All language subtitles for The Bob Newhart Show s04e10 - Seemed Like a Good Idea At the Time

I don't know, Dr. Hartley.

I just get the feeling
a lot of people think I'm boring.

[Yawning] I don't know why
you'd say that, Mr. Carlin.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's a little early for me.
The streetlights are still on.

I asked for this early appointment sol could
try out my interesting conversation.

Then if it works,
I can use it for the rest of the clay.

- It's been very interesting.
- I haven't said it yet.

Sayit, quick.

All right. Here it is.

I started to memorize the mileage
between the major cities.

Mr. Carlin,
l-l'm afraid our time is up.

Wait a minute. Don't you want to know
how far it is between New York and Baltimore?

Why don't we save that
for the next session?

We can start it off with a bang.

Okay. I'll see you at 6:00
tomorrow morning.

Uh, Mr. Carlin, I'll be in my bed
at 6:00 tomorrow morning.

Okay. I'll come over to your house.

Oh, mercy.
I really didn't expect a crowd.

Hiya.

- You know, it's 200 miles from
Baltimore to New York? - Really?

- That's very interesting.
- I know.Tell him.

Carol, is- is that you?

Wait till you see me at 9:00.
I'll look beautiful.

HOW?

Good morning, Bob. Hi, beautiful.

Carol, when you get that hardware
out of your hair...

would you get us tee time
at the golf course- 1 :00?

Jerry, I'm not even on duty yet.
This is my fun time.

Frank, you want to come down
to my office, get your coffee?

No, thanksJerry. I'm gonna talk to Bob
for a minute. See you on the links.

- 7:00.
- Bring money.

- You know, Frank, I don't know how you do it.
- What's that, Bob?

We're both psychologists, and you have
so much more free time than I do.

Free time? Are you kidding?

I'm lucky if I get to play golf
four times a week.

I'm lucky if I have time
to have lunch four times a week.

That's because you keep
strange and odd hours.

Well, I have strange and odd people.

Uh, Carol, what are
his appointments for today?

Uh, 10:30, 1245,3215, 6220...

and 10:00 tonight.

- Who's 10:00 tonight?
- Your Fear of Darkness group.

That schedule stinks, Bob.
You're letting your patients call your shots.

Step into your office.
I'd like to talk to you.

- Would you like a cup of coffee?
- Oh, don't go to any trouble.

I'll just have a small glass of champagne
and a couple of strawberries.

- What?
- Run out and get a bottle of champagne.

- What year?
- Right now!

I guess when you're good,
you can work in any surroundings.

What do you mean, Frank?

Well, same old office,
same old tweed stuff.

- Well, it's still quite serviceable.
- Whatever works for you.

Well, like you said, Frank,
I must be good.

Darn right you're good.

Some of your old patients that have
come over to me thinkyou're tops.

What do you want, Frank?

I think it's time that we
formed a partnership.

Are you serious?

I know you're surprised and flattered, Bob,
and you should be.

But, in my small way, I need you too.

I'm getting very busy, and I think that
your style complements mine perfectly.

You're a good, old-fashioned shrink.
I'm polished and sophisticated.

Frank, I'm not exactly a bumpkin,
you know.

I mean, some people
consider me, uh, sophisticated.

$1.09, Bob.

- $1.09?
- Yeah, everything's going up.

- Where are the strawberries?
- Couldn't find any.

Oh, that's all right.

They wouldn't go very well
with this particular, uh, vintage.

- Got any Beer Nuts?
- I'll check.

I can't believe it, Bob.

Yeah, ne- neither can I.
I remember when that was 89 cents.

- [ Flattering]
- Bob?

How come you're home so late?

Oh, I had to walk my Fear of Darkness group
to the bus stop.

And then- then I went to get my car,
and the office garage was locked...

sol had to get the building superintendent
up out of bed.

Then I felt hungry,
but all the restaurants were closed.

The only one that was open was a fish and
chips place, and all they had were chips.

- What'd you do tonight?
- Oh, the usual.

I went to the palace ball.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

But I lost a glass slipper
on the way home.

Well, it'll probably
turn up in the morning.

Bob, when is this gonna end?

I'm getting awfully tired
of having dinner for two alone.

- What did we have tonight?
- Liver and onions.

Emily, if I had been home,
you would have had dinner alone.

Honey, why do you have to work
these ridiculous hours?

I'm sorry.

It's my job. You know,
it comes with the territory.

Well, sometimes I wish
you could pick another territory.

What would you think if I went
into partnership with FrankWalburn?

You and Frank Walburn? Why?

Well, we kind of complement each other.

You know, I'm tweedy, he's suede.

He's dashing, I'm, um...

moderately dashing.

