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1
00:01:11,424 --> 00:01:14,837
Ah, boy, that was delicious. You couldn't
get a better meal on an airplane.
2
00:01:14,895 --> 00:01:17,933
- Guess where we went today.
- Went to the museum.
3
00:01:17,998 --> 00:01:20,979
I didn't mean you, Dad.
I wanted Aunt Emily to guess.
4
00:01:21,034 --> 00:01:23,913
- Which museum did you go to?
- The mummy one.
5
00:01:23,970 --> 00:01:25,972
He means the Museum ofArchaeology.
6
00:01:26,039 --> 00:01:30,852
- I've been there. it's fascinating.
- Yeah, full of old stuff.
7
00:01:30,911 --> 00:01:35,724
Yeah, that's the way museums are.
They just can't seem to throw anything out.
8
00:01:35,782 --> 00:01:38,763
Then after the museum,
we went to a rock concert in the park.
9
00:01:38,819 --> 00:01:41,163
Yeah, we saw a group
called Sensible Shoes.
10
00:01:41,221 --> 00:01:43,531
At the end of their act,
they smashed their instruments...
11
00:01:43,590 --> 00:01:46,161
and tried to set fire
to the audience.
12
00:01:46,226 --> 00:01:49,605
- That old gimmick, huh?
- Yeah. It sounds like a perfect day.
13
00:01:49,663 --> 00:01:52,644
- Yeah. We had a great time.
- We sure did.
14
00:01:52,699 --> 00:01:54,701
We have a great time every weekend.
15
00:01:54,768 --> 00:01:57,977
Yeah. I wish I could
be with you all the time.
16
00:01:58,038 --> 00:02:00,245
I wish I could live with you.
17
00:02:00,307 --> 00:02:02,981
Yeah, that'd be nice.
18
00:02:03,043 --> 00:02:05,455
Then I wouldn't have to
spend my evenings alone...
19
00:02:05,512 --> 00:02:07,514
reading and listening to the radio.
20
00:02:07,581 --> 00:02:10,289
Oh, uh, is that what you do
with your evenings?
21
00:02:10,350 --> 00:02:13,422
Well, not- not every evening.
22
00:02:13,486 --> 00:02:17,127
Sometimes he does charity work
or visits people in the hospital.
23
00:02:17,190 --> 00:02:19,568
But mostly he's alone.
24
00:02:19,626 --> 00:02:21,902
The man's a saint.
25
00:02:23,396 --> 00:02:25,967
It's time for me to take
you home. Come on, Howie.
26
00:02:27,467 --> 00:02:31,108
- Thanks for the dinner, Aunt Emily. Hey, later, Bob.
- Mm-hmm.
27
00:02:31,171 --> 00:02:33,549
L-I can dig it.
28
00:02:35,075 --> 00:02:38,079
- You get your stuff, and I'll take you home.
- All right, Dad.
29
00:02:39,312 --> 00:02:42,020
Did you hear that?
He wants to come live with me.
30
00:02:42,082 --> 00:02:44,494
Out of all the people in Chicago,
he wants to live with me!
31
00:02:44,551 --> 00:02:49,261
Three million people,
and he picked his own father.
32
00:02:49,322 --> 00:02:54,135
You know, Howard, I don't think it's
a good idea that Howie lives with you.
33
00:02:54,194 --> 00:02:56,196
- Why not?
- I think he'll get bored...
34
00:02:56,263 --> 00:02:59,836
listening to the radio and visiting
all those hospitals all the time.
35
00:02:59,900 --> 00:03:03,473
That's not the only reason.
lflittle Howie came to live with you...
36
00:03:03,536 --> 00:03:05,777
then he'd have to change schools
and make new friends...
37
00:03:05,839 --> 00:03:08,319
and there wouldn't be
anyone to take care of him...
38
00:03:08,375 --> 00:03:10,412
because your job
takes you away all the time.
39
00:03:10,477 --> 00:03:14,983
- I'll quit my job.
- Big money in that.
40
00:03:15,048 --> 00:03:17,961
Oh, I don't even know why
we're discussing it.
41
00:03:18,018 --> 00:03:21,431
I mean, Lois would never-
She'd never go for it.
42
00:03:21,488 --> 00:03:26,233
It's no sense in calling her.
lfl did call her, she'd say no.
43
00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:29,604
I'd be cordial and considerate
and perfectly reasonable...
44
00:03:29,663 --> 00:03:31,665
and she'd be hysterical!
45
00:03:31,731 --> 00:03:34,177
Acornered animal.
Watch this. I'll call her.
46
00:03:34,234 --> 00:03:37,772
I know what she'll say.
She'll say, “Never, Howard.
47
00:03:37,837 --> 00:03:40,875
Not in a million years, Howard.
Nothing doing, Howard.“
48
00:03:40,941 --> 00:03:46,152
Calls me Howard. Lois, Howard.
