *THE NEIGHBORHOOD* Season 02 Episode 13 50 00:01:56,105 --> 00:01:58,041 Episode Title : "Welcome to the New Pastor" 51 00:01:58,191 --> 00:01:59,931 So, Pastor Don, congratulations 52 00:02:00,019 --> 00:02:01,353 on your new job. 53 00:02:01,393 --> 00:02:02,519 Or should I say... 54 00:02:02,607 --> 00:02:04,189 "Job." 55 00:02:06,648 --> 00:02:07,672 So, uh, 56 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:11,174 blasphemy's okay, but I can't watch football? 57 00:02:11,973 --> 00:02:14,419 You know, the truth is, I-I don't have the job yet. 58 00:02:14,507 --> 00:02:15,806 I'm still on a trial run. 59 00:02:16,065 --> 00:02:18,336 All right, everyone, dinner is served. 60 00:02:18,424 --> 00:02:21,742 All right. You know, if we cut down on the chitchat, 61 00:02:21,830 --> 00:02:23,955 we can be done by halftime. 62 00:02:25,220 --> 00:02:27,398 Okay, so, Pastor, why don't you sit here 63 00:02:27,486 --> 00:02:29,846 at the head of the table? Right, Calvin? 64 00:02:32,361 --> 00:02:33,994 Of course. 65 00:02:34,430 --> 00:02:37,119 Well, here, take my seat. I left it nice and warm for you. 66 00:02:39,766 --> 00:02:41,723 Okay, so, Pastor Don, 67 00:02:41,819 --> 00:02:43,567 would you do the honor of saying grace? 68 00:02:43,685 --> 00:02:45,330 - My pleasure. - Ah. 69 00:02:47,275 --> 00:02:49,697 Father God, we ask that you bless this meal, 70 00:02:49,892 --> 00:02:51,289 everyone here, 71 00:02:51,377 --> 00:02:52,531 and especially bless 72 00:02:52,619 --> 00:02:53,733 - Sister Tina, - Mm-hmm. 73 00:02:53,821 --> 00:02:55,336 The one who made it. 74 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,158 Can you throw in something about my spelling test tomorrow? 75 00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:06,070 - Grover. - No, it's okay. 76 00:03:06,158 --> 00:03:07,174 I like the boy's spirit. Hey, 77 00:03:07,261 --> 00:03:09,140 you all should join us at church on Sunday. 78 00:03:09,346 --> 00:03:10,726 We'd love to! 79 00:03:10,814 --> 00:03:12,128 Ooh, I've always wanted to wear 80 00:03:12,216 --> 00:03:14,045 one of those big fancy church hats. 81 00:03:14,133 --> 00:03:16,833 And now I finally have a big fancy chance. 82 00:03:18,176 --> 00:03:19,967 Ah, look at that, table neighbor. 83 00:03:20,055 --> 00:03:23,232 The Lord just keeps bringing us together. 84 00:03:23,450 --> 00:03:25,365 God is good. 85 00:03:26,561 --> 00:03:28,177 Yes, He is. 86 00:03:28,289 --> 00:03:30,935 No matter what Sister Rose said about Him at Bible study. 87 00:03:32,406 --> 00:03:34,669 Hey, what-what'd she say? 88 00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:37,441 Oh, i-it's a long story. 89 00:03:37,537 --> 00:03:38,904 You had to be there. 90 00:03:39,255 --> 00:03:41,197 But your comeback was hilarious. 91 00:03:42,865 --> 00:03:44,644 Wha... What was your comeback? 92 00:03:44,732 --> 00:03:45,738 Oh... 93 00:03:47,873 --> 00:03:49,615 Baby, you had to be there for that, too. 94 00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,419 Well, I'm glad I was. 95 00:03:52,794 --> 00:03:54,430 Sister Rose was so embarrassed, 96 00:03:54,518 --> 00:03:56,139 she pretended she was speaking in tongues. 97 00:03:57,617 --> 00:03:59,480 That... that's funny. 98 00:03:59,927 --> 00:04:01,349 You know what it reminds me of, 99 00:04:01,437 --> 00:04:04,136 is last week in the supermarket when the checkout guy said, 100 00:04:04,224 --> 00:04:05,305 "ketchup sauce." 