- Well, would it give you more free time?
- Yeah.

- Well, then do it.
- It's certainly something to think about.

Yeah.

You know what else you
should think about, Bob?

Taking what's left of the valet
and sticking it in the closet.

[Rings]

Hello. Hi, Mr. Peterson.
Wh-What's wrong?

Yeah, I know you're going
on a cruise tomorrow.

The ship won't sink.

Don't worry, Mr. Peterson.
You won't end up down there.

And from what I understand,
it isn't a locker anyway.

No, I really couldn't go along with you.

What time are you leaving?

I'll-I'll call you then.

Right. Good-bye.

Yo-ho-ho to you too.

What time are you gonna call him?

- Six bells.
- That sounds awfully early.

That's all right. I'll be up anyway.
Mr. Carlin might drop by.

Bob, you know, I'd really like
to see you sometime.

Yeah, me too.

All right. That settles it.
I'm gonna call FrankWalburn.

Bob, you know, I've been thinking.

Maybe Frank is a little too slick for you,
too much of a playboy.

Emily, he's a solid, down-to-earth guy.

He's a terrific psychologist.

I mean, that playboy image
is just a big front.

He- Hello.

Is Dr. FrankWalburn home?

L-I see.

D-Do you happen to have the number
of Mr. Hefner's mansion?

Yeah, well, that's what I heard.

Oh, uh, but remember,
you didn't hear anything from me.

And don't tell anybody.

- Carol, what's going on?
- Nothing.

- ReallyJerry. Nothing.
- Okay.

Jerry, please, don't make me tell you.

- I won't.
- Okay, but I can only tell you this much.

You don't have to tell me anything.

Bob and Frank are gonna be partners.

- Is that right?
- Don't pump meJerry. That's all I can say.

They're out at lunch
drawing up the agreement now.

They've leased offices on the 1 Oth floor, and
they're planning an open house a week from today.

- I already bought my dress.
- Who else have you told?

What do you take me for, a gossip?

This is a secretjerry.

So when Bob tells you, act surprised.

I guess this means
that Bob's office will be vacant.

As of the 17th.
But you didn't hear it from me.

Carol, remind me never to tell you
anything about my personal life.

You have a personal life?

- Hi, Carol. Hijerry.
- You're kidding!

I mean it,jerry- Hi.

Well, Bob, tell them.

Carol andjerry,
I know you'll be surprised, but-

Bob, I just want you to know...

that this is a time both
of sorrow and gladness for all of us.

Gladness for you and the decision
which you have reached...

and sorrow for those of us
who are losing you...

after working alongside you
for these five wonderful years.

We've watched you grow
from a groping, bumbling novice...

into a skilled and semi-successful member
of your chosen profession.

Go, Bob, with our blessings
and our good wishes.

Frank and I are gonna be partners.

Gotta go and get my movers straight.

[Chuckling]
Well, knock me over with a feather!

- When did all this happen?
- Today at lunch.

- Oh, isn't that wonderful?
- It's not official yet, so put a lid on it.

Oh, it won't leave this floor.

Hey! There they are, the new partners!

Congratulations, my friends.

I speak for all of us
in Building Maintenance...

from the furnace guys
to the gang up in roof repair.

When we heard the news,
we were so happy...

we decided to celebrate
and not come in tomorrow.

I leave the broom closet open.

Well, there they are-
the partners in crime.

Now I got two shrinks
takin' my money.

Where were you when you
heard this, Mr. Carlin?

A little Chinese restaurant
over on Wells Street.

Wow. “A psychological corporation,“ Bob.
This is really big time.

Yeah, well,
the door was sort of Frank's idea.

Well, looks like the whole room
was sort of Frank's idea.

I don't see anything of yours here.

Don't you recognize the plant over there?
That's mine.

Where's your old tweed chair?

It's in my office.
Course, it's covered with Naugahyde.

Maybe the cleaners will get that out.

You know, I'd like to see a little more
Hartley and a little less Walburn.

Even the pillows on the couch
have “F.W.“ on them.

Well, Frank made those pillows.

His hobby is embroidering.

I hope it all works out.
I just want you to be happy.

Hey, Bob. Where's Frank?

- He should be here any minute, Mr. Carlin.
- Oh, hi, Emily.

Nice to see you here.

Is, uh, that your own glass, Mr. Carlin?

Yeah, it's pretty clever, huh?
It's called a swinger glass.

Keeps your hands free
for other things.

- Great invention.
- Yeah. What'll they think of next?

- An ashtray hat?
- [Chuckles]

- Hi, Carol.
- Emily! Hi, Bob.

- Hi. Having fun?
- Quite lovely.