49
00:03:46,212 --> 00:03:48,749
What do you mean, what I want?
I'll tell you what I want!
50
00:03:48,815 --> 00:03:50,817
I want little Howie
to come here and live with me!
51
00:03:50,884 --> 00:03:53,125
What do you think of that, Lois?
That's perfect!
52
00:03:53,186 --> 00:03:55,132
Fine, Lois! That's just fine, fine!
53
00:03:56,556 --> 00:03:59,628
- What'd she say, Howard?
- She said, “Fine?
54
00:04:08,401 --> 00:04:10,438
What, Carol,
1 O minutes to get doughnuts?
55
00:04:10,503 --> 00:04:12,505
Forgive me for waiting
for the elevator.
56
00:04:12,572 --> 00:04:15,576
I should've shimmied up the shaft.
57
00:04:15,642 --> 00:04:17,644
Let's see what you got me here.
58
00:04:17,711 --> 00:04:20,817
Three glazed,
one marmalade center, $1.17.
59
00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:24,987
- Oh, they've gone up.
-jer, $1.17.
60
00:04:25,051 --> 00:04:27,327
I heard you. It's outrageous.
61
00:04:27,387 --> 00:04:30,596
Plus $3.62 for
the last three times...
62
00:04:30,657 --> 00:04:33,194
makes it a total of $4.79.
63
00:04:33,259 --> 00:04:35,364
Not that I'm keeping track.
64
00:04:35,428 --> 00:04:38,500
When you figure it out exactly,
Carol,you let me know, huh?
65
00:04:38,565 --> 00:04:41,444
Jer, come here a minute.
66
00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:55,626
You see, I don't mind, Carol.
67
00:04:55,682 --> 00:04:58,720
-I like 'em smashed.
- Fine.
68
00:05:05,725 --> 00:05:08,433
Drop these in the mail chute
for me, will you, please?
69
00:05:08,495 --> 00:05:10,475
I like dropping mail
in the chute too.
70
00:05:10,530 --> 00:05:13,568
I like to hear 'em go “plunk”
when they hit the bottom.
71
00:05:16,836 --> 00:05:21,080
[Whistles]
Plunk. Nice.
72
00:05:21,141 --> 00:05:23,644
Well, if you wanna hear
a really wonderful plunk...
73
00:05:23,710 --> 00:05:27,248
stick around and watch
the clinic's mail go by at exactly 9:00.
74
00:05:27,313 --> 00:05:31,284
- Exactly 9:00, Carol? Nothing can be that precise.
- Wanna bet?
75
00:05:31,351 --> 00:05:34,491
- Sure.
- How about $4.79?
76
00:05:34,554 --> 00:05:36,830
- How about a buck?
- You're on.
77
00:05:50,904 --> 00:05:55,785
- Check your watch.
- it's amazing.
78
00:05:55,842 --> 00:05:58,413
That'll be $1.
79
00:05:59,479 --> 00:06:01,481
It's amazing.
[Laughs]
80
00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:07,022
That was amazing.
81
00:06:13,393 --> 00:06:16,670
- Thank you, Howard.
- Oh, thank you. It was worth it.
82
00:06:16,729 --> 00:06:20,040
- Is Bob in?
- He'll be here in a minute.
83
00:06:20,100 --> 00:06:22,102
Help yourself to some coffee.
I'll be right back.
84
00:06:22,168 --> 00:06:26,014
That's okay. You mind if I just
stick around and watch this for a while?
85
00:06:26,072 --> 00:06:28,074
It's your dollar.
86
00:06:40,220 --> 00:06:43,030
- Hi, Howard.
- Waita minute.
87
00:06:43,089 --> 00:06:45,831
What, uh- What are
you doing, Howard?
88
00:06:45,892 --> 00:06:48,736
I don't know, but it cost a buck.
89
00:06:54,701 --> 00:06:57,079
[ Door Opens, Closes]
90
00:06:58,138 --> 00:07:00,516
[Laughs]
91
00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:10,893
Bob, would you mind, uh,
going over this schedule with me?
92
00:07:10,950 --> 00:07:14,090
- What- What schedule?
- Howie's schedule for when he moves in.
93
00:07:14,154 --> 00:07:18,398
- Sure. Tell it to me.
- Okay. All right.
94
00:07:18,458 --> 00:07:23,669
Now, first of all, I think he should
go to, uh, a school of some sort.
95
00:07:25,832 --> 00:07:28,438
How about, uh, an elementary one?
96
00:07:28,501 --> 00:07:34,008
Yeah. Okay, and, uh, after school,
I think he should come home from it.
97
00:07:34,073 --> 00:07:36,178
When the- When the school lets out.
98
00:07:36,242 --> 00:07:38,188
Right. I think every
morning and night...
99
00:07:38,244 --> 00:07:40,588
he should have, uh,
breakfast and dinner.
100
00:07:40,647 --> 00:07:42,923
Why?