101 00:04:05,392 --> 00:04:06,786 Remember that, Tina? 102 00:04:06,874 --> 00:04:09,005 Uh-huh. That was funny, too. 103 00:04:10,524 --> 00:04:12,575 Man, I wish I was there. 104 00:04:12,677 --> 00:04:14,317 Ah, "ketchup sauce." 105 00:04:14,405 --> 00:04:16,407 That sounds hysterical. 106 00:04:17,637 --> 00:04:20,122 You know, you all have such a lovely home. 107 00:04:20,380 --> 00:04:22,310 How would you feel about hosting Bible study here 108 00:04:22,398 --> 00:04:23,739 this Thursday night? 109 00:04:23,827 --> 00:04:25,116 We'd love to! 110 00:04:25,204 --> 00:04:26,700 We would? 111 00:04:28,223 --> 00:04:30,880 Yeah. I mean, yeah, we would. Yeah. 112 00:04:35,372 --> 00:04:36,409 Oh-ho-ho! 113 00:04:36,497 --> 00:04:37,513 Ha-ha! 114 00:04:37,601 --> 00:04:38,722 Damn it! 115 00:04:38,810 --> 00:04:40,669 It's like you knew I was gonna do a fake punt. 116 00:04:40,757 --> 00:04:41,784 I did. 117 00:04:41,872 --> 00:04:45,279 You literally just said, "Watch this fake punt." 118 00:04:45,747 --> 00:04:48,857 I was talking to my team. Quit listening to my huddle! 119 00:04:51,312 --> 00:04:52,602 Uh, what was that? 120 00:04:52,689 --> 00:04:53,978 That's my new upstairs neighbor. 121 00:04:55,317 --> 00:04:57,190 Man, that has got to be annoying. 122 00:04:57,277 --> 00:04:58,566 Yeah, that's not all. 123 00:04:58,653 --> 00:05:00,191 Yesterday he parked his pickup truck 124 00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:03,333 so close to my car, I had to climb out through the trunk. 125 00:05:03,825 --> 00:05:05,371 Oh, man. Wait, do you have security cameras 126 00:05:05,458 --> 00:05:06,598 - in your garage? - Oh, you mean 127 00:05:06,685 --> 00:05:07,654 so I could show the landlord? 128 00:05:07,750 --> 00:05:10,490 No. So I can watch you squeeze your nerdy ass out of that trunk. 129 00:05:13,898 --> 00:05:15,021 Hey, Calvin. 130 00:05:15,513 --> 00:05:17,011 Oh, hey, Gemma. 131 00:05:17,099 --> 00:05:19,754 It was so nice getting to know Pastor Don last night. 132 00:05:19,990 --> 00:05:21,589 He's very charming. 133 00:05:21,801 --> 00:05:23,388 Yeah, he's fine. 134 00:05:24,455 --> 00:05:27,808 Uh-oh. That's the same "fine" Dave's mom gave me 135 00:05:27,896 --> 00:05:30,755 when I asked her how I looked in my wedding dress. 136 00:05:30,956 --> 00:05:34,044 You know, I just don't like how chummy he is with Tina. 137 00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:36,709 Did you see him hold her hand at dinner? 138 00:05:36,900 --> 00:05:39,315 Calvin, we were saying grace. 139 00:05:39,642 --> 00:05:41,839 Well, did you see what he did after dinner? 140 00:05:41,927 --> 00:05:44,843 What kind of pastor drinks scotch? 141 00:05:45,128 --> 00:05:46,870 You offered it to him. 142 00:05:47,202 --> 00:05:49,878 As a test... which he failed. 143 00:05:51,745 --> 00:05:52,854 I don't know, 144 00:05:52,964 --> 00:05:54,622 this guy's up to no good. 145 00:05:54,878 --> 00:05:56,958 Well, to be honest, I know how you feel. 146 00:05:57,182 --> 00:05:58,721 - You do? - Yeah. 147 00:05:58,832 --> 00:06:01,792 Women are always throwing themselves at Dave. 148 00:06:03,362 --> 00:06:05,345 Did you date another Dave before this one? 149 00:06:07,555 --> 00:06:10,847 I'm just saying, if your gut's telling you something, trust it. 150 00:06:10,934 --> 00:06:12,140 Yeah, you're right. 151 00:06:12,353 --> 00:06:14,641 I need to keep an eye on him. 152 00:06:15,261 --> 00:06:17,352 Hmm. It's not easy, but it's the price we pay 153 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:19,317 for falling in love with hotties. 