Hmm.
lfone could overlook that bunny...

you're trying to pass off
as your secretary.

- Um, Kelly?
- Kelly? Oh, how fresh and windblown.

She's- She's an excellent
secretary, Carol.

Really? You pay her by the week, Bob,
or by the cute?

Bob, I'd like you to meet
your new secretary. This is Kelly.

- Yeah, we've met.
- Hi, boss.

Isn't that cute?

Can I get you another drink?

- No. No, thanks.
- I'd like another banana daiquiri.

[Chuckles]
Isn't that cute?

Playyour cards right,
there'll be a nice tip in it for you.

I'm starting to worry about Frank.
He should be here by now.

Maybe he had a better party to go to.

Sometimes you lose track of time
on youryacht.

Or maybe hejust sailed over the edge.

Ah, Bob!

Where do you want
all this stuff from your office?

See, I thought I'd move that
tomorrowJerry.

Yeah. I was just figuring I was coming up
here anyway, and I'd save you the trip.

- Very thoughtful.
- Look, as long as we're all here...

why don't a bunch of us see if we can squeeze
my dental chair into your old office?

- Why don't we wait until tomorrowJerry?
- Sure, sure. No hurry, Bob.

Oh, look- here are the letters
from your door.

- Why don't you just put everything in my office?
- Sure. Which one is yours?

- The one that says “ Bob.“
- Right. Could I use the phone in there?

- What's the matter with your phone?
- It's disconnected already.

- Hi, everybody. Sorry I'm late.
- [Emily] H1; Frank.

Guess I sort of lost track of time
on the yacht.

- That's what I figured.
- Hey! Good food, good friends, good times.

What a great party.
Well, I'm off again.

Kelly, call me a cab, please?

Where- Where are you going, Frank?

- Kansas City.
- Kansas City, Kansas, or Kansas City, Missouri?

- What's the difference?
- Nineteen miles.

Hey, Bob, you wouldn't know where I could
get one of those ashtray hats, do you?

- I really don't know, Mr. Carlin.
- Oh.

Frank, why do you have to go
to Kansas City?

I just heard
from the dean at K.C. State.

They're giving me an honorary degree tomorrow.
It'll look great on the wall.

Well, that's the important thing.

- Yeah. You'll cover for me, won't you?
- Sure.

Great. See you in a couple of days.
Have fun, everybody!

Uh, Bob, I'll talk to you later
about that plant. It's gotta go.

- Who was that?
- Frank.

- Oh, you mean, of“Bob and Frank“?
- That's right.

Nice guy. Moves fast.

Okay, the bubbly's here!

A gift for Bob and Frank.

Compliments of the unsung heroes
in Building Maintenance.

One for Bob and one for Frank.

Uh, Frank isn't here.

Oh, well.

Then with your permission...

to a successful partnership.

- Hear! Hear!
- Hear! Hear!

Eat, drink and be merry...

because in a half hour...

I've got to wax this floor.

Bob, what's wrong?

I don't know.
I guess I'm just too tired to eat.

I don't wonder.
You're treating your patients.

You're treating Frank's patients.

- You're doing the treating, he's doing the
yachting. - I'm doing the billing too.

Bob, can you tell me something?

While you're doing all the work,
what is Frank doing for you?

Well, he said he was gonna embroider
a pillow with my initials on it.

You're kidding.

I'm surprised he found the time.

Guess his yacht is in for repairs.

Look, Emily, you know, it's a brand-new
partnership. Things eventually even out.

I'm sure Martin and Lewis
didn't hit it off right away.

You know, it takes time.

Hi! Hey, you guys want to hear
some good news?

My brother's coming
in town tomorrow.

- Which brother?
- Gordon.

- The game warden?
- Yeah, Warden Gordon Borden.

- Yeah, he's stopping by on his way to the
Middle East. - Where in the Middle East?

Jordan.

It figures.

Gee, I thought it would be nice if we all
had dinner together tomorrow night.

Oh, Howard, we're going out
to dinner tomorrow night.

- We'll go with you.
- Well, we're gonna play bridge at the Nugents'.

- We can play too.
- It's kind of hard for six people to play bridge.

Oh, are the Nugents going to be there?

It's their house, Howard.

Yeah, but don't worry, Howard.

We'll get together with Warden Gordon
Borden before he goes back tojordan.

- You making fun of my brother?
- I'd never do that, Howard.

You'd better not.

Remember, your name's Bob.

And Bob rhymes with-

just better not make fun of him,
that's all.

Uh, Emily, about the bridge game
tomorrow night-

Don't tell me.

You've gotta cover for Frank because he's
gonna receive an honorary doctorate...

from Honolulujunior College.