101
00:07:42,982 --> 00:07:46,452
'Cause I want him to have
everything I had when I was a kid.
102
00:07:46,519 --> 00:07:49,898
- How about lunch?
- Well, I don't think that would hurt.
103
00:07:49,956 --> 00:07:52,493
Let me write that down. “Lunch?
104
00:07:52,559 --> 00:07:57,030
What do you think about him brushing
his teeth twice a day and taking a bath?
105
00:07:58,131 --> 00:08:00,941
A bath.
106
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,480
Maybe he could do that
after he brushes his teeth.
107
00:08:03,536 --> 00:08:06,312
I don't know. I take a bath,
and then I brush my teeth.
108
00:08:06,372 --> 00:08:08,648
You take a bath with dirty teeth?
109
00:08:10,944 --> 00:08:14,118
I never thought of it that way.
Disgusting. Right. Scratch that out.
110
00:08:15,648 --> 00:08:19,061
Howard, is this, uh, schedule
really necessary?
111
00:08:19,118 --> 00:08:21,826
Oh, I don't know, Bob.
I really don't know.
112
00:08:21,888 --> 00:08:23,834
You know, I'm- I'm scared.
113
00:08:23,890 --> 00:08:28,339
I don't know anything about
raising a kid all by myself, you know?
114
00:08:28,394 --> 00:08:30,465
Well, all you can do is try, Howard.
115
00:08:30,530 --> 00:08:35,502
Yeah. I'll just have to love him and be
the best possible father he can have.
116
00:08:35,568 --> 00:08:39,573
- Good.
- lfthe kid turns out rotten, it's his mother's fault.
117
00:08:41,207 --> 00:08:44,586
Howard, uh, let us know if
Emily and I can be ofany help.
118
00:08:44,644 --> 00:08:47,750
Good, because Saturdayl want Emily
to pick out a full-time babysitter...
119
00:08:47,814 --> 00:08:50,522
and I want you to coordinate
all of Howie's activities.
120
00:08:50,583 --> 00:08:53,860
- Oh, uh, what about you?
- I'll be out of town. Why?
121
00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:57,595
- All, uh-All weekend? - Yeah. Well, I'll
call you and make sure everything's okay.
122
00:08:57,657 --> 00:08:59,762
Look, I gotta go,
and, uh, don't let me down.
123
00:08:59,826 --> 00:09:01,772
I'm, uh, counting on you.
124
00:09:01,828 --> 00:09:04,331
Yeah, I'll-
I'll try my best, Howard.
125
00:09:04,397 --> 00:09:07,640
All you can do is try.
That's all any parent can do.
126
00:09:07,700 --> 00:09:12,274
L-I'm not a parent, Howard.
I'm the next-door neighbor.
127
00:09:12,338 --> 00:09:14,841
Well, then, you'll just
have to try harder.
128
00:09:19,679 --> 00:09:23,525
I hope I get thejob babysitting.
I love caring for children, you know.
129
00:09:23,583 --> 00:09:27,224
Well, thank you, Mrs. Walker.
I think we've got enough to go on.
130
00:09:27,287 --> 00:09:30,996
- We, uh- We appreciate your coming by.
- Oh, the pleasure was all mine.
131
00:09:31,057 --> 00:09:33,765
Well, we'll, uh- we'll let you know
what we decide.
132
00:09:33,826 --> 00:09:39,469
- Uh, how can I get in touch with you?
- Oh, through my parole officer.
133
00:09:39,532 --> 00:09:42,672
Uh, th-that's the number
there on the paper.
134
00:09:42,735 --> 00:09:45,841
Uh, will you be around
th-this weekend?
135
00:09:45,905 --> 00:09:50,149
Well, I have to be.
I'm not allowed to leave town.
136
00:09:52,712 --> 00:09:54,658
I like her. Let's hire her.
137
00:09:57,050 --> 00:09:59,997
Well, that's five down
and no prospects.
138
00:10:00,053 --> 00:10:03,057
That's your responsibility.
I'm just the coordinator.
139
00:10:03,122 --> 00:10:05,432
Maybe we're not asking
the right questions.
140
00:10:05,491 --> 00:10:09,667
Well, we can ask the questions on,
uh, Howard's questionnaire.
141
00:10:09,729 --> 00:10:12,938
“Question number one:
if parents still living...
142
00:10:12,999 --> 00:10:15,275
please state reason.
143
00:10:16,969 --> 00:10:20,678
Question number two:
Do you own your own clothes?“
144
00:10:22,108 --> 00:10:24,054
Okay, Emily, where do you want this?
145
00:10:24,110 --> 00:10:26,647
Oh, ask Bob. He's the coordinator.
146
00:10:26,713 --> 00:10:30,593
Ah, let's see. It's part of a bed.
Put it in the bedroom.
147
00:10:30,650 --> 00:10:33,859
See, that's why he's the coordinator.
I would've suggested the bathroom.
148
00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:35,866
You wanna give me
a hand with this, Bob?