154 00:06:22,003 --> 00:06:23,276 All right. 155 00:06:23,363 --> 00:06:26,154 Now, if I can trap him into taking my bishop, 156 00:06:26,425 --> 00:06:28,011 I can take his queen. 157 00:06:28,143 --> 00:06:30,870 Ha! Now you're talking to yourself. 158 00:06:31,822 --> 00:06:33,253 Actually, I was talking to you. 159 00:06:33,341 --> 00:06:35,596 Ha. Checkmate. 160 00:06:38,254 --> 00:06:39,393 Yo, seriously, 161 00:06:39,481 --> 00:06:41,104 You haven't taken care of this cowboy yet? 162 00:06:41,192 --> 00:06:43,188 I sure did. I confronted the guy 163 00:06:43,276 --> 00:06:44,164 and told him what's what. 164 00:06:44,259 --> 00:06:45,050 Oh, you did? 165 00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:46,057 Yes. 166 00:06:46,145 --> 00:06:49,096 Via a friendly note I slid under his door. 167 00:06:49,307 --> 00:06:50,344 But I think 168 00:06:50,431 --> 00:06:53,261 the Starbucks gift card sent quite a message. 169 00:06:53,463 --> 00:06:56,087 Marty, you have backed down from stuff your whole life. 170 00:06:56,175 --> 00:06:59,018 Remember your first day at USC when one of your professors 171 00:06:59,106 --> 00:07:01,188 called you Morty, and you never corrected him? 172 00:07:01,276 --> 00:07:02,518 It wasn't that big a deal. 173 00:07:02,606 --> 00:07:04,964 Your diploma says Morton Butler! 174 00:07:13,125 --> 00:07:14,792 Okay, Marty, I could go upstairs 175 00:07:14,888 --> 00:07:16,267 and take care of this for your sorry ass. 176 00:07:16,354 --> 00:07:19,156 Yes, that'd be great. 177 00:07:19,259 --> 00:07:20,328 Come on, little bro, 178 00:07:20,416 --> 00:07:22,376 you can't keep running from your problems forever. 179 00:07:22,583 --> 00:07:25,583 Think about it... what would Yoda tell you to do? 180 00:07:26,881 --> 00:07:28,257 I guess he'd say... 181 00:07:28,344 --> 00:07:30,471 Confront him, you should. 182 00:07:31,898 --> 00:07:33,021 Exactly. 183 00:07:33,109 --> 00:07:34,764 Then why are you still standing here? 184 00:07:34,852 --> 00:07:36,854 Because stalling, I am. 185 00:07:41,297 --> 00:07:42,914 All right, everyone, let's dig in and see 186 00:07:43,002 --> 00:07:45,167 what the Lord has to say about helping those in need. 187 00:07:45,374 --> 00:07:47,206 But first, what I need is another piece 188 00:07:47,294 --> 00:07:49,751 of Sister Tina's delicious peach cobbler. 189 00:07:49,923 --> 00:07:52,060 Aw. Thank you, Pastor. 190 00:07:52,155 --> 00:07:53,974 Ask and you shall receive. 191 00:07:54,062 --> 00:07:55,599 Oh, thank you. 192 00:07:56,331 --> 00:07:58,820 Hey, everybody. Sorry I'm late. 193 00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,468 Oh, baby, what are you doing here? 194 00:08:00,556 --> 00:08:02,083 I thought you were playing poker with the guys. 195 00:08:02,170 --> 00:08:03,918 I changed my mind. 196 00:08:04,005 --> 00:08:06,400 Tonight I'm betting it all on God. 197 00:08:07,424 --> 00:08:08,718 Well, Brother Calvin, 198 00:08:08,806 --> 00:08:10,429 you came to the right place. 199 00:08:10,765 --> 00:08:12,938 And you're sitting in the wrong one. Okay, come on. 200 00:08:14,186 --> 00:08:15,354 Oh. Sorry. 201 00:08:16,074 --> 00:08:19,468 Now, to quote Jesus after he rose from the dead: 202 00:08:19,604 --> 00:08:21,272 "What'd I miss?" 203 00:08:28,568 --> 00:08:31,521 I want to thank you both so much for hosting tonight. 204 00:08:31,609 --> 00:08:33,701 No. Thank you. Your words were so inspiring. 