Emily, you are really off base,
you know that?

It's not a junior college.
it's a major university.

It's not an honorary doctorate.
He's just dedicating a new wing.

Only thing you were right about
was Honolulu.

Rob,job, snob, slob!
Take your pick!

You're looking at a happy man, Bob.

[Yawning]
Well, that makes me happy, Mr. Carlin.

Try to contain your glee.

I guess I haven't been
getting very much rest.

Well, let me talk to Frank.

Frank isn't back from Honolulu yet.

Still 3,760 miles away, huh?

- As the crow flies, yeah.
- You know, that mileage thing worked?

I got a girl.

You found a girl who likes you
because you know mileages?

Yeah, she works for the auto club.

She's the one I always call for my information.
She fell in love with my voice.

- Have you ever met her in person?
- I'm meeting her tonight.

Exit 4 on the Illinois throughway.

We're gonna check the distance to Exit 7.

They say it's 36 miles,
but we don't really believe that.

Well, how are you gonna recognize her
if you've never met her?

She'll know who I am. I told her
to look for a guy with an ashtray hat.

How you doin', Kelly?

- Guess what, Bob.
- Frank's going to Guam.

No. He's in the city
on his way to the office.

He should be here in a few minutes.

- But he'sjust passing through.
- Well, you never know.

Can I get you a glass of champagne?

- You don't have anything like coffee around here?
- Oh, I'm afraid not.

That's all right.

I'll just punch myself in the temple
three or four times to stay awake.

Who is Frank's next patient?

Mrs. Chupnick.

Oh, she's that old woman that reads
her own poetry through the whole session.

Yeah, and she likes the room
to be about 9O degrees.

Well, that's a nice temperature
to steam halibut.

Hi, Bob. Hi, Kelly.
Holding down the old fort, eh?

- Hi, Frank. You got a nice tan.
- Oh, thanks.

These are fromjack Lord's ranch.

- He wanted each of you to have one.
- Oh! How nice!

Should I send in Mrs. Chupnick?

No. Why don't you have her
read to you for a while?

- I want to talk to Frank.
- Fine. I'd like to talk to you too, Bob.

Thanks for the pineapple!

Oh, look! It's autographed.

“Book 'em, murder one.
McGarrett, 5-0.“

Isn't that cute?

I thought you were supposed
to be here yesterday, Frank.

Sorry I stayed over, Bob...

but I couldn't very well turn down
a dinner invitation from Brian Keith.

I know I never could.

That last night, sitting on the beach
looking at the sunset...

I had time to think.

Frank, I haven't had time to think
since we became partners.

That's what I want to talk to you about.

It's not working out for me.

For you?

Yeah, I can't do my job
as long as you're here.

Frank, if I weren't here,
nobody would be doing your job.

That's not true, Bob.
I'd be doing my job.

But I don't have to do it because I know you're
doing it, and that's making me feel lousy.

If it weren't for those sunsets
and the luaus...

and the fabulous weather
and those gorgeous native girls...

I would have had
a rotten time in Hawaii.

Frank, I had a rotten time in Chicago,
and that makes me feel lousy.

I really thought
it was gonna work out...

but I've gotta be responsible
for myself.

- I can't work with a partner.
- Maybe we oughta talk about it.

Yeah, let's talk about it later.
I'm really bushed.

Frank, let's talk about it now.

You know, about the office
and Mrs. Chupnick.

Right. As soon as you're
through with her, we'll talk about it.

- She's your patient.
- Bob, give me a break.

All right, Frank.
Take a break. You deserve it.

[Woman]
“It yearns for smells of spring.

Excuse me, Mrs. Chupnick?

“Twas my love, bees and Easter bells...

that bloom and buzz and ring."

Excuse me, Mrs. Chupnick.

Shh! I'm reading to Kelly.

I'm sorry.

“Roses and chrysanthemums
and hollyhocks abound!

“Good morning, Mr. Hummingbird!

I see you're back in town!"

- Emily, hi!
- Hi, Carol.

Look, I bought this plant for Bob
to replace the one that Frank threw out.

Don't kid yourself, Emily.
Kelly killed that plant.

She “cuted“ it to death.

- Are things getting back to normal around here?
- Getting there.

- Bob with any patient?
- No, he hasn't been very busy today.

For some reason or another,
he doesn't seem to feel like working.

- Oh! Well, maybe this plant will cheer him up.
- Yeah.

You're one of the leading
psychologists in Chicago?

- That's right.
- Mm-hmm.

Are you, uh, starting
a new kind of therapy?

I just tell my patients
to get in touch with their feelings...

after every meal.

Oh, that's sweet.

[ Mews]