149
00:10:35,922 --> 00:10:37,959
I'm the coordinatonjerry.
150
00:10:38,024 --> 00:10:40,470
I'll show you where it is.
151
00:10:40,526 --> 00:10:42,631
You look very distinguished
in the hat.
152
00:10:42,695 --> 00:10:44,697
Yeah.
153
00:10:49,202 --> 00:10:51,808
Hello. I'm here to see
about the babysitting job.
154
00:10:51,871 --> 00:10:54,078
Oh, uh-
155
00:10:54,140 --> 00:10:57,087
Uh, won't you come in?
I'm- I'm Emily Hartley.
156
00:10:57,143 --> 00:10:59,282
- I'm Mitzi Margolis.
- Uh-huh.
157
00:10:59,345 --> 00:11:01,689
- Oh, you'rejust moving in.
- Uh, no.
158
00:11:01,748 --> 00:11:04,729
Actually, I'm a neighbor.
This is little Howie's stuff.
159
00:11:05,952 --> 00:11:08,159
Howie?
160
00:11:09,722 --> 00:11:11,668
- What?
- Well, no...
161
00:11:11,724 --> 00:11:13,761
this isjerry Robinson,
a friend of the family.
162
00:11:13,826 --> 00:11:15,772
This is Mitzi Margoiis.
163
00:11:15,828 --> 00:11:18,502
- How do you do?
- Hello.
164
00:11:18,564 --> 00:11:21,704
[Clears Throat] She's here to see
about the babysitting job.
165
00:11:21,768 --> 00:11:24,214
Uh-huh.
[Chuckles]
166
00:11:26,339 --> 00:11:29,320
Pay her whatever she wants.
167
00:11:31,411 --> 00:11:33,413
[Sighs]
168
00:11:35,782 --> 00:11:38,422
- Well, who- who have we here?
- [Emily Chuck/es ]
169
00:11:38,484 --> 00:11:42,125
Mitzi Margoiis,
this is my husband Dr. Hartley.
170
00:11:42,188 --> 00:11:44,190
- Just, uh-just call me Bob.
- Oh.
171
00:11:45,925 --> 00:11:48,769
[Clears Throat] Have you, uh-
Have you had any experience?
172
00:11:48,828 --> 00:11:51,308
As a babysitter.
[Chuckles]
173
00:11:51,364 --> 00:11:55,574
- Yes, ma'am, I have.
- Uh, you canjust skip the “ma'am.“
174
00:11:55,635 --> 00:11:59,310
This is my resume
and a complete list of references.
175
00:11:59,372 --> 00:12:02,376
Well, that's it for me.
Welcome aboard, Mitzi.
176
00:12:04,944 --> 00:12:08,619
Uh, Bob, don't you think we should
consult Howie about this?
177
00:12:08,681 --> 00:12:12,094
- Why?
- Because she's gonna be his babysitter.
178
00:12:12,151 --> 00:12:15,724
[Chuckles] W-Would you ask him
to come out here?
179
00:12:15,788 --> 00:12:17,790
Oh, he's, uh, busy
with his collection.
180
00:12:17,857 --> 00:12:21,964
- Collection of what?
- I don't know, but they eat insects.
181
00:12:22,028 --> 00:12:24,030
Then it's not stamps.
182
00:12:24,096 --> 00:12:26,201
Not unless they're killer stamps.
183
00:12:26,265 --> 00:12:29,678
- [ Laughing]
- [ Laughing]
184
00:12:29,735 --> 00:12:32,807
[Forced Chuckling]
Uh-huh.
185
00:12:34,307 --> 00:12:36,583
Howie, you wanna come out here?
186
00:12:36,642 --> 00:12:38,815
Howie, uh, this is Mitzi Margoiis...
187
00:12:38,878 --> 00:12:41,358
and she's here to see
about the babysitting job.
188
00:12:41,414 --> 00:12:44,918
- She's, uh, one of the leading contenders.
- Hello, Howie.
189
00:12:44,984 --> 00:12:47,487
Well, w-what do you think, Howie?
190
00:12:47,553 --> 00:12:49,555
Pay her whatever she wants.
191
00:13:08,174 --> 00:13:10,120
Where's, uh- Where's Howie?
192
00:13:10,176 --> 00:13:13,714
- He's bothering Unclejerry.
- I thought he was watching the mail chute.
193
00:13:13,779 --> 00:13:16,020
He was till he ran out of money.
194
00:13:18,751 --> 00:13:21,425
[Phone Rings]
195
00:13:21,487 --> 00:13:23,433
Dr. Hartley's office.
196
00:13:23,489 --> 00:13:25,491
Why, yes, we'll accept the charges.
197
00:13:25,558 --> 00:13:27,765
- We will?
- It's Howard.
198
00:13:27,827 --> 00:13:29,829
Of course it is.
199
00:13:31,330 --> 00:13:33,332
Hi, Howard.