205 00:08:33,789 --> 00:08:34,953 Oh, thank you. 206 00:08:35,041 --> 00:08:36,960 Good stuff, now. All right. 207 00:08:38,663 --> 00:08:40,180 Thank you, Brother Calvin. 208 00:08:40,268 --> 00:08:41,943 Sister Tina, I'll see you Sunday morning. 209 00:08:42,047 --> 00:08:43,503 Ooh, she'll be there. 210 00:08:43,591 --> 00:08:46,632 My wife... 30 years, two kids! 211 00:08:47,211 --> 00:08:48,265 Hmm. 212 00:08:48,353 --> 00:08:50,480 We might even have another one! 213 00:08:52,806 --> 00:08:54,409 Calvin, what is wrong with you? 214 00:08:54,497 --> 00:08:57,037 You were acting so weird during Bible study. 215 00:08:57,301 --> 00:08:59,049 Weird how? 216 00:08:59,182 --> 00:09:02,014 Well, first of all, you were at Bible study. 217 00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:05,396 All right, you want to know the truth? 218 00:09:05,492 --> 00:09:07,510 I don't like this Pastor Don guy. 219 00:09:07,804 --> 00:09:10,190 You know, I think he got his eyes on you. 220 00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:12,275 Oh, please, Calvin. 221 00:09:12,363 --> 00:09:13,619 He's just trying to butter me up 222 00:09:13,707 --> 00:09:15,455 because I'm on the selection committee. 223 00:09:15,543 --> 00:09:18,092 Nah, Tina. It's more than that. 224 00:09:18,201 --> 00:09:20,045 This guy's a snake in our garden, 225 00:09:20,133 --> 00:09:23,280 and he's trying to take a bite of your apple. 226 00:09:24,249 --> 00:09:26,983 You said that about our dry cleaner, 227 00:09:27,071 --> 00:09:28,861 the guy at the gas station, 228 00:09:28,949 --> 00:09:30,614 and our dentist. 229 00:09:31,260 --> 00:09:34,638 Well, he never told me I had a beautiful smile. 230 00:09:36,183 --> 00:09:38,807 You know, Calvin, I don't have time for this, all right? 231 00:09:38,903 --> 00:09:42,053 And for your information, our dentist is gay. 232 00:09:42,863 --> 00:09:45,663 His husband thinks you have a beautiful smile. 233 00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:49,676 You got this, okay? You are the man, 234 00:09:49,764 --> 00:09:52,340 and you are about to shut this chump down. 235 00:09:54,656 --> 00:09:56,533 Hello? 236 00:09:59,288 --> 00:10:00,739 Hello. 237 00:10:01,349 --> 00:10:03,153 Oh. Uh... 238 00:10:04,164 --> 00:10:05,507 H-Hi. Hi. 239 00:10:05,595 --> 00:10:07,051 I-I-I'm... 240 00:10:07,139 --> 00:10:08,470 I'm-I'm Morton. I mean Morty. 241 00:10:08,558 --> 00:10:10,848 I-I mean, I am, um, 242 00:10:10,936 --> 00:10:12,893 Marty, your downstairs neighbor. 243 00:10:13,085 --> 00:10:14,458 I'm Keira. 244 00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:15,665 Oh. 245 00:10:15,753 --> 00:10:17,501 You're the guy who left me that gift card. 246 00:10:17,589 --> 00:10:19,087 That was so thoughtful. 247 00:10:19,175 --> 00:10:21,007 Oh, it's no big deal. You know, I would do it 248 00:10:21,427 --> 00:10:22,633 for anyone who was on top of me. 249 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:23,967 I mean, uh, 250 00:10:24,054 --> 00:10:25,594 I mean, under-underneath you. I mean... 251 00:10:25,681 --> 00:10:27,596 Ah... welcome to the building. 252 00:10:29,404 --> 00:10:30,522 Thanks. 253 00:10:30,610 --> 00:10:31,882 Hey, uh, actually, 254 00:10:31,970 --> 00:10:33,634 if it's not too weird, would you mind 255 00:10:33,722 --> 00:10:34,894 helping me with something? 256 00:10:34,998 --> 00:10:36,145 What? Are you kidding? 257 00:10:36,233 --> 00:10:37,788 If it's weird, I'm into it. 258 00:10:37,882 --> 00:10:39,190 I mean, uh, 259 00:10:39,278 --> 00:10:43,028 uh, I would be... I'd be happy to help. 260 00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:45,656 I've been trying to move furniture by myself. 261 00:10:45,743 --> 00:10:47,257 Sorry if I was a little loud. 262 00:10:47,345 --> 00:10:49,100 Oh, not at all. In fact, it was so quiet, 263 00:10:49,188 --> 00:10:51,201 I thought maybe a mouse had moved in. 264 00:10:51,289 --> 00:10:53,194 Are you calling me short? 265 00:10:53,287 --> 00:10:56,038 What? No! No, I didn't even notice your body. 266 00:10:56,152 --> 00:10:57,958 Well, I mean, I noticed your body. 267 00:10:59,845 --> 00:11:01,171 So, you needed some help with something? 268 00:11:01,258 --> 00:11:02,395 Yeah. 269 00:11:02,483 --> 00:11:04,582 Can you help me slide this couch against the wall? 270 00:11:04,670 --> 00:11:05,949 - It's too heavy to lift. - Oh... 271 00:11:06,036 --> 00:11:08,461 Maybe it's too heavy for you, but... 272 00:11:08,565 --> 00:11:09,352 Also for me. 273 00:11:13,815 --> 00:11:16,186 Oh! I'm coming, baby bro, I'm coming! 274 00:11:16,273 --> 00:11:18,167 But I'm coming strapped! 275 00:11:20,611 --> 00:11:23,652 ♪ I'm gonna lay down my burden ♪ 276 00:11:23,739 --> 00:11:25,821 ♪ Down by the riverside... ♪ 277 00:11:25,943 --> 00:11:27,057 What are you doing? 278 00:11:27,153 --> 00:11:28,980 I'm prepping for church with Calvin and Tina. 279 00:11:29,068 --> 00:11:30,975 ♪ Down by the riverside... ♪ 280 00:11:31,063 --> 00:11:32,380 Why? 281 00:11:32,688 --> 00:11:34,770 Well, because it's gonna be different 282 00:11:34,858 --> 00:11:36,427 from the church that we go to, 283 00:11:36,515 --> 00:11:37,971 and I want to be respectful. 284 00:11:38,211 --> 00:11:40,622 Which is why I watched a bunch of YouTube videos, 285 00:11:40,710 --> 00:11:43,630 Sister Act, and eight Madea movies. 286 00:11:45,521 --> 00:11:46,779 Whoa! 287 00:11:46,961 --> 00:11:50,412 Are you gonna do backflips down the aisle like that nun? 288 00:11:52,591 --> 00:11:54,099 Grover, don't be silly. 289 00:11:54,187 --> 00:11:56,950 She's 80. I'm gonna get way more air than her. 290 00:12:02,060 --> 00:12:03,175 Oh, hey, Calvin. 291 00:12:03,263 --> 00:12:04,810 Hey. Dave, is Gemma here? 292 00:12:04,898 --> 00:12:07,154 I need her to talk some sense into Tina. 293 00:12:07,281 --> 00:12:09,697 Actually, she's at a PTA meeting. What's going on? 294 00:12:09,827 --> 00:12:13,535 I'm pretty sure that Pastor Don is making moves on Tina. 295 00:12:13,622 --> 00:12:14,953 What? 296 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:16,413 Did something happen? 297 00:12:16,500 --> 00:12:17,779 I mean, not exactly, 298 00:12:17,867 --> 00:12:22,169 but he's made excuses to see her every night this week. 299 00:12:22,256 --> 00:12:24,967 "Let's go visit the elderly." 300 00:12:27,038 --> 00:12:29,771 "Oh, come help me feed the homeless." 301 00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:33,965 I'm telling you, he's a bad dude. 302 00:12:34,943 --> 00:12:36,016 Okay. 303 00:12:36,103 --> 00:12:39,937 Uh, or is it possible what you're actually upset about 304 00:12:40,024 --> 00:12:42,105 is that Pastor Don is connecting with Tina 305 00:12:42,192 --> 00:12:43,732 in a way that you're not? 306 00:12:44,108 --> 00:12:45,490 That's crazy. 307 00:12:45,578 --> 00:12:49,829 Is it? Look, Tina's church life is obviously important to her, 308 00:12:49,924 --> 00:12:52,802 and maybe Pastor Don is just filling a void 309 00:12:52,914 --> 00:12:54,374 that you choose not to. 310 00:12:55,648 --> 00:12:56,979 I don't know. 311 00:12:57,176 --> 00:12:58,594 Maybe. 