200
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:37,872
You're- You're in Cleveland?
201
00:13:37,937 --> 00:13:39,939
Y-You're over Cleveland.
202
00:13:41,574 --> 00:13:45,386
So this is, uh, an air-to-ground
phone call I'm paying for.
203
00:13:46,379 --> 00:13:48,325
Yeah, uh-
204
00:13:48,381 --> 00:13:51,385
The people on the ground
look like ants, do they?
205
00:13:53,252 --> 00:13:56,825
L-I don't thinkyou could see real ants
from that altitude, Howard.
206
00:13:57,823 --> 00:14:00,394
It is a big sky...
207
00:14:00,459 --> 00:14:02,461
and a darn great land.
208
00:14:03,696 --> 00:14:06,176
Yeah. You call about
anything special, Howard?
209
00:14:07,199 --> 00:14:09,201
Howie's fine. He-He's all moved in.
210
00:14:09,268 --> 00:14:11,976
Oh, uh, we-we got a babysitter.
211
00:14:12,038 --> 00:14:14,314
Uh, Mitzi.
212
00:14:14,373 --> 00:14:16,410
As a matter of fact, she does.
213
00:14:17,510 --> 00:14:19,786
Okay, I'll see you
tomorrow then, Howard.
214
00:14:19,845 --> 00:14:21,847
Over and out.
215
00:14:22,848 --> 00:14:25,089
That- That means good-bye.
216
00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:29,596
L-I'm sorry, Howard. G-Good-bye.
217
00:14:29,655 --> 00:14:31,862
L-I didn't mean to confuse you.
218
00:14:32,992 --> 00:14:35,233
Bob, you gotta get Howie
outta my office.
219
00:14:35,294 --> 00:14:38,298
- What's the matter?
- He's asking too many embarrassing questions.
220
00:14:38,364 --> 00:14:40,310
- Like- Like what?
- Well, he wants to know...
221
00:14:40,366 --> 00:14:42,573
all the technical names
for all of my dental equipment.
222
00:14:42,635 --> 00:14:45,673
For instance, what do you call
this little thing with a mirror on it?
223
00:14:45,738 --> 00:14:49,117
I've always called it
“that little thing with a mirror on it.“
224
00:14:49,175 --> 00:14:51,883
That's what I've always called it.
225
00:14:51,944 --> 00:14:53,946
Let's just keep calling it that.
226
00:14:54,013 --> 00:14:57,654
You know what's gonna happen? Pretty soon
he's gonna start asking questions about sex.
227
00:14:57,717 --> 00:15:00,459
- I'm sure he will. He asked me.
- What'd you tell him?
228
00:15:00,519 --> 00:15:03,659
I told him, uh, sex was, uh,
an expression of love...
229
00:15:03,723 --> 00:15:07,068
between two people who, um-
230
00:15:07,126 --> 00:15:09,834
who are, um...
231
00:15:09,895 --> 00:15:13,035
very, very fond of each other.
232
00:15:13,099 --> 00:15:17,377
That's real nice, Bob. What are you gonna
tell him if he asks where babies come from?
233
00:15:17,436 --> 00:15:19,848
None of your businessJerry.
234
00:15:21,273 --> 00:15:23,480
Don't tell me. Let me
pick it up on the streets.
235
00:15:28,514 --> 00:15:30,494
I hope Howard recognizes Howie.
236
00:15:30,549 --> 00:15:33,325
He hasn't seen him
since he moved in.
237
00:15:33,386 --> 00:15:35,388
I hope so too. I'm getting tired...
238
00:15:35,454 --> 00:15:38,401
of sitting with him every night
watching Westerns on television.
239
00:15:38,457 --> 00:15:40,698
Y-You know what he
asked me last night?
240
00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:43,434
He said, “Why can't the sheepherders
get along with the cattlemen?“
241
00:15:43,496 --> 00:15:45,669
- What'd you tell him?
- I said to stay out of it.
242
00:15:45,731 --> 00:15:49,508
- It wasn't his fight.
- Go to work, Bob.
243
00:15:49,568 --> 00:15:53,539
Yeah, I have to get started.
I gotta be through by 3:00.
244
00:15:53,606 --> 00:15:56,485
Howie's coming down, and I promised
I'd show him the urology lab.
245
00:15:56,542 --> 00:16:00,684
- You think he's gonna enjoy that?
- I don't see how.
246
00:16:00,746 --> 00:16:04,819
- I gotta do something with him.
-just remember, you're the one...
247
00:16:04,884 --> 00:16:07,990
who hired the babysitter who wasn't
gonna be able to start for a week...
248
00:16:08,054 --> 00:16:10,534
because she was in the finals
of a beauty contest.
249
00:16:12,158 --> 00:16:14,104
- Hello.
- Oh, hi, Howard.
250
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:17,266
- You're home a half day early.
- Yeah, and not a moment too soon.