312 00:12:59,254 --> 00:13:00,710 Remember, Calvin. 313 00:13:00,798 --> 00:13:03,161 "Don't judge or you will be judged." 314 00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:05,976 Wow, Dave. 315 00:13:06,064 --> 00:13:07,938 I didn't know you knew scripture so well. 316 00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:11,177 Actually, I-I got that from Whoopi Goldberg. 317 00:13:14,184 --> 00:13:15,693 I'm so sorry. 318 00:13:15,781 --> 00:13:16,966 Is your foot okay? 319 00:13:17,099 --> 00:13:19,685 Oh, it's fine. Pinky toes are totally cosmetic. 320 00:13:21,844 --> 00:13:24,794 Get your damn hands off my brother, you... 321 00:13:26,669 --> 00:13:29,310 ...surprisingly tiny lady. 322 00:13:29,801 --> 00:13:31,263 Uh, Keira, this is 323 00:13:31,351 --> 00:13:33,974 my brother, Malcolm. Malcolm, this is Keira. 324 00:13:34,062 --> 00:13:35,513 Hey. Oh, 325 00:13:35,601 --> 00:13:36,682 so you're the one who's... 326 00:13:36,770 --> 00:13:39,833 Drives the really cool truck I've been telling you about. 327 00:13:41,004 --> 00:13:42,331 - Nice to meet you. - Yeah. 328 00:13:42,419 --> 00:13:43,894 What's with the rocket? 329 00:13:43,982 --> 00:13:46,169 Oh. Um, it's a, uh... 330 00:13:46,256 --> 00:13:48,797 a housewarming gift. 331 00:13:48,884 --> 00:13:50,224 Right, Marty? 332 00:13:50,312 --> 00:13:51,560 Uh, yep. 333 00:13:51,648 --> 00:13:54,622 Yep. Uh, signed by Buzz Aldrin and everything. 334 00:13:54,710 --> 00:13:57,505 Well, thank you. 335 00:13:58,146 --> 00:14:00,880 Hey, you guys are my first houseguests. 336 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:03,561 - Let me get some beers to celebrate. - Okay. 337 00:14:06,316 --> 00:14:07,794 She is cute. 338 00:14:07,882 --> 00:14:09,474 Yeah, I know. Thank you 339 00:14:09,562 --> 00:14:10,544 for making me come up here. 340 00:14:10,632 --> 00:14:12,819 Yeah, you see what happens when you stand up for yourself? 341 00:14:13,069 --> 00:14:15,669 Yeah, man. In fact, I'm gonna do it now. 342 00:14:15,757 --> 00:14:17,450 Get the hell out of here. 343 00:14:20,279 --> 00:14:24,810 ♪ I need thee ♪ 344 00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:32,493 ♪ Every hour... ♪ 345 00:14:33,302 --> 00:14:35,365 All right, buddy. Now, remember, we're guests here, 346 00:14:35,453 --> 00:14:39,457 so let's be respectful and just try to blend in. 347 00:14:46,404 --> 00:14:48,580 Oh, my God. Look at all these hats. 348 00:14:48,668 --> 00:14:51,029 I knew I shouldn't have gotten the small one. 349 00:14:53,047 --> 00:14:54,711 Okay, I'm warning you, Calvin. 350 00:14:54,799 --> 00:14:57,060 You better not embarrass me in front of Pastor Don. 351 00:14:57,230 --> 00:15:00,294 Don't worry, I won't. 352 00:15:01,270 --> 00:15:03,287 I think maybe I was... 353 00:15:03,513 --> 00:15:04,748 wrong about him. 354 00:15:05,185 --> 00:15:08,536 Wait, did you just admit to being wrong? 355 00:15:08,896 --> 00:15:11,997 Okay, God, a deal's a deal. I'm-a stop cursing. 356 00:15:14,841 --> 00:15:16,545 Hey, uh, I'm-a catch up with you in a second. 357 00:15:16,632 --> 00:15:19,443 - Okay, baby. - Brother Calvin, good to see you. 358 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:21,911 Are the Rams not playing today? 359 00:15:23,396 --> 00:15:26,107 Well, I decided that this was more important. 