251
00:16:17,329 --> 00:16:20,538
I just checked my apartment.
Howie's room is a mess.
252
00:16:20,599 --> 00:16:22,738
Well, talk to the coordinator.
253
00:16:22,802 --> 00:16:26,875
- What's the story, Bob?
- The killer stamps escaped.
254
00:16:29,008 --> 00:16:31,318
- Is Howie safe?
- He's on his way to school.
255
00:16:31,377 --> 00:16:34,551
- School?
- It's on your list.
256
00:16:34,613 --> 00:16:37,321
Oh, yeah. At least something's
being done right around here.
257
00:16:37,383 --> 00:16:40,660
Oh, Lois called. She wanted to see
how everything was going.
258
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:43,496
She won't let go, will she?
259
00:16:43,556 --> 00:16:45,627
Howard, Lois is Howie's mother.
260
00:16:45,691 --> 00:16:49,503
And she won't let us forget it!
I can't take these constant interferences!
261
00:16:49,562 --> 00:16:51,974
Shejust wanted to know
ifshe could see him Sunday.
262
00:16:52,031 --> 00:16:55,308
No, Sunday's my day. That's the deal.
Call her and tell her no.
263
00:16:55,367 --> 00:16:57,973
- Howard, y-you're asking an awful lot.
- What do you mean?
264
00:16:58,037 --> 00:17:01,644
Well, you've had Howard for almost a week,
and he's been here the whole time.
265
00:17:01,707 --> 00:17:03,983
Well, that can't go on forever.
266
00:17:04,043 --> 00:17:06,523
Someday he'll go to college.
267
00:17:06,579 --> 00:17:10,152
Look, as a teacher
and a vice principal...
268
00:17:10,216 --> 00:17:12,218
you know, I see a lot of kids
with problems...
269
00:17:12,284 --> 00:17:14,264
and those problems
are usually caused...
270
00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:17,767
by parents who either
pay too much attention to a child...
271
00:17:17,823 --> 00:17:19,769
or not enough attention to a child.
272
00:17:19,825 --> 00:17:25,002
And somehow, Howard,
you have managed to do both.
273
00:17:25,064 --> 00:17:28,602
Maybe I can, uh, explain the situation
with a little story.
274
00:17:28,667 --> 00:17:32,877
- Oh, boy. - When, uh- When I was a
kid, I-I-I had a friend of mine-
275
00:17:32,938 --> 00:17:36,249
His name was Trigger Thompson,
and he had this horse named Larry.
276
00:17:36,308 --> 00:17:38,549
But the Thompson boy
wouldn't take care of the horse.
277
00:17:38,611 --> 00:17:40,682
I took care of the horse.
I played with him and fed him.
278
00:17:40,746 --> 00:17:42,157
- Trigger?
- No, Larry.
279
00:17:42,214 --> 00:17:43,955
- The horse?
- Yeah, Larry the horse.
280
00:17:44,016 --> 00:17:46,997
- Oh, I get it.
- So, pretty soon, Larry-
281
00:17:47,052 --> 00:17:49,396
- The horse.
- He liked me more than he liked Trigger.
282
00:17:49,455 --> 00:17:50,627
- The boy.
- That's right.
283
00:17:50,689 --> 00:17:51,861
And he thought of me-
284
00:17:51,924 --> 00:17:53,232
- Bob.
- The other boy.
285
00:17:53,292 --> 00:17:55,238
As his real owner.
286
00:17:55,294 --> 00:17:59,299
L-I loved the horse, but- but he was
somebody else's responsibility.
287
00:17:59,365 --> 00:18:01,367
Y-You see the point
I'm trying to make, Howard?
288
00:18:03,035 --> 00:18:05,538
Yeah! I get it! I get it!
289
00:18:05,604 --> 00:18:07,777
You're absolutely right!
290
00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:10,150
I'm gonna buy Howie a pony.
291
00:18:11,644 --> 00:18:14,784
Another great story. Way to go, Bob.
292
00:18:14,847 --> 00:18:17,760
Now we're gonna have to
take care of a pony too.
293
00:18:17,817 --> 00:18:21,458
I mean, Bob, why can't
you just be more direct?
294
00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:24,126
I guess I'm gonna have to be.
What'll we have for dinner tonight?
295
00:18:24,190 --> 00:18:28,605
- Swedish meatballs.
- Swedish meatballs stink!
296
00:18:28,661 --> 00:18:31,369
I hate Swedish meatballs!
You serve me Swedish meatballs...
297
00:18:31,430 --> 00:18:34,434
you'll be taking 'em
off the ceiling!
298
00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:37,003
How's that for direct?
299
00:18:37,069 --> 00:18:39,071
You want Swedish meatballs
or don't you?
300
00:18:39,138 --> 00:18:41,049
Okay with me.
301
00:18:49,081 --> 00:18:52,927
- How's it going down there?
- Okay, I guess.
302
00:18:52,985 --> 00:18:54,987
How are you coming with the crease?
303
00:18:55,054 --> 00:18:57,762
- I can't do it right.
- It's reallyvery simple.
304
00:18:57,823 --> 00:19:01,066
Youjust do, uh, one leg at a time.
305
00:19:01,126 --> 00:19:03,128
This is a shirt.
306
00:19:05,364 --> 00:19:08,277
Oh, well, then do the shirt
one leg at a time.
307
00:19:08,334 --> 00:19:12,407
- Do we really have to do this?
- Howie, ironing is important.
308
00:19:12,471 --> 00:19:15,782
You'll find that out when you grow up
and get a divorce of your own.
309
00:19:15,841 --> 00:19:20,586
Why don't we just ask Aunt Emily to do it,
just like she does everything else?
310
00:19:20,646 --> 00:19:24,059
We can't have our neighbors
do our ironing.
311
00:19:24,116 --> 00:19:27,120
I mean, we can't trust them
to do it right.
312
00:19:27,186 --> 00:19:30,360
I mean, ironing,
it's, uh, very personal, you know?
313
00:19:30,422 --> 00:19:34,734
I mean, something between
you and your clothes.
314
00:19:34,793 --> 00:19:37,433
- Well, I think it's dumb.
- Okay.
315
00:19:37,496 --> 00:19:39,442
All right. We'll-
We'll do something different.
316
00:19:39,498 --> 00:19:41,944
We'll, uh-We'll vacuum.
317
00:19:42,001 --> 00:19:44,003
I don't wanna vacuum either.
318
00:19:44,069 --> 00:19:46,071
Howie, you gotta know these things.
319
00:19:46,138 --> 00:19:49,312
It's a dog-eat-dog world out there.
You gotta be ready.
320
00:19:49,375 --> 00:19:52,185
- Sit down, Dad.
- What?
321
00:19:52,244 --> 00:19:54,724
Sit down. I wanna talk to you.
322
00:19:56,115 --> 00:19:58,061
Okay.
323
00:19:58,117 --> 00:20:01,496
Okay, I'll talk about anything
you wanna talk about except sex.
324
00:20:01,553 --> 00:20:04,090
I already asked
Uncle Bob about that.
325
00:20:04,156 --> 00:20:06,102
- You did?
- Yeah.
326
00:20:06,158 --> 00:20:08,661
He didn't seem to know
that much about it.
327
00:20:10,429 --> 00:20:14,844
- Oh, good.
- But what he did know made him real nervous.
328
00:20:14,900 --> 00:20:19,610
Okay, no sex,
no vacuuming, no ironing.
329
00:20:19,672 --> 00:20:23,051
- What do you wanna talk about?
- Us.
330
00:20:23,108 --> 00:20:25,486
I just don't think it's working out.
331
00:20:25,544 --> 00:20:29,082
- What's not working out?
- You and me living together.
332
00:20:29,148 --> 00:20:32,527
Hey, sure it is!
We're buddies, and we're pals...
333
00:20:32,584 --> 00:20:35,292
living off the fat
of the land together!
334
00:20:35,354 --> 00:20:37,960
Yeah, but we're not
together very much.
335
00:20:38,023 --> 00:20:40,560
Yeah. When-When we are together,
I have things planned for us.
336
00:20:40,626 --> 00:20:44,472
But all's I do is eat
and take showers.
337
00:20:44,530 --> 00:20:49,843
Okay. Okay, from now on, we'll just eat when
we want to, and we'll shower at will.
338
00:20:49,902 --> 00:20:52,348
Dad, it's not right.
339
00:20:52,404 --> 00:20:55,851
Well, yeah, I-i-it's right for me.
340
00:20:55,908 --> 00:20:59,981
It's not right for me.
I thinkl should go back home.
341
00:21:03,582 --> 00:21:08,429
- Well, I mean, uh, this is your home.
- I miss my mom.
342
00:21:11,490 --> 00:21:14,232
Yeah, well...
343
00:21:14,293 --> 00:21:17,536
I guess a boy needs his, uh-
needs his mom, huh?
344
00:21:18,731 --> 00:21:21,575
Wow. What the heck.
I mean, we'll still have-
345
00:21:21,633 --> 00:21:24,079
We'll still have
Sundays together, right?
346
00:21:24,136 --> 00:21:27,083
Yeah. We can- We can
cram a whole week into Sundays.
347
00:21:27,139 --> 00:21:29,585
I mean, that's terrific.
348
00:21:29,641 --> 00:21:31,587
Imean,you'll still, uh-
349
00:21:31,643 --> 00:21:34,180
you'll still brush your teeth
and go to school, won't you?
350
00:21:35,581 --> 00:21:38,926
Then that's okay for-
That's o-okay with me.
351
00:21:39,918 --> 00:21:41,955
I suppose you wanna go, huh?
352
00:21:43,522 --> 00:21:46,594
Yeah, okay. Okay, buddy.