360 00:15:26,458 --> 00:15:28,388 Plus, it's a night game. 361 00:15:29,052 --> 00:15:30,160 Listen, 362 00:15:30,248 --> 00:15:32,355 I... I just wanted to apologize 363 00:15:32,443 --> 00:15:34,497 about my behavior at Bible study. 364 00:15:34,841 --> 00:15:38,230 The truth is is that I had this crazy idea 365 00:15:38,318 --> 00:15:41,118 that you was making moves on my wife. 366 00:15:41,206 --> 00:15:42,349 You did? 367 00:15:42,653 --> 00:15:44,724 Yeah, you know how us guys can be. 368 00:15:44,819 --> 00:15:46,036 - Yeah. - Well, you have nothing 369 00:15:46,123 --> 00:15:47,085 to apologize for. 370 00:15:47,086 --> 00:15:48,823 I completely understand. 371 00:15:48,911 --> 00:15:50,127 Thanks, Pastor. 372 00:15:50,214 --> 00:15:53,622 After all, Sister Tina's a very attractive woman. 373 00:15:57,145 --> 00:15:58,346 Excuse me? 374 00:15:58,566 --> 00:16:00,177 As scripture says, 375 00:16:00,265 --> 00:16:03,278 "He who finds a good wife finds a good thing." 376 00:16:03,366 --> 00:16:05,544 Obviously, Tina's a good wife, 377 00:16:06,427 --> 00:16:08,872 but I'm more interested in the bad ones. 378 00:16:16,408 --> 00:16:18,443 You heard that, right? 379 00:16:24,294 --> 00:16:26,849 ♪ Bless ♪ 380 00:16:26,937 --> 00:16:29,394 ♪ Me now ♪ 381 00:16:29,482 --> 00:16:34,692 ♪ My savior... ♪ 382 00:16:37,751 --> 00:16:39,207 Calvin. 383 00:16:39,747 --> 00:16:41,053 What is wrong with you? 384 00:16:41,208 --> 00:16:42,721 I'm talking to God. 385 00:16:42,808 --> 00:16:44,300 I got a complaint about one 386 00:16:44,388 --> 00:16:46,216 of his employees. 387 00:16:46,603 --> 00:16:49,519 ♪ To ♪ 388 00:16:49,646 --> 00:16:53,861 ♪ Thee. ♪ 389 00:16:55,247 --> 00:16:56,526 Good morning, church. 390 00:16:56,613 --> 00:16:57,843 Morning. 391 00:16:57,931 --> 00:16:59,341 Is it? 392 00:17:00,809 --> 00:17:03,699 Today's message comes from the Book of Revelations. 393 00:17:03,787 --> 00:17:05,544 You got that right. 394 00:17:06,423 --> 00:17:10,857 Now, everyone in here knows that God sees everything. 395 00:17:11,128 --> 00:17:13,338 Mm-hmm. Amen. - I see your ass. 396 00:17:16,389 --> 00:17:19,855 Which is why we must stay vigilant against temptation. 397 00:17:19,943 --> 00:17:21,051 That's right. 398 00:17:21,138 --> 00:17:24,763 Walk the righteous path and cast out 399 00:17:24,850 --> 00:17:26,223 those who lead us astray. 400 00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:28,005 No way. I heard enough. 401 00:17:28,093 --> 00:17:29,974 I need to testify. 402 00:17:30,981 --> 00:17:32,935 Let Him use you, Calvin! 403 00:17:37,060 --> 00:17:39,513 Brother Calvin, I appreciate your enthusiasm, 404 00:17:39,601 --> 00:17:42,267 but we normally don't testify until the end of the service. 405 00:17:42,355 --> 00:17:44,562 Yeah, well, today is different, 406 00:17:45,021 --> 00:17:48,256 'cause there is a devil among us. 407 00:17:49,997 --> 00:17:51,146 Thank you, Brother Calvin. 408 00:17:51,234 --> 00:17:53,525 We'll look into that. Now, if you open your Bibles to... 409 00:17:53,694 --> 00:17:56,044 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not done. 410 00:17:56,892 --> 00:17:59,975 We are in the presence of a false prophet. 411 00:18:00,685 --> 00:18:03,263 A wolf in sheep's clothing. 412 00:18:03,554 --> 00:18:07,638 A man who covets other men's wives. 413 00:18:07,726 --> 00:18:09,505 And I know that commandment is important 414 00:18:09,593 --> 00:18:11,720 'cause it made the top ten list. 415 00:18:14,079 --> 00:18:16,153 And that man's name... 416 00:18:20,281 --> 00:18:21,612 ...is Pastor Don. 417 00:18:23,396 --> 00:18:25,815 Let your light shine, Calvin! 