353
00:21:46,658 --> 00:21:48,729
It's, uh- it's a deal.
354
00:21:51,697 --> 00:21:53,973
Hey, look, you better
hurry up and get home.
355
00:21:54,033 --> 00:21:58,038
You gotta get ready for Sunday. I got
a million things planned for us, boy.
356
00:21:58,103 --> 00:22:00,105
- Right, Dad.
- Yeah.
357
00:22:15,287 --> 00:22:18,894
Hi, Howard. Uh, Emily would sort of
like the ironing board back.
358
00:22:18,957 --> 00:22:21,096
Oh, that's okay, Bob.
359
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:24,232
L-I won't need it anymore.
360
00:22:24,296 --> 00:22:26,708
Well, you-you don't
have to cry, Howard.
361
00:22:26,765 --> 00:22:30,770
You know, you can-
you can borrow it again.
362
00:22:30,836 --> 00:22:32,941
No, I'm okay. I'm okay.
363
00:22:33,005 --> 00:22:35,110
Howie's going back
to live with his mother.
364
00:22:35,174 --> 00:22:37,677
Oh. Oh.
365
00:22:37,743 --> 00:22:39,745
How do you-
How do you feel about that?
366
00:22:39,812 --> 00:22:42,986
- Oh, great. I feel great. It was my idea.
- Uh-huh.
367
00:22:43,048 --> 00:22:46,791
Yeah, he was just terrific once I
explained it to him. He's a bright kid.
368
00:22:49,054 --> 00:22:51,625
- Ready to go?
- Yeah. Hi, Bob.
369
00:22:51,690 --> 00:22:53,692
- Did Dad tell you?
- Yeah.
370
00:22:53,759 --> 00:22:57,434
Yeah, gee, uh, we're gonna
miss you around here, Howie.
371
00:22:57,496 --> 00:23:01,034
Hey, I'll be around.
See you next weekend, dude.
372
00:23:01,100 --> 00:23:03,774
Yeah. Uh, right on.
373
00:23:03,836 --> 00:23:05,782
Yeah, well, I'll see you, Bob.
374
00:23:05,838 --> 00:23:08,842
Bob, would you mind
waiting around until I get back?
375
00:23:08,907 --> 00:23:12,081
Oh,yeah, I-l guess you'll-
you'll wanna talk, huh?
376
00:23:12,144 --> 00:23:14,454
No, I want you to let
the babysitter in.
377
00:23:14,513 --> 00:23:16,993
You're- You're keeping
the babysitter?
378
00:23:17,049 --> 00:23:19,188
- Yeah.
- Bye.
379
00:23:28,026 --> 00:23:30,506
So, uh- So you won. You're-
380
00:23:30,562 --> 00:23:32,735
You're this year's Miss Dry Ice.
381
00:23:32,798 --> 00:23:36,473
- That's right.
- Well- Well deserved.
382
00:23:37,736 --> 00:23:40,910
Actually, it's my
third win this year.
383
00:23:40,973 --> 00:23:44,216
I'm, uh, already
Miss Pre-stressed Concrete...
384
00:23:44,276 --> 00:23:47,155
and Miss Fiscal Responsibility.
385
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:52,257
Well, uh, again, congratulations.
386
00:23:56,855 --> 00:23:59,335
Well, Howard should
be here any minute.
387
00:23:59,391 --> 00:24:02,463
[Phone Rings]
388
00:24:02,528 --> 00:24:05,236
- Hello. The, uh-
- Uh, Borden.
389
00:24:05,297 --> 00:24:07,777
The Borden residence.
390
00:24:07,833 --> 00:24:10,473
No, I'm sorry.
He's not in right now.
391
00:24:10,536 --> 00:24:12,880
No, his son's not here either.
392
00:24:12,938 --> 00:24:16,715
Yes, Bob's here.
You're welcome. Good-bye.
393
00:24:18,744 --> 00:24:20,781
Who- Uh, who was that?
394
00:24:20,846 --> 00:24:23,622
- I don't know.
- Hi.
395
00:24:29,021 --> 00:24:32,230
I thought you might need some
help carrying the ironing board.
396
00:24:32,291 --> 00:24:34,965
Yeah. I'll, uh-
397
00:24:35,027 --> 00:24:37,769
I'll, uh, get the ironing board,
and you can, uh, get the iron.
398
00:24:37,829 --> 00:24:39,775
- Uh-huh.
- What should I get?
399
00:24:39,831 --> 00:24:41,902
Out of the way.
[Forced Chuckle]
400
00:24:45,204 --> 00:24:48,481
Uh, Mitzi is, uh-
is this year's Miss, uh, Dry Ice.
401
00:24:48,540 --> 00:24:51,282
Oh, really? How proud her father...
402
00:24:51,343 --> 00:24:53,983
a man of your own age,
must be of her, Bob.
403
00:25:30,082 --> 00:25:31,390
[ Mews]
33312
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