418 00:18:28,686 --> 00:18:30,630 Did you watch Sister Act again? 419 00:18:31,083 --> 00:18:35,083 If loving Whoopi is wrong, I don't want to be right. 420 00:18:35,786 --> 00:18:37,333 Forgive Brother Calvin. 421 00:18:37,421 --> 00:18:39,370 He knows not what he says. 422 00:18:39,458 --> 00:18:41,177 I'm a man of deep faith 423 00:18:41,265 --> 00:18:44,378 who respects the sanctity of marriage. I would never... 424 00:18:44,466 --> 00:18:45,653 Hold up! 425 00:18:45,848 --> 00:18:48,286 You got other women on the side? 426 00:18:49,669 --> 00:18:53,435 You told me I was the only woman you were checking for. 427 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:57,284 Oh, so you just laying hands on everybody? 428 00:18:58,090 --> 00:18:59,510 Uh... 429 00:19:00,636 --> 00:19:02,653 Unless you ready to meet the Lord, 430 00:19:02,741 --> 00:19:04,406 I suggest you get out of here right now. 431 00:19:04,494 --> 00:19:06,403 Because, uh, this ain't the first fight 432 00:19:06,519 --> 00:19:08,351 Wanda's had at church. 433 00:19:09,458 --> 00:19:10,636 I-I'm-a... I'm-a... 434 00:19:10,747 --> 00:19:12,614 Oh-ho. 435 00:19:12,757 --> 00:19:14,348 Uh-oh! 436 00:19:15,332 --> 00:19:17,379 Only God can save him now. 437 00:19:17,546 --> 00:19:19,270 Amen. 438 00:19:24,313 --> 00:19:25,806 ♪ Victory is mine ♪ 439 00:19:25,901 --> 00:19:28,234 ♪ Victory is mine ♪ 440 00:19:28,354 --> 00:19:32,868 ♪ Victory today is mine ♪ 441 00:19:33,067 --> 00:19:35,274 - ♪ I told Satan... ♪ - This church is awesome. 442 00:19:35,362 --> 00:19:36,469 I know. 443 00:19:36,557 --> 00:19:38,904 As soon as we get home, I'm going hat shopping. 444 00:19:38,992 --> 00:19:40,102 And this time, 445 00:19:40,190 --> 00:19:42,070 I'm going big. 446 00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:45,914 Speaking of going big, give me some room. 447 00:19:46,001 --> 00:19:47,482 It's backflipping time. 448 00:19:47,570 --> 00:19:49,258 Uh... Oh. 449 00:19:49,964 --> 00:19:52,248 Babe, you doing okay? 450 00:19:52,336 --> 00:19:53,505 Are you kidding? 451 00:19:53,592 --> 00:19:55,156 Look at all of these good people 452 00:19:55,244 --> 00:19:56,842 rejoicing in the Lord, Calvin. 453 00:19:56,930 --> 00:19:58,336 That is church. 454 00:19:59,580 --> 00:20:00,922 Amen to that. 455 00:20:01,485 --> 00:20:03,360 Hey, you got to admit, though. 456 00:20:03,448 --> 00:20:06,217 I was the only one that knew that Pastor Don was a snake. 457 00:20:06,305 --> 00:20:07,631 Baby, you sure were. 458 00:20:08,688 --> 00:20:10,356 Which is why you're the newest member 459 00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:11,894 of our pastor selection committee. 460 00:20:11,982 --> 00:20:13,559 - Yeah. - Huh? 461 00:20:13,647 --> 00:20:17,195 We meet on, uh, Sundays, Mondays and Thursdays. 462 00:20:19,402 --> 00:20:21,033 Those are all my football days. 463 00:20:21,121 --> 00:20:22,707 Take it up with God. 464 00:20:23,676 --> 00:20:25,002 ♪ Victory ♪ 465 00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:26,746 ♪ Today is mine ♪ 466 00:20:29,212 --> 00:20:31,074 Oh! Oh! 467 00:20:34,473 --> 00:20:37,341 It's okay. I'm all... I'm all right. 468 00:20:37,762 --> 00:20:39,504 The drums broke my fall. 469 00:20:41,303 --> 00:20:42,781 ♪ Victory is mine ♪ 470 00:20:43,100 --> 00:20:45,637 - ♪ Victory is mine ♪ - ♪ Victory ♪ 471 00:20:45,725 --> 00:20:50,262 ♪ Victory today is mine. ♪ 33152

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